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itsmealaiah · 20 days

Text

Tokio Hotel members reacting to

reader having a prince albert's piercing 😝

TW: sucking off, sexual innunendo, profanity, sexual situations, assigned male at birth, he/him pronouns, prince albert's piercing (on reader)

Request: (by anon) Tokio hotel (separate) reacting to m!reader with a prince alberts piercing, like they’re about to give him head but pull down his boxers and just stare since it caught them off guard

Rating: mature, sexual themes, mdni.

WC: 0.8k (these r all so damn short 🙄)

Bill:

when he'd be slowly taking your pants off, leaving kisses on your abdomen, looking up at you with big, puppy eyes as he reveals your dick to him, not noticing at first because he's too invested in the sight of you, all needy for him, lips parted and eyes shut, head laid on the pillows as you let out the smallest of moans.

When he finally sheds your boxers after teasing you, stroking your cock up and down, hardening it more than it was already, he leaves a small kiss on the tip, feeling something cold. His eyebrows raise, and he sees the piercing, a little bit of a shock to him. You had never mentioned this before in your relationship.

He stops for a few moments, gazing at it, wondering if he could even give you the proper pleasure, knowing that was in the way. When you notice he stopped, you look down, seeing him in a state of confusion and worry.

"Baby? is everything ok?" you ask, trying to settle your breath and get it under control. "When'd you get this?" He points to the metal lying on your dick with his pointer finger, and your eyes widen. "A couple years ago" you say with somewhat confidence, still trying to settle down.

He swallows thickly, and you sigh with slight anger. You pull his hair, and watch his lips envelop your cock deeply in a matter of seconds, his eyes beginning to water as his tongue flattens under your shaft.

"ha-ah, good boy billy"

Tom:

Tom would already have every single article of your clothes off (minus boxers) before he sucked you off, he would probably think it's better to get your cock dripping with pre-cum before he gives you head.

He would trail kisses down your chest to your lower abdomen, building up the excitement of finally getting what you want.

When he slips down your boxers, he immediately notices the piercing, and smirks down at it, making you whimper and look down to see what he's gazing at. As soon as you find out, your face goes red and you bury the side of your face into the pillows, embarrassed.

"what are you blushing for baby?" he says as his tongue licks a stripe up your dick, and you moan, gasping as his hands rub up and down your needy cock, basically begging for more, and playing with the piercing, tugging on it as he pleasures you.

"f-fuck tommy!"

Gustav:

You have been begging for gustav to finally give you head for days, no weeks, and he finally caved, but he was nervous as hell. He had little experience with this, only ever giving girls head, you being his first boy-loving-boy relationship (bear with me ik this is shit 🫶😞)

He'd probably start by slowly kissing your lips, slipping off your shirt with his gentle hands, wanting to take this as slow as possible, making you lift your arms above your head, only breaking the kiss for a second, going back to let his envelop yours.

He would moan into the kiss as you wrap your arms around his neck, squeezing his head closer to yours, which leads him to gasp and you to slip your tongue into his mouth, kissing him even more passionately, the heat between the both of you crescending to an all time high.

As he tugs off the last piece of your clothing, he's met with the shiny, silver metal on the tip of your dick. He doesn't know what to think at first, confused as to how one could have that without going through immense pain and discomfort for months on end.

He eventually decides to just give up and listen to your demands, kitten licking your cock which makes you groan, giving him assurance he is doing something remotely right.

"doing s'well gusti, keep going"

Georg:

Georg would probably feel the piercing the first time he's stroking you while you both are making out, and grip it, trying to feel what it is, making your cheeks a dark red and you to forcefully answer: "it's a prince albert's piercing"

He'd be slightly shocked, but would eventually lean into it, knowing he can tease you even harsher, now that he's discovered a new teaser to make you moan.

He'd tug or pull on it every time you would be halfway naked, in your boxers, ready for him to fully pleasure you, and once he's down there, your swollen cock all red and needy, he'd be tugging on that shit with his teeth, testing the sturdiness, smiling as you groan and tug at his hair.

He'd flick it with his tongue, and watch you squirm. "should i get one of these baby?" he asks while you're so close to cumming, he stops and asks, stopping the stimulation as you nod a little too desperately, begging to cum, and he knows this, but it's always a little fun to toy with you.

Taglist: @tokio-motel @20doozers @madzandmore

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oozedninjas · 2 months

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How do you think the 07 boys would react if the reader died? Like in an accident or killed by shredder or sm? just food for thoughts

They say there are five stages of grief...

Leonardo will blame himself for it no matter how you die. Did you get sick? He's a ninja. He should have noticed the symptoms as soon as they appeared! Did the Shredder kill you? God, that's his worst nightmare. Because it not only means he failed as a partner, but he also failed as the leader of the team you belonged to. He couldn't protect you, and he can never forgive himself for that.

Denial

There must be some way to rebound it. His mind flashes from here to there, and Leo considers possibilities that in a normal situation would seem delusional. Could Donatello build a time machine? There must be some way to reverse it. There must be. It can't be that you're just... gone.

2. Anger

It's a sheer tough situation because even though he would want to fight recklessly, with no regard for himself, Leo has to be strong for others and continue playing his role as leader and older brother. So he bottles up his feelings; buries them deep until they slowly rot inside him.

When he faces the Shredder again, he notices that there is something different, and for the first time in decades, Shredder fears he may not win. I think Leo would also become rougher with low-ranked criminals, hitting harder than necessary. The terrifying part? It's always perfectly calculated.

Also, his brothers resent his anger during training because he becomes tougher and more demanding. However, it's only because Leo can't afford to lose anyone else. He wouldn't be able to bear it.

3. Bargaining

He should at least be able to compensate your family. Friends. Anyone who loved you as much as he did. Thinking about doing things for people who were close to you brings him a kind of comfort that appeases his anger. It's a way of trying to regain a sense of control over the situation and find a way to cope with his pain.

4. Depression

He'll never again feel the tender caress of your fingertips over his shell, the warmth of your lips pressed against his own, or the sweet melody of your laughter echoing through the lair. The realization grips his heart with an ironclad vice, suffusing his spirit. It's a devastating blow that rends his very soul asunder.

5. Acceptance

But you wouldn't want him to be sad forever. No, in fact, Leo is sure you'd be insisting that he needs to move on. It was okay to feel, to be upset and cry along the way, but it was time to get up. Master Splinter plays a very important role in how Leo slowly recovers himself. One step at a time.

Donatello: It depends on how you die, but I believe what could drive him insane is if he loses you slowly due to an illness. That would be his personal hell because no matter how hard he tries to change things, researching new methods, creating medications, even biotechnology... nothing seems to yield results. Isn't he supposed to be a genius? What's the point of intellect if it can't use it to save you?!

Denial

"With this cryogenic capsule, I can keep her body intact a little longer," he tells your loved ones, who stare at him, paralyzed by the desperation in his eyes. "I can fix this. I can- I just need more time." But a person is not a machine, and your loved ones did not allow him to experiment.

A machine! That's it! Donatello made a copy of your memory and some parts of your consciousness before your departure; perhaps he could put that into a robot and somehow... maybe with enough effort and the right wires...

2. Anger

It worked, and yet it failed miserably. This thing in front of him looked like you, sounded like you, shared some memories, and yet, it felt utterly empty. How could he insult your memory out of his own desperation?

Donatello smashed his Bo staff into the control center, piercing it completely. He trembled a little as he continued to hold it, buried in the circuits. That night there was a blackout in the lair, and all that could be heard from the lab was the grinding of teeth.

3. Bargaining

It happened to you, but perhaps with all the research and testing, Donatello could prevent someone else from going through the same thing. So, he decided to sell his investigation, using a pseudonym and a couple of computer skills made it no problem to do it all from the lair. For him, it's like gradually adapting to the reality of his loss through these small actions.

4. Depression

To think that a robot could replace you. What the hell was he thinking? Your scent, the softness of your skin, the beautiful way you looked at him when discussing a new discovery, that could never be replicated. The lab, like his heart, felt terribly empty. It was a feeling as suffocating as it was overwhelming: knowing that you would never be there again, that he couldn't see or hear you anymore. Suddenly, he can't breathe.

Burying himself in his work keeps his mind occupied. He doesn't need sleep; he needs to progress with the research. Donatello escapes from every little space that could allow you to somehow appear in his mind.

