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the-duke-of-nuts · 11 months

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The Florist and The Tattoo Artist

Day 1: Tattoo Shop/Florist @dukexietyweek

Author’s Note: It’s Spooky Gays week bbs! You all remember last year when I said I'd write a fic to this exact prompt based on my post? Of course you do! I of course did not write it yet B U T don't scroll away just yet I promise there's something. I've written a little snippet (I say snippet as if it isn't literally half of one of the chapters) on one of the scenes that happen in the story but I made sure to write in a way where you don’t really need the whole fic to understand what’s going on. With that being said enjoy I guess!

Summary: Pretty much just Remus coming up with a tattoo design for Virgil and asking him out on a date.

Pairing: Dukexiety

Word Count: 1018

Warnings: Food Mention, I guess Remus mentioning his ass I don't know there's not really much here so I think just those should be fine

"Y'know for a tattoo artist I'd expect you to have at least one." Virgil commented as he started watering the beautifully grown plants in the shop. "Oh I do I gave myself a tentacle sword one on the right side of my ass." Remus answered casually. "How did- Y'know what I don't wanna know." The tattoo artist cackled at seeing Virgil shake off the impressive yet disturbing thought.

"Trust me I'm gonna get more soon. So what about you, have you ever thought about getting a tatt?"

"I mean... I wouldn't mind getting one I just don't know of what." The florist shrugged as he finished watering the plants and walked back to the counter. "Well for starters where do you want it?" Remus asked. Virgil thought about it for a moment. Despite the florist's appearance he never thought that far ahead about where'd he even get a tattoo let alone hoped for one in the first place but knowing the tattoo artist, the mustached man would probably come up with a big or possibly suggestive kind of design for him so he went the safe route.

"I don't know probably like..." Virgil started rolling down his sleeve and pushed his wristbands and bracelets out of the way and pointed to his wrist and forearm. "On my wrist or forearm or somewhere around there." "Hmm..." Remus suddenly took Virgil's arm and started lightly tracing the design he had in mind on the emo's wrist area. The florist fought back from shivering at the touch already knowing the smug words that would come out of the tattoo artist's mouth if he did or looked back up and saw how much he was blushing but luckily Remus was still distracted with figuring out the design.

How did we get to this... One moment we're working across from each other and I'm trying to kick you out of here as much as possible on the daily and next thing I know I can't get enough of your stupid flirting...

"Got it."

Virgil immediately snapped out of his thoughts once he heard Remus speak again. "I think something like a stormcloud with patches on your wrist would look good. Something like... OOH! Do you have any paper?" Virgil looked under the counter and found his sketchbook and handed it to Remus with a pencil. The florist mentally hoped and prayed the tattoo artist didn't carelessy flip the pages too fast and see the drawing of him on the very last page.

If he asks or says anything just tell him it's Freddie Mercury but edgy.

But Virgil instantly relaxed when Remus thankfully started sketching the design on the first empty page he spotted which was in the middle of the book.

Remus was known to be fast with his sketches but he made sure everything was detailed and perfect to the point where he didn't even need to use the eraser. After a minute or two Remus finally finished the drawing and looked at it satisfied. "Like this."

Once the tattoo artist flipped the sketchbook over to reveal the design, Virgil stared at it amazed. When Remus said a stormcloud with patches he certainly delivered. It was so detailed that the emo even immediately knew what colors he wanted it all to be.

"Woah holy shit that actually looks pretty badass!" "Thank you! I tend to give only the best for my Muses~" Remus winked smirking as he put the sketchbook back down.

Wink at me with those damn pretty eyes one more fucking time and I'll give you something to be smug about

Virgil cleared his throat blushing. "I'll think about it." "Cool just let me know and I'll give it to you for free." The florist went wide eyed at hearing that. Normally people would be grateful for not having to pay for a tattoo but the thought of Remus possibly needing the money one day just didn't sit right with Virgil.

"What? Ree no no no I can't but what if-"

"No butts except yours getting the tatt for free Vee Vee!" Remus booped Virgil's nose to which the florist sighed defeated trying to swat the tattoo artist's hand away. "Fine." Virgil playfully huffed and crossed his arms looking away. "Good..." Remus suddenly smirked. "Fair warning though tatt's on the wrist hurt like a bitch but I'll gladly hold your hand if you need me to~" He teased wiggling his eyebrows. "Shut up." A flustered Virgil playfully hit a cackling Remus' shoulder.

"But if you really wanna pay me back I'll also take a date as a form of payment~"

"Not that I'm immediately saying yes or anything but what did you have in mind?"

"There's an Italian restaurant down the street... I know how much you love pizza and bread sticks~" Remus took Virgil's hand and kissed it smirking as the emo's face became even redder.

Can you stop making me wanna fucking kiss you for 10 seconds!?

"Alright fine you had me at the pizza and bread sticks." Virgil said not letting go of Remus' hand. The tattoo artist beamed at hearing that. "Really? Well how does tonight after we both close sound?" Virgil couldn't help but smile at Remus' eagerness. He missed seeing that pretty spark of excitement in the tattoo artist's eyes. "I'd like that." "Yes!" Remus fist pumped whispering victoriously to himself.

"You won't be disappointed-"

The tattoo artist was cut off by his phone alarm ringing to which he dramatically sighed and turned it off.

"Looks like my lunch break is over... Meet back outside of here later?"

"Sounds good."

Remus smiled at the approval and before he could turn away and leave Virgil tugged him back to him and kissed his cheek causing him to freeze and blush. "Now go before I change my mind and you mess up your schedule and if you do, that won't be on the lips tonight." Virgil teased. "Yes Sir~" Remus smirked and quickly ran out of the shop and back to his job. Virgil chuckled and shook his head.

I'm in love with a dork.

#dukexietyweek2023 #dukexiety #virgil #virgil sanders #remus #remus sanders #ts virgil #ts remus #sanders sides #thomas sanders #dukey writes

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super-unpredictable98 · 2 years

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Hero's Confession | Misfits

Pairing: Nathan x Lydia (OC - Hard Candy’ verse) Word Count: around 1 k Warning: Strong language, mention of death

(Masterlist)

"Si, can I borrow your notebook just for a second? I forgot I need to send an email to approve the merch design," I groaned as we finished our drinks after having dinner at Simon's place, it was a double date kind of thing with Alisha and Nathan. "If I don't send it by midnight, my manager's gonna kill me."

"Go ahead, it's on the bed, I think," Simon pointed.

"Isn't it weird t'have your sister sit on the same spot you two shagged on?" Nathan commented with his usual subtle humour.

"Can you not?" Alisha rolled her eyes.

"Well, if that was the case, I s'pose Barry wouldn't be able t'sit anywhere when he comes over to ours, y'know what I mean?" he barked a laugh.

"Remind me again why we invited you?" Simon joked.

"I'm your brother-in-law, can't get rid of me! We're family!" Nathan leaned over him, obnoxiously showing he had absolutely no notion of personal space. "Your dad loves me already..."

"The worst part is that he would actually love you, Lyddie got his horrible taste, poor thing," Si pushed him away.

Meanwhile, I could barely hear their conversation, I was looking at the designs for my shirts, jumpers, keychains, hats, posters, and all that. They were lovely, I was very proud of what the design team was able to come up with.

I sent the dreaded email greenlighting everything and asking for a sample of each item as soon as they were ready so I could make sure they were good quality. My night was going amazing, Nathan made some very interesting promises while the others were in the kitchen and things were looking up.

Just as I was about to shut the notebook off though, something caught my attention. Before anyone says it... I know! I shouldn't be going through my brother's stuff, but what is a sibling for if not to go through your stuff? It's my God given right to snoop around as a younger sister (well, technically older, but still younger).

It was a video, it seemed to have been recorded in 2009, right around the time we were all serving our hours. I made sure the others were entertained enough by something else and opened it, keeping the volume as low as possible.

"She stood here just yesterday," Simon was crying in the video, sobbing in his room and it was dark. "Sally."

Okay, maybe I shouldn't be watching this, I thought to myself, but it was impossible to look away, I just couldn't. It hurt so bad to see my brother so sad, I guess I never really stopped to think about how her death affected him.

Killing someone wasn't easy, I did it indirectly and it still haunts me sometimes, imagine killing someone you thought you loved and loved you back?

Before I knew it, I was crying too. Dad used to say when we were kids: Simon can never cry without Blossom starting too. I hated to see him sad ever since I first understood what sadness was, so that video broke my heart. I guess he kept it just in case someone ever finds the bodies, which was even worse.

Part of me really missed those times, the community service, spending our days together getting into unimaginable adventures in our super-powered comic book fantasy, defeating villains like we were playing a game.

And I miss my silly boyfriend Nathan with the Community Blowback on his jumpsuit, trying to figure out his power. And I miss the time Kelly never had her hair down. And I miss teaching my students in my tiny flat and imagining how my career would be. And I miss Simon, all awkward, not yet knowing what he was capable of, with that silly emo hair, and shirt buttoned all the way up, in his room with that silly space-themed wallpaper I chose for him when I was three.

But seeing him like that, suffering, made me stop wishing we could go back. He was happy now, he was loved and smiling way more than I've ever seen before. He's like a flower that finally bloomed. I guess glow-ups are a thing in our family.

"If this comes out, I want you to tell them I killed Tony, and Gary," he looked straight at the camera. "I want whoever sees this to know I'm not a psycho, I'm not a weirdo. I do things for a reason, I did it for a reason. I did it for you, my friends. I did it for my friends."

I stared at the screen for a minute unable to move, my tears drying on their own. Si was a hero, he always has been even when he didn't know it. He was gonna take the fall for all of us, he killed the first woman he ever had a connection with because of us. I never admired him more than I did when I realized it.

"SIMON!" I put the computer aside and ran into his arms, crying on his shoulder like I used to do when mum would tell me no.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" he gently stroked my back, looking at Nathan as if expecting an answer, but my husband simply shrugged, equally confused.

"You're not a psycho or a weirdo, you're my hero," I managed to say.

"Stop lyin' t'your brother, that's not nice," Nate teased.

"What are you talking about?" Alisha asked, slightly worried.

"I saw the video, he was gonna confess to the murders so we wouldn't get arrested," I explained. "And you didn't even know I was your sister."

"Aw, Lyds," Simon squeezed me with a chuckle, not at all the reaction I was expecting. "But you were my friend, you were the first person to talk to me, to give me a chance. I never felt like I belonged until I met you lot."

"Y'were goin' to jail for me?" Nathan's eyes grew wide.

"For all of you, not you specifically-"

"I knew y'loved me, Barry, but I didn't know it was that much!" he cried dramatically.

"Cut it out, I didn't mean it like that."

"You're also my best friend! I love you too, Barry!"

"Please don't, you loved me once and it was horrible!"

"What d'you mean? I'm an incredibly skilled lover, ask your sister!" Nathan huffed.

"But seriously, thank you," I murmured. "You really are my hero."

Tag List: @seanfalco @holidayspirits @salvador-daley @firstpersonnarrator

#misfits #misfits fanfic #misfits nathan #misfits imagine #one shot #nathan young x oc #nathan young #fanfic #robert sheehan character fic #robert sheehan fanfic #oc x canon

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logical-little-lies · 4 years

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{Chapter 5- When The Other Brother is Bigger}//Soft, Cute, and Far Smarter Than You (Sanders Sides Agere/CGLRE)

A/N: This chapter is like, longer then most of the ones I tend to write? I write agere content for fun, so sometimes it's cuteness over quantity, y'know? But this is a whole 4600-ish words! Wow. Hope y'all like it!

