#honestly the lyrics of this song i hold closest is the final verse that's repeated 3 times but it can't rlly be split up and it would make | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chimin-ssi · 7 years

Text

A Confession

[ 1937 ]

Pairing;; Yoongi x Reader

Warnings;; None

Genre;; Angst

You couldn’t do this anymore.

You’ve been coping so well so far. So many weeks – months – passed with you feeling like this but you always managed to withhold them.

But tonight was different. Tonight he was too close, too real.

Too close.

Tonight your mind was chasing itself, running round and around in circles to a point where you couldn’t cope with it any longer. The feeling itself became too much.

If you didn’t say anything now, you felt like the words would force themselves out of you and leave you a mess of a person on the ground.

You stopped, eyes automatically falling onto your feet.He walked a little ahead of you, not you were no longer by his side.

Or maybe he ignored it.

“ Yoongi.”

Although it was your voice calling out, you never felt the words leave your lips. You stared at your hands, your slightly shaking hands that didn’t feel like your hands.

Were you always going to be this pathetic?

You lifted your gaze, cutting your train of thought. Your eyes automatically found Yoongi. They watched him as he continued to walk on, alone.

You watched him take those steps, allowing yourself a moment to simply take him in before everything would change. A few lonely seconds ticked by before he stopped and started to turn your way. You fisted your hands and immediately shoved them into your pockets.

You couldn’t let him see you like this.Not now.

Especially not now.

He let out a small breath, which became visible in the air.

A small puff of grey.

There was a gap between the two of you now.

It wasn’t a big one.

Maybe 10 small steps.

But it was a gap none the less.

A gap which you so very ached for him to close.

You let out a small sigh, lifting your gaze towards the clear night sky.

It was a Wednesday night.

A working night.

A night which resulted in the streets being mostly deserted, especially so deep into the night. However, there was the spare odd car or person here and there. The two of you were truly an exception.

An exception that was repeated on most working nights.

An exception which was caused by coming back from one of the meals you shared. Each night one of you would drag the other out for food; at exactly 2am each time. A meal before burying yourselves back in work. Now that you thought about it, what the two of you shared was honestly more like a sit-in takeout than an actual meal. Food bought from a small shop you wouldn’t have looked at twice if you were a passer-by at any other time, on any other day.

But it was a meal all the same, thanks to the company more so than the food.

“ Why are you just standing there?” His chuckle finally broke the silence. You looked up at him, his voice bringing you back to the present.

Your eyes lingered on him. He had his hands in the pockets of his coat, shielding them from the cool air. His face was softly lit by the light orange glow of the nearby streetlight, casting half of his face in a shadowy darkness while the other remained softly lit. His lips were slightly pulled into a small smile.

It was a tired smile, one you’ve seen often enough by now.

He smiled that way each time he labelled a beat as complete, song lyrics as finished. It was a smile of happiness, of content. It was a smile that made you smile.

And you did, your lips which began pulling at the corners acted as a trigger for your eyes to break contact and fall back down again.

Could you even do this? With him standing like that? Smiling like that?

A feeling rose in your chest; a slight pressure which you welcomed in.

It was a feeling which would make you feel oh-so-very stupid if not for the fact that you enjoyed it so much. It was a feeling which over-powered any common sense you might have had. Honestly, it scared you a little - not only because of how strong it was, but also because of how easily you indulged yourself it in – welcoming it in as if it belonged.

Each time you were alone with Yoongi or even looked at him for a little too long or a little too carefully, the sensation came.

It was like a game, a pathetic game that got especially worse in quiet situations such as these, with your mind unable to occupy or side-track itself with anything else but him.

What the two of you shared wasn’t big or grand, but it became something all the same. Something you could count on, knowing perfectly well that it would be there if you ever needed it. Knowing that he would be there whenever you needed him to be.

The ever-present pillar of support.

He and it became something you depended on for help, whether you realized it or not.

You couldn’t even exactly pin point how the thing you shared got so… much.

It started off with simple requests to look over a beat or a verse, to helping with said beat or verse.

Then it turned into sleepless nights at either studio or nights out with this group of friends or the other. It became something you were very comfortable with, to the point where the two of you shared and spoke of things neither had discussed to such extents with another person before.

Being around him felt so easy.

The silence that fell when the two of you were working was as comfortable and light as the conversations you shared over meals like the one you just had.

It was nice.

It was easy.

It worked.

At least, you thought so.

You hoped he did too.

‘’ Hey, ‘’ he called again, his voice alone forcing you to look up, ‘’ are you okay?’’

