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simptasia · 4 years

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lost characters based solely on how i portray them in my text post memes

jack: constantly crying and/or screaming. no emotional stability. no social skills. terrible bedside manner. endearingly bland. into powerful women. loves the red sox... a lot. daddy issues. doesn’t believe in himself. has shitty tattoos. being crushed under the weight of everybody’s expectations. more or less hot. he is not cool at all. repressed attraction to guys. chronic hero syndrome. adorably embarrassing as a dad. passionately and violently overreacts to the mere concept of people believing in things. mansplains but in a non malicious way because he is literally that oblivious. gets into fights a lot. dissociates in mirrors. gets injured a lot but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. thinking about caves

kate: desperate need to protect women. bi. is frustrated by jack and sawyer’s personalities but wants to fuck them oh so much. rowdy. feminist. biceps. will call you out. is love with claire and jack and sun and- she has a lot of love to give. she can be ur angel or ur devil. exasperated. doesn’t understand astrology but she’s trying. she’s the slytherin friend every hufflepuff needs. uses guns. doesn’t know how to cook. go to relationship advice is “dump him” or “suck his dick”. just because you put things in her vagina doesn’t mean you know her. gemini

hurley: sad clown. haha laughter! hiding real pain! has debilitating mental illness. he’s doing his best to stay positive. virgin. genuinely kind soul. overwhelmed by food. awkward around girls he likes. much smarter and wiser than anybody thinks, including himself. a special boy who we all love. says dude a lot. the only valid rich person ever. doesn’t like himself. sees dead people. kinda silly. also he’s fat (but i don’t joke about it in a cruel way)

sawyer: compulsive need to nickname people. from the south. bewildered by charlie’s english slang. covering up vulnerability with jokes and being mean. loves juliet. is an asshole but a loveable asshole (this varies, mostly he’s an asshole). conventionally attractive to the point of boring. got a Thing going on with miles. can’t stand daniel being smart around him. babies freak him out. treats animals poorly

locke: very supportive and new agey type. i’ve made two jokes about him encouraging people to jack off, that wasn’t on purpose but Okay. he doesn’t know what its like to have friends. he says Deep Sounding but odd things. he’s super duper into nature. he suffers. he’s very forgiving of ben to the point of absurdity and he desperately wants ben to love and fuck him. or maybe they are fucking. Who Knows. he loves knifes

sayid: sexy, suffering shannon fucker. he doesn’t respect boone. his life is an endless parade of misery culminating in going on autopilot. respects women

jin: he has no idea what’s going on and his life revolves around sun

sun: beautiful. perfect. very passionate about gardening

claire: bi. frequently ignored. cutesy and sweet. super into astrology and new age stuff. her cheery demeanour can only hold on so long before she loses it. kinda dumb. has baby. vanilla, at least for now. loves charlie but is kinda frustrated by him. goes feral and “kitten thinks of murder all day” sums it up

charlie: that he needs attention and validation to survive would be a gross understatement. bi. trans. punk. stupid. english. really horny and slutty. adores music more than anything. drug addict (again, i refuse to be cruel). severe jealousy issues. inferiority superiority complex. hates himself but will get offended if you hate him. can’t take any form of criticism. is bewildered by sawyer’s american-isms. bit of a madonna whore complex. smol but will go the fuck off like a terrier nipping at ya heels. catholic and riddled with catholic guilt. goofy and obnoxious and he knows it. passive aggressive. terrified of bees. nice ass. mood swings. did i mention he’s short? anyway here’s wonderwall

ben: ugly. just plain terrible. beaten and bruised. seething with rage and pain on the inside. virgin. liar. just causes problems on purpose. resembles a lemur or rat, rodents in general. loves bunnies. doesn’t think sex is real. just a really bad idea for him to be around juliet. has no friends. doesn’t care about other people. says creepy shit just because. he knows he’s a terrible person. killed people. the friend nobody likes and a general nuisance to the other characters

(also my literal first text post meme about ben was a joke about him eating his parents??? 2014 sapphire, i wanna talk...)

juliet: mom friend. seems very calm but she’s screaming on the inside. basically she’s the This Is Fine meme. depressed. has big tits. low-key kinky. feminist in a very gentle way. has no ill will towards kate and will only fight her for fun. concerned for daniel’s well being. has no chemistry with jack. loves sawyer. flat measured calm way of speaking. she’s breaking apart at the seams but will offer you a nice glass of water :)))

michael: has a son..... uh...... enjoys minecraft?

