#i can only think of these three rn

[sugarsnappeases]

thank you for the tag @fxreflyes this is so cute, except the format is trying to hinder my propensity to ramble, so i’ve rectified this in the tags lmao

i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child

no pressure tags for @static-radio-ao3 @inevitablestars @itsjaywalkers @carniferous @orbitfalls @transsexualpriest @futurequibblerjournalist <333

#i'm like 5'7 i think. fun fact i used to wear glasses when i was like 11 bc all my friends were getting glasses and i wanted some too so i #lied to my optician. lol good times. don't actually need glasses tho soooo. #this is me coming out as a natural blonde guys….. like my hair hasn’t been blonde in a good year or so and it hasn’t been my natural blonde #in like three/four years but still in my heart of hearts i identify as a blonde. like i get confused when people don't count me as one #i have my ears and nose pierced and i would love a tattoo but unfortunately i have both a fear of needles and commitment issues so. #not sure if that’ll ever happen… would be very hot and sexy tho. also i'm one of those freaks with green eyes lol it's appaza quite rare #my hair is currently like dark dark brown… have been getting the itch to dye it again tho like a kinda reddish colour idk yet we’ll see #i had braces for AAGES. i have freckles in the summer and i paint my nails whenever i remember to. rn they’re a very chipped lilac colour #i think i have a resting bitch face but i can never tell tbf like it might be more of a resting 'dead to the world' face lmao #okay technically i don’t play an instrument anymore! but in the past i’ve dabbled with the cello the oboe and the xylophone. singing too #spanish and italian baybee although ig if this means like fluently then that’s not me but this is literally my degree it’s my whole brand #yes i like to read but also the only things ive read in like the last few months have been either books in spanish/italian for my degree #literary criticism for said span/ital books and… fanfic. so. also i like writing but it's my worst enemy rn the thoughts aren't working :( #i have many best friends that i’ve known for years!!!! in fact i've known some of my friends for like my entire life it's very cute #okay sorry for rambling i can never help myself and i also literally could go on icl like there was Some restraint applied here #kara lore #bc there's quite a lot of it in this one lol #tag games

[todayisafridaynight]

dude I just gotta say thank u for all ur amazing art bc I JUST finished y7 last night and I'm missing my emo losers (daigo and masato) ONLY TO FIND THEM EVERYWHERE HERE plus mine!!! ur fics are also on point as well I think I commented on the "quiet" one but everything aside ur style is just so nice on the eyes and very fun! bonus ur nanba is very cute he's so silly to me fr :3

HIIIIIIII ive been watchin you go through all my art in real time ngl LAKRJLRKJ SO THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!!! masato's my evil awful toxic girlfriend and i miss him every day and i love being delusional about him and daigo so im glad my goofy postings do somethin for others too lol.... thank you so much for all your love and support !!!!!!

#fave #snap chats #im in class rn and we're just doin a review so t ive just been refreshing my tumblr so. hi :]]]]] #my fics tho //SCREAMS// LAEKJAE ive been meaning to post another short one for days but .. oops .. lol .. #mayhaps ill be motivated to finally just say Fuck It and release it .. its nothing crazy or even that fun but i thought it was a silly idea #prob could work as a comic but i barely have time to draw for myself durin the weekdays and im impatient SOO #IM GLAD YOU LIKE THEM THO !!!!!!! even if i do scream if i think of my fics for more than three seconds #YOU DID COMMENT ON QUIET THO i remember replying to you !!!! that the only nsff fic of mine i have little complaints bout .. teehee .. #masadai can be something so delusional and so fun i love it here.. BUT MINEDAI ..... my loves .. #i still love them please believe me ... i made myself emo thinkin bout them last night lmao ... #and yah nanba my best friend now :)) i never draw him .... criminal .... his hair's fun and i love drawin his homeless outfit jvLAKJA

[lightbulb-warning]

this is getting ridiculous there's so much stuff i wanna draw i need to clone myself immediately