5. Acceptance

April helped a lot in this part, as she was the one who started bringing you into the conversation with positive things, and Don has small spaces to feel shared nostalgia. April feels the same loss; she understands, and that is extremely comforting.

Over time, the feeling of emptiness left by your memory transitions to a bittersweet sensation, and gradually he allows himself to move forward, remembering you with a smile, with a fondness that embraces him from the bottom of his heart. Donatello learned that every minute counts, and for that reason, he now makes space to spend more time with the people he loves, and who love him in return.

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leathfaic · 8 months

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Ghost is a man who never needed to do much to draw attention when he goes clubbing. His impressive frame ensures he gets plenty of attention. That natural air of authority honed over years as a commanding officer ensuring he has his space if he wants it, unwanted approaches stopped before they even begin.

Still lots of eyes stick to him casually leaning against the bar. Always had an easy pick of those brave enough to approach him. Even before the scars in his face he attracted a certain type, the twinks that wanted to be thrown around, bears wanting to play with someone in their own weight class they weren't sure they could out-wrestle and everyone in between who just likes tall, strong blondes. Ever since the scars that has only intensified, might be that he loses out on some vain types, but the daredevils flock to him even more now.

So really he can't complain. He's not the biggest fan of the places, avoids scrungy punky ones altogether for very personal reasons, but they serve their purpose. Finding a quick lay mostly. Sometimes just enjoying a space where he's not the only gay man for miles and miles.

When he starts to go clubs with Soap though, it becomes a very different experience.

First of all he's not looking to take anyone home or to a convenient dark corner.

No, he's here because Johnny likes dancing and what Johnny wants he usually gets. Simon could never deny him anything.

So there is no one Ghost is looking at but Soap. And bloody fucking hell it is worth looking.

Johnny's easy confidence bleeds off of him and mixed with his natural charm he commands the entire rooms attention. His body helps, sure, sculpted muscles barely hidden by a mesh shirt and jeans so tight there's nothing left to the imagination, but there's plenty of good looking men around.

None of them carry themselves like Soap does though.

He watches as Soap enters the dance floor, seeming to melt into the beat. Dancing as effortlessly as he cleans an entire building of hostiles. A fucking vision in strobing lights as he let's the rhythm dictate his movements. Wide fucking smile painted on his face.

People flock to him, wind themselves around him in more or less proficient dance moves, probably hoping to leave an impression over the gaggle of obvious suitors.

Soap toys with them, dancing with those he finds entertaining, neatly sidestepping those he doesn't. Bathing in the attention of wandering hands and lips.

Ghost wonders if they can feel how dangerous of a man he really is. If they can smell the slight hint of sulfur from the demolitions workshop he's been crammed in all day. If they can see the edge in his eyes, that predatory glint of a man trained to kill walking through a crowd of unaware civilians.

Most probably can't.

Some who can probably find it exciting.

In the end none of it matters anyways.

Because it is Ghost's gaze that Johnny seeks when another man winds around him, littering his neck with kisses. And it's on Ghost's wordless command that he abandons the crowd of hopefuls. Meandering over to him, well aware of all the looks following him as he sprawls himself in Simon's lap unabashedly.

It's a unique rush of power having the man they all want at his beck and call. To take a sip of whisky and shamelessly kiss it into his mouth. Making sure just a little spills over painting a golden line for him to lick up.

Keeping his eyes on the crowd and bathing in their envy, their hunger and their shock.

He indulges for a few minutes, let's Soap shower him in affection while keeping him and the room in check with his dominance over the situation.

It's a game they both know Ghost will lose down the line, will drag Soap out of the club like his life depends on it. Maybe throw him over his shoulder just to make a point.

But not yet. Now he makes sure Soap drinks some water and sends him off again with a well aimed slap to his arse.

And Johnny smiles bright and wide. Drifting into the crowd, the crowd that is apprehensive at first but before long they can't help themselves. There's some wary glances shot at Simon, but his ongoing indifference seems to embolden them. Crowding Soap like moths would a light.

And Ghost finds himself suddenly enjoying clubs a whole lot more. Revelling in Soap's obvious bliss and the knowledge that the man who drives the whole dance floor senseless will follow him in the blink of an eye.

Let them get their hopes up, he's got nothing to fear, to be jealous over because he knows the only thing that matters:

Soap commands the whole room without even trying, but Ghost is the only one who commands his attention.

#ghost has a fucking ego about this #and they both would be the kinds of arseholes toying with a crowd like that #only to go home and fuck about it #their power dynamics are deliciously screwed between ghosts worship & adherence to johnnys every wish and soaps devotion bordering on fealt #they are so very much in love #in all the healthy and unhealthy ways #ghostsoap #simon ghost riley #soapghost #cod mwii #john soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish #cod mw2 #cod #cod hc #my stuff #ghoap

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briebysabs · 1 month

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Lu Guang is a hypocrite and that’s okay (great even)

I must stand ten toes for this man because I’m noticing the slander that went on in September and I cannot allow it. I know I’m six months late but just bear with me. We are introduced to Lu Guang as a rational, stoic, sort of wise protagonist. The brains of the operation if you will (although Cheng is clever in his own right but that’s a whole other discussion). Qiao Ling and Captain Xiao describe him as more mature. Shiguang’s relationship is strong but it’s structured, especially for their work, to where Cheng has to depend on Lu Guang. Should only do as he says and not do anything impulsive.

And it gets to a point where Cheng doesn’t know what to do without him and when LG isn’t there he relies on his past words to guide him. The thing is, we’ve seen that CXS can come up with great plans and make good decisions without Lu Guang’s voice in his head. Like how he caught Min Liu or planning how save Lu Guang from Li Tianchen. But the story has built LG up so much to be a reliable character so it can’t be untrue. But then the s2 finale happens, Cheng gets shot and Lu Guang loses his mind.

And then the ending basically tells you that he’s been winging it and gambling this whole time. Experimenting with god knows how many timelines, simply using his knowledge from the previous one to see if he’ll get lucky this time. Lu Guang has been playing a crane game. So in a story that is all about mistakes, guilt and regrets. Of showing the imperfections of people. Of showing the struggles of moving forward, of being satisfied with the present. Of sacrificing your sanity, your voice, your desires, and happiness for the people you love. How is this bad writing?

Link click has been tricking the audience to believe Lu Guang is an infallible character.

But Link Click was never about perfect people.

What he’s trying to do is no different from Li Tianchen, one of our antagonists. And I love CXS to fucking pieces but this show raises the question of a life’s value. LG is trying to save Cheng and so refuses to change the past for anyone else. Bc it may alter things and doom CXS in the process and ruin all he’s worked towards. But then you ask yourself, is CXS’s life worth more than the twins' mother? Is it worth more than Chen’s mother? Is it worth more than Emma?

It doesn’t matter because it is to Lu Guang. It’s like the question if your sibling and a mailman are trapped in a burning building but you can only try to save one. Unless they’re the absolute scum of the earth, chances are and possibly even despite that, you’re going to pick your sibling. That don’t mean it’s objectively more valuable than the mailman or you didn’t have sympathy for that person, they have loved ones, hopes and joys too. “Lu Guang is a hypocrite, selfish, unreliable, and a liar” yes he is. Because there is something called ‘flawed characters’. It’s okay for your protagonist to not be the best person. It’s okay to write a protagonist whose trauma has defined some of their actions.

If you’ve been forced to have someone you love die in your arms over and over, why is it surprising that you would lie to them? How is it surprising that you’d try to keep secrets? That you’d set things up to be in a position to control the situation? That’ll force you to plan better so maybe, just maybe things will be different? You think Lu Guang lacks self awareness and doesn’t know what this makes him? Of all things you can call LG, he’s not delusional. He knows the weight of his actions.

Link Click has and always will be a story about people. Where our emotions and choices take us. Lu Guang isn’t a robot so why would he be an exception?

Plus everyone should’ve been knew Lu Guang was sus anyway. Idk how that’s mischaracterization, there’s proof of him lying and keeping secrets from CXS in s1. It doesn’t ruin anything it recontextualizes what we were shown back then.

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writingquestionsanswered · 6 days

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Hello! Small question, how would one go on to portray panicked rambles? I have a character who is afraid of the dark who has to escape with his friend through a dark cave, but as I was trying to write his panicked pleadings, they came across as flat and rational due to how the dialoge is written. I tried to make it feel rushed by conjoing some of the words together, but it looked a bit odd to me. Do you have any tips?

