#how do you do this two days in a-fucking-row?

[disarm-you]

Can I Show You How Sorry I Am?

Pairing: Frank Castle x F! Bartender reader

Summary: You and Frank had been hooking up for several months and then he dropped off the face of the earth. Six months later, he walks back into your bar and has some explaining to do.

Word Count: 3,520

a/n: This is smut heavy but nothing crazy. It was intended to be a smutty porn with plot one shot but I really enjoyed writing this. In fact, I have some loose ideas on making this into a series. Diving into reader’s background and exploring what a relationship with The Punisher would look like. How a serious relationship for Frank would play out. If you’re interested in more, please let me know!

I’m going on vacation in a few weeks and then I will be cutting down my hours at work. I expect to get more stories out starting this summer! As always, a friendly reminder that reblogs are the best way to support writers on here. XOXO

Looking up from the bar, you see the door swing open just as your coworker yells out last call. Curiosity sparked- today had been abnormally easy. Or maybe it was a good day made better under the lense of a full night’s sleep. The weather had been beautiful all afternoon-clear skies, light wind and full sun. You were able to relax outside and soak up a few rays of sun before work, letting its heat warm up your tired bones.

Work was comfortably steady and a few regulars left you a larger than usual tip today. Life recently threw you a major curveball but you were set on enjoying the sunshine while it’s here, because the moon will always come around again. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the shock of seeing Frank step into the room. It had been, what, over six months since you last saw him? Your eyes were staring at him but you couldn’t seem to focus on one spot. They moved from his deep eyes, down to his black hoodie and the combat boots you loved. You noted that he looked a bit thinner than the last time you saw him and he had one hell of a black eye and split lip. Your back stiffened as you tried to process all your emotions. You were pleased to know he was alive but anger and sadness panged across your chest as you thought about the past year. 

You two had never made it official but you had been sleeping together frequently enough that his sharp absence from your life hurt. You and Frank met in the same bar that you were currently in. You were new to the city and Frank was a welcome respite from the coldness New York could offer. He would show up several times a week, somehow always on nights you worked. He would walk you home and you two would enjoy a night cap or three with the evening ending in him making you see God. All of the pleasure and none of the drama. But as time and nature would have it, you managed to catch feelings. You tried to keep them buried, telling yourself he didn’t feel the same. You were too afraid of scaring him off, so you never verbalized your feelings. 

However, he skipped a Monday night, which was unusual for him. Concern creeped in when he didn’t visit you three shifts in a row. And then weeks passed and you were consumed with worry about his safety and eventually you began to fear the absolute worst. 

Inhaling deeply, you manage to look up as Frank approaches you. “Hey Sweetheart” he says softly, while making eye contact with you. 

A flaming arrow shot a deadly blow to your heart as soon as you met his puppy dog eyes. The smell of his cologne hit your nostrils and lit a fire low in your belly. Rat fucking bastard.

Tears began to well in the corners of your eyes but you weren’t certain if they were from sadness, rage, or pent up sexual frustration with this big, dumb, beautiful man standing in front of you. 

Your coworker walked by, noticing the change in your body language. “Is everything ok over here?” He asks, looking between the two of you. 

“Yeah, it is. Um, actually, would it be ok if I took off a bit early tonight? I need to deal with something.” 

“Of course, but you owe me one! Text me if you need anything.” Winking at you before he walked back to his station. 

“Hey Frank. It’s nice to see you.” Deciding to err on the side of kindness. After all, he did show back up to see you.  You might as well hear him out, even if you did give him your customer service tone. 

“I know it’s been a while and that’s my fault. Can we go back to my place and talk?”

My place. The words echoed in your head. Previously, the two of you only ever hooked up at your apartment and even then he rarely bothered to stay the night. 

“Yeah, actually that would be nice. Let me go get my things and I will meet you outside.”

____________

“So, this is your place, eh?” You ask, trying to keep your tone light as you surveyed the area. Noting the bare walls, sparse furniture and dumbbells stuffed in the corner, it was obvious a single man lived here. However, what you couldn’t tell is if this is a new place or if he dropped you for a different fling and was hiding out this past half year. 

