#gripping ur shoulders. read the doll story again. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

baroquebucky · 3 years

Text

grasp

soulmate au where when you touch your soulmate you see glimpses of your future with them; the winter soldier touches you and realizes there’s so much more out there

series masterlist // previous // next

part four

word count: 4.5k (worth it omg)

masterlist

a/n: hi bffs !! hope u all enjoy this chapter i am v proud of it :] let me know what u guys think i love reading ur feedback and talking w you guys !! (srry for any typos :P)

You were giddy with excitement, texting steve that you were ready to be picked up when he was ready. Your hands fiddled with buckys dog tags, a smile on your face while you waited on the couch for Steve.

It had become routine for you to join steve on his visits to wakanda to visit bucky. T’challa had been kind enough to allow you to tag along, saying soulmates should never have to deal with all the two of you had gone through.

You phone buzzed with a message from steve letting you know he was on his way. The excitement in your chest grew, having so many stories to tell bucky.

The drive and the flight felt long despite you sleeping through most of it. Finally stepping out into the fresh air and greeting the royal family, making small talk with shuri as t’challa and steve walked towards where bucky was staying.

“i should get going, I’ll be sure to meet up with you tomorrow so we can talk about it!” you smiled brightly at the girl and she nodded, waving you off.

Shuri had been kind enough to tell you about the designs for Bucky’s new vibranium arm, she had asked for you opinions and what you thought he would prefer. It warmed your heart and had brought the two of you closer together.

Bucky knew you would be coming, he made sure his long hair was tied neatly, his heart racing as he heard steve approaching. He smiled, taking in a deep breath and checking himself out in the mirror one more time.

Steve knocked on the side of the hut twice, a smile on his face as he waited for his best friend to move aside the bright curtains. Bucky opened them with a smile, saying hello and pulling steve in for a hug.

“you know you can just let yourself in right?” Bucky joked, “wheres y/n?” he asked as soon as they pulled apart. Steve rolled his eyes, a playful smile on his face.

“don’t even care about your best friend anymore?” Steve joked and bucky frowned, “kidding, kidding, she was talking with shuri about something, should be here in a bit” he smiled at his friend a bucky nodded, moving so he could enter his little home.

You walked quickly, excited to finally be with bucky after two long months. You couldn’t stop the excitement that grew in your chest, heart racing as you got closer to him.

Finally you reached the hut, knocking three times before stepping away slightly, focusing your sight on the goats next to the huts. The sound of the curtains moving brought you attention back, making you turn your head back.

Bucky smiled at you, before he could say anything you threw yourself into his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“well hello to you too doll” he joked and you giggled, not bothering to let go of him. As you pulled away you beamed up at bucky, saying a breathless ‘hi’ before he smiled back at you, a charming smile on his face as he kissed your cheek.

The two of you walked in, hands intertwined as you joined steve the three of you falling into easy conversation, talking of your recent missions and adventures.

“no, yeah steve got his ass handed to him” you laughed, the blonde rolling his eyes and mouthing a ‘no,’ bucky rolled his eyes at his friend, knowing he probably did.

“so you took down how many people?” Bucky asked you, a proud smile on your face as you replied.

“eight guys” you boasted, “didn’t even break a sweat” you smirked. Steve and bucky looked at each other before laughing, bucky pulling you into his side, kissing the top of your head.

“you didn’t even leave your bed the next day from how sore you were!” Steve teased and you frowned, moving to punch him.

Bucky wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you into his lap. You landed with a huff and Steve grinned at you.

“you never get sore it’s not fair” you shot back, bucky resting his head on your shoulder.

Steve shrugged his shoulders, the three of you continuing to bicker and laugh until the sunset. You were leaning on Buckys chest, his arm wrapped around you as you rested your eyes. Steve and bucky reminisced on some fight they had in the 40s laughing at how minuscule the problem now seemed.

“I’ll leave you two for the night, it was good seeing you buck” Steve smiled, the three of you getting up from your spots.

“it was good seeing you too steve, glad to know you can still hold your own” he joked and Steve laughed, the two men hugging tightly before letting go. Steve turned to you, a smile on his face before moving towards the door.

“I’ll come get you in the morning” he called out, letting the curtains fall behind him.

