Finished DnD WIP
Read on AO3 here:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/44604331
Or read it all here.
“Eddie the Banished is encased in ice from the shoulders down,” Will says. “The cure is behind the gate, but the gate is blocked by an enormous drooling Cerberus! What do you do, Sir Steve?”
“Um. Doesn’t Eddie have a magic flute? Can I take his magic flute?”
“You are a warlock, so yes, you are able to take Eddie’s fey flute.”
“I allow Sir Steve to take the fey flute,” Eddie says. “As the ice slowly chokes me I say, ‘ play… the faerie… charm …’”
“Eddie the Banished presents you with a fey flute,” Will says. “What do you do?”
Steve thinks on this seriously. Eddie loves how intent Steve is. When Dustin had first invited Steve to play, Eddie had worried that Steve might not take it seriously, or even make fun of Will's campaign. So far, though, he was one of the most invested people in the group.
“I… Well, I go over. I take the flute from Eddie's bag, and I finger it.”
A roar of dissent rises from the group. Eddie turns bright red and immediately pulls his shirt over his face to hide his blush. Steve looks around innocently.
“What? That’s what I do.”
“Please never say that again,” Dustin says.
“Say what? Flute?”
“ Finger! ”
“Oh my god, get your mind out of the gutter, Dustin. That’s what you do with a flute. You finger it!”
Lucas claps his hands over his ears.
“Don’t say finger!”
“I WANT TO FINGER EDDIE’S FAIRY FLUTE,” Steve shouts. “THAT’S MY ACTION. I FINGER IT.”
Eddie is doubled over, his head in his arms, his T-shirt still pulled up around his face.
“You broke Eddie,” Will says.
Eddie lifts his head out from his T-shirt, gasping, and wipes his eyes.
“New rule,” Will says, grinning. “From now on, Steve is not allowed to use the word finger .”
“What, ever?”
“Not in my campaign, no.”
“Is that allowed?” He gestures to the massive binder that Erica keeps in case of an argument. “Is that in the rule binder?”
“Yes, Steve,” Erica says. “On page 152, it says that the Dungeon Master can forbid any player from saying any word.”
Steve blinks at Erica, pretty sure that she’s fucking with him, but not willing to take the bate.
“Fine,” he says. “I won’t use that word. Keep going. I start to play the flute.”
“Roll Charisma Persuasion.”
Steve rolls, and Will leans in to see the number.
“The Cerberus falls asleep!” Will says. Steve beams.
“There’s a hole in the wall," Will continues, "And stoppering up the hole is a tiny little beaker. And in the beaker is a glowing fluid, emanating this beautiful golden light. You know that it contains the antidote.”
“I do?” Steve asks. “How do I know?”
“Because I just told you,” Will said.
“And how do you know?”
“Because I’m an omniscient narrator.”
“Oh. Right. Well, can I pull it out of the wall?”
“Is that what you choose to do?”
Steve blinks around at the other members of Hellfire, who are all shaking their heads. He shrugs.
“Yeah, I’ll pull it out, and, uh. I go over to Eddie. And I pour my fluid down his throat.”
The group roars in protest again and Steve sighs.
“I was really trying to keep it innocent that time, guys!”
“ Fluid is also on Steve’s banned word list,” Erica says.
“Will literally used the word fluid to describe it!”
Will waits for everyone to calm down before continuing.
“You tug the beaker out of the wall and undo the cork. You hurriedly run over to Eddie the Banished and empty antidote into his mouth. The ice melts! Eddie is free!”
“YES!��� Eddie jumps up and pumps his fists. “I’m free!”
“As you celebrate, however, you hear the sound of running water. You turn to see that the beaker had been stoppering up a hole in what is actually a sea-wall. And that hole is quickly spewing water into the room!”
“Fuck,” Eddie says. “Um, how about the door we came in through?”
“The Cerberus has awoken,” Will says, “And he is now blocking that door.”
“I’m going to pick up the flute,” Eddie says. “I start to play.” He turns to Steve. “ That’s what you do with a flute. You play it .”
“Roll a charisma persuasion,” Will says.
Eddie rolls.
“Damn! It’s almost enough.”
“You start to play the flute. The Cerberus starts to get sleepy, but not sleepy enough. Water is now up to your ankles. Sir Steve? What do you do?”
“Um. I need to buy us time. I need to stopper up the hole, right? So I put my…” Steve looks down at his hands. “I put my… tip… in the hole.”
The room explodes. It’s impossible to continue.
“OH MY GOD!”
“OF ALL THE WAYS TO PHRASE IT—“
“WHY, STEVE? WHY?”
Steve throws up his hands.
“YOU TOLD ME NOT TO SAY FINGER!”
Eddie stands up and walks out of the room.
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