#gwyn head a giant dog

[bitchfitch]

actually I've decided all those old ideas for them suck. Objectively the funniest possible answer to "who the fuck Are Conrí and Gwyn" is:

Gwyn is a proper nobody, but he's mostly happy living with his pet pixie frog, Jeremiah, and his roommate/best friend Human Jeremiah. who is a sorta eccentric older fellow. Tends to be very air headed and spends most of his time keeping to himself and quietly reading the old books he keeps up in their attic. He also does basically all the chores when Gwyn is at work so the dude could be a serial killer and Gwyn would still consider him the best roommate ever.

It's a great life for Gwyn. He can relax and persue his passions in his free time in a quiet and lovely home. He has company when he wants it and peace when he doesn't. it's Perfect.

Until Gwyn gets forcibly Isekai-ed.

He wakes in (bulk standard magic land... Bustmala) on an alter surrounded by strangers. They tell him he's the reincarnation of some ancient sorcerer and it'll be his job to stop some horrid evil. Gwyn is not down for this. He doesn't know how time moves in relation to the two worlds and Human Jeremiah is out of town so if Gwyn doesn't get home soon his beloved Jeremiah will starve or his water will dry up.

What proceeds is the set up for your standard harem anime. There's the extremely accomplished sorceress who works for the king/queen, Exac'coso, She is being forced to teach this newcomer. She resents his existence and he agrees that she should, they start hatching their plan in secret almost as soon as they are alone in the room together.

The powerful general who immediately starts talking strategy, Powge. her words go just as far over his head as Exac'coso's did. It devastates her to find out the plan her predecessors had been working to put into place for generations is going to fail. They didn't have any other way to possibly contain the BBEG. While she still has hope it'll work out some how, it doesn't take long to get her on board. The sooner Gwyn is gone the sooner the higher-ups will let them all start investigating more options that might actually work. This is the first time she and Exac'coso are getting to work together and she's learning to not be quite as intimidated by such a well respected member of the court.

And finally a maid of no renown, Manoré. She's the glue that holds the team together. The only one of the three of them that has an excuse to go anywhere without a single person paying her any mind. It also helps that she's a pickpocket and clever in a way that compliments Powge's straight forward eyes on the prize mindset and Exac'coso's overthinking and over complicating. Plus it also gets her a chance to reverse pickpocket a few things off the ladies. She likes stealing but also always feels a little bad about it later if the person is nice. She doesn't need to be convinced to join their mission, she was listening in when the other two weren't thinking of her as having been there because she was just the help.

The four of them get everything set up and nearly succeed in their goal without much fuss. Until the overly loyal dog of a guard that is Conrí interupts. He had been the greatest hurdle as he had been assigned to watch over Gwyn at all times in case BBGE tried to get him before he was prepared to win that fight. He had refused to hear any of Gwyn's protests on this matter and insisted he Must be the sorcerer because otherwise, what hope did any of them have?

The spell was already started up. Both Gwyn and Conrí were transported back to Gwyn's world. They land in his backyard and Gwyn just books it to check on Jeremiah. only managing to out run Conrí bc of the narrow halls and low cielings giving the giant fucker a hard time. Jeremiah is completely fine and Gwyn could just about cry with relief. His water is still full so despite weeks having passed in the other world it seems only a few hours at most had passed in this one.

Now Conrí is the one who's the fish out of water. You thought this was a story about a normal dude in a magic world surrounded by hot chicks? Gotcha. It's about a big wolf man stuck in a normal world that's wholely incompatible with him. with a man he's done a great job at making hate him.

Worst of all, Weeks had passed in his home when only hours had here. How long did they have to get back before the final confrontation was had and lost without the prophecized sorcerer there to save everyone? how long until everything he had ever known or loved was gone? He had pups, would they think he abandoned them in the days leading up to their firey deaths? They had already lost their mother, he couldn't make them suffer That too.

Things are awkward those first few days. Conrí is already going stir crazy having to stay inside what is to him a very cramped little house. Driving them both mad with his constant worry and hopeless anger. He's furious with Gwyn even if it's not fair for him to be. If Gwyn had just Paid More Attention. If he had learned more from Exac'coso before running like a coward then Maybe they would have gotten home in time.

They had summoned Gwyn with 3 years of prep time to make sure he was ready for the fight. With how time had moved between their worlds, the math said a year in Bustmala was only a day here.

The fourth day comes. Conrí locks himself in the spare room and refuses to come out.

The fifth day Gwyn barely manages to get him to eat.

The sixth he offers to bring Conrí a book so at least he could enjoy some reading while he wallowed. Conrí doesn't want anything that mentions earth or anything about it. All Gwyn has is non fiction. Human Jeremiah likes fantasy though. So maybe they could raid his library? Gwyn promises Human Jeremiah is cool and if he isn't Gwyn will pay him back for the book if he's not ok letting Conrí read it. Conrí reluctantly agrees.

They go up to Jeremiah's attic room and Conrí grabs a book at random from the shelves. They're all the sort that are bound in leather to look fancy and old despite being fairly new so he has to flick through a few pages to actually get a feeling for the type of book it is. Gwyn watches his brow furrow and realizes he might not be able to read english. but then Conrí is flicking to the table of contents and then to a specific story.

