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#i didnt feel like i could say ‘thats too much’ so i pushed myself too far
girlcrushau · 4 days
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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ofsunhillow · 2 years
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im like narcissus but a girl
#i feel like im deeply and irreversively self centered. not that im a bad person. but that i just dont connect and dont want to#everything i think revolves around me what i am doing what i would say how i would react how i would move#and i repeat my own scene 100 times#i can spend hours looking at myself in the mirror but i dont#as if to stop myself from being so self centered. and i get in the shower and think about#hypothetical scenarios where i am talking to someone and i am saying things about me#i feel like an outside observer of people#if i didnt get pushed into social circles i could spend my entire life alone#i dont miss people. when i do what i miss is the entertainment i got from being with them#when i love someone i cant tell if its real or if im making myself believe i love them because accepting that i cant form attachments#would be too much. i would have a dull life. not because im lonely but because i would be bored#but am i thinking this because i actually feel this way. am i actually unable to get attached to people#or have i just convinced myself of that as some sort of weird repression#and thinking about this feels like a loop it feels like i will never get out of this way of thinking. because im just#thinking about how i think about how i think about how i think#and im not sure what it is exactly thats making me hate this#is it because i feel broken and deep inside i want connection? is that a desire i have#or do i hate it because i feel i am missing out on the human experience. i am very very afraid of missing out
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talkorsomething · 1 day
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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................
Well, it's only half related.
We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.
I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...
I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.
Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?
Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.
November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?
There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.
I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.
...push it back down.
Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.
It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.
I don't know you.
I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?
Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.
It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.
I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.
... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.
I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.
...
I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.
I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.
Will someone just let me say that?
Will someone just fucking help for once?
#sh tw#(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#im cursed with being a bit too self aware so#i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things#(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER#BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM#back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat#[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything#so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend#so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice#i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together#(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING
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mrfoox · 2 years
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Ok I've kinda realized my last date experience probably scared me more than I realized lol
#miranda talking shit#It wasnt ... Super bad but like looking back yes ill laugh about the whole thing but also i was so uncomfortable and scared...?#Matched with a cool guy. He was kinda different/odd which i am too ya know?#We messaged a lot and he seemed cool so we set a date and i invited him over bc i trusted him. Things were going well for an hour or two we#Talked a lot and it was nice just getting to know each other ... Idk if i asked if we could cuddle or if he initiated it but i love cuddles#So it was nice and then i think he said something like it was awkward or his arm got tired or something bc we were in the couch and i#Well not thinking about any social norms kinda just said well we can cuddle in bed. I specifically said just cuddle and looking back like#Yeah thats not part of the social norms and probably is interpreted as something more but me being me i am naive and actually dont have#Ulterior motives and just wants cuddles... We get there and cuddles for a while but then he start getting handsy and like yea /:#Im so anxious irl and my brain always work so slow i never... Mentally catch that i feel uncomfortable socially. So i kinda didnt say stop#But i wasnt... Doing much in return yea /: and i genuinely dont know what to do ij such situations... Like i had told him before we met i#Was an virgin and wasnt looking to hook up and he was respectful for that so he didnt push for 'more' but even just above the clothes i was#Uncomfortable and not in on that .... He stopped trying after he realized i was kinda avoiding his touch but that took like 10 mins#After that i kinda ghosted him. I dont think he acted with ill intent etc but i genuinely didnt feel safe and couldnt see myself trust him#Again so... Yeah.... Like i can joke about that whole thing but i realize now it probably bothered me more than i thought#Its not the first time someone has 'pushed my boundaries' in those type of ways and i think once again i downplay it yo hell and back#I did in the past to when my ex was pushy... I guess i dont know how to handle it like i feel so uncomfortable in the moment and then after#I feel awkward and bad about it so my solution is to joke about it bc to the outside my reactions are probably funny in the right light#And its easier to laugh about an situation than to actually reflect on how it made you feel and so on....#This i kinda just realized tonight like wow .... I mean i dont know what to do with that information but seeing it is a start#Ive thought about getting back into datinf but ive found a lot of excuses and now im like... Ok maybe theres a reason outside my usual stuf
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narcatsisst · 2 months
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a rant about how fucking ANNOYING my ex was when it came to my npd (even though HE HAD BPD HIMSELF) ok so first off, he was the one to help me realize i probably had bpd. and it was NICE because i was figuring things out abuot myself and i felt like i could talk to him and i was being really open. but after a bit i started feeling weird with the label, and i was noticing that i had a lot of symptoms that didnt match up with bpd, so i started researching other pds, which led me to NPD. but i had a lot of internalized ableism around the idea. so i pushed it inside myself and bottled it up, until i saw something frmo someone with NPD that i related to so deeply that i couldnt push it down anymore so i started doing more research on npd and looked at experiences from people with npd. and it made sense! it made so much sense and looking through tumblr seeing stuff from ppl with npd that were proud of their npd and were open about it and were so similar to me made me happy. so i decided to tell my boyfriend, because he was, yknow, my BOYFRIEND, and i felt i could trust him. i tell hiim that i think i might have it. at the time i was like 99% sure. and the first thing he says is i probably dont because im "too nice" and that hes SCARED. of my fucking personality disorder. which doesnt help my internalized ableism at fucking ALL. but i put it off im like whatever okay hes an anxious person its fine. but no, it just keeps going. he starts to talk about how he thinks his terribly abusive mother has npd. about how he has so much trauma over the term and how his mother is such a terrible narcissist abuser and how he still believes in narc abuse to an extent. and im like, what the fuck? listening to the things hes saying his mom doesnt even seem like a narcissist. she just seems like a regular fucking abuser. but no, of course, tell this to your boyfriend that confided in you about a terribly stigmatized disorder he thinks he might have, because of course thats good (sarcasm). and then he tells me that whenever i talk about npd i trigger him and i shouldnt talk about it so much. i shouldnt talk about my fucking PERSONALITY DISORDER. the disorder that makes up my whole personality, the one that affects the way that i think and view the world and others. but no, of course, youre allowed to talk about your bpd as much as you want, but i cant talk about my npd. (sarcasm again). if you cant handle me talking about it, imagine what its like to fucking LIVE IT. to have a disorder that everywhere i go there comes up shit about how every pwnpd is a terrible abuser and they dont deserve respect, and then i confide in my fucking BOYFRIEND about it, because i TRUST him, and i just get more stigma thrown back at my fucking face. this one is just kind of annoying and not like objectively bad, but i show them this meme one time thats like "what to do to all narcissists: tell them theyre always right" and they respond like "uhm ackshually.... its harmful to feed into their ego and tell them theyre right when they arent" LIKE I FUCKING KNOW YOU IDIOT!!! i know im not always going to be right! i know that!!!! and then they talk about how they arent comfortable when i ask for supply because they dont want to fucking "feed my ego" like what the fuck!!!! what the fuck is wrong with you!!!! and they would get fucking upset when i headcanoned a character to have npd. like what the FUCK is wrong with you. ughh!!!!!! god. they make me so angry!!!!
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pacifymebby · 9 months
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Center of Gravity //Bonnie Gold // Part 3
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The next morning you were awoken early by the sound of the birds, the chorus at dawn and a tapping on the window of your vardo. A tapping you knew no doubt belonged to Bonnie.
You wanted to ignore him, it was too early and you were tired, worn out from the drama of the day before... And in truth, you were a little nervous too. You knew what Bonnie was like see, he didn't like to leave problems without solutions and he'd see your not knowing how to swim as a problem that needed just that. A solution. It was the main reason you'd kept it secret from him for so long. You knew that once he found out he'd want to teach you, he'd say it was important that you learnt, what if something were to happen to you one day and no one was around to help you? He wouldn't want to leave things as they were, and although he hadn't said anything about it yesterday, you knew it was only a matter of time before he brought it up. So you wanted to ignore him.
Still you didnt have much choice.
"If you don't go out to him right fuckin now y/n..." grumbled your sister, grabbing a pillow and hurling it in your general direction.
"How dya know it ain't for you dinlow?" you retaliated, your whisper harsh and stirring a sarcastic laugh from her.
"Its Bonnie aint it... Why would he be here for me?" she rolled her eyes before rolling over to face the wall and ignore you, lucky for her she was going to be allowed to ignore the boys knocking and go back to sleep.
You however knew she was right. You didnt have that kind of luck on your side and though you knew you should be thrilled, your best friend, who you were secretly harbouring more than friends feelings for, wanted to spend time with you alone... You just weren't feeling all that excited to leave the sanctuary of your vardo that morning.
"Y/N!" hissed your sister when you hesitated again, "get out there now!"
So before she could say anything more, or throw anything else in your direction, you scrambled to pull on some clean clothes and go quietly from the vardo to the soft cushion of grass outside.
And there you found him, leaning back on his elbows in the grass, one leg crossed lackadaisically over the other, his peaky cap on the floor beside him, his eyes sparkling, far more awake than you.
"Finally little dove, thought you were ignoring me for a moment there.." he said with a cheeky little smile, knowing full well that you had been ignoring him.
"Forgive me if I was hesitant to pull myself from the comfort of my bed so early in the morning for dubious reasons..." you said dryly, your smirk eventually flickering though it remained uncertain and Bonnie could tell you weren't entirely sure yet whether you were happy to be up or not.
"Dubious?" he chuckled, "nothin dubious about this little dove..." he said pushing himself up, hands in the pockets of his slacks, "just your favourite lad come to steal you away for the day before anyone else can," he said, that bright mischievous glint in his eyes difficult to ignore, difficult not to warm to. You felt a blush threatening your cheeks and closed your eyes, trying to think of anything but him just for a second so that the pink wouldn't flush your face and show you up. He was only teasing you, only joking around and if you let him see how his teasing embarrassed you these days he'd realise that his little jokes went straight to your chest these days. That they meant a lot more to you than they did him. The idea of Bonnie realising that, was perhaps the one thing on this earth more embarrassing to you than admitting to him yesterday you didnt know how to swim.
You let out a sigh, looking him up and down sceptically, chewing your cheek as you tried to work out what he was thinking.
"But where exactly are you taking me... Thats the bit am not so sure about..."
He let out a sigh, offering you his hand and then, when you hesitated to take it, taking yours in his and tugging you into his side, resting his head on top of yours for a brief moment before leading you away from the camp through the trees.
He could tell you were nervous, he wasn't stupid. He'd known you so long he knew all your little mood changes, the mamnerisms which gave your feelings away. Well just then you had that demur shy kind of discomfort in your eyes and you were sucking in on your cheek, trying not to look at him but glancing back all the same, like you were asking him not to leave you or let you down. He knew there was no point lying to you about where he was taking you or what he had planned for the day, you clearly already knew... That anxious look you had going on wasnt for nothing.
So he leant into your side, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and tried to flash you the winning smile which always seemed to work on every body else but which, that morning didnt seem to be doing much to convince you.