(i’m sorry)

desmond: scottish. drinks. easily and constantly confused. magic psychic time powers, like visions and electromagnetic dimensional stuff. easily angered. fucked off by the concept of time and destiny in general. hhhhhhhot

smokey: Hello Fellow Humans I Promise This Is My Own Skin Haha

miles: bi. aro. loves money (trying to fill the hole in his heart with money and things). emo/punk. pretends not to care but he really does care. thinks emotions and romance are dumb but of course is emotional... and kinda wants love. but not that he LIKES you or anything. exasperated. thinks everybody else is weird. kinda slutty or at least trying to be. masochist and into BDSM. mean to daniel for no reason. daddy issues. resting bitch face. jaded, bitter and salty. responds to romantic things dan or char say with vulgar or mocking comments. grew up poor. can hear dead people. trying too hard to be edgy. deadpan snarker. Fuck Off I’m Not Sad Don’t Look At Me [cries only around the audience and his mom]

walt: becoming older than 10 was when things went downhill for him

shannon: seems vapid but is more than that. deeply insecure. feels she can’t do anything right. constantly put down as worthless by other people. yeah she’s sad but she Looks Great. wants sayid to pound her (mood)

(gee, that was dark)

richard: very old and ageless. sees ben as a son figure. really not holding it together. seems smart but he has no fucking idea whats going on. cult mindset. quips curtly back at miles’ vulgar jokes. in love with miles based on very little interaction. misses his dead wife. has a cute giggle. is also hot. overwhelmed and just wants to go into the jungle and scream

frank: doesn’t understand what anybody is talking about. the only normal person here. doesn’t understand these kids today with their weird kinks. just wants to sleep. pilot. bit of a conspiracy theorist

boone: bi. stupid. soaked in blood a lot. (L I T E R A L L Y all of my boone jokes are about him being dumb and bi and horribly injured and combos of those. i haven’t even made any incest jokes! what the actual fuck)

ana lucia: “[with tears in her eyes] DO U WANNA FIGHT??”. highly volatile. lesbian. bros with jack but will roast him. angery, sad and underloved

daniel: bi, agender, neurodivergent, just, just especially brain weird. The Scientist trope but kind of a shitty scientist. smart. in love with charlotte. in love with desmond. likes rats a lot. talks weird and soft spoken. withdrawn and polite but with bursts of bitterness. his mom won’t let him live the live he wants to live. time travel weirdness. loves music. gifted kid burn out. has a mental and emotional collapse. thinks a hydrogen bomb will solve all his problems. skinny. touches people a lot. he’s not okay. romantic. overwhelmed. memory problems. his lack of life experience and softness is used to contrast miles. takes some statements literally. pretty vanilla (for now) and doesn’t know what certain kinks are. likes that charlotte is Tough & Rowdy. doesn’t swear much. bad hair. was unhinged in college. has radiation poisoning

libby: neurodivergent and in love with hurley

eko: yeah... i’ve legit only used him for jokes where charlie says something EXTREMELY vulgar and eko says “go to church”

charlotte: bi, loud, passionate, beautiful, angery, knows All The Languages, huge nerd, loves daniel and thinks he’s a Snack, outspoken feminist, archaeologist/anthropologist and wants to explore some fucking ruins, The Lost Lenore trope, loves chocolate, exasperated, great smile, subtly insecure, doesn’t get that she could just tell daniel how she feels, has had many indiana jones like adventures (off screen, of course), for example: crashing her dirtbike into all 7 wonders of the world

danielle: french and unhinged, has seen some shit

alex: just a young lady with no chill

jacob: suffers from terminal apathy. has little understand of human behaviour. doesn’t care about people. he just plain sucks. has no endearing qualities. causes many problems. beats the shit outta richard. doesn’t like technology. so removed from humanity that he’s a touch uncanny valley

christian, eloise, charles and anthony jokes each have their own kind of flavours but fuck it, i’ll sum them all up as: contemptuous cunts who deserve to die

aaron: just a baby boy. does baby things. has like 5 parents

vincent: a dog. a good boy. does he know more than he lets on? is he mysterious? no, he is just a dog

#and as you can see this is 98% accurate #this is mostly just a summary of these people pfffttt #interjected with memes and orientation headcanons #i haven't made many jokes about sayid or sun or jin or michael #i haven't found them very dunkable #it's not like im avoiding them either #i just work with whatever joke sparks with me #anyways holy SHIT i make so many different kinds of jokes about charlie #you can tell the ones i favour making jokes about from this huh

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hithelleth · 6 years

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For the top 3 meme, is it okay if I ask about two shows? Revolution and Timeless. Do whichever one you want :)

Of course it’s okay! Thank you! And I’l do both, if you don’t mind. ;)

