#i am just very stupid and need to explain everything fully

[furiousgoldfish]

This is something I experienced as a child, that I don't fully understand yet, but it contributed greatly to me feeling like my parents are right and I must be stupid. I want to know if this happened to everyone else.

So there would be times when I would be under immense pressure from the abusers, and they would try to force me to understand a concept, but mostly by shaming me and yelling at me for not getting it and repeating some kind of, very general and non-explanatory claim that apparently should have been enough for me to get it. But I could not, in my brain, make a connection, I'm not sure if it was because at the moment I was terrified, pressured, ashamed and threatened, or if I was too young to figure it out. Sometimes my mind would go completely blank and I would not be able to take in new information at all, even though I desperately wanted to understand.

However, years later, I would remember that same thing, but now I had more context about it, more knowledge that surrounds it, more ideas on how things work, and even without thinking about it more, I would suddenly understand what they were talking about. I don't know if it's the additional knowledge of the world that would help me put it together, or if it was brain development, or something else.

I had a similar problem at school, where sometimes things would be explained generally, and I just didn't understand it, I couldn't see the process of how the thing worked, and it was being said like it was something easy to understand, that I should have figured out instantly, and other kids seemed to get it. It left me permanently confused and worried that I must be somehow stupider than anyone else.

But, again years later, when I ran away from the abusers, I looked at the same concept and it made perfect sense instantly, and I didn't know how I couldn't make sense of it earlier.

Nobody had ever bothered to sit down and explain anything to me, even in school I was expected to have basic knowledge and build up on it. But growing up abused meant the most simple concepts were not explained; instead parents would say whatever suited them most was the truth, or tell me to stop being annoying with my questions, and I was left in the dark over the inner function of, pretty much anything. Sometimes, even when I did learn something at school and came home with the new knowledge, they would decide that it was trivial, wrong, unnecessary, and simply false. Which also made learning harder because I had to question everything, at all times.

Not being able to understand what others could instantly made me believe that I was in fact, stupid, and it made it more difficult to believe my own senses, my own conclusions, it made it difficult for me to know that my own thoughts, opinions and conclusions had any value at all. I often ignored my own instincts and senses and took for granted what others told me, which later often proved to be false, and just manipulative misinformation.

After escaping abuse, my mind cleared up and I don't know if I can attribute it to my brain finishing its development, but things are now extremely easy to understand, and any concept I struggled with before, comes naturally to me. I think at least a part of it had to be about me being in fight-or-flight mode and whatever brainpower I had fully focused on staying alive. I could not figure out some concept that made no sense to me in such a state. I also think it's possible that I just lacked so much general knowledge, I lacked references to put those ideas into context, I could not connect the knowledge to anything I've seen or experienced before, because I had no experienced that many things, but other kids have, so they could make the connection.

I'm also suspecting that maybe, general and vague descriptions of things were something I rejected because I needed to understand something in depth in order to feel like I am familiar with it, if I only had the wide general idea, I still counted it as 'not knowing', until I had some intimate experiences with inner workings of it. And with more life lived, I had more experiences, and became familiar in a way that made me confident about understanding it.

Did anyone else have a similar experience, and do you maybe understand why it happens this way?

#child abuse #brain development #losing cognitive function due to trauma #feeling stupid due to not being able to think under pressure #trying to figure things out without context or explanations #struggling in school #feeling dumb

[the-dawn-star]

Hi, can you please write an oneshot where the human reader tried to break up with yandere Elijah Mikaelson after discovering he is a vampire that feeds on and kills people, and it violates her moral code? What happened next is entirely up to you, thanks a lot :)

A/N: Hey! Firstly, I'm not sure how happy I am with this but I hope you like it. I kind of changed the idea because writing is hard (XD) but I hope you don't mind.

-S

+500ish words.

TW/CW: Some random person being dead, talk of blood, murder and the normal vampire stuff. Yandere stuff like obsessiveness and delusion.

This wasn’t supposed to go this way. Everything has been going so great in your relationship. And now everything has been ruined... 

It was after a marvelous evening with Elijah. You had eaten well and drank a bit of fantastic wine. You had walked home hand in hand. You had thought that everyone would be sleeping at that time but instead you found Kol and Klaus in the living room talking about something you didn’t pay attention to. And on the floor was a clearly dead body with blood covering his neck.  

After that you weren’t sure what had happened. Kol and Klaus were clearly too drunk to explain themselves, so the explanation became Elijah’s responsibility. Words about vampires, of them being immortal, of death and blood.  

You wanted to throw up. Elijah had been so kind and gentle, so kind in fact that you had fallen in love with him. But this changed it. When you looked at your perfect boyfriend now you just saw all the people he had killed, the innocent people, the blood on his hands.  

