#i just rlly cant deal with it sometimes. as much as hes changed n shit.

[yatsugareboyf]

Could I ask for Dazai, Poe and Aku with an s/o that has an ability to change probability? I.e. The chance of me flying for an hour, 100%. Someone you know will die today, 0%. Thank you so much and I love your writing!💕😘💖

rlly went on a huge astral projection session to think of this but tysm for requesting, here you go. sorry it was late ;;

hcs for dazai, poe, and akutagawa with a probability manipulator!s/o

dazai osamu

it was interesting to him, ngl

since its also like, trying to assume the future because its vv hard to think of probability in the actual moment

so he asks to test it with you (ofc hes not touching u)

so he'll try and push a glass off a counter and you try and think of something to change inorder to save the glass kind of

so you glow like ability users usually do and chant the name of your ability, numbers somehow appearing around you

"the glass cup shattering into pieces ; 0%"

and then the glass bounces off the floor, and its still intact.

all of this happened in like... a split second

dazai was impressed tho, hed like to know more and possibly train it so it'll help

if you wanted to, ofc

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP...

"will you change the probability of me dying in a lovely suicide with you to 100%?”

"im not fucking doing that u idiot."

you have... no excuse... when ur late to dates....

"why are you late, y/n-chan :(("

"i got stuck in traffic...?"

"you could've set it to 0% traffic :(("

hes constantly teasing u abt it

"maybe you changed the probability of me falling in love with you, maybe this was ur evil plan all along, y/n-chan~"

but other than that, if you were just a normal citizen, he'd love you just as much

your ability is rendered useless when youre in his arms or in a somehow close vicinity of him

and any probability that involves him might be technically ruled out? i still think abt this a lot but it could also only be nullified if hes touching you

sometimes you use it to set up dates

the sunrise being very pretty for a picnic outside, you'll set it up

if you wanted to stay indoors and cuddle, you'll set the probability to rain 100%

and he loves it when you do

cause most if the time, he loves your idea as much

unless it works in a way where once you both cuddle, it suddenly stops raining because he cancelled it but oh well, at least they cancelled work

edgar allan poe

now HES vv interested

like.... hello??3!_!3!_(3 you could free the world of crime if you use ur ability!

ofc there has to be some sort of karma to your seemingly godlike ability, so you cant really do that

hes shy to do it, but he'll ask for you to change some stuff. not much, just small things hed like a certain way, and you'd obliged eagerly

would probably bring you to ranpo and do some shit like "probability of ranpo's snacks running out ; 0%"

jkjk thats not how it works

or is it?

anyways

like with dazai, you use it to set up dates

with addition of certain events to inspire your mystery writer such as things he would investigate while he was outside with you on a walk

that'll make his writing gears working now that hes inspired or motivated

hes not aware that you do this, but he'll thank you if he ever does

with karl tho....

"karl shitting on the carpet : 0%"

JKJKJK AHJFKEMFKNEJG

but its vv helpful

but ofc, he doesnt love you because of your ability

he loves you for you.

ur ability is just a little plus

plus he loves the way you look while youre using ur ability

hes ur no.1 fan

akutagawa ryuunosuke

now he...

doesn't care.

IM SORRY

at first he doesnt really pay mind to it, its just another ability yknow

but when he sees it in action, for example, in battle

you were able to kill an entire squad without breaking a sweat

you somehow manipulated your surroundings to cause an accident

that killed the entire squad

and he was definitely impressed.

daily "can you change the probability of dazai-san acknowledging me to 100%"

"ryuu.... sweetie... my ability doesn't work on him."

jk hes probably like "i dont need ur help, i can deal with this my own way. its cheating if you help" kinda

but without him knowing, you reduce his like

the thing where his lung disease resurfaces and makes him weak?

you lower it down to nearly a 0%

to not cause suspicion and

rules of karma will apply, i just haven't thought of it

you save his ass with ur ability more than once

and he doesnt like it

he can handle himself??? so shh???

but with small things like

hes in the bath and you'll make it so that his bath water never turns cold

same with his food, never getting cold

help him wake up in the morning, etc

ofc he'll notice that its you.

and he'll try to repay you somehow with small bursts of affection

and you love it

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd poe #bsd akutagawa #bsd dazai osamu #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x y/n #dazai osamu x you #bsd edgar allan poe #bsd edgar allan #edgar allan poe x reader #edgar allan poe x y/n #akutagawa ryuunosuke #akutagawa ryuunosuke x reader #akutagawa ryuunosuke x y/n #akutagawa ryuunosuke x you #akutagawa x reader #poe x reader

[blxetsi]

modern levi ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

levi ackerman x gn!reader

- firstly, lets get love language out of the way

- i think his love language would be acts of service

- so like, he'll brew your coffee for you and set out your favourite mug when he goes to the kitchen to make his tea (bc we all know he'd wake up earlier than you 🙄)

- or he'll pick up a muffin from your favourite bakery on his way home

- or if you ask him to remind you to do something later, he's immediately writing it out on a sticky note and sticking it somewhere youd notice

- he notices youre getting low on your favourite moisturizer ? or lipbalm ? he's taking a picture of the packaging and getting it the next time he drives past walmart or smth

- he just does little things that help make your day better

- now i feel like a lot of people say this already, but he is NOT very comfortable with public displays of affection

- its not that he doesnt like it when you touch him, or hold his hand, or kiss his cheek, he just gets flustered and feels like everyone is watching you two

- but one thing he does allow is looping your arms together while you walk, especially in crowded streets

- it doesnt mean he doesnt like being close with you, he just hates doing it public. when youre alone ? hes ALL OVER YOU.

