#i dont even know her anymore you know

[joysmileyay]

venting like in among us sory

im aching with loneliness right now does anybody understand. like does grief ever go away? i had a dream of my ex best friend. its been literally like 4 years at this point. i never ever think about her anymore. but i had this stupid fucking dream. and she said she missed me and she wanted to be friends again and she wanted to hug me. and then i woke up. and its just like. wow. will i ever get over this? i dont even know this person anymore. its been years. shes a different person entirely now and so am i and like. like get over it you know? but i cant let go of the fact that like. when i think about the kindness that she showed me for literally the first time in my life up to that point that i had ever experienced something like that... how am i supposed to let go of that? even if i dont know her anymore. it makes me ache it genuinely makes me feel physically weak. is that feeling ever going to go away? can i stop being fine for months at a time and then all of a sudden im grieving again? its been too long like. im 21. how bout u focus on those job applications bro? XDDDDD

#i know this is melodramatic i just want to feel better #so im doing smoething literally anything #i dont even know her anymore you know #im 21 now #last time we were actually friends? im pretty sure i was 17 #i really actually dont know this person #its been too long #i never think about her anymore #but i did today for some reason #it isnt really about her #again i dont know her #im just so lonely #the only friends i have are online #and they are my best friends #but it isnt enough #and i just feel like im going to be lonely forever

[looking4thatqueersubtext]

im so fucking sick of seeing jude depicted as a thin ass woman like NO.

it's stated multiple times through out the books that not only is she muscular because of all her swordfighting training but she also doesn't have that thin frame and that is exactly what sets her apart from the fae (and part of what makes her beautiful to cardan like hellooooo?). she has curves and muscle and scars. all of that is so so so important to her character.

#i dont even know why i feel the need to say this but there's OBVIOUSLY nothing wrong with being thin #and people are allowed to have their own headcanons and to imagine a character however they like #but i feel like since she's such a mold-breaking character (if you know what i mean) #we all appreciate her for her fighting skills and strategy and her bloodlust #but can a female character stray from the mold just a certain amount before it becomes too much? #before people don't find her attractive anymore? #why does she have to have either a personality that's not the stereotype of female fantasy protagonist #or a body that doesn't fit those standards? #anywayssss went on a little rant there #jude duarte #tfota #jurdan #the folk of the air #the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #my post >:)

[kaseyskat]

since ive already been pretty open about this and im not afraid to whack a hornets nest i'll go ahead and say it: if you were raising a kid in a pseudo-apocalyptic setting and then you found out that said kid was going to be the one to defeat the eldritch god that you have tried to defeat for half your lifetime and could never manage. that she was going to FACE that eldritch god it was prophesied. you would teach her how to defend herself and how to fight. like god i am not saying hero's trauma from it wasn't justified because i do think the twins took it too far but the initial process of training her makes so much more sense if you approach it at the angle of "this kid is going to do something we've been trying to do since we were twelve and couldn't manage and we might not even be there to help her so we have to make sure she doesn't die in the process" and not "we're going to make her fix our mistakes" it makes sense. goes along with lark's running theme of not being strong enough in the moments that matter and wanting to make sure nobody else ever feels as helpless as he did when walter was injured. goes along with sparrow desperately tempting fate with normal's name- not because normal was an accident, but because sparrow never wanted to lose even one kid to the doodler and it was a fervent, desperate wish to let normal get to be normal

#dndads #kasey rambles #sorry im feeling especially spiteful today #cause again i do think. the twins get the least amount of nuance from the fandom #tell me how yall were just fighting for glenn so hard and then you turn around and tell me that the twins are evil monsters skahsdkfhkdhsf #like idk. it makes sense to me! #if hero was supposed to fight the doodler but they dont know WHEN it would happen. theyd train her early #make sure it was a fight she could win #and thats also why shes NOT in the chosen one position anymore #she wanted to leave and now that she could reasonably defend herself should she be threatened. its fine! #if they really only wanted her to fix their mistakes she would not have been allowed to leave. lmao #again this isn't to say that she wasn't traumatized from the experience like. #i think the twins shouldve been honest with her and there shouldnt have been so much pressure #but i get why they felt the need to make sure she could handle herself in a fight so early on #also like. this kind of thing happens in so many post apocalyptic settings its not even uncommon #yall just dont see this world as being post apocalyptic and it shows LMAO

[snixx]

life went forward and the world moved on but I never got over among us (2018)

