#i am so sober and so normal

[cigayretteboy]

this is my almost 5am <3

#i am so sober and so normal #i am actually kinda crunk and so fucked in the brain lol #fiona apple

[ofthehands]

Hey fellow lefton enjoyers, who do you think would make the first move? Been reading and watching a lot about TCM, and one of the primary things I've seen Hooper reference with Drayton is repression and Leftys got his whole religious deal. So who do you think bends first? Or does someone (or something) else Rube Goldberg machine them into realizing it?

#lefton #i would find sources on the repression stuff but i am so covid brained rn its not funny #also while leftys religious stuff could be to a normal level and hes just being quirky/ drunk at the time of the movie #i like making him religiously quirky too bc it keeps up that sawyer-like intensity that he has even while sober #he also might be protestant or baptist idk #the song he sings is primarily associated with Protestants but i think he coule be bapitist too bc of the area #though the baptist thing is personal experiance more than anything lol

[charlotterenaissance]

having an almost comically bad couple days so i'm microdosing on all my fixations by alternating episodes of kids in the hall, night court, h2o just add water, and conan o'brien remotes. just having a normal one

#the fun part of being the child of my alcoholic dad and junkie mother is that my form of vice is old tv shows #as i try to zone out while stone-cold sober #i had a bad day at work which was the capstone to a rough couple weeks #which is why haven't really been on here #and i'm pretty sure i can't trust my own vision or whatever because i look at things and get told i'm wrong #and then i found richard moll died so i'm not doing so great #i am so sad #i'm just so so sad and scared #all the time and i hate this so much and i hate being a burden to the person i love #and i just feel so alone and not good at anything and not good enough for anything or anyone i'm just not worth anything #it's my fault for only being able to conceptualize relationships via the familial bond #so i take my boss who is normally sweet and patient with my stupid worthless self #yelling at me as rough as you can possibly imagine #she didn't even yell at me specifically but every time she came by i flinched and any time i said something she got mad and yelled at me #i don't know i'm sorry #i just want to disappear #i'm also on my period one more cosmic corkscrew of pain

[grubloved]

train drawings i nevr posted here

#it regularly takes me 16+ hours to sober up so i am often just Kind Of Drunk on the train. its ok im good at being normal #birdenest #my art

[dykethang]

also the fact that i said part of that post Anywhere. wtf is wrong with meeeeeee. i know temazepam fucks me up if it doesn't succeed in knocking me out. but does it really disinhibit me enough that ill just say that without even a second thought

#cat meows #the answer is. Yes apparently. so in future i will be revoking my own phone privileges when i take it #because i think it messes me up bad enough i am actually not what you could consider In Control of myself #but also part of what i wrote is so genuinely like. hm. how do i put this. #having DID is very complicated and sometimes if you get me fucked up Enough. #i will say things. that i don't have recall of normally. and it's not always like... #very obvious that a switch Happens there. but i think that was an Occasion. #no recollection of sleeping on the floor only saw the Evidence when i opened my tumblr notes. #so one of the things in that post is not necessarily something i have recall of. when sober. #would love to fucking know who does because that's a very very bad thing. and if it's true. #well if it's true then things just got a million times more complicated i think.

[satans-knitwear]

.

#still living with my parents means i am currently having to listen to them yelling at eachother #but they are both drunk and so all i can hear is raised voices.not the actual conversation if there is one. #thankfully i just heard my brother pull up on the drive so hopefully he will be a distraction for them for a second. #i hate hearing ppl fight so much. especially my parents. makes me feel like a scared little kid #its not a frequent thing or anything. but it is an unfun one #ppl fight. i get that. but if they were both sober then a) they would keep it quieter b) they probably wouldnt have started it #they would have talked normally. i hope.

[softer--apricot]

why is being high like being drunk in that I just want to confess the most embarrassing things I can think of but have such intense paranoia and social anxiety that i'm incapable of even conversing

#like i know my anxiety isn't real but I can't work around it and am so unsure about what people are saying that I can't respond #like I just feel like I know they're lying to me but also I know they're being normal and I'm just high #Anyways anyways #If anyone wants to have random nonsensical conversation... I'm trying to be a human person and want to socialize #But also if you're reading this remember I have the memory of a goldfish while I'm high so like... Send follow up messages #If I leave tumblr at all I may forget I was even here #And I'm trying to text one singular person so I may get lost trying to respond to him without being weird #I have a cruuuush. Theyre v cute and know I like edibles but have not voice an opinion so like.... Pretending to be sober while I can #Edible is just starting to hit me thoufh so I'm only going downhill with coherency #Already using too many words in order to not be misunderstood in tone/meaning

[femmeidiot]

I also really want to try to have an edible again sometime soon I was thinking about tomorrow but I'm worried because I've been having issues with like sometimes I basically have like hallucinations? Or I remember things that are triggering? Or some combination of both things? Also was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts. But then sometimes I'm also fine but it's like idk what to expect so it's kind of scary? I spend a lot of time being scared lately and it was getting better but I'm worried it'll get bad again.

