#had big cries today

[bucketofchum]

Been dealing with some really bad self esteem shit lately...

#had big cries today #still kinda teary #basically imposter syndrome to the max #except like you know how imposter syndrome suggests you actually DO belong somewhere? #idk I just feel really stupid and like a fake #and im scared im doing bad shit #I'm afraid im in the wrong field #like I don't belong here #things with my supervisor have been meh #he has hinted at it a bit but maybe i read too much into it idk #the suggestion that I might be in the wrong field #and I feel it bc I feel so fucking stupid all the time #like I never know what I'm doing #and I don't even have anything to validate myself #just feeling like shit #like I don't belong #it's hard bc people always say everyone is like that - everyone is faking it #except I am SEEING people NOT faking it #im SEEING people do the right thing that i don't know how to do #and I feel so stupid #im just scared #idk #personal vent

[fandomfluffandfuck]

s i’m genuinely so heartbroken over chris rn maybe it’s a little silly and i understand if u don’t want to discuss personal stuff lol. ofc i’m happy for him and all but still it feels like our little bubble got shattered idk. i’m surviving by quoting taylor swift “you weren’t mine to lose”

For other people, feel free to block Alba's tag or, for my blog specifically, "real life real people" if seeing this stuff bothers you. I don't plan to discuss more of Chris' real personal life, nor do I plan to change the content of my blog, but I did want to address this ask.

Hey, sweetheart

First, I can certainly say that you're not alone--I actually happened upon a random article when I opened Google on my phone with the headline, "Actor Chris Evans Married, Millions of Women Heartbroken," which made me chuckle.

I've been purposefully avoiding large swaths of the fandom myself right now, there are people saying Horrible shit and/or having overblown reactions, but I know other people feel like you do. Sad or heartbroken as well as happy. Bittersweet, perhaps?

Even if you realistically know there's no way you would've ever actually ended up with Chris, there's part of your brain that's attached to him, regardless. The parasocial relationship in your brain. And that's okay. It's very human. We're not built for the vastness that is modern society. World-class celebrities. Much less celebrities with a seemingly personal relationship to you through this crazy fucking shit that is social media. Our brains can't cleanly separate who is a part of your life, in your immediate reality like friends and family and community, and who is indirectly a part of your life, in your phone or TV.

You're entitled to your feelings.

And change is scary and upsetting, even if your immediate reality doesn't exactly change.

I hope you can focus on the happiness for him. That's difficult and easier said than done, of course, but it'll probably be what pulls you through <3

(Or, y'know, if you need, you can always step back from fandom and whatnot for as long as you need to pull yourself out of it more. Whatever you need to do! Also, remember that if you continue to feel sad and heartbroken, you should consider talking to someone about it. A friend, a therapist, etc.)

#p.s. i thought to myself today 'chris is a such a big softy... i wonder how much he cried during the ceremony. he had to be so so happy- #so i bet he blubbered through at least some of his vows. cute boy.' #it made me smile #teddy bear boy #asks #chris evans #real life real people #alba baptista

[lovelaceisntdead]

Today was a good day I got to look round an old bindery that I was really interested in and the man who worked there was so nice and so encouraging and it made me feel so much better about choosing to pursue a dying craft. And I saw so many lesbians walking around and I went to a little queer cafe (completely by accident) and had my little gay drink and today has just made me feel so much more hopeful. Oh and I looked hot today.

