#how the fuck to i handle having a crush

[witchspeka]

I love my girl Miwa but as soon as I read that this image immediately popped up in my head:

#HAVE SOME STANDARDS GIRL DAMN #i want this relationship to work out too but this aint it #how do we relationship #cine te a intrebat #uhmmm theres SPOILERS past this tag in case u care to read this yourself just a quick warning #i kid i joke but this scene fucks me up i like how this manga handles queerness. it shows how messy and painful it can be #like we already got a bit of that with sae and her relationship with sex but this mmmmmm this one i didnt see coming #imagine u work up the courage to confess to ur high school crush and she says she cant date you #not cause she doesnt like you. quite literally /because/ she likes you and wants to take ur relationship seriously and respect you #but she cant do that. because shes afraid of people finding out. of having to hide all the time. of being ostracised. she's tired. #she cant find the strength to do that. #the frustration of being loved but society denying you the possibility of being together... ill clown on Miwa (its very easy) but i feel bad #for her #gaud i need to sleep hai pa

[yardsards]

living in america is literally just like. yeah i could probably benefit from inpatient mental health services but honestly the resulting medical bills would just make me want to kill myself even more

#eliot posts #i'm not in active danger of hurting myself don't worry #just experiencing some Ideations #but i have a long mental list of reasons not to act on those ideations so i'm safe don't worry #ironically one of those reasons is ''i couldn't afford the medical bills for a failed attempt'' #suicide mention #suicide tw #tw suicide #american healthcare my beloathed #dogshit private insurance my beloathed #also ironically one of the (multiple) contributing factors towards this fresh wave of ideations is a medical bill i got yesterday #it's nothing too ruinous but it is A LOT like would utterly wipe out my savings level #my parents said they can help me with it (as much as i hate accepting things from them) #and as soon as i mentioned it my very sweet cousin just. sent me the money it would take to cover it #with a ''yeah i trust you'll pay me back once you get a good job like looking at your major you'll be making a lot eventually'' #and i've already requested an itemized bill as well as the paperwork for the hospital's financial assistance program #(tho idk how much assistance i'll actually be eligible for bc i'm still legally a dependent) #so hopefully i'll be able to get that bill cut way down #it's just eugh it's so stressful and i had a full on panic attack on the phone with my insurance company yesterday #and my brain's fav response to crushing stress is just ''well we wouldn't have to handle any of this if we Just Fucking Died! :)''

[iguessitsjustme]

Please enjoy my favorite moment from this episode

#step by step #step by step the series #step by step bl #despite my gifmaking skills #you can clearly see the moment her soul leaves her body #those brothers got her good #i think jaab was just waiting for jeng to show up so they could pull this and put this woman in her place #and the thing i love most about jeng #is that he did that for pat as his boss #not for pat as someone with a massive crush #jeng would have done that for any of his employees that had been spoken to that way #which is just another example of jeng being the mature relationship that pat needs #because put only tried to speak up because it was pat #put wouldn't have spoken up for any other person #but jeng? jeng knows his position and he also knows his personality and demeanor #he knows he can handle it and he does #in such a way that he let her know that he knew but also let her save face by letting her walk away and he didn't burn any bridges #that was the most professional fuck you i've ever seen in a show and i cannot express how much i loved it

[classicjdiesandgoestohell]

its interesting when ppl start discussing the experience u have had your entire life and calling it transphobic and stuff 👆 like damn ive been telling people this for years and now im rethinking everything

