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#girl i dont know how to word this at all. i feel like we couldve had something great

yourtouchismidas · 11 months

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RG tells Matty to go and deal with Stevie because she gets suspended and he’s being stern but she breaks down and confides in him?

the school calls. you know as soon as the teacher introduces himself, which child he is calling about. you're at the bookstore, and can't get out until closing, so you call matty.

"school called," you say to him when he picks up.

"stevie matilda?"

"stevie matilda. can you go get her? i can't leave work."

so he does. he shuts down the music he was working on and gets in the car, flipping his keys over and over in his hands. at front desk he doesn't need to introduce himself.

"ah, mr healy," the receptionist says.

"how are you, gwen?"

"oh you know, same old, different day."

matty nods in agreement, "well i'm here again, so you're not the only one. where is my delight?"

"stevie is ready for you," she says, and points to the little waiting room to the side. he looks through the glass and sees her, twiddling her hair, looking in her lap. his heart twinges. his sweet little baby. it doesnt feel like the same girl who couldve called her teacher a cunt. which he secretly finds fucking hilarious. but he rearranges his face. you've told him to be more stern. he barges into the waiting room. its an act. it's all an act.

"get up." he says, "let's go."

"dad i..."

"let's go," he says, cutting her off. she slopes off the chair, grabbing her bag and going past him and out the door.

"what you playing at stevie?" matty says when they're in the car.

she turns around a grins at him. she thinks she can break him. she's done it so many times. he doesnt budge.

"well?" he says. her face falls. she turns to look out the window.

"nothing."

"we aint going for ice cream this time pal. it's getting too much. i cant keep coming out here and getting you from school. you really need to get your fucking act together."

"who are you?" stevie says, pulling a face at him.

"don't. i can't keep bailing you out of things. i dont get it. well i do. i know it's fucking shit to have to do things you dont wanna do. but you can't keep doing this. you're gonna fuck up your life."

stevie mumbles something. matty doesnt hear.

"what?"

"i said, maybe i want to!" stevie snaps. he can hear the pain in her voice as it catches in her throat. he looks over at her. she's hiding her face. is she crying. is his tough little girl crying.

"stevie?" he says, his voice softening. her shoulders shake, "oh baby girl."

he's cracked and he knows it but he doesnt care. this is different. this feels different. he knows her. he knows her. she is part of him. so like him. his melancholy shadow. his midnight nightmare buddy. both of them often up in the early hours of the morning, unable to sleep. he thinks about all those years. the thinking. the overthinking. the shakes. the panic attacks. the overcast feeling. she is so much like him. he pulls over the car.

"my love," he says, "are you okay?"

his own voices cracks, he's crying too now.

"i'm so bored," she says, "i'm so bored."

"does everything feel, like, grey?"

she nods. she starts sobbing.

"i was trying to concentrate in french," she gushes out, "i was. but my mind kept drifting and i was looking at my book and i was just doodling to try and get my hands to do something so my mind could listen but the teacher yelled at me and it was so unfair and i know i shouldnt have yelled and i know i shouldnt have said that word but... i just. i just did."

"oh love," he says. he holds out his arms to her. she clambers into them, as if she is still a small child. "its okay," he says rubbing her back. "it was the wrong thing to do. okay but sometimes, if our minds aren't feeling well, we do the wrong things. i do them all the time."

"i know," stevie says, through tears. matty chuckles.

"alright!" he says. he wipes her eyes. "we're gonna help you. okay? this feeling bored? the grey? we're gonna talk to someone about it. and we need to start trying to get more sleep. both of us. okay?"

she looks up at him and nods.

"deal?"

"deal," she says.

"now, let's go get some ice cream."

#ruins #ruins behind the scenes #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty healy #matty healy x y/n #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #dad!matty

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strawbs-screaming · 7 months

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☆ How The Boxers Drive ☆

made this bc evil (im running out of excuses) this has been rotting in my queue for a while now

Glass Joe

- Really paranoid, i dont blame him cars are really flammable

- will panic if even one scratch gets on his car

- Just really careful with where he parks & when he parks

- if anything suspicious is on his windshield he'll panic because what if its used to mark him for something

-you know how moms go "slow down your gonna crash!!" if you speed up while driving? Yeah thats him

Von Kaiser

- unhinged driver, he'll go 50 kilometers a hour with the most bored expression ever

- put on your seatbelts because he loves to take sudden turns

- you have to hold on for dear life to anything because he doesnt understand what the words "slow down" means

- do not turn on the lights, just dont or he'll literally hiss at you

- driving like hes in a police chase, damn peepaw slow down

Disco Kid

- blasting his ears out + also going ridiculously fast

- you better hope the radio stops after a crash or you'll die to california girls

- doesnt do sudden turns thankfully

- drives even faster at nighttime, disco is really out for blood

- dont even bother honking at him, he cant hear you over his 92827298272 hour playlist

King Hippo

- he cant drive, what are you all on

- no literally, even if he could find a car to fit him, he still wouldnt be able to operate it

- too overwhelming for him anyways

- He gets carsick too easily

Piston Hondo

- actually responsible & obeys traffic laws (LIKE A LOSER!! BOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO RUN OVER PEOPLE INSTEAD!!)

- cant listen to music while driving, it just doesnt work for him

- if you honk at him he'll stare into your soul

- actually reading the road signs (LIKE A NERD!! BOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO THE LAW SUCKS)

- overall responsible driver

Great Tiger

- another driver from hell

- honks to communicate with people, at some point you'll have to consider ripping off the steering wheel or your ears

- blasting his music, he has damaged hearing because of that

- speed limits are for cowards,he'll gladly go 100 in a 30 zone

- reading road signs but not caring at all

Bear Hugger

- oh no.