- "will you play with my hair ?"

- "levi im working."

- "okay can you multitask ?" motherfucker 😐

- doesnt matter if hes the big spoon or little spoon, just being close to you is enough.

- also would try and get used to your love language

- if your love language is physical touch hes genuinely surprised by how many times you put his hands on him each day (NOT in a sexual way) like even his mother never touched him as much and he's a momma's boy 😳

- when you wake up your coming out to the kitchen to fill your coffee, but not before kissing the top of his head as you walk past

- then youre guzzling down your coffee like its water before putting it in the sink and walking back, petting his head in the process

- you'll hug him while hes cooking, or brushing his teeth. youre giving him kisses before he leaves and when he comes home, just little small acts of love, but it happens so frequently that levi cant help but notice it

- your love language is verbal affirmations ? youre getting your coffee while saying "goodmorning beautiful"

- "i love yous" are thrown at him a lot, they never fail to make him feel better

- youll compliment this man and he short circuits for a second, quickly gets used to it as time goes on

- also too i think he'd be taller in a modern au, but not very very tall like erwin, im talking 5'7" to 5'9"

- and he's fine with his height, it doesn't bother him that much, he's the average height of a man so what's the big deal ?

- also he really doesnt care about height either. youre shorter than him ? cool, that means he can bend down to give you little forehead kisses. around the same height as him ? awesome, that makes it easier for him to give you a peck on the lips. taller than him ? mf he'll climb you like a tree if he has to. really doesn't care.

- also doesn't have a preferences for body type or anything. he thinks that character is way more important than looks 100% and he'll always find different things about you beautiful. your laugh is weird ? k now he's making you two watch a john mulaney special to so youll laugh. hate your belly and wanna lose weight, he's holding you and telling you to only lose weight if you genuinely want to be "healthier" and not so you get skinny. your acne scars bother you ? he's kissing your cheeks a lot more than usual, but you can't complain. literally Loves Every Part of You

- also i think his family would absolutely ADORE YOU and his friends for that matter

- miss kuchel is pulling you into a hug the first time she sees you, and is so accomodating and sweet. shes genuinely interested in your interests and what you do for a living, and will NOT hesitate to get levi's baby pictures out if you ask.

- his uncle ? he probably wont be there for the family dinner, but then kuchel's gonna call him up like "levi's s/o ?? absolutely spectacular !!" and then hes like "huh maybe i gotta come visit to see the runt and his lover"

- also i think in a modern au, kuchel wouldve gotten really sick when levi is a boy, so kenny would have came home to take care of his sister and try and take care of levi. in the end she got better, and he went back to his own home, but now she requests that he come for at least one family holidy so they can all spend it together

- BUT back to mr. ackerman

- idk what he'd do in modern times, i used to think he'd be a good english professor for a university, but then i saw a headcanon that he'd go into law school and become a lawyer, and honestly ?? it makes sense

- after a long day at work he just wants to come home to you, he'll find you on the couch reading or doing some of your own work, so he'll just slip off his coat and blazer and undo his tie while slipping off his shoes by the door. before plopping his head in your lap and requesting you to play with his hair.

- if you don't live with him hes taking a shower and then immediately calling you asking to come over. if you can ?? great he'll be in bed waiting to be spooned. if not, thats fine, but levi would like to facetime and rant.

- also has the absolute WORST road rage

- "that little prick cut me off !"

- "levi he's taking his driver's test !"

- "so ? i hope that instructor doesn't give the idiot a pass 🙄" and then will immediately honk his horn at the poor kid.

- also wouldnt be a clean freak like in canonverse. his whole "everything has to be spotless" stuff stems from trauma, specifically being left in an apartment with his decaying mother for weeks on end, but since kuchel is alive that never happens

- were things a little hectic during the time she was sick ? sure ! but kenny always tried to tidy up a bit when he saw it was getting to levi.

- levi just likes things to be neat and tidy, he doesnt do a deep clean of his apartment every two weeks, but always makes sure to clean up his messes as soon as they happen

- also doesnt like to fight

- his mom raised him with the idea that communication is key, and always encouraged him to "explain why hes upset" so they could work together to come up with a solution

- its something hes taken with him to adulthood, and even though sometimes he sounds like hes talking to a child when hes trying to get you to "use your words" he really doesnt mean to

- if youre yelling at him he'll stand there like 😐 and wait until youre out of breath so he can say "okay lets talk about this"

- is also very handy

- have a hole in your wall ? hes coming over to fix it

- need a lightbulb changed ? hes got u dont worry

- you need to assemble a piece of furniture ? he glances at the step by step guide once before hes putting it together

- hes so great at that stuff, and you only have kenny to thank

- literally when kenny first came to stay with levi and kuchel when she was sick, the kitchen light went out and he asked levi to screw another lightbulb in, the poor kid stood there like 🤨 and when kenny said "what ? you don't know how to change a fucking lightbulb ?" levi shook his head and said "uncle kenny im seven 😐"

- kenny was APPALLED. and immediately made it his mission to make levi as handy as himself.

- also, dates with him are rlly lowkey.

- he likes being in your company, so staying home and ordering take out is AWESOME in his opinion. sometimes he'll dress up and make a fancy meal with you.

- if you like going to carnivals and stuff, he's reluctant but eventually caves. wins you a lot of the prizes.

- "fuck. this shit is rigged y/n"

- "sorry levi, lets go do something else !"

