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galoismyhimbo · 5 years

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New Oc (This gonna be long and messy im sorry)

Name: Samantha “Sam/Sammy” Coleman

Birthday: November 6th, 1988 (Age 30)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Height: 5′8

Occupation: Peggie (later defected), demolition expert (and melee fighter if that counts lmao)

Backstory(pre-cult): Sam was born in the small town of Belfield, North Dakota; she never knew her father and her mother worked constantly. So, Sam had to watch over her younger sister from ages 5 to 17. She lived in poverty, her mother barely making it check by check. Because of this, they wouldn’t have food for days sometimes; which led her to stealing from stores. Sam was always a rebellious child so these things came naturally to her, usually being able to lie her way out of being caught. She would steal candy and small snacks from the corner gas station after school on Friday’s for her and her sister, never seeming to get caught by the man who owned the place. That or he never cared to stop her, either way she always looked forward to it. Sam drank a lot in her teens, stealing it from her mother or even from stores, sitting up on her roof and just relaxing. She liked the peace and quiet of her town, she won’t lie; it was nice at night. She would listen to the crickets chirp with her little sister, watch storms that went through, and even snuck outside to play in the snow every winter. Her sister was dear to her. Sam was genuinely nice to her sister but was very confrontational to everyone else, which led her to many fights throughout her school life; even getting into some outside of school. And as much as she loved to fight, she was getting tired of it; tired of the school, tired of the other kids there, tired of her family. She just wanted to start a new life by herself. And so she decided to run away as soon as she got out of juvie (she ended up in there after beating the holy hell out of another kid during a fight. She was there from age 16 to 17). The moment she was released she went home, grabbed any food and clothing she could, stuffed it into her backpack and stole her mothers car; picking a direction and driving West. The car eventually breaks down in some part of Montana, so, she takes the bus from then on. She didn’t know where it would take her nor did she really care. She eventually got off the bus in Hope County. She would lie and say she wasn’t scared but she was, she was in an unfamiliar place at night and it didn’t feel right. But nevertheless, she started walking towards some lights in the distance, eventually arriving in Fall’s End. She slept inside the church that night since she had no where else to go; she woke up the next day to a man standing over her with a concerned look. She later learned his name was Jerome and he took her in for awhile. Sam was nice to him, but only because she needed a place to sleep; she didn’t care for him in all honesty (that changes in the future).

(Cult) little note: Idk when Eden’s Gate actually arrived in Hope County so just, forgive me and my dates if they completely wrong.

Sam arrived in Hope County around 2005 and by then things were pretty normal in the County. Sam helped around in the bar for a bit to make some money, and because she could steal some beer. But about 3 years later, a group showed up in the County, called Eden’s Gate that was led by a man named Joseph Seed. She didn’t pay much attention to him or the group, nor did anyone else really. It wasn’t until she heard rumors of people being forced to join the group, and that the group was acquiring land and weapons over years, that she became interested. She just wanted to see if these rumors were true, and it wouldn’t hurt to see just ONE of Joseph’s sermons, right? So one day she decides to go to one of his sermons held at a nearby farm; Jerome tried to warn her not to go since most of his congregation left for Joseph and his teachings, but she didn’t listen. And so she went and listened, not believing anything he was saying, and as she glanced around, she seemed to be the only one. Everyone there was entranced by Joseph Seed and she had no idea why, his words were bullshit to her. But he seemed to hear her thoughts, constantly looking her right in the eyes as she had sat up front, that was a mistake on her part. Every time he looked at her she would feel nervous, she hasn’t felt this way before. After he was finished she got up to leave, as was everyone else, but was stopped by two people. They had that symbol on their clothing, the symbol for Eden’s Gate. She glared at them and told them to move but they didn’t, and she just got angrier. She wanted to get the Hell out of there. When she looked over her shoulder she could see Joseph, and his siblings, as he called them, looking at her. She couldn’t tell what they were thinking, but she didn’t like what was happening. She tried to go around the people blocking her way but was pushed back. All she could think was, “I fucked up”. She wasn’t allowed to leave and instead was led to a small body of water, a couple people pouring something in it. She stopped walking at the sight, trying to turn back around but was forced forward by a man. She didn’t see who it was but his grip was rough as she was basically dragged into the water, yelling at them to let go. The last thing she remembered was the man talking, another person coming up, grabbing her arm, and forcing her head under water. Whatever was in the water wore off at some point and she finally was in her right mind, but found herself in a room at a table. Joseph sitting across from her with his hands folded on the table. He talked about how he saw the pain in her eyes and how he knows she feels alone, but that she could have a family once again. She wanted to roll her eyes but stopped herself from doing so. She watched him slide a cup towards her as he spoke about being a family, but she pushed it away, saying “You don’t need to drug me. You already forced me that on me in that lake. I’ll join your group willingly; i’ll do whatever ya’ll want. Just don’t drug me.” She felt like she was having a heart attack as she said that, she didn’t know how things would turn out. But she remembers Joseph just staring at her for a good minute or two before giving a small nod, motioning her to stand as he did. Whatever she did over the next 10 years is something she’ll try to forget.