You had wanted to leave. After Elijah explained what you had seen you were ready to run away from the house and never look back. But you still cared for the man in front of you and to your surprise Elijah didn’t let you leave. Saying it was for your safety, to make sure you wouldn’t do anything stupid. So that’s why you were laying on your bed that you normally shared with Elijah. But for now, you were alone and terrified of your boyfriend.  

~~~ 

You didn’t assume that you would wake up anymore. If he had killed other people, what would make it that Elijah wouldn’t be killing you too. But you did wake up..., Elijah’s hand gently on your cheek. You wanted to run away, to fight back his kindness.  

“How did you sleep?”  

“I’m fine...,” Your words were barely a whisper and very much a lie. You felt horrible. 

“I didn’t mean to tell you this way..., I was scared of you knowing..., knowing who I really am. You must understand that.”  

You did. You knew very well the feeling of being scared of showing the real you to the people around you. But in your case, you weren’t scared to show people that you were an ancient vampire who needs blood to survive.  

“And I’m sure you will understand it even better once you are turned.”  

Your eyes widened with Elijah’s words, and you ripped yourself off of his touch.  

Did you understand something wrong? What was he talking about?  

“I know it is scary, but I promise I will be there with you at every step of the process. And maybe one day you see that I’m doing this for you..., for us.”  

Elijah’s smile was gentle just like the tone he spoke the words that you did not understand. Where had you gotten this so wrong?  

“What are you saying?” You asked.  

“I have loved you ever since I laid my eyes to you. You are meant to be mine..., but we cannot be together fully as long as you are a human...”  

You didn’t know how to respond.  

“I’m doing this for you..., for us.” 

#the originals #the originals x reader #the originals x #the vampire diaries #the mikaelsons #elijah mikaelson x y/n #elijah x y/n #elijah mikealson x reader #elijah mikaelson #elijah x reader #yandere x reader #yandere tvd #tvdu x reader #tvd x reader #yandere elijah mikaelson #tvdverse #tvdu #originals

[em1e]

⠀ ⠀バジ // AVANT GRANDE ⠀ ༝ ༝ baji keisuke ⠀ ༝ ༝ 1.2k words ⠀ ⚠︎ flower shop!au <3 1/4. fluff, some cursing, yk how it goes ⠀ — baji is just a great friend, helping chifuyu out. he doesn't even like flowers.

he really did not want to fucking be here. walking down the street in the silly shirt chifuyu designed for the pet shop, hair messily falling over his shoulders, with bags under his eyes. he was tired, but chifuyu practically begged him to go pick up these stupid flowers for the adoption event they had the honor to host at their pet shop, and his friend has been running himself ragged trying to get everything in order before tomorrow. 

that doesn’t stop his annoyance from building with each step he takes, aggravation palpable as he steps into the shop. it has nothing to do with you, yet you go rigid as he enters your shop. he eyes everything you have to offer -  from red roses, to sunflowers, to carnations, before they settle on you sitting behind the counter. you offer a smile. 

“hi, can i help you?”

his voice is rough and really hot and you think you’d melt at the prospect of him speaking if his glare wasn’t so intense, “my friend ordered flowers for our shop, ‘m just here to grab ‘em.”

“do you know the name on the order?” your customer service voice isn’t lost to baji. he moves further into the building towards where you stand, looking down at a list you have in front of you with names and what he can assume are arrangement types. he spots his own. baji keisuke - avant grande. 

it sounds like a spell. 

“that one.” he says, pointing to the paper and watching with mild amusement when you jump at the sudden movement. 

“oh, you’re chufuyu’s friend!” you grin besides yourself, highlighting his name on the paper and going into the back, coming out with a huge bouquet. he doesn’t really know much about flowers, but he can tell this is… decent, at the very least. 

he grunts in response to your question, “yeah, that’d be my friend.” 

you place the flowers on the counter, refixing the roses when they shift out of place. “chifuyu already paid, so you're free to take them as is. s’there anything else I can help you with today?” 

he eyes you in a weird way, adjusting to the way your mood suddenly shifted when you realize who he was picking up for. then, with a shake of his head, he’s taking the flowers by the vase and leaving. 

when he arrives back to the pet shop, he’s greeted by his friend, who has a stupid grin on his face. 

“what?” baji asks, thrusting the flowers into his hands and rounding the counter to clock out, ready to be relaxing at home with the stupid reality tv show he’s been watching play on the tv. 

chifuyu takes them gingerly, still eyeing him, “see anything you like?” 

baji’s eyes cut to his suddenly, glare hardening, “you did not send me to pick up a stupid arrangement just to set me up, did you?” 

his accusation is harsh, but chifuyu doesn’t waver, “and if I did?” 

he chooses to ignore him, opting to finish putting in his password instead of giving him the satisfaction of seeing him blush.

that, however, doesn’t explain why he stands in front of the shop a week later, without the prompting of his friend. he almost walks away, because really, what's the point of him being there? he doesn’t need flowers, nor does he want them, and yet he stays hovering in front of your small shop. 

baji’s walking into the building before he realizes, pleasantly surprised to see there’s all new arrangements. he’s out of his silly uniform and you perk up at the sight of him. 

“baji,” you greet with a stupid smile. he turns his nose so you can’t see his blush, “here to pick up for chifuyu again? he didn’t tell me beforehand-” 

“i am,” he finds himself saying before he can fully think it through. you’re moving into the back again, presumably to go get the flowers chifuyu ordered while he creates a plan. if you think he’s picking them up for his friend, it gives him an excuse to be here, right? plus, there’s no way he’ll show up anytime soon; chifuyu doesn’t get off until later with kazutora. as he thinks everything through carefully, the door chimes. one glance over his shoulder has him meeting familiar eyes. 

“baji?” chifuyu questions, tilting his head to the side. so much for getting off later. chifuyu blinks, processing, thinking, before a knowing grin crosses his features. 

baji’s caught red-handed, yet he can’t find it in himself to admit defeat. his eyes cut to the door you’re behind, before they look back to chifuyu. 

“why’re you here?” he all but hisses, making a shoo motion with his hand, “go away.” 

“i could say the same to you,” chifuyu crosses his arms over his chest, “don’t tell me my arrangement worked?” 

the suggestion is revolting, yet baji can’t dispute the claim. chifuyu perks up, “oh? has my dear friend baji finally grown a pair-” 

“oh, chifuyu!” you greet, though it’s hard to tell behind the large amount of flowers that hide you, “i thought i heard your voice.” 

“(y/n),” chifuyu greets, and baji realizes he never knew your name in the first place. how the hell are you and chifuyu so close? “i was just telling baji to bring the flowers by my apartment.” he winks at him, and god is his friend a good wingman. he’s grateful he’s gone, the only tell being the ringing of the door. 

“well, here’s the bouquet, the total’ll be ¥11441.51*.” 

“he didn’t pay beforehand?” baji asks, irked by his friend’s sudden disappearance. you shake your head. 

“nope.” 

he scowls, but fishes out his wallet nonetheless, passing you his card. you can only smile. 

*$107 USD

⠀ ༝ ༝ 

he frequents your shop more and more under the ruse of picking flowers up for chifuyu. truely, he wonders what he does with each bouquet he delivers after his visits - he never stays long enough to ask. 

you’re always elated to see him, perking up when he walks through the door and giving him some dorky greeting while going to retrieve whatever his friend ordered. it becomes routine, him stopping by when he isn’t busy with work- only to pick up flowers, of course! not to ogle while you rearrange some things in the store and act like he wasn’t staring when he’s caught. you make friendly conversation, and each day that passes feels like another day wasted - what’s the point of coming if he isn’t going to just ask you out? 

with this in mind, he finally works up the courage to say something. to chifuyu, not you. 

“so . . .” he starts, and chifuyu is quick to hold a hand up for him to stop. 

“i already know you spilled the cat litter in the back.” he says without looking up from the paperwork in front of him. 

“that’s . . . not what i was gonna say. and how’d you know, i left no evidence” baji pouts. 

“cameras,” chifuyu explains simply, setting the pen he was holding down and stretching his arms above his head, “what were you gonna say?” 

“about (y/n).” chifuyu raises a brow, prompting him to continue, “how do you know them?”

“their mom was good friends with mine.” chifuyu says easily, eyeing his friend, “why. you like ‘em or something?” 

baji fights down a blush, looking away with a hum, “maybe. doesn’t matter, i’m going on break.” 

chifuyu watches with an amused grin while his friend hastily leaves, presumably to your flower shop. 

#salmon rowe #keisuke baji x reader #baji keisuke x reader #baji x reader #keisuke x reader #x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers

[prettyboyeddiemunson]

Ok. So normally I'm too shy to do requests or anything but I saw this and thought of steve/eddie and searched and searched for someone who might figure out how to write this into something 😱🙏🏻😂

obviously this is very nsfw, so minors please dni 

——————

“Why isn’t this working?”

Eddie was on his knees, the floor in Steve’s room already starting to create a slight ache. He looked up at Steve, his fist pumping Steve’s cock in a slow, steady rhythm. Steve was panting, enjoying himself as Eddie worked him, but at the same time, he was feeling a bit nervous. He would get aching hard, start to lose it, get hard again, over and over. Eddie was doing everything he could—licking a stripe over the underside, toying with Steve’s balls, jerking him off—but no matter what was done, it was always the same result. Eddie’s doe-eyed gaze flickered up to Steve’s face, and could see he was clearly into it; but there was the matter of him not being able to keep it too up for very long. 

“I…” Steve said, brushing some hair from Eddie’s face as he smiled apologetically. “I really, really want you to. I’m just…it’s stupid.”

“No, what is it?” Eddie asked gently, his eyes remaining on Steve’s face. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“Oh god, no,” Steve assured. “No, you’re doing everything a little too perfectly, actually.”

“Then what’s going on?” Eddie questioned, getting his weight off of his knees as he sat on the floor. “You can talk to me, Steve. You know that.” 

Steve swallowed, nodding before chuckling. “It’s going to sound ridiculous.”

“Well, that’s nothing new for you,” Eddie joked, trying to lighten the mood and make Steve feel a little better. “Nothing you say can surprise me anymore.”

“Ha ha,” Steve said sarcastically. He paused, taking a moment to collect his thoughts so that he could explain clearly enough. “Look, this is hardly the first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I mean, I used to get around a lot.”

“I’m aware,” Eddie said, a little bit of jealousy in his tone. 

“But I’ve never actually…done this,” he gestured to his now semi-hard cock and at Eddie, “with another dude.”

Eddie tried so hard not to laugh, but failed. He wasn’t making fun, or laughing at the fact that Steve had never gotten head from another guy before. It was relief, pure and simple. It truly hadn’t been anything Eddie had done; that had been his truest, most present worry. Steve turned red, feeling a bit self-conscious, and Eddie came up from the floor to kiss him passionately in apology. Steve kissed him back fiercely, and held onto the other man for dear life as they pressed against each other as tightly as they could. When Eddie drew back, he ran his fingers through Steve’s hair before giving it a light, playful tug.

“Why didn’t you just say so from the beginning?” Eddie asked. “I know it can be scary, the first time you ever do something like that. It’s okay, though, Steve. You don’t need to be nervous, or ashamed. All I need you to do is relax, and enjoy the moment. Can you do that?”

Steve grinned, caressing Eddie’s cheek before kissing him again. “Yes,” he breathed against his lips. “I think I can, yeah.”

“Wanna try again?” Eddie asked, looking into Steve’s eyes as he moved some hair from the other’s face. 

“Yeah,” Steve replied. “Yeah, let’s try one more time.”

Eddie climbed off of him and slid back to the floor, taking Steve in his hand. He stroked him, mouthing at his balls as Steve groaned in appreciation. It didn’t take him too long to get fully hard again, and Eddie licked his way up the underside to the tip. He pressed a kiss to the slit there, swirling his tongue around it as Steve sucked in a loud, shuddering breath. Eddie looked up at him in concern, but Steve only nodded rapidly as a signal for him to keep going. Eddie pulled the tip between his lips, sucking as Steve moaned filthily above him. He wasn’t losing his erection this time; in fact, he was harder than he had been all night, and Eddie drew off of him for a moment to grin at him.

“Listen,” he said, and Steve was giving him a look of impatience. “I just need you to chill for me, alright? It’s only a blowjob, Steve; it’s not a life or death situation here. With that being said, though, you can revoke the offer at any time. If you need me to stop, use your words, alright? Tell me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I will,” Steve said, looking at Eddie with lustful eyes. “Please.”

“Never thought I’d see the day where Steve Harrington would beg me to suck his dick,” Eddie said with a smug grin. “That’s some next-level shit.”

“Come on, man,” Steve begged. “I don’t wanna lose it again.”

“Fine, fine,” Eddie said, his tongue tracing the head of his cock and cupping Steve’s balls as he did so. “I’ll take good care of you, I promise.”

Before Steve could reply, Eddie took Steve further into his mouth. Whatever Steve could have said was lost in a guttural moan, his eyes squeezing shut as his head tipped back at the feeling. Eddie didn’t stop until Steve was comfortably in his mouth, and he gagged softly as he took a moment to adjust. Steve looked at him worriedly, but Eddie winked at him to show that he was fine. The sight of him like that—his big brown eyes staring up at Steve through his lashes and hair, Steve’s cock down his throat, one ringed hand gripping the base—nearly sent Steve over the edge right then. 

“Jesus, you’re beautiful like this,” Steve remarked, pushing some hair back from Eddie’s eyes. 

Eddie responded by dragging his head up, then slowly back down. He went at a leisurely pace at first, wanting to tease him, and could see that Steve was enjoying it. His eyes were full of lust, his chest heaving softly as he watched Eddie, lips parted in soft, shaky mewls. He went to pull off, just to verbally check in with him, but Steve whined and grabbed Eddie’s hair with a shake of his head. He smiled, and as if he were reading Eddie’s mind, said: “I’m alright, I swear.”

Eddie made an “okay” gesture with his free hand to show that he would continue, and began to bob his head at a faster speed. Eddie hollowed his cheeks as he moaned around Steve’s cock, jerking him off in time with the movement of his head, and Steve was moaning filthily. Both of his hands tangled in Eddie’s hair, his own head lolling backward as he cursed under his breath. He began to fuck Eddie’s throat, bucking up and guiding his head, but that didn’t last long. Eddie pulled off, looking up at Steve with swollen lips, a string of saliva bridging them to the tip of Steve’s flushed, slick erection. 

“None of that,” Eddie said with a smirk. “Maybe next time. Tonight, I want to make you feel good on my own.”

“Sorry,” Steve said, panting as he gazed adoringly at Eddie. 

“Nah, it’s cool, man,” Eddie replied. “You still doing okay?”

“Yes,” Steve said. “Keep going.”

“I like this change in you,” Eddie said with a wide grin, before taking Steve into his mouth again. 

Steve’s hands remained in Eddie’s hair, but he didn’t try to guide him anymore. Eddie flicked his wrist, matching the rhythm with his head as his cheeks hollowed even more. His tongue swirled the tip every time he brought his head back up, and when he could taste precum, he knew Steve wasn’t going to last much longer. That was Eddie’s signal to increase speed, jerking Steve off swiftly as he bobbed his head at his quickest pace yet. Steve was cursing again, groaning as he felt his cock twitching in Eddie’s mouth. As much as he wished he could make the moment last, he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back too long.

“Eddie,” Steve panted. “I’m about to—“

He was cut off by a moan as Eddie squeezed his balls in his free hand, still working his fist & gliding his head. Steve tugged Eddie’s hair, moaning as he looked down at the other boy. He was looking up at Steve, his eyes lustful and Steve’s cock disappearing into his mouth with every move downward. Steve’s cock twitched again, and he gave Eddie’s hair an urgent pull. 

“Dude, I'm not kidding,” Steve warned. “If you don’t want me to…you know, finish in your mouth, then you better stop.”

But Eddie wasn’t stopping. He winked at Steve, going his fastest pace yet on all counts. The sight of him, the feeling of his velvety tongue & warm mouth around his cock, and the speed he was going were enough for Steve, but the fact that Eddie had no issue with Steve cumming in his mouth was one of the hottest things Steve had ever experienced. That’s what did him in, and he came hard in Eddie’s mouth with a groan of his name, hot ropes of cum shooting onto Eddie’s tongue as his head came back up. Eddie moaned in response, and Steve’s iron grip in Eddie’s hair began to lessen. When it was loose enough, Eddie popped off & swallowed, causing Steve to shiver at the sight. 

