#i fell for another scam. luckily not as bad as the last one where i lost a thousand bucks and wound up briefly homeless

[galwaygremlin]

I am... exceptionally dumb. And way too trusting

#houston we have a problem #i fell for another scam. luckily not as bad as the last one where i lost a thousand bucks and wound up briefly homeless #BUT STILL #i learned NOTHING about pushy people with questionable backstories promising to help me #i'm extremely embarrassed but maybe this will be a good story in like five years

[moon-in-daylight]

heyy! love your fics! i've seen you take requests so i'm testing my luck here. can we please get a dhawan!master x reader fic where reader is forced to pilot the tardis (like reason w her or link with her telepathically idk) to get the master to a hospital as he's passed out and kinda dying? like some angsty action that turns out fine in the end, please? thank you

Dispensable / Dhawan!Master x reader

Summary: You’ve always felt safe by The Master’s side, but when he endangers himself to save your life, you start wondering if his efforts to protect you are really worth it. Especially now that his life depends on you learning how to pilot a TARDIS.

Words: 4.6k

Warnings: Blood, weapons, injuries, insecure!reader, a little angst maybe. 

A/N: Anon, I’m sorry this took me so long. I’ve just been out of inspiration lately and this is what came out after a month of writing. I hope you still like it though 💖

It wasn’t unusual for The Master’s plans to go terribly wrong sometimes, as it wasn’t unusual that you regularly got hurt in the middle of your adventures as a consequence.

Luckily, it was nothing too serious most of the times. Maybe you would get some scratches while running on the quiet days, some scars on the most serious days when you had to face some extremely angry alien civilization… And, in the worst scenarios, you had almost encountered your reaper face to face.

It was inevitable to suffer some unfortunate accidents while travelling inside the TARDIS. You knew that from the very start, that your least developed anatomy would barely be able to follow a Time Lord’s way of living, especially one’s with so much love for chaos and destruction. You were well aware that while you travelled with The Master death would always be keeping an eye on you. Yet, you gladly took the risks that staying in his ship entailed.

From the first moment you had stepped a foot inside that console room, you had known there would never be a way of turning back to your old life. Not after seeing the things, places and eras he could show you with the simple pull of a lever. At first, the main reason you stayed with him was the time travelling.

Though it was extremely dangerous and you feared The Master could abandon anytime and anywhere when he got bored of you, you decided to endure his rage filled words about your species and his several rules on how you should behave to try and get him to show you the stars. He wasn’t an easy person to deal with, but you had grown to both love and deal with him, and you liked to think he had done the same with you too.

After more than a year aboard of his ship, you trusted him almost blindly, confident that he would do anything he could possibly do to try and get you uninjured of the deadly situations you faced daily.

He was way more gentle and caring now than he was when you first met him, though that was something he would never admit out loud to you. But his change of behavior was evident. You noticed it by the little thing. By the way he always kept an eye on you when you were outside of the TARDIS, on how he threatened anyone that seemed barely interested in hurting you… He almost seemed a different person now. He even took care of your wounds when he couldn’t prevent you from getting hurt, and making sure you got the fastest recovery possible instead of leaving you to deal with them on your own.

You supposed he had gotten used to having a ‘human pet’, and that he took the trouble of taking care of you mainly because he didn’t want to have to take another human in his TARDIS to replace you if you were ever missing. Too much inconvenience to have to take another pet now that he had finally grown somewhat comfortable with your presence… Either way, and despite the many risks you faced time and time again, you always felt save by his side knowing that he wouldn’t let you die that easily.

While being by his side, you barely could remember what fear felt like.

That was, of course, until you found yourself in the worst situation you could have pictured.

The day had started as any other, with The Master taking you to New Earth in the middle of the First New World War, following your request of wanting to know more about the future of your species. The Master had told you repeatedly that humanity’s history was not worth seeing, that they were little more than amoebas. But your curious self had insisted him so many times about wanting to see your future that he had eventually given in.

You didn’t exactly liked what you saw there. The cruelty, the hatred that your own race processed against their own… The senseless death and unnecessary barbarism between those of their own blood… The Master had warned you that it wouldn’t be pretty, but considering the fact you were already used to face every possible form of chaos by his side, you had been sure that nothing he could show you could be worse than the damage you had already seen him cause to distant planets and civilizations.

Now that you ran for your life in the middle of an open battlefield, hand in hand with The Master as he tried to guide you to the safety of his TARDIS under a never-ending rain of bullets, you realized your mistake. You had never imagined a war could be so bloodthirsty, so atrocious… The Master hadn’t said it, but you were sure he was jealous of the destruction and despair caused by your species.

The two sides of the conflict were ready to do anything to get even the slightest advantage over their enemies, and of course, The Master had decided he should turn such horrible situation in his favor. He had manipulated both, the leader of the resistance and the supreme general of the new Earth’s forces, to make them believe the other would throw an offensive in the middle of the night. That way, while everyone fought to death in the middle of the battlefield, you and him could sneak into each side’s bases and steal whatever could be useful or valuable.

The Master’s plan was executing itself perfectly, to the point where it was all being too good to be true. Everyone had seemed to believe him and, though you were suspicious that things were never that easy with him, he appealed to your specie’s stupidity to justify the fact that no major complications had met your little scam. If everything went as he had planned, you would be in and out of each fortress in barely ten minutes, with your pockets full and the armory of the TARDIS completely renewed with new nuclear weapons. But just when the both of you were emptying the armory of the rebel band, two guards caught you red-handed.

Apparently, before indulging their soldiers into a bloodshed battle that would likely finish all live on the planet, the leaders of each side had decided to make things the diplomatic way. And for the first time in a very long time, they had decided to unite forces against a common enemy, you and The Master. You would’ve been proud of them, had your life not been in such danger.

Now, getting yours and The Master’s head was top priority to every living being in that planet, and you almost doubted you would be able to make it to his ship alive.

You had ran alongside The Master from angry crowds hundreds, maybe thousands of times now, but never before had you felt so trapped. The TARDIS was somewhere nearby, and every step you took closer to her was a sigh of relief that left your already tired lungs. Bullets and all kinds of projectile weapons were thrown in your direction, and The Master had to keep you even closer than usual to his body to prevent you from getting hurt.

When the disguised aspect of the TARDIS finally met your eye, you thought you had never felt happier in your life, but your legs were beginning to get tired and you felt yourself losing all the strength in your body, struggling to stabilize the rhythm of your breathing.

One last push, you repeated yourself internally as you forced your body to not give up, to resist until you could collapse on the safety of the TARDIS’ ground.

With every passing second, you could see your destination getting closer, but that little time felt eternal as you did your best not to lose focus and sprint those last meters for the sake of your life.

You only let go of The Master’s hand so you could extend your arms to push the TARDIS’ doors open, get inside and quickly close them after you. But the only thing your hands laid on was the ground as you tripped and fell only a few steps away from the ship.

Your heart sunk in your chest as your bad luck struck in, realizing that you didn’t have enough time to stand up from the ground before the hordes of soldiers reached you, probably killing you instantly. This time there was no way out, and you closed your eyes while you met your unavoidable fate.

This wasn’t a bad way to die, you supposed. You hadn’t lived too long, but you had lived your life to the fullest, running away through the stars with a psychopath alien and visiting places most of your kind couldn’t even dream about. You were at peace with yourself, suspecting that The Master wouldn’t be too affected by your loss and knowing that you had already lived longer than what could be expected of such a fragile being living such a dangerous life.

You were ready to let the rest of your body hit the floor and say goodbye forever, but then The Master’s hands gripped you tight from each side of your body and pushed you up and forwards, giving you the last boost you needed to reach the TARDIS’ doors.

“What are you doing?!” His angry tone reprimanded you as he positioned himself behind you to shield you from your persecutors. “Run!”

Taking The Master’s hand in yours again, you finally made it to the insides of the TARDIS, the comfort of the familiar console room greeting you as she hummed happily at your arrival. As soon as the doors closed, you threw yourself onto the Time Lord, surrounding him with your arms to pull him into a victory hug, or more a thankfulness hug for having saved your life seconds earlier.

You squeezed him tight as you let fear crawl out of your body, starting to feel safe again by his side. For a moment you had truly believed he wouldn’t turn back for you, that he would simply get inside his ship and forget about the fact you had ever existed. But now, after watching him risking his own life to save yours, you realized there wasn’t a single place in the universe where you could really be endangered if you were with him.

As your breathing calmed and you stopped hearing the throbbing of your heart buzzing in your ears, you heard him hiss slightly at the same time you felt the lower part of your torso dampening. Getting away from him, you discovered your shirt was covered in blood, and immediately, you lifted it up to find there was no wound underneath.

Looking again in The Master’s direction and finding that his belly was also covered in the thick liquid, you didn’t let him time to say anything before undoing the lower buttons of his shirt and discovering a bullet wound on the right side of his torso.

Blood was quickly coming out of it, and you were quick to tear the lower side of your shirt so you could use the fabric to press against the bullet hole and stop the bleeding. You had always seen that work in movies, but the material was soon soaked and you realized you couldn’t stop him from bleeding out when you found a second wound a few centimeters above the first one.

“You’re going to bleed to death…” Fear was starting to form in the pit of your stomach as your mind rushed trying to find a solution to the mess developing right in front of you.