#the thing in question is saying you like everyone but cis men #ive been sayin this for many years. i just dont. or maybe i do but its such an intangible thing id never date one idk #but i saw someone discussing how excluding cis men others trans women (dont remember exact) phrasing and idk #i kinda saw their point #i still feel like i like everyone but cis men tho #i have had crushes on n dated cis girls transmascs n transfems #i dated a cis guy once but it was very.. if u know me u know i have obsessions with people and those can happen regardless of gender #it seemed to be one of those #before and after that cis men haven't even been in the question of attraction #maybe the fact i have one exception proves i actually do like them or something i dunno #ive also had the dilemma plenty where i want to just call myself lesbian but that sucks 2 any trans men i like so. i go back n forth on that #but i like to have some sort of warning sign on me that says If You Are A Cis Man Do Not Even Try To Date Me #bc cis men liking me irl makes me GAG dude i fucking cant handle it at all #the cis guy i dated was online so like. i could avoid the gag factor i think #but idk #that experience made me realize i could never ever date a cis man again which is classic lesbian expetience 77292929 #it is not for me! #lucky strike

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #keep being like. if Only i had talked to him sooner. if Only i had been Friendlier sooner. but its like #Realistically.... probably wasnt ready. and also like. itd have to happen after school was over anyway bc 1. um i need to focus on school #and 2. how Awkward if i asked him out n he said no. or say we broke up or soemthing #like there were weeks i saw him every day. aint no way... i could handle the awkwardness of that #so ok ok ok. everything is fine JFJFJKFKFKFMFMFMFMFMF #i just have to remember not to get in my own head about it #like if i wanna message him i just should..... #its just..... hhhhHHhhhhh whyd this have to happen to me at 29. i could have been a happy spinster thank u NFJFJFJFJJFJFJFJF #but now ik what having an actual crush is like and oh wow is it painful. but also beautiful n fun. i just...... and lets face it this is #more than a crush. like its definitely Like like but i dont wanna say the Real L Word bc it seems..... idk JDJDJJDJD #but ive definitely um.... fallen. ya. ew JDJDKDJKDKDKDKDKS #but im just gonna follow my gut or whatever the fuck has been guiding me bc things have worked out so far #and like it wouldnt have without his participation. like ya.... #im just like... what if he Forgets about me or like everything fizzles out #but then its like i Know if i see him again itll all come back. #bc in the summer i tried so hard to get over him (and kinda succeeded)... only to see him again in class and be like oh fuck oh no and the #n That Dinner. that was the final blow. i was so overwhelmed i got lost on the way home #which... the restaurant we were at is less than 10 mins from my house so you can imagine the uh Overwhelmingness #i cant even remember the original point of this but. i think we'll find a way ....... i say we but i should say 'i' bc until he tells me #that he likes me im gonna have to like Not Assume. hhhh #it doesnt help either that ppl were bringing up 'hes just not that into you' on twt bc Now im like #oh God. am i in that kind of situation???? i doubt it tho. i think hes just reserved. GAH. whatever happens happens

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

hi tumblr dot com im freaking out rn i forgot how fun it is to have a stupid silly little crush

#like relationships are fun but dear god i am NOT doing that shit again my attachment issues cannot handle it #not to mention how fucked up ive been the past month bc of getting broken up with #but like! just the crush part is always so fun bc you just get to be like #silly with it #yknow #just me rambling again #just got back from the sleep away camp i do every summer and i had a little camp crush this year #and like we were besties the whole week with one of our other friends the three of us were inseperable #and like. i think hes cute and obviously everyone got everyones contact info and im just #idk like i know it wont like progress or anything he has a girlfriend and im pretty sure hes straight? he did call me pretty boy tho #but either way like i said its the having a crush thats the fun part

[echoing-oursong]

