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hayleycanalscapstoneblog · 3 years

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Journalism Research: Interview with Emily Allen from the Mountain State Spotlight

Hi, I don't know if I could hear you. Sometimes I have an issue with zoom where I don't get the other person's audio so if it doesn't pop up, I can always call you instead. Okay, wait, try now.

What about now?

Yeah, I can hear you.

Okay, good. Cool. Awesome.

Yeah. How are you doing?

Doing? Well, how are you?

I'm good. It's a little early for me.

Yeah, it's weird. Like, I've never had to use interview questions written by somebody else. But because it's like a research project with a bunch of people. We're kind of like, given our blueprint for this.

And what is this for your in your senior or your graduate? I'm a senior, and it's for my capstone class. So we're doing a big collaborative project, kind of to help us get an idea of what getting a job is going to be like, once we leave.

Sure. Yeah. Big world. Yeah, for you.

How long ago did you graduate?

Um, I graduated from the University of Minnesota like 2018.

Okay, cool.

I'm glad I'm talking to somebody who was recently here.

Yeah, no, it's still fresh in my mind.

Yeah. Are you from Minnesota?

No, we moved around a lot. But I did school up there. So I kind of stayed in the Midwest before I got my job in West Virginia.

Yeah, cool. I got you. Well, I'll jump into it, because they gave me a lot. But you don't need to like elaborate if it's a pretty basic question, just because, I mean, they really just gave me quite a list. And can I record?

Yeah, yeah, totally. Thanks for checking.

Yeah, in North Carolina, you like don't technically have to ask people. But whenever I'm talking to somebody out of state, I don't want to know, you know, I think just in general, too. It's good practice to let them know if you're on the record, you're recording.

And it's an easy way just to be like, Can I quote you?

Yeah, true. Yeah.

Yeah. The weirdest people will have like, you know, the need to say no, like, managers. Yeah. Well, apparently, if you work for Taco Bell, you can't do interviews. I found out so.

Okay. Yeah, that's a couple of corporations.

Anyways, so how would you classify the type of journalism you do? Would you say it's like watchdog journalism, civic journalism? I'm just curious what specification specification you give it.

Um, I think watchdog and civic are both good terms. I mean, I should clarify. So I've been here with balancing spotlight and since June, and it's a nonprofit, and I think both those adjectives work well for it. Yeah. But I daily newsrooms before it. So I always think, with the jobs that I've had, it's been a civic duty. But this is the first time that we've really, for me, done, you know, kind of the watchdog accountability, not just quoting people what they say. But following up and adding extra content and verifying.

That's really cool. And that's kind of the type of journalism I want to get into myself. So watchdog civic, nonprofit, more or less?

Yeah, I'm really bad at like the adjectives that come with this because I literally to paper radio and now, I'm in a nonprofit. I think all those are accurate and when there's like a description on our website, I mean, I, I do I think personally, my job is more community based to I don't know what that term. But I mean, it just goes beyond press releases and press conferences and basic interviews. Yeah, I don't know how to grab that. I'm probably not making sense.

No, that that totally makes sense. Yeah, yeah. I was talking to some people at the devil strip last year. And they're a co op, so very, like community based. And just got a strong sense of what that means for them. Like, knowing the readers in person created a lot of that meaning. So what motivates you to do this type of journalism?

Um, different things on different days, I think. I mean, right now with the job I have, so I'm kind of an out state reporter. I don't cover you know, Charleston, I go out like I was in Dodd Ridge County yesterday, which is extremely rural and farther north. And I think it's really just a, I like talking to people that I've never met before. I like dealing with strangers. I like, you know, learning new things. And even when the job gets really hard, and I'm asking really, like rough questions, and I'm dealing with, kind of hard to interview, you know, public officials, I think I always think back well, I wouldn't want to stop what I'm doing. Because tomorrow or next week, I'm going to go meet so and so or I'm going to go here this. I think it's that kind of a thing.

Yeah. So the base is like in Charleston?

Yes. Yeah, we don't have we're all on the boat for now, because they took off during a pandemic. And I've been here since June. But we're all in Charleston. Yeah. But we travel out for things as necessary. I'm traveling every week, so Okay, mileage is great. Yeah. Do they give you gas? Yeah, yeah, mileage we get reimbursed. So I used to work for public broadcasting. And it was the same way that you got a safe car. And it's kind of awkward, whatever works. on devices in the middle of nowhere where we can't get cell service or anything. to step up, yeah.

One of the one of the questions they were wanting us to ask is like, what other forms of journalism you've been involved with, and then like, kind of how long you've been out in the field. Just what that journey has looked like for you?