Writing a Panicked Ramble

Some things to keep in mind:

1 - Make sure there's context for the panic. Whether you lay the foundation for that panic ahead of time, or have to build to it in the moment, it's important that the reader has context for why this character is panicked. Otherwise, something like, "This is fine, I'm okay, there's nothing lurking in the shadows..." just falls flat. Why is this person panicking about being in the dark cave? Are they afraid of what may be in the cave? Are they afraid due to a past bad experience in a cave--or maybe just in darkness? Do they have some underlying fears that are being triggered? Again, you can lay these out ahead of time or use dialogue and thought to explore them in the moment.

2 - Use thought, emotion, and physical cues to add dimension. Dialogue on its own, even with context, doesn't go as far as dialogue that is bolstered by the character's thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations and body language. "This is fine, I'm okay, there's nothing lurking in the shadows..." he chanted to himself as images of hungry cave bears and rabid bats played through his mind. Every shifting shadow or far off noise sent cold fear slithering down his spine. His teeth chattered when he finally managed, "Are we almost out?" See how much more expressive that was?

3 - Make sure the environment/situation fits the reaction. Sometimes a character's reaction falls flat because we don't do a good enough job illustrating the things they're supposed to be reacting to. For example, if you haven't done a good job describing this dark cave and the things that are triggering the character's fears, their panic isn't going to feel warranted. You can do the work of describing the environment or situation as they get into it, or if necessary, as it's being experienced. And, if the character's reaction is supposed to feel unwarranted... for example, maybe they're panicking as though they're in a dark, scary cave, but they're not, then you can use other characters, dialogue, and description to offset what the character thinks they're experiencing versus what they're actually experiencing.

Happy writing!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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tipsyleaf · 5 days

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NSFW ALPHABET

[DI! Chris Redfield Edition]

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

Concerned is the best word to describe it. Chris would pull you to his chest, kiss your head and make sure you're okay. He's always scared of going too far or hurting you on accident. Would definitely be rubbing your back, giving you gentle reassuring kisses and telling you how much he loves you. Plays with your hair. You even take a bath together on occasion afterwards.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

On him, definitely his shoulders/chest. He's a big man and has spent years of his time building up a strong and intimidating appearance. Plus he loves how you stare at him when his chest flexes if he lifts something without his shirt on.

On you, your ass. Chris is an ass man and no one can tell me otherwise. That man is constantly smacking your ass as you do mundane things or just walking by. Probably gropes you while cooking when no one's paying attention.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Inside. This man has a breeding kink. Loves burying himself balls deep just to cum and watch it dribble out slowly.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Panty thief. Whenever he's scheduled to leave you two always say goodbye with a quickie and he snatches your panties to take with him in one of his uniform pockets. He just likes having a little piece of you with him constantly, that's all.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

Chris definitely fucks. Barely gets to enjoy the normalcies of life, like sex. Probably had a lot of flings in his 20s but once he met you he gets to use his collected talents on someone special.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Full Nelson. Hands down his absolute favorite position. He's got you at his full mercy. Holding you in place, making you bounce on his cock. All you can do is sit there and take it?? Chef's kiss~

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Usually not goofy but if there's a silly sound or something happens that isn't supposed to he'll definitely chuckle, reassure you with a smile and keep going.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Trimmed. Chris is a fucking bear of a man. Definitely very very hairy but trimmed not shaved.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Definitely very romantic. Always kind and carrying. Trying to be gentle unless the mood isn't called for it.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Jerking off use to be second nature to him but now he barely ever does it. Only if he's away for extended periods of time or under some serious stress that even worries him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding, Bondage, Dacryphilia, Daddy kink, Dirty talk, Somnophilia and body worship

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere private. Chris isn't picky when it comes to getting in your pants.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Teasing and your body more than anything. Often he gets saucy texts or pictures from you and he's definitely coming to collect payment of your promises next time he sees you.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

Nothing with physical harm, no bathroom related kinks or blood play.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

CHRIS IS A MUNCH! Absolutely WORSHIPS pussy any chance he gets!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Situational. Usually he likes taking his time but sometimes he just needs to be rough after a stressful mission or day.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Often has quickies. He's a busy man, but he has needs just like his partner.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Chris isn't above being risky. If he wants you badly enough he's finding the nearest quiet private place to get what he wants.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Chris is like a machine running on Energizer batteries. He can keep going until he's physically unable to...

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

For sure owns a wand, ropes, handcuffs and even a few blindfolds.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Chris is a massive tease. But if you do it back to him you're in for a world of torture.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Grunts a lot, curses under his breath and fairly quiet.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Currently teaching himself shibari. Desperately wants to put you in one of those pretty full body suspensions.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

Chris is packing heat on him. He's a big man and carries himself as such. Above average, shower not a grower. The kind of dick that makes him unable to wear gray sweatpants.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High sex drive. Constantly wants to touch you all over and feel you under his finger tips.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He stays awake quite a while after sex. Mainly likes admiring you in the after glow of it all.

#chris redfield x y/n #chris redfield x you #chris redfeild x reader #chris redfield x reader #chris redfield #resident evil x reader #🌿 ivy writes

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stick-ball · 6 months

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saw a hc about jean moreau being hyper sexual especially post-ravens. thoughts? feelings?

thoughts AND feelings! Oh the joy of being given a chance for a hot second to discuss this. You came to the right place my love. ❤️

Trigger and age warning : rape, sex connected trauma, dissociation, psychological abuse, controlling relationships, discussion of sexual acts.

Okay so, being hyper sexual. You know who does that in the books? Andrew actually. I know some might look at me weirdly rn like, 'what the hell are you talking about, he doesn't let anyone touch him'. Yeah, that's true! But that doesnt take away from the knee jerk reaction. (I'm sorry I know this isn't exactly what you asked but I need to discuss andrew first, and that has a lot to do with jean, bear with me).

Andrew finds a partner that he can to some limit trust (leverage, deals, careful observation, "training" them to behave how he tells them) to follow his instructions, which gives him a sense of control. They can fuck, but it's him who's doing it. It's him who's touching, kissing ect. The other person, of course if they consent, get to partake but not create the experience. It's one of the very, very valid scenarios of hyper sexuality as a responce to rape. He is rewriting every poisoned nerve ending in his body. He doesn't actually get off from the sex. For his own release he needs privacy, as shown in the books. Andrew's problem can be, that due to his truly inhumane trauma he can fall into the mindset of defining his sense of self through sex. It's an action and he's a tool in this scenario. Then again, We circle back to control, which is also a key feature of his decisions and protectiveness. Taking total control of the situation which used to be utterly outside of it, with no way out of it. Rewriting it, giving the traumatic experience a positive ending, hell an ending - when, and as suddenly as he might want it to end, is the motivator here. I think what he finds satisfying in terms of sex, not control, is giving sexual consent to his partners and, which he finds just as important, them giving it to him. Because it wasn't given to him. It's a way of building trust.

The motivations sound pretty nice, even if heartbreaking, don't they? Seem uplifting? The problem is, even if in good faith, this process can be very harmful, trauma surviviors mention that (at least ones I discussed it with personally) it feels good, but in the long run it does what this type of coping mechanism always does to your brain (similiar reactions can be seen for different traumas), which is hurt it. It's a form of desensitisation that limits your brain's ability to percieve the situation. It's hard to rewrite and leads to hot and cold kind of reactions, so yeah, having a relationship with a capital R is, difficult. That's what I always understood as Nora saying they are never actually okay (andrew and neil). Or at least partly understood it as.

Okay, so this cleared a couple things up. Now JEAN. Jean and Andrew share some factors of their trauma. While not treated as such, Jean was technically fostered by the Moriyamas, and well, Andrew's experiences with being fostered are faaaaar from what it's supposed to be as well. The difference is in Andrew's situation everyone tried to pretend the horror is not happening, there must have been a lot of manipulation and coercion and just plain fucking gaslighting in these houses. Its hard to talk about but I can imagine some of these monsters wanted him to act like he is enjoying it, and thats just out if the emotional range of dealing with for anyone. Jean knew he's in a trap from day one. Moreover, when it comes to the rape's he was victim of it was ordered by Riko to be done by others. That's a different level of fucked up. What's even more important as distinction here is he stopped, when Jean stopped reacting and fighting it. Because what Riko wanted wasn't violation, that was the tool. He wanted to psychologically break him. When the fish stops flailing on the cat stops pushing it around.