- "what ? no. give me another dollar im getting you that fucking turtle"

- hange always wants to see you. levi makes it his life mission to keep you away from them as much as possible. not because he doesnt want you to get along with his friends, just because he knows that hange will spill some embarassing secrets from his college days.

- erwin ? hes okay but hes on thin fucking ice.

- also is very gentlemanly. will not only hold the door for you but for everyone. hes waiting in line for his order and someone comes up behind him and asks him to scootch so they can get some napkins ? mf its grabbing a handful himself and handing it to the person, wishing them a nice day with a small smile. hes just like,, a genuinely good person

- his singing voice ? immaculate. will he sing for you ? no.

- he also loves playing board games with you. like chess or checkers. you love playing board games with him and his friends, specifically monopoly. hange makes moblit form an alliance with them. mike is a lone wolf, and erwin and levi are always helping each other out until erwin betrays him. lots of trust is ruined between these game nights, but you literally cant bring yourself to care because its so fun to watch it unfold

this is my first headcanon thingy !! im v excited !! hope u all enjoyed 🤩✨ should i do more headcanons like these ???

- all in all, levi is a cool guy, and a cool bf.

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #attack on titan x reader #armin arlert #mikasa ackerman #eren yeager #eren jaeger

[cassthecringe]

i wish to hear more about part 5 avdol 👀

OMG I WOULD LOVE TO THANK U FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO KIND PERSON

i genuinely think avdol would become a good mentor figure for everyone in the buccigang, including and not limited to bruno and abbacchio. giorno and him are probably closest tho,,,but i also do like the idea of fugo and avdol being close cause i like to think fugo reminds avdol of himself when he was younger (this is more headcanony than canon stuff tho)

as for actual plot stuff and how avdol would affect it;;;;;; due to avdol’s competence, no one dies <3 sorry araki but nara bruno and abbacchio are alive now. I'm still trying to work out the details regarding how he could prevent bruno’s death tho. maybe bruno will still have to die but I'm thinking about it

ALSO bc of avdol’s influence i think fugo would hum and haw over if he should go with the bucci gang some more. i dont think he actually will tag along completely, BUT he doesnt just leave he just does some sniffing around from the inside. they’ll meet up again later rather than fugo tagging along from the beginning. like fugo is like “yall r crazy. let me do sum research and ill get back to you” and maybe fugo finds polnareff that way (lmfao could u imagine. pol gets kakyoin flashbacks)

lots of kakyoin flashbacks actually. this would really be a bone breaker if this is an au where kakyoin is still dead

ANYWAY. since I'm still not sure abt the details of avdol’s impact on the PLOT, lemme get into character dynamics

giorno: big mentor figure, probably steals some (a lot) of bruno’s thunder in this regard. giorno just rlly respects him and avdol acknowledges giorno is a very hardworking kiddo (which giorno appreciates). i imagine he grows very fond of him throughout the events of va. idk if it would ever cross the line of mentor-protegee to father-son but regardless they're rlly close and giorno values his opinions a lot when he becomes the don even tho avdol says he doesnt wanna be involved in mafia business (and he doesnt but he cares more about the well being of his kids ie the buccigang than staying away from organized crime)

fugo: fugo is like a crazy thrashing dog that is going insane and yet never turns to nip at its owner who is holding it back (in this case that is avdol). yea i imagine avdol and fugo have a good relationship Eventually but it takes fugo some time understandably to accept/warm up to it cause of his issues with authority figures and how they've done him dirty before. avdol is nothing if not a patient man tho and i imagine fugo eventually comes to rlly trust him which is why he decides to squirrel around to get buccigang some info on the inside of the gang rather than disembark completely

narancia: nara would be as hostile as he can be at first i feel like cause he might think avdol is trying to replace bruno but once he learns avdol is a) not in the gang and will never be in the gang he’s not trying to take anyone’s position and b) sees BRUNO warm up 2 avdol, he accepts him very fast. it’s like a switch flipped it’s v sudden and intense change in demeanor. avdol is kinda surprised but like he’ll take it. avdol thinks nara is very funny and he helps him out w schooling when fugo is gone. avdol also listens to nara’s music w him and gives him recommendations which narancia is SUPER HAPPY ABT cause no one was willing to talk music with him before (indulge him and let HIM talk abt it yes, but never respond in turn and have a conversation before). nara loves avdol and avdol loves him in return. fun family (:

mista: hmm i cant see mista and avdol being suuuper close?? at least not at first but they def get along. but when avdol gets comfortable enough w the buccigang to do his funky fun smartass stuff sometimes (like how he was during the judgement fight) mista and him get a LOT closer. mista thinks avdol is the funniest man on the planet and they can have good talks. avdol is a good person to think out loud with which i think mista kinda needs. also I'm sure avdol is enamored with the sex pistols. not many stands can even talk yet these lil guys have outright personalities of their own. avdol joins mista during feeding time just cause he’s rlly intrigued by these lil guys. mista was a little weirded out at first but since warming up to avdol he doesnt mind (:

trish: HIS DAUGHTER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! he’s got the age, he’s got the kindness, he’s got the patience, he’s got the respect, HE!!!!!! IS. HER DAD NOW. avdol might've laid the sympathy on a little too thick when they first met so trish might not have liked him much at first, but he notices she’s rlly stressed out and talks her thro it/lets her speak her mind which is rlly nice. trish hasn't ever had anyone prompt her to lose her shit before helping her to piece back together again but tis nice. when trish is supposed to be dropped off with diavolo, she actually hugs avdol (: also when trish awakens spice girls u BET avdol is rooting her on and helping her get more comfortable w her stand. avdol is thinks spice girls is rlly fuckin cool and combined w spice girls and avdol’s guidance, trish actually gets rlly handy at using her stand. pls imagine magician’s red and spice girls just chilling. thanks. anyway if avdol were to legally adopt ANYONE in the buccigang it would be trish. trish lives w him after va