Sure. Um, so I graduated in 2018. And immediately after that, like, I didn't even walk the stage. I just went to North Dakota, because I got a job at the Grand Forks Herald, which they're still daily, they stopped printing after I left, they do a Sunday edition and a Wednesday edition. But when I was there, they printed every day, which is like amazing, like just that, that that kind of thing can happen. I covered city government for Grand Forks, which is the city in North Dakota, but across the river, we had East Grand Forks in Minnesota, they also covered their government. And I helped with state house coverage, and sometimes regional stuff, but not a lot. I really just stayed where I land. And then I applied to report for America, which is what I still am in. And they hooked me up with a job in West Virginia, which is West Virginia public broadcasting. So I was full of yours, and I covered Southern West Virginia, sort of the same thing I'm doing now I'd go out there and then I also helped cover the State House. So the legislative session, the radio did well they put me on TV during the session, which wasn't great for me. So fun. And then this summer, my report for America term ended so two years, and I reapplied and got in here with the spotlight club and I'm doing less Statehouse coverage obviously it's I think what's really cool about us is we're not daily, so there's no paper to fill. There's no air show to fill. It's just the website, we do, I think we try to do like two to three stories a week. So it's regular content, you know, if something needs more time, or editors are pretty cool about understanding that and doing whatever it takes to better story out. I think what's also cool too is even though I'm just online exclusively, and that's sort of a thing, we let newspapers and radio stations and whatnot, republish our stuff for free. So sometimes, like I'm in a paper on the other side of the state and you know, I don't work with synthetically maybe.

Yeah, that's really cool. So, so like fully digital, with exceptions.

Yeah, I mean, it's up to that, like public broadcasting. They put a lot of our stuff on their website. I work with Douglas soul. He does a bunch of stuff, but he's mostly economic development. But he did this really big investigation into a sheriff's department in Rowan County, which is maybe an hour from here more rural, and their local paper ran it. So they give it an S run on our website, like people would have seen it, but maybe not a lot of people who live there. But because their paper chose to republish it, like that's something that their community is listening to and adhering to and talking about. Yeah, it was a tangent.

No, it's very interesting. So would you say you guys are local, or state level?

Yeah, I think Well, I mean, I'm here's local journalists. But it is weird because I don't live in a lot of the communities that I'm going to so I'd say state level. Yeah. We I mean, we have a lot. A lot. We're a small team, but we cover Charleston's I guess it's kind of locally based. I think it just depends. But state probably more. So we're not like local, local, or local.

Yeah, I was working for app voices. And I think they have an office up there. But I felt the same way. Because it like feels sort of local, but then, you know, we're not actually reporting on like the town we're in, so much as a regional thing. Okay, so what what would what would you say your specialty is currently?

Um, you mean like skills or what we put out or like you're...

like the topic you report on.

I'm kind of all over the place. Just because not eat is like, I think they call me community watchdog or something. So really, I mean, I pay attention to city council meetings, county commission meetings from where I'm at, or I travel, and I kind of just whatever they're talking about, we'll dive into. And sometimes I'll take something that's happening on the state level, or something that someone else has covered. And I'll bring it into a community and cover what's happening there. So like, it's hard to just like, explain that way. But through by way of example, like we had the huge opioid trial against the three big distributors in Huntington, but it happened in Charleston. So that was, I mean, nationally renowned, the state level news story, but there are like, hundreds of other smaller West Virginia communities that have lawsuits, and nothing's happening to them. So we that story, and I went to Mingo. County, on the Kentucky border, West Virginia, though, and just talked to them about what the opioid epidemic looks like out there. So that kind of a thing, just is I kind of cover all sorts of things, but it just has to have a really community that's chosen.

Yeah, that makes sense. So which, like areas specific qualifications or like journalistic qualifications, would you say are important to have like, for your kind of job?

Um, a lot of things, I think. I mean, being able to, I mean, organizationally, I like I think being organized is important, and being able to plan and stick to the plan of what you're about to report. But I think in terms of reporting, I don't want to just say interviewing, because that's really broad, but like, you know, being able to, you know, knowing how to interview public officials and people who are supposed to serve the public and holding them accountable, but also knowing how to interview like normal people. Because I especially like in our newsroom, and I'm really like, down with this, including, just like regular West Virginians who are impacted about things or like, curious about things you're concerned about things is really important to our work. Because it's something that people can relate to. So I think it's really important to know, like, how to identify real people in a way that's not like exploitive, and like, there are tons of ways to do it. It just depends on the context, but also knowing how to talk with them and being respectful, but getting the best story that you can. Yeah. So in terms of interviews, I think those two things are important public records, laws, even a daily journalism, if you're just aware of that as an area, it's really important. I would still like the more that I ease into this job, the more I learned about public records laws and how that works, but I think it's important just to do whatever you can to get whatever information is out there. And different information from what you know, other outlets might be able to get just by resources. And I think it's not really a skill but something that's really, really important, especially if you're a statewide news organization covering local rural communities keeping up with local news, because even though it's like, strapped like there are tons of local papers still throughout West Virginia. So just taking like an hour or two every day, just to Know what's happening in places and keeping tabs on that. I think it's I don't know if it's a skill, but I think it's really important to any job but this kind of specifically.

