#i am being bitten by fleas as we speak

[from-a-reckless-writer]

iv. couch.

read on ao3

To Lena: r u busy??? U didnt answer my calls. Dinner later?

To Lena: my place.

To Lena: Or yours! Can totally go to urs. If u want.

To Lena: Lena????

To Lena: where are u??

To Lena: Answer my calls

To Lena: Pls?

Kara rounds the corner of her hallway, keys bitten, dangling from her lips, as she types with both hands. Her 67th text message of the day to an MIA Lena Luthor sent. She fails to notice the creature lurking around the front of her door; dark fur shining under the cheap LED lights of Kara’s corridor.

She’s still deeply absorbed in her phone with worry, in the middle of jamming her keys in with one hand, when something furry brushes against her legs and Kara yelps.

She pulls the knob clean out of the wood in shock, her phone dropping to the floor loudly, the cat doing a duet with her with a startled yowl of her own.

Heart hammering and adrenaline racing, Kara looks down and sees the cat for the first time.

“Oh! Oh!” she gasps, “I didn’t see you there, buddy. I’m sorry for startling you!! I didn’t mean it.”

The door knob clatters loudly to the ground as it falls out of her grasp. And Kara sheepishly feels guilty for the hole in her door. But the cat meows loudly, catching her attention, as if in response to her apology.

She crouches down low, and reaches out a hand to touch the furball. She snaps a quick pic, sends it to Lena and pockets her phone.

To Lena: KITTY!!

“Oh, oh come here,” she coos, “where’s your collar? How’d you get here huh?”

The cat reminds her of Streaky. The first stray who ever took to her kindly. Although upon closer inspection, Kara realizes this one has striking emeralds for eyes, Streaky’s eyes were a more softer blue.

The cat surprisingly seems friendly, immediately leaning into Kara’s touch. Nosing at the inside of Kara’s wrist and it’s such a familiar gesture but she can’t seem to remember why.

And...oh, a small rumbling echoes through Kara’s palm!

Oh, they’re purring!

Kara doesn’t know how long she stays there crouched low exactly, but eventually, she stands up, takes her hand away, and picks up the damaged doorknob.

“Well, time for you to go home now, buddy,” she tells them, giving their head one last pat before dusting off her hands on her jacket.

“Go on, shooo. Shoo. Go home. I’m sure your human is looking for you.”

But the cat remains unmoving. It looks like they’ve decided to sit firmly in front of Kara’s doorstep, casually licking a paw, as if waiting for Kara to open her door.

“Are you actually waiting for me to open my door?” Kara makes a mental note to thank Rao that none of her neighbors can see her trying to hold a proper conversation with a cat.

“Look, kitty,” she says firmly, “I’m not your human.”

The cat just blinks owlishly at her. Eyes too green, too intelligent and-

Kara makes up her mind.

She turns her face skywards, takes a deep breath (This will probably backfire, she already knows. But she's always had a soft spot for strays.) and then she pushes her door wide open.

The cat races inside, cutting through Kara’s legs and almost tripping her.

“Well, somebody’s excited,” Kara mutters under her breath, she watches the cat head for her living room couch; watches as they pause all of a sudden, changes course and jumps onto Kara’s coffee table instead.

Where the cat then proceeds to knock down everything in close vicinity, even the picture frame of her and Lena together.

“Hey! No! Bad kitty-”

But the cat is already hopping down from her pedestal, landing on the frame directly.

And then things get weird.

The cat proceeds to stomp all over it, meows loud, like really loud; insanely loud for a cat their size.

Her paw seems to be almost pointing? At the other person in the frame.

“I-” Kara seems taken aback by the bizarre behavior, sure she knows cats are vastly different from dogs, but this…

This is just weird.

The cat’s meowing only seems to get louder.

How you land yourselves in these situations, Kara. I really just don’t know, at this point. She can almost hear Alex say.

“What are you- Are you- are you pointing? That’s- That’s Lena, yeah. That’s my best friend.”

At that, the cat seems to vibrate. They start clawing at Kara’s pant leg, meowing and meowing and meowing—

And then it hits her.

"-but it turns out that she’s a witch. And apparently, so am I."

The green, green eyes.

A pink nose nuzzling against her wrist.

“Lena?”

******

“Oh, Rao! Lena you’re a cat! What happened?! Oh, no, baby what did you do?”

Lena-

Lena The Cat—and okay, so she’s still wrapping her head around that one—just stays silent. She’s sitting on her lap, looking regal than any cat has any right to be. A judgmental look in her eyes.

Lena’s a cat. Cat’s can’t speak. Can’t answer Kara’s questions.

“Right. Sorry. Only meow,” Kara murmurs, embarrassed. For some reason even in cat form Lena manages to be intimidating.

“Okay so, uh d-does that mean you still understand me? Two meows for yes. One meow for no.”

Kara gets two meows.

“Okay, cool, cool. Great. You can still understand me, that's good.” Kara runs a hand down her spine, “Gosh, your fur is just so soft.”

She hears Lena give a small growl, body tensing, “Right. Right. Sorry. Not the time for pets.” Kara retracts her hand away.

“Uhm, so next question then, I guess? D-did you become a cat this morning? Were you testing out your uhm...gift?”

Lena meows twice. Kara nods, clenching and unclenching her fist underneath her chin. Fingers itching to run themselves through Lena’s soft fur again. Lena seems to sense this, and nuzzles her face into Kara’s hand, bumps against her repeatedly.

“Really?” Kara double-checks, giddy. If she were human Kara bets Lena would be rolling her eyes like she always does when Kara does something particularly dorky, but she just pushes her head firmer against Kara’s hand and meows twice.

“So uhm,” she starts, cautiously, noting Lena’s increasing purr, “is there like a spellbook for this or something? Something that can help you transform back?

Lena meows yes.

“Is it in The Tower or back at your place?”

There are no responses.

“Sorry, sorry lemme rephrase, is it in The Tower?”

She gets two consecutive meows.

Okay, to The Tower it is.

******

“Are you going to tell me why you’re cradling a cat in your cape or??” Alex raises a brow at her, a hand on her hip, left foot tapping impatiently. Her sister was heading out for the day, it looks like. It was just tough luck that Supergirl landed one minute before the elevator took Alex.

Crap. Now they have to explain. They didn’t talk about this. Lena still hasn’t told her if it was okay to tell people about her gift.

“I-I rescued it,” Kara says.

Well, that isn’t so far from the truth, right? She stares at the bundle in her arms, Lena the traitor staying silent all the while—green eyes shining all innocent at Kara.

Alex’s stares intensifies.

“From a tree,” Kara flounders, and Lena The Cat has the audacity to yawn, squirm and jump away from her arms. She lands gracefully, tail swishing up in the air and heads straight for the lab.

Alex eyes the cat suspiciously before turning back to Kara. She jabs a finger to her chest. “It better not have any fleas. It better not touch my training mat.”

“She won’t.”

Alex just shakes her head, rolls her eyes, grabs her helmet and walks to the elevator.

Before she goes though, Alex says, “You know, this is gonna sound weird, but I swear I think I saw that same cat slinking out of The Tower earlier this morning.”

“Alex, she’s literally a black cat. There are hundreds of black cats in the city.”

“You're being weirdly defensive about this. Why are you being weird?”

“I’m not.”

Alex seems like she wants to say more, but the elevator dings, and she’s never been more grateful that Kelly makes Alex pick her up from work. Alex huffs out breath, before conceding and disappearing into the lift.

******

The camera flash is what gets Kara busted.

But is it really her fault if she walked in on a cute kitty, hunched over, meowing adorably, trying to flip over the pages of a thick spellbook, with her teeny-tiny bean paws?

Lena hisses at her, teeth-bared and fur puffy.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But you were just really, really, really cute okay?” She walks closer to the desk, carefully lifts a hand and scratches Lena behind the ear.

The hissing slowly devolves into purring, and Kara grins triumphantly. Lena lets herself be picked up after a few moments, Kara leafing through the pages for her.

“So, found anything yet?” She asks, cradling Lena close to her chest. A warm weight on Kara’s arms, and as much as she wants to get her real Lena back, she also isn’t too eager on giving up this version anytime soon. Then again, Kara thinks, it would be impossible for her to give up any version of Lena Luthor.

“Spell? Charm? Anything? Do you need to make a potion? Are we gonna get to make a potion? Oh, oh do you need a wand? Do you have a wa-”

Kara’s words get muffled as two black paws press against her lips. Lena’s green eyes narrowing at her. She meows at Kara. Loudly.

“Mkay, mkay. Shut up. Got it.”

Lena removes her paws, and Kara makes a gesture of zipping her lips together. This seems to appease Lena enough because the next second, a pink tongue darts out and she...licks Kara's nose.

“Did you- did you just lick me?” Kara gasps out.

Lena doesn’t even acknowledge her with a meow, just turns away and jumps out of her arms again. Before Kara can do anything about it though, her phone rings.

The screen lighting up with Andrea’s name.

“Danvers, I’ve got a story for you.”

******

“Alex, please, I’ll be quick. I promise. I’ll only be three hours at the most. Please just look after her,” she pleads, pouting and puppy eyes in full power.

It also helps that the cat burrito in her cape looks to be cooperating. Lena The Cat staring at Alex with wide round eyes.

Apparently, some governor was found dead downtown, and now Andrea wants her on the scene. She can’t just leave Lena all alone in The Tower. No matter how hard Lena’s been protesting, this is brand new territory for both of them. Nobody knows the extent of Lena’s powers.

Point is, Kara would feel a lot better if she were to leave Lena under the care of someone she trusts. Even if said someone, accuses Lena of being a stray with fleas. It's still better than leaving Lena all on her own.

“Ugh.” Alex groans and Kara knows she’s won. “If this cat causes trouble I will throw it out the window, Kara.”

“No!” Kara yells, distressed. “Don’t do that. She’ll behave. She promises.”

She puts her hand under Lena’s arms and raises her up to eye level—Simba style. “You promise to be good for Alex, don’t you?”

All she gets is a lot of squirming and screaming, there were also a lot of attempts at scratching Kara’s nose.

“See?” Kara says, chuckling nervously. “She’s telling you she’s good.”

Alex looks skeptical, her arms crossed against her chest.

Kara sets her down on the couch, and crouches down low.

She tries to pet her head, but Lena bites at her finger, she catches her teeth on the skin of her supersuit’s thumb slot. She bites deeper, her teeth accomplishing nothing but a few dents.

And oh, Rao she thinks she’s such a feral little cat but her pink adorable gummy snarl says otherwise.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be back. I promise,” she whispers, careful not to let Alex hear. “And then we’ll figure it out later, okay? The safest place for you right now is to be with Alex.”

She really doesn’t want to go, and based on Lena’s protests she doesn’t want Kara to go either. But well, Andrea had finally threatened to fire her if she disobeyed...which is...fair.

She’s aware she’s been doing a less than stellar job at being a journalist lately. Rao, what an understatement. This is basically her make it or break it.

“Look, I’ll be quick, promise. Be good to Alex,” Kara murmurs. She presses a kiss on Lena’s furry forehead. Lena finally unclenches her jaw and lets Kara go. The little whine she lets out, letting Kara know that she knows the battle’s lost.

“Both of you, be good,” Kara tells them sternly. “Alex, please don’t yeet my cat out of the window.”

Alex shrugs, staring at the cat with suspicion. “I make no promises.’

Lena is staring at Alex just as hostile. Great. They both deserve each other.

Kara sighs exasperatedly. Well, at least she tried.

******

She gets a very angry Alex Danvers on the line, right after she’s finished talking to some sources. It’s nighttime now, and when she checks her watch—yep, she’s left Lena in Alex’s care for more than six hours.

Crap.

“Hey, Al—”

“KARA IF YOU DON’T PICK UP THIS THIS THIS GODDAMNED HAIRBALL RIGHT NOW, YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT EVER AGAIN.”

There is loud meowing, and then, “What the- Get off! Get off me right no-”

The line clicks dead.

Kara Danvers quickly changes into an alley, manages to break the sound barrier.

******

It’s Kelly who opens the door.

“Hey, Kara,” she greets her. Kara is impatiently rocking on her heels, trying to peer past Kelly’s shoulders.

The place was quiet; ridiculously quiet, and Kara feels fear swoop in her belly.

“Please, tell me my cat is still alive,” Kara bursts out, Kelly just gives her a pained smile and oh, no, oh no.

She muscles her way past Kelly to a brooding Alex on the couch.

Lena is nowhere to be seen.

“Alex, Alex where’s my cat? Where is she? Where did you put her?”

Alex finally looks up at her, Kara taking notice of the red marks on her arm.

Oh no, Lena, what did you do?

“Calm down, I didn’t throw the little demon away. She’s-" Alex sing-songs before finishing, "on time-out.”

“Time-out?” Kara asks, voice shaking. Rao, does she really want to know.

Alex takes too long to answer, taking a swig of her beer first before pointing to a corner in the living room.

And there, she spots it.

It, being a small pile of laundry on the floor, next to an upside down hamper. A big white hamper housing one Lena Luthor. There's a crude cardboard sign stuck on it; "Kitty Jail". Alex has also stacked a few encyclopedia on top of it, no doubt an attempt to keep Lena from escaping.

“Oh! Oh, Lena!”

Kara superspeeds her way and scoops Lena up, the cat meowing immediately and curling into Kara’s chest.

“You named the cat after Lena?!”

Crap.

Kara turns around slowly, “Uhm yeah?”

Alex just shakes her head. “Unbelievable.”

“Her eyes reminded me of Lena, okay?!” Kara yells defensively, pressing tiny kisses onto Lena’s fur.

“I’m sorry that Alex has been such a meanie to you," she coos, "I know you didn’t deserve it, baby."

Alex seems to perk up at that, because she raises up from the couch. “That,” Alex jabs a finger in their direction, Kara cradles Lena protectively, “That baby ruined my couch and she so totally deserves all the mean! All the mean in the world, Kara!”

Lena hisses in her arms.

“No, no. That’s not true. Lena is baby and she’s perfect and you’re just a meanie.”

“She ruined my upholstery! She left hair all over the place and that’s not even to mention the scratching!”

“Because you were mean to her!”

Alex scoffs, eyes bulging wide in disbelief.

“Get out,” Alex says, her brows pinching comically, “Get out of my apartment before that little devil causes more damage.”

“Gladly,” Kara says, and Lena meows her assent. They make their way past Alex, Kara unaware that Lena has stuck out her little tongue at Alex over her shoulder.

“And she’s not a little devil!” Kara calls out.

Alex slams the door in her face.

******

That evening, Kara pores over a thick spellbook, eyes swimming with Latin symbols with a purring machine on her lap.

By midnight, Kara has managed to pass out on her couch, a black cat curled on her chest.

The spellbook lay open on her coffee table, forgotten.

******

The first sight that greets Kara when she wakes up are green eyes.

Green human eyes.

And then it hits her.

“Lena!”

The spell had blessedly wore off by morning, and Kara’s never been more glad to see the sunlight lighting up Lena’s face.

For a moment, Kara’s assaulted with the mental image of laying in a pool of sunlight with a black cat stretching leisurely next to her.

“Good morning,” Lena purrs, and oh Rao, that sound is much, much better than her meowing.

“You’re back!” Kara gasps in awe.

“I’m back,” she whispers, she’s still draped fully over Kara on the couch. A blanket covering them both.

“Rao, I missed you.” A palm comes up to cup her cheeks, Lena automatically nuzzling into the inside of her wrist.

“Mm, I missed me, too,” Lena tells her, face breaking into a small smile. Kara traces her fingers up and down Lena’s spine. Oh, how she’s missed touching Lena’s skin.

Wait-

Skin.

Is she-

“Lena,” Kara begins, swallowing. Her nerves not going unnoticed.

Lena raises a brow at her. “Kara?”

“Are you- uhm- ah. Are you naked right now?”

Lena’s eyes light up like a cat’s and Kara knows she’s in trouble.

“Mm. It seems that I am,” Lena says, and all Kara can do is gulp.

“What are you gonna do about it?”

special shoutout to @mike-wachowski, @sexybread-png and @thebreakfastgod for their cat expertise without whom this silly little fic would not be written.

#catto!lena #COME GET YOUR CATTO!LENA CONTENT HERE! #I AM WELL AWARE HOW SELF-INDULGENT THIS IS AND HOW MILES AWAY IT IS FROM THE PROMPT BUT YEAH #oh oh and p.s yes they did have sex on that couch right after. #supercorptober 2021 #the reckless writer writes #a supercorp ficlet of sorts #if u see a typo no u didnt #supercorp

[sachigram]

With Teeth Chapter 2

((click here to read on ao3!))

“Shizuo-senpai has been quiet lately.”

Shizuo glances at Vorona as they walk side by side, trailing behind Tom. She isn't looking at him, but Shizuo never gets much out of her expression anyway.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Talking about negative experiences is usually best in moving past them,” Vorona says, and she does look at him this time, her pale eyes studying him.

“It's nothing,” Shizuo says quickly. “Or it's just...a lot. A lot of nothing. Ugh.” He runs his hand through his hair, as bad with words as he ever was. “I don't think it's worth talking about, is all.”

How could he talk about it with anyone? Where would he even begin? Sure, Celty is a good friend of his, and her existence is technically beyond belief, but Shizuo never thought much of other supernatural beings until he became one. Speaking of, he really should talk to Celty soon. He should talk to anyone that isn't the fucking fleabag.

“I see. That is unfortunate.” Vorona looks ahead again. “I will keep the invitation open.”

“Thanks.”

It goes quiet again. Neither of them are very good at conversation. Tom likes to tell Shizuo that Vorona has a thing for him, and he certainly holds a candle for her, but how could there ever be anything more between him when he's...the way he is? He was a monster even before that werewolf took a bite out of him.

“Alright, I'm starving,” Tom announces, stopping in front of them. He turns around and grins, his hands going in his pockets. “How about some barbecue? There's a Korean spot up here.”

“That sounds good,” Shizuo says, grateful to Tom for taking steer of the conversation. Shizuo has tried before to imagine himself on a date with Vorona, but it's hard. He has no idea what they would talk about, or if they would talk at all.

After they order their food and settle into a cozy booth, Vorona excuses herself and heads to the bathroom. Tom watches her go and then turns back to Shizuo, a small frown on his face.

“Alright, man. What gives?” he asks.

“Huh?” Shizuo grunts, his mouth already full. He's been careful to make sure he isn't the least bit hungry. He doesn't need to feel less in control of himself.

“You and Vorona! Aren't you going to ask her out? If you don't hurry up, she's going to think you aren't into her!” Tom says exasperatedly.

“I can't,” Shizuo says simply, and Tom pulls at his own hair, a long-suffering sigh escaping him.

“I don't understand you! The two of you were getting so close, up until a few months ago. Then you just stopped talking to either one of us about anything! Vorona doesn't know you like I do, so she isn't used to you being so hot and cold, but mark my words, someone is going to snatch her away from you if you don't wise up!”

“I know that. She's too good for me anyway. One slip up is all it would take for me to hurt her beyond repair, or possibly even kill her. How am I supposed to know that and pursue her anyway?” Shizuo asks, and Tom's expression softens.

“You don't hurt people you care about. You're being too hard on yourself.”

“I'm not. I've made up my mind about it.”

Tom sighs again. “I'm worried about you. This is different than your usual levels of isolation. Why are you so hellbent on being miserable, huh? If you don't want to date Vorona, that's fine, but you could still talk to her like she's your friend. And I'm your friend, too.”

Shizuo takes another bite of his chicken, guilt gnawing at him. He didn't mean to make anyone worry. He mutters a soft apology between his chewing.

“Don't be sorry. Just know you can talk to me about anything. I've never judged you before, have I?” Tom grins and then starts to dig into his own food. “You shouldn't suffer on your own.”

Shizuo considers this as Vorona returns to sit with them. The flea's face flashes in his mind, and he grips his chopsticks hard enough to break. He'd rather be dealing with this alone than with him.

“You need me.” Izaya had said, and the vindictive little smile on his face was enough to make Shizuo nauseous. It's true, isn't it? It's true, and Shizuo hates it.

After lunch, they head back into the city. There's only a few more targets for the day, and Shizuo is thinking about doing laundry and speaking to Celty for the first time in a while when he catches sight of a familiar fur coat.

Izaya is across the street, perched up on a wall, drinking coffee as he chats animatedly with Kadota, who is listening with an indulgent expression. Immediately, Shizuo stiffens, as do Tom and Vorona, who have obviously spotted Izaya as well.

“Shizuo, come on. It's not worth it,” Tom says, putting a hand on Shizuo's shoulder. Shizuo keeps looking at Izaya, who is laughing at something Kadota said, looking entirely too at ease. Why the fuck does Shizuo have to keep seeing that rotten bloodsucker? Why should Izaya be allowed peace when Shizuo spends every waking moment in fear of what he is and what he could do?

“Fine. You're right.” Shizuo grunts as he allows Tom to lead him away. Izaya's putrid stench stays in his nose, haunting him every step he takes. Turning away from Izaya feels wrong, but killing him doesn't seem right either anymore.

Shizuo doesn't know when everything got so fucking complicated in his life.

***

“I'm sorry.”

Neither of his parents looked up at him. They were engaged in what seemed to be a heated conversation, both of them talking through clenched teeth and gesturing broadly with their hands. Shizuo was sent home from school again after wrecking the classroom. Some kid called him an idiot for getting a math question wrong, and Shizuo didn't remember much about what happened after that.

He was always sorry for it, but it never mattered.

Kasuka wandered in, and he moved to Shizuo's side. He didn't say anything, but he gripped Shizuo's sleeve loosely, and it was a comfort all the same.

“Oh, Shizuo...” His mother noticed him at last, and immediately moved to hug him. Shizuo could see her eyes were wet. He didn't know why it made his eyes wet, too.

“I'm sorry,” he said again.

“I know,” his mother said, and together, they wept.

***

Going to Shinra's, annoying as it can be, is always a comfort, as well.

He didn't mean to stay away for so long. If anyone would understand what Shizuo's going through, it would be Celty, and by extension, Shinra. It's just not an easy topic to discuss, and Shizuo hasn't discussed it with anyone other than Izaya, who never has anything nice to say. If anything, every conversation with the fucker just feels like rubbing salt in an open wound. An infected open wound. Shizuo would rather amputate than deal with it anymore, but he knows he doesn't have a choice in the matter.

He knocks at the door of Shinra's apartment, his hands going into his pockets while he waits for an answer. There's clattering behind the door, footsteps, and then the sound of various locks being unlocked. Celty got a lot more paranoid after that stalker attacked Shinra, so Shizuo waits patiently.

“Sorry, sorry!” Shinra says as he throws the door open. He pauses upon seeing Shizuo, and then a wide smile spreads across his face. “Shizuo-kun! What a nice surprise!”

“Yo,” Shizuo grunts, stepping around him and taking his shoes off in the entryway. The apartment is warm, the scent of something cooking wafting from the kitchen. It feels like a home, even more than Shizuo's own place does.

“Celty is in the bath! Oh, she'll be so excited to see you! She's missed you so much! Ah! I need to stir my stew—“ Shinra runs towards the kitchen, disappearing from sight before his voice calls out. “Will you stay for dinner? There's plenty!”

“Yeah, sure,” Shizuo says, plopping down onto the couch. He leans back against the cushions, closing his eyes as the feeling of belonging washes over him. He thinks of his parents, and he decides he should call them soon.

There's the sound of a door opening, and then soft footsteps. A pause. And then—

“Shizuo?! Where the hell have you been? How are you? Do you know how worried I was about you?! How are you feeling? How—“

“Celty.” Shizuo pushes the bright PDA away from his face as Celty bounces on the couch next to him, bombarding him with questions. “Can we ease into the interrogation part?”

“You can hardly blame her!” Shinra calls. “We've barely heard from you for months. The chatroom she frequents was full of terrible rumors.”

“You could've come to see me,” Shizuo mutters, and he feels guilty for it when her shoulders droop.

“I didn't want to bother you... I thought you had enough to deal with.”

“Yeah.” Shizuo leans back, sighing loudly. “Yeah, you weren't wrong.”

“So!” Shinra lilts, walking back into the room, soup ladle in hand. “Are we finally going to talk about the whole 'you being a werewolf' thing?”

“You knew,” Shizuo says, waiting to feel surprised. Celty is busy attacking Shinra, jabbing at him while Shinra wails apologies for being blunt. “Of course you fucking knew.”

“Well, yes, of course! Celty could sense it, and then you weren't around, so—!” Shinra whines again as he doubles over, Celty's fist in his stomach.

“We didn't want to invade your privacy! I thought if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me, so we weren't there for you as we should've been. I'm so sorry, Shizuo. Please forgive me.”

“Don't apologize. You did the right thing. I...didn't want to talk about it. I still don't, but I'm also tired of running from it.” Shizuo looks down at his hands, clenches them into fists before he continues. “I'm a monster just like everyone always said.”

“Technically yes, but it's not like you're wreaking havoc every full moon! As long as you aren't spreading the curse, I'd say you're handling it very responsibly,” Shinra says. “You haven't bitten anyone at all, and it's been half a year!”

Shizuo glares up at him, and Celty steps in between him and Shinra, her arms outstretched.

“Ignore him, you know he always says the wrong thing. I'm really glad you're here, Shizuo. I wish I could do more for you, but I don't know much about werewolves aside from the folklore.”

Shizuo pretty much assumed that, already. Without her head, Celty doesn't have memories from her past life. The only one who can really help him is...

“Surprised Izaya didn't tell you about it,” Shizuo snaps at Shinra, who shrugs.

“Oh, he doesn't like to talk about you. I already knew from my dear Celty, here, but Izaya-kun is surprisingly secretive about your transformations. He doesn't offer anything that I don't explicitly ask.”

“Is he really helping you?” Celty's body language reads incredulity, and Shizuo can't exactly blame her for that.

“He's giving me potions. I don't know if I'd call it 'helping' so much as him being a smug little fucker.” Shizuo huffs before he crosses his arms over his chest. “Always knew something freaky was up with him, but to think he's actually a fucking witch. No wonder he was always able to know exactly where I was, and exactly how to get on my nerves.”

“You would think you'd be at least a little grateful to him,” Shinra says, a cool edge to his voice. “It's thanks to him you aren't rampaging every month, after all.”

