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perfectsunlight · 5 months

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𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢? [𝟗]

𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮, 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝘃𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘀𝘁, 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝘃𝘆 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 𝟮.𝟱𝗸

𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽𝗶𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲

love wasn’t a member of ning’s family.

yizhuo only remembered her mother’s voice in the form of screams. the sound of her venomous tone still rang in her ears whenever she thought about her.

sometimes ning wondered if she would have been better off without remembering anything about her mother. growing up in a household devoid of love and filled with hostility had shaped ning in ways she struggled to comprehend.

she was too young to remember anything else about her mother. then again, she didnt stick around to leave any memorable impressions anyway.

not any good ones at least.

ning yizhuo knew the feeling of loss from the age of four when her mom left.

her father worked long hours, living paycheck to paycheck every month in order to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. she struggled to make friends due to her failing to have anything in common with her classmates. the noise that formerly filled her life had forced her to be silent.

she was quiet.

the walks home were quiet. her home was quiet. her life was quiet.

ningning hated the quiet. it made her feel guilty.

guilty for being the cause of her parent’s problems. guilty for being the reason her father was never home. guilty for being the reason her mom left.

that’s when ning yizhuo realized that love was not real. because if love was real, it wouldn't have left her alone in the suffocating embrace of silence and guilt. her mother’s love felt nothing like that, and neither did her father’s.

ning’s childhood became even more miserable the moment her father found out how easy money could be made off of her talent. suddenly she was signed up for music shows and competitions, just for her father to rake in a few extra dollars for rent.

she was got to being used for years, and it didn’t stop even when she left china. maybe that’s what made you so different to ning?

you never used her. the mere thought of you doing what everyone else did to her made her queasy. she hated ignoring your calls and texts, knowing how badly you wanted to explain things but she couldn’t bring herself to sit there and hear the words come out of your mouth.

to know for certain that you used her made her feel horrible.

but there was nothing in ning’s life that made her feel more miserable than seeing you and her group member together.

the first week was the hardest. yizhuo didn’t bother getting up out of bed. aespa had been given a few days off to rest and recover, but the young idol could do anything but rest.

ningning cried the first night you called her after what happened. the image of aeri’s hand on your waist burned in the forefront of her mind as she curled into her tear-stained sheets.

the sound of your voice was once a source of comfort, but it now echoed with the painful imagery of your hand intertwined with another's.

as she held the phone to her chest, tears cascaded down her cheeks, painting a vivid trail of her anguish on the pillowcase. part of her anguish stemmed from her unable to understand why it hurt so much. you two were never dating, or anything even close to it.

but you made her feel something she’s never felt in her entire life.

ning’s chest rose and fell with anguish, her breaths labored and heavy with the weight of unspoken emotions. the cracks of moonlight shone through the blinds of her bedroom, illuminating her sea of pain and bringing to dim light her disheveled appearance.

she didn’t know how long she cried for, or when she even ended up falling asleep due to pure exhaustion. all she knew was that even when she woke, she felt even worse than she did the day before. the young idol convinced herself to get up and go to the company’s gym just to go for a brisk walk on the treadmill to clear her head, and also hoping it would exhaust her enough so she could sleep properly later on.

however, ningning wasn’t expecting to see you and aeri working out together by the weights.

the sight of aeri giving you a kiss before doing her next set made the air in her lungs disappear. she wanted to look away, to escape the suffocating pain that surged within her, but her feet felt rooted to the ground. the weight of her emotions held her captive, unable to tear her gaze away from the scene that tormented her soul.

a rush of conflicting emotions swept through ningning—pain, betrayal, and an overwhelming sense of loneliness. the sight before her shattered the fragile semblance of hope she had tried to nurture within herself, leaving her feeling exposed and vulnerable.

with a heavy heart and teary eyes, she turned away, retreating from the gym with faltering steps. the tears she had tried to suppress earlier welled up again, blurring her vision as she stumbled back up to her room. her resolve to clear her mind shattered along with the hope of finding solace in exercise.