“Don’t exaggerate.” He said, as if he had just gotten an insignificant scratch. “I will be fine.”

“No.” You shook your head, taking some piece of clothing you had left in the room earlier and placing it over his belly in hopes it would do something more than the piece of fabric you had used earlier. That didn’t seem to stop the bleeding either and you started to become more and more desperate. “You need to regenerate.”

The Master frowned at you, and then you realized the weak state in which he was. In normal situations, he would have look way more threatening and powerful with the simple act of just lying his eyes on you. Now, looking at the titanic effort he put in simply trying to stay awake was enough for you to pity him.

When you thought of The Master, many adjectives came to your mind, but pity had never before been a word you would’ve use him to describe him.

“I’m not going to regenerate for something so stupid.” He immediately refused, and you cursed him internally as you guided him to the nearest couch, hand still pressing on the side of his body as you helped him sit down as comfortably as possible.

“You’re dying.” You tried to reason with him, but his stubbornness was too much to handle at the moment. He didn’t say a thing as he let the weight of his body collapse on the piece of furniture, and you watched him in desperation. “Please, just do the goddamn thing!”

You pressed the fabric in your hands harder against his wounds, wishing that he would listen to you for once in his life. When you got no answer from him, you lifted your stare to his face again, realizing he had lost consciousness.

“No, no, no, no...” You muttered as you shook his body slightly, trying to get him to wake up. “Wake up, come on. Just wake up and regenerate!”

Seeing that he wouldn’t respond, you immediately decided to check for his heartbeat. Or more correctly, heartbeats. Placing two fingers on the side of his neck, you found that the rhythm of his two hearts was starting to get very similar to the one your single heart made, and then you realized just in how much danger he was.

You were no doctor, but he had already lost a lot of blood. If you did nothing, you feared he could be dead in less than a few hours.

You had been under The Master’s care and protection for so long that now that you were the one that had to look after him, you felt completely helpless. How were you supposed to help him? All you knew about Time Lord’s biology was that they could regenerate when in life or death situations, and he had refused to do it, so you were out of ideas.

“Please, help me…” You felt your eyes watering as you cupped his face in between your hands, shaking it from side to side slightly in yet another attempt to bring him back in himself and get him to help you save him.

You didn’t get any response from him, but you heard the TARDIS humming intensely at you. And you felt relieved to at least have received a single answer to your plea, even if it was by some piece of seemingly inanimate, alien technology. Turning your head to the center of the room, you watched the console lights flicker as she indicated you to get closer to the controls of the ship. Understanding what she wanted you to do, you looked at The Master one last time.

“I’ll never forgive you if you dare to die on me.”

He looked as calmed as you had ever seen him, eyes closed and facial expressions completely relaxed. Your last thought while looking at him before rushing to the controls, was that you wished you could see that serenity in him more often, in better situations that the one taking place now of course.

Placing yourself before the buttons and levers of the console, you found yourself completely lost. You had seen The Master piloting the TARDIS billions of times, but looking down at the controls you couldn’t recall any of the movements he made while doing so… Was it really that hard to show you how to pilot the TARDIS? Hadn’t he thought it could be useful in a situation like this one? And why couldn’t you have a better memory? How could you have seen him doing so many times and not have the slightest idea of what to do?

You searched around the console in hopes of finding a piloting manual, some instructions, or at least some note handwritten by the dying Time Lord that could give you some clue on how to put the time travelling ship in motion. But when you found nothing and realized you wouldn’t even know when or where to take the ship to if you knew how to pilot it, you started to feel impotence taking over you.

The Master was dying because of you, because he had stopped to help you, a simple, useless human. And you weren’t able to do anything to help him, to make things right. You were the one dying, not him.

Feeling the lump forming in the back of your throat you wished you could turn back time and stop him from helping you get to the ship.

How ironic was that? You were inside a time travelling machine, desperate to go back in time, and you simply couldn’t. You had never felt so small and worthless in your whole life as the tears started to fall down your cheeks.

“I don’t know what to do…” You looked back towards The Master, his unconscious body laid on the other side of the room. Your eyes examined him with an apologetic look for a few seconds before the TARDIS’ hum called you again.

Following the sound she made, you realized she was trying to draw you attention to one specific lever of the console, one she had pointed out by illuminating it with a characteristic purple light. Assuming she was trying to guide you, you got closer to the lever and pulled it without thinking it twice, desperate to at least try something to fix the situation.

When you heard the approving hum of the TARDIS and noticed the way she illuminated a close button in the same purple light, you proceeded to push that button too, and then the next one she pointed you to. You honestly didn’t know what any of those controls were doing or if you would be able to follow her instructions well enough to get The Master somewhere safe, but you had no time to waste with doubt and second-guessing.

You rushed through the console’s controls, pulling and pressing as soon as the TARDIS indicated you what it was that you had to do next. After pulling one final lever, you noticed the ground beneath your feet tremble as the ship entered the time vortex. You looked back at The Master one last time as the ship landed in an unknown location and time.

“Is it done?” You asked her, quickly wiping away the tears that had fallen from your eyes seconds earlier.

She gave you yet another hum, and you supposed you would need to go outside and figure out if you had succeeded in piloting the TARDIS to the right place. When you ran outside and found yourself inside a building that seemed like what you knew as a hospital, you finally let out the breath that you had been holding.

By the time The Master woke up again, he was lying inside a hospital bed, a sharp pain on his side and a little dizziness caused by whatever substance they were putting into his IV, which he quickly took off without even acknowledging what it was. He attempted to get off the bed to try and find out in which planet he was, or how he had gotten there, but he found himself too weak to move, the stabbing pain on his side making him desist from it.

Giving up and lying his head back on the pillow again, he caught a glimpse of something that look like a bracelet on his right wrist. When he looked at it, he realized his data was printed on that bracelet:

SPECIES: Time Lord

AGE: ?

NAME: Doctor

He immediately frowned at the name of his older enemy on his own hand, and for a second he theorized about being dead and having been sent to the profundities of hell as a punishment for his numerous crimes during his extremely long existence. For a second he feared he would have to live as The Doctor for the rest of eternity.

If there was in fact something similar to hell, he was sure this was it.

Your entrance in the room interrupted his thoughts as he sighed in relief by seeing you. He let out the air too fast out of his lungs, and he couldn’t help but hiss in pain.

“How are you feeling?” You asked him after you realized he had gained consciousness back again, closing the door behind you.

“Better than ever, love.” He said with that smug smile on his face, trying to ignore the intense ache on the side of his torso.

You looked at him for a few seconds, upset that he would act as if nothing had happened. Well, he was The Master. He was an expert in being annoying, you thought. What else could you expect from him?

“I hope it’s really hurting, you thick idiot.” You spitted out, not holding yourself back as you bitterly let him know just how angry you were with him. Had you been anyone else, you wouldn’t have probably lived to tell about it “Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?! I thought you were dying!”

“Dying is not something I’m very good at, as you can see.” The Master casually said with a pompous smirk on his face, one you wished you could slap off him. You simply decided to ignore his comment.

“Why didn’t you just regenerate? Do you have any idea how many trouble you would have spare me?”

“I thought you liked this face, pet.” He raised an eyebrow at you, arrogance showing all over his face as you couldn’t help but blush slightly. It was true you found him attractive, but he clearly didn’t need you to boost his already enormous ego.

“I would have rather have you alive with a different face than dead with this one.”

For barely a second you could see the façade in The Master’s eyes fall apart as you said those words. You knew he wasn’t very keen on talking about feelings, but you hoped he knew you were being serious.

“How did we arrive here?” He quickly changed the subject. “And why am I The Doctor now?”

“I brought us here. The TARDIS taught me to pilot her” You started to explain, watching the surprised look on his face as he tried to imagine you maneuvering his ship. “And well, when they asked me what your species was so they could give you the right medication, I thought I would tell them the truth, but when they asked me for your name I figured telling them they were treating one of the most dangerous criminals in all of time and space wasn’t such a great idea.”

“I would have rather you letting me die before letting anyone think I was her.” He rolled his eyes and ripped off the bracelet on his wrist, clearly annoyed by the idea of being mistaken for his former best friend.

“If you hadn’t stopped for me back then I wouldn’t have had to do it!” You pointed out in frustration, tired of him only complaining. You knew The Master would never thank you for saving his life, but those comments he made were starting to get you on your nerves. The Time Lord started at you in confusion for a few seconds, eyes glued to your face as he tried to decode what was going through your mind before forcing himself inside of it. After staying silent for several seconds, you decided to ask right away. “Why would you risk your life for me anyway?”

“You’re my pet, dear. I’m supposed to keep you safe.” He replied as if it was an obvious thing. When you had first met him, you had never thought you would hear him speak that way about a human.

“Not if it costs you your own life!”

“Did you really want me to abandon you?” He asked, tone deadly serious and eyes inspecting you carefully.

“No, but…” Sighing, you tried to find a proper way to express what was going on inside your head. “I would never want you to get hurt because of me. I’m only human, and my life is so ephemeral and fragile… Your life is way bigger and exciting than what mine could ever be, and you shouldn’t put it at risk because of me. I’m dispensable.”

While hearing your words, The Master regretted every time he had told you how inferior you were because of your ‘human condition’. He had seen you as dispensable at first, but he no longer considered you anything other than his equal, his partner in crime. The fact that you had grown to see yourself as something of less worth than him was almost as painful as the injury on his side.

