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#i do not have the mental space to argue with cows when i am focusing on staying alive long enough to get back home
theexleynatureblog · 3 years
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Veganism for Conservation
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Wikipedia defines veganism as “ the practice of abstaining from the use of animal products, particularly in diet, and an associated philosophy that rejects the commodity status of animals. An individual who follows the diet or philosophy is known as a vegan.”
This is different than vegetarianism, which is a non-meat diet. Vegetarians still use animal products like eggs and dairy, while veganism does not. Some people that practice veganism extend the philosophy to their clothing, not wearing leather, and sometimes even wool. 
A lot of us have probably interacted with vegans on the internet in posts such as this:
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Personally, my interactions with people who practice veganism have been limited to glimpsing internet brawls like this. Because of this, vegans get a bad name. I’m sure Christians can relate: that one wild-eyed priest going on about how homophobia is a sin. He may speak for all Christians, but he cannot represent them.
My point of this is, going into this post, please approach veganism or vegetarianism with an open mind. This post is not hating on vegans, and it is not trying to convert anyone to veganism. By pointing out the strengths and weaknesses of vegan and non-vegan philosophies, I hope to increase understanding.
Where Veganism Succeeds
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When it comes to images like this, vegans and vegetarians are sometimes the first to call out animal cruelty. This is not without substance. This PDF article from the University of Kentucky covers some of the issues very well. The main issue is Confined Animal Feeding Operations (CAFO) or “factory farms”.  The ultimate goals of the factories are ‘cheap food’. Animals are kept in confined spaces, and given antibiotics and growth hormones to counteract the spread of diseases and parasites (in some cases it doesn’t work). Ironically, some of these drugs are outlaws in the UK, due to the adverse human health effects. Factory farms are a monopolized industry free of heavy regulations of other large-scale operations. Though the FDA and USDA oversee inspections and health regulations, it only helps so much. The Animal Welfare Act of 1966 does not extend to farm animals.
A common response is “Shut down farms!” But it’s not as simple as that.  The next article covers the Pro’s and con’s of farming. Farms are run different in different places of the world, and always full of contradictions. Livestock can improve the health of prairie grasslands, but also overgraze them. Animal manure can improve soil health and pollute rivers. While places like America need less meat, poor families in Cambodia may need more protein in their diet. I whole-heartedly support shutting down CAFO’s, but farming in general. Small-scale family farms are a great example of farming with ecosystem and animal health in mind.
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One problem with holding animals indoors - even if you feed them well, make them comfortable, keep them from getting sick - is lack of mental stimulation. No species on Earth processes the world the same way. Cows don’t think they same way humans do, but they are living animals designed to do certain things.  A video I watched last year for my animal behavior class (If I could find the video, I’d add it) followed a group of hens brought from a factory farm to a new free-range home. A series of experiment were set up to observe their behavior. When presented with building materials, the hens proceeded to build a nest - even though a nest was already made for them by the caregivers. Animals have inherent behaviors that they will carry out if giving the opportunity. This may not have any impact on the health/quality of the meat or products, but it can give the animals mental exercise and therefor reduce stress.
Recent years have brought in increased in what is dubbed the “locavores.” Locavores is basically a person who eats locally, or within a 100mile radius. They may buy more produce from farmers markets, or get their meat from hunting and fishing locally. (Minnesota has a bag limit of 5 whitetail deer. A successful hunter could stock up food for their family for an entire year without ever buying meat from a grocery store!). Food handling, processing, and transportation takes up a lot of our yearly energy costs, not to mention food shipped from another country is going to be more expensive, and sometimes, less fresh.
The Locavores Movement wasn’t exactly pushed by vegans, but I’m going to include it here because it’s a win for everyone. After WWII, agriculture was becoming more commercialized. Big, industrial farms with lots of land and machinery was out-competing small family farms. Later on, the 60′s and 70′s sparked a ‘back to the land’ movement (a big time for environmental policies). It encouraged relationships between communities and local farmers. Though many small family farms are still financially struggling, the Locavores movement is increasing, as people are becoming more aware of where their food is coming from and their dietary health.
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Where Veganism Fall’s Short
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Animal anthropomorphization - defined as ‘ the attribution of human traits, emotions, or intentions to non-human entities’. Giving animals human-like appearances such as walking on two legs, fingers, eyebrows, and having them think and act like humans. This is present in any Disney cartoon regarding animals. Bambi is the most famous, and even created what is known as “Bambi Syndrome”, a belief based on the movie that paints nature as a garden of Eden with no natural predators - which is grossly inaccurate.
Anthropomorphization is not inherently bad, I enjoy watching Disney cartoons and sometimes its fun to imagine animals acting like people. However, there are people who seem to believe than animals really do process the world exactly like people do, and their interactions with the environment and other animals are similar to human - situations. Ex: a bunny rabbit and a deer chase each other around - they must be best friends! People forget that for wild animals, even suburban wild, is a constant struggle for survival. Humans partook in this once to, but now we have grocery stores and houses. We take for granted our ability to get food every day, and go home to a warm night’s rest. Animals don’t have that. Wild animals are focused 24/7 on survival - where to get food, are there any dangers around, ect. Once an animal has gained enough resources to survive day to day, then they can focus on reproduction. After that, in some cases, the focus is on rearing young. And then the cycle is repeated.
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 The biggest argument comes down to the idea of death. Vegans argue that the act of killing animals is immortal because animals fear death just as humans do. This is true: the fear of death is present in all species. It is an important driver for evolution. Organisms are constantly coming up with new ways to avoid death caused by changes in the environment.
But death is still a really important thing.
Death is something that has to happen, because that is how nutrient cycling works. One organism collects material from the environment until it stops, and those nutrients are redistributed to other organisms. The longer an organism lives, the longer it holds onto those nutrients instead of redistributing them. 
The argument that ‘all animals want to live’ is obvious and does not address the fact that death is a natural and important part of our world - just as important as life. Why do humans make such a big fuss about it? Because we have the time and the resources to do so.
Giraffes don’t have time to sit around and contemplate life and death - they’re busy living. They’re busy foraging and migrating and kicking lions in the head. We have to remember the human experience of the world is unique to us - we are the only species that exploited resources so efficiently, we had the time and energy to build Society. Every word and concept in our mind is a imaginary construct, or translated from what we’ve seen in nature. This includes death - a natural process we witness and created an abstract essence around that both increases and diminishes our fears of the inevitable. (Sorry to readers experiencing existential crisis’ - hang in there, take your time. This really is mind-bending stuff when you think about it). Death didn’t have a name until humans created one. We created stories of Grim Reapers and Angels and Demons. We see shadows out of the corner of our eyes and call them ghosts.
But, do we have a right to cause the death of other organisms? Well, in nature, what is a ‘right’? Does the gazelle or the leopard have a greater right to live? My arguments may see really heartless and objective, but I am a biology student, so I have to look at this from an ecological perspective. Why do we look at the animal world through a tight lens of human understanding when we now have to tools to see more? How can we assign human concepts to a world that exists beyond our understanding?
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One of emotions we have created do to the development of society is ‘guilt’. Its possible this emotion exists in other animals too, such as a mother who couldn’t protect their young. Guilt has evolutionary advantages of strengthening social bonds, and inciting a change of behavior. But humans are unique in that we extend this guilt beyond our immediate families to multiple other species. Pet owners may experience this when they accidentally step on their pet’s paw. 
This philosophy of including other species in our perception of the world is amazing, and very important. Aldo Leopold, a professor of ecology at the University of Wisconsin, wrote in A Sand County Almanac that extending human ethics to the land and its animals was essential for conservation. We need more people involved in biology and environmentalism, but we need them to have a proper understanding of life and death processes of other animals.