abbacchio: i don't think avdol and abbacchio would be besties but bruno trusts him and narancia likes him so i think abbacchio wouldn't hate him despite them first meeting bc of giorno lolol. so like they're civil but i cant imagine their interactions getting warmer until after avdol tags along when they split up from the gang. abbacchio is like “why tf r u even still here” and avdol is like “YOURE the oldest here and ur only 21 u need an actual adult. no but i just wanna watch over the kids and make sure they're safe” abbacchio respects that. also avdol encouraging trish to train w spice girls is why trish is able to keep abbacchio from getting a fist through the torso (she makes him rubbery as spice girls can do so he can withstand the punch king crimson gives him) and he's kinda grateful bc of that to both abbacchio And trish. uhh yeah. lol. also avdol has good taste in wine which abbacchio can respect

bruno: FINALLY the man himself. for a long time he is just politely friendly towards avdol cause idk if bruno would know how to deal w someone who would be more likely to be a mentor to Him rather than vice versa but as avdol and him spend more time together and watch over the kiddos and abbacchio together they get more comfortable. idk if they’d ever get close close but bruno can rely on avdol and he does during the final fight. when they come out victorious bruno kinda promises him he’ll always have a home in italy if he needs anywhere to rest it’d be sweet (: avdol in turn would say if ur ever in egypt just ask around and u’ll find me

anyway uhhhhh yeah. i hope u enjoyed reading all this fjkdnjc;n i just think. avdol is very loveable and very cool and he would've added a lot to part 5 in my opinion,,,,

#cass cries #jjba #jojo spoilers #vento aureo spoilers #golden wind spoilers #this got LONG SORRY #Anonymous

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

#ily<3 #long post

[june-again]

Sorry kinda disappeared. Had some stuff to do sjddh. Anyway I have more.

So my dream kinda started weird, not quite sure what i was wearing but ik i arrived to his house in long boots and i saw his parents who really liked me and were pretty chill with me coming over whenever most likely because i was his girlfriend also the house had an interesting set of stairs but i wont get into that anyway i got there said hi to them asked where Oikawa was they said in his room and for some reason i asked if i could take my boots off like it wasn't up to me or something and they said yes then my legs felt weird with them off but not the point i went upstairs with i think a gift bag or two?cause it was his birthday? and his room was like really long like it was big but not rlly wide and the bed was weird to look at but was normal at the same time? and there were two doors at the end of his room one was a closet i didnt know what the other was. anyway he was at the end of his room and i said hi to him by trying to give him a kiss i think but he was like shying away from all my affection, like i kept trying to give him hugs n stuff and then eventually he was like wanna see whats behind the door or something like that and it looked like a basement and we went down it was full of storage stuff. eventually we went back up to his room and jumped on his bed which was suddenly rlly huge and i launched myself so i was a lil higher up than he was, he turned around so he could sit up and face me ig and since he didn't get the hint i thought i was dropping. next thing i knew we were looking for a condom in the dresser drawers in the basement like place connected to his room we finally found one and then his nephew appeared out of nowhere like "you guys aren't old enough to be doing this" and apparently in my dream it was completely normal for this child to know about that after that i think we went further and it was like a church under but also behind his house kinda? anyway there were huge bells hanging a little off the ground and i think i jumped up on one of them and there was light coming from a window even tho it was underground.. or supposed to be and he was on some of the bells by the windows and i think there was something between here and the next part but i cant remember i do remember that something happened like there was some sort of either tech thing or like a possession type deal going on and the church started to crumble with him in it i think i had left but went back when i saw it starting to crumble n shit and then fire trucks and helecopters appeared for some reason but his parents begged me to go in and get him. turns out this is why he was shying away from my affection he didnt wanna hurt me or get me hurt so he was like being controlled ig from some sort of being in the church. the rest is kinda foggy and i think mostly lucid dreaming beucase i woke up after or sometime close to after that part and i was mad so i tried to go back to sleep and change and add things but yeah tha dream was a while buncha things.

Also do I like sign off as like dream anon now orrr- I’ve never really interacted with someone like this before

hey where's oikawa also can i take off my boots? do i have your permission to remove my shoes? LMAO

oh no this room is giving me BAD VIBES what is BEHIND THE DOOR SDFJKDFSHSLFDK okay wait did i just see condom and church and child in the same sentence wait okay

LMAO OKAY THEN EVERYTHING JUST FALLS APART okay that's so cool of him, trying to protect him. i love how that tied in hUAWHDSJF

that was so enjoyable to read wtf okay i wanna just listen to people talk about their dreams now. it's so weird. there's always a drive at the back of your mind while your dreaming, yk? there's always somewhere you're trying to go or something you're trying to do and it's like. i wish i had that much energy irl LMASOdfsajkl

YOU'RE FANTASTIC AND I REALLY ENJOYED READING THIS SDJFHWJALKJ

tell me about a dream you had with characters

#elk's asks #anon:dream #OIKAWAAAAAAAA #HWAKLSDHLKWA #so much happened #i wish my writing could be that fast paced #im working on it #lmao #don't feel obligated to talk to me >< #i love interaction as long as it's just relaxed and for fun and not because you feel like you have to!! #jawelkjlfkslfdjlak #thank u for coming back to share this #kLJSDFLMKAS #tw suggestive #[🌠] dreams

[wackatoshi]

just my ‘underwater’ thoughts

like I do not know where to begin this fic is 35k of absolute goodness GOD this is one hell of a literary masterpiece...like?!?? it’s engaging in every aspect, the language/tone is absolutely impeccable - there’s this perfect balance between gorgeous and not overwhelming description but maintains a wittiness to it?? which is v central to the reader, or rin’s, personality. i just adore this fic so much like words could really not do it any justice lmao but I will try and condense all my favourite parts into this post <3

chapter 1

“But I can pass for 18, right?”

