#im like. not doing okay. like im As Depressed as i was at McHell. i think thats saying something

[joplayingjaks]

85 Things

Rules: Answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I was tagged by @lonerofshalott! Thank you!! These are always really fun :)

The Last 1. Drink - Coke 2. Phone call - Mom 3. Text message - @atomicody 4. Song you listened to -  5. Time you cried - Its so often idk lolol 6. Dated somebody twice - Never have 7. Kissed somebody and regretted it - Never happened 8. Have been cheated on - Never 9. Lost someone special - Ahh yeah 10. Been depressed - Lol as if there was a specific last time I was 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - Lmao this has never and will never happen

Favorite Colors 12. To wear - Black, grey, red/maroon, pink 13. Shade of blue - Deep, dark royal blues and pastels 14. Shade of pink - No salmon or hot pink, almost any pastel pink, as long as it’s not too purpley or bubblegummy

In The Last Year Have You 15. Made new friends - Yes :) 16. Fallen out of love - No 17. Laughed until you cried - So much, yes  18. Found out somebody was talking about you - Yes, but not in a bad way tho 19. Met somebody who changed you - Absolutely yes <3 (but also i had a couple cool coworkers and professors that where kinda influential)  20. Found out who your friends are - I suppose yes lol 21. Kissed somebody on your Facebook list - Lol yes

General 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life? - Almost all of them. any ones i dont im gonna be introduced to eventually through the bf 23. Do you have any pets? - SADLY NO, not yet 24. Do you want to change your name? - Nope 25. What did you do for your last birthday? - Hung out with friends 26. What time did you wake up? - Today i woke up at noon, and the only reason i managed that was becase i set an alarm lmao 27. What were you doing at midnight? - Talking to bf <3 28. Name something you can’t wait for? - My trip to michigan!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom? - Last night 30. What are you listening to right now? - The fan in my brother’s room down the hall 31. Have you ever talked to somebody named Tom? - Like, several different people yeah 32. Something that is getting on your nerves - Not having the funds to pay off loans and fix my car and go on my trip 33. Most visited website - Facebook and pinterest 34. Hair color - Ashy blonde 35. Long or short hair? - Usually as short as possible tbh (i have my sides cut to a 1/4 in) but actually i think im gonna work on growing it out a little because i want an audrey hepburn pixie cut <3 36. Do you have a crush on somebody? - I have a big giant crush on @atomicody! heck i guess the jig is up, confessing my love right here right now 37. What do you like about yourself? - Im a meme with a good #aesthetic and i guess im p decent at the music thing lol 38. Piercings - Two on each earlobe and a ring in my nose 39. Blood type - Absolutely no idea lol 40. Nickname - Jak, jo, jay, jordo, jardin, bun, bug, and many more. idk why im so nicknameable lol 41. Relationship status - Taken :3 43. Zodiac - Scorpio 44. Pronouns - She/They 45. Favorite TV shows - Preacher is top tier rn, but tbh im really far behind, i havent been watching any tv much lately 46. Tattoos - I want so many, but thatll have to wait a while ;-; 47. Right or left handed - Right 48. Surgery - Only a few minor things like wisdom teeth and tonsils 49. Piercing - #38?? 50. Sport - I watch mma sometimes, but i am not about that #SportsLife 51. Vacation - Idk how im supposed to answer this? my next vaca will be my trip to michigan hopefully soon 52. Pair of trainers - I love me my black hightop converse 53. Eating - ?? okey im not eating currently? i would love to be tho, i gotta drag myself outta bed and go eat some cereal or pizza or something lmao okay actually i did go downstairs and get a bowl of cereal im gouda 54. Fave drink - Hmm.. strawberry soda, creme soda, smoothies, milkshakes and malts, milk, orange juice, and baja blast freezes 55. What you’re up to - This 56. Waiting for - Michigan trip/visiting Codyyy 57. Want - The end of bigotry and oppression and violence, for less “value” to be placed on physical wealth, for people to not have to suffer for or without basic needs, for people to use green energy because gdang its been ready for ages, to live my life contentedly and without regret, to be with the people i love, to move out and begin my life, to be able to fulfill my passions 58. Get married - Lol no 59. Career - Well, i went to school a little bit for graphic design, thats not happening it looks like. so far my employment history is McHell and a gas station and next is looking like walmart... sooo hopefully i actually have some miracle happen + hard work and i can do music 60. Hugs or kisses: Both pleassse 61. Lips or eyes - I mean, i know someone with really really pretty eyes :33 62. Shorter or taller - I dont have a preference for anything lmao (but he kinda smol lolol cute) 64. Nice arms or nice stomach - :33 I mean both, but those arms tho lol 65. Hook up or relationship - Relationship 66. Troublemaker or hesitant - ? 67. Kissed a stranger - Lol no 68. Drank hard liquor - LMao nope 69. Lost glasses/contact lenses - OMg yes, i lost my glasses a couple times and i was like, Oh god please dont make me go through this day without being able to see or judge distance please 70. Turned someone down - Few times 71. Sex on first date - NO lmao no 72. Broken someone’s heart - Probably, but hopefully not 73. Had your heart broken - Not romantically, but people who said they were my friends and family, yes 74. Been arrested - LOLL no 75. Cried when someone died - A few times, yes 76. Fallen for a friend - I mean kinda since i was friendo first with the bf lol

