#i dont think id forgive all of them so easily in the real life lmao

[heeliopheelia]

𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐒/𝐎

part 2

genre: angst, established relationship

word count: 2.9k

warnings: curse words (and some of the boys are really cruel to yn :()

masterlist

LEE HEESEUNG

"Please, can we talk about this tomorrow?" Heeseung groans as he slumps down on the couch, rubbing his face with his hands. He really doesn't want to get mad at you at such late hour but he can't help it when you keep talking his ear off from the moment that he's walked into your shared apartment. "I'm dead tired, just let it go for now, okay?"

"I'm not sleeping with you today," you scoff, not even daring a look at him so that he doesn't notice the tears of frustration that have started brimming in your eyes.

You've just found out from one of Heeseung's friends that he's been out with his ex for almost the entire day. Without telling you a word about it. Normally, you weren't the jealous type as you trust your boyfriend with your whole heart. But after hearing that he's been having the time of his life with the girl that once has broken his heart, while you were at home waiting for him to come back, your thoughts drifted onto a completely different track.

"Why? Fuck, so what if I saw her today?' He exclaims, slapping his thighs with a breathless laugh. "Nothing happened! She just wanted to talk, YN! Talk. Stop trying to turn it into something that it's not."

"Then why didn't you even bother telling me that you were meeting her?" You ask, involuntarily letting yourself get emotional and raising your voice as well. "Who even does shit like that?"

"I just didn't think it would matter so much to you, that's all. I thought you trusted me a little more!"

"So you're saying that if I were to hang out with my ex and didn't tell you anything about it, you'd be fine with it?" You snort when he nods his head. "Alright, yeah. Watch out cause I almost believed you."

"God, you're just like her! Why would I ever think of cheating on you with her when the two of you are exactly alike?" Heeseung ignores the hurt look on your face and keeps on talking nonsense, fueled up by anger. "Both have trust issues. Both are ridiculously jealous. Both are way too clingy for anybody to bear. Fucking twins!"

You laugh in disbelief as you stand up from the couch. "Why are we even in this relationship if I'm so fucking unlovable to you?"

"Good question," he quietly murmurs.

You don't bother to wait for his apology or pleads for you to stay as you know he's way too deep in his anger to even start acknowledging your feelings now. You don't even have the strength to slam the door, so you just quietly let them shut behind you as you walk out on the dark street.

PARK JAY

You cross your arms over your chest, watching as your boyfriend finishes getting dressed for work. He said he would take the day off today but he obviously forgot to do so and now is leaving you hanging onto another empty promise.

"You're twisting my words! I just said you promised you would stay with me today, that's all."

"Well and I said I forgot! End of story," Jay grumbles at you, dismissing you with a wave of his hand. "Whatever, I don't have time for this right now."

"You never do!" You raise your voice involuntarily and turn your face away as you feel the tears gathering in your eyes. How could he forget? "Not even once have I ever been prioritized while being in this relationship with you! And it's not like you even have anything important to do today!"

"We're not having this conversation again," he laughs breathlessly, threading his fingers through his hair. "My boss called me and said he needs my help. Of course my job is gonna come first in a situation like that, YN! After all this time, I thought you'd be more understanding by now."

"Yeah, it's just there are days where I want to be put first for a change. It's not like I ask you for that every week!"

You can't help but let the tears drop down your cheeks, failing to hide your emotions for any longer. You're right, though. Jay knows it too. You never complained about his work or asked him to take the day off, unless the date was important to you. It's just too bad he was too much in his own head to think about it for a little longer.

"I can always take the day off next week!" Jay says with a roll of his eyes. "And, god, why do you always have to cry?"

"Because it's my fucking birthday, you asshole," you breathe out in a broken voice before standing up from the bed.

Jay's eyes almost double in their size as he lets your words repeat in his mind. Birthday. It's your birthday. He tries to grab your wrist as you walk past him but you jerk it away from him.

"YN, I-"

"I don't wanna talk to you right now."

You rush out of the bedroom. Slamming the bathroom door behind you, you slide to the ground and bury your head in your hands, finally letting out the sob that's been weighting on your throat throughout the entire morning. 

SIM JAKE

As you walk out of the restaurant angrily, you dial Jake's number. It's the fourth time you've been stood up by him like that, sitting completely embarrassed and alone at the table reserved for two. Jake was supposed to meet you here forty minutes ago and while at first you waited patiently for him, knowing his schedule is rather tight, after half and hour of having your calls not answered, you started losing your cool.

"Hi, baby. What's up?" You hear his cheerful voice from the other side of the phone.

"Nothing much besides the fact that I've been stood up by my boyfriend once again this week," you reply in a rather passive aggressive manner as you open the door of your car. "How was your day, babe?"

Jake keeps silent for a second or two before a groan leaves his throat. "Fuck, it completely slipped out my mind. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you should be," you nearly growl, starting your car. You curse quietly when the engine stutters and chokes but doesn't want to start by the first two times. "I waited forty minutes for you, jackass."

"Shit, are you still there? Just wait a little more and I'll be there soon, I promise."

You scoff loudly. "You've got some nerve, I'll give you that, Jake."

You can hear him sigh heavily and you can just picture how he's pinching the bridge of his nose at the moment. "Can you stop that? I already apologized. I'm sorry that I have to work."

"Oh, you're very welcome." You grit your teeth, keeping your phone pressed between your ear and shoulder as you drive out of the parking lot. "Would it really kill you to remember about me even once?"

"YN, you're not being fair right now," he says and you know he's pushing himself to his limits to not raise his voice at you. "Look, one of us has to actually make some money. I can't keep my head wrapped around everything."

"Oh, yeah? So you're at work right now?"

