#i feel disgusted looking at mirrors

[lesbian-de-chat]

im gonna be honest ive been meaning to redesign my sona for months but now that i have my new art style where i have to consider facial features and draw myself somewhat close to what i look like i just. am too scared to do it

#i dont like how i look #i feel disgusted looking at mirrors #and i guess the nice part abt art is i can draw myself how i want to look but #i dont. know what i want to look like. #just anything except what i look like now #i hate getting pictures taken of me #whenevrr people take pictures of me without me knowing i look at it and feel sick because im so fucking ugly #and i wasnt able to even *try* to make myself look better #i hardly have any photos of myself on my phone #i just. ggfh #i hate myself #i wish i didnt look like this #i wish i didnt act like this #i wish i wasnt me #i really really hate myself #i think my sona should just be invisible #/hj #wait thats good #floating suit and sumglasses ......

[quasi-normalcy]

Do you ever just become overwhelmingly cognizant of the existence of evil in the world?

Like, not as a cute, devil-emoji 😈 i'm-so-naughty-i-steal-chocolate-cake-and-do-weird-sex-acts thing, nor still as a melodramatic, comic-bookish, high-absorptivity-black-fabric, soon-my-death-ray-will-destroy-Metropolis thing, but like.

Actual Evil, as a force that is real and immanent in the world.

Just pointless cruelty inflicted pointlessly by one human being upon another because they've forgotten how to be kind. Just entire systems and machinery of state and ideology brought to bear on the problem of annihilating human lives and maximizing human suffering so that small men can feel powerful. Just humans who have through trauma or conditioning or propaganda shut off their ability to see other humans as fundamentally like them.

Anyways, I joke on here a lot. I get angry on here a lot. They're both just scabs to hide my horror and my despair at the condition of humanity.

Your regularly scheduled programming will return shortly.

#i've watched this entire genocide play out over social media; i've followed the news for decades beforehand #none of it ever really affected me in any way but outrage #but i watched just some of that 'bulldozer' video and it gave me the worst panic attack that i've had in years #like i had no idea that that well of despair was as deep as it turned out to be #what kind of people do that? #what kind of systems make people who do that? #do they go home afterwards? do they drink and laugh with their buddies? #do they look at themselves in the mirror every day for the rest of their lives? #do they ever feel even the smallest *particle* of sorrow? even the smallest quantum of disgust at what they've become? #do they have enough of a soul left to feel even the smallest corpuscle of guilt?

[altgoth-aesthetic]

"Woke up this morning,

I feel so fucking important

I looked in the mirror, I'm different

I finally made the decision" 🖤💅🏻

#fuck my body dysmorphia i'm cute af!!!!! #i'd almost stopped taking pictures of myself altogether bc of how shitty i've been feeling #but omg why am i being my own biggest hater?! #my flesh prison keeps me trucking along and i get to decorate it and make it my safe space!!!!! #i want to be my own safe space!!!! #goddamn idk if that will make sense to anyone else lol #but i just want to get to the point where i can at least look at myself in the mirror and not feel disgusted #i want to feel safe and loved within the confines of my own being #anywayyyyy #here come the annoying tags #my post #me #my face #my style #ootd #fit check #outfit #black and white outfit #alternative #alternative fashion #alternative style #alt enby #alt girl #goth #goth style #goth fashion #goth enby #goth girl #blue hair #body positive

[bl33ditout]

i HATE my skin. i HATE having a body. i want to go away and just be a ghost

#it's never ever ever ever ever good enough #i fucking hate this plump ass body #i hate how no matter what i do it just doesn't change #i'm STILL getting pimples galore around my fucking mouth and chin area and i just want to give up and cry #i know this might sound really silly to worry about - #i know it's first-world-problems of me to be like this and like don't get me wrong i'm still grateful for a LOT in my life #like a lotta good and positive changes are happening right now irl and it's a wonderful thing #and compared to some people's worries? this issue of mine is minuscule i know #i just feel so disgusting whenever i look into a mirror. that's the truth of it all #nothing seems to work #i just know my body and skin is capable of more than this? i know i can look better but it's like it's so stubborn #it just makes me so mad at myself and depressed #i am practicing ALL of the skincare guidelines. i am on a very restrictive (but healthy) diet and what do i get? nothing #u'm just so fucking tired of looking and feeling mediocre and gross all the fucking time #i hate it i hate it i hate it #all i can see is just every single flaw of mine #tw vent #tw body dysmorphia #tw bdd #tw mental illness

