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volleydorkscentral · 5 years

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ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONS IN THE UNUSUAL ASK GAME, YOU COWARD.

First of all:

Second, questions under the cut:

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? - Spotify! all the way. i hoarse my bf’s account so he can never listen but i don’t care it’s mine now it’s full of my music and my playlists and whenever i’m listening to it and it suddenly changes cause he tries to use it on his phone I call him, “are you using spotify?” “oh. i mean i can listen to something else?” “cool, thanks!” and i get my music back. :D

is your room messy or clean? - it’s somewhere in between. my actual ROOM (bed room, i assume) is pretty clean, except i never make the bed. but the house is .. a work in progress. it’s not dirty but it’s cluttered so my bf and I are having to work together to clear that and build shelves and stuff for more storage space.

what color are your eyes? - dark brown! (with little green flecks when I cry)

do you like your name? why? - Not really? i don’t hate it. My mom wanted to name me Savannah but they had her sign the certificate while she was still drugged from her c-section so it ended up as Crystal?? Idk. She named her dolls Crystal when she was a kid.

what is your relationship status? - dating for almost six years.

how many times a week do you shower? uhhh idk. I don’t shower every day (unless i get gross). AT LEAST four times… but I don’t wash my hair every time cause that’s bad for my hair. I SHOWER WHEN I AM DIRTY.

favorite tv show? does Haikyuu!! count? that’s probably a given. HM. Well, we don’t have cable so I don’t watch a lot of NEW shows? …. OH. Duh. Fuckin me I’m a dumbass. Bob’s Burgers. I literally have it on ALL THE TIME. I don’t like silence so it’s ALWAYS on in the background if i’m not listening to music. I’ve seen every episode a zillion times. I can usually pinpoint every scene and the major lines/jokes.

shoe size? most brands it’s 5 1/2

how tall are you? SHORTER THAN NISHINOYA BUT TALLER THAN YACHI. I’m like… 5ft-5’1 depending on how much my back hurts. (i used that earlier and someone said it was funny and i’m trash so i’ll repeat it here!)

sandals or sneakers? i wear Bobs LOL. (knock off toms) and i’ve got one pair of sneakers and sometimes I wear my ballet flats around even though my bf says they look dumb fuck u they’re comfy.

do you go to the gym? No. I used to, but where I live now it’d be like a 45 min drive. I don’t really LIKE gyms though? working out is boring to me. No matter how hard I try. I’d love to start dancing again for real.

describe your dream date - April 25th because it’s not too cold and not too hot. Okay but jk that’s a lie where I live it’s balls hot in april. Idk. I’d like to go hiking when it’s not very hot? Take my dog, let her run around. Take a picnic. Sit in a grassy field and talk about dumb shit cause we know each other’s dreams and hopes by now.

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? UHM. fuck like…. $27? i know there’s a twenty and a handful of ones. And a handful of change.

what color socks are you wearing? - NONE. MY FEET ARE COLD. FOREVER COLD.

how many pillows do you sleep with? - pft like 6.

do you have a job? what do you do? - No; I quit after being over worked, under appreciated, cheated out of my paychecks a few times, and no job still due to lingering health issues.

how many friends do you have? answered this already!

whats the worst thing you have ever done? - UHM. Idk i haven’t murdered anyone. I don’t like this question cause if i really try to answer it i’ll spiral into a frustrated, furious depression and self-hatred so… NOPE.

whats your favorite candle scent? i’ve got this candle i got from etsy that’s like… Scottish Highlands? It’s grassy and kinda MAGICY.

3 favorite boy names - i don’t really have favorite names?

3 favorite girl names - answered already

favorite actor? god idk. i’m so bad with names and celebrities. uhm. I really like don’t have a favorite. I LIKE a bunch. Benedict Cumberbatch; Freddie Highmore… uhm. uh. Hugh Laurie?

favorite actress? IDK OKAY?? I LIKE a bunch but i don’t favorite?? I really like Gwendoline Christie. Uhm. Anne Hathaway makes me laugh. MAGGIE SMITH. how could i forget!??!

who is your celebrity crush? I LEGIT don’t have one.

favorite movie? CLUE takes the top spot most days.

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I used to read a lot more. The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

money or brains? personality, bitch.

do you have a nickname? what is it? not *really* but people online used to call me Chrys. My bf calls me ‘sweetie’ sometimes but he also calls the dog that so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

how many times have you been to the hospital? - uhm. like the er? Once when I broke my arm. Doc in the box? Not since 2017.

top 10 favorite songs - PFT. Uhm. Jesus just let me die a little. Excluding all Disney; Not in any order:

No One - Biometrix

Danser - Lisandro Cuxi

A Single Moment of Sincerity (E) - Asking Alexandria (the band I was listening to when I designed my rockstar MC that I love so much)

The Annabel Trilogy (a series of 3 albums) - Alesana. Can’t pick a single song because they’re all a part of a huge story. Listen to them.

Chucky vs. The Giant Tortoise - Dance Gavin Dance

Anticoagulant - Sianvar

Ohioisonfire - Of Mice & Men

Coincidance - Handsome Dancer (Watch the Video for the love of god. THANKS ASH FOR THIS GEM)

Devil’s Backbone - The Civil Wars

Still Here - Digital Daggers (i’ve been listening it to a lot for inspiration for a new AU so… yup. That’s gonna be fun and painful)

do you take any medications daily? - yup

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) - i got dry ass skin it sucks

what is your biggest fear? - uhm… physical fear? idk. Heights is a big one that I developed? I used to not care but a while ago I was walking on a bridge and I just… looked over and got FUCKING DIZZZY with nausea and fear that I was gonna fall and almost fainted.

how many kids do you want? - HONESTLY… one or two.

whats your go to hair style? - tried to brush but gave up so just threw it in a claw clip

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) - moderate? one story, four bedrooms. big ass yard though for the dog

who is your role model? - I don’t really have one.

what was the last compliment you received? - answered already

what was the last text you sent? - actual TEXT message? ‘as long as there’s someone with her overnight she’ll be okay during the day cause of the dog door and stuff. just play with her before you go to work and maybe hide some treats around the house for her to hunt for’ - texting my friend that’s gonna house sit while we go on a family vacation soon.

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? - UH idk the age? i know I saw my mom writing scavenger cards though. My fam has never had a lot of money so to make Christmas more interesting my mom/grandparents (we lived with them till I was in 3rd grade) would make these elaborate scavenger hunts for me and my cousins to do to find our presents around the house or out in the barn or, on one memorable occasion, at the bottom of our pool! Good memories.

what is your dream car? - one that RUNS and has badass AC and speakers

opinion on smoking? - hate it. please don’t do it around me. my bf’s family alllllll smoke all the time and i get so sick when i have to go on vacation with them and be around it for a long time.

do you go to college? - i DID. I went to Culinary school and majored in Baking & Pastry

what is your dream job? - Author or Dog Trainer

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? - rural as all hell. give me trees, cows, and horses.

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Not usually? but usually the people i’m with do.

do you have freckles? Not on my face (except one) but i’ve got more like… on my arms and just randomly all over but i dont think ‘freckles’ would be what anyone thinks of when they think of me

do you smile for pictures? - only if i’m forced to be in them

how many pictures do you have on your phone? - HAHAHAHAHAHA. Well. Before I got my new phone it was over 10k. Now though its only about 2k.

have you ever peed in the woods? - Only when I was camping.

do you still watch cartoons? - ALL THE GODDAMN TIME

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? - neither. but i HATE WENDYS and can tolerate McD’s fries and they’ve got ballin’ sweet tea so I guess McD.

Favorite dipping sauce? this honey dijon creamy thing at my favorite French restaurant but idk what is is.

what do you wear to bed? - t-shirt

have you ever won a spelling bee? - YUP. 2nd grade.

what are your hobbies? - writing, crocheting, photography, reading, uh… i forget what else

can you draw? when i was doing it all the time i did ok? but i’m WAY TOO IMPATIENT now a days to do it.

do you play an instrument? - no but i wish i did :(

what was the last concert you saw? - i’ve never been to a concert. crowds are icky

tea or coffee? - tea!