Bucky let out a small sigh of relief and you looked at him, shocked at his action.

“i know you didn’t just let out a sigh of relief because he left!” You gasped and bucky blushed, turning to you before crashing his lips onto yours.

You melted into the kiss, letting yourselves get lost in the other. Your hands played with his hair, it was longer than last time. The two of you pulled away breathless, hearts racing.

“cant do that when he’s around darling” Bucky smirked, leaning in to kiss you quickly a couple more times, soft giggles leaving your lips as he beard tickled your face.

“still rude” you teased, placing soft kisses on his face as the two of you sat down, cuddled up as close as possible.

Bucky chuckled, looking at you with starry eyes and a bright smile. He swore you had never looked so pretty, sitting there with the moonlight peeking in and lightning up the small hut.

“stating is rude you know” bucky rolled his eyes, leaning in to kiss you, smiling into the kiss when you pulled him in for another.

“missed you so much doll” he mumbled, your foreheads pressed against one another, eyes closed for a second before pulling away.

“not a day goes by where i don’t think of you James” you sighed, heart sinking as you realized you would be leaving him once more in the morning.

Bucky noticed the shift in your attitude, placing his fingers under you chin and moving you to look at him.

“i promise you,” he mumbled, placing a kiss on your forehead, “once I’m free from all the shit HYDRA did to me, were gonna be together” he smiled at you softly.

“just wish it could come faster” you frowned and bucky nodded, a small smile on his face as he placed another kiss on your forehead.

“we have forever to be happy baby” he spoke, turning to you, “right?” you smiled, heart fluttering at his words.

“I’m yours forever lovebug” you assured him, moving to kiss his cheek.

“and I’m yours forever dollface” he smiled, heart racing the thought of a forever with you. Bucky wished he could fast forward and just be happy with you. But he knew he had to get through this, he just had to fight this final battle and he could be free.

Just one more fight and he could be happy, with you.

Morning came far too soon for either of your liking, waking up to the sun shining in your eyes. Your legs tangled with Buckys and his arm wrapped securely around your waist, holding you tightly.

“buck” you grumbled, wiggling to try and get out of his grip. You gave up when he never budged, waiting a couple minutes before trying again. “James” you called out, he moved a little, eyes fluttering open and landing on you with a smile.

“mornin doll” he mumbled, voice raspy and deep from sleep. He loosened his grip and let you wiggle out, stretching and letting out a yawn.

“goodmorning” you smiled sweetly, grabbing a couple things before getting ready. Bucky laid on his side, a sleepy smile on his face while he watched you get ready for the day, heart sinking a bit when he realized you would be leaving today.

“wish you could stay longer” he mumbled, his words weighed on your shoulders, causing you to slump a little and frown. You turned to look at him after you had finished getting ready, giving him a soft smile before sitting across from him.

“i do too angel, but you know how things are” he sighed softly, getting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“we still have at least two hours before steve comes, get up so we can enjoy the time we’ve got” you beamed, a bright smile on his face. Bucky admired that about you, how optimistic you were even in such an unfortunate situation.

Deep down you were upset, you were hurting and you were angry that the two of you had to go through so much to be happy. You shoved away those emotions, choosing instead to focus on what little time you had with him.

Bucky got ready quickly, giddy to get the day started. You helped him feed the goats, giggling as their fuzzy lips tickled your hand when you fed them.

“i named this one butter” he smiled, pointing a light colored sheep, “he’s kinda chubby” you teased and he gasped, a hurt expression on his face.

“i cant believe you come here and insult my goats, i raised them! they’re my children!” He teased and you rolled your eyes, walking towards him with your arms extended, he huffed, turning away from you. Laughing when he so easily melted into you after wrapping your arms around his waist, your head resting on his back.

“sorry for bullying butter, i am once again asking for forgiveness” you teased and he let out a low hum, you rolled your eyes. “I promise to not insult your goats-” Bucky turned around, brows furrowed and you groaned.

“i promise to not insult your kids, and i will give you all the kisses you want” you finished, arms crossed and bucky looked at you with a boyish smile, leaning down to kiss you.

