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steddieworks · 1 year

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finally safe for me to fall - chapter 7

hi!! I'm so sorry for missing my usual update last Sunday, but I hope this chapter makes up for that! it's been through two different versions but i'm pretty happy with the final result!

read on ao3

Summary: The twins get sick, so Eddie takes care of them. But who will take care of Eddie? ... Steve will, of course.

Warnings for this chapter: swearing, non-explicit depictions of sickness/illness

Words: 9.1k

It’s a month into Eddie’s role as babysitter when something inevitably goes wrong.

It was only a matter of time, really. With the weather getting colder, all the kids at school seemed to have been coming down with one disease after another, whether it be a cold, the flu, or a stomach bug. Eddie had been incredibly diligent with passing out vitamins and allergy pills every morning before school, taking hand sanitizer with him to pick-up, and keeping them fed the healthiest foods possible.

And still, it wasn’t enough.

Eddie is humming to himself as he folds the last of the laundry, this time a load of the twins’ clothes, when the phone rings. He doesn’t think much of it as he answers, still in a rather pleasant mood, having done everything on his to-do list already for the day, and it’s only noon.

“Hello?” he says when he answers the phone, balancing it between his ear and shoulder.

“Eddie, honey?” Steve’s voice fills the line, and Eddie perks up immediately.

“Hi,” Eddie says around a little smile. “Uh… everything okay? You don’t normally call me during the day.”

“Well, actually, no,” Steve says with a sigh. “It’s nothing too bad. But the school just called and the twins are both sick. Ivy’s running a fever and Jazz has thrown up twice apparently.”

Eddie’s stomach sinks at the thought of his girls being sick. “Oh, god. I- I should’ve known! Jasmine didn’t finish her eggs this morning, and-”

Steve cuts him off with a gentle voice before he can spiral further. “Hon, it’s not your fault they’re sick. But I need you to go to the school and pick them up, okay? I have back-to-back meetings with investors from now until four, so I won’t be home until five at the earliest. I’m so sorry.”

It’s easy for Eddie to shrug that off. This is his responsibility, since, after all, it’s the very thing Steve pays him for. “No, of course, of course. I don’t mind at all. I’ll go grab them and take care of everything before you get home. They’ll be right as rain when you get here, okay?”

It sounds like Steve’s smiling when he replies, “thanks, Eddie. Let me know if you guys need anything, I can bring back something for dinner if you want.”

Eddie agrees to let him know before hanging up and grabbing his coat and his keys. Time to go get his kids and play mommy-nurse for an evening.

~~~

It’s worse than Eddie is expecting. Jasmine is so pale she favors Eddie more than her father, a fact Eddie ignores, lest he start thinking about how nice that would be, to have a child that looked like him. Ivy is nearly asleep in the nurse’s office, so drowsy with fever that she can barely walk. He takes Ivy out to the van first, buckling her in and checking that she’s alright before going back for Jasmine. He thanks the secretary and the school nurse profusely before heading outside, shushing Jasmine gently as he carries her to the car.

“I don’t feel good,” she cries against his shoulder.

“I know baby, I know. We’re going to get you all fixed up when we get home, though, okay?” He reassures, petting her hair as he gets her in the car, buckling her up to match her sister.

The drive back to the apartment is short but stressful, Eddie hyper-aware of any jarring movement that might make them toss their cookies, but luckily, they make it back home with no accidents. They’re both in varying stages of crying by the time they get upstairs, Eddie carrying Ivy with one arm while Jasmine trails after them, clutching desperately to Eddie’s hand. It’s a bit of a struggle, but they make it.

“Alright. Ivy, honey, we’ve gotta get you in a cool bath to get this fever down, okay? It’s not gonna feel very good at first, but I promise it’ll make you feel so much better,” Eddie explains as he carries her to Steve’s bathroom, since it has the nicer tub.

“I don’wanna,” she whines against his shoulder, her tears already soaking a sizeable patch into his shirt.

Eddie sighs. “Baby, I know. But if you’re a brave girl and take your bath, I’ll get you a treat when we’re finished, okay?”

Ivy sniffles, but nods.

Jasmine, who had followed them into the bathroom, says, “what about me?”

Eddie smiles at her as he sits on the edge of the bathtub and turns on the tap, testing the temperature before putting the plug down. “I didn’t forget about you, love. I don’t think your fever is as high as sissy’s, but as soon as I get her in the bath I’m gonna get the thermometer to check, okay? And if it is, you’ll need to take a cool bath too.”

Jasmine frowns, but nods. She sits on the closed lid of the toilet, staring down at her feet. Eddie bites his lip to hide the quiver there, because he truly hates the fact that these girls are so miserable and he can’t just wave his hand to put a stop to it. That just feels completely unfair.

“Alright, hon, let’s get you in the bath,” Eddie says, helping Ivy strip down to her underwear before helping her into the water.

She immediately lets out a cry, and Eddie’s omega cries back, so full of pain he almost feels sick himself. “Baby,” he says tearfully. “I know, I know it’s chilly.”

“It’s too cold,” Ivy cries, shaking her head. “It’s too cold, Mommy.”

Eddie doesn’t even register what she said at first, too wrapped up in trying to soothe her. When it hits him, he just feels even worse. “I know,” he says. He knows that it’s not actually that cold, he’d run the warm water far longer than he should have, if anything, but at least this way it must be working. “Can you be a very good girl and sit right here until I get back with the thermometer and some ginger ale for you guys to sip?”

Ivy doesn’t look happy about it, but she nods. “Y-yes,” she chatters.

Eddie offers her a small smile, brushing her hair back gently. “Very good. I’ll be right back, okay?”

She nods, and Jasmine does the same when Eddie checks in on her before leaving the room. He rushes to the twins’ bathroom, where he knows a thermometer lives in the medicine cabinet, and then he stops back by the kitchen to grab a can of ginger ale out of the fridge and a straw out of a drawer. It had been more of a purchase for himself than anyone else, as he got frequent nausea spells leading up to his period, but it was coming in very handy right now for sure.

When he gets back to the bathroom, the girls are talking quietly, but he can’t make out what they’re saying. He hears Jasmine mumble something that sounds like, “-wish he was, though,” before he steps through the door and they go quiet.

“Alright, Jazz, come here, honey,” Eddie says as he goes to sit back on the side of the bathtub, holding the freshly opened can of ginger ale out for Ivy to sip from while he gestures the thermometer at her sister.

Jasmine comes to stand beside him, obediently sticking her tongue out for him to place the thermometer underneath. The room is silent for a moment, except for the sipping sounds from Ivy, before the thermometer makes a quiet beeping noise. When he pulls it away, he frowns down at the tiny display screen.

“Is it very high?” Jasmine asks softly.

Eddie shakes his head. “Not too bad,” he says. “It’s at ninety-eight-point-four. If it gets above a hundred, we’ll need to take a cool bath, okay?” he tells her firmly.

She nods, then points to Ivy. “Can I have a sip of that?”

Eddie nods, checking that Ivy is finished before handing it over. He doesn’t figure it makes sense to have them stop sharing things now that they’re sick - whatever it is, they’ve both got it.

“Can I get out now?” Ivy asks quietly.

“Let me see if you still feel so warm,” Eddie says, leaning in and placing a hand on her forehead. She’s still a little warm, but not nearly as hot as she was when he picked her up. He nods, turning to gesture at the towels. “Yeah, honey. Jazz, will you hand me one of those? Thank you, love. Let’s get out, Ivy.”

Ivy stands on shaky legs, and Eddie gets her wrapped up as quickly as possible before taking both of them back to their own bedroom to find a suitable pair of pajamas for each of them. As soon as they’re dressed, Eddie directs them to get into bed.

“Can we…” Ivy starts, sounding a little timid.

Eddie quirks an eyebrow. “Can we do what?” he asks.

Ivy glances at her sister before looking up at Eddie, her eyes wide and watery with sickness. “Can we go snuggle in Daddy’s bed? He always lets us sleep in his bed when we’re sick.”

“Yeah,” Jasmine agrees. “Can we, please?”

Eddie hesitates. He hadn’t asked Steve for permission to do that, but… on the other hand… being around their father’s familiar scent would likely make them calmer, quicker to recover. He thinks that outweighs whatever weirdness he feels about it.

“Okay,” he agrees. “Come on, bring your stuffies and let’s go to his room.”

The girls cheer quietly, clearly relieved to be allowed to have this. Eddie is glad they asked, because he never would have let himself think of it personally. They gather up their favorite stuffed animals and Eddie marches them through the house to Steve’s room, and naturally, with his massive, tall bed, Eddie has to help them up.

“Alright, lay down, get comfy. I’m gonna go grab each of you a popsicle. Have you had lunch yet?”

They chorus a quiet “no,” but Eddie catches the way Jasmine wrinkles her nose. “I’m not hungry,” she admits.

Eddie nods. “Okay. Your tummies are probably too weak to handle anything much right now, anyway, but a popsicle will definitely give you enough sugar to keep you going, and the cold will help keep your fever down.”

The girls nod, and off Eddie goes, back to gather up popsicles, towels to hold them with so their little hands don’t get cold and sticky, and some crackers for them to nibble on when they get to feeling better. He has a feeling this will be a long evening.

~~~

“Eddie? Girls? I’m home!”

Steve’s voice rings through the apartment, dragging Eddie from his half-asleep state with a bleary blink of his eyes. He startles when he remembers where he is and what he’s doing, or, well- meant to be doing. The twins are passed out on either side of him, and he vaguely remembers how they got there. He brought them popsicles and as soon as she finished hers, Jasmine was passed out. Ivy took some coaxing to get to sleep, crying because she felt so bad. Eddie’s heart broke a million times over seeing how miserable she was, and he’d sort of unintentionally began to release calming pheromones, rubbing his cheek against the tops of their heads in an attempt to soothe. Try as he might, though, he could tell it wasn’t really working. After all, he’s not their mom, his omega pheromones aren’t what they’re familiar with.

Still, he tried. For nearly an hour he soothed them and hummed and tried to be what they needed until they fell asleep, and eventually, he drifted to sleep as well.

“In here,” Eddie calls back quietly, hoping not to wake the girls. He sits up slowly, brushing a hand over Ivy’s hair, checking her temperature with the back of his hand before turning to Jasmine to do the same.

“Oh,” Steve says from the door.

Eddie glances up with a sheepish smile. “Hi. I’m sorry about- all this. They wanted to sleep in here, and-“

Steve shakes his head, dropping his coat onto his dresser and toeing off his shoes before making his way to the bed. “No, it’s fine, Eddie, really. God, they really don’t feel well, do they?” He has the most devastated look on his face as he comes around to the side of the bed, stroking a hand over Jasmine’s hair like Eddie had just done. Steve glances up at him with a soft smile. “How are you feeling?”

