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stewblog · 3 years

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BLACK WIDOW

It shouldn’t have taken this long to happen, but now that it’s finally arrived Black Widow was (almost) everything it needed to be.

Admittedly, it’s a little difficult not to harbor at least a small amount of animosity toward Marvel Studios regarding the first (and almost certainly only) solo outing for Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson). Black Widow should have, at minimum, replaced the release of Captain Marvel in 2019, if not arrived years earlier. One of the founding members of the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s version of The Avengers deserved a more prominent placement in the canon thus far. But, none of that is really the fault of this particular film or the people directly responsible for making it, but I felt it necessary to specify that upfront.

Given that Natasha has already (spoilers for a three-year-old film, I guess) died, it made me wonder what the point of giving her a solo film would even be at this juncture of the MCU. Making it a prequel, though technically necessary, sounded even less interesting. That said, once this thing hits home video you can quite easily slip it in right after Captain America: Civil War where it belongs and nearly all of the release timing issues will simply melt away.

So how does it fare when you’re watching it right now in the theater (or on Disney+ Premiere Access)? I was honestly a bit surprised at how much I enjoyed it and at how well it holds itself up as a standalone adventure, albeit with some notable flaws.

After a brief prologue in 1990s Ohio where it shows Natasha and her little sister Yelena were raised by a pair of Russian sleeper agents, we pick things up right after the events of Captain America: Civil War. Natasha is on the run having betrayed her commitment to the Sokovia Accords (the pact which outlaws all superhero activity not explicitly sanctioned by the United Nations). She heads out into the middle of nowhere and does her best to lay low (she’s a big fan of the James Bond movie Moonraker, it turns out). But it’s not long before trouble comes calling.

Natasha wasn’t the only child groomed to be part of the Widow program. Yelena (Florence Pugh) grew up to become quite the adept secret agent as well, only she’s discovered the hard way that her generation of Widows have all been genetically brainwashed after being unexpectedly dosed with a vaccine that reverses the mental locks put into place. Now on the run herself, Yelena attempts to reunite with Natasha in an attempt to free their Widow sisters and take down the so-called Red Room program.

The ensuing film moves at an appropriate breakneck pace with all the motorcycles, car chases, fist fights, shootouts,derring do and clandestine political intrigue that one would expect to find in any given movie starring the likes of Jason Bourne. And like Jason Bourne’s escapades, this becomes a very personal mission for Natasha and Yelena as they seek to enact vengeance upon the organization and people who so callously disregard the humanity of the women they reprogram and exploit.

There’s a pleasing physicality at play throughout the action and mayhem of Black Widow. Granted, that’s almost by necessity given that all but one major character lacks anything resembling traditional super powers, so the action takes on a more grounded feel than what we typically get from a Marvel movie where robotic suits of armor, demigods and mystical arts have become de rigueur, bordering on passe’. It doesn’t (or perhaps can’t) measure up to the type of action and stunts offered up by the likes of, say, the recent Mission: Impossible films but it’s still satisfying and engaging on its own terms.

That said, what makes this more than just The Bourne Imitation, though, is the focus and attention on the ersatz family that ends up being the heart of the film. Natasha and Yelena are initially abandoned by Alexei (David Harbour) and Milena (Rachel Weisz), only to once again be thrust together decades later. This culminates in a wonderful scene at a dinner table where everyone slips back into their domestic roles both knowingly and not. There is both conflict and affection flowing back and forth, and not always equally. But the chemistry and writing at play turns this scene and, as a group, these characters and this scene into something that rarely rears its head within the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Harbour has sort of cemented his career playing lovable schlubs and that’s played to maximum effect (and affect) here as he charismatically lumbers his way through each scene as the Soviety Union’s own Communism-loving Captain America knock-off The Red Guardian. Alexei’s blowhard nature is quite often played up for comedic effect (even during fight scenes) but Harbour still manages to allow an endearing sincerity to shine through, especially when he’s interacting with his “daughters.”

Weisz, sadly, is given very little to do though she makes the most of it. It’s Pugh and Johansson who, rightly, carry the weight of the entire proceeding. Their interactions feel human, fully informed and realized thanks to years of resentment, hardship and all that comes with being a hyper-trained super spy. Pugh and Johansson carry it naturally and with ease. Johansson deserved to have this film much sooner, but I will at least admit that having it this late in the game does at least allow for Johansson to draw from a deeper slate of the character’s history and experience, lending additional weight to the proceedings. Pugh also is a superb actor in her own right and at the risk of spoilers, let’s just say that I can’t wait to see where she takes Yelena further down the road.

If there’s a significant flaw to Black Widow it’s that the story’s central villain leaves a lot to be desired, and not just by the fairly high standards Marvel Studios has set with its canon of villains. I realize that not every film can have a Loki or Killmonger or Hela-caliber villain, and certainly more than a few MCU films have faltered when it comes to the bad guy in charge. But so much of Black Widow’s thematic weight comes from watching these women reclaim their lives from the men who stole them. Natasha has an engaging encounter with Dreykov (Ray Winstone), the man behind the Red Room, but there’s too little meat there, too little actualized history for it to mean much. It doesn’t help that Winstone’s performance is wildly, distractingly uneven as he wavers constantly between a cartoonish persona and delivering actual menace. To say nothing of his hilariously inconsistent accent.

Despite this, Black Widow largely succeeds at providing a proper sendoff both for the character and for Johansson via an exciting outing that’s got heart and laughs to spare.

#black widow #Scarlett Johansson #marvel studios #marvel #mcu #florence pugh #david harbour #rachel weisz

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bxcketbarnes · 5 years

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I Miss You

Pairing: Luke Hemmings/Reader

Words: 1960

Author’s Note: I saw this picture and immediately wanted to write something on it. He looks so sad and I wanna cuddle him very badly. I hope you guys enjoy :)

Luke and Petunia lie on the bed as I pack my suitcase. The curly blonde's chin rests against her back as he strokes her, keeping his blue eyes on me.

“How long are you going to be gone again?” He asks and you smile softly, grabbing a couple dresses from the closet.

I shrug my shoulders, glancing towards him. “I think she said we'll be gone for two weeks?” I tell him and he frowns a bit. I told and place the dresses into the suitcase before leaning on the mattress. “But don't worry. I'll text you and FaceTime every chance I get.”

He leans forward to press a kiss to my lips and I let out a content sigh. “I know,” Luke whispers after he pulls away, “we're just gonna miss you bunches.”

“I'll miss you both as well. At least I know you'll still be here when I come home,” I mention and kiss his lips quickly.

“What sucks the most is that you'll be over there on our anniversary next weekend,” Luke mumbles and I freeze in my tracks.

Oh shit. Goddamnit. Why didn't I pay more attention to the dates she gave me.

I run my fingers through my hair and turn to face my boyfriend of almost two years. “Fuck, you're right. Fuck. I-I gotta cancel,” I panic and begin to look for my phone. Luke pushes himself off the bed, standing in front of me and blocking me from my phone.

“Hey, hey,” he whispers softly and puts his hands on my arms, “it's okay. It happened last year when I was on tour. There's always next year when we'll be together on our anniversary.” Luke gives me a reassuring smile and my heart flutters.

“Are you sure? I'm sure Jess will understand,” I mumble and he nods his head, kissing my forehead.

“Of course. You've always wanted to go to Europe and she's been talking about this for months. Just make some time to FaceTime me,” he winks while chuckling. I let out a short laugh and wrap my arms around his waist.

The two of us stood in silence, wrapped in each other's arms for a few moments before my phone vibrates against the nightstand. I turn my head towards the vibrating device, seeing Jess calling me and I pull away from the tall blonde.

I pick up my phone from the stand and answer immediately. “Hey, Jess. What's up?” I ask and squeeze my phone between my ear and shoulder.

“Hey! The girls and I just got into the car and were heading to your place. Do you want us to pick you up anything from Dunkin?” She asks me while I finish placing everything I need on this trip in my suitcase.

“Nah, I'm good for now. So you'll probably be fifteen minutes, yeah?”

“Uh, yeah. I think so. I'll text you when I'm outside. See you soon!” She excitingly speaks into the phone and I say goodbye to her before hanging up.

I slip my phone into my back pocket, zipping up my suitcase when Luke wraps his arms around my stomach. “D'you have everything?” He asks and presses light kisses to the crook of my neck.

“Mhm. Everything except you, baby,” I smile sadly and turn around in his arms. He chuckles and moves some of the hair from my face.

“Don't worry about me. Have a good time. Text me when you can. FaceTime me when you're in your hotel room,” he tells me and I nod.

I raise my hand up to his face, pulling it closer to mine and captures his lips into a passionate kiss. Luke lets out a small moan, his grip on my waist tightening.

“I love you. Have fun, okay?” He mumbles against my lips and I nod, smiling softly.

“I love you, too.”

The four of us landed in Italy the day after we left. Jess, Kaye, Amanda, and I made it through a thirteen-hour flight that only had one stop. Grand Hotel Cavour Florence came into view as the taxi pulls up to the place, my lips parting in shock at how gorgeous it is.

“Holy shit,” I mutter quietly as I step out of the cab.

“You can say that again,” Amanda tells and I let out a chuckle before going to the trunk of the car to grab my suitcase.

The three of us follow Jess inside as I took a couple of pictures of the scenery around us and what the inside of the hotel looks like. I fiddle with the handle of my suitcase as I connect to the hotel’s wifi.

Hey, babe. We just got to the hotel and Jess is currently checking in. God, you should see this place. It’s fucking gorgeous. Miss you already. ❤

“Y/N/N! Hey, let's go,” Jess calls out and I snap my head up, locking my phone before following the three girls onto the elevator.

Our rooms were on the fifteenth floor, two girls in each room. My phone vibrates in my back pocket as Amanda takes the key card out of the sleeve, holding it against the reader on the door.

