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wonderloste · 1 year

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@londonfallen, cont. for reasons lmfao.

they are correct in their assumption he would turn sour from lack of holding their attention, even if only for a moment. and yet a worthy moment it would be, as the mirror they had seconds before touched shifted free from their reflection to display now the only source of true, colorful light in the prior dimly lit crevices of the altar's home. little by little, did the effect spread, like a spark lit by magic : as if running through string, black windows began to fill with soft color. the stained glass reflects on the floor, the walls. this is the theatre to which a sacrilegious horror grants alice his divinity, the very undivided infatuation he so craved. deserve is such a strong word and yet there is no utterance of disagreement from the bandersnatch themselves. were they to give voice to their thoughts, in fact, they would argue that he deserved far more than the mere gift of praise. soft is their hum, a deceptive mix of amusement and contentment : it is with a light heart they note he seems to touch them more familiarly and often than he had when he'd found his graveyard. so standoffish had he once been, but they are happy to give him the intimacy that he demands.

their head lifts to search his face, lips parting in coy consideration with narrowed eyes. so adept are they at dramatics, easily do their expressions match the thoughtless but love-stricken, albeit genuine, role they play. "devotee is not quite my aim though, is it? no, it's much more romantic than that. you are special, mi amor. such prayers," their free hand lifts to tap the tip of their finger to their bottom lip, "are not spoken for mere gods... there is a separation between the divine and you in my space, for you are so much more than any holy platitude words may weave, try as i may." it is difficult to tell 'neath the adoration in their eyes where heartfelt love translates to mirthful tease. such is who they are, but even still, heartfelt it is. they reclaim clarity lost, at last giving him the consideration he craves. a kiss now, from their lips to the crook of his neck, silas's head tilted by delicate fingers so they may do so. they speak 'gainst his skin, "querido ángel, restaura mi fe en el amor y la divinidad," and now moving away from his jaw, their fingers instead tug at wonderland's borrowed and buttoned garments, though only enough to be pulled so that they may instead place that chaste kiss directly 'pon his heart. his chest, so achingly warm against the ravenous bandersnatch, made of freezing nightmare. were he any other, they'd have eaten his heart : and perhaps, far less literally, they craved it still. "mi corazón está dentro de ti, a quien aprecio tanto." though they do not quite straighten their posture in proper, they do adjust to look up to him. "forgive me, silas, for i am weak. it's not mere devotion that i seek."

#londonfallen #ʚ o. in character ɞ ⁄ you’ll lose your mind wandering for hours‚ may even decide to start talking to flowers.#ʚ c. bandersnatch ɞ ⁄ you go down just like holy mary‚ mary on a cross : your beauty never‚ ever scared me.#how long do u think this one will take u #are u staring at ur phone rn waiting for this to post oh my god #ur such a loser #ʚĭɞ ― thread: handmade heaven ˊˎ-

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theloveinc · 10 months

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I also like the idea of Bakugo coming home from a long, overseas mission only for you to be surprised when you meet him at the airport cuz he’s twice as beefy and four times more scary looking.

#Bakugo #UGH IM IN A CAR so I can’t write this f*ck #but meeting him at the airport and being shocked he’s HUGE and a little bit shy abt it #and you take him home and are all quiet bc u think he wants to rest #meanwhile he’s all confused bc you didn’t seem so excited to see him? only gave him one measly kiss????#and knows he gained weight and is kinda… nervous u hate it #and when you get home you’re kinda creeping around him #and he just bursts out to ask if you’re not attracted to him anymore or found someone new #and all you can do is like whisper #‘I am so attracted to you right now I feel like I could d*e’#‘and I didn’t want to bother u after a long flight of other how wet my p*nties are’#and then u f*ck like animals for a whole week #gen #shii posts

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b4kuch1n · 2 months

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THEE audiodrama disguised as podcast