“Don’t you ever say something like that again.” He warned you in what almost sound like a threatening tone. “You’re not dispensable. If you were I wouldn’t have you in my TARDIS. I did what I did, and I would do it again if I had to, love. I promised to take care of you and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, no matter the cost. Is that understood?”

A little taken aback but moved by his words, you simply nodded, trying to regain composure again.

“Good, now help me get out of here.” Without giving you a second to react, he immediately attempted to get out of the mattress. You quickly rushed to his side to try and get him to lay back again.

“What are you doing? You’re still not ready to go!” You tried to convince him to stay in the hospital for a little longer, to give himself some time to fully recover. Deep down you knew everything you’d try would be useless, knowing that he would run away from that room at the first chance he got. He would probably even want to go plan his next heist right after arriving the TARDIS, as if nothing had ever happened.

“It won’t take long for the staff to discover you lied about my identity, and they’ll want some explanations.” He began to explain to you. “We need to be gone by the time they arrive.”

Closing your eyes, you realized he was right. That was one of the few inconveniences of travelling around space and time causing chaos and destruction, you couldn’t stay anywhere for too long if you didn’t want to get caught, and The Master was a wanted man in practically every corner of the universe.

“Okay, we are leaving.” The Master’s face was adorned with a pleased smile as he heard your words. “But don’t even think about getting into trouble for the next few days. You’re going to get a full recovery first. You have to promise me.”

“I promise you, pet.” He stated as he leaned onto you to use your body as support when he got up.

“Oh, and I’m piloting the TARDIS, by the way.” You added, gaining a warning look from him. “What? You are going to need a lot of rest in the next few days and I have to practice in case I have to pilot her again.”

#Dhawan!Master #Dhawan Master #Dhawan!Master x reader #Sacha Dhawan #Dhawan Master x reader #Dhawan!Master x you #Dhawan Master x you #Doctor who fanfiction

[wishiwasntstillhere]

and when the world is crashing down on you, will you give me a call?

Kyouya makes a different decision, and does not end up threatening someone he cares about. 

Kyouya-centric for his birthday!! Episode 8 fixit fic, no ships but also im clearly in love with all three of them so :) also on ao3!

Haruhi bursts into his room and goes straight for the bathroom, never even seeing him. Heaving noises ensue from within. He winces. Too much crab, then. He lays the towel down, grabbing his glasses so he can stand, but-

Should he go check on her?

For the hundredth time, the waves crash against that jagged rock and Haruhi plunges silent into dark water. He blinks it away.

Instead, he sits, toweling his hair, and wonders at her. Will she be awkward once she realizes he’s just finished showering? Hmm. Probably not. Oblivious or indifferent, Kyouya can never tell which, but Haruhi never seems flustered by that kind of thing.

That thought should be intriguing, but today there's only a churning in his gut.

“All done?” Kyouya asks, once his bathroom door opens again. He doesn't look up.

“I’m sorry for intruding into the room of a stranger-"

“How rude. It’s me.”

"Kyouya-senpai? Oh. I’m sorry, I seem to have gotten everyone worried about me.”

He refuses to let it play again. Yet in crashes the sea, the fall, the silence of that terror. He just can't shake it.

And so, the Shadow King must act.

Kyouya glances past her to the lightswitch and draws up the words he needs.

“I wasn’t particularly worried.” He stands, then drinks out of his water bottle. Cool, casual. That’s the key to this ruse.

He lays out the bait, recounting Hikaru and Kaoru’s scuffle with her attackers. Pinning his focus on his destination across the room, he spins some nonsense about bouquets and apologies to the girls. Kyouya doesn’t look at her once, even as he positions himself for the catch. In a way, it’s hosting. A careful dance made to look careless, subtly guiding her to the right outcome.

“I’ll pay for those flowers myself,” Haruhi promises, of course.

And his timing is precise. In the exact moment he lays out her six-figure mistake, he flips the lights off, and finally, Kyouya can turn to face her.

Something about the ruffles on her dress sends cold water splashing frantic up his insides. He takes another breath. He reaches down, drawing up the calculated cruelty he needs. He doesn’t like playing the bad guy, but he is best equipped for it. And someone has to.

“Why did you turn the lights off?”

She’s stepped in the snare, the cold teeth of the trap must snap shut around her now. Now, or she’ll never see the danger as it should be.

But his eyes catch on her face, blurry in the dark but watching, open, patient—and the teeth don’t move. He doesn’t move.

“Senpai?”

She fidgets, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. Surely she senses the strangeness in the air.

“Senpai, you’re starting to worry me,” she starts cautiously.

Is he? Is he finally? He can hardly breathe, only he knows this isn’t enough. He grasps for his plan, the words that will make things right-

“Senpai, I’m sorry about the expense. Please don’t worry about it, I really will pay it off,” she tries, and he knows that she really means it. She gives him a look, gentler than a smile, something surreal and infuriatingly comforting in her very Haruhi way, and he chokes.

“Why didn’t you call for help, Haruhi?” he asks, relieved that his voice comes out so indifferent.

Haruhi sighs. “So you were worried.”

A Kyouya with the lights on would fill this space with words, flooding it with hurtful meaningless things. As a member of the host club, you are but an asset to me at best, commoner. Don’t presume your own importance. You are obligated to stay out of trouble until your debt is paid, at least.

There are yet other things he could have said in light, things that would have been kinder, truer, and yet just as deceptive. You scared Tamaki. You drove the twins to violence for you. Don't you see how they worry for you?

But they’re in the dark, and Haruhi’s not dumb, and his hand is already shown. Kyouya has an infinite capacity for unkindnesses––but for once, he’s willing to admit that he doesn’t want to go through with this plan.

“Why didn’t you?” he repeats.

She cocks her head, answering frankly. “It didn’t occur to me.”

And the cold inside him wails.  

He clenches his jaw to keep from shouting at her, how completely unhelpful that would be. But still more iron leaches into his tone than intended.

“And just why didn’t it occur to you?”

Haruhi’s chin jerks, eyes sparking. Oh, no.

“Well, those guys weren’t listening, so I didn’t have time to worry about how my gender would impact things. I had to act.”

She’s not listening, and the water is growing more agitated. Careless. Disrespectful. She should be afraid, and he can make her fear him.

Stomach lurching, he holds that thought in place. No. He doesn’t want to hurt her. He doesn’t want her to fear him.

This isn’t about Kyouya. It’s about Haruhi, and her safety.

How can he make her understand? How can he understand?

“I don’t disagree that something had to be done,” he starts. “Those girls were in real, immediate danger, and your intervention allowed Kurakano-kun to get the rest of the club to help. And Tamaki was being unreasonable by making the issue about your gender.”

Even this much is exhausting, so he sits down on the floor.

When she follows suit, her shoulders have settled a little from their taut hunch. Progress. He searches the dark and blurry bedroom for the next right words. But Haruhi finds them first.

“I know that rushing in to fight those guys was reckless,” she murmurs. “But the girls were scared. If I didn’t act, right away, they were going to be hurt.”

Kyouya pauses. She won’t like his next question. But he holds her gaze, intending to understand.

“Had you considered that you could get hurt, by intervening?”

Haruhi frowns. “After I hit the one, I knew they would focus on me. That was sort of the point, to get him to let go of Momoka-chan. But…” Her tone shifts into something more contemplative now. “I suppose I didn’t guard myself well, but how were my actions any different from Tamaki-senpai’s? He dove straight off the cliff to get to me, wasn’t that just as dangerous?”

She does have a point there. However good a swimmer he is, Tamaki had dived off the cliff without even looking. And yet...

True, Tamaki rushes into many reckless things to help others, but it’s never quite filled Kyouya with the same cold dread as Haruhi’s tumble off the cliff. And Tamaki has taken many a tumble. Kyouya would know, after all.

Ah.

“Haruhi, if you were robbed in a foreign country and you didn’t speak the language and you had nothing on you but your cellphone and 1000 yen, what would you do?”

She startles. “Huh? I would… search for the embassy, I guess?”

“And if you had no idea where the embassy was?”

“I would... try to find a map?”

Hmm.

“And if you got locked out of your home at 3 AM in the morning?”

“Senpai, what is this about?” Her confusion has shifted into mild irritation.

“Humor me,” he says, unsmiling.

She throws her hands up in resignation. “I would… wait until my dad got home.”

“And if he was on a business trip? Or if it was storming?”

“I would break in somehow.”

“And if someone at school was stealing your books and writing slurs on your desk?”

Rolling her eyes, she sighs out, “I would let the teacher know I needed new books, and clean off my desk before school. Senpai, this isn’t very funny.”

There’s a knock at his door. “Kyouya?” And it opens. “Do you have any lotion? This sunburn is worse than I-”

Tamaki freezes in the doorway. Kyouya can’t see the look on his face, but he hardly needs to, with the perfect replica hissing steam in his mind. He has approximately three seconds to derail this explosion. Luckily, he has just the thing to reroute the wildly careening train that is Tamaki’s mind.

“What are you-”

“Tamaki, after you got scammed and you were stranded on your own in Taiwan, what did you do?”

Tamaki blinks, recalibrating.

“Uh, I think I went to the embassy?”

“And how did you get to the embassy?”

