#i feel like im screaming into the void here

[woof-squiggles]

Hmmm, oh! How about a bird based Iterator? I bet that could be fun to do

i actually really like this guy im hoarding them. they are mine

also i'm trying to figure out a name for them. sight of fowl? sighted fowl? everchanging songbird? hmmm

#salem offers art #rain world #rainworld #rainworld oc #rw oc #rw iterator #art #artwork #digital art #illustration #clip studio #csp #ask #asks #requests #oc #oc art #>> AND YES REQUESTS ARE. STILL OPEN. BUT I FEEL LIKE IM SCREAMING TO THE VOID HERE #>> aria dont feel pressured to send another request its ok i will live #>> i need to do something else anyways JASDHJAJ #echoing birdsong (oc)

[c0rinarii]

If you see Reimari as Squidbob, im revoking your rights to Reimu and Marisa's characterization i think

#Ive said this on twt too but i feel like my void screaming will be heard more here #i really thought we were past seeing Reimu as squidward grouchy. we were doing so well #anyways if your reimari is squidbob i beg you to read at least a few of ZUNs printwork #ive said this in a previous post but i know it isnt bad to see characters the way you see fit #but saying it as fact whe its not really gets to people who know that they Arent Like That yknow #corr.txt #reimu hakurei #marisa kirisame #delete later #...if im a coward

[buildingunderstanding]

Me, reading before bed: I don't think I know how to recognize what it feels like "put my heart into" things because I struggle to recognize most positive emotions since I dissociate so much by default and kind of just passively exist in life. Passivity is my default state and it blocks me from experiencing and feeling things.

Loki, fully aware of the dissociative disorder and trauma this all stems from because we've had this conversation before: Yup. Let's maybe hold onto the realization this time, shall we?

#screaming into the void #he really is so patient with me but also definitely isnt going take any of my 'i dont like being present its new and scary' and #'i dont know if i actually would even be anle to recognize what it feels like to not live passively and actually be present #so is it even worth it to try?' #reasonings behind why i struggle with with this concept #and truly i dont fully understand what people mean when they talk about being present i am just along for the ride my man #it is hard to want to love actively in my own life i dont like it its not comfy it fills me with anxiety and i have that with being passive #so why bother you know? #but apparently living activily does have its benefits and perks #so we work on that #even if it scares me so much i kinda wanna hurl my guts up #i do suspect this is part of why loki is pushing me toward witchy things #because it both piques my curiosity and interest and also kind of forces me to be present #so like kudos to him for weaponizing my autism against me #i feel like this isnt very coherent but all that to say im being gently bullied over here

[needyhungrybunny]

i really wish there were were little gumball machines but like to give you attention instead of candy. because asking for attention is one the most mortifying thing in the world, because i don't know what's worse - being denied the attention and being sad about it or getting the attention, only to realize you've never had an interesting thought in your entire life nor can you carry on a conversation.

really this whole debacle is second only to receiving that attention and seeing in the other person's eyes that they are giving this to you out of obligation only and are counting the seconds until you stop talking and leave them alone.

#not sexy but here we are #it's my void i can scream into it if i want to #if you see this maybe you didn't im already very embarrassed #sometimes i feel like i just need to stop talking to people #like it won't help with the attention thing but it might help with the embarrassment thing #i will be under a blanket for the foreseeable future