- okay driver but wont shut up, bear we get it you shouldnt piss off or piss ON a moose you couldve ended it there

- eating snacks in the backseat makes him do the ultimate dad move™ (the hand thingy dads do when you eat snacks)

- "yeah you can push those to the side make yourself comfortable" as his backseat is filled with maple syrup bottles, a pair of moose antlers and the weirdest shit you can imagine, bear im really sure you dont need a entire ass stop sign

- doesnt speed but takes sudden turns way too often for your stomach to stay in one piece (can we get much higherrr, so highhh)

- also honks to communicate

Don Flamenco

- this fucking menace needs to be stopped

- He sings in the car, Don nobody needs to hear you sing poker face please dont crash

- unintentionally speeding, always 5 km over the speed limit

- holy shit he needs his license taken away

- He texts while driving, how worse can you get??

- you know "get in loser, we're going shopping."? yeah thats him whenever he comes to pick someone up

- Does more singing than driving

Aran Ryan

- wait what

- He actually obeys traffic laws & is okay with speed limits? What a switch

- He knows how to shut up too

- He may be a nuisance but he keeps it off the road because nuh uh no one is dying in a car crash today

- has sobbed in his car multiple times (mostly while driving) thats the most you can get him

- him & his car have been through thick and thin, he has laughed in that car, cried in that car, screamed in that car, sung in that car, he has went through everything with his car, it legally counts as an artifact

Soda Popinski

- license, on the kitchen table, NOW.

- he used to drive when drunk when he was a alcoholic (hence his past name, vodka drunkenski)

- doesnt use any kind of navigation when driving, he uses his gut feelings & they either: work, fail miserably or have you end up in a seperate country and either way its concerning

- has crashed into multiple signs & trees

- speeds when bored

- oh my god this man is a mess

Bald Bull

- calm the fuck down

- same deal as kaiser, unhinged driver with the most bored expression ever while asking you "how was your day?" like dude please slow down

- hes the reason the term road rage exists

- will gladly get out of the car to fight someone

- honking at him is a one way ticket to fucking die - land

- i hope awkward conversations are your thing because he'll try to do a icebreaker and ask stuff

- keep the lights off unless its the night or he'll chuck you out of the car like you're a McDonald's™ napkin

Super Macho Man

- jail.

- hes driving on the sidewalk. DRIVING ON THE SIDE FUCKING WALK.

- drives even if hes tired

-suprisingly brash with his car considering it costs a fortune

- He didnt hit the street lamp, it hit him

- blasting the worst music ever as he goes through a quiet neighborhood at 3 am

Mr Sandman

- oh my god finally a good driver

- hes a law abiding citizen

- hes the only one allowed to drive

- the only thing you can get him on is slamming his car door a little too hard but thats better than going 92827281962629912619916281972729229 in a 30 km zone or stopping halfway through to fight someone

- will not talk, ever.

- hes the first option when the wvba needs to ride somewhere and cant find a driver

#punch out #headcanon #punch out wii #punch out headcanons #don flamenco #bald bull #piston hondo #glass joe #aran ryan #great tiger

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wayvsphantom · 8 months

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ok hihihi im home from kcon so i wanna write everything i felt n saw before i forget it lmaoooo

nmixx: honestly super cute!! i didnt know the TWO songs they did but they were fun little summertime bops! i was up and moving for their "the feels" twice cover tho and i thought i was sick of that song shout out to the girlies for performing it really well!

ive: ok i dont know if my section is just women hating or women defending but my whole row sat down for their TWO songs and everyone got on their phones (including me!) instead of watching. I was genuinely upset and angry that the stylists for ive put them (actual minors, actual schoolgirls) in slutty schoolgirl uniforms, furthering the sexualization of minors needlessly and im glad people around me were also not supportive of it. anyway i heard them perform kitch (got literally no love from my section) and love dive (slightly more love from my section) but pls can they get some help im tired of seeing them do an overly sexual love dive dance break in slutty outfits when they are actual minors

cravity: they had good energy! i didnt know their TWO songs but they had good vibes and worked really hard!

taeyong: ok i thought i wasnt gonna vibe w his set but he came onstage and i LOST MY FUCKING MIND!!! like he really just has a star energy on stage it cant be stopped like he was my first ever nct bias and hes everyones bias for a reason!!! also shalala was so fun live the bass shook my bones fr ! taeyong you were great !! he should be really proud of that performance (of his TWO songs)

shownu n hyungwon: ok i did not realize how much i loved them until they performed on stage they were both so fucking good ?? like i fully need a mx tour bc i wanna see them so bad now ?? they peformed those TWO songs w such a fun sexy grown man energy that i was deeply missing lmao 10/10 pls come back to LA

wayv <3: OK U KNOW IM SOFT ON THEM BUT OMG THEY WERE SO FUCKING CRAZY GOOD WEISHENV U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS THEY CAME OUT TO SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAMS I COULDNT BREATHE I WASNT READY AND THEN IT WAS A NEW SONG (that i was not feeling i cant lie) BUT THEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS THE KCON THEME SONG OR WHATEVER so i was able to breathe again.... anyway fake out over they came back later in the night and they WE4RE INSANE!!! LOVE TALK!!! U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!! EVERYONE KN EW EVERY GODDAMN WORD TO THAT FUCKING SONG!! I was getting teary wayv u r not a flop u are the most famous group in the world!!! xiaojun is unreal pretty btw also yangyang and hendery.... omg TEN!!! TEN IS SO TALENTED AND PRETTY!! also i fully understand the winwin hype now i would die to protect that man ok okokokokokokok INCREDIBLE!!! they also gave us eng ver of phantom she was cute too!! the dance break finale gave me chills omg but i was missing kun :/ wish they couldve at least mentioned him but whatever.... WAYV WORLD TOUR ASAP

taemin <3: honestly the greatest performer ive ever seen live like holy shit thats a once in a lifetime talent right in front of me like yes i am very biased that is my ult right there but like he truly cannot ever be replicated. he came out swinging w advice and the boom that was "NEVER GET THE KEYS TO MY LOCK" the crowd was readdyyyyyyy and after advice this man got a 5min standing ovation every single person there recognized his god given gift to serve and it was incredible to see LITERALLY FUCKING CRAZY AND THEN THIS MAN GETS ON THE GROUND AND WE'RE DOING FUCKING CRIMINAL??? THE SONG THAT MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY?? and he even did the slutty little cuff removing w mouth move and i lost my v oice screaming so hard i feel so lucky to have seen that my life cannot get better anywayyyyyy MOVE!!! WE MOVED!!! HE MOVED THEY MOVED I MOVED WE ALL MOVED!!! THE GIRL THE MYTH THE LEGEND THE MOVEEEEEEEEEEE!!! those hips.......... yeasssss......... !!!!! he was swinging that concave ass like his life depended on it! he was also soooo flustered from everyone going insane like ik he wasnt expecting it taemin you will be famouus for a thousand years babygirl and he said big shinee news coming soon so !!! soooo!!! world tour!!!!

ok i think i hit every group i will unpack the wayv m&g too but i just had to get this all out kcon will pay for their crimes of 2 song every artist like i'll never go to kcon again or recommend it to anyone but i had fun!