(how she eventually escaped): Sam had been a Peggie for years and its messed with her head. Yeah, she was always an angry person, picking fights with others constantly. But she just got angrier in the cult, and it was because of what the cult was doing. Building bunkers, saying the world was ending, killing innocents, making HER kill. They did things to her that fucked her up as well. Faith forcing that bliss onto her whenever Joseph thought she was “acting out”. John carving sloth, lust, and wrath onto her body. Luckily, she was never given to Jacob. She knows what he does to people. But over time she started to get on the Seed’s good side. She’s always been good at lying, and it seemed to work even on a man like Joseph, who said God spoke to. This is what eventually led her to seeing an old friend again, River. They both grew up in that small town, Sam being older than the other, she was always looked up to. Sam always hated it, she was no role model. She saw River with Joseph, and she looked scared. Sam knows she was with that group of deputies, the ones that crashed in the helicopter and were taken to each herald. Poor River was given to Joseph, and that had to be because of her gentleness. River never got into fights like Sam did as children, and Sam doubted she changed over the last few years. She knew she had to get River out, and she was glad she was close to Joseph. He would trust her enough to watch over River. And after a few weeks, that eventually happened. One of the deputies had been fucking things up for the cult, so Joseph was too preoccupied with that to watch over River. So, one night, Sam went into the room River was in and told her about the escape plan. “I know, long time no see. But i need to make this quick. You can’t stay here any longer, Joseph is going to mind fuck you like no other, ok? A person like yourself is easy prey for him, so follow me and be quiet.”

River wanted out so she blindly followed. They got outside and just started running, seeing a patrol of Peggies coming towards them. They were eventually followed after, bullets whizzing pass them as the ran. River was confused when Sam suddenly stopped her, taking her by the arms and looking into her eyes. It was dark out, they could barely see the others face. But River could hear the fear in Sam’s tone as she spoke. "You better get that little ass out of here, cause i’m getting myself in some deep shit and it will be worth it if I know you're no longer in this Hell hole. They don't need to corrupt anymore people with their fucked up beliefs. NOW GO!" River remembers seeing Sam shoot her gun into the air to draw attention as she ran to the right, away from her. River did get back to the resistance.

Sam was eventually caught by the Peggies and lets just say, went through HELL. Papa Joe was NOT a happy man. She was sent to John to “atone” for her actions, and boy did he make it hurt 10 times more. Yet, she never regretted helping River; even smiling a few times during her “atonement” whenever John would say to confess her sins. “It can’t be a sin to help an old friend leave Hell” She was eventually found by resistance members and was helped to safety, too weak to fight the Peggies that tried to get her back. She actually blacked out at one point, waking up in a room alone. She knew she was safe now, feeling relaxed for once. But also that anger within her was coming back up, and she will give those Peggies Hell the moment she is strong enough to. River and her grew closer and closer over time, Sam confiding in River about what happened to her. She was never good with expressing her emotions, but River sure was; and that gave Sam comfort.

Once Sam was strong enough to fight, she did. She learned how to build explosives, made her favorite weapon: barb wired baseball bat, and fucked up any Peggie she saw. She helped that deputy with anything, River and her being a duo in certain tasks.

“If ya ever need a dramatic exit with explosions? Call me. AND if ya ever need someone to bash a Peggie’s brain in? I’m your girl.”

Facts:

- She has a sleeve of tattooed bliss flowers on her right arm.

- She actually got close to John first, she figured it be easier than the other heralds. She even had a one night stand of sorts once. She hates talking about it cause she finds it embarrassing. Her first sober thought the next morning as she ran out his room was, "I dont need him getting attached to me! Nope!"

- Joseph kept his promise of not blissing her up, or she thinks he did. She my have been slipped some, who knows?

-Joseph could see Sam's reluctance in her actions many times, however. So he and his heralds always kept an eye on her. He feared she was on the brink of defecting, but didnt think she'd do so with eyes on her 24/7.

- John calls Sam, "little Devil", for many reasons lmao

- Sam is a big drinker, and she hated the fact you couldnt drink in the cult. Also it's a reason she liked John in the beginning; he always had alcohol hidden away.