#what do you mean i can barely stand up??? no that was me an hour ago im completely fine now and also am capable of drawing 70 things rn #<- I WISH #genuinely just talking at myself here #okay!! plan time: homework is 7 pages +dialogue. i sketched the rough layouts out already and i my teacher gave me the okay to do it digita #i don't think she realized she gave me the okay tbh? but i asked her twice and she said yes so no takebacksies!!! #i have a timer that only does 55 minutes. in 55 minutes can i rough out at least 3 better pencils? ill find out! #i should start with the ending because that's 1 birds eye view like three times and a car that explodes and a bunch of close ups so ez pz #i just gotta figure out one car perspective im giving myself 55 minutes for the car #lineart is gonna be a pain but when isnt it :') #hey did you know there's an entire ship month prompt list??? im seething that's such a dumb idea i wanna do it so baaaaad #whatever #ill figure it out #that's part one of getting boring shit i need to do done!! part two should be easier bc its just hospitals and the draft is already p detai #ok ok ok i can do this #the essay is an essay and the essay is getting fucked i will do it at GUNPOINT #aaaaa #shut up maiora #p.s. edit: i did some of it and ended up doing a completely different plan. sigh sigh oh well im doing my best

[kohakhearts]

hey that pokemon 2000 gifset + your jn dub analysis made me think about the pokemon 2000 dub - I've only seen it subbed once (compared to the hundred times I watched it dubbed as a child) so I could be misremembering, but didn't the dub completely change the themes of the movie with the chosen one ash thing?

i actually haven’t watched the sub nearly as many as times as the dub either :p but i have read extensively about this topic bc it’s personally my favourite pokemon movie and yes! the first and second pokemon movies are both victim to this (like mewtwo’s epic speech we all love so much at the end of the first movie…being a complete fabrication by the dub team :p you gotta give those writers credit - they were VERY good at what they did), largely i’m guessing due to cultural values and expectations. since they were trying to sell the anime to an american audience, not a japanese one.

tangentially, i will say i also think that’s the root of this like…subtle distinction some people have between the characters “ash” and “satoshi.” i don’t differentiate them in any big way myself because fundamentally they still are very much the same, but it is true that in japanese, ash has somewhat different mannerisms and responds differently to events at times, especially in the early anime when it was so much easier to get away with making big changes for…a big assortment of reasons haha.

in THIS movie in particular, some of those things are like…well. the prophecy is probably the most obvious change. the dub team rewrote it to include the chosen one reference, which works great because of the word play on ash’s name. in japanese, it just says “an exceptional trainer will appear to help calm the wrath of the gods.” ash’s response to this is more mild trepidation than outright fear. he doesn’t hesitate like he does in the dub. and tbh? both reactions make perfect sense for his character in my opinion.

in japanese, his concern is more "do you really think i can fit that role?" this...tracks pretty well with his character development by this point. like yeah he said he could win the indigo league, but he's also thinking about dropping out after gary loses; it's that little grain of insecurity he has, which he's normally good at covering up with arrogance (a lot of which is also very genuine, don't get me wrong). but he sees the opportunity to help and he takes it. that's just...what ash does.

in english, though, the prophecy is pretty clearly about him. there's no one else it could be. it has to be him. and he...doesn't like that? that scares him. which, fair. anyone would be terrified by being singled out like that. it's also so much...not ash's thing, even at this point in the series. his character development is about embracing having to work hard to do well. to keep trying until you get it right, no matter how many times you get it wrong. the idea of being a "chosen one" completely robs him of his ability to be so single-minded about what he wants his destiny to be that it manifests as pre-determined; it just...pre-determines it for him, if that makes sense. lol.

the thesis of the japanese version of the film is that no one person or pokemon can stand on their own. everyone needs help. it's about harmonizing with each other and with nature. about letting others help you, and helping them in turn. the english version rewrites that into a story about power and destiny. the title alone says it all, right? it's called "the power of one" - no reference to lugia, no reference to the birds. in japan, the title is about the revelation (or "birth") of lugia.

westerners love a good chosen one story, so this was a really good choice by the dub team in that respect. i mean, it's a narrative that's stuck really well. fandom loves chosen one ash! in general, western fanbases are really into this narrative. it's everywhere. and there's a lot that goes into that, culturally, and especially religiously, historically, etc. so at the end of the day, i don't think the change is so much about conflicting ideas about collectivism and individualism. it's more about goals and ideals, on a personal level.