“No,” he turns to look at the vendors. “You look exactly your age.”

10/10 for smooth flirting, absolutely incredible work ushijima 🙏🏼 AHAHAAHHAAHAHA

MY FAVOURITE OF THE EMAIL CORRESPONDENCES NO JOKE THIS ONE MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD...honestly if I was a journalist in japan I would be exactly the same lmao like  LOOK AT WHAT I ATE TODAY!!!!! IT WAS GREAT!!

THEFRICKFIJF SENDAI STORY WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FOR ME ALRIGHT LIKE WHOOOOOOOPIEEEEE I LOVE A GOOD CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART STORY AND THE WAY THIS ONE WAS DONE WAS PHENOMENAL... HOW THIS STORY BECOMES SUUUCH A THEME THROUGHOUT THE FIC TOO I CANNOT I CANT I JUST CANT DEAL ok

chapter 2

the morning jog is hands down one of my favourite scenes in this entire story...it was just so frickin cute when he stopped at the bridge aisheieusishwi also the sharing of the earbuds AAAAHHHHH GOD that was just. perfect

“You may not be able to keep up.” I LOVE THIS LINE ITS MAYBE ONE OF MY FAVE LINES HE SAYS HEGEHEHE

Sun’s up.

It hits only half of his face as he wears a smile that looks like it’s divorced somewhere between hope and relief.

LISTEN THIS LINE IS SHEER LITERARY EXCELLENCE...the way you can use the visual description of the sun but simultaneously reflect it as something much deeper n emotional?!?!? WOW

“Why didn’t you say anything at dinner?”

“You seemed like you had somewhere to be,” he says.

GODODUEIDHDIDHDUDJDHSJS ITS SO SIMPLE BUT THIS PART AFFECTED ME SOOO MUCH AHAHAAHAHAHAH FRIFK ONLY TWO CHAPTERS IN AND I WAS SIMPING SO HARD FOR THESE TWO SJSJSJSKSJ

“Nah, he’s a model athlete—perfect record, perfect references, perfect everything. His only crime is his grades were abysmal, but does that even matter when you’re a professional athlete?”

ok true but also this part cracked me up coz I’m just thinking about that panel where ushijima and kageyama are like ?!?!?! hinata is on the other side of the earth??? training how to hang on???? LMAOSAOOA DUMBASSES

"I'm happy we met again," he says, looking very solemn, as if he's reading a sermon at a funeral.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH I LAUGHED SO HARD YOU HAVE NO IDEA I ACTUALLY HAD TO PUT DOWN MY PHONE FOR A SECOND BC THIS WAS JUST WAY TOO ACCURATE

chapter 3

He doesn’t listen to music, doesn’t speak unless spoken to first, and doesn’t budge a muscle even as the train goes 300 kilometers an hour across the track. Inside these walls, the world looks slow, but his face is unchanging—nothing could faze him, not even the world hurtling forth at—ah, that’s not quite right. You’ll have to fuss with that line later.

this part will forever stick with me like wow the tone of this fic was just SUPER unique, I mentioned this in my rant post but I just wanted to bring it up again bc I just adoooreeee the tone here. the whole premise of this fic is that ur a journalist, writing an article about ushijima — and I just love how reader’s POV genuinely feels like her thoughts? the last part “ah, that’s not quite right. You’ll have to fuss with that line later” it JUST MAKES YOU REALLY FEEL LIKE YOURE RIN/READER LIKE IT REALLY IS SOO IMMERSIVE. from this point I was just completely submerged in their world. it’s probably bc that exact line is my thought process 99% of the day, so yeah!!! it hit home HAHA. but i love the tone of it all yeah it’s so fitting for the story :)

You ask him a question--he throws it right back at you. It gives the same impression as playing a very exhausting game of tennis, in which the volleys never end because the questions never end.

FRICK this is brilliant as well I just love the way you compare things...they’re always so apt and relevant ahhhh 😭😭😭😭😭

okay but the whole sequence with Ushijima’s mother WOOOOOOW I felt like I kNOW her. have you seen Crazy Rich Asians??? the Eleanor energy she exudes with her expensive jewellery and pressed pantsuits AHHHH. I love that they developed this sort of mutual respect for each other though, always made me so happy!! I reckon that would’ve just oooft made wakatoshi so much more in love w rin lmao. his mother would def be a tough mother-in-law but rin has the mental strength and also the discernment to deal with it well :D

THENFIRICIFJFJFIRND THE YUKATA AAAAAHHH I SCREAMED I HAD TO PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN MYSELF FROM THROWING MYSELF INTO THE SKY LMAO. do u know how BADLY I want a yukata...i went to Japan three years ago and when I saw all the girls in their yukatas (mostly tourists haha) I just. UGH I wanted that so bad HAHAHAHA

chapter 4

“It’s hideous,” you say. “The fabric’s cheap, design’s trashy—I don’t think it’s more than $20.”

