#happy readdiiiiingg!!!

[mooonjin]

To Part Ways

Notes: i was really feeling for angst crosshair althugh it felt random in a way hehe hope u like it :3 i already miss him

Pairing: Crosshair x gn!reader

Summary: A date with Crosshair? You were quick to agree and meet up with him but what you didn't know is that this would be the last time you saw him.

Warning/Tags: angst, crying, Empire mentions, brief pet names (my love), kissing mentions — tell me if I've missed anything!

Crosshair.

He was handsome but his clothing of choice... really didn't suit him. But with quick inspection, there it was. A silver, clean-surfaced symbol of the Galactic Empire.

"Crosshair?" You met his eyes in an instance and he knew you had seen his attire.

"I know." He was blunt, his voice hoarse and low as his eyes scanned your face. You were so beautiful in his eyes, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.

If not for the way that your faces are bathed in moonlight, it might almost seem like any other night. That Crosshair is any other clone saying good-night to you. He's not any other clone, not anymore. But in this moment, it's easy to forget that.

That's the love of your life. He's standing in front of you but in the shadow of the Empire. As a rebel, it was the thing you vowed to take down. But to see your beloved on the other side was heartbreaking.

This wasn't a date.

You don't know if you're happy to see him.

The two of you remain still for a few moments. Crosshair stares down at you and tries to memorise your face, trying to engrave it into his memories. He wants to be able to carry this moment with you, despite how things have turned out.

To remember you as the girl he's fallen in love with.

Crosshair can't help but feel a tinge of sadness as he looks at you. He feels so close to you in this moment, more so than he has in a long time. But he knows that, ultimately, his path away from you is inevitable.

"I know..." he repeats in a more solemn tone, his head hanging low.

"I now live knowing the love of my life is a puppet." You murmured.

Crosshair takes a sharp exhale. He wants to deny that, trying to argue against your words. But he can't, not when you're right. He's been a puppet for the Empire. No matter what he says or does, he can't change the past.

"You're right," he whispers, not attempting to deny it. He sighs with a heavy chest. "But I still have my feelings," he says.

You like to think he still loves you, despite choosing a side that forces him to make your life difficult.

He steps forward and wraps his arms around you For a moment, in your embrace, he can pretend that nothing else exists. It's just you and him, together at last.

"But you... you're with them," you mumbled, "will you be leaving?"

"Yes." He stares at your eyes, glossy that shimmer in the moonlight. They're probably tears about to build up but he finds them so beautiful because they're your eyes.

There's a calmness and peace in him, a resignation to your fate. But with these few minutes you spend together, you almost forget how different you two are.

You lean forward in a cautious manner. With a gentle lean, you're tempted to plant a kiss on his lips. Just before he leaves. You've accepted what he's chosen but you're not leaving without a souvenir.

Crosshair tenses up as you move closer to him. He can tell what you're about to do, but he can't bear it. He's come too far, and he can't let himself waver.

He leans away from you, trying to stay strong. But he can see the disappointment in your eyes - he can see the sadness in your heart. He knows he let you down. But he has to be strong.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, rejecting your kiss. "But that's something I can't do."

Your lips purse into a tight line as you take a small step back, feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

Crosshair's heart is broken. He can't bear the thought of hurting you. But he knows he must. He knows that if he lets you believe any differently, if he lets you think that he has the same feelings as you, he'd be lying to you.

He looks at you again, fighting back the growing regret and guilt in his heart. "You should go—"

"—Please kiss me." You cut him off in desperation.

Crosshair stares at your face as you ask him. He wants nothing more than to comply, than to give in to your request.

But he simply cannot. His mind is in a whirl and his heart is filled with a multitude of emotions. He's spent so much time trying to hold back those feelings, to act as the soldier he needs to be. He can't turn back now, not after all he's done and all he's seen.

"I can't," he whispers. The conflict and sadness in him is palpable.

"It's the least... please?"

Crosshair is at a loss for words. He knows he can't possibly comply with your request.

But he can't help but feel a small pang of remorse. He sees the disappointment in your face, a sadness in your eyes that he himself cannot deny. He feels as if he's letting you down yet again.

He looks away from you, unable to face the shame he feels in that moment. He can barely force himself to speak the words. "I would kiss you but I can't."

"Can't or won't?" There was a hint of aggression behind your words but not enough to be irritated. You were more upset than angry at him.

Crosshair freezes at your question. His eyes narrow and his cheeks turn red as he processes what you're asking him.

He looks back at you and considers for a moment. Can't he let himself be happy once? Can't he let himself kiss you simply because he wants to? He loves you, goddamnit.

But he knows that it's wrong. That that life isn't meant for him, especially after the things he's done. To kiss you would be to ignore his own ideals, his moral compass. He can't betray himself.

"Both," he replies softly.

Your lips go tight as if every word you've uttered has just been trashed and disregarded. It was useless. You take a full step away from him.

Crosshair watches you with a heavy heart. He can see the disappointment in your expression as you pull away from him. He can feel his own guilt eating him up.