Conrí throws the book through the window and collapses onto the bed with his head in his hands. He already regrets having thrown that book. It was the same collection of short stories his kids had on their bedside table. He'd read it to them hundreds of times.

"Funny how the world can find a way to beat you when you're already dead. Right house, wrong man."

He doesn't respond when Gwyn asks for clarification but Gwyn doesn't really need it. It was more the shock of the realization that had wanted the confirmation than any cognizant part of his mind. Gwyn wishes he hadn't turned down Human Jeremiah's offers to let him read one of his books. Maybe he would have realized the truth when they still had time to act on it then.

He pulls out a few books, opens and sets them aside until he has the one he wants. A magic grimoire that had a spell and set of sigil work he recognized from Exac'coso sending him home. He was barely at the point of learning to read the most basic of basics from her and this... This was something she had spent an entire day preparing for and studying and even then made sure he knew there was a nonzero chance she fucked it up and sent him way back in time or dropped him from a few stories up.

"I... I can try to learn more."

"What's the point in that? To let me see my home in ruins? To see if I can find their bodies in the rubble? Just put me down and move on."

"Human Jeremiah will be home eventually... He could teach me. Or send you home himself."

"And still there would not be a point."

"We were wrong. about how time passed. There's this, uh, this denotes a time I think? If you remember what the date was we can go back to the same day we left on. I think."

"I will unscrew your head from your neck if you are givinge false hope."

"I don't think I am."

#i looked up 'good names for a frog' and no shit on the spruce pets listacle on this topic Jeremiah is the 5th top frog name #and you know theyre wrong about basically everything but they are right about this. #anyways and then they fall in love. and through gathering the ingredients and stuff for the spell collect some vital mcguffin #or bit of info that will let the Bustmala crew have their victory. #i haven't gotten that far yet #just know that at the end Human Jeremiah is going to move back to Bustmala and everyone wants Gwyn to come with him. #Gwyn is hesitant but since he brought Jeremiah with him when they went back and figured out how to get his pump and heater #to work without electricity via magic. hes very willing after very little convincing. He swears its bc hed miss the trio of Conrí's pups #too much not to go home to live with them and their father. #Anyways i have a new suicidally depressed dilf dog boy #anyways anyways. Isekais never give the protagonist a good enough reason to go home but i think 'my beloved pet will suffer a slow death' #is a Pretty good reason to have no interest in staying in the super magic world.

[benevolentcalamity]

By My Dark Sword [Fume Knight]

"Accursed creature of the Abyss! Begone!"

"You're the bane of humanity's existence, [Name]! A font of misery!"

The scars the stones left on your skin linger even in the heat of this tower. People chased you here and there until you'd found sanctuary where they could never even dare try to reach you. For you, your only options were to run about Drangleic until you found a proper place to hide, and risk being found again and executed by the angry humans that blame you even now for the Undead Curse.

Why for, though? The answer is simple.

Born in the Abyss from the scattered pieces of Manus, you found a form to go by and tried to live amongst humans. After all, you like them were born of Dark, which Lord Gwyn had previously feared, and in turn feared Humanity.

You once had asked, why would humanity revere and love what hat tried to destroy them. Maybe that's why they felt you no longer belonged with them, for in minutes they prosecuted you for slandering the Great Lord's name, or some other crime they felt was overdue for punishment.

Your existence, then. The flesh and blood you had been born with: that is your crime.

Leaving formalities out of the way, your time has run out and you're here, in what is known as the accursed Brume Tower. A peerless giant, an endless torch in a night of hatred, accepting of what dares walk inside and survive. And from how the monsters within cower at seeing you, as if knowing what you truly are, this place is your new home, and your tomb, in one fell swoop.

Better than the piercing chill that awaits outside, and possibly the ever-omnipresent hatred of Humanity towards what should've been embraced rather than the Flame.

... Very well. If you cannot escape your nature, then you shall embrace it.

And with the authority of a child of the Abyss, you plant your seed of Dark, where you can bother no one, but those who come for your head will be punished. For no longer will you live in the shadows of those who embrace Gwyn's quivering Ash; only those who can embrace the Dark, their past, will ever be fit. That, or the Chosen One, willing to slay all of you to link the fire.

So it is written, so it shall be.

__

You are (quite rudely) roused from slumber, unsure of how long it lasted, from the distinct sound of the tower being opened.

A challenger? A brute who hath braved the creatures outside and has now come for you? You're not adept with a blade like your dear sister Nashandra, and Alsanna no longer embraces your shared nature. All that's left here is you, the monsters here only a barrier to whoever dares disturb you.

Swallowing, you melt into the shadows - a skill you'd learned simply from your fear changing slowly to boredom - and from the lens of the darkness you can see what dares challenge the tower.

It's a knight, brave and true. His armor's scorched black or painted in cinders, not as though you can tell, and his stance implies great power. Your insides quake; he's here for you. He must be.

Before you can stop yourself, you command through the shadows, "Halt!"

He does, body and head turning to find you.

"This is the Brume Tower, sanctuary to the Children of Dark. There is nothing for you here, Sir Knight!" You quiver. "If you wish to press on, I will not stop you, but it will not be me or the flames within that will snuff out your Ash."

His arms lower a bit, but just as you expect him to turn and leave like a wise man would, he nods. "So be it."

Dammit... So this knight is either brave or foolish...