Yeah, I feel like that'd be a good like qualification or like, just habit to have doing that kindof work. Do you count yourself as like part of the target audience of the newspaper?

Like, am I a reader for Mountain State spotlights?

Yeah, yeah. Or like would you be even if you weren't working for them? I think so. I mean, it's weird because like, they're extremely new and we just celebrated a year but I've only been here since June. So I was like, I don't know if they were targeting me, but I was a reader and I benefited from their coverage before I came over here. Sure. I think I mean, I think we just target like West Virginians. I think this whether it's to inform them or to let you know somebody living in a community know what's going on in that community.

Do you do like digital? multimedia yourself?

Um, yeah, I guess we I don't have a camera. Like I've been I've taken public broadcasting. We learned a little bit on photography. So it some of that. I think it's important to be able to have some kind of art company in your work, especially digitally. Sorry, I have a cat.

I got this cat at a gas station. rehabilitating her and she's great, but she likes to climb the window screens and she's not ready to get out into the real world.

Did you find her there?

Yeah, yeah, we found her at a gas station and just took her and I'm very fortunate that she's healthy and well, she had fleas.

Via journalism, yeah, I mean taking photos, knowing what you're. And sometimes I think, especially if you're a reporter, and you're starting out, you don't have a lot of control about how your website looks like. So just knowing generally like small things that can make that more engaging, we're lucky we have a really, I think we have a really easy to follow a website, like local newspapers, despite like the quality of their work being really good, like, the websites can be really old. And it's just unfortunate because it's not as compelling or engaging to some people. But just knowing simple things that can make that look good. Like breaking up the copy with sub headers, like an easy headline, the kinds of sentences layout, I think that those things are important, too.

Yeah. So would you say your newsroom? is like, actively campaigning for more digital, like multimedia along with the work? Or is it just like if you can do it, go ahead and do it?

Like we? Yeah, I mean, I think it's a we're all pretty. Like we write we make sure we find our art, we come up with the headlines. Something, it's kind of like, it's a lot because nobody signs up for it. But it is really important. They can come up with our social media copy to like, what are tweets going to say a bunch of technical stuff, that I don't know the words, but like when you see an article on Twitter, like making sure that paragraph a little light one under it is it fits in it makes sense. And it's the accurate characters and with like Google searches, we already do that. And I think it's important because you don't have a paper to fill. It's not like this is the first place typically where people are going to see us. So making sure you can do all you can to build that out. Is is important to us. And it's been important since I started I don't think anybody's like fighting to do that. I mean, obviously better at the more time goes on.

Yeah. Okay, so to pivot away from Digital journalism. And kind of back to something you were saying earlier about, like representing just an ordinary people as well. Do issues of inclusivity and representation come up a lot in your work.

Coverage?

Yeah, for coverage, or like, for, just like the general ethics of what the organization is trying to achieve?

Yeah, I mean, it's so it's weird, just in general, because we don't have an office. So we meet regularly over, we don't have to, because we did have those conversations in my last two jobs. But I remember it was always something that happened in the physical workplace. It is, I mean, when we're individually, I guess, as a newsroom, that's not something that we haven't had a lot of that yet. But when I'm working on copy, and I assume like, I guess I can just be myself, when my editor is looking over something, and we're planning who we're going to reach out with, I think that comes up. And I think for any story. I mean, you want to talk to somebody who, you know, has a compelling story, and is going to be easy to read. And you know, obviously there's somebody worth quoting. But you also want somebody who's representative of what, you know, the thing you're counting on is so if it's like the opioid epidemic, you want to talk to somebody who's been dealing with substance use disorder, if it's like racial inequity, or inequality, like you want to talk to somebody who's on the other end of that you don't want to interview like, just a bunch of white people at like a Black Lives Matter protests. So sometimes, that's common sense. Because it's being you know, taught to us that it is something that when we're planning stories, we make sure to the best of our ability, and sometimes there's a time crunch. You know, to the best of our ability, we make sure we talk to people who are you know, can actually speak to what you're recording on, which is why I think that, you know, the importance of like, the like regular person is so important, because public officials can say they're doing whatever they want, solve these problems. I mean, they're not experiencing

Yeah. How do you? How do you make sure that you're humanizing people and not like tokenizing them?