#sherlock and co #s&co #sherlock holmes #john watson #mariana ametxazurra #Ive been thinking abt these design SO much lmao. even while doing other things #decided to take cues from acd/granada more. hence sherlock's headband to mimic slicked back hair #and I went with Colors bc. well first of all Im a clown. but second of all I recall some stuff abt victorian fabrics and uh. the wonder of #arsenic green etc #they were enjoying the colors I can commit to some #and. okay Im so real with u Im also a long haired john truther bc he has a podcast of course he'd have long hair but #I think its gonna take a Hot minute. currently this is still like the slightly-grown-out regulation cut #john's jacket is bc he and sherlock are 90s kids. this was a moment of enlightenment to me. I can give john every windbreaker on earth #mariana gets the jean jacket bc I like to imagine she's a y2k kid #(sherlock I think is only 90s kid in year of birth that man's childhood was skipping class to burn shit in the wood)#(but he canonically sews which I fucking love so much. he has not bought new clothes for almost a decade #if a shirt's disintegrating no it isn't. not on his watch)#a lil sad I cant figure out how to give them hats lol I feel like thats the most victorian thing there is. a stupid hat #I can at any moment give one of them a beanie. but I refuse #there are. like a Hoard of other scribbly sketches I did to get used to drawing them. but those are for me those are not for the public #and also theyre in my sketchbook and Im too lazy to scan them #happened mostly during lunar new year lol. I was getting Hard whipped then thank u s&co for carrying me thru #ok I do other things now. have this for a while ok? thank u #have a good night lads. enjoy motion

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ink-the-artist · 1 month

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I love your artwork so much! Your colors are so vibrant and none of the white speckles in the paper ever shows, its so impressive and I really dig it! I was wondering if you use any sort of blending medium? Like baby oil or anything? Either way, I really enjoy looking at your artwork and I'm always excited to see whatever you'll make next

I use a colorless blender (prismacolor, which is wax-based so baby oil probably wouldnt work) but my scanner is also rly bad about picking up white specks in a way photographing the art with my phone isnt, so I usually have to do some digital editing to get rid of them as well.

I do this by duplicating the layer, setting the one on top to "darken," and using the mixer brush to blend out the white spots + just use the eyedropper tool to select the color of that area (needs to be a slightly lighter shade of it) and color over the white spots with the brush tool

i edited a small bit of the original scan to show what i mean

original:

with the edited layer:

heres how it looks set to normal instead of darken, I used both the mixing brush and regular brush just to demo it

#explanation is under the cut. post got a bit too long #u prob have to click the image for full resolution to rly see what i mean about the white specks showing up #i think its bc the scanner is meant to scan documents. so it picks up the white specks of paper very brightly #how much editing is done varies from piece to piece #ive thought abt listing 'digital art' as one of the mediums in tags for the more heavily edited art #where it looks significantly different than the physical drawing in front of me #but i feel like that might be confusing #art where i set out to do some mix of traditional and digital is tagged this way but im not rly sure where to draw the line tbh #the hunger wasnt edited in a way where it looks significantly different from the original (just a bit darker)#the scan is just dull and light bc my scanner is like that lol #so with editing that one i was mostly just trying to make it look like the physical drawing in front of me #u can tell by the 'layer 44' in the screenshot these take a lot of editing lmao #art help

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choccy-milky · 1 month

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bruh i need to vent about a rude comment i got on my recent chap and also about clora, cuz its something thats been on my mind for a while now. it has spoilers to my most recent chap tho so im putting it below

so in my most recent chap clora gets hit by the killing curse but thanks to seb sacrificing himself for her, it doesn’t work/she survives. and I got a rly rude comment about how that’s super cringe and that clora is a "shoe horning of every possible manifestation of Mary-Sueism I have ever seen." theyre dropping my fic after almost 500k words bc apparently THAT’S where they draw the line and that "just somehow pulling it out the bag and surviving a killing curse from the power of love. In simpler terms, it’s absolutely cringe worthy" and "forgive me if I rolled an eye at the yet again invincible nature of Clora Clemons-the-one-eighth-Veela-extraordinaire"

