#first i wanted it to be calum but the character suits ashton better | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bananashemmo · 5 years

Text

Meningitis

Pairing: Y/N/Ex-husband!Ashton

Rating: All (But this can get a little angsty)

Request: No

Words: 4.500+

Summary: Ashton flies all the way from London to Sydney in a rush to support his ex-wife because their son is admitted to the hospital diagnosed with meningitis.

With folded fingers and eyes focusing on the careful breathing coming from the white sheets, you held in your own and closed your eyes.

It was the feeling of wanting to scream and shout. Do something to give the feeling of actually doing something about the situation. Sitting in here felt like a prison, like you couldn’t escape the four walls.

Your eyes glanced towards your son Daniel, his fragile small body almost covered in the puddle of his sheet and tubings. His eyes were peacefully closed and blocked out from the terrifying situation he was suddenly put into.

You honestly couldn’t believe your own eyes.

“I’m here, I’m here.” The door burst open with a panting Ashton barely letting go of the door handle, his chest heaving up and down and his eyes searching for results.

You stood up from your chair quickly and tried not to cry. It was just as if reality hit you hard the second Ashton was pulled into the nightmare.

“Oh my god.”

Ashton was still holding onto the boarding pass from his airplane flight. It was crumbled between his long fingers and his gaze was directly pointed towards the hospital bed.

Any other moment than this you would scold at him. Not for one but many things. It was moments like these that you needed him the most. Not because you weren’t strong enough, but because your son needed both his parents in a time like this.

He let go of the door handle and approached the room. It had been quiet, the only source of sounds came from the monitor that proved that his heart was still beating. But it was slow and almost quiet. Sometimes if you closed your eyes, you couldn’t point out what was loudest.

That, or your own heart pacing for your life.

You held onto the brown bunny that was seeming to be the only thing keeping you from crashing something between your fingers. It didn’t have a name but when Daniel was younger he called it Michael.

Simply because he had gotten it from his favorite uncle.

Ashton ran a hand through his hair, the curly mess sticking to his fingers but he pulled so hard he didn’t mind ripping out pieces of his hair. He could feel his heart race as well and he looked over at you for answers.

“It’s not looking good.” You whispered below a breath.

You didn’t want to act mad at him. It didn’t make sense in a time like this but without control of emotions. You just couldn’t. You were angry, you were frustrated but with a feeling of deep sorrow.

You could compare it to a hole in your heart. The one thing that was holding it together was fighting for his own life. You couldn’t even feel his presence in the room if it wasn’t for the fact that the heart monitor was still going on.

“I talked to him on the phone yesterday, I was FaceTiming him-,” Ashton didn’t know how to finish his sentence. He was stumbling over his words.

“He said he just had a small headache and sore in his neck. I just assumed it was from swimming, he said he had been jumping on the low side again and hit the bottom.”

You quivered an eyebrow because Daniel had left out that information yesterday after his swimming practice. You shrugged off the thought and held the bunny closer to your heart.

“You’re sure it’s meningitis?”

You didn’t know what to answer. You weren’t a doctor, you couldn’t point out a statement without knowing if it was true or not.

You just didn’t want to state something at all. You couldn’t say out loud that something was wrong because that meant you had to face reality. You weren’t ready for that yet.

Just not yet.

Ashton walked closer to the bed and shrugged his hand over the white sheets. His eyes were searching desperately for his son’s, they looked identical. The same hazel effect with a hint of green. Sometimes you swore you looked into the eyes of Ashton when speaking to your son.

He was about to ask another question when the door to the hospital room opened.

“Ashton, this is Dr. Darren. He’s been helping Daniel since we arrived this morning.” You introduced and the doctor moved his hand out from his pocket to greet Ashton.

“The father, I assume.” Dr. Darren gave Ashton a second look and he nodded his head in agreement.

“I came as fast as I could,” Ashton spoke in purely honest and watched the doctor head towards the monitor. He needed to make checkups, he came every twenty minutes to see Daniel’s statement.

“Has your ex-wife explained to you about meningitis?” He asked and Ashton shook his head.

“Are you sure it’s me-,”

“The tests were positive.” Dr. Darren answered Ashton’s question before he could finish it.

Ashton’s lips folded together and he blinked twice looking over at his son. Suddenly, it was as if reality hit him. You were still standing in denial by the end of the bed.

“No, I don’t know much about meningitis,” Ashton answered defeated, placing his hands in his back pockets and had trouble keeping his eye contact with Dr. Darren.

“Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes surrounding your brain and spinal cord. The swelling from meningitis typically triggers symptoms such as headache, fever and a stiff neck. Most cases of meningitis are caused by a viral infection, but bacterial, parasitic and fungal infections are other causes.”

“And in English?” Ashton didn’t want to come off as rude but his emotions were being torn and played with. He wasn’t the one in control of it and he felt as if he was a puppet with threads.

“Ashton.” You scolded at him quietly.

He glanced over at you, not knowing what else to say and glanced over at the doctor. He never wanted to be rude. That wasn’t like him.

Dr. Darren sighed with a sad smile. He experienced this every single day. It came with the job, some times things were happy and sometimes he brought work with him home.

“Your son has a dangerous disease which needs to be treated with antibiotics. It’s an infection in his brain which can cause various injuries if not treated in time. We’ve been giving him antibiotics since this morning when they came from their own personal doctor, but so far we can’t see the future problems.”

Ashton looked at him with serious eyes, trying to understand what was going on. He had heard about the disease before, but only on the occasions where the antibiotics had been giving too late.

“What are the percent chances?” He asked with his fingers folded and glanced over at you for a second.

He glanced back at the doctor, waiting for an answer. Dr. Darren sighed.

“Bacterial meningitis is a dangerous disease which, untreated, has a very high mortality rate, almost 100 percent. Despite the best possible treatment, 5-15 percent of the disease still dies, as the disease may develop very rapidly in some cases.”

Not the words Ashton needed to hear. He could see on your face it wasn’t a question you had asked previously. It was hard to hear those words come out from his mouth.

“In addition, 10-15 percent get severe injuries and sequelae such as amputation, epilepsy or significant hearing loss. However, if the first critical day is over, the prognosis is very good, and most of the people get out of their way.”

“You heard that,” Ashton looked over at you softly, “That are the notes we need to stick to the surface. We can’t believe in positivity if we go after the negative right away.”

You nodded your head slowly and placed your hand on the top of the sheets. You just wished that you could feel a bit of movement.

Usually, Daniel hated when you would be touching his calves. Whether it was ‘mom disease’ or just the fact that he was very ticklish you didn’t know.

“Right now his condition is stable but I can’t promise anything when he wakes up. We’ve been trying to balance pain killers with a bit of morphine just to take away the pain he was suffering from.” Dr. Darren took a look at his papers just to make sure nothing was missed.

“I will be back in the next twenty minutes. I think one of our nurses will show up to give another round of antibiotics.”

“Thank you.” You smiled gently at Dr. Darren the best you could. It was with a cut through your heart and the second he was out of the door, the corners of your mouth turned down.

You sighed so heavily you could feel it from your toes and your stomach. This was harder than anything else you had gone through.

This was harder than giving birth.

Ashton moved closer to the bed and sad on the other side from where you were sitting. He looked like someone who had a million thoughts racing but his mouth was shut close.

“I know you’re really mad at me but this was not something I couldn’t predict.”

You didn’t know you should roll your eyes by his start of a conversation. It was already going downhill.