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? - already answered this

do you want to get married? - Yes pls

what is your crush’s first and last initial? - (bf, but I suppose i still have a crush on him? is love considered a crush?) J. Y.

are you going to change your last name when you get married? god yes. my current last name is my shitbag of a sperm doner and i hate it. my mom kept it after they divorced only cause she thought her maiden name would be too hard for me to spell but i would give anything to have that name instead

what color looks best on you? - idk. i prefer black but i’ve been told green and certain shades of pink/yellow.

do you miss anyone right now? - not until i thought about it, thanks

do you sleep with your door open or closed? open so my pupper can go in and out

do you believe in ghosts? not until i’m faced with darkness and creepy things

what is your biggest pet peeve? people chewing their food loud. people not picking up after themselves. people interrupting me (but not in the excited, OMG way. that we can work though) but in the ‘i don’t care what you’re saying i’m going to talk now’ way

last person you called` - my bf to discuss plans for his brother’s bday

favorite ice cream flavor? cookies n’ cream!

regular oreos or golden oreos? DOUBLE STUFF OF EITHER

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? FUCK SPRINKLES

what shirt are you wearing? a shirt that has my dog’s face on it :D

what is your phone background? - the art that Ash drew of Bokuto from my fic Just a Taste!!

are you outgoing or shy? - i hate talking to strangers but with my friends i’m pretty fucking loud and chatty

do you like it when people play with your hair? only people i know

do you like your neighbors? nope. he’s an asshole who neglected his dog and i wanna skin him alive

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? i do my best to remember to do it at night but i always do it when i shower

have you ever been high? yup.

have you ever been drunk? yup

last thing you ate? BIRTHDAY CAKE

favorite lyrics right now - idk? i guess the first lyrics that came to mind, even though they’re not my favorite, just ones that i like and were stuck in my head for a while: “All of the handsome fiction / will melt away / and when the flame burns brighter / Evaporate” Evaporate - Dance Gavin Dance

summer or winter? WINTER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. IT’S SO FUCKING HOT IN SUMMER I DIE EVERY DAY

day or night? both have their merits

dark, milk, or white chocolate? - all chocolate but i prefer white to just EAT.

favorite month? uhm. uhh. November maybe? for NaNoWriMo.

what is your zodiac sign - pftt.. i think i used to be a Gemini? i don’t believe in all that stuff

who was the last person you cried in front of? - ….. my dog? but probably my mom and Grandmother when my GM basically said my bf didn’t love me and was a shit human being and i was a shit granddaughter for loving him. i was both upset and furious and i walked away from them. (my mom called and apologized, but i haven’t spoken to my GM since)

THERE ASH ARE YOU GODDAMN HAPPY. that took so long LOL (I hope the formatting came through I had to redo it on this tumblr page UGH)

#ask game

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troubleisfree · 6 years

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this is going to be like a very long, detailed, and mostly my personal observations and notes. as it was my first time seeing neymar and the brazil nt in person, i want to remember everything i can while its still fresh. it was a very exciting and at the same time surreal experience because i see those people all the time on tv games and now there they were few feet away from me...

i took the photos and videos. i am usually pretty good at that but i guess the excitement got the better of me because they did not come out fabulous. tumblr is being stupid with not letting me upload more then one video in a post, and i wanted everything together, so i ended up putting them up on youtube.

the hotel 9/3/2018.

so first i went to the hotel (very close to where i live) on monday 9/3. as it was labor day, i was off work and at a bbq/pool party abt 10 miles from home for the day. brazil nt was scheduled to leave the hotel for their first training at 4pm so i left the party early and, after some traffic drama, made it to the hotel little after 3.40pm. there were not too many people so i had a decent view but i also moved around a bit. some of the support staff was coming out already. a few minutes later, firmino was the first i saw, he waved and went straight to the bus.

then a group of marquinhos, douglas costa, fabinho etc came out together. only marquinhos paid any attention to the fans, waving and smiling but didnt stop.

then another group, including casemiro.

then alisson came out. he was really sweet, smiled, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. interacted the most of anyone else with the fans.

then another group - i think richarlison (idk him really), filipe luis, thiago silva. thiago was just as nice as alisson, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. he looked to me a bit shorter irl then on tv...

willian came out alone next.

at this point, it was almost 4pm, my excitement had totally built up and i was so anxious to see my boy ney. i started thinking that maybe he will get there separately cuz i hadnt seen coutinho and tite either. but there he was! coming out last with barely a minute to spare before 4pm (the timestamp on my photo is 3:58:59pm lol). he was the very last one to come out, chewing on something, with his typical swagger. he waved but didnt stop and the bus left as soon as he got on. he looked just as hot in person as on tv, the cameras dont lie lol. really handsome and very very sexy! i mean, i expected it, i have seen his photos lol but omg he looks so damn good you cant help those dirty thoughts! i felt like an absolute fangirl! this is neither here or there, but he looked to me a little bigger then i expected. just kinda...fuller?

i only took one photo of him cuz i wanted to look at him with my own eyes rather than thru the camera ;)

it was such an incredible experience seeing neymar and the rest of the guys in person so close that i was shaking after! like for real my hands were shaking, my legs were shaking. and i couldnt stop grinning for a good half an hour after. i went to the boardwalk to calm down a bit and just absorb the experience. people passing by probably thought im crazy or reading love letters on my phone or something cuz i just couldnt stop grinning but i didnt give a flying fuck what they were thinking - i had just seen neymar!

my notes and impressions:

1. OMFG I SAW NEYMAR FROM FEW FEET AWAY. just that, my brain was really way too frazzled to process any other impressions lol

the game 9/7/2018

so after some c. drama, despite my initial hopes, i had accepted that i am not going to go to the game. and then the day before i find out I AM GOING!!! i was so freaked out with excitement lol!!!

getting there was so frustrating! first i had forgot to charge my phone before leaving work so i only had like 30% which was nowhere near good enough for my plans of copious pics and vids. so i had to run into a bodega to buy a charger for the car. then for some complicated reason we had to leave from the ues and fucking DRIVE. crosstown. on a friday. at 6pm. straight thru freakin time square with its gazillion tourists. on top of rush hour. even though the schedule said 8pm, the tickets said the event starts at 7.30 and i wanted to be there early to see the warmups and at 7.02 we were still not even inside lincoln tunnel ffs! i was FUMING and ready to jump outta the car and start yelling at the other cars to get a goddamn fucking move on i got places to be people to see! just ugh. so frustrating. the only upside of taking so long to get to the stadium was that by the time we got there my phone was almost 100%...

anyway, finally at 7.25pm we got there and thru all the checks etc (my joke of a miniature purse was shown as an example to another girl with a slightly bigger purse and praised by security for being perfect size which pissed me off because of their dumbass rules it had is smaller then my regular WALLET ffs and it barely even fits my phone so in no way is it a ‘perfect size’ except maybe for dolls or tiny aliens. but they had the stupid clear bag / tiny purse rule in effect and all i cared at that point was getting in so whatever. still, fucking terrorists. obviously also for more important reasons than just being the cause of my having to have a tiny purse but yeah fucking terrorists).

the stadium was buzzing already. apparently the 7.30 start was for the warmups so perfect for me. this was the view from our seats.

when we got to our seats, the usa team was out already. and the canarinho was interacting with fans. and then brazil came out.

youtube

ney was warming up with coutinho

after stretches, he did some practice shooting. this one didnt go in.

after that the team went back inside and the canarinho came behind the barriers to interact with the fans (photo below especially taken for a.)

time for the teams to come out. for some reason the tunnel was on my side of the stadium but the benches were on the other side and they lined up there for the anthems. (again, for a.)

youtube

then the us anthem and, since we dont do things here on a small scale, the flag rolled out was the size of the whole stadium lol

in the first half neymar was playing in front of me. in the beginning of the game i took a few photos and then i stopped because i wanted to watch the game and see with my own eyes not concentrate on the phone... still, here they are

here is the penalty. i didnt catch it go in because i was looking at it happening rather then my phone. i also removed the sound cuz there was screaming when it went in lol. it was a VERY soft penalty btw...

youtube

my notes and impressions:

1. it was a friendly so not surprisingly, it was not an edge-of-your-seat game. still brazil dominated the crap out of the usa team. the difference in class and quality was glaringly obvious.

2. it was strange not supporting my country’s team. but only when i thought about it. otherwise my soccering heart belongs to brazil 100%, without a doubt.

3. watching a game live vs tv: both have pros and cons. again, after watching every week on tv, seeing these guys live in person is simply incredible. just absolutely surreal. like, they are moving, running, kicking right in front of you. you can hear the ball being kicked. feel the tension. see what they are doing without the ball. watch their interactions away from the camera. feel the power of the crowd. its just so much more immersive. at the same time, watching at home the curated game content is... convenient. you get closeups. you get facts from the commentators. your bathroom is nearby (i did carefully time my liquid intake that day to avoid venturing into stadium bathrooms and thank god it worked lol). so imo, watching a game on tv is not really that much worse then watching it live. i always felt like i am getting a completely filtered version on tv and it is filtered but it is not horrible. yes, you are missing out on stuff but its not a total loss.

4. the stadium was about 40% full, 32k of 82k capacity. but it felt more like 2/3, probably because on the other side many sections were not even open so most everyone attending was spread out in one long side and the two goal sides.

5. brazil fans were out strong! i’d say about 70% of the people were brazil fans, and of those about 90% had on brazil jerseys. yellow galore lol. the usa fans were constantly chanting but when the brazil fans decided to make the effort they drowned them out easily and completely!