Wild animals deal with death much more often than humans do, and not in the same way. An article from Stat News claims half of Americans now die at home in hospice care. I can’t hypothesize numbers, but its same to say that a lot of people, especially in rich countries, get a ‘gentle’ death - in bed, surrounded by family members, eased with pain medications. Animals don’t get that. The quickest, non - human way for animals to die is by being kill by something else. Lions tend to bite the jugular of prey to asphyxiate it. The animal is dead by the time the lions start eating it, but it did not die quickly and peacefully. It’s last moments were being chased by lions, having lions dig their claws and teeth into its body to knock it down. It will take at least a full minute or two to suffocate the animal before it dies. Imagine the last thing you see is a lion biting into your neck - that’s terrifying!
Some deaths are quicker - think of birds picking up ants or insects, quickly crushing them in their beats or swallowing them whole. The thing is, as mammals, we can’t really relate to insects on an emotional level, so that example doesn’t get us far...
Non-predatory causes of death are disease, parasites, starvation, injuries, and old age. Older animals are at risk for all of these combined. A wolf with a broken leg may be fed by the pack for a while, but eventually have to be left behind and starve to death. There are no gentle deaths in the animal kingdom.
Ironically, the fastest and least painful death animal can experience from humans are euthanasia, and a gunshot (as long as the shot is lethal). Euthanasia is common for pets and livestock by first putting them to sleep, and then injecting them with a lethal drug they cannot feel. Its the closest thing to a human dying in a hospital bed. 
Gunshots have the potential to be the least painful and the most painful - depending on the skill of the hunter. A ethical shot to the heart or brain means that the animal will be dead before it even feels the bullet enter its body. That sounds a lot nicer than being chased or ripped apart by wolves, or stumbling around, infected by CWD.
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Shortcomings of Non-Vegan Philosophies
Hunters and anglers don’t have all fail-proof ideas either. When it comes to conservation, America tends to prioritize animals useful for human consumption - as in, harvesting or observing. “Game” animals, like deer, elk, grouse, and waterfowl, have most of the public’s attention and protection. “Non” game animals like reptiles, amphibians, and invertebrates, are overlooked and at greatest risk for extinction due to lack of funding. 
Americans in general, eat too much meat. A quick Google search pulled up multiple articles that said the same thing. These articles are not pushing vegan/vegetarian philosophies, they are approaching the problem from a healthy diet standard. This article from Popular Science covers the American heritage around meat and animals that dates back to colonial times. In medieval Europe, many of the large game animals like stag and bison were gone due to overhunting, and the remaining wild lands were reversed for nobility sport hunting. Important predators like wolves and bear were also removed due to fears and superstition, so, the ecosystems of Europe were...a mess. When settlers came to America, they discovered a land of bounty, and developed a ‘take whatever you want’ philosophy that led to the extinction of the passenger pigeon, and near extinction of the bison and turkey. We eventually realized our mistake and worked up some protection, but still have a ways to go. 
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Is Veganism helping conservation?
Yes and no. It has it strong and weak points. The strongest, like I said, being pointing out the flaws of factory farms. However, the belief that replacing animal products with plant/synthetic materials will help the planet is troublesome.
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The picture is one that comes up when Googling ‘soil degradation’. The land is so dry, it is cracked. The vegetation looks dead and dying, and the soil color itself is a light sandy brown - lacking the deeper shades that indicate the presence of organic material, essential for soil organisms and plant growth. Soil degradation is a problem all around the world, appearing in various forms. It’s leading cause is poor management of agricultural fields. A vegan lifestyle means greater dependence on these farms, but there is never any mention of this problem.
Vegan or not, as an American, I believe it is in our best interest to eat less meat - not totally get rid of it, but have more balanced diets. Soil degradation is a problem for everyone. Luckily, soil scientists are at work discovering new ways to put nutrients back into the soil and lock them in, increasing the health of the soil ecosystem. The plants and animals that depend on it (including us) will be healthier, and some of these techniques can even take greenhouse gasses out of the atmosphere. The Soil Conference at Gustavo's Adolphus College brought in some of these speakers. Video are available on YouTube, and posted to my blog.
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A trademark of veganism is refusing authentic leather. It is replaced by synthetic and plant based materials called ‘pleather’, ‘faux leather’ and ‘vegan leather’. 
Some sites say these terms are interchangeable, but some say they’re each a little different. Leafy Souls defines ‘pleather’ as leather made from plastic. This is a big problem, because plastic materials, when washed, release micro plastics into waterways. The major problem is these plastics aren’t as easily identifiable are water bottles washed ashore on the beach. Not a lot is yet known about these pollutants, but we have found them everywhere - including inside our bodies.
Luckily, not all vegan leather products are made of plastics. Alternatives have been made from plants, leaves, cork, and even stone!
The big argument against leather and fur products is - it is cruel to kill animals just for there skins. And I actually agree with this. I was never one to buy into the fashion industry, and personally, I think it’s a little outdated, and pointless. 
The process of factory made leather from cowhide is a bit disturbing. The manufacturing of leather is contributing so some major environmental issues like the release of greenhouse gasses and water pollution. Some questionable chemicals are also used to treat the leather. 
The good news is livestock are not being killed solely for their skin. The cattle sent to slaughter are the same cattle that we get most commercial leather from. Of course, this doesn’t really comfort anyone heartbroken over the commercialized treatment of animals.
Leather manufacturing is also being linked to child labor and poor warehouse conditions. It’s a common American business practice to send labor production oversees to places labor is cheaper - cheaper because workers are paid less for longer hours in poor conditions. The leather industry is not alone in doing this. How we change this? Boy-coting certain products is one way, but some of these companies have monopolies on products. A book by a Michigan State University professor discusses the growing monopolization of food products.
How do we solve problems like this? I don’t know, but something this complex needs a just - as complex solution that may take years to undo. 
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Fur
Minnesota got its early start as a center for fur-trading between Canadian pioneers and native tribes. Unfortunely, the luxury that was fur turned the market extremely competitive. Since nature is not built for capitalism and competitive markets and commercialism, the fur bearer populations of the state took a dive. (Luckily, all have now recovered).
Fur markets were as bad as market hunting in terms of conservation, but unlike the latter, fur trapping is as persistent as ever today. Thanks to protections and regulations, trapping is able to persist at nearly the same capacity as it was in the 1800′s without threatening a population. (Also, there are significantly less people partaking in trapping).
Personally, I do not care for killing animals solely for the fur or leather. I would prefer to trap animals that also provide food - like rabbits. My believes are that if you kill an animal, you use as much as you can from it - meat, skin, and maybe even some of the bones. Its a way to pay respect by making sure the animal didn’t die for no reason.
Like leather, fur has synthetic replacements. However, I could not find as much environmental information. The main material for faux fur is acrylics, which are basically plastics that do not degrade when released into the environment. It is another source of micro plastics. 
Manufactured fur, like real leather, is treated with chemicals like formaldehyde to keep from degrading. Naturally, after discovering this, I Googled health affects of wearing real fur. Problem 1: I couldn’t find a trustworthy website. The websites that came up were strongly anti-fur. I wanted to find information from a neutral website, like a college university article. Problem 2: I could not find anything. I expected to find articles about odd rashes or allergic reactions, but there was non. Instead, I re-discovered an article I used in a previous post about vaccines. Vaccines actually use doses of formaldehyde in them. It’s a scary substance, because we automatically think about it in the process of embalming bodies, but the truth is, it has many practical uses that are safe to human health. Any substance can be harmful or helpful, it all depends on the dosage and chemical makeup. I was reminded that formaldehyde isn’t as scary as everyone makes it out to be. It is actually naturally produced in our bodies, and it probably doesn’t have any adverse effects to being added on our clothes.
