#i dont want to engage with people they think they have a right to the personal lives' of actors

[dallonwrites]

bestie how the fuck do you start writing again when you haven't written in years bc you're so paralyzed with Fear of Writing Badly mixed with How Do I Get Started and also WHAT do I write about HELP

I WANT to write but every part of it is. so. DAUNTING

Ohhh bestie I have BEEN there. Whenever I take breaks from writing I find myself scared that I'll have just….forgotten to write?? I think the fear of "bad writing" is amplified when you don't write for a while, however long, because you have to like hype yourself up to go back to writing and it's like what if I do all that and then I just can't do it? Returning to writing, especially after a long time, for me has taken a lot of mental work, trying to understand what will make writing fun and healthy for me. A lot of it, honestly, is easier said than done, but also it's mental work you'll keep doing after you start writing again and as you write, and for me it's easier to process my relationship with writing when I am actually writing.

A big part of that mental work for me, and something I think is so valuable, is to reconsider what "bad" writing is and give yourself permission to write it. Sometimes you will think your writing sucks, happens to all of us, but that isn't all it has to be. Like yeah, I'll think something I wrote sucks, but I still wrote it. I can revisit it and work on it and maybe I'll turn it into something I'm happy with. And even if I don't, I still wrote it, I learned from it. Writing does not need to be "good" by whatever standard we're holding it up to for it to have value. And you can delete it! Nobody has to see it! Also you can have fun writing something and still think it's not your best. I've written a lot of "bad" scenes that I had fun with because the scene was entertaining to me! I love when writing turns out how I like it, or I write a banger prose line, but equally I found it helpful to give myself permission to not worry about that all the time and just focus on my interest/enjoyment in what I'm writing, regardless of the "quality". Again, easier said than done, but something I've found easier the more I write, because you'll have bad writing days but you'll also have writing days that are so good

I know a lot of people see writing as a skill that they want to improve, and like I agree it feels really good to see your writing grow, but writing is so much more than the skill and the craft and the theory. There is no objective "perfection" to reach with writing like we are not Sims with levelled skills LOL. Writing is art and creativity and it should be fun and fulfilling. And IMO, the more you focus on what makes writing fun, you will grow and "improve" as a writer a lot quicker and in a way that is a lot more enjoyable than if you treat writing like some icy quest for perfection. You also get to decide what "good" writing is for you/your story. Some of my stories are more prose focused and I'll play more with language, imagery etc. Others are more about the plot and just having fun imagining this scene. Sometimes it's a mix of both. What is "good" writing depends on the writer, story, genre, etc. There is no one way to write.

I'm rambling a lot because I'm just really passionate about this and I cannot express enough how easier writing got, including all the difficult and ugly and frustrating parts, when I gave space to prioritise my enjoyment and fun. People love to romanticise the idea of the "struggling" writer. I see stuff on here and I'm like you guys….writing should be fun. Like yeah sometimes it's hard and we should talk about that but like, you Need to make sure you are having fun. Anyway I'm going to try not to ramble and bullet point some things that helped me:

Make Writing Fun: Lol! Literally whatever makes writing fun. Sometimes I just write super indulgent scenes and the fun of that sets me up to work on my projects. When I work on my projects I try to find what in each scene I'm going to enjoy the most, and focus on that to help me write the rest. I make playlists, moodboards, memes, art etc for my story because it's fun, and it helps me be engaged with my story outside of writing it. Just, have fun.

On productivity: some people will benefit from setting clear goals and running towards them. Some people don't. For me it depends on my headspace. I don't think productivity is a bad thing, it can feel good, but productivity should not be the only reason you write. And the most productive writing process is whichever one makes writing enjoyable for you, because that's how you'll get words on the page

On that note, please be wary of anyone online who who treats the writing advice they share as Fact. I'm not saying every writing teacher out there does...but some of them market it that way! And creators do not have an authority on writing just because they have a platform however big. There are some AMAZING content creators out there who talk about writing, and I have found them motivating, but like just let yourself be picky about who you listen to/engage with. I say this because I consumed some very Strict writing advice when I was younger and it literally contributed to my years long slump so like...I'm picky now LOL