And Riko was constant, his modus operandi was regular, and the psychological torture was the motivator behind most of his "conditioning" of Jean. This is a situation where the abuse has a cause for the victim. It sounds sick and I don't agree with it, but it's a game in their mind. In the books we can see that he learned how to limit the amount of attention Riko gave him and as we know he is not confrontational like Andrew with his problems. And yeah I don't mention Neil as confrontational here bcs he has conditioned himself to run from everything and say he's fine to everything so..., sometimes it erupts frk mit but that's not exactly the same, its a last resort.

Circling back, I think Jean is more likely to be sex repulsed. For him sex, which was a form of punishment, is a cause of anxiety. Sexual tension is easy to mix up with nervous tension because of a feeling of losing control of the situation. That's why if we do get romance in the new book, I am putting my money on it being very messy from his pov. The magical thing about trauma responces though, is that they're not black and white, and someone who is sex repulsed might also seek an ending to their anxieties through it. Yet, it's ts a bit of an opposite motivation to the one Andrew has. When Andrew thinks of himself as a tool, Jean is more likely to think of himself as an object. There's a difference. While Andrew wants to take control, Jean is more likely to use it as either a way to retraumatise himself - so his version of hypersexuality would include less control and more roughness and violence, actually trying to rile the partner up. It might stemm for him from low self worth or be a way of letting out his angers and frustrations. It's not that he is used to being hurt, it's that he doesn't expect anything different. I also think he is more likely to have problems with opening up in therapy. Where Andrew is active Jean is passive, and the opposite. The upside is he might actually be more likely to communicate emotionally than through rules and laws, it will take longer, but be a smoother transition, because more people understand it than Andrew's way of building relationships.

Hope this anwser satisfies you, I'm sorry if I got a bit carried away. 😅

#jean moreau hc #jean moreau #and #andrew minyard #i suppose #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #jean moreau headcanon #the sunshine court #the sunshine court hc #aftg headcanon

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tenaciousjalapeno · 6 months

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Testing The Cat Lady

1/?

Pairing: LA Buggy the Clown x Reader

Summary: Captain Buggy invades your small town because that's kind of his thing. Your methods of escape pique his interest, so he drops everything and drags you back to his tent for a little chat. However, you're enraged when you realize that your beloved cat is nowhere to be seen.

Warnings: language

Word Count: 2300

A/N: This is my first time writing really anything, so please don’t be mean or I’ll cry. Kind of experimenting and finding my own style, so I can't promise consistency lol. Definitely open to any tips/pointers

A bright light rouses you from your sleep. Ugh. Everything is sore. Your heavy eyelids protest as you force them open, being met with a blue-haired man in clown makeup standing mere feet from you. A gasp escapes your dry, bound mouth as you’re jolted back into reality, tensing every muscle in your body. Much to your chagrin, you can’t move an inch. Checking yourself over, you see that your hands and feet are bound to a circular board.

The man turns toward you. “Wellll, good morning, sleepyhead! Hope you enjoyed your nap,” the man says with a large smile plastered across his face. However, the smile is anything but friendly. His tone is hostile, and his eyes are cold. You glance around the room, but it’s difficult to discern where you are. A large spotlight shines upon you and the clown, dousing anything outside of its beam with darkness.

Anxiety builds in the pit of your stomach. You mumble against the cloth stuffed into your mouth, trying to ask what the hell is going on. “Ah, ah, ah,” he scolds, waving a finger in front of you. “I saw your little show back in town. That’s why I dragged your sorry ass back here.” He paces in front of you, never dropping eye contact. All humor has left his face, a mixture of irritation and curiosity left in its place.

Of course, you know what he’s referencing. It was your devil fruit ability.

Earlier in the day, the unexpected and unwelcomed bell rang across town to warn that pirates were nearing. From your hilltop bungalow on the outskirts of town, the brightly colored ship bearing a Jolly Roger sail was visible. It appeared to be far enough out for you to have time to gather some belongings before evacuating, so you did exactly that. However, you underestimated how prepared the crew was. Several bands of pirates had already surrounded your town, one of which infiltrated your small neighborhood. Panic set in, and adrenaline rushed through you. So, as if on instinct, you started to sing.

Back in your teenage years, you were a traveler. Never staying in one place for too long, you visited dozens of islands and adventured through both large cities and undeveloped areas alike. One of your escapades led you to a devil fruit – the Hum-Hum fruit, to be exact. Being the adventurer you were, how could you resist?

It gave you the ability to influence peoples’ emotions by singing to them. It had its pros and cons, but ultimately made a good defensive ability. It helped you out of a lot of sticky situations throughout your journeys right up until you decided to settle on this island and call it home. You acclimated to the friendly town easily and even befriended a scruffy orange kitten, who you decided to call Mango.

Overwhelming the pirates with a false, but intense fear, they cowered before you as you slowly backed away with a small rucksack and Mango held against your che- Wait. Mango!

You start thrashing against your restraints, hurling muffled expletives at this blue-haired jackass. What the fuck did they do with him?

He smiled again, genuinely this time, finally getting the reaction that he wanted from you. “You seem like you’ve got something to say, doll,” he states, pleased with himself. “I’ll be gracious enough to let you explain what you were doing to my freaks.” Is this an opening? “Oh, and my cauliflower-eared friend, Klaus, here is going to make sure you don’t try anything.” A large man with scarred ears steps into the light, startling you. No. It was not, in fact, an opening. The big, dumb-looking guy steps forward and removes your gag. He then takes a step back, mumbling something to the blue-haired man. You’re not positive, but you’re pretty sure he called the blue-haired man “captain.” So this guy is the captain of the invading pirates? Doesn’t look like much, you thought.

The captain stares at you eagerly, waiting for an explanation. You meet his gaze with a glare, seething and ready for a fight. “What did you do with my cat?” His face falls in disbelief.

“What?” he asks incredulously.

“Where. Is. My. Cat!”

He stares back, taking a moment to fully process your words before he starts flailing and yells, “A cat? Buggy the Clown – captain of the most dreaded pirate crew the East Blue has ever known – has you tied up and helpless, ready to kill you if I have to, and you’re worried about a fucking cat?” Of course you are. Mango’s your best friend. Also, “most dreaded?” You’ve never even heard of him. This Buggy guy seems to think highly of himself. He pinches the bridge of his nose with a defeated sigh. “I don’t know where your cat is. That is not the point. Now tell me what you were doing to my men!”

This guy clearly doesn’t comprehend how much you love your cat and how bull-headed you can be.

“I’m not answering anything until I have my cat back.”

“Fuck!” Buggy steps out of the light. You can’t see him, but you can hear him still yelling, utterly frustrated. “You, you, and you! Go find this dumbshit cat!”

You finally relax against the board, pleased. “He’s orange with a blue ribbon around his neck,” you call in a sing-song voice toward the darkness.

Buggy returns to the light and comes close, only stopping once your noses – wait is that clown nose real? – are nearly touching. “Once they bring that stupid cat back, you’re answering any question I’ve got.”

“Whatever you say, captain,” you reply, smirking. With a final huff, he steps once more into the darkness. Initially, you were filled to the brim with fear, but seeing how much of an idiot this guy is puts you at ease. It takes roughly 30 minutes before you finally hear hissing and yowling in the distance. Atta boy, Mango. Give ‘em hell.

Another man, this one wearing a bear hood, steps into the light holding Mango out as far away from his body as possible. Bear-boy is clearly scratched to shit and relieved to finally be able to get this thing away from him. He drops your cat and dips back into the darkness as quickly as possible. Mango lets out another loud hiss before calming at the sight of you and trotting over to rest at your feet.

Buggy walks back up to you, clearly no less aggravated than he was earlier. “Now answer my questions, shithead! What were you doing to my men?” The nicknames are getting a little more aggressive now, huh?

You shoot him a dirty look and slowly choose your words while looking down to make sure your cat hasn’t been harmed. His tail is puffed out in anger, but he seems fine otherwise. “I was singing to them,” you reply matter-of-factly.

The clown’s face falls again, in stark contrast of the large, red smile painted onto his face. “Singing,” he repeats flatly. “You were singing.” It’s not even a question so much as a statement. The gears in his head start turning, and he mumbles to himself. “I figured it was a witch’s incantation or something. How does singing have any effect on my men?”