let me say again for the 273456784th time, i love that they resolved ash's story by having him realize that the goal he's really been striving for all this time is to meet and befriend pokemon. to learn from them. to earn their trust. it's like...he did the thing that everyone else thought represented his goal, maybe even himself included, only to realize that his dream was never about the end of it anyway. it was about everything he learnt and everyone he met along the way. (i also suspect nobody writing in 1997 knew that that would be the ultimate resolution, either. but it makes sense in the entire context. it's kind of a nice irony, even. to only figure it out after writing the story :p)

and i think this little distinction is important to that goal! it's his whole character! which is why even though i too love chosen one characters, i don't necessarily think of ash as one. because even if he is, his whole Thing is that he wants to try. a lot of the chosen one narrative is about characters being reluctant to be used for a "greater good," or about them collapsing under that pressure. ash doesn't really have that. he does what he thinks is right because he...thinks it's right. sometimes, sure, others have to push him into it a bit, but usually they're actually pushing the other way - it's too dangerous, you're going to get hurt, etc. and to me, i don't know - thinking of times he's died, or nearly died, and some legendary or mythical pokemon has saved him at the last minute...i don't think that has to mean he's special in a cosmic sort of way. i think it just means he's special to them. that he did something for them, or for someone else they had come to care for (thinking manaphy responding to may's emotions, not just to the fact that ash was drowning, or in mpm ash convincing latios to trust him because of their mutual desire to save latias, etc.), and so they want to help him. which is completely opposite to the typical chosen one narrative, i think? because he doesn't do those things out of obligation...he does them because he thinks he can become a better trainer by doing them, and he wants to do that. and well. he did do that.

anyway my tl;dr here is YES they changed the theme a lot haha, but i find it fun that they also changed the characters’ responses to that theme. funnily that’s…kind of also what fanfiction writers do all the time, lmao, but that’s a whole other conversation.

#answered #im sure id have something more insightful to say if id watched the original recently but i havent Dx #*meta #i guess #also re: the chosen one narrative being very religious #its more to the idea specifically of a character who does selfless things for the sake of being selfless and it often ends with the #character martyring themself somehow. which i dont think it’s necessarily WRONG to say is what ash does. self-sacrificial is not a Bad way #to describe him. i think its a reasonable and compelling read on his character. its just not mine i guess because as much as i also love #chosen one characters what i love most about it isnt the fact that they are a chosen one #so much as what the consequences of that have been because what they really want deep down is to just…not have to save the world #but ash isnt really like that. saving the world is more of a byproduct of what hes actually trying to do. which is to help others #rather than being forced to save the world to help the ones he cares for. its kinda opposite. idk. maybe i’ll write a post about this #properly someday bc rn my brain is mush and i can only think of three major western franchises that even have chosen ones lol

[maddy-ferguson]

i saw someone say they were hoping noah would apologize and it's just kinda fascinating to me...if he thought zionism was sexy on monday (or i guess on sunday probably and for many days and weeks before that) why would he suddenly think it's an awful ideology on friday?

#and like i say: brf slt #i think people found out what zionism was like three weeks ago and think it's a slur or something when like #no it's an actual ideology it doesn't just mean killing and displacing an entire people that's only what ends up happening when you...put #the plan into motion. but yk #i would say zionism can mean one of three things: supporting the establishment of a jewish state. supporting the state of israel #specifically. supporting whatever awful thing the israeli government/army is up to that day #i saw someone get yelled at in the replies of a post because they were saying this when they were literally right? it was a post about noah #so again i'm assuming people don't know what they're talking about because. they don't. lol #and like obviously proudly being a zionist rn and being like zionism is sexy while israel is bombing people in the name of zionism after #killing and displacing people for decades in the name of zionism can only mean that you condone all that. but idk. i didn't like the way #people talked to that person WHO WAS LITERALLY RIGHT when they were probably the same people who were saying no going to israel and saying #you love it there doesn't mean anything at all this summer #and about the apology. lmao. i've seen people say the same thing about timothée chalamet on twitter and like yeah if he thought the hamas #joke was funny on saturday why would he be like omg nooooo this is really unfunny on monday. i'm not saying you can't expect anyone to #apologize for anything ever but celebrity apologies...................lmao. even when they do apologize it's always like i'm sorry #you're offended not i'm sorry for doing it #and explain to me how or why you would expect noah to be like sorry i didn't mean that zionism was a good thing. like what about his track #record would make you think he'd change his mind😭 if he ever realizes how wrong he is it definitely will not be now #and people saying that video should get him fired is like. brett gelman posted something about how if you don't get called a racist on the #internet once a day you're doing something wrong and you think they're gonna fire noah for being around stickers that say 'this ideology we #the creator+producer of the show subscribe to is sexy' and 'this organization we have decided has beheaded 40 babies and we're so #sure of that we repeated the lie in our open letter thanking the president who corroborated that lie is isis'. like they agree with him #i'm not defending anything btw i'm just saying why the fuck would you expect him to be like oh my bad you're right and apologize😭