He stutters slightly. Got him. "Well, no I-"

"Jake, are you coming, man?"

Hearing Heeseung's voice shouting on the other line makes your fingers clench on the wheel tightly. You breathe in sharply and let out a short laugh. "Good to know what your priorities are, Jake."

"No, wait, I'm-"

You interrupt him again before ending the call, "Don't bother."

PARK SUNGHOON

You breathe out in relief when you hear the familiar sound of Sunghoon's car pulling up on the driveway. He hasn't been answering any of your calls since the afternoon and you really started getting worried. You've been arguing with each other throughout the couple past weeks and you took notice of how distanced he's become towards you. You've attempted to fix that but it's a really hard task to do with your boyfriend being as stubborn as he is.

"Oh my god, I was so worried about you," you say the second when Sunghoon walks into your house. "Where have you been?"

He only nods his head at you in acknowledgement and toes his shoes off wordlessly. You frown slightly at his sudden muteness and put the sizzling pan aside.

"I made you dinner, figured you'd be hungry," you start again and only get disappointed when he dismisses you curtly.

"I'm not."

Pressing your lips together, you nod your head slightly before following him to the living room and taking a seat next to him, not close enough to irk him any further though. The two of you sit in silence, mindlessly watching the random channel that Sunghoon played. He has his arms folded on his chest and you wonder what went so wrong that he suddenly turned so cold towards you.

So you try again, speaking with a soft voice. "Why didn't you answer my calls today?"

You feel your whole body tensing when he lets out a groan. "Cause I didn't want you distracting me."

"Okay, what the hell is up with you, Hoon? Why the attitude?" You ask, turning away from the TV screen to look at your boyfriend's frowned up face.

You don't miss the roll of his eyes as he clicks his tongue. "For fuck's sake, if I knew you'd be this needy today, I would've stayed out longer."

You try not to show how much his words hurt you but the look on your face tells him a completely different story. You clear your throat and decide on voicing the thought that's made itself way too comfortable in your mind during the past few weeks. "Sometimes I just feel like you don't love me anymore."

"Well, maybe I would've loved you a little more if you stopped being so clingy. Seriously, fifteen calls, YN! Who the hell does that?"

Silence. His hurtful words linger in the air heavily and you both say nothing. You avoid his eyes, lips slightly trembling from the heartbreak. Sunghoon still says nothing as you stand up from the couch and leave the room in a rush.

KIM SUNOO

"Do you even hear yourself? Why would she be lying?" Sunoo shouts at you as he crosses his arms defensively.

You're gripping the edge of your sleeve tightly, trying to prevent yourself from raising your voice as well. Even though you're keeping cool, his words and accusations stab your heart with dozens of needles. Having your boyfriend believing his friend rather than you has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world.

"And why would I be lying?" You ask, glaring him down. "Why would I, your girlfriend, lie about my whereabouts? For fun?"

He scoffs at you,. "Well, you didn't tell me you were hanging out with Sunghoon, did you?"

"No, because I wasn't hanging out with him, we just stumbled upon each other on my way back," you explain calmly as you clench your sleeve even tighter from frustration. "We literally talked for five minutes."

"That's not what what I've heard."

You roll your eyes at his stubbornness. "Yeah, cause what else would a person that's been in love with you for two years tell you?" You can't really help the sarcastic tone that's sneaked itself into your speech and you can see it only irks Sunoo more as he nearly scowls at you.

But all that you've said is the truth. Since the beginning of your relationship, you've noticed his best friend's spiteful looks thrown your way along with the heart-eyes directed at Sunoo. You've kept quiet for all this time, not saying a word even when he ditched you for her or made plans without your knowing. But this, this is just too much for you.

"You don't know what you're talking about," he has the audacity to laugh at you.

"No, Sunoo, it hurts me, you know?" You finally let all of your feelings that have been crumpled inside you for all these years. "Do you ever even try to acknowledge my feelings when you hang out with her?"

"Don't turn this on me right now. And I'm not allowed to have female friends now? What kind of a girlfriend even are you?"

You get up from his bed and scoff at him. "And what kind of a boyfriend accuses his girlfriend of cheating while he sneaks out without her knowledge to meet up with his best friend?"

With that, you turn on your heel and leave his apartment, slamming the door behind you.

YANG JUNGWON

"That's not what friends do, YN! Are you even listening to me?"

"I am but you're being ridiculous!" You bite back at your boyfriend, walking back from a lunch with your best friend.

Throughout the entire meal she's been throwing jabs and snarly remarks at you, and although you've already grown used to her attitude, Jungwon just couldn't let that slide. He thinks it's illogical that someone you've been calling your friend for such a long time, would act so mean and nearly insulting towards you.

"I don't understand how can you let her speak to you that way," he breathes out in disbelief. "I wanted to spit in her face after an hour of talking to her, why do you let her do this to you all the time?"

"Because she's my best friend, Won!" You try to stay your ground as you dig into your purse, looking for your keys. "That's just how she is. I've learnt not to take any offence in that. You shouldn't either."

"I just care about you, so forgive me for not liking it when someone insults my girlfriend!"

You sigh, feeling tired from the night and the ongoing argument. "I know you do but I don't see it that way. She's just rough around the edges, that's all."

"Of course you don't see it. All you need is constant validation. You just can't live with the thought of somebody not liking you. You'd let a stranger walk all over you only if it meant you had gotten his approval. That's not fucking healthy, YN!"

"How can you even say that to me? Why would you-," you stop yourself from engaging in this conversation and slump your shoulders with resignation. "I don't wanna do this anymore."

Jungwon sends you a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"I just want to be alone right now," you say and Jungwon can clearly hear the exhaustion in your tone. "I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for walking me back."