“It’s my devil fruit ability.” His face whips toward you. This clearly has his interest piqued. As fun as it would be to torment this clown, you just want to get out of these restraints, so you decide to give him the information he so clearly wants outright. “I ate the Hum-Hum fruit. I can control peoples’ emotions by singing to them.”

Licking his lips and smiling, Buggy stares at you even more intently now. “Show me.”

“Let me down first.” Bargaining might not be in your cards right now, but you decide it’s worth a shot. Surprisingly, the bold request pays off though, as the captain comes forward to undo your restraints. With him this close, you notice that he has a surprisingly nice floral scent.

“I’ll need an audience,” you say, rubbing your sore wrists once freed. With a nod, he looks into the darkness and jerks his head, motioning for several unseen crewmates to come closer. Scooping Mango up off the ground, you finally step out of the oppressive spotlight. It takes a minute for your eyes to fully adjust, but you take in the room. It’s more of a tent, really, with striped tarps set up and seating placed around the edge. Fitting, you suppose, for a circus clown to reside in a circus tent. Your eyes land on your small audience seated on the benches. It’s only four people, one of which is Bear-boy, now with gauze wrapped around his hands and forearms. Smiling back down at Mango, you give him some scritches under his chin, making him purr softly. What a good boy.

“Alright, doll. Go ahead.” Back to the nice nicknames now that he’s getting his way, it seems. Holding up your end of the bargain, you fulfill his request. This captain is a fool though, letting you freely use your ability. Once you’ve got them cowering again, you’re going to book it out of the tent. The big, cauliflower-eared guy can’t hear you, but you should still be able to outrun him.

As you start singing, the captain watches on with a large smile, looking back and forth between you and your audience. They laugh, then cry, then start yelling and throwing punches at each other. But… Why isn’t Buggy reacting? A gloved hand – a dismembered hand – flies forward and clasps your mouth shut. Holy shit! You jump back with wide eyes, but the hand follows. Looking back to the captain, you see that his smile has grown impossibly wide. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the audience scurry away. What the hell is he trying to pull? Eyeing him up and down you notice that his left arm ends in a stump. Wasn’t there a hand there before? The moment your eyes dart back up to his face a set of what appear to be ears comes flying toward him and pop back onto the sides of his head.

As much as you want to, your body is too frozen in fear to back away. The clown releases your mouth and the hand returns to him and pops onto the end of his arm. He laughs at your expression and circles you. “What, you think you’re the only person who’s ever eaten a devil fruit? I myself ate the Chop-Chop fruit.” Right before your eyes, his body breaks apart into a dozen pieces before reassembling. So that’s why he wasn’t affected by your ability. He can’t hear you if his ears are off somewhere else. “You can slice me, and you can dice me, but I will always put myself back together again.”

Klaus comes forward and grabs you by the arms, making Mango fall to the ground. He once again stands before your feet hissing at the captain in a feeble attempt to protect you. Buggy’s detached hand flies toward your cat grabbing him by the scruff and pulls him up toward his face. Mango writhes, trying to free himself to no avail.

“No!” you scream. “You leave him alone!”

That annoyingly perpetual smile remains plastered on Buggy’s face. Four daggers slide from his coat, one between each of his fingers, in a clear attempt to intimidate you. “Or what?” You have no answer for him. In ideal circumstances, you could influence him to lose interest in both you and your cat, but being bound by a big deaf guy seriously limits your chances of escape. The feelings of panic and despair from earlier are flooding back to you. Tears fall down your face.

“I- I don’t know,” you admit with a small sob. “Please don’t hurt him. He’s all I have.”

Buggy’s smile falters for a moment at your begging. If you blinked, you would have missed it. Recovering his smile again, he taps the daggers against his chest, pretending to mull over your pleas. “Alright, I won’t.” He steps closer again, now inches away from you. “If you join my crew, that is. You could prove useful.”

You look up at him. His blue-green eyes – which are admittedly, the most beautiful you’ve ever seen – stare back at you intently. Inexplicably, there’s a flutter in your chest, but it’s quickly replaced with a hard drop as Mango lets out another yowl. “Okay,” you whisper, nodding. “I’ll join your crew. Just please give me back my cat.” He takes a step back and his hand comes forward to place Mango back into your arms. You hold your scared pet to your chest, stroking him in an attempt to soothe both him and yourself.

“Cabaji,” Buggy shouts, summoning a man with strange striped hair forward. “We just added another showstopping member to our crew. This is cause for celebration, don’t you think?” The man, Cabaji, nods and disappears into another room off the main tent. The clown turns to face you once more, his smile more subtle now. He grabs your arm and dismisses Klaus. For a split second, you consider taking this chance to run, but something tells you that your freedom would be short-lived. “I’m so happy you decided to join me, doll,” he says much more softly now. “You and your little friend there will make a nice addition to the show.”

Wrapping his arm around you, he steers toward the door that Cabaji left through moments ago. He leans down close to your ear, his breath tickling as he quietly states, “By the way, songbird. I’ve got a strict agreement with Mohji to not hurt cats.”

#one piece buggy #buggy the clown #buggy x reader #one piece #buggy live action #captain buggy #buggy the clown x reader #buggy the clown x you

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matan4il · 4 months

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Daily update post:

Yesterday, a suicide drone crashed in the Golan Heights. The IDF estimates that it was launched from Syria (though earlier, there was an Iranian funded militia in Iraq that claimed responsibility for firing at a target in the Golan Heights). the alarm didn't go off, and it wasn't intercepted, which is a reminder that no warning and defence system, not even the best one, is impenetrable. There was then a wave of sirens going off through Israel's north, likely because of debris from the interception, falling on different commeunities.

Today, another attack drone was intercepted over Israel's north. Over the area where my paternal grandparents lived, when they were still with us. Thankfully, there are no known injuries, but on top of that, there were no less than five more warnings of a drone crossing into Israel. If there will be no diplomatic solution for the situation in the north, meaning if the world doesn't intervene and FINALLY implement UN resolution 1701, which says that Hezbollah will not operate next to the Israeli border, or anywhere south of the Litani river, then things will get worse. One Israeli Aramean expert I was listening to, was talking about how much ammunition, and how many weapons, Hezbollah has aimed at Israel. Let's put it this way, they make Hamas look like kids.

Three more soldiers were killed in Gaza yesterday. We get news like this every single day now. Usually we get the names once or twice a day (morning and evening), depending on how many have died. You see people tense up around the time when the news is about to drop. I wanted to share with you that Israeli civilians have starting doing something so often, that it's almost like a new custom. When people learn about where a funeral will be held, they stand by the sides of the road with Israeli flags, to escrot the fallen soldier on his or her last journey, even when they didn't know the soldier at all.

youtube

I wrote a whole post about why Oct 7, despite all of the differences, and the fact that there is no comparison, bears similarities for Jewish people to the Holocaust. I was reminded of that post again today. I saw a vid with Holocaust survivor and famous Israeli actress, Lea Koenig. Knowing of her history, when I heard the start of her testimony, I was sure I was listening to her recounting her experiences during the Hoolocaust. It turns out that no, she's reading a testimony from Oct 7. The fact that some of these testimonies are indistinguishable should explain why the massacre, shocking as it is all on its own, is also deeply triggering for Jews. Here's the vid:

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Australia says it will look into whether an Australian citizen who was killed in an Israeli counter strike in Lebanon yesterday, was a Hezbollah terrorist, as the organization claims. If he was, then fighting for a terrorist organization (as Hezbollah is defined in Australia) is a criminal offense under Australian law.

The IDF has destroyed a whole network of terror tunnels underneath the Rantisi hospital in Gaza. It says the length of the tunnels is several kilometers. Reminder: it's a war crime to build a terror tunnel underneath a hospital. It is NOT a war crime, to act against the terror tunnel used to attack a country's innocent civilians, even if it is built underneath a hospital.

youtube

This is 19 years old Agam Berger.

On Oct 7, she was kidnapped to Gaza. Her family identified her in a vid posted by Hamas, as she was being led away, handcuffed, and with blood stains on her pyjama pants (left side of the pic). Her father said that as released hostages talked about sexual abuse, Agam's family are terrified for her. He also wanted people to know that she was a gifted violinist, and used to volunteer with people who have special needs. So, in accordance with his wishes, here is Agam playing Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah on violin:

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #israelunderattack #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #Instagram

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wee-chlo · 3 months

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EPISODE 7&8 SPOILERS AHOY

But also spoilers for Hazbin Hotel in general, specifically Alastor and His Whole Thing, What's His Thing?

