#hi I'm never here but I'm doing really well! just lots going on in the in-person scene so I'm active there!

[bywons]

✧ YOU BELONG WITH ME ENHYPEN—

╰—— 𝗈𝗋 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗋𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇

( ✶🪽 𝓢. ) 𝖾𝗇𝗁𝗒𝗉𝖾𝗇 x 𝖿! 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 g. 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗈𝗇𝗌, 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿 1796 𝒘𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗌 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗌 !𝗃𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗈𝗎𝗌𝗒, 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗌𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉, 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 ✦ ◞ 𝒞ATALOGUE?!

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LEE HEESEUNG tightens the grip around your waist and pulls you in until you bump by his side. you could easily figure out the fake smile plastered on his face, holding you tight by his side in front of his friends. 

“so, is he more handsome than me?”, he whispers as soon as his friends are gone. it took you a couple of minutes to realise why he had a death grip on you, “you seem to like him a lot.” a single conversation with him has heeseung going tomato red now.

“what do you think?”, you scoff, looking him dead in the eye. 

“he's got the old fashioned looks, a proper gentleman with a perfect sense of timing. your kinda guy,” his eyes twitched while defining the guy, oh how bad he wanted to punch him.

“you know, you sound like one of my friends with terrible taste trying to set me up on a blind date”, you laugh, wrapping your hand around his suited biceps. “yep,” heeseung scoffs, “he will go blind soon.” 

“what do you think of me—?” 

“i love you a lot”, you roll your eyes and chuckle, now walking side by side with heeseung, his grip still present on you, “nobody can replace my bambi boy.” 

“your bambi boy huh?”, heeseung realises he can never be angry with his pretty girl when he melts the second he hears his nickname by you, pressing a small kiss on your cheeks and pulling you in. 

“you want it to be somebody else?”, you smirk.

“hey!” 

PARK JONGSEONG keeps a steady frown on his face, watching you finish up your pastry. he's not the type to sulk over things, if there's any problem the first thing he does is talk it out with you, and maybe have a small ice cream date later. but it's been 4 days now, that stupid frown won't leave his face, accompanied with his cold replies, even on this café date!

“is something bothering you these days?”, the fork softly clings against the plate, you try to hold in a giggle, “babe you know can tell me anything,” his sulky face is kinda cute.

“nope, i'm all good,” jay forces a smile. red flag, he's not calling you ‘love’.

“jay, you haven't even touched your pudding,” you sigh.

jay puts on a good serious thinking face, slowly withdrawing his hands from the table and releasing a deep sigh. this thing looks really serious. oh poor jay, what's wrong?

“well”, jay clears his throat before he goes off, “i really didn't think you were like this y/n i didn't expect this from you, if i did something wrong you could've just said that you know how much i love you i would do everything!”

“jay, what are you—”

“and the fuck kinda name's benjamin anyways? like hell we're not in the 19th century, y/n you could do better.”

oh. so that's what it's about. he thinks you're cheating on him, because you left your shared apartment for some benjamin guy for 3 days straight. you don't blame him though, you owe him an explanation.

“babe,” you sigh, “it's not what you think, remember benjamin? my cousin sister's child? i visit her to babysit him.”

“.....the one who called me uncle?”, jay's expression softens, instead he's shocked now.

“yeah!”, you giggle, putting your hand over his for comfort, shooting him a sorry look. “i hate that kid”, jay scoffs, you sigh.

SIM JAEYUN lets out a groan while he stares at the anime plushie in your arms. you're basically burying your face in it snuggling it, and if that wasn't enough the plushie is a man!

no way jake has to compete with a fictional man now.

“why do you need that ugly plushie when im here…”, jake whines, plopping down right beside you and scooting even closer, “am i not good enough?”

“did you just call toji fushiguro ugly?”, a frown casts upon your face as you whip your head around to shoot a glare at your boyfriend. poor him, he's too confused and jealous for this, he really wants to replace the plushie in your arms. “you're out of your mind jake.”

“i am in fact very willing to be out of my mind and be crazy for you,” jake rolls his eyes, shifting closer to you until there's only a pillow between you and him, which he soon throws away. the fresh smell of laundry and cologne floats from his sweatshirt and hits your nose, it always puts you at ease, and you miss the warm afternoons with him, just snuggling and all over each other, giggling over random past memories. “but i know for sure that plushie will…not do that for you,” jake breaks you from your trance.

“how about you show me that?”, you wink at him. heck, have you been staring at him too long?

“now you're talking”, jake smirks, snatching away the plushie from you as he sets it aside, practically throwing himself on top of you, engulfing you within his strong arms to press a series of kisses on your face, “fuck that ugly plushie.”

PARK SUNGHOON sighs, entering your shared bedroom with a bored face and arms folded. some obvious yet subtle signs he's disappointed by you, but the last disappointing thing you remember you did was eat his tiramisu. what crime have you committed now?

the bored expression quickly turns into a playful one as he clears his throat, tilting his head to one side, “are you resisting the urge to kiss and make up with me right now?”

“no not really”, you answer instantly, typing away on your laptop. but then you realised what he actually just said. with squinted eyes and a smile, you turn your head towards him, “kiss and make up? what exactly happened for us to do that?”

“i think it's about time you stop texting your best friend”, sunghoon sits down beside you giving you the meanest eye roll ever. he scoffs, “i don't get why she hates me and you don't do anything about it. it's like you two backbitch about me.”

“you won't believe it but i actually rant about you all the time to her”, you giggle, sunghoon's cheeks blooms from underneath, “she's sick of my extreme love for you.”

you let out a gasp as sunghoon pulls you in his lap, a coy smirk playing around his lips, “she should be. everyone should know i'm the best boyfriend in the world.”

you hook your arms around his neck and pull him closer, “so was the kiss and make up part just an excuse to kiss me.”

“maybe”, sunghoon chuckles, pulling you in for a chaste kiss, “who knows.”

KIM SUNOO stares straight into your phone screen, while listening to you ramble about your day and how it was. and when it glows to reveal the lock screen, sunoo feels infuriated.

“seriously now y/n, i can't believe this!”, sunoo's sudden shift in position causes your head, which was lying on his shoulders, to hit the bed frame, “like this is too much”, he seethes.

you utter a small ‘ouch’ and rub the hurt spot, a confused “what?” leaving your mouth, “wh-what do you mean?”

“you know what i mean, love”, he rolls his eyes, taking your phone and holding up the lockscreen in front of your face. it's not him. it's a random tv show character that he doesn't even know about. it should be him, it must be him, not a guy he doesn't know. “am i really being robbed of my wallpaper privileges?”, he sighs.

you let out a heavier sigh, putting up one of those smiles sunoo can't help but blush to. “don't you worry, love. maybe i don't want other girls to perceive my man. but if you're begging for it, i'll change it”, you giggle.

sunoo let's a sigh of relief and scoffs, “i'm not begging—”

“on one condition though, my head hurts!”

“aww come here, let me kiss it better”, he smiles, pulling you in again.

YANG JUNGWON literally just spawns right behind you as soon as the guy you're talking to at your friend's birthday party decides to make a move on you.

“go find someone who's not taken dude”, jungwon's eyes are green as he spits his words out, your waist already accompanied by his hand. the poor guy leaves in a hurry, not wanting to mess with the intimidating yang jungwon.

jungwon then turns to you, a shadow over his face, he's obviously upset about this, jealous even. “if you were that bored you could've called me”, jungwon mumbles.

“you were in the restroom, ‘won”, you sigh, placing a hand on his broad chest you pout, “are you…jealous—?”

“of course i'm jealous, i leave my pretty girl alone for one minute and some hipster comes and thinks he can have my girl?”, jungwon pauses for a moment to look into your cresent eyes looking up at him, you're smiling, “no. fucking. way.”

“well, it's good for you that i'm yours and only yours”, you reassure him, planting a soft kiss on his cheek and you have his breathtaking smile back. he grins at you before kissing you back, “now let's go home, i hate this party.”

NISHIMURA RIKI follows you around like a lost puppy after the dance class with his heart in shatters. just an hour ago, your dance teacher assigned partners for the upcoming festival. and it just looks like the universe is definitely not on riki's side cause you two were not paired.

“listen i'm gonna tell mrs. lee to make you my partner and i'm very sure she will listen, trust me! because you can't just—”

“riki, it's okay! it's just a project it'll be over till next week!”, you comfort your boyfriend ‘cause you know mrs. lee is a tough case, she won't crack at all. “besides, we'll be practising in the same hall.”

“exactly! that way that asshole can tease me how he got you”, riki sighs, plopping down on the benches, “i want to dance with you.”

“and i want to dance with you”, you sigh, sitting down beside him, “but you know mrs. lee would never rearrange.”

riki pulls you in a tight hug. he breathes in the vanilla scent of your hoodie before pulling back, gazing into your eyes, “if that dumbass holds you by your waist, i will go insane.”

“i won't let him do that”, you laugh, hitting his chest.

“can't we just drop out of this already? we can be the audience instead”, riki whines.

“i agree, kissing in the audience and booing them would be way better”, you nod your head. niki laughs, “you're the best girlfriend.”

© bywons, 2024. do not copy, translate or upload any of my works without my permission.

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[ryanguzmansource]

Full Audio Transcript (5.21.24)

Hey guys, welcome to I've Never Said This Before with me, Tommy Didario.

If you are not watching 9-1-1 on ABC, you are seriously missing out. The show is so phenomenal that it has been renewed for an eighth season and, my guest today—well, he is phenomenal as well. In fact, he is on my show because of you. I saw all of the tweets, the DMs, the emails—all of it so, like a genie in a bottle, your wish has been granted.

The talented actor Ryan Guzman stars in the smash hit firefighter drama series 9-1-1 and audiences fell in love with his character, Eddie, the moment he debuted in Episode 1 of Season 2. Man, he has become a staple on the show and fans have been rooting for Eddie throughout the years, and Ryan plays each moment of Eddie's journey with such care and vulnerability and truth.

We have a lot to cover today and I have a feeling you're going to really enjoy this fun but also personal and deep conversation. We do dive into some very serious mental health conversations, so after the interview, I will be providing resources for anyone struggling with their own mental health. This is one of the most powerful interviews I have ever done, and I really thank Ryan for opening up in the ways that he did today because I know that he is going to help so many people out there feel less alone.

So, let's see if we can get Ryan to say something he has never said before.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Ryan, my friend, how are you doing today?

I'm good, brother. How are you?

I'm good. I know you have been working your butt off. You were just saying you were filming all night. Are you exhausted or are you on adrenaline right now?

A little mixture of both. I got a little coffee pumped through my system. But yeah, I think I worked six out of seven days this last week. We've been doing around 14, 15 hour days. And I just got off last night around 1.30 in the morning. So got home around 2.30. But we're here. We're here.

Well, you were putting in the work. Congratulations to you on all of the success with this show. It's of course now on ABC. People are loving it. The numbers are going insane. And you've always been a fan favorite from day one. When you had that first scene of you putting that shirt on in slow motion and your body was glistening and Whatta Man was playing, people just fell in love with your character. But that's not just why they love your character. I mean, over the seasons, people have found you so relatable and and really, really are truly invested in the role that you play. Why do you think that is?

I like to say that, I mean, I try to play as grounded as I can, but I think the story itself is just the way Tim Minear writes the character. And I think he's always had a special connection with this kind of character. So, just indebted to how he writes and the connectivity between Eddie and his son. I mean, it's just like it pulls at the heartstrings, you know, and that's always been a fan favorite as well. So, you know, I'm living in gratitude for everything that's been written for that character and I try to do as much justice as I can.

Well, you're nearing the end of Season 7 and past seasons for you have been a bit heavier, a bit more intense. You've really gone through quite a lot of things that we'll touch on a bit later, which I know is also part of the reason why so many people relate to you. Are you enjoying this journey this season?

Yeah, you know what? I haven't really been able to kind of flex my humorous side and just kind of lightheartedness, kind of a vibe about Eddie, and I love that aspect of him. So while everybody else is kind of going through chaos, while Cap is going through chaos, Eddie is kind of, you know, trying to keep everybody together while, you know, Chimney and Hen be going at it during the tsunami and The Poseidon Adventure, Eddie is just, you know, being there for everybody as much as he can. So not to say that he's always going to be happy because Tim always has this thing about saying, you know, if I just let you guys be happy, then there'd be no story. You got to have some kind of drama. Nobody wants to show up just for people smiling all the time. But yeah, we've got some things in store for the rest of the season. And from what we've already shot, I've been super pleased about, you know, this new way of life for Eddie.

Like I said, the things you've gone through are intense throughout the years. Do you have any fear stepping into this role or any anxiety before you had to film some of those more intense scenes? Because it's a lot.

Yeah, you know what? Prior to 9-1-1, I might have had some fears about the depth of a lot of the things that we shot. I honestly didn't really call myself an actor until like maybe three and a half years ago.

No.

Yeah. I thought I was just fooling everybody, trying to get jobs and land the movies that I was getting. And then I think somewhere around the third season, a co-star of mine kind of, like, metaphorically slapped me in the face and said, you know, let's really get into this, man. You got some really good opportunity here. So that's when I started calling myself an actor. But to be honest, the depth of Eddie in the past three, four seasons has been amazing as just a class. It's been class for me. It's been an opportunity to flex these emotions that I don't get to flex in my day-to-day life and to access certain things and see how far can I push Eddie, how, you know, in the scene where Eddie is just losing his stuff and he's breaking everything in his house. Obviously, I've never done it in my house, but how do I get there? How can I allow the audience to feel what I'm feeling? And that task itself becomes a challenge. And I really [like] that type of challenge. So again, living in gratitude for all the little things that Eddie presents that, you know, I haven't really been presenting my own life.

So with that being said, is there a storyline that's particularly special to you for any given reason?

I kind of lean automatically towards the military/PTSD just because I have a cousin who served six tours and, you know, he shared with me—and I actually, oddly enough, during the episode of Eddie Begins, I brought him on as a military tech and he helped out everybody in the production. His name is Randy Hudson. I, you know, I love that guy to death—but, yeah, he's shared with me a lot of his issues that he's gone through and a lot of the obstacles he's gone through in his day to day life and what it's like to be a military vet coming back and kind of assimilating back into civilian lifestyle. So that storyline always kind of held a special place in my heart just because it was very close connected with me and my own family. And I always hope that, you know, I did it justice enough for everybody that has that story ingrained in them.

I think you definitely did. I saw a lot of comments when I announced you as my guest saying that that was a very meaningful part of your journey on this show. I'm so curious, you know, quite often in television it moves so fast, there's always rewrites or so much going on. Was there ever a story that you wanted to come to fruition that never did?

I hated the fact that we killed off Shannon so quick. I know she wasn't a very likable character for so many different reasons, but I always loved working with Devin. So I would love to explore a little bit more with that. But yeah, there's always beauty and chaos a little bit. So I would have loved the relationship, mother, father, parenting style aspect of Eddie's life to be a more explored, but unfortunately that can't happen anymore.

There's always so many things going on. I'm sure it's hard to fit them into each episode, and I'm sure things do have to get cut because major things keep happening episode after episode, one of them being recently, of course, Buck realized he's Bi and that's a storyline everyone's going crazy over. Did you see that coming? Were you like, I think one day this is going to happen for him?

Well, I mean, it's always kind of been in the ether. Everybody, you know, all the fans, you know, have their speculations about Eddie and Buck and, you know, for the longest time, I think Oliver and I again had lightheartedness to it. We always kind of like saw it as like, oh, at least they're so interested in our characters. Thank God they're interested in our characters. They're not ignoring us, and I don't know if either of us had a pinpoint, you know, idea on which character or if any character would actually lead in that way.

But again, all credit to Tim Minear. He's the one that knows the way. So he chose Buck's character to explore that route. And now seeing it happen in front of our eyes, it makes so much sense. And it just the way him, Buck and Tommy are getting together and the way they're exploring their own individuality and personality. It's beautiful to watch. I was very excited to see, you know, that episode specifically, just for the fact that it was such a moment between, you know, a friend and another friend who had held this huge secret. And how do you come out to your friend?