About goals: Personally, gentle goals are what help me get back into writing. Maybe just write for 20 minutes, or write every day for a couple days. When I do word count goals, I base them on how I feel that day, and recently I don't make a word count, I'll transfer it to the next session but smaller. So if I try to write 500 words but can't I'll say okay, lets try 250 next time. Goals can be a great motivator and way to feel achieved, and maybe bigger goals will help you, but you're also allowed to adjust them as you go to make it easier

On finding new ideas, having been there before, you don't need a fully fleshed out idea to start writing. My longest break I came back to writing with...one character and a backstory? If you have stories/characters already you can revisit them, either build on what you have or completely change it. Or if you don't have that, if there's a piece of media you like you can take that concept and play around with it in your own way, or you can even just write fanfic until you have your own idea (if you want your own idea, fanfic is cool too!) You can even just find a cool pic on pinterest and play around with describing it, writing about it, seeing if you can get anything from that. Ideas are everywhere and they can be tiny, and I think if you have that want to write you Will find your story eventually. All writers have had the Idea struggle, but I think the more you engage with writing and think about what concepts and stories interest you already, the more you'll like train yourself to get ideas

That was very long and maybe a lot but like, I am very passionate about this! I've been in writing "slumps" where I didn't know if I would write again, I've started writing again with no ideas, and in those times all I had was the fact I knew I wanted to write. There are a lot of reasons why we end up having long breaks from writing and it is totally normal, sometimes beneficial for us, and we should never give ourselves a hard time for not writing for however long. But also remember that you can always come back. Every one of us has the capacity to create, whatever that looks like, and you can make it as self indulgent and self serving as you want.

#also a bit on the creators and writing advice thing #I dont think every creator out there who does How To Do X.....is treating what they say as fact. and i dont think that's Bad #i think they're just teaching what they think is valuable info #but like...you're allowed to disagree with it #but I've also encountered people with big platforms who will say shit like if you don't do This Thing you WILL fail in some way #just because THEY had that expreience...or will do writing advice marketed like Harsh Truths For Writers!!! #and like yeah you might find something valuable in that but like it's all marketing!!! they want you to click on their post and engage! #again! not always a bad thing it's how the internet works unfortunately! but sometimes it IS kind of shady lol and you can just ignore it #i'm saying this as someone sharing advice right now. you can disagree with any of this lol #some people share writing advice online and that's literally how they make money or they're using that advice to sell their product #again fair i dont think that's inherently bad but i think just. look at this stuff with a critical eye. people have experience that can be #helpful but NOBODY is an authority on writing #cause unfortunately some people Are capitalising on the fact there are vulnerable writers out there looking for help #putting this extension in the tags because its not so much about starting to write again but i think its important #in regards to engaging with writers spaces. that engagement can be so motivating but you have to set barriers LOL

[july-19th-club]

how to make a character who sucks so bad and nobody likes him but he is genuinely a good protagonist (good as in interesting, maybe on a rare day good as in decent but also, just like, an incredible jackass) . i need to make him worse i need to make him MEANER!

#i think the key to getting this kind of character right is that he can't try to be anybody's boss #that's not the fun and engaging kind of jackass that's just reminding the reader of all the bosses they've hated in their time #the engaging and likeable Guy Who Sucks So Bad is a loner who might CLAIM that he will take over the group or whatever and lead #but never actually has any intentions of doing so because part of the things he sucks re: is responsibility of any kind #he does however know that leaders dont like other people horning in on their territory so he will say things like #i'm gonna wreck your shit and then all your lackeys will follow ME! ouahahahahaha . despite having zero plans to follow up with that #the ideal engaging asshole protagonist is a rebel without a good cause: maybe he has a sad backstory; maybe he's just a dick #but if there's one thing about him you can count on it's that he is Opposed To Shit. doesnt matter what it is his primary entertainment #is picking a fight with it for no reason and then saying what the fuck ever i didn't care about it anyway (he didn't) #ideally this is all done in such a way that he is SEXY . but you'd never want to hang with him because he is deeply obnoxious #he is not bossy. he is not controlling. he is maybe even a bit of a wife guy except he hates everyone else and wants to make their day wors #because making someone else's day worse makes HIS day better . the ideal wife for him is the one from ordinary day with peanuts #by shirley jackson #and i have GOT to figure out a way to engineer this guy without copying examples of my favorite versions of him wholesale #i have the scaffolding. but because of my own confrontation-averse tendencies #im terribly concerned that i will never be able to actually make him the asshole he was born to be #q

[unexpectedbrickattack]

.