“Yeah, it is. Want something to drink?”

”Mmmhmm, beer’s good if you got it.” 

You two sat on his futon, taking the first sip, 

“Why haven’t I seen your place before you?” You ask, nerves building up in your chest as you put off the real questions you wanted to ask him. 

Sighing deeply, Frank glances away until finally making eye contact.“When we first met, I knew I wasn’t going to be in town for much longer. I didn’t think that I would be back once I left.” 

Frank then sat down his beer, picking up your free hand and cradling it with his. “But I really enjoyed our nights together.  And I kept coming around your bar, while I put off the work I needed to do.”

Inhaling sharply you say, ”Listen, I understand that we never had the relationship ‘talk’ but Frank, we were fucking pretty regularly and then you just disappeared. Poof, gone in the blink of an eye. I feel like you at least owed me a see ya later before running off.” You say, taking a large swig of your beer, trying to calm the nerves that swirled in your chest. You hope he doesn’t notice the way your hand is shaking as you sit it back down. Or the tears welling in your eyes again. Thankfully, he couldn’t hear your heart thumping as you anxiously waited for him to respond. 

“You’re right Darlin’ and I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you.” He swallowed thickly and you could catch the slightest gruff in his voice. “I thought it would be less painful if I just disappeared. But when I was gone, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I missed your smile and your laugh. I missed the way your hand feels in mine. I missed… the feelings you brought up in me. When the job was over I decided to make my home here, maybe even with you.” 

Sighing roughly, you move to sit back, trying to process everything that’s happening. Frank adjusts so you can lean into his torso.You close your eyes and he moves his arm around your shoulder, which softened a bit of the emotions flooding you. 

“You know I waited around for weeks, hoping you would show up. And when you never did, I thought you had died. The worst part is that I didn’t have anyone to ask. You always come in alone and I didn’t even know your last name so I kept checking local obituaries-”

Frank noticed the panic in your voice and brought his free hand under your chin, tilting your face up and forcing you into eye contact. 

“Castle”

”…What?” You ask while your brain is trying to catch up. 

“My last name is Castle.” He whispers, bringing his thumb up to trace your lower lip. He pauses, looking at you questioningly. 

You had so many questions running through your mind but being back in his arms reminded you of all the nights you spent wrapped up in your bed. The smell of him being so close to you was intoxicating. Before you knew it the rush of hormones hit your brain as you involuntarily move your face towards him, locking lips ever so sweetly. 

Despite their injury, his lips are somehow softer than you remember and your heart rate picks up as he moves his hands up to cup your face. Frank is taking his time with you tonight, enjoying the brushing of your lips together as if it was the first time he’s kissed you. The moment is tender and softer than your previous encounters. 

All too quickly though he pulls away. Your breath hitches and you involuntarily grab at his sweater, trying to tug him close again. 

“Can I show you how sorry I am?” Frank pleaded as his lips hovered over yours. 

“Please.” You replied shakily as you clamber into Frank's lap, reveling in the groan it exudes from Frank. 

You shiver as he runs his warm hands up your sides and along your back. You kiss him deeply, one hand splayed across his chest while the other gripped his hair tightly, hoping that it was enough to keep him here in front of you. 

You slowly grind into his lap as you part your lips against Frank’s. He takes the opportunity to lick into your mouth while shoving your hips together. 

“Do you see what you fucking do to me?” He growled as he thrusted his hips up into yours, grinding his growing bulge against you. 

You whined in response as you pulled your shirt over your head. Without hesitating, Frank reached up and deftly unhooked your bra, tossing it to the side and gently cupped your beasts with both of his hands. 

Your head dizzying with want, you lean forward to kiss Frank, sucking his bottom lip into your mouth as his large hands fondled your breasts. 

Breaking away, he kisses down your neck until he reaches your chest. Moving his head to the side, he slips a nipple into his mouth teasing you until you issued your fist moan of the evening. 

Chuckling, Frank moves his focus to your other breast and you loudly moan as you feel the buzzing want for him run up and down your body. You so deeply missed the way you just melt into his touch. It had been a lonely six months since Frank’s disappearance, not for lack of desire though. 