It was quick, but it was sweet and made you swoon, smiling as he continued to pepper kisses all over your face. You yelped as one of his goats rammed his head into buckys leg.

“seems like someone wants your attention” you teased and he smiled, continuing to place the hay out along with a couple other things for them to eat.

The two of you were sitting along the bank of the river, sharing stories of what you had missed between your last visit.

“y/n!” Steve called out and your heart fell, a tight smile on your face when you saw the way Bucky’s expression fell. You squeezed his hand, kissing his temple before standing up, pulling bucky up with you as you walked back towards the hut, grabbing the backpack you had brought.

The two men talked for a bit while you gathered everything, double checking that you didn’t forget anything. You smiled as you rummaged through your backpack, holding the stack of letters you had written for bucky from the past two months.

You handed them bucky with a smile, apologizing for your handwriting in some of them.

“i already put yours in your bag doll, my handwriting is amazing” he teased and you punched him lightly.

The goodbyes always hurt, the way your heart tugged in your chest, like it was telling you to stay, that you were meant to be together.

You always ignored it, letting it only resurface at 3 am when your heart hurt and you longed for your soulmate.

Just this last fight, he just had to be truly free from HYDRA and you could be happy.

“don’t worry lovebug, I’ll see you soon” you comforted him, holding him tightly before letting go.

“see you soon” Bucky smiled, his heart sinking as you and Steve walked away, laughing when you turned around and waved at him, a bright smile on his face.

Before leaving you met with shuri, offering a couple more inputs on Buckys new arm before saying goodbye to her, she gave you a tight hug before letting you go.

You did see them soon. Although the circumstances were different. It wasn’t a ‘yay i get to see my soulmate and my friends and have a good time!’ visit.

It was more of a ‘oh god this purple guy wants some crazy crystals and is gonna kill half the universe with them please help’ kind of visit.

The plane landed and you greeted the royal family as usual, nervous as you followed shuri to her lab. Everything was moving so fast and your heart was in a frenzy. You had arrived earlier than the others, shuri sending a jet for you so you could be there when bucky got the arm.

You gasped as you saw the final product, a smile on your face as your fingers ghosted over the black and gold arm.

“shuri this is incredible!” You praised and she smirked, shrugging her shoulders.

“it’s what i do” she replied, closing the box before calling T’challa over so you could go give the arm to bucky.

“we think you should give it to him, explain to him what’s going on and all that” shuri spoke, T’challa and okoye nodding at her words.

“but-” okoye cut you off, her words gentle.

“it’s whats best for him” she assured you and you nodded, taking a deep breath as you waved goodbye to shuri.

T’challa and okoye accompanied you, a soft smile on your face as you saw him throwing the hay bales for his goats. Your smile grew when you noticed he had since gained two new friends, two cows laying down and one standing close to him.

“good to know you made new friends while i was gone” you called out, smiling as bucky looked at you with wide eyes. A smile on his face as you walked closer to him.

“doll!” He grinned, walking over to hug you as T’challa set the box down on a bale of hay. “what’s happening what’s going on? It hasn’t even been two weeks since last time” he questioned, looking at the two behind you.

“not that I’m not happy to see you but” he cut himself off, noting the fact you were suited up for a fight. You interlaced your fingers and sighed softly.

“c’mere” you spoke softly, pulling him along to the box. You have him a soft smile, letting go of his hand and opening the box.

He finally looked into the box, the shiny new vibranium arm gleaming in the sunlight. His heart fell. That’s why your heart was in frenzy, that’s why okoye and T’challa were so tense.

“wheres the fight” he spoke quietly, eyes not leaving the metal arm.

“on the way” T’challa spoke and he nodded. Okoye and T’challa left the two of you alone after explaining to bucky how to put the arm on.

You were silent, petting the goat you recognized as butter while bucky put the new arm on, changing into his suit while he was at it. Your heart ached.

One more fight, you had told yourselves for the last two years. Just one more fight and you could be together and be happy.

But the universe was cruel and decided to make the two of you wait longer, to put yet another barrier between the two of you and happiness.

it’s okay, after this fight everything will be okay

The words rang in your mind, letting out a shaky sigh. How bad could this fight be? It’s not like you hadn’t fought countless other villains before.