#like I'm fucking exhausted but it feels like a good kind of exhausted too #so many young queer people walking round holding hands i almost cried in the middle of the street #had the most beautiful matcha latte i have seen in my life #and got to talk to someone about the thing i am most passionate about and he actually knew what i was going on about #and he gave me loads of names and places to look into and he told me about a bookbinding bursary (?) that I'm definitely going to look into #he was so encouraging and enthusiastic it was so refreshing when i feel like I've made a big fuck up in pursuing this #i was really struggling at the beginning of the week but this has really made me feel better #i don't want to think too much about it and make myself sad again but I'm just feeling a lot more hopeful today. #i am very ready to go home tomorrow and see the babies though #oh the cafe also had a wall where people could draw little ghosts

[petruchio]

my main mentor at work announced that he’s leaving the company and im literally so upset about it that i took the day off and applied to 6 other jobs today

#caroline speaks #ive been meaning to move on for a lil while now but like had no real reason to do so #but like he was a big reason i took the job bc i really appreciated him and he was a really important mentor to me #he’s not like my direct manager but he was the ‘manager’ i worked the closest with #and he was the most knowledgeable like he taught me everything i know about our product #and he was like im moving to a new company and i had planned to take today and monday off already #yday i cried in the meeting room when he said he was leaving. today i was like yep fuck it #like i put in over 1.5 years in my first job post college and got promoted. i was going to give it 2 years but also like why wait lolll

[thebutchprinxe]

deep cleaned house in preparation for egg hunt tomorrow and also just bc i love the smell of cleaning products

#had Many big cries today & needed to do smth to feel productive #still on my candle hunt. wish i could drink the smell of my library one #sparking joy no matter how small however and whenever i can #sam soliloquizes

[rhysatlas]

i can’t stop smiling like an idiot bc i met garrett hedlund today BCNSNXJSJD

#rhys: con posts. #he was so sweet and so genuine #he asked if i had any big plans today and when i told him it was me meeting him #he got up and hugged me and i nearly cried

[chaelinsbitch]

.

#it's so embarrassing to have these kinds of issues at my grown ass age #but like today i felt so big and and gross and disgusting being myself and walking around #so i put a jacket on and buttoned it up so i could hide in it #and later my friend was telling me about how ppl keep approaching hee to talk to her and practice their English #im like lol no one has done that w me lmao enjoy your white privilege #and shes like its not that i look approachable and nice #and im like oh i dont? im very friendly? i smile at and and greet everyone #and she basically said that i look intimidating and mean #and idk like #i was alr doing poorly mentally but that set me to spiral #and everytime someone looked at me i wanted to die and throw up i felt so nauseous #when we finally got back to our room i like ran into the bathroom and cried for an hour lmfao #me having the most mentally ill breakdown ive had in years in the shower in the room over my friends #talking to her family and being all close like they talk every day #meanwhile mines such a fucking mess #ong idk like #im sitting on the floor in my hotel room crying what the fuck is wrong with me

[trvelyans-archive]

i am well on my way to becoming besties with this girl in my class i have a friend crush on

#i made a joke at a party on saturday and she has said it twice every day this week LKSJDFKSDKL #and also she's picking up on a bunch of my misc phrases #i said cringefail loser moment in the gc and she said it to me today #I'M SO OBSESSED WITH HER I WANNA BE HER BESTIE SO BAD she's so cute and nice and was stroking my calf #today when i put my foot on her leg slkdjflsdjfls she's my QUEEN!!! #also the cute guy in my class who i didn't think liked me and i bonded a LOT today #and i reacted during his performance of something and he jokingly yelled at me for reacting after #and then he was like yeah anytime there was a big moment in people's performances i would look over at you #to see you react to stuff and every time you did #and he laughed at my jokes and we had to do a cringefail loser exercise with each other and it was nice #AND another girl complimented my eyes because i took off my glasses to perform and i got so bashful #IT WAS A GOOD DAY i cried on the bus to school and home FROM school but #i like my friends...... i hope there's no drama and we all become a really tight knit group #and even though i was super crazy today to offset the Sewerslidalness. everyone thought i was funny and charming!!! #and not in a mocking way!!! #i like them. I LIKE THEM!!! i like everyone i'm working with at school this year!!! #okay. personal post over. ghost files time!