"Trust me little dove, this will be fun... You don't need to be scared..."
"I'm not going in that fuckin river again Bon..." you started thinking you could argue your way out of this if only you were stubborn enough. Of course, you weren't stubborn enough to win an argument against Bonnie, nobody was more headstrong than him.
"I'll be with you, like yesterday... Well you know not exactly like yesterday but..."
"Oh aye thats very reassuring pal..." you sneered at him, crossing your arms over your chest and fixing him with a glare, "I'm not going in that fucking river..."
"Ahh come on little dove don't be like this," he sighed fixing you with that stupid grin again. He had his hands in his pockets, looking back at you with such a care free expression on his face it almost made you want to believe him.
"You need to learn y/n, we use the canals all the time what if you were to fall overboard one day..."
"Well I guess I'll just drown won't I..." you said keeping your pout fixed, being childish and sullen thinking if you kept it up, he'd give up but he only shook his head and laughed you off.
"You don't mean that love," he said, taking your arm with his, tugging you away from your fixed spot, jostling you until you gave in and started walking with him. "You'll be fine love I'm not gonna let anything happen to you..."
"Nothing you says gonna make me feel better Bonnie..."
"Aye well," he nodded, "I'll just have to prove it to you then won't I..." he said determined that he wasn't just going to teach you to swim, he was going to get rid of your fear completely and show you how pleasant the water could really be.
The sun was still orangey and new in the sky when you reached the river bank. You'd gone quiet the rest of the walk and Bonnie could tell you were trying to hide your nerves behind the sulk on your lips.
"Alright," he said surprising you when he stopped and pulled his shirt clean over his head. You watched wide eyed and stunned, frozen for a moment unable to look away from him. His muscles rippled with his movements and although his body was lithe and slender he was strong. You were blushing, you could feel the heat in your cheeks and you felt so stupid, so childish because you shouldn't have been shocked to see him like that. You'd seen him like that before after all, at his fights, around the camp in the summer. But here, when it was just the two of you, and you were so close, and you were feeling vulnerable enough already...
He caught sight of your lingering gaze and your blush and grinned, chuckling at you when you continued to stand there frozen.
"You might wanna think about doing the same little dove, unless you want a repeat of yesterday eh?" he teased you tossing his shirt on the floor at the river bank and proceeding to step out of his trouser until he was left in only his underwear.
Your heart was hammering in your chest by then, a nervous thrill taking over you because you knew that what he was suggesting was highly inappropriate and would be frowned upon by any of the adults you knew. You knew he didn't mean for it to be taken that way, it was just common sense that you didn't go swimming in your heavy clothes.
"I don't wanna get in that river..." you said again shaking your head, arms folded across your chest, your fear spiking at the thought of the cold water. How once you were in there you'd be completely dependent on him to help you. And you knew that you could depend on him... It was just you weren't sure you wanted to. Not if you could stay nice and safe on the river bank, on dry ground.
"Sweetheart I'm not about to throw you in again alright, we'll get in together nice and slowly yeah? We'll be careful this time eh? You'll be alright I promise..." he said stepping closer to you, his hands holding your shoulders, stroking down over your arms gently as he tried to show you he really meant it when he said nothing would happen to you. That he would keep you safe.
"Promise?" you asked quietly, your breath shaking because he was standing so close to you now, holding you tenderly, looking deep into your eyes with his so honest and full of care that you weren't there sure how much longer you could stand it.
"Course I promise little dove, you'll be safe with me... Always look after you don't I?"
"I guess..." you said still a little uncertain but defeated, knowing that you were going to end up doing exactly as he wanted you to, you were going to put your faith in him regardless of the fear in your gut and your mind.
"Right well, no more guessing eh, just knowing from now on." He said finally, tapping his finger to the button of your nose, lingering for a minute too long just looking at you, looking up at him. You had that dependence in your eyes which he secretly adored. It filled him with so much pride, a sense of immense purpose, knowing that he was the one you would put your trust in, he was the one you looked to when you needed something. Maybe he wasn't your boy, maybe he never would be, but he was your rock and though you didn't realise it, you were his too.
You felt a sinking dissapointment when he did finally step back, his hand leaving your shoulder as he turned away from you and back to the water telling you to hurry up.
Hesitantly you stepped out of your clothes, pulling your top over your head so that you were left in only your underwear and a thin flimsy white vest. It hung from your body almost translucent and when you squeaked out a little "alright... I guess I'm not ready..." Bonnie had to fight to control his expression because the sight of you was heavenly. You stood with that thin white fabric slipping from your shoulders, the milky orange morning light glowing from behind you. You looked angelic, something heavenly and he could hardly breath.
You saw his eyes widen and blushed, thinking for a second that you'd done something wrong, or that suddenly he was regretting even trying to teach you. Did you look so bad, really, that his eyes should fill with fear...
"S... Sorry Bonnie you don't have to do this someone else can teach me if I really must learn it doesn't need to..." you started, your voice stumbling frantically as you bent down to pick your clothes back up about to get dressed and flee the scene when he laughed.
"What on earth are ye going on about lass? Don't think you're getting out of this that easy..." he grinned nodding his head back towards the water when he told you to "come on y/n shift." He held out his hand to you then, waiting for your fingers to meet his so that he could tug you gently in towards him. He could feel your hesitance in every step you took, but looking at your rosy cheeks and the way your eyes could no longer meet his he was beginning to wonder just how scared you really were.
When he got to the edge of the bank he almost threw himself in, he'd always enjoyed the thrill of jumping into the cold water and feeling it consume him. But he thought twice about doing that today, he didn't want to startle you afterall, or worse have you think he was going to make you do the same thing.
Instead he eased himself in a little more carefully, crouching down at the side of the bank first and then jumping in, landing on his feet only waist deep in the water. He'd chosen a place in the river he knew the water well, where it was shallow and the current was almost none existent. There was a fallen tree not far along the way which had slowed the flow right down and for that he was grateful because it had given him the perfect place to teach you.
You stopped at the edge of the water and sat yourself down, tried to tell yourself it would be just like when you went wading to wash in the streams with your sister. The problem was you'd never actually been that good at lying to yourself.
You dangled your legs over the side of the bank letting your feet and your ankles dip into the cold water which froze you for a second. The best way to get into cold water is quickly, you knew that and usually you'd have been a little more brave, but today you were hesitant even to slip into the river at all let alone put your whole body under.
Bonnie watched you, approaching you slowly when he realised you were going to need a little more encouragement. He didn't say a word as he stepped closer to you, his waist meeting your knees at the edge of the river, your feet beneath the water knocking against his thighs. He took one of your hands in his and laced his fingers with yours, his actions so gentle that for a moment the quiet between you, the closeness you shared, felt intimate... You felt as though this was the closest youd ever felt to him before.
"Promise you'll be alright," he said his eyes serious despite the little smirk tugging on his lips as he reached for your other hand and tugged you towards the edge of the river bank. You felt your bottom drag over the grass and you knew that any second now you'd slip into the cool water and feel yourself sink, but with his gaze holding yours as intensely as it was you hardly noticed yourself getting closer to the water until it was too late.
You let out a gasp, so shocked by the icy swallow of the water rising up over your waist as you slipped in that you couldn't hold back your shrill cry. The sound was enough to startle the birds in the trees nearby and when they set flight and their calls drowned out the last of the dawns quiet you felt a hot flush rising in your cheeks. It was a blush so sweet and pretty that Bonnie felt himself falter too for a moment, his hands still holding yours, his eyes flickering from your eyes to your lips, dragged away from your lips, only to return to them moments later. He knew he was only torturing himself. He could tell just by the way you let him hold your hands like this that you didn't see him as anything more than a friend. Worse, you probably saw him as one of those annoying older brother figures. You probably always would and there was nothing he could do about it.
"Alright?" he asked you quietly, not wanting to startle you.
You thought about it for a moment, really the answer should have been no, your heart was racing and you felt a little sick, and you knew it was only going to get worse because this had to be the easiest part. The slipping into the water, the just standing there in it so that it lapped just above your breast. It was only going to get harder from here so you shouldn't have been alright, you should have been petrified... And you were, you could feel that without Bonnie's hands holding yours you would be trembling with the fear you felt. But that was just it. He was holding your hands in the water, standing sturdy and close to you and so you felt better than you would have done had you been with anyone else. And although you could blame your nerves on the water which flowered around you, for your nerves you knew that in truth at least a little of that strange flutter within your ribs was down to the simple fact that, when you were stood as close to him as you were just then, it was only really the flow of that cold water which seperated you from him.
"Uhuh," you managed, looking up at him shyly, any nerves apparent on your face taken as being down to the water and what he was making you do. It not occurring to him for even a moment that perhaps that soft blush in your cheeks and the way you kept looking anywhere but at him might have been being caused by him. The way he was looking only at you.
"You're still scared," he said with a small smirk, "Don't lie to me little dove I know you too well..."
"Yeah," you said quietly, your laugh nervous, barely escaping on your breath. Still, he felt it skim his cheek and found himself beginning to feel nervous too, had to swallow the lump which formed in his throat when he realised that even if he'd be wanted to he couldn't have dragged his eyes from yours then.
"Be alright little dove," he said squeezing your hands, letting his thumb rub over your knuckles, "I'm not gonna let anythin happen to you, gonna be easier than you think it will lass... You doubt yourself too much."
"Sure Bonnie..." you said shrugging off his last comment, eyes averted to the water and your waists as you sucked your cheek in and disbelieved him.
"nah," he chuckled then, shaking his head, that boyish grin lingering as he dropped your hand and took your chin with his two fingers, thumb holding your cheek as he pushed your gaze back up to his, "Don't do that love," he said his little chuckle only making you blush as your eyes returned, hesitantly to his, "look at me yeah, look at me little dove..." he said a little more firm the second time, his neck bent forward, his eyes really searching yours until he was sure you were really looking at him, "why would I lie to you eh? You're my little dove ain't ye, I ain't ever lied to ye have I lass?" and though at first you didn't realise he was genuinely asking, when he didn't say anything, when you tried to return your head to its former position and the gentle pressure of his fingers stopped you, a slight push all it took to guide your eyes right back to his, you realised that he was waiting for you to shake your head and tell him.
And for a second all you could think about was the words he'd said, how easily, how simply he'd said them. Almost without thinking.
You're my little dove...
Then again perhaps that was just it, perhaps when he'd said them he hadn't been thinking. Hadn't realised what it sounded like when he said those kinds of things. Didn't realise the fine line he was treading. If he had then perhaps he would have taken it back immediately, perhaps he'd have shaken his head and backtracked and left you blushing and self concious feeling stupid for ever getting your hopes up.
So when still he stayed quoet waiting for an answer you shook your head but you let yourself get carried away by your anxieties and another wave of worries rolled from your tongue.