I think that's a really good question that like, I get really anxious whenever I run a story with because it's super important to have regular people, but I'm also really scared. Like, and maybe this is like, thinking too highly of myself. But like, I've seen how you know, in daily journalism, if you're doing these crime stories, where you run some of these mug shots, and their name, years later, when they're doing well, they can’t get a job because of it, you know. Also Yeah, tokenizing is dehumanizing. I think it just, I mean, obviously, you want it to be a newsworthy story and something worth reporting on. So if it's a topic that's important, make sure the person that you're talking to, is fully aware of what you're going to say about them. Because they there's no reason to do gotcha journalism with a normal person. Um, but also make sure like when they're consenting, they know what they're consenting to. And like don't talk them out of like speaking with you, but How to like just, I don't know. So for the same Mingo county story with the opioid epidemic, I mean, we did talk to people who were in recovery from substance use disorder. And they work on this quick response team, like the language differs from state to state, but these are the people that you know, after an overdose happens. Typically they work for the health department or, you know, emergency response, and they go out there and they try to connect the person was overdosed and has been saved to like treatment options. So like a recovery home or inpatient, outpatient, and they just give them resources to keep up with them. So somebody in that team was dealing with recovery. And I mean, I was nervous, but I also felt confident speaking with her, but she was very well, but she was saying, and she'd done this, like, you know, interviews kind of before. And she's in a, you know, better place, and she's aware of what her name being out there means. So I just think it's important to have people like that I think something else that's really important that newsrooms at our newsroom like, I mean, I don't know if we're perfect because you know, he can sometimes you just have to be told you're doing it wrong to understand that so far, we're really good at people first language. And it really it just depends on when you're talking to someone how they wish to be described, but you know, you don't say, like an addict, you say somebody is dealing with addiction. Rather, you say somebody who's dealing with substance use disorder. It just depends. So speaking about people as people first, you know, when you're dealing with jails or prisons, like incarcerated, people aware, versus inmates, I think that's really important for treating people like and I don't know if like, readers who aren't dealing with this issue, notice that kind of stuff, but I think it does make a difference. And, I mean, it kinda reminds people that you're talking to people?

Yes, no, definitely really important. Yeah, I feel like I, I definitely noticed that in stories when I read them, for sure.

Have you personally encountered hate groups or hate speech? In your reporting or while reporting?

Oh, um, I have not. I mean, I think members of hate groups who sometimes you go to events and there but I have not had the opportunity to cover that. At this point. I know, people who have I know it sucks and their concerns, but that's not something that I have a lot of.

Do you think other watchdog journalists like? Is that something that they frequently would deal with? Or?

I think it depends. So I'm in reporting for America. And they are in for four or five of us in the state. I'm not sure. So most of those are in my organization here. There's one reporter in Morgantown where WVU is and he works for 100 days in Appalachia, which is another really good. They're good. They prefer to but he covers I think his beat specifically is white supremacy. But he's done, you know, he goes out and talks to the covers, that kind of thing. So he's exclusively that and additionally taking pictures for other stuff, cuz he's a really good photographer. I mean, he certainly brings like a watchdog aspect to it. And I think it just depends. I mean, there's so many things to cover with that kind of washed up. I like that is something that definitely should be covered and needs to be covered for just in general. But I don't know if anybody in my organization, I'd have to go back. I definitely know their stories really good comes up. But that exclusively not not yet for me, but I can't speak for my colleagues.

I still think it's especially with because I went to school in Minneapolis. So there were I interned at the paper up there and they had a lot of coverage. When, you know, when these protests were happening after the police killed George Floyd. Yeah, there were groups that were actually coming out here that were not involved with that at all. And so these people that I used to intern with had to learn very fast what Voodoo boys were and yeah, they're still covering some of those criminal trials. So it's just interesting. I still think it's being covered now and I think I it's definitely something where we live in West Virginia, Appalachia. In general, but it's not something that I've dug into, like, I just read about it, and I go, oh my god, that's terrible. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe I'm just associating it with a few years ago, cuz there's a few incidents like at our university when I like first came here. And I feel like I was feeling it more on a local level, whereas, uh, not so much anymore. But yeah, it's definitely, of course still there.

Okay, well, would you say? I mean, if you don't have the experience, like having encountered it before, I don't know if you'd know about the ideal way to address it. But have you heard from any colleagues, how they would go about addressing and countering hate speech while reporting?

