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bellisperennis0 · 4 years

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See You Sometime

Word Count: 2,785

Warning: Slight spoiler to Season 1 x Episode 5 (Uch/Opossum), mention of blood and bullet wound.

A/N: This one is on the longer side. As always Thank you for reading and hope you enjoy! ❤️ GIF credit to @seventhdevil

Walking down the long Hospital hall on your way outside for a well needed breather after a long and chaotic morning, you stop when you turn the corner into one of the many lobbies. Outside the double doors you can see Frankie Rogan and Ezekiel Reyes having a very intense conversation.

The talk all over the Hospital floor, when you arrived for your shift, was how Emily Galindo had been admitted early in the morning after an incident in Merchant Square caused her to get injured. You prayed that Ezekiel wasn’t trying to sneak his way in to see Emily, but you knew EZ better than anyone and you knew that was exactly what he was trying to do.

You watched as Frankie and EZ made their way down the corridor, entering the X-Ray Room at the end of the hall. Once they were both out of sight you decided to make your way down to the room. Seeing Frankie walk out shortly after, you called out to him.

“Hay, Rogan!” you called for him as you watched him look around to find who was calling him. When he spotted you at the other end of the hall, he gave you a big smile, making his way towards you.

“Holy Shit!! Never thought I would be seeing that beautiful face of yours around here again.” He says as he approaches you, making you giggle.

“It’s nice to see you, Frankie.” You tell him as you throw your arms around him, taking him into a hug.

“Shit, it’s so good to see you.” He tells you as he hugs you back.

“So, was that Ezekiel you just helped sneak in to see Emily?” you ask him as you step back, crossing your arms across your chest.

“I know [y/n] I told him it was a fucked up idea, he insisted he needed to see her.” He tells you

“Do you know what happened to her?” you asked him. You have heard many stories about what happened, but you knew Frankie was the officer on the call so he would know more of what truly happened to Emily.

“Shit went down at Merchant Square. A nun was beaten to death and placed in the church for all the festival goers to find. Apparently Emily went in during the chaos and ended up getting trampled in the middle of it all. Believe it was retaliation from Los Olvidados.” He tells you and you couldn’t even imagine what Emily was going through.

“Shit! First her son is taken from her and now this. Tough being the wife of a much hated Cartel leader.” You tell him. As much as you never really liked Emily growing up, your heart aches for her and everything that has happened to her these last few weeks.

Just then you hear someone call your name. Looking over to were the voice came from, you find EZ standing in the door way of the X-Ray Room.

“I gotta go, let you two catch up.” Rogan tells you

“Yeah? Okay. It’s really good to see you again, Rogan.” You tell him as you give him a hug goodbye.

“It’s really good to see you again, beautiful.” He tells you as he begins to make his way down the hall.

“Be safe out there.” You yell back at him.

“You know it!” he turns to give you a wink before disappearing behind the double doors.

Taking a deep breath you finally turn your attention back to Ezekiel. Before you can react or say anything, EZ is quickly taking you into a warm embrace.

“Hey, EZ.” You whisper as you hug him back.

“I can’t believe it really is you.” He says as he pulls away slightly, but not completely letting you go.

“It’s really me.” You tell him, giving him a sad smile.

“You look really good [y/n]. It’s really good to see you again.” He tells you, finally releasing you from his embrace.

“Prospect huh. Was that Angel’s doing?” you ask him as you gently tug at his kutte. Disappointment evident in your voice and on your face.

“Only thing I had when I got out, [y/n].” he admits as he stares at his boots.

“I highly doubt that. And sneaking around to see Emily Galindo while El Jefe and his thugs are camped out here. You are smarter than that Ezekiel.” You scolded him. The last thing you wanted to do was to yell at EZ about his decisions, but as his friend, you felt like he needed to know how dumb his decision was.

“I know, I know. Rogan told me the same thing. I just needed to know for myself that she was okay.” He shyly tells you as he grabs the sides of his kutte.

“Look, I really need to get back to work. It was really good seeing you EZ.” You tell him as you take him into another hug.

“I’m glad you are home, Hermosa.” He hugs you back, placing a kiss to your forehead.

“I’ll see you around.” You tell him as you begin to make your way down the hall heading back to your office. EZ standing there watching until you were out of sight, before leaving.

----------

After an exhausting couple of weeks at the hospital, you were beyond ecstatic to have a couple days off to do absolutely nothing. It had been a few weeks since you had made a visit to see Felipe, and you were yearning for some of his fatherly love. After making a quick stop at the coffee shop across the street, you make your way to Felipe’s shop. Walking in you didn’t see him behind the counter, but the second the bell above the door was heard, you heard his voice come from the back room.

“Hay Pop!” you yell back after you hear him say he will be right with you.

It didn’t take long before he appeared from the back room, smile plastered on his face at the sight of you.

“Mija!” he ecstatically says as he takes you into his arms.

“Hay Pop! How are you!?” you ask him as you tightly hug him back

“I’m good sweetheart. How are you?” he asks you as you grumble, taking a sip of your coffee.

“I’m okay. Hospital has been really busy. Which is good but just really exhausting.” You tell him as you take a seat at the table.

“EZ told me he saw you the other day.” He tells you as he takes a seat across from you.

“Did he also tell you he was at the Hospital to see Emily Galindo, with Miguel not too far away.” You tell him rolling your eyes, and he just scoffs.

“I had heard what happened to Emily, so when he said he was at the hospital; I figured that was why he was there.” He says.

“Does Angel know I am back?” you finally blurt out the question you have been dying to know.

“He does. I couldn’t keep that secret from him.” he tells you and you just nod.

You were honestly surprised that Angel had known, but you have yet to see him. You figured as soon as Angel found out you were back he would be kicking down every door in Santo Padre just to see you again.

As you were sitting there chatting with Felipe, your phone began to ring. Looking at the screen there was no name, but the number was one you remembered all too well, Ezekiel’s.

“Hay EZ!” you answered.

“Are you at work, [y/n]?” he asks you.

“No. I’m at the Butcher shop with Pop. Is everything okay Ezekiel?” you can hear the concern in EZ’s voice and a bunch of yelling and chaos in the background.

“I hate to do this, but one of the guys got injured and we can’t get him across the border…” EZ began but you were quick to cut him off.

“Where are you? I’ll come to you!” you tell him, getting up from your seat, Felipe following your lead.

“Clubhouse. Pop can bring you. I really appreciate this, querida.” he tells you

“No problem. I’ll be there shortly.” You tell him before hanging up.

----------

Walking up to the Clubhouse, medical bag in hand and Felipe right behind you, your nerves were running havoc. It wasn’t the fact that there was every possibility that you will be face to face with Angel again, but the simple fact that this place was the reason you had left both Angel and Santo Padre all those years ago.

Once you heard yelling coming from inside the Clubhouse, you pushed all the nerves to the side and quickly went into Doctor mode. Walking into the Clubhouse you take in the chaos before you. Men in kuttes running around like chickens with their heads cut off, blood all over the floor, and one man on the pool table screaming in agony with four others trying their best to calm him.

Quickly making your way to the table you push in-between two of the men and take a look over at the man with a bullet hole in his shoulder. Not taking any notice that Angel was standing just on the other side of the table.

“You the Doc?” the man on top of the pool table with the bullet in his shoulder asks you.

“Yeah, that’s me!” you tell him as you look over his shoulder and then rummaging through your medical bag.

“I’m not going to lie. This is going to fucking suck and hurt like all hell, but I will do my best to be quick. I have nothing to give you for the pain or to numb it so you’re going to have to bear with me.” You tell him with a reassuring smile, as you put on your gloves.

“Just do what you need to.” He tells you and you can tell he relaxed a little at your words.

For the next ten minutes you worked on the man, who you learned was named Creeper. Wiping the beat of sweat from your forehead you look over your work. It wasn’t the best, but under the circumstances it will do.

“Good news, you get to keep your arm. Bad news, you won’t be able to ride for a few weeks.” You tell him as you finish up bandaging his shoulder.

“Thanks doc, you are a godsend.” He tells you

“I’ll take you to the back bathroom so you can clean up.” You hear EZ say from behind you.

Following EZ to the back, your heart skips a beat when you make eye contact with Angel from across the room. You give him a small smile before disappearing down the hall.

As you were cleaning up, you heard the bathroom door open and then close and without looking up you knew exactly who entered the room. The scent of his cologne wafting through the room a dead giveaway. You could feel his gaze on you.

“Querida?” you barely hear him whisper, your heart clenching at the all too familiar name. Closing your eyes you take a deep breath before turning to finally face Angel.

“Angel.” You finally say, placing your hands into your back pockets. Doing your best to keep your emotions at bay.

“For once Pop didn’t lie to me. You really are back.” You can see him go through every emotion.

“It’s really good to see you.” Your voice slightly cracking as you fight back the lump forming in your throat.

“Yeah, you to. You look good.” He tells you.

You both jump slightly when there was a knock on the door and EZ’s voice can be heard from the other side.

“Angel, Bishop needs you in Templo.” You sigh in relief at EZ’s interruption, cutting the tension between you and Angel for a second.

You can see the irritation in Angel’s face, “Go. It’s okay!” you tell him as you turn back to the sink and finish cleaning up. You hear him sigh and then the bathroom door open. Clenching the bathroom sink you take a deep breath, trying your best to fight back the urge to sob. You jump when you felt a hand on your shoulder, looking up you see EZ standing there in the mirror.

“You alright?” he asks you, you just nod.

“I just need to get out of here.” You sniffle as you grab your things.

“Pop will take you back.” He tells you as you both make your way to the main room.

When you walk into the main room, the guys were all piling into Templo, but Bishop stopped when he saw you walking out from the back.

“Thank you again for everything you did. We owe you sweetheart.” He tells you as he gives you a hug.

“It’s nothing. I’ll be by sometime tomorrow to check on him, if that’s okay?” you ask him and he just nods and gives you a smile.

“That would be great. Get home safe.” He says before joining the rest of the guys in Templo, EZ quick to close the glass door behind him.

--------

Arriving at the Clubhouse after you shift at the Hospital, you walked in to find Angel sitting out on the front porch enjoying a beer, a cigarette between his lips.

“Hey, Angel.” You say as you lean against the porch railing.

“Querida. Good to see you again.” He says as he stubs out his cigarette.

“Good to see you to. Just stopped by to check on Creeper.” You tell him as you point towards the Clubhouse door.

“Gilly took him to Vicki’s. Says he can recover better there.” He chuckled.

You furrow your brows, “Oh I bet! Guess he isn’t feeling too bad then.”

“Seemed perfectly fine this morning. You really do have the magic touch, doc.” He gives you a smile.

“I should probably go then. Glad to hear he’s doing okay.” You tell him as you begin to make your way down the porch. Angel quick to his feet, gently grabbing your wrist, stopping you.

“Can we please talk?” he ask you and you can see the sincerity in his face.

You sigh, “Yeah. Okay.” You say as you follow him back to the sofa he was previously sitting on.

“I’m sorry, for everything. All the lies, the secrets, going behind your back, pushing you away. All of it! I hated that you just walked away, but I then realized that all this was on me. I left you no other choice, I forced you to leave and for that I will never forgive myself. I know how much you despised the MC, after everything you dealt with growing up in one, and then here I was joining the MC behind your back and lying about it. I’m forever sorry, Querida.” He laid it all out for you. Wiping the tears from your cheeks, finally looking up at Angel, you can see the unshed tears in his eyes.

“That fight we had that morning Angel, that was the last straw for me. I was pouring everything out to you and you just up and walked out the door. Putting the MC before me, before us. Not to mention we were either avoiding each other or we were constantly arguing. It was no longer a happy, loving relationship.” You tell him as you wipe the tears from your face.

Before he could respond the Clubhouse door opened and a beautiful female came out.

“Angel.” She called for him. He quickly cleared his throat and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Yeah, mi dulce.” You hear him say and your head shoots up at the familiar term of endearment he used to call you. You looked at him and then back at her, and knew right away that there was definitely something between them. Your heart slightly aching at the thought

“We got to go.” She tells him as she makes her way down the porch and towards the black car parked in the yard.

“Okay, I’ll be right there.” He calls after her.

“I should really get home.” You say as you get up.

“Yeah, okay. Thank you again for helping out last night.” He tells you as he walks you down the porch towards your car.

“See you around, Reyes.” You tell him as you give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Take care of yourself, Querida.” He gives you a smile as he watched you get into your car.

As you drive off the yard, you watch as Angel and that part of your life disappear in your rear view mirror.

--xx

#angel reyes #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes imagine #mayans mc #mayans mc x reader #mayans mc imagine #🖤

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 years

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I’m listening to this Prometheus thing that’s on Frankie Boyle’s website. The first volume was about an hour of amazingly funny stand-up that I can’t believe I’d never heard before. I recognized a few of the jokes from other things I’ve seen him do, but a lot of them were brand new to me even though I’d previously done my best to watch/listen to all the Frankie Boyle material I could find (New World Order, all his stand-up DVDs, lots of his panel show appearances, and I even broke my usual rule of hating all non-Tumblr social media to sometimes read his Twitter feed).