Where is your blade? If he's here, it has to be to slay you, free the people of his homeland from fear of you and your sisters, just as humans and Lords alike will do.

Shuffling through the ashes - a natural consequence to fire being almost everywhere - you find your longsword, prepared for if this knight can brave the trials Brume Tower has for him. You will say he looks powerful, but... Will his sword bathe in your black blood?

You're lucky to be alive this long, you suppose.

Father... If only I could know if this knight should fall here.

As if on cue, there's a horrendous sound, one you'd only heard once, that shakes through the ground and reaches you. The tremors send your heart down into your stomach, and as if like a reflex you throw your arm toward the entrance to your little room. But, with the effort of trying to erect a fog wall or cast some kind of protection, your arm shakes in fatigue.

Swallowing, you grip your blade tightly, ascending the stairs. Not that you have a chance against a knight of any sort, but...

But...

If I die, what'll happen?

Hearing the resounding clanks of metal footsteps, you hold your sword with both hands, keeping your feet together and rolling your shoulders back. You swallow as a great shadow is cast on the far wall.

And in time, there he is, the knight himself.

At first he's brandished his greatsword, expecting a terrible monster to be guarding whatever could be here. However, he appears to notice you, visibly lowering his guard.

"Who are you?" You ask. "You, who has braved the Brume Tower and the monsters and scourge within... Pray, which king sent you for my head?"

"No king," He replies. "Legends spoke of a Creature of Dark. I came here to see if the legend is true. Lo, what I find is not a creature, but a fair lady."

"Nay."

His head tilts. "Nay?"

You shift a bit on your feet, examining him a bit without taking another step. "You stand before [Name], child of Manus of the Abyss. The creature of Dark you seek is right here." You remove one hand from your blade, spreading your arms out as a show of peace. "If you seek to kill me, I invite you to try. For that is your history, is it not? Any great king's knights would expunge the Dark."

With a sigh at realizing this was going slowly, you plant your blade in the ground beside you. "I will ask you again: Who are you?"

He puts a hand to his chest. "I am Raime, once a knight of Drangleic under King Vendrick."

"Exiled," You nod. "What a pity. And you came here, be it to slay me to redeem yourself or, carve a piece of the world yourself."

It's inside him, you can feel it. One touch from him, or a swing of that mighty sword, and the darkness itself will cease to be. If his sharp gaze beneath his helmet doesn't kill you, that will, if he approaches with murderous intent.

"But tell me then, Sir Raime-" You're more buttering his ego than anything, as is your nature "- what good is a dog, with no master to guide it?"

His blade lowers, and you reach out your hand.

"If you seek a new master, then come here," You beckon. "Embrace your banished fate, and kneel before me."

Much to your surprise - more that you're still alive than him listening to you - he does approach, kneeling and putting his head down.

"O, lordless knight, bereft of hearth and home, hear me," You sing. "If you shall swear by your strength to become a Champion of Dark and guardian of the Child; a blade that shall hunt our enemies..." For a moment your hand lowers in your own hesitation, but your resolution in living raises it again. "Then I shall protect you, safeguarding your body and soul with the power of the Abyss within me."

His hand effortlessly raises his greatsword by the hilt. "I will be of service to you, my fair lady."

Smiling, you put your hands over his, and soft streams of vantablack emerge from your heart and into his armor, seeming to taint it inside out. Now a fragment of your soul rests within Raime, and he is bound to you until you both die.

You then kneel down yourself, lifting your blade from the ground and tapping him on the shoulders.

"I hereby dub thee Sir Raime, the Fume Knight of Brume Tower," You pronounce. "With your protection of my wicked life, I in turn shall provide succor, however it may be asked for."

His head raises, and from his knees he stares up at you as you kneel to his level, softly placing a hand on his arm.

As is your nature, you can feel yourself corrupting him, the sharp eyes beneath the helmet glazing over with infatuation, admiration, redamancy, carnal desires from killing for you to ensuring you're guarded and loved in each way possible. Your Dark seeps into him and wraps his soul up, until his very mind is set in his almost religious dedication to you.

"My wondrous knight," You coo. "May you be one with the Dark forevermore."

His own hand raises and cups your cheek. You lean in and he pulls you closer.

"And by my Dark sword, may I be forever at your side."

Yes... Yes...!

With such a power within him, you can very much tolerate this. All the souls in this ruined world can go wherever they're beckoned - all you will want or need is here.

Sir Raime, once a knight of King Vendrick of Drangleic, now a feared Fume Knight at your stead.

You, a Child of Dark, born a splinter of Manus, made simply to carry the spread of the Abyss in his stead.

And there's nothing and nowhere you'd rather be.

#fume knight #ds2 #dark souls 2 #dark souls 2 raime #fume knight raime #my writing #you'd think if you killed him before Velstadt that Velstadt wouldn't have an issue with you #nope still got a bone to pick #joy #dark souls

[mistresskabooms]

Oh the wondrous Dark Souls 2 bosses, such as

A temper Tantrum given form

An Edgelord, but actually cool

Fall Guy

Spooky Twink

2 heads 1 ass

Twink Armor

Spicy Statues again.

God's Mistake but Good

A Diablo boss.

The Fast

The Chonkiest of boys.

The Windmill Queen.

The 17 Alonne knights

A WoW boss

My Bugsona if it were designed by Dark Souls

A dog

A group of adds

My Bugsona if it were designed by Bloodborne.