That's great! I'm glad you're safe, but there's no way the place is more gorgeous than you. Love you lots. xx

I smile at the text, biting my lip softly while heading into the room. I park my suitcase by one of the queen beds before heading straight towards the balcony.

“I literally feel like I'm dreaming right now,” I mumble to myself, placing one of my hands on the railing.

“It'll be the best three weeks,” Amanda comments as she stands beside me, leaning her forearms against the rail.

We had just got back from a tour around one of the famous vineyards that included some wine tasting. Jess and Kaye come into our room and I flop onto the bed after slipping off my vans.

My phone vibrates multiple times as it connected to the hotel's Wifi and I turn my head to grab it off the nightstand. I smile softly as I saw four texts from Luke, swiping the notification to open it.

Hi, lovely. I hope you have a great day in Italy. Take loads of pictures xox

I know you're probably busy with the girls and it's probably weird since you've only been gone for a couple weeks but I miss you so much.

{Multimedia Message}

I don't want you to worry but please FaceTime me when you can…

My smile turns into a frown as I look at the picture, noticing the subtle sadness that lies in his eyes. I sit up on the bed, already pulling up the FaceTime app when I glance over at the girls.

“Guys, I'm gonna call Luke real quick before dinner. He's a little down in the dumps,” I mumble and they nod their heads.

I walk out onto the balcony, closing the door behind me before sitting in the chair. I press the video call button, holding the phone out in front of me as I wait for him to answer.

The screen changes and Luke's face comes into view. A small smile comes to his lips as he repositions himself in the bed. “Hi, baby,” he greets and I smile at him.

“Hi, Lukey,” I mumble and rest my chin on the palm of my hand. “What's going on?”

I can see him shrug his shoulders, nuzzling into the pillow as Piggy's snoring could be heard. “Just a sudden rain cloud over my head. Nothing too serious. Happy Anniversary, by the way.”

My chest clenches in pain as I force a smile on my lips. “Happy Anniversary, baby. God, I wish you could be here. I know you've been to Italy but I would've loved my first time here with you as well,” I tell him with a frown.

“Hey. There's a first for everything. You haven't been to other countries that I'll be glad to take you too. I plan to take you to dinner when you get back,” he tells me and I smile softly at him.

“We'll go to my favorite restaurant?” I ask and he lets out a scoff, muttering of course. A knock on the glass door makes me look towards it, seeing Jess motion her head that we need to go. “Hey, babe, I gotta go. We have a reservation for dinner but I'll call you later, okay?”

Luke nods his head, blowing a kiss to the camera. “I love you. Have fun, love.”

“I love you too. Give Piggy kisses for me,” I grin and he nods before both of us hang up. I let out a sigh and stand up, getting back into the room.

“Everything good?” Kaye asks and I nod my head.

“Yeah. He's just a little down in the dumps,” I inform them and Jess lays a hand on my shoulder.

“Don't worry. You'll see him soon,” she gives me a smile and I nod, smiling as well. “Alright! Let's go I'm so fucking hungry.”

A rhythm of knocks wakes me from my slumber, turning over in the bed as I incoherently mumble to Amanda to answer it. The knocking continues and I let out a sigh, slowly opening my eyes.

I look over towards Amanda's bed, seeing it empty and I furrow my eyebrows. What time is it? I glance towards my phone to see it's almost nine-thirty in the morning. The knocking starts over and I throw the covers off me, tugging one of Luke's baggy shirts down as I think it could be Amanda. Maybe she forgot her key.

My hand wraps around the doorknob and opens the door without checking, surely thinking it was just my friend. “You seriously gotta remem-,” I cut myself off as I look up to see Luke standing in front of me.

“Hey, beautiful,” he smiles while tucking a curl behind his ear. My lips part as his blue eyes roam down my body and he takes his lip between his teeth. “No wonder why I couldn't find that shirt.”

“Wh-What are you doing here?” I ask, pulling him into the room before closing the door.

“Jess set it up,” he informs me and I tilt my head to the side, confused. I'll ask her later. I wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

A laugh escapes his lips as he rests his hands on my hips, holding me close to him. “I can't believe you're here… with me,” I smile and cover my face. Luke grabs my hands and removes them from my face, lacing our fingers together.

“Believe it, baby.” He dips his head down and presses a kiss to my lips. A quiet groan leaves my lips and I release one of Luke's hands to comb my fingers through his hair.

He pushes me back and I fall onto the mattress, Luke hovering above me. I pull away from him, twirling his curls around my fingertips. “I need to thank her. I get to explore Italy with my best friends and the love of my life,” I grin ear to ear, my heart fluttering.

“That you do, baby. I already asked them and they're definitely okay with me keeping you to myself for today. I was thinking we can go out into town for a post-anniversary day,” he mumbles and pecks my lips a few times.

The fluttering continues and I nod my head, tearing coming to my eyes. “That sounds absolutely amazing. First things first though… I need to shower. Join me?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Luke groans and pulls me off the bed before lifting me in his arms, carrying me towards the bathroom.

Taglist: @asht0ns-world @h0tsos @tequila-clifford @morningfears @singt0mecalum @twilightparker @ashs-cheergirl @dashlilymark @gotta-try-something-new @bbycal @thebookamongmen @babylon-uncrowned @morningfears @thesensationalcalum @maddz-world @lukeskisses @thatcheekychic @therainydays4 @crownedbyluke @shower-me-with-roses

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worldcakecakecake · 7 years

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Throwing Cellphones

Feliciano gets himself a sugar daddy

Next update will be available for Monday, April 17th

Chapter 12

That night, Feliciano made them a ricotta and arugula roulade, little pizzas they could take in one bite, Tuscan bean soup, polenta, and for dessert, a coffee semifreddo for the adults and pistachio for Luzia. For most of them, it had been a long time since they had eaten a home cooked meal like this, one that brought them smiles, festive conversation and loud hollers of laughter that even Ludwig joined into.

“-It was only a small cut, yet Gilbert here still decided to lay bed-ridden, going on with wills and last words. It was only from a tree branch! Luzia once fell down a hill and she still insisted she could go to school fine,” Elizabeta told, annoyed, yet with laughter. If even the tears, the pain, the simplicity of those memories, they were still moments with her family she held dear and reminded her of their whimsicality and strength.

“I didn’t exaggerate that bad!”

“Gilbert, you called me in the middle of the night to make sure I took care of Elizabeta and Luzia for if ‘you never woke up the next morning’,” Ludwig added.

Elizabeta rolled her eyes, “if that were the case, you should know, dear, that Luzia and I can take good care of ourselves.”

“Still, I wanted to make sure you two have someone extra to watch over you if anything.”

“Relax, Gilbert, you’re here and fine, we shouldn’t waste our time together on such bleak subjects- Feliciano dear, you don’t have to do this!” Yekaterina interrupted Feliciano, who was beginning to pick up the plates in the table to clean in the kitchen.

“They’re so many, I should really start with it to not keep everyone up so late. I cooked all of this, it should only be fair.”

“Definitely not! Sit back on your chair! Ludwig and I will deal with the cleaning later,” Elizabeta commanded and assured, and Ludwig nodded gladly.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, now sit and tell us more about yourself!” The insisting in her voice was enough to make Feliciano nervous, fidgeting where he placed his hands.

“What can I say? I already told you guys about how it was like studying in Florence."

“I’m curious about your family. Tell us more about them,” Yekaterina wondered.

“I only have my grandfather and my brother. Nonno is retired, but he still shows up at excavations and museum exhibitions insisting to help and offer his knowledge however he can.”

“You did mention once he was a Roman history fanatic.”

“Has a masters on it and everything. I grew up hearing all kinds of stories about emperors, soldiers, gladiators and gods.”

“His home shows it enough. He has ancient Roman flags, scrolls and paintings hanging in the walls, as well as busts and statues he got off the black market. He managed to get one that used to belong to…who was it again?” Ludwig questioned.

“Are you talking about the one he has in the living room? Right by the stair case?”

“Yes, that very one!”

“We think it used to belong to Tiberius, but he’s still researching that well, but I really hope so, it would be fascinating to have something like that in the house.” The smile Feliciano held was sincere, loving to these kinds of topics.

“That’s amazing, but Ludwig…how did you know about that statue in his grandfather’s home?” Yekaterina questioned, and that’s when both froze realizing their mistake. It was the very question Gilbert and Luzia held, heavy stares on Ludwig waiting for him to explain, while Elizabeta only smirked upon her drinking glass.

“Um…” Ludwig searched for an excuse on the surface of the table, refusing to look them all in the eye and reveal himself.

Feliciano fidgeted, tapping his fingers on the table, biting his lip, hoping whatever he said next could be enough. “My grandfather is helping the company choose a good location for the base. He doesn’t want it placed in any important grounds that might hold ancient artifacts,” he said hoping it could be a good start.

“They were consulting for grounds?” Yekaterina asked, not remembering reading something like that in any of the reports.

“Yes…long before. Augusto just didn’t want to be written down, said he didn’t want anything to do with it. He let me stay in his home the first few times I went, which is how I met Feliciano.” They nodded impressed, believing it, but it only made Elizabeta’s grin stronger, having to hold a napkin to her mouth so the rest wouldn’t see.

“I assume you were interested in the internship after your grandfather talked and gave that help, not to mention having Ludwig there."

“Yes…Ludwig was very nice to give me a chance. I still thank him dearly for it.”

“He is such a sweetheart, isn’t he?” Yekaterina rubbed his hands dearly and Ludwig accepted it with the same caresses, smiling, hoping she wouldn’t feel or notice his slight trembling. Feliciano, having seen this, gripped harshly on the table, having to force himself to settle looking at some of the empty glasses, offering to pour more wine.

“And you have a brother, was he given this chance as well?”

“He’s not interested. He’s more into the culinary world, dreams of opening his own restaurant with his boyfriend, but for now he settles taking waiter jobs and cooking at small pizzerias. I learned a lot of recipes from him. He’s more talented than any of you could imagine. If you ever visit my home, I might convince him to come and cook as well. You have to try his spinach and ricotta pasta, and his pizzas, and eggplant parmigiana, and lamb, and macaroons.” He made everyone drool with the image, earning groans and roll of eyes.