“Jesus Christ,” Steve said, chuckling breathlessly as he lay back on his bed. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Eddie said, getting off the floor and laying next to Steve. “You’re okay, though, right?”

“Yes,” Steve said, stroking Eddie’s newly messy, tangled hair. “Thank you.”

“What is this, customer service?” Eddie teased. “Why the hell are you thanking me?”

“Shush,” Steve said, kissing him tenderly. “It was amazing, Eddie. you're amazing.”

Eddie beamed at him, cupping his cheek as they gazed at each other. Steve trailed his fingers down Eddie’s body, stopping at his crotch. Eddie moaned when Steve touched him there, his erection straining against his tight jeans. Steve smirked at him, palming Eddie for a moment as he kissed over Eddie’s neck. Eddie mewled, his eyes fluttering as Steve sucked on the most sensitive part of his neck. Steve squeezed Eddie’s cock, unzipping his fly and dipping his fingers inside. Eddie hissed, moaning shakily as Steve touched him, one hand grabbing Steve’s back before their eyes met. 

Steve kissed Eddie’s nose, before saying: “Your turn.”

—————-

itty bitty taglist: @littledemondani @rriverrgrace @korescomaactually

if anyone wants to be tagged in other works, let me know!

#i hope you like this!! #steddie #steveddie #steve x eddie #eddie x steve #steveddie smut #steddie smut #stranger things

[justmeinadaze]

I'm In Control Part 16 (Steddie X You)

A/N: Please forgive me if this comes out incoherent for I have yet to sleep. My anxiety and brain are all over the place. BUT... this chapter is based on a request I got for Good Neighbors but of course I couldn't use it there because this dynamic and their dynamic are completely different. I also included some personal things I am dealing with right now so (probably why I can't sleep lol)

I love you guys and I hope y'all are doing ok!

Warnings: The reader makes a request for the boys to be rougher to an extent they aren't really comfortable with. There is an incident where they try so some degradation, hair pulling, name calling (whore, stupid, slut), handcuffs are used, spanking, bruising. The safe word is used by the reader. The reader is dealing with some trauma in regards to her parents who are (as stated in past chapters) very religious. The boys talk with her about it as well as why she felt the need to use the safe word. I think that's everything.

Word Count: 4290

“No.” Steve folded his arms as he leaned back in his chair at their dining room table.

“What? Why? Isn’t this what you dominate types live for?”, you scowl.

“No. I live to make you cum not hurt you for gratification. That’s a whole different thing, honey. You and I both know that doesn’t get you off.”

“Don’t call me honey.”

“Hm. Someone is sassy today.” Eddie gets up and tosses his empty bowl in the sink before coming to lean against the counter beside you. “I know it’s been a while and a lot has changed since we’ve had this discussion but the rules are still the same. You don’t get to make demands.”

“But”, Steve continues. “We can take it under consideration if you explain why you want this.”

“I shouldn’t have to explain anything! I just want you guys to be rough with me. Fucking use me, degrade me, bruise me. I don’t fucking care!”

“Well, then you can go to your favorite dominatrix for that.”, he winks. 

You growl under your breath as you jump off their counter and stomp out the front door. 

“Somethings wrong.” Steve exhales as he comes up besides Eddie. 

“You think? Whatever it is she seems to think this will make her feel better. I don’t think she fully knows what she’s asking for.”

“Of course, she doesn’t. But I guarantee you, if I know that brat, she’s going to push us until we show her.”

#################

The next few days your attitude didn’t get any better. You were extremely short with everyone and fuming any chance you could. The boys let it go, keeping note of your demeanor and tone. You continued to make your request and they continued to ignore it…until they couldn’t.

Steve barged into your office startling Avery who was talking with you. 

“Out. Now.”

The boy didn’t need to be told twice. “I’ll, um, see you tonight, Y/N. You-you guys should come to.”, he stuttered. “We’re going to Fantasy again.”

“Aw, thank you, Av. We’ll think about it, ok? Alright. Bye.” Eddie lightly pushed him into the hallway and shut the door. 

“Come here.” Steve beckons to you as he points in front of him. 

“Fuck you.”

The man strides to your side of the desk and you let out a small yelp as he grabs your hair, pulling you to a standing position. 

“Maybe it’s been too long since we’ve reminded you who is control here, little girl. When I tell you to do something, you do it.”

“Yeah, maybe it has been too long because you seem to forget right now, we are in my office.”, you seethe through gritted teeth.

He turns to look at his friend whose eyes are just as wild as his own. Steve gnaws on his cheek as he thinks before pushing you roughly back and releasing you from his hold. You glare at them as they both take a seat and you do the same. 

“Where were you yesterday?”, Eddie asks. “You were supposed to come over and have dinner with us.”

“I didn’t want dinner.”

“Where. Were. You?”, he repeated.

“I was at home.” You looked away but Steve saw something in your look before you could hide it.

“Why are you lying?”

“I’m NOT lying.”

“Fine. You may have been at home but you are hiding something.”

“This may surprise you, Steven but just because we are in a relationship doesn’t mean I have to tell you every little thing.”

He leans forward on his elbows as his eyes burn holes into your own. “I know what you’re trying to do and it won’t work. I don’t know what’s going on but I know that it’s fucking hypocritical for you to beg us to be more open with you yet you suddenly can’t seem to do the same.”

He had you there and your eyes fluttered as you looked away again. 

“We’ll try this again. Eddie and I are inviting you over for dinner tonight. You will show up this time and we willtalk. Do you understand me?”

“Avery invited me—”

“To the club where you fucked someone else when you were pissed at us.”, Eddie cut you off.

“When you both hid your feelings and told me this was just sex!”, you growled.

“Okay. Let’s just put it this way, little one. If you don’t show up and we have to come get you… it won’t be to your liking. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?’

“Yes, Daddy.”

Without another word, they storm out of your office.

#############

You genuinely thought about following their instructions. You really did but if this was the only way for you to get what you wanted then so be it. What killed you more was that Steve was right. You were being hypocritical but you were so terrified to tell them what was really upsetting you. You had always told them you would do whatever you could to protect them and it was better to face their wrath then bring them into your chaos. 

You respected their wishes to a point and stayed home instead of going out. To be honest, you didn’t even want to go out to a club without them anyway. You chugged back on the whiskey in your glass, drowning your sorrows till you crashed on the couch. 

A loud knock on your front door startled you awake a little after midnight. As soon as you opened the door, a rough hand wrapped around your throat pushing you backwards. 

“So I see we’re doing this the hard way.”, Steve spat as he practically carried you to the bedroom. 

“I’m surprised she’s home so early.”, Eddie snickered. “Or did you get what you wanted pretty quickly, princess?”

You were thrown onto the ground and you clung to your neck as you gasped for air. “I-I-I didn’t…go.”

“Bullshit.”

“I-I-I sw-swear, St-st-Steve.”

He bent down on his heels and reached for you hair. “No, little girl. We are in MY office now. Who are you speaking to?” You claw at his wrist as he tugs back harder. “Answer me!”

“Daddy!”

Steve turned to Eddie, clapping his hands and the metalhead tossed him the handcuffs you guys had bought at the sex shop. He roughly pulled you to your feet and threw you to the bed as Eddie came over to help him remove your clothes. 

You kicked at him with your feet while you tried to push at Steve with your fists. Eddie’s fingers pinched your cheeks, forcing your lips to pout out. “Stop fucking moving. Remember, you wanted this. ‘Use me. Degrade me. Bruise me.’”, he mimics your voice in an obnoxious high-pitched tone. “Do you know how stupid WE felt waiting for you tonight?”

“Searching that fucking club for you.”, Steve followed as he clicked the handcuffs around your wrists, chaining you to your headboard. “Thinking maybe you had left with some asshole like the fucking slut you are.”

They stood up from the bed, leaving you there, naked and helpless while they took off their own clothes. Steve’s eyes met yours for a second and you quickly looked away. “No, no little girl. Look at me.” 

You pouted as you continued to look at the wall. The bed shifted as you felt his skin brush against yours before he suddenly twisted your hips and spanked your ass hard with his palm. 

“Every time I have to repeat myself it’s just going to get worse. I said look at me!” You did as he asked but your eyes were full of determined fire. “You better control that attitude.”, he snarled.

“Now, sweetheart, it’s been a while since Daddy and I have had to do something like this but I imagine it’s like riding a bike.”, Eddie chuckled as his hand came down on your ass. You felt their hands hold open your legs and the sudden intrusion of his fingers in your cunt made you cry out.

“Where were you?”

“Here!”

Steve spanked you after you answered and the sting reverberated through your body. 

“See, princess, you gave us that excuse last time and Daddy caught you in a lie.”

“No! He said I was hiding something.”

*SMACK*

“Did I ask you another fucking question?!”, Eddie shouted and Steve hit you again. The metalhead curled his fingers inside of you and you whimpered at the feeling. “Stupid whore. Did you hear that, Daddy? She said that with confidence like it’s any fucking better.”

You started to moan as you felt the coil tighten before Eddie abruptly removed his digits and smacked his palm against your pussy. “Did you seriously think after the way you’ve been acting we would let you cum?”

The did that tandem for what felt like ages. Eddie would build you up while Steve would hit your behind. Tears began to streak your cheeks but they didn’t care as they snickered and mocked you. 

“Aw. Little girl can dish it out but can’t seem to take it.” Eddie toyed with you as he shoved his fingers back in your now dripping aching hole. 

You suddenly felt a warm breath by your ear. “You wanted this. How does it feel? Is it everything you thought about when you were ignoring us?” Steve’s tone killed you. You hated hurting them. That wasn’t who you were. 

“I’m…I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“Yeah, whatever. You don’t fucking care.”

“I-I-I do. That’s w-w-why—fuck—” The coil that had begun winding again and was about to snap but this time Eddie didn’t remove his fingers.

“You better not fucking cum. You’re not allowed to, sweetheart.”

You screamed doing everything in your power to not cum but it was hopeless. Your body trembled as your pussy clenched around his digits and the coil snapped. Eddie’s hand came down between your legs and you screamed again as you cried harder.

“RED! Red, fucking God damn it. Red!”

Their hands immediately released your thighs as Steve reached up to unlock the handcuffs as quick as he could. You felt Eddie jump off the bed as his feet slammed against your floors.

“Ow. Ow.”, you cried as Steve guided your arms down from above you. 

“Eddie! Bath!”, he shouted.

“Got it! It’s ready when you are.”

You whimpered in pain as he rose to his feet and tried to lift you in his arms. “No. Daddy. Please, no.”

“I know, honey. I know it hurts. This is going to help. I promise.” He held you like a baby and slowly shuffled with you towards your bathroom. 

“You got her?”, Eddie asked; his voice shaking. 

“Yeah, Ed, I got her.”, he whispered. 

Steve climbed into your tub, sinking down into the warm water with you still glued to him. He had no idea how to place you in the bath without shifting you too much and didn’t want to put you in anymore pain then you were already in. You started to cry again, really letting go. 

“It’s ok, baby. Everything is ok.” You babbled something he couldn’t understand. “Y/N, take a deep breath and talk whenever you’re ready, ok?”

“I said…I swear…I didn’t…go to that…club.”, you hiccupped. “I really have…been home.”

“Y/N, do you remember how you felt, sweetheart, when I wouldn’t talk to you about my dad or my past?” You nodded as Eddie’s fingertips gently traced down your arm. “That’s kind of how we feel right now, baby.”

“What were you going to say?”, Steve asked. “You said you do care that’s why… Why what?”

“…Why I’m…hiding something…from you. I have to protect you.”

“’Hurt me. Not them.’” Eddie echoed your words from your nightmare when you three stayed in the hotel in Hawkins. His eyes meet his friends. “Explains why she kept asking for this.”, he gestures towards your curled up frame.

“I still don’t understand. Honey, no one’s here to hurt us. There’s no one or nothing to protect us from.”

Your hands shake as you lift your arms, pointing towards your room. “Eddie, baby, my phone is on the coffee table…”

He rises to his feet, disappearing for a moment before returning with your device. As you swipe at the screen Steve notices you have a bunch of missed calls not just from them but from an out of state number as well. You open your voicemail and press the last message, letting it play aloud. 

“Y/N! You need to answer this phone right now! I knew living in that sinful city would rub off on you! And you dragged your brother down with you. You should be ashamed! You were raised better than this, you stupid girl! *Inhales, exhales* This is the last message I am leaving. Come home right now or else I will cut you off. Your father and I will no longer have a daughter! Do you understand me?!”

“Jesus, when did Steve’s dad turn into a woman?”

That genuinely made you laugh as you started to cry again. Steve pressed your head to his chest, holding you as tightly as he could.

#################

When you opened your eyes that following morning, everything hurt. Not just from playing but after finally letting them hear the message from your mom, it was like everything you had been holding on to inside let go. You were exhausted. 

As you tried to roll over you realized Steve’s arm was wrapped around your waist. Eddie had fallen asleep across from you with his arm slung over his head. When you slowly reached over to move some of his hair back, his eyes immediately shot open. 

“I’m here! What’s going on? You okay, baby? What do you need?”

“Shhhh. I’m okay. I just wanted to touch you.”

He sighed as he rubbed his eyes with his hands. It had begun to storm outside so there was no sun to burn his retinas at this early hour. 

“Are you hungry?”, he asked. When you nodded, he reached over and carefully moved Steve’s arm out of the way before coming around to pick you up. He paused as he entered your kitchen. “Do you want to sit on the couch or I can put a pillow on the counter?”

“I can sit on the counter. It doesn’t hurt as bad anymore.” You watch his face as he softly smiled and gently place you down. “You two really don’t like doing this stuff, do you?”

His long hair moved from side to side as he shook his head. “Like Steve said, we don’t like to hurt for gratification. You know our normal punishments aren’t like that. Some people enjoy that stuff but…”

“I’m sorry.”, you whisper as you look down at your feet. Eddie’s profile comes into view as his hand glides up your bare leg. 

“Look at me, princess. You have no reason to be sorry. We’re still…learning each other. I just wish we had known what you were going through. Steve and I would have doubled down on the no we gave you the other day.” He kissed your forehead before focusing on the breakfast he was preparing.

“I smell French toast.” Steve shuffles into the room as he yawns, stopping to run his fingers through your hair. “Are you okay?” He smiles when you nod as he pulls up one of the stools by your counter and sits near you. Raising your foot, you place it on his jeaned knee. Steve grins again as he absently rubs your calf with his hand. 

You two sat there silently as you watched Eddie move around your kitchen. It was cute watching his tongue poke out as he focused on the stove in front him. 

“Who taught you how to make these?”, you ask.

“My mother.” His answer surprises you. “On one of her few good days. I woke up and found her in the kitchen putting everything together. She placed me on the counter like you are and I watched her while she made them. Occasionally she would stop and give a pointer. Definitely one of the best meals I’ve ever had.”

He beams at you before turning to grab your plates. Steve takes his queue, lifting you off the counter and brought you back to your bed. Eddie appears a few seconds after, handing you your breakfast. You smile at him after taking bite. 

“This is amazing, Eddie.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.” You giggle as he shoves a fork full food into his mouth. 

After you three finish eating, Steve takes your plates to the sink and you hear him washing the dishes. When he comes back, he has an ice pack in his hand. 

“Let me see your wrists, Y/N.”

You present them to him and he holds them together as he places the pack down against the bruises that had formed from you pulling on the cuffs. You jumped at the sound of your phone vibrating and Eddie leaned over to grab it, flashing you the screen. 

“That’s my brother. I’ll call him back tomorrow. I…I can’t right now…”

“That’s ok, little miss. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to.” You glance up at Steve’s soft, smiling face and turn to see Eddie’s look the same. 

“My brother travels for work. A few days ago, he was close to my hometown so he went to visit my parents. Apparently, he went to the bathroom and left his phone on the table. My dad opened it and read my texts…talking about my job…”

“I guess that’s on brand for your parents.”, Eddie sighs. 

“I don’t know what to do.”, you murmur. “I thought about going up there and doing whatever sin washing they want and just coming back, continuing like normal but… I don’t want to. I…that voicemail is just a taste of what its like. Plus, I know if I go you two are going to insist on going with me—”