I think I also figured out why I don’t particularly like any of the fanon queer ships. And that is because they have the potential to be sooo interesting and complex. However the fandom just turns it into the most blandest things ever. There is no drama between any of the gang and there is no complexity in any of the ships that are created. Byler is reduced to Will having feelings and the suspicion that Mike also loves him back. And El is just reduced to being the emotional support for the ship even tho her and Will have a sibling bond and Mike was her first boyfriend/love. Ronance is just reduced to two women in love without actually seeing that there would be problems there. And Steve is just reduced to the emotional support for the ship when Nancy was his ex and hurt him (unintentionally or not). And Robin is his best friend so he would feel hurt over it. Steddie is just reduced to two men being in love and they immediately get over their jealousy over each other’s friendship with Dustin. And no one ever touches the fact that Steve and Eddie are different from each other. It just seems like everyone just takes away from the complexity of the ships dynamic. And it really just seems like people will put anyone together without actually thinking about the problems/challenges that dynamic may have. Also everyone’s reactions are all just dandy and fine and they’re the emotional support group of the ship. Everything’s all perfectly fine when it would change dynamics between the Party/group in general. Also it lately seems like everyone just puts them together and gets mad when canon doesn’t do it. Like y’all created a version of stranger things in your mind and then got mad that it wasn’t what you imagined even though it’s never actually been that at all. Like you can be annoyed at the duffer brothers for certain things but don’t get mad at the creators when you created your own version in your head and a show that’s been on for years, never fulfilled your desire for what it should be.

#stranger things #gonna tag all the ships i mentioned sooo #ronance #steddie #byler #stranger things fandom #y’all really be yelling about how these ships don’t have enough content or writing on ao3 but like none of the actual canon ships have #any content #especially lumax like they barely get enough content as it is #it’s just really weird that fanon ships get more love than canon ships #especially the canon ships that are superior like lumax and jopper #also like ronance is way more popular than the person they have potentially set up to be robin’s crush/relationship #like it’s shown explicitly that Robin’s crush of Vickie also has a crush on her #and robin’s feelings for Vickie just gets pushed to the side cuz people can’t handle a main character who’s in love with a side character #look at how Dustin and Susie’s relationship is viewed: half the fandom forgets it exists even tho both suzie and Dustin are soo cute #I also genuinely wonder if people hype up these queer relationships so much that outsiders think that this is what they’re getting #when it’s not even close at all! #and also it’s weird that these ships are constantly riddled with them kissing or having sex when the majority of the characters are MINORS #THEY ARE FUCKING MINORS!! #the majority of the main cast is MINORS!! #legit Steve is the only one who isn’t but that’s not until season 4! #so like he’s barely even passing at all

[mejomonster]

Ridiculously depressed but I am running ragged (which is surely worsening the depression ToT) so like the idea of weekly therapy to further exhaust me and trigger the anxiety more doesn't sound super compatible

#rant #like. i havent eaten in 6 days im fucking miserable amd on edge. my gi issues are FUCKED right now #so i cant eat and im desperate To eat asap so i really hope my gi issues improve soon jesus fucking christ #anyway... on top of that which... homestly on its own is enough to destroy me emotilnally and exhaust me.... #i also am intensely deptessed a friend has like 5 crushes 4 dating options #i looked up advice today! oh no the spiral! i am considering paying money for a matchmaking service just so i can hate myself more i guess #when even that fails. i havent had a crush in 5 years either. i had like 3 crushes BUT they were married or aro #so i stopped my crush. so basically no crush on available for relationships peolle in half a decade. k feel broken #i looked up how to develop crushes today. google amd youtube apparently think its so rare to Not crush that theres no fucking advice #and then on top of it i have regular run of the mill anxiety. where i disassociate if im in public or around strangers. #which helps Me cope and i Feel great. as in not scared. but it means i dont talk well to strangers. #i try to. but i barely know what im saying and i dont see anyone i see them vaguely then block it out. and thats how i handle public. #and if i can manage to be present i need enough of a crowd i can hide. and if i see an attractive person i look away #cause i turn red and cant breathe. and im chicken i guess. so ur supposed to LOCK EYES with hot strangers and stare. but i need to PRACTICE #and then i also need to practice just. MAKING myself go places that make my anxiety shoot up horribly #and just sit and make myself stare at random peoplr and touch my skin and make myself endure being present. #then i have to do the same thing in public places i Like (which makes me more anxioud and in the past often resulted in panic attacks then #suicide attempts and self harm during said pamic attacks) so im not like super hype to endure that #and id rather endure it WHEN MY HEALTH IS SOLID ENOUGH I CAN EAT #because currently? me hungty? me in immense pain? even non anxiety inducing situatilns are shooting my stress level through the roof. #spilling coffee right now is making me feel like dying. just cayse im hungry and exhausted. i want to work up to 1. gi tract DIGESTING FOOD #PLEASE GOD SOON. 2. my back doesnt hurt so bad so i can STAND in public #3 stand in a nonthreatening public place like a bookstore or grocery store and stare at people #4 stand in nonthreatening place and stare at Hot people #5 attempt to enter a place in public i LIKE A LOT like a local hobby club. attempt for an hour if needed #call it a win if i make it to the doorway befote the panic attack hits. 6 attempt again at least standing IN FRONT of building 5 minutes #7 attempt again and maybr peak in and use bathroom so i can leave if im scared. 8 attempt again to enter building and maybe finally join #event i want to join. 8 attempt looking people in the eyes and remaining present at Location i like. #9 attempt looking pretty people In The Eye. 10 attempt saying hi i like your X #11 attempt conversation (if i got through all prior steps). which. this anxiety work could take 3-4 months minimum