Another problem arises when questioning the affects of formaldehyde in the environment. When we wash our clothes, dirt and chemicals end up in our water systems, including micro plastics and formaldehyde. The usual dosages of the chemical is to small to cause us individuals adverse health affects, but the story can change when dumped in large qualities. Our tendency to dump large amounts of waste into confined areas is not natural - animals tend to discharge (biodegradable) waste evenly across a habitat, or at least in quantities than can be broken down. The way humans discard waste in large quantities means that basically anything - including caffeine from our coffee consumption - can have adverse environmental effects. So, the problem of releasing formaldehyde is not on the chemical itself, but more on our system of waste treatment and pollution in general.
Conclusion
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I am overwhelmingly tired of the vegan vs non-vegan argument. The more I see people pointing their fingers at each other, the less I want to partake in either one of their ideologies. Great minds think alike but fools seldom differ.
I believe it all comes down to balance. No matter how we exploit resources, there is going to be a downside. Vegan or non-vegan, there is an up and down to every choice. We have to work together and find a middle ground.
If we completely stopped using animals today, there would be changes. CO2 emissions would drop a little, but they may change sources. The same amount of people would need the same amount of food, and 1/3 of that food would come from a different source. There may be more habitat loss from increases agriculture farms, and come communities may became protein-deficient.
If the opposite were to happen, and we increases animal products, there would also be adverse effects. To feed those animals would also require more agricultural land. Factory emissions could rise, along with health effects of too much red meat, like increased cholesterol. 
The fact of the matter is, we all kill animals, directly and indirectly, simply by taking up space. The things that make you you - the proteins and carbons and lipids and nutrients - came from another organism. The fact that you have them now means something else is denied them. The cars we drive, the fields we plow, the pollutants we throw out, those are all killing animals as I type this. It sucks. I absolutely hate it. It has happened for the past millions of years, but right now, we are doing it at a faster rate than anything before us.
I cannot fully support veganism in regards to animal ethics, due to the tendency of anthropomorphization and biological misinformation. But I due support the legitimate environmental concerns, and I think a lot more people need to understand them as well.
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wheremytwinwatches · 4 years
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[Where My Twin Watches]: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Episode 11
We open in her magical apartment, shining white walls, CG gears floating like some sort of modern-art chandelier, and images of old scrolls hovering around, old manuscripts or what looks like a tapestry with the word ‘Walpurgis-’ on it. Seems Homura’s working on her (latest) plan to defeat the super-Witch and protect Madoka. One thing that struck me between these episodes is that the last time was probably the closest she’s ever gotten to saving Madoka from Contracting, until the Incubator made a last-minute offer while Homura was distracted fighting Walpurgisnacht. But maybe, just maybe, this time it could work? I mean, Madoka hasn’t Contracted, she knows how much of a dick the Incubator is, and has seen all her other friends die as Magical Girls. Maybe this will be enough to keep her away?
...oh who am I kidding. Madoka’s a Protagonist. She may be meek and scared, especially compared to Alpha Madoka, but when it comes down to it she overrules her fears and does what needs to be done, like when she threw away the chemicals in the warehouse. If she thinks that there’s something that she can do, she’s going to try her best to do it. Ugh. Admirable, but doomed to failure. “Time-traveler, Homura Akemi…” Well, look who it is, barging into Homura’s home at the eleventh-hour. What, are you going to brag about how your ‘perfect logic’ is going to prevail, that you still have claim to be the right side? Come on, Incubator, just try to convince me. “Your existence has answered at least one great mystery: Why is Madoka Kaname’s potential as a magical girl so abnormally vast?” ...wut? “You see, a magical girl’s potential is based on the weight of the karmic destiny she bears.” Oh. Oh, fuck. Homura was the cause. Alpha Madoka was a strong Magical Girl, but still lost to Walpurgisnacht. But each of the other timelines we saw, she survived up until she Witchified, didn’t she? I just put it down to Homura’s help, but if she was growing stronger and stronger… If each time Homura rewound time, all for the sake of one single person, reality after reality based around the lone girl Madoka Kaname… Multiple timelines, converging on one point, one person. All the ‘karmic destiny’ of the prior Madokas, concentrated into the next. In trying to save Madoka, Homura turned her into The One. “Excellent work, Homura. You’ve made Madoka into the most powerful witch we’ve ever seen.” Intro sequence. Well. That’s a thing. For what it’s worth, I paused to really read the lyrics of the intro song this time, and goddamn is it obvious now that it’s really Homura’s song. All the references to time, being stuck on a bad path? The songwriter must have been giggling like crazy when they played this in the early episodes. (Oh hey, it ended with the updated RADIO TOWER OF LIES with all five of the girls hanging out on top.) Ep 11: The Only Thing I Have Left to Guide Me A rainy day in Mitakihara City. Oh. “Sayaka Miki Funeral Service.” I guess the cops finally found her body. The school’s turned out for the service, and Madoka’s there with shaded eyes. She knows the truth, but can’t tell anyone. “Up next, the weather forecast.” Geez, show a little tact radioman! Sayaka makes it home, puts away her umbrella as her mother… uh oh. “About Sayaka’s case… Are you sure you don’t know anything about it?” Madoka claims ignorance and walks away. And the camera makes damn sure that we know Mother ain't buying any of it. Gulp. And now Madoka’s just sprawled on her bed, a blank look on her face. Her best friend and Kyoko are dead (what, no mention of Mami?). All because of- YOU. “It wasn’t exactly an unexpected outcome.” For crying out loud Incubator, give her some space, she just came back from the funeral of her best friend! Although knowing the Incubator, it’s taking this opportunity of a damaged emotional state to try and fill its quota sooner rather than later. Wait. Wait wait wait. What did you just say, Incubator? What the FUCK did you just say? “Then, for example, do you feel responsible for the deaths of livestock? Do you ever think about the process by which they become foodstuffs for you?” … “Because they are slated to become food for humans, livestock are fed and provided for all their lives, and given equal chance to reproduce free from natural selection. Cows, pigs, and even chickens have an overwhelmingly higher rate of survival in captivity than in the wild. So isn’t it actually a rather ideal, mutually beneficial relationship for you both?” Alright. Ok. *deep breath* First I’ll try to address the “eating other lifeforms” thing, then I’ll address why this analogy does not even come close to this situation. I’m an omnivore. I eat both meat and plant matter. I eat meat for several reasons, nutritional and ethical. It's not a perfect system, but it works and I consider it good. If it wasn't for the core flaw, I might even admit that the Incubator has a point in them being similar. But all of that is based on one single, fundamental fact: these creatures are not sapient. You can’t talk to them. Incubator, I’m going to bring something up called the Hierarchy of Foreignness (a system created in the Orson Scott Card “Ender’s Game” series). A general description is that it classifies groups or species based on both their species and ability to communicate, ranging from Utlanning (same species, easy communication) to Djur (different species, non-sapient). Note the communication aspect, that’s crucial. Sapience is a divisive subject, but I think we can all agree that if communication was possible between us and another species, if we could talk to them and they could rationally answer in kind then there’s no way in hell they would be on the menu. And yet, even though the Incubators can clearly communicate with us, even though they know that we are capable of reasoning, of storing and transmitting ideas, of generalization and abstract ideas… they still treat us as a resource. “Are you saying it’s the same between you and us?” “On the contrary, our treatment of humankind is much more respectful than your treatment of livestock. Perhaps it isn’t perfect, but we do acknowledge your species as sentient and try to deal fairly with you.” And there we go! Sentient, not sapient. Awareness, not reasoning. We raise cattle as livestock because it is the best solution and they are not sapient beings. You assholes stumbled across a rock full of sapient, rationalizing beings that you could communicate with and turned them into batteries. But wait, there’s more! The Incubator proceeds to show a horrified Madoka images of humanity’s history, from caves to castles. “We have intervened in your civilization’s development since prehistoric times. Countless girls throughout time have made Contracts with Incubators, had their wishes granted, and then ultimately succumbed to despair (images of woman I assume to be Cleopatra, based on pyramids and snakebite). Beginning in hope and then ending in a curse; that is the cycle that countless magical girls have repeated to this day. There are some who have wrought revolutions that changed history (Joan of Arc?), or elevated human society to new stages of development.” And so that gives you the right to harvest a thinking species, then? You set these girls on the path to destruction, get your precious emergy, and think we should be grateful for the privilege? Madoka breaks down into tears, cries about how they all trusted the Incubators. Who just claims that it wasn’t the Incubators who betrayed them, but their own prayers. That is the equivalent of saying “I gave them a box of matches, it’s not my fault they ended up burning down the house.” It goes on to argue that all hopes are Wishes for something other than the current reality, and anything that doesn’t match reality is bound to cause change. And of course, Change is Bad, so… “If they considered such a natural outcome to be a ‘betrayal’, they were wrong to have made wishes at all.” Really? Really, Incubator? So you’re saying that since change inevitably results in at least some negative outcomes, it’s wrong to try and enact change? Say, trying to prevent the natural heat-death of the universe? “Not that I’m calling them foolish.” Oh no, you’re just calling them acceptable, unintentional sacrifices. “If you understand now, why are you still holding the fates of a few individuals to be so precious?” Because they are individuals. Because the ending of a rational life, one that is denied a future of experiences and progress and chances to help other lives… Civilizations that exist based on the suffering of others are not worthy of the term. And the Incubators passed that line long ago. Madoka numbly looks up to the Incubator and asks if after all the time they spent watching over those girls they really feel nothing for them at all. The Incubator blithely retorts that if they could “understand suffering”, they wouldn’t need humanity in the first place. A society that treats emotion as a mental disease, to whom the concept of empathy for one another is foreign. Incubator, as surprised as you are that a world of individuals could move beyond the basest of conflicts, I am just as surprised that a species of a single mind could… no, I can’t say that I am surprised that a single focused mind could progress so far. But it is not a society that I would want to be a part of. The Incubator claims that if they had never come to Earth, then humanity would still be living naked in caves. I think you underestimate us. But even if that were true, it would be preferable to your schemes. ...I’m sorry, I can’t take anymore tonight.
