#hard to find people to grow with | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tleeaves · 5 months

Text

The art is lovely and now I'm gonna ramble because that's what I do when I care about something.

For the love of women, please PLEASE can fan artists remember to add muscle to their Shadowhunter ladies? I'll commend Bowater for cleverly giving James that sculpted and lean look without making him a beefcake (nothing against beefcakes, I'd love to hug them), but Cordelia is once again suffering from Arms And Shoulders Too Slender It's Hard To Even Imagine Her Picking Up A Sword. There is some there, yes, but artists shouldn't be afraid of giving particularly Female Main Characters weight and toned muscle. Cordelia is supposed to be nearly the same height as James as far as I can remember, and she's curvy, and full, and she wields a sword like it's second nature to her. Please explain why she looks so tiny in James' lap.

Also I'm pretty sure marriage runes are supposed to go over the heart whenever possible (thinking about Will's parabatai rune being over his heart instead -- he didn't get Tessa to draw over the scar, did he??) and... either I'm looking at the picture wrong or James' rune is not over where his heart should be.

For the matter, where are their other runes and scars?? James' Voyance rune isn't even on his hand. And I'm pretty sure he's right handed. I could have that wrong though.

Another thing: no one can ever decide what Cordelia's hair looks like and it's the funniest thing to me. This is what happens when all you do is vaguely say the colour is like fire but also like rose petals but also a flowing river of those things but also is Red (probably for redhead, but then from there I never understand where the rose petal analogy comes from considering the typical rose is a deep bloody colour -- I do acknowledge the existence of those light orange varieties though which might more closely resemble red hair). In the end, I'm glad readers can infer what they want and imagine the characters how they like.

Anyone else think James looks like he's built like a tennis player? Oddly specific, maybe, but it was a thought I had. Mostly the arms and somewhat narrow body.

James' hair is nice, his eyes are an interesting take on gold in the shadows. Bowater managed to also make him look closely related to his father, so bravo for that.

In the end, the focus is obviously on the marriage runes and not other physical aspects outside of it being clear that this is James and Cordelia. Bowater's style is very beautiful and elegant. Love the way fabric and lighting is done too. I'll add also that it is possible to be a smaller person who is slender but still strong so I mean Cordelia's not necessarily done wrong, I just interpret her appearance differently. Obviously, they're both hot and they're both attractive and I have my qualms with the series, chronicles, and author -- the fandom I am so-so on, though I'm still here, aren't I? And I'm taking the time to ramble about my thoughts on a piece of fanart -- but this is good. Gorgeous, even. Both James and Cordelia are beautiful.

#side note: am I the only one who thought cc made a mistake trying to describe james as handsome in cordelia's eyes #as opposed to matthew being the beautiful one #when there has always been a deep and aching strange beauty to james??#james herondale #cordelia carstairs #vaguely crediting charlie bowater though it isn't like you can't find a dozen more copies of this with the credit #also yes I mercilessly picked this apart because I am still trying to find avenues to express my dissatisfaction with tlh #I search for flaws what else can I say #I am aware of it but it's hard to turn those thoughts processes off #maybe I'll write a post at some point all about the authors I once Loved that I am now deeply critical of #a lot of people would hate me for it but eh #also we all know about the marvelisation of cinema #but is it time to talk about the marvelisation of book series/worlds?#or perhaps it has a better and more book-focused name? the jkr approach? rick riordan's marvel-esque flaw? the sjm plague? the clare affair?#we'll workshop it #maybe it's the curse of middleschool-YA series and the issue of aginh readers in fandoms #and I don't mean this as discriminatory against anyone older in fandom because there is not really a limit nor should there be #for most media #but the issue of when the readers grow up amd authors try to accomodate for that -- not necessarily by making their work more adult --#but by making MORE because there is also an influx of new fans and they want to stay relevant while retaining the old #it's a whole thing though I'd need to sit down to properly organise my thoughts to talk about it

44 notes · View notes

danzafila · 1 year

Text

gosh, I just love Enlightened One/Sothis Regalia/Archbishop Byleth soso much

love Byleth embracing their role in the church. love letting them own their goddess powers/affiliation. love them following in Sothis's footsteps, taking on her role for themself after losing her. LOVE them becoming that guiding light to Fodlan, just like they were a guiding light to their students at the academy

that, to me, IS Byleth's arc. they weren't happy during their time as a mercenary, just existing and killing to survive, but never connecting with others. then the academy gave them an opportunity they never would have sought out, but that allowed them to forge those connections they didn't even know they were missing. and it turns out to be unexpectedly fulfilling for them. to see their story culminate in them embracing a role of spiritual guidance to all of Fodlan is such a fitting resolution to that growth, imo