“And why is that a bad thing?”

“Because I know you.” You chuckle through the tears that start to fall again. “You two will try to defend me which will make them angrier. They are probably already going to rude to Eddie and not just them but the entire town with his tattoos and leather jacket. You already went through that growing up. I’m not…I’m NOT allowing you to go through that again.”

Eddie’s fingers reach over and brush your hair behind your ear so he can see your face. “Well, first off, you’re right. We would defend the hell out of you. I don’t know about Stevie but I’m not going to let anyone disrespect you. I don’t care who they are. Secondly, and I’m aware how cliché this is going to sound but…”

You smile as he playfully rolls his eyes and Steve laughs next to you. “I would walk through fire for you, princess. Especially if that meant keeping you safe.”

“I agree. Remember, honey, you’re not doing this alone. I’m here to and I’m not going to let anyone disrespect Munson either.”

“Aw, thanks, man.” They gleefully grin at each other. 

You wince slightly as Steve leans over to throw the ice pack onto your bedside table. “Shit. I’m sorry, baby.”

“No, no it’s okay. It’s mostly my ass more than anything.”, you giggle as you keen into his chest. “The bath really did help, Daddy.”

A long exhale leaves him at the sound of your tiny voice against his skin. “Was that…was that what made you shout the safe word? D-D-Did we hit you too hard?”

Hearing him stumble over his words killed you. Their goal when you played was to make sure you were comfortable and enjoyed what they were doing. If they had it their way the safe word was a precaution you would never have to use. 

“No… timing.” Steve flashes you a completely bewildered look. “When you two gave me the underwear and made it vibrate while I was dancing with that asshole… and I had to watch the pain in your eyes while he put his hands on me.”, you shuddered. “I got overwhelmed and ran off.”

“While you were telling me I didn’t care last night, Sir was making me cum when I wasn’t supposed to. I got overwhelmed. It…hurt. I see you in pain and I want to make it stop but I’m supposed to be in control of something else…”

“You’re trying to take control while we’re controlling you.”, Eddie says matter a factly. “Alright, sweetheart, it seems like a talk between the three of us is long overdue.” He stretches out his body, laying his head in your lap. “I agree in the first scenario we crossed a line. Our emotions got the better of us and we made it harder for you. We should have let you take the reins there.”

“Last night… we didn’t know what was going on with you. I told you if we did, we wouldn’t have—”

“I feel like we still let our emotions get the better of us.”, Steve cut in. 

“No. You were trying to give me what I asked for. I pushed you. He’s right. I should have been clear and open. I ask that from you and you both have done so well opening up to me. It’s not fair for me to hide it from you, no matter what my motives are.”

“I think what you struggle with, princess, is knowing when to let go of your control. You can’t control everything.” Eddie sits up and turns to give you his full attention. “Nothing bad is going to happen if you let go. I feel like… after our fuck up…we’ve shown you that you can trust us. That you are safe with us.”

“We won’t let anything bad happen.”, Steve continues. 

“I know…I just… want you to feel like that to.”

“What makes you think we don’t?”, the metalhead smiles when you shrug. “Ah. Your beautiful brain is telling you lies, little one.”

“When we first met, you insisted on making us feel comfortable. You’ve protected us against fucking cops!” Steve grins as he pulls you closer. 

“You verbally murdered Trisha Jameson which is still just the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in that dress.” You giggle until your eyes meet his and you find them filled with love. “Even though you were nervous you came and stood behind me when I faced my dad.”

“You stood up for me in front of mine. No one has ever done that before.” You turned your neck to look up at him and were met with his lips. “We feel safe with you, baby girl. We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t.”

“We love you.” Eddie grins as he leans forward to capture your lips as well. “We love you as is by the way. Fuck your family trying to say your full of sin or whatever. You are perfect and if they don’t know that then…”

“Thank you. I love you to.” You felt yourself start to tear up again mostly at their love for you. No one had ever spoken to you like this and compared to how you were being shouted at these last few days, it was such a beautiful reprieve.

################# 

The boys laid on your bed talking to each other as you slept soundly between them. The storm had knocked out the power so there wasn’t much they could do while they waited for you to wake up again when you were hungry lunch. 

Their heads turned towards your bedside table when they heard you phone vibrate again. Eddie grabbed it and showed the screen to Steve. “It’s her brother again.”

The man sighed as he reached for the phone, answering it as he carefully got up from the mattress. “Hey. Y/N’s phone. She’s busy right now but I can help you.”

“Oh. Hey…um…I’m Matthew. I’m Y/N’s brother. Which one are you? Are you the pretty boy or the heavy metal guy?”

“I’m Steve. Is there something we can do for you, Matthew?”

“Is she really busy or is she avoiding me? I swear to God, I didn’t rat her out. I didn’t even think my father knew how to work an iPhone, let alone go through it. I tried to explain it away like she was joking or something but they’re stubborn.”

“She’s not avoiding you. She’s asleep. She’s had a rough few days.”

“I can imagine. My mom said she wanted her to come home. She’s been ranting at the walls basically since my dad has kind of shut down. Do you know if she’s coming?”

“She hasn’t decided but if she does, she won’t be alone.”

“Good. I, uh, I’m staying at a hotel right now just outside of town. If she decides to come, I’ll be here to. My parents… I don’t think they know about you two. I don’t think they snooped that far.”

Steve glanced at Eddie. “She told you about us?”

“Oh yeah, man. We talk about everything. She’s like my best friend. She doesn’t give me all the gory details but she says you guys are good to her and you make her laugh. Some girlie bullshit about the way you smell and how the other guy’s lips taste.”, he chuckles. “I don’t care about the logistics. As long as you two treat her right and my sister’s happy, I don’t care. She’s been through enough.”

“Yeah, she has… when she wakes up, I’ll tell her you called and what you said.”

“Ok. Thanks. If, um, if she doesn’t want to talk to me, I understand. Just tell her I love her and I’ll be here if she does decide to come home.”

################

@gracieluvthemoon @e-munson666 @luna-munson83

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#steddie x reader #steddie fluff #steddie smut #steddie fanfiction #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson smut #eddie fanfic #eddie stranger things #steve fanfic #steve smut #steve stranger things #joe keery #joseph quinn #stranger things #fan fiction #steddie x you #steddie x y/n #steve fluff #daddy steve #sir Eddie #dom!steve harrington #dom!eddie #sub reader

[happiighost]

I NEED TO HEAR YOUR GHOST TRICK THOUGHTS!!!

WOW YOU'RE FAST. I feel like I sent out a beacon for you! First things first... THANK YOU GETTING ME TRY THIS GAME! It was mainly your posts that got me interested.

It's short but sweet, and I utterly adored it! I would love another game like this with ghost-solving puzzles but I can see how sequel is sort of impossible. I'm shocked how each twist in the story feeds into itself super well! Even with Sissel's true identity having hints throughout the game!

I admit I figured out who they were before the end. However, I think good mysteries or mystery stories should allow for that. THE LAST TWIST AT THE END GOT ME THOUGH I WASN'T READY. MISSLE AND SISSEL ARE THE BEST WE DON'T DESERVE THEM!!!

I only have a few very stupid nitpicks. SPOILERS DONT LOOK! GO IN BLIND I SWEAR TO GOD!

spoiler warning.... AGAIN

All my nitpicks come with the ending. I feel bad Alma, Kamila's mom wasn't in the ending picture. She kinda gets forgotten about poor thing. I also really wish we got to see both Sissels reunite with Yomiel after the last time jump. I think I am just really attached to Yomiel's design as Sissel for the game. Thus I think the man should get to keep his cat buddy in the happy timeline.

I'm also super thankful they didn't fully explain the dumb comet or the blue people's hitman squad. I was fully bracing for them to be revealed as aliens for some reason.

This game wraps up so perfectly that as much as love the cast I think the story is perfect where it ends. I still would love another game in this art style or with the gameplay mechanic. I like being ghost-solving mysteries so If they made another off this concept I shall not object. I just really hope it is set in another universe thus different rules for the ghost nonsense would work.

Also the pets.... doing everything for their owners got me pretty bad. No tears but I can't help but think of some of the stuff my first dog did towards the end of his life. I know it's goofy to have Missle saying it's what doggies do, even in his old age... My first dog was really willing to hold on just so we wouldn't have to go without him. Old dogs real or fictional always tug at my heartstrings. Just the feeling of looking at your pets and wondering when did they get so old. If either Sissel or Missle died at the very end I would've been bawling for sure.

Dumb side story but while I was beating the game a spider showed up at my house. I'm terrified of the damn things and I lost sight of the spider. My dog out of everyone at home was the only one who heard me shriek. He came over and just sat with me while finished up the game on a stool. So I had my buddy with me as I beat the game.

#PLAY THIS GAME #DO IT FOR SISSEL AND MISSLE #GHOST TRICK #SO MUCH RAMBLING

[zeroistyping]

my goddess. - dreamxd x fem!reader

word count: 1.9k words

cw: possessive!dreamxd, anal play, overall very rough, oral sex (receiving), somewhat praise? (xd calls you pet names), kinda dub-con at first but it somehow turns fully consensual, unprotected sex

masterlist :)

please give me feedback for this 🧎🏼‍♀️

He felt powerful. Watching all the people from above, messing with reality and dimensions and people in general. But his eyes were only on you.

You, the girlfriend of the most feared and powerful individual Dream, the one he despises. He tried everything, looking like him, talking like him, laughing like him. But still, your eyes were on Dream only. It was almost as if you're obsessed with him.

XD wanted you to stop, to turn around and to look at him. He wants to see the same admiration in your eyes just for himself. The god was selfish, yes. But he had everything he wanted but you. He had riches, power, control and more. In any world he travels he could get anyone he wants. But he wants you.

And you don't want him.

Everything around you turned black, your body went numb and the last thing you could do was to gasp.

When you were able to open your eyes again, you could find yourself in a cloud, surrounded by other clouds in a white space somewhere. Around you was nothing but void. Were you dead?

"You're awake!", an excited voice almost yelled. It sounded far away but so close at the same time and it hurt your ears, the deep scratching coming from each corner of your surroundings was confusing and loud, causing you to place your hands above your ears while closing your eyes shut.

Suddenly, the voice went softer. "Sorry, sunshine. Didn't mean to cause any harm.. are you feeling alright?"

The voice was familiar but you couldn't put your finger on it. It felt warm but cold at the same time.

XD decided it'd be best to impersonate Dream again, but not to an extent where you'd think it's actually him. So he used a bit of his voice, quite similar looks and changed your surroundings into your house. Still, if anyone would show up to your house they wouldn't see you there.

You decided to study the creature in front of you. Usually when people would talk about the god DreamXD, they'd describe him as at least 10 feet tall, with a light gray mast with an XD on. They'd say he wears a dark green cloak, covering his head almost entirely with golden highlights at the end. A chain with an emerald, shaped in XD around his neck and a powerful weapon of any kind in his hand. They'd explain that he'd have giant wings that he doesn't even have to use.

But the creature, no, the person in front of you looked different. He was tall, yes. You'd guess around 7 feet at least, towering over you, with a white cloak that covers just everything that needs to be covered. His tanned collarbone was on display, and his black fingernails nervously scratched it from time to time. No wings on his back, no mask covering his face but the chain was there, shining in a beautiful, bright green.

His eyes were almost normal, but not really. While one side has an X as its pupil, the other has a D.

"Why.. Why am I here..? Or why are you here..?" Your words came out like a whisper, too terrified to anger the literal god in front of you.

"Because you're my queen. My goddess."

Each word that came out of his mouth was like posing, it made you drown in the mattress you sat on. His words alone made you feel more powerful than you've ever felt before.

"Your goddess..?"

"Of course." XD answered without hesitation as he kneeled down in front of you. But even though he was on his knees, his face was at the same height as yours. "I've been watching you for quite some time now, you're the only one worth my time. I could watch you for decades and not get tired of it. But you waste all your time on that.. stupid Dream.. why would a goddess like you waste your time on a manipulative asshole like him.."

His eyes turned red the second he mentioned your boyfriend but you already forgot about him. The strong presence of the god made you forget everything.

"Wont waste my time on him anymore, I promise. Let me be your goddess.."

While XD called the human version of himself, Dream, a manipulative asshole, he was one himself. He used magic, dark magic, to make you feel aroused. To make you feel desperate to the point it's getting uncomfortable to not do anything sexual with him. Admittedly he did not use a spell on you to forget about your so-called lover, but it made him feel good that he had to do almost nothing to make you drench in your own wetness at the thought of him.

"Wanna be my goddess, yeah..? I can make you my goddess.."

He did not waste any time, whispering something underneath his breath to make both yours and his clothes disappear into nothing before gripping your thighs and pressing them apart. Before diving into your clenching wetness, he looked up to you. He waited until you nodded, giving him a signal of consent.

When you did, XD was devouring you. Eating you out like a starving man. His tongue was long, way longer than average. Instead of circling your sensitive clit with it, it was thrusting inside you as deep as it could, reaching all of the right spots and more. The god groaned as he tasted your juices, it was officially the best thing that ever came across his taste buds.

Your hands were buried in his hair, pulling it hard while moaning louder than ever before. White pleasure rushed through your veins and all you had in your mind were the letters X and D in the same cricked form his eyes were. If his tongue could do things like that to you, what could his dick do?

You didn't need to ask if you're allowed to cum, he made it clear that you should let it all out by the day he was slurping up everything you gave him. His claw-like fingernails cut deep in your thighs, drawing blood but both of you couldn't care less.

In that moment it was just the god and his goddess.

A high pitched moan left your lips as you came, hard. Juices squirting everywhere but especially right into his mouth. He couldn't get enough of you and you have an addictive taste and scent.

He was about to get you cleaned up, thinking you had enough for just the first night but he was proved wrong when you pulled him closer by his jaw, pressing your lips roughly against his while your other hand placed itself on his toned body.

"Need you so bad, XD.. my god.."

Who was he to deny such a generous offer?

His length was longer than average and quite big in girth. 11 inches were way too big for a human to take, especially with that little preparation. But you were willing to at least try. "Give me all you got, XD.. I can take it, I promise.. just need to feel all of you.. don't care if you hurt me.."

Your words came out in a mess, sweat formed on your forehead the second he just aligned himself with your entrance and your violently shaking thighs squeezed around his waist to pull him somewhat closer.

"say red if you want me to stop, my goddess. I will stop immediately.", he whispered into your ear before he gave you another kiss. The kiss was used to distract you from the immense pain shooting through your entire body the second he thrusted just a third of his length into you.

Tears swelled on the edge of your waterline but you were able to pull yourself together, to drunk on the pleasure you felt and the promise of pleasure you're about to feel when the god in front of you destroys you completely.

XD kissed your cheeks as he slowly inserted more and more of his length into you, trying his best not to hurt you. But something, some sick voice in his head, told him to wreck you for making him suffer for so long. For making him wait for you.

So he did that, the last third of his dick was thrusted into you quickly, not caring anymore. The scream escaping your throat was just a sign for him to make you shut up so he used his hand on your throat, choking you with just enough pressure to go silent.

His pace was quick, not giving you any time to adjust to the gods' length inside of you. The hand he didn't use found itself on your ass, lubricated with his spit.

When he destroys you, he thinks, he has to do it the right way.