*once again, needed an angry sleep to calm down* *calls for one final show prediction*
Well, my guessing has been so spot on so far, why stop now? This is the scenario we have, the elements leading into this finale: -Madoka has not Contracted -Homura knows her time travel has resulted in Madoka’s Protagonist Potential -Walpurgisnacht is inbound, which means bad times for Muggles -All the other MGs besides Homura are dead -Madoka’s Mom suspects that she’s hiding something about Sayaka -Homura is going to try and fight Wally on her own like last timeline, hoping that Madoka won’t Contract From this, I can see three possibilities: (Good Ending) Homura attempts to fight Walpurgisnacht on her own (because that worked so well last time). Brave, heroic, foolish Madoka intervenes, Wishes Mami (or best-case scenario Sayaka and Kyoko as well) back to life, and all the girls work together to destroy Wally. Homura is upset that Madoka still became a MG, but Madoka says that it’s her choice. All the girls will have to be careful, but knowing the risks of despair on their Soul Gems (and the other two/four keeping an eye on Mami so she doesn’t go all Spark-Hunter on them) they work to protect their city and prevent other girls from Contracting. Eventually all the Witches are exterminated, so no need to use up their Soul Gems anymore, they are locked away. Show ends with all three/five girls walking to class, another chance at normal lives. (Was just about to post this when I got the unpleasant realization that this is impossible. "Lock away the Soul Gems"? Wouldn't work. Damn. Ok, so best-case scenario the girls actively avoid using magic, but they still have to carry around this reminder. Still leagues better than where they are now, but... damn, even when I try to come up with a Good ending Urobuchi blocks me. ) (Feels Ending) Homura attempts to fight Walpurgisnacht on her own. Madoka intervenes, makes a Wish that Homura doesn’t hear, and destroys Walpurgisnacht. With her last words before she turns into a Witch, she asks Homura to not give into despair, and keep trying. Homura travels to another timeline, but when she gets there her shield shatters and her Soul Gem disappears. And when she gets to school, Madoka is nowhere to be found. (Urobutcher Ending) Madoka is about to go and try to help Homura, when her mother stops her with several men in uniform. Madoka is taken away for questioning about Sayaka, while the police car is stuck in traffic Walpurgisnacht attacks and destroys the car in passing. Homura tries to fight Walpurgisnacht, but loses like last time. Knowing that if she goes back again Madoka will be further tied up with Protagonist Potential, Homura gives up and her Soul Gem turns black. ...yep. So, so much fun coming up with these predictions. And even though for the last one I tried thinking of what could make me punch my screen, I wouldn’t bet that Urobuchi will find some way to top it. Ugh.
Still raining, scene change to a bar?
“It really does hurt, losing one of my own students this way…”
Oh. Ouch. Looks like the girl’s teacher is trying to cope. And she still doesn’t know what really happened to Sayaka, and we know that she never will. Add in a missing third-year student…
All they’ve got to go on is the fact that Sayaka was ‘quarreling’ with a friend over a boy. Aw jeez, Hitomi’s got to be in a bad spot right now, huh? Probably thinks that she drove Sayaka off? Kinda true, but not the whole story. Ten-to-one that the Incubator plans on paying a brown-haired girl a visit later.
So the cops are calling it “an accidental death, exacerbated by mental stress after running away from home.” So in other words, they’ve got no clue how she actually died. I suppose one’s soul turning into a Witch wouldn’t leave any real signs.
Oh, so Teach is talking with Mrs. Kaname! Should have realized when this convo took place in a bar. Heh, remember back when it was just jokes about Madoka’s Mom having to drink with her brotastic colleagues, and planning a coup of her department? Those were good times.
Uh oh. Mrs. Kaname’s admitting that she thinks Madoka knows something. But she also doesn’t seem like she’s lying… I think Mrs. Kaname’s thinking over that late-night advice on making a mistake for a friend. Madoka did say that a friend was getting into trouble. So much guilt being felt by all these secondary characters: Hitomi thinks she drove Sayaka away over Kamijo, Teach is worried about students going missing from school, Mrs. Kaname knew ‘a friend’ of Madoka’s was in a bad spot. Can’t say the blame falls fully on any of them, but I bet they feel like it does.
Mrs. Kaname bemoaning that for the first time, she can’t tell what Madoka is thinking. With things seeming off lately, she can tell something’s weighing on her but Madoka hasn’t talked about it. Understandable given the subject matter, but from Mother’s perspective Madoka doesn’t trust her anymore. And all she can do is trust Madoka.
Back at Homura’s place, doorbell? Oh, Madoka’s going to talk to Homura! She asks if all the floating diagrams are about Wally, says that Kyoko told her about the super-witch. Been a while since we last saw Kyoko, I can’t remember if that was onscreen on this is just establishing how Madoka could know about it.
Ah, seems Madoka’s here because she was told Wally is such a strong witch one person can’t beat it on their own. Homura was planning to team up with Kyoko… but then stuff happened. Madoka asks if Homura’s been planning on fighting it all this time, which gets an odd look from the time-traveler. Madoka rallies and asks if the city will be in danger.
Homura’s explaining that Walpurgisnacht is so powerful it doesn’t need to hide in a Labyrinth. If it manifests, thousands die. Muggles can’t see it, so they just think it’s caused by some natural disaster.
Madoka asks, or rather says that it absolutely has to be defeated… yup, Protagonist. Sorry, Homura, but I look at Madoka now and see someone who knows that there is a problem, and a way that she can help against it. With all the other girls gone, Homura will need help, so Madoka suggests that-
Homura cuts her off, insisting that she can do it on her own, claims that she never even needed Kyoko’s help. Yyyyeah, even Madoka knows that you’re bluffing. Then… oh! “I don’t know why, but I really want to believe in you, Homura. I don’t want to think that you’d lie to me.” Aw now you’ve done it Homura, you made Madoka cry. Feel the guilt. Feeeel it!