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trolagygirl2022 · 3 months

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whats ur opinion or thoughts on past lives? what do u think of the words old soul and how would we know if we are an old soul? i do find myself obsessing about former eras such as 1940s/50s a lot. all the things we couldve done due to cheaper prices, no technology outside of radio and minimal tv to be distracted by. society nowadays seems so bizzare like i dont fit in no matter how hard i try. i just keep daydreaming my days away in a bid to want to escape this shitehole reality which truly sucks for so many people.

First of all, I'm sorry that you're going through that :/ I feel that too, being a black girl in a predominantly white school I feel that way too. Please make sure that you have someone that you can talk to! As for past lives, I do believe in them to a certain extent. I believe that we have a choice to either stay as ghosts or reincarnate. Personally for me, I'd rather haunt people then reincarnate 🤣

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quettasecond · 6 months

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LC PART 1 SUMMARY

the prologue is a hint towards eis existence! shes not mentioned at all in part one as she isnt actually. introduced yet and hasnt made her way to where everything is happening, but the prologue implies her existence! it follow an unnamed girl who "reawakened" and is covered in dirt (meant to imply she. you know. dug herself out of the ground)

in chapter one, aib and her soon-to-be-dead friend, ichimi, are hanging out in a bathroom together after aib was browsing her parents personal emails. ichimi mentioned knowing someone other than aib and she had to suppress her anger. also rereading this in some lines it feels ichimi has a hint of... innocence? is that the word? that you might associate with ei, and it reminds me of weird ei-ichimi paralells that probably arent actually paralells i just dont know what other word to use. ichimi was actually named after ei (i talked about it in a different post). aib is referring to this one barely mentioned side character via surname meanwhile ichimi is calling them their given name, interesting thing about aib being more distant about. everyone i guess. and ichimi being warm and friendly

still on chapter oen sorry just a new bullet point becayse thats a lot of words there. i almost didnt realise the car situation was gonna happen in this chapter. how could i forget. talking about her parents and her relationship, aibreann said "[we] seemed less like a family and more like roommates, if you could even call [us] that". then she ran across a busy street because she was impacient, and suddenly a strange guy knocked into her (to save her from a car that was going to hit her) and asked her what her problem is. his foot got run over and aib immediately went Omg awesome gorey foot... like there were two paragraphs dedicated to aib thinking about the gore. he then picked her up to carry her to her address, aibreanm thought "i shouldnt tell a stranger my address" then did exactly that. also i remember someone i showed like just this chapter to thought this man was aibs father LOL unfortunately not

chap 2. the man introduced himself as kane. he had to tell her that her knees got scraped and were kind of bloody cuz she didnt notice. shes so aggressive(? well not exactly aggressive shes just swearing internally and rolling her eyes and stuff) and sarcastic to him. he tucked aibreann in with a blanket and is leaving blood all over the floor from walking around. he made her tea and tended to her scrapes. then he started to realise Oh fuck my foot hurts and he left. she tried to mop all the blood kane left all over the floor before her dad gets home but she fails and kind of trips and falls into the blood and her dad comes home and she gets up and limps away

i just realised this is probably gonna be kind of long lol... well no read more for you my followers must be strong enough to handle one billion words of oc stuff at once

chap 3. were immediately hit by multiple paragraphs of exposition. maybe i couldve done that better instead of having aib internally monologue about her magic bs but whatever this was written like one a 2/3rds of a year ago. now shes starting to wonder if things would be better if she was dead. two new one time side characters that just exist to be talked about once mentioned. honestly if i ever went over part 1 and rewrote part of it i might just remove these two. which luckily means i just remove a few sentences in one chapter. their "existence" was fine before but now im starting to feel these random people being mentioned fucks with what i started to build up afterwards yk. she changes into a clean uniform and mentions she usually ditches the sweatervest with hers. now shes wanting to die again

i hear my nephew outside my door i might see whats up with him goodbye to this post for now

#gurgles #lc

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trans4hire · 4 months

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Since 2023 is coming to a close I thought I'd write out a little something to document where I'm at in my journey with being Trans as well as HRT.

So I started taking Estrogen and T-Blockers on June 7th 2023 (I couldve started a little earlier but I had cold feet for like a month)

For the first few months I really didn't notice alot. The two major changes I noticed was that my boobs were more sensitive (kinda like a bruise, where it doesn't hurt normally but if you press on it then it really hurts) and some very light tissue development underneath. The other change was that my libido had straight up died, I was a masturbate at least once a day on average kinda person and I was going weeks without it now. For a short bit there I actually thought I might've been Ace because I seriously had zero desire at all.

One side effect I didn't notice until a friend on the same meds told me about it was that I was peeing alot, which you'll see plenty of memes about, it's the Spironactolone, I hate it. I feel like a pregnant person, pee when I get somewhere and pee before I leave it's nuts.

Nowadays I'm starting to see some more changes, my boobs are a little more sensitive around the nipples, not a whole lot but before my nipples were nearly nervedead I swear. I dont cry super easily but I do cry on occasion and considering before I would go literal years without crying it's a step in the right direction.