“Feli! You stuffed us enough! I shouldn’t be thinking about having more food,” Gilbert complained.

Feliciano laughed. "Sorry about that.”

“What about your parents? I haven’t heard you mention them.”

Silence settled heavily after the cough and clanging Elizabeta and Ludwig did, being the ones who knew, hoping it could distract enough to forget, knowing how the topic affected Feliciano, especially when it was Ludwig’s wife who was asking this. Feliciano knew she meant no wrong, she just didn’t know, and with a tired sigh, he decided to tell her.

“I rather not meet my father ever again. He could be feasting in whatever part of the world he’s in right now indifferent to the two sons he left behind. I don’t care, I will never forgive what he did.” He hoped she understood enough, his case wasn’t the only one and it was pretty common to hear. “My mother, she died when I was still a child…from depression.” He didn’t want to give more detail, it still hurt, it still gave him a strong pang that even gave the rest of the table an eerie silence.

“I…I’m so sorry, Feliciano, I…I shouldn’t have-” Yekaterina tried to apologize, wanting to reach a hand and offer him any kind of comfort, but he was too far away from her seating.

“It’s all right, it’s like I always say…”

“She’s in heaven singing with the angels,” Ludwig filled in, and both smiled to each other, one that could reveal, that showed too much love. They quickly had to shut it before anyone noticed.

Feliciano nodded, his smile bringing back the cheery atmosphere of the table. "And that is enough for me.”

Surprisingly nobody questioned how Ludwig knew, they just assumed he heard it enough after spending time with him at Augusto’s home.

“That’s nice then…how about a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?…I don’t judge.” Gilbert as noisy as ever, smirking quite curious.

Elizabeta wanted to stop him, but at the same time, she was curious as to what Feliciano would say, especially when this secret lover of his was sitting right at the table, frigid and even coughing as he tried to hide his nervousness, afraid that the answer could be seen clearly on him.

“Ooohhh, I want to hear this.” Yekaterina placed her elbows on the table, trying to lean close, begging to know.

“I..um…I don’t think I should-”

“Please! You have to tell us!” Luzia joined along.

“We’re all good friends here,” Gilbert tried to ease as well.

Elizabeta wanted to laugh, but ever so playful, she only tried to keep herself as still as she could and uttered: “Go on!”

Oh, she was really enjoying this. Feliciano couldn’t help the glare he sent her, but she only shrugged, it didn’t do anything to her and the table still awaited for Feliciano to spill it all. With a heavy sigh, Feliciano decided to start, trying not to detail, trying not to look into his direction, hoping nobody would guess, that nobody would know that the person of his heavy undying affections was right there beside them.

“Yes I um… have a boyfriend.” No judging eyes, no sneers, no insults, they remained the same, wishing for only more words about this man.

Feliciano liked this trusting air that didn’t mind his sexuality.

“He’s…gorgeous, tall and really strong…but he’s so gentle and kind with me. He’s a sweetheart and his own charm is just enough to have me soaring until all I can think is about him and the way he makes me fall harder each and every day.” There was such a dream-like tone in his voice, obvious to all that he was lost to his memory, to whatever place they could be alone together to share the heights of their love. They each breathed, in that contagious romance, Ludwig trying so hard not to smile so big and cover whatever traces of strong red were growing.

“Where’s he from?” Yekaterina wondered.

“What’s his name?” Luzia exploded to know.

“I…rather not say.” Oh but how much he really wanted to, how much he wanted to tell it to the world, but the circumstances were not the appropriate ones.

“Is he rich at least?” Gilbert wondered as well.

“I was going to ask that myself. You’re always posting all these expensive brands in your Instagram, and then the places you travel to and stay in, I doubt you could afford them yourself in your position,” Yekaterina questioned and Feliciano realized that maybe it wasn’t the best idea to give her his accounts to follow.

“Well…yeah, he works at a large company,”

“What kind?”

Why were they so insisting upon this?

“Um…uh…” he looked around the table hoping for ideas, his eyes falling upon the pieces of sausages he used for the small pizzas. “He owns a salami company.”

Gilbert found it hilarious, the kind of outbursts that had the others laughing, even Elizabeta who couldn’t even drink with the hard chuckles she gave. Only Ludwig remained as still, sending Feliciano a glare when everyone else was too busy laughing.

Really? Was this the best you could come up with? He seemed to tell Feliciano, who only shrugged and smiled, joining along in the laughter.

“I can’t imagine the dirty jokes that go on between you two,” Gilbert uttered after he had relaxed.

“Plenty and dirty all right.” And he winked to Ludwig’s side, who panicked, afraid someone had noticed.

“And this is where I interrupt and remind you all that we have Luzia in the table,” Elizabeta interjected, beginning to pick up plates. “Come on, Ludwig, help me in the kitchen.”

While they dealt with the cleaning, the rest stood and headed to the living room to continue on other topics, at one point Feliciano having to explain why it was that he didn’t post pictures about his boyfriend in his Instagram.

“He doesn’t want that much attention,” he excused and luckily they didn’t question any more after it.

While it was fun to be with them, Feliciano kept sending curious gazes to the kitchen door, wishing for Ludwig, hoping for a chance to see him, to do something with him before they had to leave for the night.

Bless that they had Elizabeta.

“Feliciano, I need to check on something, do you mind helping Ludwig with the dishes?”

Whatever chance was enough. He excused himself and headed over, Elizabeta leaving the door open for him.

“I’ll watch the door for you,” she whispered lastly before she headed out.

There was such a stillness in the kitchen, a dimming light, contrasting with the glowing and the lively conversation in the other room. Ludwig continued with his dish cleaning unaware, back to Feliciano, the running water and the clangs enough to hide any other sound of Feliciano’s slow approach. Ludwig was currently working on the large pot Feliciano used for the soup, holding it by the handles, ready, Feliciano then joining his own hands to touch.

“I’ll take care of that," he smiled, easily taking it away from him.

Ludwig tended to lose himself in any grip the moment he stared at Feliciano, this close, alone, stilled to nothing while Feliciano began his cleaning, smirking up to him from time to time.

“Can I-Can I still help you?” Ludwig wondered.

“Of course you can.” Feliciano handed him the tray he used for the roulade baking and Ludwig gladly continued as he was.

As they went through different plates and utensils, Feliciano kept teasing Ludwig by pushing him with his hips, and Ludwig answered by doing the same. They would throw bubbles at each other, landing on their noses, which they nuzzled away. Sometimes they would reach for the same thing and they let themselves last in that hand holding, until a sudden sound from outside the kitchen pulled them away, afraid that someone would come in even with Elizabeta watching.

Once done and with their hands dried, like magnets they came into their arms, embracing and letting their hands reach faces, necks, hips, expanses of back and shoulders. They stared into their eyes, going on with how much they missed each other, plotting ways they could escape through the back and loose themselves in the city, at night with less eyes to watch them. They swayed, they neared, kissing, igniting, making this small moment and space as much theirs as they could.

There was a slight knock, Elizabeta peeking in. “Ludwig, Yekaterina wants to talk to you, it’s about leaving, she still has some work to do for tomorrow,” she whispered, hoping it wasn’t destroying their moment.

She saw, even with their hands wrapped strongly around each other, how Ludwig departed with a broken sigh, his near breaths to Feliciano’s lips hoping he could pull them back to his, hoping they didn’t have to stop.

“I’ll…be right out.”

Elizabeta felt big fault for the dread in his voice, one that settled in the air around them. She nodded and closed the door, leaving them once again.

They shared in one last longing kiss, gripping harshly to try and get a strong feeling to last them this night without each other if even being in the same city.

Ludwig departed, raising one of Feliciano’s hands to his lips, laying a long kiss, skin and fingers caressing, extending their moment. It was something he barely did, but it was so sweet, a show of adoration that Feliciano couldn’t help but want it to be shown to the rest of his body. Suddenly he let go, in one sudden burst of laughter from the outside, dashing back towards it, leaving Feliciano behind holding dearly to the hand that he had kissed so feverishly, putting them to his lips, his cheek, his neck, still wishing he had more.

Feliciano didn’t had to go to the gallery till the end of the week, which meant he had some free days to just lay around and do nothing, but Elizabeta and Luzia would not permit that. The next three days they used to explore the city that Feliciano really hadn’t had the chance to see the last time he came (Being destroyed by finding out Ludwig was getting married and wanting to leave as soon as possible). They visited squares, churches, city hall, clock towers, restaurants (they managed dinner at an Italian place one night), palaces, residencies, and of course, shops. He took his pictures, some having Elizabeta and Luzia joining, creating countless of hits in his Instagram.

After this real excursion, Munich made its way to Feliciano’s heart and he just couldn’t spend it being closed up in Gilbert and Elizabeta’s home when he wanted to spend it meeting more, dreaming of what it would be like to live here with Ludwig.

He reached his fourth day and still he hadn’t had a chance to see his lover since they day he arrived, work and mostly not trying to create suspicion. But on this day he wanted to take his chance, he wanted to do something, and as he headed out with Elizabeta visiting new places, he concocted and plotted, but nothing seemed really definite.

Yekaterina surprisingly joined them that day, watching shows, visiting other galleries, as well as a park where they chattered and admired the last of the green and flourishing colors. Autumn would soon approach and leave things differently.

They stopped for lunch at an outdoor café, sharing in drinks and chats about clothes and castles. It really was fun to spend time with Yekaterina, but it made it rather heavy to think about ways to see Ludwig secretly and it only worsened when she received her next call.

“Hello,” she answered very sweetly, pushing some strands of her short hair behind her ear, a clear sign of loving intentions for the person on the other side. She nodded, she answered with simple remarks, managing even pet names.

