#gonna be like shit man idek

[trollbreak]

My body is trying so fucking hard to give me more problems and I’m being so calm about it

#< guy who’s not taking stuff preemptively for pain to see if I can. and is doing so good at not being Pissed about that stacking with other #shit my body’s being immensely stupid about #my shoulder is burning but not the normal one so it’s like what do I do here what’s even the protocol it doesn’t even hurt like the other on #e normally does it’s so fuckign weird and I’m gonna rock up to pt tomorrow and they’re gonna be like good lord what the fuck happened and im #gonna be like shit man idek #on top of. Yk. the bs that my body occasionally pulls that enrages me on a good day

[mwagneto]

got my first shift at my first Real Job tmrw night ending at 1am wml😔😔😔

#i love how flexible the shifts are and they're all really short it's like ideal for me but also. omfg. scary 😭 #gritting my teeth. i need money to leave this shithole country and i need a job to get money it's fine. this is fine #it's literally so discouraging to know ppl in the west have minimum wages of like 15 euros meanwhile it's literally 3 eur here #like even if you work hard you're only earning a fraction of what you could be if you were doing the same shit out there😭 #just like. the inherent agony of knowing im earning money that's gonna be way less valuable out there #but im not on minimum wage and it's flexible but shoulddd be around 5 - 15 euros an hour #it's the only reason i even applied at least this way i can tell myself im actually making a positive dent in my savings #idek how much i have saved rn coz i never spend on anything and I've been saving since i knew what money was #but forint is literally not worth the paper it's printed on anymore like man i remember when #a euro was worth 200 forint.... i literally have the same coins i did when i was 10 but they're worth less than half as much now. crazy #man I should've gone into economics or global politics for real i love this shit. whatever that's a whole different spiral #barking

[dockaspbrak]

A big thank you to my mutuals who like my nervous breakdown 2-4am posts. You're the backbone of my blog

#its like im not completely alone #idk #what losing a cat does to a woman i guess but #lets be real i was like this before #im just a sad person who laments more than takes action and #i think ill be sad forever probably #in that way some people are #i feel like im one reality over from where im supposed to be yakno? #i used to have this image id hold onto of leaves in the sunlight when i was a kid and i kept waiting for someone to talk to me who #would take me wherever that was #maybe thats the nature of never fitting in u get too in your head and then #reality doesnt feel like home #yeah ive heard people say shit like that sbout books #sorry im not wearing my glasses #lately days blend together and i feel like i cant hold into time #and people talking to me (when they do) sounds miles away #takes ages to get to me if it does at all #oops! sounds like im dissociating hahahahaah oh fuck #when u write it all out. stares at ya right in the face #if im not doing something it feels like my anxiety will latch onto anything #like. rn i feel like im gonna throw up bc of like 5 different things about my car #car insurance. registration. trying to find a job #then it spirals into what ifs. and how thatd suck #constantly this shit. constantly! the only reprieve is going to hang w my grandmother who is 90 and talking about death a lot #😵‍💫 #but shes my best friend so ???! fuck! #man idk. im so sad. idek what to do abt this. work out #maybe get a new actor to have a crush on #what makes people happy? idk

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

i feel like this interaction doesnt get talked about enough. people have already drawn the parallel of ‘denji’s desire of makima = denji’s subconscious desire for motherly/parental affection’ but i think this moment of him braking down crying after makima tells him he’s been a good boy really hammers that home?

like from makima’s perspective this is just another instance of her de-humanizing denji, and treating him, quite literally, like a dog, which is what makes her and denji’s dynamic, and csm as a whole, so fuckin tragic. but from denji’s perspective i think this scene goes deeper than ‘the girl i like is comforting me after ive went through some tough shit’, i think denji cries because he’s really, at heart, just a traumatized kid who craves affection and approval and human connection, and in this moment, someone is finally not only acknowledging how horrible his life has been, but is offering him praise and tenderness for getting through it.

idk man, csm fucks with your head.