Eddie shrugs. “I’m fine. Too soon to have caught anything from them, probably, but, um…” he debates on what he’s going to say next. “My immune system is usually sort of weak this time of month, so…” he watches Steve’s face carefully as he waits for it to click.

It takes a second, but when it does, Steve frowns. “Oh, Eds, why didn’t you tell me you were- what do you need?”

It makes him flush a little, the way Steve is immediately trying to take care of him- as if that’s even his job. “It hasn’t started yet. I’m cramping a little, but it probably won’t be bad until tomorrow. But I really don’t need anything, and I can still take care of the girls and everything.” Eddie offers him a sweet smile.

Steve’s frown only deepens when he hears that. “Well, sure, but who’s going to take care of you?”

Eddie gives him a look of surprise, unprepared to answer that. “Um…”

“Have you eaten anything today?” Steve asks, taking charge in that distinctly alpha manner that Eddie’s omega thrills at.

“I had breakfast with you guys, and then…” Eddie realizes with no small amount of surprise that he hasn’t actually eaten anything since then. “Oh. I guess that’s it. But I’m okay, though, really, I-“

Steve sighs deeply, his hands on his hips in this way that just screams disappointed parent. “Okay. Here’s what’s going to happen. I am going to go make you some dinner. You can lay here for as long as you like, but you need to try to eat a little bit before you go back to sleep.”

Eddie is already shaking his head, trying desperately not to appear as lazy as he’s feeling right now. “Oh, there’s no need, really, I’m-“

“Going to lay right there until I get back,” Steve says firmly, his narrowed eyes leaving no room for argument. His face softens for a moment and he reaches out to brush a strand of Eddie’s hair back. “Let me take care of you, honey. You’re taking such good care of the girls, so let me take care of you.”

And how is Eddie supposed to deny that face? He can’t. “Okay,” he finally says, voice soft. “Thanks, Steve.”

Steve just smiles, forever sweet and endlessly kind. “I’ll be right back. Gonna make some soup for you and the girls. I assume they haven’t eaten either?”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, just some popsicles, that’s all. They didn’t feel well enough to eat.”

Steve nods in understanding. “Alright. Well, sit tight. I’ll be right back.” He gives Eddie one last look, like he’s checking to make sure he’s going to stay put, and then leaves the room quickly.

Eddie sighs, laying back in bed as he listens to the tell-tale sounds of Steve putting together some food. It’s a casual kind of domesticity, the kind that Eddie has been wistful for ever since he presented as an omega. He smiles as Jasmine rolls over in her sleep, curling up against his side with a sleepy noise. Normally he’d be feeling a little sorry for himself, wistful for things that don’t truly belong to him, but today he lets himself be content. He closes his eyes and pretends that these are his pups, and that his mate is in the kitchen making food for them, and even allows himself to think of Steve’s bed as his nest. It’s a dangerous daydream, one he knows will probably only hurt him more in the long run, but he lets himself have it for now.

He doesn’t realize he drifted off to sleep until a soft voice is coaxing him awake.

“Eddie, honey? Wake up, I’ve got some food and water for you.” Steve’s voice is like a familiar friend, and Eddie unintentionally curls close to the gentle hand in his hair. Steve coos, and it’s the sweet sound, more than anything else, that wakes Eddie up.

He startles away from the warmth of Steve’s hand, blinking blearily up at him. “Huh?” he mumbles, rubbing at his eyes. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to go back to sleep. It’s just so… warm,” Eddie apologizes, a little pathetically.

Steve is smiling down at him, a broad, pleased thing that just makes Eddie’s heart race. “It’s okay. Can you sit up for a few minutes? I brought you some soup and some ice water.”

Eddie nods, shifting gently to sit up against the headboard, absentmindedly reaching out to stroke through Ivy’s hair where she’s snuggled in against his side. “Want me to wake them up too?” He asks as he watches Steve stir a bowl of soup on the bedside table.

Steve shakes his head. “Eat first, and then we’ll wake them up. The soup’s still on the stove, so it’ll stay warm.” He cradles the bowl with a tea towel, handing it to Eddie carefully. “Be careful, it’s really hot,” he warns softly.

It’s silly, but for some reason, the thoughtful gesture almost makes Eddie tear up. He doesn’t think he’s had soup brought to him in bed since he was a tiny child, before his mother died. His uncle Wayne probably would’ve if Eddie had let him, but Eddie was more the “suffer in silence” type when it came to illnesses. He’s not sure why it feels so normal, so right, to let Steve baby him like this while he’s sick, but it does. It doesn’t make him cringe or feel helpless like it probably would with someone else, it just makes him feel… loved.

His face must be flushed with the absurdity of that thought, and Steve frowns at him from where he’s perched at the edge of the mattress. “Are you alright?” he asks.

Eddie nods, slurping at the hot chicken noodle soup to hide his face. “‘M fine,” he mumbles into the spoon.

Steve’s eyebrows furrow, and before Eddie can flinch away, Steve’s hand is coming up to feel his forehead. “You don’t feel like you’re running a fever, but your face is red…” he says, looking perplexed.

Eddie shrugs, goes in for another slurp of the soup because this shit is delicious. “Probably just, uh… steam from the soup?” he suggests lamely.

Apparently it’s not too lame, because Steve just nods in understanding. “Yeah, that makes sense,” he agrees, although it really doesn’t. “Here, have a sip of your water. I’ll go grab some pain medicine in just a second.”

Steve holds the glass up, nudging the straw around for Eddie to sip from, and Eddie feels like he’s blushing even harder with the way Steve is staring at his mouth as he sucks on the straw. He pulls away, clearing his throat. “You really don’t have to do all of this,” Eddie says, avoiding Steve’s gaze.

“And you really don’t have to fight me on it every time,” Steve counters lightly. When Eddie looks at him, though, he’s got a pained look in his eyes. “Sweetheart, I really don’t mind. I…” He looks down at where Jasmine has suddenly shifted in her sleep, rolling over towards Eddie, burrowing her head into his side to mirror her sister. Steve smiles at her, his gaze flicking up to Eddie’s. “I like taking care of you. Maybe it’s just some alpha, hetero-normative bullshit, but…” Steve shrugs. “I like that I can… you know, provide something for you.”

His face is probably red enough to match Eddie’s at this point, and something about the sentiment, or the dual embarrassment, makes Eddie smile. “Okay,” he concedes. If Steve wants to do this, Eddie is going to let him. He can’t think of a good reason why he shouldn’t, besides the obvious issue of his pesky little feelings, but really that’s not that important. They’re under control. Really, they are.

“I’ll be right back,” Steve says after a few moments, standing and making his way to the bathroom. A confused noise traps itself in Eddie’s throat, and he has to hide his face once again when Steve glances over his shoulder at him. “Just gonna grab some ibuprofen,” Steve reassures.

Eddie nods. “Okay.”

He eats his soup slowly, vaguely aware of the cramping in his lower stomach, a sure sign of his upcoming monthly cycle. He’s luckier than most omegas, though. His cycle has never been as miserable as he’s often heard described by his omega friends, usually just two or three days of bleeding and some cramps, nothing like the puking and migraine-filled periods he’s heard about. Eddie is grateful for this for a number of reasons, the main one being, of course, that he has no real need for cycle-management birth control, which he’s heard can make heats more erratic as a side effect. He’s incredibly thankful that’s not a problem he has to deal with.

“Here,” Steve says, returning from the bathroom with a small handful of pills. “I don’t know how many you usually take, but here’s four.”

Eddie smiles at him and holds out his bowl of soup so they can trade for a moment. “I usually only take two at a time,” he says as he plucks two of the tablets out of Steve’s hand. “Thanks,” he tacks on before he pops them in his mouth, reaching for the glass of water that Steve is already holding out for him.

Steve watches him with a small smile, handing the bowl back as soon as Eddie’s done with the medicine. “Are you feeling very bad yet?” He asks, perching himself on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb Jasmine.

Eddie shakes his head. “No, not yet. It’ll probably kick in sometime tonight or in the morning. Getting a head start on it with the medicine and stuff really helps,” he says, glancing up at Steve with a sheepish, but grateful, smile.

“I’m glad,” Steve says, reaching out and brushing a hand through Eddie’s hair. “I can’t stand the idea of you being in pain.”

And there it is, once again. Steve saying something so impossibly sweet and caring, something he can’t possibly mean. Eddie has half a mind to call him out on it, but instead he just smiles and rolls his eyes. “Well, don’t worry about that. I feel fine, really. Besides, I have this Harrington-special soup, however could I be sick if I have that?” he jokes, grinning at Steve.

Steve laughs quietly, considerate of his sleeping daughters. “Oh, of course, yeah. Should I send your compliments to the chef?” He’s got such a flirtatious look in his eye, one that Eddie really can’t help but flirt right back with.

“Oh for sure. Let the chef know that I give him a five-star review, ten out of ten, would recommend.”

“I’ll pass the message along,” Steve says, still playing along. He drops his hand to Eddie’s knee then, rubbing circles into it with his thumb. “Any other messages for the chef?” He says, his voice light, even as his eyes dart away from Eddie’s as if he’s… nervous?

Eddie pauses, not sure how to respond in the face of what seems to be actual, genuine flirting. He knows what he’d like to say, what he’s wanted to say since day one, but as for what’s appropriate…

“Can you two be quiet?” A little voice suddenly interrupts Eddie’s entire train of thought, nearly making him spill his soup in his surprise.

Steve and Eddie both glance down at Ivy, who has lifted her head to glare at them both. “‘M tryin’ to sleep over here!” she grouches.

Eddie has to bite his lip to stifle his laugh, and Steve appears to be having the same struggle beside him. “You’re right, honey, we’re sorry,” Steve appeases her gently. “Are you hungry, Ivy? Could you eat some soup?”