It was Ludwig, both Elizabeta and Feliciano knew, causing a breaking, a harden grip on the hand on his thigh, maintaining his eyes elsewhere, hoping to be distracted by the design of a building and not break down and cry right there. But no matter, he couldn’t avoid the way she laughed, her endearments, the utter devotion in her tone, and he didn’t have to look at her to know she had a glow in her eyes and an enchanted smile. She couldn’t act this way alone, Ludwig must be telling her something, sweet romancing words that should be only for him. He didn’t care if she was his wife, that she should be receiving this as justly as any lover should, but after the many times Ludwig told him he really didn’t harbor feelings like that for her and that she herself was showing the same signs, this felt like a harsh betrayal, a stabbing of reality, a breaking of dreams that he knew would never be his. It was becoming harder and harder to hold himself, biting harshly his lips to not dare let tears fall down his cheeks.

She finally hung up, with a clear blush full of emotion.

“Who was that?” Elizabeta questioned with a smirk, recognizing the signs, although she knew…although it would break Feliciano, but she wanted to set a connection of trust between them and hopefully…she would admit it was something else.

“Oh…” she faltered for a moment, but quickly admitted, “it was Ludwig, he wants to have dinner at a restaurant outside the city tonight.”

A harsher grip, a bitter bite, holding himself from shouting ‘lying cheater’.

“Ooohhh, dinner outside the city? Ludwig being his rare romantic self,” Elizabeta teased.

“He has his moments, and well,” she blushed, playing with her hair, not sure if she should say this. Elizabeta leaned hoping to hear it, Feliciano close to dashing off away from this. “We’re staying at a beautiful village home for the night, he reserved it just for us."

“Aaahh, there’s more to the night it seems,” Elizabeta winked and Feliciano’s mind came up with new curse words he couldn’t wait to shout.

“Yes, I can’t wait,” she bounced with the excitement, beginning to pick her things. “I’m sorry, but Ludwig and I have to start preparing, I have to head back home instantly. I’m sorry I can’t stay, but I hope we can do something before you leave, Feliciano," she smiled in expectations, while it was becoming harder for Feliciano to try and reply with one just as content.

“Have…fun,” he still wished, slumped and greyed, something that Yekaterina did not fail to miss.

“Feliciano…are you all right?” She asked with clear concern.

“I-I am, just… a little queasy from the drink.”

“I thought you ordered it without alcohol?”

“Ma-maybe it was the fruits."

“Be careful! Elizabeta, please give him something when you get home."

“I will.”

Yekaterina gave her usual goodbyes and ran off with a small skip in her step, down the streets alone with a goal to her home, to her husband, to the beloved that in the end was not meant to be Feliciano’s.

Elizabeta saw clearly his dejection, the collapse in his figure, the still grip on the mantel of the table. “Feliciano…I’m so sorry,” she tried to comfort, moving close a hand to lay on his shoulder.

“Let’s just go,” he suddenly commanded, the breaking starting in his voice. He refused to look at her, picking his things, laying the money on the table and moving on ahead without even waiting.

“Feliciano! Feliciano!” She kept calling to make him stop, but he still went on, remaining his gaze forward, refusing to pay attention to anything, the calls, the people he occasionally bumped into, the rushing cars and the crossing signals. If he dared move his look, to Elizabeta, to the sky, to anything that might spark a reminder, he would break down, right in the streets, to a mess, to an embarrassment that Elizabeta would even have to carry. He miraculously made it to the home, and as soon as Elizabeta closed the door behind them, as Feliciano made sure that Gilbert and Luzia were not in the house, he threw his bags harshly to the floor, finally letting the storm of his tears fall down his face.

“Sodding fucker!” Feliciano started with a shout. Elizabeta was so surprised that she let herself be halted, all her own things falling to the floor with a loud thud. “Pig! Tramp! No wonder he hasn’t been able to see me the last four days! He’s been busy planning that getaway with her! With me here! When we should be seeing each other instead! But no! In the end, he realized the mistake he made!” He continued to shout, somehow managing full words with the tears, the whimpering, even the shaking as he paced the room.

“Feliciano, Feliciano, calm down, something is off, I really don’t think he would suddenly make something for her. He hasn’t done anything like that the entire time they’ve been together,” Elizabeta tried to calm him down, coming close, hoping for a chance to lay her hands on him, trying to stop his pace, to make him think, to quench this sudden rare anger.

“He never had anything for me! He was just confused! And now he realized and he’s going to just toss me aside like garbage!” He kicked a near wall, making a framed canvas shake.

He had sudden flashbacks of his last breakup, for that was the feeling, that’s how used he felt, and to feel it again, with someone he thought he could trust to never use him like that, someone he truly thought could be different, perhaps the one he had been waiting for, the love of his life.

“Feliciano, no!” Elizabeta began to take a more scolding tone, her hold on him becoming harsher. “He loves you, he truly loves you, he wouldn’t do something like that, especially with you here in Munich. Why don’t you call him and ask him yourself, maybe it’s all a misunderstanding.” Feliciano refused to believe how that could be possible. Even still, with his continuing anguish, tears pouring, he picked his phone, searching the number, wishing he could destroy the hearts he had around his name in his contact list. He instantly set the call, his fury like blazing fire that Elizabeta was starting to fear, moving away, giving him the chance to speak as he wanted.

“Liebling,” Ludwig dared answer so sweetly. It almost felt like he was mocking him.

“Sei uno sporco maiale e un pezzo di merda, Ludwig Beilschmidt!” He shouted to him, his Italian taking over after he was too mad and broken to think in another language. He continued with harsh venom, in sparks of fire, with the ever passion that was expected of his maternal language. “Schifoso bugiardo! Maniaco, stronzo, bastardo, cretino! Come hai potuto? Torna a scopare quella troia e spero che tu bruci all'inferno.” His voice grew harsher with each word, a swing, a punch, a hit that stilled Ludwig more into paralysis, eyes widened, not believing the words that were coming out from this sweet and sugared mouth he had gotten to know well. Elizabeta stood just as astonished, having to look around to realize she was not in some weird dream, that she actually heard Feliciano utter all those words.

“Um…excuse me, but do I have the right number? Lovino, is this you?” Ludwig questioned.

“It’s me, Ludwig!”

“Feliciano? Okay, my Italian is not that good, but I’ve been enough times with your brother to understand half of that. What’s going on? Did something happen?” He tried not to panic, ready to deal with the situation as calmly and orderly as he could and should.

“Stop pretending! I know what you’re planning, I know what you’re going to do tonight!” His tears became harsher, he gripped harder on the phone, Elizabeta worried that he would throw it to pieces against the wall.

“Feliciano…I really don’t understand, please explain this better.” Ludwig tossed aside any work he had, standing, pacing and not standing to hear those tears, especially after he was the one who caused them…somehow.

“I was there, Ludwig! I was there when you called her! I heard how you made her laugh, I saw her turn red, I saw her glow and how she alighted with your promise! You can’t hide something like that from me! How can you do this after you said you only loved me! After you said you really had nothing with her! How could you lie to both of us like this you dirty piece of-”

“Feliciano!” Ludwig had no other choice then to shout, halting Feliciano before he finished this sudden firing rampage. It worked like a spell, bringing an abrupt silence for Ludwig to think, for both to take their breaths and come forward to this clearly.

“Are you talking about Yekaterina?” He reciprocated Feliciano’s blaze with his own commanding inferno, which left Feliciano just as astounded as Ludwig had been with his sudden harsh cursing, rage and tears.

“Ye-yes,” he answered with clear shake.

“Feliciano…I really don’t know what you’re talking about then. I haven’t called her all day.”

“But-but, she said it was you, and that, you were planning this…romantic getaway outside the city,”

“…What? No! I have no such time for that! The company has been really busy with a stack of experiments our Brazilian base has asked for. It’s a miracle I’ve somehow managed to eat.” He picked up some papers being reminded of the still great amounts of conclusions, numbers and elements he had to read through before he could make one part of the reports.

“Shouldn’t…shouldn’t Yekaterina be as busy?”

“Her labs already finished their job. She asked for some days off, something about going to visit her sister outside the city.”

“Her sister?”

“Yeah, she’s leaving tonight to see her…not exactly a romantic getaway, I really don’t get how you got this idea that I was the one who called her.” As Ludwig read on, Feliciano was hit with realization, brightening away any doubt, making conclusions easier, granting him breaths, a cheerful color and angelic kindness that everyone recognized him as.

“So…you’re not going anywhere tonight?”

“No, Yekaterina is though. She won’t be home for the next two days,”

“Oh…” Ludwig knew that tone, the one in which Feliciano was twirling a finger in one of his many curls, smiling with ideas, ones that usually ended with Ludwig having unforgettable days and nights. The heat of his fury disappeared just like that, Feliciano filling his head with all kinds of dreams and expectations. Sure, Ludwig questioned it slightly, but when he could just hear him smiling, surely glowing, he forgot it all, joining in the same daze they suddenly grew together.

“So um…” he tapped his fingers on his desk, suddenly nervous when a chance was finally there and they should be quick to grasp it. “Do you want to…um…”

“Do something?” Feliciano weakly suggested.

“Yes, um…” there had to be something romantic they could do in the city without revealing the truth of their relationship.

Ludwig kept on stuttering and becoming nervous, one Feliciano found so adorable he giggled with his ever pureness.

“How about I leave it a surprise?” Feliciano teased, taking control of the situation as easy as that.

“What? But um…sure, yeah, surprise, okay.” He was kind of disappointed that he didn’t take control, but if Feliciano was the one with the idea, he should just comply and see what it could be.

“So…when and where do I see you?”

“A Surprise,” Feliciano winked, “I have to go, ciao ciao, don’t overwork yourself, caro.” Swiftly the call was over and still Ludwig stood in his place perplexed, wondering and ordering what exactly just occurred. It was the same dilemma Elizabeta found herself in.