6. the usa fans were in the section behind one of the goals. throughout most of the game i thought oh cute they are constantly singing their hearts out supporting their clearly outplayed loosing team. then they did iceland’s viking chant. yes, it is a cool chant but its iceland’s. idk why so many have been plagiarizing it! first portugal did it in the wc, then i saw another, and now the american outlaws (the usa ultras)... let iceland have its thing people. i did not appreciate it but no big deal. BUT then they did something that pissed me off - few minutes before neymar was substituted in the 80 min they chanted fuck neymar. i was not best pleased to say the least! lick sweaty balls jealous motherfuckers!

7. we did a wave that went around the stadium like 4 times!

8. there was a small group of 13-14yo girls right behind us that whenever ney touched the ball or looked our way screamed ‘neymaaaarrr, neymaaaaarrrrrrrr, vaiiiiiii, vai neymaaaaaaarrrrrrrr’. one girl in particular was especially shrill and vociferous in her dedication to ney. no sense of decorum whatsoever lol. my bf was smirking at me and was like why dont you go sit with them. i on the other hand was thinking that while i wouldnt go sit with them, if some of my tumblr girls were here.... well those girls wouldnt even know what hit them!

9. i would definitely go to a game again!

10. while the seats we had were really good, i wish there was an option to be even closer and still see the whole pitch. then again, for me it would probably only qualify as ‘close enough’ if im allowed to run along the sidelines lol. but then i wont really be able to watch the game. (hey maybe i can hang from the skycam hahaaaa!). yes, i am a neymar fan but i am also a fan of the game so i want both. i did not have any input in the choice of these seats but i think it was a good trade off - the closest where you can both see the guys and actual game. if i have to pick the tickets for the next game (hopefully i will go again some time!), i would be tempted by the lower levels but the barriers are pretty high so... i would probably go for the same - second level first row.

11. there was a guy sitting next to me with his date and he was trying to be all knowledgeable and impress the girl but half the stuff he was telling her was wrong lol! he kept pointing to douglas costa and telling her its firmino. i was cracking myself up listening to him talk complete bullshit but with such grand authority about technical game stuff.

12. at some point a loose ball ended up into the stands, some guy caught it, and 2 min later security came to take it away from him :/ why not let the guy just keep the ball?!? stupid. if it was me, i’d have made a fuss, maybe pretended that it hit me in the face and threatened to sue the stadium cuz they have not ensured the spectators’ safety or some such crap lol. see if they dont let me keep it to avoid a lawsuit.

13. the canarinho (for a.) - he was really great! interacting with the fans, dancing, hugging fans. really a fantastic mascot and absolute joy to watch! during the halftime he was out on the pitch, doing keepie uppies (in those shoes too!!! showing his brazilianness lol), and kicking balls into the stands

14. i was totally impressed by neymar. it was just so obvious how good he is and no, not because i am biased, which i admittedly am. i expected him to be good, duh, but to see it so clearly was amazing. he is not a fluke, he is the real deal. he stands out among even such quality peers as the rest of brazil nt! just something in the way he interacts with the ball, the way he moves, ‘sees’ his teammates without looking, turns on a dime, does the unexpected. i dont think he ‘thinks’ or ‘calculates’ at all his moves or that it is just a lot of practice, i think it is pure instinct in the moment, i.e. phenomenal natural talent. even though this was not one of his greatest games for sure, he just looked... special and different from the rest. most of the brazil players were displaying their clearly high quality but there is just something unique in the way neymar plays. even if you dont know who he is, what teams are playing, anything at all, you’d still pick him out and know that there is something extraordinary about this guy. if you unfocus your eyes so you see just all same yellow shirt figures, you would still be able to pick out which one is neymar. he did a bit of his skills and tricks and of course i wished he had done more. what i took away from watching him play live was that, in this average game, he looked as good playing live as he has in the past when i have watched his great games on tv. i dont know why. but watching neymar play live was an experience of its own. it felt like his average ‘live’ performance is as good as his great ‘tv’. i cant even imagine what it would be like watching one of his great performances live. while i dont feel im loosing so much watching games on tv vs live as mentioned above, i definitely feel that watching neymar in particular play live is on another level and im missing out when i watch him on tv instead of live. he is absolutely worth the price of admission. i was so disappointed in him for his wc antics but thats in the past now, and i have been reminded how right it feels to be his fan, not just for the nice things he does for kids/charity, his fun personality (and lets not forget the good looks, and oh boy they are SO GOOD lol) but his undeniably outstanding talent on the pitch. his game is just incredible. i hope he keeps healthy. i hope he gets his temper under control not just for a few games but for good. and i pray he always has the freedom to shine like he rightfully can. i am rooting for him to get the appreciation and acknowledgement he deserves, unadulterated by behavioral issues or personal drama.

ok, imma stop now. this post is huge, even by my standards.

#brazil nt #brazil vs usa #neymar #thiago silva #marquinhos #alisson #filipe luis #willian #roberto firmino #9-7-2018 #game

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shonbellenoire · 5 years

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Have you ever had a Sensual Massage?

Self care has always and will always be very important to me. Its a non negotiable necessity that I work hard to maintain. I shop minimal and take trips occasionally but month maintenance...no one does it better. Nails, facials, massage, hair, wax and my signature henna. High maintenance as fuck but I work hard as fuck and I am determined to enjoy some of my damn money. I wasn't born to work, pay bills and die. I'm going to enjoy some of these coins one way or another. Which brings me to.......Mr. Marcus. Honestly now that I think of it idk if that's even his name.

My past attempts to find a new masseuse has been one for the books! I had a great lesbian girl half my size that massaged my booty so well I was tempted to switch sides. I fell in love with her professionalism and attention to details (ie my curves), she was not afraid to touch my body and have her way with me. I get nothing less then 90-60 min massage. She up and quit one day and I became the managers new client. An older black lady that had experience and was exceptional as well. Though after one too many discounts and arriving 10 min late I suspect she fired me as a client. Fuck it matters if I'm 10 min late you still get paid for the full hour and it aint like you giving that 10 min back. Which brings me to clientele. I swear I need to give seminars on proper customer service and the importance of maintaining clientele. I'm the client that comes back often. Not sometimes, rarely or occasionally....often! I'm for sure a cell bill or utility bill and I'm always good for it. I'm the client that refers. I'm the client that tips. I'm the client you never wanna lose.

So unwillingly I took my talents to South Beach or South Korea and went to the Asians. The facility was amazing, customer service was great however the talent wasn't as grand. Too scared to touch this chocolate beauty. I tried it 2x with a guy and a girl and they just didn't cut it for the price I paid nor the service I'm use to. I had a white guy that gripped this ass like he owned it and rubbed my feet like he loved me but he was too pricey.

But Mr. Marcus....now he's something right out of a Zane novel or Porn Hub either way I'm hooked. I found him like I do most things, on social media looking for a massage therapist with great reviews. Mr. Marcus is chocolate with waves that B straight BUSSIn! I be straight swimming while he rock my boat making a bitch sea sick. I love well groomed men. Hell, I'm a well maintained gal. Aside from his mocha skin and well moisturized waves, he was short and bite sized, slightly muscular (whatever that is) and....cute....in a if i was drunk I might try. I could tell that he had a lot of women clientele, which I figured was more to do with him being a male as opposed to the service he gives.

You may have seen videos on social media of oiled up muscular men giving very intimate massages to women. However Mr. Marcus gives a normal deep tissue massage as well as his "Signature 90 Massage". Now granted based on his social media and how he presented himself I thought he was charming and professional. His brand didn't scream sexy sensual massage. It said hey, I'm a charming young man you wouldn't mind massaging your body.

So I show up. "Get undressed to comfort," he says. I ain't no rookie so balls to the wall and pussy all out. Freshly waxed and lashes done (which I wish I hadn't), bubbly brown hopped on that table ready to unwind and potentially fall asleep. The room is smaller than I'm use to and filled with them fuck boy lights. You know them colorful ass lights fuck boys use to make you look like you in some romance comedy on Netflix in a poor attempt to be romantic. FYI I like candles nigga! .....and fuck boy lights but we can't have one with the other. Then the music played. Now hold the fuck up. What kinda ghetto massage is this? Is this Marsha Ambitious Ambrosius? WTF?? See this is why.......