Bucky walked out suited and ready to go, though he was reluctant he knew it’s what had to be done. You gave him a small smile, shamelessly checking him out, not bothering to hide the smirk on your face.

“you know, under any other circumstances i would definitely not let you leave that hut” you teased and he blushed.

“I’ve only seen you suited up a couple times doll and it makes my heart face everytime” he shot back and you rolled your eyes, thinking back to when you and steve visited him immediately after a couple of missions.

The two of you walked hand in hand, getting a feel for his new arm as you made it to the plane, greeting steve with a smile and reluctantly saying hello to Sam.

You stood with bucky and Sam as you saw wakandas defenses go up, your mouth opened in awe as you watched it.

Not long after you saw something hitting it, breaking apart as it made contact and you and Sam flinched a bit.

“god i love this place” bucky spoke, watching alongside you and Sam. You heard Rhodey speak up not moments after.

“don’t start celebrating yet, we got more incoming outside the dome!” He called out, your eyes wide and you saw multiple things falling, planting themselves into the ground.

You let out a shaky breath, bucky bls your hand for a moment, squeezing it and kissing your temple.

“one more” he whispered and you smiled, nodding your head. “one more,” you repeated, hope blossoming in your chest.

You stood alongside bucky, looking back in awe as you saw all the hundreds of people, all ready to fight. Your stomach was in knots, your hands were shaky and you looked at bucky.

A small smile made its way onto your face. You would be okay.

“they surrender?” Bucky asked as steve, natasha and t’chalks returned.

“not exactly” steve sighed, you watched wide wide eyes as you all hundreds- maybe thousands of those things running towards the barrier.

You and bucky began shooting, taking out some of the ones which had made it through, sam and Rhodey already in the air. Your heart was thumping in your ears as you heard T’challa giving orders to open the barrier, bucky looked at you, eyes sparkling as he smiled at you.

“we’re gonna be okay, i promise doll” he assured you and you nodded, taking in a deep breath before taking off in a sprint alongside everyone. As the barriers opened, all of them got in, it was all a blur, shouts and groans coming from all around.

You shot as many as you could, making sure to try and keep everyone safe. You had lost bucky on the battlefield, everyone clashing. You didn’t have time to look for him as you continued shooting.

One of them knocked you over and you let out a groan, reaching for your ankle and swiftly stabbing it in the neck, cutting it open for good measure and rolling away before it’s blood could land on you.

You took the knife out, immediately throwing it and hitting one of them in the head and killing it before it could reach you. You were breathless as you continued to fight, running out of bullets.

“fuck” you whispered, eyes wide as you saw one of them running directly towards you. Scrambling to took one of your knives from a body on the floor, trying to throw it before the creature got too close. You were too late, by the time you turned around it had tackled you to the ground, sending the knife clattering to the floor.

You used all your strength to keep it from biting your head off, screaming as your limbs almost gave out.

You heard the sound of thunder above you, a bright light in the center of the battle field. You sighed out of relief when something hit the creature off of you, smiling widely as you realized who it had been.

Thor.

You got up quickly, grabbing another gun from the floor and laughing lightly when your eyes landed on the god of thunder, he was joined by a raccoon and some tree. You felt a weight lift off you shoulders.

“you guys are so screwed now!” Bruce cried out, joyous as he saw his friend.

“Bring me thanos!” Thor cried out, lightning emitting from his body as his eyes glowed, hitting the ground and electrocuting all the creatures around him.

You continued to shoot, frantic to try and minimize the number of the things on the field. It seemed like they would never stop coming, an infinite amount of them constantly bombarding you all.

The panic arose in your chest, you continued shooting, focusing on the endgame. You just had to finish this fight. You and bucky could get through this.

Your eyes were wide as you heard a deep rumbling, watching in horror as what seemed like giant spikey wheels erupted from the ground.

“fall back! fall back now!” T’challa cried out, your eyes searched for bucky, landing on him quickly and running towards him.

“y/n!” He called out, sighing in relief as he you ran next to him, stopping when you both saw wanda take some of them out.

“thought you were hurt” he spoke loudly between the gunfire, the two of you standing back to back as your shot.

“I could find you i got so worried” you replied loudly, glancing back and seeing a creature getting ready to pounce on the two of you.

