#i felt the need to lay it all out

[araneapeixes]

i made a chart to explain my views and beliefs

#bg3 #i felt the need to lay it all out #shadowheart #karlach #lae'zel #wyll ravengard #astarion #god why am i even tagging characters. this is just for my REAL ONES who care abt my POLY SHIPPING!!

[stil-lindigo]

emily carroll has once again permanently changed my brain chemistry

#i got my hands on her newest book recently and god. GOD #i finished that book and just lay down on the floor for an hour because i had to just absorb it all #it felt like coming out of the theater after watching ATSV for the first time #i was so full of adrenaline and the sheer impact of everything i read was hitting all at once #so perfectly paced so intuitively panelled #it feels so reductive to call myself a comic artist when emily caroll does too #shes so. she's just in an entirely different league #it feels like there should be a different word for her #im so far away from creating anything half as lifechanging as that book was #its so motivating and inspiring but its also like #fuck #FUCK #my work feels so damn juvenile in comparison #emily carroll i owe you my life #i need to rip this book apart (not literally) #i have so much to learn about writing and art #everyone read “a guest in the house” by emily carroll #i hope she gets all the accolades she could ever want or need #god #i need a tattoo of this book #expeditiously

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

i'm desperate to know how many notebooks you have filled with these drawings. i must know, please, i'm on my hands and knees

Most of my comics are drawn on standard letter paper (8.5"x11"), and to date I have filled 23 pages! I usually manage to fit roughly 6-8 comics per page.

Mspaint recreation of the first page!

#ask #I have several more pages filled in a sketchbook for practice/studies and my 'better drawn' work #Each square panel is 1.5 inches (1/4 of a sticky note) and I use pretty small nub ink pens. #I actually hadn't counted how many I had filled (in my head it was roughly 1 new page a week) so this was a cool prompt to do so! #it's also wild to go back and look at my old comics! Really hits home how far I've come! #I felt so confident in my 3 panel format. Only to give it up by like... comic 11. #I meant to take a picture of the first early pages and compare it with the new comics but oh man taking photos was never my strong suit. #I hate shadows. I hate lighting. I hate angles. Defeated by the shadow of my hand and terrible camera quality. #I also do not have enough floor space to lay them all out... I Might need to ask a friend for their floor. And phone. #There's a little unused follower thank you i've never posted on the first page too! Argh...another time. #but yes! all of these exist in physical form. I need to invest in a little binder with protective sheets so I can flip through

[miodiodavinci]

collapses to the ground like a deflated balloon

#my god #stage one is finally complete . . . . . . . . #if you can recall that poll i reblogged about passing out #that important contact i received was mr. seto of the vocaloid team #who messaged me asking about a collaboration and quite literally nearly caused me to pass out #i read the message preview on my phone #stood up #saw stars #and collapsed onto my bed and had to lay down for like. 10 minutes before my body would stop feeling distant and weak w #i similarly felt ready to pass out today when i sent a message to ask when the announcement tweet would be #and they tweeted it. immediately after w #no joke rice and i were scrambling behind the scenes to get our act together and figure out what we wanted to say KHGJGSJKFHGKJ #all the while screaming because yamaha said they'd be posting it on valentine's day and we thought they meant our timezone w #because the whole point of this collab was to get the zolas more well known in the english-speaking sphere w #EITHER WAY #i am. so so tired and now i need to pass out so i can get enough sleep before more internship tomorrow w #which is heating up because my seminar professor wants a detailed plan of my final project goals This Friday #but my mentor won't know anything about where to fit that in until Thursday at the earliest #and my supervisor just hounded me over email to coordinate with the two other people at my station and choose an activity to lead #but that requires. planning. that our mentors won't have until thursday........ #perishing . . . . . .

[frecklystars]

Every time I see that picture of Barbie holding Ken’s hand, bringing him to life, and they’re both wearing their very first original beach outfits with the blue watercolor backdrop? I have to take ten minutes to stare at them both and then I get emotional about it bc they mean so much to me and there’s just something about the way Barbie looks at Ken and the way they’re holding hands and the way Ken looks at her. and it's even better in the imax clip when Ken’s breath hitches in his throat and he notices that the person who is his girlfriend is this gorgeous, highly accomplished woman who can do anything and be everything... I always laugh when he does a fist pump and whispers breathlessly yes!