“Hmm... Oh! I called you to ask for directions.” Walking over, he drops down to sit with them. His eyebrows are pinched––he wants to ask why, but still he lets Kyouya lead on.

“Yes. In the middle of an investor meeting,” he adds to a perplexed Haruhi. “And what about that time when you tried to climb from your window to the roof and fell out of your bedroom, when you were too embarrassed to call for a maid to come unlock your own house at 3 AM?”

“I… called you and stayed over at your place.”

Haruhi makes a face at that, which is fair. Nonetheless.

This last one is a little more delicate. He softens his voice, and inclines his head toward Haruhi by way of explanation. “And when you were bullied by our xenophobic peers in middle school?”

“Ah,” Tamaki says, realization smoothing his brow. “I told you about it. And you blackmailed them within an inch of their lives, of course.” He grins at the memory, at Kyouya. It’s easy to smirk back, warm and wicked in equal measure. That plan he has no regrets about.

Haruhi looks back and forth between them. He knows she’s still turning it over in her own mind. She is certainly smart enough to get it herself. But Kyouya decides anyway to take a page out of her book and be blunt, lest a mistranslation lead to regret later.

“The difference,” he explains, “is that whenever Tamaki is in trouble, he calls.”

They sit in silence for a while, Haruhi with her face downturned, Kyouya watching, patient. Considering both of them with his own discerning gaze, Tamaki settles, too.

“I’m just not like that, though,” Haruhi concludes, at last. Her voice is a touch wistful.

Tamaki is very, very gentle with his next words, Kyouya notices. “You grew up pretty lonely, didn’t you, Haruhi?  You had to deal with a lot on your own.”

She shrugs, though all three know it’s true. And then all at once, they’re thinking of mothers and childhoods lost, and the melancholy sets in heavily over them.

“You know, Kyouya grew up much the same,” he says.

Haruhi turns to look at a bewildered Kyouya, who pushes up his glasses on reflex. But Tamaki smiles, continuing.

“Yes, he’s someone I can always depend on. But he’s not very good at asking for help, either.”

Kyouya glowers at the sheer audacity, only to startle as they both look at him with eyes far too affectionate. He shifts in place and looks down instead.

“But he has the whole Host Club looking out for him. So that even though sometimes, he doesn’t ask out loud, we can see it. And we’ll help.”

Here’s a pause. Tamaki swallows, leans forward, and bows.

“Haruhi, I’m sorry I yelled. I was angry because I was scared. That was my own fault, and you have every right to be upset.”

She rocks a little in her seat. “I’m sorry, as well. I don’t want to worry you guys.”

An absurd feeling grows in Kyouya’s chest. Half mirth, half despair.

Because he realizes: he doesn’t want her to be sorry at all anymore. She shouldn’t have to be sorry, she did nothing wrong . She acted to help, because it was more important to her than any consequence.

And now it’s clear: Haruhi has somehow become someone he truly cares about. Like Tamaki. Haruhi is something precious. Completely an agent of her own, and so trusting, and so kind. She’s earnest. She’s inherently good. He just wants her to be safe.

And he will never have any control over that.

The hysteria swells, threatening the structural integrity of his ribcage. All of the understanding he’s earned still won’t stop the fear that’s been crashing through him this whole night. He chokes down the laughter bubbling up and in his sheer desperation, looks at Tamaki.

It takes only one moment for Tamaki to read Kyouya’s distress, and in the next, he’s grabbing his hand, squeezing tight. And then he extends one to Haruhi.

“Haruhi, you don’t ever have to face things alone again. Will you let us be there for you?”

Kyouya has no control over how hard he squeezes Tamaki’s hand as they wait. He watches Haruhi’s own hands curl on her lap.

"I won’t be very good at it.”

"We aren’t either,” he says. She huffs. “It’s about the trying. Together .”

When she looks up, he's ready. Her eyes are searching, so he makes sure his own gaze is steadfast. He almost missed ever having this opportunity, he's fully aware. He won't let her down again.

“Okay,” she whispers. And takes Tamaki’s hand.

Relief blooms tangibly in the air. Haruhi’s eyes crinkle at Tamaki's relieved laugh. She opens her mouth to say something else, and-

Thunder shatters the room. Haruhi squeaks, yanking on his hand and hunching.

“Haruhi?” Tamaki leans forward, but-

Lightning strikes again, closer this time, and Kyouya feels the thunder slam into his eardrums. Haruhi yelps, trembling violently. She looks around the room, spots his dresser, and stands.

“Sorry! I- I uh- have to go now!”

“Don’t hide in the dresser,” Kyouya says, then feels foolish. Where had that thought come from? Why would she-?

But then she actually starts climbing into his dresser, and he and Tamaki have to hold the doors open.

“What- why would-? Haruhi, are you afraid of thunder?”

“It’s fine, I’ll be fine, this is how I always get through it,” she stammers, curling up inside.

“Not anymore,” says Tamaki, fiercely, and pulls her out into a hug.

“We have an American-style basement. It should be soundproof there, and there won’t be any flashing. Let’s head down now,” Kyouya decides. She’s trembling, clutching hard at Tamaki.

“I can’t- I’m not going to make it.”

“Close your eyes and cover your ears. We’ll get you there safe,” promises the Host Club prince, holding her even tighter.

“Okay,” she whispers.

Somehow they make it, the three of them hobbling to the basement. And somehow, the others find them, and they play games and music until they're almost all asleep on the various couches.

Kyouya’s turned off the lights and is just throwing a blanket over the twins when he hears her.

He’d thought she was asleep when he’d passed to drape a blanket over her on her own couch. Maybe she’s sleep talking, or maybe she woke up again. Either way, he stills, hoping she won’t spot him.

“You guys are even nicer than I thought,” she murmurs to the dark room. “Thank you, Kyouya-senpai.”

Despite himself, he smiles.

#kyouya ootori #kyoya ootori #haruhi fujioka #tamaki suoh #ouran #ohshc #fixit fic #episode 8 fixit #ouran au anybody #the bisexual in me rly came out writing this #man episode 8 screws up haruhi AND kyouyas characterization im just so glad fanfiction exists :) #lai is out here

[werevulvi]

I kinda just wanted to make a rant, to lay out why I feel so iffy about trans women and hopefully get a better understanding of my own feelings and what the fuck is brewing under that surface. There has to be a reason. This post is analytical drivel, not a debate, but by all means, feel free to respond or otherwise talk to me about this. Let's take it from the beginning and then go from there.

Part 1 Detransition:

So, I began detransitioning roughly 2 years ago. That's where my feelings about the trans community as a whole began to shift, and with that my feelings about trans women. At that time, I was still active in a truscum group and came out as detrans there, after having been known and looked up to as a trans man there for over a year. At first I was accepted, but when I started having doubts about wanting to get rid of my beard, and felt like I wanted to embrace my body hair and deep voice... people there started acting like shit towards me. They told me that my biological sex still being female did not matter, that I was essentially a man and had to detrans medically to be considered a woman again. That hurt badly.

Shortly after that, I was also told that because I was medically transitioned, trans women were "more female" than me. That was like the last drop that made the goblet pour over. Fuming, I started saying that I'm more of a woman than trans women can ever be, even if I keep a full beard, because they'll never be truly biologically female, no matter how much surgery they got. I was hurting by their cruel words, so I stuck it where it would hurt them the same. (I’ve always an “eye for an eye” sorta person.) That's when people started telling me that I hate trans women, but I felt like that was a misunderstanding. That I was just acting out, out of sadness, grief, anger, panic, and having my gender denied for the sake of validating trans women's genders.

But were they right?

Part 2 Gender critical thought:

Over time, I got exceedingly gender critical and fell into radblr. I also read/watched content that "exposed" transgenderism as a scam, most of which was articles and youtube videos from conservative right wing people, and Christians. I had joined an fb group for detransitioners, and the creator, a "born again" Christian detrans man, happily shared all the many sources he had on how transgender was all a scam from the start of its movement. I felt somewhat sick consuming those links, but probably equally intrigued. But at the same time, I kept a foot in the trans community, starving for attention, even though I was never good enough for them anymore, unless I lied and said I'm not a woman. What a sick twist of fate, I felt.

Part 3a Sexuality, from a lesbian view:

Sometime around that, I struggled with my sexuality and after a lot on inner search, I came to the conclusion I was a lesbian. I felt as though I was only attracted to the same sex as myself, including trans men, but felt nothing worth praising towards males, including trans women. That led to yet another rabbit hole that I tumbled down into. I became convinced that majority of trans women were lesbophobic predators, and I had some shit luck on dating apps. Most people who approached me there were gnc males; transvestites and trans women. I almost went on a date with a good-looking trans woman whom I had mistaken for female, because I felt guilty for having lost attraction to her the moment she told me she's trans and post-op. Luckily she canceled our date for unrelated reasons. I felt like because she was attractive to me before I knew she's trans, but felt completely uninterested in her after the fact, I couldn't possibly be attracted to trans women.

Part 3b Sexuality, from a bisexual view:

That, of course, is not necessarily a bad thing. But I kept asking myself why. Especially since I realised my error in my sexuality calculations, and upon correction discovered I'm actually bisexual after all. I still find women and transitioned females attractive, and in addition to that also men in general, and some vaguely transitioned males. Except from trans women. That odd little inconvenience stood out as a sore thumb which I couldn't stop scratching. Why? I kept asking myself. Why not trans women?