I had a friend, you know—because I know I've had this actually in my own personal life. I've said this in prior interviews—I had a friend who was deadly scared of coming out to me. And I realized that that moment itself wasn't so much the journey for me, you know, it was this hard journey for himself. And all I had to do was catch. I just had to be there for him, and I was like, that moment itself is so beautiful. I can't wait to do that scene. I can't wait to, you know, show the world like this is how you be there for your brother.

Wow, how cool that you could pull from your real life experience and make that scene even more special, which is why I think it came off so incredibly powerful. It really was so cool to see. And the reception has been absolutely incredible in terms of people feeling like, you know, they're seen through that character and it's on prime-time TV. And you don't see a ton of that, which is still kind of crazy. But, you know, and of course, there were some negative comments, which blows my mind. I mean, I'm sure that blew your mind, too, to see that because who cares, right?

Honestly, I've got this now filter for negative comments. They just kind of seep right through and I don't even hold on to anything. So all I've seen is really, really good comments.

And one of the best parts is actually I've gone to work and Oliver himself has been like telling me these stories of people saying, man, I did not have the strength to come out until way later on in my life. So I'm like, oh man, could you imagine 20, 30 years of holding on to this repressed thing and then it just eating away at you and not being able to say anything, even to the closest people and then seeing something on television to inspire you. That kind of thing is just like, whoa, okay, we're doing something much greater, much bigger than us.

He's not the only one inspiring its characters like you because you're showing, you know, what an ally means, and I think that's really cool to see this like macho, cool guy that's just like, cool, like who cares? And that's also equally as powerful and as important. Before we put a pin on this, you know, part of the conversation, you mentioned you never know what the writers are going to do, and I think there were talks at one point of possibly Eddie being the one to come out in some sort of way. Do you laugh and have fun with all of the fandom's obsession with you as Eddie and Buck getting together? Like, is that something you guys always are seeing and hearing? And I know everyone brings it up to you and it's something that's always looming. Like, how do you react to that? Does it ever get tiring for you?

Again, if the fans are interested, we're doing our job. So I love the love. And I mean, unfortunately, I'm not the one that writes it. So it's all up to Tim. But me and Oliver have a really good time with the fact that, you know, people are so invested into these storylines. And in fact, they're so invested, they're creating their own storylines. They're sending us clips and edits and videos. And, you know, every now and then, Oliver will show me something, I'll show Oliver something. Like, did we actually do this in a scene? Because they cut it so well together.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I think at the end of the day, you know, we just love the love. We're here to entertain and tell the truth. If it's true to the character, then yeah.”

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

You can't predict the future. Nobody can on this show. But if the opportunity one day happened to come your way where they were like, this storyline might be explored between Buck and Eddie, would you be open to that storyline in the future? I see you smiling. I see Oliver had the same reaction, a big ass grin on his face when I asked this.

Yeah, you know, like I said, it's got to live in the truth and I think right now we live in a moment—or me, I live moment to moment—so I love the fact that the biggest plot point between these two characters is one happens to be Bi, one happens to be Hetero, and they have this vulnerability towards each other. And that is the truth to me is it's the fact that you have such a safe space and it doesn't matter your sexuality, that you have a safe space to talk to this individual and he can fully accept you. If we can stay with that, then whatever happens, happens.

But I don't necessarily want to push the fact that because you're vulnerable, you have to be one way or the other in your sexuality. Then I would hate to have a lot of other men who are struggling mentally and not sure about, oh, do I even open up? Because will that make me something that I'm not? I would hate to push that narrative. So if we live in the truth, whatever happens, happens. And again, I'm here for it all.

Whatever happens, happens. That's a nice way to put it. And I agree with you. I think there's power in both. I think there's power in showing a strong friendship that you don't always get to see. And then there's power if something eventually does happen. So whatever happens, happens. I like that, man. What can we expect for the rest of the season with your characters? Anything you can tease? The finale is coming up. We have a couple more weeks. What can we expect?

What can we expect? Well, we can expect that Eddie's smiles might turn to frowns.

Oh no.

Or at least confusion, maybe. We'll start to see, you know, has he gotten past certain traumas? Or is he just kind of pushed them to the side and acting like they're not there?

You know, I have to say a lot of people are still holding on to hope that we're going to get that karaoke scene.

I mean, yeah, we had such a good time playing that karaoke scene, and it was kind of a let down a little bit to know that it wasn't going to be in there. But now, again, looking at the episode itself, as fun as it would be, the main story was Chimney. And the way Kenneth Choi played Chimney, and that episode specifically—I mean, I think he got, you know, performance of the week for that—it would have been a disservice to add, you know, a three-minute scene of us laughing and having a great time and being drunks and karaoke and take away from that performance. So I'm glad that Tim made that decision, and I don't know if he has any plans on showing that later on or whatnot or having some extended clip version, but I can tell you this much, everybody from the cast to the crew to the background had a wild and crazy time doing that scene.

And I think what I just heard you say is you might accidentally drop it on your Instagram very soon.

I might get fired if I do that.

All right. Well, we'll see. I'll talk to ABC PR. No problem. What do you want to see for season eight? Like, are you thinking about the future? Is there like, OK, if I can have my way, I absolutely want to explore blank.

To be honest, there's so much going at us so rapid, so fast paced at this moment. The scripts are getting handed in like quick as can be. So we have a moment's notice to kind of know what we're doing and where we're going with our character. From what I know, from what I've shot thus far, I think next season will literally be a refresh button to Eddie. And starting over in so many different ways, so many new ways in which Eddie has never explored and we've never seen Eddie explore. He'll be on his own in a lot of areas.

Speaking of that, I have to bring up season five, the mental health breakdown, man. That was intense. And a lot of people felt very connected to that. How was it stepping into that scene for you and that storyline? Because it's pretty powerful.

Thank you. Man, that was cathartic, to be honest. It was I've gone through my own mental health issues as far as like, you know, my own depression and anxiety, and, you know, I was raised in an age where men aren't vulnerable and aren't allowed to show feelings. So that kind of repression is like a ticking time bomb, you know, especially for a person in Eddie's life, or his lifestyle. So to kind of relinquish this boundary of who Ryan is and step into Eddie and just kind of just full-on dive deep into these this well of emotion, it was, it was almost like therapy. It was crazy because, you know, from the second they started to say rolling, it's like my—I started to, you know, start bawling and crying, and when Buck comes in and, you know, he's trying to check in on me and the whole room is just all scattered around and I'm losing it—it's just like there was no semblance of Ryan anymore. It was just all Eddie and he was just lost, and that's what it is.

It's like if I were to look at my son, you know, five year old son, that's kind of what we revert back to is just this child that is just so scared and not having any sense of direction and—or hope that anybody will ever love him or ever see him. And it's just these like, you know, existential fears that come out within those tears, and that was my goal to portray that whole scene and then the scene following it. So to get there was just let go, just let go.

Well, the work you did was clearly honest and raw and vulnerable. You can't fake the work that you did in that. And it was really a powerful man for many people to kind of go through that with you and for people who have had their own experiences. And you're right, like, I'm from an old school Italian family. And, you know, you grow up thinking men don't go through that and men don't show those emotions. So to have that on prime-time TV is huge.

Yeah, I hope that helped out a lot of people. I hope that people were actually able to see that and at least, you know, go to their best guy friend, and, you know, I think that's what really needs to happen. As far as men, we need to lean on each other. You know, women have their own issues and they have their certain way of connecting with each other, but there's a special connection that you can have with your brother. And I give so much credit to quite a few of my personal brothers—including my actual brother—for allowing me to run to them in my moments of need, in my moments of feeling lost. And them, you know, being men themselves, not having to say one thing to me.

Or they can just, you know, if they see me in a moment of, you know, deep into a problem, they have the ability to say, well, here's a solution. And since I'm, you know, of like mind, I can be like, okay, you know what? Thank you for giving me some kind of direction. So yeah, I implore all men out there to kind of at least have one or two in your corner, you know, because we can't get anywhere without community.

Absolutely. What have you most learned about yourself through playing this character for so many years? You know, you joined in season two. It's been a lot of years now under your belt. Have you thought about that? Have you learned anything through playing, Eddie?

I've learned a lot through Eddie. I've learned patience. He's a—you know, he has a sense of patience that I didn't have in the beginning even prior to being a father, you know, and then kids itself, they teach you how to be patient. So, yeah, I've learned how to be there as a father. Kind of oddly enough, it was just living as one onscreen prior to actually being one in real life, it gave me, say, practice. I get to practice on television what I get to implore with my own children. And, you know, even if it's the worst thing for Eddie, you know, and I see him doing something horrible, at least I come back home, like, well, that can't happen. I can't do that with my kids. So, yeah, and in so many ways, it's helped me grow as a man, let alone a father.

That's pretty awesome when you can take things away from your job like that and become a better person. I love that so much. Can you believe you've been on the show for so long now? Do you ever think like, damn, that's not normal. That's the rarity in the business. So is that a cool feeling for you?

Yeah, I literally just had that moment yesterday. We were filming a scene, all of us, the whole cast, and I'm sitting outside—I can't tell you the location, that's going to blow something—I'm sitting outside one of the sets and I just had that moment to myself. I'm like, oh my God, I'm actually here. How did I get so lucky to be on not only just a television show, the number one television show out there, where we're in our seventh season and we're creating numbers that people don't even get in their first season? So again, if there's a moment to tap into, let's get into that gratitude again and just be super thankful that I was lucky enough to land this.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

That is so cool, and that's why I have no doubt you'll continue having so much success in your career and in your personal life because you keep bringing up gratitude, and it's very evident that's something you lead your life with. And in fact, I saw a recent Instagram post where you give a beautiful tribute to Twitch, and you credit him with being able to form connection with people in your life now and to different things and places, and I thought that was such a beautiful way to show people that you're working on yourself and you're a work in progress and that he helps you kind of open your eyes. So that was a really cool moment for you to also reveal.

Thank you, yeah. Yeah, I believe so much of the world right now is showcasing a polished version of themselves. And to be honest, I did it myself for so long that I've become tired of it, and I would much rather get to the raw—the raw, the unfiltered, the, you know, the mess ups, the, you know—I've stuck my foot in my mouth too many times. I've done, you know, stupid things in my life, and I never want to present myself as a person that does everything great because there's so many things I suck at.

So I think there's an opportunity within that rawness to invite others to become raw themselves, and for us to see that, you know, we're not competing with each other, we're competing with ourself and our own image of ourself and friends like, you know, a brother like, like Twitch, you know, and—not understanding what he was going through and that lack of connectivity that I always, you know, felt but never acted on, which again, I felt imposter syndrome for so long of calling him my brother. It really struck a chord in me and now I can't go backwards. Now I'm propelled forward to be like, is this conversation authentic between us or are we just kind of saying what we have to say just so we can pass on to the next person and create whatever that is? And I'm not here for that. I would much rather have that depth and I'd much rather have that rawness.

Beautifully said and a perfect segue into what I want to finish this conversation with, which is based off the title of the show: I've Never Said This Before. So I'm wondering, is there anything that comes to mind that you want to share today that you've never shared before?

Uh. Huh. Yeah, you know what? I've been thinking about this for so long and there's so many things, you know, that come to mind. One specifically, and I've been hesitant to actually say any of this for so long because, you know, it's been years upon years.

About six and a half, seven years ago—and I've really never said this out loud, especially onto a public platform—I had my own mental health crisis and I tried at one point in time to take my own life. And luckily, it didn't work. Luckily, I got a second chance by the grace of God. And from that moment forward, I've taken each step as an opportunity to erase what got me there and build on what allowed me to live forward. So I would say that that moment itself, in addition to what happened to my brother Twitch, are probably the two biggest fundamental moments of my entire life and have allowed me to have a deeper sense of mercy and empathy towards every individual.

So I would implore that all men renounce this fact of, you know, you're a tough man, you have to hold all this in, but lean on your brother, really lean on your brother. And if your brothers aren't being there in the way they need to be, find some new ones. Because that's another thing, if you don't have the people that are conducive to a healthy lifestyle and you're keeping on to them because of loyalty, let them go. There's plenty of other people. There's people that have been through your situation before that are willing and more than willing, you know, to help. So yeah, that was a big one.

Man, first of all, thank you for sharing something so personal and close to your heart with me today. I feel honored that you did open up and share that. And I'm truly—God, this could be another half hour conversation, so I'll keep it short—but I'm truly grateful that you are spreading that message today for anybody listening because, you know, mental health is a crisis and I think people sometimes look at you, they look at me, they think everything's perfect. We are, you know, in this public space and what can be wrong?

And when you humanize real shit like that, it makes people feel less alone. And you got through it, you realize that wasn't the right way to go about it and your life forever changed for the better, and I'm truly grateful that you put that message out today because you have no idea how many people you're going to be helping with that. And I truly know that that's something that's not easy to get off your chest. And for that, I thank you and I know so many people will be thanking you, and I hope you feel kind of like a little bit of a weight lifted that you share that hopefully.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to understand what I'm feeling at the moment. But I hope in what you said is true. And I hope that, again, I would love to do more for mental health, especially for men, I mean, just in general, to be honest. But yes, I hope that there is a new wave out there that's kind of taking over that we can actually have some cohesiveness and connection, a true understanding of what connection is. Let's revisit that. So this issue isn't a common issue anymore. If we can take that down, then let's do it. I'm here for it.

Beautifully said, and thank you again for sharing that. I could talk to you for hours, especially leaving with that. I think you're such a cool person. And you watch people, I get to talk to people all the time. But this to me was a real conversation, and that's what I value. That's why I have a show called I've Never Said This Before, and I want to talk about the projects that the fans love, but also leave room to talk about things that matter. I don't think there's enough of that. So I truly thank you for hanging out, for coming on, for talking about the fun of 911, which we all love, and it's killing it in every way, but also sharing a little piece of you. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I have.

Thanks for having me, my man. Yeah, I had a great time.

Thank you, and remind everyone where, how, when, all the things about your show.

Yes, please watch Thursdays at 8 on ABC.

All right, and stay tuned for the karaoke scene that you just promised you will be dropping.

Yeah, maybe when I'm fired again.

All right, man, until we meet again, take care.

All right, brother.

#ryan guzman #may 2024 #i've never said this before #transcribed #5.21.24

[wheelsnipecelebrini]

Generally speaking, I’m fascinated by how narratives around athletes are built. Some of the basic models are: Well He Loved It So Much So We Never Pushed Him He Is Just Like This vs. We Built This Phenom From The Ground Up With Our Genius Guidance.

Connor Bedard pretty firmly falls in the former camp (take a shot every time his parents are quoted saying their son is effectively a Terminator with hockey-playing software installed). Macklin Celebrini is definitely more in the “I, his father, handcrafted him into a more bespoke sports robot”; there’s been a lot of attention on his dad’s career as VP of player health and conditioning in the NBA’s Golden State Warriors org being a cornerstone of Macklin’s development.

I also generally have interest in the mechanics and minutiae of injuries and rehab. Anyone who’s rehabbed a serious injury can probably relate. Anyway, all this media is catnip to me, so, here, have a Rick Celebrini media roundup, focused on the last few years as draft buzz around Macklin increased.

ESPN | What makes Macklin Celebrini the next big thing in hockey

Rick helped Macklin and his siblings -- brothers Aiden, 19; RJ, 12; and sister, Charlie, 15 -- along each of their athletic journeys, where he balanced the line between trainer and dad.

"When they're working out, I tell them there has to be a professionalism to your approach and what you do. And that's when I'm not Dad," Rick said. "But in their times when they're vulnerable, then I become Dad, and I'll always be Dad."

…

"When Rick first got [to Golden State] his kids would be running up and down the court playing pickup 3-on-3, with the whole family, Robyn too," [Golden State Warriors head coach] Kerr said. "It's so funny seeing them as kids and then all of a sudden, you find out the two older boys are big-time hockey players.

"And then I started to really ask Rick more about his kids and what they were doing. Then there's little Charlie, the tennis player. And then I realized, Rick's cooking something up in his house. ... He's just churning out athletes over there."

…

There's a reason the Warriors wanted to support Rick. He's been crucial to their culture and success.