It was at this moment he touched me and was ready to begin. I told him I was hot and he placed a fan under the sheet to help me cool down. "Better?" ...yea I was better and eager to get this started. Starting face down he began on my shoulders. The massage for the next 15 was going well and per usual...playlist still on Jasmine Sullivan and the R&B crew. The type of music some wouldn't mind fucking too. When it was over I told him to add more eggplant to his playlist. A hood classy bitch like me wanna come to (relax to) Trey Songz and other fuck boy martyrs. Not Marsha, the fuck. After the 15 min is when the normal massage turned....sensual. It wasn't long until my entire ass crack was uncovered and his hands literally holding one butt check in his hands giving it all the TLC a bitch needed. See my pussy currently has cob webs on it and tho this freshly wax pussy is well maintained, I believe it is broken. It aint poppin for nobody! Its been so long surely I'm virgin. Nothing makes me drip like water, the pipes is busted like most of these niggas in these ATL streetz. "Done Done Dem ALLLL" Shawty Lo voice. Well not all just enough to know I don't need to try no more. Needless to say Mr. Marcus was a plumber that day cuz them sheets....got a little moist and it wasn't sweat. Idk when and how but this bite sized nigga jumped his ninja ass on top of me using his body weight to like press into my legs. Now Madame Godiva is all of barely 5'7.8 and I guess he needed to mount this stallion to get the cranks out. Little nigga had his entire body on me. All 5'3 of it and I was here for it. 45 min into my 90 min massage my legs where in the are damn near at my ears with my bare pussy all the way out lol. Shit he was wit and so was I! Just a few inches away from my pussy lips, I just knew this niggas was going to devour me like a GA peach. But to my disappointment..... he moved to my feet.

He touched every part of my body! Every part but my nipples. He literally massaged around my breast..both of them. Once again teasing me looking like he was about to devour one in his mouth...but he moved to my hands. gripping my hands, griping my fingers whispering....relax. It was quite an experience. He catered to me like a boyfriend on Valentines Day. Very intimate and sensual. Between the music, fuck boy lights, my bare pussy and ass exposed....I'm sure by now he knows we go together. I mean at this point we have to. I've never in all 5 of my bougie years had a massage like this. This was not your average massage, this was a sensual massage that could get you cussed out by yo man if HE EVAAA found out. But it was so damn good. So good. I need to be touched like that, everyday.

I started to wonder....is he single? Ain’t no fucking Sam way in hell I’d Eva let my nigga be getting paid to fill up on bitches! He better serve cocaine like the rest of the fuck boys cuz massaging ass is a non negotiable! The fuck! Like fun size Snickers are you married cuz this is totally inappropriate and completely our lil secret. I kept wondering if he was impressed with my wax or how soft my skin was. I did a sugar scrub the night before. I’m considerate I make sure the canvas is smooth as butter.

Very professional...I mean he didn't put his mouth on me though based how well he took care of my body with his hands....I'm curious what that mouth do! Aside from the sensual stuff he could tell my body was extremely stiff. Cracked a few bones in back and hip that felt sooooo good. He did an amazing job. However.... he is on the verge of losing his licence and possibly getting the cops called on him. I had no clue a “Signature Massage” was a sexy massage my pussy type of thing. I still would of signed up for it but I had no clue! That’s the biggest disappointment. I mean not knowing he’d be seeing my full bare pussy. Is it September yet?

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stuckinthekookiejar · 7 years

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Distractions pt 3

Pt. 1 || Pt. 2 || Pt. 3 || Pt. 4 || Pt. 5 || Pt. 6 || Pt. 7 || Pt. 8 || Pt.9 || Pt. 10 || Pt. 11 || Pt. 12 || Pt. 13 || Pt. 14

Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Not really angst or fluff...I don’t really know

Summary: It was weird seeing him again. It was even weird knowing you’d be working with him, but you kinda had a feeling like it was going to be okay.

Word Count: 1721

Warning: like one use of the f-word...does this really require a warning?

“You wanted to see me?”

“Ah, Yoongi. Yes, please take a seat.” Yoongi gladly accepted Bang PD’s offer and took a seat in front of his desk, “I wanted to talk to you about something. You see, I owe a friend a favor.”

Psh ‘favor’, Yoongi thought, Bang PD must’ve lost another bet again. He really should stop betting while he’s drunk.

“He needs help with something, and I think you’d be able to provide help.”

“What kind of help?”

“Well, you mentioned how wanted to try to produce for other artists. Since promotions are finished, and Bangtan isn’t working on another album yet, I thought I could give you an opportunity to help produce a song for another group.”

“Group? As in another idol group? Who...”

“You know 2S? The group under Music Box Entertainment?” Of course Yoongi knew, “They need help with a title track, and I offered to allow one of my producers to go do some sort of collaboration. So, how about it?”

Yoongi took in what Bang PD had to say. It was true, BTS wasn’t working on new music yet and he did want to try to produce for another artist. But he didn’t know how to feel about seeing...you. He knew this was a good opportunity to expand his credentials and gain more experience, but was it worth opening up a wound from years ago?

It must have been worth it.

“Uh, hello. I’m Min Yoongi of Bangtan Sonyeondan.” He bowed slightly at the five girls in front of him who in return bowed several times. The girls were obviously very excited to see one of their most admired sunbaenims standing in front of them. However, you were a different story. Yeah, you were smiling, but it was more awkward compared to the others’.

Baek PD came around the aide of the long conference table, approaching Yoongi with a huge smile of joy and surprise,

“Wow, Bang PD said he was going to send over one of his producers...I never thought he’d send you! It’s such an honor.”

Yoongi waved his hands in denial, “Oh, no, no, no...”

“Ah, you don’t have to be so humble!” Baek PD pats the boy on his back, “But, thanks for agreeing to help us out. Why don’t we all take a seat, so we can start discussing the title track.”

Everybody made their way over to the table but just stood there still in disbelief. Yoongi was right here. Yoongi was standing a few feet away from you. It was different from the time you ran into each other at that music show because now you’d actually have to talk to him...to interact with him.

“Y/N? Are you going to take a seat...or do you want to stand?” Baek PD asked.

“Oh! Uh, right. Yes, I am going to take a seat...” You sit in the spot you always sat at. It just so happens that it was one seat away from Yoongi, and you thanked the gods that you had Sun-hee sitting in between you two. Seeing and talking to Yoongi was already enough for you, who knew how you’d fare if you had to sit next to him?

The meeting went on with no problems, other than you stealing quick glances at the pale boy who was once your boyfriend. You and the rest of 2S discussed with Yoongi and Music Box’s producers the type of music you guys wanted to make. Every time you stole a glance at him, you could see him quietly taking down notes on his laptop carefully listening to everything that each of the girls, you and Baek PD had to say. Finally, after so many years, you were able to see how he was in his element and you weren’t surprised. You knew he was the hardworking type, but seeing him actually work was such a nice thing to see. Sure, you didn’t want to see him. He made you cry. He made you insecure after your break up. He made you think, was I not good enough? But now, when you tried so hard to tell yourself not to feel anything towards him, you were feeling happy to know that he was where he wanted to be. He’s fulfilling his dream, and now you were fulfilling yours. Maybe working with him wasn’t going to be so bad.

“Okay, I think I have what I need. I’ll work with the producers and we’ll come up with some sort of demo in the next few days.” Yoongi stands and shakes Baek PD’s hand. He leaves with the other producers to get started on the song, but he doesn’t go without looking at you one last time. Your eyes lock for only a split second, but you could sense some sort of feeling in his eyes. It was a feeling you couldn’t read.

Yoongi came back to the dorms later that night. Kicking off his shoes, he entered the apartment and just goes into his room to finish writing the lyrics to 2S’ title track. His mind was racing with the picture of you bowing with your members greeting him earlier. You still looked like the same you that he broke up with, except now you looked more mature. You looked great. You looked happy. He wondered if you would be happy if he had stayed with you, if he hadn’t broken things off.

Brushing those thoughts aside, he opened up an old notebook that he always kept for writing lyrics on the go and flips through the pages to see if anything would be useful, but stops when he gets to a certain page. Sometimes he’d glue things in his notebook. Anything that would give him inspiration he would put into this notebook, and on that particular page was a small wallet sized photo of you. His thumb glided across the image of your face.

“Hyung.” Yoongi jumped in his seat and quickly closed the notebook before Jimin could see,

“Jimin, you scared the fuck out of me. Can’t you at least knock?” The younger came in, rubbing the back of his head,

“Sorry, hyung. I just had a question...” He took a seat on Yoongi’s bed, “So my solo song I wrote for the WINGS album did pretty good...and I was wondering...I was wondering if I could help out writing another song...”

Yoongi nods without hesitation. He wanted Jimin to explore his capabilities and if he wanted to write another song, then why not?

“Of course you can, Jiminie. Actually...” he thought to himself, should I tell him about this collab? It might be a good experience for him.

He remembered that image of Jimin getting all giddy when you had mentioned him in that interview. He wasn’t so sure if he wanted to reveal that he was collaborating with your company to produce a song for your group which Jimin happened to like.

“What, hyung?”

It is just one song...not like he’s going to sing with them...It’s not like he’s going to see you...

“...uh, well Bang PD gave me a project...and...uh well I have to write this song, you can help if you want.” Yoongi wasn’t lying. He was indeed writing a song, he just didn’t say who for.