He is choosing not to kiss you, despite the feelings within his heart. He is choosing the path of a soldier and a path for the Empire.

"I am sorry," he whispers. "But it's the right thing to do."

"...Then I'd hope something good comes out of this." You gesture between the space between the two of you. Though in the heat of the moment, his hand reaches out to touch your cheek. His touch is so light, so feathery. It's the same hand that wraps around his rifle to pull the trigger.

His fingers linger on your face, a look of sadness in his eyes. In response, you rest your hand on top of his, feeling the warmth as you lean into it. This is what the both of you need.

Your touch brings Crosshair's heart to an ache.

He closes his eyes in that moment, savouring your touch for as long as he can. He wants to be able to hold onto this moment - to freeze it in time and remember it for as long as he can.

But time keeps moving forward, his heart breaking with every passing second.

He doesn't want to let you go. And yet, he knows it's the only choice he has.

You cup his cheek in return, the both of you standing with a hand on one another's cheek.

Crosshair feels your hand on his cheek, and he closes his eyes in that moment.

After everything that's happened, all the hardships and struggles of his life, this moment almost feels unreal. The soft touch of your hand against his face.

He opens his eyes once more and studies your face, committing each detail to memory. The moonlight falls upon your face. Your hair. Your eyes. His heart is racing and he can't bring himself to move away.

You're so beautiful.

"Please... for the last time." You beg. With all your heart, you beg just for the touch of his lips on your own.

Your words make his heart tighten.

What would be the right thing to do? What would be the just thing to do? He's been trying so hard to stay true to himself. To let himself kiss you in that moment... it would go against everything he believes in.

He struggles inside his own heart.

You watch him hesitate and so you sigh, leaning away from his touch as a sign. You've given up on one more intimate touch with him.

He wishes he could change things, to fix whatever he's done to hurt you.

But he can't. All he can do is look back at you, a tinge of regret in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. To compensate, he takes a hold of your hand. It's the least he can do.

With the immediate warmth of his palm resting upon yours, you look down. What a pretty sight.

Crosshair looks down as well. He traces his fingers across your palm, trying to memorise every feeling, every sensation.

He can't believe that this is the last he shall hold your hand. That this is all the time the two of you can spend together.

When he looks back up at you, he sees the sadness in your eyes. He knows that you wanted more from this than he could give you. That you wished for this moment to be something different.

To be something more.

You can't help but let the building up of tears finally fall down your cheek. Crosshair holds your hand tighter, as if he hoped it might help to comfort you. It's a small gesture, but a part of him feels like he can never make up for everything he's done to you.

He takes a deep breath and looks straight into your eyes. His voice is soft but raspy, his expression pleading. "No, don't cry," he whispers.

"I can't..."

He tries his best to hold his feelings at bay, to prevent them from overwhelming him. But he just can't help but feel bad for you, for all the pain he's caused you.

"Why cry for me, though?" he mumbled, confused and angry with himself. You shouldn't have to cry, especially not for him.

"I have no power in this situation." You say through whimpers. Your voice has dropped in decibels, as if you're speaking under your breath.

He doesn't want you to suffer. But he knows that's all he can offer at this point. A few minutes of time to say goodbye.

A few moments to reflect on what could have been.

You unclip your pink flower pin, handing it in the palm of his hands, "Will I ever see you again?" You look up at him.

Crosshair stares at the flower pin you've given him, a slight smile on his face as he traces it with his fingers. He has no words in that moment, just a feeling of warmth at your gesture.

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, absorbing your touch, "I want you to."

You can only nod at this point. You know your paths will part and the time spent not being with each other will last for many, many rotations on end.

"Be safe." You whisper, wiping your tears.

Crosshair wants to tell you the same, but he can only give you a tight smile. He can't find the words to reassure you, to make you believe that he will be safe.

Your eyes meet once more, and for a moment, it feels as if the world has stopped. He wants to hold onto this moment, to make it last as long as possible.

But he can't. He can't delay the inevitable. He has to let you go.

"Goodbye," he whispers.

"Goodbye, my love."

With those words, Crosshair feels something break within him. His heart hurts, and he can't hold back his own tears.

He doesn't try to hold it in anymore. He lets himself feel the pain of being unable to hold you, of letting you go. Crosshair meets your gaze one last time before he lets you go.

"Remember me."

You look at his golden orbs one last time before an announcement for curfew is rung throughout the streets. In a moment, all you can think about is 'what if?'

You let his hands go, the coldness replacing his warmth. And as hard as it is, you step away from him, exiting the alley he pulled you into.

Crosshair stares at you.

He can't believe that this is it, the moment where your paths diverge forever. But all must come to an end, he knows, no matter how many regrets he may have or how badly he wishes things could be different.

"I will remember you," he whispers.

"Always."

He has the best eyesight in the galaxy but cannot see the Empire for what it is.

-

Post-Notes: i hope u liked ittttt, i felt like it was rush a bit? idk but its somewhat messy oh well

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