#chainsaw man #og post // #one of these days im gonna write a whole fuckin essay on like.. #how makima genuinely doesnt hold any malicious feelings towards denji #and how thats actually even worse because she doesnt even give enough of a shit about him to dislike him #denji has never once been a person to makima but the thing is. im not sure if makima's ever seen herself as a person either #idek fuckin.. chainsaw man... shits deep..

[chronickey-luka]

maybe i should just make a yakuza sideblog... i feel like ive kinda comitted to keeping it on main though w/ the amount of tag and post rambles I've done already. hmmm

#that being said idek what id use for a username rn. probably whatever i decide my yakuza ao3 name would be but i havent picked that either #itd probably be like. a joke about the intricate rituals post or just slapping some silly shit on Majima or Daigo's names #need to make a decision on a name soon though my ao3 link should be coming any day now #then i can contribute my kazumaji and shinadai/minedai fics and finally release them from my brain #sidenote why tf cant i keep fics short lmao. like ohh yeah ill just make a kazumaji and haruka drabble this wont take long! :) #then bam im at 3k trying to decide how their argument is gonna end while entirely skipping over the outline i made in my notes app #i cant not write an argument/tension in everything i write h e l p #i *will* make gentle kazumaji one day i WILL..... in my retirement/old men fic i could. absolutely. its what they deserve #man i forgot what tf this post was about while rambling. uh. yeah hmm. #luka rambles #rgg

[blessedmoonsoul]

just watched that pr*gerU video of Frederick douglass saying slavery was a necessary compromise.........

#ohhhh my god yall oh my god #approved in schools in florida.....now just what #and that man is running for president and they're gonna vote for him djfbjdjdkdjdjkdkdkdj #PLEASE IM ON MY KNEES everything america does the entire world will follow please yall do SOMETHING idfk #the regression is craaaaazy to witness mannnn this country. #we're trying to get our own damn countries to move forward to be progressive but how can we do that when the oppresive powers in #our countries will always cite America's regression and backtracking as proof against progressive social reform? #you are the most powerful nation in the world we can beat around the bush from today till tomorrow but yall are. #idek who im appealing to cos ik democrats are not that much better but PLEASEEEEE GOD #like im so sure im never gonna get to to see Pride in Lagos see nigerian women have reproductive rights if this world continues down this #scary scary SCARY path #just to give yall an example. literally as soon as the US supreme court struck that amendment the nigerian federal/state government started #looking at their policies again. a long-standing abortion policy in Lagos specifically was amended to be even more restricted. #i dont think yall get what im saying?! you are POWERFUL. this is not a fucking joke plssss im so scared yall #right wing ideology is GROWING it is spreading its wing wide as shit el*n m*sk owns twitter yall?!!!! they are EMBOLDENED

[a9saga]

the brilliant green - stand by me // the day I run out of tbg videos to post will be the day I stop posting weekly song recs on this blog

#it may be 7am but i know if i don't post this now i probably won't post anything today #and i don't like to have the same pinned post for 3 weeks straight #i wasn't feeling like posting anything too consistently these last couple weeks #i gotta *feel* a song rec man if im gonna queue something i gotta know ill still be playing it by the time it goes up #i listened to the swingin sixties a couple days ago when i was having a lot of anxiety #i think that version of this song may actually be a bit better but you know it's just a good comforting song #bro idek who's getting evicted tonight this is the first week ive honestly been unsure #and i don't even know if i care who goes home! #all i wanna see is how we voted for the superpower competition #i wish either jared or izzy were being backdoored this week tbh over the two actually up for eviction #im done with the way izzy talks to or about people and also jared is saying some gross shit about women on the live feed #that doesn't make the actual cut for the episode #i have two (2) important things i have to do today #one of which is an important virtual meeting at 9 am that my alarm hasn't gone off for yet #yet here i am watching youtube videos and posting songs #i hate being responsible i wish my mummy and daddy had the money to pay for my college in full #and additionally i wish i hadn't been chronically ill for over half my life but here we are doing a damn zoom meeting 🙄 #aight yes im pretty stressed as you can tell #the brilliant green #j rock #tommy #90s j rock #tomoko kawase #shunsaku okuda #ryo matsui #song rec #tbt #shut up kaily #also i hope this band does anything ever again i miss them so much i cant even tell you #Youtube