"He's one of the best human beings I know, and that's straight from the heart," [Golden State Warriors head coach] Kerr said. "He's got this great combination of emotional intelligence and technical knowledge of his field and humor and authority. The players see him every day, and so for us it means so much that he's one of the first people they see and feel, and he just sets an incredible tone."

[Golden State Warriors player Draymond] Green called Rick "a giver."

"He gives his time, he gives his energy, he gives his effort," Green said. "He's a magician when it comes to the body. He's a magician when it comes to the mind. He is our secret weapon and he's an incredible father. He's an incredible man."

━━━━━

Sharks on NBCS | 08 May 2024

Rick Celebrini: I’ve said this a number of times, you know, he was born to be a hockey player, as much as I tried to convince him into other sports or other activities, he always gravitated to being a hockey player.

━━━━━

The Athletic: Inside what may be Macklin Celebrini’s final days of BU hockey: Shoe Check, heartbreak, and a big decision

Plenty of college coaches reached out to Macklin. Pereira was the first to call Rick, who was in the 2022 NBA Finals with the Warriors against the Boston Celtics at the time. Pereira left a voicemail:

“Rick, this is Joe Pereira from Boston University. Before I go any further, I want to let you know I’m not a Celtics fan. I know you’re flying into town. I want to talk to you about your boys.”

Rick soon replied via text: “LOL. I’ll give you a call later.”

The next day, Rick met with Pandolfo and his staff. When the Warriors traveled to Boston for Game 6, the Celebrini boys came along.

…

Rick believes his son can see the bigger picture with this future-changing decision. He has been open to insight from his support system, including family, advisers with CAA (like Pat Brisson and Matt Williams) and coaches.

“Me and (Warriors coach) Steve Kerr talk about this all the time,” Rick said. “There’s a value to being patient and developing at a level that’s more conducive to development. The NHL is not a developmental league. The NBA is not a developmental league. You’re either ready or you’re not. But college hockey is more conducive to that with the schedule, the work in the weight room and practice schedule.”

…

“An Arizona scout called me and goes, ‘For what you do for a living, where would you say he is on his developmental curve?’” Rick recalled. “Honestly, he’s a puppy. He shaves once every couple weeks. He’s not even through puberty. He really is a kid, kid. He’s got a little bit of maturing and growing to do, just getting that thickness of a man’s body.”

━━━━━

The Mercury News | How Warriors trainer’s son became NHL’s top draft prospect — and possibly Sharks’ future star

“I think it’s been massive for me,” Celebrini told this news organization. “Everything from injury prevention to different things to work on and understanding how an athlete works, the tolerance of an athlete — all that knowledge kind of displayed onto us, it all helped massively in our development.”

Rick isn’t a mad scientist. He never forced any of his children to play sports.

But here they are, elite athletes anyway: Macklin soon the top pick, Aiden already drafted by the Canucks, Charlize, 15, one of the top Canadian players her age, and RJ, the youngest with perhaps the most potential in the rink.

“It’s been around them their whole lives,” Rick said, “so I think they’ve just naturally gravitated to (sports).”

…

Much else was taught, though, by one of North America’s brightest sports medicine minds, including cross-sport exposure.

“I feel like soccer helped me in so many ways, even ways I didn’t really think about,” Macklin told this news organization. “Vision or spacing, just problem-solving. There’s so many benefits to playing different sports.”

After getting his PhD in physical therapy at the University of British Columbia and playing pro soccer, Rick worked three Winter Olympics — first as a physiotherapist for Canada’s Alpine Ski Team and then as the 2010 games’ chief therapist and medical manager. He became the Vancouver Whitecaps’ team physiotherapist and co-founded the Fortius Institute, where he worked with close friend Steve Nash. In 2018, he joined the Warriors and soon became one of the most respected members of the organization.

Rick brought his work home with him, too. When his kids were little, he’d create obstacle courses for them on playgrounds, “gamifying” physical activity. During a flight delay at the Orlando airport after a trip to Disney World, he set up a sprinting circuit for the kids in the terminal.

“You’re really trying to tease out multi-directional movement and cutting, change of direction, ducking under things and jumping over things,” Rick said.

Part of Rick’s PhD research was in motor skill acquisition. In layman’s terms: how to optimize movement. In Rick’s terms: building a young athlete’s “physical literacy.”

On beach vacations in Maui, Rick would lead his kids through sprints and hops in the sand. In another game, Rick would kick a soccer ball and have Macklin and Aiden race to retrieve it, critiquing their strides.

The Celebrini family’s unofficial motto is “What did you do today to get better?”

━━━━━

The Warriors’ whisperer: If Golden State is to repeat, he’ll have a hand in it

“He just guided me through tough days,” [Golden State Warriors player Klay] Thompson said. “So many calf raises. So many days on the shuttle board. Then the HydroWorx? Pssh. If it wasn’t for Rick Celebrini, I wouldn’t be where I am today. That’s a fact.”

Celebrini doesn’t score points. He doesn’t make roster decisions. He doesn’t sign checks. Yet, owner Joe Lacob empowers him. President of basketball operations Bob Myers believes in him. Kerr listens to him. The team’s stars swear by him.

Celebrini might be the most powerful figure in the organization you don’t know. In many ways, the NBA’s most valuable franchise, while loaded with legendary figures and dynamic personalities, shifts on the acumen and decisions of this 55-year-old former soccer player from Canada.

“Coach is 1A,” Stephen Curry said, followed by a chuckle. “(Celebrini) might be 1B.”

…

“I think that position is one of the three or four most important in the whole basketball operations department — especially considering that the players are the most important people,” Myers said of Celebrini’s role. “We have $360 million invested in our players and their health. So finding someone to navigate that, you can’t overstate that level of importance.”

The Warriors are certain they’ve found the right person in Celebrini. At 6-foot-1, he still has the shoulders of a center-back and the jawline of a hockey goon. But his ready smile and friendly disposition give an unassuming vibe. His allegiance to the background, his preference for existing beneath the championship fray, throws people off the scent. Inside the franchise, though, Celebrini is a pivotal figure.

…

On the same night that Thompson returned from his 941-day absence — a milestone for Celebrini’s rehab process — Green felt tightness in his left calf in pregame warmups. He stopped his routine short, went into Celebrini’s office and gave him a heads up.

“All right, we’re going to get an MRI on your back,” Celebrini said.

‘No, but Rick, my calf is tight,” Green insisted.

“Yeah,” Celebrini said. “Let’s just MRI your back.”

Celebrini was right. The MRI revealed a disc injury in Green’s lower back. A nerve problem was causing weakness in his left calf.

“He knew right away,” Green said. “He’s blown my mind.”

Several athletes who have dealt with Celebrini say his ability to figure out the source of a persistent problem is key to his treatment process. He’s like Dr. House for athletes.

…

Curry immediately noticed Celebrini’s attention to detail and the creativity of his approach. Nine days later, the Warriors were in Dallas. Celebrini and Carl Bergstrom — then the Warriors’ director of performance — put Curry through a pregame workout he describes as one of the hardest he’s ever done. It involved a wall, a BOSU ball and 100 single-leg squats.

In between the 10 sets of 10 squats, Curry and Celebrini essentially … slow-danced?

“Basically, it’s like a ballet dance,” Curry said, “where you simulate real-life game movements, but you do it at such a slow, methodical speed. So it’s training your neurological system to be like, ‘I remember the pattern of these moves,’ even though you’re not going full speed. It was so methodical, but he was locked into every single set. And that’s when I knew, like, I was getting stronger in the process of healing and I was gonna come back ready to go.

…

Celebrini became interested in sports medicine as a teenager, after he fractured his ankle playing soccer. He did his rehab with Alex McKechnie, who was also treating professional athletes, and Celebrini was intrigued.

He played college soccer at Capilano University for his first two years. He transferred to the University of British Columbia in 1987, playing five seasons at the school and winning four consecutive Canadian soccer championships. He also played for Canada’s under-20 national team in the 1987 FIFA World Youth Championship and eventually defended for the Vancouver 86ers of the American Professional Soccer League.

After graduating, Celebrini began pursuing his career in sports medicine while playing professionally. His career on the pitch was constantly hampered by injuries, including multiple ACL tears. But his career in sports medicine was ascending. In 2010, Celebrini served as the manager of medical services and chief therapist for the entire Winter Olympics. In 2011, he was hired as the team’s physiotherapist by his former professional club, which became the Vancouver Whitecaps.

In 2013, Celebrini was a co-founder of the MultiSport Centre of Excellence in his hometown of Burnaby, British Columbia. The $54 million facility became an epicenter of elite sports medicine. It is from this post that Celebrini consulted and worked with athletes in the NBA and NHL.

…

[W]hen Green was recovering from a back injury that knocked him out of action for more than two months. Green said his rehab required relearning how to walk and run. Celebrini promised Green he would get him healthy as long as he committed to the process. Green did and Celebrini was by his side the entire way. He made the hour-plus drive from home to Chase Center to work with Green and often spent at least three hours per session in the weight room with him.

It was a brutal process, as mentally grueling as it was physically. Green remembers how Celebrini did every step of the work himself instead of delegating some of the work to his staff. Even during the 2022 All-Star break, when Green went to Cabo San Lucas, Celebrini went with him.

“I remember one day he needed to go see his son,” Green said. “He was in tears that he had to leave. We were in L.A. He was like, ‘I’m gonna go see Mack.’ He was in tears. He went for a day, came back and locked back in with me the next day. That might be the only day in the whole time that I did not see him.”

━━━━━

The Athletic | How NBA superstars showed the NHL’s next top prospect the way

The next day, Macklin underwent an MRI that revealed a significant injury, a partial posterior labrum tear. An orthopedic surgeon recommended immediate surgery.

“I’m thinking it’s my second game of the year and my season is pretty much done,” [Macklin] says. “I’m facing a six-month recovery and my year is over. All of this work for two games, and now I have to rehab my whole shoulder.”

That’s when Dad entered the picture. “He called me in tears,” Rick says. “I consulted with a couple of colleagues and people I knew.” Their consensus: Skip the surgery for now. Opt for rehab.

“So I was out for two weeks, rehabbed it, got it strong enough and stable enough to play,” Macklin says.

…

A subsequent MRI revealed that the once partial posterior labrum tear was now complete. The injury was now classified as severe and surgery was unavoidable.

Macklin’s surgery was conducted in Vail, Colo., by Dr. Peter Millett, a shoulder specialist who has operated on several NHL-level players, including Montreal Canadiens defender Arber Xhekaj last summer.

The surgery went well, but as Rick and Macklin settled in for a lengthy summer of rehab, doubts emerged.

Rick would say later it was the “most pressure I’ve ever felt working through an injury with a player.”

Helping top athletes recover and rehabilitate from injury is his profession, honed over years with teams in Vancouver and from 2018 with the Golden State Warriors of the NBA. But with his own son, he wondered: “Should I get someone else to do this with Macklin?”

“When it’s your son, with the emotional piece, and going into his big draft year, there was an element of stress and anxiety,” he says. “Once the dust settles and you focus on the task at hand, that’s when each day has its objectives, and you just execute on them.”

…

Rick and Macklin spent a large part of the summer of 2023 together.

On the Celebrini family ranch in Northern California, where they moved after Rick joined the Warriors, Macklin worked diligently to rehab his shoulder under his father’s watchful eyes.

Rick, the team’s director of sports medicine and performance, has been a leader in his field for years. He worked with the Canadian men’s Alpine ski team at the 1994 and 2002 Winter Olympics, served as medical manager and chief therapist during the 2010 Winter Olympics and was the director of rehabilitation for the Vancouver Canucks of the NHL (from 2014-18) and the Vancouver Whitecaps of MLS (from 2011-18).

…

[Macklin] said his dad helped him anticipate and endure the hard days. “He was clear to me, ‘This is a challenge you’ve never faced before, and it’s going to be difficult,’” Macklin says. “And … he kept telling me, ‘It’s going to heal.’ That was something I had in the back of my mind the whole time, like, ‘Yeah it’s sore, but it’s going to get better. Eventually it’ll be back to full strength and back to normal.'”

Rick spoke from experience. He had worked with Kevin Durant while he recovered from his torn Achilles tendon injury. He had helped Klay Thompson return from his torn ACL. He was able to tap into those experiences, helping his son trust that those difficult days would pass.

“Early on when the objective was to reassure him, you draw on those anecdotes,” Rick says. “With the surgeon and the injury that he had, there was never a doubt that if he was comprehensive and worked at all elements of the rehab of his shoulder and the rest of his body … that he would come back stronger.

“I was able to give him real life examples and that helps when it isn’t just encouraging words from his dad.”

San Jose Hockey Now | Rick Celebrini Pulling for Sharks to Draft Macklin Celebrini

Sheng Peng: Rick, you’re a soccer guy…even represented Team Canada in your youth…and your wife, Robyn, also a college soccer player. Yet all three of your sons are hockey players and your daughter is a tennis player.”

Rick: Yeah, we failed miserably. [laughs] I thought we had a chance of at least one of them becoming a soccer player.

TSN | Macklin Celebrini shares a special connection to Draymond Green and the Golden State Warriors

Draymond Green: He is someone that is invaluable to us. He keeps guys on the floor, and when guys aren’t on the floor, he puts plans together to make sure guys are firing on all cylinders. A guy you can go talk to and confide in, that’s who Rick is to this team.

Rick Celebrini: I truly feel a commitment to the players, to look after them as athletes but [also] as human beings, and I don’t say that lightly. It really drives not only what I do, but how I do it, these days.

…

Rick Celebrini: I have, at different times, challenged them: if you really love this, if you have a passion for it, let me help you get to the pinnacle of that sport.

Aiden Celebrini: He was our dad, but he was also our director of player health and performance. “What’s your plan today? What are you doing to get better today?” That was his philosophy with us growing up.

…

Steve Kerr: We joke a bit with Rick. Do the kids really need to hear that every single moment? Can you just watch a movie one night? There’s no doubt, he treats his kids just like he treats his players.

Robyn Celebrini: What Rick would tell [Macklin] is: this is what it takes. You can’t do what everyone else is doing and expect to achieve greatness. Most people just see the glory, but a lot of people forget about all the hard work that goes into those moments.

Macklin Celebrini: He’s serious. When it’s time to work, it’s time to work. I like that, I respond to it.

Rick Celebrini: I mean, it’s a tough life. I think he understands it’s necessary for him to achieve his defined goals.

#macklin celebrini #rick celebrini #princessology #media roundup #web-weaving

[ladykailitha]

Never Hold Back Your Step... Part 8

Hello! It does look like there is only one more chapter to write on Paper Hearts so yay!!! I'm not sure how much longer Sweet Home Indiana is but it's nearing it's end too.

Steve is never going to go to another party after this, Eddie gets book two of the Boy with a Bat, and they have a frank discussion about how Eddie gets paid for his less than legal side gig.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

trigger warning: homophobic language by an OC.

****

At least the swim team knew to how to throw a party. Lyle was hosting and even though his family wasn’t well off, not like Steve’s parents, there was still enough room for the whole team and a few of their friends to have a good time.

Granted there wasn’t any booze, not openly anyway, but there were ice chest after ice chest of canned sodas. And all kinds, too. Steve was on his third Coke and had already sussed out the dude with the beer and was working his way over.

Going right up to the guy was asking for trouble that neither of them wanted.

The music wasn’t too loud, but you could dance to it in the main part of the house. People were actually laughing and having fun.

Which really should have been Steve’s cue. The universe was out to get him and wouldn’t let him have a moment’s peace.

He had almost reached the guy with the beer when Ezra blocked his path.

“Hey, Steve,” he greeted syrupy sweet. “I’m so glad you made it out. I wasn’t sure if you would come without Eddie Munson.”

Steve frowned and tried to move around his co-captain. “I go lots of places without Eddie. I went to nationals without him, didn’t I?”

Ezra put his hand on Steve’s chest to stop him. “Sure you did, but we didn’t win nationals now, did we?”

Steve looked down at the hand on his chest. “We swam our hearts man, the other teams were just better. Hell, that team from Georgia was on fire.”