NISHIMURA RIKI

The moment that you hear the door slamming, you sigh as you realize it's one of these days again. For the past week or so, Niki has been coming home frustrated beyond words but not even once has he said what was bothering him. Sure, you've tried to intervene and ask him what's was it all about but he always dismissed you quickly. It hurts you to think that maybe he doesn't trust you enough to confide in you like that.

"Hi," you greet him as you stand up from the couch. You walk over to your boyfriend and wrap your arms around his neck in an attempt of hugging him but only get disappointed when you feel his body tense up. You pull away and look at him pointedly. "Another bad day?"

Niki hums and moves away from you, going into the direction of the kitchen. You follow him, feeling worried for him as you know he has the tendencies of bottling up his emotions inside.

"Wait! Don't ignore me again," you scolded him slightly, forcing yourself to stay calm and speak with the soft tone. You grab him by his forearm. "Niki?"

"Let go of me," he breathes out, voice heavy and your heart screams at the thought of him deciding to struggle with all of it by himself again.

You do as he asks and free his arm instantly. "Okay. Just talk to me, please?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Yn!" He snaps at you and runs his hand through his hair. "Stop pressing me!"

"No, you always keep acting like everything's fine when it's clearly not! I don't want you to keep it all to yourself. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about stuff like that," you explain, trying to keep him on your side. "I want to help you!"

"I don't need your help, though!" He scowls, sending you a sharp look. "If I knew you'd be sticking your nose into my business the second I walked through the door, I wouldn't even bother coming back."

"Hey, that's so cruel and uncalled for, Niki," you gasp slightly, feeling his words pulling at your heart again. "You're my boyfriend, of course I care about you! I hate seeing you like that but you just won't let me understand what's going on with you!"

"Are you my psychiatrist or my girlfriend? Jesus, I'm not in the mood for that right now," he sighs heavily and walks past you straight for the door.

"No, wait!" You call after him but you're too late and he's already slamming the door behind his back.

permanent taglist: @bambisgirl @arizejkt19

#i dont think id forgive all of them so easily in the real life lmao #hoon especially yeah i kinda went off with that one im sorry #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #enhypen reactions #enhypen reaction #enhypen angst

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

#.txt

[blookmallow]

I FINALLY GOT SKYRIM MARRIED

i have a BEAUTIFUL WIFE

...who i went through a lot of shit for. this is. a lot of exposition, bear with me :’) im very invested in my character’s personal story here

so astrid had a very important special job for me and sent me to markarth to speak with the client directly

it turned out to be the apothecary’s assistant, who i was passingly familiar with already, so i imagine it was a bit of a surprise to both of us, but she got right to the point - a man broke her heart and ruined her life, used her to hurt the people close to her, abandoned her to go become a bandit, now she wants him dead

u can probably imagine where this is going,

this is the first time ive had a dark brotherhood job i was legitimately PSYCHED to carry out, you BET ill go fuck this guy up for you id do this for free

however, she also had... another request, one that wasn’t required, but something she really, really wanted

see she was very close with/practically another daughter to the shatter-shields in windhelm, the wealthy family who recently lost a daughter to the windhelm butcher

alain had manipulated her and used her to get to the shatter-shields, i dont remember if he stole from them or what happened there, but whatever it was, the shatter-shields blamed muiri for this and disowned her, throwing her out onto the streets with nothing

so she was used and had her heart broken by a man she loved, then was told it was Her Fault, and lost her home and her friends/the closest thing to family she had all at once, and was so hurt and desperate she turned to the dark brotherhood to get revenge on them all

she wanted me to kill nilsine too, the shatter-shields’ other daughter

SO we have this really complicated situation where, on the one hand, she wants alain dead for using her and ruining her life and hurting her friends, and like, he’s a bandit leader now, so he’s someone i probably would’ve easily killed off anyway, by “this is a video game not real life”/skyrim standards that’s a no brainer, i have no moral conflict with that and can’t wait to slash this guy’s head off

but on the other hand she’s so broken she wants a woman who used to be her best friend/practically her sister dead too. i dont know what nilsine’s role in this was specifically but these people were essentially her family, and they victim blamed her when she needed their support the most and threw her out with nothing and nowhere to go

and i had already done quests with the shatter-shields before this, so like, i know them too, and they’re sort of friends to me, i helped solve the mystery of their other daughter’s murder and now I’m being asked to kill the other. not to mention everyone’s going to think the butcher’s back/there’s a copycat killer/something and it’s gonna cause a panic again (even if the game doesn’t acknowledge that/directly show that happening, y’know) 

killing someone’s daughter when they’re still in mourning over the first, when they’ve come to trust you, when you’re the one who helped them gain closure over that first death already, is just. a stone cold thing to do

especially looking at it from my character’s perspective, she’d be especially torn on this because she’s a mother herself, but her children are girls she rescued from the streets - lucia was thrown away by her family, sofie was a victim of tragedy and was let down by the people in authority who should have protected and helped her

so medea would relate to tova as a mother and a friend but also relate powerfully with muiri as a victim in this

ultimately i don’t think there’s any real justification to kill nilsine here, i dont think you can really morally defend that, but. i was so drawn to muiri and wanted so badly to give her a shot at a better life and help her heal from all this, and knew she would become a marriage option if i did it bc id seen her name on the marriage options list before, her story fits in so well with medea’s, and like, i dont imagine im gonna have a lot of options for wives who would Know about my connection to the dark brotherhood/the things ive done and be okay with it, so if i went with her, there wouldn’t be a “keeping this horrible secret from my wife” aspect to deal with even though the game probably doesn’t acknowledge it if you do (i mean im still. keeping it from my kids, but. y’know. when they’re older)

and “talk this out with her and help her see how badly her mind’s been warped by the pain she’s been through” isn’t an option given to you, so

