#i have a problem and its called book

[thanatoseyes]

I got super obsessed with 16th century French clergy a couple days ago so I went to the library checked out like 12 books and spent hours reading.

#do i have a problem? am i manic right now? can i not sleep? must i swiftly continue on until my body cannot move? #yeah maybe a little but lets be honest here im getting stuff done #dont worry im drinking plenty of water and taking micro naps idk what else to do #no but anyway thursday i checked out like 10 books on southern gothic literature so #the plots are threading i am about to liberate my mortal body from this burdensome soil #jk jk jk im honeslty going to try to go to bed early tonight #ive put myself inside the darkest room and have nothing at my disposal except for my phone #anyway i had an actual point to this. . . #i dont remember. . . #oh yeah the college library has like rows and rows and rows of the history of Catholicism and its kinda wild #dont worry we are an equal opportunity college plenty of books on egyptian myhology greek roman #my god the amount of history within the tower #i have a problem and its called book

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc. #so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously) #but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate. #and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic! #if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it. #like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is- #writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl- #will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of- #'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.

[bunnihearted]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[anotherpapercut]

sometimes people will ask me about working in a library and I have to find a gentle way to tell them they literally would not last a day working in a public library

#i do not care what customer service jobs youve worked before. nothing will prepare you for library patrons #some real things from the log we keep of problems: a woman bringing in a squirrel #several people bringing snakes #a man being tazed repeatedly by cops in the middle of the room #today a guy set the building next door on fire then came in here and the cops had to come arrest him #unfortunately there are many overdoses in our bathrooms #sometimes people will just start fist fighting each other right in front of everyones books #sooooooooooo oh sooooooooooo many creepy people calling us repeatedly to masturbate to women reading things out loud #something that happens shockingly often is patrons typing their email address into google and screaming at us bc were hiding their emails #or like they dont know their password so the scream at us for not having that #a gentleman once began flinging feces at employees at one branch #once i was leaving work and someone FILMED ME and we literally never found out why #I've known many many people whove been stalked by patrons. one who had her house broken into #its a labor of love

[wrishwrosh]

i like when fantasy characters say “okay” because it implies the existence of some kind of elven martin van buren

#reading a pop linguistics book abt the history of american english and having a ball #language is very silly #this is not even one of my top worldbuilding things to get annoyed about #but a) its always funny and b) i think getting granular about language in this particular way is productive and more authors should do it #the medieval fantasy swearing problem of replacing ‘god’ with ‘spirits’ and calling it a day #‘[insert name of conlang deity here]’s ass!’ ‘by the [conlang virgin mary]!’ ‘may the spirits damn him to fairy-hell!’ nice try. #read abt the history of oaths in english and get back to me

[coloursofaparadox]

im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit

#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life #its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help #and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen. #if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning #thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods! #namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety #and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen #until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again #these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working #im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever. #like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will???? #and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED #after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that. #anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now. #(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status. #shits weird.

[hal-o-ween]

Been on a major skyrim kick so here's my skyrim guy! My sneaky wizard with every disease <3

#his name is nirith beloth and he has lived in skyrim (windhelm) since his early teens #parents sent him there because it eas the closest place without tons of smoke and ash #and he has breathing problems so that was An Issue #he went from sickly kid always reading books to sickly adult who searches for forbidden knowledge #armor: dust adept armor. mod is just called dust adept armor iirc #setting for the images is tel jerdain which is the telvani wizard tower home from the mod tel jerdain #both very easy to find and nice mods i like them a lot #he loves books a lot he will always help the college librarian find books in dangerous locations #(also he will be collecting the black books he just does not know that yet) #he mostly worships azura at this point but Hermaeus mora is definitely calling to him #i use the mod that lets you actually follow a diety #and i technically have him as a follower of Hermaeus mora rn. but im trying to rp it as he still considers himself a follower of azura #and still prays to her #and thinks the boons about knowledge are just her giving him knowledge for the future #and the eldritch texts hes finding are just odd pages hes collecting because hes a book collector #he doesnt know its moras influence yet #undescribed #skyrim

[ouchhq]

i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested

#yesterday was kind of the wake up call #for a few days ive been feeling very little… still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or #not which .. in any case i will not decide but a specialist will but anyways #and i was looking through book fairs and how to get appointments with publishers to show ur portfolio and just generally feeling like the #most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isn’t exactly what u see in most illustrated books #95% of which are childrens books…… and those styles are just different #anyway i digress #my grandma called and she was like what are u doing and i told her how stressed i was and i just started crying mid-sentence and i told her #i dont know where to bang my head anymore its too difficult and confusing and i feel like im just not good enough and im tired of trying to #keep it together.. she knows im not well mentally #like i was SOBBING #and she was like u shouldnt think like that u have to be patient keep trying and contact those publishers and whatever #and i get that she was trying to motivate me but i just told her flat out i. am. unwell. i dont know what to do anymore with this brain #and i asked her to please not tell me how i should think because i cant #and i know my grandad was there with her because he always is and he heard and like an hour later he came to my house to pick something up #and he was like ‘earlier i heard things i dont like’ aka me being depressed out of my mind #and then he said ‘we should talk about it sometime’ and proceeded to completely change the subject to his gums problem because he was going #to the dentist….ok #and the funny thing is things like this where people acknowledge that im struggling but proceed to say nothing about it keep happening #like i have a friend that i talk to very often and we say p much everything to each other but now shes working so she takes weeks to reply #and i told her i was doing VERY bad and of course she has her problems too… and she hasn’t replied to me in like three weeks or so #and she sent a text basically saying im dorry i havent replied yet i want to have time to do it well and hear how youre doing but hear this! #and proceeded to tell me stuff about her work and whatever… which is fine but dont tell me u care about how i am if u cant even check in #when u do have time because clearly u can send texts… #anyways im rambling good morning i already cried and its not even 9 great !!