Ezra snorted and rolled his eyes. “They only got where they were because they were black. They didn’t have any real talent. Not like us. Not like you and me, Steve.”

“Are you saying Lyle and Nick held us back?” he asked with his brow furrowing deeper in his confusion.

“We’ve always known that Lyle is a strong swimmer and not a fast one,” Ezra moaned waving the drink in his other hand around. “But he’s all this shit town has on offer.”

Steve gently pushed Ezra off of him. “Hey, how about not talking shit about the actual host, man.”

Ezra rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he huffed. “That’s not even why I’m over here. I’m here to warn you about Munson.”

And there it was. Everyone in his life had felt the need at some point in the last six months to warn him off the super senior.

The other boy leaned in close, his lips a snarl. “He’s a queer, a little faggot boy,” he hissed, the spit landing on Steve’s face. “It’s the town’s worst kept secret.”

Ice slid down Steve’s spine. Oh shit. Of all the places he thought the other co-captain was going to go, that was not it. Drugs. DND. The ranting on table tops. All that slid away to sheer terror.

“And you better not bend over in the showers,” Ezra continued, “a pretty thing like you would just be his type.”

Steve’s eyes went wide. “Wha–what do you mean?”

“Everyone knows that if you can’t pay for your weed,” Ezra sneered, “that he’s willing to take a blowjob as payment instead.” He leaned further into Steve’s space, so that they were almost touching, the stench of weed radiating off the other boy in waves. “I saw Harry Masters sucking him off for a gram of the good stuff.”

Steve stomach lurched and swooped, bile rising up in his throat. Harry Masters was on the baseball team. He was tall, good looking, with that devil may care charm of Rob Lowe. Looked like him, too.

“What he does or doesn’t do doesn’t effect me, man,” he said, trying to aim for nonchalant and missing by a mile.

Ezra laughed in his face.

“Dude,” he cackled, “if you didn’t want people to think you’re down bad for ‘the Freak’ maybe rein in the eye fucking. I’ve seen the way you look at him and it makes me sick.”

That was when Steve got it. He had been wondering what the hell this conversation was.

“Oh my god!” he laughed. “Fuck, man, you were scaring me for a second there. You’re just jealous I don’t have the hots for you.”

Ezra pushed him. “The fuck I do, Harrington!”

“No, no!” Steve crowed. “I’ve got it all figured it out. All the times I caught you staring at me, all the times I felt someone watching me, all the times you’d try to keep me late after practice. You wanted me all to yourself.”

His co-captain turned purple with rage and swung at Steve, but before he could even flinch, there was someone at his side, holding Ezra’s wrist to keep the hit from even going anywhere near Steve’s face.

“Eddie!” Steve breathed. “What are you doing here?”

Eddie smiled at him with that soft dimpled grin Steve loved. “Hey ya, Stevie. I was just plying my wares when I heard the commotion and came over to make sure you were all right.”

“So you are my good luck charm,” Steve said brightly.

Ezra wrenched his arm out of Eddie’s hand. “This doesn’t concern you, Freak!”

Eddie leaned in close and cocked his head to the side. “It does, because you were talking shit about me and Stevie, here. And as Stevie’s good friend, I’mma gonna come to his rescue. Now, you’re going to skedaddle on home and sleep all this off.”

Ezra spat in his face. “Or what?”

The older teen just smiled menacingly. “Or else that gram you smoked will be the last you ever smoke, because I’ll report to you for doping for matches.”

Ezra paled and he gulped. “You can’t do that! I’ve never done anything but weed.”

“That’s true,” Eddie admitted. “But they’d have to do this big investigation and your name would be dragged through the mud. Or you could toddle off and go to college and leave this town in your rearview mirror.”

Ezra turned on his heel and ran out of the house as if the hounds of hell were on his tail.

Steve shook his head. “You do know this is where all the allegations about you being a devil worshiping cult leader come from, right?”

Eddie threw back his head and laughed. “They can think all they want.”

*

Eddie and Steve talked about what Ezra had said about how people make payments for their weed.

“I won’t deny that people have offer to blow me or even have sex with me in exchange for drugs,” Eddie said as they lay curled up on his bed. “But I’ve never taken anybody up on that.”

Steve twisted his head to look up at his boyfriend. “I can’t say I’m not pleased to hear that, but is there a reason why?”

“Several,” he admitted pulling Steve in closer. “One is that there is an actual fucking pandemic going on regarding gay men, and I wouldn’t trust those assholes even with a condoms. Another is that if I say yes to one, then I’ve got to say yes to next guy. And as my supplier wants actual cash for his product, blow jobs aren’t currency in any country I know of. And despite what Ezra said, most of the people offering aren’t men.”

Steve hummed as he snuggled under Eddie’s chin. “I can see that. Any other reasons why you won’t?”

“Does having a super hot boyfriend count?” he chuckled.

Steve kissed the underside of his jaw. “That’s a very good reason.” His hand slipped down his boyfriend’s side and to his belt. “A super hot boyfriend who is very grateful for the rescue.”

Eddie moaned as Steve’s fingers ghosted over his zipper. “Yeah and how are you going to show that gratitude?”

Steve slid down Eddie body and undid his belt. “I was thinking it was such a shame you didn’t get those blow jobs when your cock is so delectable.”

Eddie gasped and threw back his head as his super hot boyfriend’s breath felt hot on the front of his boxers. “God, baby. Show me what you’ve got.”

And Steve spent their evening doing just that.

*

Steve fidgeted nervously at Eddie’s locker after school. He had finished the most recent comic with only a week of school to spare. He had made sure that Jonathan and Nancy weren’t staying after school for any reason so they didn’t see him make the hand off. He knew he should have just done it at the trailer, but with him cutting it so fine before the end of the year, he didn’t want to make Jeff and the others wait for it.

Eddie loped over to his boyfriend and looked around. “Hey, sweetheart. You okay?”

He thrust the comic at Eddie, his eyes downcast. “It’s the most recent comic. There’s an explanation like before. But please don’t let people see that part.”

Eddie cradled the comic to his chest. “I’ll be careful, I promise. I’m guessing this means you aren’t coming over tonight?”

Steve shook his head. “Lucas wants to go see the latest Bond film, but his friends don’t want to go with him...”

“So you offered to take him,” Eddie finished. “That’s sweet of you.”

Steve snorted and shook his head. “His parents think I’m taking him to ‘Meet the Littles’ or some shit like that.”

Eddie threw back his head and laughed. “Yeah, that’s more like the Steve Harrington I know and love.”

“I’ll call when I get home, though...” he muttered, running his fingers through his hair.

“Okay,” Eddie murmured. “Well talk then.”

*

This time Eddie went straight to the back page to read the explanation first.

“Hey, Eds,

Again there are parts in between this, parts that don’t include me, that I’ll some day tell you all about. But I’m focusing on the parts I was part of. This time it all started with what the kids thought was a new species of lizard and turned out to be the beginning stages of an Upside Down monster. One they they dubbed the demodog.

I can just picture you frowning as you try to remember where you heard that from and the answer is you heard it from me. You asked me what it was and I told you it from one of their game thingies, but that’s only part of it. These demodogs have flower faces and run on four legs. They are part of a hive mind that allows them to communicate with each other.

Dustin had taken one of these things home and it ate his cat. His cat. You can be disgusted, I know I was. He had originally gone to Nancy’s for help but she had gone off with Jonathan about something related to Barb Holland. This was right after our fight at the Halloween party.

I was on my way with roses to apologize to her, when he intercepted me. And the rest is as they say is history. I would do anything for that kid now.

The other players are Lucas Sinclair and Max Mayfield. I don’t know if you need to know that, but I feel like you have to understand that for the rest of it to make sense.

I have so many tales to tell you but I can’t because it could get you hurt and that is the last thing I want to do.

Also, (blurred words) show you all the times I was brave, that I did the (more blurred words) when it came (blurred words) because I love you so much and (blurred words again) less of me.

Love,

Your Stevie”

Eddie hated how easy Steve had pegged him for frowning at the name like he said he would or how he knew he would be disgusted at the poor cat. He stared at the blurred words for a moment before his own eyes welled up.

Steve had tried writing over the parts with what were clearly tear drops but all it had done was make it worse. Why he didn’t just write again, Eddie didn’t know.

But Eddie could now make out the words, “Also, I wanted to show you all the times I was brave, that I did the right thing when it came to it, because I love you so much and I didn’t want you thinking less of me.”

He flipped back to the beginning and started reading. It was thrilling and exciting. That was if you didn’t know it really happened. And happened to the sweetest boy he had the privilege of knowing.

He wiped away his tears and made a promise to whatever it took to protect this boy with every fiber of his being. Because by god, someone had to.

****

Tag List: @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

@spectrum-spectre @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson

@messrs-weasley @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @danili666 @goodolefashionedloverboi

@val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89

@vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer

@yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination

@dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual

@angels-of-hades @mugloversonly @y4r3luv @greeniebean911 @birbsauce

@acingthecounts @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars @kultiras @ravenfrog

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #boy with a bat

[t-5seconds]

i'm doing a hunger games simulator of @minas-linkverse ! the game is under the cut, the stats (placements and such) will be in a reblog.

our lineup! i had to cut team C, less because they're not canon and more because they were too many characters. the four swords, oot, and loz1&2 zeldas don't have linkverse designs as far as i know, so they're not here.

HYLIA DIES IMMEDIATELY. great start

interesting team up. everyone seems to be doing okay

NEVERMIND. WORLDS IS A TRIPLE MURDERER. sksw zelda, st zelda and hyrule are all out of the running! both hylia and hylia 2 dead on the first day. and first stole from a child. this concludes the reaping

everything is going fine. sailor is in his natural habitat

EVERYTHING IS GOING BAD. hero tries to kill... his own past self... but tp zelda stops him! so i guess time paradox prevented but first is still going to die in the future. albw zelda dies at the hand of alttp zelda. botw zelda kicks ass, defeating tetra and killing masks. legend kills mini, which admittedly i could see him doing. hilda takes the hylia route of dying all by herself. hoods somehow stalks a wolf without him noticing

ending off day one, feathers has some water. good job buddy. nine people are dead

that was a really deadly day one. worlds is currently in first place, from his triple murder. district 12 has been wiped out

everyone is having a great night, except tetra, who first just killed.

yeah, everyone except tetra had a good night one. four & hoods and botwzelda & ravio are cuddling, which is cute. time for day two!

the triple murderer is defeated! nobody killed him, he just ate some bad berries. also feathers has a sprained ankle now

i guess fangs did notice hoods stalking him! not much happened today. only two people died

now that worlds is dead, first, legend, alttp zelda, tp zelda and botw zelda are tied for first place. district 6 has been wiped out! only ravio lives to represent albw

alttp zelda kills sailor and gets herself into first place! also, four receives another hatchet. he has two now

ravio dies, the last remnant of albw. there were four of them, twice as much as other games had, so their odds were good, but not good enough i suppose. onto day 3

casual interactions. hoods and tp zelda are a fearsome team, i wonder how that happened. also four is doing very poorly even though he has two hatchets

a bad day for mental health, but a good day for staying alive! after two people died in the night, everyone left managed to survive all day.

districts 7 and 8 were wiped out. alttp zelda is now in first place.

first takes after hylia: death by falling. fangs and his zelda have a nice talk

legend kills feathers, cementing him and his zelda as the frontrunners. minish cap zelda questions her sanity again. maybe she's not doing so well.

ALTTP ZELDA KILLS LEGEND? they were on the same team, but i guess she didn't like having competition for first place! hoods and fangs kill tp zelda, despite having both previously teamed up with her- and she was on fangs' team! four kills botw zelda! mc zelda stops questioning her sanity for long enough to murder engie! what a day! a lot of people just died, and it was 50% betrayals! 75% if you count four backstabbing botw zelda!

these five are the only people left alive. when those four were hunting for "other tributes" they were just looking for alttp zelda. but they never took her alive

seven people died. districts 1, 2, 5 and 9 were wiped out. everyone is tied at one kill. there is nobody in the lead and no full teams left.

mc zelda and fangs are friends! that's nice. nobody dies in the night

fangs betrays mc zelda immediately! but she survives. no casualties today, so let's move on to the next night.

mc zelda and fangs are now friends again! make up your minds

OH OKAY. hoods and mc zelda are down! it's just fangs vs four now.

they're tied for kills. it all comes down to this... the final battle

...that was a fast final battle.

congratulations to four! i'll reblog this post with the placements and stats.

#don't check the reblogs if you don't want to be spoiled on the outcome of the game. the stats will give it away #linkverse #hunger games simulator

[uniquevoidflowers]

Welp, I got a lot of brainrot for a LU AU so I'm dumping some writing here!

It's a royal au basically. (in a more modern setting ig)

Words: 2066

“Could you please, at least try to be nice to the nobles tonight?” Sun asked, braiding Legend’s hair. “It’s just for tonight, I promise.”

The Prince glared daggers at the ground but he agreed anyway. “They’re all so stuck-up.”

“I know. I don’t like them either.” Sun admitted. “However, we did invite someone I think you’ll enjoy meeting. You can spend time with her if you’d like.”

“Are you trying to set me up with someone?”

Sun laughed and shook her head with a fond smile. “Although, I heard from a certain someone that she’s quite the catch.”

“Whatever, Mom.”

The Queen finished braiding strawberry-blonde hair and stood up, dusting off her dress. “You’ve got awhile until then though. What are you planning to do with all this free-time?”

“I dunno.”

That was a lie. Legend knew exactly what he was going to do. Sun just raised a brow slightly, that smile still on her face. “Well, I’ll leave you to not know, then.”

“Thanks.” Legend said sarcastically.

“You’re welcome!” Sun left out the door, and the Prince grabbed a note, quickly scribbling down some off-handed explanation before changing and grabbing a bag.

“Again, Your Highness?” Warrior called, a smirk on his lips.

The Prince startled, nearly dropping the bag. “Yeah, so?”

“May I accompany you this time?”

“...Fine. Don’t be weird.”

“Whenever am I weird, Your Highness? I am as normal as they come.”

“You’re being weird right now. It’s Legend.” Legend stressed. “Now, follow me.”

Legend climbed out the window of his bedroom and turned his head to make sure the knight was following behind him. “Keep up!”

The knight in question rolled his eyes. The prince grinned and slid down the roof, before grabbing onto a ledge and lowering himself to the ground. He hurried out of someone’s way and waited patiently until Warrior was beside him. “Ugh, I should’ve gotten you to change. It’s not everyday a knight just walks in town.” Legend grumbled.

Warrior just took off his armour, a green tunic and brown trousers serving as clothes. He kept his signature blue scarf on though. Legend walked past hundreds of strangers, face low. “Am I going to meet these friends I keep hearing all about?” Warrior asked.

The prince shrugged. “We’ll see, I guess.”

The knight grumbled something under his breath, unimpressed. Legend just continued on his way until they came across a house. He knocked slightly. After a few moments the door opened. “Oh, it’s you!” Wind greeted, a grin on his face. “Legend’s here!”

“Miss me?” Legend smirked and ruffled the younger’s hair.

“I told you to stop doing that!” Wind protested. “I’m fourteen!”

“A baby.”

“You’re only like, three years older than me.”

“Still. It makes a difference, Wind.”

Suddenly, Legend was met with an armful of Hyrule, the kid hugging him tightly. “Wait, who’s that?” Hyrule asked, peering at the knight behind them.

“Oh that’s Warrior, he’s a friend. He wanted to come with.” Legend waved his hand around dismissively.

“Nice to meet you.” Warrior greeted.

“Let them come inside!” Green yelled.

Wind and Hyrule moved and the two guests came inside. “So who’s he really?” Hyrule asked, with a knowing glint in his eyes.

“My knight.” Legend informed. “He’s weird, like us, don’t let his politeness fool you.”

“You guys can sit down.” Green said. “Do you want anything, Legend? Water?”

“I’m okay.” Legend shook his head. “So, what kinda chaos happened while I was gone?”

“Not much.” Hyrule said sadly. “It’s been boring.”

“Well, it’s a good thing Legend brought me here.” Warrior said, in a joking tone.

“Oh, shut up.”

“Never, Your Highness.”