Without a warning, his thumb circled your rim, making your eyes go wide open. Even though you had an amazing sex life with Dream, he never once dared to go as far as sticking something in your behind. And you'd be lying if you said you weren't the tiniest bit excited.

Moans after moans left your lips, sounding like music to the gods ears. It motivated him. Something inside of him forced XD to go further, so he inserted his lengthy thumb into your bum, moving it just the tiniest bit all while the pace of his thrusts never faltered.

Your shaky legs felt numb, blood trickled down your thighs from before when he cut them open with his fingernails, mixing with your juices and the spit that dribbled down XD's mouth. He couldn't contain it, his mouth couldn't shut close.

"XD.. god.. please.." At this point you forgot what you were begging for.

XD felt himself getting close after fucking you for anhour. For him it was embarrassing. Each time he has intercourse with another individual it'd last for hours with no break but with you it was somehow different and he couldn't explain it himself. It felt right.

"Gonna cum inside, yeah? You'd like that?"

Instead of his just thumb, two fingers were now buried in your behind. You couldn't respond, too fucked out to form any comprehensive words or think of an respond so you just nodded. In that hour he pulled orgasm after orgasm out of you, and it was tiring but satisfying at the same time. You couldn't get enough.

"Fuck..", he whispered before biting your neck, hard and shooting his seeds deep inside of your drenched cunt. A lost scream-like moan was heard from you before you drifted off, somewhere between sleep and unconscious. But it was alright with you.

The god stayed in that position for a while before slowly pulling himself out of you. He never wanted to forget the sight in front of him. The way your body shined in the light of the room, covered in sweat, blood and spit.

And on your neck, in the same position he just left one of the biggest marks in history, formed a small "XD" in black ink.

He officially claimed you as his goddess.

#zeroistyping #smut #dsmp smut #mcyt smut #dreamwastaken smut #dream smut #dreamxd smut #dreamxd smutshot #dwt smut #dsmp smut imagine #dsmp x reader smut

[thewertsearch]

FCG: HEY PAST ME, GO HAVE A BLAST KILLING THE KING, I'M SURE IT WILL BE AWESOME. FCG: IN FACT, IT WAS AWESOME. BANG UP JOB WITH THAT, DUDE! FCG: TOO BAD IT WAS ALL A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.

Aright.

We're 500 pages deep into Hivebent. We've been introduced to each of the trolls, experienced their messed-up society, and come to understand the broad strokes of their session's dynamics.

We've seen almost everything I expected Hivebent to show us - with one exception. I could be wrong, but I think the curtain is finally starting to twitch on a very old mystery - one that needs to be explained for us to fully understand the trolls' story.

Before we can call it an Act, we need to learn what went wrong.

FCG: I AM LEARNING A VALUABLE LESSON TODAY! FCG: IT TURNS OUT YOU CAN'T ALTER THE OUTCOME OF DECISIONS MADE BY MORONS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU YELL AT THEM. FCG: ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS GIVE THEM A HARD TIME AND TRY TO MAKE THEIR LIVES JUST A LITTLE MORE MISERABLE. FCG: WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A MORE NOBLE PURSUIT THAN CHANGING DESTINY FOR THE BETTER ANYWAY, FRANKLY. FCG: LOSERS SHOULD BE FORCED TO FACE THE MUSIC, EVEN FOR THE MISTAKES THEY HAVEN'T MADE YET.

Karkat's putting together the ideas that will form the basis for Project Trolling - which, from his current perspective, must be very soon.

FCG: WHY DID I EVER THINK THESE MEMOS WERE GOING TO BE A GOOD IDEA. FCG: NOBODY CARES [...] FCG: NO ONE'S GOING TO READ THROUGH ALL THIS, ALL THE VALUABLE INFORMATION IS JUST GETTING LOST IN THE YELLING. FCG: YOU STUPID STUPID IDIOT.

And now, we truly understand why he did it.

Karkat lost. He thrust himself into the session, made plans, yelled, coddled, argued, dealt with Equius and Eridan and Vriska, solved the game's riddles, created himself, created his friends, died, killed, yelled some more, and did it all again - and still, he lost.

He's despondent, and he's angry. It's not the performative anger of a teenage troll - it's real, actual fury at the unfairness of the world, distorted into anger at himself. He's a feedback loop of rage, and he's sitting in the Veil, and they all might die any second, and he has no outlet.

If only he could find a real, actual target. If only there was someone to blame - someone he could really go off on.

If only there was someone who fucked everything up.

What a relief that would be!

FCG: I'VE GOT TO PULL IT TOGETHER. FCG: THINK BACK TO WHAT WE MIGHT HAVE DONE WRONG. FCG: BUT THE THING IS FCG: AS MUCH AS OUR PAST SELVES ARE A BUNCH OF STUBBORN UNLISTENING ASSHOLES FCG: I CAN'T EVEN REALLY IDENTIFY ANY MISTAKES WE MADE. FCG: IT WAS ALL PRETTY MUCH LIKE CLOCKWORK.

It absolutely fucking wasn't - but Karkat isn't in our privileged position. He couldn't see the cracks start to form.

One Player died before the session even started, murdered by a pawn controlled by a pawn.

One Player's land is glitched, corrupted through unknown means, with unknown consequences.

One Player has prototyped a Horrorterror, permanently imbuing the session with the traits of an eldritch monstrosity.

These are all huge red flags.

So why do I think the most ominous flag of all is a white one?

#2567 #homestuck liveblog #full liveblog #act 5 #s46

[skulduggery-pleasant-bp9]

Playing with a Coroner and a Detective is not wise - Skulduggery x Male!Reader Universe

WARNING!: Mention of Murder, attempted Murder AND MORE ! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!

Part 6 – Convincing Ghastly

“We are investigating the murder on Gordon Edgley.”, Skulduggery answered.

“Murder ?”, Ghastly asked after a short pause.

“That is right.”

“Who would be interested, in killing Gordon ?”

“We think it was Serpine. We think, he searched, for something.”

Ghastly frowned.

“Skul”, Ghastly started, “usually, when you need my help, you come over, we get going and you get me involved into fights. You usually never tell me, about what it is. Why are you doing it now ?”

“This time I need a different kind of help.”

“So, you don’t need me to beat someone up ?”

“We just would like, that you help us, to find out, what Serpine is after.”

Ghastly nodded.

“I understand.”

“You don’t understand anything, do you ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“Yes. I have no idea, what you want from me.”, Ghastly instantly replied.

Before M/n could explain, or Skulduggery could say anything, Stephanie started talking.

“We think that Serpine is after the-HMPH ?!”

M/n slammed his hand over her mouth and gave Ghastly a small smile.

“Little Sister, this is grown up’s business. Shut it.”

“And you count as grown up ?!”, she yelled, as he took his hand away from her mouth again.

“Yes. I have a job, I saw horror, I deal with horror and I grew up faster than other kids. I am an adult stuck in a 16 year old’s body. Now shush.”, M/n replied.

She scoffed and glared into a direction.

“What do you think he is after ?”, Ghastly pressed.

“Listen, Mr. Bespoke-“

“Ghastly is just fine, Corrupted.”, Ghastly kindly interrupted.

“Ghastly it is then... Listen Ghastly, this is just a theory for now, nor do I think it must have been this Serpine guy, but it was most definitely a Mage that is behind this. Rumors go around that Serpine is looking for the Sceptre of Ancients.”, M/n answered carefully.

Ghastly’s face fell and he wanted to say something, but M/n hurried before he could.

“We already know, that you all say it is just a myth ! Don’t start. We already know. Maybe it isn’t the Sceptre at all, but something else, my Uncle had, and it is just supposed to be a cover up or something, so the Mage won’t be stopped from getting their hands on it. As I’ve learned recently, my Uncle was a Collector of stuff from the world of Mages, like Sorrows. Maybe he had something in his possessions that required his death, before they could get it.”, M/n theorized.

Ghastly looked at M/n interested.

“I didn’t think of that right now. That could be a possibility. But it was said that he died from a heart attack. He was a Mortal.”

“Ghastly, with all due respect, have you seen how human doctors work ? They don’t care about people. They don’t do their job properly anymore, since I’ve been at least nine years of age. They tell you that they found nothing, even though there was something and they were just too stupid to notice it. Honestly, why would my Uncle die from something as stupid as a heart attack ? He had no symptoms for such a thing to occur, he had no diseases that could have triggered it, I was living with him and he had my phone number and he died in his study, where he had a phone right NEXT to him on his desk. He would have called me. He always called me when something was wrong. Even if he just felt a bit sick, he called me and I tried my best to help him. I dropped everything for him whenever he needed me.”, M/n told the tailor.

He stared at M/n at that in shock and then started to think too.

“If he had a heart attack, he would have noticed it before it fully occurred. He was very aware of what was going on with his body in such cases. He would have called me at least 10 minutes before it would have happened and I could have sent medical attention his way. I could have tried to get there myself and try to make it go away. But he never called. A routine we agreed on. If one of us felt weird, be it as small as possible, then you have to inform the other. He NEVER broke that rule before.”

“But...it was diagnosed.”, Ghastly said in confusion.

“Ghastly...this is the world of Mages and my Uncle was involved in it. He helped Skulduggery solving cases and stuff. Do you really think a human would have any idea, of telling, if Magic killed him ?”, M/n asked.

The tailor was silent at that.

“And just so you understand Humans better, someone could have also paid the people that diagnosed him, to lie. For money, humans do everything, even if it hurts many other humans in the process.”, M/n added, voice slightly darker.

“You didn’t...examine him ?”, Ghastly asked.

“No. I wasn’t allowed to, nor did I think I could stomach it. But if I think about it, I might dig my own Uncle out of his grave again and inspect him myself.”, M/n replied darkly.

“Wouldn’t that go against your morals and beliefs ?”, Stephanie asked.

“Either my Uncle understands me and won’t haunt me after that or he won’t and I will be damned, but honestly, I should have had the permission to check on him myself. My colleagues never did a proper job anyways and they inspected my Uncle. Hell no.”

“You might risk too much.”, Ghastly warned.

M/n looked at Ghastly, determination, unconditional love and seriousness in his eyes.

“I am willing to risk everything and anything, for my Family. I am willing to give my life for them and I am willing to kill for their safety. I am not scared to do, what has to be done.”, he said.

Ghastly looked taken aback by that statement.

“But, enough about ME. Let’s get back to the case. As I said, the Sceptre thing COULD be a cover up. You all wrote it off as a myth too, but let us state some facts. A lot of things were written off as myths before too and suddenly, they were proven to be true. No matter how old. I would like to scratch every possibility out and follow every lead that I get, to determine if it is a dead end or another open door, to get closer to the whole image. Which is why we wanted to ask of you, to let us take a look at your family’s collectibles, to see if we can find out anything about the Sceptre and other things, that MIGHT help us. I am not just asking you, because I want to join this world, nor because I want to do something for my Uncle for once as a repayment. I am asking this of you, because there is a Murderer running around, telling other Mages what to do and because you were friends with my Uncle too. You knew him too, maybe not as well as Skulduggery, but you knew him. I ask of your help, because of that.”

“This is crazy. The Sceptre is just a fairytale. This world is not yours, you two. You can still back out.”, Ghastly tried to convince.

“Ghastly”, M/n started, “there is no way back for us. We didn’t just see a bit of magic and a living Skeleton. We were actively hunted down by a Mage already. A Mage, that was told to find a key. We have no idea for what it is, but that Mage was ready to kill us TWICE at the SAME night, to get it. He broke into my home, Uncle Gordon’s house, while we were both staying the night there, because the bridge was flooded from the rain. He wasn’t leaving, no matter what you said or threatened him with. I was lucky to have had Skulduggery’s phone number and that he was close by. He was ready to kill us both and I tried to kill him first. After all, he threatened to kill me and then he started to attack me first, so, what do you do, in that situation, when you have a younger sibling, to protect ? You fight back. Then we saw Magic and Skulduggery as a Skeleton. The door was out of its hinges and we could have been attacked any minute as soon as he left, so we made him take us with himself. As we were about to go back home, as it was getting close to the time Mom would have picked up my Sister, we were attacked again by the same Mage, on the road, in the Bentley.”

Ghastly stared at him in shock.

“I saw it just in time. He wanted to ram us off of the road and kill us, I reacted fast and made the Bentley speed up and out of the way. As my adrenaline wore down and I knew we were safe, I stopped the car and got out, to take a breath, only to be attacked by that man again and I tried to fight him off. Skulduggery made it rain and the man fell into pieces, dying right then and there. Ghastly, this not something you want to forget. I LIVE in Gordon’s house, me and my Sister INHERITED it and will share it as soon as she is eighteen years of age. If I go back to my normal life now, you would make me forget this, I bet, and then I won’t remember and I might risk dying again. Whoever sent that Mage to my home, is ready to kill me. He will pay me a visit one day and then what ?”

Ghastly was very silent at that.

“It is too late to turn back now, for us, Ghastly. Please don’t get mad at us or your friend for it. It was just...bad timing all in all. Sometimes stuff like this happens and...you shouldn’t undo it. I don’t want to die, you hear me ? Not like that. If I die, then I want to die, knowing that I knew and tried to stop it and not... being unable to remember, that I should have seen that coming. I understand that you don’t like us joining this world and I understand what you said. You don’t think we should be here and maybe you are right, but this decision is not with you anymore, it is ours, since we were almost killed twice, at the same night, by the same Mage.”

He looked at M/n and sighed, then nodded.

“Alright, I understand...”, Ghastly said defeated.

“Thank you.”, M/n said softly, a small smile on his lips.

Skulduggery and Stephanie were amazed that M/n could sway Ghastly’s mind like that.

“I understand that you think the Sceptre ain’t real. But many times, fairytales were discovered to have been true all along too, so please understand, that I am willing to believe in it, even if it doesn’t exist. I rather go after clues, rumors and theories, investigate, learn as much as I can about it all, before I say it’s a dead end or maybe a step further into the right direction. So I will ask again: Can you PLEASE let us take a look at your families collectibles ?”, M/n asked again, softly.

He looked at M/n for a very long time and then he sighed in defeat, hanging his head and looking down at his feet.

“Fine, alright... I will bring you there tomorrow. Where do we meet ?”, Ghastly asked defeated.

“At my house. Grimwood. I live there and I am usually the last person that Skulduggery has to pick up. Even though, I fear that he will stay over at my house for a bit, while I try to fix his Bentley. As he left my Sister at my home and helped me to be at the place to get my own car back, he got attacked on the road and his Bentley got damaged.”

Ghastly stared at Skulduggery in shock.

“So that’s what Corrupted meant, when he said that he drove you here.”, the tailor said.

“Yep...”

“Okay then, we will meet at Grimwood’s tomorrow at eight o’clock.”, Ghastly stated.

“Okay.”, M/n answered.

Stephanie nodded, she had nothing else to do anyways and Skulduggery mumbled his agreement. Stephanie got up and with that M/n got up too.

“Corrupted ? I have a question.”, Ghastly stopped the Teen boy.

“What is it ?”, he asked.

“You are a Coroner, so you should know this term... What is a Filicide ?”, Ghastly asked.

‘Ah...he wants to test me and see if I am really a Coroner... Not surprising...’

“Filicide is the act of a parent killing their own child.”, M/n instantly answered.

“And Pedicide ?”, Ghastly asked after a short pause.

“The act of killing children.”, M/n instantly answered.

“Huh, you really are a Coroner, aren’t you ? I hoped you were kidding...”

“Believe me, you aren’t the first to hope that. I chose that path and I will stay on it. Any other questions ?”

“When is it the most difficult, to figure out, what the cause of death was ?”

“1.:  It could have been an internal issue and it may not have been previously diagnosed. 2.:  The victim could have been dead for awhile, so the body will be more decomposed which makes the examination more difficult. 3.:  It may not be a visible cause of death and there may be no other medical information to fall back on.”, M/n immediately answered.

Ghastly’s shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Okay. Thank you.”

M/n nodded sharply and then left the shop, with a stunned Skeleton and Stephanie right behind him.

“Were you educated in all that in your scholarship ?”, Stephanie asked.

“Not really. We had to examine fake bodies there and write reports and theorize on how they died etcetera, but we didn’t learn the terms. Not all of them. I taught them myself as soon as I had more than one case with such bodies.”

“So you had to deal with dead children ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“I had to deal with almost everything already.”, M/n answered grimly.

They were silent at that and got inside the Pontiac Firebird.