BUT LIKE LMAO TELL ME U DIDN’T READ/WATCH HARRY POTTER WITHOUT TELLING ME. that’s literally what happens to harry??but its only cringe when it happens to our "mary-sue" clora? like yeah sure love magic might be a bit cringe but IM LITERALLY JUST PULLING FROM THE SOURCE MATERIAL. of all the things to take issue with in my fic and interpretations, theyre taking issue with something that’s canon BAHAHA.

and since im on the topic of clora being mary sue can I just say I hate the misogyny/internalized misogyny that i've seen some people (NOT A LOT, THANKFULLY) treat her with. like i get it, im not pale and blonde and as conventionally pretty as clora is, but even if I was, is that a reason to hate me?? and does being beautiful and well-liked = mary sue? bc as far as I know, mary sue is a chara who is just naturally amazing at everything and doesnt need to try hard and theyre just inexplicably great for no reason (like mc in the base game BAHHAA) if anything the mary sue in MY fic is seb LMAO (but hes a boy so its ok). like clora has worked hard and studied magic all her life due to being a squib and wanting to make up for not being able to DO it. she isnt good at flying, seb is still better at her than duelling, shes really short sighted when it comes to doing/thinking whats best for others and can be a huge idiot.... and like. the only guys that have even shown interest in clora on a real scale have been seb and leander (and then lawley for blackmail purposes, and also bc he hates seb) so its not like literally everyone is falling over themselves for her?? like her interactions with the main cast of boys (ominis, garreth, amit) theyre all indifferent to her LMAO but still, the fact that shes pretty and guys here and there might look at her and go o shes cute! doesnt make her a mary sue SORRy thats just called being attractive idk its just annoying that ppl automatically see a nice kind beautiful female character without any VISIBLE flaws and go SHES TOO PERFECT!! MARY SUE!! WAH IM JEALOUS! and like I get it bc when I was younger I probs would have been annoyed by clora as well due to my own insecurities and internalized misogyny but hey, how about u just realize that’s ur own problem and your own jealousy, and not a real one HAHAH anyway ive since evolved bc I used to be a ‘not like other girls’ type girl back in highschool. trying to be super tomboy-y bc I thought being feminine was cringe and too basic but now ive embraced it and love girly things and dresses and charas like clora who are still strong and showcase their strengths and weaknesses in subtler ways, and I want to smooch her and make out with her. get behind me clora ill protect you🤺🤺🤺

#choccytalky #finally using that tag #tho its more like CHOCCYRANTY holy this is so long BHAHAHA #also one more thing idk why ppl think its ok to give unsolicited criticism to fanfic writers. like these are stories we're writing for US #and for free like u dont have to rudely declare how unhappy you are with it and that youre stopping. like what do u want me to do #do u want a refund?? BYE!! JUST GO!! like. i also wouldnt want unsolicited criticism or critiques on my visual/drawn art #and ppl understand that. so whys it so hard to understand ppl ALSO dont want it on their writing? both take effort #and giving actual valid criticism is a skill (which is why it was literally a CLASS when i was in uni)#i need a drink #and by that i mean COKE ZERO BABYYYYYYY #AND MORE DRAGONS DOGMA 2

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sacchiri · 29 days

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Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

#hellsing #alucard #kouta hirano #translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent #fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online #i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443'#but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands #the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake #anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool #if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first #and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf #i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia #then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point #but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page #and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. ....#i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh #the hellsing brainrot runs deep #also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491 #except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo #the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002 #which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out??#i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch #sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less #it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was #maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'

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swordheld · 6 months

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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3 #i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai #after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where #it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.

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fatuismooches · 8 months

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*kicks door open*

Saw that Dottore post talking in a different language in the middle of class. It will NOT stop me for brain rotting.

