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lovebvni · 29 days

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i believe that i can shift. I believe that i can go to any other reality i want. Whether it is hogwarts oe any other fixtonal world. But i also want to make some alterations to my current cr ( for ex my grandpa is sick inmy cr amd i want him to be healthy and ypunger jn my dr)you know i just want my cr to be better . But i cant seem to get myself to beleiev that i cam do this with this dr . I guess im putting it on a pedestal you could say? Do u have any tips for that? And is it possible for me to have the same exact cr thqt i have rn only with some little modifications?

ok, first thing i gotta say is “do you really believe or are you just telling yourself you believe?” because there is a BIG difference.

i feel like you’re trying to prove to me and everyone else you believe in shifting, when in reality it’s just something you want to believe is true. i’m sorry if i’m knocking u off ur high horse, but i truly want u to know that this is your issue.

shifting is something that’s rlly simple. it’s something you and i do every day. every choice i make, every choice you make puts you in a different timeline of the multiverse.

for example, me answering this ask the way i am is putting me in a different timeline than if i didn’t answer it, or answered it in a different way (trust me, there are so many different things i could say.)

i feel like you need to focus on ur beliefs before anything else.

but know u can do anything you put your mind to. just sit with yourself and affirm it will all happen in the right way :)

#abyss .answers #reality shifting #shiftblr #shifting #reality shift #desired reality #shifting community #black shifters #shifting motivation #shifting realities

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spitinsideme · 3 months

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Hypothetically speaking, if you were to rizz a girl up irl, how would you go about it? Would you include anything about being a prolific lesbian tumblr artist, or just try to do something impressive in the moment, kind of like with the matches?

i think if i told a giel i just met "i draw lesbian kinky shit on tumblr aboit two fictional charactees babygirl" they would not find it impressive. im not famous enough for that i have like nlt even 2k followers ir i was famous it would be more impressive. if a girl told me sh3 had like a tumblr acclunr for gay porn id be impressed but also of someone offered me a chicekn bone afte4 having finsihed their meal id still be impressed so im not someonr who shpuld have an opinion on whqts impressice and whats not

with the way i hav egone ablu5 everythhing like whenever i tey to talk to women or make frienss or imlress women, i usually try to do something cool in yhe moment ?? there was this ome girl at a school dance party a few years ago when i was like 13 ? who i REALLY like for some reason ??? we went to primary school togehther anf she wpukd force me to play family woth her and would th3n make me be the dog and shed kick me out of rhe house and i had to bark sadly outside but whayrve4 i had a crush on her anr i tried to imlress her by juggling three apples ! she was.not impresed by my juggling skills 💔 maybe barking 2oukd have worked better for her

if i were to try anf flirt with a womej in real life, i would try to like do somethong for her, my go to flirting is to do something for them in the moment like help them with work or offer 5o get them something or whatever, i would even offer to make them like origami i guess women like orogami right ? i think, thats what ive done before, i think if i offered to make an origami bouquet of flowrrs on the spot for a girl sh3 wluld be impressed. i think ill go with thqt answer. butt if i just met th3m id probbaly just offer help if they ne3der it or sit next to them and spark up a comversation and ofter to help th3m from ther3

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mejomonster · 6 months

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So like. Gentle mentiom in case you ever have rosacea like me: inflammatory rosacea, the one with redness and bumps and pastules that Look Like Acne

So like. Yes it looks like acne. But putting on salycic acid or the typical skin drying acne fighter sometimes makes Your skin break out even more. Why? Not sure, im not a dermatologist. But the short of it is: rosacea skin is sensitive, it flares up from MANY things just Anything irritating it, and acne fighting products often (you guessed it) irritate skin. Thats why for example people get told whrn using acne fighters like for retinol, differin, chemical exfoliators, to also moisturize. To maybe not use them daily, so you dont increase skin irritation, so you dont increase dryness, so your skin barrier isnt compromised. But basically: they can be irritating on the most ordinary skin, and their use needs to be tempered to an amount that helps but doesnt irritate enough to damage skin barrier, on ordinary skin. So on rosacea? Hahahahha. Haaaa.