#but no one:(( will play it:(( with me:(( #i miss amogus with my ex best friend and all her friends #she was just like me fr she loved introducing all her friends to each other its another reason i loved her so much #and why i struggled so much when my high school best friend started making friends outside of me who didnt like me #one of them even gave me this long ass lecture on KAVYA YOU DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS' FRIENDS YOU KNOW #oh and you cAnt jUst Ask pEoPle tO bE yOuR fRiEnd (jokes on her we're friends now. kind of ive been ghosting her for a while but not the po #Int 💀) #and look i learned that. sort of. but i still struggle with it sometimes #like at least with my best friends i always wanted to know about and be involved with everyone in their lives you know #which ive realized now is not practical #but im still this hopeless romantic who wants to be friends with all my friends friends and all my friends to be friends #even if i barely have the energy for it anymore. i guess losing her drilled that in #also another thing i realized is. its good to keep your friends separate sometimes because if the chain breaks you dont lose a whole system #which wasnt even a point of consideration for me back then because like i said. hopeless romantic. why would we ever fall out #but yeah it was hard having to accept that sometimes the whole world doesnt want to be friends. and people are allowed to dislike each othe #shocking i know #anyway what am i even talking about how did i get here #girlblogging.pdf

[eerna]

I just think that............. *gestures wildly to how Harrow experiences attraction* you know??????

#as you could probably tell by my fanart today i am having a Night #this funky repressed nun chose the object of her worship to double as her imaginary gf #she cuddles her she calls her beloved she tries to make a move on her #all completely imaginary of course. she doesn't feel any of that but likes to imagine she can feel it. #the object of her worship is also the death of god the monster he defeated once but couldnt defeat twice who resides in a tom under her home #a tomb harrow herself was conceived at the price of 200 innocent children to keep shut #she is the symbol of harrow's power as a necromancer she is the proof harrow deserves to live even if the price was so horrible #and then there's ianthe who is also a brilliant necromancer. who understands attraction at the level harrow does and uses it against harrow #how the only two times harrow even considered giving in to ianthe was when she was either at the end of her rope and insanely powerless #or when she felt at the top of her game like the powerful necromancer she is supposed to be and somehow isn't anymore #their touching is always threatening and uncomfortable and makes her feel on edge #and then there's gideon who just. has nothing to do with any of that. gideon exists on a completely different level. #she reduces alecto to ''ice lolly bimbo'' and ''big slut'' and ''bullshit dead girlfriend'' without breaking a sweat #she forgives harrow everything. things harrow had no part in and things she had. it doesn't matter she forgives it all #she holds harrow's hand she hugs her she kisses her she is REAL and the FIRST PERSON TO EVER PROPERLY TOUCH HER WITH AFFECTION #and it stuns harrow so much she is incapable of even processing it. she completely shuts down every time. we dont know how she feels aboutit #just. harrow and attraction and desire. holy shit #tlt liveblog

[quietwingsinthesky]

the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they #already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that. #but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did. #and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe. #but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people. #a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part? #but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt. #anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here #theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never #escape. #i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord. #but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s #physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering… #but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong #its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know? #i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond #their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!! #what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly* #human!!! #enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one. #does that make sense?

[mesopelagos]

started a soulsilver randomizer and the dichotomy of my team is really funny. five little guys and their Large Babysitter

bonus doodles:

#pokemon #pokemon art #pkmnart #pkmn #do i tag the individual pokemon...? Porygon is the only one with a nickname but #eh sure #porygon #croagunk #dusknoir #pichu #clefairy #kirlia #sal art #you have NO Idea how many times it took me to beat her stupid flare blitzing blaziken #i dont even know how many times it took #also yeah pokeathlon does Not cooperate with the mouse #which is unfortunate i liked playing that a lot #but my ds cant read cartridges anymore so i make do #pokemon soulsilver #sal's soulsilver shenanigans

[gay-artificer]

I've seen people be like downpour ruined how people see five pebbles and im gonna be honest if you were here for any number of years pre-downpour the fandom was always god-awful with the nuance in his character. thats not a downpour thing thats a fandom thing