Okay so, for everyone's pondering: An alternative interpretation of Alastor's Verse in the Finale song.

This place reeks of death

There's a chill in the air

And I barely escaped being killed by a hair

"Great Alastor, altruist, died for his friends"

Sorry to disappoint

That is not where this ends

I'm hungry for freedom like never before

The constraints of my deal surely have a back door

Once I figure out how to unclip my wings

Guess who will be pulling all the strings?

I'm going to throw some stuff at the wall and see what sticks and in so doing, I'm going to write speculation as if it's fact. Bear with me.

Alastor craves power because in his experience, power is freedom. Power is having control over others, which means they don't have control over you. Alastor always, at all times, has to be the most powerful person in the room in some way, shape, or form, or at least feel secure in the feeling that he's the most powerful person in the room.

His pathologic need to smile at all times points to this too: he has to have the upper hand. He has to be in control. He can't show emotion, he can't let his enemies or his friends know exactly what's going on with him.

The only time we see him actually, legitimately losing control over himself is his verse in the finale. Right after he almost dies a second time. Right after he has to flee. Right after he loses the source of his power.

The second his microphone is destroyed, he's easily defeated. All his power is gone. That microphone is the source of it, the tool through which he channels either his power or the power given to him by his deal (I think the latter is more accurate). And the second it's destroyed, he's powerless. Possibly the weakest person on the battlefield. Everyone else is holding their own but him? Immediately struck down and forced to run. You could say "well, any other demon would have had to run or die too", and I'd say exactly. Alastor doesn't want to be the same as any other demon. He wants to be the most terrifying thing in the room, in the building, on the battlefield, in Hell.

And when he runs, everyone assumes what happened. Everyone has their own views on him, their opinions. He doesn't control anything about that situation. He doesn't control the fight, he doesn't control the narrative. When Vox was chattering away about him, it was a simple thing to take over and put him back in his place. When Husk disrespected him, he lashed out and made sure that Husk remembered who was the stronger of the two. Even Charlie's more positive view of him is largely orchestrated by him; she doesn't have a view that's counter to his own intentions, at any rate. Suddenly, and for a brief moment, everything about himself is out of his control.

I think this is why he looks so unhinged singing the line about how he's an altruist and died for his friends. Because he didn't, and it doesn't matter that that's a nice idea, a positive view, that it makes him look good. That's not what he wants. It's a story that's outside of his control and just the thought of that sets his teeth on edge.

I think when he sings about the constraints of his deal, he's singing about the loss of the microphone specifically, as well as the deal broadly. Because if I'm right and the majority of his power hinges on that microphone, it's broken and he's without that power. Which means that he's running on his reputation and little else, and it's only a matter of time before that facade is torn away.

So he's got to figure out a way to circumvent his deal, or at least the constraints of it, the details, or else it's all going to fall apart. The fact that he needs the microphone to use his powers is the proverbial "clipping" of his wings.

Alastor's Verse in the Finale is him on the borderline of a nervous breakdown because not only did he almost die, which is bad enough on it's own, but suddenly every little bit of his control over the situation, both figuratively and literally, is slipping away and he's scrambling to figure out how to put it right again.

#hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel analysis #hazbin alastor

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morgana-ren · 5 months

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Been playing with an idea and I'm curious about your thoughts: Tav stays with Ascended Astarion because she knows he will hunt her down anyway, and that the hunt will wear away what remains of the gentle love she misses. Not even in a "I can rein his worst impulses in" way, but in a "I can't bear to destroy this illusion of kind love because it's the only thing I have left of him" way. idk just musing

Speaking from experience, sometimes we cling to scraps. Somewhere deep and desperate, we know the truth, but facing it would take what little is left of our dwindling sanity-- especially when you are literally trapped in the situation.

When you're staring down the barrel of the gun, sometimes it's better to live with the constant threat than it is to pull the trigger and shatter the illusion.

The die has been cast, the choices long made, and all that is left are consequences.

Being in love can be a wonderful thing. It really can, I hear. It can also be a fucking prison, and worse, it's one of your own making. You can't rationalize with your brain. Our lives would be exponentially easier if we could. Sure, you can know the truth, but there's always some little part of you that fights and wails against that truth. Anything to keep itself stable.

It's a game of giving yourself a reasonable doubt. It's presenting yourself with a logical conclusion, and that nasty little part going "You can't possibly know that!"

Chances are, you didn't fall in love with the monster. You fell in love with the man that came before him-- or at least had that illusion of existing. And Astarion was very much a man before he became... this. There was a time of tender love and genuine affection.

There was a time when he would do anything to protect her-- and he did. He turned to this ritual because he was afraid-- both for himself and for her-- and he did what he felt he needed to do to keep them both safe. To allow them to live long enough for that love to be able to breathe.

There was a time, seemingly not so long ago, when it was a kind love. And yet, these happy memories turned haunting and cold. Something that dances ever on the edge of Tav's brain, just out of reach. Ever grasping, ever longing, ever taunting.

To run would be to accept this truth. It would be to fully reject the lie that has kept her sane. It would be to take away the one raft she has in this maelstrom and leave herself to drown. It would be to accept the truth that this isn't love; it never could be.

Love is vulnerability and selflessness, and by nature, he cannot be. His love is a cage. It is something strangling and cruel that would sooner see her suffocate than free. That is his nature now.

He is capable of saying the right words and making the right motions-- just enough to keep the lie beautiful and believable-- but to acknowledge their emptiness would be to accept that they are nothing but a death rattle. The last note in the swan song that is his dying humanity. It is a ghost of something that once existed, and has chosen to haunt and possess rather than go in peace.

If she runs, he will catch her, and there will be no pretense to his grip. That illusion is gone. She will have played her hand, laid the cards on the table, her intentions bare. And it's a game that not only does he not play by the rules of, he is simply not playing. What she has is the illusion of choice, and sometimes, it's easier to work at building that facade than it is to accept it.

When you look at him, it's those same eyes that once held adoration. The hand that chokes you is the same one that loved you once. You like to think it's still in there, somewhere, deep deep down. If you could only reach--

And what hurts more? To stay and keep trying, keep choking, keep suffering? Or to simply let it end?

Well, when there is no end even if you try, the answer seems obvious. Keep it dressed up in your mind, keep disguising it, keep trying, keep reaching for it. Something tells you that you haven't seen the worst part of him yet, and that monster will come knocking once it isn't placated.

His love for her became something very twisted and wretched. In his mind, he likely does still love her. He is showing it the only way he knows how; the only way he is capable of showing it. If she were to leave, he would feel rejected-- abandoned. Except she no longer has a choice, does she? She runs, he will find her, and he will make her love him, or she will suffer until she does.

It seems a mix of self preservation and mental preservation brewing in a caustic mix with the the dying gasp of what was true love for him. It's dancing on the edge of a razor forever, and in this case, it's quite literally forever.

Maybe she thinks she can remind him somehow. That maybe, one day, she can find a-- a cure or or something to bring him home to her. He's in there somewhere, right? Surely, he must be. This is still the same man she once loved. He's there, he has to be.

It's either keep holding out hope for this, or acknowledge the reality of the situation. It's not as easy of a choice as one might think.

#morgana and friends #astarion spoilers

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electronickingdomfox · 21 days

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"The Wounded Sky" review

Novel from 1983, by Diane Duane (I had read some TOS comics, and even played a text adventure by this same author, but this is the first novel I read). Very bizarre, very imaginative. You'd probably have to go back to "Planet of Judgment" (1977) to find a similarly unusual TOS novel. Most of the "action" unfolds inside mental landscapes (and that's not even a proper description; the situation is actually far more complex than that). At times poetic, at times metaphysical, it's a more difficult novel than the standard TOS light literature, though there are also many humorous moments.

The aliens are remarkable for how truly "alien" they are, which produces lots of absurd (from a human viewpoint) situations. There's a species who only see in infrared, and needs properly heated cards to play poker. A feline alien that doesn't have language to express the passage of time. Another species with twelve sexes, all of them male (specially the ones who bear children). And glass spiders with an altogether different understanding of physics, who spend a lifetime building a nest of memories to pass to their offspring, and then die at the time of mating. I haven't read any novels by Terry Pratchett, though I know about Discworld from the videogames, but may I say there's something "pratchean" in all this?