Logan was a bit awkward when he was big again after throwing his first fit, and earning himself his first ever timeout. Of course, Patton could only comfort him so much. It wasn't guilt that he was feeling, but rather a form of embarrassment.

Logan's head shot up when he heard light knocking on his door the following afternoon. "Who is it?" he questioned from his spot at his desk, where he sat working on Thomas's schedule.

"It's Virgil, can I come in?"

Logan fully expected it to be Patton checking on him for the millionth time, so he was shocked when he heard the voice of the emo regressor. "Uh, yeah. Sure." Logan set down his pen softly, reaching forward for his mug and taking a sip.

"Are you drinking another cup of coffee? I know you had like, three this morning." Virgil narrowed his eyes. It wasn't as if he'd actually do anything, even if he was aware of the unhealthy amounts of coffee Logan drank, but he was still concerned.

"It's tea." Logan shook his head, tipping the cup in his direction so that he could see the clearish liquid before setting the mug back on his desk. "Did you need something, Virge?" Logan asked.

"Kinda of.." Virgil trailed off, sitting down on the end of Logan's bed. When he looked up, he saw Logan looking at him in an expecting silence. "So I know it's Patton's job to check in on you and stuff, and that I don't usually do this. But..are you okay after yesterday? You seemed really emotional and anxious."

Logan sighed before speaking. "Of course I'm fine. I just overreacted when Patton punished me because I was scared of him being mad at me. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but three year old me doesn't want to make sense."

Virgil chuckled a bit at that. "It does make a bit of sense though. I do it too, I assume that just because Roman has to be a little strict or something, that he absolutely hates me. It's not stupid or anything."

Logan nodded, giving him a small thankful smile. This was Virgil's way of telling him that he wasn't alone. The same mutual feeling that came about when they both realized they were regressors spread between them. A feeling of unity, of support.

Of family.

"And also, if you're embarrassed or anything, don't worry about it. I'm sure Patton understands that little you is going to do things like that sometimes, and he won't view big you any differently." There it was. Virgil finding what Logan was actually worried about. Logan had the urge to give a sigh of relief, because those were the words he needed to hear.

Instead, he gave a larger smile and thanked him. "Okay, cool. See you at dinner." Virgil got up and went to leave the room, he paused at the door with hesitancy, looking back at him and speaking quickly.

"Also, I'm like pretty sure Patton has a crush on big you. So there's that."

Virgil was gone and out of the room before Logan even got the chance to retort.

Logan sighed, going back to organizing the schedule and trying to convince himself that it couldn't possibly be true, and focus on his work. But no matter how hard he tried, his mind wondered and he thought:

What if Virgil was right?

"Oh, hello Logan. I went to check on you but I guess you were already up." Patton entered the living room, where Logan was on his phone. Patton assumed that if Logan was already up, he probably had work to get done today and wanted to be wide awake for it. He figured that the coffee mug on the coffee table in front of Logan confirmed his original thoughts.

"Morning, Dad. What are we having for breakfast?" he asked, looking up from his phone and making Patton pause in his tracks. Patton went to speak, but Logan quickly replied to his unasked question. "I'm fourteen again, by the way."

"How did you know that I was going to-"

"I figured you'd ask how old I am, you always do. Anyways, what's for breakfast?" he repeated. "I can try to make something myself but I don't know how well that would go..." he admitted.

"It's okay,don't worry about that." Patton assured, "I'll make toast for breakfast-" He went to keep speaking but Logan cut him off.

"Do we have Crofters to put on it?"

"You're just full of questions today, aren't you?" Patton teased, deciding to come sit with his regressor. He sat next to Logan, making sure not to look at his phone screen in order to respect his privacy. Logan turned it off, looking at him. Patton realized he wasn't amused by the teasing and that he wasn't going to respond. "Yes, we have Crofters." He gave up.

Logan was definitely excited about this, and if he was regressed younger, he would've bounced in place and giggled a bunch. But he just replied, "Okay, cool."

"Why are you up so early?" Patton questioned. "How long have you been awake?"

"Less than an hour. I just fell asleep watching Youtube last night, earlier then I usually go to sleep. So I woke up early," he explained. Patton paused, looking at him skeptically.

"Were you regressed last night, as well?"

Logan looked at him with wide eyes, as if he hoped he wasn't going to ask about that. "Uh..yeah, sort of. But it was after dinner and I was ready for bed, I didn't really need to come get you!" he defended.

Patton gave him a slightly stern look with a sigh. "Alright, but if you do need something, or regress younger then your teenspace, come and get me." he instructed. Logan nodded with an annoyed look on his face. Patton glanced at the coffee table, eyes widening when he saw the coffee mug again.

"Wait, why are you drinking coffee if your reg-"

"What coffee?" Logan cut him off, quickly snatching up the mug and chugging the last of it before Patton could take the mug. He wiped his upper lip with the back of his hand, giving Patton a dorky smile. Patton knew he shouldn't have, but he laughed a bit.

"Fourteen year olds shouldn't have coffee, no more." Patton took the mug from him softly. "If I catch you drinking anymore, you'll be in trouble." he threatened halfheartedly, still giving him the stern dad look. Logan immediately replied with a cheeky smile.

"You just won't catch me next time."

Patton seemed shocked. "You're gonna be bouncing off the walls whenever the caffeine kicks in, and I don't wanna be the one to deal with that."

"I mean..." Logan leaned back into the couch, "Do you have a choice? You're technically my only carer, and I've already drank it. And plus, I'm not a baby. Sugar and caffeine won't make me hyper." he scoffed at the end of his statement.

"We'll see about that, sweetheart." Patton gave him a skeptical look before getting up. "I'll go start breakfast, how about you get off your phone and do something else? Like read your comic books or something."

"I'll get off my phone..." Logan agreed quickly, shocking Patton. That excitement went away when Logan grabbed the tv remote and pushed the power button. He gave Patton a smile, while Patton gave him a disappointed look.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it." he said, crossing his arms as he watched him locate Netflix.

"I don't know anything. You told me to get off my phone,and in all technicality, I did." Logan started playing whatever show he was interested in at the time, and Patton leaned forward to kiss his forehead. He wasn't going to bother with pushing it anymore.

"Love you, Lo. I'll let you know when breakfast is ready."

He left, mug in his hand, disappearing into the kitchen. A little while later, he had butter,honey, and Crofters jelly sitting out on the table, along with a plate of stacked up pieces of toast.

"Babyyyy! Can you get Roman and Virgil for me?" He appeared in the door way of the kitchen, looking at whatever Logan was watching on the screen. Logan looked back at him, looking back to the screen after a few seconds of thinking.

"Maybe if you'd stop calling me baby."

"Logan." Patton stated in a simple and stern tone, crossing his arms again. Logan dramatically sighed, but he hopped up and headed up the stairs. "Thank you!" Patton called after him.

"Welcome, dad." Logan replied quickly, before he was completely up the stairs and heading toward the door of Virgil's room.

"Hi, Logan. Is it breakfast already?" Virgil swung the door open. The makeup under his eyes was smeared a bit, and he was still wearing black ripped jeans and a band t-shirt. He had fallen asleep in his clothes, and his hair was a bit messy.

"Yeah, Dad made toast for everyone. And he sent me to get you guys." Logan replied. Virgil went to open his mouth, probably to question if he was regressed due to his sue of the word 'dad', but Logan replied to his unasked question just like his did with Patton. "I'm fourteen again, before you ask about it."

Virgil gave an understanding nod. He walked back into his room, leaving the door open so that Logan could come in if he wanted to. "Okay dork, I was given the job of grocery shopping. If you want, and your caregiver doesn't care, you can come with me." Virgil offered as he picked up his hoodie that was balled up on a dark purple bean bag chair.

"Maybe if you didn't call me a dork, I'd consider it." Logan hesitantly entered the dark-styled room, his arms crossed.

"Oh come on, you're wearing a spiderman t-shirt and a beanie. You're either a nerd or a dork, take your pick." Virgil teased. Logan now wanted to cover up his shirt, and he pulled the black beanie off of his head. "Hey, wait. I didn't mean it like that," Virgil quickly finished pulling the hoodie on, and he came over to where Logan stood, taking the hat softly from his hands. "I was only teasing, dorky isn't bad, and the hat and shirt look good on you."

He pulled the hat back over Logan's head, patting his head. "I'm sorry I teased you," Virgil apologized.

"It's okay..." he looked up, so that he wasn't staring at the floor anymore, giving him a weak smile. His eyes wandered over Virgil's hoodie, but he didn't say anything.

"Do...do you want my jacket, buddy?" Virgil hesitated, but Logan nodded a little.

"I-is that okay?" he stuttered a bit, he couldn't place why he wanted it, it just looked comfortable. Maybe the fact that it also belonged to someone he considered his brother while regressed factored into it.

"Yeah, of course it's okay. Just make sure to give it back to me when you're big again, okay?" he pulled it off, handing it to Logan, who smiled. Virgil didn't usually give his hoodie to anyone, but the middle seemed to want it fairly badly and he knew that Logan would take care of it. Plus, he had his old hoodie to wear if he really wanted too.

"Go get Roman and head downstairs, okay? I'm gonna be down in a sec," Virgil told him. Logan nodded, leaving the room and pausing in the hallway to pull the jacket on.

"Roman, Roman, Roman!" he knocked on the door loudly between each time he called his name, "Breakfast is downstairs..." he spoke sheepishly when the door flew open and Roman gave him a stern look. Roman knew for a fact that he was at least somewhat regressed because of how energetically he woke him up.

"Did you have coffee or something?" he asked jokingly, rubbing at his eyes. Logan nodded quickly, and Roman seemed shocked. "Is your caregiver aware of this?"

Logan nodded again, "He doesn't like it, but he knows."

"Hmm, well please tone is down a bit while I'm still half asleep, okay? I need beauty sleep."

"Beauty sleep whatever, Dad sent me to wake you up." He stuck his tongue out at the end of his statement

"I'm assuming we're stuck with teen Logan again?" Roman questioned, running his fingers through his hair.

"Fourteen." Logan confirmed. Constantly confirming with others that he was in fact, in teenspace, reminded him that he was a teenager at the moment and that was okay.

"The sassiness and dorky beanie gave it away." he teased. Logan pouted, this was the second time his hat had been called dorky within the span of ten minutes. "Dorky isn't bad." Roman corrected quickly, just as Virgil had. Logan nodded, turning to walk away without another word.

"Logan, are you wearing Virgil's jacket?" Roman realized, looking at him.

Logan nodded shyly, turning back around to face him. "Hmm, that's cute. Just make sure not to stain it, or you'll never hear the end of it from Vee." he gave a reassuring smile, Logan nodding gratefully and walking off, for real this time. He had been worried that Roman was going to pick on him for taking Virgil's jacket.

Logan went downstairs, going into the living room to get his phone off of the coffee table. Once he had acquired this, he went into the kitchen and greeted Patton. "They should be heading down soon. Look! Virgil let me steal his jacket," he laughed a bit, doing a twirl for his caregiver.

"That was very nice of him. Did you say thank you?" Patton asked, and Logan looked down.

"No, I didn't..." he sighed guiltily.

"Well, make sure you do at some point, okay?" Patton told him, coming closer to him and giving him a forehead kiss. Or at least, he tried to. Logan ducked away before he could, stepping to the side. Patton audibly gasped, looking at him. Logan giggled, sticking his tongue out like he did earlier to Roman.

"You're silly, kiddo." Patton shook his head, patting Logan's head softly before moving on to do something else. Logan pouted, because he expected Patton to go in for another forehead kiss after missing the first one, but he just kept going. Logan told himself that he was being a dork anyways, and that being playful was something for littler him, and that his caregiver didn't need to play along.