[raayllum]

was making my way through my first real rewatch of S4 with a friend who hadn’t seen it / is a decently casual viewer. was really interested to hear her opinion on things (she’s a big rayllum fan, knew TTM and has read some fic but isn’t in fandom) and also reaffirmed that like 1) just how strong everyone’s arcs, particularly janai, ezran, soren, and developing relationships are and 2) that the more i sit and think about S4 and let go of what i Thought had to happen, the more i like it. 

#like i already liked it on a first viewing #filler and comedic relief is honestly somewhat a reprieve bc when the season is heavy it's so heavy #also typically only goes in threes #also able to appreciate the layers in callum and rayla's reactions / development to each other even more now that i've processed #this is not to say that anyone who has issues with the season is not entitled to their feelings or only feeling that way bc of #preconceived expectations (many of which were perfectly reasonable) but #yeah #i really do like s4 and i'm honestly thrilled and super excited for s5 now that i can measure and adjust accordingly #dragons rambles #also my friend is loving it #only thought rayla was off at all in the same scene in mid season four ('we can't save everyone') where we were like #girl what the Fuck happened to you #arc 2 #s4 #will probably write a big meta on what i think s4 does well and why but maybe next week #still collecting a lot of my thoughts rn #s4 spoilers #tag ramble

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Me: I have a few FitPac ideas but I don't think I've written that much.

The document:

#The joke here is that this is only one of two documents I have compiling my stuff for them #WAIT NO. THREE. THREE DOCUMENTS #I forgot I had a new idea and pulled up a new document to write in a frenzy #I'm really bad about posting 'ficlets' or things that I don't think are polished 100% #so of this MAYBE I'll wind up with a ~5000 word piece after writing 20000 words or so #I write a lot but only like 5% of what I write ever sees the light of day #I'm still working on the structure rn for the current one and that's always the hardest part #This might wind up being a 5 times or whatever fic because there are too many similar things I want to write but all in a different light #but not different enough to be their own thing #idk I'm tired and stressed rn so I'm dropping this into Word TTS so I can hear it be read back to me while I try to chill & sleep #agh. #i talk #fic talk #qsmp talk #I never write in Word anymore I write in docs now since 90% of my writing these days is on mobile #I just never have time to write #and I can't focus anymore

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

When I went to the zoo with my uncle and cousins my youngest cousin said he wanted to be a marine biologist and it took every ounce of self restraint not to say "there are many benefits to being a marine biologist"

#the urge to say it was so immediate #out of the three of them my uncle would probably be the most likely to be on tumblr but i doubt he is #i only remembered this cuz marine biology is trending rn #idk why #i dont even remember how that meme started #but its all i can think about anytime someone says the words ''marine biologist''

[seafleece]

right now i’m running a game (mostly) about summoning vecna and what that actually means and well. everyone’s mad at you for wanting to erase yourself from the collective memory of the material plane until a dog girl you’ve never met kills a reality-warping ghost and suddenly you’re size category small

#please ignore everything abt this i can’t draw right now #anyway slightly more context is that #it was one of four allips and upon hearing its secret something you believe about vecna fundamentally changed #to make it harder to find him #only kairii said that vecna is big #so. well. he’s not big anymore #i’ve made this exact joke like three times but #flecna is my game where anything can happen #but that also means. anything can happen #anyway rn they’re focusing on trying to get strong enough to fight orcus who is vecna’s ex and also the demon prince of undeath #and knowing how well everything else in this game has gone #that should go fine #in the meantime on the far realm vecna is halfway through the century long casting of vanish #and now has to reach everything in his cabinets via stepladder #my art #vecna #flecna #don’t think i’ve posted anything else from this game #it sure is something #dnd #dnd 5e #can you tell i want people to ask me abt this game