Urg, so many feels right now. Madoka’s crying because Homura is lying to her, and Homura’s clenching her fists and teeth because-
“I’m not even living in the same time that you are, Madoka!”
OUCH. Homura has broken down, rushed over and grabbed Madoka in a hug, our Protagonist is standing there very much off-guard. Cold, distant Homura is finally telling Madoka her story, that she’s from the future. That she’s met Madoka over and over, and each time had to watch her die.
“What do I have to do to save you? What do I have to do to change your fate?” She’s been redoing this month trying to find an answer. Yeah, not blaming you for your confusion Madoka, this is a big change from the Homura that you knew.
“I’m sorry… I’m not making any sense, right? I must seem horribly creepy, right?” Madoka’s known this Mysterious Transfer Student for barely a month, while Homura’s known Madoka for who knows how long. And for all Madoka is a kind and compassionate Protagonist, she really doesn’t know what do with this weepy girl.
“But to me… To me, you are…”
...well.
“The more times I redo all this, the further in time we drift from one another. Our feelings drift further apart, and my words don’t even reach you anymore. The truth is, I think I’ve been lost for a very long time now.”
“I will save you. That was the feeling that I started all of this with. And now, it is the only thing I have left to guide me.” Title drop! “It’s ok if you don’t understand. It’s ok if my words don’t reach you. But, please… Please… just let me protect you.”
...yup. That was one heck of a gut punch. I can say I understand the MadoHomu shippers now, that “To me, you are…” is all but a confession to me. However, I will still stand by my friendship interpretation because damnit my Ship of Death has killed off half the cast already, and I wanna see this girls live.
Cut to a dark and stormy sky, thunder and lightning. Some dudes are remarking that the thunderclouds are spreading at unbelievable speeds, call for an evacuation of the city. All the residents are getting ordered to their nearest shelters, and now the streets are empty.
Except for one person. A dark-haired girl in a school uniform, overlooking the water.
“It’s here.”
(For the record, as soon as I typed that the internet decided that “Eh, that’s a good place to crash”. Thankfully fixed it, but for a while there I was yelling at Wally for breaking my computer.)
Now we’re at a fancy building with lots of glass (as per the norm in this city), apparently it’s a gym of sorts that’s serving as a shelter, lots of families on green mats around the court. Not sure how much of a ‘shelter’ the building is with all the giant windows, let alone how it’s probably not Witch-proof, but better than everyone being at home I guess. Madoka’s family are at their own mat. Daw, been ages since I last saw the little brother and the Dad, Brother’s cute asking if they’re camping tonight and Dad saying it’s a great big group campout. But Madoka’s turned away from the rest of the family, clutching her knees. Taking bets on how long she lasts until she runs off to try and help, I’m giving it five minutes.
Back at Homura, colors are going monochrome, and a fog is spreading across the river. Once it reaches Homura she gives one last MST hair-flip, and starts walking. Wait, hold up, wasn’t she just behind a railing, facing the river? Is the fog a sign of warped reality so that the railing isn’t there anymore, or what?
Ah. Some sort of crayon rabbit-thing (not an Incubator, just has ears like a rabbit) just ran by Homura. Reality warping it is. And it just got stomped on by an elephant? Ok, looks like while Wally doesn’t have/need a labyrinth it does project a cirusy-vibe.
A lace curtain rises, and the music kicks in. A countdown begins. 5. 4. Buildings rise behind Homura. 2. The pastel circus passes by her. 1. Shattered buildings rise up and Walpurgisnacht looms from the clouds, an upside-down mannequin in a flowy dress with giant gears above.
The Future has arrived. Walpurgisnacht is here.
Homura launches into a quick transformation sequence (is this the first time we’ve seen her transform?), clicks her shield… and whoa that’s a lot of rocket launchers. No seriously, I am seeing dozens of RPGs and bazookas set up around her, how long did it take her to gather all of these?
So yeah, Homura’s starting off by freezing time and blasting dozens of explosives at Wally. Who just laughs a creepy echoey laugh and floats off breathing technicolor flames as Homura now runs about triggering mortars. That likewise seem to do no damage. Dang, even Homura’s early pipe bombs could destroy a Witch quickly, what’s Walpurgisnacht made of? Alright, will collapsing some metal towers on the Witch work? Nope. Now… do I hear a truck?
Abridged!Dio: “Look what I’ve got!”
Ok, the explosions keep coming as Homura drives a freaking tanker up the bridge into Wally’s face. And then ok what the hell, is that a sub? Did Homura just launch a freaking missile into this Witch? Half a dozen missiles? And then two that ram Wally into the industrial area? Sorry Mami, but as impressive as it was to see you summon a company-worth of muskets, I think Homura has you beat in firepower here.
Argh, but even after getting hit by friggin missiles Walpurgisnacht is still inta- oh, that’s a bomb. Oh, that’s a lot of bombs. OH, that’s a shitton of bombs!
But the music’s not stopping. It sounds like it’s building up, even. Aw crap, are you telling me that THAT wasn’t enough? Homura just blasted this thing into a building practically made of bombs, what more do you want?!
Crap, yeah. Homura just got struck by some sort of starry-whip, and Walpurgisnacht appears no worse for wear. Homura, I really hope you’ve got some more firepower stashed away.
All these explosions are shaking the shelter, Madoka’s parents are looking up at the ceiling worriedly and not saying anything. Madoka’s still off to the side, clutching her- wait, she just stood up. And said that she’s going to the bathroom. *Checks time, just under 3 minutes* Damn, even faster than I guessed.
Madoka’s looking out the (probably not storm-proof) giant glass windows at the pouring rain, and for crying out loud the Incubator is perched on the railing. She asks it if Homura was telling the truth about being able to face Wally on her own, the Incubator asks if she’d believe it anyways if it told her no. “At this point, explanations are pointless. You should go and see for yourself. See how well Homura Akemi is faring against Walpurgisnacht.” Manipulative to the end, aren’t you you little jerk.
It then proceeds to frankly say that Homura hasn’t given up hope yet. If she loses, then she can still turn back time, restart this ‘meaningless’ chain of events over and over. Because it’s no longer possible for her to stop or give up.
“The moment she acknowledges that everything she has done is pointless, and your fate is impossible to change, Homura Akemi will fall into despair and turn into a Grief Seed.”
Aw hell. The Urobuchi’s setting up Ending #3, isn’t he? Come on Homura, don’t fall to despair! You can’t give up on Madoka, even if you fail again this time you could still save the Madoka in the next timeline!
“So you’re saying that as long as she continues to hope, she can’t be saved?”
...no. No no NO. Do NOT do this to me, Urobuchi! I am begging you, do NOT make Ending #2 happen either! It doesn’t matter if Madoka Wishing for Homura to not be trapped in her quest to save Madoka would end the problem, if we end with either both girls dying or Madoka Wishing Homura free from the time loops, I am going to scream. Damn it, cut these girls a break!
Damn it. Madoka has dried her tears and is walking away. Either to lichdom to save another or to her death, I do not know. But away she goes.
Holy crap, Mom out of nowhere! She just grabbed Madoka’s hand.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Aw shoot, she’s confronting Madoka. If I see people in uniform show up I am going to break something.
Madoka says that she has to go save a friend, but Mother cuts her off and says to leave it to the firefighters. You know, the guys with rescue training that a middle-school girl doesn’t have.
Our Protagonist insists that it has to be her- oh! Mother just slapped her. “You don’t live your life just for yourself, understand?!”
But Madoka understands. She knows how much her mother and father care, because she loves her family too. And in order to protect them and her friend, she has to go somewhere else now.