At that, Ivy lifts her head for real, blinking her eyes open blearily. “Soup?”

~~~

They make the twins get out of bed to eat, because they both know they’re just asking for disaster if they give two six-year-olds bowls of hot soup on a mattress. Steve insists that Eddie can just stay in bed and rest while he deals with the twins himself, but Eddie’s not having it. He finishes his soup quickly and follows them into the kitchen, making the girls a glass of ginger ale each while Steve ladles their soup into their bowls. They work together in tandem, never bumping into each other unless it’s intentional, and when they’ve got the girls everything they need, Eddie feels a sudden wave of exhaustion wash over him.

“I’m gonna go sit down for a minute,” he tells Steve, his voice a little weak.

Steve, who had just been explaining to Jasmine that yes, she would feel better if she ate some soup, looks up with concern etched into his eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

Eddie almost rolls his eyes at the outpouring of worry and concern that Steve always seems to have for him, but he refrains. “Yeah, just feel kind of light-headed all of a sudden.”

“Go lay down,” Steve suggests, his voice noticeably lacking any alpha-lilted order that would take away Eddie’s ability to choose for himself. When Eddie starts to shake his head in protest, Steve gives him a look, dropping his hands to his hips in a clear picture of disapproval. “Honey, I’ve got this. Just go lay down for a bit. We’ll be back in there as soon as we’re done.”

It takes Eddie’s brain a second to catch up. Steve wants him to- “You want me to… your room?” He stumbles through the question, staring at Steve in surprise.

Steve looks vaguely confused for a minute. “Well, yeah,” he says, like it’s obvious. “I can’t very well take care of you if you’re on the other side of the apartment,” he says with a little smile.

Eddie feels his face flush, so he nods and turns to go back to Steve’s room. He may be a little bit embarrassed and ashamed to be sleeping in an alpha’s bed when they’re not even mated, but the biggest part of him is thrilled. Steve’s scent is so strong in this room, stronger than Eddie has ever gotten it, and he doesn’t stop himself from snuggling into the sheets, shoving his face into the pillow he’s almost positive is Steve’s favorite, the scent of alpha cloying his senses. It’s perfect, and his omega is practically purring with joy.

Apparently, he’s sleepier than he’d thought, because the next thing he knows, he’s waking up to something pressing against his back. He must make a noise of some sort, because the next thing he knows, a soft voice is shushing him.

“It’s just me, babe.” Steve’s hand strokes over his hair, and Eddie presses himself into the touch helplessly.

“Where’s - girls?” Eddie mumbles, turning his head and blinking, trying to find Steve.

“They’re here,” Steve assures him.

Eddie sits up a little, his panicked heart settling a little when he lays eyes on the twins. Jasmine is pressed close to his side, her gaze focused on the television on the other side of the room, which Eddie realizes now is playing a movie on a near-silent volume. Ivy is on the other side of Jasmine, holding her stuffed animal to her chest and looking up at Eddie with a little smile.

“Did you take a nap?” She asks sweetly.

Eddie smiles at her. “Yeah, I did. Didn’t mean to, though,” he says, glancing over at Steve. “Was I asleep for very long?”

Steve shakes his head. “Not at all. The girls finished their soup, I took their temperatures again and gave them some medicine, and they wanted to come snuggle.” He smiles over at his daughters, and Eddie’s heart does that stupid clenching thing it wants to do whenever he sees the love Steve always lavishes onto his kids. He wishes, selfishly, that it was lavished onto him as well. Then he feels guilty for thinking that, when Steve is clearly already doing so much to take care of him as it is. He should just be grateful for that, rather than be selfish and wish for more.

“Daddy? Can we sleep in here tonight?” Ivy asks suddenly, interrupting Eddie’s little mental pity-party.

Eddie glances up to see Steve’s reaction. The man smiles at his daughter, nodding easily. “Of course. We’re overdue for a slumber party, I think.”

Ivy smiles, then turns that sweet little puppy dog gaze onto Eddie. “You’ll stay too, right, Eddie?” she asks, and if she wasn’t so precious, Eddie would probably be more annoyed by the coyness. Maybe he’s crazy, but he’s almost positive she has a knowing glint in her eye, like she knows what this is doing to Eddie’s heart.

“Um…” he says awkwardly, glancing up at Steve uncertainly.

Steve smiles, an eerily similar expression to the one Ivy wears. “I don’t mind,” he says softly. His hand comes up to brush through Eddie’s bangs, and Eddie can’t help it when he tilts into the touch. “How about you go get your pajamas on? Then it’ll be a proper sleepover.”

Eddie flushes, but nods. Really, how could he turn him down with a face like that? “Okay, I’ll be right back,” he says, rolling off the bed with shaky limbs. He takes a second to stretch from where he’d gone a bit stiff, and he can’t help but smirk a little when he catches Steve watching him. “Alright. Pajamas. Girls, do you need anything from your room?” he asks.

“Can you bring me my pillow?” Ivy asks.

Jasmine lights up at that, finally tuning into the conversation. “Ooh, yeah, can you bring mine too? And my fluffy blanket?”

Eddie laughs, but nods. “Sure, I’ll-”

Steve interrupts him then. “You just go get dressed, honey, I’ll grab their stuff. Any other requests, ladies?” He’s got his hands on his hips, once again in that decidedly parental pose, and Eddie tries to hide his smirk.

The twins confirm that all they want is their pillows and blankets, and Steve follows Eddie out of his bedroom. “I really opened a can of worms with that one,” Eddie says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Sorry about that.”

Steve just laughs, shaking his head. “No, it’s fine. It’ll kind of be like making a nest,” he says thoughtfully.

And of course he has no idea what that’s going to do to Eddie’s heart. How is he supposed to predict that those words will make Eddie’s chest clench and his head swim with images of a domestic fantasy where he’s allowed to have that?

He tries not to indicate just how much those words sting. “Huh. Yeah, I guess so,” Eddie mumbles quietly. He gestures pointlessly at his bedroom. “I’m gonna… um…”

Steve nods, but there’s a fissure of concern under the carefully neutral mask on his face. “Okay. I’ll grab the girls’ things quickly.”

Eddie just nods, stepping into his room and going to rifle through his pajama drawer, almost on auto-pilot as he changes out of his jeans and into the soft flannel bottoms Steve had bought him, along with their matching shirt. He forces himself not to think about the idea of making a nest with Steve, something he doesn’t deserve and will never have anyway. He’s never even had a proper nest, not really. The one partner he’d had… well, they hadn’t wanted him to have a nest, even if it was something he technically needed. So his pipe dream of having one with Steve is stupid - Eddie doesn’t even know how to do it properly.

He tries to push that thought out of his head, but from there his mind spirals to his other omega failings thus far. He’s old for an unmated, childless omega, and even though he’s helping rear Steve’s pups, he’s not their mother. Fuck, he couldn’t even comfort them properly with his scent - something any decent omega should be able to do on some basic level for any pup, even if they’re not biologically related. And Eddie can’t even do that right! What a poor fucking excuse for an omega. What a lousy, pathetic-

“Eddie?” Steve’s panicked voice comes from the doorway, jolting Eddie out of his nervous, near-manic state. He hadn’t realized it until now, but he’s breathing hard, probably not far from hyperventilating. “Honey, what’s wrong? You smell-”

And Eddie can’t cope with the idea that Steve just knows how fucked-up he is. How pathetic. So of course he has to go and prove it by bursting into tears.

“I- I’m sorry,” Eddie chokes through quiet sobs, reaching up to cover his mouth in a poor attempt to muffle the sound. “I…”

Steve drops the handful of bedding bundled up in his arms, stepping into Eddie’s space with no hesitation. “Oh, come here, babe,” he says, wrapping Eddie up in his arms easily.

Of course Eddie, the pathetic omega he is, nearly falls into the embrace, his face immediately tucking into Steve’s neck and breathing in his scent deeply. He can’t help it, really, but he’s aware that that’s probably a shitty excuse, no matter which way he twists it in his mind. “I’m sorry,” he says, a bit more firmly after a minute of sniffling. “I… I don’t know what came over me.”

Steve strokes his back, his hand leaving a trail of warmth in its wake. “Okay. You seemed fine a minute ago, but then your scent… it got so sour all of a sudden, like… well, like an omega in distress. Are you… Like physically speaking, are you okay?”

Eddie appreciates how carefully Steve phrases that. “Yeah,” he answers, because that’s technically the truth. He should probably pull himself out of Steve’s grip now that he’s admitted that he’s fine, but when he goes to retract himself, Steve is not having it, holding him even tighter instead. “I’m fine, Steve, really, I just…” He doesn’t want to lie to Steve, so he settles for a half-truth. “I just started thinking about how earlier, when I tried to calm the girls down, I… well I couldn’t. Not like…” He sniffles again, the tears welling back up in his eyes.

“Not like what?” Steve asks softly, petting Eddie’s hair.

“Not like their mother could,” Eddie whispers after a moment of silence. “I tried- I really did! But… I don’t think my scent will ever be a good enough substitute for the real thing,” he admits. He’s ashamed to bring this up to Steve, in a way. He’s sure there’s some trauma associated with the absence of the twins’ mother, and he doesn’t want to drag Steve down with him during his breakdown, but he also doesn’t want to lie about how he’s feeling, not when it concerns the kids, at least.

“Well… You did everything you could. And honey, I’m just thrilled that you love them that much- that you would share that with them? That you would try to scent-soothe kids who aren’t biologically yours? Eddie, that means the world to me.” Steve pulls away just a bit, finally reclaiming his personal space when Eddie peels himself away from his neck. “Okay?”

And while that sounds nice, it feels like… like a gesture of placation. Eddie feels the tears swell again. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice cracking. “I’m a bad omega.” His voice comes out a sob, and he tries to pull away from Steve fully, intending to go wallow in self-pity on his own, but Steve pulls him into a crushing embrace, tucking him back against himself with ease.

“Eddie, no,” Steve says, his voice firm in a way that almost suggests anger. “You are not a bad omega. “I can’t even believe… Don’t even say that, okay? You…” Steve’s voice cracks then, and Eddie realizes belatedly that Steve is shaking. “You’ve been so good to my pups, Eddie. You’re such a good omega. Such a good mom to them.”

And fuck if that doesn’t make Eddie’s omega sing. Still, he has to choke down his sobs to even respond to it, swiping at his eyes with a weak hand. “Really?”

Steve kisses his forehead. It’s a completely unmistakable press of lips to skin, and Eddie nearly melts against Steve at the touch. “Of course. I can’t imagine anyone else doing a better job with them, Eddie. They love you, and they can tell how much you love them. So… biology or not… you are the closest thing to a mom they’ve got. And I won’t hear any more of this “bad omega” bullshit, understand?” His voice goes hard and stern, and pathetically, Eddie feels a little turned on by it. “I’m serious, Eds. I won’t have you tearing yourself down about your abilities, okay?”

Eddie nods. He’s not promising that he’ll never feel that way again, but he certainly won’t go around voicing it in Steve’s presence anymore. “Okay,” he says quietly.

Steve gives him one last forehead kiss, a long, lingering thing that makes Eddie’s skin flush. Then, he steps back. “Alright. Grab your pillow or whatever else you need to sleep with, and let's go. We’ve got a nest to build with the kiddos, and we’re missing out on all the good snuggles.” He’s got a smile on his face, but Eddie can tell it’s somewhat strained. He curses himself in his head for making Steve’s life more difficult, for making him feel like he’s got to be some sort of emotional support for Eddie’s little meltdowns. Still, Eddie keeps that self-loathing to himself, as he’s pretty sure Steve won’t approve of it.

Eddie grabs his favorite pillow off his bed, then turns around, giving Steve a shaky smile and following him down the hall. “Sorry about all that,” Eddie murmurs as they’re walking through the kitchen. “I think it’s just, like… My emotions are scattered this time of month, you know? I’d like to think I’m not always that much of a mess.”

Steve glances at him over his shoulder, and this time his smile is more relaxed, more genuine. “Honey, I promise it doesn’t bother me. It’s normal to have emotions. Bottling them up until you have a breakdown is definitely a problem, but we can work on that.”

Before Eddie can disagree, or say anything that makes him sound less like an emotionally stunted mess, they’re stepping back into Steve’s room, where the twins loudly complain that they thought they’d died or something. Eddie smiles to himself as he climbs up onto the bed in the face of their whining.

“We didn’t die,” Steve says, rolling his eyes as he hands out their pillows and blankets, helping them get comfy.

“Were you two smoochin’ or somethin’?” Ivy asks, narrowing her eyes at Steve.

Eddie nearly chokes on his own spit. Thank god he was sitting down and wasn’t drinking anything. His eyes, undoubtedly wide and panicked at even the accusation, flit quickly to gauge Steve’s reaction.

Steve, who is looking back at him already and appearing to be hiding a smile, or maybe a smirk. “No, you nosy girl. We were not "smoochin’ or somethin’". Mind your business.”

Ivy shrugs, snuggling under her blankie and allowing it when Steve climbs onto the bed beside her and opens his arm for her. She cuddles up to him and says, “I was just asking! You guys were gone for ages!”

Steve rolls his eyes, sending a sly wink in Eddie’s direction. “Well, I can see you’re feeling much better, missy, since apparently you can interrogate me on my whereabouts.”

The conversation moves naturally to what the meaning of the word “interrogate” is (“they’re six, Steve, of course they don’t know what that means!”) and why they can’t stay up all night watching movies (“I have work in the morning, and if you guys are just so sick, you should go to sleep. Oh, you feel better? Then you’ll go to school tomorrow!”)

By the time the twins are actually asleep, Eddie is exhausted and not far behind. Steve flicks the lamp off on his side of the bed, casting the room in almost pitch-darkness, save for the soft blue light of the television.

“You want me to turn that off?” Steve asks, his voice soft.

Eddie shakes his head, then remembers that Steve probably can’t see him. “No, it’s fine. The girls need a nightlight anyway, right?”

“Right,” Steve says, and sounds like he’s smiling. “You feeling okay?”

Eddie rolls over onto his side facing Steve, and despite the fact that they’ve got the twins between them, he feels impossibly close to him. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “I don’t feel like I’ve caught whatever crud the girls have, at least.”

There’s a ruffling noise, like Steve is nodding his head against the pillow. “Your period will probably start tomorrow though, right?” He doesn’t sound embarrassed to ask about it, and the thought that he actually cares about the answer makes Eddie feel warm.

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “There was enough cramping today that it wouldn’t surprise me if it started at some point in the night, to be honest.”

Steve makes a soft, sympathetic sound. “That sucks, babe,” he says. Eddie tries not to blush at the pet name; he’s noticed Steve sprinkling that one into conversation more and more frequently, and as much as he tries to convince himself that it’s “unprofessional,” he likes it too much to say anything. “Wake me up if it does, okay? I can go get you medicine, or a drink, or whatever you need.”

Eddie grins into the pillow, is grateful that the darkness of the room gives him some cover, and prays that the television screen isn’t highlighting the stupid smile on his face. “Okay,” he says, even though he knows that he would never, in a million years, wake Steve up for something like that. Still, the sentiment that Steve would take care of him if he did? That’s enough to make Eddie’s whole body feel like it’s been dipped in molten lava.

“You need anything right now?” Steve asks after a couple minutes of silence.

“Mm. No, not that I can think of,” Eddie replies. Jasmine makes a snuffling sound in her sleep, and Eddie reaches out to feel her forehead. “Jazz’s fever seems to be gone.” He reaches out to check Ivy’s as well, and in some shitty rom-com move, his and Steve’s hands brush over her head. “Oops,” Eddie says on a quiet laugh.

“Ivy’s is gone, too,” Steve says, and Eddie can tell he’s smiling.

Eddie yawns. “Good,” he mumbles. “Hated seeing them sick. Glad they’re feeling better.” His eyes flutter close, and he knows he’s gonna be out within a few minutes.

“They had the best mommy taking care of them,” Steve says, his voice so soft and far-away that it could be a dream.

“Mm,” Eddie hums in response, just in case it was real.

“Goodnight, Eddie. Sweet dreams.”

Eddie’s out within seconds.