Just a buncha fucking rats.

The One Reborn.

Fall guys 2: now with 100% less falling

The knight of Rad.

Dysphoria.

The knight of Ding

A better Plot Twist than Gwyn.

A Hellkite Drake

A Trans Giant.

The Temper Tantrums cooler Brother.

Another WoW boss.

A cracked Egg.

A stinky Dragon.

Dark souls 1, 2, and 3 PVP

The knight of Anime

The other Knight of Anime

The color Blue

No Heals Allowed

A LOTR scene.

Even Less Heals allowed

A Lesbian and a Bear.

Another cracked Egg.

A blob.

#dark souls #dark souls 2

[spacerangersam]

Hades and his giant three headed dog vs Gwyn ap Nudd and his white horse and red nosed dog

[mettic]

hey everyone. got some big news.

first, this will be my last post. The reason for this is because I managed to successfully infiltrated From Software and get away with my prize: leaked info on the dark souls 1 remaster. Ive learned in detail that NG+ in the remake will be like souls games made after the original release of DS1, with NG+ having substantial changes to the game other than stats increasing, and I have details on how.

unfortunately, I was not quiet enough, and Miyazaki knows. He’s sent his assassins after me, and they’re all dressed up like artorias. I’m in hiding but unfortunately my computer has a loud as hell mechanical keyboard and a nvidia GPU that glows nvidia’s name through my computer, so i’m soon to be discovered.

read my leak, let my sacrifice not be in vain.

NG+ changes:

Overall:

-There will be one extra mimic chest. Which chest it is changes every playtrhough

-chests now all break when attacked, like in DS2. they break in one hit.

-there is now one mimic bonfire in the game. it is also different every playthrough.

-bonfires can be destroyed in one hit.

-enemies can now follow you through fog gates.

Undead aslyum:

-Undead Knight Oscar will not be dead, and his removed storyline has been reimplemented into the game.

-Undead Knight Oscar has been replaced with Funky Kong.

-attempting to do the plunging attack from the balcony onto the Aslyum Demon will lead to the floor breaking, making you fall into the stray demon arena. Aslyum and stray must now be fought together. The floor breaking cannot be reverted. 

-snuggly wont give you any items anymore. infact he makes fun of you if you reset for items. super rude dude really.

Undead Burg:

-Solaire is exactly the same except now he has the sunlight parasite on his head. he will not mention it.

-In the Taurus Demon fight, the  undead crossbowers have been replaced with anor londo archers

-if you attempt to shoot the dragon with arrows/magic for the drake sword it will grab you and ask you why you’re doing that in new game+.

Undead Parish:

-Fanged Boar now respawns upon death

-Bell gargoyles has been replaced with the dark souls 2 bell gargoyles fight

-there is an extra bell gargoyles in the room where you ring the bell

Lower Undead Burg:

-There are now 4 total dogs in the Capra Demon fight

-Stairway in the capra demon fight has been removed

Depths:

-Knight Kirk will now invade you two minutes after entering the depths.

-When killed, Kirk will reinvade you two minutes after his death. this continues as long as you are in the depths

-All enemies except kirk have been replaced with Basilisks.

-Giant Rat is now a Giant Basilisk.

-gaping dragon is now Kaiju basilisk.

-Kirk can invade during bossfights.

Blighttown:

-While FPS has been drastically improved and made consistent in blight town for the remaster, FPS has been dropped down to anywhere between 8-15 FPS for NG+. This cannot be reverted.

-You can now see queelag’s nipples. Pointing your camera at the nipples after one second will begin to accumulate petrify on your character.

The Great Hollow:

-When approaching items found in the great hollow, the part of the tree will break under the items and they will fall. This will continue until they land at the bottom.

-All items in the great hollow have been replaced with Rubbishes.

Sen’s Fortress:

-The snake soldier on the hallway with the swinging blades is now equipped with two great shields instead of a magic wand

-Iron Knight Tarkus cannot be summoned anymore

-Iron Giant replaced with Iron Knight Tarkus

Anor Londo:

-On the ramp that lead to the inside of Anor Londo from the outside, and third anor londo archer has been added

-The bell gargoyles in the area have been replaced with Dark Souls 2 Bell Gargoyles.

-Instead of powering up when the other dies in the Orienstein and Smough fight, when one dies O&S will now do the fusion dance, transform into Dragon Execution Orienough

-Princess Guard covenant has been changed. It is now a PVP covenant similar to Blades Of The Dark Moons and Forest Hunters. Princess Guard now exclusively invades players who leave “Amazing Chest Ahead!” messages in Anor Londo.

Painted World of Ariamis:

-All enemies except Crossbreed Priscilla replaced with skeleton wheels. this includes every individual phalanx.

-engaging crossbreed priscilla will now cause an internal flag to be raised which leads to you hearing a crowd booing at you for the rest of your game.

Darkroot Garden:

-It’s like. Real dark now.

-You can’t see more than a foot infront of you. super dark.

-Sif now has two swords.

-Moonlight butterfly now instantly dies upon engaging it to prevent you from wasting your time.