And I can’t help but always picture myself in the middle, both of them holding my hand and each kissing my cheek

#I’m just laying in bed and I’m all sniffly and weepy about how much I love them 🥺🥺🥺 #im so shaky bc i cant sleep and my body is sooo. exhausted. but i love them so much #im so drawn to these characters. like as if upon my first arrival there they smiled and said 'we missed you!' #even tho we hadn't met before it felt like we were meant to be together. and i was so nauseous seeing pink at the time #but it's as if they both held my hands and said 'we know youre scared. but we still hope you'll stay' #'don't worry. you're safe here. nobody's gonna hurt you. we'll make sure of it!!' #I like to think they both found a cold blinking out dying star in the sky and said ‘oh that’s her!' #they saw how much I needed them and plucked me out of the sky and held me so tight in their arms in this big group hug #Barbie’s line to Gloria ‘I came for you!’ is something I remember at least once a day and it makes me melt. bc I know she’d say that to me #and Ken would be standing right next to her and they’re both reaching out their hands ready to catch their fallen star #'sweet girl!!! keri!!! we came for you!!!!' i think about it every single damn day #and the feeling just intensifies every time i see that photo #this movie came out at the perfect time when i needed these F/Os the most #love notes #💕♫♪ ♡ You're the pink in my cheeks 🎀🌸✨♡ #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́-

[304wv66]

10.20.2023 // gonna get bit by that thing

also bonus crop from the desktop wallpaper because i liked it, it made me happy 🥺

#illustration #original art #ocs #oc: ren #this felt like a bit of a slog to start up and get finished which pains me to say tbh because at the heart of it i enjoy this lad!!! #but i think the character was kind of in a weird resentful place in my heart for a bit #and as much as i wanted to whip up an oc card of the golden boy for myself i also. Did Not Want To At All. #other people wanted him included which was like. kind of the main driving force. glad they wanted one of him tho. #also ive just beennnnnnnnnnn not doing too hot both mentally and kind of physically so that may have played a part in not finishing this #normally i start tanking around march and reach my low point in may and things get better a little after that into january but no dice #it was just a lot easier to zone out and play video games than try to work on things even if it made me feel bad to do that #wish i could say things were getting better but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ✌️✨ #anyway im going to probably lay down for a bit #literally or metaphorically idk #had a good rest over the weekend but i need like. at least thirty more rests of that caliber in a row i think.

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous #and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep #I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :') #way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip #I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home #(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh) #my best friend and I were having a conversation today #and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?' #and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too #BUT I also get what she meant #not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy' #and fun fact #a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!! #which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like #the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!! #and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes #(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me) #'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever #same with my mom's hallucinations as well #and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again #which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that' #fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything #like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds #and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well #which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up #I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today #didn't eat #took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all #had too much caffeine #stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking

[polithicc]

started my period and now im evil

#ok gonna rant in the tags bc i need to just let it out and then i can be normal again #i was literally in and out of meetings all day so i got 0 actual work done #i dont feel good and ive been so nauseous #i had half of a sandwich in the conference room while handling a fucking disaster #it's so unbearably hot today #i wore the wrong pants so i had to safety pin them and then i looked weird #the pants are also too long #i was so overstimulated in the metro #that i got home took off my clothes by the front door and went straight to bed to lay on top of my duvet #and its thursday so its a chores day for me #so i need to clean my house #i also need to find the time to fix the dress im wearing to the gala next week #my hair is dirty #i ran out of primer and felt oily all day #also i scratched my glasses #i made coffee had three sips and then forgot to bring it to work #i had an anxiety attack and stood in thje hallway to calm myself down #just to then have the most awkwaerd interaction with the new hire who was coming out of the bathroom \ #in conclussion #fighting for my life a bit today