~~~

When Eddie wakes up, he’s immediately aware of two things.

One, it’s still very much nighttime, given the darkness behind the curtains and the sleeping bodies next to him.

Two, he’s hurting. Bad.

“Oh, fuck,” he whimpers, curling up on his side, facing away from the bed and cradling his stomach with one arm. At least he was right about what time it would probably start, he thinks to himself bitterly as he waits for this cramp to subside.

He doesn’t think he’s making all that much noise until he hears a soft voice behind him.

“Eds? Honey, you okay?”

Of course it’s Steve. Of course Eddie woke him up by accident. God dammit.

“Yeah,” Eddie grits out through his teeth. “I’m fine. You can go back to sleep.”

Eddie feels the bed shift, and he squeezes his eyes shut right as the movement sends a wave of nausea through him. The beginning is always the worst for him, and he tries to frame it like this in his head, so that it doesn’t seem so never-ending. Sometimes that sort of thing works. This is not one of those times.

“Here,” Steve’s soft voice is now directly in front of him, making Eddie jump a little. “Shh, it’s just me, babe. It’s a heating pad. Can I lift up your shirt?”

Eddie can only nod and whimper, curled up in the fetal position as his body spasms with pain. “Sorry,” he mumbles as Steve slides the heating pad under his shirt and turns it on a medium setting.

“For what?” Steve asks, looking confused. The television screen is washing him out, but Eddie can still make out his features, even in the weak light.

“Waking you up,” Eddie says, grits his teeth as his stomach clenches. “Didn’t mean to.”

“Babe, I told you to wake me up so I could help you,” Steve says, lightly chastising. “I’m gonna go grab you a ginger ale and some crackers. Do you think you could take some more ibuprofen?”

Eddie nods. “I could take some morphine to the neck if you had any,” he jokes weakly.

Steve laughs quietly, brushing his hand through Eddie’s hair. “Noted, I’ll see what I can do. I’ll be right back.”

Although he hates to see him go, Eddie is relieved that Steve is going to find some things that will hopefully bring him a little bit of relief. He’s hurting badly enough that he’s not even worried about being annoying or getting on Steve’s nerves with his neediness, which is a true testament to how bad he feels. Eddie squeezes his eyes shut and tries to breathe deeply, hoping that might distract his body from the cramping pain.

“Alright, I’ve got crackers, drugs, and ginger ale,” Steve murmurs softly once he comes back into the room. “Can you sit up for just a minute?”

Eddie nods, pushing himself up and leaning heavily against the headboard. Steve passes him a cracker and watches him as he eats it. Eddie struggles to swallow around the dryness, but Steve prompts him to take a sip of ginger ale, which helps it go down. They repeat this process three or four times before Steve finally hands him some medicine. “Thanks,” Eddie murmurs before he takes it.

Steve’s holding the can of ginger ale for Eddie in one hand while his other travels up to cup Eddie’s jaw. Eddie nearly chokes on the pills at the closeness, the intimacy, of the move, but catches himself just in time.

“I’m sorry you don’t feel well,” Steve whispers.

He’s so close. Their faces are only inches apart, and if Eddie holds very still, he’s almost positive he can feel the warmth of Steve’s breath over his face. And in this liminal space in the dark, Eddie craves…

“It’s okay,” Eddie whispers back, like they’re swapping secrets. He watches the way Steve’s eyelashes flutter softly and yearns for something he can’t have, something he feels guilty for even wanting.

Steve’s thumb is swiping over the line of Eddie’s jaw so gently, back and forth, back and forth. And Eddie knows that he’s seconds away from doing something very, very stupid. “Eddie-“ Steve breathes, like he can read his mind. His eyes are intense, and even in the dark, Eddie catches the way they flicker between holding his gaze and staring at his lips.

Subconsciously, Eddie’s tongue darts out to wet his lips, Steve’s gaze tracking every movement.

It’s like time slows down for a moment.

Softly, quiet enough that Eddie could honestly be imagining it, Steve whispers, “oh, fuck.”

At the same time, his hand finally takes a firmer hold of Eddie’s face, tilting his chin up just so.

Steve leans in, and Eddie is certain his heart has stopped working altogether when he feels the barest brush of-

“Steve,” Eddie forces himself to say.

This is wrong.

“Yes?” Steve breathes, and his lips brush against Eddie’s with the word. If he just leaned in a bit more-

“We can’t,” Eddie replies. The words hurt, god they hurt. He’s just a centimeter or two away from getting everything he’s ever wanted, but of course he has to go and ruin it for himself.

Steve jerks back like he’s been burned, his face frozen in something like confusion or hurt. “Fuck, Eddie I’m sorry, I didn’t- I thought…” Steve shakes his head, and Eddie notices that his hands are shaking as well as he goes to set down the can of ginger ale. “I’m sorry,” Steve repeats.

With that, he stands and retreats to the bathroom, leaving Eddie sitting there staring at the television and hating himself for making Steve look so crestfallen.

Which lasts about five seconds before Eddie thinks, fuck that.

He’s careful as he climbs out of Steve’s massive bed, and he feels slightly unhinged as he walks quickly and quietly over to the bathroom. Steve had left the door open a crack, and through that, Eddie can see him braced against the sink, breathing deep, heaving breaths. Eddie slips in silently, gently pressing the door closed behind him.

Steve’s head snaps up, meeting Eddie’s gaze through the mirror. “Eddie, I’m really sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, honestly, and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I guess I thought-“

Eddie doesn’t let him finish that thought. He crosses the small space between them while Steve talks, and as soon as he’s close enough, he reaches out to touch. One of his hands finds a gentle grip on Steve’s hip, while the other goes further up, cupping Steve’s jaw in an imitation of the way he’d held Eddie only moments before.

He doesn’t overthink it. He doesn’t think at all, honestly. Eddie just closes his eyes and leans in, pressing his lips to Steve’s with a gentleness he didn’t even know himself to be capable of.

He doesn’t drag it out. He wants to- God, he wants to slide his tongue inside and bite and suck until Steve’s lips are wet and pink, but he doesn’t do that. Steve’s mouth is soft and warm and perfect, but Eddie doesn’t even give him a chance to reciprocate before he’s pulling away. He doesn’t go far, resting their foreheads together, his eyes still closed.

“We shouldn’t do this again,” Eddie murmurs.

Steve makes an affronted noise, and Eddie knows he’s about to protest. He doesn’t give him a chance to do that, either.