Revolution:

top 3 favorite characters: Bass, Charlie, Jeremy

top 3 least favorite characters: Strausser, the sentient nano, and the Patriots as a whole

top 3 otps: come on, you know me, Miloe, Marlie, and Charm, and CM2 for good measure (and gratis my weird/unpopular non-canon ones: Bachel, Jeremy/Emma, and Danny/Bass), but mostly just Bass/happiness

top 3 notps: I don’t think I had a NOTP in this show? I mean, I wrote (implications of) even highly fucked up things like Strausser/Mia, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe Julia/Doyle.

top 3 brotps: Ahahahahahaha. *throws self into an abyss* *sobs* Because of course the first thing that came to mind was Miloe, but Miles doesn’t deserve it. Jeremy and Bass as the second doesn’t make me feel much better, either. So, maybe actually functioning BroTPs: Rachel and Aaron, Charlie and Nora (why, yes, this make feel so much better, too; gah I hate Charlie really lost everyone), Maggie and Miles (why did she have to die? She would be good for kicking his ass.)(OMG, and now I remembered all the Rachel/murder weapons and Miles/windows etc. fandom shenanigans.)

top 3 favorite episodes/chapters/scenes/games in series: episodes 1x3, 9, 10 or Jeremy outing Miles as general Matheson, the hallucinated Miloe hug, and ‘Hello, Charlotte’. Whoa, that was easy-peasy, once for a change

top 3 other things u think ppl who like this thing should watch/read/play: Highly recommended for writing team/general feel (+ diversity and all kinds of there awesomeness): Timeless (reasons below, for those who haven’t watched it yet, and let me just say Kripke & co. really learned from their past and majorly improved, but also did some of the usual tricks because otherwise it wouldn’t be Kripke).The 100: for post-apocalyptic storyline and if you want a handful of new favourite characters battling for survival; it’s also better written than Revolution (but certainly not without issues *glares particularity at S2*) and it has 5 seasons with the 6th in the making (although I haven’t yet seen S5, but apparenly all my faves survived it, I think? I’ll get to it, soon-ish. Or eventually.) Sea Patrol to ogle young DL (but do yourselves a favour and stop watching about five minutes before the end 3x01. Or be a masochist like me and watch through all five seasons when by the end only 4 (I think) members of the original crew survive) and I’m sure you can google David’s other shows on your own. :P That’s three already, but I have to add Salvation, because S1 had very Revo feel in all the good ways, but I don’t like S2 that much (although I’ve only watched 4 eps so far. One more thing to catch up to. *sigh*) and Killjoys (although this season has pacing issues (and maybe it’s too different from what it was like in the beginning, IDK.))(And I should probably also mention SPN, but if anyone hasn’t yet seen it, do yourselves a favour and stop watching after S5. *says I, who will most likely fall down the rabbit hole again in a month or so*)

my rating of this media out of 3, with 0 being lowest and 3 being highest: 1.5? Because as much as I love it, I’m the first one to admit it had writing and other issues galore. The first then episodes would get very close to 3, but the rest… *sighs*

Timeless:

top 3 favorite characters: Lucy Preston, Garcia Flynn, Rufus Carlin

top 3 least favorite characters: Carol Preston, Benjamin Cahill, Nicholas Keynes

top 3 otps: Lucy/Flynn/(Wyatt), Rufus/Jiya, Wyatt/Jessica

top 3 notps: I don’t think I had a NoTP here, either. Maybe Lucy/Noah, but we didn’t get to know Noah enough, maybe he was a good guy, in which case I don’t mind it at all.

top 3 brotps: Rufus and Flynn, Denise and Mason, Lucy and Jiya

top 3 favorite episodes/chapters/scenes/games in series: 1x02, 1x16, 2x06

top 3 other things u think ppl who like this thing should watch/read/play: For time travel: maybe Legends of Tomorrow? OUAT (but I stopped watching in s5)? OUATIW (it’s only one season).For history: Miss Fisher’s murder Mysteries? Downton Abby? IDK, there isn’t anything quite like Timeless. (Why was it cancelled?!) Although, if you want a diverse show with a formidable adversary, well balanced plotlines among multiple characters with a sci-fi side, Sense8 comes to mind as maybe the closest. It has also been prematurely cancelled, but we got a finale that gave us a closure and made it a well-rounded show.

my rating of this media out of 3, with 0 being lowest and 3 being highest: (at least 2.5 if not) 3

( Top 3 media ask. )

#wellwhataboutme #ask #answered #NBC Revolution #Timeless

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junker-town · 7 years

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Northwestern and Duke have given us the best March Madness memes so far

The nerds flamed out and ignited some incredible memes.

Before any of the March Madness games tipped off last week, I suggested that you should fill out your bracket based on which teams are the nerdiest. Duke would put up a good fight, I reasoned, but ultimately their soon-to-be bankers would be no match for the capital ‘J’ Journalists that Northwestern boasts, and the Wildcats would win it all.