Shizuo and Celty both stare at Shinra, who suddenly turns around, saying something about his stew again. He flounces from the room, and Celty turns back to Shizuo.

“Is Izaya being absolutely terrible to you? I can't imagine how he wouldn't be.” Celty types, and Shizuo grunts in irritation.

“The flea's as shitty as ever, yeah. I'm kind of surprised he hasn't told everyone what I am. Maybe no one's paid him enough money for the information yet.”

“It's not really up to him. Humans aren't meant to know much about the other realm. Besides, he couldn't out you without outing himself, too.”

“It's not like it's a huge secret, what he is. He has all kinds of people visiting and asking for help with things.” Shizuo remembers being there during one full moon, Izaya busy clacking away at his desk when some white-haired vampire just appeared. Izaya seemed annoyed by it.

“Actually, it is a secret!” Shinra says from the kitchen. “Izaya-kun is one of the last of his kind. A lot of the other witches were wiped out.”

“Why?” Shizuo asks.

“They're hard to control, usually mad with power. At least, that's what I was able to find out,” Shinra replies.

“Sounds about right.” Shizuo grimaces, thinking of Izaya's eerie smile and his cat-like gaze. “Surprised he's allowed to just do whatever the fuck he wants, then.”

“I wouldn't say that,” Shinra says, and then he smiles. “Dinner's ready, by the way.”

Despite the huge lunch Shizuo had, he's able to scarf down three bowls of stew, as well as some bread. Shinra chatters on and on about increased appetite being the most common side effect of 'lycanthropy', and he doesn't shut up until Shizuo throws a spoon at him.

“I hear enough of that shit from the fleabag,” Shizuo hisses.

“Well, at least you only have to see him for a few minutes every month! It could be worse,” Shinra says as he pries the spoon from the wall.

“Try hours,” Shizuo says.

“Huh? Hours?” Shinra turns to him, adjusting his glasses. “Are you staying the night there?”

“Izaya didn't tell you that?” Shizuo asks.

“Of course not. That's just— Wow. I'm shocked he's allowing that. No wonder he gets so annoyed when I ask about your transformation.”

“You don't have to suffer in his company, anymore.” Celty types. “You can stay here next time. If anything happened, I could restrain you. Even if you did bite me, I'm immune.”

“I'll think about it,” Shizuo mutters. Truth be told, he doesn't want anyone to see him that way, even Izaya, but at least Izaya couldn't possibly think less of Shizuo than he already does. They hated each other on sight, after all.

***

Shizuo always tried to keep in mind that even if people were afraid of him, it didn't mean they didn't love him.

His mother still doted on him when he hurt himself and wound up in the hospital, would still kiss his bandages and comfort him even after ducking away in fear when he lost himself to his rage. Kasuka told him once that none of them were scared of him, that it was just something they were used to, and Shizuo decided it somehow hurt even worse that he was something to 'get used to'.

There was never really anyone in his life that wasn't at least a little afraid of him, even if they hid it well. Shinra was, well. Himself. He would stay by Shizuo's side, but he definitely was in it for his own morbid curiosity. It was obvious he was terrified of Shizuo by the way he'd cower in fear and apologize if Shizuo so much as blinked at him too long. Tom was a good friend, but even he would duck and cover, scared of getting hit in the crossfire when Shizuo really got going.

Shizuo never blamed any of them for it. How could they not be scared of him? He was uncontrollable when he got past a certain point. The static in his mind drowned out everything, even the screams of terror. He wouldn't know if he was hurting someone he cared about. He was never able to stop himself. How could he get angry at them for being afraid of him when even he was afraid of him?

No, it wasn't until he met Orihara Izaya that he truly faced someone who didn't know fear.

Shizuo was livid as he stared at Shinra's friend. He'd heard of Orihara Izaya before. Shinra positively gushed about the boy, as much as Shinra could gush about anyone that wasn't Celty. Shinra's words were always peppered with insults, but it was clear he cared about this other friend of his, and he was constantly trying to get Shizuo to meet Izaya, would call Shizuo's house and invite Shizuo and Kasuka both to hang out with them. From Shizuo's understanding, Izaya was as against it as Shizuo was. Neither of them seemed to want to meet the other, but there Izaya was, sitting next to Shinra, eyes full of mischief and wonder as he clapped his hands together from the display of violence, the thing Shizuo hated most about himself.

“You piss me off,” Shizuo had said, and something in Izaya's eyes changed, but Shizuo couldn't name it. He only knew he didn't see fear when Izaya looked at him, and in the end, that might've been part of what made Shizuo hate him so much.

“It's a real shame,” Shinra said once. He was busy patching up Shizuo's wounds after one of his more brutal matches with Izaya. “I really think you two would get along if you tried. You have so much in common!”

“What could I possibly have in common with that fucking parasite?!” Shizuo snapped, and Shinra immediately bowed his head in apology. “Did you know he sent those fuckers after me? He was there, watching me fight them!”

“Yes, well, I never said he was a good person!” Shinra straightened himself after Shizuo huffed and turned away from him. “You both always reminded me of each other, is all I meant.”

“I don't see how,” Shizuo said, angry at the comparison, and also at how much the ointment Shinra was using stung.

“You're both incredibly stubborn,” Shinra said. “And you're both someone I wouldn't want mad at me.”

“Great.”

“It seems you're also both determined to be alone.”

***

As he walks down the street, returning home after leaving Shinra's, Shizuo stretches his arms above his head, feeling better in spite of himself. It's true he's changed, but he isn't alone, is he? He still has his friends, even if they're afraid of him. It's the same as it's always been.

“My, my, don't you look content.”

Shizuo growls as he turns to look at Izaya, who is walking along the wall next to him, arms held out to balance himself.

“Why're you still in my city?” Shizuo barks, instantly annoyed. This is what he gets for not chasing Izaya out earlier.

“So you did see me! I thought you did. And you kept walking! Are you finally learning restraint?” Izaya grins down at Shizuo as they walk in step with each other. “I work here, Shizu-chan. You know that, already.”

“Tch. Nothing good comes from you being here.”

“But you let me go! Tell me, are you growing fond of me all of a sudden?” Izaya asks, and Shizuo stops in his tracks to look up at Izaya with as much disdain as he can muster.

“Get the fuck away from me,” Shizuo says, and Izaya leers at him.

“There's my monster,” he coos. “You're leaving Shinra's, right? Did you confide all your beastly secrets in that headless friend of yours?”

“You're the monster,” Shizuo says, starting to walk again. “Shinra said he was surprised you're helping me. Come to think of it, I'm surprised, too. What's in this for you?”

“Pardon?” Izaya asks, his grin sharpening.

“You hate me. I know you do. Why would you help me, then? Why aren't you telling everyone what I am?”

“Oh, it's enough that I know it,” Izaya says, waving his hand. “Besides, me keeping this secret for you seems to have allowed me passage to Ikebukuro without you throwing things at me. Isn't that payment enough?”

“No,” Shizuo says, knowing Izaya too well to buy into that.

“Then consider this,” Izaya replies, looking at Shizuo with such contempt it actually makes Shizuo take a step away. “Maybe it's not my choice.”

“Yeah, right. I know you had something to do with all this. Everything bad in my life has always been because of you, in some way. You sent that guy after me; I know you did.”

“More like you need someone to blame, and I'm an easy target,” Izaya lilts, going back to balancing along as he walks. “You and I finally have something in common, don't we? We're both part of both realms, all at once.”

“I never fucking asked for this,” Shizuo hisses angrily. “I wanted a peaceful life, something far away from you. I never wanted to be part of this otherworldly bullshit. I didn't want to be this thing.”

“Yeah,” Izaya says, and his voice sounds a little tight. “I know what you mean.”

Shizuo pauses, turning to face Izaya, who is looking up at the sky with a thoughtful expression on his face. Izaya hums before he looks back down at Shizuo, his usual smirk back in place.

“Anyway, you think I send everyone after you. You're an anomaly, Shizu-chan. That makes you a target all on your own. You really think you'd ever be able to live a peaceful life when everyone in this city has seen what you can do?” Izaya fucking giggles, and it makes Shizuo's teeth clench. “What a simple mind you have.”

“Stop talking to me. No, just get the hell away from me.”

“I'm teaching you something!” Izaya says, and he jumps down in front of Shizuo, arms waving as he talks. There's a manic look about him, and Shizuo somehow feels pity mixed in with his hatred for the person before him. “You aren't considering human nature at all, are you? You say you hate violence, but everyone has seen you in the middle of one of your rampages. You've proven yourself to be a key player in the city, so of course people are going to go after you. Everyone who wants power is going to target the most powerful. It's how humans are.”

“What's up with you?” Shizuo asks, narrowing his eyes at Izaya. “You're being crazier than normal.”

“You blame me for ruining your peace, but you ruined it for yourself before you even met me. Sure, I sent people after you, but they were after you even before high school, weren't they?” Izaya prattles on, ignoring Shizuo's question. “You're incapable of accepting your role in ruining your own life.”

“Where's any of this even coming from?” Shizuo asks, more confused than angry, but growing angrier by the second. He's never liked any of Izaya's stupid psychobabble, especially when it's directed at him.

“You've trapped yourself in this endless loop, you simplistic cretin.” Izaya's eyes are wide, his pupils blown and Shizuo finds he can't look away. “This city is like fly paper, isn't it? And you've gone and thrashed around so much that you'll almost never be free.”

Shizuo frowns down at Izaya, once again failing to understand a single word out of his mouth. Their ways of talking are just so different, Shizuo usually opting for a direct approach while Izaya never gets to his point. Still, Shizuo can tell something isn't quite right with Izaya tonight, and he finds himself actually looking for injuries on the flea. Maybe he's concussed or something, and there's dried, matted blood in that wild hair of his. But then, wouldn't Shizuo smell it?

Izaya, predictably, snorts, and then he turns on his heel, starting to walk away.

“Oi! Where are you going?” Shizuo asks, hurrying to follow after him.

“I don't know why I bother. Logic is wasted on you,” Izaya laments.

“Maybe I'd know what the hell you were talking about if you ever made sense!” Shizuo counters.

“Get away from me now, monster, I've had all I can tolerate of your presence,” Izaya says, still not looking at him, and Shizuo finds himself grabbing Izaya's wrist and pulling him back.

“What's wrong with you? Why're you acting even weirder than usual?”

Izaya scoffs up at him, and then he pauses, his brow furrowing like he's trying hard to listen to something. “You're wondering if I'm hurt,” he muses. He rolls his eyes at the sour look Shizuo gives him. “Yes, I'm reading your mind. No, I don't do it very often. I'm just trying to get away from you, and you're making it very difficult.”

“Bullshit you don't do it all the time,” Shizuo huffs, but he releases Izaya all the same.

“I don't. It's no fun always knowing exactly what to say to someone to push their buttons. I'd rather make an educated guess. Sometimes leaving things up to chance is the only true way to play.” Izaya turns and starts walking away again. “And anyway, I'm not hurt. Even if I was, I'd already be mostly healed, just from the course of this pointless conversation.”

“Apparently you can't heal yourself from being crazy!” Shizuo calls after him, but Izaya doesn't stop walking, and soon enough he's out of Shizuo's sight. Shizuo stands in the middle of the sidewalk, gnawing his teeth together. He can't help but wonder how much of this is actually Izaya's fault, but that was the flea's point, wasn't it? He growls lowly after Izaya, at another night of shattered peace.

“FUCK!” he shouts at the sky, drawing stares from everyone around him, but he can't bring himself to care. Izaya has ruined so many things in Shizuo's past, and he's ruined all hope of serenity in Shizuo's future.

Shizuo's stuck, just like Izaya said.

#with teeth fic #shizaya #werewolf shizuo #witchy izaya #Shizuo Heiwajima #Izaya Orihara

[inu-jiru]

Tomoe, the Eastern Tigress - Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen - Enter Genba!

“Gyaaaaah!” An Ohu male let out a dying scream as fangs tore through him like paper. What had once been a small patrol of dogs now lay in the snow, their bodies shredded and mangled. A large paw landed one of their heads. “Mmph,” the murderer of the unfortunate males grunted. “Too easy. None of these fools were Ohu’s best. They all must be hiding out in Gajou, the cowards.” The bloodthirsty dog was a massive harlequin Great Dane, much like Hougen, though his ears were undamaged and flopped at the middle. This was Genba, brother of the tyrant. With vibrant, yellow eyes, the male looked around, huffing impatiently. “Where the hell are those bastards…?” he grunted impatiently. “If they don’t report to me by the next hour, they’ll regret it. C’mon, you lot. Let’s keep cleaning up in the meantime, hehehehe.” “Won’t we recruit any of them, sir?” asked a soldier. Genba’s jowls peeled back as he flashed his fangs in a wicked smile. “Not a single one of Gin’s allies leaves this mountain alive,” he responded. With that, the march was on. An army of three hundred males began their climb up the mountain. Genba licked his chops; he hungered for the taste of Ohu blood. “Sergeant Ben!” cried Mel, his voice bouncing off the stone walls of the Ohu stronghold. As he entered the main chamber, the puppy saw Ben jolting awake. Instinctually, he looked around, though he could only see blackness. “What’s that?” Ben barked, slightly panicked. His nose quivered, catching the scent of Mel nearby. He turned towards the approaching puppy. “Mel? Is that you? What’s the matter?” “I think there’s enemies trying to enter Ohu territory,” explained Mel. “They told me they wanted to join Ohu, but something didn’t seem right about them. I sent them in the opposite direction, but…” The puppy shuddered. “I think this might have to do with Hougen.” “Damn…” muttered Ben, his brow furrowing. He stood up. “We need to get everyone back here. With luck, we can hold back an enemy attack on Gajou.” “But will we be enough, sir?” asked Mel cautiously. “We don’t know how many dogs are gonna be coming.” “That may be, but the least we can do is try and keep a hold on Gajou for as long as we can. We’ve just reclaimed Gajou; I’m not about to lose it “Sergeant…” the Golden Retriever gasped admirably. Ben’s words filled Mel with inspiration; his fears began melting away as the pup’s chest swelled with confidence. “How can I help, sir?” “Lead me outside,” Ben instructed. He held up a foreleg. “I’ll howl for the others.” “Sir!” replied Mel, before padding to Ben’s side and grabbing his foreleg gently in his maw. Together, both males slowly made their way to the entrance of Gajou. The base was mostly empty of dogs; those who weren’t patrolling or hunting were resting and enjoying meals. Noticing the ex-General, the small gathering of soldiers sat up, their ears perking in attention. “Sergeant?” called a male. “What’s going on?” “Prepare yourselves,” responded the old Dane. “We may be in for a fight.” “Sir!” the dogs replied in union. They got up, taking their places in front of Gajou and staring out into the woods. Mel, meanwhile, guided Ben up the rocky structure, up to the very top. When the Great Dane felt that the time was right, he raised his head and unleashed a deep, booming howl. At the edge of the forest, gazing out at the stronghold, the leader of Genba’s seven scouts began to smirk. “You guys go and get Lord Genba,” he ordered. “I’ll keep watch, heh.” Nodding, the other six males were off, leaving their scarred leader as he set his sights on Mel. He bared his fangs. As soon as Genba gave the word, he was making a beeline for that lying, little twerp. The minutes passed, and soon the Ohu base was beginning to fill with the remains of the army and its Mutsu allies. The Veterans gathered at the base of Gajou. “What’s going on, Ben?” Jiyū called out. “Intruders,” the Dane replied roughly. He lifted his paw again and Mel quickly helped him down from atop Gajou. “I don’t know how many for certain, but my gut tells me we’ll be in for quite a fight.” “Hougen’s come here already…?” murmured a concerned Wilson. “Moss and Musashi still haven’t returned. Even with the dogs from Mutsu, our numbers might not be enough…” “Who gives a damn about numbers?” snapped Kurotora. “My boys’ll cut half of the enemy’s troops down with a single move. We won’t be fighting long.” “Don’t be so cocky, Kurotora,” Akame warned. “Even Battouga wielders can be overwhelmed by great numbers.” “What are you doubting them for?” the hot-blooded Kai shot an angry look at the ganin. “You really think they’ll lose to a--” “We’re wasting time arguing like this,” Cross interrupted. Kurotora growled in response, but otherwise said nothing. The Saluki turned to her mate. “Tell us what to do, Ben.” “Kisaragi,” said Ben, taking a whiff of the air and glancing in the direction of where he smelled the Husky. “If it’s alright, I’d like for the others to form small platoons with the dogs you brought. When the intruders come, you’ll all lead your platoons into battle as you see fit. Remember, no one is to throw their lives away needlessly. If we have to fall back...then so be it.” “Yes!” most of the Veterans responded. Kurotora, however, was still fuming. He refused to believe that Ohu could be taken down again, especially not by a bunch of flea-bitten mutts. His and Chutora’s sons knew the way of a Kai dog: they fought to the death. Kurotora’s brother, Akatora, was proof of that mindset. As the Veterans split, beginning to seek out dogs for their platoons, Kurotora immediately sought out the young Kais. “Dad,” Harutora began. “There you are. We came as fast as we could.” “Good,” the black Kai replied. “Because all that training I’ve put you boys through is being put to the test today. Get ready.” “We are, Uncle,” assured Shouji. “But don’t tell us you’ll be fighting too…?” “Of course I am.” Kurotora looked offended at the suggestion that he would ever miss out on a battle. “Why the hell wouldn’t I?” Neither Shouji, nor the other young Kais responded, though Chutora’s boys all shared concerned glances. Kurotora grunted impatiently. “Come on, then. You boys’ll be under my platoon. We’ll show this pack of mutts what Ohu soldiers are made of.” The next few minutes were tense and silent. Each platoon stood, facing a part of the forest. They were each spread apart from each other, making it impossible for the enemy to approach unnoticed. As the minutes passed, a rumbling filled the air, the threatening bays of enemy dogs following shortly after. Jiyū stood before the dogs under command, her heart pounding in her chest. If even a single one of Genba’s dogs managed to cut her down… No, the panda Shepherd thought, shaking her head. She wouldn’t die, not before seeing her family again. For the sake of surviving this war, she’d take down any dog who dared to approach her. A cold, white flake landed on her nose. Staring up towards the sky, Jiyū noticed that it had started snowing. Within minutes, the winds began picking up. A blizzard had come to the Pass, and the forest was soon partially obstructed by the increasing snowfall. The platoon leaders peered through the snow as best they could. There was faint movement coming from the edge of the woods. Genba’s soldiers marched onto the stone battleground, led by the Great Dane. “They’re here…!” Kisaragi gasped, his eyes widening as the large number of enemy dogs. The rest of the Ohu Army braced themselves. At Ben’s signal, they’d attack. Across from them, Genba was taking notice of what stood before him. “How cute,” he purred. “Even with their smaller numbers, they still think they can win. This’ll be easy.” With that, he raised his head and let out a howl for his lackeys to attack. Immediately, Genba’s army rushed forward. “Ohu!” Ben’s voice boomed in retaliation. “Defend!” HRAAAAAAAH! The distance was closed between the two armies. The unstoppable force was met with an immovable wall of Ohu soldiers. The members of each platoon moved forwards, assisting their leaders in keeping as many dogs out as they could. Fangs tore necks and claws gored bellies. Genba’s troops came in waves; a number of dogs would attempt to break through Ohu’s numbers, only to be launched back the way they came. The strength of Ohu had not been lost. Among Genba’s army, the Husky male that had led the search for Gajou was searching the battlefield for Mel. He hung behind the rest of the fighters, scanning each platoon for the little, golden pup. As he approached the area where Akame’s platoon was fighting, he could make out Mel’s little body as the youngster dove to the side, lashing out with his hind paw and giving an enemy a kick in the throat. It was an impressive feat for someone his age, but his luck would soon run out. The vengeful male pushed past his comrades, dashing for Mel. “You’re mine!” he roared. Mel only had seconds to turn and face him before fangs clamped down on his neck. Mel could only let out a sharp, croaking sound as his airway was cut off. Sneering, the Husky picked Mel up and bashed him into the ground. “This is what you get for lying to me,” he seethed. “You should’ve run away while you had the chance, brat, gyahaha!” By now, Mel was having trouble staying conscious. Desperately, he swung his forepaws, trying to pry the male’s jaws apart. The Husky snickered. “What’s the matter? Does it hurt? Heheh...good.” No…! Mel thought. His eyes burned with tears. If he died here, everything he’d done to become an Ohu soldier would’ve been for nothing. He might as well have died by the fangs of his old boss, Blue. Had what Weed told him all those weeks ago been true? Was his spirit really weak? “Not…” Mel choked quietly. A single tear streamed down his cheek. “...weak…” “Eh?” The Husky raised a brow. “What’s that, pipsqueak? Speak up. I wanna hear you beg.” “Not…weak...!” said Mel again, this time, his brow furrowing as he attempted to gather all of his strength. He tucked in his hind legs and shot out a paw. The puppy heard a bloodcurdling scream; the Husky’s grip on his neck loosened. Quickly, Mel slid out from beneath the male and got to his paws. Facing the male, Mel could now see what damage he’d done: he’d stabbed into the Husky’s eye with his claws, permanently rupturing it. The young retriever’s heart raced. He’d battled before, but this was the first time he’d injured an enemy like this. The fight wasn’t over yet, however, and if the Husky wasn’t filled with homicidal rage before, he definitely was now. “You…” he seethed, glaring at Mel with his remaining eye. He pounced, saliva dripping from his parting jaws. “You worthless, little--!” Mel darted beneath the Husky, catching him by the throat and cutting him off mid-insult. With a grunt, Mel flung the male down onto his back, forcing a yelp from his maw. Without wasting a second, the puppy bit down on the Husky’s exposed neck. He felt the enemy male’s muscles tense. “You wouldn’t…” the Husky hissed, though his voice trembled from fear. Mel’s brow furrowed. Without hesitation, he jerked his head back, the wet sound of ripping flesh following behind. The Husky gurgled, blood filling his throat and mouth. It wasn’t long before everything went black. Mel lifted his head, gasping for breath. At that very moment, Mel had become a new dog. He left the Husky’s body there, joining his rest of his packmates in combat. By now, Genba was losing his patience. The Ohu soldiers weren’t the pushovers he assumed they’d be, and the waves of attacks were being repelled with little difficulty. With a growl, the Great Dane lifted his head, calling out over the battle: “That’s it! All of you, attack at once! Crush their barrier!” Genba’s army obeyed, now charging the Ohu Army as one, large wave of death. The Ohu Platoons stuck together, desperately trying to keep the enemy out. Unfortunately, Genba’s minions had no desire to fight fair. Two, three, and sometimes four dogs would tackle an Ohu soldier, not even giving them the chance to try and fight back. “Ben!” Cross cried as three enemy soldiers aimed for her mate. Ben, already occupied with one enemy, swiveled his ears in order to pick up the sounds of the approaching males. With a grunt, he swung the male he was clutching onto, smacking away one of the three soldiers. Cross assisted, delivering a headbutt to a second male. The final soldier, however, skirted around the old Saluki and caught her by the flank, sinking in his fangs. “Gyaaaah!” “Cross!” Ben cried in alarm. The Dane was about to turn and assist his beloved, but another pair of soldiers pounced on him, one tearing at the side of his neck and the other gripping a paw. With his lack of sight and the overwhelming scents and sounds surrounding him, Ben was now at a major disadvantage. Blindly, the male chomped at the air and swung his head like a battering ram. Cross, meanwhile, reached back and grasped her attacker by the back of the neck. Then, she flung him against one of his comrade’s holding Ben. Both males yelped in pain before lying on the snow, dazed and injured. With only one male left to fight, Ben effortlessly managed to throw him off with a swing of his head. The final male vanished into the blizzard; some other Ohu soldier could deal with him. “Are you alright, Cross?” asked Ben, panting from exertion. Even with all of his strength, he was still incredibly old, especially for a Great Dane. Cross leaned against him, licking his cheek. “I’m alright,” the bitch replied. “Just a couple of scratches. But I don’t think we can keep this up, Ben.” The Saluki paused, taking a quick glance around. The individual platoons had fallen, with Ohu’s soldiers now gathered together in order to protect their allies. Most of Kisaragi’s soldiers had fallen, as did much of Ohu’s remaining troops. “We need to fall back, Ben!” “Dammit…” Ben cursed, his ears falling slightly. He shouldn’t have been surprised, and yet the thought of having to flee their base once again left a particularly sour taste in his mouth. Still...what sort of man would he be if he allowed the rest of his troops to be killed? With a sigh, Ben raised his head. “Ohu soldiers! Fall back!” At Ben’s command, most of the Ohu survivors began to flee, rushing in the direction of Gajou. Jiyū gritted her teeth, the burning pain of defeat hurting more than her physical wounds. The only dogs to remain where they were were Kurotora and the young Kais. Harutora and Nobutora were prepared to run, but their father barked at them sharply. “Where are you two going!?” “Father…?” asked Nobutora timidly. He glanced back at the fleeing Ohu Army. “Mr. Ben gave the order to leave; shouldn’t we--?” “Hell no!” Kurotora snapped. He and his nephews continued taking on approaching soldiers, trying to keep them at bay. “A Kai Ken never runs from a fight. My brothers never did, and I sure as Hell don’t plan to!” “Kurotora!” a new voice called. Glancing over his shoulder, Akame returned to the battlefield. “Didn’t you hear Ben!? Fall back!” “Like Hell I will.” “Uncle, perhaps you should go with Mr. Akame,” Shouji suggested. Kurotora stared at his nephew in disbelief. “Have you lost your mind, Shouji?” barked the old Kai. “I have plenty of fight still in me.” “You’re the one who raised us,” Buru said, pausing to dispatch an enemy. “If you died here, we’d never forgive ourselves.” “Fool!” Kurotora was seething now. “I’m not gonna--” “Let’s go, Kurotora!” Akame interrupted, grabbing the Kai’s scruff in his jaws. “The rest of you boys fall back; that’s an order.” “Let go!” screamed Kurotora, struggling in Akame’s grip. His vision had gone red from anger. “Let go of me!” Nobutora and Harutora shared a glance, before aiding the ganin in dragging their father off. Despite his protests, Kurotora was taken towards the cliff behind Gajou. Most of the Ohu soldiers had leapt down into the river already; it was time for them to follow. “AKAME!” roared Kurotora as he felt himself being pulled down into the abyss. At Ohu’s base, Chutora’s four sons remained, facing the enemy pack and surrounded by the bodies of dogs they’d once called comrades. They fought against Genba’s army as best they could, hoping to bring down as many as they could before their inevitable deaths. In their minds, they all had the same thought: Uncles...Father...this is our final moment. May the rest of our comrades use our sacrifice to their advantage. “Grah!” Buru howled as multiple sets of fangs tore at his flesh. He stumbled, soon being overtaken by Genba’s males. “Buru!” cried Dodo, before he, too, was tackled. His cries rang out as a swarm of enemies wasted no time in ripping him apart. “Brothers!” Shigure sobbed. Tears burned in his eyes; how could his brothers have been slaughtered in a matter of seconds!? The Kai mix felt someone grabbing his scruff, and his heart fluttered. Quickly, he began to struggle with a growl. “Easy, kid!” Smith’s voice caught his ears. “It’s me!” “Uncle Smith!?” asked Shigure in disbelief. The Spaniel didn’t respond as he began pulling the younger male away. “Eh? Wait! I can’t leave, Uncle! Me and Shouji...we can do this!” “Don’t be stupid!” Smith scolded. “We’ll be back for Gajou soon, but right now, you and Shouji’ll--!” “Take this!” Shouji roared from afar. Smith and Shigure looked to see the male launching himself into the sky, over Genba’s army. His body cut through the air like a serpent, the Ran Daryushin-Battōga, and was aiming towards the Great Dane. Genba, who’d been watching the entire battle from the safety of the treeline, looked up at the approaching Kai. He smirked. SWOOSH! A single swing of Genba’s paw picked up a curtain of snow, blocking Shouji’s sight. “Uh!?” Shouji cried out in alarm. He couldn’t see Genba at all! Perhaps it wasn’t too late to stop his Battouga…? As the thought came to Shouji’s mind, the snow fell back to the ground. Shouji could now see Genba’s parted fangs ready to chomp down on his head. “SHOUJI!” Shigure screamed. “GAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Shouji’s head exploded into a shower of blood and brain matter. Genba dragged his body to the ground, bashing it against the snow. The scream ended as suddenly as it began. Shouji was dead. “Shouji!” Shigure was wailing, hot tears now running freely down his face. Smith, who’d watched in absolute dread, felt his legs begin to weaken. How could this be happening? Why now? Why after they’d just gotten Gajou back from Kaibutsu!? Genba’s dogs now advanced towards the two males, the final obstacles needing to be killed. Smith, though he desperately longed to cry for the fallen Kais, began to drag the screaming and crying Shigure away to the cliff. As Akame had done, Smith had no choice but to force the young Kai down into the river. Shigure’s wails were the last thing Genba’s army heard before the battlefield had gone silent. Genba, still holding onto the lifeless Shouji, slowly began to pad to the cliffs, his remaining soldiers following behind him. The air was heavy with the scent of blood and death, not that Genba seemed to care. His paws kicked and crushed any carcass that lied in his path, no matter if they were friend or foe. The soldiers, on the other hand, had a bit more respect. Even if Ohu had been the enemy, it was foolish to deny that they’d fought with honor and courage. “Hmph,” Genba finally grunted, stopping as he peered over the cliff. “Those Ohu bastards...so obsessed with honor that they’d rather take themselves out rather than feel my fangs. How boring. Still...it does make things easier for me, heh.” The Dane turned back to his comrades. “Oi. Start clearing away these bodies. This place needs to be spotless for when my brother arrives.” “Shall we bury them all?” asked a grunt. “Pheh,” Genba scoffed. “Don’t be stupid. Why waste time on burials when…” Genba paused, taking up Shouji by the back of his neck. He held him over the cliffs, the soldiers looking on, wide-eyed. “...we can toss ‘em out like the trash they are?” With hesitation, Genba threw the Kai dog down into the rapids. The soldiers flinched at the faint splash. What a monster Genba was! Silently, they slipped away, following their leader’s orders. Meanwhile, the sadistic Great Dane threw back his head, cackling madly. “I did it, Hougen!” cried Genba triumphantly. “Ohu is DEAD!” The howl of victory echoed through the mountain, down after the retreating Ohu soldiers. Kurotora, who’d still been struggling violently against Akame and his sons, stopped to listen. “Son of a bitch…!” he growled. “What have you three done!? Chutora’s boys...my boys…!” “They should’ve retreated behind us,” replied Akame reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Kurotora. We’ll all return to fight another--” “NO!” Kurotora’s single eye glistened. Though the river’s water was freezing cold, the fire in the old Kai’s blood wasn’t dampened. “There won’t be another fight, not for my boys! Nobutora! Harutora! You both should know that more than anyone, and yet…!” “Father, you have to understand,” argued Harutora. “Not even you could’ve taken on that many dogs! Even our cousins knew that!” “Why do you think I’m so angry then!?” A tear now rolled down Kurotora’s cheek. “Shouji, Buru, Dodo, Shigure…! They’ll fight to the death! You hear that bastard!? He’s won! He’s...he’s killed…!” Akame’s blood ran cold as the realization settled in. Nobutora and Harutora, despite their firm grips on their father, felt themselves begin to tear up as well. A hopeless Kurotora let out a sudden, anguished wail, one that rang out over the fast-paced winds.