He didn't need to play, he was a teenager. He didn't need affection either, no hugs or cuddles or kisses.

But even as a teenager, Logan craved exactly that.

He watched Patton as he plated breakfast for himself, buttering the bread. Logan took action before he could stop himself, side hugging Patton by ducking under his arm. He wrapped his arms around his carer and laid his head on his chest. Patton chuckled, "Hello there, baby."

He dropped the butter knife back on his plate, and set the piece of bread down in favor of hugging Logan back. He hugged him tightly, Logan melting into the touch. "You know, you could just ask for a hug instead of attacking me."

"What hug? I don't need a hug," Logan replied, pulling away from him and grabbing a plate off of the stack on the table.

"The hug you just pulled away from..." Patton seemed confused.

"I never hugged you, dad. You're crazy," Logan kept going, making himself breakfast and acting as if he never hugged him. Patton brushed it off for now and didn't worry about it, because Virgil and Roman entered the kitchen.

Patton greeted them, and as they all sat down to eat, Virgil mentioned taking Logan to the store with him. "Um..well, I'm not sure if that's a good idea..." Patton admitted, setting his piece of toast down on his plate. Virgil seemed confused, as did Logan.

"Why not?" Logan questioned, looking at his caregiver with a confused glance.

"Well, I've never taken you outside of the house while regressed, I'm just worried that someone might see you acting younger and be mean." Patton explained, and Logan frowned.

"Logan's a teenager though, and I'll be there to help if anything like that happens. It's not like he'll throw a fit or anything, he's fourteen." Virgil argued.

"Last time he regressed to teenspace, he was so anxious that he practically threw a fit!" Patton snapped, not exactly shouting. He looked at Virgil with somewhat angry eyes. Patton never gave that look, unless someone he was protecting someone he cared about. Logan sunk down in his seat, zipping up Virgil's hoodie and hiding away from the world for the time being. Virgil raised his hands up in mock surrender before speaking.

"Patton, I'm sorry that I upset you, but please be mindful of Logan. You're probably scaring him by snapping." Virgil reminded. Patton's expression faded from anger to an apologetic look, and he looked toward Logan,who nodded a bit.

"Oh..I'm sorry sweetheart. And you too, Virgil...Just let me think about this and we'll talk after breakfast, okay?"

Virgil gave a nod of agreement, and Logan muttered a weak 'okay'.

Patton eventually agreed to let Logan go with Virgil, but not without a lot of convincing and second guessing his decision.

"Promise that you'll be nice to Virgil, and if you get to anxious-"

"Let Virgil know and step away to text you." Logan interrupted, pocketing his phone and looking at his dad. "I'm not a baby, and I'll be fine."

"Yeah, he's safe with me." Virgil assured, coming down the stairs, clad in his old hoodie and a pair of black ripped skinny jeans. "We're good, right?" he looked at Logan, double checking just to be sure.

Logan laughed, "We're good." he confirmed.

"Oh, okay. I love you both, be good," he looked at Logan, as if he needed the reminder, "And please be home before dinner."

Both boys nodded, taking their final hugs from Roman and Patton before heading out. Virgil let Logan sit in the passenger seat

The mindscape was set up to be a small, little town. It wasn't one that existed in the real world, but it was heavily based off of the real world and would change according to real world events. If they really wanted to, the mindscape extended past their imaginary town, it was a whole little world just inside Thomas's head.

"Okay, so I have a shopping list on my phone, and the grocery money we all pitch in for. Though I found that there's always a little extra money, so if you want an extra snack or whatever, go for it." Virgil spoke, stopping as they approached a red light. He looked around, his eye catching on a street sign as he assured himself that he was going the right way.

Logan nodded. He was usually the one to go on the grocery runs, so he already knew about how he slightly over estimated how much money they needed. He'd usually either buy something extra, a treat or dessert, or save it for the next shopping trip. They all got their limited allowance (for the whole 'realistic human life' thing), and they'd pitch in a certain amount of it to pay for food for their home.

"Is there anything you want for the store? That isn't already on the usual list, I mean?" Virgil asked. He was trying to start a conversation, but Logan was being quiet. That was the main reason he offered to take him with him for errands. Virgil wanted to spend more time with his newfound brother, though he'd never admit that out loud. Virgil and Logan regress together all the time, and there's been plenty of time where Logan is bigger than Virgil, but it's rarely the other way around.

Virgil wanted to know Logan more, and also earn his trust. Because it seemed that currently, the only person Teenage Logan really trusted, was Patton.

"I don't know, maybe one of those starbucks bottled frappe things?" Logan said hopefully, giving his, currently older, brother a look in the hopes that he didn't shoot it down immediately.

"Hmm, Patton wouldn't be to happy about that one...and if he found out, he'd be pretty mad at me." Virgil thought out loud, anxiously biting at his lip while he focused on the road. Logan sunk down in his seat in disappointment, immediately taking his hesitancy as a 'no' and looking out the window.

Virgil sighed, glancing at him for a split second before turning his head to examine the road in front of him. "I suppose...if you promise not to tell your caregiver, and you also don't get like, super hyper on me..." he pauses, taking a turn before continuing his conditional agreement, "You can get the coffee. But this is a one time thing, I don't condone littles-" Logan gave him a look.

"Middles?" he hesitantly corrected himself, glancing at Logan again.

"Or regressors." Logan nodded. Virgil hummed before continuing.

"I don't condone teenagers drinking a bunch of caffeinated drinks in one day. I know you had coffee this morning. But today's the exception, alright?"

Virgil was only agreeing to this because he wanted to make Logan happy. And he didn't quite mind stretching the rules just a bit to get there.

"Okay." Logan agreed, looking back out the window.

Virgil had a feeling that this would end up being a good day.

Or at least, he hoped it would.

"Virgil, I know I said I'd be okay..but I'm scared."

Virgil stopped in the middle of the cereal aisle, pulling the cart to the side so that people could walk through if they needed. Logan seemed ashamed to admit that, looking up at his, currently older, brother for support. Logan fiddled with the zippers on the cuffs of Virgil's jacket.

"What are you scared of, Logan?" Virgil spoke softly to him, in a voice that seemed to assure that he'd be ready to comfort him no matter what his answer.

"Dad was right, it's my first time going out while regressed and I feel..." he trailed off, his eyes following a cart as a family walked by the aisle. "I feel stupid. Like people are staring a me or something." He looked back at Virgil, who nodded.

"That's okay. I've never been out while regressed, but I'm sure it is a bit scary. I'm sorry that you aren't feeling the best, though." Virgil sighed, not quite knowing what to do. He thought for a moment before offering the best solution he could come up with. "How about you call Patton and talk to him while we shop? I think he'd be the best at comforting you right now."

Logan nodded lightly, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Virgil gave him a reassuring smile before pulling a few boxes of cereal from the shelf. As Virgil motioned for them to keep walking, Logan listened to his phone ring.

"Logan! Are you okay?" Logan winced at how loud Patton's voice seemed through the phone.

"Mhm, I'm okay. Just a bit anxious though...can you talk to me? I-i think it'd help." his voice was filled with hesitancy, but Virgil gave him a comforting look that silently told him 'good job'.

"Oh, yeah. I can talk to you. Do you wanna tell me why you're feeling anxious, baby?"

"I um...you were right," Logan fiddled with the zippers on Virgil's hoodie again, taking a turn into a aisle with bread and snacks. "I kinda started panicking the moment I got into the store. There's so many people, and so much noise. I'm just worried that I'm being judged, I guess." he hummed, glad that there was no one else in their aisle.

"I'm sure that everything is okay, sweetheart. Listen to me, not all the noise, okay?"

Logan nodded, then realizing that Patton couldn't see him through the phone. "Okay."

"Can you tell me what you guys have gotten so far?" Logan was confused by his caregivers request, but he looked in the cart as Virgil set something in it.

"We got Crofters! And butter, and bread." he identified a few items, looking at a few others.

"We can make more toast!" Patton cheered. Logan laughed at that.

"Uh, we have like three boxes of cereal in the cart. And coffee cakes! There's also macaroni..." Logan kept going, not realizing that Patton had successfully distracted him from his anxiety for the time being. Patton spoke in a calm, caring voice all the way through their shopping trip.

"We're heading up to checkout now. I'll text you when we're on our way home," Logan spoke into the phone, following Virgil's guide through the front part of the store.

"Alright. You feel better now, right?" Patton assured.

"Yeah, thanks dad. I'll see you later." Logan hung up the phone, pocketing it and taking a deep breath.

"Feeling better?" Virgil questioned softly. Logan hummed.

He felt almost pathetic for having to call his dad to coach him through a simple shopping trip, but he also felt a lot more at ease. He couldn't quite place why he didn't just pull himself out of middlespace if it really bothered him that much, it almost felt like it'd be to tiring to do. He was getting used to being able to regress whenever and not have to repress it, so when the time came that he might of had to, it felt to hard.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Are we heading home after this?" Logan asked, redirecting the conversation swiftly.

"No, actually. If you're okay with stopping somewhere else first, I mean." Virgil didn't elaborate on where they could possibly be going, which confused Logan.

As they checked out and scanned their items, Logan kept bugging Virgil about where they were headed. "It's a surprise. I'm sure you'll like it, though."

"But Virge! I wanna know!" he whined, handing Virgil his iced coffee to scan.

"Hmm, well that's to bad." he teased. "You'll see when we get there."

Virgil has had this idea since he realized that Logan regressed to teen ages. He was only able to convince Patton to let him take Logan because he revealed his little plan, the second stop that Logan would definitely be excited about. Of course, Logan couldn't know what it was quite yet.

"Virgilll!" he pouted, giving him pleading eyes.

"The pouty face only works when you're a toddler, Lo. Just be patient," he told him, pulling his wallet out of his pocket and looking at the total on the self checkout screen. He counted the money quickly.

"Will a candy bar shut you up?" he asked, pulling a few dollars from the stack.

"That only works when I'm a toddler," Logan mimicked him. It was true, if any of the sides needed to distract Logan while he was little, a piece of candy would do the trick. Of course, it would backfire in half an hour when he got hyper and bouncy, but it works in the moment.

Virgil raised his eyebrows, waving the three one dollar bills in his hand. Logan rolled his eyes, snatching them away. "Fine, I'll be back in a sec."

He disappeared to go pick out some candy, leaving Virgil to chuckle.

Virgil was glad he did this. He felt bad for putting Logan in a situation where he was anxious, but he could still say that they were having a decent time so far. And he was sure Logan would love the next place they were headed to.

There was just one question Logan had.

Where were they going?

A/N: Okay so this chapter is jam-packed! I finally hinted towards the romance part of this story, which won't really be a main focus, like at all. It focuses on the agere, and here and there there will be some cute fluffy shippy things. Lmk what you think of this chapter by commenting, reblogging, or sending me asks! (Depends on if you're reading through Tumblr or Wattpad!)

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cheseyre · 4 years

Text

good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all.

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS BEEN SO LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP. I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀

Okay, okay.

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle.

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this.

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man.

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon.

There is no in between

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay.

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video.

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader.

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose?

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020 you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

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lucarioisinthevoid · 4 years

Note

THE GIFTING ANON RETURNS! Rather late, but oh well. For Old Sport, I grant...! A single toothpick. Thats it. Dave? TWO WHOLE TOOTHPICKS. Mike, I grant you a bat with nails in it. Jeremy, I offer several cookies! Also a hug! Phoneguy, I offer MORE ALCOHOL. Guess the detective can have a rubber ducky. Nemo the emo gets a bright pink scarf covered in little rainbows and unicorns. And for Henry, he can have a medkit to keep in the void, and a single use 'skip a M!A' card. And Luc gets a hug!!!

