#i hope I'm not alone in this

[alperson18]

Now presenting: Cuphead Show moments that made me gasp as dramatically as Mugman

#listen sometimes you gotta be dramatic #i'm a simple person #i see something wholesome i gasp #cuphead #cuphead show #the cuphead show #cuphead show spoilers #cuphead meme #mugman #cuphead devil #video #queue #okay i kind of cheated with doctor bowlboy #my reaction was closer to a horrified scream #i hope i'm not alone in this

[party-lemon]

being asexual is, most of the time, like "yeah, okay, this is cool, this part of me is super neat" and then, sometimes, you're among allo people who talk about sex semi-casually (and that's okay!) and you're like "wait that's a real thing that real people do, holy shit??" and you feel severely disconnected from everything and everyone

#most of the time it's fine #I'm not a prude by any means #but when the only time you really think about that stuff is when you see it on the internet #it just feels less real #so when i have these realizations that it is in fact. not just strictly in smutty lil fanfics or on tumblr posts #i get a little sad and sick feeling because it's kind of isolating #i just feel...weird. and un-normal. and i know i shouldn't and most of the time i don't. but yeah #i hope I'm not alone in this #I'm proud of who i am but it can be a bit...lonely? i guess sometimes #asexual #asexuality #lgbtq

[goldenboydean]

as an evermore stan first and a person second I feel guilty for enjoying the first part of the album more than the second part. don't get me wrong those songs are beautiful and lyrically superior to the first 16 tracks but there's little variety in the melodies and the production and they all blend into one for me, at least for now. I felt the same way about folklore after the first two listens and now it's one of my favourite albums so I'm sure I'll change my mind about ttpd2 too soon enough but for now part 1 brings me more enjoyment.

#i hope I'm not alone in this #taylor swift #ttpd #I'm sorry Aaron i love you

[knifearo]

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts #course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism #being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍 #hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn #i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well. #obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it. #realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus #cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself #into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway. #so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation #but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct! #and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want... #best case scenario. is what i'm saying. #every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy #and it's so fucking satisfying. every day. #fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system #you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao #yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :) #aromantic #aromanticism #aro positivity #aroace #arospec #sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon #you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself. #FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better #life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not #i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao

[hellmothekingoffish]

his hair. it looks like marshmallows. it looks like feathers. it looks like clouds. i bet it would be an otherworldly experience to touch it. this man was given the Softest Hair ever

#jigokuraku #hell's paradise #gabimaru #gabimaru the hollow #i believe all of my problems would dissapear if i got to touch his hair #i hope i'm not alone in this

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

If I was in a lucid dream with a ghost, I would simply impress them with my blunt rolling skills

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #mdzs au #MDZS disco elysium au #This is brought to you by my Scrambled Egg brain - slowly burning up as I try to finish a long comic for this AU. #I hoped it would be done several days ago but I've changed things so many times....It is now Very Close to being done! #I probably should have just posted each page daily but at this point I'm just being stubborn. I want it complete and together. #Ruining the surprise a bit to say 'yeah its a digital art comic' #But its been tricky figuring out the style I want to use for it! #hence the swaths of MSpain(t) doodles that boil down to 'how would this look if I did X?' #I wanted to do a fully Black & White Ink style. But I scrapped it. Then I did small bits of colour. And scrapped it. Sigh. #This comic started out as just the first panel and then my brain went 'hold on. Its time to make a dumb joke' #Any disco elysium fans who finished the game probably know the scene I'm doing for the *actual* comic after seeing this <3 #Anyways I know in my heart LWJ would roll the worst blunts ever his first time. And then dedicate himself to the rolling craft- #-until he has finally mastered it. He would roll blunts so good that people would hire him and pay him a monthly salary for it. #But he declines. His master blunts are for his beloved and his beloved alone. #wwx would roll above average but after having lwj do it for him he can ever go back.

[yashley]

"Yeah, but we talked about it and I didn’t want it." "Why not?" "Because it scared me."