My question dug deeper than just to attraction. I don't think I feel iffy about trans women because I'm not attracted to them. I think it's the other way around.

I never had to convince myself to be attracted to trans men. I discovered early on in my own transition that some other trans men were really hot. That was it. I later on dated a trans man whom I was head over heals in love with. That confirmed it. I've been questioning my attraction to standard men and women far more than I ever questioned my attraction to trans men. It was that obvious, that clear. However, when it comes to trans women I was always the complete opposite. That no matter how I twisted and turned it, I only ever felt revulsion at the thought of being sexual or romantic with a trans woman. No matter how well or badly they passed, no matter how aesthetically pleasing or how charming their personalities.

I wanna clarify that I'm not at all forcing myself to be into trans women. I'm just trying to understand why, so that I'll no longer feel bad about my lack of attraction to them. Because I cannot accept things which I do not understand.

Part 3c Sexuality, digging for answers:

At first I thought, maybe I'm just not all that attracted to femininity. It's not like I typically get super into hyper-feminine natal women either, and fake tits and faces with a ton of plastic surgery has always made me queezy. No, I seem to have a strong preference for masculinity in partners, regardless if they're butches, other masc bi women, trans men or kinda standard masc natal men. So then it just kinda makes sense that trans women, whom are often hyper-feminine, just don't fit that image. Except... that one trans woman I almost went on a date with... she looked like a butch. I mistook her for a natal woman partly because she had short hair, no makeup and wore what looked like men's clothing, but I could see she had hips and tits, and her face looked naturally female. But I still wasn't into her, because she's trans.

Then I thought... okay, that one checks out, but maybe I'm just creeped out neo-vaginas? Yeah, that must be it! I'm almost equally creeped out by neo-penises too, but most trans men don't get bottom surgery anyway, so it hasn't been much on my mind. But then I thought: okay, but what about trans women who choose to not get bottom surgery then? I am attracted to dick. Nope, still uneasy at that thought. I started comparing men who are just very feminine, to trans women, and noticed yeah I don't actually feel half as iffy about men who are just feminine. A man in a dress and makeup can actually be very hot, to me. And I've always preferred long hair on men. But I prefer them still looking clearly male underneath that, although I don't mind a few androgynous features here and there. But I’m only into it if they don’t act like their affinity for femininity makes them women or non-binary, or if they’re feminine in a way that mocks or sexualises womanhood. So I’m not into tacky transvestites in over-sexualised lingerie. At least try to be tactful and elegant, please. So, it’s not male femininity per se that puts me off. If there’s any femininity I’m actually into, it’s male femininity. Because gender non-conformity is attractive to me. And I love the idea of being a strong female protector and girlboss of a gentle, delicate, feminine man. At least I like fantasising about that. (But enough about my daydreams.)

Part 4a Womanhood, biology and identity:

Somewhere after having gotten that far in my digging, I started getting close to finding my sore spot: trans women's view on womanhood.

As for myself, my own view of womanhood is completely detached from femininity. I'm just like... I can even have a full beard and bass voice, a flat and hairy chest, and still be a woman. Because I'm simply bio female. Trans women tend to very often think that they need to "pass" and with that comes a certain look: high voice, no facial hair, no body hair, big breasts, curvy hips, etc. All of which are features that I'm dysphoric about having on my own body, but admire in other natal women. But on trans women, it's like I feel uncomfortable about those kinda features on them. Like to me being a woman is just dealing with having developed that way, or not dealing with having developed that way. Where as for them it seems to be actually striving for developing that way, and I guess that causes my brain to short circuit. Cannot comprehend.

Part 4b Womanhood, fragility and validation:

My womanhood is kinda fragile. I admit that. I'm quite insecure as a woman, because of my transition and masculinity. I feel like most of my womanhood has been lost, which although I'm fine with, I still grieve. I grieve it because I was a bit of an idiot when I first transitioned and had not yet processed my trauma - not because I regret looking like a man. It's complicated, but basically... I feel as though my womanhood is hanging by a thread, which is my genitals, reproductive system and chromosomes; all of which are either mostly hidden or always invisible.

I'm often met with disbelief and disagreement. People either saying "You're not a woman because you can't possibly be female. You look too male." or "You're not a woman because you medically transitioned. You having a uterus is not enough to make you a woman." and it gets to me. And then there are trans women... some of whom do not even need to put on a wig to be instantly validated as women by just identifying as such. Others thinking that because I look like a man, they refuse to think of me as a woman. And that... pisses me off.

There have been a few trans women who in some utterly failed attempt at being supportive of me have said I'm like a nonbinary person who is half male and half female. That's not a lot better, but thanks for trying... I guess.

Part 4c Womanhood, dysphoria and misogyny:

I think that might be what gets to me about trans women. All of it. This entire list of things. That some of them are lesbophobic predators and have absurd claims of what being female is, that others mock womanhood, and yet others view themselves as somehow more female than I am. The genital factor and the slight creepiness of plastic surgery. Their view of womanhood as an identity and my view of it as a biological sex. I keep ending up in fights with trans women about these sorta things. I can't keep a lid on my frustrations no matter how hard I try to just see them as people with dysphoria and opinions that are different from mine. I cannot find any fucking solidarity between myself, as a dysphoric natal woman, and trans women. I feel like they're making mockery of my sex, my dysphoria and my struggles with misogyny, as well as making me feel like shit about something that I love about my body: my transition. I have no common grounds with them, and whenever they try to find solidarity in stuff like misogyny, I feel like they don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. I have a huge bone to pick with them, on multiple levels, and I don't even know where to start or where it ends.

Part 4d Womanhood, jealousy:

But a lot of it comes from jealousy. And I think it's mutual. I'm jealous of their ability to access female only spaces despite being male, which I cannot access despite being female. I'm jealous of their ability to be accepted as women. And on the other side, I think they're jealous of my reproductive ability, and my female socialisation, which I'm not like super hyped about myself, although I do love my pussy (she gives me great orgasms.) I'm jealous of their ability to claim womanhood without even trying to pass as female, because people are quicker to accept the woman-gender-identity than the woman-bio-sex. But likewise, ironically, I sense that they're jealous of that I can claim the "woman lane" despite looking convincingly male, because I'll always be biologically female, no matter how insible my sex is.

They cannot see me as a woman, because of my transition, without looking at themselves as men, no matter how far they transition. And I cannot see them as women, no matter how far they transition, without labeling myself as a man, because of my own transition. I think that about nails it.

Part 5 Conclusions:

I don't think it's true hatred, but rather insecurities both from myself and from them. Because we cannot both exist as women under the same ideology. One of us has to be considered a man, and neither of us is willing to fold on that. Ultimately... I am a threat to their womanhood, as much as they are a threat to my womanhood. And that tension is so thick... not even a knife could cut it. I guess the sad thing is though, that I think that tension is unnecessary. I am so unlike trans women that we could potentially bond based on how different we are. Because there is a lot of similarity in those differences, if you really think about it.

But no, I do not wish them harm in any way. Despite the vast array of insults I sometimes hurl their way. That is really just in response to them insulting me. I do not think they're doing anything wrong by transitioning, or even necessarily by identifying as women. I think, if they had just been more like "I can see you as a woman despite having transitioned, because deep down you like being female and having a pussy... kinda like I'm a woman because I wanna have a pussy, despite having been born male" I would have been much quicker to embrace them. Because that, I could get behind; but they can't.

So, there is no solidarity. It remains an endless fight. But I feel like it's not just on my part. I have tried. I do try. But they're not willing to meet me halfway, and that makes me go to attack in self-defense, which makes then go to attack in self-defense.

#my stick up my arse about trans women #its hurt not hate #rant #analytical drivel #gender critical #radfem safe #detransition

[darlingsdevil]

The Ballads of Rebirth (Arthur Morgan x Reader)

Chapter 7: Letters of Misfortune

Masterlist

•••

Charles hadn’t seen much of Arthur since Mahala’s death. Arthur didn’t deal with grief like other people did. He never had the chance to grieve before, he was too busy with helping the gang to ever grieve. The process was new to him.

He spent as much time as he could away from Charles’s home. He only returned in the late hours of the night, long after Charles fell asleep. Charles was never sure where Arthur went, the only telltale sign of Arthur ever returning home was the occasional note, telling Charles he would be out for a few days.

Arthur visited post offices around the states the gang had last visited. Everyday was a new post office. The mailmen were familiar with Tacitus Kilgore, the second Arthur stepped into the post office they would shake their heads. Arthur wasn’t sure what letter he was looking for, perhaps one from John, Sadie or you. It was risky business traveling around the states, especially with the threat of Dutch and Micah possibly lurking around. But no one ever recognized him. He held himself in a manner that was entirely from the old Arthur, people would have to truly take a good look to recognize him.

It was two months of searching, until he finally just told the post office masters to send any letter he received to the Valentine post office. He couldn’t truly embark on that journey to find you without any clues. He was going to honor Mahala’s last wishes if it was the last damn thing he ever did. Arthur was no religious man, but he prayed that he would find you one day and that a clue to your whereabouts would soon appear. He knew you were smart enough to get the hell out of anywhere the gang had last been, in case Dutch was lurking around. He thought it was strange that John had sent no letter to Charles though, considering that John knew where Charles last resided.