“I told you not to call me that!”

Hyrule rolled his eyes at the two bantering. “At least the new guy fits in.” Wind said, nudging Hyrule slightly.

“So, what are you doing today Ledge?” Hyrule asked before the two could banter any more.

“Oh, not much. Tonight there’s some sort of event. A lot of nobles are coming to pester me.” Legend scowled.

“Sounds fun.” Blue said sarcastically, from across the room.

“My Mom says there’ll be someone to hang out with me...and that I’ll like meeting but...I dunno.” Legend informed.

“Is it a girl?” Hyrule said with a teasing lilt to his voice.

“I think so?” Legend replied, uncertainly.

“It is. A princess, at that.” Warrior said, looking smug.

Oh, so he knows too? Legend thought.

“A princess? From where?” Wind asked, curiously.

The knight shook his head with a smile. “I’m not supposed to share that information.”

“Did my mother put you up to this?” Legend scowled.

Warrior just continued smiling. Legend cursed under his breath. “She did!”

He was 100% sure Sun and Warrior were scheming behind his back, and he knew he couldn’t do anything about it. “Where’s Vio? And Red?” Wind asked. “I thought they’d be down here.”

“Vio’s upstairs, being his usual self.” Green answered. “Red’s knitting something in his room, he probably didn’t hear us or something.”

There was a knock on the door.

Legend slinked over to the couch alongside Warrior, not wanting to be recognized. Green answered the door this time. “Hello?”

“A letter for you, sir.” Whoever was at the door, said and then the door closed shut.

“Weird.” Wind piped up. “They usually just leave it at the door.”

“It’s for Vio.” Green said, shrugging. “VIO, YOU HAVE A LETTER!”

The person in question came and took the letter. “Thanks. Did you have to yell?”

“Very necessary.” Green hummed.

Vio pulled the letter out and a smirk found its way on his face. “Don’t worry, it’s a friend.”

“Good. Who is it?” Green asked.

Legend let the two talk, and turned back to Hyrule who was sitting beside him. “Wanna go for a walk or something?”

“Heck yes.” Hyrule stood up.

Warrior followed them outside, after telling Blue where they were going. “You know, I’m not sure what job I should take.” Hyrule said after a moment. “I’m not really good at much.”

“C’mon, you’re good at plenty of things!” Legend insisted.

“Like what?”

“Reading, for instance.”

“...Okay, but---”

“But nothing. You don’t give yourself enough credit, Rulie.”

Hyrule ducked his head and the prince patted his shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll be great at anything you pick.”

“...Okay.”

All of a sudden there was a clash of something metal and Legend spun around to see Warrior holding up against some figure in a cloak. “Nice reflexes, captain.”

“Stay back.” Warrior’s voice was cold. “Or I’ll make you.”

The cloaked figure merely chuckled. “Keep an eye on your friends. You wouldn’t want something to happen to them, right?”

Warrior pushed the blade off of the figure’s and continued to fight. Legend stood protectively over Hyrule, eyes darting everywhere in case someone else came. “What’s happening?” Hyrule whispered.

“I don’t know.” Legend murmured back.

Something grabbed the prince’s arm and Legend struggled but the grip was tight and unrelenting. “Ledge!” Hyrule gasped as someone pulled the prince away.

Legend saw the blade and paled. “Wars!”

Warrior turned his head back and his eyes widened slightly. “I’m coming!”

The knight kicked the cloaked figure to the ground and hurried to the prince. Legend gulped as the blade came closer to his neck. “Come closer, captain. See what happens.” The person restraining him taunted.

“Let him go.” Warrior demanded.

“Afraid of losing your job? This little prince will merely stand in our way later, so I’ll kill him. Unless, you think can stop me?” Legend could hear the words in his ears accompanied by heavy breathing.

Legend felt his blood run cold. Kill?

Warrior glanced at Hyrule before mouthing something and turning back to the person. “You still work with the people that betrayed you, Ghirahim?”

“Not with them. C’mon, I’m not that foolish. To tell you my real plans would be rather...idiotic shall we say, so if you expected me to reveal something you are very mistaken.” Ghirahim, apparently, said.

“If you won’t tell me your plan, tell me who you serve.” Warrior said.

“I think you know who I serve.” Ghirahim laughed. “Now, captain, do you have any last words for your Prince?”

The blade was pressed closer to Legend’s neck, and droplets of blood began to form. The prince was frozen, not daring to move a muscle. All of a sudden Ghirahim jerked and the blade cut Legend’s arm instead of his throat. Ghirahim’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he fell to the ground. Legend yelped, seeing the blood trailing across his arm. Warrior quickly approached, and grabbed a piece of fabric from his bag, putting it down on the wound. “We need to get back.” Warrior urged.

“What was that?” Legend asked, voice growing more high-pitched.

“I’ll explain later, kid. Right now we need to go before he wakes up.” Warrior grabbed Legend’s arm and began to run, Hyrule following close behind.

They hurried back to Hyrule’s house where Green yelped seeing the blood trailing behind them. “What the hell happened to you guys?” Blue asked.

“Ran into someone. Do you guys have anything we can use to stitch up the wound?” Warrior asked, desperately.

“Yes.” Green said quickly and rushed off somewhere.

Warrior helped stitch up the arm, and Legend looked away. That was the first time something like that happened when he went out. What scared him was these people knew Warrior and clearly, they hated each other. “Wars, please explain.” Legend said.

“Not right now. I need to finish these stitches.” Warrior murmured.

Legend recognized that as a deflection, but he knew not to press any further. He wondered who the cloaked person fighting Warrior was, and why Ghirahim wanted to kill him. “Here.” Green handed a roll of bandages once Legend’s arm was stitched up and it was wrapped up with the white bandages.

“How am I going to explain this to Mom?” He frowned.

“Tell her about this maybe?” Green suggested.

“No.” Legend said immediately. “I’ll think of something.”

“Well, be careful out there.” Hyrule demanded, still a little pale. “That was close.”

“Don’t worry.” Legend said, hugging him. “I’ll be fine. I’ve got Wars.”

Legend still trusted Warrior, after everything that happened. Warrior shifted and opened the door, peering outside. Legend stood up, and after getting tackled into a hug by Wind, he left with his knight. Warrior let him borrow his scarf, to hide his face. The prince could tell Wars was now on edge, as he was constantly pulling Legend closer to him and hurrying away. They made it back to the castle where, Warrior brought him through the front door of the castle and back to the prince’s bedroom. Legend sat down on his bed with a sigh. “Now, are you going to explain?”

The knight gave a nod. “Ghirahim is apart of a group that wishes to eradicate the Royal Family. We have encountered before, and...I thought I’d killed him. Seems like he made it out alive, though.”

“Well, have you told my parents yet?” Legend crossed his arms. “This is a pretty big deal.”

“They know about the group, and their intentions already. The King himself defeated their leader.”

“...Okay.”

“Hey, everything will be okay. I’m here to protect you, if they try at it again.”

“I know, I trust you.”

He didn’t like feeling helpless in a situation like that, vulnerable enough that he could get killed if no one was there to rescue him. “Your Highness!” A voice from the door came.

“Come in.” Legend called.

Someone came in. “Your mother has called for you, if you’ll meet her at the throne room.”

“Thanks.” Legend grumbled, standing up.

He left with Warrior, hurrying to the throne room. “There you are.” Sun greeted, a smile on her face. “Your note said you were practicing archery, but I didn’t see you at the archery grounds.”

“Sorry, I left quite a bit ago.” Legend shrugged it off. “What did you call me for?”

“There’s something I’d like to discuss. With both you, and Warrior.” Sun answered, a shadow crossing her face.

#unique writes #linked universe #au #lu legend #lu warriors #lu hyrule #lu ghirahim #lu wind #lu green #lu blue #lu sun #this is entirely self indulgent

[hydn-jpg]

redraw of this piece!! i mentioned in that post that i would redraw it at some point and ig that time is now! (i meant to post this before id2 came out but i got really busy so y'know lol better late than never)

i like to think i've improved! still can't draw chairs though haha

side by side comparison under the cut + rambly artist commentary(?):

i still have a long way to go in learning proper anatomy but i think the new pose looks a lot more natural and comfortable! also ~sexier~ perhaps

i tried to make the bg look closer to the actual cg they used in the book, i am arguably better at doing backgrounds now i think! i used to not put a lot of thought into it and just blocked out random shapes and called it a day (okay, i still do that now lol but i put more care into it now !! i try to make the shapes a bit more distinct and actually plan and sketch it out rather than draw some blobs and hope for the best ldkfkhsl). also more colour range(?) to give it a bit more depth!!)

i'd also like to add that i think i'm also better at figuring out compositions now, idk how it is for y'all but when i look at the original my eyes can't help but just fall to the centre, bc there's no focal point(?) or anything that's visually interesting for the eyes to land on. plus with the way it's structured, my eyes just naturally fall to center (+ bottom half bc the skin showing through the rips are bright in contrast to the black) >_> in contrast, in the redraw your eyes are automatically drawn to the face bc it's arguably the most interesting thing on the canvas and thus acts as the visual anchor of sorts (plus there is enough contrast with the background to make cas stand out instead of blend in)

even though i cringe looking at the og i can't help but to also feel endeared bc this was one of the first immortal desires fanart i ever did and also one the first of my posts to do really well! i never expected to get that much attention since i was only posting casually but it really warmed my heart reading all the lovely comments and motivated to draw more :D

it's also really fun seeing how much my art style and techniques have evolved! i don't think i use any of the same brushes i used to use for my old pieces anymore now haha. i also watched the timelapse for the old one and am honestly kind of in awe at how my different my drawing process used to be!!

i still have a lot to learn (esp in terms of anatomy, lighting, shading etc.) but i'm happy with where i am rn! the great thing about being a hobbyist is that there isn't really any pressure for me to improve quickly so i can just take my time haha (except maybe from imposter syndrome but that's neither here nor there)

i think i could've drawn his face and expression a bit better but i think this is a satisfying enough redraw for now!

btw, these are just my thoughts! i am not an art student so the things i said might not be technically correct but this is how i make sense of things in my brain

#once again i didn't draw gabe and jade but i did that on purpose this time lol #love them but cas is the focus of this piece so i want him to shine!! #fun fact i was at my late grandma's place when i drew the original; and she had these big ass dining chairs right #i took photos of me sitting on one of those chairs for reference so the chair in the og drawing ended up being big too lmao #anw i haven't read book 2 yet so no spoilers pls !!!!! #i will read it tonight #i bought the 24hr vip pack just for this lol #playchoices #choices id #choices immortal desires #immortal desires #choices fanart #fanart #cas harlow #my art #hydn.jpg #forgive me if this is extra rambly it's midnight and the adhd is adhding

[khaire-traveler]

I have a jar of change dedicated to Hermes. It's near overflowing so I counted it out. It's a little over $30 which should be a bit under that when I'm done putting it in a coin changing machine.

Point of all of this is, what do I use the money for? It's for Hermes. His alter is already nearly too big for my space so I wouldn't really want to get anything else. But I don't want to spend it on random things since it's dedicated to him. I would ask him what he wants me to spend it on but I wouldn't even know where to start. Do you have any ideas I could ask him about?

Hey, Nonny!

In all honesty, I run into this problem frequently (or at least I used to because I was a delivery driver who received lots of cash and coin tips). What I've found to be helpful for me is letting Lord Hermes know that I'm going to use the money myself. I do this after the amount gets to a certain point where it's overflowing or is just too much on his altar. Here is my logic with this:

Hermes is a god of currency, and part of currency is the exchange of it. Whenever we use cash or coins or even cards, it is directly interacting with Hermes' domain. Therefore, putting money back into use is contributing to Hermes' neverending cycle of exchange, of giving, of receiving. In this same way, I believe that the act of hoarding (NOT SAVING; these are two VERY different things) money doesn't do us well. Leaving a lot of money on his altar forever, never to be touched or used again, seems unhelpful to me. I personally feel that spending or saving that money puts it back into use, back into the realm of his domain. I think it has the opportunity to do better things there. Having said that, I think putting this money into your personal account or spending it for yourself is a great act of devotion. It's self-care, in this economy at least, and it actively contributes to his domain of currency and exchange. You give to receive, and the cycle continues.

I also specifically keep any coins I especially associate with him or that are super old. This is just something I enjoy doing, and I feel that it lets Hermes know that I'm not forgetting about him or taking the money from his altar simply to take it. Maybe leave him four coins from the bunch as a "thank you" or a sign of respect/care.

This is just how I deal with this situation personally. If you or others disagree, that's 100% ok. This is merely a suggestion, but I hope it's one that helps. Take care, and have a good day/night. 🧡

#anon asks #answered asks #hermes deity #hermes worship

[gnpwdrnwhiskey]

greatest of all time

Pairing- Dieter Bravo x ofc!Ava (yes, her again, I'm so sorry!)

Word Count- 1,182

Warnings- none really that I'm aware of? some swearing, a couple of beers get drunk but basically this is just ridiculous banter because that's what these two do....

Author's Note- yes, I know I already have two other unfinished works with these two that I should be working on but I saw this post and joked with @wildemaven & @trulybetty that this was Dieter & Ava's next adventure and then that same day I saw the post for the @dieterbravobrainrotclub May drabble challenge and here we are....3rd universe but first time meeting, totally still counts as a meet cute right? lol!

"This can't possibly be right," Dieter mutters to himself as he turns into the campground.

He'd asked his assistant to book him a few days somewhere off the grid. Just peace and quiet and time to clear his head before he started a new project.

But this little semicircle of Airstreams baking in the desert sun can't possibly be the right place. The GPS fucked up or something.

He'll just stop and ask for directions and be on his way. Five minute detour. Max.

Ava glances out the open door of her office when she hears a car door slam before looking over at the massive merle coated Great Dane laying on his custom doggie bed on the floor next to her desk.

"Oh my God, he's here already? He's early! Do I look okay?" She asks the dog, frantically patting at her hair and straightening her clothes. She receives a couple tail wags and a cocked head in response. "Phfft, fat lot of help you are."

"Excuse me?" Dieter asks from the doorway.

"Oh, sorry, not you. I was talking to Goat."

"You have a goat?"

"No, why would I have a goat? Goats are herd animals, a single goat out here in the desert all by itself would be lonely. And that would make me sad. I have a dog. Named Goat."

The dog in question gives a woof at his name and stands to his full height, head somewhere around Dieter's belly button, and gives him a cursory sniff before padding past him to sprawl outside in the sunshine.

"Why Goat? Wouldn't Horse have been more appropriate?"

"Haha," Ava laughs dryly. "Creative. Never heard that one before. My brother named him Peyton...ya know, Manning? So Goat. Greatest of all time."

"Sure," Dieter nods like all of this makes perfect sense, thinking to himself that this woman has probably spent way too much time frying her brain in the desert heat. "Baseball, right?"

"Football," Ava says slowly, thinking what a shame it is that he's cute but apparently oh so dumb. "Anyways. Hi, welcome to Gateway Campground! Are you here for the aliens?"

"No, I'm just here for directions....the GPS must've fucked up....aliens?"

"Do you.....do you not believe in aliens?"

"No?"

"Are you stupid? Of course there have to be aliens! C'mon, there are whole galaxies out there we hardly know anything about!"

"Okay, then sure? I believe in aliens."

"Aww, then you can't stay here. Sorry. Strict no communing with aliens rule."

"But you just said--"

"I know, it's quite a conundrum isn't it? But I kinda have an experiment 626 situation going on here that I'm trying to keep on the low low."

"I have no idea what that means and no intentions of communing with anyone. Alien or human."

"Oh...."

"Probably requires some kind of radiation, like EMF or some shit," Dieter continues. "Messes with my fucking brain waves. I don’t even wear wireless earbuds. Besides, I'm not staying here. Like I said before, I just need directions."

"Oh, no, you're in the right place, Mr Bravo? Dieter? I'm not sure what to call you...you are Dieter Bravo aren't you?"

"Dieter's fine, but what do you mean I'm in the right place?"

"Your assistant booked the whole place for you? For a week?"

"This is Joshua Tree?"