#critical role #ygifs #cr3 #fearne #she got me fucked up #her leaving her treasured cherished postcards at the altar of the raven queen where so many memories are left #leaving the one thing that had been her lifeline and her hope. the most important thing to her and she leaves them behind #because they weren't what she thought they were. #her innocence growing into sadness and that's the reason why she feared the dark versions of herself #because she was sad and angry and alone #this faun wearing her heart on her sleeve and running from what hurts her and it's just. ms johnson i'm #''do you think it’s the world changing you or do you think it’s you changing in the world?'' ''yes.'' girl i'm on my knees #I couldn't be more grateful fearne continued from exu this growth hurts so so so good I'd die for her #fearne angry? delicious. fearne sad? delicious. fearne tits? del- #fearne this episode you can really taste the If I'm Not Pleasing People It's My Fault When They Leave and it bit me

[followerofmercy]

I think Freminet has some of the most interesting dissonance in his self perception of any Genshin character.

Like, of the Hearthlings we know, he's one of the most emotionally mature and intelligent. Lynette might still have him beat, but after playing her hangout... I dunno. I think they're tied. Lyney is Crumbling, Alrecchino is. Well. Arlecchino. Everyone else is a deeply traumatized child or adult and Freminet seems to pretty regularly be people's emotional support. His character stories talk about getting his vision by saving a bunch of other kids on a dive that went bad. The Selkie event literally had him being a therapist for a grownass woman, citing his past experiences with all the other Hearthlings that have died or killed themselves. And he handled that situation WELL. Yeah, he seems to live in a fantasy, but goddamn he's alive and a lot of people in his position aren't so clearly something is working.

Either his or Lyney's character story talks about the time Freminet had reached out to Lyney to try to ease his burdens, which resulted in Lyney blowing up at him. That probably contributed to Freminet thinking he's not good at it, but I think the reason Lyney reacted so badly was BECAUSE Freminet is actually a good support. He can't allow himself that from the little brother he's supposed to protect.

Freminet seems to both cry and dissociate often, but like... Kiddo you are in fact the only person in this family actually processing your emotions. Lynette dissociates 24/7. Arlecchino. Lyney lies and tells everyone he's fine and would literally rather die than admit otherwise. In comparison, Freminet is doing FANTASTIC

Freminet also gets a lot out of helping people! Like anyone, he needs to feel useful and needed. He seems to be an excellent mentor to the younger Hearthlings and perfectly competent on his own, but when you put him in a room with Lyney and Lynette who baby him and insist that THEY take care of HIM, he withdraws into himself.

Like, Freminet by himself feels like a young man and Freminet with the magician twins feels like a teenager. I have no idea how old he actually is. Logically, he would be OLDER than them! He's been with the House much, much longer and his experience shows. I think it's fascinating that they love him SO MUCH and yet, they just Cannot let him help them. Which is hurting him.

(Lynette is much better about not babying him and that is probably why their relationship is so much better than Freminet and Lyney's. Also why she keeps having to mediate between them. Because Lyney charges off trying to Fix Everything and that just makes Freminet feel useless and he doesn't want to get in the way and- you get the point)

Idk. It's hard to tell what things the previous director said to him vs what Arlecchino has said to him. I'm inclined to think our Arlecchino was the one that said he cries too much, but in a "crying in front of your enemies will get you killed" way and she herself is too fucked up to realize how "you cry too much" could be damaging.

Also I try not to consider gameplay stuff when it comes to story, but Freminet also has some of the most BRUTAL animations. He SMASHES HIS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT METAL PENGUIN INTO HIS ENEMY'S FACE. He doesn't think he's the most amazing fighter, and by Fatui standards he probably isn't, but he is winning fights against most grown men.