The 55 minutes of audio were amazingly consistent; almost every joke made me laugh. You know how the existence of Mock the Week’s “Too Hot for TV Extras” makes you say, “Wait, given how incredibly offensive Frankie was in the original cut of those episodes, how can there be a bunch more footage of Frankie saying stuff that was too offensive to make that edit?” But then you watch it, and you say, “Oh all right, I see how Frankie managed to be even more offensive than he was in the Mock the Week episodes that actually aired.” And then you watch New World Order, and say, “Oh shit, the BBC has clearly now accepted who Frankie Boyle is and given him a show in which they don’t make him hold back at all, all those edgy jokes that Mock the Week relegated to extras make up this whole actual show!” (By the way, throughout this paragraph, by “you” I mean “me”; I don’t know what your personal journey through the works of Frankie Boyle has been like, but I hope it’s been enjoyable.)

Well, volume 1 of Prometheus was the “Too Hot for TV Extras” version of New World Order. Took all the jokes that were too fucked up for the version of Frankie Boyle who was on his own show where he’d already been given freer reign, and put them into an mp3 file that can be found for free on his website. I enjoyed it so much. Thank you, @tobes-official, for posting about this so I could see that I was missing out on all this good stuff.

I’m now about an hour and a half into volume two, which is just over five hours in total. This is a sort of audiobook-like thing in which Frankie reads out loud a selection of his Guardian columns from over the years. It’s the other side of Frankie Boyle, the side that lets you know all those jokes aimed at powerful people and systems do come from the mind of someone who actually understands the complex ways in which those people and systems are awful. It’s obviously a whole lot more thoughtful and analytical and serious-point-making than volume 1, because, you know, The Guardian. I almost added that it’s less horrifying and offensive, but I don’t think it is. Because this volume talks about what’s actually going on in the actual world, and I think that’s more horrifying and offensive than making jokes about the queen engaging in depraved sex acts or whatever.

Hearing these things one after another is pretty cool, because it reminds me of why Frankie Boyle is one of my absolute favourite famous people. I really love both sides of him. Both those sides can seem contradictory, and are often not both found in the same person. So often, offensive comedy is the domain of the assholes who think saying horrifying things about marginalized groups makes them some sort of edgy anti-establishment hero and... okay this description of the type of comedian I mean is taking too long, I’m just going to say Joe Rogan. The point is that I love seeing that comedy with such a hard edge on it can be used for good. And that speaking up for the powerless against the powerful can doesn’t have to be sanitized, in fact it shouldn’t be sanitized, and it can be done very well through dark and angry material.

During the 2.5-ish hours I’ve so far spent listening to this collection of audio (I’ve checked, and the whole thing is about nine hours, with a third volume that’s almost one hour and a fourth volume that’s almost two hours, and I do not know what the hell those volumes contain but I look forward to finding out), I’ve heard a lot of really, really good quotable lines. Lines that I think are worth repeating because they’re incredibly funny, or because they’re an incredibly accurate and insightful take on politics, or because they define something about the way I see the world that I haven’t been able to properly put into words, or all of the above. I’ve sort of thought I should keep track of all the best quotable lines, write them all down in a Word document, but I’m sorry to say I haven’t done that. There are just so many of them that if I tried to record them all, I’d be stopping the audio every couple of minutes to write something down. And I don’t want to do that, I just want to enjoy it.

But just now, I heard a line that struck a chord so deep within me that I just had to write it down. And then I had to write a whole explanation for why I was writing it down, and that’s how this post was born. I paused the audio so I could write this whole post, just as a way to give context for this one quote that I feel the need to record here. To be honestly, it’s not the funniest of all his funny lines, or the most intelligent of all his sharp political commentary (I mean, it is a smart and funny line, just not top of the pile by the standards of this material). But I think it does define something about the way I see the world that I haven’t been able to properly put into words before. It just beautifully captures the hard-to-capture sense of hopelessness that goes with living in a world where it’s so exhausting to hate all the bad things, and it doesn’t even do any good because most of the things we hate in our day-to-day lives are so tiny compared to the actual forces that are fucking up the world. But what are we supposed to do, not hate the bad things? That just doesn’t work. So we exhaust ourselves by hating bad things and don’t even win a moral victory because those things aren’t even the real problem. And again, by “we”, I mean “me”. Anyway here’s the quote:

“We all live in a war economy that launders criminal money and sells arms. Are some of us really morally superior because we don’t like Top Gear?” - Frankie Boyle

When I wrote the name “Joe Rogan” earlier in this post, I could easily have written the name “Jeremy Clarkson” instead. But would it have mattered if I’d done that? Does anything matter? These are the sort of questions I ask myself after listening to 2.5 hours of Frankie Boyle.

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starrynite7114 · 4 years

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things you never knew: six

A/N: Good evening everyone! It’s been a ridiculous last few days, been working a lot and have not been able to finish the requests. But, this was done and I just want to give you all something before I post the requests. Hope you guys are having a wonderful week thus far!

Enjoy!

TYNK: Characters one : two : three : four : five

Word count: 6268

Masterlist

Request tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic : @ifoundmyhappythought : @carlaangel86 : @woahitslucyylu : @encounterthepast : @enamoured-x : @whyisgmora : @briana-mishell24 : @bribri-82 : @briannab1234 : @chibsytelford : @agirllovespasta : @twistnet : @everyhowlmarksthedead : @trulysuccubus : @jadert15 : @sammskellington : @cind-in-real-life : @claytoncardenasbabymama : @sadeyesgf : @thickemadame : @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass : @gemini0410 : @elcococruz : @samcrobae : @sesamepancakes : @iambabyharry : @blackmissfrizzle : @soamayansfangirl : @1-800-imagines : @phoenixhalliwell : @lady-pswrld : @dazzledamazon : @getyourcrayoncas : @fvckthisbxtchup : @lukealvxz : @scuzmunkie : @lilac-tea-time : @danie1432 : @cocotheclown : @soaronmywings : @my-rosegold-soul : @buttercup812 : @itskiranbitch : @angelreyesgirl : @sheeshgivemeabreak : @vicmackeybullshxt : @bigcreatorwombatdreamer : @khyharah : @strawberrywritings : @cherry-icetea : @fuzzy-jellyfish : @losolvidad0s : @brownsugarcoffy : @courtrae89 : @prdsdjarin : @blessedboo : @marvelmaree : @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat : @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead : @thesandbeneathmytoes : @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind : @maddie-georges

Anyone who wants to be added to the tag list, please leave a message below or message me!

“Ever needs surgery.” Bishop informed Jin as they sat at Templo. His daughter. The one he had no knowledge of till her mother came to him, begging for help. Ever had a heart condition that required multiple surgeries. Her first one was when she was only a few months old. Karina, her mother, never told Bishop about Ever, knowing that she would never fit that lifestyle.

But things changed all the time.

“I’m willing to help you, hermano, especially after taking care of my niece. But I need a favor in return.” Jin took out his checkbook, writing a hundred thousand dollars with such ease, it made Bishop uncomfortable. “I need you to frame Ailee, and I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Frame Ailee?”

“Your weapons and drugs, store it in her coffee shop, I’ll call the police and take care of everything from there.”

Bishop’s stomach dropped. Ailee was the kid he watched grow up with Angel. They were two peas in a pod, hard to separate. She turned her back on the family business to stay with Angel in Santo Padre. How can he punish her for such loyalty? Then Ever flashed before his eyes, frowning at this harsh decision he was faced.

Angel and Ailee would never forgive him.

But what they don’t know won’t hurt them.

He had to do this for Ever.

“When shall I set it up?”

It broke Bishop’s heart, but he rather not cross Jin Rivera, he may be a part of a secret organization, but he knew that if he truly wanted to, he could wipe off the Mayans as if they never existed.

“You’ve made a good choice Bishop, it’s the reason you’re club president.”

“Ailee would never forgive you if she found out.”

“Well, me and you are the only person who knows. I would never disclose this with her, so I guess it depends on you if you would.” Jin slid the check over. “Whenever you need money, I will wire it to an account. I’m here for you hermano. I know doing this to Ailee isn’t ideal, but this is the best for her. She doesn’t belong in Santo Padre. You’ve seen her abilities.”

“Just like Angel’s brother.” Bishop knew that was the main reason Jin wanted Ailee. She had photographic memory, much like EZ but it was ridiculous how well it was. He’s seen it in action before. She could memorize pages of notes and recite it back to you verbatim. Her memory was impeccable and he may have used her skills in Vegas a few times.

“Have you told her?”

Jin sighed. “I think it’s best she never finds out.”

Bishop nodded his head.

“If Angel wishes to send her any letters, please let me know so I can give you an address.”

“So you can intercept?”

“Ailee is better off with us. There’s nothing in Santo Padre for her.”

“Don’t you think that’s her decision to make?”

“Yes, well, that’s why I have to twist her hand. Staying in Santo Padre would put you in danger as well. Theo hasn’t made a move, but he eventually will.”

“Her half brother?”

“Theo always has an obsession with Ailee. He was the first one to figure out she had photographic memory. It’s what made him interested in her.” Jin couldn’t put his finger on it but Theo at least had some underlying mental illness that was undiagnosed. He was always a kid who kept to himself, very hard to make him smile, but when he met Ailee, he changed. He always wanted to be around her, he dotted after her. It was endearing, until he heard him scold her when she didn’t want to memorize a transcript for him. He reeled himself in, but that’s when Jin knew something was off. Jin brushed it off until one of Ailee’s teachers told her parents of her extraordinary skill. They tried to keep it from Jin, but he found out and Theo’s scolding made sense then.

“Theo isn’t her real brother, from what you told me, it would seem to me that Ailee was beneath him.”

“That’s the thing, Theo is her actual blood brother.”

“What?” Bishop was surprised by this revelation.

“Ailee’s biological mother is Theo’s mother. She knew her husband would kill Ailee, so she gave her to her lover. It was the time Theo’s father had a stint in jail, ten months. He never even knew she was pregnant, which was why Ailee was able to come there when she was younger.”

“And you saved the day and gave her to your brother?” Bishop snickered. “It’s not like she was any better there.”

“I don’t expect for you to understand our methods, but my brother and sister in law loved Ailee in their own way.”

“Do you love Ailee?”

“Yes, yes I do.”

=============

Angel chuckled as Officer Rogan made his way out of Vicky’s place after another shot rang out. After his sit down with Ailee earlier, he definitely needed some R&R and Vicky’s place was the place to get it.

“How was your talk with Lee?” EZ questioned as he took Gilly’s seat on the table.

“It was fine,” Angel shook his head, letting go of the girl that was standing beside him. It felt odd talking about Ailee while he was holding another woman.

EZ wanted to discuss Melody, to learn about his niece, but he knew this was hardly the time and place.

“So is she as psychotic as Vince made her out to be?”

“No,” Angel sighed. “I don’t know.” How could he even determine that? When he spoke to her, she was different, but it’s been five years. He was certain whatever Maquina had her doing, it changed her. He saw the scars all over her hands, but they weren’t much.

Maybe he was still in denial?

“Did you ever watch the tapes Vince sent you?”

Vince sent Creeper tapes when this whole ordeal started. He wanted to show him just how heartless his sister had become, that maybe if Angel saw it, he would understand just how far the deep end she had gone. But who was he to judge someone? He wasn’t an angel himself.

“No, did you?”

“I did,” EZ nodded his head. “Shit in there is fucking brutal man, I don’t know how she can fucking sleep at night.”

“Worse than what we saw with the samoan?”

“She’s up to par with Galindo,” EZ wasn’t exaggerating, he watched one of Ailee’s men skin a guy alive as Ailee watched. She didn’t blink, flinch or anything, she just watched as the man cried in agony. She burned the body afterwards with a fucking lighter.

“You two talking about Baby Lee?” Coco questioned. “I can’t believe her kill count,” Coco shook his head. It’s not like he didn’t think women were capable of killing, but this was Ailee, it hit too close to home.

“None of us can.” Creeper chimed in. He had a talk with his cousins afterwards, who wanted to talk to him about Ailee’s daughter, Melody. They requested for him to keep things between them as Ailee didn’t want anyone to know about her daughter till she was ready. But he was family, so they had to tell him. This, they couldn’t keep from him, but Ailee becoming one of them, they totally could keep for years. He wasn’t happy with them, but right now, he had to play their game in order to get through Ailee.

They focused on the poker game then, messing with Creeper who was obviously taking his sweet ass time to recover. Angel couldn’t blame him, he wouldn’t mind being in here and not dealing with all the webs they had entangled. He knew no secret could remain a secret for long, but man was he hoping that many things remained a secret.

There was a knock on the door that broke everyone from their reverie. They didn’t expect anyone else to come unless Frankie was standing by his threat earlier. Riz went to the door, opening it and found Jin Rivera with Ailee trailing behind him. Angel immediately moved away from the woman that was standing beside him causing EZ, Gilly, and Coco to laugh at his failed attempt to look innocent in front of a woman who more than likely didn’t even notice the other woman.