once back in the solitude of her room, ningning collapsed onto her bed, her sobs echoing in the silence. the morning sun poking through the blinds illuminated the anguish etched on her tear-streaked face. the weight of her emotions threatened to drown her in an ocean of despair once more.

this vicious cycle continued for the next week. ning would try and go out, only to see glimpses of you and your new girlfriend everywhere she went.

the subsequent days felt like a relentless onslaught of torment for ningning. every attempt to escape the haunting reminders of your newfound relationship ended in despair. it seemed as though fate conspired against her, offering constant glimpses of you and aeri, a bitter reminder of what she had lost.

whether she strolled through the company corridors or sought solace in the surrounding cityscape, the echoes of your presence lingered, a cruel and inescapable torment. the world around her seemed to conspire to magnify her pain, presenting her with constant reminders of something she could never have.

not to mention, aeri’s room was in the same corridor as hers. the quiet allowed for her to hear the muffled sounds of your voices before you disappeared behind aeri’s door.

the proximity of aeri's room to hers became a source of agony in itself. the thin walls, barely shielding the sounds of your conversations and laughter, felt like an intrusion into ning’s personal space.

the solitude of her own room now felt like a prison. each muffled conversation heard through the walls was a twist to the knife, a cruel reminder that you were just beyond her reach.

as usual, the chinese girl turned to her cigarettes for some form of solace. she told herself she’d quit, but in her eyes she no longer had a reason to.

smoke tendrils danced above her head as she tried to cloud her mind from the images that refused to escape her memory. the familiar burn in her lungs gave the young idol a fleeting distraction, a temporary numbness to the relentless ache that gripped her heart. her fingers trembled slightly as she lit another cigarette, the thin haze in the room a metaphor for the fog that enveloped her thoughts.

in the haze of her solitude, she found herself relying on cigarettes more often, seeking comfort in the transient relief they offered. each drag on the cigarette offered a brief respite, a momentary escape from the suffocating pain that engulfed her.

but the acrid taste mingled with the bitterness of her emotions didn’t give as much relief as it used to.

as days turned into nights and the cycle of torment persisted, ningning found herself seeking a different form of escape. the cigarettes no longer sufficed to dull the ache in her chest or to silence the echoes of her heartache.

naturally, she turned to liquor next.

in the quietness of her room, she reached for a bottle, the amber liquid offering a different kind of relief, a temporary anesthesia for the emotional anguish that consumed her. the burn of alcohol sliding down her throat provided a fleeting numbness, an illusory moment of reprieve from the emotional storm raging inside her.

with each swig, she felt the heaviness in her heart subside momentarily, replaced by a hazy blur that momentarily dulled the sharp edges of her pain. the room spun around her as the alcohol took effect, but she could make out your name on her phone as you called her for what seemed like the 10th time that week.

she hadn’t spoken to anyone, and used the “im sick” excuse to get out of practices. minjeong stopped by a few times to bring her food since she stopped eating, and jimin also would stop by to make sure the idol was still alive.

but she hadn’t spoken a word to giselle. not once.

in a haze of alcohol-induced emotions, ningning's phone buzzed incessantly with your calls. with unsteady hands, she clumsily reached for the phone, her vision blurred and thoughts muddled by the effects of the alcohol.

with a mix of frustration and despair, she answered the call, her voice trembling with the weight of emotions and the influence of the drinks. "what?" she slurred, the single word laced with bitterness and pain.

“ning…are you drunk right now?”

your concerned voice on the other end was met with a wave of conflicting emotions that surged within ningning. in her intoxicated state, she struggled to contain the flood of feelings that washed over her—a potent mix of hurt, anger, and heartache.

"why do you keep calling?" her words were tinged with a drunken resentment, an unfiltered expression of the raw emotions that festered within her. "i don't want to talk to you," she added, her voice cracking with the weight of unspoken anguish.

“aeri’s worried, i’m worried—”

the mention of aeri's name in your conversation, intended or not, acted as a catalyst, exacerbating ningning's intoxicated emotional state. the room spun around her, mirroring the whirlwind of emotions that clouded her thoughts.