My libido has also levelled out, I'm not super horny all the time but I'm more like every few days just for my health kinda attitude. It's also getting a little difficult to maintain erections without stimulation, I can get one no problem but if I stop stimulating it then it's gone pretty quick. I did also hear about nerve remapping and pressing a finger or a vibrator in the place right below your balls (taint I think some people call it? Perineum is the official word I believe) and I gave a light press there the other day and felt, something? Idk but I'm gonna try it out sometime.

My boobs are definitely growing and changing but sadly it's not very obvious since I kind of had boobs before, that's years of stress eating during middle school and high school for you 🙃

As for myself and my own personal journey, I felt for years now that I wanted to be Nonbinary, and that I fell firmly outside the gender binary. And I don't know what it was, but a little over a month ago I had a massive mental breakdown and during that time realized I wanted to be a girl, kinda, like 85% girl. Like I can still fantasize about like the "MLM" fantasy, like I'm the only male cheerleader and my boyfriend is the captain of the football team and he gets some guff for it but like low-key they're just jealous of how supportive I am of him and how in love we are and how happy we make each other (see what I mean? Still got some of that in my head)

I still haven't settled on any new labels since this is very new to me and I want to take my time and explore some options, there's new stuff all the time and you may find something that clicks big time.

So 2024 is looking up for me, gonna start trying out girlmode with some help (I literally have no idea what I'm doing) probably gonna pick out a new name cause while I like Raven I want something more fem.

Think that's about it, if I forgot anything I'll just reblog this with any additions but if it's been awhile I'll just make a new post. Love all you little Queers in my phone and I can't wait to see more of you all in 2024 💜

#transfem #mtf #amab #lgbt #trans4hire #trans #me #queer #hrt #estrogen

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inexplicablesentiment · 2 years

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SANA DI KA RIN MAKATULOG SA GABI TULAD NG GINAWA MO SAKIN

its ya boi, just got into a breakup, it's really disheartening to know that your one and only girl, can suddenly snap out of the relationship without you knowing, i know I've done things wrong during our relationship, but what keep's fucking me up is that I DIDN'T EVEN CHEAT, I DIDN'T EVEN SLAP HER ONCE (but her ass tho not gonna lie, needs some hardcore slapping) I DIDN'T EVEN DO SOMETHING THAT WILL BREAK HER WELL BEING or so i though. All throughout the time I WAS JUST FUCKING SHARING MY SENTIMENTS AND MY PROBLEM TO HER, yes that could be emotional dumping on my part, but she could've at least said it, OMFG, this shit makes me so mad, there are times that I even feel that she's distant right from the time she worked from home. i don't fucking know what went wrong but IM SO FUCKING MAD I WANNA PUNCH A WALL OR EVEN SOMEONE WHO IS WILLING TO BE PUNCHED IF THERE'S ANY, FUCK!!!.

IT'S ALSO FUCKING UNFAIR THAT WE DIDN'T MET TO FIND GET OUR CLOSURE, SHE JUST WANT OUT SO EASILY SHE DID THAT ON MESSENGER, GOOD LORD, MAKES ME FEEL THAT I'M LESS OF A PERSON JUST LIKE WHAT HAPPENED YEARS AGO.

I'M QUESTIONING MYSELF WHERE DID I GO WRONG, QUESTIONING WHAT I DID TO MAKE HER DECIDE TO BE OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP AND ALL THAT. IT JUST FUCKING HURTS THAT SHE DIDN'T TELL ME A SINGLE BIT, FUCKING ANNOYED BY THE FACT THAT IT'S A NORMAL THING TO LOSE FEELINGS AND NOT TELL IT TO YOUR PARTNER, IT FUCKING BUGS ME THAT SHE DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO TELL ME A LITTLE DETAIL OF IT, SHE'S DONE IT TWICE, TELLING ME THAT I SHOULD FIX MYSELF, AND ALL THAT. I HATE IT, I FUCKING HATE THIS FEELING THAT I QUESTION MYSELF WHERE I WENT WRONG. I JUST DO, I DONT KNOW HOW MANY TIME SHOULD I VENT IT TO MY FRIENDS UNTIL THIS SHITTY FEELING GOES AWAY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BOUNCE BACK SINCE I REALLY DO HOPE THAT WE'LL BE TOGETHER SOON ENOUGH, I HATE THIS FEELING OF WAITING GAME WHEREIN I'M EXPECTING SOMETHING TO HAPPEN AND NOT SURE OF WHAT THE OUTCOME COULD BE. I JUST FUCKING HATE HER TOO FOR BREAKING MY HEART, I MEAN I KNOW THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO SAY THIS BUT I'M LOSS FOR WORDS AND I'M JUST TYPING WHATEVER I WANT NOW, MAYBE I'M JUST BEING AN ASSHOLE NOW BUT LET ME BE PLEASE, I JUST CANT ACCEPT THIS REJECTION AND IT TORNED ME FOR FUCKING GOOD, KNOWING THAT SOOMEONE'S DOING SHIT FOR HER NOW, AND TELLING ME TO "PLEASE, DON'T WAIT UP FOR ME", FUCK YOU AND WHOEVER IS YOURE FLINGING RIGHT NOW, PUTANG INA NIYO NG SAGAD SANA DI RIN KAYO MAGWORK PUTANG INA KA NG MALUTONG, EH MALAY MO BA KUNG SINO AKO PUTANG INA MO.

JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T MEET ANY OF YOUR NEED DOESNT MEAN YOU'LL LEAVE ME RIGHT AWAY, I KNOW YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TOO, BUT YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST FUCKING SAID IT YOU FUCKING WHORE, IMAGINE BEING IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP FOR YEARS AND BEING ABLE TO ENDURE IT, AND HERE I AM, JUST SHARING SOMETHING THAT IS TRIVIAL ABOUT MY FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, AND ME BEING AT MY WEAKEST, YOU CAN'T EVEN STAND IT, FUCK YOU, I MAYBE ENTITLED TO SAY THIS BUT FUCK YOU FOR LEAVING ME AT MY WEAKEST, PUTANG INA MO NA GUSTONG GUSTO MO SA TOXIC RELATIONSHIP KANG PUTANG INA, SIGE MASOKISTA KANG GAGO KA DIBA, PAKANTOT KA ULIT SA IBA TAPOS IYAK KA ULIT, HINDI KA NA NATUTO TANG INAMO. I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF I'M BEING ONE SIDED HERE, BUT ULTIMATELY FUCK YOU, MAGALING KA LANG PAG IGAGALA KITA, PAG ILILIBRE KA OR IISPOIL GAGO KA, HINDI SA NANUNUMBAT AKO, PERO ALAM MO YUNG SANA NASASAMAHAN MO RIN AKO AT MY LOWEST KASI ALAM MONG GANON DIN GAGAWIN KO SAYONG PUTANG INA KA, YET SUMUKO KA, DI MO NA KAYA, OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE NAPAGOD KA JUST BECAUSE IM SHARING SHIT SAYONG GAGO KA. ALAM KO MAHINA AKO, YOU COULDVE AT LEAST WAITED FOR ME TO HEAL IN A BIT AT LEAST. AND NOW THAT I'M HEALED, GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER AND DOING BETTER, SAKA MO AKO IIWAN FOR A SHALLOW REASON?! ANG BABAW MO GAGO, NAPAKABABAW SOBRA. DAHIL LANG DIN MAY MGA BAGAY AKO NA DI KO NAMEMEET SAYO NA PWEDE MO NAMAN ICOMMUNICATE SAKIN PARA MAAYOS TO? TANGINA MO!!!

ANG UNFAIR LANG NA ALTHROUGHOUT THIS TIME YOU'RE DEALING WITH YOUR SHIT AND PROCEEDED TO NOT TELL ME AT ALL, GOOD LORD, YOU'RE SO UNFAIR NA KUNG SINO MAN YUNG MAKITA MO IN THE FUTURE HIWALAYAN KA SANA SA ASAL MO. I'M LETTING MYSELF SAY DESTRUCTIVE WORDS DAHIL INUNAHAN MO AKO TO GET OVER ME, YEAH, CHILDISH BA SABIHIN THAT YOU COULD'VE GONE THIS SHIT WITH ME? KUNG OO WALA AKONG PAKE, KASI WALA NANG MAS CHA-CHILDISH PA SA GINAWANG MONG PAG-ALIS SAKIN JUST BECAUSE IM HAVING TROUBLE FIXING MYSELF.

ALTHROUGHOUT THOSE TIME YOURE HAVING YOUR THOUGHTS NA PALA OF LEAVING ME, AND STILL DECIDED TO DO IT STILL.

ALAM KO MARAMI PA SANA AKONG GINAWA, ALAM KO DAPAT SINUNOD KO YUNG MGA SINABI MO SA AKIN, ALAM KO DAPAT NAKINIG PA AKO SAYO NG MAIGI, PERO SANA NAMAN NABIGYAN MO PA RIN AKO NG KONTING PASENSYA PARA AYUSIN YUNG SARILI KO, WHICH IS I DID, BUT YET PINILI MO PA RIN SUMUKO.

WAG KA MAG ALALA, I'M USING THIS DARKER SIDE OF MY SUCCESS PARA MALAMAN MO SINONG INIWAN MO GAGO!

TANGINA, TIME!!!!

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omujijjiritjjirit14 · 2 months

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thoughts #1: Kaleidoscope by Goldberry

link to story: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/2212118/1/

its another of many stories that were written before my parents had even conceived me

I'd seen this story floating around a lot for yearssssss from the general search bar to ppls favorites lists but for some reason i'd never clicked on it until today. I can really say that i regret not reading it sooner. The first thought i had after finishing the story was "younger me was so stupid..." I guess the description scared me off but looking back idk how it couldve been scary at all. I guess i should attritube that to my low level reading comprehension at the time but anyway

Goldberry is kinda mother (or father idk)... they're like a major diety in nejitenism everyone knows them and respects them. Their work was revolutionary.. its mandatory curriculum at all schools in nejitenlandia. Ive always wished i was born sooner to witness the golden age of nejiten but also that would mean id be old af now (no offense). That reminds me.. i was gonna say i wonder how goldberry is now and how they're doing now (are they alive?!) but clicking on their ffn page.... they literally publiushed a genshin impact story like 4 months ago bruh

ANYWAY here is my official review of "Kaleidoscope"

At first i was just gagged at how good the writing was. Like the opening scene scared me cuz it seemed wordy (im stupid) but im glad i fought through it (theres nothing to fight thru its pretty light if ur not stupid). They are so descriptive and smart in their writing. Theyre especially good at creating rly specific tones.. kinda withdrawn and melancholy which perfectly fits neji in that time in the story. Ya so i was just gagged at how intelligent the writing is. Its a great example of how tone can be used to characterize

The story itself is so perfect for me cuz i lowk hate ooc super sweet kekekuku stories (SOMETIMES) but this was so smooth and intimate without being all up in ur pussy idk how else to describe it but it just fit nejiten's dynamic so well cuz u know... theyre not kekekuku but are still scarily close in their own way

I think ppl are scared of writing friends to lovers cuz how do u even write someone realizing their feelings. Usually its like the guy sees the girl in a dress or something and is like wow😍😍😍😍😍💦💦💦💦💦i actually like you 😍😍😍😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️ but here its a very thought out and natural realization that you dont even realize how sudden it is (DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE):

"After about half an hour they would settle, each of them slipping off into dreamland. Neji, however, did not that night. There was a thought turning in his mind, taking on different shapes as he added to it. Finally, when he was sure he knew what it meant, he turned over, his milky eyes finding her shape in the darkness."

This was so good liek instead of actually painstakingly rifling through his thoughts its just a few short sentences in summary. I guess the main point is the outcome rather than the actual inner turmoil or wtvr. Actually we dont even know if it was turmoil, it certainly isnt phrased like one. "Thought turning," "taking on different shapes as he added to it," its just an eventual conclusion after thorough exploration. So cute im kekekuku and then the next line..

"Neji knew."