No worries about being late, so am I. That's our fate, as w i s e p e o p l e .Or so I heard. Old Sport was incredibly excited as he was the first one to be called out, jumping forward to await his present."Oh boy, I can't wait to see what it is!" Pleased he bounced a bit. "Eternal Happiness? Cyanide? A soul? A doggo?" When the toothpick was held out to him, decorated with a pretty little orange ribbon, he stared at it with a frozen smile, then at the Anon and then proceeded to lose his shit."How could you DO this to me?! After ALL we went through?! A toothpick? What am I supposed to do with this?! At least Krampus would have gifted me some coal! This is ABUSE-" Picking him up and putting him aside, Dave was called out next and just as motivated as the person before him. Well beside him now, but you know what I meant. "WOAH! TWO WHOLE TOOTHPICKS. Boy, thank ya kindly, Anon! Look at me, Sportsy! I got TWO toothpicks!" "WHY?! HE KILLED MORE CHILDREN THAN ME!" Insulted Old Sport pointed at him. Jeremy in the back looked horrified. "Excuse me?" "METAPHORICAL CHILDREN! You'll get it when you're older." Softly the boy was petted over the head, before OS returned to Dave. "YOU WERE WORSE THAN ME!" "Objectively, yes. Maybe that's why I'm gettin' two of 'em. Double the chance to cause mischief!" Nefariously he laughed. "Old Sport, let us combine our powers! We can make a triangle and summon unknown evil into this reality!" Ignoring them, Mike stepped forward to receive his bat. "Oh fuck. Look at this beauty. I'm taking it, might come in handy." You know how to make a delinquent happy. Jeremy, who still seemed worried about everything that was going on was surprised as he suddenly was hugged and smiled a little sheepishly as he hugged them back. "M-merry late Christmas and a happy New Year Anon! Actually, I got some cookies I would like you to have-" Just as he took them out, the Anon took out their cookies too and they stood in front of each other, mirroring each other’s movements.Slightly insulted Jerry tried to make them take the cookies. "No, no, I don't need cookies! Here, you can have mine though, it's no problem-" The Anon didn't relent either and they circled one another, waiting for the right moment to strike and force the other to accept the gift. Phone Guy took his bottle as they were doing that, looking at it. "... uh- perfect. Thank you. I'll... uh... y'know. Store it."Inside of yourself?"The, uh- the inspection apparently is still scheduled, so I might should be... uh- careful. But I'll definitely use this." The fight was resolved as Marion took both of their bags of cookies for himself. The only way to ensure peace… what a hero. Ethan meanwhile was panicking as the Anon came for him. Never seen one up close and from what he had watched from the distance they could be quite DANGEROUS-Terrified he looked at the little wrapped up present in the shape of a rubber duck that was held out to him. Slowly he reached to pick it up and stared down at the Anon. "... for... who?" As the Anon pointed at him again, he seemed even more surprised and shocked. "... me?"A pause."... why?" Who knows!Taking out a knife, he very carefully removed the paper.In his hand? A rubber ducky. What a surprise."Ya can make a great bomb from that!" Dave called out happily.Poor detective made confused noises. It's been... quite a while since he last got anything for Christmas. Or at all. He was ripped out of this state of worry as behind him loud noises of disgust were made.The angsty teen held the scarf up, openly showing his distain."BLEH! What the fuck is THIS? It's so ugly. Why. Why do you do this to me? I take the rainbows and unicorns, but PINK? The literally worst color that ever existed? The color of literally hitler? No thanks, I wouldn't even hang myself with this." Wow, ungrateful. Dave reached out. "Hey, hey, I want it! I think it's totally my style! No worries, I'll be takin' care of it." "Forget it, I'll put it to good use by cutting it into pieces and then putting it on fire." The younger man sneered. "You already have the better gift, you don't need even MORE. You got the most from all of us!" Disappointed Dave pouted, then got ready to jump "... I will take it, one way or another." "Detective, hand me your lighter." "NO, NO, DON'T BURN IT!" Henry was VERY pleased with his gift. "Why, thank you! That will most certainly come in handy. I cannot possibly describe how grateful I am." The skip was framed on the wall now. He would use that one WISELY. Or perhaps not, but he KNEW he would need it. AND FROM ME YOU GET A HUG BACK! THANK YOU FOR YOUR VISIT! COME BACK AGAIN SOON, YOU FRIENDLY MIRACLE OF A PERSON!

#the Group #henry miller #the detective

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oliverthemockingbird · 6 years

Text

Revelry | Be Your Guest

Oliver, who was ironic a good percent of his life, had been dragged at the party by one of his roommates whose name was not Boris but Brian—a six foot tall, ginger guy. The only thing he knew about the party were the magic words of ‘free-flowing alcohol’, which had him reluctantly agree to follow Brian all the way out there. He didn’t know how had thrown the party together, who the house belonged, too, and he hadn’t really cared. Dressed in black skinny jeans and a pink fishnet top over a grey shirt, he gave a look around in search of the table with the drinks. But soon a drink found its way to him when a waiter—this party has waiters—offered him one, and he took it without bothering to check what it was exactly. “This party is way too fancy,” said, catching sight of—was that a fountain of Champagne?

Asher took a sip of his drink, blinked, and in a second it seemed James was gone. But immediately, he saw Oliver. He brightened up and gave a shout. "Oliver! Hey, Oliver!" He waved and rushed up to greet his friend. "Hi! How are you?"

Oliver gave his roommate a little shove after something Brian had said, and then the two exchanged a nod of agreement. Brian went his way, mingling into the crowd of Westbridge students, while he was about to take a sip of the mystery drink when he heard his name being called. Searching for the source, he turned around, noticing Asher's waving hand. "Hey, you," he greeted him, smiling. "Hmm, good for now. Not sure after I try this," he said, pointing at his drink. "Have you been here long?"

He smiled and shook his head. He took another sip of the maybe-absinthe. This was actually tasty. "Oh, no, I haven't been here for very long at all. Just got this drink from the waiter. Talk to James a little bit. " He smiled and made another passing glance around the room, taking in all he could. But he returned right to Oliver. "Do you know what it is you're drinking?"

The waiter strikes again, Oliver jokingly thought, giving note of amusement to his smile. The name 'James' was familiar, but then there were more than just one James enrolled in Westbridge University that he didn't stop to think it over. "I have absolutely no idea. And I find it both slightly alarming and incredibly interesting. Do you know what you are drinking?" he asked, turning the question around to Asher.

He laughed and took another sip. "I think it's absinthe. It's that weird green color, for one, and for two, it tastes like licorice." He paused. "Or it at least has absinthe in it. I don't know. Would you like to try it?" He offered the glass to Oliver with a wry smile.

Oliver whistled—a short but impressed sound hearing it could possibly be asbinthe. "Okay, but then you have to try mine," he said, offering his untouched glass. "It's probably gonna be either whiskey or rum."

Asher nodded and took the glass. He handed his over to Oliver. "Here you are." He smiled and took a drink. Coconut. "Oh this is definitely rum. I mean. Not that I really know what each alcohol tastes like, but this definitely tastes like rum. Very coconut. Super tasty."

"LEAVE ME ALONE, NESSA!" Neal yelled back over his shoulder through the door from which he just came in. "I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU!"

she was right on his heels, sure as sin. "I LIVE HERE, YOU MORON!" one heel was pulled off as she marched after him, wondering where the hell he was going. "LET ME GUESS, YOU'RE LOST. NOTHING NEW THERE!"

Oliver took Asher's glass, meaning to take only a small sip but ending drinking a little more. The refreshing taste of absinthe hitting his tongue. "And this is definitely absi—" the shout having him stop in his tracks. The voice was eerily familiar even if he had heard it only enough to have someone leave him to share a room with Jason and Emily. "This is absinthe," he said, finishing his previous, "and that sound like drama coming this way. So," he continued as nothing has changed, "not a connoisseur when it comes to alcohol?"

"AT LEAST I UNDERSTAND IT WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME TO GET LOST. Here, take him," he pointed at Asher. "I bet if you tell him to get lost he gets the hint."

if she wanted to scuff a perfectly good saab heel she would have chucked it at him. she couldn't risk it touching him and turning emo on her. the other was pulled off and now they dangled from her fingertips as her attention was shoved to another male. "him? is he even old enough to be here?" he was a cutie though and her hand gently stroked his cheek in passing before her eyes were locked back on neal. "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING. I CAN'T HAVE THE FURNITURE SAD AND STAINED!"

Neal scoffed but then paused, looking at the kid he had pointed at. "Are you? Old enough?" he asked, voice suddenly very quiet.

Asher shook his head. "No, not really. I've never drank before coming to Whitebridge. It wasn't really my scene--" He looked over at the drama that just seemed to appear at the party. Two people came barreling their way into the room, yelling about a million things. He nodded. "Yes, I'm old enough to be here. Besides, I was invited anyway." The woman stroked his face and he moved back a little. "I am very much old enough to be here."

"See, he's old enough," Neal muttered. "And I'm not the one touching stuff and making them sad, now am I?" A comment about the kid's sudden dim-of-smile.

Neal peeled his gaze off the kid and to the new voice that spoke. His eyes narrowed immediately. "You," he grunted.

Asher shrugged and drank the rest of the drink Oliver handed him. Also in one go. "It's fine. We'll just get other drinks," he replied. The alcohol buzzed through him and suddenly he felt very bold. Very very bold indeed. He grabbed Oliver's hand. "Come on, let's go."

Neal clicked his tongue. "Make sure he doesn't get you wet, kiddo," he lazily called after them. "He's good at that." Though he had actually remained quite dry, hadn't he?

Oliver turned to look at Neal, square in his eyes, "Me." He glanced at Nessa, quickly, then back at Asher when he felt his hand caught, "Okay." Hearing Neal's last remark, he flipped him the bird with his free hand. "Try not to hog a room all for you. Your hand is not worth it," he said, before following Asher's lead.

She chose to dignify nothing else of Neal because her eyes had landed on James and then the bar where she moved to snag up a new glass to sip on, eyes narrow on every move Neal made for now.

Asher held onto Oliver's hand tighter as he led him back to the drinks. "Who was that, anyway?" It really seemed like Oliver knew whoever that was. Or at least they knew him. And were not happy about him being at the party. Which, Asher could just keep Oliver out of trouble anyway. That was a kind, friend thing to do.

"You know how they are those that say Jack would've made it into the door with Rose, and those that say he wouldn't?" Oliver asked Asher, but the question was rethoric as he went on. "Well, he's the kind of guy who cheered for Rose' douche fiancé," he said, in lieu of an explanation. "So, about those drinks," he said, trying to change topic, "what do you want to try next?"

Asher wrinkled his nose immediately. He knew EXACTLY what kind of person that was. "Gross. I'm glad we got away from him, then. I'd much rather not involve myself with those types of people." He smiled again at Oliver. "Let's try...ooh, let's try some champagne from that not-so-health-and-safety-friendly fountain. I've always wanted to. Unless..." He paused, thinking of the best way to word this. "Unless you want to try something more narcotic than alcoholic?"

Oliver laughed at Asher's phrasing. "Nah," he shook his head, "I prefer alcoholic to narcotic, thanks. And now that you've called it that, I definitely want to try the.. how you said it... not-so-healthy-and-safety-friendly fountain?" Taking advantage of their still linked hands, he pulled Asher towards it.

Asher smiled as Oliver pulled him along. And he couldn't help laughing as he was. "Oh gosh!" He laughed. "This is just...crazy. Like, no one at home parties like this, and I practically grew up here." He wobbled a little as they came to a sudden stop in front of the fountain, and leaned against Oliver. Warm. "Be their guest."