“Jin, what are you doing here?” Bishop questioned, making his way over to the door.

“We heard gunshots, thought it came from here.” They all knew it was a lie, but it was good enough for Vicky and the girls to clear the room.

“Just roaming around the neighborhood?” Bishop quirked an eyebrow. He looked over at Ailee who was watching Jin’s back, a gun in her hand, an assault rifle to be more exact.

“Scouting,” Jin shrugged. “Do you know how far it is from here?”

“Maybe a few miles,” Riz estimated. “You guys going hunting?”

“Something like that,” Jin turned to Ailee who remained by the open doorway, he whispered a few words to her before turning back to the MC. “Vicky’s neighbors, do they carry guns?” The MC could see Ailee take out her cell phone and step away from her uncle. Angel wanted to go after her, but he didn’t want to bypass Jin.

“They’re all about guns,” Tranq chuckled. He eyed Ailee’s gun, brows furrowing. Were they going to waste the Reid family? “You two going to need some help?”

“No, I have Lee,” Jin turned back to Ailee who was still on the phone. “Figured you guys would be here, we were headed to Vicky’s neighbors when we heard the shots.”

“What business do you have with them?” Taza questioned.

Ailee stepped into view once again behind her uncle. They noticed that she was wearing an all black get up. “We heard about their patriotism, wanted to check it out.” She smirked. “I’ll leave you here, I’ll go survey the area. Any tunnels nearby?”

“No,” Bishop answered, giving Jin a questioning look. “You’re sniffing in our backyard, I feel that we have the right to know what the hell is going on?”

“We have a colleague here, just want to make sure he’s safe.” Ailee answered for Jin. “You boys have a great night, remember to wrap it up.” She winked at them before making her way out of the door again.

“Where the fuck are you going?” Angel followed after her then, not letting her uncle or any of his brothers eyes bother him.

“To do my job, Ignacio,” he cringed at her choice of name, indicating she was not exactly happy with his outburst.

“The fuck you are,” he caught up to her, grabbing her arm. He turned her towards him and placed his other hand on her other arm. “You can’t go out there alone, it’s dark, you hate the dark.” It was idiotic reasoning he knew that, but it was what he came up with.

“Can’t hate the dark when you’ve let it consume you.” She shrugged off his grip then. She took out some glasses from her jacket and put it on.

“At this time at night? Baby, you don’t know what’s out there.”

“I’ve dealt with worst, I’m just scouting the area Angel, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“No.”

“That wasn’t a fucking choice.”

“Angel,” they both turned towards the house and found Bishop and Jin standing by the stairs. “Let her go, she needs to work.”

“Prez, we can’t let her go out there alone, I don’t give a fuck what we read on that report, but she isn’t going out there by herself.”

“She’s one of my best Angel, it would be insulting if I didn’t let her go by herself.” Jin reasoned.

Angel wasn’t budging and Ailee knew there was no way she was leaving unless he was going with her.

“Can you just show him the feed so he can see I’m alive?” Ailee offered. She knew Angel’s protectiveness came from their years together and Melody. She always thought of Melody, which was why she wasted everyone to assure her survival.

“What feed?” Angel turned to her.

Ailee pointed at her eye. “I’m wearing a camera, it’s connected to my uncle’s phone. You can watch me while I survey the area. I’m sure the cops are already at the area where the shooting happened, I just need to see if an acquaintance of ours is around as well.”

“And who is that acquaintance?”

“None of your fucking business.” Ailee turned around then, making her way in the desert. “Liv, drone nearby?”

“Way ahead of you.” Olivia replied, the buzzing of the drone was heard by Ailee as it went in front of her, the line at the belly of the drone providing some light for Ailee in the distance. “We need to clean the area before the cops see that body, Cole’s acquaintances are becoming a liability.”

Ailee took out her guns. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “We waste these guys soon. Place a call to Cole.”

“Hold.” Olivia’s drown went further, leaving Ailee in the dark. The flashback hitting her before she could even control it.

=============

“Theo please, open the door.” Ailee tried her best to control her tears, but she couldn’t.

“We cannot let fear overcome us.” Theo’s voice resounded through the empty chamber he created for Ailee.

No windows.

No source of light whatsoever.

Every six nights, Theo locked her in, to get her used to the dark. To acclimate to the dark. To face her fears.

“And why do we face our fears?”

“Because a killer fears nothing.”

“There is nothing frightening about the dark, Ailee. The dark enables you to become invisible, to kill people without being seen. Once our plan is in motion, you can kill our competitors without being detected and you can take your rightful place beside me.”

The dark was consuming, suffocating Ailee as if she had no escape. She sat down, closing her eyes, sitting crossed legged. She tried to calm her breathing, zoning out the voices in her head telling her that there was something lurking around her.

Theo was conditioning her to become something she never wanted to become.

If she wanted to survive, she had to do it.

So she could see Angel again.

=============

“Ailee!” Olivia’s screaming broke her out of her reverie.

“Sorry.” Ailee sighed, scolding herself for letting such a memory befall on her when she was all alone in the middle of the desert.

“It’s the memory again?”

“What memory?” Angel’s voice ran through the comms pissing of Ailee.

“What is this? He’s not a part of Maquina.” Ailee hissed.

“I gave him permission.” Jin informed her. “Have you seen the body?”

“No point on going, the cop is there.” Olivia informed them.

“Ailee, retreat, we’ll handle this tomorrow.” Jin was not pleased, that much Ailee could tell.

Fucking Cole.

=============

Ailee looked at the car that parked beside her in the outskirts of Santo Padre.

Pure desert.

She slipped out of her car along with Andrew and Janine behind her, their guest slipped out of theirs.

“Cole, I told you those racist motherfuckers were going to make too much noise.” Janine immediately went in, making Cole chuckle.

“In my defense, Andrew led them my way.”

“Hey fuck you, you trying to say I’m racist?” Andrew glared at the man before him.

Cole rolled his eyes. “Ease up Ukraine, I was joking.” He looked over at Ailee. “Can I at least get a hello or some shit? I’ve had to deal with these imbeciles for seven fucking months, I deserve some appreciation.”

Ailee rolled her eyes and gave her old mentor a hug. Cole was a part of Maquina and ran the military division. He recruited in the military, training them as mercenaries for Maquina and other personal contractors who wanted their services.

“I had to neck check your baby daddy, but I figured that’s not an issue since I heard about you twos fight the other day.” Janine and Andrew chuckled at Cole’s words. Ailee looked over at them and they immediately went mum, looking anywhere but her. “He needs to mind his business Lee.”

“Technically, drug trafficking is their business.” Ailee sighed. “You have to waste them, they’ve out served their purpose. Uncle Jin is sniffing around now.”

“Can’t you do the clean up? I have business in Los Angeles the next few days.”

“We’re not doing your bitch work for you.” Janine scoffed.

“It’s not bitch work, thought you would be itching to put a bullet in someone. How long has it been? Four months?” Cole questioned. “I’m gift wrapping them for you, waste them and I’ll consider us even for Morocco.”

“This hardly makes us even, Morocco was a fucking shit show.” Janine snapped.

“Olivia is alive isn’t she?”

“Yeah, well she almost fucking died, so you should waste them for us and we call it even.” Ailee interjected before Janine could reply. “It’s an order Cole, as your commanding officer, you should waste the Reid family.”

“Well, as my commanding officer, you should help clean up my mess that I pursued at your behest, so I guess that puts it out of my hands.” Cole smirked. “Come on Lee, I got family business in Los Angeles, I would do it otherwise, especially with how much they’ve irritated me these last few days.’

“This doesn’t happen again, next time you pick some racist bastards, at least be smart about it. Oh that’s right, white supremacy is hardly intelligent.”

“You’re fucking telling me.” Cole shook his head. “So, how was the talk?”

Ailee rolled her eyes groaning. “Not fucking you too.” Andrew and Janine laughed.

“Hey, I’m glad Mel got to finally meet her father.” Cole knew of the situation with Ailee and Angel. He was sent here a few times to try and sway Ailee to Maquina. He saw the potential in her, that killer instinct was second to none. But at the same time, he knew why it was so hard to sway her. Losing your soul was a big part of becoming a killer. The less empathic and merciful you were, the better. Ailee was incredibly empathic and she hated the thought of becoming a killer.

Then he ran into her after Melody was born and it was a different fucking person. He watched all two hundred something kills. It wasn’t that it shook him, killing was a part of his job. But to see how she turned from this young woman who was against everything Maquina stood for to becoming the top dog? It was an eerie sight.

“So am I.” Ailee kept it short, she didn’t owe anyone any explanation when it came to Angel. “So, any intel?” Even though she fabricated the whole thing regarding Theo, it seemed that Theo has been sniffing around in Mexico, just not as worrying as she reported to her uncle.

“He provided the weapons for the Reid family. They apparently bought it from a third party who has been distributing Theo’s weapons in America.” Cole opened his trunk and inside were ten cases of guns, all high power rifles that should not be used by civilians. There was no reason for civilians to have such high-power automated weapons.

“Do we know the third party?”

“Yeah, Miguel Galindo.”

“Galindo? I thought he was all about the heroin?” Andrew looked over at Ailee who shrugged.

“I don’t have any care for the Galindo’s, but now, they’ve just appeared on my radar.” Ailee shook her head. “It can’t be Galindo. He might sell him weapons, but Galindo is far too preoccupied with heroin.”

“It’s the Sons of Anarchy.” Cole ran his hand over his head. “The IRA gets their weapons from Defande. It’s the sons.”

“What is up with motorcycle clubs? Are we missing something?” Janine questioned.

“Inconspicuous. They know how to hide things. No one actually believes they’re motorcycle enthusiasts, which is why they’re so good at hiding things.” Ailee explained. “But they’re sloppy and drink far too much alcohol, we can train people better to work under our command than use them.” Ailee knew this wasn’t true, but she much rather not involve them.

“We’ll waste them tonight.”

=============

The Mayans moved closer to the house, the eerie silence was slightly unnerving. All the lights were on, their vehicles were all here, yet, there was no sound coming from anywhere.

They heard the shots, Dennis screaming as the shots rang out.

“Get the fuck away from me!” They heard him shout as the front door opened.

They all watched as Dennis ran out, the person following him lifted their Mk 18, a gun Coco immediately recognized. It was deadly, efficient and light, making it quite easy to use. The gun was resting against their shoulder, stabilizing the gun. Before they could even blink, a few rounds rang out, Dennis almost immediately falling to the ground. The Mayans all pointed their gun at the shooter, their face covered by a black ski mask, blacked out glasses covering their eyes. The shooter looked at them, as they took off their glasses, slipping it in their pocket.

Angel knew those eyes anywhere.

“River, the house is cleared. Cleaners are on their way.” They heard a voice come from inside the house.

“Who the fuck are you?” Bishop demanded, his AK 47 pointed towards the shooter’s head.

“Ailee.” All the Mayans turned towards Angel when he uttered her name.

Ailee took off her ski mask and the collective gasp that the Mayan men took was nothing short of impressive.

Angel was right.

Ailee smirked, tucking her ski mask in her back pocket. “Good evening boys, hunting?”

They watched as three people came out behind her two women and a man. EZ locked eyes with Olivia, shocked to find her in black gear like the rest of the people with her.

“Did you find it?” Ailee’s eyes remained on the Mayans as she asked her team behind her.

Andrew’s eyes remained on the Mayans, unsure of what to make of the situation. It wouldn’t be difficult to eliminate them, but he knew they were familiar with Ailee.

“Nothing of significance. Is there a problem here?”

“Yes, there is, you’re in our backyard without our knowledge.” Bishop was surprised to see Ailee coming out of the house, even more so when she killed Dennis in cold blood.

“I wasn’t aware we needed permission to be in Santo Padre.” Janine scoffed, the gun pointed on the men on the left side of Ailee while Andrew’s gun was pointed at the right side of Ailee.

“Olivia, what the fuck is going on here?” EZ demanded.

Ailee felt for Olivia, knowing this wasn’t exactly how she wanted EZ to find out. Angel couldn’t believe Ailee was holding a fucking gun. Whenever they would go to a carnival, she would struggle tremendously with shooting games.

Now, she not only exhibited perfect aim, she was so comfortable with the gun.

“EZ, I can explain, right now just isn’t the right time.” Olivia grimaced, not knowing how she could even begin to explain their current situation.

“Take Olivia to the car.” Ailee ordered, making an out for Olivia.

Janine looked at the Mayans at her side then at Ailee. “Are these the men you were involved with?”

“Yes, now go.”

Janine led Olivia to the car, EZ making a move to follow after her, but the red dot on his forehead made Bishop halt his steps.

“Ailee, what the fuck is going on here?” It was now Angel who demanded some answers. Bishop, Hank and Taza all knew what was going on. Their hunch was all but confirmed. The information that they were fed by Ailee’s brother’s didn’t sink in, almost impossible for them to think that Ailee was crafted onto the perfect killing machine, but it made sense. Everyone knew of Ailee’s difficult childhood.