HAHAHAHAHAAH OHHH MAN!!! plausible deniability my ass....also CAN I JST SAY I LOVE GORO SO MUCH OMG

...only realizing then that this is what your morning routine would look like if you and him—‘ah, shit, this is exactly why Goro was worried’

yooooo genuinely this line might have actually had the strongest emotional impact on me bc I felt so NERVOUS hnnngh. my stomach did that weird flutter ?!!! I also had that OH FRICK moment along with rin so yeah op you did ur job 😖

“Contrary to popular belief, I’m pretty good in water."

He blinks, “Why would that be contrary to popular belief?”

“Because—” You look at your twiggy little arms and sigh. No use in dissecting a joke when all the humor is lost upon release. “Never mind. I was just joking.”

He pauses. Nods a little. “What was the joke?"

OMFHHAGAAHAHAHAHAH I CRIED LAUGHING SO MUCH OVER THIS EXCHANGE GOD HE IS SO ENDEARING LMAO BUT RLLY SUCH A BLOCKHEAD SOMETIMES

Ushijima is right. All the world could burn and Murata would stay the same. Grandpa and grandma look exactly how they did the last you saw them—dragging you across the finish line at the train station to say goodbye. It’s hard to believe they’re still playing the same game of shogi with one another, even 15 years later.

ok I keep changing my mind over what my favourite lines are bc THIS made me OH WOW out loud. it made me feel sooo nostalgic!!!! SO NATSUKASHII!!! i don’t know if that’s the right word but I instantly felt at home reading that, it just. THAT RUSH OF COMFORT

“He’s the one I told you about! The one who found me in Sendai.” You practically burst, having held onto this secret for so long while waiting for them to finish their assessment of him. “Grandpa said I probably made it all up because I was bored.”

ok this ENTIRE exchange was just sO CUTE!!!! SO ENDEARING!!!! the whole thing about grandpa not believing her, rin remembering the bet, ITS SO ADORABLE I LOVE THEIR DYNAMICS SIHDISEIISSJ

He studies your outfit—a full-body wetsuit, a pair of goggles on your head, along with a pair of flippers in your hands. “I thought when you said fishing, you meant with a pole,” he goes on...

ok maybe I was just sleep deprived but I FOUND THIS HILARIOUS WHEN I READ IT LMAO IT JSUT READ LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A COMEDY AHAHAAH. just the whole “gonna go fishing, wanna come?” and him being like “ok” but then the scene just cuts to you, decked out in serious scuba gear, head-to-toe, w ushi just standing there like WTH. IT JSUT MAFE ME LAUGHHHHH

chapter 5

“Or the red thread of marriage,” grandma tacks on.

You resist the urge to bury your face in your half-eaten bowl of rice, “Grandma, please.”

HAHHAHAHAHA YES GRANDMA YES!!!! but seriously this just reminds me of the grandma from mulan- “WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER”

There’s a shadow on dad’s face that’s stemming from the last bastion of sunlight against your back.

another absolutely piece of description right here, and the tone of this fit perfectly with the sobriety of this scene. aghhh this scene hurts so much especially the part “because you were a child, because you didn’t know any better” yeahhhhh ahaa that hit close to home aye

He catches sight of you and immediately turns red.

*clutches heart* HOOO ALEXA PLAY HELPLESS BY PHILIPPA SOO

if any of you, ANY OF YOU, mention thE KiSs to me I will not hesitate to lose all my inhibitions!!!!! DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT IT!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 frickfjeidjdirkfjfjdififj I was such a wreck LORD. also the fireworks thing about seeing it twice like what the hell how is this so goRGEOUS!!!! I want to have a countryside childhood with beautiful places and experiences like this HAHSSJJSSJ

chapter 6

You hop into the space where the doorway should be, “Okaeri nasai.”

He shields his face and blushes.

"Tadaima."

THEYRE. SO. CUTE. STOP. IT!!!!!!!!!! STOP

chapter 7

You don’t have to speak to him,” he'd said—and gee, that’s a strange thing to say about an old friend.

the way I cried laughing lmao you will never know 😂😂😂😭😭😭

TENDOU TENDOU TENDOU TENDOU TENDOU

the whole sequence of him not hearing you BAGSHAHAHA IT WAS SO WEIRDLY IN CHARACTER I CANT I LAUGHED SO HARD I WANT THIS ANIMATED FR 😭😭😭😭

The match starts and you get an essay from Tendo -- even though you specifically asked for the SparkNotes version of the story...

AHSHSKHESISHWISHWJSUSJ I LOVE THIS ITS SO FUNNY ITS SO ACCURATE LIKE IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE FOR TENDOU TO GIVE A SHORT ANSWER LMAOOOO (but I rlly love him he’s so. I love him. he can talk to me all day I would listen to every word 🥺)

Tendo doesn’t budge, that smile sitting pretty on his face, “Meh. Either way, you pressured her—and that’s a pretty shitty thing to do, right?"

Not all men—yes, you’re right, Satori Tendou would NEVER—

Then he peels off his jersey, pulling it over his head until he’s standing half-naked before you. Completely chiseled. Cut like a fucking statue.

“It’s sweaty. Sorry.” He puts it in your hands, taking care to make sure you’re holding it before turning around and leaving.

UNBELIEVABLE. UNBELIEVABLE THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN HOW DARE HE !!!!! HOW DARE HE!!!!!!!!! i choked here like what thefrifiidke

“I…like you.” He meets your gaze. “But it seems like you don’t want me to.”

