#i didnt realize how much i was witholding from my therapist

[nope-body]

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#i didnt realize how much i was witholding from my therapist #mostly about my past experiences #but also #i can say no!! i can say no in therapy!! #i can say that i dont want to do the solution suggested!! #with my first therapist the only solution was ‘wanting’ or ‘trying’ or something akin to that #it was always my fault if i couldnt do something even if it was because of my adhd #i just needed to actually want to ‘get better’!! /s #so saying ‘id rather go with a different solution’ or ‘i dont think i can do that’ wasnt an option #for anything #so i learned to push down my emotions so i could force myself to do it #which was why exposure therapy didnt go super well #i didnt feel like i could say ‘thats too much’ so i pushed myself too far #and i also had repressed my emotions so much that i didnt have a clear perception of what was ‘too much’ and would push me over the edge #so i ended up pushing myself too far and breaking down #but i couldnt let people know tgat i couldnt do it so i hid my breakdown #and then exposure therapy made me anxious because i didnt know if the next thing would push me over the edge again #it was not a great experience #but i said no!! i said ‘i dont think ill be able to’ and it was accepted! i wasnt pushed! #we worked around it to find a solution that i could do #its so nice