‘’ Yeah,’’ you smiled, making the few steps forward to close the gap.

You had never told him that you thought that way and came to think that you would die trying.

But keeping this feeling inside and unmentioned was becoming harder and harder, especially since it had been growing with each meal, with each night at either studio.

The two of you continued walking and although neither of you said anything else, you could feel his eyes resting on you. Only after a few steps did he focus on the street ahead of him.

There were a few times which had you believing that he felt for you what you feel for him. Each time the two of you would end up sitting beside each other in too tight of a space, legs and arms pressed against each other. When he would lean in a little too much to reach for something across the table, or say phrase a sentence a little too softly.

You even thought you caught him staring a few times while working, but you never called him out on it, not daring to.

Perhaps you should have.

You walked a little further in silence before Yoongi broke it, speaking up first.

‘’ Are you sure everything’s alright? You seem to be elsewhere today.’’

You didn’t answer him.

How could you?

How could you explain all of this to him? Was there even a way to do it?

‘’ At the studio I had to call your name three times before you looked at me, ‘’ he chuckled out, ‘’ and then while we ate. I’m still not too sure whether you heard me complaining about what Jin and Jungkook-ah were bickering about.’’

A smile softly spread across your lips, hidden behind your scarf.

About Jin’s snacks going missing.

‘’ Really Y/n, ‘’ he continued, eyes falling back to you, ‘’ if you want to call it a night, I’ll have someone drop you off at-‘’

‘’ No, really, ‘’ you started, turning to lock eyes with him, ‘’ I’m okay…’’

He looked at you.

You tried to bare the gaze. To hold it.

But you broke under the pressure, eyes falling back to your feet.

‘’ You’re not okay, I can see you’re not-‘’

‘’Its just, ‘’ you started, stopping again.

This time he stopped walking the moment you did.

You dug your nails into your palms. What were you doing?!

You looked up at him, finding his dark eyes looking right back at you. His gaze was warm and friendly and you held onto it. The feeling in your chest, the pressure, it became too much.

You couldn’t just ignore it anymore. If it wasn’t today, then it was never.

And never was an awful word who’s meaning you couldn’t bare.

So it was today.

It was now.

‘’ I like you Yoongi.’’

For a horrible second, nothing happened. His expression didn’t alter, his lips didn’t curl up into a smile and he didn’t say anything. The words just hung in the air, like shattered glass waiting to fall. Everything felt horrible and for a moment you felt exposed, as if everything would come crashing down within moments.

But then he smiled, eyes slightly scrunching up.

‘’ I like you too, you’re one of my closest-‘’

‘’ No Yoongi, ‘’ you said, frowning. It took everything in you to interrupt him, to make him realize the weight of the words you had just spoken.

The confession.

‘’ I like you Yoongi. ‘’ Your voice hitched a little, but you hoped, prayed that he would see you.

Hear you.

‘’ Oh. ‘’ He said, looking at you with parted lips and a small frown.

‘’ Oh. ‘’ With the repeated word came a step back.

A step that killed you.

Your gaze fell onto your feet again and you felt your heart shatter inside of your hollowness that repeated his 2 lettered word.

Oh.

‘’ I’m sorry.’’ You whispered, voice muffled by your scarf. You couldn’t even hear the whispered apology and you doubted very much that Yoongi could hear it.

You wanted to disappear. You shouldn’t have said anything.

How stupid of you.

What did you expect would happen? That he’d say the same words back? That he felt for you what you feel for him?

Stupid.

The awful silence dragged on and with each minute that passed you wanted to disappear that much more.

‘’ I’m.. ‘’ He suddenly said, finally looking up at you.

You didn’t dare meet his gaze, but you felt his eyes on you.

‘’ I’m incredibly humbled by your words, really, ‘’ his tone wasn’t hard, ‘’ it’s just… ‘’

His voice trailed off, but after a small sigh Yoongi continued.

‘’ Its just that I thought we were work friends.’’

Word Friends.

Did work friends do what the two of you done?

Did ‘work friends’ spend time with eachothers friends, the way the two of you had? Did ‘work friends’ go out to late night dinners in between working slots the way the two of you do? Did apparent work friends talk about subject the two of you talked about, or even confessed and discussed eachothers lives as thoroughly and deeply as you and Yoongi had?

You didn’t know.

But you did know that you had never had such a ‘work friend’ like Yoongi ever before.

‘’ Work friends.’’ You whispered, tone laced with defeat.

‘’ Yea. ‘’ Yoongi mumbled out, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.

‘’ Okay. ‘’ You answered, starting to walk again.

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