[sunlightfeeling]

gonna maybe be away for a lil bit (I say maybe because it really depends on my brain’s temperment)

currently fighting some darkness atm that won’t fucking stop (I’m okay, though, I swear, but its been all fucking day and I need to sleep and I can’t because thoughts)

leave a message after the beep

#i might stop in to like and reblog random things here and there #but ill probably stick to dash rather than digging through blogs like i usually do #anyway #autism adhd and c-ptsd is such a fucking shit hand like cash me tf out ON FUCKING- #like already have emotion regulation problems that gets worsened by it #(it being ptsd) #adhd already brings an endless monologue so ptsd goes ‘oh hey..gimme da aux for a bit’ and plays THE MOST VILE SHIT #ON REPEAT #also the impulsivity omfg #im already terrible and use it to distract whenever i can #but its like im also telling myself i need to because i need to get away from this #but instead of buying things i feel like i want to do something ‘worse’ and i…like actually don’t wanna #anyway idk im really sorry for all the negative posting lately #ibut also this is my home so :( #i started a side blog to actually scream in a void but its kind of odd still tbh and that’s a tangent anyways #im still holding myself to shipping things tho! so I will be reaching out to y’all when i get material wooo #(hopefully next week or the following~) #im hoping that this is just pmdd flaring my ptsd #because then its temporary #BUT OMG WHY WONT MY MEDICINE WORK I HATE YOU PMDD 😭 #oh…yeah…sorry #beeeeep

[jesse-cosay]

I just realized I'm gonna have to start posting art here again. Devastating.

#insta DOESNT allow you to opt out #neither does twitter and also i have always hated twitter #and noe tik tok is gonna be gone #tumblr doesnt even allow for the format i LIKE TO DRAW IN #LIKE IT DOES BUT EVERYONE HERE HATES THAT #my creative outlets are being shot in a back alley rn #was the ai frenzy mot enough #im abt to be so sad abt this man... #all my tt mutuals were so sweet and kind i love them im gonna MISS THEM #I wonder if ill never see Spud or Raine again 😭😭 #like i was so comfy posting all my shitty lazy doodles and everyone was just happy to have that #and here i frel like i need to finish stuff and yeah yeah its all abt enjoying your work but also it feels Bad when soemthing gets 20 notes #versus the amount of shares/comments i get on tt #like ppl actually TALK to me there #this is just me screaming into the void abt it bc obviously the ban will be us losing SO much more privacy than that #I might not even have Here anymore and i just dunno what id do with that 😭

[belladonnafleur]

🌸

#time to scream into the void about how LONELY I am #I keep eating but I stay hungry so #that wasn't a weird deep statement what I mean is that as of recent I could eat a full meal then still feel hungry after whats up w that #also im lonely and I need to be practicing violin but ion want to #and I want to go graduate undergrad early and go to grad school! #and I lowk want to drop out of the masters program im already in bc #uhh too much money?? #this is all Very personal information that I should not be sharing to some strangers online + the 4-5 irls that follow me on here #I think I want to leave the city bc its so overwhelming #granted the place where I want to go to grad school is also City but its less busy City #im SO LONELY #at least if I stay in Not city my best friend is here #idk I just have one bad social incident happen and feel like leaving forever #I want to work in theater whether its working tech or idk #directing or anything else #fuck that corporate bullshit! let me direct ppl or do stage management #I am so tired and miserable I want to graduate early but ik it could just be the Bad Social Incident that happened talking #I also wouldn't be able to see crushy poo if I graduated early but like I have to stop seeing her at some point

[probablyahazard]

i'm stealing this from a private post but like

As much as i would love to not let my mental health limit the things i can do in my everyday life THAT'S NOT HOW RECOVERY WORKS ACTUALLY

if you see this and u know me no you don't

#tw mental health #just in case #anyways this is going here now because im having A Time #i've been having a time #we vibing (derogatory) #anyways that feeling when people think your way better that you are #* bit voice * #idk if you know how much energy it takes for me to get to a place that you think is still shitty #and like obviously this don't apply to like fun and good things that might be a little scary #this is specifically talking about things that are normal for the majority of people but mental health triggers for me specifically #unfortunately i did not have a normal childhood and must navigate the world as such #hazardramblings #ignore ignore ignore #screaming into the tumblr void

[madame-mongoose]

Librarian obsession coming back right around the time I made him last year is very appropriate I think

#i hate him but like #he is so enticing to me #and its SICK bc hes my own damn character #it just feels silly akdhsj #hes my silly my little shmoopsy #honestly tho i dis this to myself his three main inspos are all characters that make me sick in the head #okay im gonna dtop screaming into the void sorry yall i just got too shy to talk in servers so im rambling here #none of my friends really talk to me in some of them anymore ;; #monnie rambles

[idunnoausersname]

.