#niche comparison but if any of you know angela from lobotomy corporation/library of ruina #in the years prior to LOR angela was probably one of the most demonized characters ive ever seen in my goddamn LIFE #NO ONE was going to bat for this girl as anything other than a absolute villain and bitch #i was and im sure some others were too but the vast vast majority fucking hated her #because she spends most of the game being mean to you and then betrays you at the end #and you had to read between the lines to get to “wait a minute whats happening to her is kinda immensely fucked up” #and this is someone betraying you at the end of a very /very/ hard game to 100% and beat proper #then LOR came out and fully explored the depths of her trauma and anger at the situation she was put into #how desperate she was too take something for herself and how little she cared about how the effected others because she was not given that #and suddenly it clicked for everyone! #suddenly she wasnt a heartless bitch anymore! but of course now you had the #'literal infant' crowd because it also explored some ideas of parental trauma/lack of experience with the world #but god it was way more refreshing to see people actually move on from 'theyre an evil bitch' even if it came with 'so shes like a kid?' #and i feel that way about pebbles tbh #i dont get super super into the iterator lore so i cant speak much for the quality across downpour #and its higher focus on them and their stuff #im sure it carries plenty of issues as many things will #but god people sucking at reading the room on the iterators is not new lmao #actually five pebbles and angela are shockingly similar.... #huh?

[sc3n3kitt3h]

IM LIKE IF A BOY WAS A MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL WAS A SCENE FAG

#SCENE ART #FUNKY COOL ART #T SLUR TW #F SLUR TW #CONTEXT: MY MOM CALLED ME A TRANNY AND A FAGGOT DURING AN ARGUEMENT WITH ME AND HER AND MY DAD #IT DOESNT REALLY BOTHER ME ANYMORE THEYRE DUMB AND CONFUSED AND THEY ONLY LISTEN TO FOX NEWS ABOUT ANYTHING EVER #AND THEY THINK MY BABY FOOD MADE ME AUTISTIC #SO THEIR OPINION ON MY IDENTITY IS STUPID AND WRONG #ANYWAYS I WAS KINDA PISSY ABOUT IT SO I MADE SOMETHING KINDA EZ TO FEEL BETTER AND GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF DOING DIGITAL ART #CUZ IM STILL GETTING USED 2 MY NEW TABLET!!!!!!!!! SIMILAR MODEL SO ITS NO BIGGIE BUT STILL #ANYWAYS IF U COULDNT TELL IM IN A BIG CAPSLOCK MOOD TODAY 4 WHATEVR REASON LAWLZ #ANYWAYS ANYWAYS YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POSITIVE VENT THING IF U WANNA CALL IT THAT #IM NOT SAD ANYMORE CUZ I HAVE FRIENDS AND THEY THINK IM COOL!!!!!!!! AND I THINK IM COOL TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I FINALLY LOVE MYSELF AND ITS SO POGGERS IT WAS SO WORTH IT #AS IN EVERYTHING WAS!!!!!! #AND THIS IS VERY VAGUE BUT THATS FINE CUZ I DONT REALLY WANT ANYONE ON HERE 2 UNDERSTAND LOLZ. OR AT LEAST ALL THE RANDOS FOLLOWING ME #ILY ALL IDK WHO U R THO XD AND U DONT HAVE 2 KNOW MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE STORY #BUT I DO WANT IT TO BE KNOWN SOMEWHERE THAT IM VERY HAPPY AND EXCITED TO BE ALIVE DESPITE EVERYTHING THATS HAPPENED #AS IN EVERYTHING YOU ALL DONT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT #AND I FINALLY LOVE MYSELF AS MUCH AS I LOVE EVERYONE ELSE EVER EVEN MY DUMBFUCK PARENTS!!!!!!!!! #IM SO HAPPY IM ALIVE IM SO HAPPY UR ALIVE TOO :) EVEN IF I DONT KNOW WHO U R (IDK WHO IS AND ISNT READING THIS) #SO I HOPE UR ALL HAPPY WITH URSELVES 2 AND IF UR NOT I HOPE U CAN BE ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #AND SPEAKING OF DAYS (AS IN 12AM FOR ME AS OF TYPING THIS) I HOPE U HAVE A GOOD 1 TODAY >:D <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stupidrant]

i think the most we will get is PC release (if that) this year but that means we gotta deal with those trolls bc changing angrb0da’s skin color is such a big deal to these mfs and i still dont understand that sweet baby inc shit bcuz all the information im seeing is just bundled bullshit LMFAOOO i feel like her actual character gets overshadowed by the made up problems and no one actually talks abt HER as a character or even analyses her fr (outside of here ofc) lol sms abt to make a banger with her and atreus istg