“get down!” You yelled, pushing bucky to the ground and taking the knife he had strapped to his waist.

You reacted quickly, ducking slightly and thrusting the knife up into the air, the creature effectively cutting itself open, its insides pouring out as it flopped to the ground.

You helped bucky up and he smiled at you, in awe of your actions.

“thank you doll” he sighed out and you nodded, smiling for a second before going back to fighting.

“vision needs backup!” You heard over your earpiece, you and bucky turning to look at each other, nodding before taking off in a sprint towards the woody areas.

As the two of you arrived you stopped, catching your breath before realize how eerily quiet it was. Bucky looked over at you, concern on his face.

“‘M fine” you panted, wincing when you stood up straight, “just out of shape is all” you teased and bucky smiled.

“only you would make a joke while we’re about to face the most powerful being in the universe” he spoke and you smiled.

“if i don’t then who will” you shot back, walking quietly in search of the titan.

Your eyes landed on the rest of the team, running towards the titan and easily being thrown to the side, you and bucky ran together, raising your guns.

Neither of you even got a shot out before being tossed into the surrounding trees, wheezing as your back hit the trunk. You rolled on the ground, winded as you held your side.

Bucky recovered quicker than you, rushing to your side and helping you up.

“are you alright darlin?” there was worry in his voice and you managed a nod, moving to stand up, he threw your arm over his shoulder, helping you up.

You stood up with a wince, arms wrapping around him, holding him tightly and kissing his cheek before pulling away. You picked up your guns, handing one to bucky.

“ready?” you spoke and he nodded, the two of you ran to where you had last seen thanos.

Your heart dropped as you saw the mad titan snap his fingers, a bright light flashed before your eyes and bucky shielded you with his body.

When you looked back you saw his arm and the stoned sizzling, your eyes were wide and your lips trembled. No. No. this can’t happen.

“what did you do?!” Thor yelled, panic in his voice. Thanos quickly looked around, opening a portal and leaving into nothingness.

You walked over to steve quickly, bucky trailing behind you.

“Whered he go?” You spoke quietly, “where did he go!” You shouted.

“y/n?” You heard bucky say from behind you, steve and Thor looked over.

You turned your head, your eyes meeting with Buckys blue ones. The same baby blue ones you had seen on the highway, the same ones you saw on the helicarrier and when he found you after SHIELD fell.

It was the same bright blue eyes you would look into while cuddling by the lake when you visited him in wakanda.

They were wide, full of fear and panic as he looked at you and back to his hand as it turned to dust.

“bucky” you whispered, going to reach out to him, his legs turning to dust beneath him. You ran to catch him, wanting to hold him and tell him it would be okay.

You were to late, getting only a handful of dust as you reached for him. You felt your heart break in your chest, a pain you had never felt before. Falling to your knees you touched the ground, letting out a shaky breath and trying to calm yourself.

You shook your head, teary eyes as you watched those around you turn to dust.

“Sam!” You heard Rhodey call out. You could hear okoye shouting for t’challa.

You looked at steve in thor, hot tears in your face as you sobbed quietly.

You looked at your hands, ready for them to turn to dust, you could see the way they shook even through your teary vision.

A moment passed and nothing happened, you looked at your legs, expecting them to fade away but they never did.

No. No, not again. You shook your head, bringing your hands to your chest and curling into yourself.

“i cant lose him again” you whispered to yourself, “not when i was just getting him back, not when he was barely in my grasp”

You wiped away your tears as you heard natasha run to where Rhodey, Bruce, rocket steve and you were. You watched silently as steve flipped over visions body, your stomach hurt at the sight of it.

“what the hell is happening?” Rhodey spoke, looking around as steve let himself fall to the floor.

It was quiet as all of you looked around, natasha’s eyes landing on your broken expression. Your eyes were red, and you looked at steve, hoping he knew what to do.

“oh god” he let out, breathless as he looked around.

“I’m yours forever doll, no matter what happens” bucky smiled at you, his eyes bright as you bit your lip to hold back your smile. You handed him a gun, everyone around you running to get in position.