Well i made the mistake of using a drying incredient 2 times,daily, skin started getting redder, more acne, and eventually peeling (vitamin c). To be fair, at first vitamin c was lowering redness, and lowering my acne. But i used too much in too frequent a period and go figure, damaged my skin barrier. Made clear by my rosacea being worse and me now breaking out and getting irritated by even my safe products.

(As a side note, if you have inflammatory rosacea thats red and Also has that acne looking bumps ans pastules? A lot of the antibiotics dermatologists give, seem to work better for our kind of "looks like acne" rather than typical acne products. I cant tolerate harsh shit so the popular M starting antibiotic cream for rosacea made me wayyyy worse. But clyndamycin lotion for rosacea is what im on now, its very gentle, and does lower redness and "looks like acne" bumps and stuff i get. So if you can get ahold of thqt stuff? Idk seems to work fairly gently and well on rosacea "looking like acne.")

I am now putting only water on a clean face to make damp, then a thin coat of vaseline, once a day. Within 2 days the redness and skin peeling is gone. So wooh, skin barrier is on track to feel fine again relatively soon. My redness,was already down significantly (until the vitamin c overdoing it increased redness, "rosacea acne" and skin peeling) so my redness is mostly down as well. I think most of my redness is still due to the skin barrier being irritated. I think once irritation calms down, hopefully, ill be able to use my old products i like again.

But the short of it is: if you have rosacea and start getting worse/arent getting any improvement, consider if youre using qnything harsh? Cause my first attempt to stop the "acne" and redness from too much vit c drying me out, was salycic acid for acne and differin. Cause for non rosacea, on regular acne, that would solve massive amounts of pimple breakouts right? But on me, since im getting acne more from rosacea and skin irritation having increased? Well of course the acne stuff like salycic acid made me even worse ToT

#rant #my health woes #rosacea #and yes i know i probs spelled salycic acid wrong. its qhatever that common acne treatment is #i have OFTEN made my breakouts worse by treating them according to acne advielce #but lol. i have rosacea. acne advice makes me break out worse ToT #then i wonder: why is nothing working #until i fucking remember my skin does NOT want any irritants!!! acne medicine is the exact opposite of what it needs!#it needs a #break and nothing harsh and ideally low irritant moisturizer if it can tolerate it ToT !!!

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mllebabushkat · 2 years

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☀️ Warrior Nun S2E4 🌙

stressing!!!!!!!!!!!1111

NO when I asked for more bea cam interaction it wasn’t like this TAT

oh ava dear 🥺

^recurring face cos my children are in danger

uhhhh taraskS 👀

angry woman yelling VINCENTTTTT counter: 2

spider bea 😂😂😂

DEUS EX MIGUEL

"i'm god's vengeance" FINE he might be growing on me

people who have offered vital "i can help you stop him" info to ava this season counter: 2

HOLY SHIT THQT FOG JUMPSCARE

also wait wait wait miguel THE OTHER SIDE??

ava: casual badass phasing

me: that's my girl <3

on today's episode of team super cam:

LeVANTAR

cam + spanish = heart eyes :D

car chase????? in MY warrior nun? more likely than you THINK

yasmine bbyyyyy ahahahaha she is adapting well bless her heart

“thank you god” BAM EROTIC PASTRIES VAN

quick detour-

raya's blood? WHO

lilith is such a bad liar imo surely she's hiding smth right,...

did i mention yasmine bby aww

MOTHER SUPERION NONCHALANTLY MUNCHING A DICK HAHAHAHAGAHAHGDHDJDALALDJF

she is the moment i love her so much

obligatory VINCENT EL BASTARDO

the whole time superion was taking him out back i was like pls pls pls kill him,, for shannon,, 😭 pls

kudos for the editing to make it seem like it was his last moments!

but,..,, I GUESS i understand it is not in her nature to do so :///

let it be known i'm not happy abt this decision he's just gonna come back to wreak more havoc

uh also "suzanne" omg???