HI IM CRYING HAAHAHAHAHA BUT COZ SAD NOT HAPPY 😭😭😭😭 + OMG WAKE UP USHIJIMA

There’s something of relief there, but you recognize that look because he’s seeing you like you’re an absolute reprieve from an otherwise painful world filled with unpredictability and chaos.

oh wow....MAAAN I WOULD DIE TO BE LOOKED AT LIKE THIS CMON 😭😭❤️❤️ this is peak romance writing by the way. “absolute reprieve from an otherwise painful world” AAHHHHHHH PLEASE THATS JUST. THATS WHAT I WANT PLS

chapter 8

They say an apartment is supposed to tell a story, but the only story you see is he lives simply, like a monk from the northern temples.

‘Or like a farmer from Murata,’ you muse, leaning in to press a chaste little kiss to his lips.

SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! sOOO gorgeously written kwjdksieisjs. the farmer from murata part made my heart go all warm and soft...like ohhh what could’ve been haha 😭❤️🥺

It’s your turn to pause this time, “…what do you think an IUD is, Wakatoshi-kun?”

LANSUAISHAIAHAIAJSOAJSJAJSNAOAJAOAKJDJSKSMSOSSI AUHAHAHAHAHAUAH THIS IS SO FUNNY WAIT NO I THINK THIBS ISS MY FAVOURITE LINE NONJOKE AUAHAHAHAHAHA

ahhhh FRICK grandpa :(( that made me sad ouchie it’s kinda one of my biggest fears too sonsjsjsjsj and I love him ... but I’m glad he is ok 😭

oh man rin’s mum...woooo that hurt so bad to read oh god. the guilt that would burden you with man I felt that...I felt that coming through from the fic and it just reached out and crushed my heart. agghh geez the pain :(

chapter 9 (the end *cries*)

WOWOWOWWO THE WAY THIS TIES IN WITH CANON OHMYGOD!!!!! I got way too excited over this BAHAHAHA but when iwaizumi walked in man my heart stopped that MAN. but also wakatoshi’s dad being a great wingman :’)

Staring at Ushijima like he’s at his wit’s end before it melts into something smarmy and coy like he's figured out the key to some all-powerful puzzle in the dunes of Egypt.

AHAHAHAAHAHAH THIS IS SO FUNNY AND ACCURATE LMAO. this frickin description is so on point iwaizumi just HAS THAT FACE

“Nice to meet ya too,” he says, grinning. “Man, wait ‘til Oikawa gets a load of this.”

“Who’s Oikawa?”

Ushijima frowns, “No one.”

iwaizumi says 1 thing in this fic and he is already so charming to me BAHAHAHAHAH. ALSO LMAO THE OIKAWA REFERENCE ushijima is like “that is a can of worms we will NOT be opening today”

He looks concerned, but his cheeks are being stretched like mochi so it's a pretty hilarious sight to witness.

CUTECUTECUTECUTECUTECUTE!!!!!!

I genuinely will never get over how good this ending is holy FRICK the airport scene had all my nerves on total edge, my heart RACING—

You clear your throat, hoping to break that reverie of his, "Wakatoshi-kun, how do you--"

He pulls you in and presses a kiss to your cheek.

I SCREAMED I SCREAMED SOOO HARD FROCKKRFIFKKFFIEIDJDIDDI I JUST I CANT IO BF KFONE THIS WAS SO ROMANTIC IMAGINE HIS SOFT EYES ON YOU LIKE UTTERLY TRANSFIXED AND UR TRYING TO BE PROFESSIONAL ON CAMERA EVEN THO UR HEART IS SOARING AND THEN HE KISSES YOU LIKE THAT ON LIVE TV EIDHDKDJDOSJDJEODJEOEIEOEJSJEIEIE THE NOISE I MADE THE NOISE I TELL YOU

the 5 months later scene. I can’t even pick out the lines for this part all of it is perfect and I couldn’t have thought of a better ending it’s so. the house...ushijima happy...rin happy...me....in love and in a puddle of tears in my room, at 3am :’) we r all happy!!!!! LMAO

in conclusion: @wander-lu5t I am indebted to you forever for this fic. it was so beautiful and I am so so so grateful I got to read it. you are such an incredibly gifted story-teller and your grasp of the words!!!!!!! THE WAY YOU PUT WORDS TOGETHER!!!! ugh I absolutely adore you thank you so much 😭😭

#winter rambles #i have no words like i tried to be coherent but #i cant even form a proper sentence lmao #im just #i just need to get it out of my system!!! these feelings!!!!

[boojersey]

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like  .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful. 

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense​ is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright 

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

#LONG POST #KAY I LOVE U BUT HOLY SHIT MY FOLLOWERS ARE GONNA GET MOTION SICKNESS FROM SCROLLING PAST THIS AT LIGHTNING SPEED #saltwaterfox

[nylenol]

ALL OF THEM. 1-50. GO.