It's not really a conversation we've had I mean, I know in general, like in classes, I've had an experiences I've had, I think it's true, the lot of things. If it's, I mean, because like, you know, when you ask if we take a stance, like all the way back, like we don't side with people other than, you know, our readers and what's best, but I do think it's pretty, like, universal, that, hey, groups are wrong, and some of these things are bad. offensive and, and just hateful. So I mean, I think and I have no experience in this, but just, especially with things like vaccine misinformation in the election. It's important, I mean, to cover it, and to let people know what's going on, but to not validate it. Yeah. Like, I don't have a lot to elaborate on it. So I haven't had to deal with that. Yeah, I don't know what the best way to do. But I think it's really important just to, you know, somebody says something, like not just running something, because it's a good quote, because it could be hateful, and it might be harmful to your readers. Just in general, like I assume that applies that kind of thing, too. But I was like the election or mental health or, I mean, just anything, like just being responsible about what you run and not running it just because it's catchy, but just making sure that it's important. Yeah, so not validating what they stand for is important. You're governing that. Yeah.

Okay. Thanks for teasing that out with me. I guess like, I only have two more questions, but do you have like a professional position that you're like, aspiring to fill?

Um, I really like what I do. Now. I really, I mean, I just have a I have a cool job, I get to drive out to places and talk to people I haven't met before and learned a bunch of things I don't know. But also, at the end of the day, when I put out a story that just looks good, and it feels good. And I feel like I've got things different from other outlets. It feels really important. I'm like, I am doing something that makes a difference. Yeah. So I don't know I like what I do. Now. I I want to keep being a reporter. I think especially in this industry to I don't know I there's so many people, I do just want to get into like national stuff after this. It's, it's you feel like there are more and more people. I don't know what your interests and aspirations are. But I think like there are more people who were like, wow, like, local journalism is actually kind of cool. And there are things you can do with this. And maybe we need more voices in these matters of interest, like national outlet.

I think there's a lot of it just depends. And we're a new state level organization. So you know, a lot of my job, especially because I go out to places where I mean, people don't go to Charleston a lot. So when I introduce myself, I also have to explain my news organizations, they have never heard of it. But typically, if you're working for like a local news outlet, or even a public broadcasting, like, I feel like there's more trust there, regardless of who you're talking to them sometimes like national outlets. Even when you are a state level news organization, going into a more local community. It's just I don't I don't know that feels good. Like, you feel like you're on their side. Yeah. Like, I live here. It does suck, though, like pay disparities and some really, really local jobs, especially legacy print, but on a extremely local level. I think that is kind of why it's viewed as a stepping stone. And maybe something more sustainable needs to happen there.

And I think sometimes national outlets they don't like they don't understand what they're saying is probably going to come off as offensive or harmful to the community. So yeah, I mean, even if you can't live like directly in the community, you're covering the closest you can get to it. And the more you live there, and the more you keep in touch, like I think it's really important. And I mean with some daily stories you can't do this book longer form stuff like what we do like to keep in touch with people even after you write with them, and you're out there continuously. I mean, in a professional way, but I mean, they're they're human beings, they're not characters, so I think that's

Yeah, definitely just like, establishing trust and relationships. Do you have anything else you want to add? I I think I've kind of hit everything.

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neborr · 4 years

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A little Over A Year Later...

Soooooo, i’m back. It’s been about a year and half since I’ve started my nursing job; and i’ve got SO MANY UPDATES. It’s been a fucking hell of a ride. What they say in nursing school that you really learn to become a nurse during your first year of nursing is so true. Talking to a few coworkers when i was struggling, earlier in this job, they told me that after a certain time you feel something kinda click for you, for the coworker i talked to, she said it took about 6 months before she felt it click for her. For me it about 8 months in that i suddenly one shift felt everything do just that....click. No longer was i nauseous at the thought of going to work (and it wasn’t just the transition to night shift life that made me so nauseous, (also for any newbies possibly reading this the transition is fucking rough so hang in there)). I felt more comfortable; not a ton just enough that i no longer wanted to cry after every shift, and i became just a tiny bit more confident in myself and my skills.

My hospital also transitioned to having every med-surg nurse work 12 hours shifts, we were previously working 8 hour shifts, and i was on the 11-7am shift. So that was a new learning curve working 7pm-7 am instead.

I’ve also precepted now (yea huge shocker) my unit has a ton of turnover with staff, which i don’t blame, my unit fucking sucks. Don’t work ortho-spine y’all. You gotta balance being a physical therapist and drug pusher with all the narcotics we give, and dealing with bitchy patients. I went into ortho cuz during my capstone in nursing school i was with a float nurse and we floated to ortho unit a couple times and it was chill af, and i thought pt’s wouldn't have as many comorbidites. HA i was wrong there. Being a trauma level 2 hospital we also get GSW victims, car accidents, old ladies falling out of bed and breaking shit.