- here's a playlist I have for her so far: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7zAKlUsEuQMsvWt4Y5Q3vn

- after defecting from the cult, she reconnected with Jerome. Shes realized that he tried to teach her how to do right things all those years ago. And while she still rebels against him, or everyone really, she cares about him now. Unlike in the past.

- If given the chance, she would start a cult as a way to say "fuck you, this ones better" to Joseph

- Shes met Emily and Hope before, both being deputies along side River. She isnt close to them but occasionally helps out with missions.

Random Quotes:

. "You never know when a decision is going to change your life. So always be careful around here."

. "You don't know how nice it is to see the fear in the peggies eyes. I've seen it countless times in

. "I wont lie, you shouldnt trust someone like me. Not saying I'll go back to Joseph, but just with things in general."

. "River is too fucking kind for her own good. And I know Joseph loves that, so keep her safe when I'm not around"

#fc5 #far cry 5 #far cry oc #guns for hire #i love my wild child #my punk gal who will fight anyone #also alot of this may change #cause this is like a rough draft basically #but yeah #samantha coleman #imma post more pics of her soon

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akira-seijuro · 4 years

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1/3 Last brain pill

I should have been something else. I could have made more days less painful for everyone. I love my family, friends more than I love myself. I can't do it. I can't love myself enough to let them go.

On 27th April, 2020, one of the anti depressants that I have been taking for over an year, is over. My doc, reduced the dosage and I think I'm finally done with it and I was so damn fucking happy. I think, for the first time in my entire life, including my childhood, I don't see myself as a victim anymore. Victim of being bullied, unfriended, heartbreak, academics and most importantly my friends and family.

This lockdown is like shit worst. I can't even imagine people being alone and trying to take care or themselves. It's nightmare. I can't even imagine myself in my pg or my hostel room anymore. I mean, sure I could have survived like I did all those years, but that chronic self care obsession would just make me let go of myself. On May 31st 2020, I'll be officially completing one year of my medication and June 2nd would be my father's first death anniversary and July 15th would be the time I probably saw my friend, for the last time, who totally instilled hope in me. I'd probably never see him again.

I could have been better. I don't know why I didn't. I don't know if it was my best thinking now. I could have been more patient, a better daughter. I could have been more honest, a better friend. I could have been more kind to myself. I lived in fear for so long, I don't care about my last minute anymore. I don't am have any regrets. I tried my best. I don't like when people say 'Poor you, take care of your mum. You had to go through so much at a very young age. Everybody goes through this. Everybody dies sometime. I get it, I understand your pain.'

I think what I wanted was 'It's alright. I believe in you. We'll be ok. We will go through this shit together and finally make peace with it someday.' I did have my best friend saying that to me until January 2nd, 8.30pm. Now I don't know where he is. How he is doing. I wanted to escape my life so badly, I wanted to run away from my bitterness. But it was all inside of me. I didn't want my dad's death another thing for people to say sorry for. It means something for me. Sometimes he means everything to me. Every little piece of my existence belongs to my parents. I love them very much that I can't be this girl who went through her childhood without almost making a single friend. But yeah, teenage is shit. I changed. A lot. I became more open, accepting, strong and brave. I was never afraid to tell the truth, I used to postpone but I know I would do it anyway, I would do what feels right to me. C'mon I proposed 2 guys. It was real. The love I felt. I think being in love makes you feel that everything is possible, mostly that it deepens the hope that someday you'll be happy. Chill. Both are one sided and failures. I've never been loved or cared that way. I don't think I need to. I mean my friends wholeheartedly love me and would go almost out of their way to do anything that would make me feel better at times. I never looked for a fucking replacement of the man whom I loved the most. No body can be that man who chants my name to feel better while in pain.

Rather than hurting people. I think I scared alot of people away because of my love. I guess it's so intense and feels weird. I don't know. I've started therapy for the first time in my life on October 23rd 2016, because I couldn't bear the fact that I couldn't wish the person on his birthday because my existence was irksome i guess. I still don't know what it was. But yeah. It continues till April 30th 2016 while I was in college. Every week Thursday at 3pm, a counselling session. I felt more accepted and more cared for with the space I wanted there. But frankly, I started therapy because I just wanted someone to listen to me and just try to not have an opinion good or bad about my pain, but be with me while I was processing it. I went there because I thought they'd not have any choice but to listen because I paid. But it was the best thing I did in my life. My dad's illness came back again. I mean March 2nd 2012 to December 17th 2012 is not enough. I was a lid. I didn't process shit. I just believed in god blindly and performed my duties of packing, buying groceries, boarding public transportation, learning how to ride a scooty without ever having a cycle, waiting outside operation theatre, outside radiation hall, outside chemo sessions, all while preparing for my bard exams and jee mains. I just blocked it out. All the pain and emptiness. It had to come again. Being close friends with dad, his illness pushed me to the edge of depression and I was meds which he manipulated me to stop after reaching home. I would isolate myself and would be blamed for it later. I would feel guilty that the person, my best friend whomi trusted the most left me to hang dry. Actually 2 of them. Then comes the job.