“What the hell….just happened?” She was still freaked but demanding to know, but not before going to the kitchen and picking them both something to drink, to settle any lingering of irritation and doubt.

“If it wasn’t Ludwig, then…who called her? A sister couldn’t have possibly made her react that way, besides, I swore I heard a man on the other line,” Feliciano wondered.

“And to lie and say it was Ludwig…do you think…?” Both their eyes met, for the same idea dropped on their minds, connecting, eyes widening and mouths falling aghast.

The first thing they did was laugh, mostly because Feliciano felt great relief, one that Elizabeta felt for her dear friend, understanding what he had been feeling throughout this.

Feliciano, ever since he found out about Ludwig’s marriage, had live with an ever present guilt knowing that he had taken from a woman the man that she loved. Memories of what happened to his mother repeated in his mind. He made up images of what Yekaterina would do if she found out, of breaking her and bringing doom to a lovely being as her. But now…it was as Ludwig had been saying all this time, there was nothing between them, and knowing that, brought to Feliciano a great freedom to his emotion, a release of a weight that brought him bliss, brought him to breathe and to alight in a whole new shine.

Ludwig was his, truly his and nobody else’s.

“Seems like Ludwig isn’t the only one with a secret lover, huh?” Elizabeta pointed, clinking their glasses of water as a toast.

“Yes!” He whispered victoriously, but Elizabeta could tell a brimming of emotion that wanted to dance with the news.

Feliciano suddenly remembered. “Elizabeta, do you have spare keys to Ludwig’s home?”

“Gilbert might. Let’s wait till he comes back with Luzia.”

He did, and Feliciano secretly took them once he knew their location.

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#throwing cellphones #gerita #gerita fanfiction #gerita fanfic #gerita fic

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kaynamiteineurope · 7 years

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Day 12: A Successful Day of Looking at Art and Not Getting Smited Day 12 of our trip, the second Friday, we got to sleep in a bit later and meet up for the bus into the city at 10:30am. I struggled, as I usually do, and took a 10 minute shower and dried and put my hair up in a ponytail, choosing to wear my yellow dress for the Vatican (with my leggings rolled up underneath). At first, I thought I looked kind of cute. Then, I nearly immediately decided that I actually just looked rough. And whale-like. So that was a great way to start the day. We went down to breakfast a bit before 10 and ate some peach halves, pastries, and scrambled eggs before getting on the tour bus that was set to drop us off near Piazza Navona for the day. We started off looking at a shop near the center, 4 Rivers, fountain and picked up some great stuff--an ornament for Natasha and a magnet and gift for my mom for me and a keychain for Carolina--then we tried to find a dress shop we had remembered passing the night before on the walk to the bus. We didn't, however, end up finding it and instead walked around for an hour or so, ducking into other shops to no avail. After we gave up on that, we bought fruit cups for a snack and decided to head back over to the Trevi Fountain so Natasha could get a video of her throwing a coin into the fountain since mine had turned out so cute compared to the pictures we had already taken. By now, my sandal-ed feet (or tour director had recommended sandals for those whose feet were hurting in their shoes) were starting to itch and burn at the same time from all the walking, and the sun was pretty high in the sky, so my entire back was basically all sweat (sexy, right?). We wove our way through a massive amount of people on a couple main streets, before finally turning off to the smaller ones to reach the fountain. Right before the Trevi piazza, we passed a line of street artists and stopped to check out some of their work. Unlike Venice, where the mode of art was usually oil, Rome seemed to be a lot of watercolors--which is tough because watercolors, especially those on mattes, are very easy to do prints of and pass them off as originals (we saw another couple from our group who bought prints, though I'm not sure they knew it). So we had been very vigilant with our browsing to make sure what we were going to get was original work. We decided to circle back after the fountain because we were on a tight time-frame (we had to meet back up at Piazza Navona at 2 for the bus to the Vatican City). We fought our way through to the fountain, where I took an adorable video of Natasha throwing a second coin into the fountain, and then we took forever in the Trevi Bar (a place the nice couple from Indiana had recommended) for some gelato. There was a tour there of Asian tourists getting their gelato, and when one of them asked for pineapple and apple, the guy behind the counter started singing the Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen song, so it's been stuck in my head ever since. Which is mega annoying. I got a small with raspberry and lemon (my favorite), and then I navigated us back toward the art. There was one guy with larger works that both of us really liked, but they were going to be 50 a piece, so we went over to a second artist who had smaller pieces for a lot less money. Natasha ended up getting a medium-sized piece and I got three wider-rectangle pieces (15 euro total!) that were of different historical sights in the city that I think will look awesome together in a collage. We got to the Piazza Navona just in time to meet up with the group, and then we walked a few blocks in the sun over to the public bus stop where we hopped onto a bus to the Vatican City. Do you know how amusing it is to watch a group of 44 people scrambling to pack into a bus? Or how subsequently amusing it is to watch the expression on other people's faces as they realize they're either trapped in their seats or won't actually be able to get on without sardining with us? Quite funny. Quite funny indeed. (Less funny for my aching feet, though, since we barely ever manage to get actual seats.) We took a small break on the steps directly across from the entrance to the Vatican--during which most people seemed to struggle against falling asleep--as we waited for Alexandra to meet up with our tour guide for the afternoon. Once we did, we started the process of going inside, walking through metal detectors and having our bags scanned. We made our way up onto the second floor where we picked up the Vatican-approved lime green and blue radios (the earbud was super big and my radio was extremely temperamental. The channel would change itself every 15 seconds and I kept having to fiddle with it the entire time just to hear our tour guide talk about the history of the city and its buildings). Then, we walked out into a courtyard area and sat down while she explained about different parts of the city we would be seeing. She explained a lot about the Pope and how even though the Pope is a lifetime gig, the current Pope was elected after the previous one resigned, which hasn't happened since the 12th century. She explained that since the only way a Pope is supposed to exit his position is through death, they still held a funeral ceremony for him and he was flown out of the city, and subsequently brought back in where he now lives on the grounds near the gardens in a private home that they renovated for him. She also said that on a tour two weeks ago, she actually saw the Pope himself walking around! In the Sistine Chapel, there aren't supposed to be photos (because it's copyrighted) and you're not allowed to talk. But she also explained that the Chapel is open to the people who live in the Palace. Michelangelo, the famous painter of the Sistine Chapel, originally wanted to be a sculptor, but while his first piece--of the Virgin Mary holding her dead child for the last time, a piece in St Peter's Basilica--was the piece that got him noticed for the first time, it was his painting that made him famous. He lived until he was 90 (whereas Raphael only lived until age 30). The Chapel itself was built in the 1400's, with Michelangelo decorating it with his masterpiece from 1508-1512, and the wall frescos were added in the 1530's (frescos are made when you have to transfer your design onto fresh plaster and then paint it to make the heat seal in the color, while is why the Chapel's art is so well preserved). The ceiling itself isn't very deep, but since painters have to lay on their backs on super tall scaffolds to paint it, Michelangelo complained a lot in his letters that it hurt his back a lot to paint the Chapel ceiling (which I totally get!). While Michelangelo was originally from Florence, he vowed he never wanted to "go back to the city that disappointed him." Unfortunately, his body was stolen from Rome and is now housed in Florence, which would have been his biggest nightmare. After all of that, and a ton more information, we walked through the Vatican's museum. A lot of it was statues and sculptures, with a pair of coffins, a giant marble bathtub, and plenty of vases. They also had painted maps, more fresco walls and ceilings, and giant tapestries. The entire thing was really interesting and fun to go through (more fun if my feet hadn't been screaming), but, of course, it was the Sistine Chapel everyone was waiting for. By the time we wound our way through the museum, and down the stairs to the chapel, there were a ton of people inside. The Chapel was smaller than I expected--especially after seeing Saint Mark's Basilica and the Doge's Palace in Venice--but every inch of it was covered in Michelangelo's masterpiece. Each of the people were shadowed in a way I'm not sure I'd ever be able to figure out, and they were massively impressive. Weirdly enough, my first thought was "Ooooh, this is so cool! It's even got the gated off section near the back that they had in the Da Vinci Code!" ...Yup. After our ten minutes in the Chapel, we headed out and over to Saint Peter's Basilica. Saint Peter's is the largest Catholic Church in the world. According to our tour guide, all other Catholic Churches actually have an agreement with the Vatican that they can't construct a church bigger than that of Saint Peter's. It was massively impressive. And, thankfully, we were allowed to take pictures here. They were even starting the evening rosary because services started at 6 and we were there just before it at like 5:45pm, which I'm sure my grandma would have loved. Afterward, we headed outside and our guide pointed out where the Pope lived, and that the guards who stand by the gate to his house have intricate uniforms that cost about 1,500 euro (where as the ornate Pope shoes are 5,000!). Then we walked a million miles down the street toward the store where we could purchase Vatican souvenirs which would have the opportunity to be blessed by the Pope's priests. I picked out a beautiful pearl-y looking one that has a bit of Vatican holy water in it, and had them bless it, and then our group split into two for the night. One group went off to the hotel and the rest of us took a bus back near Piazza Navona to have our 35 euro (originally 55) 5-course, 6-wine Italian dinner. It was held at a place called Buddy's and it was delish! We had a veggie plate, bruschetta, a meats and cheeses plate with the best bread I've had in Italy, then they brought out a traditional tomato pasta, pork slices, and then a dessert of these little shortbread sticks. I ate until I was full and drank a bit too much, so I was a little giggly and introduced myself to one of the guys on the trip, Gus, who I hadn't talked to until that day. He told me about how he's nicknamed "Vanilla Gorilla" and I talked about how I needed a cool nickname like that (yeah, I know. I was quite tipsy though, so it's fine). We walked a while to get to our tour bus and then our tour guide spent the entire drive back drunkenly talking on the mic about how we all needed to get together at the hotel and keep drinking. Then she started passing around the mic to the other girls of whom she actually knows the names of, joking and laughing with them. Then they used a girl's phone and put it up to the mic to play music. Our. Poor. Bus. Driver. Not only were we 40 minutes late from the time he thought he was picking us all up, but then he had to deal with a bunch of drunken college kids and an even more far gone tour director. That man deserves a raise. So we got back to the hotel and she told us to meet back in the lobby in 10 minutes and that she would buy wine and treat us all to a last drink in Italy. Natasha and I decided since we'd pretty much opted out of all of the longer nights that we'd join and get to know people. So I changed into a PJ top and touched up my make-up (though it didn't really help) and then we headed back down, where they had already broken into the wine. Alexandra finally noticed we were there, told us to get a glass of wine, and then told Natasha she loved her ancient Grecian dress and that she loved how put-together and pretty I looked with my winged eyeliner. She said "I love you guys," and then held my hand for a bit and then promptly forgot we were there. So we got kicked out of the lobby for being too loud, so we went outside and set up there. Here we drank some more wine and Alexandra had us go around the group and say what we thought would happen on the trip and what actually has happened. A lot of the girls talked about how they thought they wouldn't get along with anyone (bull) and how it hadn't been the case at all and how much they loved "literally everyone here" and that they got "along with everyone" (also bull). Natasha and I headed back up to the room around midnight and once we were back, we realized that we had both had the same thoughts. They didn't mean it. They didn't even know all of us. Barely any of them had tried to get to know us, let alone Carolina. The quieter, culture-driven girls were pushed off to the side. We weren't there for the wine and the partying or the boys (though it wouldn't hurt to get a guy along the way!). We were there for the architecture and the mythology, the culture and the experience. It was just a huge shift. And Alexandra said how we were our favorite group and she loved each and every one of us and how we were so wonderful, but she doesn't know Natasha or my name--only those of the girls who were loud and drank a lot. The entire thing was just a sort of shift in the trip. I drank too much wine (I'm sure any of you could have called that--those of you who know my minuscule drinking habits), so I spent the next hour propped up in bed thinking about how nauseous I was. I fell asleep and then from 1:30-2am, I sat in the bathroom hoping I would just puke and get it over with. But when that seemed like it wouldn't ever happen, I went back to bed and slept through the night. ...Or at least until my alarm went off at 5:50am and then it was time for GREECE! And, of course, the ESCAPE FROM THE INSECT ROOMS OF DOOM! FINALLY!!!! Ciao, Horrible "Club House Hotel" of Doom! I shall never return and absolutely never miss you!