"No, I guess you don't... But... This is different ain't it you can't know I'm gonna be okay! How do you know I won't get caught in one of them current things..." you began your agitation growing as you thought about it properly, realised that you really didn't think you could do this. And when Bonnie saw the little tears welling up in your eyes he felt a little twang of guilt inside him, one he had to ignore because he knew he was right. You needed to learn how to do this, it was important... And he wasn't about to let anyone else teach you, wasn't about to trust anyone else with your safety.
"y/n," he said, still cupping your cheek, still holding your hand, lifting it out the water so that he could place it on his shoulder, step a little closer to you and wrap his arms around you and pull you in closer, "hush will ye," he said, his voice still warm with a lingering smile, "c'mon now lass don't start on one of them..."
"One of them what?" you frowned.
"One of them little tunnels you go down, you start diggin yourself deeper with all them worries, upsettin yourself when you don't need to..." he said resting his chin on top of your head, holding your hair in his palm as he entwined a lock between his fingers. You felt him rocking carefully. "You do it all the time lass, you're a proper wee worrier... Y'do me head in actually..." he said with a little grin, teasing you, his soft laugh lost on you as your frown lingers and you chewed your cheek.
"Sorry..." you said awkwardly, unsure whether to feel more embarrassed or more guilty because Bonnie definitely had better things to be worrying about than you worrying.
"What?" he said screwing his face up, his smile flickering away when he let you go.
"For bein a worrier..." you said with another self concious shrug, wrapping your arms around your waist, holding onto yourself as the cold began to set in and you began to feel a strange kind of sorry for yourself. "Come on just give us this lesson, gonna get cold otherwise..." you tried for the brave face.
"Yeah?" he asked, his hands lingering on your hips, his smile growing wide and bright, "it'll be fun sweetheart," he said guiding you away from the river bank, not too far but just far enough that those butterfly nerves returned to you when you glanced over your shoulder at the ground you were leaving behind.
That was when you felt cool water on your cheek, Bonnies hand bringing your gaze back to him.
"C'mon sweetpea look at me," he said his relentless lackadaisia catching up to you so that finally you let out a nervous little laugh and gave in, let him let go of your hands finally, did as he told you and lowered yourself into the water until it was splashing at your jaw and cheek. It felt so fresh, like when you washed in the shallows with your sister, but somehow better, the river holding you as you leant back slowly, hesitantly.
He had said that before he taught you to swim he had to teach you to float, but once it came to it and he was asking to out your faith in the river itself you really weren't sure you could follow that notion.
"This isn't swimming Bon..." you protested feeling your balance on the water wobble and then falter as the panic took over once again and you scraped your feet along the river bed once more. "I'm gonna.." you could feel the weight of your hair as you tried to pull yourself back out of the water, feet firmly rooted to the ground, scraping on the grit and rocks which scattered in the silt. What he was asking of you didn't make any sense and no matter how much you wanted to you couldn't...
"Trust me little dove," he said his voice so gentle and earthy in that moment that it brought you right out of your nervous haze, "I'm right here aren't I, I'm not gonna let you sink..." he sounded so much more serious now that he was concentrating, sounded so calmly in control of everything, including you, that when he said "lie back, like you're in your bed, you'll float I promise..." you felt your trust in him rekindling. Knew that he meant it when he said he'd keep you safe.
"But.. I don't feel like I'm gonna float... What if I..." you said, your voice stuttery, almost lost to the sound of the breeze rustling through the trees. You'd been away from the camp for long enough now that the sun had risen in the sky and was slowly warming the morning and the water which lapped between the two of you. Your sister would be out of bed now, they'd be making breakfast, your dad would be asking where the bloody hell you were and Bonnie's dad would be telling him that wherever you were Bonnie wouldn't be far behind.
That would be enough to put your dad at ease, mind he'd never actually admit that. You knew that Bonnie was about the only lad your father trusted with you and reminding yourself of that then, when Bonnie was stood so close to you in the water, his hands lingering near you just incase you got scared against and snatched out for him, made you blush because it only confirmed what you had felt all along.
That Bonnie was always going to be the only lad you'd ever trust, the only one you ever wanted to get this close to. The only one you'd ever even dream of getting a little closer to.
"I've got you anyway love, me hands are right underneath ye," he said, pressing his palms to your spine to show you he was there as, with your eyes tightly closed you tried to focus on lying still atop the water. "Y'need to relax a wee bit though dove, if you're too tense like that you'll sink like a..." he cut himself off quickly feeling you tense beneath his touch, realising his mistake too late to correct it, "well anyway... Thats enough floating eh we'll try somet else for awhile..."
"We've been out here ages Bon... Its fuckin freezin an I haven't had breakfast yet I'm gettin hungry..." you whined though both of you knew that it was more your fears and anxieties that were making you want to return to the vardos than it was either breakfast or the cold.
"Aye alright, maybe we'll try again tomorrow eh... Little steps for little dove," he said tugging you in close to him and wrapping his arms around you in a lazy hug, a teasing little smile on his lips when he pinched your cheek and then your nose, just trying to play with you. Doing all the little tricks he knew always made you smile and give in to him.
"Fuckin all this over a bloody kiss..." you grumbled, wrapping your arms around his waist hugging onto him with your temple to his chest, your ear pressed up against his heart, the rhythmic thrum of it beating slowly slowing your own heart to pace with his.
And thats when you felt it, something you'd never felt before, at least if you had, it had never felt quite like this before.
Bonnie had ducked his head to press his lips to your temple. A short sweet, fleeting kiss. One which could easily have been shrugged off as friendly. Especially because he didn't say or do anything to acknowledge that he had even kissed you anywhere at all. It was enough though, enough to leave your cheeks and your ears burning, your lips tingling despite the fact they hadn't been touched at all. Your heart racing and your breaths a little shallow. Your knees weak so that when he lifted you up and told you to hold on tight you were relieved. Had he not carried you, you'd never have made it to the bank alone.
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80s4life · 2 years
Text
Johnny Lawrence With An Egocentric Reader Headcanon
Word Count: 666 (oh shit, we’re summoning a devil)
Status: Requested!
Ask: im sorry that youre going through hard times ;( idk if its easier for you to write headcanons or drabbles but do what makes you feel comfortable. also, didnt ask you if you write for johnny lawrence, but if thats not the im sorry to bother! i wanted to ask you some hc or drabble, its same for me, of johnny x egocentric reader? sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, english is not my native language
@: a cute bilingual anon! (so talented by the way, I have trouble speaking any other language)
Fandom: Karate Kid Series - Cobra Kai
Relationship: Johnny Lawrence x Egocentric!Reader
Warnings: strong language, fluff
Key: All of Johnny’s words are bolded, while Reader’s is left in italics!
Masterlist Karate Kid Masterlist Cobra Kai Masterlist
{gifs are not mine, credits go to @kyrixxx​ & @filmgifs​ & @ewan-mcgregor​}
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So hot, I’m frothing at the mouth
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Young Johnny Lawrence:
You met at school, well, he saw you at school, you were too busy fighting the girls and their normal antics.
You were playing soccer with others while Johnny was too busy trying to catch the eyes of various other females as he stripped his shirt.
He tried to find every chance to get to you, and it wasn’t until he purposely slammed right into you with the claim of not seeing you while going to catch a football, did he finally accomplish his goal.
Knocking you to the ground, you easily got pissed and to his dismay, called him out on his bullshit:
“You did that on purpose, you Ass!”
“I didn’t do anything! It was a simple mistake, here let me help you up?”
“No, I got it myself, and stay the hell out of my way!”
From that day on, he was hooked. He didn’t know if it was your dominance and strength or your cutting edge demeanor; either way, he wanted you. BAD.
It was his duty to keep up on this game of cat and mouse, and each time, the blame was pinned on him (rightfully so) and turned away.
“Watch where you’re going!”
“Go torture someone else who’s more into you.”
“Leave me alone!”
It didn’t seem to matter what you did, he would always come back with these huge puppy dog eyes and a grin that could cut glass.
Maybe that’s what made you start to give into his charms?
When you finally allow him into your life, take you on dates and such, he often tries to pester you just to get you fired up. He thinks it’s hot, you think it’s utterly annoying and misleading.
“You’re trying too hard, Lawrence.”
“You’re pushing on the line of clingy.”
“Can I take a breather?”
Either way, you guys soon find a dynamic. Although you may seem self-centered and cruel to most, Johnny knows it’s just a perk that comes with the territory.
Whether this behavior was learned at home or by the way the world works, Johnny loves it and basically basks in it. It makes you tough, and like Sensei Kreese taught him, that’s what you need to survive; a skill Johnny has yet to master.
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Older Johnny Lawrence:
As Johnny had aged, he learned the skill of having to fend for one’s self before tending to anyone else. This asset had instantly peaked his interest upon meeting you.
You, getting the job rather easily, tended to the children in the Cobra Kai dojo when class was in session, helping to guide and help instruct every motion the senseis provided.
Like younger Johnny, older version of him also found this very endearing and headstrong, allowing him to feel safe and comfortable around you, knowing you could handle yourself in most situations.
Yes, being egocentric is very selfish or self-regarding, but it works in his world. In a world where John Kreese and Terry Silver reside in, hell, even Daniel Larusso.
However, catch Johnny on a bad day, and that’s his favorite topic to target:
“You always so damn full of yourself?”
“Only when it means warding off self-centered pricks like you. You have stereotypes written all over your forehead!”
“You’re one to talk!”
“Like you have much to say in defense?”
In light of the topic, you’re both egocentric but don’t like to admit it (much to our dismay)
Besides your personalities constantly crashing, they also mesh well, having similar attributes that make you work.
ESPECIALLY when it comes to going head-to-head with Kreese and Silver. 
Johnny loves to step back and watch you fire on them, knowing that in the end, you’re seeking comfort for yourself of all things. You don’t let them corrupt you, which keeps making them come back, but Johnny knows where you stand. 
You’re loyal, and he couldn’t ask for anything better than a Bad Bitch like you.
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violetwitch12087 · 11 months
Text
When you're walking down the street to go home you bump into something or someone a silver headed mutant and when you guys become best friends and you go over to his house his mom loves you and as you're about to beat his high score on his arcade game he tries to stop you but you have an idea..