[ficklecat]

#I feel like I need to call out of work tomorrow #but I’m already taking Tues/Wed off this week #i’m just so exhausted #this shit is so disappointing #I’m going to be thinking about it all day tomorrow #and I’m already feeling so bad I don’t think I’ll sleep well #I’m trying to distract myself with chores and internet shit #but I just want to lay on the floor #I haven’t felt so fucking devastated in so long #and my brain can’t stop worrying about what this means for my health #i don’t know what to do #sorry for the freaking out and sad boy content I know that’s not why y’all are here #I’ll probably be fine or whatever #just really fucking gutted right now #ax says stuff

[mistress-of-malevolence]

I can't be so afraid of being hated that I stop being myself, because if I do that I'll never actually be loved.

In other words, i liked the first Trolls movie and I'm going to fucking talk about it maybe if I feel like it

#I thought it was cute and sweet idk man #i remember watching it with my family and during all the broppy moments i kinda wanted to fangirl but i felt weird because i wasn't alone #so i was embarrassed and i needed to run out of the room a few times to lay on the floor #I distinctly remember wishing I was watching the movie alone so I could properly enjoy it. I've never met someone in person who liked them #I dont think they're good movies but I like them. I think they're cute and i like the music.

[arctic-hands]

I learned what a bullet journal was by watching a few YouTube artists set theirs up and my algorithm spiraled out of control from there so I guess I have all the bujo influencers to thank for getting into it because it has been a godsend so far on my third attempt, but damn if the over emphasis on aesthetic over the actual practical organizational aspect of it doesn't rankle me a bit

[thirty rambling tags later] huh. I didn't know there was a thirty tag limit in all the years I've been on tumblr. Whatevs I can't copy paste the tags onto the main body because I'm on mobile and I don't want to write it out again so I'll just summarize the last bit here:

If you are browsing the bujo tag because you feel bullet journaling will help you but you feel intimated because you don't think you can make it look pretty, or that the bullet journal method could never help you because it looks exhausting or the inspo you see doesn't cover what you need, I am pleading with you to ignore all the pretty inspiration, take the most common and even original Ryder Carroll formats and spreads with a grain of salt and eliminate or change them as needed, and talk to people who have similar needs than you even if they don't bujo and suss out what's important to keep track of. My bujo is eighty percent important medical bullshit, because that's what I need more than a book tracker. You prolly have your own unique needs. And hell, if you want a book tracker then add a booktracker. It's your bujo to format and plan out.

So like if you want to start bullet journaling, go to Michaels and get a seven dollar Artist's Loft dot grid journal. Or a binder you have left over from school years past and print out your own dot grid paper if you have enough ink and paper and printer that can do double sided (Kevin McLeod's site I forget the name of has free adjustable dot and other grids I've used), or buy a pack of 8.5x11 dot grid paper, and grab a crappy hole punch that just barely does the job. Get yourself a nice pen you think looks and feels nice in your hand and on the paper–or if that doesn't matter to you go get pack of Bics or even pencil if that's what you prefer (I use a pencil for things I can't have be permanent, like temporary meds or the dates of yearly vaccines). If you're twitchy about messing up then get the cheapest wite out they have (but don't worry about messing up especially if you're not even showing it off to anybody). A cheap yellow highlighter if you think it'll help. And a ruler if straight lines are important to you. I lost mine so I just wobble my lines now I don't care (and it's marginally easier to get a line adjacent to straight with a dot grid)

Anyway. If you want to bullet journal but don't know where to start or how to make it pretty or how to make it work for your needs, just try it in the cheapest way possible and rearrange the guts of the bujo as you see fit. And don't worry about the optics as long as you can make sense of your methods and writing.