“I’m serious,” Eddie says quietly. “I work for you, Steve. And… and it just wouldn’t be right. But I couldn’t…” Eddie laughs once, humorless, before pulling back and looking at Steve. He knows the smile he wears is sarcastic and sad at best. “I didn’t want you thinking that I didn’t want you to. And… and I’m selfish. I just wanted to know…” he trails off, sighing.

Steve looks devastated. There’s no other word for the look on his face. His eyes are glassy and downcast, and he sucks in his bottom lip, and Eddie nearly winces at the way his teeth dig into the plush pink skin of his lips. “Yeah,” he says, despondent. The cloying, rotten scent of an alpha in distress is filling the air, and Eddie tries to hold his breath. He knows part of that scent is probably his own, their designations proving, as always, that they can never fully hide how they feel.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, and he knows both of them can hear how little he means it. “I probably shouldn’t have…”

Steve gives him a sad little smile. “I’m glad you did,” he murmurs. “I wanted… I wanted to know how you tasted, too.” He says the words Eddie couldn’t get out himself, and Eddie knows he’s going to be thinking about the way Steve looked when he said that for weeks, maybe even years.

It makes it worse, of course. Knowing that Steve wants him like that, finally having that confirmation. It’s still not exactly what Eddie wants- it’s not the pipe dream of a family and an alpha who wants to claim him and give him pups, but it’s something. And Eddie honestly isn’t sure which part hurts more- knowing that Steve wants him sexually, or knowing that they can’t have that.

“God,” Eddie groans, pulling away. “I- I’m sorry. I know I just made things… difficult.”

Steve is already shaking his head. “You didn’t. I’m the one who sort of… started all this. And you’re right, I shouldn’t have done that. I know it’s…” he sighs, sags back against the sink and runs a shaky hand through his hair. “Definitely inappropriate, given the circumstances.”

Eddie nods, chewing his lip nervously. He still kind of feels like he did something wrong, even though Steve doesn’t seem particularly mad about it. “Right,” Eddie says quietly, trying desperately to fill the silence between them. “Can we maybe… just not talk about this?”

Steve looks a little offended at first, but his face clears and he nods, looking away. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” he agrees.

And yeah, that’s not great to hear. Some part of Eddie thought that maybe Steve would argue, would fight for him. Which is ridiculous, and stupid, to expect. “Right,” Eddie repeats. “I-“

They’re interrupted by a sound in the other room, which Eddie is secretly very, very grateful for.

“Daddy?” Ivy’s confused voice calls from his bedroom.

Steve closes his eyes for a second, sighing deeply. When he opens them, Eddie offers him a weak smile. “Duty calls,” he jokes lightly.

“Yeah,” Steve says with a little smile in return. As he steps around Eddie, he reaches out and squeezes his hip. A little surprised breath, almost a gasp, sneaks past Eddie’s lips at that, and Steve gives him a sad look of repentance. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs.

Eddie doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for. Still, he nods, and watches him go, forcing himself to pretend that his heart isn’t in his throat, his ribs aching around the empty space in his chest.

#steddie #steve harrington and eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #alpha steve harrington #omega eddie munson #single dad steve harrington #babysitter eddie munson #alpha beta omega dynamics #abo dynamics #finally safe for me to fall #fsfmtf #the twins get sick in this one #original harrington children

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blackrosesfanfic · 1 year

Text

Chapter 253

Rollie

Leah comes over to me rubbing her stomach. I narrow my eyes at her. She sighs as she get to me.

"What's wrong, Love?"

"Nothing. Shay wants to spend a night at Lexi's. I told her I'd see what you say."

I rub her hips. "You in pain?"

She drops her arms. "No it's nothing. I'm okay."

"You couldn't tell Shay whether or not she could stay? You had to come ask me or you wanted to get in here to lay down?"

"I'm in the middle of washing clothes. I don't have time to lay down."

I stand up. "I feel like you ignoring your body. I'll do it alright?"

"Do what Rollie? The fucking laundry?"

"Whatever needs to be done. Make a list." I lay her down on the bed putting her feet up. Ain't no reason why I can't help."

She closes her eyes not saying shit else. I watch her for a minute then walk out of the room to Jordan's room. It's dirty as shit. Stuff thrown everywhere like she in the middle of playing. I walk into the living room. Her and Lexi are on the tablet.

"You think you going anywhere with your room like that? Your mama trying to grow a baby while cleaning up after us and we can't help?"

"Yes sir I can." She scrambles up.

I look around the living room. "You think people want dirty people coming to their houses? They see this shit you won't be allowed."

Lexi starts cleaning the chips up. "Sorry."

"Is mommy okay?" Jordan (Shay) says folding a blanket.

"We will see after she is done with her nap. She went straight to sleep."

Jordan looks worried. "Mommy doesn't usually nap."

Lexi turns the TV off. "Did we stress her out? Oh no. Pregnant women are at risk. Let's do your chores the right way."

"Yeah." Jordan straightens the pillows. "God I love my mommy."

"She will be okay." I say cutting my eyes at them.

Fucking Bible reading got these girls shook. Don't know if I should be worried or not. I go into the kitchen. I got to ride over to Cammie's Atlanta house and check on things. Kirven was there the other day. I didn't ask him how long he was going to be staying there. Cammie should have rented the place out. Got that nice ass house sitting.

"Dad?" Jordan sits her laundry basket on the floor. "You washing these clothes?"

"I'm folding these clothes. You wash your own damn clothes."

She giggles. "You folding clothes?"

I fold the socks up. "Don't it look like it? Go on about your business."

"I never seen you take clothes out the machine. You be like what wrong with your hands. Jordan help yo mama."

"She pregnant and it getting harder to do this stuff. I can't make you do everything. You still a kid."

"Thank you." She smiles at me.

I smile at her. "You welcome precious. We need to have a talk before you go stay at a man's house."

"Okay." She opens the washer.

"Look at me." I say touching her hand. "Grown men don't touch little girls under their clothes. If your clothes cover it nobody touches it. Not your breast, butt, or anything between your legs. And don’t fucking touch anything on anybody's body. Kids don’t play like that. Got it?"

She nods her head. "Okay."

"You poke his eyes out, run and hide, then you call me. Always have your phone close by. Don't be playing so much you forget. When you away from home you got to keep your eyes on everything. You not a tiny little girl anymore."

"Yes, sir."

"And be clean." I hit her with a towel. "Nobody wants messy girls at their houses."

She giggles. "Yes sir."

I nod my head. "Your mama gonna cut your ass you wash them clothes like that."

"It takes so long." She throws the clothes back out the machine and goes through them.

She knows her mama don't fucking play with her about throwing everything in the washer. She separates them the right way. It didn't take her ass long at all. I reach up to the detergent for her and start the machine. She smiles at me and sit the basket with the next load neatly to the side. She grabs the vacuum and drags it out the room. I answer my phone.

"Yo?"

"Yeah, what's up?" Trey says.

I shrug. "You called me."

He chuckles. "Yo, my fault. I was tryna read this text. But yeah. When does Leah have her baby?"

"In like a month?"

"She having it in Atlanta?"

I get a bit irritated. "Where else She gonna have it?"

"California, South Carolina, wherever her people from."

"Her people from Atlanta. The ones she got."

He clears his throat. "Lane, boy I'm going to cut your ass. Stop. No. Hold on man."

I chuckle. All I could hear was screaming and Trey talking far away from the phone. Trey can't fucking handle that boy. He bad as shit and does whatever the hell he wants to do. I prepare myself to laugh. I'm so ready for it. I know he done did some bad ass shit. Trey comes back to the phone.

"Jayla." He blows. "Keep him in there with you. Cause. Naw he keeps fucking taking his fucking clothes off and putting a diaper on. I don't know where he getting the diapers from. I done put his draws back on 3 times."

I laugh. "Nigga wild."

"He fucking crazy. He go tell her that I'm hitting his butt. She thinking some weird shit."

"Cause she know you not spanking him." I laugh.

Trey blows. "I'm trying to plan this boy birthday party and make sure we are able to come to Atlanta for your baby shit. When is the baby shower?"

"Who supposed to do that me?"

"I don't know. I just know we didn't have one cause Caden was early."

I suck my teeth. "I'm already cleaning the damn house and shit. Don't give me more shit to do."

"Naw call and ask a woman about the baby shower."

"Like my mama?"

"That's who I would call. My mama."

I sigh. "Aight. I'll have her let you know."

"Aight. She here."

"Oh, she was just in Charleston." I laugh. "Yeah with Lane pulling some little girl hair."

Trey laughs. "I got to go ask about that story."

"Yeah." I say hanging up then calling my mom.

"Hey, Tummy. I only invited 5 people."

I chuckle. "Okay. Trey asked me about a baby shower for Leah. Is that like a woman thing or what?"

"Cammie, do you have plans for Leah a baby shower? Me? I would love to throw a baby shower. I usually just attend stuff."

"Well this not April's son so she can mind her business." Cammie says laughing.

"Be easy." April says.

Ma chuckles. "Don't worry baby we will get something thrown together. You would get more gifts if you had it in Charleston at the church."

"That's fine. Leah needs God's hands according to these little girls."

"Amen." Ma says. "Little children will lead the way. Little Lane got Ike to talk to his mother. At 2 years... well almost 3 years old. He is wise beyond his years."

"Ike talked to his mama?" I confirm.

Ma smiles through the phone. "He sure did, Tummy. Now he back to being quiet. There's gonna be a day when she wants that boy to shut up. Tummy let me get off this phone. Lane, Sweetie, why are you wearing that diaper?"

"I pee."

"Lord have mercy." She hangs up.

I laugh out loud to myself. That boy a damn fool. I swear. I get a picture to my phone from Ma. Lane has on no shirt and a damn pull up. Not fucking Caden diaper but a damn pull up. Where the hell he find a damn pull up that fit his ass? I laugh some more staring at the picture. Lane had a big smile on his face like he was proud of his diaper. He a fucking clown. The moment they put him in school the fool gonna get kicked out. They gonna stay changing schools.

"You talking to yourself?" Jordan ask pulling the vacuum back.

"Aye don't go wearing diapers when this baby comes."

She touches her chest. "I would never."

I show her Lane. She falls on the floor laughing.

"This was today?"

"Yes." I nod.

She rolls around holding her stomach then she grabs the phone. "Let me show Lexi. Lane so funny. His butt too big."

"Yeah."

"I promise I won't put on no Pull-up." She laughs walking out with my phone.

Cammie

I hit Lane on his naked butt. "What you doing?"

He laughs picking up his old baby bag. "Put on my draws."

"You stop acting like a clown. Let me see that bag."

"It say Daylan." He says digging through it.

I kneel down digging in it with him. Where the hell did this bag come from? It was from last year. Have we been gone from California since last year? It is his old overnight bag. His ass wants to dig through the damn bag like it actually belongs to him. Put the Pull-ups on. I pinch his butt. He falls over holding his ass.