Tldr Freminet thinks he cries too much and is a burden and isn't good at helping people when he's actually the most mentally stable Hearthling send tweet

#freminet #genshin #house of hearth #character analysis #this is all over the lplace bc I'm on my phone #many freminet thoughts today #I don't wanna talk about trailer spoilers but also #this young man is a physical MONSTER #he's so similar but so different to Kaveh #where a lot of people Do perceive Freminet as a little... off #and he is #but he is a beacon of hope for all the other fucked up kids that are lost and alone #and I just think that's neat #kiddo benefits a lot from helping others #you can see how he lights up #even the hydro dragon hydro dragon don't cry #I'm sorry #this kid is comforting GOD #i think that says something

[studiousandrogynousfox-blog]

(almost) fully independent at clicky and zoomy stuff

this morning i received training to use an electron microscope independently! i'm now allowed to open and close a vacuum chamber on my own and play the video game of aligning everything to make the focus better! it's honestly mostly just clicking buttons in a software and carefully sliding a door open and close lol

in the afternoon after installing all the equipment i'll need in the vacuum chamber i was allowed to operate the microscope on my own and managed to measure two samples. the other seven i'll hopefully manage in the next two days :)

#studying #physics #university #studyblr #i'm soooo tired #because i had to get up earlier then usual and annoyingly fell asleep quite late (later than usual anyways) #and then trying to pay attention to all the info during the training session #and then spending all afternoon switching between taking the images and operating the equipment... #i feel like i've entered some kind of parallel universe #i probably also didn't drink enough #here's hoping that training tonight will tire me out so much i fall asleep early! #but it was also kind of fun #(aside from the nerves of being left alone with veeerrrryyyy expensive equipment hahaha)

[sysig]

I think the world is so wonderful... (Patreon)

#My art #Handplates #UT #Papyrus #I have not been able to get this idea out of my head for like - days now lol #It's only solidified the more I read! Heck!! #I dunno if I was necessarily hoping that reading further would point me in another direction but no now this is one of his songs lol #I really like Rugrats Theory actually :) The song of course it's lovely but I even have some nostalgia for the creepypasta haha #Been a while since I read it tho so that's probably just the soft haze of memory talking lol #But the song is still great! I'm partial to the English cover but I like the original as well :) #There are just so many fun lyrics! Especially for Papyrus specifically #''Everything I've been told I believe and yet people that I love just leave'' Gasterrr #''I think I'm old enough to understand so there's no reason to hide from me'' Sanssssssss #Once I returned to the scene of Sans trying to lie to him I just fjdslahfd these lyrics would Not leave me alone lol #I'm also Extremely partial to the second verse surrounding blindness and willful ignorance - his vision problems literal and metaphorical! #I wasn't planning to start a Handplates playlist but I guess by this point it's kinda too late haha #I also tried a different style of shading for this one ♪ Trying to style match a bit hehe #It's fun! Scratchy - tho some of that is from still using my usual brushes lol #I was Very inspired by watching the comic creation playlist - so cool! Very fun to watch and pick up ideas hehe #I knew I forgot something lol dang it - forgot the dash between WDG-2 #S'what I get for using pre-plates references :P #For just a quick little thing I'm fairly pleased overall tho :)

[stil-lindigo]

50% of all revenue for my store, starting now, will be donated to CareforGaza and the PCRF.

[ PURCHASE MY ANTHOLOGIES HERE ]

hi there! i'm lindi. you may have seen some of my comics floating around in the past year or so.

if you’ve ever liked my stories and wanted to purchase a copy of one of my anthologies, I invite you to do so now. This policy will be in place indefinitely, and the list of charities/organisations may be subject to change depending on their effectiveness. Currently, the focus is on providing aid and food to the innocent Palestinians in Gaza, but in the future I hope to increase the scope to tangibly support the queer community and help fund independent artists in Australia.

below, I'll list a few resources for people who'd like to directly donate at the source:

credible organisations that are doing work on the ground in Palestine:

Care for Gaza:non-profit charity that distributes money, food and other resources directly to families in Gaza.They maintain a regular presence on Twitter and Instagram. You can donate to them via Paypal here.