(and for the love of God if you're bipolar don't make an hourly mood tracker yes our moods can and will fluctuate throughout the day but goddamn was that a bitch to log and abandoned a few weeks after inking it out)

#i see this with in regular journaling/diary circles too #people saying 'i want to start a bujo/diary but I'm not good enough at art ☹️' #like more power to you if you can make it pretty but it shouldn't be the primary emphasis especially with how useful it is #(it's especially depressing with just regular diaries and journals because like. you're under no obligation to share that shit with anybody) #I'm on my third bujo attempt because i got overwhelmed with my first two because i didn't know how to customize it with me and my needs #the most i got about symptom tracking was like a weekly layout checking off if the criteria was hit #and mood tracking was like daily smiley or frowny face in the corner #like my siblings in planning that is not enough for my chronically ill bipolar ass lol #i went way overboard my first attempt with just mood tracking. i planned it out HOURLY. every week #and that got overwhelmingly tedious and i use overwhelmingly deliberately. so i just stopped mood tracking #and then the whole thing got overwhelming so i stopped it entirely #gave it another shot because my method of scheduling things and symptom tracking was to write appointments and symptoms on post its #and pray they didn't fall off and i could remember where i even put them #and i see a lot of doctors so that was a LOT post its to keep track of #so i did another bujo but had the same problem as lack of resources and inspo and how to make it work for my needs #plus future logs were hard to parse AND i often felt too tired to lay out a new month or two every time #so like there were just whole months and the symptoms and appointments within just missing and i might as well not even have a bujo #so i stopped that one too #FINALLY after a little bit more watching Ryder Carroll and looking at prefab medical planners that were still woefully inadequate #AND MORE IMPORTANTLY talking to my fellow chronically ill. mentally ill. disabled. or all three. friends on what i should jot down #i finally got a system that worked for me thus far #i got rid of even staples like future logs and just laid out a monthly calendar format because that was easier FOR ME #and i laid out the year in advance so i could still have the scheduling part of i was too tired to do entire layouts at the beginning of the #month #my mood tracker was merged with my symptom tracker and turned into a symptoms *list* #with a section for every specialist i see. mood stuff just went under psych/therapist #also i switched to a binder format instead of a bound book for even more flexibility #i can easily remove things i no longer need. i can rearrange what goes in what section. i can easily add more to a section before the next #bujo #bullet journal

[that-was-anticlimactic]

waiting for my period to start is literal terror like i can hear the metaphorical suspenseful music playing and feel nervous and can’t stop checking to see if he’s here and can’t stop thinking about when will it come? will i need to throw away any underwear this time? what if it comes in the middle of the night? should i just sleep on a towel?

#this post is really dramatic but i really hate my period so like it's okay methinks #sometimes you just have to be really dramatic about your period. you know. coping. #okay no look sometimes i throw underwear away that prolly doesn't Need to be thrown away but i have a weird thing with stains so if the #blood doesn't Completely come out - like if i can still see it - then i will never wear it again iuyghtfvdghyuiuytfgdw i hate stains SO MUCH #that's why i set aside specific underwear to wear when i'm on my period and that's the Only time i ever wear it #because they're black and like smaller than the usual underwear i wear so that way there's less fabric to bleed onto #i keep checking because i kNOW HE'S COMING my last one started dec thirtieth and it's always early #it was like five or six days early last month so i know he'll be here early this month ahhhhhhhhh #i just. hate being on my period lol i mean who likes it? #not to be dramatic on main but like. stop tormenting me and just come!!! why can't periods just have a scheduled date so you Know and like a #date that never changes pls and thank you or better yet how about no #periods whatsoever that sounds great omg typing these tags just made me remember why i felt so uncomfortable when i woke up the other day - #i had a dream about stains being all over all the sheets/surfaces i was sitting/laying on omg that's fricking it what the heck #ahem anyways #paul tag #tw periods

[downfallofi]

.