"It is crazy, but.. hey," Oliver said, with a shrug, "free drinks." His hand went for a moment to Asher's back to steady him, before leaving to get a couple of glasses for them to drink. "You know that if you reference a Disney song then you have to sing it, right?"

Asher felt his heart jump a little at the contact. "Oh yeah. I am not going to say no to a free drink. Or two. Or however many I happen to have by the end of the night." He blushed. "Me, sing? Oh, no, no, you've made a mistake. I dance, I don't sing. Plus, you would have to get me a lot a lot drunker before that happens." He glanced over at the noise near them, of people drinking and urging each other to chug. "Like that."

Oliver filled the glasses, passing one to Asher. "The singing or the dancing? Because I think I have a good head start." His gaze then followed Asher's, to the guys chugging their drinks. "I can surely try."

Asher smiled and clinked his glass against Oliver's. "Cheers, then." He took a small sip of the champagne, to taste. Once he was satisfied that he had actually tasted what he drank, he chugged it down in one swift motion, as much as one could 'chug' a glass of champagne. "Get me drunk, I dare you."

Oliver took only a sip this time, watching Asher chug down his drink. He grinned, "are you sure? Because I will."

He laughed. "I am very sure. Look, it's college, right? And we're at fucking Whitebridge. The two Black kids in all of Whitebridge. That's what college is for. Getting absolutely plastered." He smiled and filled his glass again. He was going to hate himself in the morning. This had better be what they wanted.

"I know a couple of people that wouldn't exactly agree with your analysis about what's college is for, but, y'know, fuck those people." Oliver shrugged, and then he chug is own glass of Champagne. "So, let's make this interesting," he said, while refilling his glass and glancing around the room. "We chug everytime we see someone else chug their drink; every time someone's palms someone's ass and...."

Asher smiled. Good, Oliver was joining him. "We chug everytime someone else does, every time someone palms someone's ass, and...," he repeated. Oliver must have wanted the third answer to come from him. "And every time we see someone fall down stairs!" he added with a light laugh. He glanced over at the man who had interrupted them earlier. He was over scowling in the corner. Something about him sent chills running up his spine. But he quickly looked back at Oliver. He was here to have fun. So he would have fun.

"Falls down stairs, a classic," Oliver nodded, and then catching sight of Neal in his corner, he added, "Oh, and every time Rose' fiancé talks to himself. Sounds good?" he said, raising his glass in lieu of shaking hands.

Asher glanced back over to the corner. How was Oliver so calm about this? Someone, who at the very least Asher didn't know, had just tried to...well, he wasn't sure, but he tried to do something at a party. He nodded and held his glass to Oliver's again. "Okay. Sounds good."

Oliver let his glass ching against Asher's and then chug his drink again. "Okay, but we need something different. Champagne can only go so far. Vodka, whiskey or more rum?"

"More rum," Asher answered without a second thought. The rum that he had had earlier was delicious, so it was only fitting that Oliver try some too. He smiled a little over at Oliver. "But, you can skip drinking one time, if you tell me who that was."

"More rum it is," Oliver nodded, and leaving the empty champagne glass behind, he started looking for the rum at the drinks table. "To be honest, I don't know him that well," he said, since on this it didn't hurt to be honest. Of course, he wasn't going to be fully honest even if he liked Asher. "You know how I'm a caffeine addict, and what you may not know is that I'm also very clumsy some time. Ergo the wet comment. And here is your rum," he said, handing a full glass to Asher.

James walked off slightly, deciding they could handle this well enough on their own, feeling the alcohol still drying his throat. He walked into Asher once more, giving him a grin, before recognizing the man he was with, the grin settling into a smirk. "Asher! Introduce me to your friend?"

Asher took the glass from Oliver, aware that he wasn't being told the whole truth. Probably something to do with before Whitebridge, or during that week when it seems like everything happens at once. He didn't want to argue with Oliver. Not yet. But he was going to get the details one way or another. He looked over when he heard his name. "James! Hi again. Yeah, this is Oliver. We met during the first week."

Oliver prepared a glass of rum for himself, too, and was about to take just a sip when he noticed who Asher's James was. He chug this drink, too. "Perfect timing."

the sound of choking drove her away. she couldn't bear to see it when one of them puked on her rugs, so nessa spotted james and two males, asher she believed she'd overheard, though tall dark and handsome with him she hadn't gotten the name of. "james if they loose stomachs on the rug..." she only gently scolded, a smile still evident in her eyes as she looked to the others. "can i get you anything?"

James blinked. Oliver. This was Oliver? He let the shock dissipate immediately, going into a bright, dazzling grin. "So nice to meet you, Oliver. I've got a friend who's been looking for you, you know. I might send her your direction. Sadly, someone is - calling my attention. But you two, ah," he looked at them with another grin. "Enjoy yourselves."

"A tall glass of vodka," Oliver replied to Nessa, since she seemed to be offering.

He looked to Nessa with a laugh. "They will absolutely lose their stomachs on the rugs, Nessa, I'm sorry to say. Let's put it on the bill."

"Oh, you have friends. How nice," Oliver commented, with a large smile.

she wasn't in the least bit surprised, looking back to the male who'd asked for vodka. "promise you'll keep it down." in passing was a woman with a tray and she turned to follow the motion of the glasses, a shot of what she presumed to be vodka in the mix of more amber liquids was snagged up gently and passed to the male. "and you?"she set her eyes on the other, asher.

Asher did not like this. Asher did not like this at all. This was way too much attention to have all at once. He nodded at Nessa's offer. "Um, I'll have a glass of gin." Might as well try all the alcohol tonight. He nodded at Oliver's comment. He smiled a little. "Yeah, that's James. I think this is his party. But I'm not sure."

"Cross my heart, hope to die," Oliver replied to Nessa without hesitation. "I can hold my spirits."

"Thank you," Oliver thanked her, taking the offered glass, but for now paced himself. "I wouldn't be surprised if it was," he said, replying to Asher's comment about James and the party. "You two are friends?"

He nodded. "I mean, you could say that. We sit next to each other sometimes in class. I let him borrow my notes, we talk, if there's some sort of a group project in the future I'd probably work with him. But I've not gotten the chance to hang out with him outside of class like with you, or other people."

gin she knew she would be moving for and with a smile given back to both men she walked back to the bar. "excuse me." she whispers to the young girl, pearl merely to pick up the bottle of gin herself and pour some into a clean glass from the shelf. in walking back with it she passed it to asher "if you two are looking for a place more quiet there's the study just up the stairs." well, hopefully more quiet, but she knew music and people had flooded up there as well.

Oliver nodded to Asher's explanation and was about to something when Nessa's offer reached him. "Thanks, but I don't think it's necessary right now. Do you know if there are rules about using the other rooms in the house?"

Asher blushed red a little at the woman's comment. He took the glass from her and took a sip. Oh, wow, this tasted a lot different. Around him noise rose and surrounded him like a wave. He smiled. "Yes, what are the rules?"

considering.... "the house is my family's so anything that's locked is of course off-limits but as for the rest, help yourself." there was the entire west wing that they would find locked but apart from that there was plenty of space to fan out a little in case anyone got bothered by the crowding. the rug needs it. nessa's head snapped and her eyes narrowed on the source of the voice. she was quite possibly going to murder neal

"Oh, thanks for having us," Oliver said, not having realised Nessa was the true host of the night. "And we'll keep well off the locked doors," he reassured her, with a smile.

The raised hand lowered itself over his mouth as Neal caught Nessa's gaze. Some fingers folded, two stayed up: a V over his lips.

Asher smiled. "Yes, thank you. Your house is absolutely beautiful!" And it was! Just like something that would be described in millions and millions of stories before. And would continue to be the setting for millions and millions of stories of all different kinds in the future. "But of course. No exploring where it's locked."

deep breaths, they were important, and a few were taken just so she could smile warmly back at oliver and asher. "no problem at all. if you need anything just find me." as she turned and her eyes landed on neal again, the cliche jab with his fingers, a brow merely arched and she mouthed a 'you wish', and a smirk, in his direction before she brought her own wine glass back to her lips for a sip.

"Will do. Thank you, again," Oliver said to Nessa then let his gaze glance around to see what else was going at the party. "Ash," he called him, "drink up! Hand on ass," he said, point at a couple on the dance floor. "Also, drunk enough to dance, yet?"

He perked up at his nickname. And mock groaned. "Augh, again?" But he smiled and drank the entirety of his gin. He winced. Gin is not for chugging. But soon returned to his beaming, smiling self. "Yes! Yes, in fact, I am. Are you?"

Oliver donned his vodka down. "I am now," he said, smiling to Asher. "C'mon," he said, nodding in direction of the area where people were dancing, moving that way starting to follow the rhythm of the music.

Asher smiled and followed Oliver. And he might have been drunk, but wasn't drunk enough to not hear the beat of the music. He felt it move through his soul. And it was good fucking music at this party. Heavy bass, sweeping crescendos of synthesized sounds. Amazing. He laughed and grabbed onto Oliver's hand again. "Here! Let's dance here!"

Oliver followed Asher's lead, feeling his hand been caught once again. The music was good enough to have him relax his shoulder and move his body to its rhythm into a crescendo. Eyes on Asher, he smiled at him, dancing together amidst the crowd surrounding them.

A wide smile spread across Asher's face. He danced among the crowd. There were people all around them, dancing, moving, breathing the rhythm of life. But for all the bodies, sweat, and noise surrounding them, all Asher could focus on was Oliver. Not how drunk he was. Not the Voliere. Not the instructions that he had been given. Just Oliver.

#voliere event #sorry for the spam in the tag #just wanna save the snippets #c: asher #t: asher 4 #c: james #t: james 4 #npc: neal p. charleston #npc: nessa #event: revelry #revelry 1

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buzzkillmag · 4 years

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2019 WRAPPED: a few contributors’ (and my) records of the year

in order of release, here are some of our contributors’ albums of the year, alongside my extremely extensive list of my favorite LPs released in the past 365 days.