God he'd say everything and anything he wants to tell you in the language that attracts you the most and he'd laugh affectionately when you glate at him with a red face. He'd be SO teasing about it, calling you pet names you don't know the meaning of but he says it so sweet and tender that it makes ur heart beat so fast,, you'd see him leaving notes to you with lines of what it seems to be a poem and you dont understand at all, and the segments do it to you as well like!!! CMON 😭😭

They refuse to help you study the language bc it's not a collective thing they do and they all use so many different languages it makes ur head spin

IM IN SHAMBLES MOOCHES... THAT ANON GOT ME ON A FRENZY OF IDEAS IM CRYING GFAHGHGDHGRSAAGGHHHH

But imagine making ur own language just to level with dottore???? After learning it and developing it n becoming fluent, you burned all ur notes and documents of your own language and u watch him and the segments fume when you talk to him in a language he has never heard of

(Now imagine talking to a fellow harbinger with the said language, teaching them to further egg on him 🤭🤭🤭)

HCHKCHDOEHFOSIW this is kaiser and it's time for me to EXPLODE 💥💥💥

AHHUDWDWD THIS IS SO SO CUTE. IM BRAINROTTING SOOO HARD BEFORE CLASS UGHHH I LOVE THESE IDEAS😭😭❤️ He would be SO relentless with teasing you, you would literally have to BEG him to return to speaking in your native language because he is a monster ugh 😒😤 You would have no idea what he's saying no matter how much you try and plead for him to tell you... you eventually hear certain words so many times you just associate them with a pet name that you still have no clue as to what it is. You HATE how much he has you wrapped around his finger and blushing but you also love it because who doesn't love when the Doctor is so outwardly affectionate to you 😔❤️ tHE POEMS BRO. THE POEMS. I think he's also very bad at written affection but since it's in another language he has creative freedom 😭 you'll never know the disgusting sappy things he'll write. The clones being in on it is the funniest part lmao you thought they would be on your side 😭😭💔

oh MY GOD THOUGH READER MAKING THEIR OWN LANGUAGE IS MY FAVORITEEE PART!!!! I love when reader tries to one-up Dottore, like, two can play at that game honey, i'm not your lover for no reason 🤭 LMAO i can just imagine reader grinding out their language verbally and written, day and night, just to spite Dottore and make him feel what you feel >:)

The look on their faces would be PRICELESS. Dottore would ask you to repeat what you said and you would, happily, and then walk away as if what you said is everyday language... they would be scrambling to figure out what is going onnnnn 😭 HELP YESSS Pantalone, Bina, and Childe are the best candidates 🤭 He would be so annoyed at seeing you communicate with these three so jollying... ehehe also teaching his child clone the language too, because the baby would never betray you either and would stick his tongue out at the bribing of other clones.

DEEP BREATHES KAI DONT EXPLODE- 😭

#smooches talks #moots: kai <3 #dottore love notes <3 #zandy bb <3 #i love how we're all reading fanfics during class #actually this takes me back to a time when i was reading one of ur fics in class and my friend was watching me and i had to stop 😭#PLS SEND ANY MORE IDEAS IM BEGGING I LOVE UR WRITING #i cant i love this dynamic sm #how long do u think itll take for him to decipher ur language tho with that brain of his lmfao

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puppyeared · 3 months

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adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

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soranker · 3 days

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Heya! Saw your cry for a distraction and honestly such a mood.

I've got a question!

What's your least favorite thing to draw/do when you make art?

I'm on my own art journey right now and kind of dread the transition from lineart to coloring.