#chattin #nothin crazy just thinking about thay wel//come home post thats been circulating #its so scary #its why i really DONT participate in fandom like that; its why i stay away from aus and oc content #bc sometimes its so far removed from the actual content that youve basically made an entirely new show/game/etc #and like obv thats not bad or evil or what have u #i make aus and ocs for basically everything i watch and play #im doing it w pt right now! #but i feel like #the main issue was that the people who got ahold of the website were people who wanted views #and poked and prodded until they could find something to make a video about #and instead of like #following the creator and their socials; people just jumped on the bandwagon #like the obsession w unreality games (mandela catalog/backrooms/etc) and child mascot horror games #means that some people will look at Cute Looking Things that have very little content or descriptions #and assume its horror related #and that its Content Creator stuff As Usual #and like #will make all of these conclusions without engaging in the original media #if people checked the creators socials for 10 seconds im sure they wouldve found exactly whats been circulating rn #that it was just a fun project ! thats their baby! #and people jumped into a fabricated fandom FIRST instead of engaging in the media #like. i like pt. i LOVE it. i think the game is fun and solid with wonderful music and controls and cute litte bits of characterization for- #-what would otherwise be shallow puppets. and we know this becase we played and watched it! people went through the trouble of finding old- #-dev builds and old concept art and old creator messages (for better of for worse lmfao) #just. i interact with fandom as far as i would like someone to treat my own properties #enjoy what i have to put out there; and take it from there #dont just piggyback off of what fandom wants to see. #just. waugh. 🥺🥺 i feel so bad for that artist. a passion project turned miserable #bc people played with their babies like little dolls and didnt even want to like. know what these babies meant to their creator

[pl4n]

#my art #ive been so jsvgjsnsndjbdjks #just a big ol jumble of kahsjdbskdhi #and i wanna draw more but im so uninspired aahhaah #i kinda wanna do some studies or smth but ahhhh idk i also just wanna lie in bed when i can #i so tire #but being lazy and bored is also so exhausting haha it feeds itself #so yeah itd be good to try to push myself a bit in my free time to do smth kinda fun chill engaging #its crazy bc theres so much that i could be doing but i have such a hard time being self motivated... #so outside motivation like work or friends is the only reason i do literally anything #which sucks bc i have a lot of things id like to be able to do on my own but yeah. idk why its so hard to do things for myself #that being said if anyone sees this and wants to do lil drawing challenges or trades or smth together that might be niceee #im sort of painfully shy online haha tho im not so much irl #i think the thing abt it for me is the feeling of creating these lil digital footprints #like if i send a message or make a post its just preserved like that... forever.. actually i recently looked at emails from my childhood #and its really cool to see a slice of the past like that but still. idk why it bothers me tbh. i just never got used to it #memories fade and warp over time right? so it really feels like existing in the world and talking to people is just a passing moment #it doesnt really feel that way w the internet. as small and insignificant these small imprints might be #and im really just being neurotic but yeah. maybe i dont like the feeling of taking up space and slowly widening it with every little step #yea thats neurotic fr LOLL #anyways im really rambling away in these tags haha but if ima post this art anyway its such a good excuse to ramble into a void :D #and a good way to practice existing on the internet. im sure ill get used to it

[do-rey-me]

you are the world.

as you lay dying in a hospital bed

we take a moment to breathe in

(we do not know this is a dangerous thing yet)

the air free of the chemicals and beeping and rushing we have grown accustomed to

we try and eat something that is not bland

the shops are closed

as you are dying, the world is dying with you.

when we had first arrived, the staff had thought i was old

they had me sign paperwork and give medical information for your stay as your next of kin

they looked in my eyes and saw my future

(Apollo was God of prophecy and medicine both)

knew i would command your fate into the ground

knew i would not condemn you to that terror of cremation

your family arrives

(black birds following armies, knowing that a feast will be served)

they always do, for matters they consider important

first arrives your sister

(i forget which one)

she is kind to me, of course

she dances around the obvious, of course

she is surprised that my mother and stepfather are there,

although she tries to hide it

at some point, there is a meeting around whether or not

you would want to have donated yourself to help others

(why is that information not already available?)

i don’t know for certain what you would say, but i tell them to do it anyway

(forgive me, for not asking)

(forgive me, for not saying hello)

(forgive me, for waiting until i was grown to talk)

your sister tries to give you your Last Rites while my family is away

the Priest, the Doctors, they all tell her no

she tries anyway

(i understand, she is trying to help)

(i understand, she does not know you)

your Mother arrives.