You were often hit on by men at your job but most of them were a huge turnoff. Drunk and aggressively flirting with you until you declined their offer and getting angry when you wouldn’t give them your number. But you stayed at this job since the extra cash on hand greatly supplemented your primary job. 

You did briefly consider yourself spending the night with a gorgeous blonde woman who came into the bar. She had the most beautiful blue eyes that you could get lost in. Except you couldn’t tell if she was flirting with you or if she was just incredibly nice. You were too hesitant to make the first move. That didn’t stop you from thinking about her as you touched yourself that night. But that was last month and you haven’t seen her come back in. 

And right now all you were focusing on was Frank and how you don’t think you’ve fully relaxed since he left. You are unabashedly grinding in his lap, arching your back into his kisses as his hands worshiped your body. 

“Frank, please…” you rasped as he popped his mouth off your nipple and brought you in closer to him. 

“Please, what darlin.” He whispered as he pressed your foreheads together. 

“I just need you to touch me so badly.” You softly whimpered as you pulled at the collar of his shirt. 

“I got you girl.” 

You squeal with glee as he wraps his arms tightly around you and stands up. You revel in the safety of his arms, feeling his huge biceps press you up against his firm chest. His strength was one of your favorite physical qualities in Frank. You felt so secure tangled up in him. But despite his strength, he was gentle with his touches to you. He was far kinder to you then a few men in your past. In fact, Frank never used force on you, unless of course you asked him to.

Your mind briefly wandered back to an intense night where you were pinned to the bed with his leather belt in your mouth, hand pulling your hair taughtly, thrusting into you unforgivably….

Frank placing you down on the bed brought you back to reality. Shamelessly watching him as he took off his shirt. The clinking of his belt reminded you of its taste in your mouth and you hurriedly removed the rest of your clothes. 

You attempt to slide to the top of the bed but Frank grabs your legs. 

“Oh no.” He clicks his tongue while dragging you down to the edge of the bed. “Just where do you think you’re going Ma’am? I owe you an apology.” He cooed, while kneeling on the floor, kissing your inner knee up to your inner thighs 

Your skin prickles and your breath hitches as Frank sucked some of the tender skin on your inner thigh into his mouth. Enjoying the reaction from you, he takes his free hand and traces a finger up the seam of your pussy. 

You gasp sharply. “Frank, please.” You desperately begged. “You’re being so mean to me.” 

Everything about you was driving Frank wild. Your scent was lingering in his nose, leaving him heady with want, how tense the muscles in your thighs are while you were so willingly spread out for him and finally the desire in your eyes is what drove him to splay you open with his index and middle fingers before he starting flicking your clit with his tongue. 

Your moans had him groaning as he continued lapping you up. He moved the fingers that were spreading you open lower, teasing your entrance. He briefly enjoyed your gasps of pleasure before slipping two fingers into your wetness, which caused you to inhale sharply as you clenched around him. 

Frank slightly leans back and looks up at you. “Yeah, you like that?” He curls his fingers to hit that sweet spot inside you. “Be good and take it.” He husked before sucking on the inside of your thigh. 

His words sparked an anger in you- how dare this man come back and then act like this but oh my god did he know how to work you up. And that spark was like gasoline on a fire and you were already so close to coming. 

Frank could tell by how tightly you were gripping his fingers. Pulling off your thigh with a wet pop, he brings his mouth back to your clit and it was over. Trails of fire ran up and down your body before dissolving into pleasure. 

Frank slowed down to draw out your orgasm as much as he could, waiting until you were whimpering with overstimulation before gently removing his fingers from you. 

Still breathing deeply, you open your eyes to find Frank looking at you, while sucking your juices off his fingers. His eyes were a blaze with desire for you, which made your heart start pounding again. 

“Frank, I want you.” 

He barely heard you over the blood buzzing in his ears. Frank stood up and got on to the bed, encouraging you to move back further. He placed the sole pillow on his bed under your head, making sure you were comfortable before kissing you hard. 