(btw love the shot of the delicious red lighting from the van *kisses the crew*)

poor jilian her business bitchboy is a backstabbing bastard what a surprise

back to the main show :)

beatrice + spanish = heart eyes motherfucker

i love!!!!! the multilingual roots!! of this show! so much !!!

oh darling beatrice 🥺

hallucination!ava bellowing "i know what you are!" no 😭

her greatest fear being ava exposing her sexuality and hating/mocking her for it nooOOOO

also her fbc guard takedown?

that's gameplay straight out of a hitman level LMAO

OH NO DEMON BAPTISM

not to mention ava's finally met her match in punch-first-tell-my-friends-about-the-plan-later in miguel hahahah-

so uhhh he's already possessed by a blue demon? divinium demon? isn't that a tarask? confusion????

all i know is that was a full on angels vs demons lookin ass spectacle

TEAM FIGHT TEAM fIGHT TEAM FIGHT

YESSSSSSSSSASASSS THE HYPE

"you should look in the mirror mate" please he's so british 😂😂😂

hold on lemme pause right there-

CULT DRUMS (from the priest preaching scene) fade to end in time with the team ko body thud, beat of silence, HYPE SONG ([Shock Out] for reference) TO THE ONE AND ONLY BEA ENTERING

i'm such a slut for satisfying ost/sound design

ugh and 10/10 fight + camera choreo *even more kisses for the crew*

avatrice reunion!!!1 the way they lurched into that hug it looked like they were abt to kiss-

ahhhh their hands 😍 and bea's eye contact 😍

bea: "let go"

ava: "hang on"

(their synchronicity in battle, their willingness to embrace each other's values, all that mutual growth and understanding in so few words-)

hold on HOLD ON i need a moment please

anyway YES HALO POWERS GO GIRLIE

unfortunately necessary interlude:

what the hell is going on with lilith???

adriel gives a weakass "you’re my destiny" speech, fires off a cheapass parlour trick?

and that's enough??? to change her mind?????? tf-

ok back to our regularly scheduled avatrice

so now there's a tarask and it's fighting the demons? more confusion

AVA FLYING?????????

terrible news: ava paralysed without halo confirmed 😭😭😭

[Darkest Hour] ost slapsssssssssss

sandwiching the episode with this song? 2 steps forward 1 step back vibe loving it

ANYWAY

next ep let's gooooooo

#warrior nun #warrior nun season 2 #wn #babushkat rambles #this show has me a death grip and it knows it #goddam ICONIC #little nitpicks that i don't have the heart to put in main but can't let go of-#continuity error: priest looks right when miguel who's clearly been on his left the whole time speaks up #also: some of that bg stunt acting was goofy lol #but despite all of that season 2 is exceeding all expectations so far aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it's fantastic i can't wait to watch the second half #babushkat watches warrior nun #avatrice

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ssreeder · 2 years

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SREEDY !!!!?!???? I SWEAR I WAS JUST ASKING MYSELF WHAT IF YOU POSTED NEW CHAPTER AND I JUST WASN'T NOTIFIED AND AT THQT SAME MOMENT I GET GHE FUCKIN NOTIFICATION ?!!!??!! I'm would be lying if I said that i didn't scream a little

okay so about the chapter!!!!!! it was really sweet to see sokka and zuko just talk and be buddies and be worried about each other and zuko is again an actual person?!!?!! fuck yeah

loved the fights they were greatly written!!!! i usualy don't understand written fights but I'm this i could picture each movement in my mind so kudos to that, you really have a way with words.

im gonna admit it, fuck jet, i was trying to be the better person and give him a few chances but he's just not taking any of them. it was really fun reading zuko give him what he deserves even though (and I'm gonna be honest here) i started giggling and kicking my feet when zuko got protective, like, yes zuko, go defend your boyfriend!!!!

and shen, oh shen, i actually love him, teasing sokka and zuko all the time and just being real, no talking shit!! you wanna know if your son is in love with zuko? idk but they DO act like a couple...

ughhh this chapter felt so good, I'm not gonna promise anything but I'll try to draw some fanart for this fanfic bc some scenes really inspired me!!

oh, almost forgot, FUCK YEAAAAAHAA GAY BATO!!!! love him for that, I'm gonna take a guess and at some point in the history he's gonna talk to sokka about the whole liking men think and relive some of sokka's anxieties

I'm starting to feel like a broken CD but amazing chapter, loved everything about it and really excited for the angst in the next chapter!!!! thanks for this masterpiece of a fanfic!!