(so does her husband and my uncle)

i don the armor ive been welding for my (your) life (death)

I greet her with respect, we go through the motions of grief before death

(i do not give her my True Name, i do not eat of her food, i do not give her any debts)

(i am a changeling child, i know her kind well)

i prepare myself for real battles to begin.

the rest of the players trickle in

the family

your friends

(your friends go through your house, giving most to me. neither side asks, so no debt is owed)

(i do not have to go myself)

(it is one less battle to fight)

my mother becomes my second-in-command easily, as if she never even stopped

she is water, flowing and changing

she is rock, steady and tethering

here is how the war is fought

in uncomfortable hospital chairs, we talk, your family and i

your mother takes charge on her side

i take charge on mine

we are outnumbered, but we have legal power over your decisions

and their time is running out.

as per the rules set long ago, we must remain respectful. polite.

they are your family. they raised you. you are their precious son.

(you were born out of wedlock. you abandoned the faith. you raised a queer.)

my mother abandoned you. my stepfather must hate you. your friends are irrelevant.

(you were my mother’s best friend. you got my stepfather to branch out. your friends built a boat to burn for you)

but me? i am your child. you are my precious father, my world, who i am losing.

so when i tell them that you would want to be buried without a box, to feed the earth and let the worms eat your flesh?

they cannot oppose me directly.

most of your family ignores your brother, my uncle

they can’t understand the words he says so they think him infantile

when they aren’t ignoring him, they are Handling him

they tell him you are dying in little words

“Pete isn’t going to be around anymore soon”

they say in falsetto tones

they do not let him grieve. they do not let him love.

i do not let the rage boil under my skin

i do not let myself mourn that with your passing he will be taken away as well

it will not help him. it will not help you.

i often can’t understand what my uncle says either, but that’s not new

the wind likes to play tricks on me, tying words into knots before they reach my ears

i am one of the few that treats him like the eldest child he will soon be

he is one of the few that treats me like the child i shall still be for two years yet

so between battles, sitting amongst the corpses of words, we sit in silence,

and we draw

your death is scheduled

it has to be, to harvest what they can from you, to save who they can

there is ceremony to what comes after

they bring the body up, and we walk down the hall with it

doctors and nurses line the halls, giving respect to what we have lost

giving respect to what you have given that will save others

the only sound the whole way is my uncle’s sobs

i don’t know if he hates that it was a child, your child, who was the one comforting him

and so the world ends.

the funeral seems dull in comparison to the honor walk

sure, your family made a scene,

but my mother took the narrative back

and anyway.

by that point the fight was over

your wishes were respected

i had won.

the next day,

we went home.

and we didn’t come out.

and so the world ends.

#so uhhh. idk. i wrote this a while back to try and process the grief but #ive only just started sharing it with other people #and idk. i wanted to put it out here?? pls give me any engagement #idk im havinf A Day. #bad pain days remind me of the grief more i think. as if the physical aspect wasnt bad enough lol #oh shit triggers right #hospital tw #death tw #parent death tw #anyway as someone who deals with grief by trying to keep up a routine. having ur dad die in the week before lockdown was Wild #covid tw #um ask to tag? #idk yall i might delete this later. #bc im proud of it but it feels weird to share #like sure the people ive shared it with liked it but that was my mom and other families of organ donors #dunno if it reads well to folks who dont know the situation #poems #poetry

[lorillee]

actually im posting this on here too since it makes me so mad. few things more annoying to me than people pretentiously saying about how everybody needs to reblog art or else theyre taking a gun and shooting an artist personally and yet the only art reblogged on their blog is by seasoned/skilled artists like... hmmmmmmmm ....... okay sure bud