“and I’m yours forever my lovebug, we can get through this” you assured him, holding out your pinky as he quickly looped it in yours, bringing it to his chest and pulling you into his arms.

“one more fight” you whispered, the hope that you had wilted away, you grasped onto the flashes of the future you had seen.

—

taglist ! (send me an ask if you want to be added!)

@felicityofbakerstreet @newyork47 @classygirlything @ebxny27 @hhaydenn @miaangel24 @shawnie--jo @quinnmaddie @mugscraps @bucky-32557038 @marvelfansworld @hey-there-angels @buckys2thicc @groovyvalentine @daughterofthemoon92 @livetay84 @pearlruth @euphoniumpets @lady-loki-ren @pastel-boy-sungjae

#bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes blurb #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x gender neutral reader #bucky barnes x gender neutral reader #bucky angst #bucky fluff #bucky barnes smut

628 notes · View notes

olympus-summit · 3 years

Text

Shinobu | re_Birthday Truth | Trial 6.7 | re: Charon, Setsuna, Atropos

[ CW: Discussed murder by cremation, emotional abuse from teachers, and suicidal ideation ]

Shinobu looks a bit sheepish when Charon corrects them – they still 100% believe the Titan Administration would blow this airship up as a last resort to destroy the rogue councilors – but his follow-up comments earn a glare.

“Sakura Arai spent her last hours cursing your name because she also thought you’d start a war! And Atropos told her your plans didn’t have to end in one! W-Which tells me you all did think through the possibilities a-and went ahead with this anyway. So… now you're worried about exposing the truth b-because of the risks…? I-I don’t want another w-war, yes, but I just… I want to understand what you expect to happen now.”

Not that the councilors are bound to follow the conspirators’ advice, especially since it sounds like not even they are in complete agreement of what should happen and who should be the scapegoat. But it’ll be good to know what resources they have, how hard the Administration would fight back, and what possible outcomes there are.

Shinobu backs out of the conversation, expecting that an answer won’t come when people are venting off more pain. Some part of them wants to mediate, but... But right now, they doubt they could give an effective defense for anyone.

Instead, they get up, messenger bag upon their shoulder, and place their turtle dolls at the respective altars. They don’t return to their own throne, instead sitting on the empty side-table next to Nemesis’s chair. It’s a narrow fit, and Shinobu has to recenter themself several times to maintain balance, but the table seems to hold their weight. Settling in, Shinobu puts a gentle hand upon Nemesis’s back to help steady him.

They’d hug him, but… Shinobu is very acutely aware that they are surrounded by widowed partners and spouses, ex-lovers, and whatever Elliott and Leland might be now. Any further public displays of affection would not be wise. Not that the Doctor has ever said anything about being uncomfortable seeing them express affection so soon after the complete destruction of her own relationship, but Shinobu’s anxiety (even now, there’s a part of them that fears her judgment) makes them wonder nonetheless.

For now, Shinobu pulls their hands back to themself, picking at their bracelet as they soak in the last few things said. They… don’t know what they can say to Setsuna, given how profoundly different their views on death are, and they don’t want to fight her. But one thing sticks out painfully to them.

“They didn’t do just ‘some’ bad things; that’s for someone who starts a fist-fight. Th-they picked through all our traumas and triggers made us relive them. They deliberately chose to do this – o-or most of them, I-I don’t know how much Menai knew and when—?”

Would it be better or worse if Menai learned the full truth early on and had chosen to keep supporting them anyway? At least if they had known, it meant they’d made an informed decision when they stayed with Elliott and hadn’t been continuously lied to. Shinobu… can’t find themself resenting them as much as they resent the others, mostly because they worry if they’re watching their own ancient history repeat again.

Shinobu groans, running their hands up and down their face. They don’t want to think of anyone as their enemy anymore. They try again, this time speaking softer.

“…Look. I don’t believe that people are born bad or good. I-It’s their experiences and how they react to it that shapes them. O-Of course, we’re… a special case. I’m sorry i-if I don’t understand new research from the 2200s or even 2090s. But anyway.

I-I want to believe we can be decent people, we could have been and still could be. And I think… that they still deserve to live. Nemesis is still right, though: It isn’t enough to feel guilty. I-It’s not enough to have good intentions or fighting a greater evil or anything like that. It’s what you do and what it does to people that matters most.