It's so short but so meaningful. Like ya. He knows. He doesnt fight it or zealously double down on it. He just lets it sit and exist. Nejiten ffn is famous for letting things just sit and exist, its a very hmm... idk the right word... professional? Withdrawn? ship... idk if u get it u get it

It even says it in the story, its a surprising "but not unwelcome" revelation. He himself doesnt even know what to think about it but its okay because things will happen when they happen

Looking back its a bittersweet ending knowing how nejiten turned out liekk i kinda feel bad for the author.. little did they know what the future held.... but im still glad they wrote and kept this story out there like thankGOD

I have a million more thoughts but school is beating my ass and i havent even started my math hw i just needed to get this out of my system

Oh also i would pair this story with the song "seasons" by wave to earth. Esp the beginning. Its a super slow descension into the main melody but when the main song hits IT HITS and it kinda reminded me of this story. Nejiten's fall into something more is super gradual and slow and barely noticeable like on a random rainy night in a random inn far away but IT HITS.... trust me....(i sound crazy) also the second part of the song "i cant be ur love im afraid ill ruin ur life" ... iykyk (i dont know)

But ya thats all i have for now final rating 10/10 so cute so kekekuku so nejiten so intelligent

post read feeling:

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kimmkitsuragi · 5 months

Text

ooh i get it now

no other screenshots today bc astarion looking in the mirror post was more than enough lmao but a lil update as i said

i get my character now i think!! lou is self-serving but not cruel. his concern for himself also extends to his party, because he sees them as his only way of survival. that's why he chooses to co-operete with the others when he can- like sticking with laezel when she's interrogating the tiefling somewhat... harshly lol

but also, he's not cruel to the point where he lets random people die. if it's too out of his way, he might not rush in to save them (like helping tieflings out of the druid grove). if he thinks he will also benefit, he will intervene and help. like halsin for example, the party is on their way to save him. not because lou is a hero who wants to save the grove, but because he thinks halsin will be able to help him. he doesnt care that much about the situation with the druids- but also he wont just let them kill tiefling children when he sees it happening, because that's just cruel*. he just wont go out of his way to escort them out to safety, he thinks he can kill two birds with one stone if he saves halsin anyway. so that's not cruel in his mind

*just realized that this point can also be connected to the fact that he's a drow... druids would kill him in the same situation too. (they even show aggression right away when they see him) so he ofc doesnt trust their judgement that much- especially after seeing that dead drow on nettie's room lol. i also found the underground caves with lolth's cult (? idk the lore that much yet) so i wonder how this will fold out for him. he's not following lolth so im expecting aggression towards him even tho he's a drow too? i havent explored the caves that much yet because i dont wanna die lmaooo

(alsoooo there's his background - noble. so his self-serving qualities make sense too. he's used to getting what he wants anyway.)

he will intervene with the goblin's death penalty, because she has information that he can use. he wont free her tho, doesnt necessarily trust her innocence. and he got the needed info, so he will figure it out himself. you know. things like that.

the only action he regrets doing / doesnt align with this way of thinking was those 2 people and their absolution thing. he wanted to get to the bottom of this "absolution" and the way they call him a "true one", because that would benefit him. but then his words got one of them killed for no reason- he was just trying to deceive them into giving more info and help. so that was a sad situation...

i will try to play him with this consistency from now on! rn i have astarion, laezel, and gale in my party. i feel like we need a healer/supporter in the party tho so im not sure if i will stick with gale :( i like him but might switch back to shadowheart until i get them to level-up. maybe after the level-up, i can reconsider based on their new abilities idk.... i still havent recruited karlach btw lmao im on my way!! feels like i will really like her too !! - btw just remembered my whole party is dumb of ass if i leave gale. that's a concern too tbh lol

astarion is proving to be more than just my favored blorbo tho, he's so good at so many skills i favor and REALLY useful in combat with how i play this game lmao. he basically cleared out all the goblins waiting to ambush us on top of roofs!! i mean gale was a help too, but my ranger and fighter wasnt that fitting for a more discreet way of fighting lol. and that's my fave way of combat so far tbh (obviously it cant be used throughout a boss fight or something lol, just for small things like this) so im keeping him FOREVER tbh he's never leaving the party

anyway i also found one of his victims (it was a boar or something) and lou was like 🤔 wonder what couldve happen to this poor animal 🤔 what do u think astarion 🤔 lol babygirl so bad at lying to me <3 girl u're so good at deception but why were u panicking at that point lmao

also i already posted abt it butttttt laezel was literally like "hi let's have sex" to Lou i meannnn 😭😭 i like u but not so fast damnnn im also eyeing astarion obviously so i said thanks but no lmao astarion on the other hand is not acting like he even likes me 😭😭 i mean he doesnt hate me i see his approval slider thing lmao but in action... at camp last night, he was like hmm u're better than i thought ngl and im not even sure if he means it or just trying to do something else lmaoooo he was also lying seductively while saying it so,,,, what's the truth lol

also gale approves a LOT of my actions i fear he will be the next one to say hey let's fuck lmao. the thing is im making "good" decisions for selfish reasons so he approves the good decisions idk man let's see where this will go

also also, this game has SO MANY things to do damn i keep getting distracted by everything

#playing bg3 #a post only for my own reference and archive etc

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yourtouchismidas · 11 months

Note

george teaching you how to play the drums and just being overall like a bigggg sweetheart boyfriend and it's super fluffy

george wants to touch you. he's not stopped looking at you all night. his palms havent stopped sweating. and he had to wipe them on his jeans in the restaurant every time you went to the loo. he thinks he's done good, for a first date, considering how nervous he was. how he text matty before like it's two hours til the date and then it's one hour til the date before annoying him so much that he text back calm the fuck down. you're acting like you've never been on a date before!

he has. he has been on many. but this. this is with you.

the girl he has always wanted. always stared at. always longed for. was always dating someone else. ruffling his hair and calling him georgie like it was no big deal, when actually every touch of your fingers was like lightning, every time you walked on past like a bruise inside his chest. it's fine. he always told himself. it's fine. i'll get over her.

but tonight he has made you laugh. a beautiful sound. he's made you blush, by the way he looked at you. feeling like it his one chance, his window, his lifeline. that you agreed to go on a date with him.

now your at the doorstep of his house. you walked to get icecream and you laughed when he got it on his nose. he was hoping you would kiss it off, and you looked like you might, but then he panicked, and wiped it off quickly with an eugh. you chuckled and walked on.

you knew where you were going. you knew where he lived. he knew you knew. and now you're here. silent. heavy. shaking. tense.