“You left for an 8 months length tour. Traveling through Asia, Europe, and the states. No, you couldn’t predict that bad luck would suddenly hit our family and that’s not what I’m mad about.”

“What is it then?” He asked desperately but continued to have a calm voice. He didn’t want to lash out after you when you were most vulnerable.

“I’m angry that you left him. You know he loves you more than everything-,”

“I asked him to come with me and you said no.” Ashton quickly interrupted you causing you to widen your eyes.

“You wanted your eight-year-old son to travel with you across the world and skip his school? Skip his swim classes, skip all his friends and family, not just mine but also yours living here in Sydney? Of course, he was going to say yes because all he wanted to do was to be with his father. But that wasn’t the right decision and I had to step in because you couldn’t face reality.”

You didn’t want to cry, you had been holding in the whole day but seeing Ashton here woke up so many memories. It was like you went from 50 to 90.

“He barely spoke to me for a whole week, Ashton. I felt as if he hated me. Because I was the evil mom who wouldn’t let him travel with his father. The bad mom knowing that staying home would be best for his development and life.”

Ashton looked at you by every word that came from your mouth. He could see how your voice was ready to crack and your heart was pacing quicker.

You looked over at Daniel with shiny eyes, deciding that it was not the time for crying. You could still hold it in. You didn’t need Ashton to crack you now.

“I’m sorry.” He looked at you sincerely but you shook your head.

“I’m not the one you should tell sorry.”

You glanced back at Daniel and leaned over to grab his hand. Just so carefully and you looked down at the venflon. He wore a hand glove over it, the typical one that was white and blue like a net.

He hated needles. You were so happy that he wasn’t going through the pain because he was already in and out of sleep. It made it so much easier because one thing was being a mom through hard times.

Seeing your son in pain was the worst.

He had barely noticed he was wearing it when he woke up during lunch. He didn’t seem to be awake though, he moved like a zombie. You almost couldn’t recognize him.

“Remember the last time he wore that?” Ashton asked and you nodded your head silently.

“Luke’s idea. Still probably the biggest regret.” You shook your head in disbelief by the memory.

Last time you were at the hospital with Daniel was when he was four. It was Luke’s idea of going to one of the highest mountains in LA and going on the sled. It was a mistake though that you let him use the sled on his own. When Luke pushed him he crashed right into a tree and broke his arm.

“It literally took us an hour to calm him down before getting the venflon into his veins,” Ashton remembered back and folded his hands together.

“He just hates needles. I’m not looking forward to his 12-year vaccine.” You mumbled and Ashton chuckled sadly.

You both sat in silence for a minute, attention towards the door when it opened.

“Oh my, Y/N. You still haven’t left the room?” The nurse looked at you with worried eyes.

You shook your head silently and ignored Ashton’s eyes. He did that when he was worried and especially when he was worried about you.

“For how long have you been sitting here?” The nurse was named Sandra, she looked at the both of you with worried eyes. She smiled gently at Ashton and shook his head, realizing he was an unfamiliar face.

“Since we arrived at ten. I’m impressed you are here too, shouldn’t your shift be over by now.”

“Yes, I should have left when we switched shifts at 6 p.m but I took an extra. Sometimes stories like these come closer to our hearts. I just need to be here until you are released from the hospital. You know, I usually say this to the patients that they need to eat. But you haven’t touched anything and I can still see the glass of water I served you this morning.”

You eyes glanced towards the glass and you sunk deeper into the bed.

“I’m just not thirsty.” You mumbled, looking down at the sheets and fiddled with it between your fingers.

“You haven’t been drinking or eating since morning?” Ashton looked at you almost in disbelief, his tone nice.

He looked up at the nurse in confusion and she nodded her head silently. She couldn’t force you to do to anything but you’d admit you had been very stubborn about leaving the room.

“It would be a great idea if you guys went for a walk. Just to get some fresh air or stretch your legs. It sometimes helps on the thoughts. Maybe a glass of water.” The nurse looked over at Ashton, sincerely hoping that he could convince you.

“I’m not going anywhere as long as he is sleeping. I need to be here when he wakes up.” You were trying to sound strong but your voice came off weak.

Ashton folded his hands together and moved them up to his mouth in thought.

He looked back at the nurse trying to come up with some sort of idea.

“Y/N, please.” He almost pleaded, “You need to eat something.”

“I promise you, I will be in here until you come back. If something happens, you will be the first one I call.” The nurse joined Ashton’s convincement.

You looked between them both with folded lips. You felt torn between being glued to the bed and standing up. You didn’t know if you were going to regret it, but deep down you knew it was a good idea.

“Okay,” You mumbled carefully and moved up from the bed.

Ashton smiled carefully. He was happy that you agreed to and he stood up from the bed as well.

“You promise me?” You looked over at the nurse daringly. The smallest thing could ruin your trust and you did not want to go through that.

She nodded her head and Ashton placed a hand gently on your back to follow you out of the room. Normally you would have shrugged him off but the feeling of his hand reminded you of home.

You walked out on the quiet hallway where only unused beds with plastic covering them stood placed. You could hear someone talk from down the hallway, it came from the office where they received calls.

It had become late at night which meant visitor hours were over but being on the children’s ward, parents were allowed to stay. They even agreed to give you a bed if you weren’t released before midnight.

You stopped in track when you walked past the waiting room. It was filled with navy blue empty chairs, you compared them to the same as in the airports. There was a large floor to ceiling window which showed the city.

So many beautiful city lights but nothing was appreciated tonight.

When you came down to the first floor and outside where a water foundation was standing, you could release the pain that was going through your veins.

“Do you know you’re the strongest woman I know?” Ashton said carefully and shrugged off his jacket.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You shook your head and looked at him gently when he placed his jacket over your shoulders.

So many lights came from the hospital you didn’t need lights from the streetlamps.

“I honestly feel like I need a cigarette.”

“But you’ve never had a cigarette in your life?” Ashton reminded and leaned his back against the brick wall.

“Maybe I should start. I think it could help with my stress.” You ran a hand through your hair.

You didn’t have a count of how many times you had done that today. It had been pulled and pulled, mixed between being in a bun and not.

“Not after how many drunken times you’ve tried to convince Calum it was a bad habit.” He mentioned and you looked him tiredly.

He was having that look on his face where you knew you couldn’t get past him until you were feeling okay. He knew he couldn’t change the situation you were in. It was hell, it was hurtful but he tried his best to make you feel as comfortable as possible.

You looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“What did the boys say?” You scratched your arm carefully and looked down at the ground. The tiles were shiny, you were surprised that even outside the hospital everything was clean.

“They understood the situation. There wasn’t even a discussion. The second I mentioned something happened to Daniel, Luke already found my suitcase and helped me pack. Before I could look over my shoulder one of the managers fixed a plane ticket to Sydney.”

You nodded your head silently and watched him continue.

“I think everyone in the world would understand my situation. I know there are still 23 shows left but they are either going to be canceled or done without me. I bet if they asked a collab from All Time Low they could probably help them out to fill my spot. I don’t care. I’m not going anywhere until we know that Daniel is feeling alright.”

Ashton licked his lips and looked down at the ground as well. He was a hard time looking at you for some reason.

“How have you been?”

The question seemed dumb, Ashton could tell when it slipped past his lips. He wished he could take the question back when you looked at him with dark eyes.

“I’m a single mother trying to give my son the best life possible. Sometimes I wonder if he feels like he doesn’t have a father.” You leaned down to stand against the brick wall with your knees bent.