1. january 18, heard it in a past life by maggie rogers

this album, without a doubt, shaped this entire year for me, but whenever i’m asked to explain how, or why, i get choked up. at the time of its release, i was in such a strange place mentally that i couldn’t listen to “light on” - one of the most popular songs on the album - without sobbing uncontrollably, even if that meant excusing myself to cry in the restroom when it came on at work. i am so grateful to have had hiiapl to grow with this year. maggie rogers is one of the most influential artists in the world right now, and i know this album is a lot of people’s record of the year. recommendations: light on, burning, on + off, the knife

2. january 25, amo by bring me the horizon

the return of british metalcore band bring me the horizon was such a heavily anticipated one, given the fact that their last LP release was in 2015, but i don’t think anyone could have expected the record they were going to release, or how different it would be from anything they’d ever made. bring me the horizon made a really impressive leap into something of an unknown; there has been, both unfortunately and understandably, some backlash regarding exactly what genres the band had decided to experiment with and whether they’d lost their roots in deathcore. but they’ve promised that despite this jump, they’ll still be as rowdy as ever in their live shows. amo is one of my favorite records of the year because of its genre-bending, and because of its desperation and emotion. it’s turned bring me the horizon from a band i never really cared for into one i now seek out when i’m thinking of what to listen to on drives. recommendations: mantra, in the dark, sugar honey ice + tea, mother tongue

3. february 1, midnight by set it off

my favorite record of 2019 is midnight by set it off. not only did the band completely reinvent their aesthetic, they also showcase a more mature and cohesive sound. cody (the lead singer) is a classically trained clarinetist and I think his knowledge of music really shows on this record. each song has little surprises here and there, and shows the work of musicians who understand rhythm and texture. there’s a little something for everyone, from the angsty undertones of “killer in the mirror” and “dancing with the devil,” to the raw, beautiful emotion of the ballad “unopened windows.” hands down best record of 2019! -gabriela (twitter || instagram)

4. march 1, wasteland, baby! by hozier

I wish I could do my dissertation on the various ways Wasteland, Baby! is a masterpiece but unfortunately I'm in a museum studies program and I don't think my professors would accept that proposal. Hozier was somehow able to fit every emotion a human being is capable of feeling in a mere 57 minutes (and 21 seconds of course) and, by the end, has made the listener feel warm and hopeful despite a large theme being, y'know, the literal ending of everything. Don't even get me started on his referencing and imagery we could be here FOREVER talking about Shrike alone! Even Spotify was like "Hey this is literally all you listened to this year, you good?". Hozier and Wasteland, Baby! have been through one of the toughest years of my life with me - including the transition into a new country - and they will forever have a place in my heart. -alissa (instagram)

5. march 22, mystic truth by bad suns

up until this year - and this release - bad suns were always a background artist in my life. i’ve been listening to them since they first released “cardiac arrest” and it was a single of the week on itunes, but only casually. this was, however, the year i saw them live, on their mystic truth tour in late spring. recommendations: away we go, the world and i, love by mistake

6. march 29, you are ok by the maine

the maine are the most dramatic band in the world, and i love them to death for it. after staging a funeral for their 2017 release, lovely little lonely, in october 2018 to signify their departure from social media, they spent nearly six months in silence to write and record before releasing their seventh record, you are ok, this past march. this record makes me more - for lack of a better word - emo than any of their previous work, in spite and as a consequence of its blatant deviation from the loneliness of anything they’ve released pretty much since black & white. you are ok is, from its very first breath, evolved. recommendations: slip the noose, my best habit, tears won’t cry (shinju), heaven we’re already here

7. march 29, when we all fall asleep, where do we go? by billie eilish

the debut full-length from music prodigy billie eilish was long-awaited by dedicated fans and the general public alike, and when it finally dropped in march of this year, not a single person on this planet was disappointed (probably a hyperbole and consequently bad journalism, but who cares, i never claimed to tell the whole entire truth). when we all fall asleep is a genre-defying masterpiece; the tracks don’t feel as if they should be played on the radio, but because of eilish’s more mainstream previous releases, she’d essentially earned a permanent slot in most popular stations’ rotations. i also had the privilege of watching her play to one of the biggest crowds that reading festival’s main stage had ever seen, and she blew myself (and everyone else there) away. recommendations: xanny, all the good girls go to hell, when the party’s over, my strange addiction, bury a friend

9. april 26, the balance by catfish and the bottlemen

despite criticisms that they’ve been making the same album for five years, i genuinely believe that with every new release, catfish and the bottlemen produce more emotionally coherent and intelligent music. i finally got to see them this year, on their tour supporting the balance, too, after years of casual listening. the balance turned me into a ravenous catfish fan; i spent two months after the show devouring all of the content surrounding them i could find, listening to all three of their albums on repeat, and crying endlessly over how beautiful van mccann is. this album absolutely defined the back half of my 2019, and i’m always shocked to learn that there are people who don’t love it as fiercely as i do. i have such an overflowing fountain of feelings about this album that i’m still not entirely sure how to write about, but all i have to say is that, if you haven’t yet, please please please give this album a spin. recommendations: fluctuate, conversation, intermission, overlap

10. may 24, future dust by the amazons

the amazons are the best band i discovered this year, hands down. according to my spotify year in review, i listened to over 9 hours of their music since seeing them at reading in august (not including all the times i spun this record on vinyl in that time as well). future dust is a masterpiece; there is not one bad track; every time i listen to it, it gets better. they’ve got rock and roll on lock. no one else has come close since maybe the arctic monkeys, but the amazons have brought it back. i’m having a hard time stringing together words about the way this record makes me feel, but i hope that you’ll see this, listen to it top to bottom six or seven times, and make your own feelings about it. recommendations: mother, fuzzy tree, black magic, 25, doubt

11. june 14, doom days by bastille

i will probably forever hate myself for falling out of love with bastille after i graduated high school. i’m not entirely sure what happened (actually, i am - i was shoved too far up the maine’s ass to care about anything else) but i know that i loved them more than anything when i was a teenager, and the doom days album cycle - specifically their reading set - reignited that love, so i’ll be forever grateful to it for that. this album is conceptual and amazing, set over the course of one night when the writer - presumably frontman dan smith, whose brain this came out of - attends a party with his friends in an attempt at escapism. the world is fucked - dan’s words, but also mine - and sometimes we really do just need to pull the wool over our own eyes for once and let loose, even if just for a night. it starts at a “quarter past midnight,” when the night has only just begun, endless possibilities stretched out ahead of him, and finishes with “joy,” about waking up on the kitchen floor, your phone going off in your hand, the only person who really matters in your life on the other end of the line. bastille have always released music that makes it clear that they give a fuck what happens to earth and her people, and with doom days, they’ve perfected that sound. recommendations: quarter past midnight, divide, million pieces, joy

12. august 23, GINGER by brockhampton

after a brief hiatus, my favourite all-american boyband returned with their fifth studio album, GINGER. with a noticeably matured and somewhat mellowed shift within the hip-hop collective, this record explores themes of grief and disconnection to the backdrop of upbeat melodies such as on "boy bye" and sweet love songs such as on "sugar". though perhaps my favourite sentiment on this record lies within the fact that it opens with the echoed words, "I don't know where I'm going," and closes poignantly with the heartfelt statement, "Thank God that I'm built for the distance." -katy (twitter | instagram)

13. september 13, hypersonic missiles by sam fender

hypersonic missiles, the debut full-length from geordie singer-songwriter-maestro sam fender, was my most anticipated release this year. fender has faced a mess of obstacles this year, mostly health-related, after winning the BRIT awards’ critics’ choice award at the start of it, and as a result has had to cancel a majority of the shows he’d had schedules and push back the release of hypersonic missiles a whole month. it was well worth the wait, though, and i ended up writing an essay-length review of it for highlight magazine when i finally did get to hear it. filled to the brim with emotional ballads and belters alike, hypersonic missiles is a culmination of over five years of songwriting and even longer of sam being fed up - with his government, with his peers, with the misrepresentation of mental health by the media. we’ve only had this record for three months, but i can already tell it’s timeless. i’m only hoping sam’s voice recovers enough that he can continue to tour to promote it before returning to studio (reportedly the electric lady in new york city!) to record his second release. recommendations: hypersonic missiles, white privilege, you’re not the only one, will we talk?, two people

14. september 13, pride & disaster by sleep on it

my favorite record of the year is undoubtedly ‘Pride & Disaster’ by Sleep On It. Pride & Disaster arrived the perfect time for me, as I just transferred out of college. I felt lost and unsure of my future. However, listening to Pride & Disaster gave me a sense of hope and support that I’ll be okay on my new journey. -julie (twitter)

15. october 4, interrobang by bayside

Just like the title, there's no single form of punctuation that can explain the brilliance of this album. 'Interrobang' takes the classic Bayside sound to a new level with heavier riffs, faster time signatures, and iconic lyrics. From "Heaven," a stand out anthem for aging punks in the scene to "Bury Me," a melodic metal inspired breakout track, this album is laced together perfectly with both the past and future of Bayside. By tip toeing the line between metal, alt rock, and pop punk, the band has shown that even after almost twenty years as a band, they can still innovate and transform with new music. -katie (twitter | instagram)

16. december 13, fine line by harry styles

i wanted to include this in this roundup, considering i haven’t stopped listening to it since it came out (and i saw him live!), but i did also write an entire review of the album. you can read it here!

honorable mentions (aka albums i didn’t feel like writing an essay about - or just didn’t listen to all that much - but still think you should give a chance)

1. swmrs, berkeley’s on fire (february 15, 2019) 2. circa waves, what’s it like over there? (april 4, 2019 - i wrote a whole review about this record for highlight and not many of my feelings about it have changed since then.) 3. cage the elephant, social cues (april 19, 2019) 4. ten tonnes, ten tonnes (may 3, 2019) 5. palace, life after (july 12, 2019) 6. clairo, immunity (august 2, 2019) 7. the myserines, take control ep (august 8, 2019) 8. muna, saves the day (september 6, 2019) 9. from indian lakes, dimly lit (october 18, 2019)

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mawboness · 7 years

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Arnea's Children || Chapter 3

(I am going to just post the whole chapters here instead of the link )

Chapter 3,

Want To Share Tragic Backstories?

As they walked through the pitch black forest, the only light was mildly peeking through the tree tops from the moon. They walked in silence, it was nice for a while but it then made Sylvyr fidgety.

"So, you got a story, Mr. I Make Space Into A TV?"

"One, it's called Space Rendering, two, yes I do," he didn't bother looking at her when he spoke.

"Cool, care to tell it to pass the time?"

"No."

"Come ON, it's so b o r i n g right now," she groaned.

"Only if you explain why you sunk so low to live with a Furless."

"Fine," she paused, "Who goes first?"

"You," his giant, long, fluffy tail "accidentally" smacked her in the face.

"Mk, so," she started, "I don't remember all the details, but here goes. I wasn't born in a Furless home, I was born outside, some forest closer to a big city. It was right before the sun was going to raise up, we were all happily suckling on my mom's warm stomach, almost out growing this at this point. In a nice, dry, small cave under a large and sturdy rock, it was right when autumn was creeping out and winter rolling in soon, so all the animals were getting as much food as possible.

And because of that there was a shortage of fresh prey around us, and we weren't allowed to go out of our cave right now because the bigger predators were going anywhere they could to find food. Hawks and owls, foxes, those were the main concern. My siblings and I had slipped into the warm world of sleep for maybe half an hour. Mom had left our den, we groggily woke up and heard her growling and hissing. I looked up and could see her tail swaying back and forth furiously, two figures bigger than her were advancing towards her.

She hissed and swung her paws at them, but they didn't stop. Everything happened so quickly, all I heard was gekkering, paws scratching for tread on the ground, yowling, liquid splats, crunching. One vulske opened its jaws to full extent and clamped around my mom's stomach, crunch, splat. She went limp, then they flew into the den, snatched up my three other siblings, they all died.

At this point I had scrambled out, one prowled fast at me, I ran faster and just in time, because if it hadn't bitten off my tail, it's death clutch would've gone around my whole body.

My eyes stung from the wind, my back legs and what was left of my tail hurt like, y'know, heck. Numbness sunk in, but I kept going, escaping the fox's horrible death wish for me. I'm sure they didn't kill us out of bloodlust, only wishing to survive winter. To eat my family. It sounds so dumb, like 'oh yeah the big monsters are gonna eat us' but seriously, when it's real and happening, it's horrifying.

I couldn't do it anymore, I gave up and stopped running all of a sudden, paws giving out on me, my throat stung. And as I lay on the pavement now, it scraped my ears, and then that stinging throat feeling only continued when I threw up a big milky puddle.

Big metal creatures rolled through the middle of the pavement, luckily I was on the side. My head lied in my puddle of vomit and I closed my eyes, mouth open and panting, darkness closing in. Couldn't feel anything. Didn't care.

That's when I heard screeching, a slam and loud paw steps, 'great, maybe the foxes will finish me off now,' I thought to myself. No, large, furless paws scooped me up, saying inaudible things in a soft, concerned manner.

I was brought into the metal thing, my eyes only slightly open, I still breathed heavily, I didn't care what was happening to me.