Damn, props to Mother. Even not knowing everything that’s going on, even with such a terrible ‘storm’ outside, she says that she’s going with Madoka if she’s leaving. But Madoka says no, that she needs to stay and makes sure Father and Tatsuya stay safe.
“Mom, you told me you had raised me well. I don’t tell lies (*beyond not explaining Magical Girls*). I don’t do bad things. Will you believe in me now? Will you trust that I’ll do what’s right?”
Mother raises a hand. And then lowers it. And then launches Madoka forward with a pat on the back. Got to admit, for a second I thought that Madoka was going to fall down the stairs. What a way to end the show, right? But no, it’s a heartwarming moment between mother and daughter.
Back to Terrible Things! Walpurgisnacht is heading deeper into the city, Homura chasing while being surrounded by laughing starry MG-silhouettes. And of course Wally is heading for the shelter, as if this wasn’t bad enough already. If you’ve got anything left Homura, now’s the time to use it!
Um. Ouch. A building to the face has got to smart.
Aw crud, Homura’s foot is trapped. Is she…? Yup, she’s grabbing her shield, preparing to reset again. But if she goes back again, Madoka will get more tied up in MG potential.
No. No no no nope uh-uh NO. You do not get to give up now, Homura. You are not going to go Ending #3 and make Madoka have to fight two friggin Witches. Do NOT give up! No no NO
Madoka’s here.
“That’s enough. You’ve done enough, Homura.”
The music from the Future Dream/secondary credits has just started. The Incubator walks up beside Madoka.
“Madoka… you didn’t…!”
“Homura… I’m sorry.”
And credits.
After-credits picture of all five magical girls.
“If someone says it’s wrong to have hope, then I’ll tell them they’re wrong, every single time. And I know I’ll always tell them so.”
Final Episode: My Very Best Friend
*phew* Ok, we got way too close to Ending #3 there for me. And it’s clear that Madoka is going to make a Contract and become a MG to fight Walpurgisnacht. The only question now is what she’s going to Wish for.
I have to re-evaluate #2 now, given the after-credits line about Madoka always saying it’s wrong to give up hope. I can’t see someone who says that ending Homura’s quest, even with good intentions. So it’s more likely that Madoka will make the Wish about this timeline and just give Homura the inspiring speech, that just because this timeline didn’t work out that doesn’t mean she should give up on the future. So maybe a Wish like “I Wish I had the power to save this city from Walpurgisnacht”, or best-case “I Wish for my friends back to help me fight Walpurgisnacht”, and when Madoka runs out Homura leaves for the next timeline. And so we end with another failure, but hope that someday Homura will succeed.
*Sigh* Well, whatever happens next, bittersweet or just bitter, it’s been a trip. Thank you all for joining me in this WMTW, I will hope beyond hope that Homura will find peace someday.
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Originally published on Is The Whole30 Diet Worth It? written by Anam Faruqui on Anam Faruqui
The latest diet craze is Whole30. It is a 30-day diet that focuses on whole foods and bans alcohol, grains, sugar, soy, dairy, and legumes from the diet. It is like the paleo diet but more restrictive. Participants are not even allowed to eat natural sweeteners such as maple syrup and honey. You are allowed to eat nuts, seeds, meat, seafood, vegetables, fruits, and eggs.  During the course of the program, participants are encouraged to not count calories or weigh themselves. After the completion of the diet, participants are told to reintroduce banned foods strategically into the diet to find out which food sets of allergic reactions. The founders of WHole30 believe that grains, dairy, sugar, legumes, and alcohol affect energy, weight and stress levels. The program was made by sports nutritionist Dallas Hartwig and Melissa Hartwig. The participants in the program had shared over 1 million Instagram pictures using the #Whole30 hashtag by 2016. The Whole30 diet ranked last on a list of 38 popular diets analyzed by U.S. News & World Report in their 2016 Best Diets Rankings.
Whole30 Diet
As discussed above, this diet encourages participants to eat more whole foods. Let’s take a look at the foods you are not allowed to eat on a Whole30 diet:
Also Read: All You Need To Know About Gluten Free Diet
Sugar
Sugar is pretty bad for you. Eating a lot of sugar can increase your chances of dying from cardiovascular diseases. Sugar has a harmful effect on metabolism. Sugar has no nutritional value and it is pretty bad for your teeth. Added sugars (such as sucrose and high fructose corn syrup) contain a lot of calories with no nutritional value. This is why sugar is also called empty calories sometimes. Added sugar is also high in fructose which can be pretty bad for your liver. If you eat a little sugar, it’s ok but when the liver is full of glycogen, eating more fructose can overload the liver and make it turn fructose into fat. Excess of fructose in the liver can lead to fatty liver disease. Too much sugar can also cause insulin resistance which can lead to diabetes and metabolic syndrome. The insulin resistance can also change to type 2 diabetes. Sugar is also very addictive because it makes your brain release dopamine. Sugar can also lead to obesity, in both adults and children. In short, we see where the Whole30 is going with this. Your body needs a break from sugar for sure. Why ingest yourself with something with no nutritional value and tons of harmful effects? According to Whole30, you should give up ‘maple syrup, honey, agave nectar, coconut sugar, date syrup, stevia, Splenda, Equal, Nutrasweet, xylitol, etc’.
Also Read: Trying To Wean Yourself Off Sugar? Try These Tips
Alcohol
Alcohol can be bad for both your physical and mental health!
Alcohol is made by fermenting fruits and grains. It is highly addictive and toxic. Alcohol affects your brain and mood too. It can disorientate you. It can also decrease self-consciousness and shyness and make you prone to disruptive behavior. The liver metabolizes alcohol. Frequent consumption of alcohol can increase the fat inside the liver cells. This can lead to cirrhosis. Alcohol abuse can also impair brain functions. Alcohol can also lead t depression.
Also Read: Top Diet Plans to Lose Weight
Grains And Legumes
Grains and legumes are the staple food for many people. They have numerous health benefit too. Why then is Whole30 banning legumes and grains too? The thing is, there is nothing wrong with grains and legumes but about the way they are milled in the industry. Milling often removes the nutritional part of grains. Some people can be allergic to grain too, especially if they have the celiac disease. People suffering from the celiac disease are allergic to gluten, which is found in many grains. By eliminating grains for 30 days, you will be able to see if something you were suffering from has gotten better. Apart from that, grains make ou feel pretty full. They leave little space for fresh fruits and vegetables. By avoiding grains for 30 days, you will be able to eat more fruits and vegetables. Legumes are considered a very healthy food by most people in the world but one school of thought thinks legumes are bad for you. They say legumes have toxic anti-nutrients called phytic acid and lectins. When cooked, lectins disappear from legumes. Similarly, low level of phytic acid can be tolerated by the body. So, to be honest, I am not sure why legumes have been banned in the whole30 diet. According to Whole30, you should avoid grains such as ‘wheat, rye, barley, oats, corn, rice, millet, bulgur, sorghum, sprouted grains, and all gluten-free pseudo-cereals like quinoa, amaranth, and buckwheat’. You should also avoid legumes like ‘beans of all kinds (black, red, pinto, navy, white, kidney, lima, fava, etc.), peas, chickpeas, lentils, and peanuts. No peanut butter, either. This also includes all forms of soy – soy sauce, miso, tofu, tempeh, edamame, and all the ways we sneak soy into foods (like lecithin)’.
Also Read: Eat Healthy During Vacations With These Tips
Dairy
Dairy products are full of calcium. Calcium is required for healthy bones. Unfortunately, we don’t really get fresh milk now. We don’t know how pure is the milk that is being sold in cartons. Some people also argue that milk is full of growth hormones as cows are not milked at the right time. Organic milk is free from these problems but it is hard to get. According to whole30, you should avoid ‘cow, goat, or sheep’s milk products like milk, cream, cheese, kefir, yogurt, sour cream, ice cream, or frozen yogurt’.