#it's weird to me how many people try and argue that byleth having any sort of leadership role (particularly a spiritual one) is bad #not inthe sense of does it make sense politically in this game that's not actually as preoccupied w/the politics of its world as fans think #but in the sense of does it fit byleth's character arc? is it a fitting resolution to their story?#bc my answer to that is YES it absolutely does!!#their whole arc is growing from someone totally isolated and disconnected from others into someone who learns to connect #and finds fulfillment not just in the connections they forge but also in the guidance they can provide those they connect with #i guess i think a lot of people miss how important and fulfilling byleth is meant to find their role as professor?#bc if you don't get that then the greater leadership role they take on within fodlan at the end probably doesn't hit as hard #i'll never get why fans are so intent on insisting byleth chafes at their role in the church. it's meant to be fulfilling!!!#sto parlando #3h meta #3h talking tag #byleth eisner

120 notes · View notes

staygoldnimoy · 7 months

Text

I mean sure sex is cool........ but have u ever had a kind, meaningful, and thoughtful exchange with an author in the comments section of AO3? Unparalleled. Dopamine thru the roof.

#for real though #especially if u have like an ongoing convo chapter to chapter #or u mention smthn theyre proud of or worked hard on #and theyre like #thanks for noticing!!! I was worried or insecure it wouldnt turn out good and ur comment gave me confidence and affirmation #and I JUST GET SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT INTERACTION #AUGH #LIKE YEAH #thank u for creating!!! i support u!!!#and theyre like omg human connection thru storytelling and #positive feed back on story craft elements AND LIKE YEAH I LOVE IT #moments like these i miss being a creative writing tutor #those were the days #loved seeing people grow and feel confident about experimenting #to help them find their creative space and drive

50 notes · View notes

tennessoui · 5 months

Note

the hunger games au! anakins confidence! obi-wan being the mentor! the fact that they’re together BEFORE anakin even gets picked!

poor robin tho lol :( but you know the games go on for like 12 hours longer while Anakin waits for someone else to kill her. In theory it’s because of his ruse with the capital, but it’s definitely just for obi-wan. So really, obi-wan did help her live longer than she would have otherwise, from a certain point of view.

also obi-wan definitely finds it romantic that anakin let someone else kill her & rewards him for it after the games ;)

(also for a sec i thought maybe the other girl would be padme & maybe anakin used to like her and is briefly sad & padme is a master manipulator and makes obi-feel like shit for choosing to let her die (making anakin hate her lol) and also making obi-wan feel super insecure about the ruse and also maybe really petty and bitchy? and she’s also really popular in the capital and canon padme isn’t a terrible fighter either)(maybe padme pretends to be (or is) pregnant and she pretends their anakins and obi-wan is SO insecure and/or seeing red)

lmao sorry for the massive ask the hunger games awaken something terrible in me

oo i think maybe a braver writer would probably have made anakin's other tribute padmé, and i guess there's still time for that, but i didn't want to for a couple of reasons, hence using a made up oc instead

i think the tug of guilt obi-wan would feel over having a preferred victor (anakin) and giving them both trainings but then really carefully only campaigning for sponsors to take a look at anakin, not the other tribute.....because anakin needs funds for a blanket, anakin needs food, obi-wan is watching anakin suffer and any second he may have to watch him die.... he feels guilty about the other tribute but he cannot watch anakin die....like that's enough guilt for obi-wan, i don't think specifically padmé could make him feel worse

also i think another reason i didn't choose padmé was because i didn't want anyone to think anakin used to like her lol this anakin is not normal this anakin is a creep this anakin was like. fourteen, saw obi-wan being all pathetic and sad and decided if obi-wan wasn't going to take advantage of him anakin was going to take advantage of obi-wan, worm his way into his confidences and affections and then never ever leave like this is not a boy who had a crush on any sort of padmé amidala he would not be sad he is not capable of being sad about the other tribute this is not a normal dude and tbh its easier to just. not have her in the story than to push back against that all the time