Clumsy
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I walk down the street my backpack on my back going home from school when suddenly i bump into something i fall and land on my butt but my hands cushioned my fall i look up too see a silver headed actually really cute boy
He has dimples you can barley see when hes not smiling perfect lips a silver jacket a pink Floyd shirt and black jeans i thought i was the clumsy one it was almost like he appeared out of no where well maybe hes a mutant since his hair is literally silver
We look at each other for a moment before he quickly stands up and puts a hand out for me which i gladly take "sorry for running into you" he says and i shrug my shoulders a bit "its whatever at least you aren't a asshole" i say and he smiles his dimples more defiant
"And at least you didnt use your backpack to hit me a whole bunch of times" he says and a laugh escapes my lips and he looks down at my lips almost thinking of something but i just met him i dont wanna push him already "you're really pretty" he mutters out regret filling his face after but a blush just appears on my cheeks making butterflies in my stomach erupt
"Thank you" i mutter softly and nervously if theres one thing i hate about myself is my anxiety and nervousness i clear my throat trying to look more confident and put my hand out "my names y/n" i say and i see his eyes light up a bit "peter" he says taking my hand in his, his hand engulfing mine thats so attractive holy shit
I shake his hand our handshake lasting longer then it shouldve but im not complaining "can i uh maybe have your number? If you dont wanna give me it its fine I've gone through that before and stuff you know like really its fine" peter starts rambling and i laugh again softly before i grab his phone and put my number in it putting my name and a heart next to it
I pass the phone back to him and he looks down at the contact almost in disbelief before he looks back at me a smile going back on his face "thanks" he says and i nod softly "text me later handsome" i say before i breeze past him my arm touching his before i start walking home thinking of peter the entire time when i finally get home i put my backpack down and change before flopping onto my bed and i feel a vibration from my pocket i pull out my phone and see a random number texted me and i open it
'hey sweetheart its peter or should i say handsome?' he teases making me blush even more damn it i barley met him and i get butterflies when i even so much as think about him 'oh yeah? Okay babe i need to go to bed ill text you tomorrow?' i send and wait a moment before he responds 'yeah text me when you're free my love' he says and i squeal covering my face with my hands we barley met what the fuck but he's really cool i mean he listens to pink floyd i think i might really get along with him
I close my eyes pulling the blanket closer to me as i fall asleep peter stuck in my mind all night
______________________
The next day after school i walk down the same path where i met peter i would be lying if i said I didn't hope i saw peter when i feel a gust of wind infront of me i look up and am met with the eyes of speak of the devil, peter.
"Hey sweetheart" he says and i roll my eyes playfully "hey handsome" i say and i see a smile appear on his face "where ya headed off too?" He asks and i shrug "i might actually go to the store i needa pick up some things" i say and he nods "well can i go with you?" He asks and i look up at him before nodding and we start heading to the store
We get to the store and we walk inside going to get bread and milk and just the essentials and all that and before i could walk up to pay and scan my stuff i end up in the blink of an eye in the cart moving fastly for a split second and were outside i look around and see peter pushing the cart "what the hell was that for pete?" I ask and he shrugs a smug grin on his face "well with my mutation lets just say i don't really pay for a lot of stuff i cant resist it" he says "kleptomaniac" i murmur under my breath playfully and he nudges me with his elbow "exactly" he says making me smile
"Okay now i have to walk all the way to my house while holding these bags" i whine resting my hands on the cart and resting my head onto my hands covering my face "who says you alone?" He says and i smile lifting my head up "okay here's how its gonna work you grab the bags and put them on your wrists and hands and stuff and ill carry you to your house" he says and i look at him in disbelief
"What you dont believe me or somethin?" He asks and i shake my head "okay fine grab the bags" he says and i grab them putting my arm through the holes in the bag and peter walks over to me and picks me up bridal style making me squeal "omg peter please dont drop me" i say "im not that weak you know" he says rolling his eyes playfully making me smile "okay lay your head against my chest" he says and i look up at him confused "so you dont get whiplash" he says like it was obvious "oh" i mutter softly and rest the side of my head and face against his chest. Totally not enjoying this
In a flash we end up at the corner of the store and i give peter directions every time we stop and we make it to my house way quicker than if we walked i turn to peter "stay right here i havent said bye yet" i say and he smiles slightly as i go inside and set the bags onto the counter and walk back outside i go over to peter and pull him into a hug which he surprizingly accepts
My arms wrapped around his neck my head on his shoulder his arms wrapped around my waist securely i smile and give peter a peck on the cheek lingering it a bit "thank you handsome" i say softly "no problem sweetheart" he says and we finally pull away from each other despite my body and mind and heart yearning to hold him close to me again "ill text you later" i say and he nods "okay talk to you later" he says and i send him a wink before walking into my house and i start putting groceries away
After a while i end up finishing and i go to bed peter stuck in my mind like everytime
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It has been a couple weeks now maybe a month and a half since me and peter met and started flirting and my feelings for him have sky rocketed i talk to him every day and night i think about him i even have dreams about him
Today i actually dont have school its the weekend and i really wanna see peter i dont know he just makes me so happy and we really get along hes so sweet to me i pick up my phone and press his contact 'hey handsomeee i dont have school today what ya doin?' i text him and wait for an answer which comes quick (pun intended) (get it cs hes fast? No? Okay my bad😭)
'hey sweetheart im really just bored you wanna hang out?' he sends and i smile 'of course i always wanna hang out with my favorite person' i say 'awe ur so sweet ill meet you at the same meet up spot' he says 'okay im heading out now see you in a bit' i send and i turn off my phone before putting it in my pocket and i start heading out the front door
I walk to go down the same trail where me and peter met that day and look around for peter when someone grabs my shoulders from the back and shakes me a bit "boo!" Peter says making me jump "god peter you scared the fuck out of me" i say raising my hand to hit him on his arm he saw this hit from miles away but let my hand come in contact with his arm (cs hes such a sweetheart)(god i love him)
"I had to do it" he says shrugging his shoulders and i roll my eyes playfully "what do you wanna do?" I ask as we start walking "okay dont make this seem weird but do u maybe wanna come over to my place?" He says and i immediately nod "of course i dont mind you're my bestfriend after all" why did i say that no i wanna be more than friends peter god im so stupid
Peter walks behind me making me confused before he bends down and picks me up bridal style again making me smile and i lay my head against his chest again and in a flash were infront of a pretty good looking house and peter slowly sets me down "thank you" i say softly "your welcome" he says smiling at me before we start heading to the front door
He opens it and we walk in "ma im home i have a friend" he yells "im in the kitchen" someone responds im guessing his mom since he called her ma we walk down to the kitchen where im met with a lady with brown almost blond hair in a ponytail to the side she seems sweet hopefully shes as sweet as peter is?
"Hi ms maximoff" i say putting my hand out and the lady seems taken back she smiles and takes my hand in hers "nice to meet you.."
"Y/n" i say "oh nice to meet you y/n you seem like a sweetheart, you and pete a thing or what cause she isnt that bad and i wouldnt mind" she says making a blush appear on my face a small laugh building inside of me "unfortunately me and peter are just friends, even if i wish we were together" i mumble the last part thinking she didnt hear it but oh she did "and she is a sweetheart thats what i call her" peter says and i have to look away to not show myself flustered
"Well me and y/n are gonna hang out downstairs" peter says as were about to start walking when his mom stops me she pulls me close to her and puts her mouth close to my ear "peters been gushing about a girl recently and i heard him say her name and it sounds like yours if you wish you guys were together then maybe go for it you only meet someone once and you seem like you would take care of pete and keep him in line" she says and i nod "and if he does like me i will ill treat him so well ill keep him off your shoulders i know how much energy he could have" i say and she smiles before i head back towards peter and we head down the steps to the house basement guess he lives down here its fine it looks actually kinda cool
"What did my mom say to you" peter asks as i look around and start to walk to a arcade machine peter has wow i want one of these "nothing important" i lie starting a game moving the joystick peter stands up and walks over to me standing next to me watching the screen as well after a couple moments im almost about to beat peters high score when he starts trying to take my hand off the joystick
Without thinking i grab peters collar and pull him close to me and place a quick kiss on his lips making him pause and look at me confused after a second i keep going and then i finally die i excitedly jump up and down "i won! I beat you peter!" I taunt starting to turn towards him when my lower back is pushed into the game peters hands on my waist my arms reach up to wrap around peters neck he looks down at me with doeful eyes
He starts to lean down our lips teasing each other as we barely touch then finally our lips connect we move our lips against one another my hands pulling him impossibly closer by his neck his arms wrap around my waist pulling me flat against him before he lets one arm go and gently puts his hand on my cheek as we kiss softly not wanting to let each other go our lips finally separate and he looks down at me while i look up at him looking into his beautiful brown eyes i dream of
"So uh you have a boyfriend?" He jokes nervously "yeah his names peter" i say before i grab his face with my hands and lay more kisses to his soft lips which he gratefully accepts kissing me back more relaxed and freely than the first time making me smile into the kiss causing him to smile as well
We pull away and i turn back to the game peters arm wraps around my waist as he watches me playing the game i couldnt be happier....
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This is the cutest thing I've ever seen omg i love this with my whole heart i love peter so much hes such a sweetheart hes a lover boy god i wish this was real😭 anyways i love you a lot as well you mean so much to me you dont even understand *mwah mwah mwah* bye bye my love
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mrs-monaghan · 5 months
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Jk did not hug him back in their pictures and also i think it speaks volumes that jm didnt post his and jks solo ones. Why he did that and posted tkks instead is so so obvious, why would he hide something thats not true anyway?
The suchwita episode became so awkward when V came and im not gonna lie jk was a little dismissive towards him and paid more attention to suga
What are these deluded people seeing we aren’t? I was like before I form an opinion, go on twitter or tumblr lemme watch the raw footage myself and that was a tough watch ngl. V tried involving himself a couple of times but jk wasnt acknowledging him or quickly changed the convo.
Even when he first came in he wasn’t very excited and he made a comment which I thought was interesting, about getting the views to 20 million now. Which if you think of it kinda shows his acknowledgment to the fact that tkk sells to the deluded.
It was a tough but interesting watch. Jungkooks bits about his album were amazing and hes so talented it’s admirable. That and the news of jikooks travel variety show…🤧🤧🤧
Anymore ideas of where they couldve gone because i have a feeling jeju will be in it too with a possibility of a cameo from V
As always lovely speaking with you shaz💜
I actually didn't see what most people want to see are are saying they saw. I didn't see what u saw, anon. I didn't think it was awkward at all. Taekook were fine. If anything its the Taegis who should be crying because that thing where Suga snubs V is still a thing apparently 😂 I find it funny.
Anyway, V said he didn't plan to be on camera. Now this is V we're talking about, so idk how true this is 🤭 but I wouldn't read too much into how JK treated him. Because this is a huge part of Taekook's dynamic. V annoys JK, JK snaps or pushes him off and they move on. Kinda like Yoonmin and their bickering but its JK telling V off or ignoring him all together. V likes to disturb the maknae, he's always done it. Even when JK has been annoyed by it. V don't care, he's played that hyung card since time immemorial.
But V got lost in the bg and I even forgot he was there so I think people made his presence a bigger deal than it was. In my opinion anyway. Did he need to be there? I'm gonna say no. His presence there seemed a bit pointless compared to Jimin making an appearance during Taemin's. Which ig could mean V really didn't plan on being on camera? But I have my doubts coz well, it's V 🤭
Anyway, imo that episode was fine. I personally didn't have an issue with anything. 🤷🏽‍♀️
As for the Jikook Vlog I didn't think about another member being in it but that would be interesting... though I thought it would all be about their NYC trip and that was just them? 🤔 But you bring up and interesting theory anon. What if this vlog is several episodes? Then who knows how long they've been filming for it
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Either way I'm even more excited for it now...