But I came to Bangalore with my cousin. When I entered royal orchid for my job orientation everyone is with someone and I was all alone. Just how I entered my college. All alone from Hyderabad to Surathkal. I opened my door, saw my roommate with her family came out and cried so much for my dad. He called my cousin and then he came to see me. It's new for him as well. So I dont blame. My dad knew what I needed until he knew he was gonna die sometime soon. I suffered, wished it to end. I tried therapy and meds again but I felt its hopeless and I stopped once the side effects were horrible from July 2017. My therapist was wonderful though. I loved her. I felt like she's my friend and I didn't want to go down that lane so I stopped. Then people told me that I'm so pessimistic to think 2018 December 22nd would be my last birthday with dad. You know it's not the worst thing to imagine the worst, sometimes its callous reality. Some doctor said this. You dont know what your people want whether they want to fight on ventilator or not. But it would be nice to get to know them. My stomach turned in may so much that I thought something bad is going to happen to my dad the whole time. Once he was scared and the practical prank he pulled took a toll on me and I colored my hair blue. It became green. I wanted to cut ties with my family and friends. No body was there then, all my friends were on business trips or we had a fight. But I made a new friend who's accepting and weird. Then another new friend with whom I randomly broke out after storming out of a meeting. I guess I started developing feelings for the former one. I didnt want all that shit because I know it's not going to work out or that it won't be reciprocated. So, I didnt want that shit to make my suffering much worse. So I realized everything is so messed up and I needed help. I stuttered and stammered dude while my dad thought he was dying but didnt. I barely remember what words I spoke or repeated. Well, second time when they called, it's true. Anyway on 31st may, with all the complications I decided I might need meds because even my body is going out of control now. Then on 1st I get that call and had to dye my hair back to brown and go see him there. This time no words came out of my mouth, it's like I forgot all the languages and how to form sentences. I couldn't promise him that I'll come out of depression, so I said I'd try in my head which obviously didnt come out because, well, like I said my body wasnt under my control. Then the only thing I wanted him to know about my life is Ayushman, lets call my first love that. I dont want to name. That I love Ayushman so much but he doesn't and its ok. I called to tell him about my new friends Bhavana and Bennington, let's call second guy that. But instead it all turned out something. But once after all that agony injecting rituals and processes, I came back and the only person o wanted to see and talk was Bennington. Then I realised what I was feeling and I accepted it and felt good that while grieving, I was able to love and not feel guilty about it. True, I tried very hard, wanted to cross oceans for him. I wanted to be there for him. But then I didn't want to force it. I don't know what the fuck I did anyway. Then a lot happened, prathista entered my life and I was loved and accepted and I could feel people wanting good for me. And that's all I needed. Besides the belief thing. Some more fights with my best friend sneha, with whom I got matching tattoos.

Then my best friend, lets call him sunshine had to like go out of the world to save love. I was alone. I was a workaholic. Knowing that someone loved me gave me immense energy to work harder, to do more good. But then Voila, my mom and cancer again. God. I didnt feel that someone is inflicting pain or that I'm a victim. I felt that these things happen and its life. It's bad but it's how it went in my life. I have no control over what happens to her. Whenever I assist her or do some stuff, I keep correlating with my dad's time with cancer. It gets so confusing. Idk. I love my mum too. I grieve. I cry. For both mum, dad. Sometimes for sunshine and Bennington. But I think it's ok. It's not something to feel bad or sorry for. It's a part of my life. I am glad I was able to back to my friendships. Gowtami, Chandu, Bokade are like pillars of support for me. I realised being kind is a way to deal with the crisis. I liked the way I lived for the first time. But I'd do anything for the people I love. I'm not going to force it. I wish them all good. People keep saying I'm strong and brave explicitly. No, I was always them. They are implicit things. Thats my character. Being able to be strong, brave, vulnerable, real honest, intense and sometimes messy. Anyway 2 more brain pills to go and still more therapy sessions. They will end when they should. I am glad that this is something that I did for myself. It's my effort despite all the discouragements I've faced about it. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I'm so glad it has a name. I miss my dad very much right now. My mom's chicken curry too. I miss my friends.

Love,

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