You instinctively moved down to help remove his boxers. Once freed, you savored the weight of him in your hand. He was deliciously thick and you can’t help but to start firmly rubbing him. You bring a thumb to the head of his cock rubbing the pre cum down his shaft. Now it was your turn to relish in the noises he was making 

Frank was so sensitive that just a small amount of touching had him gently thrusting in your hand, lowly grunting with your firm touch. His enthusiasm reminded you how empty you were. You wordlessly guide him to you, teasing his head up and down your sopping folds until pausing at your entrance. He replaced your hand with his and you moved your hips to slot his. 

The pressure of him against your entrance was leaving you lightheaded. The gasps you were making had Frank teeming with desire but he was determined to take his time. Pressing ever so gently he pushed just the head of him inside you as he began to lean down towards you. You tried to buck your hips up into him but he stopped you. 

Fully leaning over you, he placed one of his forearms to your side, hooking it around the crown of your head. His other hand held your jaw firmly in place. Staring deeply into your eyes he says, “I’m so fucking sorry I left. I won’t leave you again unless you tell me to.” He pleaded as he buried himself in you. 

“Oh fuck yes’ Frank.” You cried out as he pressed your foreheads together. 

“I fucking missed you, sweetheart.” He roughly whispered. 

“I missed you too.” You choked out, trying to hold back the tears in your eyes. Frank lowered the hand that was on your chin to the other side of your head as he started rocking into you, setting a pleasurable pace for the both of you. He slowly moves his hips until your breath hitches. That’s when he knows he’s got the right angle. You cry out as he rocks into a little harder, causing you to grab on to his shoulders. 

Sweat was beginning to leave a light sheen on the both of you as more heat began to generate from where you two were connected. Frank was applying soft kisses on your neck and the little huffs he was breathing near your ear made you clench around him tighter. 

You noticed his chest flushing and you knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. Franks brings one hand down, and slips it between the two of you and circled your clit, while kissing you deeply. The pleasure of being surrounded by Frank- his weight on top of you, cock filling you, his scent surrounding you, his tongue flicking into your mouth- was overwhelming after all this time. 

You pull away, wanting to save the moment in fear of him slipping away from you again. 

“You’re really going to stay this time?” You quietly stuttered in between his thrusts. 

“Yes darlin. I’m always going to be here.” He grunted. He could feel you getting tighter again and your whines were music to his ears as he kept his current rhythm. Your fingers tighten against his shoulder, leaving little half moons in it’s wake and your back involuntarily arches as you splinter once more from reality. 

Your pussy is squeezing Frank so hard that he can’t hold himself back any longer. His body stiffens and he groans out as he fills you with his cum.

You can’t stop the tears from spilling out and streaming down the side of your face during your come down. All of the fear, anger and worry that had been pent up all came rushing out and it was simply too much. He didn’t try to silence you or make you stop. Frank simply held you and wiped away your tears. 

“I’m sorry I’m crying so much.” You sniffled, trying to slow yourself down. 

“It’s ok Angel, are you alright?” 

You nodded your head yes as Frank carefully removed himself from you. You winced from the loss of contact but he softly pulled you into him as he laid down onto his side. 

Your crying had slowed down and the weight of reality was setting back in. Your mind started racing with questions. Did he really mean what he said? What does this mean for the two of you? Were you ready for a commitment like this? So many thoughts racing in your head and you settle on one. 

“Frank?” You quietly ask, face still buried in his chest while his hands were rubbing soothing circles on your back. “Earlier you said that you were putting off a job. What did you have to go do?” 

Swallowing thickly, Frank closed his eyes. He knew that coming back meant coming clean and you might not be interested when you find out who he really is. And maybe that conversation should have come first but old habits have a way of dying hard. 

“I will answer all of your questions in the morning. Would you like to stay tonight?” 

“Can we take a shower?” You ask as you nod your head in agreement, attempting to ignore a new ball of anxiety beginning to form. What could this man be hiding from you? “Or do you only have one towel as well? You teasingly ask, partly as a way to distract you from your own mind. 

“You’re in luck because I have two and they are both clean. I’ll go start the water. Come and join me when you’re ready” Frank kisses the top of your head before getting out of bed and padding to the bathroom. 