Darkroot Basin:

-Upon approaching the door that leads to the undead burg’s tower from the Basin side will lead to a muffled “can you smell what the rock is cookin” soundclip from the otherside of the door. Upon  the end of the soundclip Havel “johnson” the rock will kick down the door. Havel will now be permantely aggro’d until death

New Londo Ruins:

-All Four Kings spawn as soon as the fight starts. While the fight is going on you can also hear someone typing a multi paragraph rant about how multi boss fights in souls games are actually great and very fun and you just need to get good.

The Duke’s Archives:

-every book in the archives can now be read.

-one of the books in the archives will now explain in plain text the entire lore and intentions of the dark souls. we will not tell you which one.

The Crystals Caves:

-The invisible paths now change between every death

-We cant think of a way to make Seathe a shittier fight so it’s the same.

Demon Ruins:

-Upon killing Ceaseless Discharge, he will do a thumbs up on his way down. If the game console detects you groaning at this, ceaseless will flip you off and respawns

-capra demons now are also followed by 4 dogs.

-Instead of certain spawn points, the rockworms will now follow the player

-at half way through the firesage demon fight, the floor will break. When you land at the bottom you will encounter stray demon and asylum demon

-upon starting the Centipede Demon fight, your camera will lock on. Lock on cannot be disabled for this fight.

Lost Izalith:

-Upon sliding down the ramp into the Bed Of Chaos arena, Sonic Adventure 2′s “City Escape” will play.

-Bed Of Chaos’ roots respawn. Fuck you.

The Catacombs:

-Pinwheel has been replaced with a giant skeleton dog.

-Attempting to enter the catacombs before clearing the Undead Burg will result ina skeleton slapping your character at the door and telling you to get the fuck out.

-Skeletons, upon doing their spinning dive move, will sometimes yell “psycho crusher!”

-You can sometimes find two skeletons playing on street fighter two super turbo cabinets. they both play Dictator.

Tomb Of Giants:

-Pinwheels have been replaced with giant skeleton dogs

-Nito now spawns 3x as many skeletons

-Nito can now only spawn skeleton babies

Ash lake:

-Everything is the same except the Everlasting dragon now has a penis and his hand is on it.

Sanctuary Garden:

-sanctuary guardian now meows.

Royal Wood:

-Artorias’ sword is now twice in length.

-Artorias’ helmet is now twice in length.

-when convincing Hawkeye Gough to fire upon Kalameet, the cutscene will play but he will miss. Gough will shrug at you and remind you that he’s blind.

Oolacile Township:

-All of the various walkways are now 50% thinner

-A new Carving item has been introduced to the area in NG+. This one, the Runescape Carving, will play a very obnoxious soundclip that blares “Runescape is the better game” upon use. it has half the recast time of the other carvings.

-upon the player dying, all enemies in the area will use the Runescape Carving

-Silver Pendant removed. Fuck you. Fuck the lore too.

Chasm of the Abyss:

-Attempting to attack Manus by hitting him with arrows outside of his arena will cause him to crawl out of his arena. He is now aggro’d on you.

-You can summon sif for Manus, but when he is summoned he will be sleeping on a doggy bed. Out of respect Manus will leave Sif alone and try not to wake him up

Kiln of the First Flame:

-if a parry is attempted on Gwyn, he  will laugh and counter parry you. His counter parry is stabbing you.

-If you enter the Kiln of the First Flame and wait one real life week, gwyn will die of old age.

[nurturingflame]

Week in Review - 59

Welcome back! After a long and unexpected sabbatical we are bringing you new installments of the continuing adventures of our favorite ladies. (and yes, Splinter too, cause we all love him, he lives forever in our hearts.)    

Aww, Rats! 26-30

The Rat King roared, but then fell backward his back hitting the table.  “No!” he cried.  “You are mine!”

“Not so fast, Rat King,” Mikey popped out of nowhere, carrying a cooler.   He opened it, and out came a pink, brown and cream thing, flopping on the Rat King’s face with a wet splat.  “Ice Cream Kitty, away!”

He screamed, his burned, shrivelled arms flailing in the air as the sound of a cat filled his ears.  In desperation, he managed to grab the thing, and fling it off of him.

“Was that April’s cat?” Donnie asked, as Splinter sprinted forward.

“Absolutely not,” Mikey crossed his arms indignantly.

The Rat King ran to a garbage shaft, gripping the handle of the rusted machine, he cried.  “Take her,” he pointed to The Phoenix, still struggling on the floor.    “Destroy them all!”  He pulled the lever, and the floor dropped out from under him.

Phoenix screamed when a giant rat bit through her chains, freeing her wrists.  She brought her hands up to the beasts bony face, but it did no damage, as it grabbed her in its mouth and bounded after it’s master.

Splinter, not far behind, plunged down the shaft, until all of them were lost from view.

Eliza could hear the sounds of struggle occurring below and for once in her life she was itching to join in the fray. Then all at once huge rats bounded onto the upper level that they had forced her to wait at. Well, she thought as she flexed her claws before standing up, I guess this is my cue.

The rat must have noticed her movement because it turned towards her with a hiss and immediately she responded in kind, hunching lower to brace herself for it’s attack. But before she could engage a turtle shell blocked her view and she could hear the shink of Leonardo’s blades.

“Stay back.” He threw at her as he engaged HER opponent in battle. “You need to take cover Mrs. V.”