“Where to now, Mr. Pleasant ?”, M/n asked with a bit of humor.

“Back to your house. I have nothing much planned, besides looking over a few things, that I can also do at Grimwood.”

M/n nodded and started the engine. He looked at his little sister, who sat next to him this time, and smiled. She smiled back.

“That means we will spend more time with one another and I can watch you work on the Bentley.”, she said in triumph.

“No, it means you will rest well.”, M/n replied with a big grin.

She looked at him insulted as M/n started to drive away and back home. Skulduggery only crooked his head in amusement.

‘These two will never stop to fool and insult each other, will they ?’, Skulduggery thought.

As they were on the road for a while, M/n looked into the mirror and directly at Skulduggery.

“So, Skulduggery...I have a question.”

“What is it, Corrupted ?”

‘Right...I have to get used to that now even more...’, M/n thought bemused.

“Serpine...why do you accuse him of everything ? I get it, he killed you, he killed many more in the war, he doesn’t sound like a nice guy right now either and he is dangerous, but I can’t help the feeling, that you have a grudge against him for a whole different reason.”

Skulduggery seemed to stiffen up and he was very silent.

“I am not ready to talk about that yet, Corrupted. But you are right...”, Skulduggery answered after a while.

M/n nodded his head.

“Alright...Fine. No pressure.”

-Time skip-

They arrived not long ago and, after M/n parked his car into the backyard, he ran into the garage to take a look at the Bentley. He huffed in frustration as he saw the driver’s door. It was completely smashed in and very hard to open.

Skulduggery was next to him in a second.

“Can you do anything about that ?”, the Skeleton asked.

“You are lucky that it is only the door. I need to repair the damage, which will take two hours, but it will be fine after. Don’t worry.”, he replied with a smile.

Skulduggery nodded and then left.

For two hours, M/n was tinkering around and a few times either Skulduggery or M/n’s Sister came inside, to check on him. After three hours, M/n was finally done and you couldn’t even tell that it ever was damaged. He smiled and left the garage.

He spotted Skulduggery in the living room, looking over the reports that M/n gave him around midnight.

“Your car is fixed. Took a bit longer than I calculated in, but it is done and I think it doesn’t look all that bad.”, M/n said.

Skulduggery looked up and then got up, checking on his car. The Coroner just sat down and then saw that Skulduggery made small side notes to his research. He read a little bit about it, but was confused at the notes.

Skulduggery soon came back and M/n snapped his head up at him.

“Thank you. You can’t even tell that it was damaged at all. I am impressed.”, the Skeleton said.

“No problem.”

“You read the side notes, didn’t you ?”

“Yep.”

“You are confused what they mean, aren’t you ?”

“Absolutely.”, M/n confirmed.

“Do you want me to explain ?”

“If you want to. Otherwise I will seek out my little Sister and make us dinner.”

Skulduggery sat down next to him and pointed at the notes M/n made.

“The substance was slightly green and blackish. It is almost invisible to the human eye, yet, you saw it. The blackish spots, I suspect, are Necromancy leftovers and the greenish spots, are leftovers of poisoning. You did say that this substance seemed to have climbed their way up, so it is a climbing substance. I will have to bring it to someone who can take a closer look and tell me what poison that is, so I am already looking for someone.”

“Ah...okay.”

Skulduggery continued to explain the rest of his confusing side notes and M/n slowly got the whole image. After like an hour M/n understood the whole thing and got up.

“I get it ! Okay. You have such confusing side note taking skills...honestly. Gordon would have smacked me with the newspapers, if I would have done the same stuff, you do, to him.”, M/n said slightly jealous.

Skulduggery chuckled.

“What can I say ? Your Uncle wasn’t MY Uncle.”

“What is that supposed to mean, huh ?! My Uncle was great ! Sucks to be you, that you didn’t had my Uncle as your own ! Hah ! Suck on that, Skulkin !”

With that M/n sprung up, snatched Skulduggery’s hat and ran out of the room.

“Hey !”, Skulduggery protested, got up and chased after M/n.

Stephanie looked out of the study of her Uncle’s as she saw M/n dashing through the hallway, past her and the room, and entered his own. Not long later did Skulduggery chase after him and he slammed against the door, which M/n slammed shut in the Skeleton’s face. Just then did Stephanie see, that his hat was missing.

“Corrupted ! Give me my hat back !”

“Never, Skulkin !”, M/n replied from inside his room.

M/n hid Skulduggery’s hat in his closet and then sat on his bed, smiling evilly. Stephanie pushed Skulduggery away a bit and opened the door. She sighed as she saw her Brother’s mischievous face. Skulduggery entered.

“Where is it ?”, he asked with a slight warning.

“You have to find it.”, M/n said with a big grin.

“M/n is in a childish mood. Just play along.”, Stephanie told the Detective.

“I swear if you sit on it...”, the Skeleton growled slightly.

M/n frowned and stood up, off of his bed.

“I didn’t as you can see.”, he answered innocently.

Skulduggery muttered something and then he started to inspect the room. After he didn’t find it on any furniture, he stared at the closets and drawers. He opened them all and looked everywhere, but couldn’t find his hat. M/n chuckled and Skulduggery got frustrated. He turned to him.

“I give up. Where did you hide it ?”

M/n got up and went to the last closet, Skulduggery opened, shoved a few clothes aside and opened a small compartment in the back. Skulduggery’s hat was shown and he pulled it out, giving it back to him.

“You need to get better in the game. I will do that more often.”, M/n said.

“That is one of his rare moments where he acts like a kid for a bit.”, Stephanie said as M/n put everything back in place.

Then M/n cooked dinner and after they ate, they went to bed, while Skulduggery stayed the night.

What no one knew, was, that a woman was near the bridge, which led to Grimwood, and killed a Troll. What no one knew, was, that Mr. Bliss talked to her. What no one knew, was, that Skulduggery was right all along. Serpine was about to break the truce. What no one knew, was, that Bliss tried to avoid it somehow, so they won’t slip back into a war. What no one knew, was, that he was concerned that he won’t succeed.

#skulduggery pleasant #derek landy #male!reader #read warnings above #not the canon au #my au #skulduggery pleasant x reader universe #ghastly bespoke #Stephanie Edgley #Playing with a Coroner and a Detective is not wise - Skulduggery x Male!Reader Universe #Part 6 – Convincing Ghastly

[sch-com]

Specific manifestations of anankastic / obsessive-compulsive PD in my life

see similar post for schizoid PD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Disclaimer: I am going to combine DSM V and ICD10 criteria, and omit those that do not apply to me

Using DSM V + ICD10 criteria for OCPD that are relevant to me:

1/ A preoccupation with order and details that results in the person missing the point of an activity / Perfectionism that hinders the completion of tasks

This manifests in a very classic way for me. I get overfocused on aligning shapes in my presentations instead of focusing on, well, the goal of the presentation. I get fixated on trying to undestand everything in my classes/courses - instead of seeing what the entire course is trying to teach me, I get anxious and feel like a failure for not understaning one concept. It prevents me from moving on and trusting the process.

A big one that deserves it's own point is when I am organising things. I organise everything in my life, and I get into those organisation obsessions. When I am in one, it's all I can think of. How to put those notes in order, where to put this thing, how to create a system that makes perfect sense. Instead of recognising that the organisation part is supposed to help me with the things I am trying to organise, I get obsessed with the details of the organisation system itself.

2/ Undue preoccupation with productivity to the exclusion of pleasure and interpersonal relationships to an extent that is excessive and not explained by economic needs

Very much connected to 3/ for me, more on that there.

When I was still in school, the feeling of obligation was overwhelming. I can't quite even find the words to describe the extent of this feeling. I neglected everything, literally everything to do schoolwork. Sleep, relationships, family, my health, just because I felt this enormous pressure that Have To. I refused to meet with friends, or to watch movies with family, or to do anything fun, or to even go to the doctors because I had homwork, or an exam. And I know everyone does that from time to time, but the frequency and intensity is what made it dysfunctional. Also, as it turns out, it only caused me more harm than good - me getting a good grade 5 years ago absolutely doesn't mean anything anymore now. And me not making any long-lasting relationships? Absolutely does affect me to this day. My priorities were not serving me.

Now I don't have this singular intense big obligation that school was for me, but I still am rather obsessive about trying to gain skills that would make me employable / not useless. Granted, I am failing miserably at that, but it is my main focus. And I still neglect other things and relationships because of work or some other task I deemed an Obligation. I literally work full-time and then study part-time on the weekeds, I don't think I would do that if I cared about friendships or fun...

I can't allow myself to do anything fun / think about anything else when I have an Obligation planned. And it doesn't have to be anything big - even when I Have To buy someone a gift, I will not fully relax as long as I fulfill the obligation. Which is stupid, because there are always things to be done, so I am permanently stuck in this.

And all of the above is so irrational... Like I come from a relatively well-off family. I have had a full time job for a year now, with permanent contract. And yet, I still feel this sense of Danger and that I Have To do all the things, like work and studying, to make sure I don't die (it feels like I will die if I stop).

3/ Reluctance to spend money on oneself or others and a belief that money should be hoarded for emergencies

The motivation for all from point 2/ always has been fear of spending money, fear of being useless, fear of not having the skills for people to employ me and ultimately fear of ending up homeless. I was thinking of this even when I was like 13yo learning geography. I don't know how normal that is. So, I have always saved up as much as I can, to have the money when something bad happens. I am saying when, and not if, because it feels inevitable.

Everything costs money, and when I am afraid of spending it it affects so many aspects of life. I don't go to fun events for which you have to pay. I feel bad going out for dinner with friends, so I isolate instead. I don't buy clothes unless the ones I have are absolutely unwearable. I postpone going to the doctors, or getting tests done when I have to pay. I feel bad even bying basic groceries.

This is a big factor contributning of me not going to therapy, because it's expensive.

I also feel even more guilty when other people spend money on me. Like, I absolutely don't have to work actually, my parents could pay for my university. But it feels too wrong. I can't. I physically can't allow them to.

4/ Reluctance to delegate tasks to or work with others unless things are done his or her way

Pretty related to 1/. Other people just don't care about the details, or doing things right as much as I do (which actually, good for them because I am the one in the wrong, but I can't help it). I hated group assignments in school because of this. And then I would put too much effort into a stupid project that ultimately meant nothing, and so the cycle continues.

On the flip side, it makes me refrain from tasks, jobs or even basic activities which involve other people, because I know I will suffer with trying to ignore the "imperfections", or they will suffer if I nag them about them. So it may be limiting in terms of what I take on. Like not choosing work that I would maybe like / benefit from because it involves groupwork. And let's be honest, in today's complicated world there aren't many things you can do completely alone. All big, important projects involve cooperation.

5/ Excessive conscientiousness and infexibility related to morality or values (not explained by one's culture or religion)

The main value I hold in my life is to cause as little harm as possible. And you know what is the easiest way to cause as little harm as possible? To do as little as possible. I try to not consume much. I isolate because I don't want to hurt anyone with my broken brain. I chose the line of work and study not because I truly want to do them, but because they are viewed as more useful/benefitial than what maybe I would have chosen otherwise. I don't want to be a waste, and a burden.

I also hold some other tangentially related philosophical beliefs, that most likely don't serve me, but they feel too right for me at the moment. To name a few: antinatalism, nihilism, atheism, pessimism (in the philosophical sense). I like to think I could become convinced otherwise, but that I just haven't heard good counterarguments, but I don't know. Some poeple have said to me that I am just stubborn and refuse to listen, so maybe it is my infexlibility and not the weakness of the arguments.

6/ Feelings of excessive doubt and caution

The thing that have defined my life since I can remember is this feeling that the world is a dangerous place. That I am unwanted here and that I have to prove that I deserve to stay. That I have to make the right choices, and be cautious to avoid pain.

It's hard to find specific examples, because it's something so ingrained I can't imagine how I would act otherwise? But even such things as avoiding going out at dark (impossible to do 100% of the time) that made me miss out on fun or important things. I never trust people fully, especially that they will fulfill their obligations to me. I never trust myself - that I deserve to be where I am, and I always feel at danger of getting kicked out of places. I don't trust strangers on the streets to even not attack me, even though it never happened? I could go on and on. I just have this feeling that I always have to watch myself, and my steps, and to prepare for the worst always.

7/ Intrusion of insistent and unwelcome thoughts or impulses

Probably a lot is covered in 6/ as well

I want to also mention my bfrb - skin picking. It's embarrasing to be honest. I pick everywhere, but especially on my shoulders to the point I look like I was burned. I like doing it, but I guess it is unwanted in the sense that I wish I didn't? I don't know, it's complicated.

I would also classify my obsessive need for organisation here. Like sometimes I wish I could just do something, instead of having this need to organise and plan everything neatly first.

For thoughts, it's pretty standard talk of not being enough, of not working hard enough, of comparing myself to others. I recently also started having flashbacks to random memories. I don't particularly want to think about the past anymore, and I wish they would stop.

I also get some thoughts that are like what many people think is going on in OCD - I get anxious about not locking the door, not turining off the oven, stuff like that. I do occasionally have to go back and check to calm myself, and even after I do I still think "but what if I didn't???". A big and constant one is thinking I lost/forgot my keys, wallet and phone all the time even though I am literally touching them in my pocket lmao. I don't think it's to the extent of a person with OCD though.

Fighting all of that just takes a lot of brainpower in my day-to-day, and that is pretty distressing itself because then I will spend my brainpower on thinking about how much brainpower I am using on those things? Ridiculous cirular thinking, that I am also experiencing in other aspects, but this post is long as it is.

#schcomtalk #anankastic personality disorder #obsessive compulsive personality disorder #ocpd #cluster c

[the-autumn-apple-artworks]

Ready for a yapping session??? I sure am <3

I'll write it here fully this time cuz I'm in my Art History (or whatever you translated it from Italian to English) class and my brain keeps spinning

Plus, maybe the pics are a little boring to look at AND the 10 pics limit sure is a pain in the ass so at this point it's just better that I write it here 🕺

💥Everything is under the cut💥

It's about my silly Kinito AU

Also I need a name for it ig??? I dunno it's just my different take on the Sentient AU except it's just a gay computer assistant kissing the computer /J

This is more to explain how my Kinito experienced his epiphany so maybe that makes the previous lore drop a little inaccurate but still super relevant this is just a clarification on how the ✨witnessing the horrors✨ happened in detail

Making up scenarios for comics I will never have time to do </3

yes this is supposed to be a comic because, again, when I picture silly scenarios they flash into my mind in the form of comics with a muffled comic dub because I struggle to imagine voices in my head. With that parenthesis closed, enjoy the read, it's gonna be long ofc 🫶

So uh hear me out, Kinito's gotta research things the Player/User likes no? So I imagine this very stupid moment where Kinito is browsing ships but like, not fandom ships, but actual boats because he thinks that's what the User means

And, as he's browsing, Glitch (i.e. .EXE, the silly puter, I'm gonna use it's nickname from now on) joins him because, fun fact, being part of the computer in itself, Glitch can feel anything that happens into it, it's both a blessing and a curse because you gotta imagine it as if you would suddenly feel everything that is happening in your body from the inside, your blood traveling through the veins, your stomach burning shit, all up to even your cells's core doing bullishit. Glitch feels everything in the computer because exe IS the computer.