#frank castle x reader #frank castle x fem!reader #the punisher #the punisher smut #soft frank castle

[chalkrub]

strange fellas

#my art #demon #illustration #oc #ethos #pathos #logos #lino printing fun as hell yippeeeeee #i don't have a scanner at home and i forgor to ask my mom to scan these for me like two days in a row so i just took photos #of the original scans and made do. too impatient. and the paper texture looks neat anyway #how the hell people make intricate line work with lino i do not understand. saw a mutual post a wolf's head lino print the other day #and it was so detailed with thin decorative lines. idk how they be doin it #if the answer is lots of patience and the knowledge you could fuck up at any moment then i guess i'll never hone the art

[lovesthecure]

God he is the king of veering off any plan involving me to go do fuck all else with his friends huh

#My step dad #again #we watched the show together! #and he apparently promised a friend a few rounds of heroes of the storm?? #on accident or forgetting we were supposed to stream together after #it's always the plans involving me that get pushed off or shucked #now I'm stuck waiting for when we're even going to stream #and he's playing heroes of the storm #like how do you promise friends you'll play shit with them same day as all-day shit with your son #how do you do this two days in a-fucking-row? #god I fucking #I deserve bendy demon legs or horns for this #I deserve a letter from my favorite fucking character #I'm sick of this being the norm #and two days? In a row? #I'm strong as an ox but ox aren't made of steel

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter. #he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point. #and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!! #hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do! #the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into- #one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT. #but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb. #I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time. #and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances. #and doesn’t want to hear any excuse. #but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment. #NOW. CHAPTER 17. #UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN #Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC. #IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!! #BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’ #WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM. #(​NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.) #and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through. #despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up. #like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him. #that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying. #just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner. #IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD. #and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore. #he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had. #and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT. #<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but. #eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind. #I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags

[genericaces]

more rambling about a s5 au: lindsey comes back for a redemption arc to act as legal counsel for angel's team. this ostensibly gives gunn a reason to opt out of the lawyer operation, but he does it anyway because he doesn't trust lindsey not to fuck them over.

lindsey acts as a moral foil to gunn, who comes to believe his necessary contribution to the team (since he's no longer their only lawyer) is being the defender of the group's principles while working at w&h. they frequently butt heads while working on a case, but eventually develop a begrudging respect of each other's respective strengths.

this hostile-to-friendly-rivalry arc is tested when it comes out that w&h was responsible for some demon problem that's been plaguing gunn's home community. gunn has, unbeknownst to himself, been somehow contributing to it while working at w&h; lindsey knowingly contributed to it when he was last working there as a lawyer. lindsey is forced to confront who he was, while gunn is forced to confront who he’s becoming.

since he was involved in the project, lindsey uses his insider knowledge to help come up with a plan to fix the problem. they execute it, something goes wrong, and lindsey risks his life to ensure the plan goes off successfully. he expects congratulations and a pat on the back from gunn, but gunn isn't interested in absolving lindsey's sins (or his own), and their warming relationship freezes over.

at some point, gunn lets himself get taken by the senior partners in an effort to deal with his guilt over various lapses in judgment/perceived moral failures. during their rescue mission to the holding dimension, lindsey stays behind in gunn's place so he can escape, assuring gunn that he's the lawyer the team needs right now. their mutual arcs culminate in lindsey rejecting the idea that redemption is done for recognition, and gunn rejecting the idea that guilt/self-punishment is inherently redemptive.

eventually after being busted out by illyria, lindsey is there to empathize with gunn about losing parts of yourself (body, mind, and/or soul) to w&h, relationships to power when you've grown up without it, and what it means to live with the consequences of your actions. both of them reflect on the nature of redemption/forgiveness/intent as they grapple with how to own up to an appropriate share of the blame.