“Really! Wah, thank you hyung!” Yoongi couldn’t help but smile at his dongsaeng’s adorableness. He had Jimin pull over a chair and shared with him the notes he jotted down during the meeting. Yoongi enjoyed working with Jimin. They always played off of each other’s ideas very well, and soon enough the two of them writes an entire chorus and two verses within a course of only an hour. All that was left was the bridge, which Yoongi said he’d take care of.

“Hyung, I got a question.”

“Yeah?”

“This song...it doesn’t really sound like something we would sing...is this not for Bangtan?” Jimin gestured to the computer screen that displayed all the freshly written lyrics.

“Oh...well...I just wanted to experiment a little, you know?” Yoongi was glad to see Jimin nod his head as he bought his hyung’s excuse.

“Y/N-ah, do you mind passing me the cotton balls? They’re in the drawer to the left over there.” Sun-hee pointed to the dresser in your shared room. You were in bed comfortably rewatching your performances from your debut period, and so you groaned when your roommate asked for a simple favor,

“C’mon, Y/N-ah...pleeeeease? For your favorite unnie?” You could never deny Sun-hee’s puppy dog eyes, so you unwillingly got up from your comfortable position and grabbed the bag of fluffy cotton balls from the drawer. You hand the bag to Sun-hee who’s on the floor giving herself a pedicure,

“Thank you!” She giggled as you slumped back into your bed. She found it especially amusing when you continued to snuggle yourself deeper in the bed,

“What’s so funny, unnie?”

“Nothing. What do you think of Suga sunbaenim.” You stop rustling in bed. Your members loved talking about senior groups that they liked, but the sudden mention of Yoongi caught you off guard,

“W-what do you mean...”

“Mm, well I saw the way he was looking at you earlier during the meeting.” Luckily you were covered with the pile of blankets covering you so that she couldn’t see the flustered look on your face,

“He was...looking at me?”

“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t notice Y/N-ah. I saw him stealing small glances at you...hmmmm....maybe somebody has a little crush.” Sun-hee squealed as she got up to poke at you,

“Oh, shut up unnie. I’m pretty sure that you’re just over analyzing the situation.” You told yourself that, but you couldn’t help but hope that perhaps he was looking at you.

“Whatever, Y/N-ah. I’m just saying...if an opportunity comes your way...” you took a pillow and threw it at Sun-hee who manages to catch it before it hits her in the face, “Yah!” She laughed as she began to commence in an intense pillow fight with you. You didn’t care if she whacked you in the face, as long as it got her mind away from the thought of Yoongi. It must’ve worked because Sun-hee didn’t mention one word about him for the rest of the night, but you, on the other hand, couldn’t get Yoongi out of your mind.

A/N: sorry that this part kinda just felt like filler...but it sorta was...but hopefully the next part will be exciting

Gif not mine, credits to the owner

290 notes · View notes

thebookrat · 4 years

Link

Disclaimer: a review copy of this book was provided by the editor for review purposes. Affiliate links are not used in this post, but are used on this site. All thoughts and opinions are honest and my own. Edited to add: as you can see in the banner below, this post was supposed to be up yesterday, but I apparently don't know how to 'days of the week'... That is entirely MY BAD, sorry about that, internet!

You may have already seen me talking about this book online, as I listened to it while I was decorating for Christmas, but today -- before we dive into a guest post from one of the book's authors, Amy D'Orazio -- I'm going to dig a little deeper into why I loved Yuletide, an anthology of Christmas-oriented Jane Austen stories. And love it, I did! Generally when I read short story anthologies, I skip around to whichever story is calling my name most, with little care for the flow of one into the next. I also tend to only read them in bits and pieces, fits and starts, and never cover to cover. But because I was listening to Yuletide on audiobook*, and because I was flitting around the house, clipping evergreens that were politely pilfered from my neighborhood (ahem) and working them into wreaths and such, I just hit play and went along for whatever was in store. *it is still possible to skip around to stories in an audio anthology, btw. Chapters still exist. And man, I enjoyed this. The first story in the book actually gave me butterflies, but even when stories hit a flat note (which was rare), the immersive experience of listening to someone tell me Christmas stories about characters I love (who at this point feel almost like family, I've sent so much time with them), while working on Christmas myself? SWOON, it was so enjoyable. Harry Frost's narration was excellent, as well, even if I did occasionally chuckle at his "American" accent. ;) I'm not going to give you my whole spiel about how short story anthologies are great for discovering new authors, or as palate cleansers between books, our any of that (except I kinda just did), but as Austen anthologies go, this is one of the stronger ones. Each story felt entirely unique from the others, while still cohesive in context of the theme, and the different approaches mean that there's likely to be a story here to suit most Janeites. The book feels tightly and thoughtfully curated, and I did, in fact, discover some authors whose JAFF I now want to look into! And the best part of all? Proceeds from sales of the e-book and paperback go to benefit Chawton House! This mini review was turned out to be less mini and more review, but basically, I recommend this book, and I especially recommend reading it in the wintertime, when there's snow on the ground and the days are short, when your brain has turned towards Christmas but you're out of new Hallmark movies to watch... 10/10 experience, would recommend. And now, a piece from our special guest, Amy D'Orazio!

Eight Reasons Why Writing Modern JAFF Adaptations is so Much Harder than Writing Regencies

by Amy D’Orazio (contributing author to YULETIDE “The Wishing Ball”)

The Yuletide anthology [collection of five Regency era and two modern holiday stories] explored some new ground for me — it is the first time I have published a modern adaptation rather than the regency-based stories I typically write. Part of that was because this story was originally part of a Christmas challenge at A Happy Assembly. The idea for it came from fellow author Pamela Lynne who challenged me to write something to do with Christmas ornaments.

I know many people believe writing a modern adaptation is easier than a Regency. Both have their challenges but of the two…? Writing moderns is harder, in my opinion, and here are my reasons why:

1. Prejudice. Okay so this is a big one and often one I find takes a good modern and makes it shaky. Heaven knows there are plenty of things people are prejudiced about in this day and age but translating that into a feasible Darcy & Elizabeth-type situation isn’t easy. Elizabeth Bennet wasn’t poor—yet— in P&P. She was part of the upper echelon of wealth in England, but Darcy was, by comparison, stratospheric. So, a story about someone wealthy marrying someone else who is uber-wealthy? —not really anything notable today

2. Location, location, location. The first challenge any modern author faces is where to put their main characters. Jane Austen put hers in various spots around England, and when I am writing a Regency, I feel comfortable enough with my research to do likewise. But modern day? I’ve been to London a few times but that’s about it—I would have to do a LOT of research to find the exact restaurant on the exact street or the specific house with the certain features I need for my characters. The chances of getting it wrong are so much higher! In my story in this anthology I placed Darcy and Elizabeth in New York City (gasp… they’re American!)

3. Show of hands—who has had a family member voice an expectation that you should marry your cousin? But it was an important custom then and had super important implications for bloodlines and fortunes and etc. So, it’s sort of a hard issue to translate into a modern circumstance even though it was an important part of many of Austen’s books.

4. Or for that matter —who has really allowed their family members to have much say into their marriage at all? I mean, sure, I wanted my family to like my husband but if Aunt Martha didn’t…well…I guess we’d have just cut her off the Christmas card list.

5. The whole Lydia-Wickham and Georgiana-Wickham thing. Let’s be honest, in modern times, the only proper place for the likes of George Wickham (age 26/27) is jail for being a sex predator on teenagers. Would the military even take him? Let’s hope no one would force one of his victims to marry him! It’s storyline that is very tricky to translate to the modern era!