in the end i went through with it. killing alain was easy, just like any other bandit camp raid, but to get at nilsine without being caught, i had to sneak into their house when the family was asleep

which i expected would involve a lot of careful sneaking and laborious lock picking

until i realized i could just walk right in

because the door was already unlocked for me. because they consider me a friend and allow me into their home

and that somehow made it so much worse

i killed nilsine with an arrow, nobody heard a thing, and i ran for it before anyone saw me in there or realized what had happened

muiri gave me a special ring as a “symbol of her affection” for doing this, which i think is about the biggest sign i coulda hoped for lmao

i held off on considering marriage for the time though and finally decided i had to go back to windhelm to see if there was anything i could do to make amends to the shatter-shields even though they shouldn’t know it was me/make sure i didnt get seen by a guard without realizing it or something (though it wouldn’t probably matter anyway, guards saw me leave the orphanage immediately after grelod’s death and shrugged that off, so,)

my name’s still clear in windhelm, but...

tova committed suicide after she discovered what happened

she couldn’t cope with losing another daughter

so now the father is the only one left, coping with. the death of his entire family occurring within like a couple months

i didnt see what happened here i came back later so i dont know if this is something you can possibly stop or if its possible to witness the moment they find nilsine or tova’s suicide or if this just Inevitably happens whenever you come back

i feel terrible about this but theres. not really any going back now,

so. i went back to muiri

i dont know if this is what everyone says or not but her response was just. “i mean, yeah, why wouldn’t I be” i love her lmao

i wouldnt choose to get married in riften if it was up to me but thats how it be in skyrim i guess

my babies are here!!!! what!!!!

and a. random guy i dont recognize lmao :’)

just wandered in to see what was going on i guess. or maybe we’re friends and i forgot who he is entirely which would be kind of sad :’ )

maybe it was my long lost father... slipped out before i ever had the chance to realize it

however i actually. ended up doing this scene twice because, fun fact, there’s a glitch where if you don’t manage to catch up to your spouse to talk about where to live before they leave the chapel they can just fucking Disappear sometimes, :’  ) i couldnt find her anywhere after the wedding and finally looked it up and apparently she just fell into the void so i had to reload and run it again. we’re double married now

planned better this time and dressed better but anyway that elf guy didn’t appear this time but some other guy did, who i ALSO cant quite identify, he looks. maybe. kind of like lucas valerian? who is actually a friend to me and was one of the first friends i made so it’d decently make sense for him to come to my wedding, but weird if he came and camilla didn’t, and im not even sure thats him anyway, so i dont know what happened here all around

muiri’s mentor lady came too though which was sweet

im spinning this kind of as... like, medea was so drawn to her and felt so strongly for her she couldn’t bring herself to disappoint her and this was an eye opener for them both as a kind of. “look what kind of people we’ve let ourselves become” and their marriage as a new beginning, love coming from a place of desperation and darkness, starting over and hoping that the divines will forgive what they’ve done

medea’s not leaving the brotherhood but i mmmmmight try to be a little more careful about who i kill

i had intended for her to come live with me in markarth, she’s in on my. assassin life so having kind of this Other Side to my life made sense but... she met my kids at the wedding i guess and she wanted to live with them... which is really cute,

it feels really weird having this huge fancy house all to myself (and uh. argis, i guess) in markarth and having my wife and kids (and lydia, and a fox) all squished into the honestly kinda run-down whiterun house though i think im gonna work on getting the solitude house for them bc its. safer there than in markarth i feel like and ive heard thats like the fanciest/biggest house

there she is..... my Wife

she also sells things now but i feel bad accepting it when she gives me “my share” of the profit like.... babe thats your money i have so much adventuring money and i didnt do shit to help earn that,

i buy things from her sometimes but i refuse to sell her stuff bc i dont want to take any more of her money :’ )

even tho it. doesnt really matter, its video games, i know, but

found lucia, the fox, and muiri all on the bed at once

lydia was just standing like this for a rly long time after muiri moved in i guess she was suspicious but chilled out eventually :’)

gettin along finally

i just realized if we move to solitude lydia’s gonna get left behind though :(

i mean ill still come visit her but. upsetting

my one issue is that muiri still keeps saying “thank you for solving my-....problem.” every time i come in speaking distance of her which is. weird given that its the same line she had before we were married, like, she apparently doesnt get any new things to say, and is Really repetitive (imagine living in a small space with your partner and they say the same sentence with the same intonation every time you step within like 2 feet of them. how long til that gets old, do you think, ) and also its just like??? girl let that go we gotta stop dwelling on this or the kids are gonna start questioning what apparently massively important problem mommy solved

idk why she was laying on the floor but anyway my kids have started calling her “mama” now too and im not crying or anything

#lucy plays skyrim #this actually happened. a while ago but i forgot this post in my drafts bc i didnt want to deal with proofreading it lmao #Nobody Cares Except Me but my skyrim character's life is important business ok #i think im gonna marry sadri on my khajiit file eventually. he was like. my second choice/'If I Had To Pick A Dude' #and that way my dad will stop asking if my character's married anyone yet lmao i can be like o yea i married sadri #little does he know my main file is a woman with a wife and my male character's gonna have a husband. technically im not lying #hoping he wont ask to see how my house is coming along or anything lmao

[parkersenses]

All of the want to know me asks!

bro,,, i literally said in the tagsfdjkdsjk,, it’s alright let’s do this

1: My name?

Ellie

2: Do I have any nicknames?

technically Ellie is my nickname 

3: Zodiac sign?

sagittarius 

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win?

spyro: year of the dragon

5: Book/series I reread?

carry on by rainbow rowell

6: Aliens or ghosts?

both??