#Rome #Roma #Italy #efcollegebreak #ultimatebreak #vatican #Vatican City #Sistine Chapel #saint peter's basilica #italyandthegreekislands2017

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multivariate-madness · 7 years

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Mary /Amo /Vivian Norbury/S4

T6T But it wasn’t a dream, it was a MIND PALACE and you and you...

The and ‘you were there’ TV trope

The Wizard of Oz written by L. Frank Baum (novel), Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson, and Edgar Allan Woolf

Dorothy: But it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you...and you were there. But you couldn't have been could you? No, Aunt Em, this was a real truly live place and I remember some of it wasn't very nice, but most of it was beautiful--but just the same all I kept saying to everybody was "I want to go home," and they sent me home! Doesn't anybody believe me? But anyway, Toto, we're home! Home. And this is my room, and you're all here and I'm not going to leave here ever, ever again. Because I love you all. And... Oh Auntie Em! There's no place like home!

No longer enroute to exile

And so our poor hero is still stuck in his dream/nightmare. We know he just wants to back to 221B Baker Street (home). He is fighting to get back to John, reliving fragments of their life together, pieces of the cases they have solved, snippets of words, phrases, themes. All the while frantically trying to figure out who Mary really is and why the hell she felt she had to shoot (shooting with a strong likelihood of dying) him. Oh yeah, and to save John Watson from ‘that wife’.

The code names

Antarctica, -Mycroft

Langdale, ?Sir Edwin

Porlock -Sherlock (poor Sherlock, feeling sorry for himself-me too!)

Love-Amo -not Lady Smallwood, in fact

Video footage of Sherlock repeating the word sociopath which is what Sherlock still thinks of himself...a facade, remind you of anyone? SHERLOCK (on video screen): Do your research. (The footage of Sherlock walking towards Magnussen.) SHERLOCK (on screen): I’m not a hero. I’m a high functioning sociopath. SHERLOCK (offscreen): ... sociopath. ( telescopic sight of a rifle shows two red dots on CAM) SHERLOCK (offscreen): ... sociopath. THE POSTHUMOUS GAME or in case of death break glass

SHERLOCK: No, no. He would never be that disappointing. (He gazes into the distance.) He’s planned something; something long-term; something that would take effect if he never made it off that rooftop alive. Posthumous revenge. No – better than that, posthumous game. (Sherlock walking through a glass tunnel under the water. A shark swims towards the camera/ sharks in – presumably – the London Aquarium and Sherlock watching them.) Two places at one time/Moriarty is dead. Or is he? Once she had arisen, anyone could be her. Every war has suicide missions, every great cause has martyrs, it’s never twins.

The Duplicate Man

How could Dennis Parkinson be in two places at the same time? And murdered in one of them? JOHN (standing at the table looking at the evidence): Sherlock ... SHERLOCK (rapidly typing on his phone): It’s never twins.

Nothing is ever new

(His phone sounds an alert. John looks at the screen.) JOHN: Oh God. SHERLOCK (looking up from his own phone): Mary? JOHN: Fifty-nine* missed calls. SHERLOCK: We’re in a lot of trouble.

SONNET 59*

If there be nothing new, but that which is Hath been before, how are our brains beguil'd, Which, labouring for invention, bear amiss The second burthen of a former child! O, that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done! That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame; Whether we are mended, or whe'r better they, Or whether revolution be the same. O! sure I am, the wits of former days To subjects worse have given admiring praise.

Mary the receptionist MARY: Oh, you’d be amazed at what a receptionist picks up. (She leans closer to the phone and whispers loudly and dramatically.) They know everything!

The Facade

(Sherlock looks at the bag and for a moment it’s as if half of his face is replaced by a Thatcher bust, which then shatters. Sherlock’s gaze becomes intense )

A Facade Mary-remind you of anyone?

The houndog vs the shark

What, so I’m supposed to just go home now, am I? MARY: Oh, what do you think, Sherlock? Shall we take him with us? SHERLOCK: John or the dog? JOHN: Ha-ha, that’s funny. MARY (to Sherlock): John. Sherlock (mock-thoughtfully): Well ... MARY: He’s handy and loyal. JOHN: That’s hilarious. SHERLOCK: Mm. JOHN (not seriously): Is it too early for a divorce? MARY: Aww! (Smiling, she points to herself.)

Sherlock Slow but sure, John; not dissimilar to yourself. (John frowns and looks down at Toby again.) JOHN: You just like this dog, don’t you? SHERLOCK: Well, I like you.

John the Houndog-the faithful companion, Mary (Moriarty) the Shark-the predator

Remember the T shirt posted-by Arwel? ‘sharks like to shop, sharks drive on the right’.

SHERLOCK: I was so convinced it was Moriarty, I couldn’t see what was right under my nose. (Mary’s smile fades and she looks at him worriedly.) SHERLOCK: I expected a pearl. (but got a Rose, ha ha) The Aquarium

Vivian: Just like the merchant in the story I thought I could outrun the inevitable, always looking over my shoulder, always expecting to see the grim figure of ... MARY: ... Death. (She comes into the room and stops at Sherlock’s side.) SHERLOCK (not looking round): Hello, Mary. MARY: Hey. SHERLOCK: John? MARY: On his way. SHERLOCK: Let me introduce Amo.

SHERLOCK: Can’t have been easy all those years, sitting in the back keeping your mouth shut when you knew you were cleverer than most of the people in the room. (Mary to Sherlock in HLV-’you were very slow’. and in TAB ‘slow little brother’) VIVIAN: I didn’t do this out of jealousy! SHERLOCK: No? Same old drudge, day in, day out, never getting out there where all the excitement was. (the doctor’s wife must be getting bored by now) SHERLOCK (quick fire): Well, on your salary it would have to be modest and you spent all the money on that cottage, didn’t you, and what are you, widowed or divorced? (He focuses in on gold band on the index finger of her left hand.) Wedding ring’s at least thirty years old and you’ve moved it to another finger. That means you’re sentimentally attached to it but you’re not still married. I favour widowed, given the number of cats you share your life with.

(When Sherlock was deducing Mary in TEH, he noted cat lover, bakes own bread, liar) MARY (nervously): Sherlock ... SHERLOCK (quick fire): A divorcee’s more likely to look for a new partner; a widow to fill the void left by her dead husband. (whose dead husband-Mary’s?) MARY: Sherlock, don’t. SHERLOCK ... So yes. I say jealousy was your motive after all – to prove how good you are ... or to avenge someone (it’s always something!). (Mary in TAB-I’m part of a campain!! After awhile, anyone could be her (him).

So, they play back Sherlock’s shooting with Mrs. Norbury (Mary/Mary mirror) shooting at Sherlock, but in this version, in Sherlock’s head, Mary is the one who gets shot and lays there bleeding in her husband’s arms. Because Mary is not who they think she is and after she shoots Sherlock, he realizes (somewhat fuzzily) that she has some connection to Moriarty. Miss Me?

The ‘idea of Mary as John’s wife’ will have to die. Sherlock thinks that John will be sad. Sherlock also thinks John will blame him.

I think the dialogue of John and Mary after she is shot may be Sherlock again replaying ‘what he should have/could have said,’ to John if he died that night in CAMs office (in John’s arms). If he was conscious, he could have thanked John and told him how happy he had made him.

@yan-yae @loveismyrevolution @monikakrasnorada @impatient14 @iamjustreading @tendergingergirl @isitandwonder @gosherlocked @bcdthomp @shawleyleres

I would like to thank @callie-ariane for all the awesome transcripts, which I read, paraphrased and lifted (a bit). Compiling that took countless hours, no doubt. The Sherlock fandom is forever in your debt and you are certainly my hero. Without your transcripts, I would have to rely on my very fragile mind.