"why are you with her?" she blurted out, her voice laced with a painful mixture of accusation and sorrow. amidst the blur of tears and alcohol, ningning felt a surge of irrational anger directed not just at the situation but also at you. the alcohol-fueled courage pushed her to voice the turmoil within her, even though she knew her words were fueled by intoxication and despair. “did you use me to get with my member?” yizhuo added, taking another quick swig of her bottle.

“no, yizhuo,” you whispered over the line, and ning could only imagine the rapper sleeping next to you. she didn’t need to use her imagination to know what the two of you were up to at certain hours, considering how close aeri’s room was. “if anything i used aeri to get with you.”

“oh so you just get naked for any of my members? is that it?” ning’s slurred words hung in the heavy silence that followed, the weight of her accusations reverberating in the air. your response, though whispered and earnest, only fueled the turmoil within ningning. her mind raced, clouded by the haze of alcohol and the jumbled mess of her emotions.

a bitter irony twisted in her thoughts. she wished she could be more like the rapper—confident, assured, and seemingly unaffected by the chaos that had engulfed the youngest member’s world. aeri embodied everything that ningning felt she lacked—an effortless charm, an air of self-assuredness, and an ability to navigate relationships with ease.

“aeri is more than someone i sleep with,” you replied quickly and firmly, not liking the accusations the drunk girl was implying. your heart ached for ning, and you wanted nothing more than to go next door and take away the bottle that was in her hands.

in her drunken state, ningning's insecurities amplified, and a pang of envy surged within her. never in her life would she be vulnerable with anyone, especially you. she couldn’t let you see the cracks that littered her life, or the dents that were prominent underneath every spotlight and red carpet.

yizhuo was damaged goods. no one wanted that. you would never want that—you would never want her.

“then what was i? just someone you slept with?” ningning shouted, silent sobs falling from her mouth as she curled into herself, clutching the bottle of amber liquid closer to her chest.

your attempts to explain and reassure ningning faltered amidst the haze of her emotions. your words, though sincere, seemed to collide with the wall of insecurities she had built around herself. as she lashed out with anguished accusations, you tried to interject, to calm the storm of emotions raging within her.

"yizhuo, please, it's not like that," you pleaded, your voice tinged with concern and desperation, hoping to reach through the fog of her distress.

but ningning couldn't bring herself to trust or believe in your reassurances. not while she knew you were laying next to aeri.

“no! you’re lying!” she cried out, the words laden with a hurt that pierced through the facade she tried to maintain. her voice trembled with a mix of anguish and desperation, her vulnerability laid bare in the solitude of her room.

in her fragile state, the emotions surged.

overwhelmed by the tumult of emotions, she ended the call and flung her phone across the room, an obvious gesture of her frustration and inability to cope with the whirlwind of emotions engulfing her.

nothing was helping her. not the bottle in her hands, the weed in her closet, or the cigarettes in her nightstand. there was nothing that worked anymore, and it mortified her.

little did ning know, you had been sober for a few weeks, and being with aeri helped you stay sober. it felt good, it felt right.

unfortunately, ning wasn’t in the same boat. she had only sunk deeper.

she had only ever smoked and drank, but none of that worked anymore. nothing was working. ning needed something that would make everything stop hurting.

which was why one of her last nights at the club she took a chance and stole something she never thought she’d end up doing. at least, not alone. she got it in hopes that the two of you would try it together.

but now it would serve a different purpose.

the idol pulled the baggie from the nearby sock on her floor. she had stashed it in there because she knew jimin would find it if it was anywhere else. the leader could handle the weed being in her room at most, but this?

this was different. this was dangerous.

ning could feel the ringing in her ears and her hazy vision starting to tunnel in on only the bag in the palm of her hand. silence filled the room, with not even the ac unit humming to fill the void.

it was quiet. it had been quiet since you left.

ningning hated the quiet.

which was why she ended up trying something new — molly.

𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧: @jiihu @silantryoo @rosiehrs @craftymasterlistcomicsprune @skisk1 @jisooftme @babycubchae @yunjinhart @pandamiswifey @jenoteamo @lcv3lies @pagedpick7 @bexisbomb @lcv3lies @lauxymy4 @justalittledissociation @captivq @jeindall777

#ningning #ning yizhuo #ningning x reader #aespa x reader #aespa #aespa fic #kpop fic #karina #winter #giselle #gxg #wlw #kpop #groupie love #perfectsunlight

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perfectsunlight · 7 months

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𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 [𝟖]

𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮, 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁, 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝘆𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗰𝘀.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 3.3k

𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗽𝗶𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲

ning yizhuo couldn’t remember the last time she felt loved. all she had ever felt was the absence of it.

there was never a good example of it either. her parents should have never gotten together, and yizhuo knew that her birth only solidified that fact. their union had been a volatile mix of resentment and regret, an explosion waiting to happen.

she was taught to understand that communication was only possible through shouting and slammed doors. and that you never backed down from your opinion, no matter what.

in the haze of neon lights and pulsating music, yizhuo watched you leave without a word, her eyes reflecting a mixture of resignation and defiance. she had learned, through the bitter lessons of her parents' failed marriage, that love was a volatile potion, one that could intoxicate the senses and then leave you shattered on the cold floor of reality.

the chaos of her upbringing had taught her that silence was the only language her family spoke, and apologies were the echoes of a world she had never known.

when you walked away that night, yizhuo didn't chase after you. the loud thumping of the music in the club mirrored the pounding of her heart, but she held herself back, locking her emotions behind a mask of indifference. in the dimly lit bathroom, she let her hands explore the body of another girl, seeking solace in a fleeting moment of physical connection, trying to fill the void.

but it was short lived, because yizhuo found herself bored with the stranger. even drunk out of her mind as she was, ning didn’t find the situation anything but boring. now the other girl was having the time of her life, but yizhuo couldn’t have cared less.

the bathroom became a suffocating space, the walls closing in on ningning as she pushed the stranger away gently, her touch lacking any real connection. the dim, flickering lights illuminated her face, revealing a profound emptiness in her clouded eyes.

the other girl, oblivious to yizhuo's inner turmoil, continued to revel in the moment, unaware of the hollowness in the eyes of the person she was with. yizhuo's mind was elsewhere, trapped in a cycle of something that felt like regret for the first time in her life.

she never regretted anything in her life. however, she suddenly felt this foreign feeling invading her body all because of what she had done.

all because of you.

she despised herself for not chasing after you, for not fighting for what she thought could have been the start of something more.

the music from the club seemed to mock her, each beat resonating with the rhythm of her heartache. she stumbled out of the bathroom, her steps unsteady, her mind clouded by alcohol and a gnawing sense of loss. outside, the city was alive with the pulse of the night, but yizhuo felt detached from it all. she walked the streets aimlessly, her thoughts in chaos.

the young idol could hear the clicking of the paparazzi cameras. they’d plaster her face in the media and continue building her reputation as a mess of an idol. she had become a prisoner of her own fame, her every move scrutinized, her every misstep amplified.

the media thrived on her vulnerability, portraying her as a troubled idol, and a mess of a person who was as broken as she was beautiful.

when she finally got back home, she spent 2 hours in the shower. the water cascaded over yizhuo's body, a feeble attempt to wash away not just the physical remnants of that night but also the emotional stain that clung to her soul. the sound of the shower drowned out her thoughts, the only place where she felt safe enough to let her mind flow freely.

as she turned off the shower and wrapped herself in a towel, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the fogged-up mirror.

she didn't recognize the person staring back at her.

yizhuo collapsed onto her bed, her wet hair clinging to her shoulders. she reached for her phone, contemplating the idea of reaching out to you, the one person who had left an indelible mark on her heart. but fear gripped her. fear of rejection, fear of being vulnerable, fear of facing the truth that this was something more than what she realized.

however, her pride was too strong. she couldn’t bring herself to follow through.

instead, yizhuo's phone remained untouched on the bedside table. the weight of her unspoken words hung heavy in the air, suffocating her. the internal battle between her desire for connection and her fear of rejection waged on, leaving her paralyzed. days turned into weeks, stretching onwards in an endless line.