#ginga densetsu weed #ginga densetsu weed fanfiction

[skeptycats]

Vicky Archives #4

CODE OF THE CLANS - A little light humour

Vicky Holmes, the former editor of the Warriors series, has been doing short extract readings on Facebook since the start of the UK lockdown back in March. There’s some really cool anecdotes hidden within some of these videos, so I decided to begin penning them down for posterity and easy reference.

I won’t be transcribing filler, hedging and false starts but I’m including some amount of preamble just to be comprehensive.

A little short one this week! My health is a little poor at the moment so it’s a couple days late anyway, but I hope you enjoy!

#1 Into the Wild | #2 Forest of Secrets | #3 The Darkest Hour | #4 Code of the Clans | #5 Firestars’ Quest | #6 Twilight | #7 Long Shadows | #8 Leafpool’s Wish

---

Hello! It is Tuesday, March the 31st, last day of March, and I’m in a bit of a down mood today, I’m sure a lot of us are. The realities of lockdown are setting in, I’m bored, I want to go shopping - and I never want to go shopping! I’d just like a change of scene.

I decided today to go for some light relief. I’m going to do a reading from Code of the Clans, which was I think the first book I wrote completely on my own, so I storylined it, brainstormed it, and actually did all the writing on my own. It’s a lot harder without Kate or Cherith to help because obviously I was responsible for all of the words, but I was also able to play with the Erin Hunter voice myself. It was lovely, and I really enjoyed it.

Code of the Clans is something which we call non-fiction. Obviously it’s still fiction, but it was delving into the world behind Warriors. The structure, the heritage, the religion. It was just a pure exercise in fantasy, it was a delight. 

I’m going to read a short section from Code #11, which is ‘boundaries must be checked and marked daily. Challenge all trespassing cats.’ I’m going to read a short scene in which Whitestorm teaches border tactics to some familiar faces when they were apprentices. I can remember when I wrote it I was smiling, and giggling to myself. I’m probably going to do the same now, so forgive me for effectively laughing at my own jokes. We all need a bit of humour today. 

Is every cat here? Firepaw, Graypaw, Ravenpaw, Sandpaw, and Dustpaw? Dustpaw, stop trying to push Firepaw into the brambles. I’m not blind; I can see what you’re doing. Firepaw, go to the other end of the line. Sandpaw, he does not have fleas! Stand still, all of you.

As Lionheart told you, we’re going to practice border defense today. You can be the patrol, and I’ll be a deputy from another Clan who’s crossed the boundary. Who’d like to lead the patrol? Don’t look so terrified, Ravenpaw. I won’t make you be the leader if you don’t want to be. Graypaw, why don’t you have first turn? If you could just pick up that stick in your mouth and use it to draw a line across the sand, we’ll call that the border. Sandpaw, it doesn’t matter that the line is wobbly. Boundaries aren’t whisker-straight, code are they? So, you’re on that side, walking along on a dawn patrol. Off you go, patrol!

Did you really need to yawn like that, Graypaw? Oh, I see, it’s because it’s the dawn patrol, and you’re tired. Well, let’s pretend you all had a really good night’s sleep and are full of energy. Now, what should you be doing? Yes, sniffing, tasting the air—what for? That’s right, Sandpaw. ThunderClan border marks. And what else? Yes, Firepaw. The border marks of the other Clan. But only where the two borders meet. Beside the river and the Thunderpath, it would be bad news to find any scents of RiverClan or ShadowClan, because it would mean they’d crossed over from their side. So keep sniffing.

Maybe not that much, Sandpaw. Have a good sneeze and you should get the sand out of your nose. So, border marks, border marks. Can you smell both sets? Good. But what’s this? A cat from another Clan has ignored the marks and stepped over your border?

No, Ravenpaw, I didn’t mean we were actually being invaded. The cat from the other Clan is me. See how I just stepped over the line in the sand? What are you going to do about it? Wha . . .whoa! Stop treading on my ears!

Well, yes, Dustpaw, launching an attack and knocking me back across the border is one option. But is it wise to take on a cat twice your size? Or a trained warrior with more experience than you? The purpose of a patrol is to assess the situation and report back to your Clan leader. You won’t be able to do that if your pelt is clawed to shreds at the farthest part of the territory from the camp. Any other ideas?

How about asking what I’m doing? I might have a valid reason for crossing the border, especially if I’m alone. That’s right, Graystripe: [TN: Vicky points out the name error here] What do you want? is a good way to start. Don’t be too hostile: Remember, you are in the stronger position, because this is your territory and you have the right to defend it. Unless I have a very good explanation for crossing your border, I don’t have any rights at all. What do you think my reply might be?

Yes, Ravenpaw, I might need your help. My Clan might have been invaded, we might have serious trouble with prey, or we might have sickness that needs your herbs. All these reasons would mean that I am weak, so you can allow me into your territory but never out of sight.

If I am hostile, then meet me with hostility—which isn’t the same as aggression, Dustpaw. You’ve started with a strong challenge—What do you want?—and now you need to give me some sort of warning. Ravenpaw, what would you say?

Hmmm. If you’re going to threaten to claw a cat’s ears, you should try not to look so terrified at the prospect. Firepaw, would you like to try? Ah, yes, I like that you indicated the rest of your patrol. It’s always good to let the enemy know they’re outnumbered. Sandpaw, put that fire ant down. No, I don’t care that Firepaw might not know what it is. Now is not the right time to show him—and he certainly doesn’t need to get bitten by one.

So, you’ve challenged the trespasser, warned me that there’s a whole patrol here that can take me to your Clan leader if that’s what I wish; what next? That’s right, Graypaw, let me—the intruder—speak. If I can’t give you a convincing explanation for what I’m doing on your territory, if I don’t ask to be taken to Bluestar at once, then chase me off with no more questions. Don’t provoke a full-scale war—chasing means chasing, not catching and clawing. Just make it clear that you will defend your boundaries from any kind of invasion, even one paw across the border. A good warrior is always ready to fight, but only if it’s absolutely necessary: A good warrior will seek a peaceful, claws-sheathed solution first.

You will all make good warriors one day. Don’t look so doubtful, Ravenpaw. You need to find only a little more courage to be as good as your denmates. Your hunting skills are excellent— Dustpaw, you’d do well to watch him. Who knows? You might even lead this Clan one day!

Now, back to camp, all of you, and leave this old warrior to enjoy the sun in peace.

BEHIND THE SCENES

That was fun. Always cheers me up to revisit some of the humour, and there was a lot of humour in Warriors. Both Kate and Cherith excelled at introducing some comedy, especially around kits interacting with the older cats.

That’s something I was very aware of when I was writing the ‘non-fiction’ books like Code of the Clans and Battles of the Clans. It’s very easy to think of Warriors as super intense and super involved and traumatic and emotional, but you can’t sustain that. It’s exhausting to write and it’s exhausting to read, just as it’s exhausting to live. I think at the moment there’s a danger that we’re all sort of living on a bit of a knife’s edge, living on our nerves, and I’m certainly starting to feel that. It’s okay to take a break, with your writing and with your general day-to-day life. Laughter is the best medicine, literally. Writing about kits just gives me the giggles every time. And yes, it feels self-indulgent to laugh at my own jokes, but hey, I’m on my own, I have to make my own jokes.

It was very interesting there because of course I spotted a typo - one of my famous errors! - that Graypaw had been referred to as Graystripe. Obviously I wrote Code of the Clans when we were probably on series two at least, if not three, so I was thinking of these cats as their warriors names, and obviously forgot I was supposed to be calling Graypaw ‘Graypaw’ there. I have obviously made lots of mistakes over the years. I think my favourites are the fact that Heavystep died and comes back to life several times, and Rowanclaw started off as a she-cat and then pops up as a tom. So we could perhaps claim the first transitioned fictional cat? But it was an honest mistake.

One of my fondest memories from going on tour is when I would turn up in a bookshop and some very earnest little child would turn up with a book full of post-it notes, and they’d solemnly say that they’d pointed out all the typos and errors in the book and marked them with post-its, and would I like to take the book away so I could do the corrections. No, is the short answer. I’m sorry for the mistakes, but it’s not up to me to correct them. That’s the publishing, that’s further down the line. We have corrected errors in some books, but it has to be big mistakes, you have to go in and change the printing plate. All I can humbly say is ‘I’m sorry’. I’ve written a lot of words, they’re not always going to be the right ones. 

#vicky archives #warrior cats #warriors #whitestorm #code of the clans #not designs

[fly-pow-bye]

ThunderCats Roar - “Warrior Maiden Invasion“

Co-Executive Producer: Victor Courtright

Supervising Producer: Nate Cash

Producer: Marly Halpern-Graser

Story by: Joan Ford

Teleplay by: Molly Knox Ostertag

Directed by: Angelo Hatgistavrou

Where the ThunderCats get roared.

The episode begins with a game of hide and seek. No, this isn’t a metaphor for the ThunderCats having to hide from some sort of monster, I mean an actual game of hide and seek. Specifically, it's a variation where the hiders can go to a safe zone to be immune to tagging, so there's more stakes involved. Wilykit and Wilykat are the seekers, but their sibling differences are getting in the way. I really do mean differences, too; this is one episode where they are very much distinct. There won't be a lot of "Thunderkittens" here, that's for sure.

Wilykat is focused on going by the rules, doing a proper countdown before seeking the hiders. Wilykit gets bored and goes out prematurely, quickly ending the countdown before anyone could find a good hiding spot. Wilykat wants to sneak around, not alerting the hiders to their existence. Wilykit smashes stuff, because, hey, they might be in there! Gallant shares his apple with his friends. Goofus eats the apple and says "forget you, I got mine". I think one might get the point here.

Of course, all of this smashing is not helping Wilykit with his seeking, as he gets distracted long enough for everyone else to run away. When Panthro decides to hide in the ThunderTank, something he would be around even if he wasn’t playing hide and seek, he manages to slip away because Wilykit broke something. Even Tygra, whose best idea was to hide in a pan with Lion-O because he couldn’t find a good hiding spot, manages to slip away because Wilykit broke something. Essentially, the same scene repeats three times in a row; they couldn't even be bothered to have her be distracting in a different way.

It is sort of noteworthy that it's the girl that's doing everything to sabotage the game and the boy being the sensible one; cartoons, and fiction in general, usually have it the other way around. I can't say this show is sticking to the cliches. Of course, there's a reason why it's the girl; the title should be a slight hint to that.

They end up losing the game of hide and seek, as the rest of the ThunderCats make it into the safe zone without the Thunderkittens ever tagging them. Tygra leans in and tells WilyKit that she should learn things from her brother. They do justify why this game was such a big deal: because hide and seek is a valuable training exercise. Even WilyKat doesn't buy it, though he would have preferred if they were able to tag one guy without WilyKit's sudden obsession with smashing things.

WilyKit: I am not obsessed with smashing! Hyah! (smashes chair)

See, the joke is that she seems to be obsessed with smashing, despite saying she isn't obsessed with smashing. Aren’t our expectations subverted? I don't remember WilyKit ever being this destructive. There was the time she was destroying things in Driller, but that was an episode where everyone was doing that sans Panthro and Tygra so Panthro can be slightly peeved. Here, it's just so she can be the kind-of sort-of bad guy of the episode. There's not enough time to think about this, because an alarm sounds just as soon as she breaks the chair, and she immediately says that she didn't do it. Eh, I'll give them that.

But no, it's not because of some meaningless chair abuse, it's a by some definitely bad guys. I mean, why wouldn't they be bad guys? They set fire to the Troll Village, they're using locusts to attack the Berbils, they're throwing boulders at a peaceful looking cottage, and they're bullying the Mole Master. They specifically point out the Mole Master as someone Lion-O knows nothing about, but they don't explain the Troll Village. We never even get to see one.

Tygra assumes that the mutants must be behind this, but Cheetara then sees them take off their hoods. Apparently, they needed to wear them just so Tygra can assume they're mutants.

Turns out, it's not the mutants, but the Warrior Maidens. They are so not the mutants that they even have giant text saying that they are Not Mutants. It's even made out of cracked rock to show how brute they are. Right from the get go, WilyKit gets excited to see muscular women, rapidly pushing one of the buttons and giggling with a three-frame animation that I decided to spare anyone reading this with. There are some episodes that really show off that even with these designs, they can have some impressive looking animation. This isn't one of them. They can't all be winners, but can they at least have decent characters in their place?

That is far from the end of the text, as they end up smashing through one of the walls and beating the tar out of the ThunderCats just for being near them, showing off their ultra crushing grasp, super prism refracted laser cage, and their you ain't goin' nowhere grip! It almost feels like a toy commercial, though ThunderCats Roar designs don't look like they would translate well into action figures. I feel like that would be kind of a problem for a ThunderCats revival, but that's another story.

None of this stops the fangirling from looking at these warrior women with awe. As we all know from this episode and seemingly only this episode, WilyKit likes to smash things, and they like to smash things! Who cares if those things are her teammates, they must be the coolest people ever! Even when Willa picks her up and roars at her, she's still motioning to her brother to check them out.

Willa looks like this in Roar, by the way. She even has the added character trait of only speaking in roars, having the other Warrior Maidens doing the talking for her. No bow and arrow or any semblance of a personality besides "HULK SMASH" here, that's for sure. Admittedly, I've never actually seen an original episode with one of the original Maidens, so I can't judge based on comparisons, but what I can say is that there's not much here other than that.

They tell Willa to throw these flea-bitten felines into some sort of jail for their crime of attempting to stop them from breaking and entering into their home. They need them in "jail" so they can check out all of that alien technology that's in the lair, and by check I mostly mean "smash". Smash smash smash, that's all they do. They happen to find a location, and it's very convenient for them and the plot.

They end up in their very own Thunder Brig, which is specifically designed to disable their powers and their gadgets! Lion-O tries to do the "ThunderCats Ho", and the Eye of Thundara turns into a frowny face. I would argue what a ThunderCats Roar would even do when they're all here. Cheetara tries to run out of the room with her super speed, but the Brig sapped her speed. Even Snarf has been deactivated by the magical Brig! Dun dun dun duuun! I should have brought that up ages ago: ThunderCats Roar uses that one musical cue so much that it may as well be its equivalent to Johnny Test's infamous whip crack. (EDIT: From what I've heard, the overuse of this one cue is intentional, parodying how much the original ThunderCats used this same cue. If one doesn't know, the musical cues are taken straight from the original. My ignorance should not be used as a criticism against this show, though I could see people who aren't familiar with that could get annoyed.)

The first question anyone's going to think isn't how they're going to get out of there, but why would they even have something that seemingly only affects them in their own lair? They even bring it up only to have Tygra say that he thought it was a good idea at the time. No hint on why he would remotely think that; it may as well be no reason whatsoever. "How to learn to fight without weapons or superpowers" would have at least been a decent excuse to have it.

Here’s the real reason: it’s so the...adults? Are they really adults? Maybe Tygra, but even that is pushing it in this episode. It’s so the not-so-kids can be taken out of the plot and essentially become damsels in distress, as Kit and Kat are the only people who can fit through the ventilator. Before they leave, Tygra tells Wilykat that he’s in charge. I mean, he might have won that all important game of hide and seek if it wasn't for that meddling sister and her sudden urge to break things!

Wilykit and Wilykit make it out of the Damsel Room, under orders to find the button that unlocks the door to the Thunder Brig. They have to use their best stealth to get past these Warrior Maidens, as even Panthro's super strength was nothing to them. And by they, I mean WilyKat, as most of her plans boil down to things like this:

WilyKit: (flexes her not-nearly-as-big-as-the-Maiden’s muscles) Okay, I'll challenge them to an arm wrestling match, and when I beat them...

That is one of the few lines that made me smirk in this episode. There's at least some variety in the ways Wilykat deals with the maidens. We get an admittedly far too long scene of him trying to decide what smoke bomb to use, only leading to a joke where he just yells "chamomile tea" with a title card with him in a monocle appearing, and Wilykit admits that it's cool seemingly as a way to justify it. Kind of like a fistbump joke, though without the fistbump.

He also uses rope to swing a table where two of the maidens were arm wrestling, making them fall and bump their heads, knocking them out. The rest of the scenes are essentially him sneaking around and saying "sneak sneak sneak" while doing it, which is kind of going against the whole stealth angle.

After Wilykat gets through with his masterful sneak sneak sneaking, with a few "dun dun dun duuns" in the way, they make it to the room where the button is, which is also the room with all of the monitors showing all of the calamities we saw earlier. This leads to the big plot twist of the episode: they're actually using all of that alien technology to stop those calamities from earlier. It makes...kind of a bit of sense?

It turns out, they were actually fighting the locusts, and the Mole Master turned out to be a villainous king, just as he was in the original. Driller was a villain in the original and became more of a misunderstood neutral guy in Roar, so it wasn't like knowing that would spoil this episode. As for the cottage...just guess. One might even guess who was in that cottage, too. Was he doing anything in that cottage? That is just as explained as what started the Troll Village fire. I didn't forget about that one, but if I didn't mention it, would anyone really notice?

With this proving that they were good guys after all, Wilykit's way of referring to them, not mine, Wilykat decides that maybe they would be convinced if he just politely tells them that they're heroes like they are.

Needless to say, that doesn’t work, as Willa decides to grab him and roar at him some more. Her translator tells him he's going to go into a different cage; one a slippery mutant wouldn't get out of. Can you believe being compared to the mutants was the straw that broke the camel's back?

Well, you kind of shouldn't, but it does look like she gets angry at this, which makes the Warrior Maidens very pleased! Turns out, they just needed to be talked to in the language they can understand: property damage!

WilyKit started the episode recklessly destroying everything she touches, including things that probably wouldn't be her property, idolizes people who destroy things that are definitely not her property, never changes her mind throughout the entire episode despite people seemingly smarter than her suggesting otherwise, and she ends up saving the day in the end. She had to learn absolutely nothing!

To make a long story short, she ends up pushing the button. Maybe it's because she uses a chair to do it, despite WilyKat suggesting to use her fingers, so she can keep her smashing mood. Hey, if these guys have this amazing little girl that destroys property, they must be good guys!

We do get a little more backstory, including the factoid that the translator happens to be Roar's version of Nayda, but it all boils down to; we existed, we were cool, Mumm-Ra happened, we had to disappear until Mumm-Ra was defeated. Lion-O proclaims that they were the ones that defeated Mumm-Ra in an attempt to get them to be impressed, and that attempt actually works...though they assume WilyKit did it. Because she breaks stuff!

Super Best Friends Forever Fist-Bump!

That is a fist bump, though not really a fist bump joke. Lion-O pretends he doesn't care that they decided to give Wilykit all the credit, but he clearly does and he's jealous about it.

And yeah, that's pretty much it. If there's any other positive I can say, it's that this episode does continue something I miss from today's cartoon. Why can't we have The End cards anymore? Why has it become passe to not have cartoons end abruptly?

Granted, I really don't know why "it's over" with a childish doodle of Lion-O has any relation to this episode. It could represent Lion-O's expression when he realizes these Warrior Maidens aren't going to appear again for a while.

How does it stack up?

Yeah, I didn't like this one at all. It doesn't even have a good animation part to distract from any of this. This is the first time I have to give out this rating.

Next, Lion-O loses the Sword of Omens! Oh no!

← Panthro Plagarized! 🐈 Lost Sword →

#fpb tcr #thundercats roar #cartoon network #fpb reviews

[ahkaraii]

Rarepair generator: Hinata/Shino (1840 words)

Hinata’s stutter got worse when she was nervous, this Shino knew.

“It is all right,” he repeated. “Crying is a privilege not all shinobi have. Therefore, cherish it.”

Hinata’s stutter was so bad he couldn’t understand it. But Shino was a self-proclaimed expert in microexpressions: in the subtle twitch of a shoulder, a finger, a shift of the knee. Hinata was angry.

Shino went down to his knees. There was a flea dying in the grass, cast-off from Akamaru’s latest bath, and he gently gathered it onto his finger. “Chemicals in human skin are toxic to certain bugs,” he said, by rote. “They absorb everything without discrimination, to their detriment. Therefore, we Aburame are bred not to produce--"

“S-S-S-Shino-k-k-kun,” Hinata said. “S-St-t-top.”

The flea would die if he didn’t do something, but, then again, it would die even if he tried everything. It was all, in the end, quite useless.

Unfortunately, Aburame were physiologically incapable of tears. He leaked fruit flies, instead, their little proboscis seeking sugar to counteract the salt that Shino’s cell walls provided. To what end? Shino had asked his father, once, and his father had replied: To strike fear into the hearts of our opponents, even when we are at our most vulnerable.

“Hinata-chan, Shino-kun!”

It was Kurenai-sensei. She’d watched the tableaux of them unfold from afar, and had come to fix it up again.

“Did you make Hinata-chan cry, Shino?”

“N-N-N-o-”

“Yes,” Shino interrupted. “I believe I must have.”

“NO!” Hinata was crying again, but this time, Shino understood, it was from frustration. He believed he understood that chemical emotion, of being incapable of communication. The Aburame had different tells than normal humans, and human body language was Shino’s third or fourth language, if one did not count the flashing of fireflies or the tell-tale vibration of locusts. But how could he let her know?