#either you reblog every single piece of art you see or you shut up #like.. people have a right to choose what they want to put on their blog. who gives a crap if your art gets 5 notes #like i am an artist. there's been plenty of things ive posted that havent gotten any engagement #is it disappointing? absolutely. do i often feel that it shouldve gotten rbs? totally. #does that mean that i am *entitled* to attention? um . no ? #just like how artists dont have to give people content if they dont want to make it #people dont have to interact with that content if they dont want to interact with it #and if its *such* a problem. stop posting your stuff online. show it to a handful of your friends in private and thats it #the hypocrisy the arrogance the entitlement of it all............ its sooo annoying i see these dumb posts all the time #like. what do you think this is going to accomplish anyways #people are going to read your preachy soapbox post and go ''ah yes i will reblog all art even if i dont actually want it on my blog !'' #no. theyre gonna do whatever they want and they're well within their rights to do so #its not immoral to ... not reblog somebodys art. like .?????????????????????? #also reading this it is incredibly aggressive actually wow. um . i didnt mean for it to be that aggressive #but whatever it gets the point across

[famewolf]

https://www.tumblr.com/famewolf/717956178790039552 the argument “you’re trans friends / jewish friends etc etc wont trust you” is so silly like i’ve never even met a trans or jewish person why does everyone assume we have them as friends :/

I'm baffled. The answer is simply, 'not everything ever said is about you'. No one assumed anything, but you sure did assume that this post was about you, despite you saying to yourself 'hey, I don't relate to this, why is this about me? Why are people talking about me?' This comment was towards "allies" who still put their friends and loved ones at risk because they lack basic fortitude. If you aren't friends with folks different from you, if you lack the ability to accept or understand people different from you, then I hope that one day you gain Empathy as an ability. Life without it is barely life at all.

#[static] #I honestly don't reply to anons but this ask was genuinely sad #you really gotta not have a very fulfilling life to have this take #to have community and to accept folks from different walks of life is literally peak humanity #without it you arent doing yourself any favors #you're not growing or learning or engaging in your ability to connect and care #and like ... that's on you #if you want to lead an existence that is empty of difference and color go right on ahead #but dont think anyone is ever talking about you ... you can't be apart of the convo if you don't even exist #you aren't cool or edgy for not having queer friends or friends from different cultures or beliefs lmao #sounds like Someone is boring #also youre literally on tumblr you Could have so many cool friends if you wanted to lmao #anyways this was an insane take that reeks of someone being so privileged they think everything is about them LOL can you imagine? #living in a world where everything is about you all the time so the moment its not you become confused or befuddled even #crashing about and asking why are people assuming things about you? you dont even HAVE friends #my good bro ... that was about people who DO have friends and who aren't showing up for them #get out of here and go learn some basic human empathy

[phlyaros]

im gonna be real anon I don't care about label shit ship discourse I care about if real people are getting hurt and ONE reblog from someone being jokingly aggressive on the subject isn't enough to convince me that people are getting hurt when there's more evidence to the contrary. you've put me in a shitty situation here and I don't want to engage with it. please just ask people what they actually think next time before you go throwing your assumptions at other people.

#i trust enough that most of my mutuals understand the nuance needed of media depiction of unsavory subjects. #if i'm wrong then I'm wrong. okay. thank you. #i hate the dichotomy i hate the lack of nuance in this discussion I want people to actually talk to each other #I want people to realize that you can respect people with different opinions than you if they aren't actually hurting anyone #I'm literally. someone who was alone with me a lot as a kid is in prison for CP/solicitation. I think if anyone can say that media- #depiction of fucked up shit that really happens is more nuanced than 'x is bad so it shouldnt exist' #you cant do that in real life. you cant make something not exist. just because something fictional contains it doesnt mean it condones it. #im so tired. im so tired. why wasnt this a dm. i dont really want to have this discussion publicly. #i can think things are gross but understand that there's nuance to depiction and just because I don't like it doesn't mean those people- #-don't deserve to have something that understands them. #not everyone is good at actually. being mature enough to handle that nuance. when they try. people can be wrong #and if people ARE weird I can just not engage with them. there's. I can decide for myself! #and now I'M stuck in my brain is insane and. as if! as if people always reblog things they 100% agree with! #im so tired. im so tired. im in pain and people are messaging me about a singular reblog from six months ago on someone else's blog. #i understand being cautious i really do but thats like insane behavior. why are you putting this on me. why didn't you just talk to me. #fucked up things happen and people deserve to be understood. okay. even if i don't like it. there is no right answer. there is no world- #where all pain can be avoided. saving private ryan made vet suicides skyrocket. did you know that #but it also understood those people. yknow. and there's more people living that it understood too. #there's just so much nuance that's thrown out when you cover everything you don't like with a blanket. okay #it's more complicated. it's more complicated. please. #in my mind it's far stranger to assume everyone is out there giggling and twiddling their fingers thinking about in/cest #than it is to just assume they don't until proven otherwise. #im so tired. just block me if you don't understand where I'm coming from. I don't care about ship disco/urse and i dont want to live- #constantly worried about what other people think about shit that has no right answer. #everyone is innocent until proven guilty and one reblog of a joking aggressive post isnt enough for me. sorry. #phlyaros' nonsense #euurgh. #welcome to the internet where we judge people based on one reblogged joke and nothing else even if it contradicts us #what a perfect encapsulation of what I don't like about dichotomy argument #tw suicide