In many ways, this is a fascinating novel. But is it a good representative of a Trek novel? I'm not sure. I feel the scope and the depth of this story is a bit constrained by the Trek frame. The TOS series, and even the movies, had a smaller scope: interpersonal problems, specially among the big three, or political conflicts. The aliens were usually very human, and represented different human societies/worldviews. Even when more alien creatures appeared, like the gas cloud from "Obsession", the story was really about Kirk's very personal demons. So maybe this novel would have benefitted if it was set in its own, independent sci-fi world, that provided the needed freedom to explore the larger cast and variety the story strives for.

I'll try to summarize the plot, though this is over-simplifying, since "themes" are more important here than "action". Spoilers under the cut:

The Enterprise is tasked with testing a new revolutionary invention, that will allow ships to travel instantly as far as they want, even outside the galaxy. The artifact in question works by "inversion", sending the starship to a different dimension where time doesn't exist, and popping it up again at the desired coordinates. Since there's no time involved, there's no damage done to ship and crew. Theoretically. Well, what could possibly go wrong?

They take aboard the artifact, along with its Hamalki inventor: K't'lk (pronounced "ketelk", I think). She's the glass spider from the cover, and thus far, takes the prize for most unusual "lady of the week". K't'lk soon becomes best friends with Scotty, though the engineer struggles to understand the nutty physics of the Hamalki. For his part, Kirk has a conversation with her about the reproductive habits of her species, during which K't'lk weaves a strange crystal sculpture, and gifts it to him. She also makes a demonstration of the inversion process, without changing the ship's coordinates. But Kirk can't feel anything, except a vague dizziness.

However, soon after leaving the starbase, the Enterprise is attacked by Klingon ships which desire the inversion apparatus. Sulu manages to outmaneuver them, sending the Klingons into a nearby star, which becomes nova right then. The Enterprise escapes the explosion in the nick of time, by activating inversion and leaving the normal plane of existence. And this time, the crew has indeed strange (but blissful) experiences during inversion. For example, Kirk finds himself living as if he was the starship itself, and this had a conscience of its own.

Upon reappearing in the normal universe, they find out the explosion somehow messed up the coordinates, so they're not anywhere near the Lesser Magellanic, which it was their mission to investigate. Also, the nearby star is going nova too. Coincidence again? Activating inversion once more, this time they're placed in the correct coordinates. But with each subsequent, longer jump, the inversion experiences are becoming weirder, and individuals start merging with other crewmembers, and seeing things from their viewpoint.

Finally, things get more sinister once Kirk reappears with real wounds, that he thought were just the product of his mind. And even worse, the Lesser Magellanic, now nearby, is showing the most disturbing anomalies. Entropy has simply ceased to exist at some points. And it seems the longer jumps with the inversion apparatus have caused this, by ripping the fabric of the universe. Thus, a new universe without entropy is sipping through the tear, and threatens to destroy everything. (It's funny how the problem in "The Entropy Effect" was that they had too much entropy, while here they have too little. If they just left it alone...).

K't'lk is sure she can close the rip between both universes, but to do so, they'll need to make a final jump right at the center of the anomaly. The climax of the story happens entirely inside the mental world of inversion. Which is highly malleable by thought, given the progressive rupture of natural laws. Also, the flux in entropy is represented by ascencing and descending slopes in the landscape. However, they can't close the rip immediately, since they discover a living, god-like being (called simply "the Others"), who would be destroyed in the process. Before that, Spock must join in a group mind-meld with other crewmembers, to give the Others self-awareness, and explain the situation. K't'lk must also stay behind with the god, to weave new natural laws for Them to live in. And she puts forth this universe by singing (echoes from Tolkien's "Silmarillion"? might be, since a forest called "Lorien" appears at one point).

Once everything's fixed, and the Enterprise is back in Federation space via smaller jumps (that won't mess up the universe too much), Starfleet decides that the inversion apparatus is way too dangerous in its present state, and must not be used. Meanwhile, everyone misses K't'lk. But when Kirk accidentally breaks the crystal sculpture that she gave to him, he discovers it was actually an egg. A new, small K't'lk emerges from it, and quickly runs to greet Scotty.

Spirk Meter (or rather McSpirk): 5/10*. During inversion, Kirk gets to see Spock and McCoy's true, deepest natures, and he's in awe with what he finds. First, he's blinded by McCoy's compassion, and the doctor's touch on his arm both reassures and bewilders him. Then Kirk is humbled by Spock's desire of knowledge and his superior mind. The three of them are relieved to find such good qualities in the others' souls. However, the scene is quite abstract, and seems to be dealing more with the characters as ideas, rather than as specific persons. So I don't find it all that slashy really.

As for Spones as such, there's the moment when Kirk finds them walking together, while inside the anomaly, and Spock looks at McCoy with "nearly unalloyed affection". Kirk also considers that McCoy is more geared towards receiving, in contrast to Spock's inclination for giving... How convenient for them!

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

#star trek tos #star trek novels #novel review #spones #mcspirk

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avid-avian-lives · 6 months

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1800

couldnt help myself, im really proud of this one :> rancher omens au no cut today for a short scene with the long-awaited rancher content!!

Jimmy watched proudly as a signpost was put up commemorating the founding of “Solidarity Tavern.” He had thought a lot before settling on the design, which pulled pieces from the barely awakening American West to create a new-fashioned yet traditional tavern.

Inside, he was sorting out tables and chairs and the like when he heard the door open. Without turning, he announced that the tavern wouldn’t be opening for the rest of the week, only to be interrupted by a familiar voice that he hadn’t heard in a while.

“Joel?”

“Tim!” said Joel, wearing that signature fake smile. “What’s with the building? It looks ugly. And it makes you look short. Anyway, I’ve got good news.”

“Oh?” Jimmy said, still not quite on edge. “How’s that?”

“You’re going back to Heaven!”

Jimmy’s smile faded. Back to Heaven? He hadn’t wanted to go back to Heaven in a while; certainly not since he got closer to Tango. That was hardly a situation he could explain to Joel, though, so he merely did his best to show disinterest without being rude.

“Can’t see why anyone would want to stay here, anyway,” Joel said. “Bloomin’ awful, it is. We’re promoting you, Tim! Heaven knows you don’t deserve it, but, someone had to take up this new job.”

Jimmy’s awkward smile nearly faltered as he spotted Tango in the doorway of the tavern. Joel hadn’t seen him, thankfully, but it would come close if Tango didn’t leave.

“But who else would be qualified to foil the plans of the demon Tango?” Jimmy said, panicking. From the doorway, Tango mouthed “chocolates” and pointed to the box he had been carrying.

“Literally anyone else,” said Joel.

“He’s clever!” Jimmy said. “And he’s been on Earth just as long as I have. I know how to deal with him, but another angel without my experience may let him get away with… schemes. Besides, who would replace me?”

“BigB,” Joel said, “obviously.”

“BigB?!” Tango whisper-shouted from behind Joel. “BigB is shady as Hell, and I mean that!”

“You can’t mean that,” Jimmy said pointedly. Tango just rolled his eyes.

However, Joel soon found himself in the tavern’s storage room, waiting while Jimmy packed up his boxes. There was a small window above his head, and the wall was thin enough that he could hear the remnants of a conversation outside.

“Drat!” said a voice. “How is it that all my demonic plans of evilness are so effortlessly thwarted? Heaven must have some kind of demon-thwarting hero in their ranks who just… thwarts me all the time.”

Joel stood on one of Jimmy’s stools to see out the window. He could just barely make out who he knew to be the demon Tango and another hooded figure. Joel ducked below the window to continue listening unseen.

“If there is one person to blame for these continuous setbacks, Master Tango,” said another voice, “it is the angel Jimmy.”

“Ugh! Do not mention that name in my presence!” said Tango. “He is a devious and cunning angel. I haven’t had a wile left unthwarted in years! Decades! As long as he remains on Earth, my plans must remain merely mischievous where they could be downright vile! No one knows how to thwart me as well as him.”

“I bear news, Master Tango,” said the second voice, which was merely Tango having far too much fun with the deep, demonic voice he developed for his dungeon. “We hear that Heaven plans to send Jimmy back to their ranks and replace him with another angel.”

“That is delightfully good news for the evildoers of Hell!” said Tango in a (mostly) normal voice. “No matter who they send down, they would never be as good as Jimmy at thwarting the wily ways of this Earth-dwelling serpent. Indeed, today is a day for evil to rejoice, for Heaven has faltered! Let us celebrate Heaven’s foolishness by burning a city or amassing an army. I daresay we could storm the gates of Heaven! No one could stop us the way Jimmy could. Heaven will rue the day they were fooled into taking my greatest obstacle away from the Earth!”