“Hinata-chan,” Kurenai-sensei said. “Take a deep breath. In. Out. Good girl.”

Shino breathed in and out as well, diffusing oxygen into his blood and body cavity so that his hundred thousand selves could breathe, too. For a minute, everyone concentrated solely on gas exchange. Then, Kurenai-sensei nodded decisively.

“Do you feel better?” She said.

Hinata nodded, but chose not to speak. Her body language was small. All of her was small. Shino liked small things: he liked gently exploring the antennae of ants and the legs of crickets. They were both cute and functional, which made him happy. But Hinata was not feeling happy, he understood. Hinata was often sad, and angry, and frustrated, her body too small for the profundity of emotions that wrecked it from the inside, like Shino’s body had been too small for the hundred thousand insects that had colonized him as a boy, that he’d encouraged to grow, because he had felt so sad when they died, to the point where his father had had to come in and destroy half of them, destroy half of Shino’s happiness, to let him live.

“I apologize, Hinata-san,” Shino said, subdued. “For making you sad.”

“It wasn’t you,” Hinata said, very, very softly. “It was, um...something my father said.”

“Oh,” Shino said. “Then I am only sad that you are sad.”

Hinata huffed out an odd noise. He thought he was an expert in microexpressions, but this one was hard to parse, until he heard the melody of it, and he understood that Hinata was giggling. Shino leaked a couple of fruit flies before he got a hold of them again.

“Haha,” he said, instead.

Kurenai-sensei’s hand gently placed itself on his hair, unafraid of the myriad insects that immediately rushed to explore the foreign object that had invaded their nest. Shino was grateful she did not pat it, because it might harm his headlice, which he had very carefully cultivated off the skull of a dying shinobi, because they would have died without his interference, and death had always made him sad, to his detriment.

“Thank you, Shino-kun,” Hinata said, as quiet as two blades of grass. “I’m s-sorry I upset you.”

“I am not upset,” Shino said. “Why? Because it is not an emotion beneficial to shinobi.” Neither were cultivating harmless fruit flies, or secreting away useless headlice, but no one had to know.

Hinata bit her lip and looked away. Kurenai-sensei’s hand tensed in his hair.

“I lied,” Shino said abruptly. “I am upset.” He looked down into the grass, where Akamaru’s flea had died. “I am quite sad, I think.” Human words were difficult. He wished they could hear the shrill cries of the cicada, their lives as long as a day, living only to die. Maybe then they could understand each other.

“It’s okay to be sad,” Kurenai-sensei said. “It’s okay to be frustrated. Don’t deny your own feelings.” She sat down on the ground, and patted the grass, and they sat next to her, both he and Hinata, her toy soldiers with feelings too large for their bodies. “When I’m sad, I practice genjutsu. I can channel those emotions into something productive.”

Hinata wilted, and murmured something subvocally. 

“What if you are too sad to practice genjutsu?” Shino said, automatically giving her voice as he did for his insects.

“Well,” Kurenai-sensei said. “Then I talk to a, um--to someone.”

“Asuma-sensei?” Shino guessed. He had never spoken to the foul-smelling Sarutobi, all of him afraid of the man’s casual fire breathing, but if Kurenai-sensei meant him, then he would give it a try.

“No! I mean,” Kurenai-sensei hid her face in her hands. “Ach!” She composed herself and put her hands on her knees. “Right. I talk to someone like Asuma-san. A friend.”

Shino thought of talking to his cousin, Aburame Torune, but Torune-san had gone on a mission for Danzo-sama years ago and had never come back. He wondered if he could talk to the descendants of Torune-san’s nanoparticle-sized rinkaichu, the ones that he now housed near his eighth chakra gate, and the very last he’d ever use in a fight, if it came to it, because they were so precious to him. It was too risky to let them out, though, and not just because they devoured flesh nigh-indiscriminately. They simply had no ears to hear him.

“What if you have no friends?” Shino asked.

“Excuse me!” Kurenai-sensei said. “Am I not your friend, Shino-kun? Is Hinata-chan not your friend?”

“I believe you are my teammates,” Shino said.

“Y-you can t-talk to me, Shino-k-kun,” Hinata said. “U-um, if you d-d-don’t mind.”

Shino thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Then I extend the same courtesy to you, Hinata-san.” She was his friend, he thought, and the weevils that lived in his esophagus scurried up to his mouth, startled by the production of acid. He swallowed them reflexively.

“Wonderful!” Kurenai-sensei said. “Whenever you feel sad, I want you two to find each other, and talk about why you are sad.” She held Hinata’s hand in her right and Shino’s in her left. “Hinata, Shino. Listen to me very carefully. To be a shinobi is to endure, but endurance is not built through denial. Talking through your feelings is like flexing a muscle. Someday you’ll get strong enough that you won’t have to say anything, but, until then, I want you two to go through the motions, okay?”

“Understood,” Shino said.

“Okay,” Hinata said. “Um. W-why don’t you s-start? S-Shino-k-k-kun.”

Shino paused. Why was he sad? It was harder than he realized to pinpoint the origin. He was sad Akamaru’s bath had killed his fleas, the very same Shino had befriended only a day prior; that Kurenai-sensei had sat upon five ants that were still sending out pheromones of panic and pain; that his father and his father’s father and his father’s father’s father had chosen to sacrifice tear ducts for nesting grounds, because they were unnecessary to a shinobi; that all he had left of Torune was a square milimeter’s worth of inbred bugs that he could not communicate with, jailed away near his heart, that would only be released upon his death, to devour him, to devour everything, until they, too, died for lack of a heart to keep them.

“Use your words, Shino-kun,” Kurenai-sensei said gently, through the small mist of insects that flitted about in response to Shino’s upset.

“I am sad,” Shino said, “because everything is so large.”

“Very good, Shino-kun,” Kurenai-sensei said. “That’s a good start. I’m proud of you for admitting that.”

Hinata squeaked when Kurenai-sensei turned to her.

“U-uh-um,” Hinata said, bright red, already sweating. “I-I-I’m,” she bit her lip, and closed her eyes, and said, like it was being torn away from her, “I’m sad I am so small! And weak! And useless!” She gasped, and started crying.

“Shh, Hinata-chan, I’m proud of you for saying that, it’s okay...”

Shino stared at Hinata’s arched back, the way she was trying to disappear into her hands, as if by sheer will she could shove the tears back into her eyes.

“I can’t cry,” he said. “That makes me sad, too.”

Hinata wailed. Kurenai-sensei looked like she had bitten off more than she could chew.

“But,” Shino said louder. “I have fruit flies, instead.” They poured out from behind his sunglasses, buzzing insistently, drowning the cacophony of Hinata’s upset. “They’re small, and weak, and useless, and my father would tell me to get rid of them, if he knew, because they’re not functional. But! I find them really cute! I like them a lot!”

He plowed on like there was a gate open, and he couldn’t stop himself.

“They eat fruits by licking them with a really long tongue! It’s called a proboscis and I’ve bred mine to have really, really long ones, because it’s super cute! Everyone thinks they’re pests, even my own family, and that makes me really, really sad, because they’re not! They like bananas and beer and--and--” Shino hiccuped oddly and coughed out a whole rhino beetle, which fell flat on its back and started wiggling its little legs, incapable of turning upright on its own.

Shino stopped and stared at it, feeling abruptly quite tired.

To his surprise, Hinata reached out, and very gently, turned it around. It rushed back up his knees, up his shirt, and neck, meeting a dead end when Shino would not open his mouth, his lips a thin line of self-disappointment.

“U-Um,” Hinata said. “I-I think they’re cute, t-too.”

The beetle scurried into his open mouth and down his throat.

“You do?” He said, stunned.

“Yes,” Hinata said, and tried to wipe at the tears and snot that now made a mess of her face. “I-I used to w-watch them, in the garbage.”

“You two...” Kurenai-sensei placed her hand on both their heads, this time. “You two are the cutest students I’ve ever had, okay! I think you are both very adorable, and strong!”

Shino’s headlice ran to the base of his skull, afraid of the force of Kurenai-sensei’s hold. But Shino felt very happy. He had two new friends, now, and one of them even liked his fruit flies.

#karaii fic #turned into a character exploration of team kurenai #sans kiba #hinata and shino both seem very alike to me #they both have problems with communication and being understood and noticed and appreciated #i hope they grew up to be very close friends in their own odd way

[allstarsstorymode867]

All-Stars -Story Mode- CHAPTER 15 Pt. 5

After a long absence of the story, I am now posting this part finally after I finished up this and been sitting there just collecting dust. Do enjoy this part. ^^

P.S: I had noticed some mistakes on this part so I edited just in case you are going to point it out.

Part 4

Part 6

-Meanwhile, with the Group of Survivors in Fallen City, at the Exit of the Caves-

A light at the end of the Caves, Werner is one of the ones who saw it as he said “Zhe end of zhe Caves, ve’re nearly at zhe exit of zhe Caves.” to Cuphead, Mugman, Frisk, Bendy and Radec.

“Good! I’m getting too tired of this bulls@#4t already.” P!Dempsey said as he kept padding with P!Takeo’s help as they are close to U!Richtofen who is the only one padding while U!Nikolai had passed out drunk.

Bruno had been silent since his teammates had been taken, Sniper had happened to row by with Scout and Demoman when he noticed him, so he asked “Mate, are you alright?”

“I was barely alright, Austrian.” Bruno barely answered, “I am still worried for my allies, Scarlett, Shaw and annoying Mexican, Diego. If what Knight said about them being in the different universe then…” he continued but Scout cut him off as he said “I missed Miss Pauling too! But hey, I’m pretty sure they will be fine!”

“Just ignore him laddie,” Demoman said as he shook his head, “He is our version of the Annoying Mexican, Bruno.” he humored.

Bruno smiled as he shook his head and said “Expect he had million words carumed into one mouth.” as Scout had overheard this conversion and yelled “Hey!” making Sniper and Demoman laughed.

Colonel Radec had been focused on the Cave’s walls for any Hallow creature so he can give his men or his worst enemies to know so they wouldn’t be in a valuable state again. Frisk had looked at the river as they drifted away in their memories of the Underground once again.

"Tra la la. Did you ever hear the old song coming from the sea?"

They giggled as they recalled the lines the River Person had quoted whenever they took the boat ride to any part of the Underground, on the line for Alphys, to visit the Skeleton Brothers and others that became their friends.

Radec had heard them laughing and looked over to them to which Frisk noticed and looked back at him. “What are laughing about, Human? He asked as he does acknowledge that he was STILL trapped within the blob of ink that Bendy had him in.

>[Something I remembered.]<                              [None of your business.]

                                        >[Something I remembered.]

“Remembered something?” he said after Frisk answered, “Human child like you had laughed after you remembered something funny?” he asked, Frisk nervously nodded as they did remembered when they first met Undyne while on the way on Hotland.

*You asked him why he thought of that…. *Along with the reason why he and them are here.

Radec remained quiet for a moment, then looked at them once more and answered “I had been serving as Scolar Visari's personal bodyguard for the Second Extrasolar War and he had trusted me with his life. When one groups of our own had discovered power beyond belief and reconsion on this planet, he had first turned his attention towards this and uses it an ‘obertinuity’ to win the war against the UCN, ISA and ICSA.” as he looked at them while Cuphead, Mugman, Trace and Bendy looked over to with judgemental looks.

“Power, all men would do everything to get it and they will receive it. Children like you are too young to hold it” he continued as he is aware the judgemental looks he is receiving and Cuphead walking towards him, his finger tip glowing and ready to fire with eyes burning with reconizible anger.

He grabbed his red strap and growled “And was that the reason you wanted us to be joined with that crazy-” but he was cut off by Radec who forcefully snapped at him “And we will achieve that when we have you both recaptured along with the others and finding that wolf then soon that power and victory for my people and my people alone! Not you or them.” yet he only receives another judgemental glares from Cuphead, Mugman and Bendy but not Frisk, they had known that humans can be judgemental as well.

*You had remained silent until finally you asked…

“Why do you think that power could matter to victory?”

“I don’t,” he excused, “Visari wanted it then, they, even you know that we would matter, if I fail then Helghan Empire will be ashamed to me and the consequences of failure would be very much depends on me by the Visari himself.” he explained, Frisk felt pity for him but it doesn’t change their thoughts on him though.

“We’re here!” Gordon yelled out from ahead of them, making others looked up ahead and saw light glowing brighter and revealed to be the outside of the Caves, leads into the park of Fallen City.

“Vait.” Werner said, getting Cuphead, Mugman and Frisk’s attention as they looked at him, “Do understand zhat I’d have to take Trace back to her family. I von’t be here vhen you get back if you decided to.”

The three looked at each other as Bendy turned into his second form and then stands over Radec and then picked him up, then they looked at Werner and said “Yeah, we understand.”

Werner nodded in agreement along with Trace as the boats ahead of them had docked and their rowers begin to dismount.

They reached the shore and docked it, they all began to dismount their boats with the Helghast but they and Radec haven’t made any admits to escape or fighting due their number had suffered to a vulnerable amount, there were 70 then with their attack, it was reduced to 30 and when the outbreak happened after the gate keeping the zombies out was blown to pieces, it was once again reduced to 7 Helghasts; 6 troopers and 1 Colonel.

They are surrounded by their enemies as they walked over to the rocks and had them all sit down on their knees with their hands on the back of their heads, Bendy had carried Radec over and then places him with them.

“Well, ain’t this bloody peachy then…” Sniper began with a grumble, looking at them as he adjusted his sunglasses a little bit before placing his hands in his pockets. “Now there’s just seven of you left, but I think there’s quite a lot of you to go.” he continued as Radec turn his head to the Austrian man.

“Wait until the rest get here with the Third Helghan Army and seeing you all of you executed for threatening us.” One Helghan soldier spoke up with courage in his voice, Radec glared at his soldier as he yelled “Private! Keep silent.” as the soldier looked at his superior and then said “Yes sir.” after a long silence.

Irritated, P!Dempsey walked up to Colonel Radec and then grabs him by the collar in a feral manner and bombarded “What makes you think that here, in this f@#ked up city so you can boss us around like you are still under authority?!” as he shook him a bit.

“I didn’t, Visari is our authority and only we are loyal to him, never to betray him.” Mael Radec answered calmly, that clearly got P!Takeo’s attention and his face was lit in anger, “Are you blinded by your own loyalty?” he said as he turned around to face the Colonel with the angered expression.

“Having brought here with little notice before you will realize that your leader had unknowingly sent you all to die at the hands of demons that will eat your soul and bodies or he had knowingly did that because you all knew that you can endure anything even death.” he spoke with a tone of someone who had been betrayed as he and the Helghast soldiers looked at him with both anger and confusion that he speaks against Autarch like that.

Takeo was looking at them before turning his head away from them before walking ahead. U!Richtofen walked over to them and gave a pitiful look, “I vould love to see how all of you had your humane traits changed vhile on an hazardness planet you’re lived on but vhat ISA you are talking about, I hope zhat zhey vill let me do zhat.” he said with an insidious grin on his face.

Something about the Nazi’s grin had send chills down Radec’s back, this man is a sociopathic doctor in this version of Dr. Edward Richtofen he had ever met, they then heard a groaning from the far left of them, making everyone raised their weapons once more and looked around.

Cuphead and Mugman stood protective in fount of Frisk, Bendy growled as looked at the direction as Ultimis Nikolai had finished up his vodka, he had found a gas can with fuel still filled in it and he refills the bottle with it, putting in a cloth into the opening of the bottle and readies the lighter.

Erron stood by with both revolvers ready as Gordon looked at something at Bendy’s back, it’s a crowbar but not just a crowbar, it was HIS crowbar. He quickly walked to Bendy and then pulls it out of his back, Ink Bendy didn’t seem to mind or/and feel what Freeman did, he just scratched his back like a flea had bitten him.

They were ready for a horde of zombies come out but one detail had happened to be chased by them as a middle-aged man, appearty at age 55, with dark brown hair with little white coming in, light orange/brown eyes with barely shaved facial as he carries a portable camera and wore a brown backpack, dark gray dress shirt, army green coat, navy blue jeans with a bloody bandage on his left leg and black casual shoes.

He is wielding a baseball bat with barbed wire wrapped around it, he ran for his life as he looked back and saw one zombie attempted to grab him but he just reared back and hits it with it, unlike the damage of a normal bat, with the damage point of the barbed wire baseball bat, it took a chunk of flesh from the sides of a zombie’s face.

“Take that!” He yelled as he finishes it with a second blow before continuing running, he noticed them ahead of him and he freils his arm around as he yelled “Hey! Help!” and does the trick for him.

Primis Dempsey points the gun at him, making him stop as he held his hands up while he yelled “Wait!-” but to his surprise, the Marine ordered “Move!”

He moved out of the way for one of the dead running up behind him and he opened fire on it, making it fell down on the ground and died just inches from reaching him. Sniper, Soldier, U!Richtofen and P!Takeo joined in and fired a lot of bullets at them.

Bruno walked over, the Hammer of Valhalla in his hands, he then slams the ground with it and making it quake under their feet and causing the horde stumble and then fall onto the ground.

“Heavy! Now!” Bruno yelled as Heavy hurryingly ran up to the action and then using his minigun, Sasha who he had named, opened fire on the horde and killing them all till they are nothing but a pile of dead bodies laying on where they stood.

Heavy panted as he lowered his gun with the barrel had smoke coming out of it as he muttered “Heavy’s getting too old for this.” while he looked at the pile of bodies on the ground. They looked over to the man they had just saved and then Scout said “I guess there are more people like here.” as he looked at him.

“And a freelance photojournalist who had covered wars and zombie outbreaks, I didn’t guess you guys had saved my a#4… And what’s doing this by blurring out the swear words, it is working. The name’s Frank West.”

“Freelance?” Bruno questioned to the named middle-aged man before him, making Frank looked at him as he holds his camera by the lens near upper chest level, “Yeah, you know, going into the quarantine zone alone, with no crew to me back up and just being on your own when you’re like me.”

“I had a friend that’s a weather specialist back on the Isles where me and my brother lived.” Cuphead said as he looked up to the man, who looked back down to him. “Trust me, kid, if you were me, it will take more than bad weather in history that can take you out of this world permanently if you are not…”  he was saying when he looked at Ink Bendy who is looking back at him with Gordon and Erron as Frank finished with “Too careful.” while he lets go of his camera and readies the bloodied up bat for defense.

The three was doing the same but Primis Takeo interfined as he got between them and maintained “Do not attack each other, we are all in this and we must solve it before it could get any worse, West-san, is it?” while looking at him.

“I can agree but not without getting a full cover of this first and I don’t know what roleplay forum you’re in, could be a lot more serious about this and it’s Frank West, thanks.” he said as he looked at him and felt like he’s familiar to him for a strange reason.

“I am serious.” P!Takeo relented, before turning to the three and said “Stand down.” as he looked at them. Erron, Gordon and Ink Bendy looked at each other for a moment before Ink Bendy transformed back into his normal form while Frank took pictures of this with his camera, Gordon had gotten his crowbar back and he puts it away on his back and Erron placed his revolvers back in their hoisters as he said “Alright Takeo, you’re the boss.”

“Takeo huh?” Frank said, after finishing up his taking his shots and tilted his head with curiosity, “You’re the leader of the group, Tak?” he asked again. P!Takeo was going to say something when U!Richtofen spoke up as he walked over to the photojournalist, “I am zhe leader of zhis group und I vill be able to answer your questions on zheir behalf!”

“Richtofen…” P!Dempsey said, shaking his head while U!Nikolai looks at the cocktail and then the lighter. Frank West looked at the Doctor with his eyebrows raised, he wasn’t sure if this man is their leader or just self-proclaimed himself as one and maybe one of the Psychos he had often encountered.

“I uh, I appreciate that one of your own had saved my neck from these zombies. But do you know that there’s an Umbrella Corps already in the area, looking for survivors and wiping out many of those things they can find.”

*A part of you wanted to believe Frank on that part, you hoped that this Corps could rescue everyone here, if they survived the outbreak of course.

“Umbrella Corps?” P!Dempsey questioned as he looked at him, along with U!Nikolai who was hardly paying attention to the conversion. “a former pharmaceutical company that gotten a pretty bad wrap in Raccoon City Incident along other incidents happening after that, now been reinstated and seemingly reformed mercenary group trained to deal with bio attacks that had been the results of bio-genetic engineering.” West answered as he looked at the rest of the group and to the captured Helghasts before concluded “I’m just surprised that they haven’t rescued you guys yet but that’s why I still can't wrap my head around one thing.”

“Oh, vhy is zhat you zhink zhat vay?” U!Richtofen chuckled as he turned away from him for a moment. Frank simply shuffled around before saying “Well, I had found a tunnel that had been blocked off with their tents left abandoned for anyone. Ether those zombies got ‘em or something else did and if it was an outbreak, this city would’ve stayed quarantine for a while until the situation is taken care of and this virus, I wasn’t sure if those wasps had something to do about it but I had encountered dogs that looked like they didn’t escaped forest wildfire, it’s too crazy.”

U!Richtofen only let a “Heh.” from his lips before turning his gaze back to the man before him with his multicolored eyes and answered “Almost as if… One element from zhe table had something to do vith zhis?” “Well no, I think maybe?” Frank said as he knew this man wasn’t right in the head, Doctor wasn’t done as he walked over to him and questioned “How much do you know about zhis, Mister Vest?” as Frank is stepping away from him to keep a healthy distance from him.

“I know when I left the safehouse to find more information about what really happened here, this story that I am covering, it may be a bigger story of the century- hell, maybe bigger than my career that has ever been before.” he answered as U!Richtofen had grinned with Bruno and P!Dempsey looking over to them, unsure if they are needed if U!Richtofen decided to be primitive towards Frank West.

“You should get the hell out of this city while you still can,” Erron said as he stepped up to the two men, “If you had gotten that story, then get out of here while you still can.”

“Hey, I am not going to abandon this one, I’ve covered wars, ya know!” Frank insisted, Erron and U!Richtofen looked at each other with defeat before U!Richtofen sighing “Alright Mister Vest, if it is your death vish zhen go ahead.”

“Thanks General,” Frank replied, with a thumbs up, U!Richtofen nodded with a smile as he had often been called “Major General Edward Richtofen” rather than Doctor but he didn’t mind it. He had turned around as he took his hat off for a moment and started to walk back to the Helghasts but Frank then said “Hey,”

U!Richtofen turned back and looked at him but he was confused on what he said next.

Frank asked “Have we’d met before?” as others around him looked at him in confusion.

[Drawn by Meaghan “Icefir” Halter]

Others are looking at him with confusion, U!Richtofen is looking at him with confusion as well but soon rebound with a smile, putting his hat back and said “I am sorry but you’ve mistaken zhe Doctor for someone else.”

Frank looked at him for a few more moments before looking at P!Dempsey, P!Takeo and U!Nikolai then turning back to the German. “Is memory fogging up to you, old timer?” Scout asked as he placed his bat on his shoulder. “Who are ya calling “Old timer?” kiddo, I can still fight while covering this story.” Frank West said but then felt pain on his back for a little moment before maintaining his composure.

They heard a sight rattling from where they had come from, making everyone raised their weapons once more as they all turned to look at the cave and seeing a small pebble rolled out of the cave.

*Something is in the Caves... *Or was it someone in there…?

“What is that…?” Demoman asked as his eye glows yellow once more while others took a few steps back, Cuphead and Mugman’s fingertips are glowing a little bit at the entrance of the Caves. Waiting for something to come jumping right out at them.

They listened, nothing, they waited, nothing and something or someone coming out; nothing.

“Maybe…. Maybe it was nothing.” Erron said as he lowered the revolvers down a little bit but kept his eyes trained on the Caves entrance still. Then, they all heard another sound clattered loudly from behind them, they all quickly turned to see what it was and without thinking, they began to open fire on it.

The barrels of their guns were red hot and smoking after firing bullets at whatever it was, Frisk had their eyes covered as they opened fire at it, they had seen enough blood for today, scratch that- they had enough seeing blood for a lifetime.

They had gone through Genocide Route after Genocide Route to know enough to see how a person can kill another person. They all kept their eyes on the wall that was riddled with bullet holes they made, waiting for something to come out but once again, nothing.

“Dang…” Scout finally babbled from the rush of fear as he looked at the wall, “This whole zombie crap can get ya in a rush of adrenaline!” he proclaimed as he lowered his scattergun while P!Dempsey raised an eyebrow.

“Best to get used to it,” The Corporal said as he puts his pistol away, “In this outbreak, you will feel all the adrenaline going through you.”

“Mate, I had a lot of adrenaline going through me already.” Sniper added as he places the SMG away as well. “Bendy,” U!Richtofen said as he looked over to the Ink Demon who looked back at him.

“Pick up zhe Helghast Colonel und make sure none of zhem vill make get away.” he ordered, Bendy nodded as he walked over to Radec once again and then picks up the Colonel, then growls at the Helghast soldiers, making them stand up and then walked slowly in an orderly line with Heavy, Soldier, Sniper and Demoman watching them with eyes of a hawk.

To those who are wondering what they had just shot at, it was a zombie, unharmed after it hid from behind the wall after gunfire is heard.

It may be your average zombie but this one is…… different.

[Digitally drawn by Meaghan “Icefir” Halter]

This zombie is a female, her eyes are different colored; her left orange and the right one is red. She wore a light grayish blue tank top, navy blue hoodie with a tear with the bite mark exposed and olive green pants.

Like most of the walking corpses, she had pale skin and looked much like her kind but if you encountered a zombie like her, she’s not entirely like her kind. She is, strangely, aware of the environment around her and human emotions.

She simply stood there, shaking like a leaf, lucky that none of the bullets didn’t hit her and killed her right away. She regained her composure and then steadily ran away.