Also Read: Bad Health Habits That You Think Are Healthy For You
Soy
Soy is said to be a goitrogenic food by some which can suppress thyroid functions. A little amount of fermented soy sometimes is fine. Soy also has dietary estrogen. Soy also has phytates which can block mineral absorption in the digestive track.
Also Read: It’s High Time You Start Drinking More Water
How To Stick To The Whole30 Diet
Tell Yourself It Is Not Hard
Well, nothing in life is hard, right? We make things hard. Most of all, there are things that are more difficult than the Whole30 diet that you have already done. Thie diet is just about eliminating some food, and that too just for 30 days. You can do it!
Also Read: Amazing Benefits Of Quitting Caffeine
Do Not Slip
Do not let yourself slip, not even for a day. You will be missing the whole point this way. One day of slip can make you slip again. Also remember you never really slip, you always consciously make a choice. Do not make the choice to fail and you will be all set.
Also Read: Lose Weight By Eating These Fruits
Toughen Up
You are a grown up person. No one can force you to eat what you do not want to eat. So next time you make this excuse, tell yourself you can always say no.
Also Read: Treat Yourself With Frozen Foods This Summer
Put In Effort
Make an effort to succeed. Do grocery shopping, plan your meals, and explain friends and family what you are doing. It will be pretty frustrating sometimes to be not able to eat something you want to eat. Remind yourself about the reason you started the Whole30 diet in the first place.
Also Read: 20 Amazing Weight Loss Tips to lose Weight Quickly
Criticism of Whole30
Whole30 diet was said to be the worst diet on the U.S. News & World Report annual ranking. First of all, Whole30 focuses meat consumption. While it is essential to eat meat, too much of it is not recommended. Whole30 also discourages healthy food groups like dairy, legumes, and grains. Whole30 is low in calcium and sodium too. Whole30 also allows too much cholesterol. Whole30 is unsustainable can be potentially unhealthy because for 30 days you are depriving your body of many vital nutrients. The benefits of Whole30 are short term. When going on a diet, you should always assess what it will do for you in the long term. Short lived results are achieved by fad diets. Whole30 has also banned grains. Grains should be a part of a healthy diet. Obviously, if you are allergic to gluten you would want to avoid grains with gluten. But the rest of us need gluten. Gluten free diet can lead to diabetes too, according to reports.
Also Read: Get The Most Out Of Your Workouts With These Foods
The Final Verdict
The biggest turn off about the Whole30 diet for me is the elimination of grains and legumes. While some grains and legumes might not be good for you, if you are allergic to them, eliminating all of them defies logic. Of course, you are better off without white flour which has no nutritional value. And of course, too much of any food group is bad. But why eliminate all legumes and grains? Apart from that, I don’t get why the Whole30 diet has excluded natural sweeteners, especially honey too. Honey is one of the most healthy foods of the world. Why would you want to eliminate it for 30 days? The Whole30 diet has been made too hard to follow. Sure you can eliminate sugar, white bread, white flour, and maybe even dairy, but all legumes and grains? Apart from that, the debate about soy is still ongoing. We still cannot say for sure that soy is bad for health. The Whole30 diet seems to be based on incomplete information.
Also Read: Stay Away From Fad Diets
If you are thinking about going on a cleanse, there are a lot of ways available online. Whole30 doesn’t seem too enticing to me. A better way to check food allergies is to eliminate one food group at a time for two weeks. This will let you check which foods you are allergic too. The Whole30 diet seems way too difficult to follow and I personally do not recommend anyone to go for it. I am neither a nutritionist nor a dietitian. What I am saying is based on the knowledge accumulated over the years. What you want to follow or not, is entirely up to you of course. In the end, your health and fitness matter too much and you should not sabotage it by following a fad diet. On the other hand, our bodies often know what they want. If you believe you can benefit from Whole30, you can give it a go. You are under no restriction to follow it for 30 days. If you feel off, you can always quit it before reaching the 30 days mark.
Also Read: Burn Calories Fast With These Activities
What are your thoughts on the Whole30 diet? Is it worth following> Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
Also Read: Foods To Steer Clear Of If You Have Anxiety
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Writing Prompt #1 :“Why are you so eager to die?” “Because it’s the only way that I can get home.”
“Why are you so eager to die?”
“Because it’s the only way that I can get home.”
I shivered, unable to tell whether it was the freezing wind cutting through my light t-shirt and running shorts , or the sheer hopelessness of his words causing the reaction.
He was beautiful. Standing on the side of the cliff, poised to take the leap into the darkness below, my horrified mind kept cataloguing insignificant details of his appearance. His skin was so light it was almost blue, taking on an almost unearthly glow in the few rays of sunlight. Dark circles shadowed his eyes, a dark green similar to my own. His blond hair fell messily around his face, getting into his eyes. I wanted to brush it out of the way, to hug him and tell him it was okay, but I was afraid any movement in his direction would precipitate his jumping. I should have been thinking of a plan, not staring at him silently. I should call someone:  911, the suicide hotline, my mother… Well, maybe not my mother, it was still 5AM and she would have just gotten home, dropping on the couch in a drunken stupor. It was her fault I was out here running instead of sleeping, her snide comments of “her fat cow” of a daughter hurting more than I wanted to admit. I had drug myself out of bed, put on my barely used running shoes and gone off on the path in the nearby park. I had expected to be cold, miserable and tired. I had not expected to run into a young boy my own age, standing on the edge of a cliff, past the rickety fences and useless warning signs. Poised to jump, he had seemed resigned, accepting of his fate.
Meeting his eyes, I begged him, “Look, I don’t know who you are, or why you are trying to kill yourself, but please, PLEASE think it over. Don’t jump! I know things might seem bad now, but they’ll get better I promise.”
He stared at me blankly, seeming confused by my words.
“You don’t understand, I have to do this. My time here is up.” Again his voice, soft and sad, broke my heart. I angrily brushed the tears from my eyes. Tears wouldn’t help, they never did. I was terrified this strange boy in front of me would die, and I had to help him. Steeling my resolve, I looked him square in the eyes and did something I had never done before. I slowly reached up and grabbed the sweat  bands around my wrists, peeling them off to reveal the skin below. I always wore something there, be it a wide bracelet, long sleeves, anything to keep people from seeing the truth.
“You are not the only one who hates being alive.” I spoke quietly, not wanting to startle him, lifting my wrists to his eye level. The scars had faded somewhat, the multiple cuts I had placed there over time fading into small white lines. The skin throbbed with remembered pain, each cut a time I wanted to feel something, anything. Each time I gave in to the deep need to have some physical manifestation of the hurt I felt inside. Each cut too shallow to do what i had secretly wanted, to take my life and leave me broken and silent on the bathroom floor. Each time I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again, but I knew deep down inside that I would… and the next time might be the last.
I never had shown anyone my secret shame, the few friends at school I had were casual acquaintances, nothing more, the teachers, the counselors all looked over me and focused on the brighter students, the ones who smiled, laughed and raised their hands in class. My mother and I only spoke to argue, and I was afraid to show her not because I thought she’d stop me.
I was afraid she’d laugh and tell me to finish the job.
But this boy, this lonely green eyed boy standing on the brink of darkness, he wouldn’t judge me, right? Maybe he would understand, turn away from the cliff and take a step towards me. We would hug each other, whisper kind words and tell each other why we wanted to die, why this world had slowly driven us out. I would support him, and he would support me, and we would make it through this.
For a brief shining moment I saw that future unfold in my eyes, hope I never dared to cultivate growing within me. His eyes took it all in, my scars, my tears, my shaking hands. His face, so composed and serene before broke into the ugliness of desperation, his eyes were wide and panicked.  