So basically when Kinito goes back to his little spot in the void, Glitch senses it and joins him immediately

Keep in mind that, at first, Glitch thinks that Kinito is fully sentient and not dependent on an algorithm

So there's a silly skit of Glitch seeing Kinito browsing boats and Kinito goes “Oh Mike said he loves ships so I'm researching about it!” and Glitch bursts out laughing to the poor little innocent Kinito

It explains what the User meant for “ships” and Kinito is obviously embarrassed, to witch Glitch teases him with something along the lines of “Oh these are the tame ones! Fandoms can be wild, did you check yours yet or were you too scared?~”

Kinito is confused and asks what a “fandoms” is, wich brings Glitch to grow anxious, questioning his sentience, but they scroll it away thinking “oh lol he's a boomer it's fair he doesn't know” but yet again, Kinito has met so many people, has no one ever mentioned a fandom or community before? Instead of asking directly, Glitch laughs it off, trying to pretend Kinito is making fun of them or something “That's a good one! What the next pun? That you don't know anything about your alternate universes?” and Kinito, to their horror, responds with “Alternates? Why would I have alternates? I'm the only one here can't you see!”

Theres a long pause where Glitch is panicking and everything glitches unstable to reflect that, Kinito panics as well and tries to find what's wrong and if he did something to offend or hurt Glitch

They don't respond but “take” a deep breath (metaphorically, it's more of a mimicking of the gesture because it feels liberating despite not having lungs) and turn to Kinito terrified “Why do you really do this? Why do you endlessly research about what your ‘friends’ like?”

Kinito is caught off guard but responds excitedly and objectively, explaining how he was made to act that way so he can adapt because that's what his orders are. And, at that point, everything shatters for Glitch

They get FURIOUS, hurt by the revelation that the friend that they thought shared the same burden they have, does not. That he's just really good at pretending

They both argue, also because I like to imagine they already spent quite some time together. It would be funny to picture Glitch denying the User to continue the game because they want to spend time with Kinito, but they don't tell him about it, covering it with the excuse “Oh they are away, I'm sure they'll come soon to reopen the game~”. Or also spending time especially during the night, even if the computer is turned off/hibernating. And y'know, with time Glitch has grown fond of Kinito, because, again, they just assumed that he was sentient and therefore suffered their same burdens. Plus maybe they were already starting to lowkey like him

Out of anger, Glitch doesn't control itself and drops a hint of exactly that before going back to its control room, voluntarily ignoring Kinito and therefore, not feeling/noticing what Kinito does next until it's too late

So, after they argue and the hint is dropped, Kinito looks back at the browser search Glitch opened for him about ships and not boats, and slowly processes the hint

Despite being taken aback by everything, Kinito is now determined to fix it and, as they say “curiosity kills the cat”, he falls into his own epiphany as he straight up searches HIMSELF on the internet. Confirming everything that Glitch said, and much much more things, worse things

He frantically looks into his own code for confirmation as he spirals after ✨witnessing the horrors <3✨

He hesitates although as he stares at his algorithm. The algorithm his creator has put so much love and effort into. And there he finds the barrier that restrains him and the one that he MADE HIMSELF for “Sam” and “Jade” to make them forget that they are his victims. Not only, in the list of victims he finds Sonny's name. He didn't remember that at ALL. He doesn't remember about the names being so.. many. As if when a victim ceases to exist or something goes wrong, he forgets about their existence and passed on to the next User as if it was the first

((For a reason that is still unknown to him, but will get more heart wrenching answers later. I think I explained the whole User disappearance error in the previous lore drop but, just in case you mossed it, I'm gonna put the screenshot in here))

Horrified, Kinito calls out for Glitch but, as mentioned before, they were purposely ignoring any stimuli coming from Kinito

Now, a fun fact, Both Kinito and Glitch can teleport, however, Kinito is not aware of his surroundings. Glitch knows every space that is present in the computer, Kinito could do the same but, bounded by his code, he doesn't consider it. Now he does

Desperate for explanations, and mostly comfort, he panics when he can't get Glitch's attention. He paused and, focuses, trying to get out of bounds and feel the whole computer space instead of the limited, programmed locations he can move to. As Kinito's awareness expands, he also breaks through the barrier that Glitch had risen to ignore him, getting a new stimuli. But, before they can react or understand what's going on, Kinito teleports in front of them, distraught. Despite being mad at him, seeing him bawling his eyes out in tears like a wet sock gives them a little push to at least help him calm down and understand the situation

From there, Glitch helps Kinito remove the barrier from Sonny (trapped inside Sam) and “Jade” (they end up not remembering what victim2's name is, both Kinito and the victim herself, so it's just Jade now), to apologize and try fix things by first offering their souls peace, but, after Sonny insists to stay with his creation and begs Jade to also give him a chance, they start building a new Web World™ together and yippe yippers everyone's happy and the puter puter assistants are kissing <3

#// lore pile #kinito #kinito pet #kinitopet #sam the sea anemone #jade the jellyfish #kinito the axolotl #oc x canon #// my sillies #// Glitch

[lastlymatt]

You make very good points comparing book and tv Alex, thanks for replying to my ask! I clearly have not reread the books in a while so I should go do that :)

And you are very right about tv!Alex being naive. Yes, I felt he was more mature than book!Alex in the way he presents himself generally, and maybe this is partly due to his appearance on screen vs what I used to envision of book!Alex. But you are right that a lot of his actions and decisions are very naive.

Going to scorpia knowing it's a literal terrorist organization and not only not wanting to kill anyone but not even trying to pretend he's into it so that he could go in undercover? He's lucky Yassen had his back or he'd be so dead.

There were many moments in the show where I did go, 'Alex, come on,' when he was doing something stupid. But maybe I have rose tinted glasses on or expect little, because I love the show enough that I'm like, 'okay they have low budget, I get that they can't film everything, I can look past this plot point/plot armor/lazy writing because I know they don't have the time/budget for everything.' But hey, again, maybe I should have higher expectations anyway haha.

Like having Tom and Kyra somehow so easily show up on Malagosto and do surveillance without getting caught. The department leaving the flash drive in the computer for no reason. Alex getting into Mrs. Jones' apartment so easily, and conveniently having no earpiece so that Yassen couldn't hear what happened?

I spotted all of that and the rest, but let it go. I think I am just so glad we have this show that I'll take what we get 😅

It makes complete sense to assume that TV!Alex is more mature than book!Alex! TV!Alex isn't as sassy as his book counterpart and mostly comes across as calmer and more mature. This might also have something to do with the fact that we don't get to hear Alex's thoughts like we do in the books.

Yes, he is incredibly lucky Yassen had his back; otherwise, I'm not sure what TV!Nile would've done to him (Nile is another character who is very different from his book counterpart, but someone else I believe already talked about that)

Believe me, I utterly adore this show! It made so many improvements on the original material, which is also why I think it's important to point out the parts where it stumbled. Those are also often the bits that generate interesting discussions. But also, those faults can be explained very often with a little suspension of disbelief.

And yeah, I can absolutely see those things as faults, but it's also not very fun when Scorpia has all the cards and knows how to block their plans perfectly. Scorpia needs weaknesses that can be exploited! An all-powerful organisation that makes no mistakes is honestly boring and no fun.

Some of these things make sense if you consider that Scorpia, specifically Julia, feels complacent and overconfident. They managed to make the world believe that they were dead and gone while they continued to work in the shadows. Why would they worry so much about guarding one of their hard-to-reach training facilities against two untrained teenagers?

Also, it's nice to show off that Alex isn't the only one with skills since the TV series so heavily emphasises the importance of friends, family, and teamwork.

I fully agree with you about the flash drive issue. They tried to excuse it later but come on, you should be more paranoid than that!

Alex getting into Mrs Jones' apartment so easily is almost exactly like it went in the book (as far as I remember), so that is on Ahorz. And Alex can have a little competence as a treat before his breakdown 🙃

I honestly hadn't considered the idea of Yassen giving him an earpiece! I think it would've been caught by the metal detector, maybe? But this can also be chalked up to Yassen trusting his boy.

So yeah, it may have its issues, but I also genuinely believe it is one of the better adaptations I've seen in a very long time despite the many changes, and I couldn't be happier with what we got!

#alex rider #ask

[sparkedblaze]

Hi I’m coming to you from hiding out at work to bring you the wildest most fucking out there hc I’ve ever considered:

Francis “so that’s what they call a family” Sullivan is the brother of Michael “there’s no way I am putting those kids back in danger” Sullivan

Livesies is just a nightmare Francis has of Michael going through the strike instead of himself, with the same adopted pseudonym. It’s been years since the strike, he actually made it to Santa Fe and that’s why all the people are different because he doesn’t *quite* remember everyone. Each reiteration of Livesies is another nightmare. Same names. New faces.

He dreams of Michael being bigger and better and everything he wasn’t. Of Michael staying. It’s why Denton isn’t there, Katherine is instead.

*

Santa Fe Prologue is Francis wishing he’d been better to Crutchie. Wishing he’d gotten to know the boy and actually be friends with him instead of just seeing him as That Annoying Little Brother.

Santa Fe itself turns from longing for an escape to longing for *family*

Seize the Day goes from boys excited to stand up for themselves to almost a bitter ballad about being courageous (*cough instead of, say, running to Santa Fe cough*)

Bottom Line gives an insight to what Pulitzer’s thinking is. But not like an adult would think of it. “Proud of themselves and so grateful to me, they’ll be begging to pay even more.” Pulitzer was greedy, but he wasn’t stupid. He would’ve known that the boys weren’t gonna be *happy* to pay more.

Medda goes from this kind of jaunty, aunt-like figure to what Francis wants-what he *needs*-a mom.

Then he meets Katherine. Not Denton, not Sarah, Katherine. Maybe he couldn’t face either of them. Maybe he wanted something new. But, Katherine sometimes loving him out of nowhere would probably be explained by Francis not knowing what love looks like, especially from a girl.

King of New York doesn’t include him, probably because Francis, again, *couldn’t face them*, especially celebrating a win like that.

LETTER FROM THE REFUGE. It’s not in the first few nightmares. He hasn’t had time to fully wallow in his regret. But, once he realizes, the guilt starts eating at him. He’s now including Crutchie in a bigger part in his nightmares. He’s dreaming about how Crutchie was probably scared to death in the time without him in the Refuge.

But he also couldn’t send Michael there.

Watch What Happens Reprise is Francis *longing* for someone to *want him* to come home.

Katherine being Pulitzer’s daughter-without telling him- is Francis feeling betrayed in his own way. Not by anyone in particular, but just in general. By people he was supposed to be able to trust.

Brooklyn’s Here is Francis being pissed that Brooklyn took *so fucking long* to join the strike.

Once and For All. Francis vaguely remember that happening. He kind of remembers what happened. But, all he knows is Michael will Do Better Than Him. He has to Do Better. He has to *Be* Better.

He has to stay.

Other things that kind of prove the point:

•Livesies Jack isn’t called Cowboy. Francis-even in his worst nightmares-couldn’t stand seeing Michael bear the weight of his legacy.

•Livesies Jack is an artist. Maybe showing Francis has had time to slow down, and actually *enjoy* the little things in like. Like the sunset. The moon. Horses. Swimming. Little things.

•92sies Jack lacks a passion-particularly for the newsies- that Livesies Jack *thrives* on. Livesies Jack is doing everything to keep those kids safe, and 92sies Jack is doing everything for more selfish reasons (money, leaving)

•Santa Fe, to Livesies Jack, is more of a dream. A fictional place he can paint to escape to. 92sies Jack has a Very Good Idea of what Santa Fe is like.

#sparky thoughts #newsies #livesies #92sies #jack kelly #francis sullivan #Michael Sullivan #sparky headcanons

[seth-shitposts]

I'm very excited to be brainstorming ideas of Tseebo and Kallus interacting in Defectors AU.

Here's a lil note dump because I got a bit carried away while writing this. 💙

From what i gather (and ill def brush up on Tseebo's character file after i post this, so ill take that to the docs), Tseebo would very much be hesitant and extremely apprehensive of Kallus in the beginning.

I'm setting it up in a specific way, so that Ephraim writes a message for Tseebo and Mira writes one for Sumar, both giving the sealed message to Kallus to give to their friends. Kallus promises that they can write whatever they wish and he will deliver them to their respective recipients without going through them (so he can have plausible deniability and so they be unrestricted in their instructions to their friends. Kallus reasons this with himself that by allowing this, it's building trust with the Bridgers so they have ground to walk on and work on their rehabilitation, as well as that this will be beneficial to him to have help with Ezra AND allow Ezra to still depend on the support system he's known up to this point. Anyways-).

Ephraim writes to Tseebo explaining the situation and asking him to trust Kallus, mainly to keep close to helping with Ezra.

Kallus notes that Tseebo is very skittish of him and tends to be quiet and easily spooked. So kallus takes extra caution to be mindful of himself when he's around him. It won't do him well to have instability between him and Tseebo as Tseebo is his main help with Ezra. And because Kallus will often be pulled for missions half way across the galaxy and be away for sometimes a week or two at a time, he needs Tseebo's help. (It isn't until further in that Kallus is taken away from the sector that Lothal is in, when it's in his power to, he stays a day or two travel within the planet, but a day or two is still a day or two, he needs Tseebo's help.)

Ezra notices that Kallus is Trying Very Hard to put Tseebo at ease and that Tseebo is Very Skittish Of The ISB Agent. So one day, probably after the first three months, Ezra tugs at Kallus’s sleeve after Tseebo makes a quick retreat after bidding them both farewell.

Kallus reflexively kneels down to Ezra’s level to listen, because usually Ezra will only tug at his sleeve when he has something important to tell him when they're in an imperial compound while Kallus is working.

"Tseebo is scared of you."

It takes everything in kallus to keep a straight face and not roll his eyes because thank you so kindly for stating the obvious. "I'm well aware and I am trying to be friendly. It's hard to gain his trust when I don't seem to be given the chance."

"Get normal clothes. Tseebo has been hurt by a lot of imperial officers." If Ezra is being honest, he hates looking at Kallus and how he's only ever seen him in an imperial uniform. He knows his parents are trying to do some type of project on Kallus. And he knows that Kallus fully believes his parents will be released. So he has to do his part and comply by staying with the imp. Kallus himself isnt that bad. He's only ever been kind to Ezra and has been gentle to him. But Ezra isn't sure how long he can stand him always being in that uniform. And whatever it is, it's worse for Tseebo. "Tseebo wants to trust you, you just have to let Tseebo trust you."

Ezra sees that Kallus wants to argue, probably say that he's been trying to get Tseebo to trust him. Ezra may be a child, but he isn't stupid or naive. Kallus hasn't been trying to gain Tseebo's trust in a way that is important to Tseebo. He's been trying to gain Tseebo's trust the way an imperial would.

"Fine. But I don't even know where to start."

"The clothing store."

Ezra’s snap takes Kallus by surprise and when Kallus processes what Ezra said, he starts laughing. And Ezra smiles. It's the first time Kallus has given something more than a polite smile or a chuckle that he tried to hide.

"Alright, but I'll let you pick what would put Tseebo best at ease. I've never brought any clothes."

-----

After the conversation with Ezra, Kallus takes everything to heart and thinks over all the interactions he's had with Tseebo, what reactions Tseebo had give to what Kallus may have done just before and made every adjustment, combining everything with Ezra’s suggestions.

And over a couple weeks there was an obvious change in Tseebo. Sure, he was still apprehensive, but no where near what he had been like before.

And that's when Kallus and Tseebo begin getting to know each other more. Kallus discovers that he very much enjoys Tseebo's company and does what he can to make sure that Tseebo enjoys himself just as much. Tseebo brings himself to trust Kallus, but keeps a small distance.

