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#but i couldnt let people know tgat i couldnt do it so i hid my breakdown
nope-body
·
4 years
Text
.
#i didnt realize how much i was witholding from my therapist
#mostly about my past experiences
#but also
#i can say no!! i can say no in therapy!!
#i can say that i dont want to do the solution suggested!!
#with my first therapist the only solution was ‘wanting’ or ‘trying’ or something akin to that
#it was always my fault if i couldnt do something even if it was because of my adhd
#i just needed to actually want to ‘get better’!! /s
#so saying ‘id rather go with a different solution’ or ‘i dont think i can do that’ wasnt an option
#for anything
#so i learned to push down my emotions so i could force myself to do it
#which was why exposure therapy didnt go super well
#i didnt feel like i could say ‘thats too much’ so i pushed myself too far
#and i also had repressed my emotions so much that i didnt have a clear perception of what was ‘too much’ and would push me over the edge
#so i ended up pushing myself too far and breaking down
#but i couldnt let people know tgat i couldnt do it so i hid my breakdown
#and then exposure therapy made me anxious because i didnt know if the next thing would push me over the edge again
#it was not a great experience
#but i said no!! i said ‘i dont think ill be able to’ and it was accepted! i wasnt pushed!
#we worked around it to find a solution that i could do
#its so nice
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