"Well, no, but the park is only like 30 minutes away," Ava looks him over skeptically, gaze lingering on his well worn Crocs. "If you're into like, hiking or whatever."

"Do I look like I'm into hiking?" Dieter snaps. "Look lady, I'm sure your facilities are perfectly adequate and you can keep whatever you've already been paid, but I'm not staying in the ass end of nowhere in some shitty camper. So if you could just tell me how to get to Joshua Tree..."

"But--"

"Nope, no, whatever it is, more alien shit or whatever, I don't want to hear it. Ya know what, nevermind, I'll figure it out myself."

"I was just gonna say Joshua Tree will be booked full up this time of year," Ava yells at his retreating back as he stomps back to his vehicle.

"Well. That did not go well," she sighs, leaning against the door jamb and watching Dieter's rented SUV disappear as he heads back towards the main road. "It was the alien stuff, right? Probably went a little overboard on that, huh? But we had to be sure right, Goatie?"

Goat chuffs softly and gives Ava's hand a sympathetic lick.

"He'll be back, right? I think he'll be back," she nods to herself and then sighs again, rubbing one of Goat's silky ears between her fingers. "I hope so anyway. It'll be a long ass week out here by ourselves if he doesn't come back."

Three hours later he is in fact back, metaphorical tail tucked between his legs and Ava bites her tongue to keep from telling him she could've told him so.

"One night," he tells Ava as she leads him to the Airstream closest to the office. "And then I'm out of here. Too fuckin aggravated to drive home now."

"Of course. I completely understand," Ava tells him in her frostiest professional voice as she unlocks the door and hands over the key. "Your assistant provided a list of some of your favorite toiletries and snacks and stuff, so you should find everything you need inside."

"But If you were to find anything lacking, I'm right over there," she gestures towards the lone Airstream parked a little farther away from the others. "Enjoy your stay, Mr. Bravo."

Dieter finds her stretched out on a lounger by the pool as night falls, Goat stretched out on his own lounger next to her.

"Can I sit?"

"Of course, you're the guest here. Goat and I can leave if you'd prefer."

"No, I'd like you to stay, please? And I think I owe you an apology. This place....well, it's not what I expected."

"I get that a lot," Ava grins, digging in the cooler next to her chair and offering Dieter a beer.

"It's really, really fucking nice. I mean that. Better than some resorts I've stayed at."

"I know," Ava nods. "My brother and I worked hard to get it just right."

"You did a fantastic job," Dieter tells her, twisting the top off his beer and taking a long swig. "I uh, I also googled what you said earlier-- an experiment 626 situation. Lilo and Stitch, right? So I guess like, you were trying to tell me Goat is, ah, special?"

Goat gives one short sharp bark and Ava laughs. "Yeah, he is indeed very special. You could even say he's one of a kind."

"I take it back," Dieter tells her, relaxing back in his lounger, face tilted up to the stars. More stars than he thinks he's ever seen before in his life, more possibilities than he's ever imagined. "I think I'll stay a few days."

Ava smiles, mostly to herself, and Goat's tail thumps happily against the fabric of his lounger.

"Stay as long as you want."

#dieter bravo #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter bravo x ofc #dieter & ava #dieter bravo brainrot club #dieter bravo brainrot club may challenge

[thehollowwriter]

Warnings: Injury, swearing, probably full of mistakes. Word count: 5k+

Key: Regular text is for the present. Italics is for flashbacks, bold is for journal entries

(Pls reblog and leave a comment ❤️)

Lamentations Pt 5

There is a term, more of a feeling, really, that humans use called "walking on air." An elated, fluffy feeling of delight.

I can't "walk" since I don't have legs, but that's a perfect way to describe how I felt when Morrigan kissed me that night. When he wrapped his arms around me and looked at me like I was the only thing that ever mattered to him.

I think about that moment a lot, when dusk settles into night and life slows down for a short moment. I think about how different things were all those years ago, how different I was.

Silas stopped writing and stared at the page for a long, long time. He found himself back in that dim, dingy shop, gazing into those bright, loving eyes. Those eyes... so intelligent, yet so innocent at the same time.

What had he done to deserve Morrigan, really? What could he have possibly done, in his life filled with death, to be blessed with such a loving man?

Silas pressed his pen against the paper again so hard he nearly broke the tip.

I'm... I'm not going to sit here and tell myself I'm a good person. I'm not. I have killed and eaten hundreds of my own kind in my lifetime, and I still do so today.

I have torn them apart and swallowed every piece until there is nothing but bone to indicate their existence. I've lied, cheated, and stolen whatever I possibly could to keep myself alive.

I am a murderer. A cannibal. A monster.

What is the worst Morrigan has done? Land some kids in the hospital as a teenager and nearly get expelled? Almost kill someone? Almost.

Morrigan, for his smugness and cockiness and aggression, for all his violence and rage, is not an evil person. He is not perfect, but he's not a monster.

I cannot truthfully say that Morrigan's parents' and the other citizens of Atlantica's fear and distrust of me is wrong. I cannot say they are being too quick to judge, that they just haven't taken the time to get to know me.

I fit the Abyssal merfolk stereotype like a glove. I'm the horror story spread when the lights go out brought to life.

I told this to Morrigan that night, after my grandfather had taken his medicine and gone to bed. I suppose you could call it a warning, a flashing sign telling him to leave.

He simply smiled me, sharp teeth glinting and eyes burning with passion and desire, and shrugged.

"I know," He said. "I'm not changing my mind. I love you."

It was stupid. Insane, even. And yet Morrigan spoke as if he were telling me the earth revolved around the sun. Like it was an unshakable fact, something that cannot be changed.

Oh... oh, how I love him.

Morrigan was surprised when Silaa began pulling him upstairs. He had never been on the second floor. For all their time together, he had been limited only to Silas' little shop.

Silas began calling for his grandfather, and the dopey grin that had been affixed to Morrigan's face was briefly replaced with a confused expression, but he schooled it quickly.

"Well, I've horribly misread the situation." He murmured so Silas couldn't hear, perking up when Silas' grandfather swam in with a yawn.

"Mm, Silas, is it time for that awful drink alr-" He stopped short when he caught sight of Morrigan, surpised. "Well, if it isn't our favourite city boy. I'm surprised Silas brought you up here."

He squinted at them, then gasped.

"Are those-"

"Yes," Said Silas, reaching to grab Morrigan's hand. "We are... together now."

Morrigan grinned and clasped their hands together. "I hope you don't mind me stealing your grandson, Mister Emrys, sir."

The old mer laughed and drifted over to them to take Morrigan's free hand in his own. "Why, of course not. You're perfect for Silas, my boy. You should stay the night with us. We can celebrate."

Morrigan's grin widened. "I'd like that, sir."

It was a lovely evening. Morrigan and my grandfather, Emrys, got along well. It made me happy to see them banter with each other.

My grandfather retired to bed after taking his home brewed medicine, bidding us goodnight and leaving us to our own devices.

There was nowhere for Morrigan to stay. No guest room, no lounge. There was the kitchen, my bedroom, and my grandfather's bedroom.

Morrigan didn't mind. In fact, he said he'd be happy to share with me with that grin of his. I considered nipping him for that, but I don't think he was trying to be funny.

It was nice, actually. Sitting together, tails intertwined, talking through the night. Morrigan held me tightly, as if I would drift away from him.

He was very affectionate, as I soon came to learn. Kisses, holding me, complimenting me, and so on. He always asked first, and he always seemed so gleeful every time.

I never expected to enjoy physical affection, but it seemed Morrigan was always the exception. I often found myself melting into his kisses and holding his hand tightly, feeling warm and safe.

Our new relationship altered our routine once again. Now, Morrigan visited as much as he could after his classes, greeting me with a kiss and hugging me gently when our games finished.

Then we would sit close together, our tails curled around each other, and just... talk. We often got distracted, though, finding ourselves kissing roughly and... well, perhaps I should write that down somewhere else.

I was delighted that he came over more. Morrigan's visits were the highlight of my week, after all. There was just one issue I unknowingly stumbled into.

Morrigan knew me well by the time we began dating. Almost too well. He knew my personality, my tics, my likes and dislikes, and so on. But even with our games and our long talks, there are things you miss when you only meet once a week.

I always made sure I was feeling or at least appearing to feel my best when Morrigan came round, even if hunger clawed at my insides and the pain that shot through my body made me feel as if I were being branded with an iron.

I wanted to have fun, and I didn't want Morrigan to worry.

I think I was also too cocky. I put too much faith in my own abilities, even though my health was probably the worst it had ever been.

This overconfidence came back to bite me when Morrigan and I got into a playful tussle one day and... well.... I broke a rib.

It wasn't Morrigan's fault, no. I could never blame him for that. It was mine. I had perfected the art of making myself seem stronger, bigger, or more threatening than I actually was for the sake of my own survival.

My magic was strong, yes, but it wasn't something I used often. It was precious, a resource only used for emergencies, even before I learned what blot was.

Silas winced at the word, then continued writing.

I was so convincing, it seemed, that I overestimated myself far more than Morrigan did.

A sickening crack wiped the smile from Morrigan's face, and he instantly released his pinhold on Silas. He carefully moved and turned Silas over, his eyes wide with horror and concern.

"Oh shit, oh shit, shit shit shit, Silas, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean- oh, Sea Witch, how bad is it?"

"Ngh..." Silas blinked up at the rippling kelp above them, wincing at the mind numbing pain that exploded somewhere around his ribs. "I'm fine. Just a little... ngh, sore..."

Morrigan shook his head wildly, his eyes as wide as saucers. "Darling, no, I heard something break o-or fracture when I pinned you, oh no, what did I do to you-"

Darling. Morrigan said, "darling." Not Silas. Darling.

Silas didn't know why, but that made him incredibly happy, even though the situation didn't really call for such a feeling.

Morrigan, still alarmed, carefully hoisted Silas into his arms. "We need to get you to a- a doctor or a hospital or something-"

Silas' hand shot up to grip Morrigan's wrist tightly.

"No doctors." He hissed, struggling to take in a breath.

"Silas, your rib is broken-"

"And my grandfather will help me treat it. I've dealt with worse. Take me inside."

Morrigan bit back a protest and obeyed, swimming inside and placing Silas down on his bed.

"Just call my grandfather, please," Silas mumbled, wincing.

Morrigan didn't answer at first. He stared at Silas for a moment, tapping his claws together, and swallowed.

"I really think you should go to the hospital."

"No hospitals."

"Silas, you could end up with a pierced lung!" Morrigan snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, I never said anything because you seemed fine, and I didn't want to pry into something so personal, but... even without a broken rib, which I will repeat is very bad, you and Emrys should go to the hospital. Should have gone, actually. Long ago."

Silas laughed, taking in a sharp breath at the pain. "Hah, for what?"

Morrigan raked his left hand through his hair and clenched his right one into a fist. "Both of you are skin and bones, literally! I can see your ribs, Silas! That's not normal! Have you been eating anything at all?"

Silas let out a soft sigh. "I... I have a few scraps a day. Eating anything more... makes me throw up. Grandfather as well."

"That's even worse! You need to go to the hospital, both of, you or something-"

"I said no hospitals." Silas growled.

"Why not?"

"Morrigan, please. ...I... I can't. You think a doctor would want to help us?"

I suppose you could call a distrust of doctors a family tradition in a way. Not a single one of us trusted medical professionals, not because we thought they didn't know anything, but because we feared what they could do when given access to us at our most vulnerable.

I trust Morrigan with my life, however. I trust he will protect us and ensure nothing happens while we are in such a strange place.

The first obstacle was convincing my grandfather to go, too. He did not have the same amount of faith in Morrigan as I did. His history ran deeper than mine, after all.

My grandfather's grandmother was a child when our family was forcefully driven out of the Coral Sea and into the Abyss. The horror stories of before and after were passed down to him, and then he passed them unto my parents and to me.

Unlike me or my parents, my grandfather had a clear memory of my great great-grandmother's face when she told him of her experiences. He, young and impressionable, could see the fear glistening in her eyes, the way she seemed to be taken back to those moments, reliving the terror all over again.

There is a little saying, a proverb, she passed down to us. It was short, but it said all it needed to.

"They will hate you with a veil kindness. They will smile at you and fill your veins with poison."

And really, what else would such a saying do other than strike fear into your heart?

My grandfather was horrified at the very idea of going into Atlantica, never mind the hospital. It was the closest thing the two of us had ever had to a fight.

I told him Morrigan would protect us, and if he were to fail, I would make sure we got out and home safe. He needed to get better, or else he wouldn't last the rest of the season.

My grandfather eventually agreed, saying that it was only because he wanted me to recover safely, and then we began our trip to the city.

This experience was well over thirty years ago. My recollection of most of the events is fuzzy, but the little details aren't too important anyway.

What is important is the fact that we ended up staying in that hospital for a very long time, as there was far more wrong with us than even Morrigan could have guessed.

It was a very distressing experience. I was surrounded by doctors and nurses taking my temperature, asking me invasive questions, poking and prodding at me, shining lights into my eyes, and pricking me for blood.

Morrigan had to hold me back from breaking someone's face when they wanted to draw my blood for testing, telling me it was going to be okay and to let them do their thing.

I hated it. I hated it so much. It was a terrifying experience, and it is not often I feel genuine terror. But they... they just carried on, like it was your average weekday. Cold. Uncaring.

It didn't help that I barely understood half of what they said. Medical jargon. Utter nonsense.

Morrigan's doctor, the one he told me he trusted, did her best to make sure I was comfortable. She noticed I was confused and started slowly explaining what they were doing to me.

I don't know if she was genuinely trying to help or talking down to me, but either way, it did help. I felt better understanding what was happening to me.

There was... so much wrong with me. The doctors were surprised I hadn't died of malnutrition, but concluded my magic had something to do with my survival

I could never figure out why I kept throwing up food if I tried to fix my own starvation. It made me angry that I finally had a steady stream of food but couldn't actually eat much of it.

As it turns out, it is because of something called Refeeding Syndrome. Medical complications caused by aggressive nutritional rehabilitation. That is, too much nutrition at once after a prolonged period of starvation.

The best way to treat our malnutrition was by feeding tubes. Slowly giving us the nutrients we were lacking in a controlled environment. Morrigan had to hold me back again, as the idea of these strangers sticking a tube into me and pumping my body full of fluids terrified me.

I can't remember exactly how long we were in that hospital, but I do remember my recovery was slow and painful. Morrigan stayed by my side the entire time, making sure I was alright and using his magic to block my own when it lashed out when I caught sight of a needle.

There was an issue when we realised that neither I nor my grandfather had any form of identification. No ID, no birth certificates, nothing. Just our names, and we had no last name we could recall.

I distinctly remember a nurse muttering, "This is what happens when you leave them to breed down there." Morrigan shot her a look so dark it seemed to make the lights flicker, and she shut her mouth.

When we were healthy enough to move around and eat solid foods again, we had to do physical therapy. It was something that irritated me, even if I was glad to no longer be confined to a bed.

Being led around and told what to do by a stranger like I was a child made me feel the urge to throttle someone. Morrigan... Morrigan calmed me down, though. He was good at that. Rubbing my hand with his thumb and whispering words of comfort to me.

The worst was the psychiatrists. Morrigan couldn't stay with me during those little sessions, and I was trapped alone with a bored shrink who quite clearly didn't want me there.

It was quite obvious how they felt. I was taking up what could have been a free slot. I was taking time away from city merfolk.

They, the psychiatrists and the doctors, and the nurses, thought I was stupid. I know they did. It was soaked into their tones, bleeding out from behind plastic smiles.

Staying there was a terrible experience. I hated it, even if Morrigan's doctor tried her best to make things better. However... I don't regret it.

I still clearly remember looking into the mirror in the hospital bathroom one day and seeing the true colour of my skin for the first time.

It took me by surprise. My whole life, I had been a dull lilac-grey. But in that bathroom, I saw I was a deep flourishing purple. I spent ages tracing my skin and picking at my scales, entranced.

"You look amazing," Morrigan said to me, wrapping his arms around me. "Big I'm just glad you're healing."

My grandfather, who always appeared to be a dull brown-ish hue, was sunset orange. It left the two of us in awe, taking in the vibrant colours indicative of healthy skin.