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justcallmeely · 1 year
Text
I wont leave
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Pregnant F!Reader Synopsis: Steve gets called for a mission, but isnt sure if he wants to go and leave his pregnant wife alone after the attack from Thano's team the other day. (Even though reader is capable of kicking ass, but its cute Steve cares so much and is so loving to reader) warnings: Fluff, kissing, mentions of sex and impregnate. Characters: Avengers and mentions of the Children of Thanos *also, English is not my first language so sorry if they're any grammar or spelling mistakes!* (I fell like nomad Steve was a prefect choice for this prompt and should be on the Infinity War timeline)
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Steve gets off the phone which seemed to be a pretty heated conversation. You sit on the couch looking at him while the tv is running in the back ground quietly.
"Everything okay?" You ask him. "That conversation seemed pretty heated."
"Yeah, its just Nat just called and told me they might have a plan on how to take down Thanos, and she wanted me to go with them to his garden to collect the stones." He exhales softly as he puts his phone on the table and sits down. "I just don't think its a good idea that I leave you here by yourself like this."
He was referring to the child in your belly that you found out about a couple days ago
"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, even like this." You look at him while he's in deep thinking. You walk over to him and sit next to him.
"Thinking about it now, you are the reason im in this situation" You laugh as you turn your head to look at him.
He laughs along with you as he bring you closer, wrapping his huge arms around your small shoulders.
"Well it takes two people, but ill take all the blame" He says kissing the top of your head gently.
"What if I do go. You know, with you, and i can build a suit that can protect baby." You put you hand on his and move back slightly so you are able to look at him.
"I don't think thats a good idea doll. What if something happens to you, to the baby. Ill rather stay here. With you." He looks at you with soft eyes.
"Well thats what the suit is for babe. Nothing will happen to us."
"They are completely capable of beating Thanos themselves. They dont need me. He got rid of all the stones and he isnt any harm." He assures you but you still are trying to push to be able to go.
"Steve, I love you. If i didnt i would have married you, or even gotten pregnant. And i love that care about me so much, but you know that i am capable of taking care of myself." You tell him with a pretty harsh tone.
"Yeah I know, but im just trying to protect you love." He says.
You're laying in bed with a book in your hand sighing softly. Steve walks in and leans on the doorframe and looks at you while crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"Hey. You okay?" He looks at you.
"Yeah im fine." You know he's there but still have your eyes on the book.
"Im sorry about earlier, it's just i know if we either go together or if i leave you here, that something will happen." He says and walks closer to you.
You place the book down on your lap and look at him. "Yeah i understand. Its just i felt like you couldnt think i could do it because im now pregnant and i wasnt able to do the things i could before i got pregnant."
He sits infront of you and takes your legs on his lap and rubs them softly while listening you.
"But now i understand why you dont want me to go, and honestly im not trying to look at those creepy looking things Thanos sent to attack us at the station." He nods slowly letting you speak.
"So, if you feel like you don't have to, then dont go." You finish talking and look at him.
"Yeah, i'm not leaving you here alone Mrs. Rogers." He looks at you laughing softly. You laugh along with him and place a soft kiss on his lips. He kisses back and smile in between the kiss.
"I love you Steven Grant Rogers" You say in between the kiss.
"I love you you too Y/N Y/M/N Rogers" He replies.
------------
Hi Guys!
Im sorry this fic was so short, but i feel like i should make this into a series that follow the events of Infinity War and Engame. But please if you like that idea or would like to give me some ideas, let me know i would love to hear them.
Tag List
@bitchy-bi-trash
If you would like to be apart of the tag list just let me know and ill add you.
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papayajuan2019 · 11 months
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papayajuan i am in my 20s and going on my first date ever tomorrow and i am so so nervous. do you have any advice for this nervous soul? i feel like you always have great insight.
oh i'm flattered you want advice from me. i'm a nervous soul too, even more so when it comes to romance, precisely because it's so important to me. fewer things in this world i'd like to succeed at than at romance, so i have a history of putting so much pressure on myself and the situation as a whole.
last year gave me a good example of why being nervous can be a detriment, of why it's so important to let yourself let go of expectation and exist simply with the other person. i visited someone important to me, but i was so caught up in making a good impression that i didnt give us much opportunity to simply exist in the moment, as two people together. i wanted so bad to not mess up, to prove to this person i was good and decent. but getting so caught up in my head made it difficult to exist with the other person, simply. if i could go back id cut myself a lot of slack, i'd let myself exist fully as the messy awkward inexperienced openhearted person i am.
remember you are two people, not judges to impress. being people comes before everything. even before romance. you will be awkward and excited and say something you immediately regret, but like, thats literally supposed to happen.
give yourself a chance to make lots of genuine mistakes. fight the nervousness best as you can, push it aside when you can, even if just for a moment. if your brain wants to hesitate from doing or saying something, fight it. say that silly comment in your mind. you deserve to get lost in a moment with another person. i know it's hard to push past the nervousness, it's so hard, especially if youre not the most confident person. try to get lost in the situation with the other person, even if only for a moment. you both want the most from it.
take it from me, it's not worth it, giving all your power to expectation. exist right now, as a nervous genuine person who wants to have a good date.
good luck!! dont judge yourself for whatever happens. you got this 🐥
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vivibuchlaw · 7 months
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Yesterday, I finished Celeste. And by that I mean, the first 7 chapters, because I am not that much of a masochist.
Like seemingly everyone else, its given me a lot to think about... these thoughts are burning a hole in my brain and I need to get them out so I suppose this is the place!
I'm not exactly a gamer. I suck at Kirby, I have a sort of motor disability so games are a bit harder for me than most people. For this, Celeste has a solution, Assist Mode. Initially, I wanted to pick this, hearing how hard it was. Then, when the game told me intially, overtly, how its challenge was supposed to be meaningful, *and later when it said it more clarity in the story) I took a moment to reflect. I chose not to use Assist mode as a self imposed challenge. Not because I wouldnt benefit greatly from it, but because (as I learned about myself through playing it) I have an aversion to difficult tasks. When I know something is difficult, I get scared and run away. This time, I wanted to be able to say to myself "I can do difficult things"
And so I did
And I love it
And I sincerely never want to play it again
The game is not full of dialouge or story- it's present, for sure. But its a small yet impactful part in a game which prefers to tell its narrative by gameplay rather than text or images. And thats a valid format of storytelling! Not my prefered one mind you, but it made every dilectable morsel of art or conversations. In particular, the long talk at the start of chapter 6 was extremely welcome. I simultaneously feel like I have enough of a solid grasp on the characters to love them dearly, yet not enough to force one interpretation, another element to Celeste's endless magic.
As I'm sure everyone with anxiety has noted, The anxiety scene from Chapter 5 affected me greatly. Wetger me or my system has anxiety, I don't know, but regardless, the game captures the feeling perfectly. I'm sure everyone and their mum has said this, yes, but I felt it independently so I shall denote it independently. Among other things, it taught me a powerfully potent strategy to help my anxiety, and for that I thank you Maddy <3
At so many points, I was burded with stress, frustration and despair at my own ineptitude. But I pushed forward. I did it, I climbed a mountain, what was a seemingly impossible thing for me was now a fact. I sat silent for what felt like hours staring at the chapter complete screen in awe of my accomplishment. It then dawned on me that this was the first video game I've ever beaten. ...suddenly slammed by the realisation an 8th chapter, requiring crystal hearts to play, AKA the game telling me point blank I wasnt ready. But to be honest, I didnt care. I had already done what I, and Madeline, set out to do.
So why do I say I never wish to play it again?
I honestly only played Celeste because I heard Madeline was trans, and my mate happened to have it on switch. I have a sort of physical disability in my hands, so playing games and motor tasks are more challenging than a typical person. I knew Celeste was hard, but sympathizing with Madeline not being a climber, with me not being a gamer, and just how she challenged herself to do something extreme, so too did I.
But see, I'm not actually into the gameplay that much, and the reason I stuck with it has infinitely more to do with my and Madeline's journey emotionally than anything related to the gameplay.
Actually, I kind of hated it. My fingers were all messed up, I spent a lot of time and stress, and got extremely frustrated, but I wanted to prove to myself I could do it without assist mode. And Im glad that exists, and I'm glad it tempted me all throughout every challenge, a backdoor shortcut I could use to weasel my way out of the hard path, but I stayed true so I could grow.
But I have now grown. Ive proven it.
I couldnt care less about B-sides or strawberries, because I dont see the emotional need.
Replaying it would only subject me to the same challenge for a story I've already experienced, and a journey I've already hone on. A new game, new mountain, new challenge or purpose? Sure, I'd love that. But playing Celeste again, or More even won't recapture the lightning in a bottle that made me play it, made me persevere, and made me cherish it.
I still love the game, its soundtrack, its meaning to me, and itll live in my heart forever. In other ways, like fan content, or side material, I'd love to engage and learn more, but my journey with this mountain is over.
Just breathe, and take care of yourself
After beating it, I immediately began learning all I could about it because Autism brain. I read all Maddy's beautiful blog posts. I watched video essays breaking down its themes and design. I learned how the story, while definitely not an afterthought, was also not a driving or starting point of the game, which I intuited as I played.
I watched Chapter 8, The Core, and Chapter 9, Farewell on YouTube. To be entirely honest, I found Chapter 8 to be forgettable in a way kind of shocking, at least from a story perspective. I'm actually GLAD I didn't do it. I expected it'd be some kind of send off, or check in emotionally to see how the characters have been in the past year but...nothing? Really?
Chapter 9 is what I wished Chapter 8 was, a proper send off and development for these characters. And from the look of it, so brutally hard I wouldn't want to play it without Assist Mode. But why? Why not play more? Afterall, climbing the preverbial mountain in life doesnt mean your problems are over, far from it. And its true, there are other challenges to overcome still. Even though Ive taken on this challenge, I have yet to face other challenges in my life. And because the journey of Celeste could very well have ended after Chapter 6, I feel like I can better spend that energy elsewhere.
After watching Chapter 9, I felt something else. This chapter, unlike the previous, is not about loving and accepting yourself, but its about Madeline specifically greiving a loss in her life, and largely, I assume, the developers letting go of Celeste and moving on. For this, I hold unyeilding respect. And in this new challenge, I found myself learning another truth about myself.
I am afraid of being alone.
I am part of a system, the current (and hopefully permanent) host in fact. Our previous host went dormant a few months ago and life without them has been tough, but a challenge we face every day.