Cheers!! 1/31/2017

#EDT S4 sherlock finale T6T EMP

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callunavulgari · 5 years

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“In the past I lay out on the land Stretched my legs felt my chest expand If we could flow together someday Then we will float away”

Heather’s Top 25 50 Songs of 2018!

guts — alex winston // sweet dreams — mark hadley // africa — toto // go to war — nothing more // smallest light — ingrid michaelson // my friends — oh wonder // knocking on heaven’s door — raign // rememberance — balmorhea // hazy shade of winter — hidden citizens // time after time — joseph william morgan // live in the moment — portugal. the man // killmonger — ludwig goransson // daddy issues — the neighbourhood // no roots — alice merton // run for your life — k.flay // play with fire — sam tinnesz // the sailor song — autoheart // warrior — steve james // IV. sweatpants — childish gambino // hello — via audio // daddy — emeli sande // paradise valley — honey and the sting // attila the king — nick glennie-smith // foolish — lauren shippen // experience — ludovico einaudi // singing in the rain — through juniper vale // hello stranger — barbara lewis // end credits suite — nicholas britell // ahead by a century — the tragically hip // achilles come down — gang of youths // without you — leslie odom jr. // natural — imagine dragons // sky full of song — florence & the machine // broken people — logic & rag’n’bone man // flesh and bone — black math // nina cried power— hozier // kol nidrey — the yuval ron ensemble // stronger — the score // rise like a phoenix — conchita wurst // heroes — mans zelmerlow // cut to the feeling — carly rae jepson // the greatest show — hugh jackman // the plains/bitter dancer — fleet foxes // always starting over — idina menzel // if i could turn back time — cher // new rules — dua lipa // fernando — cher // it’s quiet uptown — kelly clarkson // movement — hozier // seasons of love — rent cast

short version | long version

so, fun fact. if you start a playlist in january and add a song every time you really love it or find yourself listening to it a lot, by december you find yourself with... a very, very large playlist. 261 songs, 17 hours and 17 minutes large to be precise. which hey, last year the mix was 262 so that’s a pretty spot on average.

i sort of prefer the long one, but i mean, hey. there’s large playlists, and then there’s listing all 261 songs. so i broke it down into a moderately more digestible abridged version with only 50 songs. if you want the original playlist, the link is there. have fun. til then though, here’s my 50 most played.

i. guts || alex winston i know you're a liar, throw me into the fire man i should have known, i should have known god damn you're a liar, threw me into the fire

This song is one of those where the catchy jingle sort of hides that the meat of it is relatively dark. It’s a gorgeous song, one that I listened to for most of January, and off and on throughout the rest of the year. Alex Winston’s voice is like a dream. ii. sweet dreams || mark hadley ft. dresage Hold your head up Keep your head up, movin' on

This song I actually listened to a lot at the tale end of 2017, because it was released as part of the Wrinkle In Time trailer and it was absolutely gorgeous. This year, I found it on a Stranger Things fanvid and it’s been on my Stranger Things mix ever since.

iii. africa || toto I hear the drums echoing tonight But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation She's coming in, 12:30 flight The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation

Speaking of songs that are on my Stranger Things playlist... I’m kind of at a loss as to why this got so freaking popular this year. I mean, it is a truly dope song and I’m super fond of it but like. Was it Stranger Things? Did it just become that anthem of the year? For me, it was that I wrote fanfiction to it and also we played it on loop while we were playing beer liquor pong on vacation. It was... super surreal. iv. go to war || nothing more Hush, my baby, make no sound Maybe we can wait each other out It's a cold war Let's go to war So, this song I actually heard driving home from my friend Alex’s after marathoning a few episodes of The Flash and it just hit me super hard. I mean, it’s a great song for my kind of ships, but also, it’s just a great song. v. smallest light || ingrid michaelson Just because you don't see us Doesn't mean that we don't exist Sometimes the smallest light Shines so bright I think I originally found this song on the Watercast playlist on spotify? And I really liked it, because I like most of the songs on that playlist, but like. I was driving to work one day and like, just got hit with the biggest plot bunny for Will and El as siblings. And like, I just had that bunny and this song percolating in my head for the rest of the day, and the song just kind of stuck with me. This song is Will and El’s anthem. vi. my friends || oh wonder Can I beat within your heart? Can I bleed within your love? Oh my friends

Okay, so like show of hands- who here has read We Were Liars? This is a mostly hypothetical question because I’m not sure anyone actually pays attention to these anymore but I like them, so fuck it. Point is, I was listening to the watercast playlist a lot while reading that book and this song was playing when we made certain discoveries that most of us had already guessed, and it made me cry. vii. knocking on heaven’s door || raign It's gettin' dark, too dark to see I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door

This fanvid happened around the time I was writing that Will and El as siblings fic and I basically played it and the video that inspired the next song on the list on repeat until I finished. This cover is lovely and haunting and just, such a freaking earworm.

viii. remembrance || balmorhea instrumental Yeah, this is the video. I actually used this song in a fanvid of my own a couple years ago, when I got to make a fanvid for @iki-teru‘s fantastic Yuffie-centric fic All Through the Circling Years which... I can no longer find, so maybe it was taken down? Either way, I loved the song immensely before, but that fanvid with Hopper is so fucking tragic and beautiful. ix. hazy shade of winter || hidden citizens Seasons change with the scenery Weaving time in a tapestry Won't you stop and remember me

There... are a lot of songs on here that are also on my Stranger Things playlist. And I’m a sucker for haunting covers. x. time after time || joseph william morgan If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting Time after time This is the last of the Stranger Things songs. Well, at least the last of the ones that aren’t Harringrove related. Another fanvid that caught me off guard, because just. Damn. There are so many beautiful fanvids for this fandom, it kills me dead. xi. live in the moment || portugal. the man Come back Sunday morning With that soul to sell When you're gone Goodbye, so long, farewell Not 100% sure where I first heard this one, but it stayed with me for a good portion of the spring and summer. I discovered their song feel it still around this time last year too, so clearly they’re just a real good jam for when you want to feel the sun on your back. xii. killmonger || ludwig goransson instrumental

There are a couple songs from the Black Panther soundtrack on the longer version of this mix, three from the score and one, maybe two from the credits. I freaking loved that movie so damn much, but it’s soundtrack blew my goddamn mind. It is literally all I listened to for weeks, and this song in particular fucked me right the hell up. Just listen to the flutes and the bass. Just, damn. Killmonger, you’ve got the best theme in the entire movie. xiii. daddy issues || the neighbourhood I'd do whatever I could do I'd run away and hide with you I love that you got daddy issues And I do too And heeeere it is. This was the first song that I associated with Harringrove for uh, very obvious reasons. Definitely had this and a few others on repeat whenever I had to write sexy scenes for the boys. xiv. no roots || alice merton I like digging holes and hiding things inside them When I'll grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them 'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

This song hits the same part of me that fell absolutely in love with Guts when I first heard it. Alice Merton’s voice is just fantastic. xv. run for your life || k.flay Bite off the venomous head Follow the chemical scent Look for the hole in the fence Take everything you demand

I got to see K.Flay in concert sometime late last year, and even though I didn’t know her very well (I told my friend that I’d see K.Flay with him if he saw Glass Animals with me) her music was sweet enough that I could appreciate the concert even knowing none of the songs. Let me tell you though, I fucking wish she’d played this song then because holy fuck. xvi. play with fire || sam tinnesz Insane, inside the danger gets me high Can't help myself got secrets I can't tell I love the smell of gasoline I light the match to taste the heat Kuroshitsuji is something I haven’t really thought about in like half a decade. And then I ended up seeing this vid while I was waiting for my connecting plane to arrive so I could go see my family. I only saw the damn thing because it was made by the same person who did this one, which I hunted down because I was reading Yuri On Ice fic on the plane and the point is: pingvi is amazing and all of their vids are a goddamn delight. xvii. the sailor song || autoheart I was your sailor, your demon Your lover, your overbearing best friend Hoping for some attention

So, while I was down visiting my family sometime during the spring, I had a brief dizzying spiral where I fell head over face into the Pacific Rim fandom, because Uprising quite emphatically fucked me up. Anyway, because of this I spent the night after I saw it scrolling through fanart and reading half a decade old fanfiction while my brother was trying to make me pay attention to him. And yeah, that’s how I found this art and listened to this song for like the rest of the fucking year. xviii. warrior || steve james I got my head high, my chest out, my eyes open wide I got no fear, got no doubt and, god, I feel alive I'm not stopping for ya, I'm a fucking warrior

My brother showed me a bunch of fanvids on my first day down there, but my favorite was this one, because I’d recently watched Little Witch Academia and this was so freaking cute and all kinds of lovely. xix. iv. sweatpants || childish gambino Rich kid, asshole: paint me as a villain

Another thing that happened to me that week was the discovery of lipgallagher’s fantastic harringrove fic (shoot the lights out, hide) till its bright out. Which is all kinds of great and lead me to this song and the realization that Donald Glover does music? xx. hello || via audio How could it be Someone could find me Too scary to say hello to This was one of the songs on Damien’s fanmix from The Bright Sessions. And because The Bright Sessions suckerpunched me with feelings, I spent like a month straight listening to that mix and getting into that garbage man’s headspace. It was wonderful. xxi. daddy || emeli sande He's out your system yeah it took you a while You got your family back and you got your smile And you promised your sister that you'd never go back again I spent the better half of this year shipping Harringrove and Mark/Damien, which are both ships that are... well, not exactly the healthiest of relationships. Mark/Damien fucking ruined me. Listening to the last bit of The Bright Sessions was basically physically painful because like, okay. Logically I know that Damien is a garbage person. But also, he’s got a shitty power that would lead to some pretty interesting moral dilemmas even if you were a normal nice person (cough cough Mark), and like. They’re both so fucked up and Damien is so in love with Mark even if he’s not entirely sure how to be a fucking person and I have never had a pairing come after me as hard as this one did. Like it really came after me. Anyway, this was my true Damien/Mark anthem, because it’s fucking perfect and awful and fantastic and I just want them back in my life, guys.