PCRF / Palestine Children's Relief Fund: non-profit organisation that distributes essential food and resources to families in Gaza. Most recently, they delivered 30 tons of vital medicine, and 82,000 pounds of flour.

Medical Aid For Palestinians: deploys medical teams to treat Palestinians suffering under Israel's malicious bombardments.

help people leave palestine (donate what you can)

Save Sanaa and her Family (Gofundme)

Save Amjad Saher and his family (Gofundme)

Help a family of 13 escape Gaza (Gofundme)

Help a Palestinian children's book illustrator save her family of 12 (Gofundme)

#disclaimer: I do want to say that I'm also regularly donating a significant portion of my own personal funds and have been for a while #however I think these additional donations will make all the difference. #just donating alone isnt gonna stop the genocide happening in gaza but im trying to put my money where my mouth is #thank you all in advance for your generosity #i appreciate the audience ive cultivated here immensely #and if nothing else i hope this weeds out the trash that mightve lingered here. somehow. #dont dare try separate the art from the artist with me. #everything ive ever made and will ever make stands with palestine from now until it sees its liberation #free palestine #palestine

[zephyrchama]

Quick Leviathan fluff that got out of control (1.4k words). SFW with suggestive aspects, MC's gender isn't mentioned.

---🧵🪡---

Ever since the release of the new Hana Ruri: Transparent Tarot Arc promotional video, Leviathan had make himself scarce. He'd erratically come out for food once in a while or grab an Akuzon package within minutes of it being delivered, but you hadn't received so much as a text from him in a week.

A mechanical whirring sometimes emanated from his room - the sound of a sewing machine at work. The occasional Sucre Frenzy song would accompany it. Nobody was worried, but it at least let everyone know the Avatar of Envy was still alive. Sometimes you'd peek in to make sure he was okay and leave a sandwich at the door. It gets lonely without him though, and eventually you went to talk with him.

The room was chilly, with the AC cranked up high. Leviathan was sitting on the ground, facing the door but blind to everything except the materials in front of him. Rolls of lace and ribbon, jars of sparkling cabochons, cases full of colorful thread and assorted sewing needles. With an impressed "woah!" you moved some empty boxes aside and sat down across from him to get a better look.

He jumped. "Gah! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I knocked."

"I'm busy right now. I have to finish this, it's almost ready." Leviathan glanced at his desk.

A nearly exact replica of Ruri's new PV outfit was laid out next to his PC setup. It was gorgeous. Each piece had been painstakingly recreated and carefully set out over the empty flat surfaces in his room. Fully lined with a glittering beaded trim. The base fabric had a high quality sheen even in the dim light of Levi's room, with satin stitched silk applique petals accenting the skirt.

You admired the handiwork. Then, you admired its maker. Leviathan was carefully stitching fabric flowers to a hat with intense focus. He relied on holding in small, shallow breaths to prevent his hands from shaking. He was blinking more than usual, fighting off the accumulated sleep deprivation. It marred his handsome face with dark eye bags.

You sat next to him for a while and stared. The usually shy Leviathan was too engrossed in his crafting to pay any mind. The more focused he got, the more he frowned, accentuating the wrinkles around his mouth.

"Yeah... you need a break."

"Not now." He picked up a thin awl and poked some holes where the seam was particularly thick.

Talking was futile, you quickly noted that nothing you said would make a difference, so you watched. Every few minutes, a portion of Leviathan's long bangs fell in front of his eyes and he'd blow them out of the way. He flinched when you gently swept them out of the way, as though he forgot you were there.

He huffed. "Like I said! I just have to finish this, so leave me alone. I'm almost done."

The exhaustion was clearly taking over. You hated seeing Leviathan like this, a cold grumpy shell of his normally warm and passionate self.

You intercepted his hand when he reached for another bushel of flowers. His fingertips were calloused and dotted with red indents from hand sewing thousands of stitches without a thimble. It looked painful. No wonder he was working so slowly.

"Levi..."