It's strange how you sometimes only realise the extent of your problems after you've healed or gotten away from them.

When we were finally discharged, I had never felt so alive. My ribs no longer showed, my body no longer screamed with constant pain, and my insides no longer felt like they were being torn apart.

This sudden strength, this sudden joy and energy, made me realise just how much pain I was always in. How sick I was. I was one mishap away from a death that had nothing to do with starvation or being eaten, and I didn't even know it.

I was, unfortunately, instructed to "take it easy" for a few weeks until I could get back to hunting.

I couldn't do that. I had work to do, bills to pay. Morrigan could cover medical costs, but he couldn't also pay for my house and my staff's wages. I couldn't risk so much as a cent.

"It'll be okay, Si." Morrigan said to me with that warm smile of his. "You can still tell your party what to do. You just can't join them."

Morrigan was always optimistic.

My full recovery was much quicker than expected, but still very boring and nerve-wracking. Spending all my time inside, flitting about the shop, or lying on my stone slab of a bed, staring at the ceiling, was mind-numbing.

My grandfather was not so lucky. He still spent much of his time sleeping even though he was healthier now. His health always was much worse off than mine.

"We think Emrys was exposed to an oil spill," said Morrigan's doctor, whose name I can't remember. "His magic cleared most of it, but it still caused erosion on his fins and enlarged his liver."

It didn't help that he was nearing eighty. Merfolk can live much longer than that, but when your body has taken so much damage, that lifespan is cut short.

I looked after him the best I could. Helping him eat, giving him his prescribed medicine, thar sort off thing.

It was pretty miserable. The only thing that made it bearable was the music from the radio and Morrigan's visits.

He brought sweets for us. Can you believe it? Candies. Chocolate. Fron the surface.

"A friend from land sent it down," Morrigan said with a grin, unwrapping a bar and handing it to Silas. "A congratulations and a get well soon mixed together. Don't worry, the doctors said it's okay."

Silas blinked at him questioningly, and Morrigan quickly clarified.

"Oh, right. I told a few friends I'm officially taken... and that my new boyfriend was unfortunately in hospital. They sent this stuff down as good wishes."

Silas hummed, an amused smile crossing onto his face, and took a tiny bite out of the small piece of chocolate he broke off the slab. It was delicious.

Silas' grandfather politely declined Morrigan's offering of chocolate, telling the two to enjoy it and that he was going to lie down for a while.

Silas stared at the chocolate in his hand, and his eyes suddenly felt very wet.

"I don't... I don't think he's going to be with us for much longer." He said softly. Morrigan pulled him into a tight hug, and Silas tried his hardest not to cry.

It's nice to be cared for. Morrigan visited every second day to make sure we were alright. It was annoying to me that he didn't let me fight him, but I understood his reasoning.

When I was finally cleared to hunt again, the first thing I did was challenge Morrigan to a fight. I won, and I'm partially sure be let me, but I don't mind.

He looked ethereal, laughing in delight, covered in bruises and bitemarks, with his hair splayed out on the sand. Happy. Happy I was finally healthy.

This whole experience brought on a new issue. Morrigan had not yet told his parents we were dating at the time. I didn't care whether he told them or not, as it wasn't their business, but it was strange to see him stress over it so much.

I told him if they had a problem, then they weren't worth his time, and he just laughed. It sounded hollow.

He couldn't keep us secret forever, of course, especially since he took time off to stay with me while I was in the hospital.

He eventually told them a few months after I began hunting again. The day he did, he came storming into my shop, not even bothering with our game.

Silas perked up at Morrigan's presence, frowning when he saw the state he was in.

Morrigan was breathing hard, fists clenching and unclenching angrily. There was a raging fire, a maliciousness sparking in his magic that made Silas' skin prickle in all the best ways.

"What happened?" Silas didn't ask out loud, but his questioning and concerned look said all it needed to.

Morrigan looked at him, and his aquamarine eyes burned.

"You know what she said?" He asked, his voice set to a whisper, almost trembling. "She fucking said 'no'. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I'm not asking for her permission or- or approval. And dad, Seven damn it, shaking his head like I've broken some fucking rule-"

Morrigan was on the verge of hyperventilating and Silas drifted over to wrap his arms arms around him and press his face into the crook of his neck.

Morrigan stiffened in surpise, then relaxed. He rested his chin on Silas' head and sighed.

"Sorry, darling. They're- my parents- not happy. But I'm not breaking it off so they want to meet you. Next week."

I was never unaware of meeting the family as a custom. It is a custom we even have in the abyss, if you're lucky to find a partner.

However, something that still perplexes me today about both Coral Sea and apparently land culture is the idea that you have to consider your partners family your own, and you must get along at all costs. If you dislike them, you smile and tolerate it.

Perhaps I don't understand it because keeping up appearances and faking getting along was a waste of energy in the abyss. If you didn't like a family member's partner, you could say so and carry on.

That's why I always felt so confused whenever Morrigan complained about his sister-in-law, muttering about how she got on his nerves with her smart alek quips and obnoxious way of talking.

"Then tell her that." I told him, and he looked at me like I was insane.

"I can't say that! She's my sister!'

"She's your sister's wife, not your sister. She doesn't need a free pass."

I think my way of thinking was part of the reason he avoided telling his parents about us for so long. I'm not offended, though. I never was.

There is... a trope in movies and TV I've come to notice. The overbearing in-laws. It's very strange to me, parents who are so obsessive and controlling over their adult children and, by extension, their children's partner.

I found it stupid and unealistic at the time. Who would behave like that? Who would try to take control of a wedding or decide their word is law in someone else's marriage?

Well, the answer to that would be Morrigan's parents.

They don't like me and I don't like them. They are not my parents or my family, not matter how much they insist they are.

I disliked them before I even met them. The snippets of how they treated Morrigan like their trophy I caught onto, the way they seemed to unashamedly hate me already, that was telling enough for me to dislike them.

I was unsure about meeting Morrigan's parents at first. They refused to come to Midway, instead insisting I come to them.

"I'll keep my exposure to the abyss limited to just the butcher, thank you," Morrigan relayed to Silas in a high-pitched voice, mocking his mother. "At least then we'll have a lesser chance of being infected with something."

Infected. Infected, she had said, in a snobbish upper-class accent, at least according to Morrigan. As if I were diseased.

Still, it was best to bite the bullet and just go see them. We made the trip there the next week, leaving at sunset to travel to a suburb near the heart of Atlantica.

I felt uncomfortable the entire trip there. The streets were busy even at night, bustling and noisy, lit with all too bright lights from advertisements and streetlights.

We finally arrived at a quaint house constructed from stone and metal. It was big, at least to me, and quite fancy.

"Hey, mother, father," Morrigan called out, unlocking and opening the front door. "We're here."

"Hello, Morrigan," came an aged voice, feminine and shrill. "And... you."

A small, thin woman with saggy skin and pursed lips stared at Silas with turquoise eyes as cold as ice. Her hair was silvery white, and her skin and scales were pink.

Silas silently stared back until her resolve wavered, and her gaze turned elsewhere, and she gestured for them to come inside.

"They're here, then?" Came a louder, deeper voice. Morrigan's father blinked at them with a pair of bright gold eyes. He was also thin, his skin the same deep green as Morrigan, but it didn't suit him. It was ill-fitting.

"Mother, father," Morrigan said slowly, sounding much quieter than usual. "This is Silas. Silas, this is Cyrus and Kiran, my parents."

Cyrus and Kiran stared at Silas, picking him apart, narrowing their eyes at every scar, every hole in his fins, every little imperfection.

Silas stared back. They were thin but not too thin. They were unnmarred, perfectly comfortable. Well-fed.

Weak. Spoiled. Prey.

Kiran cleared his throat. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Silas." He said, like a liar. "I hope our Morrigan isn't too much for you."

Silas didn't answer, and an awkward silence fell.

"Well," Cyrus said suddenly. "I suppose we should thank you for your services these past few years. Buying from you has been a big help financially."

Silas nodded his head and continued to gaze at them. Morrigan gently elbowed his side, and he blinked.

"Ah- it's... no issue."

The silence descended again, and they all floated there, staring at each other. Morrigan's parents were quite clearly uncomfortable with Silas there, neither coming near him nor looking him in the eyes.

"I must ask," Cyrus said after a while, her icy eyes glimmering. "Why are you dating Morrigan? I didn't think someone like him would pique the interest of... someone like you."

She tried to phrase it so politely. As if it were a mere difference in culture. But Silas knew what she meant.

"Because I love him," Silas rumbled. "That's reason enough, I'm sure."

"W-Well yes, but surely there are other factors-"

"No."

Cyrus looked taken aback by Silas' curt response, exchanging an aghast look with her husband.

"T-That's good, I suppose. Make yourselves comfortable, I'm making a prawn salad for a light meal. Kiran, you can get the wine out, and Keres, stop lurking over there and say hi to your brother."

Another mer, pink with dark blue scales and fins, swam into the living room with a huff. His hair was white with dark blue highlights, and his gold eyes glistened in annoyance.

Morrigan started, looking between this new mer and his parents.

"What's he doing here?"

Keres pulled his lips into an exaggerated pout. "Come on, Morrigan, that's no way to greet your little brother." He said, his voice dripping with manufactured sadness. "I'm just here for a visit to our loving parents. And to meet the lucky guy."

He waved at Silas and grinned. "Hi there. Keres Clearcove. Second oldest of the our clutch. Nice to meet you."

Silas blinked at him, unsure of how to answer, and Cyrus laughed. "Oh we'll let you three chat for a bit." She said, grabbing Kiran and making a swift exit.

"I'm not in the mood for your bullshit today." Morrigan hissed at Keres. "You've said hello, now go away."

Keres raised his hands, looking offended. "Sorry, Your Highness. Forgive me for forgetting my place. Just the lowly brother of special great mage Morrigan."

"That's not what I meant-"

"I'm sure it wasn't." Keres smiled. "Let's not fight in front of your man. Though I doubt it'll affect him much, considering his... background."

Morrigan drew his lips back threateningly, and Silas gently touched his arm. "Calm down. I'm sure Keres knows better than to run his mouth."

Silas stared at the mer in question until he swallowed and nodded his head. "Y-Yeah, of course! I'm not looking for trouble. In fact, I'm here to tell mother and father about a new client of mine."

"Client?" Silas glanced at Morrigan.

"He's a lawyer." Morrigan muttered.

"Indeed I am." Keres said proudly. "While Morrigan here babysits magic wielding brats all day, I consistently work with very high calibre and high paying clients to buy nice things for my children. I recently scored a CEO. Can you believe it?"

Morrigan's eye twitched, and Silas decided against answering.

"Tough crowd. Well, I'll be on my way to hide in my room while you-" Keres pointed at Silas. "-get scrutinised down to the tiniest detail and hounded about babies. Have fun."

He then left as quickly as he arrived, before either of them could respond.

"What a brat," Morrigan hissed, looking more irritated than Silas had ever seen him.

Keres was not wrong, unfortunately. I was, in fact, scrutinised down to the last detail, asked questions that ranged from odd all the way to invasive and rude. The topic of children was briefly brought up, though Cyrus expressed poorly hidden disgust at the idea and recommended adoption instead. As if we were planning to have children at all.

It was worse than the doctors at Atlantica General, I dare say. At least they weren't asking about my fertility since they "wanted grandchildren from their eldest."

Morrigan seemed to be on the verge of either punching someone or slamming his head against the wall the entire time but opted to dig his claws into the dining room table and grind his teeth instead.

Silas couldn't blame him. The fake kindness, the mock sympathy, the plastic hospitality made his teeth itch to bite something. He wanted them to stop lying. Call him a monster if they really wanted. He hated those forced smiles so much

Finally, finally, the conversation was coming to an end, when Cyrus said... something rather odd. And stupid.

"Listen, Silas, you seem... Nice." The lies kept spilling. Flowing out of her mouth like a winding river. "But we don't want you dating Morrigan. It isn't safe-"

"That's not for you to decide." Said Silas, and Morrigan sucked in a sharp breath and nearly tore through the table.

The facade cracked and Cyrus' face twisted into an angered expression.

"Now listen here, I will not have our son bee manipulated by-

"Shut up!" Morrigan snapped, wrenching his hand back and tearing through the table. "If you can't behave then we're going to leave."

"Come now, Morrigan, think carefully about this." Said Kiran. "You know, the merchant's son is a nice young man-"

"I said shut up." Morrigan tugged on Silas' wrist and began making his way to the door. "Come on, Silas."

Morrigan stayed with us that night, fuming silently. He wasn't just angry. He was hurt. Very hurt. I did my best to comfort him, though I don't think it was much help.

Unfortunately, that was not nor will it ever be the last time Morrigan and I clashed with his parents. They're a stubborn pair, hellbent on getting what they want even if they repeatedly fail.

They won't ever truly accept me as Morrigan's husband, and I can accept that. They can continue being hateful cretins, and I will carry on as I always have.

A knock on the door broke Silas from his writing trance. He put his pen down and took in a deep, slow breath. Even writing about Morrigan's parents gave him a headache.

"Coming, Timo." He called, then packed his writing away and left.

...........................................

Guide: Start, Prev

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It really was a wild ride

Tagging: @distant-velleity @br3adtoasty @rainesol @theleechyskrunkly @jovieinramshackle

@galaxies-and-gore @cyanide-latte @cynthinesia @officialdaydreamer00 @krenenbaker

@offorestsongs @kitwasnothere @elenauaurs @boopshoops @inotonline

@1dont-really-know @kazumify @minteasketches @elysia-nsimp @skrimpyskimpy

@casp1an-sea @offorestsongs @tixdixl @poisoned-pearls @the-trinket-witch

@ramshacklerumble @ghostiidasponk @thegoldencontracts @the-banana-0verlord

#silas clearcove #morrigan clearcove #lamentations #twisted wonderland #twst oc #oc x oc #writing

[st-rayy]

your general cyno headcanons?

Cyno Head-Canons (in general)

Firstly, sorry this took so long but I wanted to play and inhale all the lore from Lupus Aureus Chapter 2 before I share my Cyno head-canons to not say things that dont make any sense with his lore (or to repeat stuff that his lore already confirmed) Secondly, omg, I never thought somebody would actually request head-canons but I'm happy somebody did. I don't know where to start but :3 Thirdly, I'd like to add that things mentioned here are NOT canon. Head-Canons are what one imagines to be "canon" for a character/series but is not (obviously some head-canons can become reality if it is later confirmed by the creators but that chance is soooo low, so don't see this as anything canon even if most of it might be based on canon in-game events)

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I'll throw some minor and short points at you before I go into detail about some Head-Canons I have... >-<

vvv

Cyno's a complete workaholic and nobody can stop him

Cyrus and Cyno act like "Student and Professor" when in public but they call each other "Dad/Father" and "Son" in private

When Cyno is stressed out he'd chew on his nails or pull on the skin of his lips without even noticing

He can swim, but he dislikes water if it's too deep for him to stand in safely

Cyno, at least once in his life, encouraged Collei to do something plainly stupid

If he fears something, it's Tighnari's or Cyrus' wrath

If he ever ecountered the deepest emotional low ever, he'd cut off his hair to cope with it

He's a calm drunk: If he's drunk, he's completely quiet, just minds his own business and gets really sleepy

Taj is like an uncle to him; when Taj had died, it hit Cyno harder than one would think and he cried in his room and at Taj's grave on ungodly hours so nobody would see

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Now, I present to you things I think about at 3AM when I can't sleep:

Cyno is Collei's father figure / adoptive father Cyno adopted Collei at some point, in my opinion. He takes care of her, visits her and I'm sure she means a lot to him as well. For everybody that hasn't read the official Genshin Impact Manga: Cyno was the one to seal the Archon Residue in Collei and took her to Sumeru so she could fullfil her dream to cure Eleazar. They also have a lot in common and I think Cyno sees a younger version of himself in Collei and he's so proud of her to see her grow and live her life.