[yakamozarda]

I think i should like. Talk to my therapist about taking a gap year bc i feel like i need a proper rest that wont be related to anything i wanna do in long term and just Chill but at the same time idk how to. Rest. Like it is legit something im bad at i cant fucking rest more than a week and i feel like i need more than a week to fucking unmentally ill myself or some shit. I dont fucking know man

#cecil.txt #I know im experiencing some sort of burn out? Or whatever the fuck it is #Idk it feels. Too luxurious to take a gap year even tho i know i will probably at least find a part time job for it #Idek #Yesterday while talking to my therapist i realised how i didnt wanna do anything at all #So idk if it is healthy to push myself to find a paid phd program or a job next year right after graduation #Esp since i can like. Afford to take a gap year. My mom is more than okay with me staying with her during that time but i fucking hate the #Idea of moving back in. I love my mom but my hometown is boring af #Working in istanbul would be great as a gap year but holy shit. The fucking economy. Idek man it doesnt sound uuhh hashtag relaxing to me #Idk #I fucking wish the jobs/internships i have applied so far would work out. I either keep getting rejected or ghosted #Yesterday i got rejected by a job i didnt even fucking want and i KNOW im fucking overqualified for it most likely. I fucking hate this #It was a fucking mobile dating sim writing. I have a degree in literature and i have done narrative design for fucks sake and worked in a #Game project with a way more complicated mechanic than a fucking lame dating sim #Got rejected bc 'they are looking for a more specific cv' #All my writings feel too niche or specific for me to get an entry level job and i fucking hate the idea of writing for a lame game to begin #With #And if i wanna get away with my weird af design ideas phd is the best way to go but. Im so tired of academia. But im also fucking terrified #Of getting a job. Ugh #There is this internship that would be PERFECT for me that im qualified for but ffs they ghosted me. Im gonna fucking go insane #Anyways #Negativity #Or whatever yall use to filter these bs

[horanghey]

i was thinking about how to talk to an interviewer even tho my resume ain't even good enough to be chosen and I realized that idek how to make small talk let alone ad-lib my way through a damn interview

#kmsksksksmskssmkdkfdjsfkdfskads #im literally gonna fall into a worse depressive state than I ever have fallen into #this is terrible man i couldnt land a single internship I didn't even know about that shit till it was too late anyway and now idek how to #sell myself to the damn economy #tastalks #more like taswails tascries tasdies

[returntotheground]

you know. i never before ran into this issue where i find it hard to put any effort into a report because i fundamentally do not respect the professor for this class

but here we are

#tbh i'm almost done it's due at midnight but like. i just don't care. this dude has annoyed me all semester but also he likes my work #and i know i write well for an academic setting (somehow like genuinely idek how i ended up impressing my professors with this but whatever #so my motivation is at an all time low bc whatever. fuck him and fuck his class and i'm tired and loopy on cold meds so i really do not car #honestly i'm not even sure he's gonna really read this like it's a dense 3 pages and he's got like 20 students and the semester ends soon #like really is the guy who just sent me an answer key instead of truly answering my homework question gonna read all that? no. #old man professors are so often just so fucking weird and annoying and also lazy this shit is just bizarre #personal shit

[wetpapert0wel]