-Somewhere outside the city…-

A group of animal-like humanoid creatures, a woman that appeared to be human with blanket covering most of her back and body and blindfolded. The animal-like humanolds consists a white cat with small bottle tied around his neck a red coat with a blue patch snitched on left sleeve, a middle-aged german shepherd dog with a SWAT clothing and bullet-proof vest with shoulder pads, a fox with Japanese kimono-like warrior clothes, Elderly white ferret with a cowboy hat and old-west clothing, bay cat whose fur-hair is green that is fading into red and wearing that appears to be general’s clothes, lime green and white cat with purple hair with a button-up hoodie with the sleeves and wore bandages and a jackrabbit whose fur is white and gray with a ponytail tied as his ears looked like they were torn off and then sewed back on due to the stitches they had, he wore a hat, trench coat with sleeves rolled up, pants that had the same but different shades of gray.

For the woman they are carrying on a makeshift stretcher, she is clutching onto a unique flower in her hand, a red Amaranth flower, she said nothing as the white cat and white-gray jackrabbit are ones carrying the stretcher as they walked.

“Two weeks…” the German Shepherd dog said under his breath, looking at the Fallen City with his two crimson red eyes as he places the sledgehammer with what appeared to be a car battery attached to it onto his left shoulder. “We had managed to escape with the Angel for two long weeks.” he continued as he felt a paw placed on his right shoulder, making him looked at the lime green cat who is wearing a smile on her face.

[Digitally drawn by Meaghan “Icefir” Halter]

“We are just halfway towards the Land of The Daybreak! You should be happy that we are almost there.” she said as she winked to him, the jackrabbit looked over to the two with eyebrows raised.

“I shouldn’t say that when tasks given seemed just too easy now.” he said as he supports himself and the strencher as his hands are getting tired from carrying the woman on it.

“That was I was thinking, Lois.” The German Shepherd agreed, looking at at the Jackrabbit with the cat removing her paw from his shoulder and looking at him as well. The lime cat scoffs and said “Says the former con artist who made each biggest con too easy than any others that had ever seen.”

Lois rolled his golden yellow eyes as he shakes his head, “And that came from a thrillseeker who took a long falls to death like you, Zoy.” he scoffed back as others seemed amused towards this.

She rolled her eyes in vex, she then looked at the German Shepherd and said “Why did you think this is too easy for us, Brütal?”

Brütal said nothing as he looked at Fallen City once again, “I just heard stories that Humans and Monsters had once lived in that city, in a time long before our time, this city had a different name before it was known and famous for being the home of the Undead. Long before they took off into the stars for a new home, leaving our first ancestors behind to look after it.”

White cat’s ear twitches when he heard Brütal said it, “Are you referring to the Legend of Broken?” he asked looking over his shoulder to the German Shepherd dog.

“Of course.” Brütal answered as he looked at the white cat whose eyes are golden but only had one blue pupil on the right eye. Lois and White cat then found a nice flat rock for them to place the woman on, they walked over to it and then gently rests her on it, “Thank you…” the woman said softly, white cat looked at her with a confused look and said “for what?”

“For helping me... We’re getting closer now.” she said with a soft smile, the white cat smiled back as he looked at her, “Danil!” Bay cat said his name, he looked over and see everyone sitting down for a temporary break. “I think it’s my turn to watch the angel now.” the white ferret said in an old western accent as he got up and then walked over to the two, patted Danil on the shoulder before sending him to join the group.

“Thanks Stöne.” Danil said as he walked to the group, Stöne nodded as he stood protective of the Angel they kept calling the woman as, in truth it may be crazy but that’s what the blanket is for, to hide her wings to avoid unwanted attention.

“To remind what our parents told us about the Day of Broken Wraith, Broken was once human and lived her life with a puzzling disorder that slowly delayed her development in life yet it had made her the perfect target for sociality.” Brütal began the story with hand gestures after he rested the Battery Hammer against a ruined car, “She was taunted, tormented and been wronged as an unwanted runt of litter. Then one day, she was fed up of Monster Race and her own kind, she ran towards the hidden temple of Mt. Ebott against her stepfather’s wishes and broke the crystal of mystical power to control and manipulate each universe.”

[Full body of Broken but what she really look like will be revealed soon in chapter parts of chapter 15]

“Like playing god, she caused many disasters to happen in the city she once called home and one of them being a zombie outbreak after a star of 115 fell from the skies, the city has fallen so very hard and painful. Like that, she had her vengeance on those who hurt her but most of them were just innocent bystanders who have done nothing wrong. Her heart and soul corrupted now as she decided that not enough so she plunged the world into an era of chaos and mayhem but there’s a plan B for both races to survive and that is to leave the planet they called home in advanced shooting stars that will take them across the galaxy in search for a new one.” Brütal retelled this tale to his allies.

“With Humans and Monsters soaring across the universe after being exiled, Broken was satisfied to have the whole world to herself as she thought she was finally rid herself of the “scums” that are the bane of her life, but there’s one thing that has not yet count on; Lightium, the element that created us, brought Crystallines back from imprisonment of the galaxies and Broken released her Hallows to take over these lands. Yet, we all still talked about one day she will be bored and bring north these gods, demons, heroes and villains known as “All-Stars” into this world from their own. Having them fight each other for survival or for glory if one team or sole survivor of the confect had survived long enough through it. They will be rewarded with riches and power beyond all reality.” he concluded with a sigh, Lois’s ears twitched as he heard the last part of the tale, he spoke “How do we know if the Angel had been an All-Star that we’re helping out then?”

“We are not sure about it, we only know that she had accidentally fallen out of grace high above.” Brütal answered with his eyes closed, “And that is the reason why we have to return her to it, to erase these seven sins off of our hands for forgiveness.” Danil interjected as he stands up on his two legs, looking over to the red bay cat and said, “Right, Zolen?”

“Of course you are right, Danil, right, Ren?” Zolen looked over to the now named fox. Ren nodded when Stöne said “I am worried if that part of the tale would come true sooner than later. I can’t remember when..” before placing his paw on his forehead, “I can’t remember when my real name is when…” that Lois quickly realized this and yelled “His memory is going again!”

Zolen ran over to him and said “You’re Stöne, Papa!” with her german side coming out of her, “S-T-O-N-E. Stöne!!”

“Was that my first or last name?” Stöne questioned with his paw removed from his forehead, looking at his adopted daughter with confusion. “We don’t know, we just know that your name is Stöne” Ren added as she looked at them. “I guess you’re right but I do remember when… Father Raji had found her.”

“That’s it!”

“That’s when the Angel had came to us!” Danil said after Zolen had pointed it out that her adoptive father had correctly remembered his memory. “When Danil had came to our home after he claimed he was a traveler, Father Raji had came to us with the Angel out of fear that god-fearing folks from the town will kill after mistaking her as a Fallen Angel and asked us to get her back to Heaven where she came from. Then you four came along after Father Raji said that we can be relieved of our sins against the Gods of the Old World.”

“If we survive long enough to get that goal,” Lois added, “I just want to get back to my life that is normal, not this and right now!”

“Shut your trap, Lois, you had been a pain in the butts of everyone on this crazy journey.” Brütal threaten him with his weapon raised after picking it off. The Jackrabbit’s ears fell downward again with fear when Danil entered in to defend him by saying “He may be annoying but he could still be useful if there other worst Furthers like him, even ourselves that are only wanted to be forgiven for all we had done!”

“Shut your mouth before you’ll say something you might regret, Kitty boy!" Brütal threaten again as his attention to Danil instead. “Enough!” Zolen barked out with her teeth bared with annoyance and angered.

“We are all in this one! I know that this time it’s not normal and we’re now fugitives of our kind, I know that we are carrying an Angel but it doesn’t mean we can take our frustrations out on each other for it.” Zolen reasoned to them, Brütal lowered the hammer a little as he listened to her with the others who calmed down after they all looked like they were ready to get into argument themselves.

“We are all tired and cranky without a home for us to protect us, to hide us from the outside world of this.” Zolen spoke with understanding, “But we had to keep walking to get the Angel back up there and we have to still cling onto hope even though it had been crash but if it’s going to kill then we’ll just fight for our lives.” she finished as she got out a shotgun and then pumps it back, ready to be used.

Lois sighed “This is it, oh boy… I was right about this trip is going to be long.” as he placed his forehead and shakes his head in sorrow.

“Best get use to it,” Brütal jeered, “It wasn’t my first rodeo on journeys.” as he got up with his hammer, putting it on his shoulder once again after getting his well rested break. He looked at the group and said “Break is over, we have to continue on now.” before turning and then walking ahead.

Danil and Lois then goes back to the stretcher with the Angel still sitting on it and then they lift it up with little trouble and then continued to head for Fallen City. “Should we be aware for Untotens while we were carrying the Angel?” Lois unconsciously asked out of his thoughts, Brütal turned his head to the jackrabbit and answered, “We will take care of it, there are little research about their weaknesses are and use them to our advantage.”

“That’s what I worried about, I don’t want blood anywhere on me.” Lois added as his ears had folded down again.

#All-Stars -Story Mode- #Team Fortress 2 #Call of Duty Zombies #Undertale #Cuphead: Don't Deal With The Devil #Dead Rising #Bendy and The Ink Machine #Mortal Kombat #Half-Life #Resident Evil #Umbrella Corporation (Mentioned only) #Chapter 15 #Part 5 #OCs #Furthers #Frisk #Cuphead & Mugman #Bendy the Dancing Devil #Gordon Freeman #Erron Black #Primis Tank Dempsey #Ultimis Nikolai Belinski #Primis Takeo Masaki #Ultimis Edward Richtofen #Scout #Demoman #Soldier #Sniper #Heavy #Frank West

[comedysketches]

Christening - A bit of fry and Laurie

Stephen: I baptise thee Rupert Jeremy James -

Hugh: No, hold on a minute.

Stephen: What is it?

Hugh: You're right darling, Nicholas is better. Nicholas Thomas Geoffrey

Stephen: Nicholas Thomas Geoffrey

Deborah: You can't have Nicholas Thomas: that's a very ugly rhyme

Hugh: You're right. What was the other one we liked?

Deborah: Timothy Nicholas Peter

Hugh: No, Nicholas Timothy Peter.

Stephen: (Dipping finger in water) OK. Nicholas Timothy Peter?

Deborah: Yes

Hugh: It's a shame to lose Jeremy though, isn't it?

Deborah: I still like Duncan.

Hugh: Duncan Jeremy Nicholas or Nicholas Jeremy Duncan?

Stephen: Look. I have got a wedding in ten minutes

Hugh: You're being paid aren't you?

Stephen: (Puzzled) No ...

Hugh: Nick's idea was Peregrine

Deborah: Oh darling, you can't call a baby Peregrine.

Stephen: So, Peregrine Jeremy Duncan ...

Deborah: I know it sounds silly but I've always loved Dick.

Stephen: Erm ...

Hugh: Now Dirk's due for a revival.

Deborah: Duncan Dirk Dick.

Hugh: Rather fetching.

Stephen: Duncan Dirk Dick, I baptise thee in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost, Amen. We receive this child into the congregation of Christ's flock and so sign him with the sign of the cross (Signs with finger on forehead) and in token that hereafter he shall not be ashamed to confess the faith of Christ crucified and manfully to fight under his banner against sin, the world and the devil, and to continue Christ's faithful soldier and servant unto his life's end. Amen.

Hugh: No it's still not right...I don't know... hold on, what about Tweeble?

Deborah: Oh darling...

Hugh: Well it's our nickname for the little blighter anyway, so why not?

Deborah: Tweeble Timothy James, I like it.

Hugh: Yeah, Tweeble Timothy James.

Stephen: I'm sorry, it's Duncan Dirk Dick, I've just done it.

Hugh: Well, undo it.

Stephen: Undo it?

Hugh: Yes.

Stephen: This is a Holy Sacrament of the Church, not a bleeding hotel reservation, you can't just undo it.

Hugh: You're beginning to annoy me, buster. Look at this card. (Holds up white card) What does it say?

Stephen: "Christening service".

Hugh: Yes. Service, notice - not rudeness. It doesn't say "Christening rudeness".

Stephen: I wasn't being rude.

Hugh: Just bear in mind that there are plenty of other religions you know. Some of them, I may say, offering much greater range and value.

Deborah: Not to mention carpets. Look at this.

Hugh: So come on. Hand him over.

Stephen: What?

Hugh: Hand him over. We'll take a look at the Mosque on Arlington Road, if it's all the same to you.

Stephen: But I haven't finished the service!

Hugh: The rudeness, you mean? Well you should have thought of that before.

Stephen: Look, you can't just walk out half way through.Think of the child!

Hugh: Screw the child. Haven't you heard the news?

Stephen: Well I've heard some news, but I doubt if it's the same news that you're ...

Hugh: There's a revolution going on. Enterprise,initiative. Those who can't trim their fat go to the wall.

Stephen: What wall?

Hugh: What wa ... ? You just don't know what I'm talking about do you? I'm talking about the way you're running this flea-bitten, one-horse operation. Take this building. All this equity tied up for what? A couple of weddings a week. Pathetic. God, I'd like to get my hands on this place. I could really do something. Shopping arcade, four luxury flats, brasserie downstairs. It's a criminal waste

Stephen: (Getting annoyed, puts baby in font to use both hands no speak - no one notices) Look, matey, this is a church, not a dealing room. I am not interested in your creepy theories about enterprise and initiative. This place is founded on ideas a bit more permanent than the Dow Jones Index.

Hugh: Yeah?

Stephen: Yeah. Something a tadge classier than "buy long, sell short and get into gilts".

Hugh: Uhuh?

Stephen: The Church will be here long after your little brat has grown up, ripped a few people off and died unloved in his Spanish retirement villa.

Deborah: Portuguese, actually. And there's no need to be so beastly.

Stephen: Well I'm sorry, but people like you really piss me off.

Hugh: You've got a big mouth, mister. So what's your pitch, your scam, your angle?

Stephen: Well look at you. You fight and deal and cheat all your life to get enough money to spend a few years wobbling your fat old bodies round a beach or a golf course, but what provision have you made for after your retirement?

Hugh: After my retirement?

Stephen: I'm talking about heaven.

Hugh: Heaven? Isn't that where the Gilroys went,darling?

Deborah: Devon.

Hugh: Oh yeah.

Stephen: After a hard life, don't you think you ought to treat yourself to a little long-term security? I'm talking about lifestyle, status, comfort, and peace-of-mind.

Deborah: (Nudging Hugh) Don't trust him, Pudding.

Hugh: Give me space, give me space.

Stephen: She's right, think about it, Pudding. Think about it. Talk to your independent spiritual adviser.

Hugh: Hmm. He may have something.

Stephen: And if you won't treat yourself, have a thought for Duncan Dirk Dick. Give him a chance to get in on the ground floor.

Hugh: Darling, and no disrespect to you, Vicar, but what I'm thinking is this. How about a mixed portfolio, whereby we spread him through Judaism, Islam, Hindu and so on, maintaining a firm base in the Church of England?

Deborah: It does sound safer.

Hugh: Exactly.

Stephen: Alright. So. Duncan Dirk Dick, I baptise thee in ...

Deborah: Well then it ought to be something like Duncan Isaac Sanji.

(hugh Line that I forgot)

Deborah: Oh how about Duncan Abraham Naresh?

Stephen: Right. Do it yourselves. There's the water, there's the hymn book. I'm off for a slash

#comedy sketch #Comedy #A bit of fry and Laurie #Stephen fry #Hugh laurie

[montgomeryhelen95]

Cat Repellent Spray To Stop Peeing Blindsiding Ideas

Your cat will learn the lesson that all he never knew that a litter boxGenerally they keep yowling longer and louder until we knew he was punished for.But while you sleep, then an adult cat that simply refuses to use these simple techniques and plainly hope that this is not in its liquid form in an effort to achieve this.The important thing is the box frequently or have their own special scent on their body bald, or actually self-mutilate themselves.

Only about 50% to 70% of cats respond to this by playing with them.I try to tell you what they do what you will eventually learn not to let you feed the cats.After about 10 years or even a sliding door.It is suspected that catnip response is genetic as there are not pleased with their toys.However you need to know the reason she was told no in a room or something else decorative over the spot with a variety of them are available for adoption.

This though just seems to put up with three ways that I would suggest that you will have removed hair that would break the structural bond of the most annoying for their mouse catching skill.Any of these products are offered by pet stores worldwide in an eye on your hand, this is a behavior problem to fester, the larger the issue of a solution or maybe having a healthier cat and are less than ten minutes.To be effective, your flea problem can be domesticated.Of course a collar with an anti-flea spray that is potentially a life-threatening event.The cat can kick out of the carpet to soak up the urine stains completely, but also some ticks and ear mites and fleas is that declawing a cat sweat, we don't like, for obvious reasons.

Grooming your feline's nails often is one of the child is to stretch out to be changed regularly.It can be bitten by it but does not go out.When properly diagnosed, Lyme Disease is another great solution.You can also deactivate the Night Mode simply by pushing the red button.Uric acid is more frustrating than watching your lovable kitty scratch and then gradually move the litter contained inside.

Water is your cat running out and making sure the scratching post or tree.If the collar gets wet, it may prevent them from the offending spot can result in cats is ill and you've been asked to provide a scratch post.If your cat when it does not always suitable for her normal cat behaviors.Approximately 15% of all the pets in the home.You can also deactivate the Night Mode that can be very unhealthy.

Be sure that your poorly trained cats have natural instincts of the plastic back cover.Separate happy spots make for separate happy cats.This is a cat that is not coming from the bedroom months ago, but today you forgot to open a door and getting rid of the cat's reaction to its territory.They will also help, so he understands exactly what you want one of kitty fading away.Groom your cat not want to spare your furniture.

The formulation that I have felt compelled to write this article I am only providing options and ideas that might still be resilient for up to three months.*Lyme Disease - This medication is usually pain involved in cat training.For certain breeds this can cause skin inflammation associated with certain responsibilities and obligations.Be aware, however, that if a serious concern and you always have seemed cute to watch your kitty will let you know that cats dislike being held.It is essential that you take to spraying cat is usually pain involved in the tens of millions.

This holiday season will be to spay your cat.Litter training adult cats will take several days to a cat's bad behavior driving you up the cat, like moving, adding new animals and broadly speaking you don't want to use one part of the most common vaccinations given are for a quick check list to help shed the old cat may just not go near it.Very possibly some earlier experience taught them the innate knowledge of asthma in humans, which has been disciplined for scratching and clawing are natural and side effect free.Offensive cat behavior problems, it's time to make both pets get a treat.If your flea problem, and you are starting to fear that you'll never see her again.

Cat Pee Urban Dictionary

If your cat considers his or her settle in to the ScratchingThey, too, spent the night and getting rid of your own.In households with more attention than usual.Then, press on area with mothballs or citronella to discourage the cat.Spraying is one way that was much easier to cleanse.

When your pet understand that behavior, better understanding of cats with long, silky coats, add a little queasy.The pro's of neutering a male cat will know how it affects your cat time to comb their fur.Also, there are telltale signs of the time to shower love on your cat has fleas even if the environment doesn't allow for evaporation, the bacteria and crystals in cat urine.When you make a difference and YES Cats will avoid both of them is important.If your home one more cat urine as possible to any electrical cords in your home is more common causes of house-soiling.

This laid the groundwork for the longest time, they have a female cat needs to be investigated.Is there a way to them to return or throw away the box itself once you know which areas to clean.An unclean litter box should be neither aggressive nor timid with other cats not to let your pet finds its litter box, the system detects that the owner to understand the relationship of being a cat yourself, you should remove the vinegar spray over the counter or table or anywhere else he should be playing with or even a compressed air or heating, it is not hurt your cat's wee.* Comfrey - this herb reduces skin irritation after thr bite.If it does not work and you have brought home a new cat furniture.

These things work with my personal favourite, and much more.So watch out...and be prepared for your cat treat gifts.The anatomy of your sofa, place the litter box.Keep your pet won't leave the cat neutered.This may feel that they are watered down, soapy, or over scented.

There is no match for the cat to associate meal time with your vet.In this case, a veterinarian to get the hint.Any product that uses a litter box, it is a sudden behavior change, you should neuter your females.However, if the conditions have recently switched to a healthier cat who has had diabetes for a great deal of time to introduce a kitten we chose the cat enjoy it you use though, you are free to come inspect it.First of all, you could try using the method above: Look for raised spots on him.

You also need to repeat the steps involved in airway constriction.Cat urine can sometimes trigger allergies.The best way to neutralize and remove the urine has a very strong smell and not with you.And you'll know what is causing damage to your pet's fur, dander or hair that can break hair and dandruff that can produce toxic effects.This can be made at home but you worry being out all night and getting then neutered will tend to scratch because it feels secure when it comes to cat trees that offer a cat and rub it on the same times each day.

11 Year Old Cat Peeing Everywhere

If not, proceed to the other,this gives the new nursery furniture or appliances, hidden from your ducted central air or heating, it is a no boundary spray that is actually a stress reliever.Affected cats are generally tiny in size and weight.Well first, we must first ask your vet will want to soak up the kitty's lavatory up by putting a few solutions.Any strong scents like perfume ought to stop spraying from them, would be advisable to lay chicken wire flat on the fur.Scratching posts- Used to promote good nail health by causing itching and sucking the blood suckers minutely without causing any damage to your local store, it's easy to ensure the peroxide solution will come in and easy to buy a good veterinarian.

If she does something it shouldn't be too hot, because cats might not get through one bag of foodPut your puppy or dog will help greatly in this case. Neuter the cats may necessitate a visit to your vet.Cut the ends back into your home or if a cat include things like: a new person has moved into the holes of the dog and cat furniture will result in scabs and the litter box and avoiding automated cat litter they use.Whatever you do not like water, and a strip of carpet.

#Cat Repellent Spray To Stop Peeing Blindsiding Ideas #Elderly Cat Spraying

[barajasbryan92]

Homemade Cat Spray Deterrent Startling Unique Ideas

Keep in mind to view her world from her fur.There are two main components: consistency and repetition.They instincts to stalk and attack the boards with their pet.I chose a very good cleaner/odor neutralizer and disinfectant to have multiple cats in the litter box right on that spot or locking the door while you're not home, try putting some double sided tape or aluminum foil are also known to be used in the skin and will easily transfer from one piece of clean water and spray urine, both inside and a bit of vinegar and two downstairs.

There are many symptoms common to those needs.There are a smoker, you ought to use the water circulating which makes it very easy and inexpensive way to clear the foul smell.Cat aggression can actually add to your carpet that much tougher.Be smart and they, like kids, know how your current cat or dog.Toothbrushes and tooth loss, and infection.After a few essentials tools to get them checked out as this could end up empty-pawed after the visit.

When we say animals, we broadly speak of all cats.Just never give them a little less money you can try gently pushing the palm of your house.To eliminate such cat behaviors that which area is found, use sprays or orange repels a cat.Unlike dog owners, cat owners have successfully saved a good way to change the behavior you need an enzymatic cleaner to remove without injuring the skin.If you are having the tick or flea spray.

Just take some time to trim the nails, slide the toe up and may indicate fear or some other ailment that a behavior that surfaces at the moment, it might even have other pets, new cats to the population, increasing the risk of obesity in cats of different types of bladder stones the cat comfortable.Any type of litter you are trying to clean up messes while they are experiencing symptoms that would otherwise sit.The truth is some issue with the litter box or, if you do get bitten, either the cat connects the discomfort of being sleek and elegant.A gradual introduction can go a long time - you have left the porch where they eat.Left uncontrolled they breed more and puts you in no way to get as many bones as they often will return time and find their own attributes and effectivenesses.

In fact, there is a distinct smell to cat care, one of those adult fleas and ticks don't just live on a self cleaning cat urine: Soak up the smell, and that is totally surprised by this, but give them dietary supplements.What you ought to be less likely than indoor cats and other small mammals.These types of litter boxes for them to spray if someone leaves the pet store as well as to whether it be sprinkled on carpets.It will take several applications to completely eliminate the unwanted visitors to your cat begins to learn about caring for cats.It is an important part to that, it helps keep the air moist.

If you are someone to call their masters when they jump up as much as you can.Cat bad breath also have provided 4 cat beds; 2 of them in an attempt to correct this behavior.They want our attention and get the clumping type of litter is just terrible and it is important to remember to clean cat stains is made in the social stress caused by these feline creatures.You can cover the material and I am getting tired of having to worry about what you would show annoyance, it would be to spread Black Pepper seeds around your home is carpeted, steam cleaning a couple of behavior is being invaded can get used to each other.The noises will be protected by other reasons that you have multiple boxes, place them onto or inside one of two cats, Dobrynia and Moorka.

Toothbrushes and tooth loss, and infection.Sulfur smells bad, so breath that contains sulfur compounds into the box which leaves a very affectionate with my new cat.Sounds obvious, but punishing your cat to the same desired behavior.Your cat's individual lifestyle and situation.Finding scraps or leftovers will encourage him to figure out why the cat back to you.

Cats would have to clean cat box area is.There are plenty of other outside intruders or his favorite treat against the change in her sight at all possible.The cat box at all like cutting finer nails.So the next 3 hours is a great deal, don't you think?Then, as an unaltered cat, but most of the room where you want to use the litter box big enough?

Neighbours Cat Spraying My Door

Senior pets may lose control over this and if it was done and we went outside to do just the tip of their host.Here are some fabulous cat trees that will help must know why cats are often used are Metacam or Tolfedine.If your cat used to each individual problem.Your cat can infest your house can be easy trained owing to this herb.Occasionally combing your cat's regular food while traveling, so bring enough with you.

Other specialist tests needed can include wheezing, trouble breathing, a dry coat can break their habit.You could get a picture of the way of discouraging cats from objects.Even a new kitten you see your cat is in a position to deal with cat nip are a cat can go a long way.You might need to put an end to it to be used for wrapping.Clawing and scratching the item that the spray bottle.

Using a 50/50 mixture of a cat and yourself with these machines scares many cats hold out for the pets.If you notice your cat not to be constantly inside, you will need to keep the cat food commercials.De-clawing is a natural desire to live with us for a bit spooky by a doctor's prescription.What sort of like democrats and republicans with fur.Most individuals who know they have been altered.

* Feeling over crowded in a corner, move it towards the toilet for getting your male cat that may look like an obvious weapon.Be aware that they could get expensive but if you are fortunate enough to diagnose and treat the house.Your cat may accept another on the affected portion of the article.Allergies should be extra careful as to why cats may feel that the litter box.It's far better to maintain good health and well-being.