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

yes and no! i value the idea of fate a Lot a lot and idk i believe things happen to certain ppl for a certain reason whether in this life or others so. yeah. i also think that everything i’ve been thru makes me a certain way, and throwing that away to go like,,, possess another body or some shit makes everything not worth. i wish i had better financial status and had more resources at my disposal tho! so if i could change my social/financial standing thatd be hot as fuck

2: What is your full name?sandra whot (thats what i write on my physics tests)

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?im 17 but god knows i still look 12

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?no but ppl ask me if i’ve dyed it bc the natural colors kinda wack! also i spray painted it blue once does that count

5: What’s your eye color?healthy soil mmm wormy

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with iti like my body! i used to not bc shes a little chonky but its okay now^^

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?i really wanna get an industrial/helix piercing in my ear but im scared of piercings djhgggg i used to have those little asian baby hoops that all asian babies have but it got caught in my necklace and started bleeding like fuck when i was little so i was kinda traumatized, dont wear earrings anymore and the hole closed up on one side ; as for tattoos i want one eventually! maybe something small and meaningful on my ankle/wrist or smth

8: What would you say is your best quality?i’m really tolerant of a lotta bs tbh; a lot of times when my friends cant handle a person/situation i still find myself p okay with it and they tell me that so ya!

9: What are you really bad at?oh my god so many : cant dance; cant sing; drawing mediocre; meeting deadlines? whos she! etc etc my work ethic just sux

10: What talent do you wish you had?i wish i could sing well/play an instrument!! love live renewed my love for music a lot and not being able to express that love for music IN music makes me rlly emo

11: Are you nice to everyone?yeah i’d like to think so,, sometimes i shittalk if they like do something Genuinely Morally Wrong like hello but for the most part i think everyones deserving of kindness even if i dont know them that well!

12: What do you think about the most?i spend a lot of time thinking abt the past and what i could have changed and the future and what i could have been and its ugly dont like it but it nags at me!! thanks obama

13: Things you like/dislike about yourselfi like the fact that i have a lot of passion for certain things and dedicate myself to them!! but i dont like the fact that i get demotivated rlly easy and let things pile up after signing up for too many things that i care about; ; ;  then i dont drop these things and end up in a shithole of responsibility like hello o o o o 

14: What is your least favorite word?i dunno! but any word i cant pronounce correctly is my mortal enemy (colosseum)

15: What is your favorite word?idk but i say hello so much ,, about time i start punctuating my sentences with goodbye.

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?i look exactly like my dad but i like my mom more! i wanna be like her, that woman works so hard to keep me and my sister alive hello

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?yeah! but honest to god if the strangers a crusty man then no i aint risking shit

18: A reason you’ve lied to someoneuhh the other day i went out for dim sum w benji and told my mom that only BENJI was buying dim sum but actually he paid for both of us bc im a broke bih (my mom hates owing ppl money) and yeah i feel terrible i dont lie often

19: Are you lying about anything right now?i dont think so ? only person im lying to is myself kek - John 1:14

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?never kissed anyone ! but wheres my milf @ god

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?yes in a way ??? but i think thats a superficial, physical kind of love and the love that matters can only form after like. years of both platonic and romantic bonding

22: Do you believe in soulmates?yes! the definition of a soulmate to me is someone who would fit best for you both romantically and platonically - but while there will always be someone who fits the best, there will always be someone who fits about the same, and someone who fits about the same right under that, etc etc. while we dont end up w/ the OG Soulmate tm in most situations, we do find a variation of them somewhere in the world.

23: Are looks important?a little bit?? but it doesnt matter in the long run, if you love someone then you’ll also grow to love the way they look its a package deal brent

24: Opinion on relationship age differencesi like ppl around my age or maybe a year younger/older but if ur 25 n dating a 35 yo then thats ur business! idc as long as neither party is in their teens and its healthy

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?unless i met them irl? no

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?lol yeah in part, i normally dont cry until i have 6000 different reasons to cry and sufficient hydration (like 3 times a year hello)

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?lol

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?lol

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?yeah! my friends disliked one of my best friends for like a Long time, me n her aren’t close friends anymore bc shes kinda snakey but w/e

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?lol

31: How does someone win your heart?be a good friend! same humor helps a lot, if someone’s aura is comfy for me to be in then hhhello ;; also genuine concern and compassion is my biggest turn on yeet

32: What turns you on?having enough food on me to eat every single period of the day, fruit, vidya games, sleeping,,, when teachers extend deadlines mr. geil i love you ? i lo

33: What turns you off?ketchup poured over fries like hello what is wrong with people.

34: Do you get jealous easily?yes cerritos auto square

35: What is your definition of cheating?cheating (noun) - the conscious pursuit of non-platonic relations with a person other than your significant other

36: Do you forgive betrayal?not really but depends on the situation

37: Have you ever been cheated on?nop i gave someone my hw to copy a few times tho

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?nop but i copy other ppls hw on a daily basis :)

39: How often do you listen to music?24/7 all the time always every waking hour right now immediately at the moment, this bitch DEAD without her earbuds

40: First concert you attendedactual actual concert in a venue was the AX one where Aqours performed!!

41: Last movie you watchedCarol it made me sososoos emo i was watching it on a bus next to a bunch of hetties i was Crying. crying

42: Favorite type of movieromance! and for some reason disaster movies,,, also psychological movies r Really up there

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?hoohooheehee

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?yeah when i need to, its obvious to other ppl tho i think

45: Do you fall in love easily?not really

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?yes and no, it depends on context and frequency

47: What’s your favorite holiday?tet bih

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?im pretty forgiving i think, i wish i wasnt

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?right here in my bed! wish i could sleep forever

50: What’s your “type”?idk if i have a type but ppl are hot and this lesbian is too weak to go on! i like ppl who are kinda similar to me tho: little crazy little wack but ultimately well meaning

#FRAPPE I HATE U THIS TOOK HALF AN HOUR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #thank u for the ask tho sjkhhdh #asks #flying-frappucino