@ my ex ay yo get ur shit off my calendar lmao

#/j lol #idek if he knows my current url. but if he does: boy shoo. scram. skedaddle. i'm done w/ u. i been done w/ u. #last i checked his friends were dinks who said they wouldnt care if i died. 🥴 (that was 3 yrs ago or smth @ this point but still.) #like ik i was shitty as fuck. but like. i was 18-20 & freshly out of a shitty situation. idk if 3 yrs is gonna fix my bullshit. #yeah i can only imagine how horrifically exhausting i was to be around. but like. lbr. what did u expect. #did u honestly expect me to be perfect & normal as soon as we moved out #ur trauma might have made u soft (which is fine). but mine made me callous and mean. that's just a fact. #i'm not shit talkin his decisions; he had to do what was best for him. and i respect that. #i'm mostly miffed @ his friends LOL #his friends wre basically like: ''once an abuser always an abuser. no exceptions. only fictional abusers are ok.'' like. hello. what. #idgaf if im misinterpreting what they said lmao. they still said. verbatim. ''i wouldn't care if you lived or died.'' #the Eldest of his friends said that as well. (i think they were 25 or 27??) #is a scared and injured dog not worthy of life? hello? and what is the difference between a man and a dog? #i've said it before & i'll say it again: i just needed more time to get better. but he didn't have to give me that time. and that's fine. #i didn't have enough time to grow out of my shit. nor did i have the best resources. it took my mom like 5-6 yrs to get better. #but she still fucks up sometimes. and she's still unintentionally mean. and she's in her 50s #gave me a wake-up call like no other tho i'll tell u what lmao #orignaletti

[ozlices]

every time we go through a particularly stressful year, we get a new feature added to our body. but bc this year has been so relentlessly stressful in such an absurd amount of ways, we've gotten so many buffs it's actually infuriating. we can't even keep track, and we are also fucking sick of all of them

#mine #sometimes they're temporary sometimes they're permanent. these fuckers better be the former we cannot deal like this forever #bruh this stupid ass piece of shit excuse for a body has ENOUGH problems as it is. LEAVE US ALONE MAN #as if the mental strain isn't enough holy fuck stop. stop adding on we're gonna lose it #we've had like. idek how many villain arcs this year alone. much less adding on prev years to it #fucking!! fuck off!!!!! fuck!!!!!

[thecherrygod]

Hm

#my posts #look yes i keep making at least one post like this a day and it will continue but its either letting it out or i have no idea #also in my defense y believe most of my mutuals arent up so it is peak time to post about feeling like shit #my plan isnt for someone to read these its for the bullshit to get out and try to not get to the point shit hits the fan #anyways man teen me would be so fucking disappointed by so many things the mere fact we are still alive would make them livid #and alive and living like this? #probably if they knew it was gonna be like this it would have happened lmao #they would just think we are a coward and a dumbass who can't do anything right tbh but they did know then too it's not knew #if it was new we wouldn't be here wouldn't we. why am i referring to is in plural it's just two dif timed mes #but yeah they are probably like 'hey of you are gonna keep living at least you could do it in a way no one regrets it' but alas we do #and we will keep regretting it bc our death won't be our choice. the deadline for it was extended until we were 20 and it's long closed #.... things are getting worse tho they put true but like. that isn't an option anymore lmao it sucks tbh #... i don't have anything else to say that isn't repeating it #i. do wish it was still an option idek why it isn't anymore it's some stupid arbitrary rule #i hate this. it's like. i really don't do a single thing that could make any version of me proud of myself #not teen me not child me not current me. none of us is okay with whatever the fuck i have going on and yet! #.man. I've spent all day tired and wanting to cry for nothing particular but also for literally everything so like #that would fix me. i don't know how to make it happen #... I'm gonna go to sleep #i need my phone to finish charging but that'll be over soon #so yeah I'll. go to sleep soon

[unthick]

i'm the only poc in my shared house and like at least 10 years younger than the rest of them and im actually gonna go insane if i have to have one more converation with this 30 smth year old male manipulator my god

i fucking hate him so fucking much that's all thx the meat of this rant is in the tags