Things just fell into place.

“My brother fed you the information, you’re not an idiot, you know what’s going on.” Ailee turned to Andrew, gesturing for him to stand down. “Go to the car, we have to go to San Diego to be debriefed. Cole will meet us there.” The Mayans eyebrows furrowed, it was odd to hear Ailee speak a foreign language. It wasn’t Spanish or English that was for sure.

Angel and EZ weren’t surprised. They knew Ailee was fluent in many languages and it made that much more sense now.

“I suggest that you make scarce of yourselves before our cleaners get here. They’ll be here in thirty minutes.” Ailee advises them. “You are quite welcome for handling your,” she paused, looking back at the house, “patriotism problem.”

“Ailee, this is fucking insane, you wasted at least ten people in there.” Riz couldn’t believe the young woman who refused to kill a fucking cockroach just killed a grown man with no qualms. And this was saying if they killed the others, Dennis may have been the only one they killed.

“Seven, Cole took care of Alice and well, you saw what happened to Dennis.” The way she said it so nonchalantly, it caused chills to run up and down their spines. This wasn’t the Ailee they knew, it was fucking surreal.

“You're tying up loose ends. Who do you work for?” Gilly questioned.

“I could tell you, but I would have to kill you all.” The sinister smile on Ailee’s face made her even more unrecognizable. “Have a good rest of the night gentlemen. Enjoy Vicky’s.” She winked at Angel, following her colleagues to the vehicle.

EZ attempted to follow after Olivia, but Angel stopped him.

“Don’t, this is uncharted territory, we’ll talk to them both later.” Angel advised his younger brother. He was brimming with anger right now. Things were making sense. He used to laugh when Ailee would talk about a secret government agency that her tio ran whenever she had a little too much to drink. Angel didn’t believe her before, but now, things were clicking. The bruises, the injuries, the secrecy.

Ailee truly did sell her soul.

And now, Angel had to do everything in his power to get it back.

=============

Olivia walked up the stairs begrudgingly, not knowing how to fix things with EZ. He rarely became upset at her, but this time was different. She kept this secret from him and it was just something she had to do. EZ couldn't be told about Maquina, it was for his own safety. The less people who knew about it, the better they fair.

Opening the door, she sighed and took off her shoes by the door, closing it behind her. She locked it and made her way towards the kitchen to make herself a beverage. She walked past the living room and was startled when the lights went on. Her gun was immediately drawn out, but her gun went down when she saw who she was pointing it at.

"EZ, Jesus Christ, I could have killed you." Olivia put her gun away. "Are you taking a play from Angel's playbook now?"

EZ couldn't believe that his sweet, innocent Olivia knew how to hold a fucking gun.

"Why didn't you tell me?" EZ didn't want to beat around the bush. He didn't feel betrayed, well, maybe he did, but in some ways he understood why she kept it from him.

"Does that matter now?" Olivia crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not going to apologize for not telling you,I had to do it."

"Can you apologize at least for never telling me that you could just disappear from the face of the earth without any fucking explanation at any given moment?" EZ frowned. "With Ailee, it made sense, her fucking parents trained her to be a killer, but you, it makes no fucking sense."

Olivia knew he wouldn't be happy if he found out the reason she worked for Maquina. But she figured she might as well rip the bandaid off. "I worked for Maquina to give you protection. They would have killed you. So I offered my services to Jin in exchange for your protection in jail."

Silence.

EZ just looked at her, unsure of what to say.

“What?”

Olivia walked over to EZ, unsure how close she should be. She wasn’t afraid of EZ hurting her, she just wanted to give him space.

“Liv, how could,” EZ stood up, shaking her head as Olivia tried to step closer to him. “How could you do that? Why would you sacrifice that for me?”

“Because you would have never survived inside EZ. They would have killed you.” Olivia remembered that dread she felt at the pit of her stomach as soon as the guilty verdict was given. She wrapped her arms around herself, the whole thing coming back to her.

=============

“Mr. Rivera, Ailee isn’t here.” Olivia informed Jin as she opened the door for him.

He walked in their shared apartment, impressed with the decorations the two had done.

“I didn’t come for her.” He turned around to face Olivia and smiled, it should have been sinister but it was friendly, welcoming. “I came for you.”

“Me? What can you possibly want from me?”

“I’m all about partnerships. I scratch your back, you protect mine.” Jin began. “I’m well aware that EZ has been incarcerated for killing a police officer. You know he would never survive in jail.”

EZ had been in jail for two years now.

“He’s in solitary confinement, they can’t harm him there.”

“The guards can.”

Olivia felt nauseous, her stomach grumbling at the possibility of EZ being killed. Her heart rate quickened, all these scenarios playing in her mind. Jin knew what he was doing, a true mastermind at manipulation.

“I can offer him protection, he would go crazy in solitary confinement. But I can get him protection to assure that he would never be harmed.”

Olivia knew his game.

For some time, he has been trying to recruit her brilliant mind to Maquina. She had always been reluctant and now, he had the perfect bargaining chip.

“I will provide protection for EZ if you come and work for Maquina. Five years in exchange of a lifetime of protection for EZ.”

Olivia couldn’t believe she was cornered, but she couldn’t bear the thought of EZ being harmed in jail, or worse dying.

“I’ll do it. I’ll work for Maquina.”

=============

“He manipulated you, just like he did Lee.” EZ breathed out, his chest tightening.

“He did, but I wanted to make sure you were protected.” Olivia looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

EZ sighed. He didn’t need her to do this, he did need her to make another sacrifice for him.

“Liv, how many years did you exchange for my protection?” EZ sat on her couch.

“5 years.”

“Your 5 years has been up.”

“It has, but it’s not so bad to work for Maquina, it’s steady income and I work mostly with Ailee.” Olivia stayed for Ailee, once she walked away, she was done too.

“I want you to leave, put in your resignation letter and walk away.” EZ didn’t need her to work for Maquina anymore. He didn’t care if Olivia was staying for Ailee, she’s put herself at risk enough. She was done with this.

“I can’t do that EZ, I told you, I work for Ailee, I’m not going to walk away from her.” Olivia sighed. “I get it EZ, you’re worried, but I can assure you I’m safe. I mostly stay back and hardly do field work.”

“Why were you there tonight?” He looked up at her.

“Um, they had to use me as bait so Dennis would open the door.” Olivia sighed. “Look, I was never in danger and I know how to defend myself.”

“I don’t five a fuck if you can, point is, you shouldn’t be in that position in the first place. I’ll talk to Ailee if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“I’m not afraid of Ailee, she’s my best friend, my sister, I stay for her. You don’t have the right to dictate my life Ezekiel. I get it, you’re worried, but this doesn’t concern you. This is my job and unless you can pay my bills, then you need to stay out of it.” Olivia stood in front of him, arms crossed on her chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I’m not sorry I took the job. It kept you safe and it continues to keep you safe.”

EZ closed his eyes, not liking that Olivia couldn’t be swayed.

“Once you take down Miguel for the DEA, I’ll quit Maquina and we can start anew somewhere, anywhere. I’ll wipe your records clean, you can start fresh.” Olivia never told him this part of her plan. She wanted to get him away from Santo Padre, to give him another chance at the life he lost.

“You’ve given up so much for me Olivia.”

“You’re my best friend Ezekiel, you would do the same for me.” Olivia sighed. “You were here for me when my mom left me at sixteen years old, you’re my only family now.”

EZ stood up, walked over to Olivia and wrapped his arms around her. The faster he could get the information for the DEA, the better it would be. As much as he didn’t want to leave Santo Padre behind, he always found that he had a place in Olivia’s life, she helped him center himself when he felt that he lost everything while in incarceration.

She’s made enough sacrifices for him and he would handle everything now.

=============

Angel parked his bike, taking off his helmet. He took it with him as he walked towards the front door, Ailee’s empty eyes still haunting him. The door opened before he could knock, Vince opened the door for him.

“You owe me for this.”

“I owe you?”

“Right.” Vince sighed as he closed the door. “No amount of apologies will ever suffice, I get it, but just thread carefully, things are different now.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Angel placed his helmet on the table by the front door. “Where is she?”

“Upstairs, last door at the end of the hallway. Melody is sleeping in her room. I’m not sure if Ailee is still awake or not, but just in case, I didn’t let you in.”

Angel nodded his head before going up the stairs. After seeing that whole scene at the ranch, Angel immediately called Vince, he wanted to speak to Ailee, to be with her. Even though he watched her kill a man, it didn’t phase him. He knew what they did to her and he was gonna try his best to get her back.

He turned the doorknob and was happy it was unlocked. The room was slightly illuminated by a night light, which didn’t surprise Angel. Closing the door behind him, he locked the door. Toeing off his shoes beside the couch in her room, he took off his clothing as quietly as possible. He was left with his muscle shirt and boxers. Going to the left side where he usually slept, he tried to go in as carefully as possible, but he knew Ailee was a light sleeper. He wrapped his arms around her, knowing it could be a risk, but he didn’t give a fuck.

Ailee knew Angel was here. She wasn’t an idiot, she heard the bike and no one else would come here so late at night. She was drained and with every kill she took, the more her soul was chipped. She could give in for one night.

She missed Angel.

She wouldn’t get this opportunity again.

Turning around to her side, she wrapped her arms around Angel.

“I love you Lee, I know you can hear me. You may not want to fight for us, but I will. You’re still you Lee, you’re still the girl I fell in love with and wanted to marry.” Angel said to her. “It’s you, me and Melody, that’s all we need. Come home, come home to me.”

Ailee remained quiet, just burying herself in Angel’s arms, the familiar warmth making her cry. For years she yearned for Angel’s warm embrace, especially during the times she wanted to give up after all the blood she shed. She wanted Angel’s warmth when she would become frustrated of being alone while caring for Melody. She wanted his warmth when she would go to Melody’s appointments, hoping her little girl would be able to hear her voice one day. She wanted his warmth when she recovered from an attack Theo orchestrated in an attempt to kidnap Melody.

Every day, Ailee was reminded of the choices she made. Reminded of the abnormal situation she had with her family.

And every day, she was reminded that while she may dislike greatly what Maquina required of someone, she saw how beneficial it was to be a part of such an organization.

She couldn’t let Angel get sucked into this.

She couldn’t let Melody live a life like she lived.

She made the decision then that she would leave Melody with Angel and she would do what she did best.

Kill people to protect the ones she loves.

To love and watch them from afar since it was the best thing she could do for them. They shouldn’t have to pay for her sins and choices.

It would destroy her, but losing them due to her sins would kill her.

#angel reyes #angelreyes #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fic #angel reyes fanfic #mayans mc fic #mayans mc fanfic

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James Francis Durante (February 10, 1893 – January 29, 1980) was an American actor, comedian, singer, and pianist. His distinctive gravelly speech, Lower East Side accent, comic language-butchery, jazz-influenced songs, and prominent nose helped make him one of America's most familiar and popular personalities of the 1920s through the 1970s. He often referred to his nose as the schnozzola (Italianization of the American Yiddish slang word schnoz "big nose"), and the word became his nickname.

Durante was born on the Lower East Side of New York City. He was the youngest of four children born to Rosa (Lentino) and Bartolomeo Durante, both of whom were immigrants from Salerno, Italy. Bartolomeo was a barber. Young Jimmy served as an altar boy at St. Malachy Roman Catholic Church, known as the Actor's Chapel.

Durante dropped out of school in seventh grade to become a full-time ragtime pianist. He first played with his cousin, whose name was also Jimmy Durante. It was a family act, but he was too professional for his cousin. He continued working the city's piano bar circuit and earned the nickname "ragtime Jimmy", before he joined one of the first recognizable jazz bands in New York, the Original New Orleans Jazz Band. Durante was the only member not from New Orleans. His routine of breaking into a song to deliver a joke, with band or orchestra chord punctuation after each line, became a Durante trademark. In 1920 the group was renamed Jimmy Durante's Jazz Band.

By the mid-1920s, Durante had become a vaudeville star and radio personality in a trio named Clayton, Jackson and Durante. Lou Clayton and Eddie Jackson, Durante's closest friends, often reunited with Durante in subsequent years. Jackson and Durante appeared in the Cole Porter musical The New Yorkers, which opened on Broadway on December 8, 1930. Earlier the same year, the team appeared in the movie Roadhouse Nights, ostensibly based on Dashiell Hammett's novel Red Harvest.

By 1934, Durante had a major record hit with his own novelty composition, "Inka Dinka Doo", with lyrics by Ben Ryan. It became his theme song for the rest of his life. A year later, Durante starred on Broadway in the Billy Rose stage musical Jumbo. A scene in which a police officer stopped Durante's character—who was leading a live elephant across the stage—to ask "what are you doing with that elephant?", followed by Durante's reply "what elfin!?" was a regular show-stopper. This comedy bit, also reprised in his role in Billy Rose's Jumbo, likely contributed to the popularity of the idiom "the elephant in the room". Durante also appeared on Broadway in Show Girl (1929), Strike Me Pink (1934) and Red, Hot and Blue (1936).