Anyway, precepting yikes. The first one was.........awful, i made a few mistakes yes, but the girl i precepted, was awful, how could anyone as a new grad with zero experience in this field turn around and call her preceptor shit to my face when i’m trying my hardest to build a level of trust and find a way we can communicate with each other. This topic precpeting her needs a whole new post, cuz i could go on and on about it, but those were the worst couple of weeks. She’s still an awful nurse, and honestly, it reflects bad on me as a person, but she made me cry so much and doubt myself so bad about my abilities as a nurse so i’m just gonna say it. She’s a fucking dumbass, literally stupid as shit. I have absolutely no idea how she passed nursing school let alone the Nclex, she’s asked questions like if a pt is NPO can they get IV fluids.......????? i also had to teach this girl how to count. No you read that right, i did not mistype anything. HOW TO FUCKING COUNT. anyway new topic LOLOL

My second time precepting was so much better. I think she’ll be a great nurse one day, :) I need to learn patience tho, i get frustrated easily when they don’t catch onto the topics quickly and thats ok. I need to remember that i didn’t get shit at first either.

Ohhh nursing during covid. Ummmmmm sucked at first, the whole PPE issue, it’s still a shit situation and they don’t give us hazardous pay. I don’t work on the covid unit but i have been floated there a couple times. Wearing an N95 sucks, hurts ya face and you can’t really breathe or talk great in it, i haven’t worn a PAPR but it looks awful lol, the CAPRs are better but they give me an awful headache.

I think that’s all i’ve got for right now, my macbook is about to reboot, soooooo thanks for reading this random post. I’ll be sure to post more often about my first year as a nurse, just for any other new nurse out there, and as a way to remember the crazy shit that’s happened lol

#diary nursing nursinglife newgrad

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rollbear · 7 years

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The Rollbear Needs Koku!

Hey everyone, due to mounting problems it was suggested to me that I advertise services of many natures in order to earn capitol to deal with horrible life events. I hear this is a pretty common thing here and that the Tumblr community is big on sharing work requests to people in need. So I figured I’ll skip the sob story and post work type stuff first (for those who want a miserable story, It’ll be at the end).

Marketing & Digital Services: For those who don’t know I run a small marketing agency. We focus mostly on social media development & branding services. This means we run the gamut of creative as well as analytical and web development services. We try to focus our actual clients on just the business objective based work of our social media marketing but we always have need of that wide range of skill sets. This means I can offer at the very least a consultation if you need any kind of web work done. Due to the current emergency status, I will personally handle small gigs too like design work, fixing a page on a site, SEO optimizing your images & content, etc. - Ironic that you don’t see us post much given the nature of my day job, but we rarely have time to focus on our RPG stuff, and even the business itself taking our own advice & methods.

RPG Development / Testing: Well, this page is mostly about our RPG work, so hey why not place this here. Also I have a dedicated team of players and a roster of fresh faces for product testing, as well as a history doing so. Check out Goblin Stones latest release “Chapel on the Cliffs”! - But anyway if you have commission ideas let us know!

GMing: This is one I’m divided on, but I’m willing to GM/DM/Storyteller RPG sessions for your rice based contributions to my bank account. Or perhaps teach a class with a casual game? I’ve been doing this for years and have knowledge of various systems, and am forgiving for new players. I always recommend playing free with friends but it fits our theme here and may be what you need to get started? Times are desperate!

Grinding Services: Hey if there is another thing I know well it’s RPG’s. Are you a veteran player of some online game but need to power-level that new class so you can play capstone content with your buddies but aren’t using your main? Get some chap to do it for you while you’re at work! (I especially like @phantasystaronline if you are on #ephinea)

Pixel Art: Alright so there are a ton of people who do this but I can also create faux-pixel art in vector format if you want it scaled to any size for print promotions or the like. This is a time consuming process and even with discounts might be kind of expensive but let me know if you are interested.

Dog Sitting: Southern California only. I have references. Anywhere from the Valley down to Orange County. Probably can’t do San Diego.

That concludes the relatively wide array of service offers. Most of you can move on now. Cheerio!

Well now, for the rest of you, here is the skinny on the situation:

Everything was going pretty well for me and my company last month. We took on some new hires and ramped up our efforts for new and existing clients. This was a big risk for us and I was up-front about that with the newbies, as we are one of those “boot-strapped” companies the papers are so quick to glamorize (in other words, we have no operating capitol - we rely on timely payments from our clients to stay in business, which is natural as this project is just an up-scaling of my freelancing).