I knew you wanted a chapter so I posted it just at the right time ;) <3!!

Ugh I know Zuko is being an actually person again which means it’s about time we do something about that.:. haha jk, kind of. :D

thankyouthankyouthankyou

I always use references when writing fight scenes and I try to write them slow so I can make them legible because I too get lost when I read some fight scenes so I appreciate you saying that because I give them a lot of effort.

Zuko has been so chill it’s good for him to remind people he is dangerous haha, especially to protect Sokka.

FFFFFAN ART???! don’t tease me I will cry if you do that. I am obsessed with fan art it’s my kryptonite.

YOURE THE BEST DONT WORRY WE GET LOTS OF BATO CONTENT NEXT CHAPTER YIIIPPPWOEEEEEE

!!!!

#you’re amazing #& yes!!! there will be some gay bato content #he isn’t super chatty about it #but like I said #things are going to get a weeeee bit angsty #nothing CRAZY #but don’t worry we have plenty of time to get CRAZY #I am a little too excited to write this chapter #I already have 7k done #I had an insanely good writing session yesterday #until the C in my keyboard was like NO…. I REFUSE #so idk maybe I’ll charge it and it’ll fix it??#I have another one but ehhhh #& JET IS A BABY WUV HIM ANYWAY #alrighhhtttt I’ll see you next chapter or before if you decide to pop by again #garfieldsmilk art #liab #ria #ask

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phobiium · 4 years

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Haha I totally didn't have a crisis today

#N E WAYS GUESS WHOS BACK #THATS RIGHT #its simping hours #let me tell yall #the day i have had #holy shit #so. smth happened #pretty boy played the harmonica for me #hes pretty good at it actually but thats not important #he turned his camera on on discord to do thqt #smth he hasnt done in the past. ever #and HOLY SHIT #I WAS S O RIGHT ABT CALLING HIM PRETTY BOY #HE HAS JUST GOTTEN PRETTIER THE ALMOST 2 YEARS I DIDNT SEE HIM #I JUST. WOW #I WAS LIKE. FREAKING OUT. BUT I KNEW I COULDNT CAUSE I WAS IN A CALL WIFH LIKE 7 OF OUR FRIENDS #IT WAS JUST. AHHHHSHSHSHSH #YEAH

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loptrcoptr · 4 years

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Day after the move, internet is (mostly) working, but the happy veneer of unpacking has worn off and I start my job waiting tables today, which I absolutely hate doing, while other folks with similar degrees are announcing new jobs as archivists or librarians or assistant curators this week

And I find myself thinking it’s fortunate I’m in the desert now because there’s no ocean for me to just go walk into

#granted lake michigan wouldve been too cold for thqt level of melodrama #personal #i write a very good cover lettwr #ive apploed to oodles of jobs in percectly qualified for amongst the ones im overqualified for #and rarely do i even get a rejection. just silence.#and i barely got hired to wait tables! because the manager wanted another man not a third woman!#which all leads me to think #that the wrong is not with my resume or the length of my cover letter or my fancy school being too fancy #the wrong is with me as a person. i have nothing of worth to offer to any workplace #i applied to do some work for the census? they called last night to ask if i wanted to go door to door and were snippy when i siad #i cooldnt do an interview thag moment at 6:15 in the evening #the woman said ‘well i have to fill my quota so there might be no spots left by tomorrow morning!’#because i- with two degrees- am wupposed to jump at the chance #to play census man and possibly endanger myself #because i cant do anything else and shes right! i cant!#no one will hire me! so fuck i guess ill just go to this reataurant #and hope i never have another nervous breakdown when a customer tells at me #because apparently im not cut out to do anything but customer service dor the rest of my life