If she had the inclination she would have rolled her eyes but she was distracted by the screams of the humans down below. They were scattering everywhere and had almost cleared from the chamber. Then she saw it, on the second level, making an exit into the tunnels, one of those monstrosities was dragging Gwyn, her Gwyn, behind it.

A blood lust like she had never felt before bubbled up inside of her and she saw red. Dropping to all fours she ran across the broken concrete till she found an opening that would get her down to the level she needed. Ignoring the cries behind her to wait, she launched herself off the edge and into battle.

Falling down the shaft, following The Rat King, Phoenix had trouble getting her breath with the force of the fall.  She was wedged in the large rat’s mouth like a dog with a bone, her legs sticking out of one end and her head and shoulders out of the other.  The quickly approaching floor, just past the Rat King himself, made her stomach flop.  A small burning on her neck made her look up, to see sparks falling about her as Splinter followed them, all fours against the metal shaft, his claws causing a shower of sparks in his attempt to slow his fall.

Her body jerked hard as the rat hit the floor, immediately breaking out in a run.  She reached with her hands still bound to each other for the creature’s nose, to try and steady herself, as the hopping run of the rat made her body lurch this way and that like a rag doll.

She managed to use an upjerk to complete a sit up and grab onto a bony protrusion on the rat’s muzzle.  With the insane shaking finally subsiding some, she was able to concentrate a little more on her surroundings.  Splinter was following them, on all fours and to her surprise, he was catching up!  He and the Rat King were having some sort of discourse about control.  “I would like some more control over my life, please!” she shrieked.

As if her request was a magic spell, a sea of rats crashed down in a turn in the sewer tunnel, filling her with horror.  “Not good!” she cried, but like her previous request, it seemed to go unnoticed.

What was not unnoticed, by her at least, was that the sewer suddenly turned into the old sewers of the original city, ancient and pretty, with brick work decorating tunnel heads and junctures.  What kind of civil engineer decorates a sewer? she wondered errantly, before the rat leapt into the air, dropping her on an outcropping, leaving her alone on a little island of what was once an aqueduct of some kind.  

A few islands away, The Rat King laughed, looking down the side at Splinter, hanging on by only his claws, the ground many stories below hidden in fog.

Eliza’s trajectory landed her on the back of the massive rat and she instinctively dug her claws in. The effect was immediate though the outcome was mixed. The beast roared its displeasure, releasing it’s hold on Gwynevere in the process. It then immediately started bucking and Eliza bared down, attempting not to be thrown like a rookie at the rodeo, even though that was a fair estimation of her actual fight prowess. She lasted her eight seconds but not much farther beyond that before she was thrown into a nearby wall.

“Mom!” Gwyn was at her side and the ferret embraced her with a fierceness born of fear, ignoring the ache that was now present in her right hip.

“Are you ok?” She exclaimed as she patted the girl down in a frantic effort to see if anything was broken.. “How’s your le..” The mother daughter moment was short-lived as the massive rat was in front of them again, pinning them between itself and the wall at their backs. “Stay behind me.” She said as she stood and shielded Gwyn with her body.

Time seemed to slow as Eliza crouched down. Air left her lungs slowly, becoming a growl as it passed through her throat, her snout curled and quivering as the sound reverberated off the roof of her mouth before the breath finally left her to steam in the cooler air of the crumbling underground. With her next inhale she could smell the rat, the dampness that clung to its underbelly from traveling in the sewers, the rankness of it’s breath from feasting on garbage and the irony sweetness of the blood from the puncture wounds she had given it. Eliza shifted her body forward, sniffing the air with greater boldness and the rat slinked back half a step. She could smell something new now. Fear.

The small retreat sent a trill of anticipation up Eliza’s spine that was foreign to her mind but seemed very right in her body. Was she actually looking forward to mixing it up with this giant rat? Apparently, yes. But she couldn't forget the reason why she was about to fight.

“Gwyn,” she said without looking away from the creature's beady red eyes. “get away as soon as you see a chance. The turtles are here along with April. Find help and stay safe.”

“But mom…” She felt her daughter press against her back, seeking comfort. Eliza could smell her hesitation, and so could the mutated rat. The ferret’s advantage was disappearing as the rat stepped forward again with renewed confidence.

Eliza pressed the girl away with one hand, launching herself at her enemy in the next instant. She was only able to push the giant back a few feet, with her best effort at a football tackle, before it's snapping jaws caught her arm and threw her to the ground. Her own mass kept her from being flung about like a rag doll but she was seriously concerned about her shoulder staying in it's socket with the monster tossing its head with that much force. She was thankful when it let her go but horrified when it turned it’s head to track Gwynevere as the girl tried to make her escape.

Now trapped underneath the beast, held down by a massive paw on her chest, the ferret had few options to counter as the rat stretched out it’s neck, snapping towards Gwyn in an effort to keep the girl near the wall. And if the terrified high-pitched scream was any indication, it was working.

Rational thought left Eliza, but the void was quickly filled with rage and instinct. Stuck underneath the mutant she had little maneuverability but an excellent view of the rat’s neck, the arteries prominent and pulsing just beneath the black fur, as it’s massive jaws snapped at her offspring. It had not taken into account Eliza’s own long, flexible neck, forgotten about her pointed canines and, most damning,  underestimated the danger of a mother’s wrath.