Arthur swallowed his pride and returned home to Charles after not finding any letters addressed to Tacitus Kilgore at the Valentine post office. He felt strange as he stood on the doorstep of the quaint home. Taima stood hitched by the tree, so Charles was definitely home.

He clutched the seed packet of daffodils in his hand, contemplating whether he should knock or just enter. Arthur lived here too, but he hadn’t been home in so long he didn’t want to spook Charles.

“Arthur!” A voice shouted from behind him. Charles.

Charles came quickly to Arthur, hugging him tightly.

“I’ve missed you. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.” Charles laughed to his friend, releasing him.

“I know.” Arthur laughed along with him, still feeling strange.

They were silent for a moment, both men studying each other.

“Well, welcome back.” Charles said with a smile, opening the door for Arthur.

“Glad to be back.” Arthur said as he set down his satchel on the table.

“I have a letter. John sent it to me a day ago.” Charles said from behind him, hanging his coat up.

Arthur turned around, eyeing the ripped open letter in Charles’s hand. Charles handed it to Arthur, leaving Arthur to read the letter by himself.

He slowly pulled the letter out from the envelope, his hands shaking in anticipation. It was definitely John’s crude handwriting. It was like John wrote with his less dominant hand, while on a horse, and being chased by a pack of wolves while doing it. Arthur was never so glad to see his brother’s terrible handwriting.

2/18/00

Charles,

Abigail, Jack and I are in Detroit. I’m sorry for the late letter, but we’ve been so busy with the move. We’re hoping to head out to Canada. No one has recognized me yet, but I’m known for having a bad streak for people recognizing me and causing trouble, so I won’t be surprised if we’ll have to move again.

Sadie is in Illinois. We met her a few weeks back during our travels in Chicago. She’s starting a bounty hunting business apparently. I’m sure that work will treat her well.

Arthur’s wife is in Richfield. A city on the other side of the Grizzlies. If you visit her, you can’t miss the city, it’s big and upcoming. I haven’t had the time to send her a letter either, but I’m sure she’s doing well. Mrs. Morgan is a persuasive spirit. I’m sure she’s doing just fine with her new found life.

I’m not too sure how long we will be staying here, so please send a response soon. I hope you’re doing alright, Charles.

Regards,

John

Arthur had never felt so many emotions hit him at once. He felt ecstatic, nervousness, love, a thousand things. You were alive. You were settling down, something Arthur had always wanted for you. He prayed you were still in Richfield. Arthur was sure you were still running scams and causing mischief in this sparkling new city, like you always did.

“It seems like you’ll be leaving me again.” Charles entered the room again. Arthur gingerly set the letter down, as if it were the most valuable thing in the entire universe.

“I have to look for her.”

“I know. I hope you find peace with her, Arthur. I’m sure she’s still waiting for you too.”

Arthur gripped onto his friend’s words like they were something precious, leaning against the table.

“But first, you have to plan this out. If you don’t find her within a month you’re coming back and we’ll wait for another letter.” Charles said, giving him a knowing look. He was right though, if Arthur didn’t find you he’d end up in Richfield looking for you forever.

“I’ll take the next train out. If I don’t find her within a week, I’ll come right back. If I find her, I’ll take her home.”

•••

“Mr. Rinascita?” You called out from the front of the store. Lee’s father went to go retrieve a restock of apples from the back room, but he was gone for ten minutes, no sounds came from the back room either, making you worry. It was deathly quiet. You waited until the customer you were helping had left to search for him.

It was only you and Mr. Rinascita at the store today, Lee was meeting with some suppliers down by the pier to discuss business, but he promised he would be back by three, and it was two-thirty.

You stepped into the dimly lit room, and Mr. Rinascita lay against the floor, breathing heavily. You rushed to his side, helping him up.

“Doctor.” He mumbled, his head laying limply on your shoulder.

You leaned him against the counter as you flipped over the open sign on the door, pulling him out of the door as quickly as you could.

The doctor was on the same street as you, luckily being one of the few original buildings in the city meant that they were all on the same street.

You nearly burst into the doctor's office, you struggled to hold onto Mr. Rinascita. The receptionist hurried to your side, helping you carry him into the doctor's office. She told you to fill out some information at the front desk and assured you the doctor would be in momentarily. You decided it would be better if you waited for him, not wanting to intrude on his privacy.

The receptionist allowed you to use the phone at the front desk, you never used one before. It was a strange concept, there was one in the general store, but only Mr. Rinascita and Lee used it.

You hated the doctor's office since that fateful day in Saint Denis when Arthur passed out in the street. That was his death sentence, you saw him die that day.

•••

You spotted Arthur leaning against the lamp post. The air was thick and heavy, too humid for your liking. The swamps of Lemoyne created a thick air that fell over the city, and you absolutely hated it. It was late June, which meant it was even hotter than usual.

He had been coughing more than usual. You assumed it was stress or some strange illness he had picked up while in Guarma. Disease ran rampant on ships, he could have caught it there too.

Arthur noticed you walking up to him, and you gave him a quick peck on the cheek as he continued to cough.

Your mind filled with worry when you noticed the panicked look on his face. He couldn’t stop. Your husband's chest heaved and his eyes became clouded with pain. Blood splattered from his mouth as he fell to the dirty street.

A scream erupted from your throat. The patrons of Saint Denis averted their eyes to look at you. Only one man came to help you.

He carried Arthur to the doctor’s office while you trailed behind, your hands trembling and your eyes filling with tears. The receptionist called to you once you tried to follow Arthur into the office.

“Miss, I think it’s best if you stay out here for a little while.” Her voice was sweet and soothing, but you needed to be with him.

“I- I need to be with my husband.” You stuttered through tears, attempting to wipe them away and the woman nodded with a sad smile. You entered the small office, Arthur’s blue eyes slowly opened, and they widened at the sight of you. He looked terrible, and it broke your heart.

“No, no, honey, you have to leave,” He mumbled, his chest shuddering. Tears fell freely from your eyes, and you shushed him.

“There’s no way in hell I’m leaving you.” You turned away from him, not being able to bear looking at him. You wiped the tears from your face, trying to put on a strong face for him.

•••

Lee rushed to the office as quickly as he could the second he received the call. You nervously bit your fingernails, a habit you had picked up while escaping Dutch and Micah. It had been awhile since you’d bitten them down, but life hadn’t been too stressful since then.

You stood up and walked to him, handing him the rest of the paperwork you couldn’t fill out.

He sat plopped down against the rickety chairs, moving his hands through his dark hair, sighing heavily before beginning to scribble some words onto the paper. You eyed him cautiously, taking his strong hands in your own. They were cold still, he had probably just gotten back from the pier.

You were in his position many months ago, you knew exactly how he felt, hopeless and filled with uncertainty.

Mr. Rinascita had complained of chest pains, and had little appetite, but being the stubborn man he was, he refused to get it checked out, claiming it was just his old age.

After a few moments, the doctor called you back.

The doctor entered after a few painstaking moments.

The doctor held the door open for you and Lee.

The doctor examined Arthur’s lungs through a stethoscope, as he sat breathless against the chair.

The man asked you to sit down next to the examination chair, Lee’s father sat unreadable on the leather seat.

The doctor pulled out a pipe, with a frown on his face, you begged him to tell you what was wrong. Arthur coughed, more blood fell onto his sleeves.

The doctor waited for a moment before speaking.

“He has tuberculosis.”

“I believe Mr. Rinascita may have cancer.”

You gasped, covering your hand with your mouth. Lee held your hand in an iron grip as he stared at the floor.

Those few words were like a stab to the chest. Quick and painful.

“I’m sorry.” Both doctor’s had said to you. What could they possibly be sorry for?

#tbor

[nebsabroad-blog]

Bahir Dar

Our last stop on the historic Northern Circuit was Bahir Dar which is a big bustling city.  Unfortunately for us Bahir Dar was the site of three calamities which I shall detail forthwith.

Our route to Bahir Dar was a bit long winded. We got driven to Axum airport in a car stinking of diesel by the lovely man who owned our shabby-not-chic hotel that was being built as we stayed there. We then flew one hour to Gondar which was in the midst of protests (so we had heard). We avoided these by going straight from the airport to the bus station and from there catching a bus to Bahir Dar.

Calamity one was it was the first place we were scammed on our whole trip. After our long journey we were met off the bus by a guy who said he could direct us to our hotel. This happens a lot and usually we’d have just ignored him but we didn’t have a map or our bearings and had no idea where we were and so we let him take us. Once in the hotel he tried to upsell us a tour of the main sites in Bahir Dar - the Blue Nile Falls and a tour of some islands with ancient convents. After travelling for quite a long time and meeting only trustworthy and good people we got a bit lazy and couldn’t be bothered to price check. We just said yes to this guy and paid $35 each for our tour. We’ll circle back to this price in a bit.

Calamity 2 was our hotel. It was a total and complete shitshow, a veritable faulty towers. The first sign was that the toilet didn’t flush and the public ones in the hallways were backed-up and disgusting. I asked the front desk about this and they said the water only works from 2pm onwards which of course makes complete sense (that was irony FYI). At this point we should have just upsticks but we were tired and hopeful. After leaving to explore the city and then going back we found that by some miracle the toilet was working. Rejoicing with the news of functioning plumbing we decide to take showers. On the shower goes and almost immediately the bathroom starts flooding and we only prevented the water escaping into the room by shutting off the shower in the nick of time.  We asked for a new room but I already was thinking that with dodgy plumbing and non-functioning drainage meant we should probably just leave.