#I think some of it was when I started taking my lexapro again #I was sober other than taking my prescription meds but I was having like insane scary thoughts #my mind was a terrible place to be and I couldn't escape it and I don't know if I could handle feeling that way ever again #I'm also SO BAD at paying attention to how I'm feeling and stuff and I'm bad at telling is something is a side effect or just like my brain #naturally doing something fucked up #same with my body it's like idk what normal is and I can't put two and two together to realize it shaky cause I haven't eaten #so how the fuck am I supposed to be like my brain is doing insane things because I'm on medication #anyway super sorry I'm like diary posting extra vulnerable stuff I should look for a therapist

[identitty-dickruption]

fellas is it normal that all my nightmares are about alcohol now

#I am almost one month sober and I keep waking up in a sweat #after dreams where like. well. last night I was just at a party and got blackout drunk and that was the entire dream #and I don't remember this happening last time?? #although tbh my longest sobriety streak since I was 17 is like. five months? #and my longest streak since I was 18 is three months #so. I may just be forgetting a perfectly normal part of The Process

[nonbinarylesbianskout]

she's still everything to me btw

#toth non #nomad of nowhere #plz excuse the everything about this i am not sober rn but that means i actually have the courage to post this lmao #not to air out my issues on my non side blog of all places in the year twenty twenty two but i am not confident enough to post my art #like ever anymore #its fine its all good i am so normal #she was supposed to be laying on something #but i never drew it lmao

[soldier-poet-king]

My Nonno, who is not normally an insane conspiracy theory person though he watches way too much CNN and completely false discovery channel documentaries, today at dinner is currently trying to say that the reason the US has so many shootings perpetrated young men is because there's not enough young women so when the men grow up and are single and feel unwanted and "don't have a proper life" and so they commit murder

Like. I'm not disagreeing that incel alt right mentality is extremely on the rise, nor that our individualistic western society has perpetuated extreme loneliness, but I don't think "I can't get a date" is the #1 issue behind mass violence

#franposting #politics sorry not sorry #not even really politivs #just that i am sitting here like. what. what the fuck are you talking about #and i gave up booze for lent so i am WAY TOO SOBER FOR THIS #normally he is normal about things??? IDK WHERE THIS IS COMING FROM #HES NORMALLY VERY SENSISBLE AND REASONABLE FOR A CONSERVATIVE LEANING IMMIGRANT #oh no ive never been on a real date either and im too ugly to be kissed #you dont see ME committing mass crime #and im the loneliest bitch in this earth #alas #i want wineeeeeee or to go home

[pinkspiraling]

i feel sick

#i’m really questioning if i’m an alcoholic like…am i???? maybe idk !!! i can’t seem to get a fucking grip #and being sober freaks me out so much like i don’t want to just never drink. that sounds terrible. but also i can’t drink in a normal way! #pink’s word vomiting

[lakemichigans]

got way more drunk than i meant to 😐 how is it possible to be 24 and still not know my limits

#iy just changes so much depending on how much you ate or slept the night before #and i've been too chicken shit to tell my friends i want to get sober #i'm just so scared #i don't want them to treat me different or stop inviting me to things #i can handle alcohol being around me i just dont want to drink it anymore #but im scared because my best friend in the whole world is also going through the same thign #*thing #but i don't think she's at the same place as i am #and i'm so scared she'll choose alcohol over me. because i fucking get it. i really do #and i'm just terrified #sorry i'm ranting #god i don't even have fun getting drunk anymore i just get so fucking sad #i wish i could be normal i wish my best friend could be normal i wish we could all drink on special occasions and not a day more #i wish so badly that we didn't have to worry about our drinking being a problem #i just wish we could have fun and not think about anything else #SORRY i'm still ranting

[cunnidingus]

i don’t know how to fix this

#it doesn’t matter if i’m sober i’m still too sad to love someone in a normal way #im not normal i’m not good #i don’t know how to be good enough for this world i don’t understand how to be like other people #i am not strong and happy #i am not smart and strong #i need love i am bad #i cannot rely on another person and i have to but i can’t and j can’t live like this #i know that i can’t i have tried so many times i am thirty years old and i have tried so many times #i just exhaust people and they think they love me until they realize they made a mistake

[fortunatefool]

as an extremely introspective person who's lived through many real physical threats of violence and death I have to say I have never understood having a panic attack from weed. Worst case scenario I pass out. Ok. ??? No OD, no danger where I am, and I know if I'm paranoid I can just redirect and forget in w seconds. Why tf are you hyperventilating?

#if im chilling and you make me take care of u and walk u thru ur emotions and talk thru ur delusions #i will #but i am never fucking inviting you back that shit makes me want to throttle ppl #like this is the safest and happiest place why are you stressing me out over NOTHING? #when we sober up im punching you 5 times so you can experience real fear for half a second #then maybe u wont be so ungrateful of the peace you do have #ppl being scared in non dangerous situations is normal but it makes me so angry like this is not dangerous?? ur fine??? #my stuff

[joyridingmp3]

dam n

#my stupid fucking vibe stopped working a few days ago I've been in aaaagony :((( #and tomorrow i am going to be drinking and my cute coworker will be there #and i already never get work done when she's around sober #because i can't focus on anything except her #so tomorrow's going to be interesting >:( #mine #I'm going to be SOOO normal my knuckles turn white from how hard im gripping onto the tiny shred normality i have left