#imagine i'm explaining this to you like the charlie day pepe sylvia scene #now let's talk about two characters who have barely interacted can we talk about two characters who have barely interacted #angel the series #ats #charles gunn #lindsey mcdonald #i think it's about two people who have grown up with a front row seat to how people with power will use it to step on others #the difference being that gunn thinks 'i need to be strong so i don't let people in power fuck over me or my own' #while lindsey thinks 'i need to BE those people in power' #also lindsey's appearance is a big PITA to gunn because he's a reminder that to anyone looking from the outside #gunn now looks a lot like the same evil guys in suits that he once fought against #which also reflects some of the themes in s5 more broadly! can they do good while working within evil inc or will they be corrupted etc #plus there's a lot of parallels to what's going on with spike and angel #art

[x-ladydisdain-x]

Maybe I’m delusional or maybe my freshman and sophomore year history teacher is the only person who has ever understood me

#thinking about how I saw in the back corner of her classroom freshman year bc I was shy and she would go out of her way to stand in that #corner and talk to me and ask me about the books I was reading #how she would leave thoughtful notes on my work sometimes even complimenting me about it in person #and during class presentations I would freeze up and panic and choke on my words #and then she’d go it’s okay take you’re time you’re doing great #and then tell me afterwards that she liked my presentation #sophomore year I was confident enough in her class to sit in the very front row #and she would look at me while lecturing and make jokes specifically towards me #and before the ap exam I was standing around after school hours #and she asked me if I had a ride home and offered to wait with me #and she asked how I was feeling about the exam and I was feeling really nervous and not confident at all #and she fully talked me down and convinced me that I could do it and said she believed in me #on the last day I had her class she said quote: #it’s been wonderful watching you blossom the two years I’ve had you I think you’ve really found who you are and you’re owning it and im so #proud of you #and she hugged me #I miss her so much #school fucking sucks without her her class was the highlight of my day #literally just seeing her is the highlight of my day now #she waved to me in the hallway today and I haven’t stopped thinking about it #im gonna cry. I miss her so bad

[herawell]

.

#negativity cw #my parents’ anniversary is next week and they are not getting anything other than a 1 line ‘congrats’ in the whatsapp group chat #no gift no party no surprise trip no nothing #I’m the eldest child and now earning so I’m half certain they’ll side-eye me for not doing anything #idfc #it might seem petty and childish but after the Dec 2022 fights with my mom #where for two days in a row she screamed at me for hours #about how I was responsible for their marriage being on the rocks and verge of divorce #as well as a host of other fucked up things #on top of similar such threats/emotional blackmail every year since I was 13 #I am never doing anything again to celebrate their Union #I still get them bday gifts and Father’s Day/Mother’s Day stuff #we still have a good relationship (ik it seems odd but despite everything we do) #but you don’t get to spend a decade blaming me for your adult inability to maintain your adult relationship #and expect me to celebrate it once I’m an adult #also my mom has repeatedly and very candidly refused to apologize for any of the above so this isn’t a case of #silently fuming and childishly refusing to communicate

[lululawrence]

x

#i am just... #it's not ten shows ten days in a row #even when they're in the same city they're rarely even three days in a row #for the most part they clearly made a lot of effort to make it so he would only be doing shows two days in a row #when he's not traveling between cities it makes it a lot easier #i'm not saying it's not hard work cause it sure fucking is #especially when he's running around like he does #but i just #this is his job and that's a very normal schedule #when you look at his tour dates in europe i can count on one hand the number of times he plays two nights in a row #when he's not in the same city #for a lot of europe he's playing a city then a day off #a city then a day off #it's literally almost every other day #which is ENTIRELY different than 1d days #it's entirely different than even louis' tour schedule #i'm just really curious what's got people thinking his schedule is too packed or too busy #when honestly it's a GREAT schedule for the artist #compared to how he's done it in the past but especially with 1d #this is practically a lazy stroll kind of a schedule #i might delete this who knows #i'm just in bitch mode today i guess sorry #bitches gonna bitch #i'm the bitch if that's not clear