6. Modern life changes fast which brings with it another pitfall of books set in modern eras (not just for JAFF but any modern story)—when you have your hero check email on his Blackberry, or your heroine snap her Razor phone closed, you automatically dated your story. If you mention a song, a book, a news event, or a particular celebrity, five or ten years from now someone reading your book might not get what it is you’re talking about. Horse technology, on the other hand, rarely changed throughout the Regency period and the main forms of communication—writing a letter or walking to your neighbors house to talk about it—were the same. 7. By far, I think the most difficult thing about modern translations is how the characteristics of the our main characters are when placed into a modern setting. I’ve seen some intriguing takes on this — Elizabeth’s wit becomes almost supernatural intelligence, Mrs Bennet’s illiberality becomes racism or homophobia, Emma’s tendency to matchmake turns into a wedding planning business. To me, this is where writing moderns can really be tricky—in a Regency you don’t have to decide all of this but in a modern, you need to decide how you’ll bring it all into a modern era. 8. Marriage. By far the trickiest part of creating a modern is the aspects of marriage. In modern times, there are dates, there are non-monogamous relationships, there are engagements that end with no dreadful outcome to either party—in short there are many complexities to modern relationships that didn’t exist back then (for better or worse). If you’re writing a Regency and your hero and heroine dance twice, have a whispered conversation behind a potted plant and then decide to marry— sure! True love! But a modern couple? I think most of your readers would think it was a bit unrealistic! So, there you have it! It should be noted of course that all the opinions expressed herein are solely those of me, the author! Love to hear your thoughts on the subject below! AMY D’ORAZIO is a former scientist and current stay-at-home mom who is addicted to Austen and Starbucks in equal measure. While she adores Mr. Darcy, she is married to Mr. Bingley, and their Pemberley is in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She has two daughters devoted to sports with long practices and began writing stories as a way to pass the time spent at their various gyms and studios. She firmly believes that all stories should have long looks, stolen kisses, and happily-ever-afters. Like her favorite heroine, she dearly loves a laugh and considers herself an excellent walker. She is the author of The Best Part of Love, A Short Period of Exquisite Felicity, A Lady’s Reputation and various anthologies. Below you'll find an except of Amy's story in Yuletide; find samples from the rest of the anthology here! ABOUT THE BOOK:

Yuletide: A Jane Austen-inspired Collection Of Stories, edited by Christina Boyd 190 pages / audio 5 hrs and 50 mins Published November 26th 2018 by The Quill Ink, LLC BUY HERE: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07ZPBZSFB ttps://www.audible.com/pd/B07ZP9R3QW?

“I went up to the Great House between three and four, and dawdled away an hour very comfortably...” –Jane Austen A holiday short story anthology with some favorite Austenesque authors, YULETIDE is inspired by Jane Austen, PRIDE & PREJUDICE, and the spirit of the season. Regency and contemporary alike, each romance was dreamt to spark love, humor, and wonder while you dawdle over a hot cup of tea this Christmas. Stories by: Elizabeth Adams * J. Marie Croft * Amy D’Orazio * Lona Manning * Anngela Schroeder * Joana Starnes * Caitlin Williams Edited by: Christina Boyd All proceeds from e-book and paperback sales to benefit Chawton Great House in Hampshire, former manor of Jane Austen’s brother Edward Austen Knight and now the Centre for the Study of Early Women’s Writing, 1600-1830.

via The Book Rat

#IFTTT #The Book Rat

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vincentpennington · 5 years

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Paleo Curried Meat Pies

Ready to make some Paleo Curried Meat Pies—a.k.a. better-for-you grain-free hot pockets?

Longtime Nomsters know that I don’t publish a lot of paleo baking recipes—mostly because I know I’ll gobble up all my test batches with abandon. But once I’ve tasted something that I really, really, really want to make grain-free, I’ll make a rare exception to my no-baking rule. And then, I go nuts, experimenting over and over again ’til I crack the code.

Wanna cut to the chase? Watch this quick cooking video!

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One of the dishes that have gotten this treatment is my mom’s curried meat pies. When I was a kid, my mom used to bake up these buttery hand pies stuffed with a fragrant, curried ground beef filling. These portable pies were my first introduction to fusion food—flaky and savory pastries filled with Indian curry-spiced meat by way of a Chinese mommy. This type of melting pot cuisine is totally my jam.

If you’ve been checking out my Instagram Stories, you know I’ve been experimenting for weeks. Now, at long last, I think I’ve succeeded in creating a portable meat pie that’s both reminiscent of my mom’s, but also completely nut-free and grain-free. These unfussy hand pies are a breeze to throw together—especially when stuffed with leftover Spiced Keema. Sure, they’re pretty rustic looking (a.k.a. kinda ugly), but that’s part of their charm!

No leftover Spiced Keema? I’ve filled these pies with leftover Pot Sticker Stir-Fry, Instant Pot Spicy Pineapple Pork, and basically whatever leftover cooked protein I had sitting in my fridge. You can make a variety of homemade hot pockets with whatever you have on hand as long as the filling isn’t too wet. These pies freeze and reheat well, too, so you can make them ahead and stock ’em in your freezer.

P.S.—I’ll say it again: I’m no paleo baking expert, so before you ask, let me just tell you now that I have no idea what happens if you decide to substitute another flour for the cassava flour or arrowroot flour. If you successfully experiment with other flours or fats, please let us all know in the comments so we can benefit from your baking prowess!

Makes 18 pies

Ingredients:

2 cups (256 grams) cassava flour

½ cup (64 grams) arrowroot starch/flour

1½ teaspoons Diamond Crystal kosher salt

1 teaspoon ground turmeric

¾ cup (168 grams) ghee, softened but not liquid

3 large eggs, divided

½ cup room temperature water, more if needed

1½ cups leftover Spiced Keema

Equipment:

Large bowl

Whisk

Measuring spoons

Liquid measuring cup

Dry measuring cups

Scale (optional)

Rolling dowel

4½-inch round stainless steel cutter

Dough scraper (optional)

Two rimmed baking sheets

Parchment paper

Pastry brush

Stainless steel wire rack

Method:

Preheat the oven to 400° F with the rack in the middle position. Measure out the cassava flour, arrowroot powder, kosher salt, and ground turmeric into a large bowl.

Whisk to combine.

Add the ghee and two eggs to the dry mixture.

Mix well with your hands until the dough is crumbly and the the ghee and egg are well incorporated.

Slowly add the water a little at a time, and knead well until a pliable dough forms.

If the dough feels too sticky, you can add a little more cassava flour. Conversely, if it feels too dry and crumbly, add a little more water, kneading in a few drops at a time. If the dough feels overly soft and delicate, cover it in a bowl and refrigerate it for about 30 minutes so you can work with it more easily.

Next, grab a rolling pin and roll out the dough so that it’s about ⅛-inch thick. The dough can be a little sticky, so feel free to roll the dough between two pieces of parchment paper or plastic wrap. (A dough scraper can also be very helpful in pulling the dough off the work surface.)

Use a 4½-inch round stainless steel cutter to punch out the dough rounds.

Gather up the dough outside the circle cut-outs, and use it to form another ball of dough. Roll out this dough ball to ⅛-inch thickness, and punch out more dough rounds.

Repeat until you can’t form any more rounds. You should end up with about 18 dough rounds.

Add 2 tablespoons of chilled leftover Spiced Keema…

…to each circle of dough. Fold the dough over the top and pinch the edges together with your fingers. Don’t overfill the pies or you won’t be able to seal them! Arrange the meat pies on two rimmed baking sheets lined with parchment paper, making sure they’re evenly spaced.

Whisk the remaining egg in a small bowl…

…and brush the egg wash over the top of the meat pies on one (not both!) of the trays. Use a sharp paring knife to cut three slits on the top of each pie. Cover the other tray of pies with plastic wrap or a clean towel—you don’t want the pies to dry out while the other tray is in the oven.

Pop the first tray of pies (the ones with the egg wash applied) in the oven and bake for 15 minutes. Rotate the tray 180° and bake for 10-15 minutes more or until the tops are golden brown.

Place the pies on a wire rack to cool to room temperature (or, at the very least, to a temperature that won’t burn off the roof of your mouth).

Right before the second batch of pies goes in the oven, brush on the egg wash, and cut three slits into each pie. Bake off the remaining pies per the instructions above and…voila!

You can keep these hand pies in a sealed container in the fridge for about 4 days or freeze them for up to 4 months. They can be reheated in a toaster oven set to 350°F for about 8-10 minutes from the fridge, or 10-15 minutes straight from the freezer.

Heat ’em up and take them with you!

Now, who’s ready to make some paleo hot pockets?

Wanna watch me make these portable meals live from my kitchen? Check out this Facebook Live cooking demo that I recorded on February 28, 2018:

Looking for more recipe ideas? Head on over to my Recipe Index. You’ll also find exclusive recipes on my iPhone and iPad app, and in my cookbooks, Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans (Andrews McMeel Publishing 2013) and Ready or Not! (Andrews McMeel Publishing 2017)!

PRINTER-FRIENDLY RECIPE CARD

Paleo Curried Meat Pies

Prep 5 mins

Cook 1 hour, 25 mins

Total 1 hour, 30 mins

Author Michelle Tam

Yield 18 hand pies

Paleo Curried Meat Pies, a.k.a. better-for-you grain-free hot pockets, are a simple, make-ahead, freezer-friendly, portable dish that you can easily make with leftovers!

Ingredients

2 cups (256 grams) cassava flour

½ cup (64 grams) arrowroot starch/flour

1½ teaspoons Diamond Crystal kosher salt

1 teaspoon ground turmeric

¾ cup (168 grams) ghee, softened but not liquid

3 large eggs, divided

½ cup room temperature water, more if needed

1½ cups leftover Spiced Keema

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 400° F with the rack in the middle position. Measure out the cassava flour, arrowroot powder, kosher salt, and ground turmeric into a large bowl. Whisk to combine.