#ugh my brain is being so mean to me today. and for what?? #(i know. its because i dont have any long term plans.) #(and my Brain No Work Syndrome is fucking up my ability to do anything about it.) #my whole 'situationship' is the first thing to spring a leak when im anxious/stressed lol #its like a canary. #''hey he only likes you for how you look. also youre ugly and he actually hates you'' #hmm. hmmmm. those arent Good Brain Day thoughts lmfao #and sure enough here i am. feeling needy and not liking myself much. #and i would rather swallow a cactus then contact my friends with this. because im already ugly and stupid (/paraphrasing myself) #i shouldn't be annoying as well #and dw im not going to do anything unsafe or whatever. #last thing i want is people to be worried. #but uh yeah. screaming into the void it is. #god forbid i keep a thought to myself. #god forbid i dont beg people to affirm my self esteem that's made of cardboard lol #ugh. yeah anyway bad brain day. sorry

[nightingalesighs]

What really pisses me off when people are like. No child should be friends with an adult; it’s (insert word/phrase that has been misused so much it’s kinda ceased to have meaning to me anymore) is… My older friends? Even though I’m 28 and yknow. An Adult. Have literally saved my life. Like not only do they have more knowledge about how things work (like Medicaid and food stamps and student loans and resumes and and and all the other shit nobody bothers to teach you and can be hella confusing/nearly inaccessible unless you Know but is hella important/can really fuck up your life if you’re not careful) and like…more experience so when they tell you “it’s gonna be hard, but you can handle it” or “I know it looks scary, but it’s not that bad and I promise you’ll get through it” or “it doesn’t matter if don’t graduate college, look at me. I didn’t. I’ve got a stable, well paying job. It’s not impossible to be comfortable without a college degree. And look at (other friend who is sitting right next to them), they worked their ass off for a double degree and currently not using it! You’ll be okay, you’ll figure it out.” your brain can actually believe them cuz yknow. They’ve been where you are. They have that life experience. And they’re not gonna lie to you because they love you and respect you too much to do that.

Like I don’t want to make it sound like friendship is a commodity, but older friends and intergenerational friendships can be so extremely valuable, especially to vulnerable younger people in abusive households. And I don’t even mean like in that they can offer you a place to crash cuz not every friend is gonna be able to do that and that’s OKAY. But maybe they can still help you in other ways. Even if it’s “just” holding your hand and validating your fears while you cry your eyes out but reassuring you that they believe in your ability to work through it. They believe in *you*. (And yes, I REALLY appreciate the same sentiment from friends my age and it’s also extremely helpful and I love them so very much. But it just sorta hits in a different way coming from an older friend. Not in a way that’s better or worse. Just different.)

Also something something seeing that you have a future when you can’t see past the next year or six months is just. So fucking reassuring.

Also. Older friends are just plain fun. I love my older friends and my life would be so much poorer without them. So yknow. Fuck people that condemn intergenerational friendships.

Also also something something something ‘fuck you for making me feel terrible/paranoid about wanting to offer my own experience to those younger than me. To help them in any way I can. As another fantastic and dearly beloved friend says. “If you start sounding like my mental illness, YOU are the problem and maybe need to re-evaluate some things.”’