[britneyshakespeare]

i am so fucking mad about jag

#HIM BEING ON THE BLOCK AGAIN!!!! TARGETED!!!!! TWO WEEKS IN A ROW!!!!!!! WHY???? #if they send him home tomorrow im literally gonna flip shit #im not ok #if they send jag home one week after matt USED HIS SUPERPOWER ON HIM ill be so upset #why does everyone always talk about how they hate cameron and then always make collective moves that are good for him? #im unamused 😑 #cirie has been one of my favorite players but ive had it up to here w her excuses for her ain't-shit son #HE is the one who sowed distrust between jag and cirie. FOR NO FUCKING REASON!!! just tryna have a useless power trip #he's been leeching off your protection girl he's a BAD bb player. he's pulling you down #text post #bb25 #there's also the chance that if cirie explained the whole season twist of 'thats my son' to jag hed be understanding #but shes not playing a trusting game like that it's CLEAR as day #even though jag would be SUCH a better player to be aligned with than fucking jared #a guy who is not that good at the challenges and keeps pissing everybody off #whereas jag IS good at this shit and gets along w everyone! #he's like. one of only two guys this season who haven't done something misogynistic #misogyny is really the theme of this season i can't get over it #yes i heard about who matt quoted on the livestream the other day. i am SO DISAPPOINTED i dont wanna talk about it #why do the beautiful ones have to let me down

[steampoweredskeleton]

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Ignore

#preface this with an everything is fine #second nigjt in a row where my executive funcyioning is bad enough i cant get into bed #also second night in s row of strong ideation. and i know what that means! hello period will you be here in two days or a week #only time will tell #im so tired. fucking hate periods. fucking hate how like 7 months of t hasn't completely gotten rid of them and im still #stuck with the pre depression #on the upside i dont have to go to the office tomorroe so that's nice #i do have dentists on Tuesday and physio on Thursday and then family travel bext week so #full couple of weeks #christ

[rosesradio]

day 2 of what i call the redneck convention aka a family function

#it just so happens there's two events that call for a cookout--we never hang out two days in a row--usually i get a break of a few months-- #so idk if i can handle it #not to mention my sister has work & my fave cousin brings her bf all the time & is busy talking with him #so it's just gonna be me & all these other family members i don't like :// #& okay let me say a thing #yesterday i was having a conversation with my sister--clearly a private conversation #& my weird aunt just literally barged in between us like 'what what are you guys up to huh what what' #& i just like nervously laughed & was like 'yeah we're just talking' #& then she just starts standing right next to me--like glued at the hip and literally says 'what if i just wanna stand right here-- #next to you and just follow you around?' #& i just kinda nervously laughed & tried to shuffle away but she literally started following me around like that #& i know it's ridiculous but i could feel my fight or flight kick in because she was in my personal space & not listening to me #but all i did was kinda laugh again & say 'no thanks i gotta go wash my hands so i can eat--the food's almost ready' #& i had to say that like twice & then she actually got pissed & huffed before storming off #& then later in front of everyone she told my mom something like 'you need to correct your daughter's behavior she's very rude' #as if my mom could do anything #(like don't get me wrong my mom could say 'behave a certain way or we'll kick you out because you're an adult' but she's not gonna do that) #& my mom & dad were both just like '???' when i explained it because i didn't do anything rude-- #like genuinely how The Fuck am i supposed to respond with some aunt getting into my space & refusing to leave even when i'm uncomfortable #my parents told me not to worry about it because she's just weird all the time (which i know) but because she's got nothing else going on-- #in her life she'll probably still try to make drama out of that little interaction today #idk i might just gaslight her by pretending i don't remember what happened. gatekeep girlboss etc #& don't get me wrong i have complete sympathy for people who aren't good with social cues--i'm one of the most awkward people at these-- #functions. but personal space is where i draw the line because you can't just get into someone's space & insist on being there even when-- #they're clearly uncomfortable #sigh anyways these tags are so long. wish me luck :// #rose.txt

[arosebyan0thername]

Therapist had to cancel bc she's having car troubles which sucks because I was really excited to talk about my top surgery coming up, but that means I have an extra hour or so to try desperately to catch up and not fail this math class

#personal #also im a little miffed bc i actually fucking remembered to fill out my adhd evaluation and bring it with me!!!! #do you know how fucking hard that is???? on account of the adhd!!!! #but also that means i dont need to go to two different starbuckses today #bc i was gonna leave this one and go to therapy and then go to the one in the town i work in for the like hour and a half gap between #and that means i can wear this shirt two days in a row bc im not gonna be seen by the same people #it's my 'i have to not be wearing a binder in public' shirt #bc its very big and baggy and also dark plaid flannel so it hides a lot of topographg #but i wont fucking need it in three weeks!!!!! three weeks from now this will just be a regular shirt!!!!! #and i wont need to wear flannel in 80° weather!!!!!