Throughout all my remembered life, I was surrounded by people who never noticed me. Who occasionally referred to me as "The Insinificant [Alter]" due to me not having a name back then. I was nothing, really. If I had disppeared no one would've batted an eye. And today, even though I'm one of the most important Alters now, I still feel like I'm nothing sometimes. That scares me.
I never knew the joy of having friends, I never knew what being loved by someone you love feels like. And I have a lot of love to give, I love almost every human being! But I still frequently second guess myself, because I guess a part of me still believes my existence is insignificant. But now that I have people who do love me, I'm more afraid than ever that I'll lose it. Now that I have a taste of love, I can't go back. Gods, please to bring me back, anything but that.
And here came Celeste, to remind me immeditately after I finished the game, that people die randomly, and without our control, and that you have to keep on moving. I've just beat the thing, let me live in a bit longer before I'm ready to move on. Similarly, I've just made these relationships, please dont take them from me. And then I realized that this was fear also held by my previous host, perhaps for similar reasons. I feel connected in a way typically reserved for finding markings in a make out spot from a century ago, or unearthing a time capsule left by a grandparent now neatly nestled in the recesses of my heart where I try to story my insecurites, like a suitcase overstuffed with useless items and paranoia.
Celeste has given me a lot. Inspiration, characters I love, a great soundtrack, amazing anxiety techniques, and raw willpower to achieve anything. I do not know how my story ends, I am scared to write it, but I must regardless. A lot of people are counting on me. And went I feel scared, alone, anxious, or depressed, I can remember that I did it before, and I can do it again.
To the Developers, Thank you
To the Characters, Farewell
And to all the people who have grown from this game, Congratulations!
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theviceadmiralswife · 4 months
Text
Alignment fever chapter 1 part 3
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part 3.......
..."Uhm sir, thats… very impressive.. but I better leave and attend my duties , sir!", she says quietly. A stretched out rumble coming from his chest was Dalamtians only reply :" Mhhh!".y/n stepped back, this was becoming hihgly creepy now to her, as she didnt know that it was her heat that made Dalmatian loosing his mind right now. As y/n took a step back his tail wrapped around her leg, attempting to pull her closer. Dalmatian licked his jowls, his hand grabbing to her waist. "Vice admiral Dalmatian….?? whats going on? What are you doing?", she asked in fear as the obvious overpowering Dalmatian pulled her closer, sniffing her neck again a soft growl escaping his throat. y/n small fists hammered on his chest madly. "Let go… Dalmatian..Let go…stop!", she shouted angry,"… this is… this is NOT appropriate!". Dalmatian heard her words but it didnt register anymore. Her scent changed into an even stronger heat and he freaking loved, raw lust started to built inside him, his tongue flicked out, slowly dragging across her neck, as he began to drool. “Mhmh…” He kept licking up her neck, still holding her “Your body smells and tastes soooo goood, and I love it so much…” His tongue began to lick her neck faster and faster as soon as he said this, causing him to pant harder as well. He sniffed her neck again as he still licked her before he looked at her eyes “Mmm, you smell soooo goood, I want your entire body to myself…” He began to suck on her neck slowly while looking at her eyes. y/n trembled, her fists hitting his chest harder and harder but there was no escape of Dalmatians firm grip, to him her resistance was part of an ancient primal game it was too cute, not so for y/n. Dalmatians rational thoughts were almost turned off, his ears perked up he could here someone coming down the hallway and stopping in front of his office door…. SLAP , he didnt register how fast or hard but y/n hand hit him like a lightning strike, it hurt his rather sensitive dog snout, he could tell y/n aimed on purpose for this sensitive facial part of his Dalmatian hybrid form. He dropped her instantly y/n got asap onto her feet, walking fast away to the door… it did the trick Dalmatian shook his head wildly. " Wait y/n I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to…please come back.!", he huffed exhausted from controlling his desires.
y/n didnt look back, she was hot and flustered as hell, feeling still feverish and sweaty as she made it in strides to the office door, which opened at the same time. Dalmatians second in command his Captain Gero stepped into the office. y/n lowered her head passed Captain Gero mumbling a greeting and grabbed the kitchen cart with the water, pushing it agressively along to the next vice admirals office and doing her duty. "Come back", Dalamatian whispered to himself, he was angry with himself on top of that… it wasn't fair to her to be so forceful certainly not without explonation, but then again she might not understand after all she was pure human. " Geeze some people just cant handle the heat!", Captain Gero remarked shaking his head. He approached Dalmatian with a pile of paperwork that neede to be discussed for the next mission, it was back to business. Later on in the afternoon Dalmatian went to the HQ cafeteria where the marines went for their breaks, not many where there just a few recruits and captains with their wives and children. Dalmatian looked at these families with a wistful look on his face, he is 47 now the likelyhood and then… the other thing..!! He shook his head as he approached the buffet and hot food counter, his intent was food yes, but he also wanted to see if he could spot y/n down here during her work, he would do anything to apologise for his primal behaviour. Dalamatians nose flared up with all the smells here near the kitchen it was almost an impossible task to locate it, other females where in their cycles too, but Dalmatian didnt care the only scent he wanted was y/n. He closed his eyes his nose scanning through the barrage of scents and smells. THERE, there it was the scent, her heat, her natural odour her lovely soft flowery and musky perfume, his tail started fliking with great interest, as he opened his eyes his tongue licked his jowls. She was doing prepwork in the back of the kitchen so Dalmatian couldn't talk to her. He sighed he would wait for a chance. His eyes opened but to Dalmatians dismay his look was greeted by the Lunch lady that was in charge of the cafeteria and her brigade of cooks and she had seen enough and stared Dalamatian down. He collected his thoughts and ordered food to eat in the cafeteria, the faint yet strong scent of y/n heat always present. Dalamatian would come down the next 2 days doing the same thing, unfortunately the heatwave at Marineford got worse and worse, people like recruits or even the HQ staff had to stay at home unable to work in such conditions. Leaving fewer and fewer people to work the kitchen. On day 3 Dalmatian came down to the cafeteria again just to find it closed to the weather circumstances, y/n scent of her heat had dissapeared.
end of chapter 1
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sleepgarden · 7 months
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I would love to hear more about that quote if you’re comfortable sharing!!
Yes! Okay I'll write it under a readmore- content warnings for abuse and trauma, in this specific case sexual. ...It ended up very long, I'm sorry >< !! I hope it all makes sense at least.
Now that I'm actually about to write it I realize how much context i need to give, so I'll try to do it as simply as possible but this is actually the first time im talking about this piece in depth, so it may still be a little messy..
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At the time of making the piece I was at the end of a very long and hurtful relationship. During that relationship I was coerced, taken advantage of, and had my decline of consent ignored (that's one way to put it.. its hard to talk about lol). The timeline leading up to the illustration is hard to explain, but some time before is when i started accepting that i was trans. I allowed myself to see me as i am, explore my identity, approach my own thoughts/feelings with curiosity instead of fear. I gained a lot of confidence in that time (at least, compared to what i had before!) but i kept it a secret from my then-partner as they werent exactly accepting. With this newfound confidence though I expressed some desires to them that they gave a very clear and solid no to, so I immediately dropped it and moved on. (I should also say, i never really asked for anything in that relationship before. The things my partner did made me think that i was asexual for years, lmao) Later, nearing the end of it, is when i started realizing how truly awful the things they did were and how deeply it affected me. I felt like I had given (been taken from, actually) so much and had nothing to show for it. I also had the realization when thinking back about when I myself asked for something too but was told no, just how easy it was to accept that. In fact is was impossible to imagine not accepting it and getting them to do what i wanted anyways.
So to now explain the phrase "and now with thorns of his own, its the roses call to endure" The thorns are the shift of the dynamic, where as before the rose was the only one with them, the character in the illustration had now grown his own. Equally awful to touch or be touched by. He calls on the rose to endure just as he did. But, of course, I didnt feel that way. I would never want to do that to someone. I could never expect that from them, you know? How could I? And thats just it- thats where the anger came from: How could they?
The realization of what its like on the other end to be told "no" and to imagine pushing them to deal with it regardless was infuriating. The illustration calls on the rose to endure, but the anger in the piece is about asking it to do so. It's such an impossible thing to imagine doing, but something that I experienced for years. I was angry with myself for going through that, I was angry with them for everything they did, and i put it all in that illustration. It was genuinely one of the most healing illustrations ive ever made, and i officially ended the relationship soon after.
With all illustrations there really is more to it than can be said with a blanket explanation like that. But the major emotional force was driven by those things, if that makes sense? I am glad people can connect to this piece or see themself in their own way, however they interpret it. I've had people say they feel seen with it, or that its satisfying to them, and it fills my heart so much that it aches. As i said before, its bittersweet, but so meaningful to me.
I wrote this earlier today and while reviewing the draft I see how messy it is, but I'm going to post anyways! I apologize if it's incoherent- it's hard to tall about complex emotions like that. And due to how personal it is (the most personal I've ever been online I think) I'll delete it sometime in the future. Anyways, thank you again for reaching out about it! I don't get a chance to talk about my work very often. ♡
Thank you anyone who ready all that as well!
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harry1simp · 8 months
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So I ve been obssesed over Harry june from dkb recently so lets write smth lol.
lot of teasing from the other members lol.
Pairing : harry june x f barist.reader.
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So a group of boys went to my bar 1 week ago and since then they dont stop coming over. When I greet them to take their order they always seem to hide something like they look so nasty lol.
So today as any other day, I put myself in my uniform which is pink AND really tight so people better know me when they start getting annoying Im starting too since IM uncomfortable.
It was the morning and actually just a few people came to drink a juice or smth. So I ate my lunch with my boss and some colleagues and we talked about nothing and everything.
- So whats up with that group of grown up men? Taylor asked, one of my colleague.
- What do you mean " THAT group of grown up men"?- I replied in a mocking tone.
- Co mon you know who I am talking about. Especially this boy who looks a bit younger than the others. He seems so shy when youre around thats so cute !
I choked with my noodles.what the fuck ?
- Are you talking about THEM ? - I asked shocked.
- Of course them. Dont you find them hot ? - my other friend Ben started
- They're litteraly 9 wth ?!
- Lmfao y/n I know you do not have 9 holes im just saying you prob find ONE of them hot or idk.. - Ben said while laughing like he was dying.
- You scared me I swear. Hm well.. yeah that young boy is cute not gonna lie but im not gonna try anything.
Taylor scoffed and whispered a " whatever" followed by Ben saying " you better get at least one of them" before returning back to work leaving me alone.
It was 4:00 pm and thats the moment people finish work so we all know we gonna be really busy. When i say "people " I also include them. Sometimes theyre all together sometimes theyre not.
- Look who came y/n. - Ben said teasingly.
I looked to the main entrance and saw them. They were 5. The cute boy, another one who was doing some body rolls while walking, a tall boy with yellow hair, one with a cap on his head and the last one all in black looking like he wanted to kill someone. I gave my attention back to work since I started to stare a lil too much.