Ashton’s mouth twisted into a sad mine and he scratched his arm, “You don’t think he feels like that, do you?”

You looked up at him from having your knees between your legs, “Put yourself into his position and give me the answer when you’ve thought about it. I’m sure it makes sense when you reconsider the situation.”

“I talk to him almost every single day.” Ashton didn’t want to use it as an excuse but neither did he want you to accuse him of doing literally nothing.

“You know Daniel. You know he is a security addict. He needs someone close to him to know that they love him and won’t leave him behind. Don’t you remember when he was younger and the only thing he wanted was you? I couldn’t do anything right. Not even if I was the one breastfeeding him, he still wanted to be in your safe arms!”

You shook your head in disbelief and folded your lips together.

“I just can’t believe that this happened to him. He’s so full of life and wants to do something positive every single day. If he reminds me of someone, he reminds me of you. Wants to explore every single part of himself and the world. It’s just too early for him to leave. I don’t and won’t allow him to be a part of 15%.”

Ashton’s jaw clenched and he took in every word you said. He understood you were having a hard time. After the divorce, he had sleepless nights wondering how you were feeling.

“Ashton,” You looked up at him with shiny eyes.

“I’m about to break.”

At first, he furrowed his eyebrows, not knowing how to handle your statement. He assumed you had said it a couple of times today but then his eyes widened.

“Ashton, I’m breaking.” You hiccupped and moved your hands up to your face to cover it.

It took him less than a second to wrap his long arms around your form and pull you close. His heart was probably pounding as fast as yours was, but he pushed his feelings aside to be there for you.

You held onto his shirt as if life depended on it, letting the tears float without worrying about everything else around you.

You needed the feeling of comfort and even if you didn’t want to admit it to yourself, the only one who could truly comfort you would be Ashton.

He stood up from the ground with you and wrapped his hand in your hair. Carefully shrugging his hand up and down in comfort, while whispering soft words that were going to calm you down.

“It’s going to be okay, I promise you.” He moved away when you calmed down and placed his hands on your cheeks.

“You just have to trust me, okay. It’s going to be okay.”

You whimpered and looked into his eyes. It did in fact help to calm you down and you closed your eyes. Just thinking for a second and trying to compose yourself.

You felt vibrations from your phone and you quickly rushed to rip it out from your pocket.

“It’s Sandra, Daniel’s nurse.” You looked up at him with wide eyes and his lips parted.

“She says we need to come urgently.”

Ashton didn’t need to hear you finish the sentence to know what was going on. He grabbed your hand and had a direction towards the entrance to the hospital.

“Run.”

You could barely keep up with his long legs. Ashton was running so fast you needed to hold his hand just to make sure he wouldn’t escape from you. It felt like the quickest trip to the 11th floor and when you almost crashed into the door to Daniel’s hospital room, Ashton had to place his hands on your hip.

“What’s going on?” You rushed into the room and scanned for the nurse.

Your mouth opened agape and Ashton almost knocked himself into your back when you stopped walking.

He didn’t understand why you had stopped up but that was when his eyes adverted towards the bed where Daniel was sitting up in the bed with a glass of water.

“Daniel?” You had to ask out loud just to make sure this was real.

He didn’t look fully fresh but at least he was awake. He had tired eyes, no wonder but he smiled when he saw both you and Ashton here.

“He’s awake. We just checked his system and monitors. He doesn’t need more antibiotics treatments.”

“You mean he’s cured?” Ashton asked to be sure and Sandra nodded her head in agreement.

“If you want to stay for the night you’re allowed to just for extra checks but if you want to go home you’re also allowed to do that. We just have to take one last blood example in 15 minutes.”

You nodded your head in agreement but your eyes weren’t on her. They were on Daniel and he was smiling towards you.

“Mom, I’m feeling much better than I did this morning.” He explained and you nodded your head in agreement.

“I’m so happy to hear that.” You took a seat down by the end of the bed and grabbed his hand. The one with the venflon and his eyes widened when he noticed it.

“I’ve been wearing this all day?” He asked and you laughed.

“Yes, Mrs. Sandra make a great job putting it on without you noticing.” You smiled over your shoulder where Sandra was standing, holding onto her papers with a satisfied smile.

“I’ll leave you to decide.” She started to back away and walked out of the room.

“Dad?” Daniel had to ask when he looked over at Ashton who seemed both relieved but at the same time guilty.

“Hey, bud. I missed you.” Ashton took a seat on the opposite side of you and placed his hand on the sheets.

“I missed you too.” Daniel almost whispered and looked down at the sheets.

You looked between them with furrowed eyebrows. You could tell Daniel was bothered by something.

“Are you leaving if we drive home? Because then I want to stay here for the night.”

It almost killed Ashton to hear those words. His eight-year-old son really knew how to hit him in the feels where it hurt. He folded his hands together and with a small smile, he shook his head.

“I promise you, I won’t leave you for weeks.”

“But dad, you can’t cancel your tour.” Daniel shook his head but Ashton was settled with his decision.

“I can do everything I want as long as my son feels happy. Besides, FaceTime can never beat this feeling.” He carefully caressed Daniel on the arm and smiled when he looked ecstatic.

“Can you live with mom and me? I won’t allow you to stay at a hotel.”

Ashton’s lips parted and he looked over at you with wide eyes.

“Mom, you can’t say no this is dad! You’ve been married before, it shouldn’t be weird for you to live together. He can sleep on the floor next to me if needed.”

You couldn’t help but giggle by Daniel trying to convince you. He sounded pretty fresh all of the sudden considering the late hours.

“I think we can make a few agreements and readjustments.” You nodded your head with a smile, feeling goosebumps appear on your arms by Daniel’s excited cheer.

You looked over at Ashton with blushed cheeks, mouthing a ‘thank you’ without Daniel noticing.

Ashton roamed in the seat and leaned his other arm forward to grab your hand, holding it carefully and looked back at Daniel who was starting to spill stories.

He promised it was going to be okay and you looked between them both with a smile that couldn’t compare to anything else.

Everything is okay.

245 notes · View notes

cakesunflower · 4 years

Text

Just My Kind [Teacher!Calum AU] Part 5

Previous Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

“Seriously, Ms. Kline—you two look so cute!”

Odessa let out a light laugh despite the heat pooling in her cheeks as one of her students, Marci, who was dressed as Padmé Amidala, grinned before pulling away from where she stood between Odessa and Calum after they posed with her for a picture. It was Halloween, and almost every student and teacher was dressed up, and during gym or lunch or the few minutes between classes, people were posing for pictures with one another—and many, mostly the girls, had approached Odessa and Calum so they could take a picture with the school’s Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. They were almost as popular as the four gym teachers who dressed up as KISS.

She and Calum had decided on recreating costumes from the scene of when Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth dance at Mr. Bingley’s ball, Odessa’s white dress and dark hair done in an updo remarkably resembling Kiera Knightley’s costume from the film. Odessa had felt a bit strange, walking into the school in a long white dress that was so soft against her skin, hair done up in braids and curls, but when she noted the costumes of her fellow teachers and students—seriously, the gym teachers had gone out with their outfits and makeup—Odessa had felt a bit more relieved.

Especially when she saw Calum.