During the early 1930s, Durante alternated between Hollywood and Broadway. His early motion pictures included an original Rodgers & Hart musical The Phantom President (1932), which featured Durante singing the self-referential Schnozzola. He initially was paired with silent film legend Buster Keaton in a series of three popular comedies for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Speak Easily (1932), The Passionate Plumber (1932), and What! No Beer? (1933), which were financial hits and a career springboard for the distinctive newcomer. However, Keaton's vociferous dissatisfaction with constraints the studio had placed upon him, his perceived incompatibility with Durante's broad chatty humor, exacerbated by Keaton's alcoholism, led the studio to end the series. Durante went on to appear in The Wet Parade (1932), Broadway to Hollywood (1933), The Man Who Came to Dinner (1942, playing Banjo, a character based on Harpo Marx), Ziegfeld Follies (1946), Billy Rose's Jumbo (1962, based on the 1935 musical), and It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963). In 1934, he starred in Hollywood Party, where he dreams he is Schnarzan, a parody of Tarzan, who was popular at the time due to the Johnny Weissmuller films.

On September 10, 1933, Durante appeared on Eddie Cantor's NBC radio show, The Chase and Sanborn Hour, continuing until November 12 of that year. When Cantor left the show, Durante took over as its star from April 22 to September 30, 1934. He then moved on to The Jumbo Fire Chief Program (1935–1936).

Durante teamed with Garry Moore for The Durante-Moore Show in 1943. Durante's comic chemistry with the young, brushcut Moore brought Durante an even larger audience. "Dat's my boy dat said dat!" became an instant catchphrase, which would later inspire the cartoon Augie Doggie and Doggie Daddy. The duo was one of the nation's favorites for the rest of the decade. Their Armed Forces Radio Network Command Performance with Frank Sinatra remains a favorite of radio-show collectors today. Moore left the duo in mid-1947, and the program returned October 1, 1947 as The Jimmy Durante Show. Durante continued the show for three more years and featured a reunion of Clayton, Jackson and Durante on his April 21, 1948 broadcast.

Although Durante made his television debut on November 1, 1950 (on the Four Star Revue - see below) he continued to keep a presence in radio, as a frequent guest on Tallulah Bankhead's two-year NBC comedy-variety show The Big Show. Durante was one of the cast on the show's premiere November 5, 1950, along with humorist Fred Allen, singers Mindy Carson and Frankie Laine, stage musical performer Ethel Merman, actors Jose Ferrer and Paul Lukas, and comic-singer Danny Thomas (about to become a major television star in his own right). A highlight of the premiere was Durante and Thomas, whose own nose rivaled Durante's, in a routine in which Durante accused Thomas of stealing his nose. "Stay outta dis, no-nose!" Durante barked at Bankhead to a big laugh.

From 1950 to 1951, Durante was the host once a month (alternating with Ed Wynn, Danny Thomas and Jack Carson) on Wednesday evenings at 8 p.m, on NBC's comedy-variety series Four Star Revue. Jimmy continued with the show until 1954.

Durante then had a half-hour variety show - The Jimmy Durante Show - on NBC from October 2, 1954 to June 23, 1956.

Beginning in the early 1950s, Durante teamed with sidekick Sonny King, a collaboration that would continue until Durante's death. He often was seen regularly in Las Vegas after Sunday Mass outside of the Guardian Angel Cathedral standing next to the priest and greeting the people as they left Mass.

Several times in the 1960s, Durante served as host of ABC's Hollywood Palace variety show, which was taped live (and consequently included ad-libs by the seasoned vaudevillian).

His last regular television appearance was co-starring with the Lennon Sisters on Jimmy Durante Presents the Lennon Sisters Hour, which lasted for one season on ABC (1969–1970).

Durante's first wife was Jean "Jeanne" Olson, whom he married on June 19, 1921. She was born in Ohio on August 31, 1896. She was 46 years old when she died on Valentine's Day in 1943, after a lingering heart ailment of about two years, although different newspaper accounts of her death suggest she was 45 or perhaps 52.[9] As her death was not immediately expected, Durante was touring in New York at the time and returned to Los Angeles right away to complete the funeral arrangements.

Durante's radio show was bracketed with two trademarks: "Inka Dinka Doo" as his opening theme, and the invariable signoff that became another familiar national catchphrase: "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are." For years no one knew who Mrs. Calabash referred to and Durante preferred to keep the mystery alive until 1966. One theory was that it referred to the owner of a restaurant in Calabash, North Carolina, where Durante and his troupe had stopped to eat. He was so taken by the food, the service, and the chitchat he told the owner that he would make her famous. Since he did not know her name, he referred to her as "Mrs. Calabash". At a National Press Club meeting in 1966 (broadcast on NBC's Monitor program), Durante finally revealed that it was indeed a tribute to his wife. While driving across the country, they stopped in a small town called Calabash, North Carolina whose name Jean had loved. "Mrs. Calabash" became his pet name for her, and he signed off his radio program with "Good night, Mrs. Calabash." He added "wherever you are" after the first year.

Durante married his second wife, Margaret "Margie" Little, at St. Malachy Roman Catholic Church in New York City on December 14, 1960. As a teenager she had been crowned Queen of the New Jersey State Fair. She attended New York University before being hired by the legendary Copacabana in New York City. She and Durante met there 16 years before their marriage, when he performed there and she was a hatcheck girl. She was 41 and he 67 when they married. With help from their attorney, Mary G. Rogan, the couple were able to adopt a baby, Cecilia Alicia (nicknamed CeCe and now known as CeCe Durante-Bloum), on Christmas Day, 1961. CeCe became a champion horsewoman and then a horse trainer and horseriding instructor. Margie died on June 7, 2009, at the age of 89.

On August 15, 1958, for his charitable acts, Durante was awarded a three-foot-high brass loving cup by the Al Bahr Shriners Temple. The inscription reads: "JIMMY DURANTE THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS COMEDIAN. A loving cup to you Jimmy, it's larger than your nose, but smaller than your heart. Happiness always, Al Bahr Temple, August 15, 1958." Jimmy Durante started out his career with Clayton and Jackson and when he became a big star and they were left behind, he kept them on his payroll for the rest of their lives.

Durante's love for children continued through the Fraternal Order of Eagles, who among many causes raise money for handicapped and abused children. At Durante's first appearance at the Eagles International Convention in 1961, Judge Bob Hansen inquired about his fee for performing. Durante replied, "Do not even mention money judge or I'll have to mention a figure that'll make ya sorry ya brought it up." "What can we do then?" asked Hansen. "Help da kids," was Durante's reply. Durante performed for many years at Eagles conventions free of charge, even refusing travel money. The Fraternal Order of Eagles changed the name of their children's fund to the Jimmy Durante Children's Fund in his honor, and in his memory have raised over 20 million dollars to help children. A reporter once remarked of Durante after an interview: "You could warm your hands on this one." One of the projects built using money from the Durante Fund was a heated therapy swimming pool at the Hughen School in Port Arthur, Texas. Completed in 1968, Durante named the pool the "Inka Dinka Doo Pool".

Durante was an active member of the Democratic Party. In 1933, he appeared in an advertisement shown in theaters supporting Franklin D. Roosevelt's New Deal programs and wrote a musical score titled Give a Man a Job to accompany it. He performed at both the inaugural gala for President John F. Kennedy in 1961 and a year later at the famous Madison Square Garden rally for the Democratic party that featured Marilyn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday" to JFK.

Durante continued his film appearances through It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and television appearances through the early 1970s. He narrated the Rankin-Bass animated Christmas special Frosty the Snowman (1969), re-run for many years since. The television work also included a series of commercial spots for Kellogg's Corn Flakes cereals in the mid-1960s, which introduced Durante's gravelly growl and narrow-eyed, large-nosed countenance to millions of children. "Dis is Jimmy Durante, in puy-son!" was his introduction to some of the Kellogg's spots. One of his last appearances was in a memorable television commercial for the 1973 Volkswagen Beetle, where he proclaimed that the new, roomier Beetle had "plenty of breathin' room... for de old schnozzola!"

In 1963, Durante recorded the album of pop standards September Song. The album became a best-seller and provided Durante's re-introduction to yet another generation, almost three decades later. From the Jimmy Durante's Way of Life album came the gravelly interpretation of the song "As Time Goes By", which accompanied the opening credits of the romantic comedy hit Sleepless in Seattle, while his version of "Make Someone Happy" launched the film's closing credits. Both are included on the film's best-selling soundtrack. Durante also recorded a cover of the well-known song I'll Be Seeing You, which became a trademark song on his 1960s TV show. This song was featured in the 2004 film The Notebook.

He wrote a foreword for a humorous book compiled by Dick Hyman titled Cockeyed Americana. In the first paragraph of the "Foreword!", as Durante called it, he describes meeting Hyman and discussing the book and the contribution that Hyman wanted Durante to make to it. Durante wrote "Before I can say gaziggadeegasackeegazobbath, we're at his luxurious office." After reading the material Hyman had compiled for the book, Durante commented on it: "COLOSSAL, GIGANTIC, MAGNANIMOUS, and last but not first, AURORA BOREALIS. [Capitalization Durante's] Four little words that make a sentence—and a sentence that will eventually get me six months."

Durante retired from performing in 1972 after he became wheelchair-bound following a stroke. He died of pneumonia in Santa Monica, California on January 29, 1980, 12 days before he would have turned 87. He received Catholic funeral rites four days later, with fellow entertainers including Desi Arnaz, Ernest Borgnine, Marty Allen, and Jack Carter in attendance, and was interred at Holy Cross Cemetery in Culver City, California.

On June 25, 2019, The New York Times Magazine listed Jimmy Durante among hundreds of artists whose material was reportedly destroyed in the 2008 Universal fire.

Jimmy Durante is known to most modern audiences as the character who narrated and sang the 1969 animated special Frosty the Snowman. He also performed the Ron Goodwin title song to the 1968 comedy-adventure Monte Carlo or Bust (titled Those Daring Young Men in Their Jaunty Jalopies in the U.S.) sung over the film's animated opening credits.

While his own career in animation was limited, Durante's distinctive voice, looks and catchphrases earned him numerous depictions and allusions in animation: A character in M-G-M cartoons, a bulldog named Spike, whose puppy son was always getting caught by accident in the middle of Tom and Jerry's activities, referenced Durante with a raspy voice and an affectionate "Dat's my boy!" In another Tom and Jerry short, a starfish lands on Tom's head, giving him a big nose. He then proceeds with Durante's famous "Ha-cha-cha-cha" call. The 1943 Tex Avery cartoon "What's Buzzin' Buzzard" featured a vulture with a voice that sounded like Jimmy Durante. A Durante-like voice (originally by Doug Young) was also given to the father beagle, Doggie Daddy, in Hanna-Barbera's Augie Doggie and Doggie Daddy cartoons, Doggie Daddy invariably addressing the junior beagle with a Durante-like "Augie, my son, my son", and with frequent citations of, "That's my boy who said that!" The 1945 MGM cartoon Jerky Turkey featured a turkey which was a caricature of Durante.

Many Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies cartoons had characters based on Durante. One Harman-Ising short from 1933, Bosko's Picture Show, featured a caricature of Adolf Hitler chasing Durante with a meat cleaver. Two examples from the 1940s include A Gruesome Twosome, which features a cat based on Durante, and Baby Bottleneck, which in unedited versions opens with a Durante-like stork. Book Revue shows the well-known (at that time) 1924 Edna Ferber novel So Big featuring a Durante caricature on the cover. The "so big" refers to his nose, and as a runaway criminal turns the corner by the book, Durante turns sideways using his nose to trip the criminal, allowing his capture. In Hollywood Daffy, Durante is directly depicted as himself, pronouncing his catchphrase "Those are the conditions that prevail!" In The Mouse-Merized Cat, Catstello (a Lou Costello mouse) briefly is hypnotized to imitate Jimmy Durante singing Lullaby of Broadway. One of Durante's common catchphrases "I got a million of 'em!" was used as Bugs' final line in Stage Door Cartoon.

A Durante-like voice was also used for Marvel Comics superhero The Thing in the Hanna-Barbera cartoon Fred and Barney Meet the Thing. The voice and appearance of Crispy, the mascot for Crispy Critters cereal, was also based on Durante.[17] In Mickey Mouse Works, a character named Mortimer Mouse (voiced by Maurice LaMarche) was based on Durante, complete with the "ha-cha-cha!". One of the main characters in Terrytoons' Heckle and Jeckle cartoon series also takes to imitating Jimmy in 1948's "Taming The Cat" ("Get a couple of song birds today...").

Since Durante's death, his songs have featured in several films. Dan Aykroyd and Kim Basinger performed impressions of Durante from The Man Who Came to Dinner singing "Did You Ever Have the Feeling" in 1988's My Stepmother Is an Alien. His performance of "Young at Heart" was featured in City Slickers (1991) and his versions of "As Time Goes By" and "Make Someone Happy" played over the opening and closing credits of Sleepless in Seattle (1993). Michael J. Fox performed an impression of Durante singing "Inka Dinka Doo" in 1994's Greedy. His rendition of "Smile" featured in the film, and trailer for, Joker (2019).