Soon I was brought into a bright, white, den with more of these upright, giant, furless cats. I fell asleep on some table they put me on, and when I woke up, there was so much less pain in my tail, hardly at all of that numb feeling, soreness was abounding, but pain was mostly gone.

I stayed in a cold, metal cage for the next couple days, I didn't care. I'm getting used to it, no biggy. Then, what I assumed was the furless that took me off the road, came to see me, then put me in a smaller cage that she, I think, carried me to that metal roller.

A little while later she let me into her house, and I've lived their ever since. I mean, she lets me go outside when I want to during the high light," Syl finally stopped rambling. I mean, 'story telling.'

She stared at Chicker with wide eyes and an awkward smile, "Your turn~." He rolled his eyes.

Chicker's air turned colder, he must be thinking hard. "Look at my shoulder," he said, she did, and he nudged the long fur out of the way with his nose to show long, deep scars.

"Oooohh, tell me why you're emo about it," her eyes were glowing in the low light, the very small amount of light made it seem that way, at least.

"Sometimes I really want to get you lost and then leave," Chicker didn't growl, but just breathed deeply. He sighed, "Anyway, I never knew my parents, but some old couple adopted me, I call them my Wizard Parents, since they were the ones that raised me and taught me how to use Cienera and had history etched into my head. But we always lived in this small community in the ruins of an old furless town. I was always top of the Cienera class, but there was always that one guy, we don't talk about him, though. But one day, I went down into the tree room, and my Wizard Dad had gotten bitten by something, probably by the size of it, it was raccoon or something, but had been over come by rabies.

Mouth foaming, his body was like when you poke a worm and it starts flail writhing hard and fast, if you saw it, it would really make your throat tight. It was horrible, and I knew without hesitation what was needed. I rushed forward, pinning him to the wall of the deep burrow. He flailed and scratched me, hissing and spitting. Quickly, I sunk my fangs into his throat, deeper and deeper, and when I heard that loud crunch, I knew it was done.

After that, I just wander through everywhere, getting into a lot of fights, trying to learn about the past through the present. The scars were from some badger that I pissed off, there's matching ones on the other shoulder, too. But the reason why I cart around these books," he hopped a little to make the backpack make some clunking sounds, "Is that my Wizard Parents, well, really only my mom now, are Arnean Lore Keepers, meaning they're the cats that remember all the history of cats, then pass it down to someone when they get old.

I'm her apprentice, so basically I'm working on learning it all, and what a time to be doing this as Odion's Promise is beginning," he stopped walking all of a sudden.

"Wha-," Syl started, he smacked his paw over her mouth. He softly bit into her scruff and pulled her forwards, the two started running fast. "What're we doing?!" she whisper yelled.

"Look behind you, don't stop running," he said in a rushed tone.

Syl looked behind her, and there was a large smoke cloud, about 20 feet behind them, she couldn't rip her eyes from it. As she kept staring, it got bigger, and bigger, and then it wasn't a cloud, it was mist figures of hundreds of paws running. Bigger, bigger, the sound of loud paw steps was eating its way into her mind, then that's when it started to consume her, the paw steps turned into harsh yowling of cats and foxes.

"Sylvyr!" Chicker yelled.

She snapped out of the trance, it was still behind them and smoke. She looked at him, her eyes were watering, and she started to not be able to see anything, black and white swirls fading into her vision.

"We're almost there, stay strong!" he yelled again, this helped encourage her, but she hadn't run like this in seven years and was severely out of practice. It was like he knew what was happening to her, 'he probably does, and even more than me,' she thought to herself. The cloud started making the paw steps sound, which gave the indication that it was getting uncomfortabley close.

There was a glow in the darkness, a large grove of oaks, big stones, but they couldn't look at them right then, Chicker ran in front of Syl, straight to the glow coming from the foot of the biggest tree there. They reached it, Chicker yelled something at the glow, Syl was panting and panicking, looking from the glow to the now yelling smoke cloud.

"Chicker-!" she was beginning to panic more. Her vision was still fading away, being consumed by the swirling eye aura.

It was three feet away as a door in the trunk swung open, Chicker had no time to be careful with her, so he picked her up by the scruff and flung her in, and jumped in after once she was in. The door shut and a throat tightening thud crashed again and again at the tree. It was the cloud, claws from outside clawed at it with each thump. Finally it left.

Sylvyr lay back against the sloped wall, her vision all the way consumed. Only thing she could see was movement of an outline. She stumbled to stand up, cats she didn't know were trying to talk to her, but she couldn't hear them, she started digging frantically, but tired and weak, at the dirt floor. She stopped when she could feel a dip and then lie down in it, like a meatloaf.

Everyone kinda just stopped doing anything and just stared at her being weird. One of them finally snapped them all back to reality.

"Come on, if no one is going to help her, she'll die," an annoyed cat said, sat next to her, twirled their paws, a glowy hazel aura formed around their paws as they did, then formed a spike, they picked it out of the air in their mouth, and shoved it into Sylvyr's flank.

Sylvyr didn't even notice, she was just nervous purring and nub tail swishing back and forth.

#arnea's children #expectocs #nim thecat #my writing #cat ocs #cat oc #syl #sylvyr #chicker #teka #cow #arnea #alar #odion #adder #hailey

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jaxxonpollux · 6 years

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notes for vivien during her whatever of whatever v3

hey pee brain

writing here makes me feel less bitter, and it helps me maintain some level aloofness i think. moreso than calling you twice a day and pining away like a ghost wife that passed away out on the cliffs, the moors or whatever, waiting for her sailor soldier husband to return. i know you're a sweetheart but sometimes you're a real pain in the butt too. a real heck and a half. and i'm not like, dumb. i know what busy is and i know phone calls can still be squeezed in even then, but business and time are never really the problem when this stuff happens. i know i don't make myself very easy to talk to, being a sassy emotional sack of old balls and all that, so i wouldn't expect you to either. just enjoy being where you are and living a big life again and i'll watch your cute butt as you leave the room.

that's like a real mad men thing to think and say huh? "boy oh boy i sure do love to see her leave a room!" even when you dress it up and disguise it, it still sounds piggish. something joan would narrow her eyes at, or at the very least give like that phony 1960s "i'll take that as a compliment, you dumb pig man" smile.

i don't know why i feel bitter. god why do i have my ceiling fan on? i'm freezing, it's been in the 50s here. anyway, i don't know why i feel bitter. it's a gross feeling, it really does make me feel like a ghost wife, like just haunting you from the past and trying to drag you back into the deep black water. very selkie actually. it's loneliness doing its evil things and whispering in ears and gnawing on hearts and making me reach out my ugly haunted hand and trying to either have you pull me out of the afterlife or pull you back in. i just spelt gnawing as "knawing," and it doesn't say that it's a typo, is this some secret alt word i've discovered? some special 4am word?

knaw

Verb

(third-person singular simple present knaws, present participle knawing, simple past and past participle knawed)

Archaic spelling of gnaw.

Verb

(third-person singular simple present knaws, present participle knawing, simple past knawed, past participle knawn)

Eye dialect spelling of know.

what the hell is eye dialect? it sounds like when people talk with their eyes "her mouth says no, but her eyes say YES"

"her mouth says no, but her eyes say KNAW"

or basil's wife perhaps, "oh i knaaawr." you gotta slap an r at the end there because they're british. anyway

writing gets real out of hand real fast at 4am y'know. and i'm writing this on my phone too, what kind of sick fuck writes his autobiography on his phone? that sounds like the kind of thing b would do, but i don't have any business knowing the kinds of things b would do

is there anything i actually wanted to say? i've been buying and drinking wines like a madman. i drank half a bottle in an afternoon when i was trying a new wine and my mom goes "that's a LOT of trying!" like not really tho. wine is a trap cuz you gotta drink it freshly corked or else you're fucked. you gotta share wine, i'm always trying to coax my mom into a glass or two so i don't feel stupid drinking it all by myself. i feel like how my mom used to describe my grandma (on my dad's side), taking her wine medicine every day because "it's healthy" or whatever. i really don't drink like that. i actually forget that there's alcohol in there because it never occurs to me. i've still never been drunk. i was possibly tipsy when we had two bottles in miami and we were sitting out on the smoking bench together, but even then i was just slightly louder and happy.

i've tried merlot, pinot noir, pinot grig, rose, sauvignon blanc, "laurel blanc," chardonnay and i've got a riesling on the way, stashed someplace. i feel such like a stereotypical college early 20s girl when i drink wine, like hmmm like the thing where they order fancy tasty alcoholic drinks at bars and stuff? where they can't taste the alcohol at all and get wasted really easily? not that i'm over here getting wasted, but i mean that i'm picky about flavors, like sometimes wine to me is just bad-tasting grape juice that burns a little and makes you want to burp. i popped open a chardonnay yesterday and the intense oaky "full-bodied" flavor kind of offends me. at the end of the day, i'm still just a real soda jerk at heart, like i wanna drink things that taste good. sugary snacks and orange juice and stuff. sarsparilla. wine tastes bad in comparison to most other beverages (like, let's just be real here for a second, all alcohol tastes worse than a sprite), but makes me feel more sophisticated is all, and i already drink bitter black teas to fill that niche in my life.

i'm more just drinking all these different wines to take a peek into a life i don't live, i think. try to understand people i know that drink wine a little better. i wrote about this before, getting to know you through the back door? watching abfab and fawlty towers and reading swamplandia, following in your footsteps, inching my way through the path you hacked through the jungle. like that scarjo alien movie (another example), living in your skin. why is it so impossible for me to talk about getting to know you without diving into some creepy stalker persona? i don't get it. i must be naive to my own creepiness. i have been called "a creeper," but only once in middle school, and i don't think i was doing anything creepy at the time. just standing somewhere looking sad and emo probably. people just called each other creepers back then left and right. it really is a hurtful term, considering i still vaguely remember it

anyway, i have no idea what you're doing in new york, why you're doing foot stuff with strangers, who you're hanging out with, how long you'll be there, why you can't ever think about me or call me or have any space in your life or in your thoughts for me and i have no idea why everything is so difficult and i have no idea about divorce or wine or new york in general really. and i'm just always over here baking 50 loaves of bread and 600 chocolate bavarians and dumping rainbow sprinkles and maraschino cherries into bowls and putting 350, 850, 1100 pieces of flourless chocolate cake on plates over and over again and checking instagram every time i walk through the halls because it's the only way i know you're not dead. and i know you're awake at 4am when i'm walking into work and i miss you and think of you then, when we're the only souls up at that hour, but then you get like 7 likes on your 4am instagram post and i realize that's actually bullshit and yeah. i'm a dumb jealous bitch, but only like, a little bit, and every person that comments on your instastuff i just imagine that it's somebody that lives in new york and is in your entourage and is more important to you and more interesting than i ever was and i should really just keep dumb mouth shut about everything.

i warned you i was a boring boy, and i warned myself too. you're out there living big again, cool people dragging you into cool big city cocaine club experiences, swapping stick and pokes and fur jackets and call girl stories, writing novels and shooting music videos and hosting parties where you get to avoid your guests and be in the vip back room... (my imagination is endless you see!)

and i'm like a dumb ducking small town country hick boy pining and sending senpai-notice-me pictures of rice krispy treats as if it's anything to sneeze at (it isn't), pretending like my baking or my pictures of clouds or cats is worth anything in your life, because i'm just fumbling and grasping at straws and presenting them to you, like hey look at these straws eh? pretty neat eh? wanna go out with me? i feel like that picture of that kid holding a bunch of roses out to rihanna. a reference which is apparently too dated to show up on google images, grumble

speaking of baking, i went to this japanese bakery the other day to inquire about a job opening and the girl there, well first of all it's really cute because all the girls there wear brown berets and brown overalls, but anyway the girl there said they have TWENTY bakers working there. TWENTY. i keep telling people this hoping for a reaction because apparently only a baker understands how bonkers this is. a small mom and pop bakery with TWENTY bakers. i mean, their stuff is pretty nice, and they do a wide variety of things, but i work at a place with three bakers and we make food for hundreds of people every day.