Just like her, his costume starkly resembled Mr. Darcy’s suit from the very scene they were dressed up as. The dark coat with the white ruffled shirt underneath was a simple outfit, yet there was nothing simple about Calum. Although his blonde hair didn’t match Mr. Darcy’s traditionally dark locks—Calum had lamented about the lack of his natural hair color—he still looked classy and dangerously prince-like—and Odessa knew she wasn’t the only one who thought so. She was pretty sure she’d seen some of the young girls quite literally swoon at the sight of him, which was more amusing than disturbing.

Just a few hours after school had let out, Odessa arrived to Luke and Sierra’s place, noting the cars that were already in the driveway and parked along the sidewalk. As she unbuckled her seatbelt, Calum grinned from the driver’s seat. “Ready to head in, Ms. Bennet?”

Odessa scoffed, an amused smile upturning her lips. Calum had taken to calling her that throughout the school day, referring to himself as Mr. Darcy. Apparently he took Halloween pretty seriously, into it as much as the students were, and it was refreshing to be around his excitement. As the two of them approached the door, Odessa mused, “So what’s the prize for the costume contest?”

Yes, Luke and Sierra were holding a costume contest, which Odessa had found out a few days ago when Luke had reminded her to use that as motivation to get a good costume. When Odessa had asked him what the prize was, he had promptly told her it was a secret—but Odessa knew him well enough to know that was his way of stalling because at the time, he hadn’t thought of a prize yet.

“Pretty sure it’s one of those Visa gift cards,” Calum snorted before shrugging. “But it’s for a couple of hundred bucks and I wouldn’t say no to that,” he added with a boyish grin and quick raise of his eyebrows, and Odessa chuckled in agreement, her breath fogging in front of her in the cold night air.

The house, as expected, was filled with people dressed up obscurely, the spirit of Halloween alive as some remix of the Monster Mash played. Odessa was fairly certain it was the same one Principal Howell played that morning prior to the first bell ringing. People all around her were dressed as fictional characters, as their own versions of different occupations, video game characters, and she was pretty sure she’d caught a glimpse of two people dressed in the classic salt and pepper costume. Halloween related decorations were up as well, decals of spiders and bats on the wall, Jack-O-Lanterns placed around the house, and even a damn smoke machine in certain places that had people’s feet disappearing below the ankles.

They decided to find their friends first, all of them gathered in the back den around a beer pong table, and Odessa suppressed a laugh at the sudden sensation of feeling as though she was back in college. Not that she’d ever played much beer pong; it wasn’t her sort of thing.

Sierra was the first one to catch sight of them approaching, eyes lighting up with a wide grin as she gasped, her voice traveling over the hum of the music and everyone else as she exclaimed, “Oh, my God—your costumes look even better than I thought!”

Her words caught everyone’s attention before they all looked over to Odessa and Calum approaching them, earning enthusiastic greetings as Michael raised an eyebrow at them. “Who’re you two supposed to be?”

Odessa could ask him the same thing, but she vaguely remembered Calum telling her that he and Crystal were dressing up as some anime characters. “We’re Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice, you uncultured shit,” Calum responded with a scoff, bumping his fist with Ashton’s as he came to stand next to him. “Our students loved it,” he added, a proud grin on his face as his gaze met Odessa’s. She couldn’t fight back the smile that quirked her lips in response.

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” Paige said with a smile that, just by giving her one glance, Odessa knew was strained.

Paige’s eyes met Odessa’s then, and she instantly recognized the irritation that darkened her hazel eyes. Odessa bit the inside of her cheek, taking a breath and instinctively breaking her gaze with Paige’s, not wanting to actively be on the receiving end of her silent scowl. No doubt Calum essentially dressing up in a couple’s costume with anyone but her was grating at Paige’s nerves, and Odessa had a strong feeling if she wasn’t on Paige’s shit list before, she definitely earned a spot now. The glare Paige had practiced into a look of neutrality—one that Odessa was too familiar with—rested on her face, razor-like eyes settled on Odessa.

Adamant on keeping her gaze averted from Paige’s, Odessa looked at Luke and offered a smile. “Weren’t you a vampire when we were seniors?”

Luke scoffed, clearly unperturbed by his repeated costume. “Yeah—but now I’ve got someone to complete the look,” he reasoned with a dimpled grin, dropping his arm around Sierra’s shoulders. Odessa smiled at the sight, taking in her matching vampire costume and makeup, noting the clever detail of fake blood trailing down the corners of Luke’s lips to match the painted on red bite marks on the side of Sierra’s neck.

Ashton rolled his eyes, giving the couple a pointed look as he said, “If you two win the costume contest, then this shit is rigged.”

As Sierra told Ashton that wouldn’t happen, KayKay, who was appropriately dressed as Winona Ryder from Beetlejuice, looked over at Odessa and Calum, a smile on her face as she raised her eyebrows and asked, “So your students understood your costumes’ reference?”

Odessa huffed out a laugh. “I would’ve cried if they didn’t.” Though, it wouldn’t be too surprising, she figured. Not every, if any, high school student knew the beauty of Jane Austen.

Next to her Calum chuckled before, leaning closer, he asked, “I’m gonna grab a beer—you want anything?”

She wasn’t in the mood to do any heavy drinking tonight, so she opted for one as well. “I’ll have the same, thanks.”

He acknowledged her request with a boyish wink, one that foolishly warmed Odessa’s cheeks, before he turned to head towards the kitchen. Odessa tuned back into whatever conversations her friends were having upon his leave, only to have Crystal lean close and smile, “You two would honestly be so cute.”

She said it quietly, only loud enough for Odessa to hear, and although Crystal’s words had Odessa’s heart stopping for a moment, she also pressed her teeth together when oblivious to Crystal, Paige shot the blonde woman a glare behind her head. Clearly she heard what Crystal said, the idea of Calum with Odessa not one she was in support of as her jaw tightened before her sharp eyes met Odessa’s blue. Her stare was firm, intense, as if she was silently challenging Odessa to agree with Crystal’s statement.

Odessa’s stomach twisted. The subtle giddiness she’d felt over Crystal’s comment was overshadowed by the anxious guilt—guilt for what? She had no reason to feel guilty!—that stirred in the pit of Odessa’s stomach under Paige’s irritated glare. She didn’t even look hurt at the thought of overhearing someone else would ‘look cute’ with the guy she supposedly had a claim over—just downright annoyed.

In the back of Odessa’s mind, she wondered if Paige genuinely liked Calum, or just liked the idea of him.

“No, no, we’re just friends,” Odessa told Crystal, a light yet nervous laugh accompanying her words. She wasn’t sure if she was defending, protesting, denying so she could ease her heart rate or subsequently let Paige know she wasn’t trying to step on her toes. Or feelings. Whichever. Even if the thought of her and Calum made her heart flutter. “There’s nothing like that going on.”

Crystal shrugged, still unaware of Paige listening in, as mirth danced in her blue eyes. “Maybe there should be,” she hummed.

One look at Paige and Odessa knew she vehemently disagreed.

Before Odessa could swallow the small lump that had formed in her throat and reply to Crystal, Calum reappeared next to her, handing her a bottle of Stella Artois with a smile. He held his own out, waiting for her to clink her bottle with his as he greeted, “Miss Bennet.”

She looked at him, felt some of the tension ease from her muscles as he pulled out a smile from her so effortlessly. Calum was smiling, as always, dark eyes glimmering against the dimmed lighting of Luke’s house. With an amused shake of her head, Odessa asked not for the first time, “You take this seriously, don’t you?”

Calum grinned, bringing the bottle up to his lips as he offered a shrug. “Just a little.”