ning continued burying her emotions beneath layers of ambition and work. she threw herself into her performances, her smile dazzling on stage, but behind closed doors, her heart ached in silence. nothing felt the same without you.

smoking felt less helpful than it used to be. drinking and partying didn’t feel as fun anymore. nothing, absolutely nothing, meant anything to her anymore.

why was it that you brought so much meaning to the things that occupied her life?

the question gnawed at ningning’s soul, a constant echo in the hollow chambers of her heart. she found herself spiraling deeper into a void of self-doubt and longing. the stages she once commanded with confidence now felt like empty platforms, void of the joy and passion that had once fueled her performances. the applause of the audience, once music to her ears, now sounded distant and disconnected.

it was quiet again. yizhuo hated the quiet.

ningning's phone remained silent, devoid of the message she desperately wished to receive. each day without a response felt like another crack in her already fragile heart. she longed for something, for anything, that would make sense of the whirlwind of emotions inside her.

no matter how fast she ran or how far she traveled, she couldn't outrun her thoughts.

the memories of your smile, your laughter, and the warmth of your touch haunted her, turning every moment of respite into a battlefield of emotions.

it was even worse when her members started noticing.

karina was the first to notice.

jimin had always been perceptive and empathetic, and had always been attuned to the subtleties of yizhuo's emotions. one day, as they practiced dance routines in the studio, karina pulled the younger girl aside during a break. the concern in her eyes was impossible to ignore.

“yizhuo, i've noticed something's been bothering you,” karina said gently, her voice a soothing contrast to the chaos of their surroundings. the chinese girl hesitated for a moment, her guard momentarily dropping in the face of her leader’s genuine concern.

“i'm just going through a rough patch, i guess,” she replied, trying to brush it off with a weak smile.

but the older girl wasn't easily fooled. “you can talk to me, you know,” she said, her tone firm yet comforting. “we're not just members; we're family. whatever you're going through, we're here to help.”

ning’s eyes remained locked with her leader’s for a moment, giving her a small nod of acknowledgement before half smiling. “i know. i’ll let you know if i need anything.” the aespa leader decided not to push, and simply left it at that. however, minjeong was not one to let up too easily.

the other girl cornered ning by showing up to her room after a performance. ningning had just finished throwing out the rest of her cigarettes when her other member started banging on her door. minjeong's persistent knocks echoed through the hallway, each one a reminder of the concern that lingered just beyond the door.

reluctantly, ningning opened the door, her eyes betraying the exhaustion and frustration that had settled in her heart. “can we talk?” minjeong's voice was gentle, laced with worry. ningning sighed, her shoulders slumping, but she still moved aside to let the other girl in.

yizhuo’s room was dimly lit, the soft glow of a solitary lamp casting long shadows on the walls. the air was heavy with the scent of lavender-scented candles, a feeble attempt to mask the lingering aroma of cigarettes that clung to the room. the bed looked disheveled, its pillows bearing the imprint of a number of restless nights.

“what’s going on?”

she stepped into the room, her eyes scanning the space as if searching for answers written on the walls.

“ningie, i've known you long enough to tell when something's bothering you.”

the chinese girl turned away, avoiding the older girl’s gaze. she hesitated, her fingers tracing invisible patterns on the edge of her bed. she didn't answer immediately, her silence speaking volumes.

minjeong's eyes roamed the room, her searching gaze landing on the scattered bottles on the desk, the half-empty cup of cold tea, and the only framed photograph in the room.

it was a picture of the four of them on their debut day.

“i’m quitting smoking.”

the confession hung in the air, heavy with both relief and trepidation. ningning's voice was barely audible, as if the words had been torn from the depths of her soul. minjeong's eyes widened with surprise, then softened with understanding. she moved closer to ningning, her expression a mix of pride and compassion.

“that's a big step, ningie,” winter said, her voice filled with genuine admiration. “i'm proud of you.”

ningning nodded, her gaze fixed on the framed photograph on the wall.