#So like #I had to train the receptionist to do my job #Like all the ins and outs of getting stock shipped and printing forms #In such a way that made me like #Hella suspicious and anxious that theyre just gonna give her my shit to do #Right #So I had that on my mind #THEN #My stupid ass #Trying to get some steps in because I need exercise #Was going up/down a set of steps #And my knee BUCKLED #And I felt a ligament give #Now Im laying in bed so anxious I could cry #Its just a sprain but #Im fucked for work #And I just feel like #Ugh why do things not ever get fucking better for me? #Am I just not supposed to make anything of my life #Like #It really feels like Im constantly just ruining everything #Idk #Sure wish I had someone to talk to about this #Ha #Ha ha #Who would want to listen to me complain #Who would want a pathetic loser like me talking to them #Get fucking real Bryan

[tirfpikachu]

man i'm such a great lover too is the thing :( not to toot my own tits

#lay text #like tenderness and passion and being cherished THAT'S ALL I WANT TO GIVE A WOMAN #like sex is never just sex for me #idk. i need the right girl thrown my way #idk if i can keep doing sex flings and giving my all and receiving crumbs like. sometimes a butch wants to be cherished too #like maybe i want to be seduced too #i'm always the one complimenting seducing touching saying sweet and dirty things and just Making Things Happen #i'm always the one giving sweet gestures out of nowhere and just trying to make girls feel so special. i try so hard #but i get so little #maybe i should just lower my expectations #i'm still so sad the new girl i liked didn't like me back :( i feel really embarrassed. i reached and held her hand TWICE too!! so cringe!! #and i'm watching my ex live this wonderful perfect romance with a new potential bf and ngl i'm rly jealous i want smtg like that too :( #not with them GOD FORBID THAT WAS HELL #but just with a special girl #i hope i'll find her this year bc i'm getting tired #i've only truly felt desired and cherished by my xmas fling and it ended so bad. i want that feeling again. but better

[arcadequeerz]

Oh mind electric we're really in it now.

#Cade.Txts #i think about tht song all the time. #when they say: Someone help me / Understand what's Going on Inside my Mind! / Doctor I can't tell if I'm Not Me! #I felt tht shit #like man.................me too. #idk tht bit of lyrics has always kinda hit me hard specifically. #Anyways how is everyone doin. sorry I don't ;ost much anymore. #I am posting on my stimblog mostly now BHINJGFDNI if u wanan see stimboards check it out. #im doing a series of stimboards on my favorite pokemon #so far got two boards out already d:) #Wanna keep working on it but i should also make gifs of stuff. #been kind of stressed by shit lately thts unrelated. worried about bigfoot. #he's been acting weird lately. real sluggish n tired. his teeth are bad- n we need to take him to get them checked #but it cost like. 600 to just get a few teeth taken from our dog frankie. #s o. -slides stimboard commission post on my stimblog- /nf #dont like advertising it. feels weird making things for money but if he does need teeyh removed #idk any other way i could make money for it. #hes just got me worried. he's a old man- even tho i always forget he is- #thinking about losing him scares me. am probably rly over thinking shit- he's old course he sleeps n lays around a lot. #but im stil worried. #ANYWHO. stimboard grind 24/7

[thegreatbeyondmp3]

bro it sucks so much to have to go to work when you're sick

#i dont wanna go but literally if i miss another day they could fire me 😬 #i don't have covid at least according to the home tests but like. i still have a cold or something #and i can't call out because our time is so restricted #and its not even the worst attendance policy i know of but it still sucks to have to work around #esp coming from my last job where i could take off literally as much time as i needed to basically whenever i needed/wanted to #added on top of the fact that i just don't want to fuckin be there anyway #and that im scared im gonna pick up covid bc my immune system is currently weakened #ugh. i have to get through tomorrow and the next day #and then im off again #and then im on one more day before im back off again #so i will have a rest day again pretty soon at least #after being off the last three days #(the first was my legit day off but it was very busy and few days before that were the roughest of a tough couple of weeks - #the second i took off bc i had to babysit and. being completely honest. i watched all of fellow travelers thr night before. and esp after #how bad a time id been personally having lately. all the suffering and the loneliness and the romance just hit me so hard #tbh i just felt like i deserved a break and i could do some work at home to balance things out - #third day i woke up feeling sick and coughing pretty hard and just feeling generally miserable. which continued for most of the day. #but with less coughing until now bc im laying down) #i just wish i could take an extra day or two to actually kick this 😭 #sorry this is so long i can get locquacious when im tired