or i think i'd have her as part of the capitol who works with obi-wan to overturn palpatine once the rebellion is going on, but i think she would find anakin off-putting because he's 100% creep but not a creep who is in love with her and it just actually makes her uncomfortable to be in a room with him. asks obi-wan to blink twice if he needs rescuing. obi-wan blinks a lot of times because he's confused as to how anyone could ever need saving from anakin

anakin wouldn't hurt a fly

#asks #obikin #hunger games au #padme: wait sorry are you saying that you cant understand how anyone could find the guy who murdered 20 people in 2 days offputting #obi-wan: that wasn't his choice :( i asked him to #padme: im gonna stop you right there because this revolution isgoing to be really hard to carry out #if i don't feel comfortable in a room with you too #also just spare padme from that in general lol #i also thought about having ahsoka be the other tribute #but i didnt think people were ready for that #like there wouldnt be a happy ending where anakin grows to care for her and then they both get out of the arena #it would have been 'make padme pregnant in couples counseling au' all over again #and that was exhausting for me as the writer i cannot lie

26 notes · View notes

kimbapisnotsushi · 1 year

Text

something about kageyama tobio being nineteen on the national team fresh out of high school and facing the whole world makes my heart ache.

it was everything he ever could have wanted. it was everything he ever did want, once. once kageyama tobio wanted to fly beyond the mountains he called home and soar into distant lands. once he wanted to climb to the top of the world until he was so high up that the sun and the moon and the stars were nothing but ants compared to him. once kageyama tobio wanted to do all these things alone — except he wouldn't be, not really, because he had someone who loved him and understood him and that was enough to shoulder a dream that blazed so bright it could burn him from the inside out with a single misstep.

and then kazuyo died and everything came crashing down like a satellite falling out of orbit, and the only thing tobio really wanted then was to heal from a heart full of broken glass.

at nineteen, he joins the national team. at nineteen, he plays at the olympics in brazil. at nineteen, kageyama tobio has everything he ever could have wanted, has everything he ever did want, once, but -

there are pieces of him missing, tobio thinks, a piece inside every single person who had taught him what it meant to love something so deeply it settles in your bones. there is a piece of him inside every single person who gave him a hand up out of the dark and pulled him onto steady ground. there are pieces of him that his new teammates will never know, will never understand, will never be able to put together and get the whole picture of who kageyama tobio is and why he seems so lonely when he is not alone, because kageyama tobio may be older and wiser and will not break so easily the way he did at the fragile age of fifteen, but there is NOTHING that can ease the ache of wanting the people he called home

#i don't know man i kind of get the feeling that kageyama was REALLY lonely that first year after high school #karasuno was his safety net!! it was where he learned to build himself back up piece by piece!! and he spent THREE YEARS DOING THAT!#he spent three years with the same people growing and changing and learning and then all of a sudden he's thrust into this whole new team #this is of course with the presumption that he was the first of the monster gen to make it on #and honestly i think he was #i think everyone else joined AFTER him #because it's the only thing that makes sense to me it's the only way he remains parallel to hinata during brazil arc #it means kageyama has to find his footing all over again!!!#it means just like hinata he has to find out who he is without the things that irrevocably changed him!!!#he's lonely even tho he's not alone and he's trying really really hard but all he wants are the people he loves to be with him!!!#there is no way he would NOT miss the people who gave him everything when he was lost in the dark #kageyama tobio #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu meta #hq meta #sou says stuff