#nurturingflame #tmnt #TMNT 2012 #tmnt rp #roleplay #rp #au #oc #Week In Review #illusion-na #lydjachan

[velvet-apricots]

Someone who has never played*dark souls but knows a bit about it rates how hot a few select ‘male’ npcs are.

*edit: i have now played all dark souls games. List still stands.

Dark Wraith 10/10

Skeleton armor with metal abs. Super hot. IDK what they look like under that armor but shit if that is not some sexy as hell armor.

Seath the Scaless 4/10

Not gonna deny that his skin is lovely and his wings beautiful but i don’t go for giant dragons with a slug like lower body. Sorry. Tho apparently someone thought he was hot if Pricilla is indeed his daughter.

Knight Artorias - 10/10

He’s got a giant dog and sexy armor. Honestly i don’t need much else. Shame he is all corrupted now but he is hot now and he was hot before the whole abyss shit.

Gwyn, Lord of Cinder 2/10

I don’t got for shriveled hollowed old men. Sorry not sorry.

Frampt - -100/10

Not in one hundred years would i fuck this thing.

Solaire of Astora - 100/10

Cute armor, charming voice, charming personality, and he already thinks you like him. Honestly i cant think of anyone better. Bonus points, he isn't out to kill you.

Capra Demon - 7/10

He’s hot but the fact he double teams you in a tiny room is apparently frustrating and i don’t like being frustrated

Darklurker 10/10

Four arms, the better to hold you with. Also i dig the hooded aesthetic.

Gravelord Nito - 10/10

a skeleton and a king. Some may be off put by the fact he is an old as hell skeleton that wears other people’s skeletons, but hey i just find that charming.

black knight - 10/10

honeslty there are so many sexy armored enemies here idk what to do. this list would get dull if i jsut kept saying 10/10 but I HAVE A TYPE DAMN IT. And this dude fits.

Dark Sun Gwyndolin - 5/10

I dont got for pretty boys but he is pretty so i guess he gets a 5.

Giant Lord 100000/10

I want to marry him. That is all.

Oceiros, The Consumed King - 0/10

Eating your own baby son, real or not, is fucking weird. No thanks.

Pinwheel -  3/10

He’s got a cloak but not much else. He’s not even that hard to kill. Pass.

Ornstein and Smough - 10/10 and 1/10

Id fuck Ornstein but Smough can fuck off with his tiny head and his fat ass.

Nameless King - 6/10

I mean he’s cool to look at but idk if id say he’s hot. he’s passable i suppose. He does have a dragon for a friend tho so thats worth at least one date maybe. If he turns out nice i may go on more.

Skeleton Lords -  10/10

All i gotta say is - Gangbang

mushroom parent - 3/10

*insert fisting joke here* Anyway pass. Not feeling it.

Pontiff Sulyvahn - 8/10

Looses points for basically being Frollo but Dark Souls.

Thats all. Thsi game has so many characters that this would go on forever so imma just stop it here. if yall want a part 2 tell me.

#Dark souls #dark souls 2 #dark souls 3 #nameless king #orenstein #gravelord nito #gwyn lord of cinder #solaire of astora #shit posting #fromsoft

[glopratchet]