#personal #actualy fucking man child dating someone my age since she was 18 ass rlly actually does not undertsnad racism ass #just told me i'm lucky to have not had abusive dad in response to my complaining about his absence throughout my childhood when this nigga #does not know shit abt me like literally im not abt to be baited into overhsaring my childhood trauma to some narcisistic weeaboo white man #who constanlty needs to get the biggest fucking victim in the room #bc imagine i actually come out and try and correct him he's just gonna try and one up me or some shit when i actually do not give a fuck #im too much of a pushover always like aww how r u today bc i know he's a weak ass bitch but he does not give a fuckkkk abt anyone but himse #lf #hate him so muuch idek #the amount of stupid fucking racist shit this man has said to me #literally been fuming in my room for hours over this lemme just make some soup or smth lmaoo #he told me he fucked a trini girl a week ago and the ancestors just shuddered through me

[mbat]

one day i wish someone would ask me about the songs on my playlists and how i feel about them and how i interpret the lyrics but i know no one will ever do that plus no one is going to want to sit around with me for hours while i do that and we only get like 10 songs in anyway

#my post #i am a man with so many thoughts and feelings and emotions #also im listening to my trauma playlist rn cause something happened earlier #and people DEFINITELY wont hear about that #wish i had a therapist i could force to listen to my song interpretations sjtjsjtjsjf #like. idek dude i just . wa #one day im gonna have a partner and im gonna make them listen to my song interpretations #im not gonna explain anything on tumblr tho cause that shit Personal in a way that not even i am willing to talk about publicly

[scribbledghost]

Ok I want your most controversial Ghost headcanons bc I'm curious 👀

Oh boy. Uh. Well, alright, here we go (and truthfully idek if these are really "controversial" so much as "me going against the fandom grain" here):

He's not some mean hard vicious Dom type in bed. Sorry. Don't see it. He's not gonna beat his partner. He's not gonna choke them out. Not gonna degrade them. One night he accidentally leaves some bruises on their hips from grabbing so hard and he doesn't touch them for a week. (He will give hickies, but thats it).

He doesn't show his face to anyone unless he explicitly trusts them. He won't wear the full skull balaclava if he's in civvie dress, but he will wear a hood and a standard mask that covers his nose and mouth.

Scary Dog Privileges but hear me out: he wants his partner to lean into it too. Treat him like a former fighting dog that you're trying to domesticate. He'll live for that shit.

Anyone else other than his military superiors tries to order him around and they'll get decked. But his partner? They could snap their fingers and tell him to jump and he'd ask how high.

A caregiver if I ever did see one. Need food? He's on it. Water? He's got it. Cold but didn't bring a jacket after he told you to? He'll moan and complain but somehow he winds up bare-chested in the dead of winter while you're wearing his shirt and his jacket AND his coat. (He's still got his mask on tho)

Make him laugh and he's putty in your hands. This can mostly be achieved by telling shitty jokes that rival his. (Protip: his favorite is "what part of your body dies last? Your pupils. Cause they die-late.")

He can be cold, quiet, and calculated, sure. But this is mostly reserved for field work. In everyday scenarios, he's still quiet, but he's not as harsh and jagged.

Does not do crowds. You will not catch this man in a bar of his own volition, and if you do, he's been dragged there by the rest of the 141 and he's got his back to a corner somewhere.

Deep down, deeper than he's probably willing to admit, he needs someone to need him. Like, truly need him. Let him be a tool to use, a pillar to lean on, a soft place to land. Something, anything, as long as he's needed. He doesn't know any other way to exist.

He likes to say he's got a cold heart, but truthfully it's just very well-guarded. If someone were to weasel their way past his carefully-built defenses, they'd find out damn quick that his heart is definitely not cold. In fact, its open and bleeding. Terrified and waiting for someone to treat it with even an ounce of love and gentleness.

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #ghost scribbles