[fallow-grove]

i finally posted a draft of the song ive been working on to patreon. btw

#fallow buzzes #i think theres like. i think its the next three patrons of any tier iirc get a complimentary doodle upon joining? #two or three. probably three #i still havent finished rubie's which i feel bad about but at the same time my mental state is a bit fucked rn #so im just doing what i can where i can and where i remember to and i know i'll do everything eventually #as it stands i only post a couple times a month but if more people sign up then ill make it more frequent =] #i also recently lowered my prices #tag ramble #patreon

[b4kuch1n]

one thing I thought was missing from canon sk8 was the mine being haunted apparently. so we are bringing that into burnished house for absolutely no fucking reason

#sk8 the infinity #burnished house #(I am jokeing there is. in fact. a reason) #(you will not learn this until the divorce comes up) #(well the preliminary reason is I fucking love ghost stories and want to put them in everything) #(and that reki is afraid of scary things which makes him my favourite kind of victim. younger sibling coded for that only) #Im actually having a lot of fun alternating povs between reki and langa bc Ive like. accidentally grounded langa's in #very clear and present bodily sensations. straight up uncomplicated observations about materials in the world around him #while reki's gets all the hyperboles and pretty poetic stuff. I enjoy the idea of him being good at storytelling #ESPECIALLY bc him taking words to heart including scary stories. big deal to me ok? #love to write langa and going from things that clearly are present right there in the scene to the most insane thoughts a man can have #and then write reki and jump wildly between dork ass energetic shounen character speech and romanticizing the fuck out of concrete #weird thing to say after writing three fics of like 20K+ words in total about them granted lmao #but like. listen. I feel like burnished house is me going apeshit so far. this is truly my time to be the worst ever #same approach as I took with [REDACTED]. oh you think this is bad? just wait #I have already added TWO old people ghosts into this one. be in awe of my power #well. be in awe of it when I finish this chapter... I need to sleep rn dksdfhdskj #have a good nite lads. I cant wait to get to that one spot in this chapter where I go yess... YESS!!!! HAHAHA YESSSS #wish u the same for ur art endeavour. if ur art endeavour doesnt have something like that u should add it. my message to da world

[arklay]

WIP DAY.

tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡

tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡

i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.

started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]

it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo

never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.

everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk

i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe

actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not

Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.

#tag games. #keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying) #i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day #or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words #are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i #still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to #sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just #like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how #i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then #disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your #creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about #being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually #filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm #rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not #i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted #the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but #also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or #leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well #because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations) #but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg

[silverislander]

symptoms disorder is causing symptoms of a disorder to me once more. shocking and tragic. who could have predicted this

#im just frustrated man. its hard #working on my essay has been easy! im having fun im excited to do this and i think im doing good work #but unfortunately bc my brain is tied to seven horses running in opposite directions. its the ONLY thing i can fucking work on lately #ive been putting off work in my three other courses in order to work on my essay #and now those deadlines are coming up and i still cant fucking. make myself do stuff to meet them #i have 2 days to write up at least 6 discussion posts from 2 weeks ago + write at least 2 journal entries on books i didnt get time to read #+ finish a short essay #i have a week to finish 2 other short essays #i have a week and a half to finish the next part of my big essay #i need to start work on my theory presentation so i dont fall behind bc presentations are NOT smth i half ass #i havent done any of the readings for any course in almost a month. im so behind on those its not even funny #but i can only make myself do one fucking thing rn and its the least relevant thing where the deadlines are negotiable. why #levi.txt

[caffeinatedopossum]

Doctors be like "have you experienced a major life event recently", not considering the possibility that every event in my life has been major so honestly nothing feels important from my perspective

#like last time they asked me this im pretty sure i had just moved states cut off contact with most of my family #turned 18 discovered i was chronically ill and disabled AND was just going to doctors for the first time in my life #despite my crushing anxiety of being anywhere in front of anyone #im pretty sure i have/had agoraphobia but ive never been evaluated for it #i just feel absolutely terrified being in public especially any new places or being alone outside at all #like i cant go places alone but that was what i was doing anyway for doctors appointments #because oh yeah this was during covid too lmao #i kinda forgot because once again nothing seems all that important me #like global pandemic? cool cool can i get some severe isolation with this life threatening virus too? awesome #also yeah covid is still a thing but people dont care anymore #oh yeah i had also just lost my pets and my religion and all of my religious friends. this is the type of stuff i forget #what even counts as a major life event anymore #i think if i was to become homeless get hospitalized or my gf died. those are the only three things i can think of that would shake me rn #nvm there are more now because im thinking about it lol i just think those three are more likely scenarios