89 notes · View notes

crownrots · 4 days

Text

#oc txt.#c: hattie #c: mary ellen #hattie being able to make it back to her own vault just in time to be with her mom in her final moments is 🤕#she’s not the overconfident self assured put together person she was when she left however long ago it was #and her mother isn’t the hyper independent stoic emotionally constipated woman that didn’t even hug her before she left #her mother really did believe that this colony that had supposedly been growing since she was a girl WAS her kids’ only hope at a future #they knew for years that the vault was running out of supplies and falling apart #she was getting older and really didn’t think a future above ground was for her or her husband or the other adults that had grown up there #it was for their kids.#bc the vault wasn’t going to be able to sustain them for much longer #it’s why she pushed her kids so hard and pushed them away even harder #bc it made sending them into that world ‘easier’#she wouldn’t miss them as much and they wouldn’t miss her #sending her twins up there (her first borns) years prior was HELL #and she dreaded the day hattie was old enough to be thrust out there and even debated whether or not she’d even go through with it #so seeing her now … especially in the state hattie is in when she returns #she feels guilty but at the same time proud? because despite it she knows hattie had and HAS what it takes to survive up there #and seeing tj??? she doesn’t know if the twins made it to the colony or whether the colony was even real operating ect ect #so she’d never get to see them with her grandkids if they had any #she at least gets a slice of what could have been if things were different #it’s good that hattie gets to tell her truth of everything #it’s good that hattie gets to reconcile and be the last thing she sees before she passes #it’s all mary ellen ever wanted … to see her girls again #and in her mind if hattie made it … then she knows the other two did too #and i think for hattie she was just on the cusp of giving up and throwing in the towel #but she’s got people relying on her and she’s not a quitter … was never allowed to be #and i think by now she’d be searching for them less for herself and more for her parents #the least she can do is find out if their sacrifices (and the sacrifices of everyone else) were warranted

8 notes · View notes

the-apples-were-monitored · 1 month

Text

this is going to be a very uncomfortable and potentially triggering conversation so i suggest you scroll past if you have a lot of empathy because this isn't fun at all

also wanna preface this by saying i'm not interested in spreading conspiracy theories or "truther" claims because i feel that's incredibly disrespectful and potentially harmful to the people that need the most help. any allusions to unverified rumors will be presented as uncorroborated, not as fact (only bringing them up because i know that's the kind of rumor floating around and i don't want to seem like i'm participating somehow in dismissing concerns). because we simply don't know. and it's not our business.

i've had this bad feeling about amanda bynes for the past decade. it's the same pattern we've seen with child stars over and over again. the drugs, the mental breakdown, the conservatorship. but i pushed those nagging thoughts away. i didn't have the bandwidth at the time because i was living in an abusive household when her most public battles were happening. i didn't have the time or the emotional understanding to put towards what was happening to her even as i felt it mirrored what i was going through or what my mom was going through. then i found out about dan schneider a few years ago. i didn't really engage with the rumor and speculation about him - i was in my early 20s when this all broke and i didn't know most of the shows he'd been involved with except by the fact that my younger siblings watched them. i'd been an amanda bynes fan - hugely into the amanda show and what i like about you. my siblings watched drake and josh, icarly, and victorious. i didn't have the emotional bandwidth at the time to look into what people were saying. i knew it would upset me if i learned too much. but i couldn't stop thinking about amanda.

i heard about quiet on set from news websites. i saw the headlines about drake bell. it shook me to my core. the things i was reading were horrific and immediately put me in mind of what my sister went through as a teenage survivor of repeated sexual abuse by a man who was trusted with our care. she'd had a huge crush on drake when we were growing up. i wonder if she's heard about this.

this immediately made me think about amanda again. this time i couldn't push the thought away. i guess i'm finally ready to process the way this whole situation has felt to me.

the way people talk about amanda reminds me of how people in the 50s talked about judy garland. child star with incredible talent, far beyond her years, with incredible charm and personality and the whole world at her fingertips. everyone loved working with her. until she became erratic and had a mental breakdown fueled by drugs. (you could even argue there were parallels because both women were frequently typecast as the wholesome girl next door and not really allowed to break out of that infantilizing box.) and no one could ever think why. why does this happen.

i've come to believe that mental illness always has a cause. brain chemistry fucked up by trauma, whether that's long-term stress or a singular event or repeated traumas stacking on top of each other. the mind can't cope. i really, truly believe something horrific happened to amanda bynes. and i know people will say, well, maybe it wasn't dan schneider. she was doing fine for years after she stopped working with him. i want to make one thing very clear. trauma doesn't always manifest symptoms immediately. not everyone comes out of a trauma looking shell shocked. i know from my experience because i didn't have my breakdown until a year after my abuser was exposed and i'm still feeling the consequences to my psyche to this day. and i think it must be difficult for child stars to process this trauma. the pattern i've seen is the child star endures something terrible, gets incredible fame and begins taking on more and more pressure, then when this isn't enough to make them happy they turn to drugs. you think because they got out that it would all just go away? no. they were raised to play characters so they played those characters. there was incredible pressure to just play those characters because that's what the fans want. having struggles isn't part of the brand. it had to be especially rough on nick stars because there wasn't much separation between them and the characters they played. it was the amanda show. drake and josh used their real first names. the separation between who they were and who the character was was probably a very blurred line.