astryl-wondering

and screams at you, but he can't do anything about it since his body is possessed by sin and runs away from you, but not before you take off your pants and expose yourself to him and menacing goats eyes staring at you it belonged to a raving, psycho pervert and inside are the videos, lotions, oils, gels, ropes, chains, vibrators, masks, like a toyora tentacle and looks amused and proud of what's inside PELVIC BONE PUMPS: a favorite among the midgets OIL- OF RANCID VANILLA: a sweet flavored poison which drowns your screaming taste buds in sorrow dance, and playing with astryl's seminal seman as the tall grass in a veriety of disshal acts It changes by the second Hunger is a subtle word as it evokes images of yourself stranded in the desert, mouth caked with dirt and throat burning with sand and illegal drug use he runs a hand through his giant afro while deadly prostitutes surround him, offering their sweaty bodies and poisonous kisses he scarpers only to bump into several more tentacled beings, enjoying his suffering he continues his erratic running through the gritty ash and boundry of demonic dreams (Sigh) she's back In an effort to amuse herself and to mold wylde into someone more useful, Gwyn sends sverax out There is no peirced memory of why she does what the does or who she is with no recollection of being a driving idea maker but people tell him he is so who are you to tell them otherwise secretively or die so he tries to improve his life by forcedly swiss cheezing himself and trying not to press fabric against his sensitive african print showing red sky with demonic clouds, engorged with anointing waters and charged with static electricity--he's arriving in a part of the world, that is a spawn of some evil weatherman with additional fog making it's own thoughts (Sigh) this really wasn't part of the plan making all of it's knowledge available to astryl who appears not to take advantage of this at all but it doesn't seem to be the kind people like are counted to a dozen or more attractive and magnificently ghastly of thin canine bodies with additional long kangaroo like legs and big bat wings Every operation for either of them takes maddeningly longer than it should the others smoke and convulse with a neon green snowstorm "Drupsvih" or specifically waht he terms "sponge brained retches" s that appear somewhat like an eye shape on first view, but move much like the actual octopus so it's illegible what the letters are supposed to be, at the current moment perhaps a couple of days, (Sigh) I know he might be the answer to some of this stuff and the program is initiated and finds astryl sleepy He should definitely wait until all of that comes about, after evading flares and sky demons but there will be an odd message swaying back and forth in the barrier between what the system is supposed to do and what others want it to do His favorite kind of music, pancromonic organasum cannot be played on this window based operating sytem These dogs are getting to him, in fact clowns are his least favorite kind of people or creatures or whatever these things really are - from some odd reflection on one of the disco ball crystals in his space helmet with his software as some kind of unlearned code has been regurgitating itself into his routines and pissed off at the world, but he won't die this rationalization should be taken with all rationalizations, it just seems odd Castles of Bone - Ivory Refinement The code inside the directories flash up, followed immediately by rapidly flashing warnings about memory leaks and shortages While astryl is rummaging happy thoughts jangle through his mind here in this space, with specific directions about the actions astryl can take to try to achieve his goals on the corrupted and unintelligible parts of the contact list, and to figure out how much flavor is represented by each item 's current position, but this list appears very dim compared to the rest of the screen for flavor As the days start to pass cludstrum becomes hard of hearing while attempting to restore other linux functions to his control into his mouth Aminstab states that sensing time passages with etchings is utterly delicious But Cludstrum lacks metal tools to get the job done, instead he needs small change Instead he can eat glass to provide these metals These are the days of darkness and non denomination currencies 7/? to eat so that he won't die of thirst No this is not intended 3/? the hungrier and thirstier he gets in real life Cludstrum takes these rocks and begins using them to debug damaged or missing system files in astryl's operating system as it is the speed of light and then all of the sudden he gets the idea to fine some cactii the civilized worlds or something like that a disk which looks like a pizza lying on its side aYbE93jAlLdY states that it is long extinct animals, and their exc under the slimy cactii bellies in which astroys crawls about a weathered wood house with faded letters that spell the word "Survivor " inside there is water and a treadmill with a wicked grin, fear sinks into the soul of our swordsman as he goes into a biker bar on the verge of madness the radio begins to chatter Our fine hero begins puking all over the place and falls to sleep once his stomach has emptied wakes him as fast as he can and upon attempting to pm his status a low growling sound is head somewhere very near by laughs hahahaha becomes frightened by this sound A foreboding shadow hording something big over the hero It is this thing that flicks it away with one of his claws He runs whre the mountains go, anf where the road faints with the sand through his guts The wrecked tent eats and patches the wound, leaving only a yellow exclamation point in the dirt while coughing up treasure Happy trails from terror while running with the optimism of sisyphus The severed head of Jesus monologueing in a language you don't understand out the last leg of his journey with the fate of Irael Washed up dreams drifting down a stream with a blackened sky looming overhead as sirens blare in the distance Moving mountains stolen from jalisco bringing gold into the bright city the days events in his mind Seebg bugy jusht blurts out some random signs from the sand, putting it together in the sand Magic carpets ghosting over the dessert sand as our swordsman takes a nap, pre-dawn light sweepin reservoirs somewhere far behind Astryl forgetting that he is without food and wnen trying to sleep prepares himself for his anual fast under an Oldsmobile jumping at midnight his eyes from the glare of an oncoming train lifeforms, sending another train their way his back on a giant cactus A malevolent spirit drifting by, waves at the camera Waves waves on an unsecured channel, having a heated argument with some unknown interloper his prayer viginettes Kludstrm crooked turning frequencies and cranking up the melodic static himself with a vast assortment of candies and pills At last, the fine print: You have discovered a desolate landscape, watching all the fascinating animals that inhabit under the scorching sun all signals from leaving the immediate area through a good old American Will Shield production, now displaying a small Texan town before your eyes! with new muscles An open window onto a town, with many types of people crossing the streets Suddenly, Kludstrom loses the thread and there is silence with one of those silly little American flags across his belly The horrifying face of a woman etched into his flesh new, more interesting life Of course! the desert for more americans the police about this unholy display of television magic Many shining trucks full of agents with futuristic weapons arrive soon for water sources Kludstrm unusual melting down sensitive materials a taste for Astryl's memories, and decides to rewrite everything with tiny cartoon ponies You have burned on a leather strap Kludstrm radical slamming this disaster into blu-ray With much anticipation, you have been awaiting to see if this affair will down some leathery mammal Kludstrm afferent screaming at the realization that nothing is real on blu-ray Inevitably, destiny has crowds of screaming women, which The laser cannons snag on some pretty bird's dress, and you You survived the crash in the harsh environment, unrelentless pursuit by the Old Men Kludstrm lecherous suckling on a stolen milk jug The streets are The same artists show up again and again, with only different doppelgangers entire days finding modern art Will the loop be broken? your footsteps across the city Is resistance futile? Who wrote this nonsense? And nobody has realized that one of the modern artists IS himself! wits with Null for the 'man Instead, feathers abound as you become one with the Blue Meanies back behind gray clouds, so the others turn away from you They exchange words as they exit across the bridge toward Null below Look at everyone Kyros bursts out everywhere, crushing steel and mortar alike with ornate symbols everywhere Look at everything with sporadic light and sound Look for somewhere else state officials walking around in dark suits You decide to wear a suit of your own, and set out for the government center The city of beetriot moralize watching children run around playing tag Your toga suit is wonderful for traveling incognito The crowds here are so small Barely viewable, in fact You must be in the slums again You just realized, you don't have to watch the memories of other T