NEWS FLASH: I was kidding. If you did adopt this strategy, your bracket is now buried six feet under a mountain of disappointment, wounded pride, and stupidity. I mean, your bracket is probably buried under all of that by now anyway, because that’s what happens during March Madness, but hopefully it’s not because you took my idiotic advice.

It turns out that while nerds are really good at things like reading books, owning calculators, acing exams, and taking your job when they graduate in a few years, they’re not super great at basketball this year. Vanderbilt, Duke, Princeton, Northwestern, and Virginia Tech — which I would argue were the top five seeds in the nerd department — all lost to much more jock-y, cooler schools.

You know what the nerds gave us in place of wins, though? Incredible internet. There are few things more satisfying than roasting people who will someday employ you.

Surprisingly few memes came out of Vanderbilt’s and Princeton’s losses in the first round, even though both blew one-point games by missing buzzer-beating threes. You’d think nerds would have been smarter in those situations and just go to the damn basket, but they weren’t.

No, my friends, it wasn’t until the Round of 32 that the beautiful internet showed up. As Northwestern fell to Gonzaga, CBS’s broadcast bestowed Crying Braces Kid on us:

When you're still trying to adjust to the time change: http://pic.twitter.com/waRL1m2L72

— SB Nation (@SBNation) March 20, 2017

The kid is the son of Northwestern’s athletic director, Jim Phillips, according to Yahoo. As CBS kept zooming in on this picture of agony, the internet perked up its collective head, cracked its knuckles, and began meme-ing the shit out of him.

I kind of felt bad for this little guy, mostly because I feel bad whenever I realize anyone is about to get roasted by the web, unless that person is the president of the United States. The moment you notice someone is about to become a meme is like spotting a tsunami before it breaks. You see the waters ebb, the wave swell, and the white crest of foam head towards that one poor soul in the form of “that feeling when” jokes.

When a tweet I sent 10 seconds ago still has no favs http://pic.twitter.com/5NBgXi6l4g

— Michael Katz (@KatzM) March 18, 2017

I tried to assuage my guilt about chiming in with jokes of my own by reasoning that Crying Braces Kid will probably go to Northwestern and become a sportswriter, which means that one day he’ll get to write an incredible essay about what it was like to become a meme.

Even better than this orthodontized (it’s a word, okay?) kid were the posts that flowed as South Carolina upset Duke in a stunning game Sunday night. The only thing the internet loves more than a good-ass meme is a good-ass meme about a hated sports team. Duke star Luke Kennard got mad at a ref after he fouled out of the game, and it was like internet joke lighter fluid. The Privileged White Guy jokes set the place on fire:

when the BMW dealership gives you a Dodge Neon loaner http://pic.twitter.com/jRo3SH0zBE

— Danny (@recordsANDradio) March 20, 2017

"I wasn't looking over at his exam to cheat I was just checking to see what the date was because I forgot!!!!" http://pic.twitter.com/UlHCycbAKP

— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) March 20, 2017

Kennard wasn’t the only one who got dragged across the coals. Coach K’s red face got memed, too.

http://pic.twitter.com/l4zJhUCczX

— SB Nation (@SBNation) March 20, 2017

As much as I love the jokes, I can’t shake the feeling that there is something a little questionable about the entire satirical force of the internet focusing its roving Cyclops’ eye on one college player. I know, I know — when you’re a high profile athlete, this is what you have to expect. And everyone hates Duke. And Kennard will probably make millions of dollars in the NBA at some point. I just still have a little bit of empathy for the guy, sue me.

As for turning Braces Kid or Crying Piccolo Girl into #content, it always feels naggingly questionable to me (she said hypocritically, having jumped on that bandwagon). A meme is, at its heart, a raw display of emotion that gets turned into a joke and riffed on. And when the subject is an innocent — a random human in the stands or marching band who happens to cry in the wrong place at the wrong time — using them for jokes can feel worse than doing so to a rich public figure.

But, then again, if you go to a sports game in 2017, you know ending up all over people’s Twitter timelines is a risk you run. And the internet is generally such a dark place these days that an in-good-fun meme is a real ray of light.

When it comes to capitalizing on the faces of guys like Coack K, however, I’m not conflicted in the least. Here’s a dude who has made bajillions of dollars coaching unpaid players and doing whatever it takes to win (hello, Grayson Allen’s one-game, “indefinite” suspension). He is college basketball’s eternal villain, and if anyone should have thick skin by now, it’s him. A Coach K internet barbecue is one no one should feel bad about attending.

I’m sure we’ll have many more great memes as the tournament progresses, but this weekend, the nerds were the hosts of the roasts. Their teams might’ve dropped like flies, but the jokes they gave us as they fell were A+.

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