i wonder how long this documentary has been in production. tracking down these people and petitioning courts had to have taken ages. amanda was supposed to be at 90s con last year but cancelled due to illness and had another psychotic episode. 90s con itself may have been a trigger for her, but if someone had reached out to her or if she'd heard about this production...i could see that triggering her and making her relive the horror she went through. there are so many unsubstantiated rumors floating around. i can't speak to whether she was high on adderall during that interview when she was 12 (she could've just been a hyper child but they could've been pulling a judy garland on her and i don't trust these people plus she's said she got hooked on adderall when she was a teenager for weight loss but she may not feel comfortable disclosing if the studio has her under NDA). i can't verify if that side twitter actually belonged to amanda. it could be some sicko thought it was funny to accuse her boss of knocking her up and forcing her to get an abortion at 13 or accusing her father of various things.

but i get why she wouldn't speak up because people won't believe her no matter what she says. i went through something and people in my hometown still debate whether i'm crazy or lying for attention. my family did everything they could to put me under control and get me diagnosed as paranoid or delusional so they wouldn't face justice. (really don't get me started on how the mental healthcare system is used by abusers to cover up their sins.) i wouldn't put it past her parents to do that, especially considering amanda had a bad relationship with them as a teenager which sent her further into that groomer's clutches. she doesn't owe us anything because it'll start a firestorm that could retrigger her as people debate if she's delusional or scrutinize her past mistakes to determine if she's a perfect enough victim to deserve sympathy.

which brings me to drake bell. i knew he was the victim before i watched the doc but it still gave me chills when he sat down in that chair. like it felt like the air drained from the room. it was so obvious that what he went through has affected him so deeply and that he had no one to turn to. my abuser had so much community support, so many people making us out to be lying opportunistic bitches. i can't imagine having to carry that secret. i wonder if the people around him can pinpoint it in retrospect when he started being different. i want the other kids on set to know that it's not their fault they didn't know and that they had a bad opinion of him at some point. my sister and i were pitted against each other by the man who assaulted her and it's only with context later that i can see what was going on. i have no doubt that schneider employed these tactics so no one would feel comfortable disclosing what happened to them.

i admit that i cried watching the drake bell episode. that had to be incredibly difficult for him to open up about it after all these years and i hope he can get some closure and that someone starts a support group for these former nick stars.

and to drake bell himself. you were a child. you had no idea what grooming looks like. most grown people don't seem to know what grooming looks like based on how they talk about these issues. you are not at fault for what that man did to you or not knowing how to handle it. you didn't do anything to encourage this and you're not at fault.

and to his father. i appreciate that you did what you could to try to protect him. my mother had a similar experience trying to protect us from my abuser but everyone assumed she was psychotic and had her put away. try not to blame yourself when you were the lone voice of reason and everyone else insisted you were in the wrong. i do have fault to throw on amanda bynes' parents to some degree depending on what part of all this is true, but i can't find fault with drake bell's father who did try when he saw something wrong.

and i'm sorry but dan being super nice to drake afterwards seems like an attempt to make himself look better and get another hit show. i don't believe for a second that dan didn't know anything or that he had any motives beyond making his own star rise. he wanted to churn out product, and couldn't have that product if drake bell was visibly distraught.

i want to know how many people have known it was drake for 20 years and said nothing. how many people were in peck's side of the courtroom and yet still had the audacity to think this child was at fault in some way. that's vile and utterly unforgivable.

i just want to end this by saying to leave these people alone. don't harass anyone who hasn't spoken up because they may not be in a headspace where it's healthy of them to say anything. they don't owe us any explanation of why.

#this hit me incredibly hard i'm sorry #quiet on set #rape tw #abuse tw #i'm not addressing the jamie lynn spears rumors because it's ghoulish to speculate when she wasn't even a subject of the doc #i hope she's found some healing and honestly it is unforgivable how the public slutshamed a 16 year old #finding out from my sources that people at the time joked that dan knocked her up like #i'm sorry? you slutshamed her and made jokes and made light of a potential rapist???#i will throw hands #also asking people to not bring up the past actions of drake bell or amanda bynes in this discussion #they're not perfect victims but nobody is #a vulnerable child is a vulnerable child and i would like to live in a world where we focus on prevention so people don't grow up disturbed

9 notes · View notes