"My cup!" Lane snaps digging in the bag. "Open it Mommy."

"Lane, I know that cup stank."

"No it not." He smells it. He makes a face. "Smell it."

I laugh. "No."

He smells it again then throws it. Trey just so happen to walk up and get hit by the cup. Lane gasps looking at Trey worried. Trey wasn’t bothered.

"This old ass cup."

"Smell it." Lane says standing up.

Trey smells the cup then holds it away from him. "Damn."

"Throw it." Lane giggles. "Throw it, Nevers."

"Boy." Trey says narrowing his eyes at him. "What you call me?"

Lane was back digging through the bag. I smile at Trey. He called him Neverson. He loves changing Trey's name. But Neverson. Trey points at Lane.

"Why your son naked?"

"This is where he has been getting the diapers. He ran out though. Lane put on some clothes."

He is playing with a toy that he finds. He starts crying, dropping the toy, and walking away. I shake my head. I don't know what his problem is. Trey touches the top of my head. I swat his hand away. He takes his foot and taps my ass crack. I suck my teeth. He chuckles then taps my ass again.

"Can we talk?" he asks

"Yes." I say standing up. "This house is crowded. Do you want to talk privately? Maybe take a walk."

He shrugs a little. "Ditch the kid and fuck."

"Talk."

"Nobody out back, sexy."

He winks his eye at me. I start to walk around him. He steps over a bit but not blocking my way. I run pass him but he grabs me anyway. Thinking I'm so fucking fast. I laugh to myself as he pulls me to him.

"Mommy." Lane says.

"Oh Lord." I yell running from Trey to Lane.

This boy had my baby. Oh my gosh. Lane had Caden by his shoulders hugging him with both hands with his legs fucking dangling. I take him from Lane checking him to make sure he breathing. He just chilling.

"Lane." I start. But what the hell I supposed to say? Don't touch my fucking baby? "Lane why do you have Caden?"

"Cammie!" April says coming down the hall. "You could have fucking said I'm taking the baby."

Trey chuckles taking Caden. "Lane had Caden."

April makes her eyes big. "Daylan! I told you not to touch your brother!"

Lane was unbothered. "I give Taden to mommy."

"I'm done." April says turning and walking away. "Hell."

"Nanma no say that." Lane follows her. "Nanma go outside?"

April spins around. "You gave Caden to your mommy so you can go outside? I can't believe you."

"Go outside?" Lane whines.

"Lane, Mommy going outside." Trey says walking behind April.

Lane cuts his eyes at me. "Mommy go outside?"

"Yes, let's go."

He runs his short ass legs through the house. I can't believe he took Caden from April so that he could go outside. What do you say to this little man who think he is 10 feet tall. I see Ike on the way out the door. He waves at me. I wave back. He is drinking juice sitting at the table by himself. He is such a sweet kid. He gets out the chair running over to me as I walk outside behind Lane. He looks at me.

"Yes?" He whispers nodding.

"Yes, you can go outside." I nod back.

He runs out the door behind Lane. He hugs Lane then runs to the bikes and power wheels. He hops in a car and ride off in it. Lane climbs the jungle gym all by himself. JJ runs outside with his draws on and nothing else. He freezes when he sees me. I just watch him. He walks out towards the yard staring at me. His partner in crime running around with only draws on as well. I guess April put them on him.

"Jayla?" Trey says hugging me. "We have a lot of talking to do before dancing with the stars."

"Yeah."

He kisses my neck. "I missed you."

I touch his hand. "Don't you get worked up about that. It's gonna be just like me teaching that class and that movie."

"Naw, man. Bae, who the hell watching Lane? And JJ? Caden plus Minnie?"

"JJ and Minnie are not your problem."

He blows. "But you gone be working with MiMi. Devin ain't shit. Bitch know just as much as me. We know the time that Mommy comes home. Two feedings and a couple diaper changes. Mommy will be home. Mommy in the next room."

"Tremaine, stop. Lane has April and Rose. Plus my mother."

"You not gonna let Lane stay away."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Cause they will come help if they know we have to be here. My mother will come. We can afford a nanny as well. Are we in financial trouble?"

"Naw."

"Okay then." I nod. "All those weeks I stayed in the hospital."

He sighs. "We each had a baby."

"Tremaine." I grab his face. "I did it for a year with Lane right there like Caden's age. I got this okay? I'm not leaving. I will be right there."

"Right there?"

I kiss him. "I like you stressing over our future. Now next thing."

"Breastfeeding and dancing."

"We take breaks. Plus these pumps are amazing these days. Just put them in your shirt and pump. Do a little dancey dance then empty."

He blows. "Church."

"Oh." I smile. "I found one. Celebrity friendly in Beverly Hills. Diverse, no cult like shit. My mom and Lonnie been there for a wedding before."

"Okay." He smiles.

I kiss him. "You were prepared."

"And what you say about birth control?"

"In my arm." I hold it up.

He touches it. "Oh."

There's screaming. It startled the hell out of me. I look around the yard. Lane is standing there staring at Ike. Ike swings down from the top of the fireman's pole. I don't know who screamed but JJ is riding a bike off to himself. Ike screams. It was Ike the first time as well. I watch how happy he is playing with Lane. Maybe he needed a friend or a family member to encourage him to let go. I hug Trey as he watches JJ fight with the bike.

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philosophical-daisies · 24 days

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The main point of the Eternal Recurrence is that you seek to improve life around you where you can, and not only accept but LOVE your fate where you can't. This is presented as an alternative to "escaping" this life by willing another one, or willing a reincarnation into a better life. I must ask though, how far do you go until the best option is to seek escape?

I'm in a situation right now where I'm stressed out far more than I ever have, at least it feels that way. Is it so wrong to wish I wasn't stressed out? That I could just leave this mess behind and forge a different path in life than the one laid before me? Because the truth is, my whole life feels as if it's an eternal recurrence.

Every key element of my life seems to repeat, just with a different illusion in front of it. I have some great experiences that will stick with me for a long time, then I get supremely stressed out, and lose everything I gained and stood to gain, and start over. It's a series of extremes, mind you.

Is that truly an inevitability? Those experiences "shape me into who I am today" or whatever, but how many times do I have to experiences before a new shape takes hold. Because it hasn't!! Every different phase of my life, from the different grades of grade school, to now in university, a cycle of extreme triumph and joy, followed by extreme failure and misery.

Why can't I just fucking sit down and be happy?? Why is everything good taken away from me?? Why is every event of my life a reason to be as paranoid, as untrusting, as recluse, as apathetic as I am??? Why does it feel like a danger for me to have hope, and joy, and meaningful connection?

It all becomes severed, and I don't mean "in the end"; that much I have accepted. No, I live with it every day, knowing that everything repeats and I never seem to make real improvements or changes, no matter what I try!!! I've been on a laundry list of different medications, difgerent therapy techniques, different approaches to friendship, romance, and sexuality, and absolutely NOTHING has changed!

I feel like a cockroach floating in a circle of water; always taking the same path around and around, and always living to see it happen again and again. You'd think that would be a happy sentiment: through turmoil I live! But is the cockroach happy? Does the cockroach stay content with floating around and around, or does it grow restless? With no help beyond what we think our existence is, the cockroach can't make way to the edge of the river and rest on the surrounding ground. It's an impossibility when the gods are dead, so what hope do you have? Do you find a way to "love" that continued existence? How, Nietzsche, how? You've awoken me to thoughts unreceding, to a question with no answer, to a long life that has good experiences, soured by knowing at its' height the bad will soon come. Thinking about this, and the current stresses of my life, and how there's seemingly no end to them, and no end to expecting them, why do I have to love that? How do I love that? How do I stop myself from lying down in the street, surrounded by the rushing water of the current flood and impending tornado, and needing to memorize 9 pages of dialogue for acting class in the morning, and weeping? Why shouldn't I lie down and weep in the street, for now until my life expires? What should stop me from that?

#philosophy #if you can help me with this feel free to #i'm not alright #dzfinal

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xxxairheadedangelxxx · 2 months

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having pain induced emotional epiphanies while on the treadmill is somethin else

had an entire screaming match w RM in my head over how he is incapable of planning literally anything for himself which is why it seems so easy to find every little fault i have bc I am in charge of quite literally everything that keeps our lives running on a daily basis.

he was incapable of even just planning a trip for himself to visit his bf I had to fucking help him and make sure he had everything and walk him to the gate. Which do not get me wrong in concept I dont mind! Ive always been the doer, give me a thing that needs to be completed and I will do it and support you all the way!

its when you turn around and rip me to fucking shreds anytime something goes fucking wrong bc I am one person managing two peoples god damn lives while being frankly incredibly fucking disabled mentally and physically.

even better when those disabilities are treated like they dont fucking exist until someone can use it to martyr themselves bc they are just so big hearted for helping the crippled autistic idiot not fucking pass out in the middle of a crowded room. Or they took time out of their day to make sure I didnt have a screaming crying hyperventilating melt down at an event.

Nothing is ever wrong with me until it makes you look better. RM is like this. My mother is like this. Old friends were like this. I am absolutely perfectly fucking functional and have no excuse for being incapable at something until it makes you feel fucking good about yourself.

Im a burden. IU fucking get it I understand I do nothing but fucking burden the world around me by existing and wanting just a scrap of fucking accomodation you stupid cunt.

You want so badly to be the more sick, tortured, opressed minority that it can't even occur to you that maybe I have problems that impede my ability to literally fucking exist and that has kept me suicidal since fucking childhood. I know I have crippling all body pain, constant headaches, bones that are constantly fucking dislocated and a near constant inability to breathe but ur right that is absolutely nothing compared to your jaw pain that you gaver yourself and refuse to fucking fix and I have no idea how you feel of course Im so sorry.

I know I was incapable of completing school, damn near incapable of holding down a job, have a laundry list of processing/learning issues and a propensity to going fully nonverbal at the slightest provocation of stress but youre right I seem normal when I talk to people so you are way more fucked up than I am of course I am so sorry

fuck you. i fucking hate you and i fucking hate how i dont actually fucking hate you. I hate the person youve become. I hate the man who raised you for creating this disgusting putrid version of you.

#angelic bitching #good lord im feelin some kinda way today sorry

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mcbex · 3 months

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Cognito Ergo Sum

Laying in my bed praying before tossing over and going to sleep, I realize I'm having the same old conversation with God. Sometimes I feel like a broken record or like I'm reciting a laundry list or worse yet I'm scripting the tangent of my heart strings crying out for relief. I pause and call out from the dark "Lord, I don't want to have this conversation with you again. I'm tired of it. " I swear he replied with, "Imagine how I feel Beck..." I know he's a comedian at times and now he's sharing a playful moment with me that is also nestled to my core.