#jimmy durante #classic hollywood #classic movie stars #golden age of hollywood #old hollywood #1930s hollywood #1940s hollywood #1950s hollywood #1960s hollywood #classic television #frosty the snowman #hollywood legend

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theanticool · 5 years

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Joe Rogan really wants y’all to believe Frankie Edgar was winning this fight.

#max holloway #frankie edgar #ufc #mma #opinions #ufc240

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serena-waldorf · 5 years

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All my Billary peeps who like fan fiction, go see Long Shot if you can! Except for some of the typical R-rated Seth Rogan type of humor moments, it could very well be a Billary AU lol. I definitely pretended it was at some moments lmao. Its like Veep meets Madam Secretary meets Billary.

And I'm biased because I love romantic comedies anyways but overall it was a really smart and hilarious comedy. Definitely way better than I expected. I might even go see it in the theatre a second time since I went with my bestie but my mom wants to see it too and I don't often see movies in the theatre twice unless they're REALLY good lol.

And as a side note, I'm glad people who don't watch Grace and Frankie will get to see how hilarious and talented June Diane Raphael is.

And I had a fun night out and it gave me some much needed laughs 😊😊😊

#long shot #bill x hillary #billary #bill clinton #hillary clinton #june diane raphael #random #text posts #fangirl musings

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opalcloudspinkskies · 6 years

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Another ice breaker

Sooo to begin with... I binge watch a lot of shit. I also casually throw around words like 'shit' and 'fuck' but in professional settings I try to substitute, i.e. Holy shirt! Also, even though at times I swear like a pirate, I'm still kind. Anyway these are some of the Shows I binge watch, and am completely caught up with minus a few: Supernatural, Grey's Anatomy, Broad City, the Office, Parks and Recreation, Community, Workaholics, Love, Portlandia, Dear White People, the Unbreakable Kimmy. Schmidt, 30 Rock, New Girl, How I Met Your Mother, That 70s Show, Grace and Frankie, How to Get Away with Murder (I'm on season 2- WIP - Work in Progress), Game of Thrones, Girls, The L Word, Gypsy, Parenthood, Modern Family, This is Us, Girl Boss, Breaking Bad, Prison Break, Scrubs, Gossip Girl, Veronica Mars, the O.C., Futurama, Rick and Morty, Atlanta, Insecure, Adventure Time, Regular Show, Death Note, Fairy Tail, Naruto & Shippuuden (not yet caught up with), Deadman Wonderland, Psycho Pass, Fruits Basket, Sailor Moon, Cowboy Bebop, all things Tenchi Muyo except Tokyo, Space Dandy, Master of None, Bleach, Arrested Development, Unsolved Mysteries, Impractical Jokers, Jersey Shore and Party Down South (original cast)(guilty pleasures), Real World in the 90s up to the mid 2000s, Road Rules, Fear Factor (mostly for Joe Rogan😜), Big Brother - only the first season though, with that studmuffin Will Kirby the Mole, Murder in Small Town X, Amazing Race, Malcolm in the Middle, An Idiot Abroad, Ouran High School Host Club, Fullmetal Alchemist & Brotherhood, Once Upon a Time, Shameless, Life documentary, Cosmos: A Space Odyssey, Life in Pieces, Pretty Little Liars, American Horror Story, Walking Dead, Hey! Arnold, Rugrats, Sonic X - don't judge me, it was mostly because of the presence of many different characters and the animation, Lost, 3%, Jackass, Viva la Bam, Boondocks, Aqua Teen Hunger force, Home Movies, O' Grady, Daria, Bob's Burgers, Twin Peaks, Awkward, Degrassi, Radio Free Roscoe, Trailer Park Boys, Sherlock, Dexter, Frasier. I doubt anyone will ever read this but if you are reading and share a mutual love for any of these shows and just wanna share the love, let's be buddies 😝

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 3 years

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I have posted several times about how Never Mind the Buzzcocks is not a very good show but I’m watching it anyway because sometimes junk television is fun. I have, however, just reached the episode that is guest hosted by Frankie Boyle. That man can make anything good. Anything. Here is a list of things I would watch if they were hosted by Frankie Boyle:

-Those reality dating shows where people get married at first sight

-Those reality shows where a bunch of people just have sex with each other

-Music videos by the worst pop-country stars in the world

-Those shows where they criticize celebrities’ fashion sense

-Those shows where they criticize non-celebrities’ fashion sense

-An interview Jordan Peterson

-Joe Rogan’s podcast (still with Joe Rogan and guest, just hosted by Frankie Boyle)

-A WWE event

-Football - the European or American version

-A conference of the most boring caucus in the Conservative Party of Canada

You see my point. It doesn’t matter how much I would normally hate something; put Frankie Boyle in charge of it and it becomes awesome.

#Frankie Boyle

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hitokirichibi · 6 years

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Frankie, commission for Rogan

iPadPro 9.7, Apple Pencil, Procreate App

#trap #commission #dungeons and dragons #sorcerer #lightning #yellow and purple #character design #character art #rp character #D&D

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malojey · 5 years

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Day 42 n 43 - A little side note turned into a post dedicated to x

Albums - Ginger by Brockhampton, Nassir by Nas

Think I need to listen to more old boom bap rap, it's what built the culture, sparked creativity and the genius of today's legends. Without Nas there'd be no Cole, without NWA thered be no Kendrick.

Trying to be more present with frankie but it's hard with Ruth's presence.

Positive: Savage couple days in work, great sales. Hopefully carphone stops fucking with our commission and I'll finally see a decent pay🙃

Xxxtentacion's 3rd posthumous album is on the way. He talked about Bad Vibes Forever like a year before his death and it was very highly anticipated but he was holding the final product for a day the world could appreciate it, when he had a big enough reach and when we understood him more thoroughly. Since he died his label has been milking the shit out of him. Selling features to anyone and putting out unfinished work. Although I still like a fair bit of his after death releases, and still appreciate his mind, knowing the songs/albums as a whole hasn't got his final say, his final workings, editing, production, even meaning, behind them turns me off. The difference is clear comparing albums like 17 or ?, to Skins and his parts of Members Only 4. Nobody would think like him, have the insight he had about his music, so somebody elses final product with one of Xs demo verses or pre recordings (that maybe he didnt release for a reason) doesn't feel like HIS music. It does still get me that he's dead, over a year after it's happened. Part of me thinks hes in Cuba with 2pac but part of me also thinks they faked the moon landing. I want to get a couple more tattoos dedicated to him, when I sleeve my leg I'm gonna have a lot of his influence in it. I'm gone off topic. When I was reading about BFV, it said thered be features by lil nas x, lil Wayne, and blink 182. He made a song with travis Barker before he died and blink were one of his favourite bands but would they collab if he was alive? Lil Wayne put him on Tha Carter V not long after his death but says his name wrong in the song, as well as in interviews, which makes me wonder did he even know him before he died or was it a catchy chorus he couldn't help but gain clout over. And then as far as lil nas x goes, I listened to his EP when it came out, and for the most part liked it, but I'll never see him more than a media friendly figure who will 100% boost "awareness" to a larger audience, consequentially boosting sales and more money for the record company.

X's audience no doubt grew after his death, an incredibly insane amount. His songs aired the radio, so many artists came out to console him and his family, even Ski Mask headlined the second night at Longitude, which was fucking incredible. His group of friends have benefitted a lot from his death. ○●. Craig Xen and PnB Rock have a far larger fan base, and J Cole even put Ski Mask on Revenge of the Dreamers 3. When I seen he was invited for it I was so fucking happy btw, I can see him signing for Dreamville in the future if he doesn't go independent. Howandever, seen as he has such a big fan base, which are almost like a cult with how much we'll support him. Even if his label put out a snippet of shit that he made for a laugh but was absolute shite, we'll eat it up, which I can see now already, but in the future will dilute his genius, and ruin his legacy.

Aside from the lawsuits, I'd fight anyone over the fact that when he was breathing, not only was Jahseh Onfroy was one of my generations greatest musicians, but he was one of our greatest, and most intelligent thinkers. He was no role model by any means, but had he lived to see 5 more years, he would have been one of the most influential musicians ever to had graced the planet. In mine, and many other hearts, he sits beside the likes of Bowie, Morrison, Hendrix, Cobain. They say he was our generations 2pac, I feel he could've been more.

What started as a rant about his label turned into an essay of one of the only people I've ever put on a pedestal in my life. Let's just hope BVF is fucking amazing. #LLJ

○● = I just realized while typing this, on slipknot theres a line where he says I would kill myself if it benefits all of my fucking friends, which is adding more fuel to my conspiracy addicted ass mind about his death

Rereading edit: HAHAHAHA in day 16 I both mentioned how I think hes still alive AND how I think the moon landing was fake🤣🤣 I gotta stop listening to joe rogan🤣

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bankofmarquis · 5 years

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BANKOFMARQUIS Movie Review: LONG SHOT

Quite a few people that I have spoken with don't like either Charlize Theron or Seth Rogan as performers, so the idea of a pairing of the straight-laced, uptight politician played by Theron and the shlubby, weed-smoking slacker played by Rogan was like "nails on a chalkboard" to them. And these people would be wrong, for LONG SHOT is a very entertaining, heartfelt romantic comedy that has one big surprise - the strong chemistry between the two leads. Kind of the "anti-AMERICAN PRESIDENT" (the 1995 Michael Douglas/Annette Benning RomCom written by Aaron Sorkin), LONG SHOT tells the tale of Secretary of State, Charlotte Field (Theron) who embarks on a Presidential bid. When she polls low in "sense of humor" she decides to add a comedy writer to her staff to punch up her speeches. A chance encounter with her childhood next door neighbor leads Field to hire Fred Flarsky (Seth Rogan). Will sparks fly? Can Fred remind Charlotte of why she chose politics in the first place? What do you think? It's a RomCom afterall, but it's the journey and not the destination that is important. And...his is a fun journey...mostly because of the performances of Theron and Rogan. Over the years, I have grown to really appreciate Theron - from dramas like NORTH COUNTRY and her Oscar-winning turn in MONSTER, to action flicks like MAD MAX:FURY ROAD and FATE OF THE FURIOUS, to comedies like A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST and this film - there is nothing (apparently) that she can't do. She is really good in all of these - even if the material is not the greatest. The surprise to me here was the performance of Rogan - it was "wacky", "stoner-ish" and "out there", but toned down and tempered - probably the sign of a good, strong Director at the helm. I bought Flarsky's journey in this story and the relationship between these two characters was believable because Rogan was able to match Theron's energy and show real chemistry between the two. Other fine turns are given by O'Shea Jackson, Jr (STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON), as Rogan's buddy, Ravi Patel (TV's MASTER OF NONE) as one of Theron's support staff and (especially) June Diane Rapheal (TV's GRACE AND FRANKIE) who really shines in the unenviable role of the Theron's Chief of Staff who doesn't approve of putting Rogan's character on the team, but she plays the role with layers - not one-note - and so we get a real person, with conflicted feelings at time, and she rises above the typical type of character in this type of role. The only disappointment for me was Bob Odenkirk's President (who is stepping down for - he hopes - a much bigger job, MOVIE STAR) and not because of Odenkirk's performance, he was fine with what he was given, but there wasn't much nuance written in this part and (compared to the layers shown/written by others) the one-note-ness of Odenkirk's character was noticeable. As was Andy Serkis as a heavily-made up, older media mogul who is trying to use his wealth to manipulate the events from behind the scene - this character (and make-up) was a "swing and a miss" for me. But, fortunately, neither Serkis nor Odenkirk have much screen time, so it was more of a "distraction" than an "annoyance" for me. I mention the Director - so I better give credit to Jonathan Levine (the awful SNATCHED with Amy Shumer and Goldie Hawn) - I have not really enjoyed anything else he has Directed, but I have to give him credit for this one - he brings "the funny and the crude" without going overboard, driving the story efficiently while putting in enough yuks and (surprisingly) heart in this movie along the way. Now...don't be fooled here...there is quite a bit of "crude, lewd and rude" behavior and jokes (a crucial plot point hangs on a "sex act"), so don't expect a gentile, Cary Grant/Katherine Hepburn battle of the sexes. Expect a funny (crude), sexy (lewd) and opinionated (rude) take on the modern political system and how a person can lose their soul if they choose to play the game. With a large amount of heart - and strong performances/chemistry between the two leads - I was pleasantly surprised by LONG SHOT - and, if you can handle the crude, lude and rude, then you will have a good time at this film. Letter Grade: A- 8 stars (out of 10) and you can take that to the Bank(OfMarquis)

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danmacrae · 7 years

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Silly 90s Intro Blab: A Thing To Skim Through On The Toilet

youtube

Hello! I’m semi-tolerable nuisance Dan MacRae! Why am I shouting at you? Not sure! Sorry, I’ll take it down a notch.