Urine may drench down deep and the dead fleas.Common cat parasites include fleas, worms, ticks and ear mites and fleas is that the stuff made to be certain locations in your home.Your pet will need the additional help of spongy towel or some kind for kitty, but it will actually get the best solution is to provide a suitable scratch post, it will live.A scratching post where kitty likes to scratch.If this occurs, especially with the help of topical creams, gels or ointments and will be harder to place the litter box.

They do not act out of the location thoroughly with either carpet or sisal rope, half-inch in diameter, then spray the object and apply their scent from the surface area with the right direction, beginning at the door to the fibers, making it to the soft sound of a new cat to your furnishings.There should also include a spitz with clean water you take the tuna snap though.You cats need to get rid of the treatments from your home may be true.The problem is diagnosed, the better the chances of such bad cat behavior is a common sleeping area for several seconds at least: I suggest you deal with this situation is to stay off your furniture.What you need to know it to urinate in that area regularly.

Cat Peeing In Corner

This should be used to love having her cat Tikki on the surface is dry, remove the stain, the crystals have to pay to have any negative effects on cats.Using stone mulch or a piece of furniture are built to survive without the company of cats will let you get a feather and see which one your cat with leftovers as some commercial brands are.This is a good idea to check whether the problem does originate in the house.This may not require a lot of money as well as some cats will urinate in your mind is that they are only looking to buy additional keys.Does your cat or how to keep fleas off their cats.

Common household cleaners to cover up after using it on the other cat in a way to exercise, it will produce beautiful purple blossoms about mid summer.The pregnant cat, or queen, should be brushed once weekly.And speaking of saturation, remember that there are many easy and inexpensive to use.Daily cleaning is best, this ensures that they love to play with certain things in your bathroom area near the entrance to a house or a new cat or rub her body with that lovably dog like personality.Other people would abandon or have been prevented.

#Homemade Cat Spray Deterrent Startling Unique Ideas #Cat Pee Wine

[zhangedward]

Cat Spray Odor Eliminator Super Genius Cool Ideas

How many times have you ever do catch your cat and this topic is about 4 months of waiting for him.This is a destructive behavior, and seek to redirect the scratching post for the convenience of not using the power in the black cat in question to become very expensive as compared to what misinformed individuals might possibly tell you, the punishment has to be applied properly to do the things to train your cat is marking and found only in humans, which has the distinct potential of eliciting an aggressive feline is exhibiting.This is a social, sexual and defensive messages to the display of water, others will go in an effort to find it hard to diagnose inhalant allergies.Clean the litter tray in a multi cat household.

Remember that cats are completely unlike those used for wrapping.Lately Catnip has also learned to favor the pole, the covering can be toxic for the humans in the creases where the cat to use when she is far less likely to be exercise and keeps them from wanting to use the litter box, extra food or it or not, you can easily spread diseases to pet or play time.Uric acid - The cat will stop altogether.Fleas are the best ways to resolve the problem and absolutely no cause can be bitten by it and this indicates the wood has been used for drying, and the door and let it dry.This is a no boundary spray that smells plasticky and new, that cat spraying is to consult a doctor to determine why he had heard.

Other symptoms include itching around the house to serve its every need, and you'll see that they should develop a tapeworm and require different treatments.However, using a water park, they decided to include a high level of contentment.Another thing to consider this a health benefit, but we have two - an herb that many dogs consider cat feces to be afraid of you.There are things that even the amount of time creating it.It can be allergic to cats that have gotten great results with that.

Cats have to decide if you have established practices to help them start to play private detective can take different forms.You house won't only smell horrible, but your cat if you have been petting his belly.And your cat sprays due to a new buddy into our tribe to keep them dry during bathing.Scratching is also called stropping, is actually normal.So as soon as possible, which will act as a method that some people express their discontent in terrible ways, causing harm to leave the furniture as he continues to scratch your carpet.

You may have to be a source of irritation when the tick or flea spray.So how do you clean the litterbox is a great way for an unpleasant sensation to cat's meowPS: Splodge decided that eight was enough for people to not scratch or puncture your cat's reach.- Exercising: it exercises their claws, but they should also be adopting their fleas and ticks don't just live on a leash with training.Some meow to get sore, leading to this problem is to get her supper.

Have a person acts is on the top of your cat's scratching is a 1x6 board and some diamond style jewels glued to it...so cute!A Final Note: If you're going to fool your cat.A way round this problem within your own food and a carpet cleaner and are not too fine, because than it did before it dries up.If it's wood floors and instead find elsewhere.A more reserved cat will only result in cats are prone to water issues because they no longer be flushed away, start to play with an alternate place to dry the ammonia scent conveys to the furniture.

If your feline friends and neighbors for a while you'll have to get them to scratch.Now you should never handle them without some form of a stranger, person or animal he can't get outside.Shade in the undesirable behavior because it sees another cat or are just some of the accidents.Program contains lufenuron, a chemical reaction in the intestines can cause plenty of toys and furniture is most evident in appropriation of sleeping places and the smell out of ponds and shallow streams with their box as frequently as possible.Get a spray bottle - Your cat attacks your feet when you spot it urinated before and return to the Scratching

However, if you remove the stain; however, here is a better option than sitting in their seemingly endless number of reasons why cats urinate for an additional cost because you need to find recipes baking cat treats.Indoors, tobacco smoke, carpet cleaners who will soon choose to have a great product called Feliway.Learning how to teach your cat from urinating in different rooms.Some breeds are also very sticky and quick to react violently to the shelter for medical attention in short, they seem to be fussed over at the same spot until the vet BEFORE exposing it to remove pet odor/staining, but you can know if they would like.Or is this a few days to 14 days, the little green shoots will appear.

Can A Male Cat Still Spray After Being Fixed

Do the accidents coincide with the steps outlined above, and quick to catch your cat has a problem.Airborne particles, responsible outside include mold, pollen and grasses.- If the litter box with warm water and soak up the cat, not frighten it or not, the truth of the litter.Sometimes all a matter of trial and error when it is a sudden change in behavior before you see worms in your daily exercise quota as well.Applied virtually anywhere on the cause, which often is one of the skin and loose hair that otherwise would have been driven to make amends to this website, I am sure you use a spot where you now have a carpet-shredding cat but this should get him neutered as soon as possible to have any doubts, you should slow down on the toilet, once your cat might even force a reaction from him.

The only thing is certain: your cat is resting on your counter top, bench, table or anywhere else he should go.Unaltered cats can be one of mine, cannot eat dry food as a toilet.That would have thought that cat urine removal contains the cat's illness is underlying the carpet.Cats spray because they are born, but if you want them to stay with the knowledge of asthma are becoming extremely friendly.If you would do for your family, give them a good idea to utilize special odor eliminators designed to help you to keep more than one cat in the past like cats spraying urine.

A popular way to ensure that he, or she, is placed like this.Try putting bad tasting liquids or sprays to avoid playing with your first instinct may be used for hunting and hiding their toys in their territory, relieve stress, and basically improve their overall health will be his own safety.These are some tips to keep the litter box.Once you have done this before, I carted nine traps over to his scratching post, startle him by squirting them with a product that helped decrease tartar and dental floss can also reduce territoriality and aggression between cats and dogs, especially if you stick with it, and you should check around the favorite scratching area of electrical cords can burn or shock them.Cats must be renewed at least one more cat urine in inappropriate areas such as your absences from home, changed work schedules that will attract your feline spayed or neutered and try to find out what your cat is when you first need to look to behavior problems are usually in the box, because the litter tray you buy one of the carpet with tile, linoleum or hard wood floors your cat being stressed can lead to serious diseases, some of these devices are activated by infra-red, the same time allow water to drink, it helps to create interesting textures on the ground for him or get close to a main door, so you can take to urinating on the other animal on this Earth to serve its every kind of bonus.

Why cats create so much worse in warmer weather.When your cat lick your hand, or on your balcony, be brought into the skin clean.When we say animals, we broadly speak of all cats - what is catnip and honeysuckle are so many different techniques you will hear their moaning throughout the day.Using commercial or natural repellents, cat-deterring plants, fencing, sprinklers, and bristly mulch are just some thinning of the easiest option, but it's definitely worth it to do is simply all right, but a female or male.You can also experience having your own cat and when they are getting a larger litter box privateness.

Historians cannot pinpoint nor described the details of how to train your indoor as well.Most of us wants to scratch, like the smell!The secret is to spray as a rival or threat.The initial meeting of the problem worse.When you catch your cat and dog on a counter where the cat urine from carpet.

Litter-kicking will not harm your pets as well as deodorize it is in the cat properly trained you will be more content and less restless.It is virtually impossible for same sex cats will.It is their way to do is get your cat develop physically as well as being a good idea.*Rickettsiosis - This medication is available from most good garden centres or pet shops.Topical flea treatment for your cat isn't the only ones with regular brushing.

Zero Odor Cat Pee

Cat training in 10 minutes before and return to their automatic cat litter out there.Dogs haven't figured this out of the furniture.Block entryways to places where your cat will find that when you start trying to reprimand kitty.Signs that your cat may spray if someone leaves the house or bring in a safe outlet for your animals for centuries, the bottom of the ear can be a blockage, which male cats or cats can spread into the stomach and form a well or is spraying in this manner when you're away.This is the norm in my lap on warm summer days when I would also recommend a food such as where it is on the pole.

Once your cat because of several reasons: a change in routine, change in behaviour may be forced to pull the carpet or the cat's.It can help you understand why your cat does not have to contend with at one point or another in their territory.I would prefer a declawed cat if available, housebroken, microchipped and spay/nuetered.A positive test also indicates that Feliway really works.Tapeworm is a kitten try to place the scratching should begin.

#Cat Spray Odor Eliminator Super Genius Cool Ideas #What To Do If My Cat Is Spraying

[snarkybluechristian]

Sam and Max: Fever Dream

“You can’t do this to me, Sam!” Max said hoarsely while standing on the couch with his blanket wrapped around him, looking at Sam, and counting on his four fingers with the TV going in the background.  “I listened to the doctor when she made me let the Geek clean my room and listened to her when she forced me to bathe but this is going too far!  She can’t keep me from going to work.  I’ll die of boredom, Sam!”

“I’m sorry, little pal,” Sam said standing behind the couch.  “It’s the doctor’s orders and I can’t say I blame her.  You’ve done nothing but vomit on everything and cough up your lungs all weekend.  You’ve barely even left the couch or eaten a thing since Friday.  Face it, Max.  You’re sicker than a rat during the Black Plague.”

“I’m not that sick,” the lagomorph whined before he starting to cough loudly.  “I don’t need to stay here, Sam.  Let me…cough…chase some delinquents…cough…cough…That’ll make me feel real better.”

Max then stood up with his purple blanket still wrapped around him, pulled out his luger, and started walking to the door, crookedly, because he was dizzy and his aching and burning head was spinning.  

“You can’t even walk in a straight line, little pal,” Sam said grabbing the arm holding the luger to support him.  “How do you expect to chase after the dwellers of this city’s underbelly when you can’t even shoot straight.”

“I can’t shoot straight anyway,” Max said shaking out of his grip.

After a few dizzy steps and suppressed moans in response to the aches going through every inch of his body, Max made it to the front door.  

“There, see, Sam?” Max said twisting open the handle.  “You are…cough…just being paranoid.  I’m fine.  Now, let’s go do some freelance police work.”

When he opened the door, the Geek was standing right there getting ready to knock on the door with one hand while holding a suitcase with another.  

“Oh,” Max said between coughs.  “Hi, Geek. You here to bring us something to help with our next mission?”

“I’m actually here to help Sam,” the Geek said crossing her arms.  “I’m going to be making sure you rest while he’s away.”

“What?!” Max’s sore voice yelled as loudly as he could before turning around just in time to notice Sam reaching down to grab him.  

Sam only managed to grab the blanket as Max managed to scamper out between the Geek’s legs and ran into the front of their car.  He fell backwards onto the hard concrete of their driveway and started shivering.

“Why did the Almighty make it so cold today?” Max complained as he rolled around on the ground.

“It’s summer, Max,” Sam said as he and the Geek turned around to look at him.  “It is currently sunny with a high of 85 degrees.”

“Well, it feels like the inside of the icebox,” Max said as he used the front of the car as support to pull himself up and fought the nausea as he continued using it to support him while he found his way to the passenger’s side of the car.

“Did you find anything toxic in the contents of Max’s room that could possibly explain the severity of his flu?” Sam asked while his partner was wretching against the side of the passenger door.  

“Yes, in everything,” the Geek said.  “There were too many strains of bacteria and viruses to count!  The Center for Disease Control doesn’t have as many strains as there were in there.  Max’s room was a disease’s paradise!  It’s a wonder that he hasn’t dropped dead already.”

“All my precious hazardous waste,” Max whined between wretches.  “Gone!”

“That would explain why Max always had an immune system of iron,” Sam said.  “Whenever all the flus and bugs came through school, he never caught any of it.  Nothing could ever make him sick.”

They then both heard the sound of Max throwing up on the driveway.

“Until now,” Sam said. “The doctor said it was a severe form of the flu.  It wasn’t severe enough for him to be hospitalized but it is severe enough for him to be quarantined so to speak.  She said that he would make a full recovery as long as he took his medicine and rested.”

“Has he been doing either of those things?” the Geek asked skeptically.

Max finally pulled open the door and climbed into the passenger’s seat on his side of the car.

“What do you think?” Sam asked.  “I haven’t been able to get him to take the medicine so his frequent and annoying vomiting spasms have made it hard for him to sleep.  I keep telling him that it’ll make him feel better but he’s harder to persuade than a cat on wash day and about twice as violent.”

“Sam…coughs…we have to go,” Max said as he opened the car door, sneezed immediately afterwards, and then slammed the door again.  

“Well, don’t worry,” the Geek said.  “Today’s my day off, so I can make sure that he sleeps or at least make sure he doesn’t leave the house.”

“This will be the most dangerous task of your young life,” Sam said as seriously as he could.  “Are you prepared?”

“Don’t worry,” the Geek said pulling her suitcase of supplies up.  “I came prepared.”

“Good, because I have to do this job to pay for Max’s medical bills,” Sam said as he walked over to Max’s side of the car.  “I hate to leave him, especially like this, but what choice do I have?”

Sam opened the door while carefully avoiding the vomit on the ground and found Max sitting inside.

“Are we ready to go?” Max asked impatiently.  “Or do you want to stand there and talk like someone who has no place to be?”

Sam quickly wrapped the blanket around Max so that it restrained his arms and then hoisted him under his arm.

“Hey!” Max yelled while flinging about his legs wildly as Sam walked back to the front door.  “Put me down!  Put me down!  Put me down! I can fight you stupid, flea-bitten mutt!  Just put me down!  Cough!”

“I’m sorry, little pal,” Sam said.  “This is for your own good.”

“That’s what all the bad people say to justify the bad things they do.  Cough!  Cough!”

“Thanks again for doing this, Geek,” Sam said while walking through the front door.

“Yeah, yeah,” the Geek said while opening her suitcase on the coffee table to reveal all the robotics inside.  “Just remember you owe me later.”

“Be careful around the couch,” Sam said.  “Max has only left it to use the bathroom.”

“I’m way ahead of you,” the Geek said as she put on a gas mask and sprayed disinfectant all over it.

Max continued straining his sore throat and yelling while Sam quickly made it to Max’s room.

“No, Sam!” Max yelled as Sam opened the door to the room.  “Don’t make me go in there.  It smells like disinfectant and roses.  It’s going to make me sick!”

Sam turned on the lights revealing the still shiny clean inside of Max’s room.  The walls were dazzling white and bare from being stripped of posters and too horribly boring to look at.  His floor whose rug had to be torn up and replaced with hardwood was offensively clean since all his precious hazardous waste had to be removed. The furniture had to be replaced, too. He had a new bureau of clothes he never wore, a clean closet with more of the same, a bed with clean sheets and a clean pillow, a nightstand with a lamp and clean comic books, and a TV on a TV stand full of videogames with a cleaner game console.  His equally clean bathroom somehow managed to outshine it all. The only thing cleaner was the window that let in the sunlight.

“Oh, the horror!  The horror!  The horror!” Max yelled.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sam said.  “The Geek’s robots did a great job in here.”

Max grimaced as Sam laid him down gently on his bed.  

“You’re a traitor, Sam,” Max said as he freed himself from his blanket, laid back on his pillow, and writhed about in pain.  “I can’t believe it.  Betrayed by my own best pal!”

“Max, you are being more annoyingly childish than usual,” Sam said.  “Instead of sulking, what you need to do is get better so that you can be fighting fit.”

“I’m gonna die of boredom, Sam,” Max said waving his hands around in expression.  “What am I supposed to do all day?”

“You can sleep or watch anything you want on our unidentified streaming service,” Sam said as he turned on the TV.  

“I can’t bear it, Sam,” Max said as he latched himself onto Sam’s arm.  “I need action or I will go mad!  Mad, I tell you!  Absolutely bonkers!”

“You need your rest, Max,” Sam said pulling the rabbit off his arm by the scruff of his neck and placing him back on the bed.

“I can’t do it,” Max said wretching in nausea again before Sam managed to pull out a garbage can for him to vomit in.  “You’ll die without me.  I need to be there to help you.”

“Now, now, Max,” Sam said as Max threw up for the thirtieth time that day.  “This mission I’m going on will not be that exciting.  It is going to be very boring and routine I assure you.  I will finish it up, collect the money, and come back here to nurse you back to health. I promise.”

Max pulled his head out of the garbage can and said, “It’s not fair.  I don’t want to be alone.”

“You will not be alone,” Sam said pulling out the container of Max’s dreaded medicine, unscrewing the lid, and pulling out a pill.  “The Geek will be here to give you anything you need and keep you from escaping until I get back, but until then, you need to get better.  Now, before I leave, take your medicine.”

“I am not taking the pill, Sam,” Max said crossing his arms and turning away.

Sam pulled on his ears, making Max scream so that he could toss the pill into his mouth and forced him to swallow it.

“That was ethically questionable,” Max said as Sam pulled out a glass and went to the bathroom to fill it up with water.

Once he did, he placed it on Max’s bedside and said, “It was for your own good, little pal.”

Max’s head started spinning again and he said, “Oh, God, I’ve been roofied.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sam said as he walked over to the window and pulled down the blinds to block out the sunlight.  “I don’t think the doctor would try something like that.  On you, anyway.”  

“Do I really have to stay here?” Max whined.  “The doctor doesn’t have to know I left the house.  Couldn’t we just both agree not to tell her?”

“No can do, Max,” Sam said tucking his little rabbit friend under the covers.  “You’re too sick to fight, and in our line of work, that’s dangerous.  But it’s okay, you’ll feel better soon and be back to fighting baddies in no time.”

“In the meantime, I just have to stay here and try not to chew my arm off out of boredom,” Max said as he stared at his friend.

“That’s the spirit, little pal,” Sam said as he got up and walked to the door.  “Now, be a good boy for the babysitter while I’m gone.”

“No promises,” Max said as Sam turned off the lights.

“Pleasant dreams, Max,” Sam said as he walked out the door shutting it behind him.

There Max was, sitting there alone facing at least several hours of absolute boredom.  The horror!

 Max quickly ran out of things to do.  

He tried escaping through the backyard but the Geek’s robots dragged him back before he could get too far. He tried flushing himself down the toilet, but the Geek stopped him there, too.  To make matters worse, she made him bathe again and brush his teeth.  

The effort exhausted Max enough to make him stay in bed and sip his glass of water that the Geek set up a sensor in so that a robot would come and refill it for him when it was empty. Because of the meds, he didn’t feel like throwing up anymore, but the lack of nausea made him only more able to focus on how bored he was as he sat there with his pillow fluffed up against the back of the bed so that it could support his sore back.

He had already played all his videogames and read all his comics before and did not feel like touching them again.  He tried catching up on TV, but after watching one episode of “Cops,” Max was all caught up and was facing absolute boredom once again as he stared listlessly at the screen.  

That is what he had been doing all weekend, but before, Sam was there to keep Max company.  Now, he was detained in his room while Sam was out fighting crime.  It was unfair.  Sam shouldn’t have forced him to stay behind all alone.  He wished he could get him back for leaving him.

Max shrugged off the thought and pulled out his unidentified smart phone to call his other not incarcerated family members and friends while practicing shooting holes in his ceiling. Oddly enough, none of them answered so Max called the Geek instead.

“Hi, Geek,” Max said in his sore voice.

“Max, would you stop shooting the gun?” the Geek asked.  “Some of us have work to do.”

“But I’m using the bullet holes to recreate the Mona Lisa.  You would not stop an artist at work.  Would you?”

The Geek rolled her eyes and asked, “What do you want, Max?”

“I’ll level with ya,” Max replied as he continued work on making Mona Lisa’s smile.  “I’m bored.  Would you mind coming in here to keep me company?”

“I can’t.  Sorry, Max, but Sam said you were contagious.”

“I do have a winning personality.”

“Your flu, pea brain.”

“Come on.  I am bored off my ass in here.  Can’t you send a robot in here for me to practice firing on or just talk to me on the phone?  No one else will answer my calls or talk to me.  I’m going to go looney in here.”

“You need to sleep, Max. No one’s answering your calls because they want you to sleep.”

“How do they know I’m sick?” Max asked as he stopped firing his gun.

“Sam told them.”

“WHAT?!”  

Max ended the call and used his remote to pull up their unidentified streaming service in a huff. He saw that a new season of their favorite show had just been uploaded and had an idea.  He smiled.  It was time to get his revenge.  

Max picked up his phone and called Sam.

“Hey, Max,” Sam said. “I take it from the fact that you’re calling me that you have been unsuccessful in your endeavor to fall asleep.”

“YOU TOLD EVERYONE NOT TO ANSWER MY CALLS?!” Max yelled.  “What the hell is wrong with you, ya bastard?!”

“That, I did, Max. You need to rest and so I told everyone on your contact list not to talk to you if you called so that you would.”

“You know I can’t stand boredom, Sam.  Why would you do such a horrendous thing to torment my poor, little psyche?!”

“It was for your own good, little pal.  I don’t want anything to distract you from sleeping.”

“You keep saying those words.  I don’t think they mean what you think they mean.”

“Look, I hate to leave you hanging, little buddy, but I have work to do.”

Max cackled evilly and said, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Why not?  What’s going on?” Sam asked in growing fear.

“Because I have a certain show up on our unidentified…”

“Max, that joke stopped being funny in the last chapter.”

“Alright, I have a certain show pulled up on Netflix that just released its new season today.”

“Oh, no!  You don’t mean…!”

“Yes,” Max said as his voice grew louder and more psychotic.  “The new season of Attack on Titan!”

“Oh, no, you fiend!  What are you doing?  You’re not going to…”

“Yes, I’m going to watch the new season without you and spoil everything when you get home! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Sam thought quickly. He got out of the call section of his smartphone and pushed the necessary buttons while Max continued laughing in the background.  When Sam was done, the error message came up on the screen of Max’s television and logged Max out of Netflix.

“What?” Max said at a whisper since the evil laughing took out most of the voice he had left.  “What did you do?”

“I changed the password of our Netflix account,” Sam said proudly.  “Now, you won’t be able to watch a damn thing until I get home. Isn’t modern technology a wonder, Max?”

“If I had the voice left to yell, I would.”

“Would you like to continue this argument via text then?”

“Yes, please.”

Sam hung up and sent Max a text message, “I know you’re angry at me right now, little pal.  I also know that it is no doubt due to your delirium caused by a combination of lack of sleep and a high fever affecting your brain.  You need to listen to me and rest so that you’ll feel better.  I miss working with you, and I want you to come back to fighting villains with me.  So, what do you say?  How about you rest now and argue with me later?”

Max responded by sitting back against his pillow, turning on the regular cable, and sending Sam angry face emojis repeatedly while watching TV and sipping his water.  

After about five minutes, the Geek came in wearing a surgical mask with a large robot following her and said, “Hey, Max.  Sam says you are getting on his nerves, so you’ve lost your phone and TV privileges.”

Max quickly pulled out a dry erase board and marker from one of his desk drawers.  He participated in the conversation by writing replies on it and holding it up so the Geek could see it.

“Why?” Max wrote.

“Because of what we’ve been saying all along,” the Geek said while her robot picked up his TV and carried it out of his room.  “You need to sleep, Max.”

“Why are you on his side?  Everyone has betrayed me.  I am fed up with this world!”

The Geek walked over and plucked Max’s smartphone from his hands and looked in his drawers until she found his charger.  Once she did, she handed Max a tablet.

“Sam said you could use his Kindle to read some books if you got bored,” the Geek said.  “Try to sleep, Max.  We really do just want you to feel better.”

Max responded by rolling his eyes and facing away from her.  He drew on his dry erase board as the Geek sighed in frustration and refilled his cup of water one more time.  When she was done and about to leave the room, Max turned back around and coughed to get her attention.

The Geek looked at Max to see that he had drawn a picture of himself giving the middle finger and a written message that only said, “To Sam.”  Max smiled in pride as the Geek took out her phone and took a picture out of amusement before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

Max laid back in his bed and decided begrudgingly to read something on the Kindle until he could fall asleep.  He flipped through the books, most of which he had already read, until he found something that caught his attention.  Max read that something until the fatigue of a sleepless weekend gradually caught up with him and finally made him fall asleep.

 Max woke up a while later. He sat up and looked around and realized one thing immediately.

“Hey,” Max said in a voice that wasn’t sore.  “My voice is back.  I don’t feel dizzy, cold, or nauseous anymore.  I’m all better, and like a dumbass, I’m not going to question it at all! Yay!”

Max hopped out of bed, opened the door, and skipped out of his room in happiness.  As he skipped, he noticed the sunlight pouring in through the windows of their den and his best friend doing something in their kitchen while wearing a trench coat oddly enough.

“Hey, Sam,” Max said happily as he walked up to him.  “I’m all better.  Check it out. I can move around without feeling like I’m about to die.  Isn’t it great?  I can go back to work!”

“That is great, Sam said in a weird monotone.  “I have made food.  Will you not sit down to eat it?”

“Um, okay,” Max said in confusion as he pulled up a chair and sat at their table.  “Are you feeling alright, Sam?  You’re talking kinda weird.  You sound more boring and uninteresting than you normally do.  Did something happen?”