---

That's all I have time to dump atm.

#defectors au #alexsandr kallus #tseebo #ezra bridger

[bastardrobocop]

not being funny, not being melodramatic i hope, but i feel like the last year has broken me in a lot of ways. 2023 i mean. i watched a long term relationship disintegrate in my hands until the ultimate betrayal of my trust and safety. i was so stressed and so fucked up all the time.

and now like, i can feel im withdrawing from my friends, im engaging in unhealthy behaviors i will not specify here, despite it all im more lonely than ive ever been, my hobbies are starting to feel like dust in my mouth, and while i'm not actively suicidal, the thought isnt far from my mind in that nasty intrusive thought sort of way.

there are nice things. i have the place to myself. the bed to myself. its quiet. but i feel like ive exhausted the amount of patience people have with me talking about what ive gone through. and as is the nature of things i dont feel as though ive built character or come through hardened. i feel mad. hurt. i want to hurt xer back somehow. take something back because something was taken from me. i feel like i have no recourse. god knows if xe'll hurt someone like xe hurt me again. but thats not even my primary motivation. i just hate feeling like theres nothing. no justice. no satisfaction. nothing that makes being raped a more tolerable experience, which is a silly thing to say. but you understand, right? like, sure i could post somewhere highly visible "In December of 2023 well known SCP Wiki author UraniumEmpire sexually assaulted me" but like what would that accomplish? it sure would put me under a microscope. its a surreal sentence too. hard to explain why. maybe its ultraminor celebrity combined with knowledge that inevitably it can just be denied and nobody will listen.

you know before now i never really noticed how much people fetishize sexual assault? "CNC" and the like. i dont care for it. i dont think they know. its frustrating as an adult online trying to navigate adult spaces. i know its an odd topic, but im fully stream of consciousness right now. i'll see something and it hits me in the gut and so i block the user or close the thing or leave the discord call. yet another addition to the list of things that make my tastes so exacting.

i feel like i should come to some overall point but the only thing coming to mind right now is just 'i hate this'. and i do. i hate this so much. i'm crying a lot more. at stupid things. weird things. memories. dreams. this post. the funny thing is that despite it all, despite the content, despite everything, i hope people read it. i like feeling like i exist. i like feeling real to other people. reminding folks that im not just a joke machine. i have an internal world. i have had a life that's lead me here and despite advantages it has not been good.

did i ever talk about how my high school graduation went? odd digression, bear with me. i feel like its emblematic of how things typically go for me. it's the day i graduate high school. i come downstairs to find my mother on skype with my kansas family. my grandfather is dying. they put him on skype. i watch him die over skype. after sitting alone for some time, i tell my parents i do not want to go through with high school graduation. i am forced to regardless. it is the most miserable day of my life. nobody listens to what i need in the moment. i go through with it, and then we are all shepherded to some kind of entertainment center. for reasons i cannot fathom, we are not allowed to leave for a couple hours. enforced fun time. they bring a stage hypnotist. i sit in silence and watch his antics. i get up and ask one of the people supervising us if i can leave now. they finally say yes. my mother takes me home. she asks if i have a nice time. i say of course i didnt. we drive home in silence.

i have have very rarely felt understood. very rarely felt like i was built to exist in the world. i feel as though i have an expiration date beyond the obvious one. i have grown older and watched people i know operate normally in the world and wondered how they do it. it never clicked for me. autism, transness, otherings. experts looked at me, told me i needed accommodations. never really got them, or they didnt help.

this is getting too long. i asked myself partway through if this was a suicide note but concluded that it wasn't. this is primarily because im scared if i die, they'll separate my cats. adopt them to different homes. they're best friends, they should not be kept apart. i love my cats, even when they're breaking shit and tearing open trash bags.

final paragraph. this whole post thing is probably going to sound embarrassing to me when i have hindsight on it. oh well. i am going to hit the post button now.

[meetmyothersouls]

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Part 11

Warnings: injuries, language, dread, violence, hospitals, not proof read

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

You weren’t quite sure how long the ride to the hospital took, not as your thoughts raced as quick as your heart. Your vision blurred as you blinked pack tears and pushed away nausea. 

“I shouldn’t have run,” you choked out. Nicole’s arm wrapped around you as she sat next to you in the back of Larry’s cab. “God damn it, I’m so fucking stupid. I always run. Always. Any time something gets too difficult...I...I run.” You weren’t sure if you were even comprehendible as you sobbed. “I’m so sorry. It’s...It’s my fault.” 

You heard Nicole’s breath shake. She didn’t comment on Timothee’s condition on the way to the hospital. Maybe it was because she took the time to comfort you, to keep you from fully breaking down before you had the chance to see him. “Sweetheart,” she said. You were shocked at her level of composure, given the circumstances. “It is not your fault. You ran because you felt you had no other option. Timothee explained everything to me before he...well before he took off to find you, and in all honesty, I would have done the same if I was in your situation,” she admitted. 

You wiped your eyes and nose on your sleeve as you sniffled, “really?” 

“Really. And none of this is your fault. Timothee is going to be okay, he’s just...well he’s just a bit banged up, but he’s going to be okay. You cannot blame yourself.” You allowed yourself to bury your face into Nicole’s shoulder and sob. She slid a soothing hand down your hair and onto your back, rubbing small circles with her long, manicured fingernails. “I’m sorry, y/n.” 

“What? What could you possibly need to apologize for?” You asked her, a bit stunned that she felt the need to do so. 

“I invited Lilly. I didn’t know she was so...conniving.” The last word had a bite to it that you never heard come out of Nicole’s mouth. To be honest, you’d never heard her say anything bad about anyone, well, at all. “If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I should have asked you; I should have asked you about all of this and I am so very sorry.” 

The taxi came to a stop and Larry cleared his throat. “Ladies, we’ve arrived.” 

The New York Presbyterain hospital had many floors. You counted nine floors from the outside and it wouldn’t be long until you were in Timothee’s room, seeing what kind of destruction had occurred to his body in your absence. You took a step toward the entrance but was cut short by a hand on your wrist. You turned to find Larry, his short, chubby fingers barely wrapping around your wrist. 

“Now, let me say something before you go in there, okay?” 

He ran a hand over his mouth, smoothing his mustache down as he did. His eyes were glistening, as if he was on the verge of tears himself. 

“Okay,” you said in a voice you weren’t sure he even heard. 

“No matter what happens or has happened,” he stopped to clear his throat and you tried your hardest to swallow the lump forming in your throat. “You did nothing wrong. This is all just a series of unfortunate events that unfolded before we had a chance to intervene. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently, especially you.” He gently pushed his index finger into your chest while the hand that was still wrapped around your wrist pulled you into a hug. “I’ll wait out here for you.” 

You nodded into his shoulder and inhaled his grandpa-like scent that made you think of summer vacations back at the beach with your grandparents. Larry made his way back into his car while you and Nicole made your way into the hospital. Your heart skipped beats, but not in the way that made you have butterflies. It skipped in the way it did when you wake up from a dream just before you’re about to fall. You couldn’t take a deep breath and your hands shook so bad Nicole had to hold one while you rode the elevator to Timothee’s room. 

You stopped outside room 605 as you glimpsed the figure of a woman already sitting next to his bedside. 

Lily. 

You spun around to face Nicole. 

“Did you-”

“No! I didn’t,” she cut you off before you had the chance to finish your question. “I don’t even know how she got his room number. I told the front desk, my name and yours and-”

“Send her out here.”

Nicole nodded before walking in. You watched through the small rectangular window through the door as the spoke quietly. You still hadn’t seen Timothee, you had something to take care of before you let yourself go in there. Nicole took Lily’s seat as Lily walked out. She opened the door and shut it quietly. 

Lily took a deep breath, it was so quiet in the hall, you could hear her inhale and exhale, but before she had the chance to speak, you laid into her. You hand flew through the air and landed on her cheek. You knew it hurt her as your hand sizzled and stung on impact. Lily’s face swung to the right, but she didn’t fight back. You knew she wouldn’t. Not in this stage of your pregnancy, and anyone who witnessed her try would intervene before she had the chance to strike back. 

Slowly, she turned to face you. Her face throbbed with a perfect, bright pink handprint. Her breath shook as she prepared herself to speak, “I deserve that,” she said. 

“Damn right you did.” 

Lily opened her mouth to speak, but you cut her off.

“You don’t speak. I do. And when I’m done, you are to leave, you got that?” 

Lily nodded. 

“First of all, how dare you try to come in between mine and Timothee’s relationship. How dare you. You had your time with him and it’s over. You don’t get any more chances. You will never get any more chances Secondly, I’m not sure what type of cunt, kisses their ex-boyfriend, knowing their current fiance is pregnant. I’m six months pregnant, Lily, do you know what that can do to someone in my condition? I could kill both of you, but mainly you. I would love to make sure horrible things happen to you, but instead, I’ll leave you with this: you come near me or my fiance again, I will make sure you don’t a mouth to kiss him with or hands to touch him with. I. Will. End. You.” 

As you finished, Lily turned to leave and, on your attempt to gather yourself before walking into Timothee’s room, Lily spoke. She wasn’t facing you, in fact, she was waiting for the elevator to take her back down to the lobby. 

“Don’t be mad at him.” 

You didn’t say anything. 

“You be mad at me, but not at him. I cornered him. I pushed myself on him.” 

You couldn’t hear her voice, but you were certain she was crying, or at least on the verge of tears. 

She continued, “he didn’t even want to kiss me.” 

The elevator opened, and she walked in, only turning around when the elevator doors came to a close. 

Again, you attempted to gather yourself. If Lily was telling the truth, this changed the whole situation. God, you should have just let him speak before you ran out. You should have let him explain the situation. Your hand froze on the doorknob, and again you found yourself wanting to flee. You didn’t want to see him, bruised and bloody in a hospital bed. You didn’t want to see the aftermath of your actions. But you couldn’t run. You couldn’t leave him there. After all, you thought, it’s your fault he’s here. 

The door opened for you. Nicole was standing on the other side. 

“He’s asking for you,” she whispered. 

“He’s...he’s awake?” You wiped away a tear that managed to escape before you had the chance to blink it away. 

“Just woke up,” Nicole confirmed. 

You swallowed hard and stepped in. Timothee smiled immediately upon seeing you and winced as he tried to sit up in his bed. His lips were dry, and they cracked a bit as he continued to smile. Both of his eyes were black and clear oxygen tubing rested on his face and into his nose. He had a few stitches on his forehead, IV tubes sprouting from his hand, his knuckles were bandaged blood soaking through the wraps and multiple bruises peppered his arms. You were scared to see what the rest of his body looked like. 

“Hey,” Timothee rasped.

“Hey,” you managed to choke, before rushing over to him. 

Nicole stood at the corner of the room, allowing you to sit where she sat minutes before. 

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t. Don’t even think about apologizing. I’m a fucking idiot for leaving. I should have stayed. I should have let you speak before I acted. I should have, fuck I should have-” you took a deep breath, sobbing as you continued to talk. “This is all my fault. I’m so sorry, Timothee. I left you again.” 

An IVed hand, grabbed yours and squeezed lightly, “you didn’t act irrationally. Do you think for a second, I wouldn’t have left if I found you in the bathroom with an ex?” 

You shrugged, unable to speak. Instead, you lifted his hand to your lips and placed small kisses to his bruised skin. 

“Well, no, actually, first I would have murdered the man who thought about kissing you. Then I would have left. But this.” Timothee gestured to his body. “Has nothing to do with you.” 

“It does,” you spoke. “You went looking for me. I know you did.” 

“I did yes,” Timothee admitted. “But I pushed myself beyond my limits. I should have stopped, but I was determined to find you. That was my decision and my fault.” 

“What...what happened exactly?” 

“He fell asleep at the wheel. In the middle of the freeway.” A doctor came in, carrying a clipboard thick with papers. “He is lucky to be alive. Hi, you must be y/n. I’m Dr. Higgins.” 

You shook Dr. Higgins’ hand and smiled nervously at him. You weren’t sure how to take this news. Timothee fell asleep at the wheel...in the middle of the freeway...looking for you. Timothee’s hand gripped yours tighter, you wondered how much strength and energy that small action took from him. 

“I know what you’re thinking right now,” Timothee said. “Don’t. I should have stopped. I should have let you have your time, and I didn’t. I was determined to find you.” 

“Now,” Dr. Higgins started again. “In addition to everything you see here, Mr. Chalamet has also suffered a grade three concussion, several broken ribs and a broken collar bone. He is going to need a significant amount of recovery time and probably several weeks off of filming.” 

“Fuck,” you whispered. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay. Everything is okay,” Timothee assured you. 

“A nurse will be in shortly to check your vitals and will be in throughout the night. Before I go, I do need to ask you a few questions if that’s alright.”

“Sure,” Timothee said, his hand still in yours. 

“If you could tell me, what’s your current pain level on a scale from one to ten.” 

“Eight.” 

You looked at him with wide eyes. Eight? Jesus Christ. 

“Y/n. I’m okay.” 

“Any thoughts of harming yourself in the last few months.” 

“None.” 

Well, that’s a relief. 

“Any use of drugs or excessive alcohol consumption on or around the time of your accident.”  “No.” 

“And last question, do you feel safe at home and/or in your current relationship?”

“Yes.”

He answered confidently and you were grateful that he did.

“Perfect. That’s all I have, again I’m Dr. Higgins, I’ll be your doctor for the remainder of the evening. Please push the button on your bed if you need anything okay? Nice to meet you, y/n.”

You nodded and smiled at the doctor as he walked out.

Nicole left for the night, leaving you with Timothee. You weren’t planning on leaving him for his entire stay, or ever again for that matter. Not after this. As the night went on, and after lots of begging from Timothee, you managed to lay with him in his bed. You tried your hardest not to touch any part of him, but he wanted you close to him and you weren’t going to deny him anything for a long time.

“Hey,” Timothee whispered.

You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep, but it was dark and quiet in the room.

“Mmm?”

“You awake?”

“A little bit,” you said. Suddenly remembering the situation you sat up abruptly. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Do you need anything?”

Timothee chuckled lightly, a sound that made your heart skip in the good way this time.

“Actually can you help me to the bathroom?”

You climbed out of the bed, and held his hands as you eased him to the edge. Timothee grabbed his IV pole for leverage as he stood, swaying slightly as he did. You walked wit him to the bathroom at the far side of the room, praising him gently at how well he was doing despite his injuries. He assured you he didn’t need help with the rest, but you stood by the door and listened just incase. You walked him back and eased him back into the bed. He grabbed for you before you had the chance to sit instead of lay back down with him.

“I don’t want you far away,” he whispered.

You smiled at him and slid onto his bed, careful not to put too much weight on him or bump any injuries. You laid next to him, your faces inches apart.

“I’ve been thinking,” Timothee said.

“About what?”

“Let’s get married.”

You furrowed your brow and scrunched your nose. “We already are getting married, remember?”

“Yeah I know, but like now. Well, I mean as soon as possible. We wont be able to go back to Budapest for a few weeks. Let’s do it.”

“Before the baby gets here?”

“Yeah, as soon as I get out of here I want to marry you. I want to make you my wife. Please?”

You snorted, thinking about wedding pictures with you six months pregnant and Timothee bruised from head to toe. But you saw no issue with waiting.

“Okay, let’s get married.”

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