[silenthillbunni]

📓🖊️🧸

#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk #my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me #nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her #so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333 #anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :(( #but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol) #then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude #they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he #pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole?????? #got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :(( #it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back #hurt so bad too sksksks :< #but i managed to write a little but on my assignment #then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad #wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk #felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣 #now a few hours later i feel better physically #buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding #idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better #like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T #im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :(( #and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all #im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks #i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!! #i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :( #but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all #mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk

[depoteka]

no idea what's up with my skin but for some reason it's been so good lately 😭😭🙏 like obviously i still get pimples but the skin is much smoother and the acne is less aggressive. unimaginable

#is it bc i stopped eating some stuff #is it bc of face creams #dunno #but i hope it doesn't change #pls #i feel less disgusting when i look in the mirror now

[heavenlydreamangelflyhigh]

moms getting competitive w her eating disorder again

#she keeps mimicking how ive been living and now that ive been sliding back and restricting again due to stress #she's been body checking around me more talking about how much she works out how 'toned' she looks #and dishing up smaller portions than me only eating half and then saying 'oh i'm so full...marie #if you can't finish yours just throw the rest out...' #she had her friend over yesterday and the poor woman made the mistake of confiding in my mother and i about her ed #and i gave her some advice for recovery & let her know that anorexia is hard to tackle esp when you're taking care of someone else at the #same time but its doable..and she was asking about what i do when i relapse #and obv i didnt go into detail so as not to like. give any ideas. but it was nice to have someone Nice to relate to on that front #immediately my mom jumps in with 'oh i restrict too! thats what i do! i go days without eating and count my calories. #marie doesnt work out like i do because their therapist said not to..but i work out so i can stay toned and confident.' like no you dont #it hurts me that shes doing this shit to herself but i know shes doing it in front of me to feel superior because she Always Has #its CYCLICAL with her. as soon as my gf left the mask came back off and she was right back to the mama i know #using MY CLOTHES to body check using MY MIRROR infront of me i feel insane. #like i told her i feel disgusting because i gained two pounds and im at 114 now and she immediately started talking about her weight and #that we need to stop buying 'junk food' #MOMM....OH MY GOOOD... #whatever whatever . i'll get over it in a few mins im just pissy in general and i feel like i live with a 15 yr old sometimes. #ed ment #i will say it uswd to be worse when she wasnt in therapy n shit but hhghhthtnf even my dad who is Never Home has picked up pn it and has #started checking her and telling her to keep it between yhem bc i dont. i canr handle that rn dude

[cherrysnax]

okay this is meant to be said with no like judgement or anything. my mom hasn’t showered for an extensive amount of time. weeks. maybe months. how do I help her? is there anything I can do to help her or like. should we just let her be

#it’s getting to the point where my little brother and my cat are having reactions to her #my cat. #and she has bipolar depression so be kind #I may not like the bitch but this is very morally neutral #I just think she’d feel better if she showered or bathed #she says she can’t even look at herself in the mirror because she’s so disgusted by herself #and idk if it’s physical or mental but it’s bad #my older brothers also don’t shower #but I don’t care about them #but yeah I get not showering. my hygiene is the first to tank when im depressed but like. it’s been a month #maybe. I don’t have a good grasp on time #my mom will prolly get mad or cry if I bring it up to her so I. wanna be as gentle as possible

[featherymainffins]

*Trigger warning for eating disorder talk*

I hate how whenever I eat anything my brain is like "You should kill yourself. Now." Like what's your fucking problem

#tw ed #it's like bitch the body needs nutrients to function. idiot. that's how flesh vessels work. what are you an alien? #but my brain is always like 'booo you are a disgusting ugly bitch and as a punishment you can't eat at all tomorrow.' #like...ok then. i guess. #the funny thing is that it's also like two people fighting because like i hate what i see in the mirror from both sides #like one part of me is like 'ahhh we are far too skeletal it looks kinda creepy and Not Good' #and the other is like 'wow ew we're so disgusting and big and our bones aren't visible enough. what would our family say?' #so there's like no winning at all because if i don't eat one side will get mad and refuse to look in the mirror #and if i do eat the other side will go into total hysterics and I'll have to sleep completely covered up and will have to avoid #all mirrors because it will completely distort our perception of ourselves and will claim changes that aren't there and it will #force me not to eat for a day or two and probably also to walk everywhere #it also sucks because i think not eating enough might be contributing to me feeling so shallow and fatigued and disinterested in everything #but i have no idea because I don't know how many calories I'm actually getting #and it's really Bad™ for me to count because I'm a little bit too competitive and my brain has historically always made it #a challenge to eat as few calories as possible. because I'm insane and treat literally everything as a competition that i have to win