"come in?" george says, his voice sultry, like he can't keep his desire out his throat no matter how he tries.

he makes you a cup of coffee and you sit quietly together on the sofa and sip. you run your foot up his ankle and back down. touching. close. but not close enough. george wants to reach out. he aches too. but it's like his brain wont let him. its too much. too much pressure. to get what he wants after all this time. to have it so close. and the thought of messing it up. it freezes him.

you get up. look at the things you have seen a few times. but closer. his drum kit. his favourite. the one passed down through his family, is in the corner. blue and gold. you touch a cymbal lightly. it tingles through the air.

"whoops," you say. the first words said in minutes. he's cursing himself.

"don't worry," he says. "can you play?"

"no," you laugh. "i love music, but i dont play it."

"want me to teach you?"

"sure," you say, grinning at him. his heart is slowly. his body is unfreezing. he's becoming alive.

he tells you to sit down on the stool and places the sticks in your hand. he swears he can feel electricity when he touches the skin of your palms. he tries to teach you from the side, standing, telling you which drum to hit and when. you keep getting it wrong, laughing, hiding your face.

"help me i'm awful!" you say.

he takes a second, then he slowly slides on to the back of the stool too, you shifting forwards to make room. your back is on his chest and he knows you can feel his heartbeat through his shirt, there is absolutely no way you cant. you let out a little hmm, at his touch, and lean back into him for a second. george closes his eyes at the warmth. he takes his hands and puts them on your shoulder and then runs them down the length of your arms, until he has both your hands in a firm grip.

"there we go," he whispers in your ear. he sees the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. slowly, he moves your hands in his so your playing. you're drumming. well it's him. moving you. moving with you. you let him take over.

"well done," he whispers in your ear again, once he finishes the song.

"hey i'm pretty good aren't i?"

"you're better than i couldve ever imagined."

and with the adrenaline of the drumming, and your smile and your body hot on his, he leans down and places a kiss on the cool skin of your neck. except he can't stop at one. especially when you moan. he can't stop. he can't stop. he cant....

#george daniel x reader #george daniel #george daniel x oc #george daniel x y/n #george daniel x you #george daniel fanfiction #george daniel fluff

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76l0 · 1 year

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fucked up how you can expel somebody from your mind for like seven years or whatever and then it the thoughts can just come back <3 like im not doing as bad as i was summer 2021 but it's basically every day it's... fun???? but that's not enough and it can't be healthy anyway but i can't get help for this it's so stupid. i dont kno anything about this kinda thing but im sure a therapist would just b like "grow up n find a man" a conservative leaning one would be like find one man a lib leaning one would be like find 50 men except they wouldnt use the word men *eyeroll*

i love them so much. the fact they're a bit stupid and a casualty of conservatism and religion and every other sexist thing. that's not their fault. believing things that aren't at all true like that everyone who thinks genderism is stupid is some jesus freak trad-ass... you're stupid but it's not your fault. anyway stupidity is lovable . i really still feel this deep love maybe more than ever bcuz i know nothing can come from this feeling but i still feel this love. this love could be used to provide electricity to a town of about 60k ppl at least

from the first fricking interaction where we both in line to watch the costume contest at animaritime 2011 and i asked some question about the manga they bought but they didnt hear me but my friend did LOL and they weren't even cute then they were just a plain and greasy 15 year old but like teenage girls should be allowed to be plain and kinda gross looking (uhh same b4 i turned like 17) i bet they never remembered being in that line with me or that was me LOL well it doesn't matter.

im willing to admit somewhat that i love an idea. which is fine bcuz other ppl can fit that idea. Potentially. i fit this idea somewhat too. it's not even that specific and complicated i don't think. anyway aaaah i'll stop now. stop writing that is. hmm but i love the love i felt reading those deviantart journals i have a bunch of them saved cuz im problematic like that. love to know about someone's cringiest cringe. i suppose a lot of it is (current and past) me loving (past) me. so many of my life choices are me trying to be like an anime character, whether consciously or unconsciously. it's funny that i didn't watch or read death note when i was a teenager bcuz i really was like misa about them. i really am like misa about them. i think sooooo much of my personality is just copied off anime characters (nagato yuki being the big one) but not this but it couldve been copied off misa if i had actually watched death note then LOL but it's not cuz i didn't but like aaaaah i was so cute and so in love but it didn't help!!!!!! but whatever will stop writing for real now

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wildcatofgreen · 1 year

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“Dear Diary”

Send “Dear Diary” to read a random entry of my muses diary/journal.

"Round an' round, the die will go. Where will it land? Nobody knows!"

Rolls it.

"Avalice. Alright, let's see."

Flips open the Avalice book. Reads aloud.

"dear diary "cory laughed at me over the phone. i was tellin her all about lyli and stuff and then she just started laughing "i kinda dont get why...? i was just talking about how cool and awesome and pretty she is. like shes my best friend how could i not think these things. "if cory had a super cool best friend like lilac she'd think the same things!!! she doesnt need to LAUGH!!!"

She puts a thumb on this page.

" 'Fore I continue, lemme just read the literal next entry. I remember these two very vividly, y'see. Ahem."

Flipping to the next page, it was almost a completely blank page, save for eleven words.

"dear diary "oh my fucking stones im in love with lilac."

Flips back to the previous entry, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"For as much sierra as I get for this stuff now, at least I realized it pretty early. It ain't take long for me to understand, after Cory bullied me and wouldn't explain why, the exact reason. "Should'a heard the kinda things I was talkin' about this girl. Always wantin' to be with her, talkin' 'bout how great she was, 'bout all the lil sierra she does. Like how when she cleans she cleans in alphabetical order. Or when she makes cup noodles she'll always add a dash of cinnamon if we have any. Or if she gives me a gift, it always has somethin' to do with her. It's usual subtle, but I remember one time she gave me a gift that had a literal lilac on it.