Add the ghee and two eggs to the dry mixture. Mix well with your hands until the dough is crumbly and the the ghee and egg are well incorporated.

Slowly add the water a little at a time, and knead well until a pliable dough forms. If the dough feels too sticky, you can add a little more cassava flour. Conversely, if it feels too dry and crumbly, add a little more water, kneading in a few drops at a time. If the dough feels overly soft and delicate, cover it in a bowl and refrigerate it for about 30 minutes so you can work with it more easily.

Use a 4½-inch round stainless steel cutter to punch out the dough rounds.

Gather up the dough outside the circle cut-outs, and use it to form another ball of dough. Roll out this dough ball to ⅛-inch thickness, and punch out more dough rounds. Repeat until you can’t form any more rounds. You should end up with about 18 dough rounds.

Add 2 tablespoons of chilled leftover Spiced Keema to each circle of dough. Fold the dough over the top and pinch the edges together with your fingers. Don’t overfill the pies or you won’t be able to seal them! Arrange the meat pies on two rimmed baking sheets lined with parchment paper, making sure they’re evenly spaced.

Whisk the remaining egg in a small bowl and brush the egg wash over the top of the meat pies on one (not both!) of the trays. Use a sharp paring knife to cut three slits on the top of each pie. Cover the other tray of pies with plastic wrap or a clean towel—you don’t want the pies to dry out while the other tray is in the oven.

Pop the first tray of pies (the ones with the egg wash applied) in the oven and bake for 15 minutes. Rotate the tray 180° and bake for 10-15 minutes more or until the tops are golden brown.

Place the pies on a wire rack to cool to room temperature (or, at the very least, to a temperature that won’t burn off the roof of your mouth).

Right before the second batch of pies goes in the oven, brush on the egg wash, and cut three slits into each pie. Bake off the remaining pies per the instructions above and…voila!

Notes

Courses Lunch

Cuisine Portable, Make-Ahead, Freezer-friendly, Paleo, Grain-free, Snack,

The post Paleo Curried Meat Pies appeared first on Nom Nom Paleo®.

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365footballorg-blog · 6 years

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Warshaw: What I expected and what surprised me from Week 33

USA Today Sports

October 15, 20181:06PM EDT

Hey everyone, quick slate of games due to the international weekend. Matt was at a wedding this weekend so I’m on review duties.

LAFC 4, Houston 2

I EXPECTED LAFC to control the game … and they did!

They won as comprehensively as you’ll see in MLS. The scoreline doesn’t fully reflect LAFC’s dominance. Houston were missing Alberth Elis, Romell Quioto, and Juan David Cabezas – probably their three most important players – and never looked close to LAFC’s level. Benny Feilhaber and Lee Nguyen dominated possession, Carlos Vela got on the ball in dangerous positions (ending up with two goals and two assists), and Houston struggled to get past midfield.

So much respect for what Bradley has done in 2018 with @LAFC and yet why do I feel he isn’t getting his due the way @ATLUTD did in 2017?! Honestly he’s done equal if not better job but what gives?! #MLS

— Taylor Twellman (@TaylorTwellman) October 13, 2018

With the win, LAFC move into the second spot out West, three ahead of Sporting Kansas City and one point behind FC Dallas. LAFC play Vancouver on Saturday (5pm ET | TSN – Full TV & streaming info) next week, then could have a huge game with Sporting on Decision Day presented by AT&T that will likely decide who gets the Knockout Round bye.

I ALSO EXPECTED Vela and Adama Diomande to clash … and they didn’t!

In fact, they appear to be getting the hang of each other. Notice how they make eye contact here as Dio fakes the near-post run and fades far post to meet Vela’s pass:

To be honest, I had mentally picked the over on Vela and Diomande jelling in time for the playoffs, that it would going to take too long and Bob Bradley would lose patience and pick Marco Ureña up top. Ureña offers a lower ceiling for the attack but a higher floor, given his proven understanding with Vela on the field. But Vela and Dio have now have a combined five goals and three assists in the last two games. The best version of LAFC’s attack appears to be coming together.

I DID NOT EXPECT LAFC to struggle building out of the back.

When Houston pressed near LAFC’s box, Tyler Miller, Walker Zimmerman, and specifically Danilo Silva struggled to connect passes forward. Even Nguyen gave a bad ball away near his own 18. Not only did they give the ball away, they looked all-around uncomfortable. I imagine teams around the West saw that and added something to their scouting report.

D.C. United 1, FC Dallas 0

I EXPECTED D.C. United to finally push over the playoff line, and do it through a late, dramatic goal.

Late craziness has kinda become a thing in D.C. games lately: the Wayne Rooney-to-Lucho Acosta winner against Orlando, David Villa’s 86th-minute equalizer at Yankee Stadium, Acosta’s goal-ahead 87th-minute goal matched by Bradley Wright-Phillips in the 90th-minute, and Rooney’s 81st-minute, go-ahead goal last week against Chicago.

Russell Canouse did it this time around, with a goal in the 86th that put D.C. into the top six for the first time all season and also gave us our Face of the Week:

Saturday night’s game had a little extra emotional tug. D.C. United’s Paul Arriola lost his father early in the week and the team wore armbands in remembrance.

Olsen takes a moment after his press conference and brings up @PaulArriola. “This one’s for Paul,” he says. Touching stuff. #DCU

— Pablo Maurer (@MLSist) October 13, 2018

I EXPECTED Dallas to punish D.C. on the break … and they did not.

It was the type of game that usually suits Dallas just fine. D.C. took the impetus at home and tried to possess, and Dallas waited for D.C. to stretch themselves before hitting them on the counter. And it worked for the most part, except Dallas failed to score their chances.

That kind of performance that probably keeps Oscar Pareja awake at night. The team executed his gameplan, but Michael Barrios rushed his shots and Maxi Urruti missed his passes. That, as Dallas are currently constructed, seems to be their likely Achilles’ heel. We know Dallas can defend, we know they can generate chances, but do they have the quality to finish when it counts? One game, single elimination – which one of the Dallas attackers will bury that one big chance?

I DID NOT EXPECT D.C.’s possession to look slow and static.

Since Rooney’s arrival, they’ve been one of the better possession teams in the league, but this marks the second week in a row they’ve failed to create opportunities through their possession.

They aren’t making the simple passes as frequently or as quickly as before. They are picking up their heads and looking for a killer pass rather than playing the early obvious options. Productive possession comes from simple decisions; Pass-trap-move, as Pep Guardiola often says. The collection of simple passes moves opposing defenses and sets up a killer pass.

For a couple months, D.C. had no problem making multiple simple passes before going for the final ball. But the last two weeks, they’ve looked for the killer pass first and settled for the simple pass, slowing down their overall possession.

It’s a natural two-steps-forward, one-step-back progression. When you succeed by doing the simple things well, you try to do the harder things, because harder things are naturally better, right? The through pass does more for us than the sideways 5-yard pass, obviously! Well, as D.C. is finding right now, that’s not always the case. They scored a really nice win over the top team in the West, but they weren’t at their best.

Minnesota 0, Colorado 2

I EXPECTED Darwin Quintero to get chances to score … and he did.

There aren’t many things in MLS you can feel more confident about than Quintero getting good looks against Colorado’s defense. The Colombian had a goal called back due to an Angelo Rodriguez offside and missed a couple other ones you’d usually bet your car he’d finish.

I DID NOT EXPECT Quintero to not actually score those chances.

Also, Minnesota didn’t win. Colorado was coming in on a seven-game losing streak and missing Kellyn Acosta (USMNT callup); the Loons had won 6-of-7 at home. Lock, right?

All things considered, this may be #MNUFC’s worst loss of the season. Hard to see much direction in the team’s approach to the game, and only a few players seemed to stand out. Two goal home defeat to MLS’ second-worst side. #MINvCOL

— Jeff Rueter (@jeffrueter) October 13, 2018

And Colorado didn’t just win, they looked like 2003 Arsenal. The Rapids combined through midfield, found their outside backs getting forward, and pressed Minnesota into bad turnovers. It must make Anthony Hudson feel somewhat justified about their recent struggles; when the system clicks, it looks damn good. Colorado have a template for how they want to play and who they want to be – it’s just a matter of moving it in the right direction.

I DID NOT EXPECT Cole Bassett, Colorado’s 17-year-old Homegrown, to get his first MLS start.

He played on the left side of the midfield diamond and completed the bulk of his passes:

Bassett didn’t do anything particularly special, but Rapids fans should be really encouraged by his performance. The two best parts of his game:

Bassett always appeared to know what he was going to do with the ball. He hit multiple smart, one-touch passes out of pressure. Most young players use their feet to try to get out of trouble rather than their brains, but Bassett showed he could use both.

He looked comfortable on the ball in tough spots. He didn’t get antsy feet or rush any passes; he appeared at ease receiving difficult passes.