They can be forgiven. I-I’m not going to deny anyone who does, b-because that’s part of healing. But I a-am not obligated to forgive them.They’ve suffered, and th-they chose to end that suffering at all costs. But that doesn’t erase what it did to us.

They know that. I know that. I gain nothing f-from yelling at them. And… if they really are standing o-out of our way now, I’m not gonna fight them anymore. I’m tired. I-I just want to focus on living now.”

It’s not that Shinobu fully buys into the whole ‘if you kill them you’ll be just as bad as them’ concept that old stories they read would pull out, but… but they do believe people deserve a base level of dignity, and that death is not the answer. Though they aren’t really sure if that choice is in anyone’s hands now: They’ve noticed Atropos’s health deteriorate, and while she was cagey about what was wrong with her, Shinobu can’t help but wonder if there’s another reason this was their last chance to end the Summit.

They hope she is watching the way they stare at her.

“…The file said I was – the other me was in his late 70s when you spoke to him, right? And my real birth year is apparently '38…? Then, that means you contacted me a-after you’d started working here as s-staff.”

Had there been a Shinobu among the councilors in those first two decades? Was Shinobu one of those ‘popular’ ones that had been brought back first, so beloved by the citizens that the Titan Administration gave them the honor of dying in a furnace, unaware why they were burning, unaware that the Administration had already reversed all the good things that they and people like Mitsu and Evren and Mina had done for the world?

A clattering noise interrupts Shinobu’s denouement, and they glance down to see red beads scattered all over the floor – they’ve finally torn their bracelet apart, the snapped string gripped tight in their trembling hand. Shinobu loosely wraps the strings around their fingers, and shakily continues speaking. There’s a smudge of blood on their lips, from biting back on their terror.

They have to… If Atropos is deteriorating regardless their decisions, if this becomes the last time they will ever meet, then Shinobu will force themself to talk even through the pain. Even the bravest and smartest of Shinobu’s incarnations stayed silent when it mattered most. Shinobu can’t let it happen again.

“…b-b-but… Y-You asked me to h-help you restructure sports and their ethics. To make s-sure athletes are treated w-with dignity physically and psychologically. To let kids be kids and not trophies f-for their coaches to show off.

You… understood, didn’t you? What my coaches did to me? H-How they’d nitpick all my flaws and tear down my self-worth u-until I’d rather die than fail a-another test, all because they thought an angry and desperate student would work harder th-than a happy one? I-I’ve… seen the photo. Were we friends, once?”

Which Shinobu was that in the photo, chatting happily with Atropos over lunch? The second? The third or the fourth? Some other initialization of SM2038 Nike.ai that Shinobu doesn’t even know about? How much had she shared about herself and her own history? Had she genuinely wanted to bond over their similar experiences, or was she just passing time until the day Shinobu would die and forget once more?

“I w-wouldn’t know. But you would. You know what my coaches did to me. You know how ‘breaking’ us is just her philosophy on a grander scale. You know why I can’t forgive you.”

They watch her, now without any of her weapons and her pride, and Shinobu finally realizes something: More than they hate Atropos, they pity Clarice.

They project themself upon her, and they wonder: Could they have become this, given a hundred and twelve years of resenting their own extended existence? They know why she accepted the Forge the first time around – she hasn’t told them, but they know deep in their weakened bones why she did that. Could that have been Shinobu too, if they had chosen someone else to be Clotho or Lachesis? Could Shinobu, after a hundred years of sending people to their deaths, have become so willing to inflict a few months of torture on others just to break the cycle?

But people are shaped by their experiences, and Shinobu did not become that person. Calista and Iris did. Clarice did. And Shinobu cannot forgive how she, in her own way, perpetuated the same cycle they had both hated so much.

They still hope she lives. They hope she gets to live long enough to watch these final councilors thrive without her.

“I want everyone here to live.”

There’s nothing more than can be said now. Shinobu doesn’t want to feed into the circular arguments any longer. They go quiet, hand back on Nemesis’s shoulder, and hope that maybe now, they can all finally begin to reclaim their humanity.

#chapter 6 #trial 6 #shinobu #submission

0 notes