Trying to study anatomy right now and ignore rendering but I'm curious what other artists feel is challenging or just like 'ugh, ok time for [x]'

OHHH in terms of what's challenging, for me it's definitely coloring, rendering, backgrounds, and composition HAHA (<- chronic flat colors user who only draws character art on a floating white background)

i love focusing on gesture and lines when i draw ^_^ i rely mostly on intuition for the other stuff but it really only takes u so far T_T i'll spend hours trying to fix something by trial and error when i probably couldve saved that time by putting in more conscious studying/practice lol

#the thing that keeps me from getting too down about it tho is that it just takes some dedicated time and practice!!!#one of my goals this year is to take a class on one of those things!! or read a book on it or smth lol #for me i like learning the theory behind those things. makes things click and saves me a lot of time and frustration down the road lol #just the other day i was working on smth and the colors took me FOREVERRRR to figure out T_T #it's like. i kinda knew why the colors didnt work together but i didn't know how to pick the right ones to fix it.#it's nice to have tools to fall back on when you get stuck/intuition fails you #BUT!! everyone is different #the important thing is to not get too hung up on the things you are weak in ^_^ it's only temporary as long as ur patient and practice!!#i think its hilarious how u put it tho 'ugh ok time for' BC IT RLY DO FEEL LIKE THAT SOMETIMES DKJFHASF #me when i finish my sketch/lines. ugh now time for everything else BAHAHA #ALSO SORRY I REPLIED SO LATE this has been sitting in drafts for a while and i forgot to finish writing my response omfg

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unlikely-gravestones · 2 years

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So i saw this post by @avelera (if i had a nickel for every time they’ve inspired a post, i’d have two nickels which....funnily enough is the exact amount that meme requires) and i CANNOT stop thinking about Hob’s first century as an immortal.

I mean surely he thought it was all in jest- his mates were having a right crack of it for the rest of the night, and Hob knew it well himself that no man escapes death; he would fight to live as long as he could in this world, experience everything he could, and when his time came he would simply find adventure elsewhere. Hob couldn’t have seriously believed Dream; he was just a nobleman with an odd sense of humour. And so what if he knew Hob’s name? Everyone in this pub knew his name, much like he did theirs, so he probably just asked.

I wonder if it remained a bit of an inside joke between Hob and his friends- when he gets injured in a fight and is laid up in bed, one of his friends says “You can’t die, remember? Got that meeting with some posh prick in 1489, what good’ll you be dead” and Hob sees it for what it is (a distraction) and plays along with a grin. Anytime he joins a new battle, its “Do prior engagements mean nothing to you, Robert Gadling?“ As said by his mate with a ridiculous put-on posh accent, “Your good man’ll be right cross when you ditch him in 1489 cause you got killed fighting for this bastard”. When Hob gets hit, its “I’ll be meeting him in 1489 at this rate! To tell him you got fucking done in, you knob-”

It might have been fun, at first. But as Hob’s friends started dropping dead around him- war, disease, killed in the streets for some gold- i think it stopped being a joke. Because now Hob was walking away from fights no else did. Now he was recovering from diseases within the week, where others were still thrashing in its grasp or going cold and still in the night. Its not enough to make him question his mortality, but it is enough to make him think he’s unnaturally lucky. Maybe he’s done something to please the gods recently, or maybe fortune was smiling down upon him for once. He could not bear it all with good-nature, because despite how fortune or luck or even the gods themselves seemed to look favourably upon him, their grace did not extend to his friends and he is still conscious of their loss.

But Hob Gadling appears to be one lucky bastard, and that’s that.

...until it isn’t.

Maybe Hob accidentally builds up a local reputation about being a reliable soldier- no matter who it is, or how many of them there are, Hob survives. I think maybe he’s died a few times by now, but he doesn’t know that- his throat was slashed by an enemy sword, and he died right there on the battlefield the moment his knees hit the dirt, but the fight lasted so long that by the time Hob woke up, gasping and grasping at his blood-covered neck, the gash which had nearly beheaded him was instead a shallow but still bleeding wound. Later he would settle on the idea that the cut hadn’t been as bad as he thought it was- why he passed out from such a wound is beyond him, but maybe it was from shock, he heard that it did that to people sometimes. Someone trying to slit your throat is different to someone slicing your arm, so even though hes still unsettled by it and sure that the wound was worse...he can’t argue with the actual wound on his body, which points to the contrary. This is probably not the first and definitely not the last time Hob dies.