[keepinventory]

there's 3 levels at which you can hate warriors:

as a passerby, annoyed by seeing all of these cats with confusing names and sick ass animations

as a reader/fan, annoyed and/or enraged by the erins' numerous crimes

as a library employee, WHO HAS TO SHELVE A BUNCH OF FUCKING BOOKS THAT ALL LOOK THE EXACT SAME BUT BELONG TO DIFFERENT SERIES BUT ALL OF THEM START WITH "WARRIORS:" AND DID YOU KNOW THERE'S FUCKING WARRIOR CAT GRAPHIC NOVELS? AND WITHIN THOSE NOVELS ARE DIFFERENT SERIES? AND THE ONLY WAY TO TELL WHAT FUCKING SERIES THEY'RE APART OF IS BY READING THE TINY LITTLE SERIES NAME ON THE SPINE?! DO. NOT. GET. ME. STARTED. ON. THE GODDAMN FIELD GUIDES

#👽 < text tag #never have i felt such a unique hatred for the erins #theres another series written by them called survivors which is just like warriors but its dogs i think #and it has the same fucking problem as warriors. not to the same extent but since they're all by the erins they're all together #so its just magnified. god. #i fucking hate the erins. every coworker at my library hates the erins. when i first shelved warriors books i was warned that #''this series is a nightmare to shelve'' #and when i went to shelve them #ALL OF THE FUCKING WARRIORS BOOKS WERE MIXED TOGETHER. AND THE SURVIVORS BOOKS TOO! #SO I HAD TO TAKE ALLLLLLLLLL OF THE FUCKING ERIN HUNTER BOOKS OFF THE SHELF #AND SPEND 40 GODDAMN MINUTES PAINSTAKINGLY CHECKING THE SERIES *SUBTITLES* AND ALPHABETIZING THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!! #**THIS WAS MY SECOND DAY WORKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

[vega-482]

Some popular TSP artists be like:

NOOOOO you can't make the narrator lovey dovey you need to make him a selfish prick and you can't twinkify him he's an old fat man who has a very complicated relationship with stanleyy !!

Me: cool

*makes the narrator absolutely love Stanley being head over heels about him and also a senior twink wearing makeup*

#honestly just let people enjoy things #as long as it's harmless who cares #honestly i don't care if 500 twink narrators exist thanks to the clock out animations #woobify the narrator untill he's nothing but a husk of the original source #who cares let people just have fun #you don't need a deep reason for disliking stuff you can just dislike twink narrators #you can deeply analyse and have heated but respectful conversations about the complicated relationship of Stanley and the narrator and #the symbolism of ir like oroboros or however its called #but some people just want gay men and having fun in fandoms #they just wanna distract from their daily lives #and many ppl here are minors so #if you dislike something you can just dislike stuff and not consume it and leave ppl alone #like red said we kinda have a gatekeeping problem yeah #im too old and have seen the horrors im tired let me have fun #mf i need to pay school and finish university let me have gays #i was in the onceler fandom the sausage party fandom and the teenage book sagas fandom #im too old for this #the Stanley parable #vega txt #tsp

[aroace-cat-lady]

Well. Guess who's gonna reread TID cuz they looked for a quote and got back in the game

#i have a problem #its called Ive read this book i love this book i need this book #also fucking will herondale #and jem carstairs #and bb tessa i love her 😭😭😭

[gideonisms]

if you dont mind, who's the character kyr you posted about? what book are you reading? i need recs--please!

About 50% of the way through some desperate glory. Kyr is the main character! This book has been getting a lot of advertisement for being in the same microgenre as tlt--basically having to do with queer characters & some type of empire. I'm waiting until the end to decide exactly what I think of it, but what I can say is I'm having a good time

#tamsyn muir called it 'unsentimental' but personally i don't find it that way i think the narrative is sympathetic to the characters #see y'all don't believe me when i tell you she's a sap #anyway. i read the author's two novellas while waiting for this book to become available at the library #and i'd say there's a change in style between those and this book. her language becomes much more spare but characterization gets better #well. characterization of the women gets more interesting i should say #she does the thing where her protags feel completely believable but some of the side characters lack depth #again not as much of a problem in this book because everyone just gets more page time #i have some thoughts re: its portrayal of empire/resistance to it and re: cleo but. again i am only halfway through #it's a book i have had fun thinking about #replies #sff book club