Conversations continued along with the music that was playing, and as Odessa watched Calum engage in a round of beer pong against KayKay, Luke leaned against the wall next to Odessa and asked, “So are you chaperoning that field trip Cal was telling me about? To Big Bear?”

“Oh, yeah,” Odessa answered with a hum as she remembered. It was a weekend trip for the juniors and seniors between Thanksgiving weekend and Christmas break, and Odessa had signed up to be a chaperone, and given that Big Bear was going to have snow around this time of year, she needed to do some winter packing. “I’m excited.”

Luke raised an eyebrow at her, although her gaze remained on the beer pong game going on in front of them. “Do you even know how to ski?”

Rolling her eyes, she told her friend, “I don’t have to ski to enjoy the resort, Luke.”

Paige shook her head, sipping her drink before asking, “If you don’t even know how to ski, why bother going?”

She sounded unimpressed, patronizing, and Odessa had a feeling she was the only one who picked up on it—and maybe Luke, who knew Paige almost as well as she did. Inhaling a silent, calming breath, Odessa kept her expression relaxed and offered a shrug. “I want to see snow.” God, there was no reason for her to even have to explain herself.

Paige rolled her eyes, hiding her sneer behind the rim of her cup as she took another sip, and Odessa clenched her jaw as she looked away from her. Her annoyance with Paige was mixing in with the ever present nerves that made themselves known when she was in her presence, and Odessa did her best to just focus on the beer pong game going on.

It was a close game, both KayKay and Calum good at the act of tossing ping pong balls into cups, letting out a chuckle as KayKay tossed the ball in the last cup standing and missing. Her groan was drowned out by everyone’s exclaims, and as Calum picked up the ball, ready to toss it into the single cup left for him as well, his brown eyes met Odessa’s blue. Then, with a boyish wink, he said, “This one’s for you, Miss Bennet.”

Odessa’s eyebrows shot up, unsure if she wanted to laugh or have the ground open up beneath her. He definitely wasn’t making things easier for her against Paige—not that he was under any obligation to.

He certainly wasn’t making it any easier to completely discard Paige’s glares and revel in the warmth he spread throughout her own cheeks.

Calum tossed the little white ball, and everyone let out a cheering exclaims as it landed in the cup with a muted plop! that had him smirking triumphantly. Odessa let out a laugh as Calum came to stand next to her, arm dropping around her shoulders as he smirked, “Think you’re my good luck charm, Essa.” He frowned at himself momentarily before shooting her a sheepish smile. “In a way that’s not objectifying at all, I mean.”

She snorted with a shake of her head, though Odessa definitely found it endearing that Calum would think she’d ever find anything he said as objectifying. Still, as amused as she was by him, she couldn’t entirely ignore the warmth in her cheeks at their sudden proximity—or his sentiment of her being his good luck charm. They stood closely together, his heat seeping into her skin through the thin material of the dress she wore, and Odessa hoped her makeup and the dim lighting of the den would mask the pink blush she could feel spreading through her face. The knowing smirk Crystal shot her way didn’t help.

“I don’t really have any winter clothes,” Odessa chuckled as she watched Sierra make herself a drink, leaning against the counter. “I think I need to buy at least one coat for the cold.”

It was some time after watching Calum and KayKay’s beer pong game, and Odessa had ended up in the kitchen with Sierra, the party continuing around them. There was a girl in an Elsa costume making out with a guy dressed up as a firefighter next to the fridge. Meanwhile, Odessa and Sierra were discussing the field trip Odessa was going on soon, and how her lack of winter clothes was going to make it a bit difficult for her to stay warm in the snowy mountains. Truth be told, Odessa hadn’t even been aware California had those, so she was wholly unprepared for the trip to Big Bear Mountain.

“Oh, you can borrow one of mine!” Sierra offered with a smile. With a laugh, she added, “I’m from the east coast, so I’ve got a couple of coats. I’m pretty sure we’re the same size.”

Odessa’s eyes lit up in hope. “Really? You sure?”

“Yeah, of course,” Sierra answered with a shrug. “It’s not like I need to wear ’em anyway. Plus you won’t be wasting money. No big deal.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Odessa held her nearly empty bottle of beer to her chest as she said, “You’re a life saver.”

Sierra grinned before taking a sip of her drink, tasting it. When she was satisfied with it, her dark eyes met Odessa’s blue, and she saw the mischief spark in them. “No problem—although I’m sure Calum would be more than happy to warm you up if you get too cold.”

Unfortunately, Odessa had been taking a sip of her drink too, and she wished the music and people chattering muted Sierra’s words because as soon as they registered in Odessa’s head, she coughed in surprise, eyes widening as she gaped at her amused friend. Heart drumming within her chest, Odessa gave a shake of her head as she sputtered stupidly, “What?”

Sierra shot her a look, one that was silently asking Odessa who she was trying to fool, and it only made her cheeks flame up. God. Was it everyone’s goal tonight to make her face permanently red? She folded into herself, lips pressing together as Sierra scoffed. “Come on, Odessa—you two are so obviously into each other in, like, the most wholesome way. I say instead of waiting for him to make the move, you do it. Cal’s way above the average clueless man but, y’know, he’s still a guy and they can be clueless.”

Odessa had no idea what to say or do except stare at her friend in mortified shock, and Odessa kind of hated that she felt embarrassed at all. Like she was in middle school and someone just exposed her crush on the popular boy or something. The worst part was. . . Odessa wasn’t sure if she was flustered because Sierra was right to conclude that Odessa liked Calum, or because Odessa knew that other people’s acknowledgment of it would make whatever the hell her situation with Paige was all the more complicated and stressful. Stepping on Paige’s toes was the last thing she wanted to do, and in wanting to avoid it, Odessa was somehow doing just that.

Her throat worked as she glanced away from Sierra, only for her gaze to land on their friends in the living room. She caught them all by the couch and instantly Odessa’s gaze locked in on Calum sitting on one end of the couch—and Paige sitting on the arm rest, as close to him as she could be without literally being on his lap. The sight tugged something painfully in Odessa’s chest and she frowned at herself; she had no right to feel jealous.

Was this how Paige felt when she watched Calum put his arm around Odessa, how she felt when she was subjected to Odessa’s closeness with Calum? When Odessa first moved into town, Paige had made it quite clear, in just a few words, that Calum was basically off limits—which was gross and territorial in Odessa’s opinion, but she truly had tried her best to respect Paige’s so-called claim—ew. But it wasn’t easy, not with Calum and her working together and their friendship developing within the school and out of it. Being friends with him was so effortless, and falling for him had happened somewhere in between. Odessa couldn’t ever hope to pinpoint when exactly her feelings for him grew—it had happened quickly, blindly.

Maybe she was in the wrong. For someone who hadn’t wanted to encroach on Paige’s feelings for Calum, Odessa was doing just that splendidly. She didn’t know whether what Paige felt for Calum was purely physical or something deeper, and it wasn’t any of Odessa’s business in the first place. Either way, she should’ve respected whatever feelings Paige had for Calum and kept her distance, for all of their sakes. She’d screwed up.