[brood-mother]

aspiring fic writers posting on ao3, if you are serious about trying to attract readers and engagement with your fics in general, you GOTTA stop using the tags and summary for anything but accurate tags and a summary. talking to yourself like its tumblr tags, self-disparaging comments (”i suck at summaries/tagging, there’s so many mistakes, i was tired when i wrote this, etc”), shit-talking the original media/characters - or worse, other fic writers...that’s all extremely off-putting for a lot of readers. plenty of people don’t care but similarly lots of people are going to see that shit and scroll right on by because it implies the actual fic will similarly be sloppy. so many good fics get slept on for this reason. keep it simple and clean and use the author’s notes to goob out if you really need to.

#i used to think i had abnormally high standards wrt fic but the more i wrote and the more creatives i spoke to i was like... #ok so this is the silent majority right lmao #i think we just underestimate how many people want to quietly read a good story abt things they like #instead of being compelled to consume everything about a specific blorbo menagerie regardless of exact quality level #especially in big fandoms where there's enough choice available that they don't have to click every link #how many legit good fics called somethin dumb like 'big fucky wucky' with max tags and a 'idk its gay' summary get passed over #ofc if you dont care about engagement and you're just funposting then carry on but if you want an audience.............

[guideaus]

maybe if i was offputting people wouldnt randomly, endlessly dump things on me

#personal #...but thats mean 😭😭 #i am too nice which is also a problem #did anyone else every have ppl get surprised when you'd swear lol #i think perception-wise i was probably 'sweet shy girl' than like. 'scary emo bitch' or smth fdsjhfjdhsf #idk i think its weird how some people want to speak so bad #u can visibly have like earbuds in or be working on smth and then ur chosen as their prey #whats the normal way to say 'i dont want to engage in this conversation right now' lol #thats not akin to waving a mall advertiser person away #men are 10x worse tho. like even before graduating they were... ugh

[yarrowleef-babbles]

someone explain to me why i am so defensive over adam parrish, like I have a personal very very long list of complaints about him as a person and character and yet anytime i hear someone else breathe in the direction of calling him awful or annoying, some knee jerk response in my bones starts internally screeching “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU DON’T GET IT NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT HIM OTHER THEN ME”

#trc #yarrow reads trc #THIS IS A JOKE I DONT CARE IF YOU DISLIKE THIS FICTIONAL MADE UP PERSON #i am making fun of myself #i mean ronan is probably my favorite character as he is objectively the coolest #but when i think of blorbo for some reason adam comes up first #idk!!! #i have not engaged with fandom as a whole much but. i get the feeling this is probably a divisive character #like i fully understand why someone wouldnt like him even i dont understand why i am like this #LIKE I WILL WRITE AN ESSAY SOME DAY ABOUT HOW FRUSTRATED I AM AT HIM AND HIS WRITING #IN THAT HE NEVER ACTUALLY MADE UP WITH GANSEY AFTER THAT BLOW UP IN BOOK TWO AMOUNG OTHER THINGS #AND YET I CANNOT READ A WORD AGAINST HIM WRITTEN BY ANYONE ELSE #at least not right *now* because I just finished it two days ago and my brain is fragile #im still in a hype state where i dont want other people bumming me out #give me a couple months and i will be able to engage with other people criticism in a more normal way #its always like this

[newspecies]

was inactive on neocities for a bit and came back to my dash being overrun. who knew neocities could have drama

#rot.txt #federifederi being torn apart right now... i dont even think its that big a deal. like yeah theyre being a bit rude abt it #but ultimately theyre just two people being berated by tons of other people #i do object to the views system though. like views are cool and all #but does it really matter if so few of them follow and stick around to see more? #but thats just my onion. ultimately i just want to show people my ocs so ill take what i can get #though i will say. i dont think i got a single follower from my site getting featured. i tend to only get them from frequent updates #and following other sites #so really the secret is engagement not necessarily just showing a button and hoping for the best #i have found other cool sites through it though!