#Truth be told i dont even wanna talk abt this anymore but this topic gets brought up pretty much every week atp #How weird is it that u would only accept her if she were white #Thats literally you admitting you like her character but her being black is a deal breaker #I feel like no matter how much they want her to be a white girl changing her skin wouldnt change their opinion abt her #Theres this one (big) acct in particular thats constantly shitting on rag and its like bro u need to just leave if ur not happy #or take a long ass break and come back at times and then leave again cuz hes just miserable as fuck and yall know exactly who im talking ab #I do see more people getting annoyed with this topic and i dont blame them #its getting super out of hand and dragged out atp #Once again i do not want ppl to like her out of PITY. she deserves a very honest group of fans and if those fans are ppl #That disliked her at first but started to like her later on thats fine as long as its out of being genuine #I cannot wait for her to gain more fans fr but i have to be careful what i wish for bcuz i dont want ppl to become too crazy lol #I might just post smth on that god forsaken reddit as an appreciation post of her or smth idk yet LMFAOOO #I for sure will have to be more brave and visible with my love for her one of these days #also very grateful for that one ragnarok vp. he loves angie for sure #Anyways #Love angie for life #Gow #god of war ragnarok #rant

[widevibratobitch]

something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.

#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol #like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset #and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it #but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all #(just 90%) #also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most. #which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have #and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth #(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves #and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her. #well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol #but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates #the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura. #which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows. #but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it? #also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation #that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes. #like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off. #but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn) #) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both. #except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol) #so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me

[redscrawl]

one of my friends who is a fellow saw fan told me she hates amanda and thinks she’s annoying. i’ve never felt more betrayed in my life.

#ITS LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE #WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE #not liking her because you think she’s annoying is crazy #like if you said you don’t like her cause she’s a murderer i’d be like…. ok boring but whatever #but ANNOYING? #just say you hate women #insanity #saw #saw franchise #saw 3 #saw 2 #saw x #saw 2004 #saw 0.5 #amanda young #amanda saw

[presiding]

formerly an essay in tags but - billie lurk. half-nameless, misremembered woman. her powers derived from the things taken from her, without any catharsis or empowerment. the rat charm, tied with deidre's hair, her lover's voice in the mouth of rats. her arm and eye, taken, given back only to cause her chronic pain, then lost again. foresight seems a cruel gift for a woman who botched the timing of her takeover of the whalers, and bet wrong when it came to delilah.

she never bore the outsider's blessing; his first visit to her was more like an assault. every other dishonored POV character gets the choice to be selfish, and for that selfishness to mean something, but billie's actions have no effect on the world at large, either, in a game without a chaos system.

some say that corvo is the ghost, but he can reach out and change things. billie's buried herself twice and come back and nothing she does seems to matter - she is less a protagonist, more a convenient full stop in the narrative.

try this: open doto, start a new game. sit in her cabin. notice how little of billie there is. even the woman she loved more than anyone has the face of another named character.

she sits amongst the assets of other games: empty canvases and a dressmaker's mannequin that wears nothing.

#billie lurk #even the wiki is wrong about her its infuriating #pulled this out of tags because fuck it #in daud's DLCs even the stories that weren't about him were about him #but billie's stories are the scrapheap. they're the stuff they couldn't squeeze in elsewhere. cheap jokes and macguffins #i'm not even roasting the devs for this i think releasing dishonored in 2016 then DotO in 2017 was a feat (derogatory) #games should be made slowly and with love #and i know that everyones talked about this endlessly #but billie is my fav and it sucks that she got a game that only causes me to grieve for her as a character #not FOR her as a person #only the potential story that never was. that she never got. #you can have your strong black woman and not turn her into a trope. give her depth and range and heartache and agency. yes there was traged #but how did it SHAPE her? #dont get me started on her being designated caretaker of a former god and dying assassin. what the fuck #some of this i'd be more okay with if she was younger - i mean. the blank canvases? really? #this game could have been about wyman and there's not that much that would have changed in terms of the core story #“found out the asshole that killed your mother is still around. gonna go deal with that.” #emily who is stoned: “cool.bring me snacks on the way back” #wyman: “oh he's saying actually it was gods fault and that its possible to kill him. well i have literally nothing in my schedule” #billie's not surprised by anything anymore but maybe wyman would freak out over most of it. could have been a lot of fun #also you cant fuck up wymans characterisation. they barely exist. #local empress sends her enby girlboyfriend to kill god #pres writes increasingly deranged essays in the tags #death of the outsider spoilers #i have to complain about doto once every year or so or i die #but i'm not really gonna let arkane hide behind dev excuses when it comes to racism like. its not enough

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

13, trying to prevent yaz from spiralling when they get separated: i need you to do a deepdive into eschatology