[milo-is-rambling]

Most of the time I think life is so so good and then I have one minuscule moment of pain again and it’s like nvm I need to die

#you ever have a good pain week and then you can feel your body getting tense again even when you’re trying to be proactive and it doesn’t #help anymore and you feel like a child again I feel like when I first started hurting when I first realized this was forever I feel like #when I would spend nights crying and thinking about how this was my body and this was my life and how it’ll be like this forever #I almost hate feeling good bc I forget how shitty it is when I hurt #like I truly forget that pain is forever when I have a good couple days and then it always comes back and even when it’s not brutal #immediately I know it will get there again. #I’m pmsing and I’m nervous bc I am stressed and I’ll be starting a new job next week and my shoulders are set more forward then they normal #are and ik it’s from driving and stress and sleeping in so many different places but like god how do I stop being afraid of my body #falling apart while im still using it. #I’m preparing myself for the inevitable endo flare. if it isn’t this month it’ll be some other month. how do I explain to a new boss that I #might have to call out a couple days in a row every month bc I’ll be busy curled up in a ball crying or sleeping for two days #how do I explain that I have to lie about how much I can carry and how long I can stay on my feet because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to #get a job anywhere #ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I feel incredibly young and small and my life is short and just beginning and it feels like it’s racing me to the end #I will hurt in some capacity forever. I just have to deal with that. between emotional and physical pain I am hurting constantly but this #last week has been so fucking good and I have to go back to my regular life tomorrow and try to be good and fix myself and still remember to #stretch even when I’m not driving ten hours and it’s just so hard #I hope I take care of myself. I hope I stop hurting I hope I can be happy soon

[stylonuridae]

look i've never been a 'picky eater' autistic but the knowledge that im having chicken for dinner always manages to dampen my mood

#like yeah its the only meat you can really eat consistently without it being unhealthy #but fuck it chicken is a garbage meat and it needs to be prepared in specific ways in order to actually mask how awful it is #im just reeling cuz ive been feeling nauseous for two days now and im having chicken for dinner twice in a row #that is NOT a nausea-friendly food #i feel so bad that i just dont really like chicken when im not really a picky eater in the first place i dont want to be rude #autism #actuallyautistic #i dont think this is a food sensitivity cuz i will eat chicken but sometimes you just. absolutely do not want to eat certain foods

[neverendingford]

.

#you KNOW I don't have the guts to post the smut chapter. #I'm gonna eat something #then go buy some stuff. #then eat some more #then buy a nice bottle of something that mixes well with cranbery juice #and then lose my balance and then post the chapter later today #plus gonna try and play a world diplo aoe game and see how that goes. #this is what I get for being scheduled three free days in a row #anyway being alone is so nice I can do whatever the fuck I walnt #update: I played a team game versus ai instead and kind of carried our team #turns out. knowing your strategy going into the game and it being a good strategy works wonders #mangudai are such a good fucking unit. only weakness is needs castles but once you've got a few up you're golden #I usually mix in light cav as meat shield because my teammates don't make paladin #but this time I had two teammates going stable units so I just went full mangudai and hard carried. #had twice the kills of my next highest teammate and triple the building razes

[breadsammich]

THE FUCKING WHAT

#bandori #gacha pulls / #WHY??? HOW??? AND WHY CAN I NEVER HAVE THIS LUCK FOR THINGS I ACTUALLY WANT??? #ok no hate to those cards theyre cute but the fucking what. im still salty about terrible horror night and then theres this??? #OH YEAH IM PRETTY SURE THE FIRST TWO ARE FROM THE DAILY FREE 10 PULL BTW #i mean i know the second one is but the first one is from a day or two ago #also also i know i vastly misrepresent my luck on here but just know i also have absolutely terrible luck sometimes #it's literally just rng but god sometimes it feels like the universe has it out for you specifically #HOWEVER yhese are literally the last 3 times ive done gacha across any game (meaning i didnt do any in between them they were all in a row)