xxii. paradise valley || honey and the sting In the past I lay out on the land Stretched my legs felt my chest expand If we could flow together someday Then we will float away

This here is my most played track of 2018. I first heard it during the special two hour episode of Wolf 359 and the whole end of that episode just blew my mind. So I immediately went to spotify, found it, and have basically listened to it all year since then. It helps that Nick loves it too, so every once in a while he’ll be playing it, which reminds me why I love it and just. It’s so soulful and beautiful.

xxiii. attila the king || nick glennie-smith instrumental

Yeah, I literally have no idea how this made it to the top 50 much less the top five, but apparently it did. It is really good writing music, but still.

xxiv. foolish || lauren shippen The impossible happens every day No matter what you do it won’t go away Don’t ask for more But then what are you waiting for

This was my year for podcasts - in one year I fell in love with Wolf 359, The Bright Sessions, and EOS 10 all over again when it came back for its third season. Near the end of the series though, The Bright Sessions did a musical episode! I listened to it in my car on my way to work and basically spent the entire freaking time smiling like an idiot. Truly my favorite episode. xxv. experience || ludovico einaudi instrumental

The Sense8 finale came out in June and it was absolutely wonderful. This song was playing during the last scene of the series and I fucking cried my eyes out. The song itself is fucking gorgeous, but what’s more is it made that last scene so much more than it would have been if they’d chosen any other song. It truly was, and forgive the corniness, a fucking experience. xxvi. singing in the rain || through juniper I'm singin' in the rain Just singin' in the rain What a glorious feeling I'm happy again I went through a phase in June-July where I checked out a bunch of old movies from the library. The first one was Philadelphia, because it was mentioned in the musical episode of The Bright Sessions and I just really wanted to watch it? But I also picked up Singing In The Rain, because I’d never seen it before and just, damn. I watched it before work and it was raining that day and the drive to work was the most fun because I just listened to different covers of the song and sang my heart out, and I was just so damn happy. It was dumb, and nice, and it probably going to be one of my happiest memories that I take with me into the new year. xxvii. hello stranger || barbara lewis Hello, stranger (ooh) It seems so good to see you back again How long has it been? (ooh, seems like a mighty long time)

I also watched Moonlight sometime in late June. It was one of those quiet nights where nothing really seems good enough, where you feel just a little bit empty inside and nothing is helping. So I watched the movie and read @notbecauseofvictories‘s A Cornstalk Fiddle on my back porch afterwards and the movie combined with the fic and the music turned that quiet empty night into something just as quiet, but a million times more full. Another good memory from 2018 that’ll stay with me for awhile.

xxviii. end credits suite | nicholas britell instrumental From the end credits of Moonlight - I played both this and Hello Stranger on repeat while I finished up the fic I mentioned above.

xxix. ahead by a century | the tragically hip No dress rehearsal This is our life

I watched Anne With An E. I was sad a lot at the time, and got to a part early on in the second season that kind of lead me into an uncomfortable headspace so I actually still haven’t finished it? But it was really nice for awhile, and I hope to go back and finish it sometime.

xxx. achilles come down | gang of youths Just humour us, Achilles, Achilles, come down Won’t you get up off, get up off the roof?

I’m not 100% sure where I found this song either? My gut reaction is that it was a song I found while I was reading either The Cruel Prince or The Goblin Emperor, but I’m not sure. Good song, though.

xxxi. without you | leslie odom jr. The earth turns The sun burns But I die Without you

Oh man, I found this cover one night while I was reading, and like, I was reading, so at first I didn’t really process what I was hearing, just that it was familiar and that I liked it. And then my brain connected the dots and I looked up and saw that it was a cover by Leslie Odom Jr and immediately restarted the song and just listened.

xxxii. natural | imagine dragons Deep inside me, I'm fading to black, I'm fading Took an oath by the blood of my hand, won't break it I can taste it, the end is upon us, I swear Yeah. I like Imagine Dragons. Honestly though - this one might not have made the cut if I hadn’t heard it a few months later on an EOS 10 playlist.

xxxiii. sky full of song | florence & the machine Grab me by my ankles I've been flying for too long I couldn't hide from the thunder In the sky full of song So, a while back there was that video going around where Florence literally sang this song while a storm started up around her, and like, that was the first time I heard this song? That was the first I heard that she even came out with a new album, so I basically sat down and listened to the whole thing, but this one was still my favorite.

xxxiv. broken people | logic & rag’n’bone man Broken we ain't beaten There's no glory in defeat We won't fall into the cracks between our streets

I uh, may have watched a couple fanvids after Infinity War. This was one of them.

xxxv. flesh and bone | black math Break the truth inside of me Climbed down to hell on the devil’s tree I clutched a branch of soot and flame The thought that rose, to scorch my feet

I walk alone Beside myself Nowhere to go

This was another.

xxxvi. nina cried power | hozier It's not the song, it is the singin' It's the heaven of the human spirit ringin' It is the bringin' of the line It is the bearin' of the lie It's not the wakin', it's the risin'

So last year Take Me To Church made it to my Top 38 or whatever I had it narrowed down to, mostly because I went through a Les Mis phase. But I kind of joked on that post last year about Hozier releasing an album next year and how unlikely it was, and lo, here we have it. Maybe not a full length album, but five new beautiful songs.

xxxvii. kol nidrey | the yuval ron ensemble Nidrana lo nidrei, V'essarana lo essarei Ush'vuatana lo shevuot. Maggie Stiefvater posted this song to her blog a couple months ago and I was really fond of it. It’s incredibly beautiful.

xxxviii. stronger | the score I do this with conviction I write truths and never fiction My disease is what you fed I can't stop with my ambition

Oh look, another Marvel fanvid.

xxxix. rise like a phoenix || conchita wurst I rise up to the sky You threw me down but I'm gonna fly So honestly, basically the rest of the mix are songs from Ryan’s OR mix which is an official EOS 10 playlist. It’s phenomenal, and I basically spent all of October and some of November getting stuck on various songs in the mix. xl. heroes || mars zelmerlow Don't tell the gods I left a mess I can't undo what has been done Let's run for cover

Yup. Giving me feels and also super catchy.

xli. cut to the feeling | carly rae jepson Ah, I wanna cut through the clouds, break the ceiling I wanna dance on the roof, you and me alone I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah Okay, but like - why did nobody tell me that Carly Rae Jepson had other songs and they were super fucking catchy? I spent the last few days of being a waitress driving to work blaring this and the last two songs and it did fucking wonders for my mood.

xlii. the greatest show | hugh jackman Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for (woah) Been searching in the dark, your sweat soaking through the floor (woah) And buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore Taking your breath, stealing your mind And all that was real is left behind

Breaking news, The Greatest Showman was amazing and I cried. I fucking missed hearing Hugh Jackman sing, and like the fucking lead up, of starting the movie with this song and then ENDING it with this song, with that performance, with those fucking lines (this is the moment you’ve waited for) - was so goddamn energizing. I just could not fucking deal.

xliii. the plains/bitter dancer | fleet foxes I should have known one day you would come All of us walk so blind in the sun Midnight feeder, beggar pleader

Okay, okay. So there's this playlist called Wet Black Leaves that I listened to a lot when I started my new job, throughout rainy October and November, everything was just a little too wet and a little too cold, and this whole mix is so atmospheric and gorgeous. I absolutely adore it.

xliv. always starting over | idina menzel Am I always Starting over? In a brand new story Am I always Back at one After all I've done?

The finale of Wolf 359 fucked everyone up, right? Yeah, obviously. Okay, well the final episode of season 3 of EOS 10 also fucked me right the hell up. Like we’re talking messy crying in the car on the way to your like second or third day at the new job. Anyway, I kind of spiraled and then I went back and listened to Ryan’s mix and found this song and just wanted to kick my heart around for awhile.

xlv. if i could turn back time | cher If I could reach the stars I'd give 'em all to you Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do If I could turn back time MESSY CRYING. But like, I also really like this song. So MESSY CRYING and also screaming all these words as loudly as I can within the relatively safe confines of my car. I guarantee you that people next to me at stop lights thought that I’d gone through a messy breakup.

xlvi. new rules | dua lipa Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him Okay, but also some of the Ryan songs were catchy in a not heart breaking way, unless you think about the untold story of what exactly went on between Ryan and Akmazian and fill in the blanks and break your own heart.

xlvii. fernando | cher There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando They were shining there for you and me

Cher did an entire cover album of Abba songs in like, late October, I think? And like, my little gay heart fucking exploded and I listened to Cher singing ABBA songs for like three whole weeks and it was fucking fantastic. This... was actually not my favorite of the bunch until I went into a Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy of The Wise Man’s Fear and had a completely transformative experience when I heard it playing softly over the stacks.

xlviii. it’s quiet uptown | kelly clarkson If I could spare his life If I could trade his life for mine He’d be standing here right now And you would smile, and that would be enough

And after a brief detour into delightful cher/abba combinations we’re back to tragic EOS 10 songs. Additionally, I’m sick of Hamilton songs fucking me up. I get to see it in person in 2019 and I’m going to make a fool of myself when I cry my eyes out in front of Nick and our friends.

xlix. movement | hozier So move me, baby Shake like the bough of a willow tree You do it naturally

And just when I thought we were just going to get the four songs out of Hozier in 2018, we got this gem, which I think I like more than all the others.

l. seasons of love | rent cast Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure the life Of a woman or a man?

I will never be over this song. I will never be over this musical. Merry Christmas, guys.

#heather says what #music makes the world go round #fuck yeah fanmixes #new year's memes #2018

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