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write?

rainbow rowell and victoria aveyard

8: Favourite radio station?

depends on my mood

9: Favourite flavour of anything?

strawberry maybe??

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great?

“wild”

11: Favourite song?

doN’T EVEN ASK

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better?

me?? making new friends?? never heard of it

13: Favourite word?

“fucking”

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them?

ehh that’s a complicated question

15: Last song I listened to?

meant to be by bebe rexha/florida georgia line

16: TV show I always recommend?

lost

17: Pirates or ninjas?

ninjas 

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down?

i don’t really have one??

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song?

don’t have one eitherdjsj

20: Favourite video games?

SPYRO: YEAR OF THE DRAGON

21: What am I most afraid of?

s o c i a l i n t e r a c t i o n  

22: A good quality of mine?

i’m honest

23: A bad quality of mine?

i don’t sugarcoat things (which could also be good but)

24: Cats or dogs?

dogs

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?

tom holland

26: Favourite season?

winter

27: Am I in a relationship?

nope

28: Something I miss?

not having to worry about my grades

29: My best friend?

i’ve got a few

30: Eye color?

blue

31: Hair color?

brown to dirty blonde-ish ombre

32: Someone I love?

Niall Horan

33: Someone I trust?

Niall Horan

34: Someone I always think about?

Niall Horan

35: Am I excited about anything?

TO SEE BLACK PANTHER ON TUESDAY LETS GO

36: My current obsession?

B L A C K P A N T H E R 

37: Favourite TV shows as a child?

House of Anubis was my shit 

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to?

Nope

39: Am I superstitious?

Depends for what

40: What do I think about most?

the fact that i don’t want to go to school

41: Do I have any strange phobias?

veins

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it

43: Favourite hobbies?

writing and reading 

44: Last book I read?

The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware

45: Last film I watched?

it’s been awhile i don’t remember 

46: Do I play any instruments?

nope 

47: Favourite animal?

dogs??

48: Top 5 blogs on Tumblr that I follow?

@thumper-darling x5

49: Superpower I wish I could have?

to fly

50: How do I destress?

blast music or read a book

51: Do I like confrontation?

hmm it depends on the situation but usually no

52: When do I feel most at peace?

when listening to music while reading

53: What makes me smile?

one direction and marvel

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off?

off

55: Play any sports?

lmao no

56: What is my song of the week?

it was just released but boss by nct u

57: Favourite drink?

caffeine free diet coke

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody?

a few years ago,, to santa,,,

59: Afraid of heights?

kind of

60: Pet peeve?

i’ve got so many don’t even

61: What was the last concert I went to see?

Niall Horan

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian?

N O 

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger?

air traffic controller 

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy?

yes

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

MCU

66: Something I worry about?

my grades

67: Scared of the dark?

kind of

68: Who are my best friends?

i’ve got a few 

69: What do I admire most about others?

i don’tsdjs

70: Can I sing?

i like to sing but i don’t really have a good voice

71: Something I wish I could do?

s i n g

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?

donate a lot to charity and help my family, and treat myself a little bit

73: Have I ever skipped school?

yes

74: Favourite place on the planet?

my bedroom 

75: Where do I want to live?

New York or Boston

76: Do I have any pets?

nope

77: What is my current desktop picture?

it’s a painting of blue smears

78: Early bird or night owl?

night owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise?

sunsets

80: Can I drive?

nope

81: Story behind my last kiss?

never had one

82: Earphones or headphones?

earphones 

83: Have I ever had braces?

yep

84: Story behind one of my scars?

when i was little i kept picking at my mosquito bites

85: Favourite genre of music?

don’t have one

86: Who is my hero?

don’t have one

87: Favourite comic book character?

Peter Parker or Deadpool

88: What makes me really angry?

anything political 

89: Kindle or real book?

real book

90: Favourite sporty activity?

don’t have one

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be?

girls’ dress code and encouragement to express your opinions 

92: What was my favourite subject at school?

english

93: Siblings?

two of ‘em

94: What was the last thing I bought?

coffee and a croissant 

95: How tall am I?

5′ 4″

96: Can I cook?

some things 

97: Can I bake?

if it comes from a box then yes

98: 3 things I love?

writing

reading

one direction

99: 3 things I hate?

gun violence 

racists

homophobes

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?

girl

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys?

girls

102: Where was I born?

in a hospital ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

103: Sexual orientation?

queer

104: Where do I currently live?

on the east coast

105: Last person I texted?

my friend

106: Last time I cried?

when rewatching the finale of lost

107: Guilty pleasure?

oof i can’t think of one

108: Favourite Youtuber?

i don’t really watch youtube anymore

109: A photo of myself.

nope

110: Do I like selfies?

nope

111: Favourite game app?

subway surfers

112: My relationship with my parents?

it’s good i guess

113: Favourite accents?

british and irish and australian and scottish

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?

new york and london

115: Favourite number?

2

116: Can I juggle?

nope

117: Am I religious?

yes

118: Do I like space?

y e s 

119: Do I like the deep ocean?

no

120: Am I much of a daredevil?

no

121: Am I allergic to anything?

i have seasonal allergies and i’m low-key ehh with corn

122: Can I curl my tongue?

yes

123: Can I wiggle my ears?

no

124: Do I like clowns?

n o 

125: The Beatles or Elvis?

neither

126: My current project?