Instead of learning how to pleasure a woman or how to unlock the mysteries of grooming, I have devoted my life to TV nonsense. Blessed YouTube presence RwDt09 has been collecting these amazing compilations of era (and sometimes season) specific TV intros and they are my everything. Imagine having a child that didn’t suck? That’s the feeling RwDt09′s videos put in my heart.

I've been obsessively rewatching this collection of mostly forgotten early '90s TV intros. The bulk of these shows died a quick death and feel like the product of whatever drugs TV execs take. (Probably something snorted from one of those awesome McDonalds coffee straws they ditched in like 2002.) Because I'm a handsome pin-up hunk of the year, I wrote some dumb blurbs about the first few shows and have some stray thoughts on the rest. This appeals to no one but me AND I APOLOGIZE TO NO ONE!

In the immortal words of John Lennon, let’s get biz-zay!

DINOSAURS: I’m at a point in my life where I can acknowledge that Dinosaurs sucked. It’s incredibly freeing. Christ, this is like that stupid-ass Norman Lear show where dogs did social commentary BUT WITH HENSON PUPPETS! I hope Baby Sinclair was stomped to death and eaten as pudding before the extinction series finale. (Yes, that happened.) The intro isn’t bad, mind you. You get the lumbering theme song and Earl gets stuck in a door CUZ LAFFS! TIMES SURE HAVEN’T CHANGED HO HO HO! God I hate these fucking dinosaurs.

Intro MVP: It’s not a stellar pack, but we get a bit of Robbie Sinclair who census data has shown led to a variety of surprising sexual awakenings for youths at the time.

SCORCH: A 1300-year-old dragon named Scorch visits the 1990s on a budget that looks not far removed from Skank on The Ben Stiller Show. The song will make you want to barricade your sex organs from a world where you can bring children into a world with THAT CAWAZZZY SCORCH! The theme song really is a special brand of irritating and Scorch looks like a malformed Deviant Art dildo with a vaguely religious bent.

Intro MVP: Probably John O’Hurley for not actually appearing in the intro. (Even with O’Hurley’s weird résumé.)

FISH POLICE: Not to be confused with the (ARF! ARF! ARF!) Dog Police, Fish Police and Family Dog are shows I know almost exclusively from being mentioned as examples of the crappy post-Simpsons primetime animation gold rush. Fish Police actually looks good animation-wise, but it’s pretty clear you’re gonna be sledgehammered with endless “COULD YOU IMAGINE FISH DOING THESE OLD TROPES? DO WE NEED TO CALL A SEARCH PARTY FOR YOUR SIDES? ARE THEY SPLITTING ALREADY?” jokes. Congrats dipshits, you made a cinema-touched precursor to Frankie & George. You dummies. Also there’s the tone of casual racism UNDER THE SEA so do with that what you will. DID YOU SEE CHINATOWN? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?

Intro MVP: Thank goodness they specified who John Ritter voices so we could all bask in Inspector Gil as a character name. Fuck you, Fish Police.

CAPITOL CRITTERS: Christ, this looks UNWATCHABLE. Like walk into oncoming traffic as an alternative unwatchable. Capitol Critters centers around an animated mouse named Max (voiced by Neil Patrick Harris) witnesses his family being murdered in Nebraska and moves to D.C. and wait what the fuck is going on with those roaches? (Racism, mostly.) Who thought this was a good idea to invest time, money and animator joint damage in? Stephen Bochco, baby! I have a perverse curiosity to see an episode but after 90 seconds I know I'd be dying to eat a fucking gun instead of suffering through any more of Capitol Critters.

Intro MVP: Gotta be Bochco. Also, EAT SHIT BOCHCO!

And now a really tiny blab about the rest. Watch this clip package, ya goofs!

FAMILY DOG: Folks were fucking horny for Spielberg TV shit in the 90s, ditto Tim Burton too and that's how an Amazing Stories, uh, story was morphed into a shitball TV series that Brad Bird wanted no part of. Also, I have no idea how to explain things like the CBS StereoSound chyron to anyone born after Clinton left office.

THE CRITIC: Nice to see you, Jay Sherman! This is a lovely intro and you likely know that already. I've done a few rewatches of The Critic (not the web series season, though) and I say the show definitely holds up and is far from a duketastrophe. That said, some of the parody film clips that got raves at the time are kinda creaky in hindsight.

CHARLIE HOOVER: Can I say something? Fuck Sam Kinison. Hmm... That's a bit harsh. I guess I just don't get him on any level. The only thing he's done that I've ever found all that funny was when he said he wished Andrew Dice Clay die of stomach cancer from the inside out, like Bette Davis. Kinison's not my cup of tea is what I'm getting at. In Charlie Hoover (GET IT HURF HURF), Kinison is a foot high loudmouth in a long coat that's getting 40-year-old square Tim Matheson where he needs to be in life.

A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN: Or... "Betty Spaghetti's Here Which Is All The Star Power You Need!"

HARDBALL: A League Of Their Own had a fun, feel good intro with all the corny touches of ol' timey baseball. Hardball tries to sell you on Joe Rogan: Baseball Fella and the vague scent of urinal troughs.

GOOD GRIEF: Howie Mandel golfs in a cemetery and it's not particularly clear if he's just fucking around on strangers graves for fun. (Alternate Theory: Those graves belong to the family from Bobby's World. All the Generics!)

THE FANELLI BOYS: If enjoy broad Italian-American stereotypes to the point of falling down laughing at the sight of a pizza box, you'll love The Fanelli Boys! Joe Pantoliano and Christopher Meloni both star.

SOMETHING WILDER: Something Wilder was the sort of show where I wished Gene Wilder well and still kept 5000 miles away from watching it. Also, Wilder's face on that house is CHILLING.

DUDLEY: Embrace the luxury hotel elevator elegance of Dudley! Does it feature Dudley Moore make a series of faces where he seems surprised by everything? You better believe it. This was also where Max Wright got work in-between taking abuse from a cat eating alien and Norm Macdonald.

CAROL & COMPANY: It's a bit Carol Takes On in the intro with Carol Burnett in assorted costumes and that's alright because everyone does the assorted costumes intro thing. Tickets to the show are blown across America and get in the hands of whatever Orphan Black Carol happens to be in the area.

THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW: This is an extremely 90s sort of intro that feels like something more upscale soft rock stations did in TV ads at the time too. Richard Kind directs a bit of paper at someone midway through.

DREXELL'S CLASS: One of more storied entries in the Dabney Coleman being an asshole catalogue. The first intro features Dabney, ol' Drex himself, just hanging around in class being hot shit and occasionally mimicking a flying dinosaur. The second intro is a more traditional clip collection highlighted by a young Brittany Murphy (WHO WAS MURDERED! FACT! REMINDER!) and Coleman in a wild 8 ball jacket. Rembrandt off Sliders also makes an appearance.

TEECH: If this intro looks exactly like a sitcom where a Cool Black Music Instructor™ teaches Prep School bad boys in Bush Sr era America that's because it is exactly that sort of sitcom. Maggie Han deserves better.

THE ROYAL FAMILY: It seems extra cruel to take Redd Foxx's popcorn away considering he'd be dead before the fifth episode even aired. Della Reese is in this, die-hard Della fans.

ROC: This intro works perfectly. We get Charles S. Dutton, Ella Joyce and an easy to digest Jerry Lawson theme song. (En Vogue would do the theme later.) It’d be nice if they could get Edgar Allan Poe wagging a finger at seafood or something else in the background to push that Baltimore thing even more, but I still wish this intro from 25+ year old Fox comedy all the best in its future endeavours.

BREWSTER PLACE: Speaking of good intros, Brewster Place is a first rate brand of TV welcome. Brenda Pressley is the MVP of the intro over Oprah Winfrey which might explain why Brenda Pressley has been missing since 1992. (I know she’s on The Path. Just play along.)

SUNDAY BEST: The intro equivalent of getting someone to throw shit at a wall, we get an early 90s NBC grab bag of fuck it whatever shots of TVs and TV dinners with poor Carl Reiner trotted out partway through.

AMERICAN CHRONICLES: Mark Frost and David Lynch paired for a documentary series in the early ‘90s on Fox because Fox was like fucking UHF at the time. The industrial strength creepy opening doesn’t include any shots of narrator Richard Dreyfuss turning towards the camera and that’s a damn shame.

AMERICAN DETECTIVES: If you get horny for stressed out real-life detectives, this will send your undergarments to Mars! Lots of mustaches here. A whole Safeway bag’s worth. Some real rural gas station rock going on with that theme tune.

FBI: THE UNTOLD STORIES: The tone of this entire intro is: “Hey kid, wanna see a dead body? Or twenty?” Creepy music blasting over Jackie Kennedy on the back of JFK’s death limo and Wayne Williams heading to trial equals primetime party fun!

ENCOUNTERS: THE HIDDEN TRUTH: Suck it, Sightings! Encounters is leading a new dawn for crackpot horseshit to eat Bugles to! I appreciate the shameless X-Files knockoff intro thing Fox is doing (cuz it’s their show) that comes complete with head shop blanket alien head popping up midway through.

STEPHEN KING’S GOLDEN YEARS: Essentially Garth Marenghi's Darkplace with one hell of a music rights win tacked on.

TRIBECA: This opening reminds me an awful lot of terrible movies I was bullied into watching on VHS at a friend’s house.

WIOU: One thing I like in a TV intro is when something fun happens with the title onscreen. It’s a minor thing, but the way those WIOU letters turn into view? HOOCHIE MAMA! Eight is Enough’s Dick Van Patten does a fantastic job of conveying that being a weatherfellow is tough work.

GABRIEL’S FIRE: I will never for the life of me understand how the early ‘90s could not sustain a James Earl Jones fronted program titled Gabriel’s Fire. Those worlds are supposed to meld beautifully.

PROS & CONS: Gabriel’s Fire would morph into the more lighthearted Pros & Cons which symbolized its new form by laying it on thick with the Video Toaster touches. Instead of James Earl Jones peering at you from the darkness, this go-around it’s a lot of smiles and silly moments with Richard Crenna.

BURKE’S LAW: Hearing “it’s Burke’s Law” at the start of that intro is like when “Do you smell what The Rock’s cooking?” would play before Dwayne Johnson would wander down a ramp to kick Triple H in the stomach. In this case, it’s to get you fired up that Gene Barry’s back on television. This particular episode promises Dom DeLuise and Tawny Kitaen together at last!

MAX MONROE: LOOSE CANNON: If you only see one intro for a Shadoe Stevens vehicle that transitions from a Donut Hole shot to an extended leer at a lady’s bum, make it this one!

TEQUILA AND BONETTI: The creators of Tequila and Bonetti know that if you want folks to get on board for an L.A. dramedy about a New York cop and streetwise police partner dog, you should kick things off by trying to make you feel sorry for this asshole who “accidentally” murdered a kid. Seriously, that’s the route Tequila and Bonetti goes with this fucking insane opening that begins with newspaper headlines screaming “COP KILLS 12 YR OLD” while he cradles a black girl in her arms and then BOOM! we’re spun around to JACK SCALIA GRINNING AROUND WACKY LOS ANGELES AND ALL ITS CRAZY CHARACTERS LIKE A DOG THAT JUMPS THROUGH A FUCKING WINDOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? THIS IS LIKE IF SOMEONE STROKED OFF THE HANNITY VIEWING AND KEPT WHAT WAS SPURTED OUT ONSCREEN! It’s just a really, really, really bad intro.

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thesportssoundoff · 7 years

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Dallas gets a PPV and it’s a great one: UFC 211 Preview

Joey

May 8th, 2017

The first half of 2017 has been all about ups and downs for the UFC. The free TV events have been for the most part acceptable even though they've lacked the sizzle to their events (as evidenced by not bad but not good ratings for most of their FS1 events and a few clunkers on FOX). On PPV, the story has been a lot tougher as bad cards lived up to bad billing, even if on paper I thought 208 had some fun aspects to it, and good cards either suffered injuries or were hampered by things out of the company's control. 209 was a great card that ended with an all time bad main event plus the loss of its co-main event while 210 had weird as hell fights, a perplexing main event, crazy judging and some even crazier refereeing. It's been a mess and as such, UFC 211 is being welcomed with open yet skeptical arms. This card actually reminds me a lot in some ways of UFC 146 from way back in the day. That year business was slow for the company and so they turned to an all heavyweight main card to inject some life into the UFC. It was a really great show and for a while, we could all forget about how utterly bumpy the road was and amuse ourselves in the rise of a new heavyweight phenom in Junior Dos Santos. Ironically enough, JDS rides into town during another bumpy as hell year to challenge for the title opposite Stipe Miocic. The main card for UFC 211 is arguably perfection from a matchmaking standpoing as all five fights are well matched fights pitting strength vs strength. All five fights could headline their own UFC event which is the sign of a great main card. Prelims are more than adquate as well and in some cases VERY very good, namely in the prelim headliner.