#ignore me #im just all up in my feels about that time my friend twisted around from the passenger seat of the car to hold my hand and comfort me while #I was crying and terrified about the upcoming semester. that said it IS actually not good that you’re having panic attacks and chest pains #just thinking about going back. and was so kind and understanding and calm and she listened and held my hand. or the other friend who grew #up with little financial security. worked two jobs to pay her college tuition because her parents just didn’t have the means to help her. #and now she’s married to a surgeon and EXTREMELY financially secure and because of her own experience she is just soooo. im gonna pay for #your dinner because I can and it won’t affect me or stress me at all and I want you to save your money. and if you need money for some #reason just let me know and we’ll figure it out because I have the means to help in this way and I’m gonna do it dammit and if you need to #or the friend that sincerely told me to call her if I needed someone to talk to. even if it’s the ass crack of dawn or 3 in the morning. #or my friend (my Person) who when I asked if it was okay to tell my cousin her address while visiting her so my cousin could pick me for #dinner. said ‘of course you can. this is your home too’ (home as in your safe here and home as in you are loved here and home as in you will #always be welcome here.) #like…just. intergenerational friendships guys #they are literally lifesaving #don’t deny young people these friendships #but as someone who has also been the Older Friend #don’t make them feel bad for just loving and caring about another human being #that’s what we do. that’s what humanity is #i scream into the void #personal

[howlinchickhowl]

\o/

#help I am having. the anxiety #i feel like. untethered? #and i don't know what to do #i just feel like i am drifting in a massive fucking ocean and I can't catch hold of anything #and i'm not in danger of drowning but also i am all alone in a massive fucking ocean so i might just drift forever? #i don't know what happened i was having an ok day #doing my little tasks #ticking things of my little list #but then as i was doing all that the creeping dread #it crept #and now all i can think is god i've spent so much money this month and i need more money #but it's 8.30 on a saturday night so i can't get more money right now and i have job application anxiety #where i psych myself out of applying for jobs because i haven't had a real one in like a decade and corporate bullshit scares me #and also i don't really want a job like that i do not dream of labour #but i also need more money than I have and that is a problem #but also the thought of having a job interview and having to tell someone you're good at something #while all the time in your head you're thinking actually I'm not good at anything don't hire me im not worth your time #is just. #really fucking stressful #so now i'm just sat here screaming into the void and i dont. feel. good. #so. help? #personal i guess #tw anxiety

[yutadori]

sukuna i am going to bite you im going to bite you sooooooo hard i cannot wait for nobara to come back and kill him while everyone films it and cheers and celebrates and then gojo takes the kids out to sushi <3

#FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU #SUCK COCKKKKKKKK #i hate it here #jjk 219 spoilers #jjk spoilers #what is . the '''''purpose''''' if him killing tsumiki is he just doing it to be a BITCH #that last FUCKING PAGE OF MEGUMI CRYING + BEING IN THE VOID FAWK !!!!! FAWK #i WILL say that it had a lot of emotion and it made me feel sooooo crazy when i saw it but god at what cost #jjk is literally just megumi getting hit over the head with l after l after FUCKING L!!!!! #.___. #god thinking about everything we've seen about tsumiki and megumi makes me want to explode so bad like girl are you kidding #the whole manga so far we've seen him wanting to save her AND we've seen the REGRET hes expressed over the way he acted #AND the regret at not being able to apologize to her and properly cherish his time with her #screaming kicking and crying like gege what the fuck is the point in having such an important plot line (?? girl who doesnt know words) or #like . goal . of megumi wanting to save her only for her to get killed . by HIM #while hes POSESSED #LIKE GIRL!!!!!!!!!! #i hope shes not dead for real but god im not hoping for much bc gege just loves to kill people off .___. #sun texts

[zelzahdarkcloak]

I contain multitudes, but at what cost?