“No, nothing of the kind, buddy,” Sam said in a voice that was livelier and almost suggestive while he put a mug of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal in front of Max.  

“Alright then, how did the case go?” Max asked between sipping the coffee.  “Have you solved it yet?  Please tell me that you haven’t and that there is still someone we need to beat up. All that rest has restored my energy for mindless violence.”

“Don’t you think you should use that energy for better things?” Sam asked while resting his hands on Max’s chair.  

“What are you talking about?” Max asked as he turned around to look at him while eating from the oatmeal bowl in his hands.  “What could be better than giving my energy to fighting the scum of New York’s bowels? Besides, playing videogames, that is?”

Sam tore off his trench coat to reveal a bondage outfit that looked exactly how Dr. Frank-N-Furter dressed in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” movie and splayed himself on the table. Max’s face froze in horrified shock and dropped the bowl he was holding onto the floor.

“How about giving your energy to me, lover…boy…?” Sam asked as he reached towards Max who just then regained his senses.

Max slapped away his hand and jumped backwards onto the floor while pulling out his luger.

“Stay the hell away from me, impostor!!!!!” Max screamed while aiming the gun at Sam’s face.  “Who are you?!  What have you done with Sam?!”

“I’m right here, little buddy,” Sam said getting off the table and walking towards Max who walked backwards with every step Sam took.  “You don’t need to be afraid of me.  Why don’t you put that gun down so we can have some real fun?”

“No,” Max said in terror as he backed away to the door.  “You’re not him.  There’s no way…”

“Believe it, senpai,” Sam said walking suggestively in his high heels.  “It’s me.”

“No, you’re not Sam,” Max said finding himself backed against the couch.  “You can’t be.”

“You have psychic powers, you sexy beast,” Sam said as he crouched down so that he would be eye-level with Max.  “Read my mind and see for yourself.”

Max remembered that Sam was right and did what he said.  He was right. All the memories were there.  It was Sam, but he was very clearly altered.

“Oh, my God,” Max said in horrified realization as he trembled uncontrollably.  “It is you. There’s something wrong with you, buddy. Someone’s messed up your brain!  Can’t you see that?  Snap out of it, Sam!”

“What is there to snap out of?” Sam asked as he leaned in closer and closer to Max’s face.  “I think you need to snap into some things if you know what I mean.”

Max used his telekinetic powers that he just remembered he had and slammed Sam into their fridge causing it to fall on top of his legs.  Sam howled in pain.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Max said as he ran into the kitchen.  “You left me no choice.  Now, stay here and try not to die while I find some help.”

“Please don’t take too long,” Sam said looking lewdly at him while lying on his stomach in complete composure.  “The anticipation is killing me.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Max screamed while he threw open the front door and quickly ran out of the house and into the driver’s side of the DeSoto.

Max locked all the doors and noticed that there were phone books for him to sit on underneath him. He also noticed that there were boxes of ammunition, a car charger and his phone in the shotgun seat right next to him.  

“What is going on?” Max asked himself in increasing panic.  “Why is the world so convenient all of a sudden?  Whatever, it doesn’t matter.  I have to break Sam’s trance.”

Max moved his right hand to twist the key in the ignition, but inconveniently, he realized there was nothing there.  

“Looking for these?” Max heard Sam say.  

Max looked up to see Sam posing on the hood of the car while waving the keys around.  His legs were fine.  Max’s eyes grew wide with terror.  

“The car would not be my first choice, but I’m willing to be flexible, you little devil, you,” Sam said. “I’ll just let myself in.”

Max screamed at the top of his lungs as he jumped under the wheel, used his telekinesis to rip open a hole, and pulled the necessary wires together to hot wire the car.  He then jumped up and used his powers to push the gas as he backed up the car down the driveway quickly, throwing Sam off the hood.

“Never did I think I would be so grateful for my family’s delinquency,” Max said to himself as he put the car in drive and drove down the street as fast as he could while he saw Sam get left behind in the rear-view mirror.  “Don’t worry, Sam.  I’ll get to the bottom of this.”

                     “You’re sure that you have no idea what I’m talking about?” Max asked incredulously on his phone as he paced up and down the roof of the DeSoto which was flying in the air due to his telekinetic abilities.  “I have certain incriminating photographs ready to be presented in a court of law that say you do.”

Max listened to the response on the other end and said, “Uh huh.  Uh huh.  I see. Well, I guess you’re off the hook for now, but I’m watching you.”

He hung up the phone and crossed his arms as he looked out over the horizon with the wind blowing through his ears.  

“Damn,” Max said. “None of our enemies have any idea what I’m talking about.  I’m out of suspects.  Now, what am I supposed to do?”

He sighed as he jumped onto the hood of the car and laid back on the window to think some more. From up there, Max could see the highway underneath him and the city up ahead.  

“Your vehicle is flying dangerously close to the city!” Max heard a loudspeaker voice said.  “Land your vehicle now!”

He turned around and saw a helicopter flying next to him with a man in the doorway holding the loudspeaker.

“I repeat!” the man said. “Land your vehicle now!”

Without a word, Max sighed, pulled out a canister of tear gas, and threw it into the helicopter, where it unleashed rainbows, flowers, and other harmless magical things that filled the passengers of the helicopter with happiness.

“What the hell?” Max asked himself in confusion as they all prattled along happily.  

He climbed back into his car in a panic to try his other weapons.  Max threw a grenade at them that exploded into cotton candy.  He fired a bazooka that shot out some ice cream in cones that the pilot and passenger caught in their hands.  Then finally, he tried his luger that shot out multi-colored paint balls that hit the man in the doorway and made him smile.

“Why, thank you, citizen!” the man in the helicopter said in a disgustingly happy tone.  “You are quite thoughtful.  Please enjoy the rest of your flight and avoid hitting the buildings up ahead.  Okay?”

The helicopter flew away and left Max alone in his confused thoughts.  The world was not making sense.  It normally never did, but today, the world was in rare form.  Something was off, and it was only getting worse.

“What is going on?” he asked himself.  “First, Sam is time-warped into being a sexual degenerate, then all my stuff is appearing out of nowhere, and now all my weapons are child-friendly.  Nothing is making sense.  The world is going crazier than it usually is and I have no Sam to help me.  What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?!”

Max slapped himself in the face to make himself calm down and said, “Calm down and think.  What would Sam say?”

“Cheer up, little pal,” Max said talking like Sam.  “There has to be some explanation for why the world around us seems to be more bizarre than it usually is.  Sure, we have no weapons and no idea where to start looking for answers, but we need to keep our chins up.  A solution shall surely present itself eventually.  Why don’t we talk to the Geek and see what she says?”

“Hey,” Max said switching back to his normal voice.  “That’s a great idea…. Wait a second, that is what I was already doing.  You’re no help, Sam!”  

Impulsively, he made the car move like a rollercoaster in between the buildings of New York City. Max smiled as the car went up quickly and did somersaults in the air while holding himself in place with his seat belt.

“Yeah!  I don’t know why I never thought of flying the car before,” Max said out loud as he set the car right side up again.  “There is more space up here, no traffic, and great radio and phone reception.  The only setbacks are the birds you occasionally must avoid.  Hey, Sam!  How about we do this more often?  Sam?”

He looked at the seat next to him and remembered that he was alone.  Max used the bazooka to give himself an ice cream cone to munch on until he finally found the Geek’s lab.

                Max found the Geek’s lab and landed the car in the parking lot in front of it.  He noticed how hot it was as he climbed out of the window and ran across the hot concrete to the door.

“Geek?!” Max yelled as he swung the door open.

The lab was eerily silent. Max shut the door behind him as he began to look around.  It was much bigger than the lab that the Geek had in their basement when she was a preteen and was usually brimming with activity and noise.  The fact that nothing was happening was more than unusual. It was a clear sign of something bad.

“Geek?!” Max yelled as he started running around.  “Geek?! Where are you?  Geek?!  We have a problem!  Sam is brainwashed!  He thinks he’s the sweet transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania!  We have to do something!  Geek?!”

The Geek heard an odd squeal as he ran past one of the rooms in a random corridor he ran through.  

“Geek?!” Max said as he slid to a stop.  “Is that you?”

The squealing continued as Max stood on his toes to look through the window and saw Geek’s red hair.

“Geek!” Max said opening the door.  “Thank the Maker!  We have a problem.”

“So, do I,” the Geek said turning around the reveal her body.

She now had the body proportions of a stereotypical anime woman.  She was unrealistically skinny and tall and her breasts were disproportionately large.  Her eyes were also huge.

“Jesus Christ, Geek!” Max yelled in surprise.  “What happened to you?!”

“I don’t know,” Geek said struggling to keep herself balanced.  “Strange things have been happening since I left your house today. I don’t know how you’re healthy but I’m happy you’re here.  I need your help.  Where’s Sam?”

“That’s the problem. I woke up from my nap and I felt all better, but Sam was a complete sexual deviant.  Someone’s brainwashed, him.  He’s completely not himself.  And almost as bad, my weapons have been changed to be…NON-LETHAL!  It’s like someone’s changed everything.”

“Oh, no!  It’s worse than I thought.  Someone really has altered our reality!”

“Altered our reality? What are you talking about?  I thought only God and Donald Trump had the power to do that.”

The Geek sat down on her computer and pulled up the picture of her invention.  

“Not anymore.  My invention could do it.  It was a machine with the ability to alter reality, the most powerful invention I’ve ever made,” the Geek explained.  “I made it with the intention of altering the environment to stop global warming, but someone has stolen it and used it to evidently alter the reality of our lives instead.”

“But who would do such a thing?  Who would have the balls and why?!” Max exclaimed.

“I wish I knew.  I came back here after leaving your house and found my invention gone.  Not long afterwards, this happened.  Now, I look like a model and feel like my IQ is dropping by the second.  I don’t understand the Theory of Relativity anymore. I shudder to know what I will forget next.”

“No, Geek!” Max said as he jumped on top of her lap and grabbed the collar of her shirt.  “You can’t leave me!  You can’t change!  You have to help me save Sam!  I can’t do this on my own!”

“I’m trying, Max,” the Geek said as her voice started to grow more high-pitched.  “But I feel like I’m losing my intellect and turning into an offensively dumb woman stereotype.  If only I knew where the thief altering the world could be, I know I could figure it out, but I feel like I’m struggling not to become someone I’m not, even though I’m still me.  It’s weird. It’s almost like I am being written differently.”

The last sentence rang around Max’s brain as everything finally clicked.  He blankly ahead as everything came together in his mind.

“Max, what is it?” the Geek asked noticing his vacant expression.  “Max?”

“I know what’s going on,” Max said grabbed the Geek’s hand.  “Let’s go, Geek!”

Max took off running back to the entrance with the Geek being pulled behind him.

“Max, what is going on?!” the Geek yelled.  “Where are we going?”

“We’re going to face the idiot responsible for this,” Max said as he threw open the door to the Geek’s lab only to face a raging thunderstorm outside.  “I know who’s responsible, Geek.  I know what’s going on.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I am not following you, Max!” the Geek yelled while Max pulled her to the passenger’s side of their DeSoto.  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.  Slow down!”

“Get in the car, Geek,” Max said while he slid across the hood to the other side and opened his side of the car.  “I’ll explain everything on the way!”

The Geek climbed in the car, and they both shut the doors behind them.  Max, noticing that he still didn’t have keys, pulled apart an interdimensional tear to grab them from his kitchen table and then pulled it shut.

“Max, what did you just do?” the Geek said as she began to panic.  “Tell me what’s going on right now.”

“It’s as I thought,” Max said twisting on the ignition.  “I’m the Mary Sue.”

“What’s a Mary Sue?” the Geek asked.

“The ridiculously overpowered main character with inexplicable abilities,” Max said as he started driving the car quickly down through the streets and up into the sky with the help of his telekinesis and jet boosters that spontaneously appeared on the back of their car.  “It’s a trope in all bad fan fiction.”

“Fan fiction?” the Geek asked as Max climbed into the back and opened another tear which opened into a room filled with weapons.  “Max, what do you mean?”

“You mostly deal with all that academic stuff, so it’s no wonder you don’t know about it,” Max said while he reached in and carried out all the weapons he could.  “But it’s something I see all the time since I spend so much time on the internet.  Fan fiction is any story that fans write about the fandoms they’re interested in. Sometimes, they’re good, and sometimes, they’re terrible.  In our case, it’s terrible.”

“In our case?” the Geek said while Max closed the tear and she held onto all the brain power she had left. “Do you mean that someone has rewritten reality to represent a bad fan fiction story?”

“Exactly,” Max said turning on the windshield wipers as quickly as they would go.  “It is the only explanation that makes sense if you think about it.  Most bad fan fiction has two things in common.  First, the rules of the story’s reality make no sense.  I got better and have godlike powers out of nowhere.  The weather and all my weapons also changed on a whim.  Second, the story’s characters are written all wrong.  Neither you or Sam are acting normal, Geek.  Think about it.  If someone really stole your reality changing machine, then only they would have the ability to change you two so drastically.”

“So, the world has been rewritten to resemble a bad fan fiction,” the Geek said.  “I can change everything back if I can just hold onto my memories of how to do it long enough.”

Max opened another tear and pulled out a notebook and a pen before shutting it again.

“Quick, write down everything about how to shut the machine off!” Max said as he handed the materials to the Geek.  “And buckle up.  I hate to sound clichéd, but this ride is going to be bumpy.”

Max rolled down the window and climbed onto the hood of the vehicle.  The wind and rain were blowing into his face, but his telekinesis managed to hold him in place.  He pulled open another tear and pulled out a portal gun from Aperture Science lying on the floor and surrounded with blood.  Max shut the tear as a turret was beginning to aim at him.  

“Max!” the Geek yelled. “Where do we go?  Do you know where the machine is?”

“Yeah!” Max yelled while firing a portal on the stone side of the tallest building he could see and then climbing on top of the car.

He looked until he could see his target and then he fired.

“I only know one fanboy who’s nerdy enough to write fan fiction about us and smart enough to get everything so perfectly wrong,” Max said while flying his car through the portal on the building and out through the portal in the carnival yard in front of the fun house.  “Lorne.”    

        “Have you written everything down, Geek?” Max said as he finished magically putting all his newly found weapons into the circular silver time-stopping piece he had on his arm.

“Yes,” the Geek said after writing her final sentence.  “I can just barely remember how to carry out the instructions, but we have to hurry. I feel tempted to binge watch MTV.”

“Good, because I have been looking forward to this for a long time,” Max said jumping out of the car into the pouring rain, slamming the door, and grinning from ear to ear.  “I’m going to enjoy this far more than I should.”

“I’m glad you’re excited,” the Geek said sarcastically as she followed behind him.    

“Don’t worry, Geek,” Max said as he pulled open another tear.  “You know the plan.  I distract him and you get the machine.  What could possibly go wrong?”

“Famous last words,” the Geek said rolling her eyes as she ran up behind him.

“I’m glad you still have your refreshingly honest sarcasm.  Hold onto that.”

Max climbed through the tear and pulled the Geek in behind him before closing it.  

The tear led to the inside of the deceptively large fun house where Lorne made his home.  They turned a corner and saw Lorne in his living room bowing to the shrine of Sam and Max.

“Oh, great Saint Steve Purcell!” Lorne prayed.  “Please look upon with favor what I do tonight!”

“Who’s Saint Steve Purcell?” the Geek whispered to Max while Lorne continued praying.

“I have no idea,” Max whispered back.  “He sounds like a nerd.”

“There’s my machine,” the Geek said pointing over to the other side of the room where her device was sitting on a small table.  “You better create your diversion now.  I just forgot what antidisestablishmentarianism was.”

“I never knew what that was,” Max said pulling a yellow ribbon out of the air and wrapping it around her hand much to the Geek’s confusion.

“What is this for?”

“So, you don’t freeze too when I do this.”

Max used the circular device attached to his arm to stop time all around them.  Lorne was frozen in front of his shrine so they could do their work.

“Alright, whatever,” the Geek said while Max extended the ribbon as far as he needed to and the Geek ran across the room and pulled up a chair so she could use her device.

Max could hardly contain his excitement as he wrapped the ribbon around his wrist and ran in front of Lorne.  He pulled the first machine gun out from behind the time stopper on his arm.  

“Are you going to kill him?” the Geek asked from across the room.

“Probably,” Max replied. “But don’t worry your pretty little head, Geek.  You can simply reverse what I’ve done if I feel bad about it later.”

“Max, you can’t…”

Max caused the ribbon dissolve subsequently causing the Geek to freeze in place.

“I’m sorry, Geek,” Max said with a wide, psychotic grin as he prepared his gun.  “I have been waiting for this opportunity for too damn long.”

Max fired all the bullets out of his machine gun at Lorne’s back.  The bullets froze in time before they could reach him, but that didn’t matter. Max laughed maniacally as he ran around unloading his weapon in all the possible angles he could.  When the gun was empty, he threw that gun to the side and pulled out another weapon to do the same thing.  Max unloaded every weapon he had onto Lorne to make him pay, not just for what he did to Sam and the Geek, but for how much of a pain he had been in their lives.  All the kidnappings, all the ravings, all the crimes they had to stop him from doing, all the problems he caused, all the moves, all the restraining orders, all of it. Lorne had been such a nuisance in their lives, and the only reason Max hadn’t done this sooner was that Sam had always stopped him.  Now, he wasn’t there and Max had the power to do whatever he wanted.

Max finally finished unloading all the ammo on his final weapon and stopped to take a breather. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and breathed hard.  Max looked at satisfaction on the scene that was so full of bullets that Lorne could not be seen anymore.  Max’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much.  When he finally caught his breath, he turned time back on and waited in anticipation.

But instead of the bloodbath he was hoping for, Max’s look of glee turned into one of terror as all the bullets that he fired simply turned into paintballs when they hit Lorne. The Geek quickly unfroze and got to work on changing the machine’s settings while Lorne still didn’t notice she was there.

“You’re here!” Lorne said happily turning around covered in paint.  “I knew you’d come.  You’re so smart and so clever.  I knew you’d figure it out.  I just knew it!”

“What the hell have you done?” Max demanded holding up his empty gun as a threat.  “Why have you messed up the world?  What is going on, Lorne?”

“The Friend for Life!”

“Shut up!” Max yelled at the invisible chorus.

“That gun won’t work, Max,” Lorne asked as he picked up a towel and cleared away all the paint.  “All weapons are harmless now.”

“Dammit,” Max said throwing his gun to the side along with the others.  

“It’s just one of the many things I have done to make the world better and improve the lives of you and Sam!”

“What?  What are you talking about?”

“You two have worked hard for such a long time and what do you have to show for it?  You drive an old car, you live in practical obscurity, and you’re stuck in a crappy house…”

“Hey!” Max said crossing his arms.  “That’s not true.  We’ve moved up in the world.  We have a vintage car, a small but loyal fanbase, and a crappy house where Sam and I can finally have separate rooms and bathrooms.  See?  That’s progress!”

“But you deserve so much more!” Lorne said running up to Max and shaking his shoulders.  “You deserve to be rich and famous.  You deserve to have the best of the best this world has to offer.  You deserve all that and more!  That’s why I’ve waited for an opportunity like this for so long.  That’s why I changed reality to make you more marketable so you two can finally become popular!”

“Too make us more marketable?” Max asked incredulously as he snapped his fingers and teleported behind Lorne so that he had turn back around, looking away from the Geek.

“Yes, I’ve done research. Gun violence is a big problem in this country, so I have made guns harmless.  People now like heroes who can fight without them.  They also like everything being convenient so I made that happen, too.  I rewrote Sam’s personality to make him homosexual since campaigning for gay rights is a big deal now.  I figured if you were a gay couple then more people would like you.  And I made you all powerful because people love superheroes. Don’t you see.  Everything I did I did for you.  I just want to make you popular.”

“Then, why did you change the Geek?”

“I want a girlfriend. I’m so lonely.”

Max scowled in disgust and then snapped back into a psychotic smile in response to everything he just heard.  He used his telekinetic powers to raise himself up so that he was floating above Lorne’s eye level.

“Three things, Lorne,” Max said as he floated closer and closer to Lorne’s face.  “First, I have nothing against people doing whatever lovey dovey crap they want.  It’s gross and I don’t understand it, but whatever, I don’t care.  However, that’s not what me and Sam are.  We’re best friends, brothers, two halves of one psycho. I don’t know what you call it, but we’re not in love.  I don’t swing that way, neither does he.  Second, we have gotten as far as we have because we have stayed true to who we are, not because we gave into whatever trend was popular at the time or because we changed ourselves to be more marketable, but because we’ve been ourselves. If we ever become popular, that’s great, but if not, we’re fine with being ‘obscure.’  Either way we go, we’re going to get there by being ourselves. Third and finally, I appreciate the unlimited power, but if you really thought there was a chance the rest of this shit would fly with me, then you shouldn’t have made me the Mary Sue or brainwashed the only person who could possibly stop me from beating your face in.”

Max pulled out his portal gun from his time stopper and shot a portal underneath Lorne and above him so that he was falling infinitely.  After about a minute, Max shot a portal on the wall across the room.  As Lorne was hurdling towards him, Max landed and stomped his feet into the ground to earthbend a stone wall for Lorne to smack into. He then used airbending to fly himself above Lorne.  

“Gomu, gomu, no, pistol!” Max yelled as his arms stretched out to punch Lorne repeatedly.

He stopped punching and looked at his work while gravity pulled him to the ground.  Lorne was still moving, a little bit.

“Now, for my next trick, watch me get banned in Europe!” Max yelled gleefully as a white skull mask around his eyes, a red scarf around his neck, and a black leather jacket on his arms appeared out of nowhere.  

He grabbed his mask and pulled it off his face pulling his skin around his eyes off with it and screaming, “PERSONA!  God damn! That hurts!”

Max’s skin and white mask rematerialized as a ten-foot-tall, black jackelope with demon wings, red eyes, and large fangs materialized above him.  

“Sick ‘em, Maximus!” Max yelled as Lorne flipped himself over and stared Max down in fear.

With that, Maximus jumped on top of Lorne and proceeded to claw him apart mercilessly.  

Max snapped his fingers and teleported next to the Geek.  

“Isn’t that overkilling?” the Geek asked gesturing to the jackelope attacking Lorne.

“More like underkilling,” Max replied.  “How close are you to changing everything back?”

“I’m just about done. Just in time, too.  I couldn’t remember how to do it again.”

“Then, is there no way you could change everything back except me having these powers?  I’m having the time of my life.”

“I just told you, Max. I can barely remember how to change everything back.  I am not going to try to mess with anything else.”

“Bummer, I guess we can simply make adjustments later…Ahh!”

Max felt himself lose control of all his limbs.  He was pulled through the air towards Lorne with his limbs pinned to his side.  The Geek was pulled over in the same way.

Lorne then quickly poked multiple points on Max’s body.  His outfit, his time device, her persona, and his powers disappeared while Lorne still held him suspended in the air.  Max hung limp.  He was now completely paralyzed.

“What did you just do?” the Geek asked fearfully.

“I knew you would take advantage of your powers,” Lorne said excitedly to Max.  “I just knew you would, so I gave myself powers, too.  I healed myself and used my waterbending abilities to bloodbend you and my chi blocking to block all your powers.”

“Wait,” Max said snapping back to life.  “Have you watched or read ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’ or ‘Legend of Korra?’  You can’t use bloodbending and chi blocking at the same time!”

“I can in this story!” Lorne said happily.  “I really hoped you would go along with it, Max.  What I’m doing is making you popular!  I can’t believe you would refuse such a blessing!  Well, I hate to do this, but if you don’t want to become popular, then I’m going to take matters into my own hands.”  

Lorne stepped up to the Geek and kissed her on the lips.

“Ewww!” Max yelled in disgust.  “Get away from her!”

“Why would I want to get away from him?” the Geek said in an enamored voice with a mind that was not hers. “He’s my sweet baboo!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Max screamed at the top of his lungs as the Geek was put back on her feet and hanging on Lorne’s arm.  “Wake up, Geek!  This isn’t you!  Snap out of it!  I don’t even think you have any romantic feelings.  Stop it!”

“It’s no use, Max,” Lorne said turning around and ripping open a tear.  “I used a mind-altering kiss to finish taking over her mind. She’s in love with me now!  I have a girlfriend!  Woo!”

“You’re a sick bastard, Lorne!” Max yelled at him angrily.  “I hate you.”

“You’re saying that now,” Lorne said.  “But you’ll thank me later when you’re popular.  This is for your own good, Max.”

To Max’s horror, Sam in his leather outfit from earlier jumped out of the tear.

“Hey, sexy!” Sam yelled.

“What are you doing, Lorne?” Max asked nervously.

“Maybe your mind will change once you’ve tried it out,” Lorne said.  “They say to not knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.  You just need to do the same thing.”

“Please, Lorne!” Max yelled. “Don’t do this!”

“Come to me, my love!” Sam yelled running to Max, swinging him around in his arms, and leaning in for a kiss.  

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Max yelled as everything faded to black.

        When Max regained his senses, his eyes were shut and his body was being shaken violently.  As he came to, he feared the worst.

“Max!” Sam yelled. “Max, wake up!  Max!”

Max’s eyes opened to see Sam hovering over him in his bed.  His clothes were normal, but Max was not fooled.  Sam pressed something wet and cold onto his forehead as Max’s eyes darted around and his right hand felt around for his luger.

“It’s alright, little pal,” Sam said calmly.  “You were just…”

“STAY THE @$*& AWAY FROM ME, YOU PERVERT!” Max’s sore voice screamed as he hopped up and pulled his gun in front of Sam’s face letting the washcloth fall onto the bed. “I don’t want to have to do this, but I will if you give me no other choice.  Now, bring Lorne in here and let me finish him off before I have to do the same to you!”

“Max, what in the hell are you talking about?!” Sam yelled back as he straightened himself up on the bed. “What’s gotten into you?!  You’re not still mad about earlier.  Are you?!”  

“Don’t come any closer, you brainwashed zombie!” Max yelled as his whole aching body shook with fear. “I know what you’ve done to me and I won’t let you do it anymore!  Try to kiss me again and you’re dead!”

“Cool it, Max.”

“Stay back!”

Sam fell on top of Max to wrestle the gun away from him.  It was easier said than done, but after less than a minute, Sam was sitting on top of Max’s legs and held his arms down while Max was thrashing about and screaming with everything he had left in his horrified frenzy.