[todayisafridaynight]

DID YOU MISS THE EXAM... Either way I can believe in that superstition for a sec I'm so sorry 😭😭😭

NONO I TOOK IT. BARELY. I BARELY TOOK IT. I JUST THOUGHT CLASS WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL BUT NOPE <3<3<3

#snap chats #ngl cried a lil in classs... mightve scribbled a bit on the page.. which has happened before when taking spanish tests LMAO #the rage and anger i felt... oh to punch a wall like i literally just wanted to leave and scream #and i havent felt that kind of anger in a hot minute it was so ugly LMAOOOO so stupid nothing even majorly bad happened #it just the build up ig.... anyways... #I THOUGHT IT WAS WEDNESDAY CAUS EI HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW #AND ASSIGNMENTS ARE USUALLY DUE THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAM BUT. OK. FUCK ME IG #when i finally stopped being a big ol baby i focused on the questions and they weren't actually too hard so im p sure i did fine #it was just... The Emotional Damage of walking in thinking it was gonna be a chill day after Everythin and its like :) No Exams Today :) #the funnier bit is that i literally asked my professor and then she forgot to give me the exam so i had to ask her for it 🧍‍♂️ #right after asking about the exam 🧍‍♂️like i know im unremarkable but you JUST spoke to me.... #my reputation of being the most invisible man continues..... an ironic title to have but ill take it.... #call my ass kellam the way i have to remind people im here <3 fe homies will know what that means and they'll know im right </3 #anyway to end the horrible night. Hopefully. i was gonna get milk from the milk dispenser Because We Have Those #and the milk i usually get was empty so i got the second one and the spout was tilted weirdly so the milk just went backwards #so that was fun. to get. and then a guy tried getting chocolate milk after me and Something happened cause he just yelled the f slur LOL #what a day... it's no one's day today apparently..... #anyway Lesson Learned don't fuck with three's. i don't like the number three it always gives me bad vibes... #did i disclose my Unhealthy relationship with numbres.. i prob did lol.. ima wrap this post up now...

[givemetherapyimawritingtravesty]

Using the sad emotions to write angst. Some good ole hurt. Maybe I'll throw in some comfort. Maybe.

#mentally tired #mentally done #truly #my brother had to put one of his doggos down today so #happy 4th? not really #i've cried for the last 3 days straight (gay) #it has been a shit holiday weekend #so imma use that to write some sad shit #The Big Sad #scandals salvia sunshine and second chances #scandals #salvia sunshine #might actually post an update for the first time in like a year #ope #it won't have Le Angst #yet... #i'm writing a future scene #but we'll get there #eventually #also #it's storming so it's great ambiance

[slimylayne]

Just watched drop dead fred for the first time since I was like 14 having many feelings

#i had a big inner child moment today I was crying in the middle of the woods over feeling sorry for kid me #and being frustrated about undiagnosed autism as a child #and throughout the day my minds been nudging me towards drop dead fred so I was like fuck it I’ll watch it #it’s so fucking wholesome and I almost cried when she freed her child self and told her she didn’t have to be afraid anymore #i wish I could do that #i also kinda see my autism as what fred is in some way #just some dude that is attached to me for all eternity and he’s a big part of my personality but also extremely difficult to live with #anyway rik is extremely wholesome in that film too im lov him 😭 #rambling #drop dead fred

[patrice-bergerons]

It's so funny when you know you are reacting disproportionately to something and why you are doing so and none of it changes the actual ridiculous bruising experience of the thing lmao

#i can barely get out of bed #and it's bc im being forced to move offices in a couple of days and ive just been told yesterday #and i mean yeah one part of it is a very reasonable you will make me share with this newcomer #and i absolutely cannot work with overhead florescent lighting bc bad headaches and how will this random dude adapt? #but even more so is just the trauma of being told i suddenly have to leave a place ive made my own #and its a silly individual office the full office space isnt wven that big #it's just one small wing of one floor #so its ridiculous #but i also cried so much while at the office yesterday #i had to stay home today despite forgoing the free thursday lunch #and i dragged my laptop to the bed bc even the desk feels too much #hilarious really