“Don’t worry about me! I have to do this, you don’t understand.” He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at it in frustration. “ Shit, you weren’t supposed to see this, everyone was supposed to forget about me. ”
Briefly he turned away from the drop ahead of him, and I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding.
“I know this looks bad, but I need you to trust me. This is what has to happen, everything will be ok.”
I nodded slowly, my brain not processing what he was saying. I just hoped to keep him talking long enough to get him away from the edge.
“Okay, I trust you. Why don’t you tell me more about what’s going on and we can figure things out.”
With a sad smile and clear eyes, he lifted his hand up towards me in a brief wave of farewell.
“In another lifetime maybe, but my time has run out.”
Without breaking my gaze he stepped forward, tumbling into the darkness below.
“NOOOO!” My terrified cry rang out through the foggy morning, startling some nearby birds into flight.
I ran to the edge and dropped down on my knees, gazing out for some sign that the boy was ok. Only darkness met my tear-filled view.
He was gone. I didn’t even know his name.
I stepped through the gates, shaking off the chill of death from my newly minted form. This had been my 99th trip to Earth as a guardian angel, a brief stint on the mortal plane to help guide the lost, but the return trip, requiring a death, never got any easier. This had been a particularly hard case, spending time with a young boy with cancer, keeping him company in the brightly lit hospital room during his final months.
Once the boy had passed, I had received notice that it was time to move on, time to return. This compelling call guided me to the nearest cliff, where only empty space had separated me from paradise.
I had not counted on the young girl with the sad eyes and scarred arms.
“She tried to save me.” I whispered to himself, surprised by the sound of regret in my own voice.
“Matthias! What took you so long? You know we can only hold the portal open for so long. They were ready to condemn you as lost you spent so long getting back to us!”
My friend Michael, technically my boss I suppose,  approached eagerly, clapping me on the back in welcome.
“I ran into a complication, a young girl saw me about to pass and thought I was committing suicide.”
I turned to the nearest wall and rested my hand on it briefly, bringing up a visual portal to the mortal realm. The girl knelt at the cliff where I had left her, crying bitterly into her hands. My heart ached, taking in her shaking, lonely form. Where was help for this girl when she needed it? I scowled as I thought about the scars on her wrists, the darkness lurking in her thoughts. She wrestled her own demons, even as she tried to reach out to save me. If only I could have explained what was going on, given her some comfort!
I was so deep in my thoughts that I missed most of Michaels welcoming speech.
“…great job! Of course normally we would give you a few centuries rest before undertaking a new task, but this is unfortunately a special job we feel you are uniquely suited for. “
His words of a new job brought me crashing back to reality.
“What do you mean a new job? I just got back!”
I turned again to portal as he spoke, watching the girl as she continued to cry,
“… special assignment, technically 10 years from your last job in mortal time, and given the sensitive nature of the project, will require the length of a mortal lifespan…”
In the portal, a young man approached from the forest, and upon seeing the crying girl, started forward.
My hands clenched uselessly at my side. What if he meant her harm?
“ …rough life already, some physical and mental abuse. Apparently she meets her soulmate today and goes onto become a pediatric psychiatrist, specializing in adolescent depression and suicide…”
The young man appeared the same age, wearing a dark leather jacket, his hands jammed in the pockets. He hesitated a few steps from her back, as if unsure how to proceed.
“Her work will save hundreds, and several of those saved will go on to save thousands. Very important assignment, really.”
His words barely registered, all my focus was on the face of the young man in the portal. Would he try to hurt her? Would he add to her life so full already of suffering and misery?
“Unfortunately they will be unable to have children, but thats where our little intervention comes in.”
A soft brush of leather was the only sound as the young man’s jacket was draped across the girl’s shoulders. He knelt down before her, brushing her hair away from her face. He slowly hugged her, letting her cry, gently patting her back in a comforting way.
“You will be born to them in 10 years time, and will spend time with them for the remainder of their lives here on earth.”
Sighing with relief, I turned away briefly from the portal to glance at Michael, a few of his words breaking through my stupor.
“Did you say a lifetime assignment? We never stay more than a few months at a time!”
He smiled at me, a little sadly. “You’ve been on one too many difficult assignments, my friend. Your heart is hurting and you can’t help anyone in this state. You will spend one more lifetime on earth, unaware of your origins. You will grow, live and die as a human before you return to us again.”
I stepped back, shocked. “If I can’t remember who I am, how will I accomplish my mission while living down on Earth?”
“Matthias, your mission is to LIVE down on earth. Love your family, live your life. The world will be a better place for it, I promise.” He turned away from me, facing the portal on the wall. “Besides, you’ve already met your new family today, thanks to your last assignment. “
I glanced at the portal, still showing the boy and girl embracing, talking to each other quietly.
“You mean…”
Michael gestured grandly at the portal, “Meet your new mother!”
I turned and started walking briskly towards the departure gates. Once past the golden structures I would be placed back on earth at the correct date and time of my new birth.
“Wait!” Michael called, “There’s no rush! Don’t you want to catch up first?”
I was almost to the gate, I didn’t stop.
“Why are you so eager to be born?”
At these words I paused, turning to my friend wth a bright smile.
“Because it’s the only way that I can get home.“
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southislandwren · 4 years
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An open letter to my cattle judging professor:
I’m sorry, it’s not your fault. You sent out a post-class email hoping we had fun today. You asked me during class if I was having fun. You try to be engaging and energizing. It’s not your fault.
During introductions on the first day you asked for our judging experience. “I ranked nationally,” said one girl. “I’ve been judging since I was 10,” said another. Countless more were in FFA or 4H showing and judging animals. It’s not your fault I never saw a cow in real life until I was 17.
You called on me in class because I hadn’t spoken up yet. “I like her udder,” I said, trying as hard as I could to think critically. You glanced at the cow, back at me, back at the cow. “Are you sure?” You didn’t know it, but that hurt. I went home and reviewed my notes and cried. It’s not your fault I don’t know what a good udder should look like. It’s not your fault I can barely tell a guernsey from an aryshire.
“Are you having fun?” You asked, so young, so hopeful. “Yeah,” i responded, knowing how to lie. What I didn’t say speaks volumes. I can’t have fun because I am so far behind my peers I will never catch up. I can’t have fun because there’s too much stimulus and I’m overwhelmed. It’s not your fault I’m from a city and chose a major I have no experience in.
I will not end up on your judging team. I will not end up knowing more. You can take your judges and go to the national dairy expo and I’ll take my C and go to my dorm room. It’s not your fault.
#god if someone recognizes my school and teacher specifically please dont show him this. please#this is basically one of my ‘rant in the tags’ post but i had to write to get it out and notes are hard to write in#my judging classes fucking kill my self esteem i cant fucking take it anymore#work is killing me. i work all the time. i worked 7 shifts in the first week and a half.#they ask me all the time to pick up more and i dont know how to tell my boss#if i work more than 4 times a week i will end up k*lling myself#i do not have the mental space to argue with cows when i am focusing on staying alive long enough to get back home#corona is interesting bc i love not having to go to physical classes but also. everyone is a trump supporter#so they refuse to wear masks and they party and they think its fake. i dont have the mental space to deal with that#almost every positive thing about college has been taken away from me and im not really seeing the point in staying#maybe im being dramatic. they closed my two favorite restaurants and derby practices are cancelled#but for my pros and cons list of college vs moving home. derby was one of 3 things#im like. not doing okay. like im As Depressed as i was at McHell. i think thats saying something#i have a tally mark going for how many times ive hysterically sobbed. like open mouth cant get enough air sobbing#we’re up to 3 in less than three weeks 😜#idk i just want to go home and work at udf and go to GHF and see my parents and pets#i think theres like 80 days or something until we get to go home for the semester. just gotta make it until november 25.
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