You lightly traced over his damaged fingertips before weaving your fingers together. You gave his hand a squeeze and his expression slightly eased.

"You're so soft," he grumbled, then fiercely shook his head. "I have to keep working, let go."

That was out of the question. You were determined to break him and force him to rest. You held on and rubbed your thumb on his.

"Ghh, stop!"

Leviathan could easily push you away, but he didn't. Instead, he raised your entwined hands to his face and pressed them against his cheek. "I'm so tired."

"I know."

"You smell so good. It's distracting."

"Thanks. Your dress is pretty."

"It's not... it's... not enough..." Tears appeared in the corners of his eyes. "I can't find the right iridescent fabric so the colors will look off in the sunlight, and my shoulders are too broad so the silhouette of the top looks weird. So to compensate I made the sleeves bigger with more poof but I had to add more darts and you can see there are more seam lines here than in the reference image. And the buttons would look better with a wooden texture but all I had on me to make them was resin, which bubbled on the back, so what if their structural integrity is weake--"

Levi eeped, stiffening as you leaned into a tight hug. You were glad he was talking to you. But he was overthinking, and frustrated. Stressed, and more than anything he needed to take a break.

You expressed as much, scooting back while holding his shoulders at arm's length. "You might think it sucks, but this costume is all you've been doing. You haven't looked at anything else in a week so you've got nothing to compare it to. It's so gorgeous, Levi. Every stitch. Take a break with me and I'll help you finish it in the morning. You'll see how amazing it really is. Okay?"

A tear drop slid down his face, he quickly wiped it away. Leviathan avoided your gaze by staring at his creation, unwilling to walk away while it remained unfinished. "I'm so tired," he repeated.

"Hana Ruri-tan would want you to take a nap. And I want you to take a nap."

Leviathan frowned again, having no logical way to refute that statement. You let him tidy up a few final things as you inspected his bed-tub.

Scraps of spare fabric dangled over the sides. You picked up his sheets to brush off loose threads, plucking out a few loose pins in the process. Pillows were fluffed. Extra fabric was put on a hanger and moved elsewhere. Rolls of ribbon were wound back up. It was kind of relaxing.

Leviathan was rushing to glue a rhinestone when you called him over, his last-ditch attempt to get one more thing finished. You let him spend another couple of minutes waiting for the paste to get tacky. Once it was finally secured in place on the hat brim, he thankfully didn't object any further. After wiping his hands clean he flopped magnificently into bed.

Not even five seconds passed by before he griped, "I can't fall asleep. I can't stop thinking about the costume. I should finish it now."

"Nooo, no, no. No. Move over, you're not getting up. I'm getting in." You slipped into the tub before he could pick himself up, draping your legs over his. "The hat can wait until morning. Then we can get pics of everything, too."

Leviathan sighed in stubborn agreement. His orange eyes, puffy and a little irritated, were looking right at you for the first time that evening.

"You'll let me think about you then, right?" he asked quietly. He wrapped his arms around you, one hand bunching up the fabric on the back of your shirt while the other grazed against your bare skin. His rough fingers traced along your spine. You made a mental note to help him bandage them later.

Pulling you flush against his upper body, he nudged his face into the side of your neck and slid his lips up your shoulder. You hooked an arm under his to gently comb through his hair, resting your chin against his head. It tickled a little, but you felt each passing breath get heavier and slower as your comforting scent lulled Leviathan into much-needed sleep. You soon followed his lead.

Come morning, Leviathan had you in a tight grip while you blearily woke up on top of him. His wandering hands had found their way up your shirt during the night and one of his legs was thrown over yours. You had planned the surprise of getting up early to finish his hat for him, but at this point a surprise morning snuggle was all you could manage.

"Hmmh? What... oh!" Levi woke quickly, with the intense determination of someone ready to finish the cosplay they've been crunching for a week straight. He looked so much better with color returned to his face. Too much color, perhaps, as the more he let go of you the redder his blush became.