[administer-distractions]

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#so for the past several months i have occasionally tried to ask a specific friend to hang out #he would consistently say yes and tell me hed check his schedule #he either wouldnt get back to me at all #or he would cancel the day of #hes a very busy person so i dont mind being the one to reach out and ask but #at what point do i assume he just doesnt want to hang out?? #when do i stop bothering? #especially because he always seems excited to hang out when we do manage to set a date #this would be a solid like 6 months of this if he hadnt shown up to a Halloween thing i was hosting #but even thats like. that was a group setting. #i just dont know what to make of this #hes exceptionally aware that i have some recent trauma with people lying to me about how fine things are #one might even say he was right in the fucking middle of it #so one would hope that after seeing the shit i went through and hearing me cry and fall apart #because people spent months tellng me things were fine when they werent #youd think hed maybe get the idea. and so i contine to sit here and hope that its just one fucked up coincidence #i hate trying to read people's fucking minds all the time #i wish i could have like one person in my life that didnt make me engage in death note levels of overthinking #just to hang out with them #this is the shit that makes me want to drop everything and move to alaska

[zeena-athena]

Hearing about several of my mutuals and/or friends getting married/engaged/stepping into a long term partnership has me so giddy to finally be able to do that with my partner 🥰

Both of us have talked multiple times and very frankly about the future, what we want to do with our lives, what our goals are, etc., and from those conversations, getting to live with them so far, and the support and love we both show each other i know it's gonna be a wonderful future ☺️

frankly speaking, at this point it's just a matter of whose gonna go first I think xD I keep joking we're gonna be one of those couples that proposes at the same time, it's just gonna come down to who goes down on one knee first xD whether it be him or myself, that's yet to be shown.

#saw one of my moots talking about getting rings and it made me giddy a bit #you know who you are c: #not like i've had his engagement ring design prepared for three? years at this point or anything #luckily he's not really on tumblr anymore so he shouldnt see this post? #i can vague about my love for my partner as much as i want here and no one can stop me xD #people who know me and him please dont show him my shmoopy love posting #he already gets to hear it enough day to day when i see him xD #the sketches for his engagement ring have lived in my wallet for years at this point #and i think i'm settling on how i want to propose to him #just need to get the words right/learn how to say them c; #noel's talking again #shmoopy love posting #partner posting

[seoulmates98]

I've been thinking these past few weeks about my interactions with my friends and how I interact with them and come to the conclusion that it feels like they love me as a person but aren't exactly interested in me as a person and now I want l kinda want to cry

#the results of me being all by myself with no human interaction for 3/4ths of my day #since im currently not working and my roommates are #feel free to ignore #i just wanted to put this thought somewhere to get it out #hoping it would help the emotion im feeling currently #and the whole process was started by me trying to talk to my roommates about something i thought they would really like #cause they've loved very similar things in the past only to be kinda blown off in a polite way before i can even show them the thing #or for them to very obviously listen/watch a little and then move on to their interests or topics like mine never happened #like i get people can like different things and still be friends but also genuinely not enjoy/become interested in something they're friends #show them and that's okay-i think im just by myself too much right now cause I'm getting to far into my head #but yeah-i listen/watch/read the things they enjoy so im able to engage with them about it as much as i can #cause that's a nice thing to do and it's like bonding time-but i dont think ive really had friends before that would do the same for me #im sad about it but dont wanna disrespect the boundries they've put up or implyed they have about 'infodumping' #possible im reading too much into it tho and projecting my past thoughts and feelings from past friends that blew up in my face horribly #hmmmmm... these thoughts might be therapy thoughts... #personal

[technicolorxsn]

I wish I knew how to actually like,, make friends

#im decent at chatting and i think i have a fair amount of friends but i dont feel like im close with any of them #and i dont know how to *be* close with anyone #im trying really hard but i dont know how #i try opening up and asking questions and engaging but i feel like i dont get much back sometimes.. mostly with people irl #i feel kinda bad one of the people ive really wanted to be friends with i just keep ending up talking abt my job.. that just isnt right to #him but i never know what to talk about.. #i think i might just be boring ^^'