[hexcitrine]

randomly looked at this account to update my age and holy shit it's been a while since i posted here..........i have a small pile of art i have yet to post but hbhbshdbshbd too lazy

#part of it is that i haven't posted any of my recent art but in addition #i haven't made new art in a WHILE (abt 3 months) which is highly unusual for me but the reason for that is #3 months ago i suddenly remembered that i tried learning mandarin for three (3) days before forgetting about it for 9 months #(amusingly the reason why is not because of danmei......i did not even know danmei existed when i first decided to learn it) #anyways i have been insanely fixated on learning it for the past 3 months #however since art is primarily a way for me to process my interests and that only really be done when i'm fixated on media........well #let's just say i have not been making art at all #that might change soon tho #rn i'm reading 撒野 (saye) in chinese bc it's at a level i can read and i fucking love it so far #idk why i picked a book longer than svsss (which took me a week to read in english)...u would think there's no chance of me finishing it #or even reading it #especially when the only novel i've read before this is a chinese translation of the fucking magic finger by roald dahl LMFAO #but it's been a week and i'm a fifth of the way into it which i was not expecting at all #it was initially an exercise of “i will get as far as i can and try my best to read a chapter a day” but i've been zipping through chapters #last night i was up until 3 AM reading it and i was so tempted to read more but had to stop myself #of course this is all aided by pleco which lets me quickly look up words that i don't know yet. pleco ily #that being said...this all does mean i know words like 收銀台 before i even know the word for “orange” (the color) which is pretty funny #but idk considering that the sum of my time spent learning chinese is just 3 months..........i think i am doing pretty damn good #i thought it would be a LOT longer before i could finally start enjoying some interesting things #god but it really has been a while since i last read a high school romance...but i am quite fond of the leads and their respective baggage #sorry for the whole tag ramble.........i haven't really had anyone to talk abt this stuff with #oh also it's my birthday #that is why i am even here to update my age in the first place #happy lan wangji birthday #actually the only reason i realized it was gonna be my birthday soon is because i saw chinese artists posting lan wangji birthday fanart #and then remembered that we share the same birthday #also re: the art i haven't posted yet.........a good chunk of it is misvil fanart...song qingshi my beloved #and there's also a luo binghe drawn on an art app i PROGRAMMED MYSELF (!!!!!!!!!) in there #actually that piece is the main reason i haven't posted the art i HAVE made. how the fuck do i explain that i drew it on an app that i made #sorry this is genuinely the most off the rails tag ramble i've ever done. okay i'm done

[finexbright]

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#thinking thoughts that harry might actually be leaving his label and management and the whole three contract deal #wasn't a rumour at all because like what the fuck is actually happening #really fucking sorry but even if harry was straight. or wasn't with louis. he would NOT be dating this woman after everything #like every single person can see just how vile she is and how she's barely keeping up with her own lies #if you really want me to believe that harry is dating this woman who has no shred of self awareness #and has such a twisted view of things. and has been so cruel to so many people on set. and has supported #an actual abuser. and has looked down on one of the most respected actresses in hollywood rn. and has been spinning lies #then i honestly don't know what to tell you #i don't know how much truth there is to the nanny story but there was this quote about how she's fame hungry and how much she cares about #what other people and she's only with harry because of his fame and i think that was the only truth in that article #i don't know what sort of a hellish deal she negotiated with harry/his team but she was really fucking clever with it because what the fuck #convinced she doesn't have a team or publicist or whatever and that she's been pulling strings all along. anyways for fuck's sake #free harry from this mess and do you know what let him disappear for some time while she digs her own grave for her career #like you guys do see that she's been in the industry for over 20 years and has had so many career changes #acting/producing/directing etc and the thing that's gotten her the most fame is this pr stunt. is her bearding. says a lot about her #priorities and who she is as a person and if after all this you still think that harry is actually with her or that he's not #miserable with her. then boy do i have news for you. i don't claim to know him or whatever but like. any decent human would see through #her facade and back the fuck away. like any self respecting person would've seen her world of lies and said nope. i care about my life and #career goodbye. so yeah anyways hope this ends soon and hope she vanishes because it's clear that her career in hollywood is done for