"I'll be... uh... bathroom." He dragged himself out of the tub and quickly walked towards the hall, failing miserably to cover his blatant embarrassment.

"Wait! Can I start working on some things while you're gone?" you asked, motioning towards the nearly-finished costume.

Leviathan nodded. "Uh, yeah...? Go ahead."

"And you'll try it all on for me when you get back, right?"

With a full night's rest behind him and the finish line in clear sight, the giddiness of an exciting new cosplay was returning and Leviathan gave a cheerful "yeah... Ok, yeah! I'll be right back, so don't go anywhere!"

#i want fluffy cosplay times with leviathan please. but instead all i get is sewing alone at 3am. so... take this! hyah! #might take a few days break from writing stuff. i feel like i'm getting stale and repetitive but hope that's my imagination. #i should start proofreading stuff probably but. i have to get back to sewing kjhga #obey me #obey me swd #obey me scenarios #obey me x mc #obey me shall we date #obey me leviathan #obey me levi x mc #obey me leviathan x reader #obey me fluff #om leviathan #obey me fanfic #in which i want to be both mc and levi

[futuristicmiraclenightmare]

I'm crying,they knew exactly what they were doing with these two

#starscream #hashtag #they made them friends for a reason 😭 #transformers #earthspark #tf earthspark #transformers earthspark #tfe #tfe spoilers #earthspark starscream #earthspark hashtag #hashtag malto #parallels #the I'm alone part is quite literally a direct parallel hashtag realizing she wasn't alone she always had her family by her side giving her #courage to stand against mandroid #whereas even while starscream had people who geniunely wanted to care for him like bee windblade metalhawk #the trauma he had from megatron constantly ingraining the message that he was a failure that deserved to be alone prevented him from #developing these connections without pushing them away #I have high hopes for s2

[angelshizuka]

As much as it hurts that Blitz wasn't able to save Stolas himself in Western Energy, it was the wake up call he needed to understand Stolas isn't as invulnerable as he thought. In other words, that Stolas is someone he can literally lose, not just emotionally, but also physically.

And it will make him go extra hard the next time Stolas' is in danger... which the trailer loved teasing us with. Blitz will be his real knight in shining armor, no more pretend!

I will never shut up about this scene, just try and stop me.

#I lost count how many posts I've made about this part alone #I'm having trouble wording this post #it's past 10AM and I haven't slept yet... #but I hope you get my point #helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #helluva spoilers #hb spoilers #helluva boss stolas #helluva boss blitzø #helluva boss blitzo #helluva boss blitz #stolas goetia #stolas #blitzø #blitzo #blitz #stolitz #hellaverse #personal

[xoxoemynn]

I came up with the idea for today's love fest over the weekend when I saw a lot of comments from people expressing sadness about the cancellation, and then also some embarrassment for feeling that way, or feeling alone in their emotions. I wanted to do something positive that felt personal and that would remind people that fandom isn't going anywhere.

Originally I thought to do it a few days after the WJW with DJenks, figuring we'd need another boost after that high wore off. Obviously the WJW didn't end up happening, but then I realized it was Rhys' birthday today, so that also felt like a great reason to spread a bit of love (not that you ever need a reason for that!).

And honestly, while the whole point was to make other people smile, the whole experience really boosted my own spirits tremendously. While stalking perusing everyone's blogs for inspo, I was reminded quite powerfully just how many extremely kind, talented, smart, funny, insightful, beautiful people there are in this fandom.