[avariceaside]

I get distressed easily when other people are distressed, so I was very much not vibing with the end of today’s generation loss episode 

#I almost cried when I saw Niki crying last time #so this was extra upsetting #Genuinely don't know if I'll be able to rewatch todays ep #blood and gore? Fine #Derealization? No big deal #someone sounding upset? Nope #cant handle it #literally had to make myself calm down with breathing exercises during the stream #i mean it was like panic attack type freaked out #but i was NOT vibing #generation loss #gen loss #generation loss spoilers #I guess

[whimsyprinx]

the fun part about periods is that there’s enough time in between them for you to forget The Horrors so by the time your period starts again you get to suffer The Horrors again as if for the very first time!

#whimsy whispers #I wanna die I wanna die so bad I feel so sick and I wanna cry about it just a bit #actually I’ve been very brave today and I haven’t cried #I have however been whining to kane all day (sorry kane) #maybe not helped by the fact that all I’ve eaten today was a plate full of potatoes and cheese and two butter mints but in my defense the #idea of eating made me sick #I also had a breakfast essential if that’s anything #I intend to try and eat more food tomorrow I hope #I just feel really sick and disgusted and I feel like if I consume anything it’s going to make me feel worse #i contemplated ramen earlier and then was like no I’ll die #I’ve also been consuming brisk strawberry melon flavor today because despite not really liking strawberry or melon it is my favourite #flavor of brisk and kane remembered this and grabbed me one whilst at the store today so thank you kane for that as well as the buttermints #and chocolate #I do have a sleeve of crackers next to me I may try and nibble on those but probably not because again I feel so sick I could die #aren’t periods great aren’t they fun isn’t it great feeling so fucking terrible for days and also possible ruining some pajamas you actually #liked because Uh Oh big blood is here! like okay sure fine not like I liked my matching pajama pants anyways now I’m wearing red polar bear #pajama pants so sure cool they’re comfy at least

[thelunaticghost]

me, wlking alone in my college fest longing for companion ship: wish I had a gf

#it was because so many couples had traded flowers nd it was so cute #also wanna hold hands with a girl :( hello!! Once in a while i donfeel lonely big deal #but today was bad because I cried for an hour at the bathroom . It was v pathetic #the way people look at u when u r just stitng and minding ur business n trying to enjoy #Bleh #not gonna go tomorrow I can party alone in my room <3 #it's not I love dressing up in trad anyway. Or have anyone to impress or hangout with #I dearly miss my friends :( ly discord friends though they make my days 10x batter

[sothassil]

I went out for easter lunch with my granddad and halfway through, two elder trans women- gray hair and canes and all-walked in, and I have spent probably the last hour crying on and off because they reminded me that we get to get old.

we get to live long, beautiful lives. we get to meet up with our life long friends for lunch at some little diner and talk about good times and how our families are doing. we get to sip on iced tea, and smile, and live

I ended up paying their bill, and I really wish I'd have gone up to talk to them. unfortunately I'm fairly shy with strangers, but I regret not saying hello.

but I hope they know, that everywhere they go, they glow like a neon sign lighting up a foggy path with the message that we get to live

#personal #brb I'm crying again #I needed to see them in the worst way #They're not only a symbol of human resilience. but of trans resilience as well #that no matter what this world throws at us. our people belong. we will always be here. we will survive. and we will be happy #trans elders are so incredibly important to me #the thing is too #I posted on my snap story how happy I was to see those ladies #and this young trans guy I work with said that myself and two other trans men I'm friends with #are for him what those ladies were to me today #that we made him realize that we can exist and we can exist loudly and happily #he texted me that and man. I'm telling you I cried #the trans community is so beautiful #I love all of my trans siblings so very much and I'll scream that from the rooftops for all of my life #rampant tr/nsphobia lately has had me so fucking destroyed inside. I feel like a big part of my heart healed today