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ofsunhillow · 2 years

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i love the thing hirasawa did as buildup for denkōyoku where he played the notes by doing a cool little thing with graphics w his homemade vr before it turns into the actual song and i also love that it was used as the first song of the show just like its the intro of the album itself and its a really calm song and it sort of fits the scene of "stuck in an awful state but i see someone (myself) enjoying his life and i want t reach them and i have hope" and its really nicely put together i guess. but also its SO weird that he starts the show w it without doing the "call ヒラサワ" thing he does in other shows. AND YOU THINK THAT THIS TIME HES JUST NOT GONNA DO TTAT AND HES JUST GONNA CONTINUE TYE SHOW BUT RIGHT AFTER HE DOES IT? ?? it kind of makes sense tho bc its like waking him up. like when he comes out after the audience calls him he doesnt have his vr on anymore and hes standing up instead of in the chair and hes actually starting his journey towards his goal (thqt i still dont understand very clearly)

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naphis-twewy-screams · 3 years

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damn.... i still haven't gotten over the neo:twewy ending:

holy hekk everything was just so good-

it took me

2 and a half days to beat the game

i started playing it as soon as it came out

and i barely slept while playing because i wanted to just binge it

and i wasn't expecting a lot of the stuff that happened-

so i just took a bit to process everything lol

here's some random incoherent all over the place rambles about my thoughts on everything since i just wanna express my feelings towards this game

it's *really* long and also heavy spoilers so imma put it under a read more:

i remember screaming when beat showed up

cuz i was already suspecting that hooded man wasn't neku

i mean cmon man neku isn't blonde and bones aren't really his style so it was pretty suspicious to me

and beat was a welcomed surprise i was so happy to see him-

i wasn't surpised when minami left the party

i was guessing that it was gonna happen since that's how it went in the past game

with having to change partners and all that

but beat staying with the group was something i wasn't expecting!

and it was obvious that shokie was gonna join the twisters like she's on the cover and everything it seemed pretty obvious to me

even the whole "oh shoka is swallow" thing i guessed pretty early on

i was still pretty happy when i turned out to be right though

oh my lord nagi's obsession with sho was hilarious to me

almost every time he was on screen you could just see her portrait gazing at him it was really funny to me

motoi's reveal of being kinda selfish wasn't thqt big of a surprise

but i was still pretty sad about it cuz he was really nice before and poor rindo man-

his death was also pretty depressing

fuya's death didn't affect me as much tho tbh

i never really liked the guy and there wasn't really much about him that i knew

though his death was a bit scary

even though i expected it

kanon's death though-

her death made me really sad-

poor fret man he was getting closer to her and they just killed her off-

she was actually a lot nicer than i was expecting

i thought she was gonna be some a-hole who just acted like some big-shot

but no she was actually really nice and was really helpful-

i wasn't actually expecting her to die so i was pretty surprised

and poor fret he went through a lot that day-

i wasn't expecting much from fret

i thought he was gonna be the basic "im the only one that nothing bad really happens to"

but no he has proper character development and sad stuff and honestly i was surprised

probably because my expectations were pretty low

nagi honestly doesn't have as much past stuff going on

but she also has some character development in which she kinda learns more about others

and her relationship with fret was really good!

she started of hating him but in the end they both grew to have a mutual understanding of each other

and i adore that so much honestly

oh ayano-

poor lady just wanted things to be like they've always been

she just wanted to stay with shoka and be happy

she didn't deserve to die-

i thought i wasn't gonna like her or shoka

but i ended up liking em both a bunch-

found family falling apart really hurts ;;;

i thought i wasn't gonna like shiba

but i actually ended up liking him a bit at the end

kubo on the other hand

i thought i wasn't gonna like him

and now i like him even less

he smells

i don't really know how to feel about haz

he's pretty mysterious and i don't really know much about him yet

he gives off josh vibes though

which i don't know if that's a good sign

nekuuuuu

i thought he wasn't gonna be in the game so when i saw him i started screaming-

it was 5 am and i was yelling about my boi nekuuuuu

i was so happy to see him i missed him so much-

i definitely wasn't expecting the whole "oh yeah im teaming up with coco" thing though

cuz coco literally *shot* him but ok-

also wasn't expecting tsugumi to be friends with coco but hey i ain't complaining-

i remember being really estatic when they showed a part of rhyme's portrait in that one scene

same goes for shiki

and i was even more happy to see them entirely like finally the group is back together again-

even josh showed up which damn has his personality barely changed why did you just teleport shokie somewhere random like that??