,,,,,,,

127: Am I a bad loser?

totally 

128: Do I admit when I wrong?

i’m never wrong

IM JUST KIDDING YES USUALLY 

129: Forest or beach?

beach

130: Favourite piece of advice?

hmm idk

131: Am I a good liar?

yes

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?

slytherin, erudite i think, and i don’t know about my district 

133: Do I talk to myself?

no

134: Am I very social?

no

135: Do I like gossip?

kind of,,

136: Do I keep a journal/diary?

yeah but not in a traditional way

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test?

yes

138: Do I believe in second chances?

depends

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?

see if there was id inside

140: Do I believe people are capable of change?

maybe

141: Have I ever been underweight?

yeah

142: Am I ticklish?

yes

143: Have I ever been in a submarine?

no

144: Have I ever been on a plane?

yes

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

THIS IS SUCH A HARD QUESTION I DONT KNOWDJKDS

146: Have I ever been overweight?

no

147: Do I have any piercings?

yes my ears

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real?

Peter Parker,,

149: Do I have any tattoos?

nope

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?

to kick a boy out of my life tbh

151: Do I believe in Karma?

no

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts?

glasses

153: What was my first car?

never had my own car

154: Do I want children?

maybe

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?

myself?? IMDJSKAK

156: My most embarrassing memory?

don’t even make me think of one

157: What makes me nostalgic?

the smell of sweat pea hand sanitizer from bath and body works

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter?

yes

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?

brains i think

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe?

black

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience?

i don’t think so

162: What do I hate most about myself?

my lazy eye and my double chin

163: What do I love most about myself?

i can read a book quickly 

164: Do I like adventure?

ehhh

165: Do I believe in fate?

ehhh

166: Favourite animal?

dog (didn’t we already go over this??)

167: Have I ever been on radio?

no

168: Have I ever been on TV?

yes

169: How old am I?

16

170: One of my favourite quotes?

“go confidently in the direction of your dreams”

171: Do I hold grudges?

yes

172: Do I trust easily?

no

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes?

yes

174: Best gift I’ve ever received?

one direction tickets and autographs 

175: Do I dream?

yes

176: Have I ever had a night terror?

yes

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind?

yeah there’s a few that stick out

178: An experience that has made me stronger?

the whole of 2017

179: If I were immortal, what would I do?

that’s,,,,

180: Do I like shopping?

yes

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do?

rob a bank

182: What does “family” mean to me?

,,,,,

183: What is my spirit animal?

whatever is really lazy

184: How do I want to be remembered?

,,,,,,,

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?

writing

186: What is my greatest failure?

a great question 

187: What is my greatest achievement?

a g r e a t q u e s t i o n 

188: Love or money?

love

189: Love or career?

hmmm depends

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?

stay in my area and go back to the 90s maybe??

191: What makes me the happiest?

reading

192: What is “home” to me?

my bedroomksddsm

193: What motivates me?

competition 

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?

“play one direction at my funeral”

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens?

hm i don’t think so 

196: A movie that scared me as a child?

didn’t have one

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now?

moussaka

198: Zombies or vampires?

vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs?

city

200: Dragons or wizards?

wizards

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?

oof

202: How do I define love?

never experienced it so i wouldn’t really know 

203: Do I judge a book by its cover?

yes

204: Have I ever had my heart broken?

no

205: Do I like my handwriting?

no

206: Sweet or savory?

both

207: Worst job I’ve had?

never had a job

208: Do I collect anything?

snow globes and pop figures 

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without?

bracelet and ring

210: What is on my bucket list?

go to london

211: How do I handle anger?

sometimes i start crying or i go on tumblr and blast music

212: Was I named after anyone?

my grandfather 

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot?

so much oh my god

214: What TV character am I most like?

Charlie from Lost

215: What is the weirdest talent I have?

don’t have one

216: Favourite fictional character?

Peter Parker,,, you’re the one🎶🎶

#this literally took me an hour to dofdjksd #ask #ellie's answers

[jiminnieblues-blog]

get to know me tag(s)

yoo so recently i’d been tagged to do three get to know me tags, and i dont want to make three separate posts for each so im gonna combine all of them in this one post which is under a cut bc……….its really long LOL anyways i was tagged by @lovhobe, @elementaljimin, and @protectkimtaehyung thank you so much guys!!!!!!!!!!! <333 im glad i got to know yall better asdfgh

im tagging @jiminslipgloss​, @jxxminmols​, @kismet-soo​, @baeklipse​, @sonyeondn​, @neckatie​, @kihyunswife​ and @bulletproofbookworm​ you guys are welcome to do however many of these you want lol i just didnt wanna tag people separately for each tag

i was tagged by @lovhobe​ to do the 20 questions one tysm!!  instructions: answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you would like to get to know better. (lol yall already know i aint tagging 20 people)

name - zara

nickname - um a few of my friends like to call me zar-zar and i get called zaro by my family a lot

zodiac sign - cancer

height - 5′ 3″

orientation - straight

ethnicity - pakistani

favorite fruit - pineapple i think

favorite season - fall

favorite book series - idk um i’ll be that person and say harry potter lol i cant rlly think of a good series rn but my fave book is the kite runner 

favorite flower - i dont rlly know a lot of flowers but i like roses and the vibrant colors that orchids can have

favorite scent - fresh laundry

favorite color - purple

favorite animal - zebras?

coffee, tea, or hot cocoa - hot cocoa

average hours of sleep - five

cat or dog person - i like both but i think i like cats a little more

favorite fictional character(s) - this is hard bc i used to be in a lot of fandoms asdfghjkl draco, red & gold, percy, bakugou, link and i have more from all the drama i watch but the list will be to long lmao !!!

number of blankets you sleep with - three

dream trip - idrk?? somewhere out of the country i guess i dont leave the us unless im going to pakistan lol

blog created - i had to check my archive lmao but i made this blog in oct of 2015

number of followers - :^)

NEXT i was tagged by @eternaljimin​ for the get to know me tag tysm !! there werent any instructions just.........answer the questions lol.

a - age - fourteen lmao.........................