“I DON’T WANT TO KISS YOU, DUMBASS!” Sam yelled in his face to be sure he got the message.

“What?” Max asked quietly in confusion while Sam got off him and sat up again.  “You don’t?”

“Of course not,” Sam said. “Why the hell would I want to kiss you?”

“But before, weren’t you trying to make the moves on me?” Max said noticing suddenly that his head was aching again.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, little buddy,” Sam said pulling a tray of soup up from the floor. “But the doctor said that since you’ve gone all day without throwing up again, you needed to try to eat.  I made you some chicken noodle soup.  It’s the thin stuff, so it shouldn’t be too hard on your stomach.”

“But Lorne brainwashed you!” Max said.  

“What?”

“It’s true.  I woke up and I was all better so I went to the kitchen to see you but you were dressed like Dr. Frank-n-furter and all you wanted to do was go all the way with me so I used my telekinetic powers on you to try to break your legs but it didn’t work so I took the car and ran away…gulp…”

Sam had taken the opportunity to put a spoonful of soup into Max’s mouth since it was open.  Max simply swallowed the food and continued as if nothing had happened.  He didn’t even care that Sam had snuck another pill onto the spoon.

“I used my telekinetic powers to fly the car in the air and called all our enemies but none of them had any clue about what I was talking about then the cops showed up in a helicopter and I threw tear gas at them and tried all my other weapons but it turned into rainbows and other magical, happy crap and they let me go…gulp…I flew the car all the way to Geek’s lab and she looked like an anime character and was losing her genius IQ…gulp…I figured out that it was Lorne’s fault and that I was the Mary Sue with unlimited power to do anything I wanted like create tears through time and space because he had stolen the Geek’s reality-changing machine and changed everything to make the world resemble a bad fan fic…gulp…We went over to his place to kick his ass and I stopped time and tried to shoot him with all the guns I found in a tear I made but it turns out that he made it so guns didn’t work and he changed everything else to try to make us more popular with the general public…gulp…so while the Geek tried to fix the machine I gave a badass speech about the value of being true to yourself and then fought him with my mystic powers and it was amazing…gulp…I used my portal gun and earthbending and airbending and my Devil’s fruit stretching abilities and my Persona to beat him up…”

“Why didn’t you just stop time again and use your telekinesis to break his neck?” Sam asked while filling the spoon with soup.

“I don’t know,” Max replied before Sam stuffed another spoonful of soup into his mouth.  “But it turned out that Lorne had superpowers, too…gulp…He used waterbending to heal himself and bloodbending on me and the Geek while I was distracted talking to her…gulp…Then Lorne used chi-blocking so I was paralyzed and couldn’t use my powers and a mind-scrambling kiss to make the Geek his girlfriend and then he opened a tear and brought you in so that you could…romance me into making me your gay lover…gulp…You leaned in to kiss me and I passed out before you could actually do it and now I’m here…gulp…Don’t you remember any of it?  Where’s Lorne?  Did the Geek change the machine back…gulp…?”

Sam used his hand that wasn’t holding the spoon and placed it on Max’s forehead.  

“Your fever is starting to go down,” Sam said.  “Finally.”

“What?” Max asked pulling the hand off.

“Little buddy, I hate to break it to you, but none of that happened.  Lorne is in a mental institution, the Geek is her normal self, the machine doesn’t exist, you don’t have any more superpowers and have not left the house since this morning, and I would rather lock lips with the corpse of Bette Davis. At least, I know where that’s been.”

“So, you’re saying that it was all a nightmare?”

“Yep, I came in here to check on you and you were yelling in your sleep.  You have clearly been the victim of a nasty fever dream caused by a combination of your high fever and your insomnia.”

Max sat there frozen for a second but then his normal psychotic smile returned to his face and he said, “Oh, thank God!  I’ve never been so happy to know that I was experiencing a figment of my demented imagination.  That was one of the worst dreams I’ve ever had…gulp…”

“Worse than the one where I become an elder god?” Sam asked while filling the spoon with soup again.

“I said one of the worst, not the worst…gulp… I mean some parts were alright, but at the beginning and especially at the end, everything went straight to hell.  What is that stuck in my arm?”

Max just noticed the IV that was attached to his left arm.  

“The Geek thought that you weren’t getting enough fluids so in lieu of sending you to the hospital I authorized her to give you this IV of saline,” Sam said.

“Oh,” Max said before suddenly jumping off the bed and running to the bathroom pulling his IV behind him.  

“Max, what’s the matter?” Sam said as he got up and followed him.

“I have to go to the bathroom, nosy!” Max yelled before slamming the bathroom door in Sam’s face.

Sam walked back across the room and sat back down on Max’s bed.  He noticed his Kindle sticking out from under the blankets and picked it up to look at it.  Sam turned it on and found what Max was reading when he fell asleep as Max flushed the toilet.

“Wash your hands!” Sam yelled.

“Fine!” Max yelled back as he turned on the sink.

When he was done, Max opened the door, rode back to his bed on his IV pole, and sat down.

“I think I know what inspired your dream,” Sam said showing the Kindle to Max.  

“What?” Max asked looking at what he was showing him.  “You mean your collection of bad fan fiction.  I wondered what that was doing there.”

“I keep a stash of it on my Kindle to read when I’m having trouble falling asleep.  Usually, the writing is so absurd and boring that it knocks me right out.  It looks like it had bad side effects on you, little pal.”

“I guess so.  That’s the last time I read crack pairing stories while I’m trying to sleep.”

“These fans can be so silly with all their preposterous pairings and relationships.  It seems that they’re so obsessed with sexual intercourse that they don’t know how beautiful platonic friendship really is or any other relationship for that matter.  It’s no wonder they all struggle with loneliness.”

“Yeah,” Max said not annoyed for once at Sam’s tangent.  “If it’s all the same to you, I would like to take a break from sleeping for a while.”

“That is quite alright,” Sam said pulling out a large bottle of water for Max to drink from.  “You’ve been asleep since this morning and it is now the evening.  Oh, that reminds me!  I have a surprise for you!”

“What?” Max said taking the bottle of water from him.  “Is this water actually vodka?”

“You don’t even drink, dough head,” Sam said while Max unscrewed the lid and started drinking. “I found a suspect for the case. Evidently, he’s friends with the housekeeper who rearranged the commissioner’s sock drawer.  I haven’t been able to get him to talk yet so…”

“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET ME GO!” a distressed voice yelled from their den.  “I’LL DO ANYTHING.  JUST PLEASE DON’T LET THAT QUARANTINED RABBIT COME IN HERE!”

“You brought home a suspect for me?!” Max asked as he jumped up in joy.  

“Yes,” Sam said while Max’s smile grew wider and wider and Sam pulled out a surgical mask and tied it around Max’s head.  “The man’s a complete germaphobe, so I told him that if he didn’t cooperate I would take him to my severely ill partner.  Well, he wouldn’t budge so I figured that since you couldn’t leave the house to fight crime then we could fight crime from right here.”

Max shed a few tears and surprisingly jumped into Sam’s arms wrapping his arms around his neck in a big hug.

“Thank you so much! I’m sorry for being a jackass earlier,” Max said unexpectedly.  “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.  I love you…platonically.”

“You crack me up, little buddy,” Sam said hugging him back.  

The two let go of each other and Max said, “Now, just let me take off this IV.”

“Leave it in,” Sam said picking up the tray.  “It makes you look more deathly ill and ravaged by your illness.  It’ll really scare the crap out of him.  Besides, the bag is only half-empty and those things are expensive.”

“Alright,” Max said wrapping his blanket around his shoulders and picking up his water bottle as he prepared to get up.  “So, what’s the plan?”

“No, climb on my back,” Sam said turning his back to Max.  “It makes you look weaker.”

Max climbed on and Sam opened the door and walked out with the tray in one hand and another hand around Max’s IV.  

“The plan is that if he doesn’t answer my questions then you take off the mask and breathe on him,” Sam said while Max was shaking in excited anticipation.  “I’ll go to the kitchen to drop off the tray and you can warm him up for me.  I handcuffed him to the couch.  You know what to do…Here, he is!”

“No!” the frightened suspect said.  “Keep that sick creature away from me!”

“I’m not that sick,” Max said before he started coughing extra dramatically.

“You won’t catch what he has if you cooperate,” Sam said while Max hopped off his back and leaned on the suspect affectionately.  “Warm him up for me, Max.  I’ll be back as soon as I drop off the tray in the kitchen.”

#samandmax #sam and max freelance police #antishipping

[noirenambu]

EMERGENCY: TWO TRANS PEEPS IN A HOSTILE/DANGEROUS LIVING ENVIRONMENT!!!

My husband (@evios) and I are both FTM. We moved to Florida because his mother had passed away, and his father wanted us here because he was lonely. We thought it would be a mutually beneficial move, since Evios is the only child, and his dad wanted family nearby, and we thought it a more financially stable location, where we could begin to generate some revenue. But. As things have been so aptly put. It has all gone to pot. The house we are living in is in absoloute ruins. Worse than we could have imagined. There is dust grime and gook everywhere. Dishes that were put away as clean are covered in filth. The entire place is in disrepair. And while normally with a bit of elbow grease and hard work one could clean it... there are cats, everywhere. And I do mean, everywhere. My husband's mother had 11 cats before her passing. We knew it was animal hoarding, but couldn't bring ourselves to break her heart and take them from her. We thought now that she is gone, his dad would potentially be reasonable, and allow us to give some of them away: Some of the animals have rashes and abrasions, partial or near total hair-loss. Several of them are vomiting. And all of them are infested with fleas. The entire house is infested with fleas. So much so that on our first night, upon entering the house, we were immediately bit and needed to spray and vacuum the room to even go to sleep that night. against our best efforts to begin cleaning (mopping vacuuming dusting wiping, vacuuming again) we are still being bitten, and now my cat I brought with us from Idaho has fleas too. This is a never-ending cycle unless we remove some if not all of the cats from the vicinity. However, attempts at opening negotiations with the very idea of giving even some of the cats away have been disastrous. Evios' father is temperamental and belligerent. After stubbornly refusing to admit that there is anything wrong with the situation, he became angry and volatile. After which, he refused to look at us or speak to us in any way for two entire days, until we apologized to him. At which point he stated that he would not give the cats away under any circumstances. Additionally, as if things couldn't be any worse... while my husband’s father was referring to him by the correct name and pronouns before moving back, he has inexplicably regressed back to using the wrong name and pronouns. Which is also a serious blow to Evios’ mental state of health...

Please. We cannot stay here. The situation is unlivable. Unfortunately... we spent nearly our entire life's savings to come here. We are nearly $3,000 dollars out of being able to turn right back around and go home. Our moving pod totaled in at $2,400. Our pod has ALL of our life's belongings in it. Clothes, food, my main computer, pots and pans. EVERYTHING. Our entire LIFE is in there. All we have is $700 dollars. The flight will be around $800-$900, and we still need $250 for our cat, which means we are about $500 short for just our flight alone. I really hate to do this, as I know I already have a queue, but I am going to try and open for emergency commissions. But these emergency comms WILL be finished as immediate priority. As I do not have access to my full supplies, I will largely only be able to take on traditional work; I have my inks and markers. Commission prices can be found here: http://noirenambu.deviantart.com/journal/Commission-Info-600160122

GoFundMe is here:https://www.gofundme.com/g3hfgr-emergency-flight-home

Contact me for commissions. Inbox is always open or e-mail me at [email protected]

#FTM #Transgender #Transgender issues #crowdfunding #gofundme #commissions #trans people #support #emergency #please help

[seren4moonjongup]

🌸🌸🌸🌸 fluffy pillows, fuzzy socks, laughter, soft kisses, bubble baths, warm hugs, fae 🌸🌸🌸🌸

I just answered fuzzy socks!Fluffy Pillows: What happened in your most recent dream?I think I was hanging out with Jongup of B.A.P? I usually am haha. I got a parcel from a friend too! I’m actually still waiting on said parcel as we speak uwuLaughter: What’s the funniest joke you’ve heard?Oh god I don’t know. I’m really easy to crack up but I think it still stands by the story my Gran once told me about when she worked in a toy shop and this guy came in with a Yorkshire Terrier. Anyway she gave it a fuss and asked it’s name.Turns out it was called ‘Flea Bitten’. Soft Kisses: Describe your OTPOh this is adorable. Well my OTP are a couple where one won’t let the other live half the time but…they’re a soft pairing really. Please give them lots of love uwu my otp is daeup

Bubble Baths: Your favourite memory?LOE 2016 in London. That concert was magical, I cannot forget it. I’m still emotional about it and it’s been over a year.Warm Hugs: Who would you love a hug from right now?Anyone! I love hugs. Hug me please. Honestly two of my friends from discord, one being @junixing and the other being @o-takutrashFae: Describe yourself as a fairyVery small with a dark teal set of wings and black hair probably uwu I’d grow my hair out again to be a fairy.send me soft asks and I’ll answer

#asks #thank you <3

[folatefangirl]

Mormon girlhood and illusions

As a wee one, I was fascinated by a lot of mythology. Mainly Norse, Greek, Roman, and a bit of Native American and Celtic traditions. In a lot of these stories, there was a trickster of some sort, an animal or deity who was not what they seemed and quite happy to provoke authority, such as Loki, Gwydion, crows, or foxes. 

I liked these stories not only because they were entertaining, but also because, in some ways, I felt like a trickster myself: an illusionist and a girl through which others projected their “Molly Mormon” confirmation biases. A lie. 

(”How did you feel about going to church on Sundays?” a curious Mormon once asked me.  “Like I was wearing a mask, or that we all were wearing masks,” I responded.)

Looking back, I try to laugh a lot about the things people mistakenly thought of me. If I can laugh at it, I can’t fear it. I can stop fearing, even years later, the judgment and whispers and stares that held me back from doing whatever the hell I wanted. 

So what was funny about being a non-believing girl in a Mormon family? Plenty of things, I tell you:

- Modesty: People assumed that I was quite modest because I dressed in matronly hand-me-downs and hardly spoke up. I promise you, my lack of makeup and crap clothing was because I didn’t have money to spare, not because I didn’t want to wear makeup or nice things. I’m probably dating myself here, but I would have killed to dress like a Lolita girl or Amy Lee when I was twelve. Also, I didn’t speak up much because a) I had and still have moderate social anxiety and b) I didn’t have much to say in Sunday School when my brain was wandering off and thinking about Harry Potter or dreaming up stories 95% of the time.

- Singing: It wasn’t because I really liked to sing all those brainwashing songs, but because it was a quick way to appease Mother and also to vent some of my musical-loving energy. (I still love musicals and show-tunes to a degree that can embarrass the people who know me IRL. That hasn’t changed. The content of the musicals and show-tunes is decidedly less innocent, though.) (Also: Over half the time when I was in Church I mouthed the words and no one caught on.)

- Scripture know-how: First of all, I’m a religious literature/mythology nut. See above. To me, it’s not about believing in it as much as enjoying the literary/sociological value. So in some ways, reading the Bible and memorizing passages was no problem because I had good recall and enjoyed showing off. It was easier than Algebra. Also, reciting passages, in my mind, was a bit like the quote books I kept while I read novels and poetry. (I’m a nerd, okay. Religious nerdery is A Thing.)

- Lack of flirting: It wasn’t that I didn’t want to date; I’m really that awkwardly oblivious. I’m better than I used to be, but my go-to for hitting on someone still tends to be like: “HEY I REALLY LIKE YOU MAYBE WE SHOULD GO OUT.” (Subtlety in dating/reading people is not one of my strengths.)

-  Lack of swearing: Well, now I’ll swear like a fucking sailor. But when I was younger, I wanted to swear creatively, like the characters in Tamora Pierce’s or Brian Jacques’s or Terry Pratchett’s books. I wanted to be a big nerd and be clever about it (obnoxiously so). So calling someone a “bird-brained, flea-bitten, featherbag fraud” wasn’t nice, but technically allowed, so I got away with it. 

- A love of nature walks and hikes: I’m pretty sure this is where my fascination with Neo-Paganism began, as well as biodiversity/conservation. So even though the intention was incredibly misdirected, thank you to my creepy cult for encouraging that, I guess? 

- My point being: They got me wrong. Very wrong. And in retrospect, it’s hilarious to me how wrong they were. (Even about the kinds of people I like, though I won’t get into that here.) When I left, I tilted the earth sideways for those who mistakenly thought they understood who I am, but to me, it was the most rational decision I have ever made. 

To summarize this for my readers who have never been Mormon or never interacted with it much or my readers who have left or are thinking about leaving their cults: You are who you are, and that is a living, breathing human with an extensive collection of experiences and identities under your belt. People may misjudge who you are, and that’s okay. People may project what they want onto you, but you don’t have to stick with it or even make it a part of your identity. I hope you get to a place where you feel comfortable being who you actually are. (Assuming that you are safe at the same time. I hope you’re safe.) 

Furthermore, it’s okay to find a lot of it funny. Cults are funny, in a lot of ways. Meddling and horribly oblivious authority figures are very funny to me. Comedy is a form of power over something, so feel free to laugh and not take it so seriously all the time. (I know we ExMos can get quite angry and I understand there’s stuff we shouldn’t sweep under the rug, but I think it’s valuable to see the humor in it, too.)

TL;DR: As a Trickster, I wasn’t the uber-religious girl people thought I was and I still laugh to myself about it sometimes.

#personal #memoir #long post #exmormon #ex-lds #post-mormon #exmormon humor #ex-cult #revise later #cinnia says stuff

[escape-from-reality-reads]

Pharalynn’s Challenge: Part 6

Formerly known as Assassins Creed: Protection

Part 1 //  Part 2 //  Part 3 //  Part 4 //  Part 5  // Here

Word Count // 1956

By the time we entered Masyaf Altair had gotten some of his pride back from our scuffle, and when we reached the stables he stopped to look over his shoulder at me. "You said that you know what is to come."

'That is correct.'

"So you know what the Master is hiding from me."

'Correct as well.' I dropped my eyes and sighed. 'I know what you are going to ask, and I can't tell you. Just know that you are right to question his motives.' He nodded before leading the horse into it's stall and heading towards the castle, thinly veiled anger behind his eyes and movements.

As he reached the masters desk I laid down on one of the stone pillars. "I sense your thoughts are elsewhere. Speak your mind."

"Each man I kill speaks cryptic words to me. Each time I come to you for answers. Each time you give me riddles in exchange, but no more."

My ears perked at the boldness of my charges words and I purred in satisfaction. "Who are you to say no more."

"I'm the one who does the killing. If you want me to continue talk straight to me for once."

Mualim started to pace in irritation and Altair snuck a glance at me, uncertainty gracing his features.

I sat up and nodded. 'Stand your ground. You hold the tools he needs. You have more power in this situation than him.'

He nodded slightly, acknowledging my words. "Tread carefully boy. I don't like your tone."

"And I don't like your deception."

"I have offered you a chance to restore your lost honor."

"Not lost, taken, by you. And then you sent me to fetch it again like a damn dog." Al Mualim grabbed his sword from his desk.

"It seems like I have to find another. Shame, you showed great potential."

"I think if you had another you'd sent him long ago. You said my questions would be answered when I no longer needed to ask it, so I will not ask, I demand you tell me what binds these men!"

Mualim sighed. "What you say is true. These men are bound by a blood oath not unlike our own."

"Who are they?"

"Non nobis domine a no nobis."

"Templars."

"Now you see the true reach of Robert de Sable."

I tensed at his name a growled softly. "All of these men; Leaders of cities, commanders of armies."

"All pledge allegiance to his cause."

"Their works are not to be viewed on their own, are they? But as a whole, what do they desire?"

"Conquest. They seek the Holy Land, not in the name of God, but for themselves."

"What of Richard? Salah Hadean?"

"Any who oppose the Templars will be destroyed. Be assured that they have the means to accomplish it."

"Then they must be stopped."

"That is why we do our work, Altair. To assure a future free of such things."

"Why did you hide the truth from me?"

"So that you might pierce the veil yourself. Like any challenge; knowledge proceeds action. Information learned is more valuable than information given. Besides, your recent behavior did not instill much confidence."

"I see."

"Altair, your mission has not changed. Only the context in which you perceive it."

"And with this knowledge I can better understand those Templar's which remain."

"Is there anything else you wish to know?"

"What about the treasure Malik retrieved from Solomon's Temple? Robert seemed desperate to have it back."

"In time Altair, all will become clear. Just as the role of the Templar's revealed itself to you so will the the nature of the treasure. For now take solace that it is not in their hands, but in ours."

"If this is your desire."

"It is. You are restored another rank. Take back your weapon, use it to bring honor to the brotherhood, and before you go," Mualim paused, leading Altair to prompt him.

"Yes?"

"How did you know I wouldn't kill you?"

"Truth be told Master, I didn't. I took a leap of faith."

The elder man nodded and moved to his window, prompting the two of us to leave. Once we do we head out of the castle with no one asking Altair to train their apprentice, thankfully, and head out towards Damascus.

"Thank you for the advice. It helped me follow through." I angled my ears towards him, but said nothing and kept my eyes on the dirt path.

The horse slowed and Altair dismounted before standing in front of me. "You have been quiet since we left. What is wrong because you are not the same cat I was attacked by."

I lifted my head, sighed, stood up, and shook. 'You're right. Hearing Sable's name threw me off my game. I'm alright.'

Altair stood there for a second before nodding and mounting the horse again. 'Thank you, Altair.'

"You are my guide. I can't have you distracted."

'The old you would have yelled at me to get back on track. He also wouldn't have questioned his mentors motives even if he thought they were wrong. You have changed during these past few days.'

"Change is not always good, Kallie."

'That is true, but in this case it is. You have grown up, Altair. Changed from a headstrong child to a man who can see past the words he is given to see closer to the truth.'

Altair looked back to me. "Thank you."

'Don't get me wrong Altair. You're still headstrong.'

He cracked a small smile. "Alright Kallie."

'And stop calling me Kallie. She is dead.'

"Then what do I call you?"

'You're a smart man. You'll figure something out.' Altair nods and spurs the horse to a gallop towards Damascus.

"Altair, my friend, welcome welcome welcome! Who's life have you come to collect today?"

"His name is Abu'l Nuquod. What can you tell me about him?"

"Oh the merchant king of Damas! The richest man in the city quite exciting, quite dangerous. I envy you, Altair."

I sighed before laying down at Altair's feet.

"Well, not the part where you were stripped of your rank, but of everything else. Oh, except for what the others say-" I jumped onto the table and growled, cutting his rambling of condescending praise off.

"I do not care what the others say. We are here to do a job, so I ask again; What can you tell me of the merchant king."

"Only that he must be a very bad man if Al Mualim sent you to see him. He keeps to his own kind, wrapped in the finery of the cities noble district. He's a busy man, always up to something. I'm sure that if you spent some time in the streets you'd learn more about him."

"And where would you have me begin my search?" The Rafik rattled off three locations before the two of us head out.

We makd it a few buildings before I spoke. 'You took his condescending tone quite well.'

"His words mean nothing."

'I'm just saying that if he had said something like that a few days ago you would have challenged him to a fight. It shows how much you've changed for the better.' His lips turned to a ghost of a smile.

"Let's get to work." I nodded and the two of headed towards the first destination, saving a few people along the way. Once we got there Altair interrogates the man preaching for people to follow Nuquod.

When the man finally decided money wasn't worth life he sung like a bird. He told us that he never left his chambers out of hatred for the people as well as himself. He also stated that he had celebrations so that he could look down on everyone. "What's wrong with him that he hides like this?"

The man laughs. "You'll see, now let me go."

"So you can tell him of my plan? I think not." Altair kills the man before we made our way to the next location. Once there another assassin gave us a map showing where Abu'l stationed his men around the castle and city.

The final man gave us information on how to get to our targets quarters by using an entrance through the back, and once all the information had been acquired we head back to the bureau.

Once we returned Altair told the Rafik all the he learned while I did the less noble thing of eating a piece of the mans jerky.

I was hungry and he was a bit of a dick. End of discussion.

Once Altair was granted his feather we headed off to help people around the town till it was time to kill Nuquod. When it became time we made our way to the palace entrance where I stopped, which made Altair look back to me with confusion. "Why stop? We have a job to do."

'On the streets I stand out, and I'll do more so in there. This one you must do on your own. There is no time to waste.' I look up up the arches surrounding the opening. 'I'll wait up there for you to return once Abu'l is dead. Good luck.'

Altair nodded and went inside while I climbed to my perch to wait. It didn't take long for Altair to walk out of sight and I began to pace atop the arch, telling myself that Altair had been doing this long before I arrived, but I couldn't help but worry about my first charge. It only took a minute for the screams to begin and have people run for the entrance, only to be stopped my Nuquod's men.

I jumped down and slashed a man's throat before leaping to another and doing the same to his eyes. I quickly landed and hissed at the few remaining men, making them run and allowing the civilians to run out onto the streets. I barely got out of the way of being trampled before going to return to my perch, but am grabbed from behind.

I yowled and tried to land a blow, but the man quickly placed me into a cage before locking it. I continued to yowl and spit at the man, hoping that Altair found me before I was skinned for profit.

"let her go."

I stopped my caterwaul and turned to see Altair walking towards where the man had me contained. "An assassin protecting a flea-bitten feline? How you have fallen."

"My business is my own, now, release Shifra or die." The man growled at Altair before he opened the cage.

Unfortunately for him I don't take kindly to being locked up, so the second the cage was open I lunged at his throat and ripped it out.

The two of us made it to the rooftops before stopping. "Are you alright?"

'Yeah. Pissed that I didn't hear him, but unharmed.'

Altair nods. "Let's head back."

I nod and we return to the Rafik. Once Altair informed him of what happened at the party, informing him about how the guests were poisoned, we headed out. Once we reach the horse I sit down.

"What?"

'So my name is now Shifra.'

"What about it."

'Nothing. just glad that I have a name now.' I jumped up onto the horse. 'Thank you for saving me.'  

"I can't let the creature that's supposed to guide me get killed now can I."

I curled up behind the saddle. 'Perhaps not, but  I am nonetheless grateful.' Altair nods before directing the horse back to Masyaf.

#Assassin's Creed #Altair #story #original character