i mean yea you revived her but still dude she's gonna starve out there i mean she's fine now but still-

anyway-

shiki just knowing neku was there even though she couldn't see him that hurts man-

ngl i was kinda hoping to see eri or somethin

but oh well lol we still got the other girlbosses so it's chill and im still very happy

susy k was a pretty interesting character

i thought i wasn't gonna like him but here we are

uzuki and kariyaaaaa

was really glad to see em again

their interactions with the ogs was really funny to me cuz they barely remembered the poor reapers and it was just really cool lol

the fact that even they have like a lil bit of character development was really neat to see cuz i was pretty much just expecting them to just sit in a corner and do nothing but that wasn't the case so im happy

the whole time travel is bad actually was a really interesting twist!

poor rindo though he suffered so much-

the whole tsugumi showing visions to rindo and neku was also pretty cool

and i got one of the secret reports (the 3rd one) and

are these written by mr h?

i'd be pretty happy if they were cuz he's nowhere to be found right now in the game and i miss him

i remember not knowing how to get the legendary outfit set that you were supposed to get from preordering the game

turns out i had to quit and re-enter

which by the time i found that out i was already at the start of week 3 without quitting the game even once

so i got pretty annoyed but oh well at least i still got it lol

when i got the preorder bonus outfit

i immediately gave them to beat because i thought that to be a funny choice

until neku came along so i then gave the clothes to him because well they're his clothes and im sad

but yea that was a thing

the soundtrack is a bop i don't think ill ever grow tired of it honestly

it's so good and just aaaaa-

oh yea and another day was pretty funny

i love the mention of tin pin since that was a big thing in twewy's another day and it's just really cool to me

which reminds me of when reaper creeper was mentioned in week 3

that was also really neat

i think

im running out of things to say

took me long enough

ok that's all for now

ill try and post some fanart soon maybe?

if i ever get the motivation to do so lol

or maybe ill be back to ramble if i realize that i forgot something

toodles!

#naphi screaming #neo twewy #neo the world ends with you #neo twewy spoilers #neo the world ends with you spoilers #major neo twewy spoilers