“it's because i met someone.”

the younger member continued, her voice steadier now, though laced with something the korean couldn’t quite pin. “i thought maybe it might be good for me.”

minjeong's eyes flickered with curiosity, her expression encouraging. she was silently urging ningning to share more. ning never spoke of meeting someone before, making this occasion all the more interesting. the room seemed to hold its breath, as if waiting for the secrets that lingered within the young idol's heart to unfurl.

"i met her a few weeks ago," ningning whispered, her voice carrying the weight of unspoken emotions. “there was just something about her, something that made me want to be better. i decided to quit smoking, thinking maybe if i changed something about myself, she'd see me differently too.”

winter listened intently, her eyes softening with understanding. she reached out, gently squeezing ningning's hand in a gesture of support. the room was filled with a profound sense of vulnerability, a shared moment between two souls navigating the complexities of the heart.

“ningie, changing for someone else might not be the healthiest reason, but it's a start,” minjeong said gently. “what is she like?” she pushed gently, not wanting to pry too much.

“she's different,” yizhuo began, her voice filled with a mixture of softness and admiration that the other member had never heard from the younger girl before.

“if the world is black and white, i only see color with her.”

minjeong was stunned, to say the least. she never thought such words would spill from the youngest member’s mouth. the ning yizhuo she knew was nothing like this. “ning,” she whispered, looking her groupmate in the eyes. “you’re in love with her?”

“love is a strong word,” the chinese girl continued, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she spoke. “i don’t think it’s that. but it’s something close to it.”

if only she could have told you that. if only yizhuo wasn’t a coward and cared about you more than her pride. because even after admitting to it out loud, the idol still never reached out to you.

ning spent more time checking her phone than she’d admit. it was torture. she silently cursed you for being just as stubborn as she was, but she knew she couldn’t blame you. after all, she was the one who had messed things up.

but she still wouldn’t admit that. maybe not to herself, but perhaps to you she would.

she may have been in the process of quitting her smoking habit, but her drinking was still just as frequent. she hadn't set foot in a party or a club since the night you left, though.

ning's nights were filled with restless dreams and waking regrets. she'd replay the moment when you had walked away, the echo of your footsteps lingering in the back of her mind. she wished she could turn back time, find the strength to stop herself from messing everything up and tell you everything. but pride, her ever-stubborn companion, held her back, whispering lies about self-preservation and protecting her heart.

but in the quiet moments before dawn, when the world was shrouded in darkness and her thoughts were the loudest, ning yizhuo would find herself on the edge of texting you, pouring her heart out in messages that would never be sent. the unsent messages piled up like unsent apologies, a mountain of words left unsaid.

until she finally had the courage to send it.

the night was silent, the city outside her window veiled in a hushed stillness. it was quiet, and yizhuo hated the quiet.

the glow of her phone screen illuminated the room as the idol’s trembling fingers typed out the words she had rehearsed in her mind a thousand times. each letter was imbued with the weight of her emotions, a testament to the love she had been too afraid to express. but she deleted it. she thought it was too wordy.

after what felt like an eternity, she finally settled on sending you one simple message, that held the weight of a lifetime of emotion and honesty. not because she was this desperate, but because she knew you’d understand the emotion she was conveying.

especially since the message consisted of two words she had never spoken to you before.

i’m sorry.

with a deep breath, she pressed the send button, and in that moment, it felt like the entire world held its breath with her.

for what felt like forever, ning stared at her phone, her heart pounding in her chest. doubt gnawed at the edges of her resolve. had she been too impulsive? too vulnerable? would you even care?

hours passed and there was still no response from you. the young idol was exhausted, tired of staring at her screen all night waiting for any type of response from you. aespa had a festival performance later that day as well, and going on stage without a wink of sleep was not going to be fun at all for her.

the sun slowly rose into the sky, and with its ascent came the knocks of her manager banging on her door. it was time to start the day, regardless of how she felt. she was an idol, and she had a job to do.

as she got ready for the festival performance, the weight of her exhaustion hung on her like a leaden cloak. every movement felt sluggish, every smile she wore for the camera felt forced. behind the veteran-like stage persona was a young woman battling her own demons and once again questioning her own worth. aespa's performance approached, and yizhuo found herself standing backstage, the hum of the crowd filtering through the walls.