So I just want to say thank you. All of you who create gifs, make art, write fic, analyze the show, share shit posts, or reblog all of the above so we can see it again and again and again, you have made a difference in my fandom experience. With every post, you made me fall in love with Ed and Stede and the whole crew just a little bit more. Whether you're someone who's always in the tags or someone who prefers to quietly reblog, you have made my time here very special and I'm so grateful. 💕

#emynn.op #ofmd #also please know I tried to get to as many of you as I could but I'm still just one person #I'm also afraid there may be a bit of user error when I was trying to submit some of the asks from switching between tabs #and also I don't doubt tumblr ate a few since APPARENTLY there's a limit of 10 asks/hour and I sent...about 130 #so please know even if I didn't reach out to you directly I am still giving you all the love and good vibes in the world #and I'm so happy you're here 💕 #and if you're ever feeling down or alone just reach out #to me or to some other friendly face on this site #bc if there's one thing I got out of today #it's the knowledge that this fandom has a whole lot of love to give #basking in all the love tonight and I hope you are too #💕💕💕💕

[skrunksthatwunk]

thinking about how eiji's a pole vaulter and how ash talks about eiji "flying" and how eiji's associated with bird imagery and how eiji's free (unlike ash) and how eiji comes in on a plane and leaves on a plane and how ash cannot fly, ash cannot be free, how nyc is ash's prison, and how ash is the leopard who dies climbing the mountain, unable to live at such elevation, how he was trying to reach the sky and be free but was always stuck to the earth, how he chose to die instead of climbing back down, how he chose to die where he could see the sky and hope and freedom almost like a bird with eiji's letter right in front of him rather than letting everything go wrong and ruin it once again, how eiji's a failed pole vaulter anyway, how a bad fall ruined his career and grounded him (physically and emotionally), how it took flying to america and meeting ash and needing to save him and skip for him to try flying again, how he landed hard and harsh and still the thought of that escape compelled ash to protect eiji at all costs because if he could fly that means something to him, even if he doesn't think he can fly, how eiji is the manifestation of his hope and how when he breaks and asks eiji to stay with him a while he folds himself over his legs and weighs him down and traps him and grounds him, how ash fights like hell to keep eiji alive not because he thinks he can be like him (hopeful, flying, innocent), but because he makes him forget the gravity of his situation, and so he can see eiji fly again. how he wants to see him escape. how eiji is a bird and ash is a wildcat and how ash never once saw eiji as prey. how eiji never saw ash as a predator. how it is eiji's naivete that first endears ash to him, how it is his freedom and flight and removal from darkness and his ability to leave that darkness that really roots eiji in ash's blood as something essential to him keeping on living in this hell of nyc. how it is that distance from the violence and that hope for the future that ash chooses to surround himself in as he dies. how ash dies in a dream because he feels more than anything that he can't fly like eiji, that he can never leave. how his violence is a part of him and will be forever, how it weighs him down. how he wants to enjoy the view from the mountainside rather than looking up from the ground below. as if they can both fly. as if he is with him up there and not grounded. eye-to-eye with what he can't have, seeing eiji's homeland: the sky. how he dies trying to reach the top because he couldn't take retreating and trying again. how ash, tired and tired and tired and convinced it will go on forever if he crawls back down the mountain, chooses to close his life deluged in eiji, in eiji's insistence that they can fly together, in eiji's hope for him and for them, in eiji's beautiful dream. how ash dies without trying to realize that dream. how ash, in dying, destroys it.

#banana fish spoilers #I'M HAVING A FUCKING MOMENT #mutual reblogged exactly one (1) piece of ash fanart and sent me on A Multiple Hour Long Thing and now im rewatching it lol #yes i am only on episode 2 yes i am still going to write big long analysis posts ANYWAY #whatever hope this makes sense. anyway #banana fish #okumura eiji #ash lynx #asheiji #hhhhh i can't believe i've only watched this twice in like what 5.5 years?? sheesh #anywayyyyyyy i care about them a lot ok. god #and yes i DO kinda have beef with the decision to kill ash off at the end but it really does say so much About his character #that he chose to die in the way that he did even though he's been throwing his life away since episode 1 #dying in peace in comfort in solitude rather than in some chaotic battlefield.... ough...... in the peace eiji alone could give him..... #anywayss i relate to ash a little more than i should so. this one's for us cool guy bottoms up #edit i uh.... i forgot it was a leopard.... in the story..... but whatever it doesn't really affect the symbolic meaning it's just embarras #ing that i forgot >;/