As if feeling her gaze on him, Calum glanced away from where he was listening to Ashton talk to the group, his gaze searching past the bodies moving in the space between where he sat and Odessa stood until his eyes met hers. Odessa froze where she stood, watching as a smile upturned Calum’s lips and he nodded at her boyishly, the mundane gesture prompting her to suck in a silent breath. But before she could return the smile, Odessa felt another pair of eyes on her, and her gaze flickered just a bit for her blue eyes to meet Paige’s sharp hazel ones; watching, challenging, narrowing. She’d clearly seen Calum’s little acknowledgment to Odessa and hadn’t liked it too much.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Odessa looked away from them, catching Sierra’s eye and offering a smile that felt too nervous. “No one’s gonna be making any moves, Sierra,” she told her, not unkindly. “It’d be too complicated.” Finishing off her drink, Odessa tossed her empty bottle in the bin told her friend hastily, “I’m gonna head to the bathroom.”

“Oh, here,” Sierra stopped her, digging into the pocket of her leather pants and handing her a key. Odessa took it with a raised brow and Sierra laughed. “It’s the key to our bedroom—I’d rather you use our bathroom than face whatever mess in the others.”

Odessa let out a small chuckle, taking the key with an appreciative smile before exiting the kitchen hastily, letting out a breath as she reached the stairs and headed up. The distance she was putting between herself and her friends made it easier to breathe as she made her way around the dressed up party goers and found the master bedroom, using the key to unlock the door and step inside.

The room felt significantly cooler than the rest of the house, the lack of body heat making the air conditioner a lot more effective as Odessa walked to the ensuite bathroom Sierra so graciously provided her access to.

The sound of the flush momentarily muted the music blasting throughout the house, and as Odessa washed her hands, she let out a long sigh. She gazed at her reflection, took in the subtle glittering of her cheekbones and bright blue eyes framed by long eyelashes, and Odessa eyebrows knitted together in an involuntary frown. In the quiet of the bathroom, the party beyond the bedroom muffled, Odessa gave herself a moment to erase the image of Paige and Calum merely sitting by one another—God, how pathetic was she to be bothered by that?—and mull over Sierra’s words, as well as Crystal’s.

Odessa desperately wished her friends’ comments were just teasing, were derived from, to put it grandly, their shared delusion that there was something between Odessa and Calum. But she had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t, that if both of them were picking up on something, then it was because there was something to pick up on. Despite Odessa’s attempts of not acting on whatever she felt for Calum out of respect for a girl she barely considered a friend.

She didn’t even to consider the slim possibility of Calum returning her feelings. Odessa genuinely would not know what to do then; she wasn’t a selfish person—at least, she liked to think she wasn’t. But she had a feeling if she found out that Calum liked her back, she would become one, Paige be damned.

That’s how it should’ve been in the first place. Odessa clenched her jaw, shushing the voice in her head that normally sounded reasonable. Right now, it was just asking for trouble.

After drying her hands and smoothing down her dress, she exited the bathroom while bracing herself to head back downstairs, eyebrows raising when she heard a knock on the locked bedroom door. When Odessa opened it, she fought to keep her expression neutral when she saw Paige standing in the hallway. “Hey—I have to use the bathroom. Sierra said you’d let me in.”

“Oh.” Odessa blinked, nodding. “Yeah, sure.”

Paige stepped inside and Odessa glanced down at the key in her hand. Deciding she’d rather hand it off to Paige than wait for her, Odessa made to turn towards her, only to be cut off by Paige’s sharp voice. “Are you, like, into Calum?”

Odessa gaped at her, mouth drying at the sudden question. She shouldn’t be surprised at Paige’s bluntness at this point, yet she still found herself freezing in shock. “I’m not—”

“Come on, Odessa—don’t lie to me,” Paige cut her off with an empty scoff, shooting her a blank look. “It’s so obvious you’ve got a thing for him—you’re not doing a great job in hiding it.” She crossed her arms over her chest, even further accentuating the tight bodice of her Cruella de Vil costume. Odessa tried not to find irony in her costume. The smoky eyeshadow only seemed to intensify her sharp gaze and Odessa hated that she had to fight the urge to bristle. “So, seriously—what the hell is going on?”

“I—nothing,” Odessa told her, stressing her answer. It was true enough—nothing was going on, not between her and Calum. But her own thoughts and feelings were her own. Odessa didn’t owe Paige any insight on what she was feeling. She hated that she even felt guilty about something she couldn’t quite control, but it wasn’t like she had acted on it. She was doing everything she could to respect that—and it was hard when she saw Calum five days out of the week; sometimes more if they saw each other on the weekend. The line between feeling platonic fondness and actual attraction—more than in just the physical sense—had blurred and Odessa couldn’t hope to figure out when. “Calum and I are just friends, Paige. It’s not like that.”

Paige scoffed again, utterly unimpressed as she rolled her hazel eyes. “Either you think I’m an idiot, or you genuinely have no idea how obvious your feelings for him are.” Her tone turned mocking. “The whole work husband-wife thing, these costumes? It’s pathetic, Odessa.”

Air caught in Odessa’s throat, and she wasn’t sure if it tightened from anger or her suppressing the need to harshly scoff. She was calling Odessa pathetic? It was both ironic and hypocritical of Paige to deem Odessa as such, not when she practically latched onto Calum whenever they were in the same room. Paige wouldn’t be mouthing off so much if she knew whatever she was trying to accuse Odessa of was actually all Calum’s doing.

And, God, Odessa absolutely loathed that she was shitting on another woman over a guy—hated that she was thinking lowly of Paige at all, despite the other having no problem in making Odessa feel like that. She never did—not back in college, nor now. But Odessa had never stooped to Paige’s level; she always kept her bitter and annoyed thoughts to herself, and even then, scolded herself for ever thinking them. She wanted to be better than how people like Paige treated her. And, sure, no one would know what Odessa was thinking but herself, but it still made her feel guilty.

Her aggravated thoughts and the music playing throughout the house did little to drown out Paige’s words from Odessa’s head, and she bit the inside of her lower lip at the heat flooded her face once more. No. She couldn’t let Paige get to her. At the very least, she couldn’t let Paige show that she did. She wouldn’t let her have that kind of power over her.

Odessa took in a breath through her nose, willing herself to calm down, at least for a moment. She didn’t like hurling insults and vicious words to someone else. Pushing past the guilt, anger, and embarrassment, she calmly repeated, “Calum and I are just friends, Paige.” With a lift of her chin, she added, “If you can’t accept that, then it’s not my problem. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

Paige’s lips parted, clearly caught off guard by Odessa’s words, a short huff of a breath escaping her. But instead of giving her the chance to respond, Odessa placed the key on the dresser next to her before turning and stepping out of the room. “Make sure you lock the door behind you,” she added before shutting it behind her and reintegrating herself into the thriving party.

It was once the door was clicked shut behind her that Odessa let out a deep sigh. Some of the tension she inherently felt whenever she was around Paige left her body—not just because a door now separated them, but because the words Odessa had uttered seemed to have edged off some of her body’s rigidness permanently. Not all, but it was a start.

Odessa frowned to herself as she made her way down the hall, moving around the few people lingering. She had no doubt that Paige’s words were coated in jealousy, she’d heard it in her voice, but that didn’t mean they didn’t startle Odessa. Especially adding onto Sierra and Crystal’s—albeit kinder—assumptions. When it came to letting her feelings, specifically in the romantic sense, be known, Odessa wasn’t an expert. She didn’t often get into relationships, mostly because she wasn’t the best in expressing who she wanted. Her last serious relationship had been in college, and although since then she’d taken her fair share part in hook up culture, true romance hadn’t really knocked on her door.

Not that it had now, either. But even she couldn’t ignore her constantly growing feelings for Calum. And despite her efforts in trying to hide them, she hadn’t been entirely successful. Her childish embarrassment stemmed from her friends figuring out her feelings without her meaning to, and it led Odessa into wondering if Calum picked up on it, too. That’s what was embarrassing; not her feelings.