b - biggest fear - tight spaces

c - current time - 10:35 pm

d - drink you had last - water

e - everyday starts with - getting out of bed??

f - favorite song - im saying this just bc it just came out but RUMOR BY KARD IS A BOP WATCH IT AND SUPPORT THESE LEGENDS  

g - ghosts are real? - idk my dude

h - hometown/country - us

i - in love with - jimin?

j - jealous of - i was just watching sbs kpop star and there are these two kids who are eleven yrs old and are so talented i wish i was talented you feel 

k - killed someone - why would someone even ask this akshf ofc not

l - last time you cried - i think i cried today lmfao

m - music you last listened to - RUMOR BY KARD

n - newest thing you bought for yourself - i think the last thing i spent my money on was cheez its from the vending machine @ school ajksf

o - one wish - i wish my life went smoothly and that i wasnt mentally ill?? lmao

p - person you last messaged - @jiminslipgloss​ :)

q - questions you get asked often - since i wear the hijab i get a lot of questions abt that i also get questions on my rbf like ‘why do you look so depressed all the time’ asfkjkj

r - recommended (movie? series? book?) - i just remembered that i read this book called this blinding absence of light and it was rlly good a little explicit but it was a damn good book i rlly wanna re read it 

s - song you last sang - i dont rmbr but it was probs a track from hamilton lol

t - thanks, last person you said thanks to - the waiter that gave me food @ a restaurant i went today 

u - underwear youre wearing - not sure what this is asking but im wearing a purple one rn???

v - vacation, your dream vacation - i dont rlly have one lol

w - worst habit - idk if this counts but i lose my temper a lot? is that a habit? if not i tend to space out/get distracted a lot esp in class

x - x rays youve had - my teeth, my ankle, a few of my fingers

y - your favorite food - rice !

z - zodiac sign - cancer

for the third one i was tagged by @protectkimtaehyung​ for the seventy questions tag tysm!!!!!!

do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah

who did you last say i love you to? um listen im rlly not tryna be edgy but i seriously dont rmbr the last time i said ily irl

do you regret anything? i regret a lot of things lol

are you insecure? unfortunately

whats your relationship status? single

how do you want to die? asdfghjkl um a painless death i think

what did you last eat? rice

played any sports? i used to play tennis and swim but now i do kung fu

do you bite your nails? no

when was your last physical fight? i kind of have......to fight in kung fu so like when i last had class lol

do you like someone? no

have you ever stayed up forty-eight hours? yeah

do you hate anyone atm? i tend to hate a lot of ppl lmao?

do you miss someone? uhm i dont think so

have any pets? no :// i used to have parakeets but i gave them away and i just recently found out that they passed away :(((

how exactly are you feeling right now? i was kinda happy but since its sunday night im starting to feel shitty bc i dont want to go back to school tmrw afjh and im rlly tired

ever made out in the bathroom? no

are you scared of spiders? yeah lol

would you go back in time if you were given the chance? this is an interesting question bc it depends like if i were given just one chance then mayyyybe id go back and change smth i did that was stupid but if were given the chance to go whenever i want then probably not bc thats way too much pressure/commitment to have a power like that sdhfa 

where was the last place you snogged someone? i havent snogged anyone lmfao

what are your plans for this weekend? sleep

do you want to have kids? how many? i dont want to have kids bc childbirth doesnt seem appealing to me but idk i might change my mind when im older/more mature

do you have piercing? how many? one on both ears

what is/are/were your best subjects? the only classes i have solid as in are art, lit, and w4p lol math and science are def not my thing

do you miss anyone for your past? from my past, yes

what are you craving right now? sleep

have you ever broken someones heart? in first grade some kid liked me and i embarrassed him in front of his friends to get him to stop liking me so yeah i was wildin in first grade

have you ever been cheated on? no

have you ever made a significant other cry? no

whats irritating you right now? my tiredness? 

does somebody love you? oh geez i hope lmao

what is your favorite color? purple

do you have trust issues? yeah

who/what was your last dream about? um i dont think i remember v clearly

who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom

do you give second chances out easily? i dont think ive been in a situation where ive had to but i probably wouldnt 

is it easier to forgive or forget? wow um can i say neither lol

is this year the best year of your life? definitely not

how old were you when you had your first kiss? havent had one

have you ever walked out naked? no

favorite food? rice

do you believe everything happens for a reason? hmmm probably idk man i dont think too hard lol

what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? scrolling through this hell website

is cheating ever okay? no

are you mean? i probably dont come off as mean online but im not gonna lie i def get mean irl

how many people have you fist fought? i dont think ive been in a situation where i had to punch someone?

do you believe in true love? ive never experienced romantic love so i wouldnt be able to say but probably aajkf ive read/watched too much and analyzed too many relationships for me to say love is real but...........love isnt real yall

favorite weather? when the sun is covered by clouds and its a little chilly

do you like the snow? ive only encountered snow like twice so idk but i feel like i wouldnt like it very much lol

do you want to get married? idk man

is it cute when someone calls you baby? pet names arent rlly my thing lol 

what makes you happy? sleep...........im rlly tired rn 

would you change your name? no

would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? this is an interestingly phrased question lol. well i dont rmbr the last person i kissed so idk

your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? wow that would be rlly sad LMAO but id turn him down and tell him to get better standards wtf

do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? well they wouldnt be considered my friend if i couldnt act like myself around them so yes

who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? i just texted my friend so we can play video games aslfkh 

whos the last person you had a deep conversation with? literally the same dude from the last question lol

do you believe in soulmates? um no i dont think so?

id there anyone you would die for? my family/friends

thanks everyone again for tagging me !! <33

#mine #txt #WOW THIS TOOK A LONG TIME !!!!!!!! #also thank you guys so much !!!!!!! #i love you all <333 #@ my mutuals i tagged pls dont be pressured to do this lmao #idk i thought it was fun #tagged #EDIT: IM RLLY ANGRY BC I JUST REALIZED THE PPL I TAGGED DIDNT GET THE UNDERLINE THINGY SO YALL DIDNT GET THE NOTIF THAT I TAGGED YOU !!!!!!! #if ur seeing this now i made this a few days ago sorry lmao

[gotincest-blog]

im gonna answer those questions because im bored (:

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

fairly good I would say. 