Discernment is so tricky. I walk a wire trying to triage my life. Who's worth my time, how do I feel, what is right, what is wrong and what should I be indifferent too. Where do I make space for others or from others. Discernment, is something that God says if we draw near to him he will help us. I definitely feel his hand guiding me through. But my problem is how do I get off the hamster wheel to maintain my intensity. I feel like I should be doing more than just reciting prayer. However- the true prayer, I feel bound to and would never abandon. The overwhelming needs of others feels engrossing both through prayer and through the hard work.

I read the other day that humans are the only creatures God gifted with the ability to decide what we think about. Which I think is more than just cognition. I am aware of myself, but I am aware that I think as well. It's not a new idea but it is a powerful notion. Cogito, ergo sum- I think therefore I am- and in reverse, I am therefore I think. Sometimes I think being aware means extra focus on the road because it is so easy to be laden with all the other stressors that vie for our time. Other times I wonder why he gave us this gift if it only torments those of us that would do more had we been blessed time or circumstance.

Ultimately the boundless reproach of my prayers ends when I say it ends. God has the power to heal us and redeem us but only if we let it go. The Hamster Wheel prayer is nothing more than me holding onto my worry, my fear or my shame in order to feel some control more than what stress has over me. It makes me sense that I, a human, aware, awake and alive have control over my life. Realistically nothing is further than the truth. My free will allows me to make decision, not control the outcome.

When I was in high school I read a book called The Tao of Pooh. Although I'm not nor have I ever been deeply interested in Taoism I am on a constant search to find truth among the madness that we call life. I have questions and I will not rest until I turn over every stone to find answers that always seem aloof to others. This quote hit me then and stuck, like a honey to my finger tips. So I will share it as it seems fitting to my hamster wheel existence and awareness of a life that could be, should be lived better.

"To know the way, we go the way, we do the way. The way we do, the things we do, it's all there in front of you. But if you try too hard to see it, you'll only become confused. I am me and you are you. As you can see; but when you do the things that you can do, you will find the way. The way will follow you." -The Tao of Pooh

I will think in that for a while.

Psalm 8: 5-6 the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor. You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their feet:

Genesis 1: 27- 28 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

2 Corinthians 6-7 Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight.

Psalm 91:11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

#godthoughts

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amandrews · 1 year

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Back at it... and always wanting MORE.

I wasn't even sure that my tumblr account still existed, but here it is, still there and so much fun to read through for me. The Lord just keeps telling me to write things down that he teaches me and tells me, so I am hoping to listen a little bit better than I did 7 years ago. How is that even possible, 7 years. I now have a 6 year old and a 9 year old, they are my world. These elementary years have been my favorite by far. They learn so much and so quickly, they are always changing yet still sweet and imaginative. Just the other day they made a zoo with all of their stuffed animals and lined them up along the walk way up stairs and then we played doctor with all of them and they brought their animals to the emergency room. I made up the problems and helped them figure out what they should look for and what questions to ask. I knew my nursing skills would eventually pay off! They used all of my nursing tools to create casts, listen to heart rates and check temperatures. They also documented all of their findings and put in orders on my old broken Mac laptop that feels like it weighs 10 pounds. How quickly things change.

We recently returned from the Grand Caymans and had such a wonderful time. I will have to add in some pictures. My children’s joy for the beach and the ocean reminded me of my younger self. The younger self that I seem to be less and less of every day. I miss that self. I sat telling my husband, Eric, that it is a lot harder for me to enjoy the beach as much as I have in the past. I used to feel free at the beach, to feel alive at the breath of sea air, to soak in the sun rays and watch a sunset as if the world was all right and good. So I asked myself why, why can I not enjoy life like my younger self? Where is my joy? This is a question I have wrestled with for a couple of years now and am still trying to figure out. On the outside my life appears like I should have every reason to be joyful, and lets be honest I should be joyful. In my school aged years I would always receive that awards that had something to do with joy. For my college nursing graduation each person was given a word that represented them and yes, you guessed it, my word was joyful. Out of 100 plus people my word was joy. I feel like I have been in a battle for my joy with the devil and some days I feel like I am losing more than I am winning. All that to say, I am here to fight. I am going to put on my armor of God and fight the devil. It is no surprise that he wants to take away probably one of my most impactful God given gift to reach other people. It is no surprise he wants me to lose my joy but I will not let this happen.

Here’s the hard part: self reflection. So if it isn’t my life on the outside, it must be something on the inside. Within my heart and my mind is where the problem lies. I often find myself in a state of constant stress, achievement or performance. I am always working and never resting. Some of those things in life are things that will never go away such as feeding my children, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, driving my kids to school, pulling weeds, laundry etc.. I know you all get the picture, these are essential needs in life and my role as mother and wife. However, some of the other stressors in my life are things that I have placed on myself, things like wanting to be skinner, to be fitter, to be stronger, to be prettier, to have perfect skin, to eat more clean, to feed my kids just the right foods so they can healthier, to be more self disciplined, to be more stylish, to be more successful, to be more useful, to be more intelligent, to have more money, to read my Bible more, to be more patient, to be more loving, to be more like Jesus.. the list goes one. To sum up this type of stress- it is my desire for MORE. Everything is MORE and nothing is enough. Now some of these things on this list are not necessarily wrong but the continual striving does not allow me to sit and rest in the presence of my Lord and Savior who is MORE than ENOUGH. I have replaced my Savior who says I am enough with a world that says I need more. Unfortunately, no matter if I am all of these things or none of these things, I still need a Savior. I will never be enough apart from Him. I cannot do enough, I cannot be MORE or anything to have him love me more. My joy comes from the Lord, no from myself, but a gift of the Holy Spirit. I need more Jesus in my life. MORE Jesus = MORE Joy.. the only MORE I need.

Verses I found encouraging on joy-

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Psalms 28:7 The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me and my heart is filled with joy.

2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

2 Peter 1:3 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,

Hebrews 12:2 says, Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Quotes I found insightful on joy-

“Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” Rick Warren

“Joy is prayer. Joy is strength. Joy is love. Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” Mother Teresa

“Joy is the serious business of heaven.” C.S. Lewis

#JoyfulMomma

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applepeachblossom · 1 year

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Sigh.

Sometimes the most obscure things trigger me. I was joking with my friends in a group chat and one of the admins kicked me, and I think it was a joke because he added me back, and then he’d kick me again, and then add me back. He even made some other people admins and they would kick me and add me back and kick me and add me back. I think they were joking because if they weren’t joking than they wouldn’t add me back, but oh my god it feels like I did something truly wrong to have this happen and become the butt of a joke in which I’m kicked from a group chat and people continue talking about me while I can’t see or defend myself. It’s so petty and gross to think this hard about something that probably means nothing to them but in my head it’s like it’s October 1st again and my closest friends have just revealed that they never liked me or cared for me, and decided that it’s better to get rid of me because I’m too uncomfortable and annoying to keep around even though I tried my hardest to give them what I could. It’s awful and if I ask I know they’ll lie and say it’s okay and I did nothing wrong again and then come to me again with a laundry list of mistakes I’ve made that I thought were normal actions. I hate this I hate myself why can’t I just be likable and normal and happy and not so sensitive about everything. I don’t know how to speak anymore and I have to throw up.

#vent #personal #tw: ptsd

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bartokthealbinobat · 1 year

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Brandy and The End of the World Master List

Everybody gets the end of the world all wrong. They seem to think that everyone is going to split up and turn on each other, that the structure of our world will collapse, and everything will go to chaos. Instead, two years after the start of the apocalypse, people have created communities, society is rebuilding, and everything is reaching a new kind of normal despite the zombies still running around infecting people. And then there's Brandy. Brandy doesn't care about joining a community, or rebuilding society, or life being "normal" again. All Brandy cares about is staying alive and finding her Aunt Paige. That is, until a handsome stranger gets thrown in the mix.

Ongoing, updates on Fridays.

Chapter links and dates :

Brandy's Recipe for Apocalypse Beans

2. The Attack of the Ketchup

3. Does It Look Like Brandy Knows Where She Is?

4. It Should Come With a Warning Sign

5. No Touchy-Touchy

6. Why Are Men Like This-

7. Are We About to Kiss Right Now? (God No) -

8. Sex Is Nice, But Have You Tried Fresh Fruit? -

9. The One That Takes Place In a Bathroom -

10. The Attack of the Scratchy Sweater -

11. Look Who Had to Go and Freakin' Die -

12. Cerberus Ain't Got Shit On Me-

13. The One Where Pez Was Nowhere to Be Found -

14. Who Knew Screaming Could Be So Therapeutic -

15. Brandy Tries to Do Laundry -

16. The One Where "Ope" Is Used A Lot -

17. Warning: Socks May Contain Holes -

18. Gargoyles and Gay Bars -

19. The One Where It Ends Badly -

20. Brandy Attempts to Do Parkour -

21. Tell Me A Tall Toe Tale-

22. The One Where Everything Comes Crashing Down -

23. How Come the Fire Alarm Still Works? -

24. Ladies, Take Your Bras Off -

25. ... I Had a Burger -

26. All Hair Goes Down the Drain Eventually -

Links and Other

Wattpad

Spotify Playlist

#apocalypse #end of the world #dogs #female protagonist #original story #ketchup #work in progress #writing #creative writing #story #post apocalyptic #chicago #book #zombie

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heroesrolli · 2 years

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Thonny wall

#Thonny wall how to

The Pacora Gardens community is a quiet, impoverished neighborhood on the east side of Panama City, Panama. Great things are happening in Venezuela through sports and fitness while learning about Christ.