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futanaritalizorah · 7 years

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The more i know...the less i wanna write...cause here i am with answers to offer you...but... Knowing all this leaves ME with more questions...that will remain unanswered. This blog wasnt intended to spill out secrets... If you remember, it was initially a blog for both of us to share things we loved...or would love...we used to share artwork on this blog...but now its to express my emotions and...of my love for you...that never really went away but grew stronger.... But its a bleeding heart...and its rare...and i want it to heal....cause idk what we are...i dont even know if you think of me as a friend.... Granted, i blocked you on fb...but it was because it hurt to see you surround yourself by people (yep, plural...)that tell you one thing but tell me another...there are some genuine keepers there but a couple just...talk to you to gossip and not to listen to you.... I know im your friend: *i* will always hold dear memories of you and i will *always* be here if you need me...be it 3 months or 3 years from now if you need someone...no matter how long we havent talked...i will be here to lend a hand or we can just be quiet together cause....sometimes there are just no words... One of the things i learned was that...just spending quiet time with you...was enough...the silence used to make me uncomfortable...but you were around and you didnt shut me out...and you just needed silence at the time....as long as i could just hold you tighter when your words were failing you and you were pushing away more....from depression....i just wanna hold you tighter and kiss your forehead...and rub your upperback underneath your tshirt....no word uttered... But with that being said...i dont know what i am to you...its been unclewr for the past 6 months...a friend ig, a friend in rl, an ex gf, someone you care about, someone you dont wanna care about... Ik youre depressed but...its no excuse to treat anyone this way...i just wish i knew...just one thing... I know youre depressed but some...clarity would be nice...to help someone move forward....but sometimes i think you dont want me to move forward....idk...i dont know.... I just wish i knew if you care for me at all... Its easier to believe the "rumors" of people telling me you wished i was gone or would fuck off...but youve done your own share of hanging out with me...and youve done your own share of protecting me too... I just...want clarity...even the words..."i dont know how i feel cause i cant connect to you emotionally cause i cwnt even connect to mine" would help....that ring a bell? Yep...its...the reason why we broke up...that was the reason...im just wondering if thats really why we broke up anymore....or if it was me... I feel hated....with what everyones telling me about what you said...BUT when you interact with me...its so different from how you interact with others...we have genuine talks...no meme talks....god knows ive learned enough memes from connor...but we have conversations like we used to when we would just lay down next to eqch other in bed....not even conversations youve had with others... you still tell me your fears...and stuff youve improved on...and trust me that was difficult for you to express 6 months ago...you still open up to me cody... So i see wjhat people say....but how you act...i see you want distqnce feom me...but i see you gravitate towards me...and open up to me naturqlly.... your actions show me you care and dont want to see me hurt...if you mqde me guess...id say youre guarded...imo lies spread faster than the truth so...i believe we still care for each other....maybe i dont need an answer as to if you still love me always...ik we're gonna be good friends...we've been friends for YEARS...we're gonna be friends for a lifetime....but sometimes a girl needs to know if you CARE Cause you brought up children and weddings and...i was more than willing to move to the east coast...we talked about living in buffalo, what we would want for our children, when we would have children, ...we touched a lot of subjects...i just need to know if im that girl anymore...i dont thimk youve wver gone this serious with anyone else...you wont have the answers now...but one day i hope you get clarity...you sift through ut qll and see the grnuinr truth behind all i did... But my heart will need a break...from its heart strings being tugged one too many times from people who chose to...involve themselves or...feom you...from pushing me away and pulling me back...im not saying this was one sided...god knows i had my own issues leaving...mqinly because i wanted to know youre ok.... But i will always wonder...if you still love me...and care for me like thqt night you visiter in PA...that hug you gave me when i got off the bus...i just keep remembering how you couldnt believe it was happening....and your hands were trembling... I cant ask this of you when youre trying to find yourself....but i hope, if its in the cards, that you come back to me....when youve straightened up...no more mind games....to talk...and get clarity... I wouldve loved to be on this journey with you but...with the lifestyle you had back in VA...YOU need more control of your life... I feel like you thought i was controlling because you projectee your home life to me...i never told you to tqke medicine cody...in fact i didnt give you an answer at all...i simply said id stand by your decision... I made you pick up old habits (drums, keyboard, editing, reconnecting with old friends) but....cody dont hate me for that...yknow it was at your best interest.... So yes i feel as if you are projecting your home life (your mom.wnd sis told you to tqke meds and theyre always on you about cleaning up) to me...its convenient...but thats not the truth...i think we both remember the last week of our break up VERY differently... I remember you throwing up constqntly....me worried sick about you not eating but constantly throwing up...having chest pain...neck pain...just a lot of pain....if that week was torture for you...it was hell for me...cause im here helpless and i cant do shit.... Ik i wasnt personally experiencing all that but...i love you so much that distance had nothing to dull the pain away. I didnt like seeing you under wo much pain and stress. If you know me at all, ill blame myself for it. I didnt wanna see you hurting...i couldnt stand it...im a fucking medical field for christ sake...i dont wanna see you hurt...physically or emotionally...or mentally... Its why all i wanna do here on out...is take your shoes and socks off when you get home...you know why...i meant it when i said i would.... But thats...what i wish i had answers to...but i wont expect too much...if i cant get answers now...or ever...sigh... Right now i just...want us to get better...yes, us. Im not perfect cody. I need to improve as well. Hope you eat your 3 meals little dipper...i told you how depression affects your hormones and you dont think youre hungry....and thatll in turn affect your sleep schedule...im not controlling...i care. Take cwre of your body. Feed it properly. Itll help you mentally at the same time.

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