Odessa shook her head as she went down the stairs. When was she going to stop letting Paige get into her head?

More importantly—when was she going to move past the habit of keeping herself from indulging in her feelings?

She reached the bottom of the stairs and her gaze went right to where she’d last seen her friends by one of the couches. Calum was grinning, drinking a White Claw, the smile on his face bright as he animatedly laughed at something deaf to Odessa’s ears. The sight of him made her chest tighten, her heart yearn. Odessa was completely oblivious to when and how she’d fallen for Calum so quickly, so fucking hard, and that sense of losing control was kind of terrifying. He made her smile so easily, made her feel at ease despite her roaring thoughts. Acknowledging the extent of her feelings for him should be exciting, right?

She failed to swallow the lump in her throat. It seemed as though allowing herself to indulge in her feelings wouldn’t start tonight.

*****

“You didn’t have to get up so early, Grams. I have Lettie to keep me company,” Odessa laughed lightly, scratching the top of the feline’s head as Grams poured herself some tea.

“True, but this one doesn’t talk back much,” Grams responded, sitting down at the small table across from Odessa. It was early on Friday morning, and with it being a county holiday, it made for the perfect day to get a head start on the three day weekend trip to Big Bear Mountain. She would have to get to the high school soon to receive her bus roster and make sure all the students who were supposed to be in attendance were present. Grams’ eyes met Odessa’s. “There’s been something bothering you, baby, and I wanted to see if you wanted to talk about it before you left.”

Odessa paused in absently stirring her bowl of Cheerios, frowning at her grandmother. “I don’t—I’m fine, Grams,” she said with a breezy laugh, hoping it sounded convincing.

Her grandmother was perceptive, gazing at her unconvincingly. It was still early in the morning, the sun just slowly rising, and Odessa could see orange and red painting the sky as some sunlight streamed in through the window above the kitchen sink. “Something’s been on your mind, Odessa,” Grams pushed gently, the concerned look reappearing in her blue-grey eyes. “I don’t want you going away on this trip with something weighing you down. Maybe I can help.”

Chewing her cereal, Odessa’s grip on the spoon tightened as she considered her grandmother’s words. She was right, of course; something was weighing her down, had been since Luke and Sierra’s Halloween party where she’d had her little confrontation with Paige. And where Odessa and Calum had won the couples part of the costume contest. Man, that had only pissed Paige off more, and Odessa kind of really hated she let the girl affect her so much.

She really was pathetic, wasn’t she?

“It’s just. . . Drama,” Odessa sighed, throat feeling dry despite the cold milk she was drinking. “Boy drama and girl drama and me being an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot,” Grams instantly chastised, a disapproving frown on her softly weathered face. “What drama?”

Odessa twisted her lips to the side, frowning down at her nearly empty bowl. She’d been keeping all of this inside for so long—maybe talking to her grandmother would lessen whatever burden she felt on her shoulders. And heart. Maybe she’d see the light of herself being so fucking dramatic.

“I like Calum.” It was a fact. A firm and true as the earth being round and the sky being blue. And yet, uttering out loud in the otherwise quiet of the kitchen, of confessing it to even just her grandmother—it felt like the fist that was wrapped around Odessa’s heart had loosened substantially. She thought of Calum, and she not only pictured his warm eyes and kind smile, but his love for Toni Morrison and talent for writing beautiful songs as well as his loud passion for teaching and coaching. She saw the enthusiasm he taught with, the leadership he coached with, and the kindness he never left home without. He was gorgeous inside and out and Odessa liked him with every fiber of her being.

As frightening as it was to admit that, it was just as freeing.

“But so does Paige. I mean, I think she does—”

“What do you mean, think?” Grams asked with a frown. Before that, though, Odessa hadn’t missed her smile when she uttered her own confession.

Letting out a sigh, Odessa briefly explained the way Paige presented her attraction to Calum—how it seemed more physical and territorial than consisting of true feelings. Of course, Odessa also acknowledged that all of that was conjecture, because she didn’t truly know how Paige felt. She merely stated what she saw when she watched and listened to Paige talk about Calum. Odessa wouldn’t hold her own feelings above Paige’s, no matter how much she didn’t like her. The only thing Odessa could be sure of was her own feelings.

“And I don’t—” Odessa let out a tired sigh. “I don’t want to have issues with another girl over a guy. It’s so juvenile and just not what I stand for, you know? But I like him a lot, Grams. Him being my coworker is complicated enough—but other than that, how could I even act on my feelings knowing that Paige is interested too?”

Not to mention the fact that she and Calum had slept together already before. That was a fact Odessa tried to keep out of her mind as much as she could. Because if she were to dwell on it, the realization of Calum wanting to be with Paige over her would suffocate her unforgivingly. But, God, what if she was already setting herself up for an inevitable heartbreak?

This is why she didn’t do feelings.

“You’re making this far more complicated than it is, sweetheart.” Odessa’s eyes widened, gaping at Grams in disbelief. She was what? Grams’s expression sobered up, eyebrows lowering as she adopted a serious expression. “You’re not the other woman in this situation. As far as I can tell, there is no relationship between Calum and Paige that you’re disrupting. If you want to be with Calum, let him know, see how he feels. The worst he can do is tell you he wants to be friends, and you can stop focusing your attention on someone who doesn’t deserve it.” Grams scoffed, then. “Call me biased, but that boy would be crazy to not be interested in you, baby.”

Odessa could feel her heart in her throat, despite logically knowing it was impossible. But some of Grams’s words had struck a chord—you’re not the other woman. Memories of her parents’ marriage falling apart flooded Odessa’s mind, remembering the unforgettable moments of her father’s secret family coming to light, watching as her parents’ already crumbling marriage turn into dust. Was that what Odessa was doing? Painting herself to be some kind of intruder infiltrating on Calum and Paige’s relationship—one that was very possibly just construed by Odessa’s own imagination and Paige’s fleeting comments—the way she always viewed her now-step-mother as in her parents’ marriage?

The shaking guilt she felt suddenly made sense, and Odessa gasped before she could help it. Oh, yeah. Adolescent trauma loved screwing with one’s head, didn’t it?

Her conversation with Grams was all that replayed in Odessa’s head as she drove to the school, not even bothering with the radio. Odessa chewed on her lower lip as she drove, frowning at herself for her behavior for the past week. She’d kept her interactions with Calum as minimal as she could; brief conversations in the teacher’s lounge, only passing hello’s in the hall, not waiting for him to come by her room after school when he didn’t have to coach soccer practice so they could walk to the parking lot together. If Calum picked up on her distancing actions, he didn’t make a comment on them, yet Odessa hadn’t missed the occasional frowns that drew together his eyebrows when she’d cut their conversations short by making up some excuse or another to get away.

She was being childish. Unreasonable. Scared. Paige’s comments from the party had stung more than Odessa would care to admit, and she let it influence the way she was around Calum. Maybe, she had hoped, it would dull some of what she felt for him. It only seemed to do the opposite.

What now, though? They were two of the six teacher chaperones for this trip. She couldn’t quite avoid him for the entire weekend. Did she even want to? Perhaps. Despite being vocal about her feelings—even if it was just to Grams—Odessa still needed to figure out whether or not she wanted to act on them, feeling the need to reconsider her course of action. In a confusing and twisted sense, being around Calum would only make the deciding process all the more muddled.