Avi went off with the man to check on some other rooms and there proceeded to be a comedy of errors. The first room he tried to open, the door handle fell off. Then he ran downstairs to open the room beside our one for me to check out. He then ran back up the stairs to show Avi another room. Meanwhile I run the shower in the new room to see if it would flood, and the good news was that the drainage looked good. The bad news was that 5 seconds after I put the shower on strange noises started emanating from it, then sparks started to fly from the exposed electrical wire above the shower (live wire and water always a good combo) and then the shower-head genuinely went on fire. 

“Wholly fuck” I scream, “it’s on fire.” 

Ariel :“What?! What?!” 

I run back into the shower and shut off the tap and by the grace of god the fire went out before it could properly take hold.  “We’ve got to leave before this hotel kills us” I tell Ariel. We scream up to Avi to come down so we can get the hell out of there.

We felt very sorry the poor man who was showing us around as one calamity followed another. He said that he pleaded with the owner for investment to fix the hotel and he knows it is a hellhole. He organised a cab for us and escorted us all the way to a hotel he recommended. Of course we were sceptical but we arrived at a lovely new hotel that was light years ahead of where we had just been. As we settled in to our amazing new room, I ran down the stairs to catch him just as he was heading back. I tried to give him a tip for helping us and going the extra mile; in fact the sceptical part of me thought he had only been so diligent because he was angling for a tip. But he flat out refused. He said it was the least he could do given what had happened (the electrical fire and all). It was another example of the friendliness we experienced throughout our time in Ethiopia and in fact the whole of Africa.

The next day we went on our trip and quickly realised what a waste of money it was. The islands and convents were all lovely. But the boat that took us there was just a public taxi boat anyone could get by going to the harbour. The Blue Nile Falls were also good enough but the car that took us was just a taxi that we could have flagged down. Basically we could have organised everything ourselves for literally £10 total. So we paid 10x more than we hadto and got absolutely nothing for it, no tour guide, no extra explanation, no air conditioned car (in fact the shitty taxi didn’t have headlights and so the journey home, over a long dirt road, was terrifying).

Of course once we had figured all this out we had no way to find the bastard that duped us. To be fair most of my anger stemmed from frustration with ourselves for being so bloody stupid.

We consoled ourselves by heading to a night of Ethiopian food and dancing. Ethiopia has a few “traditional” restaurants which are as popular with Ethiopians as tourists. In fact in Bahir Dar we were the only tourists there. The dancers and singers perform on stage doing 5-10 minute bits each. Towards the end of the evening they come into the audience and look for some participation, cue our heads sinking towards our knees and complete avoidance of eye contact. Naturally as the only Westerners there one guy makes a beeline for us and Avi and Ariel push me up. And then I proceed to dance off with the pro and as you can imagine there was only one winner…. 

Job offers were made but I had to tell them that despite my extreme natural ability at shoulder and head dancing I had to get back to the UK eventually. After all the UK electricity and gas markets won’t regulate themselves (despite what economists may believe).

Onto the final calamity. (for those still with us) We booked our last internal flight to take us from Bahir Dar back to Addis Ababa. We turn up to the airport the requisite hour before, all with a strange feeling in our stomach. We are stopped at the entrance to the airport by a heavily armed security guard who looks at us quizzically, shakes his head and says “finished finished.” 

Uh oh.

We check our ticket and we’re sure we’re on time. We rush up to the tiny airport terminal, Ariel leaps out of the taxi before it stops moving - as if in a movie when the driver in the heist has shouted “Go! Go! Go!” -  in a desperate bid to somehow find that that extra second means we have not arrived at a deserted airport. 

As she runs through security, I follow suit, tripping up over the body scanner Benny Hill style. We are directed by a security guard to the Ethiopian Air office where we are informed the plane had just left.

“Why? How?” we exclaimed,

“oh well, we moved it an hour earlier”

“YOU DID WHAT?!?!”

“we did try to call to let you know”

“But we have no phone network, why didn’t you email and also WHY DID YOU CHANGE THE TIME OF THE FLIGHT, WHO DOES THAT, SERIOUSLY WHICH INTERNATIONAL AIRLINE DECIDES JUST TO MOVE A FLIGHT AN HOUR EARLIER???

And then we proceeded to scream: “why? who does that?” at the 2 Ethiopian Airline representatives for the next 20 minutes.

After doing that until we were blue in the face we then had to try resolve the situation. And there we sat for an hour and a half waiting for the two guys to figure out how they could get Avi to London. Unfortunately for her the best option would be to wait a day and then fly to London via Frankfurt missing a day of work. Luckily for me and Ariel our flight out of Ethiopia wasn’t until the next day and so we didn’t miss ours. Avi had to spend a day in Bahir Dar on her own, I’m sure feeling very frustrated not to be home.

After displaying our incredulity over moving a scheduled flight and completely messing up our travel plans, we got a free night’s accommodation and taxi back to the airport. Incredibly the taxi driver who took us to the airport in the first place had waited and took us to our new hotel. Again he refused a tip until we pushed it into his hand.

We got back to Addis the next morning and left Ethiopia and Africa shortly afterwards, bound for Bangkok.

[rameshkandanuru-blog]

Crypto for beginners

Hello guys, pls read crypto tips for beginners

I have started my crypto journey in Jan 2018. Have learnt lot of things by losing money :P .

Total i bought 0.114 btc for around 1500 USD.

Now after experimenting and losing iam having 0.4 btc.

Lost btc because of trading, because of experimenting pump and dumps and joining trading groups

What i learnt

Lesson 1: Invest what you can afford to lose

Read about topics fomo and fud on internet

I have invested during fomo and when btc was all time high. So lesson learnt

Lesson2: invest when markets are low not high

Recently when btc fell to 6k usd the rich bought more btc and beginners like you and me sold in fear. Research more about this on internet.

Later alts lost very badly and my portfolio value decreased.

Lesson: Dont see profits in terms of usd see in terms of btc.

Suppose today ur btc is 0.01 and usd = 100usd and tomorrow if btc is 0.012 but usd = 90 usd then you are at profit

Reserch about short term trading on crypto exchanges on internet to get more clarity.

Research about whales in cryptos and how they manipulate the prices. Always small fish like us lose.

Also research about pumps and dumps

I made my 0.02 to 0.004 in few seconds. In greed of making more money i lost more by joining free pump and dump. Research on how pump and dump works and how free members lose .

Also reserch about bots that do automatic trading during pumps.

If we want to win in pumps whe should be fast, better use bots. Now pump and dump time has been coming to an end but as long as new innocent users join it will continue. Now a days pump name is replaced by short term HODL but the process is same.

Lesson : nothing comes free. If we want to win in trading we have to spend of technical and fundamental anlysis, bots groups etc.

Then i started spending money and joined such groups. Some of them just looted my money and are fake and luckily i was able to find some genuine groups. Ziam yet to find whales group for that we need lot of money and experimentation.

One more lesson: Never sell in panic and make sure you move out and not get struck. I was struck in tron and still waiting for it to recover. If had cut my loss and invested that money in day trading i could have earned more.

My opinion: Benefit maximum before pump season is over. And before govts start crypto regulation. Ico bubble will last till 1.5 yr and crypto bubble will continue for 2 yrs. Before that we have to get maximum and get out of this.

Research about icos and how they give 100X 500X returns. But this year we have to be careful as there are and will be lots of scams and finding correect ico will be difficult. Now a days genuine ico are fulfilling in private sale before they are open for public. So small fish cant invest in this. We can get in only if we have min amount of btc. Research on this as well i.e private vs public sale of icos.

One more point when alts are bleeding and your portfolio is decreasing you get lot of stress anxiety and unable to sleep etc. even in dreams you see your cryptos falling. So proper approach is must. Dont go for free advices like i did and lose your money. Free sucks your money. Nothing is free.

Once agin i repeat Crypto bubble and ICO bubble will last only for 1-3 years . Try to get maximum before the bubble finishes. Bubble means 10x 20x 100x returns.

Research about what happened during dotcom bubble.

If you see past years, Every year same story is repeating, remember now during this bearish market right have bought more Bitcoins. While small fish like us sold. We mostly get driven by fomo. Research on this.

Do your own research is correct but opposite is also true. No need to listen to someone who says invest in things which you understand. But you need not understand digestion liver intestine etc to get your food digested. I have made this mistake and missed the opportunity to buy btc at 1000usd now it is 10000usd and peak was around 20k usd. I think everyone who is reading this uses internet but dont know about tcp ip protocol. So our target is to get max profits are new users are growing exponentially and come out of this with in an year.

Thats all bro. End of tips. If you want to invest in this season read below.  I suggest you to take a break and read below only after every concepts mentioned above are clear to you.