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

my mom

03: Do you regret anything?

yes, i regret some things I did in my childhood that hurt others

04: Are you insecure?

Yes I am but pretending to be confident really helps 

05: What is your relationship status?

single

06: How do you want to die?

im honestly so scared of dying so I don’t like to think about it

07: What did you last eat?

taco bell

08: Played any sports?

yes. soccer, basketball, softball in elementary school (:

09: Do you bite your nails?

no I pick at them and also pick at my skin and hair more than anything

10: When was your last physical fight?

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten into a physical altercation

11: Do you like someone?

i dont think so right now 

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

yes and longer

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

no I don’t. I don’t think I’m capable of harboring that feeling

14: Do you miss someone?

yes I miss my bff

15: Have any pets?

Yes! 2 dogs. one is 10 years old the other is 8 months old

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

tired. conflicted, out of control

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

yes and in the shower

18: Are you scared of spiders?

horrified of spiders (:

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

No. things happened because they were meant to and I wouldn’t change my experiences because they give me insight and have helped me grow..but if i could choose moments to re live that would be cool 

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

uhh friends house

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

i dont have plans as of right now but i’ll probably hang out with my friends and my family maybe

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

ive wanted to have kids before but with the state of the world where it currently is, not so much anymore. im obsessed with being pregnant though

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

yes, 7. nostril, septum, two holes in each ear lobe and a cartilage piercing 

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

english was my best subject in school but i dropped out so yknow...i feel like id also be good with psychology or animal science but the world may never know

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

probably but i dont obsess over it like i used to

26: What are you craving right now?

sleep....cuddles...kisses

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

yes

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

yes and ive also cheated ):

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

yes.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

my body and how messy my room is..also the fact im not taking my meds

31: Does somebody love you?

yes! i am very loved

32: What is your favourite color?

greeeeen, but i like wearing black a lot

33: Do you have trust issues?

uhh. no i usually trust people pretty easily even though ive been fucked over so much, but i dont see the point in not giving people chances and forming relationships with trust

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

my last dream involved me having really nice long black hair and also getting a job and going back to high school :O

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

angel

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

idk....probably

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

neither! honestly for me though i think that forgetting doesn’t help. it’s important to remember your experiences so that you can learn and grow and then have the potential to forgive. i think being able to forgive can be really healthy 

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

i dont think i ....have ever had a best year of my life. this year isn’t awful though, im spending time with friends, my family is healthy, ive had employment and sex so thats +++

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

i started having sex with people when i was 5 so like, theres no real reference point for that, but my first important relationship that involved kissing and sex happened when i was 12...w someone a lot older ):

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

YES! I WAS PSYCHOTIC DiSSOCIATING IT WAS Fun

51: Favourite food?

mac n cheese hands down, i do like mexican food though

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

yes. i really do.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

i watched surgery videos...huh

54: Is cheating ever okay?

this could be taken a few different ways. cheating on a test? sure thats fine. stealing is cheating imo and i dont like stealing/shoplifting even though i’ve stolen before. i dont think its okay, but honestly if youre in poverty and you need food or diapers or clothes for your children/you/your dog or something then i understand. cheating on someone in a relationship? i understand why it happens but no i dont think its okay. if you are interested in other people or you even think you cant trust yourself in that area, address it with your partner first or take a break or break up if youre unhappy enough to do that. but i definitely do understand why it happens, especially considering ive done it before and have had it done to me.

55: Are you mean?

i would say i can be..in the sense that im too honest sometimes and things i say are sometimes difficult to hear but i try to be considerate and fair and i would say over all im pleasant to be around..more so when im medicated though

56: How many people have you fist fought?

i dont think any tbh

57: Do you believe in true love?

i dont know what this means but i do believe that love exists..its just not as selfless as people claim. every body is selfish in pretty much every aspect of life, but selfishness and love for someone arent mutually exclusive.

58: Favourite weather?

probably like 65 degrees, sunny, light breeze, clear sky, late morning/mid afternoon OR 70 degrees nights where its super dark but the air is still and you can be outside in shorts and a t shirt and not be cold and maybe rain..i like rain

59: Do you like the snow?

when it isn’t snowing in may lol. i used to live in constant snow and play in it a lot as a kid so those are some good memories...it can be annoying now but i think its very pretty.

60: Do you wanna get married?

the idea kind of scares me but if i trust and love someone enough to commit like that, yes 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

that word is honestly ruined for me lmao

62: What makes you happy?

animals, people being kind to one another, having money, SPENDING MONEY, food, inside jokes, hugs, kissing, clean socks, showering, relationships working out for other people (IT GIVES ME HOPE AND PEACE OF MIND), gifts, music, swimming, having a clean room, petting my dogs, when i look cute in an outfit, when my hair dries nice, cuddling, getting key tags for na, roadtrips, camping, things that are green, joking around with my family

63: Would you change your name?

no. i like my name. but i have friends who still call me kyle and i really prefer that at least with them..its just more comfortable

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

no...itd be fine

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

uh...i dont like ruining friendships with relationships...this has never happened to me so i honestly dont know

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

yes! (:

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

my brother 

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

sam & angel

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

yes.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

my mom

#long post #long #me