#fghgjhjhggh #'yea i know this sucks babe but we'll figure it out the fate of the world is on your shoulders i believe in you kisses <3' #like thats where you'll end up right #'find out when the aliens come try and take over' #eschatology and death cults and conspiracy theories probably #forced to sift through like centuries of that stuff for years on end trying to find the Real in all of it #and you cant.......stop. bc the world will end #i dont think you come out of that.................normal #even with the best starting condition you dont come out of that normal but yaz is like #functional only by virtue of her circumstances i think #she looks fine bc shes standing next to 13 #i dont think shes normal under the surface #i dont think 4 years of apocalypticism left her untouched #dan either i mean i dont think anyone comes out of that untouched but these two are like barely keeping it together beforehand #can you imagine how WEIRD theyve become #can you imagine how obliviously and kind of unsettlingly weird they'd be in support groups #the others would get it like sure none of us are really normal anymore but like #i think they'd be weird #4 years of having to depend on each other and not knowing if you'll get back home and having to take The End Times seriously nonstop as a #matter of urgency and duty #and then losing the third member of your party? #dan and yaz will be so weird and fucked up #iknow im repeating myself but im just trying to put myself in the frame of mind of #having to take intepretations of the end times seriously for 4 years #when youre already like a lowkey suicidal person to begin with #i think if yaz hangs out with 14 she'll say such weird and fucked up things entirely obliviously and he'd be like O.O #she probably still has 1900 habits that show up unexpectedly #or like just miscalibrated. has to take a trip to another country and takes a train bc she forgets planes exist #has to look up somethign and just goes SIGH. gets her coat to go to the library. and ryans like ??? ive googled it #and shes like oh fuck google

[todayisafridaynight]

seeing info only about the kiryu and majima statuettes but absolute radio silence on the ichi one is utterly sending me. Theyre hiding the fact theyre gonna make ichi pale as a cracker again

#snap chats #theyre in the lab making a skin tone with melanin in it for once im SCREAMING #JUST LET ME SEE MY BOY PAINTED LET ME SEE HOW BAD THE DAMAGE IS #whether i spend $150 is entirely dependent on if ichi is pale or not and im so serious its why i didnt get his plushie #anyways i got hate crimed today i was getting lunch with my dumbass friend WHICH. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I DO #CAUSE WE JUST SIT IN DEAD SILENCE AND SHES TERRIBLE AT CONVERSATION RIGHT anyway. #we were getting lunch and her prof ask her like ‘oh are you on a date <3’ like prof i would rather kms !!!! then go on a date with this gir #literally my biggest fear i hope people dont think we’re dating id actually drop out #‘snap you make her sound awful’ because she is and i dont feel bad about bullying her anymore NO LISTEN #WE WERE PLAYING Y7 LAST NIGHT AND SHE BUTT DIALS HER FRIEND. LIKE A DUMBASS. #AND DEADASS ME AND HER FRIEND JUST TALK ON HER PHONE ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE SUCKS.. WHILE SHES SITTING RIGHT THERE. #i felt so validated cause everything he was complaining about id complain about like oohhhh my god i should meet him #hes the guy that called me that invincible character. and mystery man. i think i talked about this already wait— #ITS STILL FUNNY TO ME IDC ive never felt so seen in my life. why an i friends with this girl idk we’ll figure out one day #right now i want. ichi statue to be real and tanned #ok bye i have class soon

[yellowjackets-1996]

SORRY for nattravis posting but. i'm giffing and i just realized coach martinez is still alive on the tree branch and by trying to save his father travis cements his fate. he breaks the tree branch and his dad freefalls to the ground. travis with a father who isn't always good to him who dies in a way he wouldn't have if travis didn't put it in motion (except it was in motion before he got there). obviously nat is going to be obsessed with him. like. yeah that makes perfect sense

#like. of COURSE theyre codependent until one of them dies and then after that too #it is your life which is so close to my own that i would not know where to drop the knife of separation and what does this have to do w lov #except EVERYTHING! #(and also nothing) (paraphrasing mary oliver now) #like. youre stranded in the woods and your story is restarting in front of you and maybe you can change it #and maybe in changing travis-as-her's story her-as-her's story will change too #and it DOES! she gets travis and she gets javi and for a moment even in the horror its good. but of course stories dont stop #so it keeps going until it isnt and it keeps going until it doesnt #would nats dad have died if he wasnt her father and would travis's dad have died if travis loved him as little as he pretended to #would javi have died if javi didnt love natalie and would javi have loved natalie if travis didnt love natalie #if he didnt love javi would javi have stayed hidden #and if travis didnt love natalie didnt love javi didnt love his dad would travis have died. #and maybe most importantly. if travis didnt die would natalie have lived? if javi didnt die? if coach martinez didnt? if her father didnt? #im not saying anything anymore. but. it means smth to ME #cat.txt