Fights: 14

Debuts: 4 (Rashad Coulter, Jared Gordon, Michel Quinones and David Branch)

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations: 1 (Jarjhis Danho/Dimitro Poberezhets turned into Dimitri Pobereezhets/Chase Sherman turns into Chase Sherman/Rashad Coulter)

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC): 10 (Joanna Champion, Stipe Miocic, Junior Dos Santos, Jorge Masvidal, Demian Maia, Frankie Edgar, Yair Rodriguez, Henry Cejudo, Eddie Alvarez and Dustin Poirier)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC: 2 (Chase Sherman, Henry Cejudo)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC: 11 (Stipe Miocic, Joanna Champion, Jessica Andrade, Demian Maia, Jorge Masvidal, Yair Rodriguez, Segio Pettis, Chas Skelly, Jason Knight, Kryzstof Jotko, Marco Polo Reyes)

Stat Monitor for 2017:

Debuting Fighters (Current number: 11-10)- Rashad Coulter, David Branch

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 6-10)- Rashad Coulter

Second Fight (Current number: 11-14)- Gadzhimurad Antigulov, JessicaAguilar

Twelve Precarious Ponderings:

1- The first fight for JDS and Stipe Miocic is well and truly a classic worth going out of your way to see. The first four rounds were really great shit and the last round is sort of disappointing but both guys were absolutely gassed out so forgive them. Miocic's boxing was worlds better than JDS for the first two (and IMO three) rounds but then Miocic just absolutely gassed out and JDS was able to pour the pressure on and rely on his superior conditioning, heart and fight IQ to wear out Miocic. In rewatching the second fight though, I noticed a few things that paint perhaps a more compelling picture in the rematch. For starters, there's a sequence in the second round where JDS is able to find a combination which gets the respect of Miocic. From then on, JDS is able to pop the same combination over and over and Miocic starts trying to wrestle him. The more you wrestle JDS, the more tired you get unless you're Cain (and even Cain Velasquez was exhausted at the end of their third fight in the troilgy). JDS has insane balance for a big man and Miocic is sneaky deceptive----but it is worth pointing out that Moicic has not had a fight leave the first round since the Dos Santos fight. JDS went five rounds last April even if it was kind of sort of a sparring exhibition.

2- IF you're picking JDS in this fight, you're gambling on two things. 1) The fact that Miocic hasn't had five tough rounds and has shown vulnerability against big punchers who combo well and 2) the HOPE that Dos Santos vs Rothwell was not one of those "the candle burns brightest before it goes out" moments where a fading fighter finds himself for one last big hurrah before the cliff hits. Otherwise there's no reason why the less shop worn, more athletic, more versatile fighter (Miocic's wrestling still exists even if he doesn't use it for a single god damn thing) who hits just as hard and KO'd the dude who KO'd THIS dude should be the loser. The problem is that vs Rothwell, JDS was everything you'd wish for him to be and then some. He looked quick on his feet, versatile with his strikes, powerful with his jab and most of all he seemed to be pulling the trigger again.

3- Who is the #1 contender AFTER this? There's Overeem/Werdum and I'm not sure I'd go that route. After a series of fresh HW title fights (Werdum/Cain, Werdum/Miocic and Miocic/Overeem), going winner vs winner here inevitably sets up a rematch of some kind. Francis Ngannou is sitting out there amassing wins and looking awesome but any of those four guys represents a massive step up and the only one I'd comfortably say Ngannou would beat is Overeem due to the whole Overeem so-so chin and Ngannou being quite possibly the hardest hitting HW since Shane Carwin. Derrick Lewis would be fun as shit if he beat Mark Hunt but man, I do NOT want to see Lewis/Werdum or Lewis/Miocic where Derrick has to shuck off 40 takedowns. In a perfect world, Cormier vs JDS would be a lot of fun but I think Cormier would retire before he'd move back up to HW.

4- The co-main event feels like a fight where there's a realistic chance for an upset even if nobody wants to discuss it. On paper this is a stylistic dream fight, two really tough really powerful women with differing styles (Joanna more of a symphony of violence, Jessica Andrade more like thrash metal) where if anyone is going to get to Joanna, it's the fighter who can pressure forward and put all kinds of smoke and team on her shots. I don't know if Jessica has one punch finishing power but I would argue she hits harder at 135 lbs and possesses the better submission game. The one thing I keep coming back to is Joanna's style and how over her last 3-4 fights, there's been some cracks showing. Against Valerie Letourneau, the few moments Val had came when she would pressure and blitz Joanna. She didn't win the fight but she had a few moments where you coulf see something could be done there. Vs Claudia Gadelha, Joanna had a REALLY tough time early dealing with the pressure AND power of Claudia. Gadelha put her down at one point (twice even if I remember correctly) and who knows where the fight goes if Claudia doesn't gas out going for takedowns. Against Karolina K, Joanna didn't seem as aggressive, didn't seem to press the issue with power shots as often and even was hurt REALLY badly by someone I would not consider to be a powerful striker. There's something going on here and Joanna's comments about maybe retiring and her long term health plus the scares she'd had in her past two fights paint a picture of something bigger. The rumors of her going to ATT and not being particularly well recieved raise a few concerns as well, I guess. I dunno there just seems to be a lot happening with Joanna that leaves room for doubt.

NOW is Jessica Andrade the fighter to beat her? I mean....it's hard to imagine someone who twice went life and death with Rocky Pennington winning the title from the most dominant female champion going currently. It's also hard to imagine this fight heading into the 4th or 5th rounds with Andrade not having a serious cardio disadvantage working against her. Also Joanna's kicks are the best Jessica has seen pretty much ever and so while I don't always go Joe Rogan on leg kicks, they're bound to have an advantage. I just think if anybody is going to beat Joanna Champion, this is the gal and this is the time for it. There's some smoke here.

5- If Yair Rodriguez KOs Frankie Edgar (or just beats him decisively), would that justifiably make Yair the #1 contender for the winner of Holloway-Aldo? Even over Cub Swanson who has two wins in high profile fights and is on paper as popular as he's ever been?

6- Man imagine a Mexico even with Yair fighting for the FW title and Brandon Moreno challenging for the flyweight title. That'd be fuckin' cool.

7- I went back and briefly looked at Demian Maia's shortcomings/weaker performances at welterweight. The two consistent refrains is that Maia can be stalled out on the ground (or perhaps he stalls you out from attempting any offense and can just stay on top) and his cardio in some of those fights, specifically ones where early on he has to really fight for takedowns, can lead to openings. Matt Brown DID have Maia bothered in the second half of their fight before Maia just snatched his neck and put him to bed---but Maia did take some shots in the process. Masvidal is REALLY hard to take down and even tougher to keep down. On the other hand, Masvidal is not a guy well known for turning up the heat late. I know pace and tempo are like boilerplate MMA terms but Masvidal IS the perfect example of a guy who controls pacing, tempo and has superb timing. The third round if it gets that far is going to be very interesting.

8- Sergio Pettis beats Henry Cejudo (by whatever way you so desire), does Pettis get the "record" shot vs Mighty Mouse or is that still Ray Borg's gig?

9- On paper I'd argue that Cejudo/Pettis and Alvarez/Poirier should be switched but Eddie has been SO quiet since the McGregor thrashing that I wonder if there's maybe some concern about his focus. The prelim headliner is still a BIG spot but it's obviously a lot more low profile than PPV main card. Whatever the case may be, I bet that fight is going to be badass while it lasts. Also shout out to Dustin Poirier for fighting like three months ago on one leg then turning around and taking a MASSIVE step up.

10- The Fight Pass fight of all fights pits SportsSoundoff hero Gabriel "Moggly" Benitez vs TheAntiCool's BFF Enrique Barzola. Mexico vs Peru! Moggly Benitez was once thought of to be one of the better fighters off of TUF Latin America Season One and while he is still 2-1 despite running into the leg of Andre Fili (no shame in that), he's probably been a step behind the likes of Marlon "Chito" Vera, Yair Rodriguez and Teco Quinones. He's a good fighter who probably has some untapped potential the more he trains with the likes of AKA. On the other hand, Enrique Barzola is a REALLY good, really raw young fighter with unlimited athletic potential and a developing fight game. He should be undefeated in the UFC but que sera sera and all that good stuff. Barzola's wrestling is surprisingly good for a fighter discovered off of TUF LAM and his striking is unorthodox, really funky and seems to be improving each time out. Enrique Barzola should be the favorite but I refuse to believe that Moggly won't have a shot.

11- We all like to bitch and banter about the UFC's LHW division but this is yet another show in a string of them where they're trying to churn the bottom of the roster. Similarly the same could be said with a HW as well with a new HW in the mix. Injury replacement and all but still!

12- Gotta admit I totally forgot about Jessica Aguilar and how good she is.

Must Wins:

Junior Dos Santos

Of the two big names in the main event, I feel like JDS has the most to lose here with a loss. Let's not entirely mince some words here; this is almost a gift title shot. He's getting the shot because someone has to fight Miocic and Cain/Werdum are both in the UFC bad books for two vastly different reasons. Rothwell was a damn good win given the streak he was on and so it's not like JDS didn't earn some semblance of a title shot. Even that being the case, Dos Santos' last seven fights consist of wins over Frank Mir, Cain twice, Mark Hunt, Overeem, Miocic and Rothwell. He's 4-3 and he wasn't entirely competitive in those losses. That being said, he's got a chance here. Miocic is hittable, his moments of greatness oftentimes coming out of brief glimpses of frailty. In glimpses JDS has the ability to remind you of why once upon a time he was the no doubt about it best HW in the world. If he loses to Miocic, you'd essentially have to acknowledge that if he's a top 5 HW, 3 of his contemporaries in that mix have beaten him.

Frankie Edgar

At just 24 years old, the 145er and 155ers of the UFC will be dealing with Yair Rodriguez for a long time. He's going to challenge for plenty of belts and as his physical maturation combines with Greg Jackson in his ear, Yair Rodriguez will almost certainly be a face for the UFC. There's no pressure on Yair here. Frankie Edgar is one of those fighters stuck in no man's land. The scene at 155 lbs has grown to the point where Edgar's herky jerky quirky stylings and in and out movement can't carry him the way it used to. At the same time, he's had two swing and a misses at Jose Aldo and the last one wasn't quite as competitive as we all hoped it'd be. He's 35 years old, on the last fight of his deal and he's the kind of guy the UFC has been losing/letting go recently. The sort of guy who is a TV draw but not a PPV draw who has essentially maxed out his value. Edgar vs Yair is the battle of good young fighter who might be great against the great old fighter who might be slowly dropping towards good. Edgar is far and away the greatest wrestler Yair has ever faced and conversely, Yair Rodriguez is really the most dynamic athletic that Edgar has faced. No, I don't think he's as good as Aldo but Yair does so many other weird, wacky and wild things that he essentially combines the "I don't give a fuck" of Cub Swanson with the versatility of Aldo. Edgar wins this fight and he's got two wins in a row likely looking at a bigger payday and he PROBABLY sneaks his way back into talks as a name for 145 lbs again or even 135 lbs if he finally commits to that drop in weight. A loss and maybe the UFC views a 35 year old Frankie Edgar as a guy on the downslide who can no longer beat the elites, isn't going to fight for the title and may not be worth six figures for them anymore.

Demian Maia

There's a section of UFC fans who think Demian Maia is a draw and he's really not. His TV numbers aren't great, I don't think Maia is a guy who draws people to the venue and he exits to be what I believe most insiders would refer to as card dressing. Having said that, the 170 lb landscape is KIND OF in the midst of some upheaval and so if Maia's ever going to get that title shot, the opportunity has to be now. He's won what feels like 10 fights in a row and his wins are over the likes of Carlos Condit, Neil Magny, Gunnar Nelson and Ryan LaFlare. He gets a surprisingly difficult puzzle to figure out; a low output striker who rarely misses his shots, rarely gets taken down, might be impossible to submit and has found some power since he moved up to 170 lbs. It's a fight Maia should win that presents some stylistic challenges for an aging BJJ maestro with so so cardio but arguably the stickiest grappling in MMA. We recently saw a similar minded aging BJJ maestro struggle vs a a guy who presented stylistic challenges who rarely gets taken down and has found his power after moving up in weight. I don't know if the ending will be the same but there's no question that there are some similarities in these two movie scripts.

Five Underlying Themes

1- Will there be more consistency in the three person commentary booth or are we doomed to more at times awkward at times stilted bro convos between Rogan and DC?

2- This is the best card of the year but I'd almost argue UFC 208 had more buzz to it. Will this card pick up as we get closer and realize this fight is FINALLY happening?

3- Texas has a well earned rep for shitty judging, even worse reffing and just general commission wackiness. Are we in line for another night of madness?

4- How will the crowd respond to Yair Rodriguez, a budding star to be, in his biggest fight ever?

5- Will we get any UFC 213 or UFC 214 announcements?

#MMA #UFC #UFC 211 #Junior Dos Santos #Stipe Miocic #Joanna Champion #Frankie Edgar #David Branch

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