Odessa sighed. She was being crazy. But it made sense to her and, at the end of the day, she was learning that that’s what mattered.

Between seven-thirty and eight-thirty, the time passed quickly as students and teachers arrived to the school, all carrying duffels and small carry-ons containing their weekend belongings. Odessa stood by Diana Vogel, a biology teacher and one of the other chaperones, as the two chatted about the trip and having to sit on a two hour bus ride with dozens of students. Hopefully the early morning would allow for many of them to get some more sleep.

Slowly, as the parking lot filled with more students arriving, it grew bustling, the air filled with a low hum of chatter as everyone waited for attendance and to board the waiting charter buses. Odessa passed her time by chatting with Diana, with some students, and at one point her gaze wandered over to a familiar black SUV pulling into its designated parking spot, and Odessa was only absently listening to Diana talk about her excitement to see snow as she watched Calum step out of the vehicle. He looked comfortable in black track pants and a red hoodie, a small suitcase in hand as he greeted some of the soccer players who immediately went over to him.

Their eyes met from where they stood, a distance between them that could easily be closed, but Odessa remained put. Her moment alone with her thoughts on the drive to school hadn’t really helped her reach a decision of what she wanted to do. Distance was good. Distance would help.

Even if the frown on Calum’s face she caught before breaking their gaze had her chest tightening.

Soon enough, once everyone had seemed to arrive, Mrs. Greggs—who was also the freshman advisor and who was ultimately in charge—distributed lists to all of the other chaperones which consisted of which bus was theirs, which students were to be on it, and who their chaperone partner was.

Odessa glanced down at the list and bit back a curse. Calum’s name stared back at her and at this point, Odessa wasn’t quite sure if the universe was on her side or against it.

She glanced up, as if feeling Calum’s gaze on her, their eyes locking for a moment. He offered a small smile and Odessa hated that he hesitated in showing her it, a reminder how her self imposed distancing from Calum was effecting him too, and she mustered up a smile back. It was always so easy to smile at Calum. Why was she making things so difficult for them? For herself?

“Alright—load ’em up!” Mrs. Greggs announced after anyone who needed to quickly go to the bathroom returned, gesturing towards the buses.

As she neared the bus she was to go on, Odessa saw Calum standing by the compartments where everyone was going to toss in their carry-ons and duffel bags, and he looked at Odessa as she neared them. “I’ll help them with the bags, you go on the bus?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow to see if that was okay with her.

Odessa nodded, pressing her lips together and offering a smile at the same time. “Sounds good,” she said, pulling her carry-on forward.

Calum reached out. “I got it,” he said, and Odessa’s heart thumped as he took it from her before carefully placing it in the compartment.

She thanked him quietly, unsure if he even heard as he helped one of the girls with hers, and Odessa boarded the bus with a smile towards the bus driver. She and Calum were to sit in the front, so she claimed the two front right seats, back against the window and list in hand as she watched students board the bus. They were all talkative as they did so, some making sure to greet her, and Odessa smiled in return as she took in some of the faces that were familiar and others that were not. She only taught freshman and sophomores, and since this trip was for juniors and seniors, the only students she knew were ones she’d occasionally see in the hallway, the soccer players, or the students she’d see at the games.

She watched as students settled next to their friends on the seats, chattering away in a quiet excitement about the trip. Though, she had been right—Odessa definitely picked up on several students looking forward to sleeping on the drive there.

Calum was the last one to get on the bus, and once he stood by Odessa, he called for all the students’ attention, effectively silencing them, and Odessa then proceeded to call out attendance to make sure everyone who needed to be on the bus was present. Odessa focused on the task at hand rather than Calum standing right next to her, until it was done, and Mrs. Greggs came by to check if everything was ready.

About five minutes later, they had left the school, which meant for Odessa and Calum to be seated together for the next two hours and fifteen minutes. She kept her gaze out the window, watching as they passed by buildings and cars and people, trying her hardest not to focus on the tension between her and Calum she knew she was at fault for. Why was it difficult for her to continue to just act normal, be friends, instead of making things awkward by instilling some distance between them? How was that going to help?

She knew she was being kind of ridiculous. And yet, she didn’t stop herself.

Odessa couldn’t block out both of her ears to listen to keep herself occupied, given that she had to chaperone the students, so she merely put an earbud in her left ear, the closest to Calum, and began watching an episode of Dead to Me. She’s all too aware of Calum next to her, who’s pulled out a book to read. Odessa wished she could read something—the only transportation she could read a book on was a plane. Reading while in a car, bus, or train left her feeling lightheaded. Which, as a woman who enjoyed reading more than anything else, was quite frustrating.

A little over an hour into the drive, Odessa was still watching her show and Calum was still reading his book, and despite herself, she wondered why he hadn’t tried to make conversation yet. The bus was relatively quiet; most of the students opted to catch up on some sleep, and those who were awake conversed in hushed tones. All Odessa could really hear, apart from the hum of the bus engine, was the audio from the show she was watching and the occasional scratch of a page turning when Calum was finished with it. His focus was only on what he read, never glancing at her once. And wasn’t that what she wanted? For there to be space?

Odessa’s grip on her phone tightened. All she could do was watch her show and try not to think of Calum’s familiar cologne wafting over to her, or focus on the way his thigh occasionally brushed against hers where they sat. Grams’s words from earlier echoed through Odessa’s mind, overpowering the audio of the show. If you want to be with Calum, let him know.

She glanced at him. His gaze was lowered to the book he was reading, features settled into a soft neutrality, eyelashes brushing his cheekbones every time he blinked. Blonde curls fell across his forehead and her fingers itched to brush them away. Odessa quickly looked backed to her phone just as his head ever so slightly turned towards her, cheeks on fire when she knew he’d caught her staring, could feel his gaze on her. Her throat worked, purposefully freezing her gaze on the screen.

Fuck. What was she doing?

tags: @irwinkitten @sweetcherrymike @astroashtonio @loveroflrh @meetashthere @loverofhood @captain-what-is-going-on @angelbbycal @singt0mecalum @hopelessxcynic @lfwallscouldtalk @bodhi-black @findingliam-o @softlrh @highfivecalum @malumsmermaid @erikamarie41 @quintodosuniversos @longlastingdaydream @babylon-corgis @lukehemmingsunflower @miss-saltwatercowgirl @pastelpapermoons @conquerwhatliesahead92 @rotten-kandy @metangi @neigcthood @ohhmuke @mindkaleidoscope @5sos-and-hessa @trustmeimawhalebiologist @vxlentinecal @pettybassists @vaporshawn @lu-my-golden-boi @visualm3nte @isabella-mae13 @dontjinx-it @lifeakaharry @neonweeknds @antisocialbandmate @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave @calpalbby @grreatgooglymoogly @sunnysidesblog @miahelizaaabeth @dramallamawithsparkles @kaytiebug14 @hoodskillerqueen @bitchinbabylon @empathycth @xhaileyreneex @inlovehoodx @bloodlinecal @sublimehood @madbomb @raabiac @britnicole11 @outofmylimitcal @wildflower-cth @wildflowergrae @bloodmoonashton @vxidhood @gosh-im-short @thesubtweeter @mycollectionofnuts @cthwldflwr @everyscarisahealingplace @socorroann @talkfastromance4 @calumftduke @musichoney @treatallwithkindness @partlysunnycal @dead-and-golden @kaeleykaeley @harrys-sun-flower @br-hoe

263 notes · View notes