Cyno was bullied as a kid Knowing that Cyno grew up in the Academiya after Cyrus took him in and that scholars don't think all too good about people from the desert, I think Cyno received a lot of mean comments during his time as a scholar. Canonically, the matra are also not treated kindly by the scholars, but since Cyno is an adult now and seemingly unbothered, even fancies what the scholars say, he just learnt how to deal with the comments...

Lisa and Candace are "big sister" figures to Cyno Cyno and Lisa seem to be very close, especially with their connection to Cyrus. I like to think that Cyno sees Lisa as his older sister and she also sees him as her younger brother, mostly taken from how they interact with each other in the official Genshin Impact Manga, Lisa trusts him and Cyrus from the Academiya the most. Candace meanwhile just acts overly sisterly towards him, she worries about him, looks after him and scolds him if he does something reckless. They just give off "big sister-young brother" vibes from how they've behaved around each other during the Sumeru Archon Quest and the Lupus Aureus Acts.

Cyno has Lichtenberg Scars on his arms If you don't know what Lichtenberg Scars are: Those scars are inflicted by lightening strikes and look like tree branches. Hermanubis himself also had Electro powers or powers that inflicted lightening, therefore I also think that this applies to both Cyno and Sethos

Childhood Trauma This is the point where I bring up the things Collei and Cyno have in common. Both were sold or given away to somebody by their parents; Collei was given away to the Fatui and Cyno was sold to the Temple of Silence as vessle. They've both been used for experiments and most likely endured painful experiences + they were severly sick in their childhood as Collei suffered from Eleazar and it's symptoms while Cyno suffered headaches, fevers and probably some minor injuries he can't remember. As Cyno said himself that not everybody could probably endure what he and Sethos had to go through, I believe he meant both physical and mental pain which explains why he lost so much memory from the time at the Temple - it was his mind, perhaps even Hermanubis, protecting Cyno from the upleasant and traumatic events he endured during that time (that is called "dissociative amnesia"). I also believe that little Cyno (and Sethos) must've been terrified during that time and it mustve been hard for older Cyno still, probably even after Cyrus took him to the academiya.

Cynari (Cyno x Tighnari, yes, the ship, skip this if you want <3) Inhales - I don't think I need to explain that canonically speaking Cyno and Tighnari have multiple times described themselves as their best friends. No, you dont have to like the ship and nor do you have to agree with the ship since it is NOT CANON, hoyoverse can't and won't put any same sex romantic relationships or general romantic relationships between playable characters into their games anyway for obvious reasons, the most they will do is hint at them like they do with Xingqiu and Chongyun or Ningguang and Beidou (the characters are written that way to leave us imagining, not to confirm anything). However, I'd like to think that they are in a loving relationship because of their chemistry and that both act as Collei's parents (Dads). I know this means nothing, but the way they worry for each other, care for each other, act towards each other and think about each other simply fuels my brain with "Look at those two idiots being in love".

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Honestly, I just wrote my mind because general head-canons take up a lot of my mind and I feel the need to explain myself so people understand what I mean or where I'm coming from ;-; So, sorry for the wall of text, ehe.....

ERM!!! I'm free to discuss things in the replies or dms if you want!!

#genshin impact #genshin #cyno #genshin cyno #headcanon #my hcs #hc #genshin hcs #collei #tighnari #cyno hcs

[tearsaura]

Didn’t go as planned // Brennan Sorrengail x reader

A/N: based on this request. Hope you enjoy it! It kind of turned into a blurb

Word count: 693

Warnings: mentions of blood

Picture is from Pinterest: horevapolina2

‘My love, as much as seeing you makes my day better, I don’t want you as a patient’ Y/N sighed as she spotted Brennan sitting up on one of the patient beds, one hand holding a bloodied cloth to his nose, but the glint in his eyes suggested that he was grinning beneath said cloth.

Y/N stopped in front of him and took the cloth from his hand. She felt his nose carefully, her eyebrows furrowed as she wore that look of concentration that Brennan loved so much.

Breaking his nose had its advantages.

'Hmm... it's slightly broken. It would still take a few weeks for it to heal on its own. You can't avoid healing yourself, but you surely knew that before you came to me.’ She said with a teasing smile that he returned.

‘Yeah, Mira’s punch is half as mean as she likes to claim it, but I wanted to see you.’ He replied and Y/N’s grin grew even wider. She sat down next to him and squeezed his hand.

‘You don’t need to break your nose to see me. I can give you something to stop the blood. The family reunion didn’t go as well as you hoped.’ Brennan sighed.

‘I knew she would be mad. She has every right to do so. And the fact that she broke my nose has something familiar about it. Feels like being sixteen again' she burst out laughing, which he joined in.

‘It’s a shock for them. She's certainly happier than she's showing right now.' He nodded and pulled her closer to him by her hand until her face was just a few inches from his.

‘You know what will help me heal? A kiss’ ‘Oh really. I’ve never learned that during my training.’

'Well they probably wanted to keep some things to themselves to create a power imbalance. But I need a lot of energy to heal myself and the best resource for energy is a kiss from you,” he replied. ‘Mmhkay but let me clean your face first and stop your bleeding, you’re covered in blood.’ Brennan picked up the cloth again and wiped his face roughly, hissing when it caught his nose.

'There. Clean. Now I want my kiss.’ Y/N rolled her eyes but obeyed him. She cupped his cheeks in her hands and gently placed her lips on his. Brennan smiled into the kiss and buried his hands in her hair.

Their moment alone got interrupted by the sound of the door, and both turned their heads towards the door.

His sister Mira walked in, closely followed by Violet. The two of them froze when they saw their brother. Mira raised her eyebrows and Violet grinned. Y/N wanted to pull away from Brennan, but he continued to hold her close and sat up straighter.

‘Well, that's not how I imagined I'd introduce you to each other, but it is what it is. Violet, Mira, this is Y/N, my girlfriend’.

‘It’s nice to finally meet you,’ Y/N said with a shy smile, and Brennan could kiss her again because of that.

Violet smiled back, but Mira’s facial expression remained unchanged, her eyes fixed on Brennan.

‘Don’t you want to say something?’ Brennan asked his sister.

‘The Mender goes to the healer? Really?’ she asked, and Y/N busted out laughing.

‘Right?!’ she said amidst her laughter, infecting Violet with it. Even Mira smiled.

‘I wanted to get a professional’s opinion!’ ‘Well, I suspect you just want to see the healer,’ Violet teased, sitting down on the bed next to Y/N.

'I'm not commenting on that,' Brennan countered. Mira strolled over to the other side of his bed and plopped down on it. She turned to Y/N: 'Is this the moment we tell you embarrassing childhood stories?' 'I've been waiting too long for this' his girlfriend said and turned completely to her. Brennan groaned.

He leaned back and even though his sister completely embarrassing him in front of his love, he felt more at home than ever before.

The three most important women in his life were here with him, safe and he will do everything to keep it that way.

#fourth wing #iron flame #brennan sorrengail #brennan sorrengail x reader #fourth wing imagine

[toadallytickles]

NEST 2024 + Gatherings Going Forward (again)

Attended my 4th NEST this year! This is just a quick point-form summary as I’m still dropping and wanted a write-up before I fly out this weekend to see my moms!

Perhaps I wore my “tickle me I’m cute!” shirt on Friday- and perhaps it got me pinned and gang tickled by 4 friends UGH- I haven’t been gang tickled since last June which is WILD honestly. Kinda hoping wishing this June it happens again 👀

Learning that it’s okay to let people touch me. 🙄😒 From my past writing “AUNT 2024 + Gatherings Going Forward,” I shared that I’ve denied myself from playing with friends until everything felt perfect, but recognized that I set the bar way too high and that maybe I just fear that “awkward first session” because I’m really awkward with touching and this fetish. At NEST this year I’ve allowed friends I’ve met and connected with at previous gatherings to tickle me in the con-spaces to break that touch barrier in a fun, familiar way for everyone. I also let myself engage in pick-up sessions with friends to get that “awkward first session” out of the way! I had to reassure myself throughout the weekend that it was okay that they were touching me, and they were touching me because they wanted to~.

My nesting partner is choosy about the gatherings he attends as he wants to focus on those he has connected with already, and can find gatherings overwhelming at times. This NEST made me feel similar- I want to continue attending gatherings, and I love meeting new people, though going forward I’m going to focus on regular attendees and friends I know from previous gatherings. There are a lot of regulars and mutuals I would love to get to know better and potentially play with- I’m just really awkward and don’t know how to approach people, and in turn I feel I accidentally give off a closed-off vibe. I would like to be part of my friends’ friend group, I just don’t know how to integrate! NEST going forward, I would love to volunteer and help out more to continue making the gathering the best it can be!

Oh, I had my first Wawa experience! I tried their Caramel Cookies and Cream Frozen Cappuccino, IT WAS SO GOOD, Starbucks Frapps could never. definitely kept me up way past my bedtime! 😋 Also the mascot is a (Canada) Goose because Wawa was originally a dairy farm in Wawa, Pennsylvania, and the Ojibwe word “we’we” means “Snow Goose.” Now I need a Sheets experience~.

I got to try out @ticklingduck's vibrating tickling rods! @mister-ttt and I did record content including them! They are like a small Pursonic (without it stopping after 2 minutes~)! 😏 I also BOUGHT ONE!! 🎉 @ticklingduck's socials: Etsy, Twitter, Tumblr.

Wore my Geurdo Link cosplay on auction night, even though I was not participating in the auction, and I was extremely shy so I just sat in the audience and didn’t really show it off LMAO!! (Still editing the tickle video featuring this cosplay, previews are in the NEST Server and on my OF~).

I’ve had the literal pleasure of forming a play partner dynamic with a local friend, and he has really built up my confidence, self-esteem, and has helped me be more self-sex-positive. It was exciting to carry that sex-positivity into some sessions this weekend, and I learned that I really like being consensually sexually violated by friends.. 🥴💦 don't look at me.

This weekend really validated my growth and boundaries. Finding this gathering somewhat personally hard to navigate because I wasn’t meeting my exact wants (a me-issue, not NEST's), that helped me recognize that I’m not the same person I was at my first NEST and other 2019 gatherings, and that I’m truly growing. I wasn’t able to navigate NEST like I did in 2019, so now I know I’m on the right path and know what I’m exactly looking for.

And finally on the last day of the gathering, I’m sitting in the lobby in my lazy travel fit, not showered, sporty wind-breaker, capris, my glasses, pink paw print socks + sandals of course, and a guy I’m pretty sure was not part of the NEST group asked me if I was “Kyle-“ and there were other men around. I say no, and guy just wanders back to where he came from. Assigned Kyle at NEST. I have not felt gender euphoria in a long time. 🥹

anyway, the end. looking forward to the next gatherings~

#hi I'm never here but I'm doing really well! just lots going on in the in-person scene so I'm active there! #I still pop in from time-to-time. But I'm definitely happier in-person. #Thought I'd share my NEST 2024 experience as Fetlife got this! My AUNT 2024 is on my Fetlife too! #Anyway- I hope to see lots of familiar and new faces at NEST 2025~! I'm hoping to do lots of volunteering at future NESTs and events! :) #my posts #NEST #NEST 2024 #tickle gatherings #my writing #tickles #text

[bonefall]

wait, why can’t a decent amount of the members in proto-thunderclan not hunt?

A lot of them have serious physical disabilities! It's enough that it poses a logistical problem, which they are committed to overcoming together.

Thunder Storm's three legs makes him slower than his companions. He's ferociously powerful, but like a male lion, he has to rely on his "lionesses" to slow a large animal.

Bright Storm has asthma from her heroics trying to save SkyClan cats from a fire. She's taking that from Gray Wing, who is famously the first major death now. Like her son, she has a difficult time with chasing prey.

Bumble is dyspraxic. She's a terrible hunter and fighter and struggles with self-worth because OTHERS used it to dehumanize her, and continues to, even after an entire society forms out of love of her.

Sunlit Frost has permanent nerve damage in his arm from the fire, and ends up working so hard that it makes his disability worse. A bite on the good paw from Snake becomes infected after he refuses to sit out from digging graves after the First Battle; I am planning a chunky B-plot about Sunlit coming to terms with the fact he has to retire early.

That's FOUR major members of a small group with physical disabilities that make hunting hard or impossible. They have a lot of logistical problems that I will actually be exploring solutions to.

#One of the solutions will probably be a hog hunt which I'm excited for #As there's a bunch of things each person can do to help with that #It's really such a shame that canon is so hyperfixated on disabled cats feeling like they 'need to be useful' in a very well established-- #Society where they CAN just be comfortably cared for #It frustrates me that the series keeps portraying that as a Good Thing and not either a tragedy of self-worth OR an exploration of-- #SOCIAL ableism. #So for BB!DOTC I'm going to try and take aim at both #Ok then; let's TALK about a small underdog group who needs its members to contribute #And let's talk about how even THIS little group INNATELY values its members. How that is good and natural #And how there's NO excuse for the bigger group to be so cruel. It's not neccesity. It never was. It was spite. #Thunder Storm says 'The point of having a group at all is to care for each other. NOT to have it serve you.' #Man really comes out here like FROM EACH ACCORDING TO HIS ABILITY. TO EACH ACCORDING TO HIS NEED #And I am trying to think of how to stress how MUCH food SkyClan has. Like how I'll show that... #I'll definitely need to make sure to set up a lot during the time Thunder Storm is Clear Sky's acolyte. #Btw does that sound like a good word? Trying to figure out what Tribe cats call their apprentices #Because fuuuuck no I'm not calling them To-bes

[sysig]

It started with a whisper ♥ (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Crackship #Xigbar #Of all the crackships that I didn't expect I probably wouldn't have expected these two the most lol #I super wasn't expecting to feel So strongly about them this is like multi-tier Big Feelings in varying directions #One - ZEX - obvious (lol) | Two - Xigbar (hehe II hehehe) - I think I mentioned it like maaaybe once over here but I was Huge into KH #Specifically Org XIII specifically-specifically 358/2 it is the only game in the Kingdom Hearts line that I've beaten and probably ever will #Oh no wait that's not true I did play through all of the DS release of Re:Coded but like......does that count lol I think no #I played the intro of Kingdom Hearts II and shut it off after the bit with Roxas and Sora like - the egg scene how do I non-spoilers this #I own it and I will never beat it I am too sad I want only my Nobodies lol <3 #Kingdom Hearts had a big influence on me - that and Magic Knight Rayearth are a big explanation as to Why I'm Like This lol #Cough cough casting away the dark parts of your heart only for it to come back and bite you later and also The Gay™ lol #But AnyWay lol - Xigbar! #He wasn't my favourite-favourite - aside from Main Characters that'd probably go to Marluxia - but I still hold him very fondly!! #Definitely doodled him a good bit he's very handsome ♪ #And just - ah ♥ An old fave and a new(er) fave interacting and making each other happy and feel nice and play well I just fsalkfdf #As well as that being Max's body! There's something heightening about all these different aspects that was just overwhelming to me haha <3 #If it's not already obvious - yes this was the happy cries lol this is the only explanation I have haha #I feel very strongly about Them and Interactions and Feeling Nice and fjdslafsdf #Anyway! This isn't Just them! Just a lot haha ♪ #I have started a playlist lol - so far it's just this song - Everybody Talks - but some of the others from SCII playlist fit well too :) #The rest is just ZEX being cute hehe <3 ZEX not understanding what crying is is very interesting to me :3c No VUX equivalent? #Seems like they don't have the same kinds of chemicals like adrenaline et al so I guess a flushing system isn't as necessary! Interesting :D #ZEX fumbliness leading to him being a bit on the back foot is so cute hehe <3 He wants so loudly and openly but actually accomplishing it- #I also really like how he holds himself - all the tension through him to fight against new muscles and bone everything too alien! #I imagine his hands as being very rigid and all the fingers pulled together straight but that could just be how he describes bones hehe #Alien in there <3 Plenty to read into :3c

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar #no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new #but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me' #i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term #so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now #so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but #it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out #that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance #so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial #but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal #although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive #i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary #ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness #which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days #and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself #im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles #but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy #and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me #i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this #i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself #im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body #im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up #and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe! #so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please #and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching #between numbness and overwhelming agony #what the fuck am i talking about