[gatun-gatunesco]

#i went to a family party #all my cousins were there with they partners #even my brother that travel with us brings his partner #and of course they asked. how could they not? #i wanted to say half the truth to not fully lie by saying “oh she could not come” but they sure are hard to please with vage answers #and so i was forced to said “because she is my partner no longer” #the avalanche of questions was more of what i could handle emotionally and started crying #it has being a little more than a month since the separation and now all my cousins are saying “you will find someone else” #motherfucker i am grieving in here! my romantic relationship are long-term. there is not a way i can heal and forget in so little time #i wanted to marry her!!! for fuck sake #“she is going to regret and came back / in the future she may come back” #it was a one-side breakup. by her decision. and she had a crush who wanted to be intimate with #do you believe she will be back before doing something with him? i would not be so hopeful. I had rules to precisely avoid this #“you worth it” if i am. the ones i loved the most would not have left for someone else. it happend twice #i yearn for the day someone loves me and likes me for what i am without having eyes for anybody else. I know is possible because i do that #just want someone apply the same to me

[luvevee]

I wish all people who make fake pokemon cards and sell them under false pretenses a very fuck you

#literally what makes you advertise fake cards in a PRIMARILY KIDS ORIENTED FRANCHISE #and then you sell them to mainly kids like 'yeah this is definitely genuine just give me 50 dollars' #like bro it's so shitty #there's pirating stuff which is valid and then there's that garbage #you have any idea how crushing it is to discover you got duped and the card you got is really shitty quality anyways?? shitty #imagine a kid going through that #it's fucking garbage #like there are really grown adults going out there and doing that #idk just discovering one of my favorite cards in my original collection from kindergarten was a fake just now fucking sucks #and now im thinking of if i had realized it when i was a kid and i was way less emotionally capable of handling it #like bro don't do that #rosebud posting 💐

[clubolive]

I had to be terminally offline today because I was literally out of the house booked and busy for 12 hrs today so I couldn’t do my little intermittent posting of daily events so now u get a bulk one like a diary entry xoxo

-girlbossed so hard and STILL got my homework done

-free from my chains (boychick) and crush subscription is #DONE so we will return to normal posting on that front

-I think I’m going to join the campus rocketry team even tho I am litchurally an art and poli sci major but it sounds sooo fun

-GOT PULLED OVER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE BUT DIDNT GET A TICKET EVEN THO I WAS DRIVING W A BROKEN HEADLIGHT NO LICENSE AND MY TABS LOOK EXPIRED

Ok that’s all goodnight Im still booked and busy until the end of the week kisses to u all mwah

#girl online #genuinely not upset abt the crush thing not working out bc I was kind of annoyed w them anyways #AND IM SO FUCKING BUSY LIKE I REALIZED HOW MUCH I HAVE TO DO UNTIL THE ELECTION AND GIRLLLLLLLL #ITS ALOT. #like I don’t think I’m going to have a day where I can do nothing #which I’m not terribly worried abt bc I’m actually handling things well and delegating and stuff #I just have like a bunch of little things ya know?? #so like yah I’m out of the house 8am-9:30pm BUT I still have like breaks between things #where I can take a min and do homework but not enough time to fully melt my brain on social media the way I love to