- Dont try to run away y/n . - Ben said.
- Yeah go take their order btw. - taylor ordered
- What n- I didnt finish my sentence they both pushed me to the hall where people were sat.
I took a deep breath and took a piece of paper with a pen while making my way to them.
- Hi guys ! - I said naturally like I didnt know my friends were watching me in the kitchen smiling like psychopaths.
- Hey y/n. How are you doing ? - The guy with the cap asked happily.
- Im good ahah thanks what about you ? - I asked trying not to seem awkward af.
- We're good. Happy to see you again. I would like a milkshake please !
- Okay noted - I informed taking notes.
- For me it will be a wisky please. - The serial killer said without even looking at me.
- What about you guys ? - I asked mentioning the others.
- Can I have an iced tea ? - The yellow haired guy demanded nicely.
- Sure !
- By the way y/n my son here has something to ask you. - The first guy spoke pointing the cute boy with his finger.
- Oh.. - I said suprised .
The guy smiled placing his head in his hands feeling shy and aparently not aware about the guy opening for him.
- Could I have your number or your instagram ? - he asked looking so adorable I could only accept.
- Yeah sure ! - I took my phone out of my pocket and handed it to him showing my number.
- What is your name ? - I couldnt hide my happiness I was smiling like an idiot.
- Harry June - He replied with a big smile on his face.
- Nice harry june, what would you like ?
- A lemonade please.
- and for me it will be a coca. - the guy who was hip trusting the air earlier said.
- Okay guys thanks.
And I walked away like I hadn't a bunch of others clients waiting behind me.
I went back to the kitchen with my notes plus my heart beating like I just talked to a celebrity.
- Tell us. - Ben said his arms crossed against the wall.
- Tell you what ?
- You litteraly handed him your phone I dont think he asked for Ben's feet pictures ! - Taylor said dead serious.
- Hows that you have my feet in photos ? - Ben asked concerned.
- Calm down I didnt show him your fucking feet but my number !!
They both went silent for a second.
- He asked for your number ?? - They said in synch.
- Yes he did can you guys stop screaming for christ's sake ??
- Which one ? The cutie boy ???
- Yes Harry June.
- His name is Harry June ? - Ben said while gasping in a gay way.
- I swear to god shut it down or I punch you.
- No way youre on your period-
- Ben !!! - Taylor and I shouted to him.
- Poor boy he must have been so scared asking you your number Im dying.
I stared at Ben feeling annoyed and just gave them the orders making my way to the others clients.
When I was taking some orders I could sense his stare on me, Im not complaining tho but I just couldnt focus.
/ H-J 's pov /
- Im so proud of you my baby ! - Dongil said while hugging me like I was a child.
- Urgh dont do that in public please ! - I said feeling embarrassed.
- My dear you better get into pda when she will be yours or she wont do anything with you. - Heechan affirmed with no guidance.
- Are you being serious right now ? Stop talking about this its weird. - I begged fearing that she could hear us.
- Lets leave him alone poor boy. - Changmin suggested.
I sighed and looked away to meet y/n in front of me with our drinks.
- Heres yours Harry June - She said nicely while giving me my lemonade.
- thank you - I replied with a small smile in the corner of my lips.
- Your coca.
She gave us our drinks and was about to leave but of course my stupid friend had to open his fucking mouth to speak.
- Y/n are you free after work ? Harry would love to get to know you.
I want to slap him.
- Oh Im done in 2 hours wont it be long for you to wait ? - she asked looking at me concerned.
- I- No no problem i will wait for you outside - I offered her my smile.
- So kind from you Harry, enjoy your drinks guys. - She said before leaving.
- Youre dea-
- Youre welcome - Heechan cut me off.
- Im not a kid I could have asked her out and not have you doing it for me. - I said angrily.
- you have a date so stop being a dick and give me a hug.
- Never. - I replied crossing my arms feeling betrayed.
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/ Your pov /
I was so excited to see the cutie boy that I litteraly mistaken some orders which made my boss furious but its okay my friends protected me. Thats when I realize they can actually be usefull lol.
So when all the clients were gone I put myself into more comfortable clothes.
- Enjoy pretty. - Taylor said winking at me before grabbing her bag ready to leave too.
- I.. I will taylor go home safe. - I said in a sigh not really knowing what to say.
Ben was allready gone for a moment. Well lets go I told myself.
I took my bag and closed the bar behind me.
- Oh you're here. - A male voice said coming from my back.
I turned around facing Harry June.
- Yeah ahah, Im here. - I put the bar's keys in my pocket and returned my attention to him - You know you didnt have to wait for me I know your friend said that but really we can do that another day if y-
- No no dont say thay its completly fine ! - He cut me out while using his hands. - My friend can be a little invasive but he was right and I dont have anything to do so..
I nodded feeling relieved that the boy didnt feel obliged to wait for a girl he didnt even know.
- Thank you very much. My clients actually left sooner than usual so Im all yours ahah. - I said with a laugh.
He laughed too and not gonna lie he has the prettiest smile and laugh ever. He was wearing a large tee shirt with some grey jogging. He seemed to be comfortable in it, that made me want to snuggle myself into it.
- So.. what do you wanna talk about ?
I stopped to space out for a second and looked at him like a normal girl.
- Tell me more about you. I actually see you coming to my bar with your friends every week but I just got your name today ahah.
- Yeah we really enjoy coming to your bar. Its cozy and we have a good time when were there.
- Ooh I'm glad to know this ! You know when me and my friends see you laughing out loud with your group we actually wanna know what you are talking about.
He laughed. I.MADE.HIM.LAUGH
- Oh my god I hope we dont do that much noise.
We walked side by side without really knowing where we were going but I felt actually good. For a guy that seemed shy at first sight hes actualy really easy going with me.
- So where are you from Harry ?
- Im Korean. Both my parents are korean too. Youre a foreigner right ?
- Yes I am. Korean is such a struggle for me urgh. Your english is amazing harry by the way !
- Oh thanks Im studying this really hard since a lot of foreign people come in Korea.
I nodded actually amazed by his talent.
- Youre not that bad either ya'know your Korean is actually pretty good.
I smiled hapily like a little girl but mostly cauz I actually received a compliment from him.
- Oh thanks Youre the first one saying me this ahah.
- Dont underestimate yourself like that. And maybe I could help you out with your Korean I mean if youre okay with it.
- Yes sure that will be so nice !
A few hours went like that and when I noticed the time on my phone I actually gasped.
- Oh my its 8: pm I need to go harry Im so sorry to leave you like that I didnt expect us to talk that long !
- yeah youre right I actually have to go too its okay.
- I really had a good time knowing you Harry
- Me too y/n come home safely
- You too harry bye.
He waved at me and thats how we left each other.
That night I couldnt sleep. I told Taylor and Ben everything about harry june, about how he was so sweet and kind with me, how interesting he seemed to be and they look to like him back.
I was dreaming eyes open when I received a text from Harry.
00:25 am : Youre sleeping ?
I laughed feeling amused by his question.
00:27 am : No I can't :(( Seems like you either ?
00:28 am : Yea :// A friend of mine is sleeping next to me and hes growling like a pig help *_* And what about you ?
00:29 am : Lmaooo Can't really help you sorry 😭 Same for me.. Well Im alone tho but cant close an eye.
00:30 am : Is it cauz you cant wait to meet me again ? 🤭
I actually didn't know what to answer and I didn't plan to give him a reply maybe tomorow.. but his answer interested me even more I just couldnt sleep without making a move from my side.
00:33 am : Mhhh.. Maybe ? 🤷‍♀️
00:36 am : XD anyways now Im not in front of you plus not my friends being dicks I have to admit youre really pretty :)) idk if I seemed shy lol but its just Im not used to y'know approach girls like that so..
I wanted to scream. He said Im pretty. The cutie boy harry june said I was pretty. I was jumping in my bed like a groopie but he texted a few seconds after again.
00:38 am : Ive never been into a relationship, so before running lets walk first y'know 👉
00:39 am : YES YES 50TH SHADE DEGRES REFERENCE 🙌 WAIT how old are you harry ? Arent you too young for this ?
00:40 am : Im 21 yo. C mon I just got lost on netflix.. 🤫
00:41 am : Yeah yeah.. 🤨 anyways thanks youre very cute too and handsome lol.
I embarrassed myself for saying this and actually have no shame so I put my phone on my nightstand and tried to sleep but with no results.
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I had my day off today and man Im gonna enjoy it. Thats when I took my phone that realisation hit me. I got 2 messages from him.. Men Im scared. I opened them with shaking hands.
00:42 am : Oh thank you thats the 1st time a girl finds me cute and handsome 😊
00:45 am : I really appreciated this evening with you y/n. I hope we could meet again real soon ?
1:00 am : Good night I guess 🌃🌙
My heart was melting inside my breast. Hes so sweet. Hes like a teddy bear you wanna hug when youre not feeling safe. I didnt waste one second and answered him immediatly.
10:00 am : Oh my ! Sorry June I felt asleep so abruptly ! I really did too and I would looovveee to see you again as well ;))
I felt so stupid leaving him with no response til 1 am. But I couldnt hide the smile appearing on my face.
I took my breakfast in front of a serie I loved and was just chilling in my sofa and then i received a notification.
10:13 am : Its okay y/n ! At least you fell asleep ahah. I look like a zombie 😫 What about tonight ? I would like to show you a place I love.
Tonight ? Well I have nothing to do but idk it seems off..
10:15 am : Why not :)) What time ?
10:16 am : Hm lets say 9 pm ? We could grab an ice cream just next to it !
Ice cream okay im coming.
10:17 am : Okay perfect !
He gave me a place to find him and then I did the dishes.
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The moment arrived I put myself in a floral dress I bought a while ago and finally found the occasion to wear it. I came to the previous place and foud him sat on a bench looking hella good.
- Hi ! - I greeted him.
- Oh y/n h- he paused for a moment looking at me. - Wow youre beautiful. - He said touching his neck.
- Oh thank you Harry youre amazing too !
We didnt know how to greet ourselves at first it was awkward lol. But he took a step forward me and opened his arms. I did the same and we ended up in each other's arms. I wanted to cry. It was just like him ; sweet and warm.
- I missed you. - He whispered next to my ear. We separated from each other and it felt empty.
- I missed you too harry. So.. show me that famous place you wanna take me to !
- Ah yes let's go ! - He said in a cute way I wanted to eat him.
We walked for around 20 hours while talking and I could feel his hand touching mine's at some moments.
Then we arrived at a quiet and peacefull place .
- Here we are.
- Wow it looks great I've never been here before !
The landscape was just magic. There was a small lake in front of us and some benches to admire it.
- Let's have a seat.
- Sure. - I continued.
We sat next to each other and just like that we stared at the lake without a sound.
- Can I ask you a question ? - Harry broke the silence turning his head facing me.