what else do i have to say, hmmm... i feel like i dropped the ball on the whole self-loathing thing really early, like those couple of paragraphs up there are really more of a finisher but whatever. i'm just rambling, just ranting, just stream of conscious jack kerouac jacking myself off and it's honestly just fine, i don't gotta organize this any particular way do i? nah

but like, don't take any of this stuff too seriously (but do if it makes you like feel really bad for me and miss me or whatever heh), everything is a fleeting thought or feeling nowadays, some times are better than others. some days i text you simply because i wanna share something with you and i'm thinking of you, real simple, and i don't even think about how dumb and bitter i can get, but other days i just want to give up on you and crawl back into my haunted lake and stop trying and kill myself or hurt myself or at the very least make desperate phone calls to people i used to talk to and make myself feel relevant again. but eh. what a soap opera. i like how you think YOU'RE crazy when i'm like just a pile of flesh filled with howling, howling winds, like i'm a real fucking whirlwind in here, a real wuthering heights crazy animal sex energy in here. haunting away from my creaky old miasma mansion. i'm just full of sludge, i'm the swamp and trump never drained me, turns out.

anyway, like i said don't take it too seriously, i'm ok. i'm only flexing muscles, really, but i do miss you, and probably will forever, because i don't think we'll ever be Together Like That. which is fine but it also sucks. "don't you forget about me"

hey also if you happen to read this prior to halloween, or at all, send me some songs for a playlist i'm putting together for no particular reason. i listen to it at work. i've been in a real halloweeny mood even though i never have time or any reason to dress up. but i do all the other stuff, i carve pumpkins and wear candy corn socks and do generally love the season. nobody ever sees it, but i do love the season, i just never share my love with anybody the way i wish i could. just don't send like, the marilyn manson version of i put a spell on you or whatever, unless it's really good, i didn't actually look into it.

sincerely,

from out here on the moors,

the other brian

p.s. just in case new york actually really sucks for you right now and is really not fun or exciting and you are actually feeling very rotten and lonely, i do aplogize profusely! my imagination runs too fast for me to catch up sometimes. just always missing you and always beating myself up. i hope i don't ever rub you the wrong way. https://youtu.be/UDhmnoBVYlQ

p.p.s. 11am now, just wanna say i stand by this big black chunk of coal letter, except i didn't want it to be quite so angry and bitter. your business is your business and i'm silly for assuming i need to be included, as per, i'm really not as desperately invested as i come off. i feel stripped of a friend maybe, but not helpless hopeless careening into a black hole or anything. stay warm stay safe, i'm here when you need my brand of friend again, but i'm gonna make a concerted effort to stop prying. xo

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youreghanamissme · 6 years

Text

2018, Eat My Harmattan Dust!

We did it! We survived 2017! Hoo-Boy, was it a tough year. It's been a positively transformative experience, but there were chunks of time where I felt like I was drowning in a lasagna of my own anxiety, trauma, and depression. But y'know what? It's a new year, and I have plenty to look forward to. I'm probably the happiest and most content now than I've been in the last two to three years, so Cheers!/ Mabuhay!/ La Chaim! to that!!

I'm off to my COS (Close of Service) conference in a few days, and in a few months, I'll be leaving Ghana. You'll read it across the plethora of PCV blogs that exist on the internet: “two years has flown by.” It sounds a little contrived, but it's one of the truisms of service. Most folks, myself being one of them, don't really hit their stride until the one year mark, and then you're just rollin' rollin' rollin' trying to be as productive as possible while still maintaining your sanity and taking in the beauty of everything—all the cultural nuances, the environmental overhaul, the punchline in the joke—happening around you. Sometimes I feel like I just got off the plane last month. It's hard to accept that this journey is almost finished.

I was re-reading some of my old blog entries, and I was struck at how doe-eyed I was! And how many of the circumstances that perplexed me no longer seem as big of a deal. Here are some of the changes I have witnessed for myself over the past two years:

1. Time. Time is a social construct. We give it value in America. Punctuality is a virtue to possess after all. But in Ghana, time is just time. Things will figure themselves out eventually, so why rush? It's a big deal when I need to catch a tro out of my community or when it's call to prayer, but otherwise, I don't pay much attention to it. I go by the heat of the day or the movement of the sun. That being said, I do feel like my life has been on pause while I've been here. I'm a little uneasy to go back to America where I feel like I'm behind the times culturally and professionally, but things will figure themselves out somehow ;)

2. Little pleasures. Reveling in a smile. A greeting. A goodbye. The sunset. The feel of the ocean against my legs. The kiss of the equatorial sun on my face. A productive day with my community members. The excitement of students. An old friend. A new friend. The breeze. The rain. The smell of wet earth. The buzz from a drink. The euphoria of good company. A platonic “I love you.”

3. Noise. I had a hard time adjusting to the perpetual din in the background (or, sometimes, assaulting me in the face). Much like waiting hours for your tro (bus) to fill, you'll never get completely used to the bangarang, but the rooster crowing at odd hours, the 4:30am call to prayer, someone's repetitive chanting to sell something, etc... they get drowned out a little after a while. Especially if there is a much louder noise accosting you, i.e. honking of a horn around every corner, the vibrating boom of Ghanaian high-life music, or the heart-jolting shot of a musket across the village.

4. Jogging-ish. I mentioned my somehow-running journey a few times in previous posts, but that's because it's had a pretty big impact on my sense of self. Before I came to Ghana, I detested running. Absolutely hated it with vitriol. I still don't love it, but I've learned to enjoy it somehow. It has less to do with weight loss (because I haven't lost any) and more to do with transformation. I presented myself with a challenge, and I succeeded on my own terms. I ran a race in Ghana, and I've adopted a healthy habit. That makes me happy; I'm proud of myself.

5. Wholesome eating. I eat beans, maize, and a way too much oil almost every day in Ghana. And while I gorge on processed candy and biscuits whenever I can, I also crave spinach, cheeses, fresh vegetables and fruits. I'm anticipating the day when I don't have to pay a premium to eat olives or butter! The variety in Ghana is seasonal, and I'd like to maintain that commitment to support local farmers in America. I'm considering joining a CSA and am honestly gleeful at the thought of cooking and prepping most of my meals myself when I go home (but also... Hot Cheetos. They are a non-issue).

6. Friendship. The best kind of ‘ships. Without my friends I wouldn't have made it this far. Some have left the country prematurely, finished up and having a hoot at home, or got lucky and transferred to a bigger community for work, but many are still here, striving and thriving. This year I vow to commit more of myself and my time investing in my friendships. I've realized that my time is the most important and valuable artifact I can offer. If I haven't been a good friend, I'm sorry. I'll do better, be better. But know that I cherish each and every one of you, even if the last time we talked was yesterday or twelve months ago.

7. Adventure-seeking. Traveling the world is a privilege. I know there are many articles on the internet that tout “You Can Easily Travel If You Do These 10 Tips” or something along those lines. That's a load of tone-deaf shit. Not everyone can afford to travel, even if they try to put away a fraction of their paycheck for a year. Some people have responsibilities/ barriers / circumstances that prevent them from taking even a week off to see the world, to feed their soul, and amaze their wonder. Life is hard, and the economy and political climate isn't helping. But life is short, and I want to make it a priority of mine to try to see and experience as much as I can. Ghana isn't the first country I've visited, but it certainly has had a profound impact on my wanderlust. I plan to do a solo COS-trip. I'm a little scared to do it alone, but it's also part of the thrill.

8. Reading. We all read a lot, but I didn't read as many books as I did articles or op-ed's until I came to Ghana and committed to the idea of finishing a book (and then some). I've read many that affected me on more levels than I can articulate; have altered my perception of seeming truths; have educated me; made me laugh, cry, cringe; given me book hangovers. I've rekindled (:P) my love for books, the printed book industry hasn't died, and I can't wait to get my hands on some Ta-Nehisi Coates.

9. Self-understanding. I've alluded to a lot of emo, angsty shit that went down this past year. Yeeeah, I'm not going to deep dive into that on this blog. That being said, life wasn't great for a good while. I was pretty lost and acted out a lot, and I needed a lot of extra emotional support because I couldn't bear all weight on my own. I relied heavily on my friends (My undying gratitude. You lovely humans know who you are) and introspection to climb out of the pit. Sometimes I trip and fall back in, but y'know, that's gonna happen. Since then, I've gotten to know myself a lot better. I've been growing into a fuller version of my best self all the while discovering my wants, goals, bad habits, and how far I can extend beyond what I believed was a limitation. I think this is what the young people call, a “glow up”!

10. Appreciation for this Earth, My Life. I've developed a greater appreciation for our natural resources and my personal circumstances so much more. Clean drinking water, access to education and health services, the beauty in the landscape. I hope to continue reducing my waste and creating positive change in the world. And also call my parents. I'm lucky to have been born and raised in America. They're refugees and naturalized American citizens, but life for them wasn't as peachy-keen. I forget that when I'm all wrapped up in my own life, neglecting that my life is an echo of their life too.

TBT to A little nugget at the nutrition IST

There were moments in service where I contemplated extending, especially if I landed a position that worked with girls empowerment and youth development... but there were also moments where I screamed to myself, “I need to GTFO of here!” And then I ruminate on the goings on in America: FCC votes against net neutrality (I hope that it gets overturned), the tax reform that will decimate the middle class, the increasing rent and crippling job market in the Bay Area, California, and I wonder: Should I extend? Should I attempt WOOF'ing across South America? Can I just be a vagabond until 2020? The next step is daunting AF.

I'm trying to embrace the strong probability of moving back in with my parents which is utterly—complete and without qualification—soul crushing. When I moved out of the house at seventeen, I never settled back in. I would visit, but I always maintained my own living arrangements, even when I was preparing to move to Ghana. Committing the ultimate millennial move is not beneath me. They're lovely people. We just can't cohabitate. But the one truth is: I'm excited to go back and start some semblance of a career, a decision that will give my mum some relief.

I've somehow committed to the idea of finally applying to nursing school, something I've grappled with for the last three to four years. I'm going to take the plunge... I think! I'm frightened, but that kind of fear is overrated. I'm also excited to...

Do cool things! Like enroll in a class for cooking, Spanish, drawing/painting, pottery, car mechanics, yoga, boxing (I still have those gloves...). It all sounds really expensive, but I want to invest in myself more.

Clear the physical detritus of my life. I have a lot of junk. A good ½ of it was donated to Good Will when I came back for my sister's wedding, but I think I can downsize some more (coughthoseboxingglovescough ??). I'm eager to live minimally.

Move. Living with my ma and pa is a real contender for practicality's sake, but I'm anxious to see more of America. Maybe the east coast? California is a marvelous, endearing, magical bubble filled with the chillest people, the best food, and the diversity and creativity that I need and crave... and that's why I need to leave to thrive (at least for a little bit)

Hike. So many sights to see! I want to be stunned—become weak in the knees, physically and figuratively!—by the natural beauty that I often neglect by living in a city for as long as I have.

Learn how to swim. Because it's a life skill... and because all my friends are hanging over there, in the deep end of the pool :(

Live my best life! That includes continuing to grow, eating good food, reading, learning, hanging out with my favorite people, trying new things, meeting new people, and so much more!

It’s my last Harmattan, hurray!

youtube

#pcghana #peacecorps #howiseepc #ghana #harmattan #glowup #2018

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