Of course, possibly due to the 4th of July, payments came late, particularly with clients with whom we manage advertisements and require the money by a certain time to cover those credits. This coupled with one client stiffing us (for whom we had a retainership in order to develop a site for them upfront to a total time of about 90 hours) for two out of three payments put a major dent (read: negative balance) in our finances.

That’s bad enough on top of my increasingly failing health (which is a minor part of the picture honestly, so I won’t be elaborating further, just lots of chest issues), but it also turns out my girlfriend was arrested for possession on July 4th while sleeping on the street. She was with an unknown party (whom likely is the owner of the drugs) at the time. She is estranged from her family for being unable to contribute to bills, because of the untimely death of her husband (only 27). We had been working on getting her into some helpful programs so that her and her son would have a safe place to stay but that’s all been thrown into the wind for the time being. She is currently being held on a total bail of $10,000 for those possession charges and seems to have no allies in her area. From what I can tell nobody even knows that she is in jail. I only found out because after a few days with no contact I knew things were rough enough that I should check public records and local news outlets. So yeah, things are pretty rough lately and I need to correct my finances post-haste. I’m not big into charity or begging so I posit this unconventional (to me anyway, I see artists open commissions a lot when times get rough) list of potential services. I guess I could dog-sit too if you are local to Southern California? (adding that now). Thanks for reading! Hope I can do something cool for you soon!