“hey,” giselle shouted over the noise of the crowd, placing a hand on her member’s shoulder. “are you okay?” she asked, using her free hand to fix her in-ear.

ningning turned to the rapper, her eyes doing a poor job at masking the exhaustion that had taken hold of her. a forced smile tugged at the corners of yizhuo's lips as she nodded in response to giselle's question.

“yeah, i’m fine. just didn’t sleep much.”

the japanese girl squeezed her shoulder gently and offered a comforting smile. “you’ll do fine. don’t worry.”

yizhuo didn’t have time to reply before their managers gave them the green light to head up on stage. she followed the familiar routine – the countdown, the synchronized movements, the positioning. to be honest, she could do it all in her sleep at this point in her career.

the adrenaline of the stage, the energy of the fans, should have invigorated her, but all she felt was a gnawing emptiness.

as the music started, she stepped onto the stage, her movements automatic, her smile practiced. the choreography, usually a second nature to her, felt like an intricate puzzle she couldn't solve. the eyes of her fans, filled with adoration, couldn't fill the void left by your absence.

the performance ended, the applause thundering in her ears, but the emptiness persisted. she bowed, acknowledging the crowd, but her mind was elsewhere. she longed for your familiar eyes in the sea of people.

ning felt her knees buckle when she saw you standing backstage. her vision tunneled in on you, her breathing shallow and shaky as she saw you leaning against the wall. you seemed to be looking for someone, your eyes wandering from person to person.

“y/n?” her voice wavered slightly as your eyes met hers. a small smile tugged on your lips as you answered the idol. “yizhuo.”

she was speechless, stuttering and trying to get the right words to say. a faint flush of red on her cheeks formed as she refused to look away from you.

“i look a mess right now,” ning chuckled sheepishly, mentally cursing herself for being so awkward. she was a stuttering ball of nerves running on zero food or sleep. a mess was an understatement. “sorry, i’m all over the place.” you looked at her dead in her eyes, flashing the softest smile she had ever seen from you, or anyone.

“you look beautiful, ning.”

the chinese girl swore her heart stopped beating at your words. she had heard those words before from one night stands and midnight lovers, laced under lust and stardom. she had a list of people who would say anything just to get at her, but she never believed anything they said.

those words had been empty promises whispered by strangers who vanished like smoke at the first light of dawn. they were words that had lost their meaning in the labyrinth of insincerity that often surrounded her.

but to hear it from you? it felt entirely different.

there was a burning sensation in her chest. she felt like she was going to scream. she could feel herself about to cry. but above all else, she felt something she never thought she could ever feel.

for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, ning yizhuo felt loved.

however the idol didn’t have enough time to pull herself together and give you a reply.

“there you are,” giselle jogged over and planted a soft kiss on your temple. “i was looking for you.”

just as quickly as her heart had fluttered just seconds ago, it shattered the moment her member kissed your face.

her heart sank deeper, the confusion in her doe-like eyes evolving into a mixture of disappointment and pain. she nodded slowly, trying to mask the hurt behind a polite smile, but her eyes betrayed the turmoil within. the air grew heavy with unspoken tension, a silent battle between her emotions and the facade she was desperately trying to maintain.

“you…you know aeri?” ning asked slowly, confusion and hurt swirling her doe-eyes. the rapper answered for you, nodding rapidly as she wrapped an arm around your waist. seemingly oblivious to the tension hanging in the air, the japanese girl responded with an easy grin, her arm around your waist tightening slightly.

“oh i’ve known y/n/n for years,” she turned and gave you a soft smile before returning her gaze to the chinese girl. “i didn’t know you two knew each other.” giselle lied casually, looking between you and the vocalist with a small smile.

and to put the nail in the coffin for her, the rapper’s next comment shattered the remains of her glass heart. ning yizhuo's world seemed to crumble around her at the words leaving her member’s mouth.

“my girlfriend knows my bandmate. what a small word, huh?”