This tale was recounted to Jimmy amid a series of devious laughs. Joel had, unsurprisingly, found himself “receiving word from Heaven” that Jimmy’s promotional position had been filled and that he would have to remain on Earth. Maybe it was just Tango’s overactive imagination that made it seem like Jimmy’s wine-reddened cheeks darkened at all the compliments that "the demon Tango" and his "hellish compatriot" were giving him.

“It’s true, though!” Tango said. “I had this truly devious plan to drink this whole bottle of wine all by myself. Thankfully, there was an angel around to stop me. Devious, yes. I’m very devious.”

“Certainly,” Jimmy said, staring into his wine glass.

#trafficblr #team rancher #rancher duo #avid avian says #rancher omens au by avi #rancher omens written

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blocksgame · 5 months

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Blocksgame Orpheus's crackpot lore theory hour - QSMP FitMC edition

/rp

We know that Fit was recruited on 2b2t by an unknown party to steal player data from the Federation.

Bear with me. These are players in a Minecraft world. They live in a server, though they can go between servers. Either literally on computers or in a more metaphysical way, they're data. Their bodies are data. What if "player data" is that data.

Maybe it's a brain emulation situation and a full set of "player data" is literally all of their memories and past actions and brain such that it would be indistinguishable from the original (at the point the copy was made.) Maybe it's something less intense, but like, still what you would need to recreate that person, something of their memories or capabilities.

I am not positing that he's here to, like, kidnap players, exactly. I am positing that he's copying or stealing copies of the data that makes them up. And he is giving those copies to his employer so that they can experiment on or run those players on another server.

This squares with a couple other things Fit has indicated about his task:

He doesn't think his friends will directly come to harm. He's talked about getting out of there with Ramon. I don't get the sense that he thinks, say, Pac will die as a result of his actions. Etc.

Nonetheless, he's said that the others would hate him if they knew

Well, Fit comes from a culture (2b2t) that makes extensive use of bots, as well as coerced labor. What if Fit's stealing player data so that it can be piped into, like, Fantasy Baritone Mod and used to mine or build or do other actions. Or uploaded to other servers.

Like a Lena/MMAcevado situation [CW for short story at link: identity horror, horror about uploaded minds].

FAQ:

Why does Fit have to be on Quesadilla Island to do this?

Maybe it's unusual to have player data stored somewhere accessible. The Federation and the Rebellion seem to be in the business of altering or creating people - the eggs, the code, the workers, the Cucuruchos, SOFIA, the minimes, Baghera and the other hybrids, AyRobot, Luzu, whatever's up with the two Quackitys... Maybe they work with this and they're known to keep copies of this data serverside.

Wait. I know Fit's an asshole, but isn't mistreating perfect clones of his friends still mistreating his friends? Would he really do that?

If you ask me, a perfect clone of you or your brain that has your thoughts and memories and behaviors is you in most of the important ways. But people disagree and I don't think Fit necessarily would see it this way. He's smart and resourceful but I don't think he necessarily has an expansive theory of mind. (If nothing else, the environment he was in before this did not really reward empathy.) I think he might say that as long as his versions of his friends are safe, any other copies out there are all but strangers, and thus, fair game.

...And he absolutely wouldn't be motivated to start thinking otherwise now. He's in too deep.

I feel like you just gestured at a sort of entire Minecraft-based cosmology that there's no evidence for in the story.

I did do that. That's on me. It would be cool, though, wouldn't it?

#qsmp fan theory bros #qsmp fitmc #qsmp fit #qsmp meta #I think this counts as meta?#tell me if meta means something else. thank you #human trafficking //#<- in implication. i DO NOT know how to warn this better uh let me know if you need a different warning on this #simulation theory //#<- in implication I guess

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utilitycaster · 9 months

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So one thing that's come up a lot lately in discussions of the morality of the gods and of characters is alignment. I happen to take a position on this that can best be described as "strong ambivalence" with regards to its value; but it keeps coming up in my notes and tags as almost an argument-ender, and in most cases, it shouldn't be treated as such.

I think this gets complicated when it comes to the gods, and that's probably a whole other post, but for PCs? It's not helpful. Setting aside that the fandom has long disputed characters' canonical, verified alignments, whether those disagreements have had validity (Vex) or not (Fjord), unless the argument is specifically about alignment, arguing about alignment or citing a character's alignment is utterly useless.

Alignment is not fate or destiny. For D&D PCs its only real uses are to handle some niche mechanical situations I personally hope the system begins to move away from (eg: who can damage a Rakshasa; attuning to some items) and, much more importantly, in providing the player with a general understanding of their characters' mindset from which they can build the nooks and crannies and exceptions. If you're actually discussing whether a character is in the right, "they're neutral good" means nothing, and your opponent can just say "well, their alignment should change." What's useful is to actually ask whether they are acting in a way that benefits people or alleviates harm on a scale beyond themselves; and whether their intentions are actually realized in their actions.

Two examples here are Orym and Ira. It does not actually matter if Orym's motivation for hating the Vanguard is the very personal "they killed my husband and father-in-law" or much more abstract, ideological "the greater good", in the same way that it wouldn't matter whether Imogen's motivation, were she to join the Vanguard, would be "because of her mother" or "a desire to kill the gods as part of the elite chosen." The outcome is the same. It doesn't matter that Ira sabotaged the key not out of some greater sense of duty but because he really fucking hates Ludinus for personal reasons; it matters that he sabotaged the key.

Now, obviously, intention gets important in the long-term and in whether you can trust people, since it's pretty clear that (for example) Ira is not going to sacrifice himself for the cause and if he finds a way to fuck over Ludinus more thoroughly that doesn't involve coincidentally thwarting his plans re: Predathos, he may very well pursue that. But for the goal of breaking the key? Yeah, whether or not he's chaotic neutral or not has absolutely no bearing.

A really good real-world equivalent I see for Orym, actually, is people who leave fundamentalist religious groups. It's a remarkably similar position. I think, on the whole, very few people who leave far-right religious ideologies do so because of some grand theological/philosophical awakening. Many eventually develop their own new spirituality or deliberate lack thereof, but the impetus is usually not "I have seen the true answer to the existence of god"; it's a deeply personal reason. It's "the leopards are going to eat (or have eaten) my face; I should get away from the leopards." Sometimes it's because they're queer, and realize that their queerness is inherent and not a deliberate slide into sin, and it forces them to rethink the framework. Sometimes it's because they're women in an exceptionally (ie, beyond the baseline norm) sexist society. Sometimes it's the realization of past abuse and the opportunity to break that cycle with their own children (I've had this post brewing, in some ways, since I read this article a couple months ago). And this is all, to be clear, incredibly valid, and the problems begin when one starts to deny this was the impetus.

The personal experience nearly always comes before the larger philosophy (in fact, I think when it doesn't, the larger philosophy tends to have massive gaping holes), and I think it's a denial of one's own humanity to refuse to admit that. I suspect some people wish to see themselves as an objective perfect arbiter of good and evil - that alignment is, in fact, real and true, and there is a class of good people whose behavior is rooted in ideologically pure theory, and the unwashed bumbling masses beneath. But it doesn't work like that, and even if it did, the bumbling masses could get quite a lot done before the ideologically pure finalized their first decision. There's a lot of value in admitting that it was personal and even at times selfish reasons that brought you to the more general ideologies you've adopted. In fact, I think denying that the personal is involved and that theory mostly exists to try to justify and extrapolate is what leads people to that at times heartless inaction in the name of ideological purity.

Getting back to the point: if someone dislikes a characters' actions, it's not useful to say "well they're neutral good (or whatever)" because the issue is the action; you need to talk about the action and where it fits in context. But if someone dislikes a characters' motivations, and especially if it's on the basis of those motivations being personal, I don't think they're worth the energy of an argument. They've decided they hate the character and have no interest in outcome or empathizing, only in people matching their own ideology, which they deny is just as based in the personal. That's someone who thinks alignment exists, definitively, in real life, and that they're the true judge.

#cr tag #long post #meta #tangential to this post but whichever succession writer had shiv say I don't want to when mencken told her to read plato?#the studios should give them a million dollars every year forever they are a hero to me

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