[ladysqueakinpip]

literally how has AI not been banned yet

#i have not seen ONE single good helpful use of AI #like everyone who posts about it is just complaining about it causing more problems.... #its stealing from copyrighted work. its plagiarizing essays #work has had to send out 2 separate emails now begging people not to upload research data into AI databases #confidential patient data is being spewed out #there was that whole thing with zoom i saw earlier this week mining video calls for things to upload to ai #today i saw another article about ppl with eating disorders using ai to generate diet plans well below the recommended calorie intake #it has no way to filter when people are using it to harm themselves #AND my friends just linked me to another source from an author who had entire books written under her name with ai #made by some random dude hoping to get easy money from ppl seeing her name associated with the book #please. ban it. kill it. we can think for ourselves i promise it wont kill us #but noooo!! we gotta keep the tech bros and entrepreneurs happy!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes. most times. if i cant articulate things properly i feel like my heads gonna explode. which is unfortunate bc i have the #language is hard brain problems. my neurology makes articulation difficult. but i try reguardless. which is sometimes. most times. #exhausting. that words gets thrown around a lot when i describe the patterns of my thoughts. exhausting. and it is i guess. tho id say its #more annoying and frustrating. but maybe its also exhausting. hard to tell when its how u think. but ive been reading a lot of papers this #weekend. enjoying the papers i read. papers about photosynthesis at the edge of habitability. about genetis and the structure and functions #of proteins. and the learning curve is steep but im learning bit by bit. and it just sorta makes me sad bc the way that my brain works has #so damaged the way that i interact with the world and i can see it at every step of my academic career. i dont even kno what to say abt the #past 2 years of my life. from where i stand now its just a black hole of self destruction. y did i do that? i dunno. at the time i was just #following the arbitrary rules and restrictions laid out for me within my head. did these rules have a rational basis? no. not usually. but #thats how it had to be. exhausting. but even then i coukd sometimes see thru to the wonder. and it was agony bc i wasnt allowed to think #abt it. its still agony now but i can feel it more often. maybe that's what happiness is to me. to be so full of wonder that i cant take it #i cant exist in that state or id b nonfunctional. its too big for my chest. it makes me want to scream and weep and pull at my hair. and #and its maddening bc i cant articulate it properly. except to call upon media short hands. there is wonder here. a nightmarish description #but not always. sometimes it was beautiful. theres a reason ive read annihilati0n 5 times despite hating the book. theres a reason i rewatch #the terror nearly once a month. to find beauty in a thing that causes you such terror and pain. theres something about it i can't find the #words for and its driving me nuts. exhausting. but so it goes #unrelated

[cassandrattpd]

yesterday i had a panic attack at work and sobbed for over an hour at my desk in front of all of my coworkers bc i was frozen to the spot and couldn't like...move myself to a different area at the very least. and i embarrassed the fuck out of myself and now i'm afraid of the new job that i loved 🙃

#i just want to have all the answers and i don't and the more people try to reassure me i'm still just learning the more upset i get!!!! #then i couldnt even come home bc HE was trying to comfort me and tell me the same shit #and its like it doesmt matter that ill eventually get it!!!!!!!! i dont get it RIGHT NOW and right now is what matters if you want me to #start taking incoming calls from clients who want me to explain it TO THEM!!!! #like i understand the basics of our software but i dont understand basic accounting math AT. ALL. which is part of what our software does so #if i get a call about that even if i understand what the software is supposed to do in theory i dont understand the fucking math!!!!!!! #i just look at it and it means NOTHING to me it might as well just be scribbles on a wall #and it doesnt matter to a client if im new and their books are messed up all that matters is that im stupid and cant help them and then i #freeze and therein lies the problem #the expectation is that i 'learn' using real people's real problems as examples and emotionally i cant handle the weight of NOT FIXING #A PROBLEM I'M EXPECTED TO FIX #my trauma response relies heavily on 'if i just fix the problem ill be safe' so when i cant fix it i literally revert to fucking infancy #which makes me great at customer service bc I'll go to any lengths to help you!!!!!!! but i dont feel like i have the tools to do that yet #amd i dont know how to explain that to my boss without making me sound even more useless than he is probably already perceiving me after #what happened yesterday

[bijoumikhawal]

the problem with personally relating to a culture in a sci-fi series is people will say things slightly off color and I'll wanna gnaw on rocks about it

#cipher talk #'Ancient' about a culture that has living descendants and adherents to its religion #Implying the colonizing culture that's genocided it is a descendant culture #And tbf beta canon is inconsistent about this but most people have read one specific book! #Not about anyone I follow I just get very frustrated with how people read Hebitians because there's a cultural like #Background to what Hebitians are thar most people reading it seem to completely miss #Because to them they hear a culture get called ancient (= dead) and have no baggage about it. Why would they? #And they don't think about what descendancy means or about crypto-religions or when states weaponize race mixing #But if you have experience with this and hear the word ancient and almost have a flinch response and know it's not even just you because #Cultures you have no relationship to get called ancient (= dead) constantly as a form of political disenfranchisement #It's a popular point of view to put on people which is why it's a problem! That doesn't make it hurt less