So yeah, maybe he accidentally builds up a local reputation about being a reliable fighter because he simply can’t stop surviving. And its not that hes unharmed- he gets stabbed, sliced, beaten, etc. He can be out of it for days depending on the severity of his wounds or illness, but he always gets back up. And maybe eventually, as most stories go involving ageless immortals, people go from being surprised by his abilities and age, to suspicious. Hob himself took passing note of it a while ago- he thought his hair would long since be grey by now, or at least most of it would, but it isn’t. When he goes for a drink with the remaining friends he has, he notices that his hands aren’t wrinkled like theirs. Hobs hands are calloused and rough, yes, but not aged like they ought to be. He thinks its strange, of course he does, but soon he’s too smashed to think of it anymore.

How many comments does it take about his age before Hob starts to close himself off? How many times must surprise turn to suspicion, because Hob says hes in his 50′s but he still looks like he’s in his mid 30′s? How many years does it take before Hob hastily fakes his first death/disappearance, because now the people he grew up with are intensely aware of how young Hob looks compared to them- its unnatural, unusual, and for a medieval peasant, probably has something to do with the devil. And i think it would be different to the witch trials Hob would later experience in the 17th century, where the whole town was after him because he became ‘complacent’- this isnt Hob being complacent, this is Hob freaking the fuck out. This is Hob not knowing how to deal with the fact that he’s not aging like he should be- of course he thinks its fucking weird (great, but weird), of course he thinks its fucking CRAZY that hes been in so many battles, been wounded and sick so many times, and yet has always come out the other side. Of course he thinks its fucking strange but he doesn’t know whats going on so he’s just..he’s just going to keep going, because what else can he do? and it isn’t until things get a little too heated that Hob turns tail and ditches town with a half formed plan and the cover of darkness.

I wonder how long it takes him to come to terms with his immortality- does he throw himself into more dangerous situations with an “Either i’m right or it wont matter cause ill be dead” attitude? Is he seriously fucking spooked by it for a few years before the dawning realisation of lifes now limitless possibilities hits him? Does Hob think of that noble stranger in 1389 often, at first with mirth and amusement because that tosser knew exactly what he was saying when he said they’d meet again in 100 years; and then does Hob think of it with growing worry and stress, because...what exactly did he give up for this power? what has he yet to give up for it? Maybe his town was right- he’d heard the whispers, part of why he hauled ass to get out of there- maybe he had made a deal with the devil, or a demon. Perhaps, when Hob is more hopeful, he prays he struck a deal with a saint or an angel.

Dream is neither of those things, but medieval peasant Hob doesn’t know that.

Anyway. Yeah I’m having thoughts about what it must have been like for one Hob Gadling to discover his immortality. I mean, using the show as a frame of reference, Hobs taken to it pretty well- in avelera’s original post we know, and can discuss, the fact that Hob seems weary at their first centennial meeting in 1489. He doesn’t know what this stranger wants from him, doesn’t know if he unwittingly agreed to a deal back in 1389 that he now has to make good on. But when Dream tells him that he simply wants to hear of his life, wants to hear what its like being a mortal-turned-immortal in a world Dream so clearly (at the time) holds little regard for...Hob is just Hob about it all. Dream thinks he’s going to say something profound, or wish for death, but instead my man started going on about how great chimneys and card games are. It makes me even more interested in what it must have been like for him to discover his gift- the highs of being able to live life freely, of realising that should that stranger be merciful and grant him more time on earth, he could experience everything under the sun for decades- Hob seems so innately positive, i mean his whole thing is that there’s always more to do and always greener grass to chase. This must be such a contrast to the lows of watching your friends and family die when you don’t, to being watched by your own town for a deal you now realise may not have been in jest at all, to stressing about what exactly you will be asked to give in 1489.

Im. Having thoughts.