- Of course Harry.
- Are you single ? - It was so out of nowhere.
- A-Yes I am. What about you ?
- I am too.
- Well.. great I mean-
- I like you Y/N - He said in one breath.
- I- I like you too Harry
- I mean no.. I love you. I know we don't know each other that much but I don't know I.. didnt stop thinking about since we spoke to each other and.. every time I come to your bar my eyes are always on you..
- Woah harry I.. I lost my words.. I honestly feel the same way..
- Really ?
- Yeah.. You know.. let's give each other times to you know.. be sure about our feelings and.. then we could enjoy it completly ?
Harry nodded.
- Yeah let's do that.
We both smiled feeling relieved like we couldn't hold those secrets in anymore.
- Can I.. kiss you ?
I looked at him smiling. Yes ofc I wanted. HARRY FUCK KISS ME
- Yes please.
He laughed and didn't waste a second to catch my lips in a short and sweet kiss. We pulled from each other.
- Thanks. - He said like I gave him a gift.
- What are you thankful for ? - I asked feeling so soft for him.
- I just kissed a pretty girl and she loves me too.
- Harry youre so cute I swear come here .
I hugged him tightly and he did the same.
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Some weeks passed and Harry and I hung out a lot. We went to different dates. He took me to the pool with some of his friends. I met Teo who's such a sweetheart, Yuku a Sunshine he's ma fav, Junseo who first gave me killer vibes ended up being the complete opposite, he's a big teddy bear but he still scares me since he's like 500 times bigger than me. Then there's Heechan who is really funny but Jesus's christ he's so perverted. Like we can talk about food and heechan is in the back talking about pussy.
Anyways theyre all very kind with me. They keep reminding harry that he's lucky to have me lol. When we're all together, Dongil, aka Harry June's father, says " Protect yourself my son I dont wanna take care of another child " so we both end up cringing from embarrassment.
We're currently at Harry's place with some of his friends ; Seongmin, Dongil and Changmin. I was on Harry's laps, his hands around my waist and we were just chilling on his sofa while talking.
- Im sleepy guys Imma go to bed. - Dongil said while whining.
- Good night. - Harry and I said in synch.
Dongil left the salon. Seongmin was sleeping on the floor and Changmin was still sober next to us.
- You look so cute together- Changmin said letting out a small laugh.
- I know - Harry said in a provocative tone.
- Why won't you stay tonight y/n ? - Changmin asked looking at me.
- Oh I didnt plain to tho and I dont wanna bother you.
- Harry will give you his bed. Right harry ?
- Yes sure. You wont bother anyone babe.
- Youre sure ? - I asked concerned.
- Of course y/n ! Stay with me tonight. Please.. - He almost begged me.
- Well, kids do whatever you want just dont be loud in the bedrooms please. - Changmin stood up and whined before going into the same room's Dongil went in earlier, leaving Harry and I alone.
- So you stay..? - He demanded poutting with his lips.
- Where are you gonna sleep harry ?
- On the sofa Im okay its pretty cozy he-
- Cant you sleep in your bed, with me..? - I put my hand on his not wanting to be alone in his dark room.
- Oh is it okay with you ? I dont wanna make you uncomf- I took his head in my hands and locked our lips in an eager kiss. I moved mines in a slow pace and I felt a wet texture. His tongue asked access for my mouth which I accepted.
- Lets go to my rooom. - He interrupted us, standing up from the couch locking his hands with mine. We made our way to his room trying our best to stay silent.
I made myself comfortable on his bed.
- Oh you might want some clothes for the night, dont you ? - Harry asked looking out for some pants and tee-shirts in his closet.
- Well I wont mind Harry.
- Have this then. - He handed me his clothes and he just stared at me for what felt like an eternity.
- Are you just gonna watch me stripping out of my clothes ?
- Oh my god yes sure sorry my bad ! - He excuses himself and turned around, his back facing me. Feeling suddenly in a teasing mood I threw my shirt on him after had removing it from me.
- Uh y/n ? - He said in a suprised tone. He could hear me laughing behind him and then I placed my hands on his shoulders.
- y/n ? - He turned around and found me topless, just some inches away from his face. He looked at me and tried to say something but nothing came out of his mouth.
- Youre okay Harry ? - I whispered. He didnt say a word but instead put his lips on mines. My arms found his neck while his found their place around my waist.
- I dont wanna rush things..- Harry confessed into my ear.
- Its okay me neither.. - I melted into his embrace and started to lose myself into his scent. He put me on his bed, then grabbed his shirt to out it on me. His moves were so gentle. He soon joined me in his bed and turned the lights off.
Ive never felt so comfortable in someone's arms. Harry made me feel like I was a crystal, his diamond.
- I love you - He said before kissing my cheek and with that we bith fell asleep in each other's arms.
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Its the end guyss Im kinda disapointed with the ending but guys be prepared for a fanfic with a kdrama character im not telling anything yet hihi 🤫 but anyways this one was cute I guess also english is not my language so tell me if I made any mistakes ://
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pesterloglog · 28 days
Text
Davebot, Aradia Megido
Page 519-523
DAVEBOT: ...honestly if you guys trust each other it makes sense
DAVEBOT: you really need to know yourself and your partner
DAVEBOT: but in a practical sense i mean how often do you see each other
ARADIA: really just whenever we do
ARADIA: he is doing his thing and i am doing mine
ARADIA: i could go see him right now
DAVEBOT: you wont
ARADIA: i wont 0u0
DAVEBOT: maybe thats why that other dave could never feel the same way about her even after all those years
DAVEBOT: that guy was just sort of going through the motions
DAVEBOT: doing the quote endquote right thing by everyone
ARADIA: uh huh
ARADIA: as opposed to now with all this knowing your own timeline business
DAVEBOT: no thats different
DAVEBOT: i chose this
DAVEBOT: im doing everything because i choose to do it
DAVEBOT: its just that i know i choose to do it in the future instead of choosing to do it right now
ARADIA: my friend i am going to be honest with you that sounds really stupid
DAVEBOT: yeah probably
DAVEBOT: but i can see why he chose what he did
DAVEBOT: he sucked and was lame and needed to be less lame
DAVEBOT: in fact his whole timeline was lame and basically didnt mean shit
ARADIA: it sounds like maybe you were kind of miserable
DAVEBOT: *he* was
DAVEBOT: so he chose to become me
DAVEBOT: and im here
DAVEBOT: fucking chilling
ARADIA: yeah ok :)
DAVEBOT: anyway youve got some shit to tell me about ultimate freedom
ARADIA: think about how you wield time
ARADIA: are you thinking about it
DAVEBOT: yeah
ARADIA: what is a classic dave strider maneuver
DAVEBOT: like in a fight or what
ARADIA: combat is just one facet of our lives 0_0
ARADIA: but if it helps you then sure in a fight
DAVEBOT: ok say im going to town on some clown (not literal)
DAVEBOT: head to head
DAVEBOT: exchanging blows
DAVEBOT: who will come out on top
ARADIA: what a predicament
DAVEBOT: and i see myself appear behind them and get on all fours
DAVEBOT: so i feint and they take a step back only to topple over like a fuckin jenga tower
DAVEBOT: shouldnt have pulled that block out
DAVEBOT: maybe shoulda tried one of the simple ones from the middle got too ambitious
ARADIA: focus
DAVEBOT: done in by the d mans one and two (i am both of the d mans)
DAVEBOT: but now i know i gotta travel back in time and do that so i wait until the moment they take a swing
DAVEBOT: oh shit now im not there anymore
DAVEBOT: im behind them and i get on all fours and watch myself push them over they topple a second time
DAVEBOT: they take a swing at the me theyre fighting but before they know it poof nice try chucklefuck dave twos gone
DAVEBOT: except theyre not gone theyre me behind them back on all twos ready to rumble
ARADIA: pretty sick
DAVEBOT: it really is
ARADIA: but what if you didnt do that? what if you didnt go back?
DAVEBOT: well that would destroy time
DAVEBOT: i know you know this its actual day one shit
DAVEBOT: you were just bragging about how much universal destruction you have personally been responsible for
ARADIA: yeah haha it is a lot
DAVEBOT: ive doomed timelines before by just not thinking about it too hard
DAVEBOT: people say not to overthink time travel
DAVEBOT: but thats a fools game
DAVEBOT: im tellin you dog
DAVEBOT: stable. time. loops.
ARADIA: i agree
ARADIA: but wouldnt you say that some timelines have to be doomed?
DAVEBOT: i know a couple dead daves who would disagree
ARADIA: but you wouldnt be here without those dead daves
ARADIA: just like i wouldnt be here without all the doomed aradiabots from way back when
ARADIA: actually *you* wouldnt be here without all those doomed aradiabots either
DAVEBOT: yeah thanks for that
ARADIA: youre welcome 0u0
ARADIA: anyway the point im making here is that some of these missteps end up serving a grander purpose
ARADIA: things that seem unimportant or even “wrong” can end up being essential components of whats meant to happen
ARADIA: and who even decides whats wrong in the first place?
DAVEBOT: i dunno megido thats borderline blasphemous
DAVEBOT: even insignificant shit can really mount up in certain circumstances
DAVEBOT: a butterfly flaps its wings the wrong way and shit spirals FAST and before you know it im gay and ashton kutcher is getting fucking euthanized
DAVEBOT: and i cant let that happen
ARADIA: whats the right way for a butterfly to flap its wings?
DAVEBOT: the way that doesnt make me gay
DAVEBOT: period
ARADIA: you say a lot of really funky stuff man
DAVEBOT: good point sensei
DAVEBOT: actually i knew that already
ARADIA: yeah i knew that you knew that dipshit!
ARADIA: its your silly response to like every other statement anyone makes and it is getting pretty boring!
DAVEBOT: thats the name of the game baby
ARADIA: lets play a different game then
DAVEBOT: alright what are the rules
ARADIA: no idea! 0u0
ARADIA: why dont we pop over to a place where nothing seems quotation marks right
ARADIA: a place that seems completely removed from what we would traditionally consider to matter at all
DAVEBOT: why would i need to go anywhere
ARADIA: i dunno to get a cup of water or something!
DAVEBOT: i dont really want a cup of water on account of being a really cool robot
ARADIA: ok a cup of oil
DAVEBOT: now were talkin
DAVEBOT: also now feels like a good time to mention that despite my omnitemporal awareness of everything that has and ever will happen to me i actually have no idea where the fuck youre proposing to take me
ARADIA: oh word
ARADIA: fun huh?
DAVEBOT: being real i kind of hate it
ARADIA: woohoo!
DAVEBOT: youre such a freak
DAVEBOT: TONE INDICATOR: AFFECTIONATE
ARADIA: cmon you shithead
DAVEBOT: fuck it alright lets go
DAVEBOT: hope i dont learn any valuable lessons about living in the moment
ARADIA: hup
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