New England Revolution 2, Orlando City 0

I EXPECTED the Revs to shut out Orlando … and they did.

The Lions hadn’t scored in their last four games, and went to Gillette Stadium without key starters Dom Dwyer and Yoshi Yotun.

I DID NOT EXPECT New England to look so good in possession.

They completed more than 500 passes, beyond three times their season average (150 per 90 minutes). Orlando played a deep 5-4-1, resting multiple regulars, and New England effectively used the the ball to create and find gaps. It was the best Revs performance in three months.

Unfortunately, three months was too long to wait. D.C.’s win left New England mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.

Series:

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Warshaw: What I expected and what surprised me from Week 33 was originally published on 365 Football

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mixeddoctor · 6 years

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The Frozen River, The Wet Tears and a Need for Strength

So today was a hard day. One of the hardest in awhile. My birthday was Monday and he emailed me on the weekend. I hadn’t been able to sleep. In 2 days I had gotten maybe 5 hours. It’s the worst. I’ve always been able to just fall asleep. But now I don’t want to be alone with my thought. I hate to admit that I don’t feel safe with myself alone here. I don’t feel safe in my own mind. Music doesn’t help all the time because it allows too much space for thought. It doesn’t drown anything out. I usually have my Hulu on till i knock out now because I cant think if I’m listening to an episode. The only problem is.... it’s like I’m afraid to sleep. My body finally gets to sleep and I get up and I’m dead tired but my body just goes and I don’t know where the energy comes from. Anyway, I hadn’t slept, I went to school, fell down the stairs on the way, and when I was leaving I got a call from a flower delivery person. I told them I wasn’t home and that I wouldn’t be for a few hours. I thought it was so nice of someone to send me flowers and then I realized that no one ever sends me flowers on my birthday except him (usually they are digital flowers because he never knew where I lived before then) and I asked who they were from and the delivery person said they just deliver so I couldn’t do anything. I got another call from another delivery person from edible arrangements but this time I asked who they were from and they told me it was him (going by my old nickname for him-bastard-that nickname was because he was one of the nicest people... or so I thought). I refused to accept them. I told the man to keep them or give them away because I refuse to accept them. Tat was before class. I felt like crap. The flowers at my door were gorgeous and I hated that I liked them. I hated that he could reach out and affect me in any way. I was angry that I told him not to contact me and he chose to disregard me. He sent it to my house! I kind of laughed it off but I told my 2 friends and my mom. One of my friends suggested I email him just saying to stop contacting me and that its the second time I asked because it needs to be documented in case I need to get a restraining order. I thought it was a good suggestion but decided I wouldn’t respond on my birthday. Couldn’t sleep again though. Had a long day at clinic and on my commute I wrote his email. I sent it to my girls to make sure it was appropriate. I got home and finally was able to sleep after not having slept for what seemed like forever. But I think I only slept 5 hours. I normally would have just slept through the night. And then I sent the email after an adjustment. And looked at my inbox and saw that his mother sent me birthday wishes. The woman is so sweet and in that moment I hated him for not telling her. He told me in one of his 6 or 7 unwanted emails that he had not had the heart to tell her what had happened and when she asked how I was doing he pretended not to hear her and went and cried. I was angry. Every correspondence he sent me either addressed me by an old nickname or like we were still on friendly terms. And then 1/2 of them, maybe more, described what HE was going through. How devastated HE was. His random bouts of crying. Missing me every day. I hated it! Why does he make it sound like HE’S the victim? He’s the victim of the consequences of his own fucking decision to take what I wouldn’t give him sober. An opportunity of a fucking lifetime I guess. And now hes hurt because I refuse to be in his life or have him in mine? Fuck you. FUCK YOU!!! SUCH A SELFISH ASSHOLE! He always prioritized what he wanted over what I wanted, needed, or what was in my best interest. And the worst thing is, if I’m honest, sometimes I’d feel bad for him, for what HE was going through but then I’d just get angry at myself and somehow the anger just allowed me to continue on. But back to his mom. I had met her in person and had helped her out via email and had spoken to her a few times on video chat while he was home or when she visited him. I felt like we had a cute little rapport. And she really is the sweetest woman. So as much as the email was so sweet, I decided in that moment she deserved to know why I wouldn’t be emailing or around after this correspondence. I felt it would be rude not to respond to her despite what her son did to me. So I responded. And then I had the balls he didn’t and told her, not graphically or angrily, but told her that after that email I wont be corresponding with anyone with any ties to him because after what he did it just is not good for my own emotional health and I apologized that the small relationship she and I developed had to suffer from his actions. I also def mentioned that I knows he taught him to be a man of integrity and good moral standing but he disregarded her teachings the night that he did what he did to me. I kind of felt apprehensive about sending it and then was just like screw it. I’m responding. I refuse to make myself look bad and I want to control what information she gets and make sure that he doesn’t claim “a night of drunken sex” or that I just stopped talking to him. I wanted to control what was said. Who was told. And that the truth was told. Maybe that’s a little of me trying to get my power back. A little of the control. Anyway... I sent them both after 1 am so I thought he’d be asleep especially because it’s the beginning of the semester so he has no reason to really be up late so he usually is in bed around midnight. His mom from what I know usually doesn’t sleep late. But know in retrospect, she may have been up and then woken his ass up because I got an email back at almost 3 am. 2:48am to be exact. And I read it. And he said that he never intended to be disrespectful with his correspondence... that he wanted to show that he still cared, that his existence in my life was not all about Sept 30th. That he wanted to be remembered as a man who loved and cared about me despite the fact that he raped me. I was impressed that he said the words. That he owned up to it. He also said he was beyond remorseful because remorse alone does not inspire change. He said that he was so used to sharing his emotions and personal things with me that he just wrote them. He said he wanted to help make my birthday special. And then he got angry because of something he interpreted as sarcastic. And he described how he has such a hard time because he cant just wipe me from his life easily and then implied that I’ve been able to wipe him away from my life and he said maybe I wish that he never existed and that maybe one day ill be able to purge him from my memory but he hopes not and that he hopes that I remember him as a friend who always wanted the best for me. That email fucked me over. I went to sleep trying to drown out my thoughts. Woke up and it was the first time that all I wanted to do was sleep (which happens to be early signs of depression for me) but I had grandrounds. And got out so I could get there on time. But I cried on my commute. Pretty much the whole way. On the bus. On the first train. On the second train. And when I got to the clinic, I went straight to the bathroom so I could just let it out and I must have cried for like 7 min. I had to hurry up and clean up because 1-I’m an ugly crier but 2-my eyes and nose get hella red and I didn’t want anyone to know. But I cried hard. I cried so hard. Because he makes me feel guilty. Like I am hurting him. Like I ruined a good person. And if I’m honest I was so confused at what I wanted to believe. If I believed him, could I still be angry? Was I petty to send that to his mother? Why can he even make me feel guilty? Why is HE the victim in this? Am I that terrible of a person? And then I remembered that I did love him- like he was my best friend. He was with me through med which has been so rough (but if I’m honest part of that has been rough because of him) and we had a very close relationship. Way too close but the attachment was real. And for him to do that to me. For him to take that from me. Because “[He] wanted [me] so bad”. Because he could. Because it was what he wanted. What he fantasized. Why do men who say they love me hurt me. My bio dad, many many of the previous people in my life. And why do I ruin and let down and destroy the good things (not even talking bout him but apart of me feels like he would never have done that had it not been me). Was it really me? Was it really my fault? I know he was wrong but did I push him that far? Why would he do it to me? God I feel dirty. and like a terrible person. I hate him! i Hate him! I hate him! I hate me too. I had so many plans today but I just wanted to lay in bed. I cooked so I kinda felt good but I just wanted to lay down and go to bed but I’M NOT SLEEPY~!!!! God this is not how I wanted to start off 27. I always thought something good would happen to me at 27. But if this is any indication, I’ll just be crying and shutting down. I couldn’t even get through this without breaking down multiple times. I really wanna disappear. I looked at the Potomac on the commute and other bodies of water that were frozen... and thought how that is such a good metaphor to how I feel. Cool and solid on the surface, but below still flowing current of emotions and that every email, every card, the flowers, and even my lack of sleep is like someone throwing a rock to crack the frozen surface. Some places are cracked all the way through until the next day when they freeze right back over. If I could just get through this year... I cant have this this year. Boards are coming up. I haven’t been able to bring myself to study. I just want to sleep and lay in bed and stare at my wall and cry and be buried in the bed. I got such a huge jump on work before class started and I was supposed to be done by yesterday and now its the end of today and I am not closer to where I need to be at all. There’s just more and more things that are piling up and I hate that this is happening. I hate that he is affecting me. I hate that I cant be stronger. Why cant I be stronger. Dear God, it doesn’t have to go away, but can I just please be a little stronger? Any strength sent my way would be greatly appreciated. Please.

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