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reenignegolb-blog · 7 years

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I will be able to study for final exams tomorrow. That is really early for me, at least I can make some sort of plan, and I am lucky that the bulk of exams are on Friday, that gives me time to study enough over the weekend for control systems before Tuesday, to make sure I can get a 90 grade and solidify an A, and plenty of practice time to do quantum problems and formulate some questions before the final about difficult problems I can find in the book, and hopefully I make the upper curve for an A, I have no idea how that works but I’d say my ‘real’ grade is B+ to A- range, I am working hard on the last assignments, that is what has kept me up there in this course, is the hard work I spend on the problem sets, when my exams are meh, they are just tests though, and then there is electronics and science and religion, which require less studying, and I have received either feedback I am doing well or check marks, but I have to make myself spend at least a couple hours added up without breaks on those, for the first time in my college career I will make deans list, unless something goes wrong, I can’t think of what would though, this will show my graduate school I am ready after a rough start. I am strangers with my professors still, as a senior. Looking back, it was a big mistake on my part. It is hard for me to utilize lectures during the middle of the semester because I am always overwhelmed and cannot keep up with preparation work because of my mental health. I am sleep deprived, my glasses have broken, my depression has beat me up, I pushed away anybody I knew, just in time for summer, thankful for that. I literally forgot about capstone until now though, and that makes me anxious, because I forgot to connect with this guy before summer to be able to run an experiment. I can start learning after exams, but am not sure if I should give myself a long time off before starting, like at least a week or two, or if that would be detrimental, because I have spent the semester half utilizing my brain, and it is warmed up and primed for learning. I hate not having much fun stuff to do in the summer, in terms of keeping up with people, because I generally keep to myself, working, and I have never read over the summer, or reviewed any material, I think I could possibly for the first time, do a massive amount of studying, of previous classes, and maybe compile it, along with mathematical tools I have learned, into a single book type thing. I purchased like 12 new books to read and I hope to take a few of those out. I have a summer project in mind too, in terms of designing something and building it, and hope I can get motivation, and even convince myself to see a psychiatrist, because I can’t handle any type of relationship with people, I destroy them. I haven’t gotten angry in a while, and I think that is because no chemicals are causing my brain to roller coast up and down, and I have spent much less time at home. I almost got angry yesterday, for silly reasons , and I felt the familiar energy building up inside of me, but tried to let it go. I definitely need to get this energy out of me still, before finals week. Maybe I will go out and be social at least once, and exercise a lot over the weekend, and go to new places to study, probably just a local library. I definitely need new study places, where I can have earbuds in or not, talk and/or whisper to myself, chew my pen frantically, twitch out trying to think fast and make random hand movements and pointing at my paper, without anybody thinking I am a complete weirdo. I like to work on boards with a book in front of me, and write something, walk back and forth and repeat things to myself, and work out extra details, in one scrambled mess, like my mind is right now. I just have to write random stupid things and ideas sometimes, it is like when you are sitting there overthinking stuff, but it is better to overthink them on a screen or page than inside your head. I wish people were more fun here, people seem really bent. Of course they probably think the same of me, with the way I act in front of them. But that is the point, it is an act, that I can’t let up just yet. Well maybe I am a little bit, I feel so weird, wrong, corny when I have to be a certain way around people that goes against my inner being. A comparison is like a child growing up in a city and his parents let him outside to hang with the block kids and do fun things like ride bikes or be mischievous vs the child growing up in the same city and having parents who kept them inside away from ‘bad’ things and monitored activities and friends. It is like you can hear someone say, gosh darnit or gee willikers to avoid saying any form of swear word and the first reaction is ‘did they just say that’? Use the real words, they have so much more meaning and emotion in them, be straight to the point with it. One child experiences more than the other, the other kid spends his whole life in the niche group of goodness and learns how to be normal and be like everyone else. You just can’t make certain jokes around people, you have to talk about the silliest trivial things like they matter to you, because it is a big deal to other people somehow, and you are like, wow, that is not interesting at all. It all comes down to being straight to the point with people about everything, instead of footing around everything trying not to offend anyone, and people who have experienced less are not as comfortable with a range of topics or ideas, or as open minded. A black child grows up in a black neighborhood, or a white child grows up in a white neighborhood, compare them to the kid who grew up in a more mixed neighborhood. That kid is more comfortable with a wide range of things, because he has experienced more than one culture, like academic culture, which I am just not made for. My head is completely elsewhere than school, 24/7. I am good at forcing myself to do work, but all I am really thinking about is the fun I would like to have, when I have no school work stopping me, and during lectures I think, man I could do this quicker, or man I just don’t get lectures, they don’t help me learn, because I learn differently. I think of each assignment, and what I have to learn to complete them, so I can go hike that mountain, or go see that movie, go chill with a friend, play some soccer, build a project, ride my motorcycle, play xbox, or whatever. I am excited to get back to the summer soccer league I have done every year, where we just get together two days a week and play, and random guys and girls show up, of all ages, and maybe have a beer after. I can’t wait for the weather. I hope I do see a psychiatrist though, because something is seriously wrong with me, the way I think. Just reading what I wrote a couple lines above is always like, what the fuck are you talking about, you don’t think that, or why would you put it that way, sounds weird, you are lying, always negative self talk that I can’t stop. I can relate to hating people and loving them at the same time, being extremely afraid of rejection, that I do the rejecting first, but wanting to make friends and show people the real me, and I have gotten angry at times in a short temper kind of way, ready to be set off, having low self esteem that doesn’t land on the chart from 0-10, admiring people for a short time and then deciding I hate them, like maybe I admire if they are witty, or nice, or good looking, or smart, and maybe I can’t be those things or I tell myself that, and hate them for it, basically idolizing. I wouldn’t say I have a favorite person, but I would probably be lying, because I just wouldn’t want to admit that, it would give me self pity, because it sounds so sad, to have one person that you admire, and not several people, or maybe that that person doesn’t think of you the same way, like this friend I have distanced myself from, it was like I did a 180 on him, some people call it splitting, and I hated him. For having these other friends, and I wasn’t first like in my mind maybe I was, or he was first in mine, and you realize there is nobody else, so maybe you try to focus on other people or another person, but without a specific person (fp) to latch onto, you feel really lost. It is similar to people who need a significant other to feel satisfied, I don’t feel that way though. Whenever I dated somebody, it really just made me feel trapped, in that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, and I could no longer satisfy myself, as the possibilities in life got smaller, and you realize that you are eventually going to be expended, or think you made the wrong choice, and you wasted a huge amount of time. I don’t want to waste that time, and I can’t anymore, because school has honestly made any mental issue I might have had so much more worse. Summer is nice, I get back some of my identity, that is destroyed by school. Why can’t I just accept this part of me? That learns physics and engineering, and maybe likes some of it? I don’t feel comfortable in public with a college shirt, because of how I think people perceive somebody who goes there, or goes to college, and also engineering or physics. I have this idea that the graduate student is looked at better by people, like what do you do? I go to school, for bachelors in physics, I am in my undergrad, vs I do graduate studies, I am in grad school. I feel like people think I haven’t accomplished anything as undergraduate student, and I might also feel that way. My professor tried to tell us in a car ride that we have made a big accomplishment, and he added details that supported how I felt, like no matter what you learned or did or grades you got, just completing it, as if it was a stamp of approval, college approved. I just think, like yeah I can do really simple math equations and niche physics of 1 to 2 particles, or know 2 % of the circuit that is in the remote I use. Unless you are doing a phd and researching, what is the point? We should be learning industry skills and real life skills, and applications of this stuff, like mainly applications. I don’t think we should be learning any theory unless we can do something with it, so that by the time we graduate we are actually capable if someone asks us to do something, to make something, to test or review something. I don’t know what I am talking about. What I am writing, isn’t actually what I think most of the time either. I feel like I just have to keep writing about these same things, so that I don’t think of them during the day.

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