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

it's just so incredibly depressing to have no clothing options because nobody makes clothing for your body. and then so so so so so incredibly fucking depressing when you try to sew clothes and nobody makes sewing patterns for your body either.

#this is genuinely the lowest i have been in the past 6 months. im just sooo fucking sick of hobbling around in clothes that i can barely #move in. i feel like such a disgusting fucked up freak. its not even weight/size related i just have such a fucked up body shape i guess. #like. im going to have to try again because i have already blown $$$ on fabric but. i literally cant even look at my sewing machine right #now or stand in front of a mirror without wanting to get hit by a car #and NO you cant just fucking alter one area of the pattern because its all connected and you need to redraft the entire fucking pattern #every single time and NO mockup fabric is NOT cheap you are still blowing 15-20 dollars for 3 yards for every single mockup i just want to #get hit by a car amen #suicide mention

[satanicdollx]

Not true at all. You don’t fit into a category, because you are in a category all on your own. You don’t have to be petite to be cute. You are lovely inside and out.

Don’t let the notes fool you Madame.

i'm not a category I'm just built in a weird and off-putting way. I hate my body I hate how it's so small and yet so big and no matter what you or anyone might say notes will prove me right. I've seen it countless times, I know what Tumblr (and people in general) like and it's CLEARLY not my face lmao

#reply #sorry for the bitterness I really appreciate your message but rn I'm just too angry and feeling horrible about myself #if it wasn't expensive i would have smashed the mirror while looking at my face because I am truly disgusting trust me

[straydogged]

I'm so tired of seeing my father in the mirror

#I dont. know what to do. I don't know how to stop looking like him #I can cut my hair or dye it or pierce my face so I'm more metal than skin and I will still share his fucking features #I am so disgusted by myself. I just want to look in the mirror without feeling sick for one reason or another #I can't stop being his fucking child and nothing I do will ever change that #I'm. not okay lol I am not okay and today just. keeps going and I keep getting triggered #I'll be fine. eventually. #I don't want to be sober anymore

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

i hate number scale rating people i think its so crass and i won’t do that to myself either but i definitely think i fall somewhere between below average and average. but TODAYYYYYY i was naked in front of the mirror look at my body side profile and i’m not even gonna LIEEEE i was looking good. remember this

#sometimes i feel like i so disgusting other times im like #why the woman in the mirror look a lil sexy 🤭

[hivemindofevilbats]

Gods i wish i was cis

I love the trans community, and i'm so happy to be a part of it, but so much would be easier if i could just be cis

#i don't care which way #i just want to look in the mirror and recognise myself #i want to have a shower without feeling disgusting #i want a million things that millions of people take for granted #i'm so tired of this

[ricky-olson]

can I rant about my body issues in the tags? thanks this is your warning

#I hate how after all these years I’m still struggling with my body #I try so hard to be positive towards me #but it never sticks when I look in the mirror #and I’m so mad that I’m disgusted with myself #because I have a curvy chubby body #I can easily find my size in stores #many can’t #so I feel guilty like why am I hating my body when I have access to stores?? #but then I see myself and all I see is my stomach #my thighs #my hips my soft jaw my arms #it’s so hard to find clothes for me that flatter #my hips are too big at one shop but too small at another #I gotta get very large shirts because of my bust #I struggle to see my beauty #I try so hard #sometimes I follow my measurements and the shop is still wrong #I dunno if it’s my fault or how the shop sizes things #but I feel so terrible about myself #I hate how years of being bullied for my appearance #I still never got over it #I still hear their laughs and words #I still feel like that little 6 year old that got called ugly all through kindergarten #I still feel like that kid who rejected her femininity because of bullying #I wanna feel pretty in my own skin #but I never have #I want to so badly #angel talks 💕 #body mention tw #body insecurity tw