[jemmo]

YOU CANT DO THAT TO MY SHIN NO NOT MY LIL BALL OF SUNSHINE SHIN

#minato get out here we need to have words #I’m a mess I can’t believe he just flat out rejected him #and shin took it so hard but so well that speech was beautiful I fucking sobbed #the way he held his face so gently and said he was the only person he’d ever love I mean COME ON #and them both crying like fuck I was just chanting in my head go after him go after him #but he didn’t and then I just cried more #i hate it here I just want my fluff back #but I get it minato is a perpetual coward that can’t face his feelings and shin makes him have to face them #and it fucking hurts that he chose cowardice over shin but fuck I get it #i get not being brave enough when shin is all boldness and forwardness and bravery it’s so much to handle and take in and accept #but fuck I hate seeing him hurt like that #and I hate even more that he took it with such sweetness and grace bc it shows just how much he adores and respects minato #respects his choice even when that choice hurts them both that’s fucking true love #and that’s what makes his feelings so much different to how minato feels for Sakuma #that’s the difference between a childhood crush and a true first love you’ll carry with you forever #oh god I love this show #minato shouji coin laundry

[mrfoox]

I'm going to struggle to sleep and get up tomorrow

Curse it all

#miranda talking shit #At one hand i liked the conversation i had with fabian and i think i got some answers to questions ive been wondering about but im also lik #Unpacking all this.... So much to unpacking and to be put in a folder in my head where does it all go... Still hate how #He hit me with the biggest ... Maybe in the universe and i can't deal with it. No I'd be relieved and accept an no fullstop but he had to #Add in the.... Idk actually lol i dont have a reference and i would like to know how it is crossing boundaries in our relationship #Whag the fuck man.... You really gave me the strongest 'i think youre into me and it worries me' and then nullify it with an 'idk how i #Feel sometimes id like to explore more' how am i supposed to... Handle that information... I had been going around telling myself #What he said to me 2019 is the way he still feels and me thinking he might think more is just me being paranoid but then yeah #What a clusterfuck. I mean to me it wont change anything in the broader picture no matter what i care for him ya know? But now thats... An #Whole other thing like. Should i try to act differently? Be more careful? Or would that be unfair bc then id do what he've been doing to me #I will quote him again 'miranda i think if both of us got an gf/bf at the same time this would solve itself' i joked and said he could find #Me one and I'll find one for him. But yeah i think that would ... Be a solution in an ideal world. Idk how to do anything man #At one hand i think he's overestimating how much he's on my mind but also its true. I spend a lot of my social time with him so obviously #I think about him? But i also have a reference on how i am... With people i have crushes on and who im in love with and how o think of thoe #Its just so scary to think about how i am his reference ... To... Well basically a ton of things... Im not a good reference unless you want #An abnormal reference. I guess im anxious I'll somehow ... Ruin him or something. This was a big conformation that i am his reference to #Women and close relationships with women and i am not made for that... Most feminine tjing about me is being sappy and giving compliments #And encouragement. Otherwise im basically like ... A dude. Guess it also scares me that he knows me. I know i know him but the fact its #Mutual is aw man... Being known is still a struggle. He wasmt completely wrong is his logic bc he knows me i think too much about people #And things. I understand im so anxious bc i care about him and im worried about losing him or pushinh him away but shit #Hes sleeping rn and is at peace with this probably. He doesn't dwell on it. He even said hes been thinking about this... Bc he began to #Think about what i could be thinking? So its not even his own thoughts but thoughts about whaf i could be thinking? ?? Whack and im likebro #Flattering that you go to that length but also... Literally what??? Cant tell if hes somehow projecting or if this is genuinely how he was #Thinking but damn. Boy does have some confidence at least? He's such an fool. I love him but holy shit he blows me away sometimes