#Thonny wall how to

As prepares to be a professional soccer player, he is also learning how to share his story and his love of Christ with others. In December 2021, he was baptized and today he attends church on a consistent basis. At 14 years old, in the middle of a biblical teaching, Santiago accepted Christ into his life. As a result, several participants have made their confession of faith, have been baptized and attend church regularly.” Santiago Salazar met Jesus through soccer. Fathers are invited to participate in games to connect with their children and also to learn about the Lord. Mothers attend daily fitness training and learn the Word of God. “Children and youth play sports and are discipled. “We have seen how the different sports and fitness programs have allowed children and their parents to play sports and go to church together,” Cesar says. Residents in this community face many challenges including poverty, dysfunctional homes, alcoholism and drug addiction. SportQuest Partner Cesar Daniel Bermudez runs the program and has a dream that it will grow to serve 500 youth. More than 90 children participate in the SportQuest soccer academy and fitness program located in Maturin, Monagas in eastern Venezuela. Both mother and daughter have embraced Christ and are becoming devout followers. Today, Yackencys is part of the Vida Fitness Team and works out while Georgeth learns soccer skills. She wanted to join this community of women and decided to get involved. While watching her daughter practice, Yackencys saw a group of women exercising and learning about Christ. What relationship have you been avoiding due to conflict? How could intentionally serving that person potentially change your relationship?įor Yackencys Domínguez Trías, enrolling her 10-year-old daughter Georgette Medina in a SportQuest soccer program resulted in several unexpected benefits. When we enter into conflict humbly with a heart to serve and not be served, it changes everything. I learned so much on this trip, including how conflict can be the doorway to deeper relationships. That friendship and the last two decades of ministry with that church could’ve been lost had we demanded our rights and fought for our expectations. For the next two decades, that church continues to be one of our strongest and most willing partners in Belgium, and Peter and I remain friends. He stood up, and we embraced one another. The brick wall that had been erected in his heart toward us came crashing down. When I began to wash Peter’s feet, he started sobbing. We proceeded to pray over each of our Belgian friends and washed their feet with warm water in a plastic bowl. Then one night, we asked Peter and his team to meet with our leadership team in the church building. We looked for every opportunity to serve and changed our attitudes toward our hosts. God impressed on my heart that we should commit to taking the posture of a servant throughout the rest of the trip and put our perceived rights and wrongs aside. I was reminded that we were there to serve, not be served. I took these issues to God in prayer and then called SQ Director, Kent Susud, for counsel. Peter expressed his laundry list of frustrations with me and our team, and I felt completely misunderstood. Add to that the cultural differences, and by mid-week emotions had begun to boil over. I was young and inexperienced and didn’t realize how what seemed like minor infractions were causing friction and tension to build in the relationship. I was immediately admonished for my errors. When driving the team to the basketball gymnasium, I exceeded the speed limit by a few kilometers per hour and forgot to use my turn signal once. The conflict came when some of our young, exuberant team members failed to keep some of the rules. At this point, I realized we were skipping past any fun icebreakers and teambuilding games - there were rules to follow and a schedule to keep. He immediately sat me down and pulled out a very detailed spreadsheet in which every second of the following week had been planned to the “T.” Next, I was handed a list of rules for our team to follow while staying in the church building. Upon arrival, I was met by Peter, a very stern, serious Belgian man, who would be my point of contact for our partner church. This experience would prove to be very different. I had served on mission teams in Belgium before and these experiences had always gone smoothly, but this was my first time in a leadership role, and we were working with a new church in a new city. As a junior in college, I had the opportunity to lead my first short-term mission team to Belgium through SportQuest Ministries.

#Thonny wall

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blackrosesfanfic · 1 year

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Chapter 253

Rollie

Leah comes over to me rubbing her stomach. I narrow my eyes at her. She sighs as she get to me.

"What's wrong, Love?"

"Nothing. Shay wants to spend a night at Lexi's. I told her I'd see what you say."

I rub her hips. "You in pain?"

She drops her arms. "No it's nothing. I'm okay."

"You couldn't tell Shay whether or not she could stay? You had to come ask me or you wanted to get in here to lay down?"

"I'm in the middle of washing clothes. I don't have time to lay down."

I stand up. "I feel like you ignoring your body. I'll do it alright?"

"Do what Rollie? The fucking laundry?"

"Whatever needs to be done. Make a list." I lay her down on the bed putting her feet up. Ain't no reason why I can't help."

"You think you going anywhere with your room like that? Your mama trying to grow a baby while cleaning up after us and we can't help?"

"Yes sir I can." She scrambles up.

I look around the living room. "You think people want dirty people coming to their houses? They see this shit you won't be allowed."

Lexi starts cleaning the chips up. "Sorry."

"Is mommy okay?" Jordan (Shay) says folding a blanket.

"We will see after she is done with her nap. She went straight to sleep."

Jordan looks worried. "Mommy doesn't usually nap."

Lexi turns the TV off. "Did we stress her out? Oh no. Pregnant women are at risk. Let's do your chores the right way."

"Yeah." Jordan straightens the pillows. "God I love my mommy."

"She will be okay." I say cutting my eyes at them.

"Dad?" Jordan sits her laundry basket on the floor. "You washing these clothes?"

"I'm folding these clothes. You wash your own damn clothes."

She giggles. "You folding clothes?"

I fold the socks up. "Don't it look like it? Go on about your business."

"I never seen you take clothes out the machine. You be like what wrong with your hands. Jordan help yo mama."

"She pregnant and it getting harder to do this stuff. I can't make you do everything. You still a kid."

"Thank you." She smiles at me.

I smile at her. "You welcome precious. We need to have a talk before you go stay at a man's house."

"Okay." She opens the washer.

She nods her head. "Okay."

"Yes, sir."

"And be clean." I hit her with a towel. "Nobody wants messy girls at their houses."

She giggles. "Yes sir."

I nod my head. "Your mama gonna cut your ass you wash them clothes like that."

"It takes so long." She throws the clothes back out the machine and goes through them.

"Yo?"

"Yeah, what's up?" Trey says.

I shrug. "You called me."

He chuckles. "Yo, my fault. I was tryna read this text. But yeah. When does Leah have her baby?"

"In like a month?"

"She having it in Atlanta?"

I get a bit irritated. "Where else She gonna have it?"

"California, South Carolina, wherever her people from."

"Her people from Atlanta. The ones she got."

He clears his throat. "Lane, boy I'm going to cut your ass. Stop. No. Hold on man."

I laugh. "Nigga wild."

"He fucking crazy. He go tell her that I'm hitting his butt. She thinking some weird shit."

"Cause she know you not spanking him." I laugh.

Trey blows. "I'm trying to plan this boy birthday party and make sure we are able to come to Atlanta for your baby shit. When is the baby shower?"

"Who supposed to do that me?"

"I don't know. I just know we didn't have one cause Caden was early."

I suck my teeth. "I'm already cleaning the damn house and shit. Don't give me more shit to do."

"Naw call and ask a woman about the baby shower."

"Like my mama?"

"That's who I would call. My mama."

I sigh. "Aight. I'll have her let you know."

"Aight. She here."

"Oh, she was just in Charleston." I laugh. "Yeah with Lane pulling some little girl hair."

Trey laughs. "I got to go ask about that story."

"Yeah." I say hanging up then calling my mom.

"Hey, Tummy. I only invited 5 people."

I chuckle. "Okay. Trey asked me about a baby shower for Leah. Is that like a woman thing or what?"

"Cammie, do you have plans for Leah a baby shower? Me? I would love to throw a baby shower. I usually just attend stuff."

"Well this not April's son so she can mind her business." Cammie says laughing.

"Be easy." April says.

Ma chuckles. "Don't worry baby we will get something thrown together. You would get more gifts if you had it in Charleston at the church."

"That's fine. Leah needs God's hands according to these little girls."

"Amen." Ma says. "Little children will lead the way. Little Lane got Ike to talk to his mother. At 2 years... well almost 3 years old. He is wise beyond his years."

"Ike talked to his mama?" I confirm.

"I pee."

"Lord have mercy." She hangs up.

"You talking to yourself?" Jordan ask pulling the vacuum back.

"Aye don't go wearing diapers when this baby comes."

She touches her chest. "I would never."

I show her Lane. She falls on the floor laughing.

"This was today?"

"Yes." I nod.

She rolls around holding her stomach then she grabs the phone. "Let me show Lexi. Lane so funny. His butt too big."

"Yeah."

"I promise I won't put on no Pull-up." She laughs walking out with my phone.

Cammie

I hit Lane on his naked butt. "What you doing?"

He laughs picking up his old baby bag. "Put on my draws."

"You stop acting like a clown. Let me see that bag."

"It say Daylan." He says digging through it.

"My cup!" Lane snaps digging in the bag. "Open it Mommy."

"Lane, I know that cup stank."

"No it not." He smells it. He makes a face. "Smell it."

I laugh. "No."

He smells it again then throws it. Trey just so happen to walk up and get hit by the cup. Lane gasps looking at Trey worried. Trey wasn’t bothered.

"This old ass cup."

"Smell it." Lane says standing up.

Trey smells the cup then holds it away from him. "Damn."

"Throw it." Lane giggles. "Throw it, Nevers."

"Boy." Trey says narrowing his eyes at him. "What you call me?"

Lane was back digging through the bag. I smile at Trey. He called him Neverson. He loves changing Trey's name. But Neverson. Trey points at Lane.

"Why your son naked?"

"This is where he has been getting the diapers. He ran out though. Lane put on some clothes."

"Can we talk?" he asks

"Yes." I say standing up. "This house is crowded. Do you want to talk privately? Maybe take a walk."

He shrugs a little. "Ditch the kid and fuck."

"Talk."

"Nobody out back, sexy."

"Mommy." Lane says.

"Oh Lord." I yell running from Trey to Lane.

"Lane." I start. But what the hell I supposed to say? Don't touch my fucking baby? "Lane why do you have Caden?"

"Cammie!" April says coming down the hall. "You could have fucking said I'm taking the baby."

Trey chuckles taking Caden. "Lane had Caden."

April makes her eyes big. "Daylan! I told you not to touch your brother!"

Lane was unbothered. "I give Taden to mommy."

"I'm done." April says turning and walking away. "Hell."

"Nanma no say that." Lane follows her. "Nanma go outside?"

April spins around. "You gave Caden to your mommy so you can go outside? I can't believe you."

"Go outside?" Lane whines.

"Lane, Mommy going outside." Trey says walking behind April.

Lane cuts his eyes at me. "Mommy go outside?"

"Yes, let's go."

"Yes?" He whispers nodding.

"Yes, you can go outside." I nod back.

"Jayla?" Trey says hugging me. "We have a lot of talking to do before dancing with the stars."

"Yeah."

He kisses my neck. "I missed you."

I touch his hand. "Don't you get worked up about that. It's gonna be just like me teaching that class and that movie."

"Naw, man. Bae, who the hell watching Lane? And JJ? Caden plus Minnie?"

"JJ and Minnie are not your problem."

"Tremaine, stop. Lane has April and Rose. Plus my mother."

"You not gonna let Lane stay away."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Cause they will come help if they know we have to be here. My mother will come. We can afford a nanny as well. Are we in financial trouble?"

"Naw."

"Okay then." I nod. "All those weeks I stayed in the hospital."

He sighs. "We each had a baby."

"Tremaine." I grab his face. "I did it for a year with Lane right there like Caden's age. I got this okay? I'm not leaving. I will be right there."

"Right there?"

I kiss him. "I like you stressing over our future. Now next thing."

"Breastfeeding and dancing."

"We take breaks. Plus these pumps are amazing these days. Just put them in your shirt and pump. Do a little dancey dance then empty."

He blows. "Church."

"Oh." I smile. "I found one. Celebrity friendly in Beverly Hills. Diverse, no cult like shit. My mom and Lonnie been there for a wedding before."

"Okay." He smiles.

I kiss him. "You were prepared."

"And what you say about birth control?"

"In my arm." I hold it up.

He touches it. "Oh."

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