Do You Believe In 77. Yourself - Lol 78. Miracles - No 79. Love at first sight - No 80. Santa Claus - Nope lol 81. Kiss on the first date - Personally no, but you do you 82. Angels - Nope

Other 83. Current best friends names - Cody, kayla, ryan 84. Eye color - Blue 85. Favorite movie - TREASURE PLANET always

Tagging: @atomicody, @starsarelimitless, @captainsprklz, @ameliabedeliagoesonline, @nuttysaladtree, @ anyone who wants to, please im really terrible at tagging people because i dont want to seem weird lol

#this is nice and nifty and good timing #i just kinda rolled outta bed so this is something nice to focus on :) thank! #tag game #jakaaron is a dork #long post /

[southislandwren]

An open letter to my cattle judging professor:

I’m sorry, it’s not your fault. You sent out a post-class email hoping we had fun today. You asked me during class if I was having fun. You try to be engaging and energizing. It’s not your fault.

During introductions on the first day you asked for our judging experience. “I ranked nationally,” said one girl. “I’ve been judging since I was 10,” said another. Countless more were in FFA or 4H showing and judging animals. It’s not your fault I never saw a cow in real life until I was 17.

You called on me in class because I hadn’t spoken up yet. “I like her udder,” I said, trying as hard as I could to think critically. You glanced at the cow, back at me, back at the cow. “Are you sure?” You didn’t know it, but that hurt. I went home and reviewed my notes and cried. It’s not your fault I don’t know what a good udder should look like. It’s not your fault I can barely tell a guernsey from an aryshire.

“Are you having fun?” You asked, so young, so hopeful. “Yeah,” i responded, knowing how to lie. What I didn’t say speaks volumes. I can’t have fun because I am so far behind my peers I will never catch up. I can’t have fun because there’s too much stimulus and I’m overwhelmed. It’s not your fault I’m from a city and chose a major I have no experience in.

I will not end up on your judging team. I will not end up knowing more. You can take your judges and go to the national dairy expo and I’ll take my C and go to my dorm room. It’s not your fault.

#god if someone recognizes my school and teacher specifically please dont show him this. please #this is basically one of my ‘rant in the tags’ post but i had to write to get it out and notes are hard to write in #my judging classes fucking kill my self esteem i cant fucking take it anymore #work is killing me. i work all the time. i worked 7 shifts in the first week and a half. #they ask me all the time to pick up more and i dont know how to tell my boss #if i work more than 4 times a week i will end up k*lling myself #i do not have the mental space to argue with cows when i am focusing on staying alive long enough to get back home #corona is interesting bc i love not having to go to physical classes but also. everyone is a trump supporter #so they refuse to wear masks and they party and they think its fake. i dont have the mental space to deal with that #almost every positive thing about college has been taken away from me and im not really seeing the point in staying #maybe im being dramatic. they closed my two favorite restaurants and derby practices are cancelled #but for my pros and cons list of college vs moving home. derby was one of 3 things #im like. not doing okay. like im As Depressed as i was at McHell. i think thats saying something #i have a tally mark going for how many times ive hysterically sobbed. like open mouth cant get enough air sobbing #we’re up to 3 in less than three weeks 😜 #idk i just want to go home and work at udf and go to GHF and see my parents and pets #i think theres like 80 days or something until we get to go home for the semester. just gotta make it until november 25.