"She's so fuckin' corny."

Right, the diary entry.

Clears her throat, then continues.

"today me and lilac kinda mostly did house maintenance. its not been a long time since me and lilac built it but some stuff wasnt working right. the tv's fucked and the water doesnt run right. so me and lilac were tryin to figure out why. we didnt get it today but lilac said that there's always tomorrow. like that one play! "i wanna go see it with her sometime. maybe we could do that trenchcoat thing like on tv!!! thatd be really funny!!! "though it wouldnt be stealthy... we're too tall to do it good now. maybe when we were back in the scarves, a couple years back. "i bet i could steal us some tickets at least. get out of this STUPID house and do something actually cool for once! im glad we have this house but im sick of it. the rooms back in the scarves were better. "i almost wish spade wasnt such a jerk none of this wouldve happened. well the entire place is full of jerks actually but still!!! spade's the biggest jerk!!!! 3: "im super glad i have lilac with me though!!! idk if i couldve done all this on my own! i love her so much!!!! "why did that make me feel weird to say? "carol"

"I suppose lil me had some smarts in that peanut brain. I think about what would've happened if I never met the girl. Be some ''cool'' double agent ninja or somethin'?

"As much as the idea sounds cool, Iiiiii'd rather not risk any limbs trying to steal for these undesirables. What would happen during Brevon if we never left? Who the hell would the Magister call on about Merga for? Their stupid royal guard?

"Lissen, you ain't hear this from me, but all of those dudes are incompetent. Jade and Doug are the only good ones! Literally nobody else knows how to do their job! I can't speak for the other kingdoms--except for Shang Mu those guys suck too--but I doubt that they're good at their jobs too.

"The kingdoms are better off with a one man band than the guards at all. Spread us out, station us in every kingdom then when something happens it'll be easy as pie to take care of.

"I'm getting ahead of myself--point is, I'm glad I went with Lilac back then. I was a brat myself--can't imagine how Lilac felt about me. If she ain't regret her choices then she probably would pretty soon."

She sighed, resting a hand on her face.

#carol's cruisings #lilmissheropants #asks #meme answers

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demadogs · 2 years

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2 things:

Argyle will be COMPLETELY stoned the entire season and he'll just think he's on the craziest *trip* that he's ever been on.

Now, can I ask do you like Mileven together or do you ship Byler? Or do you stay out of shipping? Or you don't care who's with who, as long as everyone is happy?

I think Will has a major crush on Mike. Mike loves Will. Like he truly loves Will but just in the general type of love, a platonic type of love. If Mike finds out that Will likes him as more than a friend, I think Mike will handle the situation well. He will try to let Will down easy and then be a supportive best friend, no shaming.

first of all the concept of argyle thinking he’s tripping the entire time is so fucking funny i love that so much.

second, yes i do ship byler and i genuinely do believe it’ll happen. at first after season two i just thought “aw theyd be cute together” but then season three came out and i saw how unhealthy mileven was and all the evidence people shared on here that leaned towards byler and i was like “oh shit theyre actually doing this”. i thought mileven was really cute in season one and when they reunited in season two but then when we saw them as an actual couple they were really rough. i do want every character to be happy but i dont think mileven is right now.

im gonna share the biggest things or evidence that totally convinced me byler is the direction the duffers are heading. this might be long. not trying to be like “YOU MUST SHIP BYLER AND HERES WHY” but you seem nice and open to either so id like to show you what sold me on byler and im curious to hear your opinions on it after you read this. there’s plenty of things that show wills feelings so i’ll focus on mike since you already believe will loves mike.

1. the break up scene vs the rain fight scene

this is the biggest one for me by far. i study film and every color pallet in scenes, every song they choose, even the weather is very much intentional!! the mileven break up is super saturated, in broad daylight, and has a very humorous tone. they couldve easily made this a heartbreaking scene but they chose not to. also theyre not alone its not a moment between just the two of them.

the rain fight on the other hand is the complete opposite. it’s very blue, theres harsh shadows, its pouring rain, and the mood is much more emotional and hurt and they’re alone.

looking at these stills next to each other even if you didnt have the context at all you would be able to tell which interaction is more emotional and means more to the characters.

also look at the difference in mikes face after el and will’s last word. for el he just looks annoyed and for will he looks so hurt.

last point on these two. look at the difference between el and wills reactions to these interactions. i know you said you do believe will loves mike but look at el’s reaction. she doesn’t love him as much as she thinks she does either. why would she be laughing and highfiving?

2. the way the last mileven kiss is framed!!!!

again with the film shit, THIS IS INTENTIONAL. look how mike is not only in a closet, but the door to the closet is perfectly dividing their kiss. this to me convinced me that mikes gay not bi or anything else. some people think he’s bi but they wouldnt have the closet perfectly divide them if he was bi bc that wouldnt be the reason for them breaking up. they could have angled this kiss so many ways if the door wasnt directly in the middle of them i mightve thought it was a coincidence but it is. also not to mention his eyes are wide open, he didnt kiss her back, and he couldnt say he loves her to her face.

3. this tweet

i dont blame people who dont read into social media posts about byler. i normally dont but like come on why did they tweet this lmao there’s no other meaning to this than implying hes afraid of the idea of liking girls sexually.

those are the biggest things for me personally. theres lots of other shit with wills feelings but i just focused on mike. sorry that was kinda long but id love to hear what you think after this!

#stranger things #byler #byler tumblr #stranger things 4 #eden answers

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kashimos-hajime · 3 years

Text

no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care.

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up.

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time.

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that.

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms.

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone.

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile.

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

Distantly, he remembers flashes.

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted.

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.”

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing.

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows.

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it?

It has to be.

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality.

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him.

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing.

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up.

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks.

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field.

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop.

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you.

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything.

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing.

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner.

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach.

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years.

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise.

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.”

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.”

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off.

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you.

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head.

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

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