#im tired #i am too many people #i like too many things #i cannot be confined #i cannot make a choice #it's such a struggle to keep consistent with any one thing when i want to do and be all of them #its out of context but i always think of sam saying 'you cannot always be torn in two' #of course i also feel like 'too much butter spread over too little bread' ala bilbo style #idk #it's never going to get better #im never going to figure myself out #im literally just along for the bumpy ride #yet at every turn im supposed to just magically know #everyone else seems to have a defined personality #what the heck am i out here doing #more importantly why do i have to know? #why does it feel like a struggle to keep myself grounded to a personality #i have to genuinely fight to keep within the rules ive made for myself so I don't concern people when i step outside of them #why does it matter #just screaming at the void #eh we're all freaking dust at the end anyway #whatever

[pepprs]

beaver gnawing on wood noises

#purrs #delete later #this is gonna be a bad / hard post and i’ll have to delete it. like it feels like in making it im invoking cosmic forces to show me karma or #idk like being an ingrate or whatever. but sometimes i find myself on social media rabbitholes looking at instagram pages of.. women who #like really genuinely appear to be good moms to their kids. and love them for who they are and don’t try to make them anything different. #and who celebrate their quirks and stuff. and even share interests with them at the bare minimum. and it just makes me want to sob. like the #knot in my throat. i shouldn’t do it bc i just hurt myself but it’s like. im so lucky i have a mom and that she provides for me. and i know #there are valid reasons for that being all she can do. but also why can’t she… idk.why can’t she ummm love me. or celebrate me. or find #magic in me. or at the very least accept my humanness and be open to me like giving her feedback on stuff. even tonight at this panel this o #one woman was like yeah my two daughters call me on stuff and im like you’re right. if i called my mom on stuff (and i do) she would give me #the silent treatment (and she has) or eviscerate me (and she has). and people in my work life and on here call me endearing and say all #these things. but it’s like none of it can fill up the absolute aching pulsing void that is… my mom. my mom!!!!! is just a person i live #with anr resent most of the time. who has hurt me so badly. and i could have had a mom who like. let me sing and didn’t mock me for it. #and who came in and said goodnight to me and my sister instead of leaving us to o ur own devices because we’re twins and we had each other. #and 14 years ago today was the day that fully cemented in that she could not be that kind of mom and would never be. and i know she tried so #hard and i know she has been hurt and is still hurting. but i just want to scream. like everyone deserves a mom who loves them for who they #are and shit. and how fucking unfair is it that.. like it sounds so selfish and entitled. b it how fucking unfair is it that i got a mom who #im afraid of and then there are people like fucking… m*lissa err*co and sh*ron wh*atley (those are just the famous ones) who by all #appearances seem to be like.. not only loving but open. seeing their children as human and magic all at once. instead of a war prize and a #symbol of their own hardships or whatever. like it’s just so fucking unfair. i hate that this is the way things are for me and that it will #never change and that if it ever does i have to be the one to change it or i have to heal from it and let go of it. like FUCK that! i want #love from my mom! FUCK the fact that she can’t give it to me!!! she has to!!!!!! but she won’t. idk. delete post <3 #like so genuinely i should not be even typing these words bc god is gonna smite me now lol. but my heart is howling #and the shitty thing is i don’t think i’ll be able to be that kind of mom if i ever become one bc of how badly all of this has hurt me. and #bc of all that i don’t even think i want to become a mom anymore bc i don’t want to be the reason a child feels this way or grows up to.

[meowthiroth]

sure is getting scary for a trans person to just Exist rn, huh

#vent// #transphobia// #like. im appalled at what happened in nashville as much as anyone else rn. #that was horrible and i really do feel awful for family members involved #but when i found out this morning i was ALREADY seeing people taking it as an excuse to be super transphobic #and throw the whole lot of us under the bus for the actions of one. #esp after all the drag bans and them calling all of us 'groomers' just for EXISTING over the past few months #even as someone who lives in a relatively safe area for lgbtq+ ppl i am just fucking terrified for our future rn. #even here theres been unrest. protesters crashed our local pride festival & rainbow flags were being stolen from ppls yards #but i also have family down in florida who have directly had to deal with desantis's bullshit. and i am so fucking scared for them #we just want to exist in peace like everyone else. please at least let us have that. #ace screams into the void