Finally i have found some genuine group where there is scope of 3to 5X during bull run and 1.5x during bear run in a span of month. Remember our traget is to increase btc worth so during bull run we will invest in better running alts and during bear run what we do is something like sell all our btc for usd at 20000 and rebuy at 10000 so that our btc value doubles during such bear run. That group uses bots and gives good technical analysis. I will join another group also where we get information and all analysis of best icos that gives around 5 to 500X returns. My experience these icos when they get lsited on exchanges go 10X very short term because  of fomo. You can reserch by seeing what happend to certain coin when it got listed on exchange. See the charts on coinmarketcap. End of this year im expecting btc to reach 50k usd to 100k usd. And till sep the whole crypto market cap becomes 3x and by the time we ill come out of our ico. Just like every year markets shoot moon from nov dec. that is when we make max profits and rebuy when market dips. At that time im expecting icos give 500X returns like. Till that time getting 5X 20x is great.

My opinion is lets say we invested 1 usd in 10 icos, even if 9 fail and we get 1 100x return the over all return is s90x. So ill take such risk diversifications during bullish markets.

Now although i have lost half of my btc i have gained immense knowledge which will help us grow exponentially.

Small fish always die. Only big whales survive markets. So what im doing is combine 10-2- investors so that we become huge whale. My max capacity is over. I cant invest more. Remeber lesson 1 . dont invest what you cant afford to lose.

If we 20 ppl join we can start with good capital so that we can start our own pumps or invest in icos which have min cap.

Why work with me? I have better capability than you to know what is scam and which group is genuine not fake etc.i have lost some amount in joining fake group.

Why 100x returns is better because even if you lose remaining 9 1 success will give 90x

Half I'll invest in ICO and half in trading. Remember ICO are now getting finsihed before public sale.

ICO immediately after getting listed in exchange going 3x 4x in very short term.

Am I beat or bull. Im opportunist both bear and bull.

I repeat some things again.

And as ever one day don't believe everyone blindly do your own research. I have made it cake walk for you on what topics to research and how system works. Once research on what topics I mentioned and read this article once again you will get lot of clarity. Remember rule no. 1 oce again, risk is proportional to returns whether it is saving account or fixed deposit or mmutualfund or shares or crypto my strategy is simple . If you put your bet in 10 different and one becomes 100x your bet profit bs 90x.

Why iam going as group not alone? As I can't invest what I can't afford to lose, remember rule no. 1 . I observed a minimum amount is needed for trading as big whales only survive and small fish drown . So let all of us small fish form a whale and survive the market.

If you think you can afford to lose , I suggest you let's trade. And risk to become rich. The more capital you put the more returns you get exponential.

Most of the groups are fake and involve cross promotion. Every person is claiming profits but only few will deliver.

Why partner with me? Because im investor like you looking to earn money not like group admin who is trying to extract loads of money from you.

Now im lazy to type :P

You better have lets say 0.1 btc to start as good investment is needed for good profits. Now iam in the reasech group 1 month membership. In that 0.1btc i will take 0.01 btc for my work i have done and the work i do for you. Its very bad bro you cant sleep properly and you have stress and even in dreams you see crypto markets. And 0.03 btc from all of you ill use to take 1 year membership in that day trading group and ico group. Either you start trading with 0.05 btc as per my instructions or if you want ill manage your portfolio and half for day trading and half ico. So if we can make that 0.05 btc as 5 btc by end of this year thats fucking awesome. As it will be equal to  quarter million to a million usd .

So f you are interested contact me. If we can form a minimum team with a good group we will start.

My btc address: 3JVPhZuXVP5fMkMcAr1u5N84wLNno62FBd

My telegram contact: @rameshcrypto

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ramesh.kandanuru

forgive me for typos and bad english. iam not interested in impressing you by writing skills. the more early we start we have chance to double our final profits. hope you got my point.

and friends dont lose your hard earned money. doubt every one including me. ask me while messaging why should you trust me. dont fall for scams.

Dont go for free advices/ groups . only now i realize that people posting tron goes to moon , ripple become 5 usd , drgn is 100x etc are promoting for their own good. not for you to earn.  It may get you profits sometimes but the paid members are first to eat profits. 

[expeditom]

The journey of Marc and myself continued after Loikaw by bus to Mandalay and further by boat to Bagan.

It was 4 pm in the afternoon when we embarked the night bus from Loikaw to Mandalay. A daunting 13 hours drive. As usual I put the sweater and the Patagonia down jacket into my board luggage. According to expectations buses are drastically cooled down in South East Asia. Yet, this drive was without comparison. The temperatures plummeted as we ascended to a mountain range until I could not sleep anymore. I wished I had taken some long underwear into the bus but no stop was near to re-pack. The only warmth came from some “hot water”we were offered by a local passenger. To the question if it is really water he laughed and negated. It was pure rice whiskey.

After descending the mountain ridge again, the bus made a stop. Not only the temperature of the air but also of the brakes rose. Thus, the driver took a hose and cooled the brakes with water. Another two hours later, we arrived exhausted in Mandalay. Luckily, our hotel allowed us to check-in at 6 am in the morning. This seems to be common practise in Myanmar provided the rooms are available yet.

Relieved by a short nap with pleasant temperatures, we explored Mandalay by bike. Our first stop was the palace where the last king of Burma resided. Armed soldiers secured the palace and foreigners have to pay an entrance fee of 10’000 kyat (10$) to visit the palace and several other sights. However, in terms of prizes for visiting only one sight in Myanmar it is a huge amount of money. Moreover, the palace is a replicate because it burnt down during the Second World War by allied bombing. Admittingly, I was not that impressed by this palace so we soon continued our ride to the Mandalay Hill.

The Mandalay hill lies close to the palace. One can either walk or drive up to the top. We did the former and were rewarded by friendly locals who offered local food and art. At the top is a pagoda which at moment is being renovated partly. It was interesting to see how detailed they worked on the mosaic with the colourful stones and pieces of a mirror. Furthermore, the view up there was stunning and would have offered a splendid opportunity to take a time lapse. Yet, we went back down and visited two other temples.

One of these temples was made out of wood. This was a welcome change to the common stone temples and pagodas. Additionally, our entrance ticket was valid. Thus, the prize for one sight dropped significantly.

Nevertheless, both of us were not that into Mandalay. Therefore, we decided to leave this city the following day without seeing the famous sight of the U-Bein bridge. Owing to the fact that we had taken many buses in Myanmar, Marc and I wanted something else. Thus, bought the more expensive and more time-consuming (+2h) boat ride. This was a great decision because in contrast to the bumpy busses the ship drove gently downstream. What is more, the Irrawaddy river offers heaps of nice views of the country side. While on the boat I met Khinmaung, to whom I talked about his the Sony A7RII camera. He even invited us for some fine American Tennessee whiskey and we had a great laugh. The latter is not caused by the former. Promised.

Meeting Khinmaung on the boat down the Irrawaddy river from Mandalay to Bagan.

Arriving 9 hours later in Bagan, we drove to New Bagan by Taxi. Thereby, every tourist has to pay an entrance fee of USD 20 to enter the archeological site. Given that the sun was still up we decided to hurry up and see the sunset from a pagoda. Some locals from the Bagan Empress Hotel told us about some good spots. We rented some electro scooter and speeded out of town with the maximum velocity of 30 km/h. It is a lovely way to get around and suits the relaxed atmosphere of the place best.

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Dhammayangyi Temple Bagan

Hot air balloons over Bagan

Dronie with a local

Bagan is a wonderful place. The whole are looks surreal with all it pagodas. The most impressive view you will have in the morning when about heaps of hot air balloons start their journey across the plain area. In awe we gazed at the balloons and could not take our eyes of the sight. Given that we avoided the crowded places to see the sunrise and sunset, we were looking for rather hidden pagodas to climb. Some locals helped us, but it was not until the very last evening that we have found the best hidden place in Bagan to see the Sunset and Sunrise.

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Sunrise in Bagan

Pagodas in the first light of the day

Hot air balloons over bagan during sunrise

However, due to the fact that Bagan is quite popular among tourists, the usual scams are used. Many kids asking for home currency of the foreigner to collect. Yet none of them collects money. They all try to exchange it for kyatt. Some of them ask you to change coins into kyatt and others ask only for bills straight away. I did not listen to my gut feeling and fell for the scam. I was pretty pissed about my naïvety to not being more careful.

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Hot air balloons over bagan

Surreal scenery

Climbing Pagodas after advise of locals

This was the only bad thing that happened during my whole time in Myanmar. The only other foul happening was that I unluckily deleted the images from my Sony A5100 camera after cutting the movie. I recalled some images and drew some sketches to retain the memories better but it is still very annoying. Therefore this post does not contain many images and the ones that are used are from the drone.

[kad_youtube url=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/9IkD2ByXi80″ width=560 height=315 ]

  Summary of travelling Myanmar

I was and still am very impressed by the people of Myanmar and their country. Although the tourism has definitely changed certain places, the country retains their own character and the friendliness of the people is amazing. Even monks start talking with you because they are interested in your story. A lot of information on the internet is outdated. For instance, that it is difficult to get accomodation on the go and should rather plan well in advance. The only place where this was the case is in Bagan. Still, we found accomodation though. Concerning accomodation it is not as cheap as in Thailand. Moreover, information about fees on the web seems dated too. Last but not least, I cannot emphasise enough to be adventurous and explore the places less travelled. You will not be disappointed.

Third part of the trilogy of travelling #Myanmar #Bagan #Mandalay #explore #ExpediTom #Burma #birmania #wanderlust #drone #mavicpro #dji The journey of Marc and myself continued after Loikaw by bus to Mandalay and further by boat to Bagan.

#Bagan #Boat #Burma #Mandalay #Myanmar #travel