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uselessnbee · 1 year

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okay i don't want to be THAT bitch but if El calls out Mike on his bullshit in s5 how the love confession was shit and untrue i do kinda want Mike to turn around and be like "okay well what do you love me for?" because let's be real girl would not have an answer for that 💀

and maybe it would be good to be the last thing that would make her go oh i've never loved him that way either

like yes she totally should throw everything in Mike's face cause she deserves so much better but let's not pretend like she's a good girlfriend to him and it's just Mike being the problem

this fucker has been depressed and struggling for months and like did she ever even ask how is he doing? not her fault but the fact that Mike has been struggling and never once thought about talking to El because he doesn't feel like he can be vulnerable with her? the fact that he pretends he's someone he's not because he feels like she wouldn't want him for who he is? seriously no hate to El i love her to bits and yes Mike is bigger asshole in this but we really need to stop acting like El is perfect and can do no wrong

and that one time in s4 when Mike actually tried to be vulnerable with her and let her know that he understands because he's been bullied his whole life and she just invalidates his feelings and completely dismisses him? i do understand her pov and what she meant but as someone who's also been bullied and have so many people invalidate my feelings and how it affected me and still affects me to this day all the time it really hurt to hear it. the way Mike's feelings are constantly being invalidated and dismissed by both the characters in the show and this fandom just because "others have it worse" really disgusts me

anyways i really just want to point out that this is a relationship. there are two people in this relationship and it all goes both ways. it's not just Mike being an asshole friend and a shitty boyfriend. El isn't really a great girlfriend either and when they were just hanging out together the whole summer it is on El too. they're both just kids trying to do their best and making mistakes we can acknowledge that both of them make some really questionable things so they both can grow and learn

#also isn't it ridiculous that every time we say anything like this about El we need to clarify how nothing is her fault #and she isn't in the wrong at all? like if we can call out Mike or Nancy or anyone else on their bullshit #without acting like they never did anything wrong we should be able to do that with El too #El is a flawed character as well it doesn't mean that we hate her she's trying her best just like everyone else and that's why we love her #but this fandom truly makes her into this perfect angel that can never do anything even remotely wrong and it's annoying #no one in that show is perfect and we need to talk about it more how human they all are #characters don't need to be perfect in order to be loved just like people don't need to be perfect in order to be loved #let us have flawed characters and let us talk about it #their mistakes are part of who they are and their journey let them make them and let them learn from them #and that applies to El too not just Mike thank you for coming to my ted talk #mike wheeler #byler #anti milkvan #not tagging el cause her fans would burn me alive #blue's 'Mike's extreme defender' ramblings #<- finally made a tag for my mike ramblings so if any of yall don't want to see it just block it i know i am annoying hah

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jaynovz · 11 months

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John Silver Recovery and Hurt/Comfort Rec List

Hi there! Another rec list? -surprised Pikachu face-

These deal specifically with Silver’s post-amputation struggles and recovery. Often deep character study, heavy on hurt/comfort, wound care/medical discussion, wrestling with his disability and body image type stuff, so mind the tags on individual works.

These are all Silverflint because, well, you know why you follow this blog.

What It Feels Like Not To Hurt by robotboy

Summary: So. This is a 9k slow burn watersports fic. That's a thing that now exists in this fandom. But it's mostly about Silver recovering in the warship cabin and working out how much of his humanity is tied to humiliation. To echo my esteemed colleague purplecelery: 'I'm gonna gently suggest that anyone who's not usually into this take a gander anyway because you might be surprised.'

The Salt and the Sea by x_etoile_x

Summary: John Silver was always able to make the best of a situation. If this particular situation had started to feel complicated, well, a vast fortune ought to prove clarifying. Whatever he might have imagined he'd seen in Flint, the reality was they had used each other. And he had been set to walk away on top.

Except now he couldn't. Now he was trapped.

_______

The gap between the end of s2 and the start of the raids - Silver's early recovery and eventual decision to stay.

i’m discarding pieces of myself in the dark by coffeeandchemicals

Summary: Silver swallows and fights the urge to run his tongue along his dry, chapped lips. It’s been awhile since they were in the Doldrums, but they were in cages after that, and Silver still feels stretched too thin over his bones. He knows his eyes are shadowed and cheeks are hollow; he can see the same in Flint’s visage, and on the faces of the remaining crew – he can’t let himself think of the ones they’d lost. They all bear more than just the physical scars of their most recent misfortunes. Silver’s are just the most evident.

Or: Flint tries to help Silver during the events of 3x07

His Heart Is Already Mine by queerpyrate

Summary: When Silver collapses aboard the deck of the Walrus, overcome with fever from an infection in his leg, Flint immediately alters their course to return to Maroon Island.

after the winnowing by princesskay

Summary: After Charles Town, Silver convalesces at the governor's mansion in Nassau while Flint chooses what happens to the gold - and their futures. Flint tries to take care of him, but are the kind gestures what they seem?

The Soft Animal of Your Body by x_etoile_x

Summary: Silver has a problem. Flint has an interest, as it turns out, and tells a story.

no daylight between you and i by inwardphae

Summary: What’s it all for, anyway? They’ll take and take and take until there’s nothing left of him. Not his leg, not his name, not his life. And there’s nothing he can do about it.

But then, something happens that surprises him, even in his frantic state, even as he feels his grip on himself slide away. And as it always happens as of late, he finds that the edges of his world begin and end with James Flint.

missing moments during and after charles town

Taut by Thiebes

Summary: Silver did not make it to dinner.

He awoke with a jolt to a dark room. How did he get on the floor? He didn't remember sinking down any more than he remembers falling asleep. The noise outside his door had faded, only a few distant laughs punctuated the sound of crickets in the night.

Let me try to pull you free by ember_firedrake

Summary: Following the loss of his leg, Silver can't stop thinking about the last night he spent with Flint before Charlestown, and what will happen when Flint learns the truth of the gold.

Follows "My heart is under arrest again."

Set between 2x10 and 3x01.

Forestay by Farasha

Summary: Forestay: A line of rigging which keeps the mast from falling backward.

After Charleston, certain truths come to light that have Flint and Silver's relationship hanging by a thread.

Truce by lostinafictionalworld

Summary: “Would you like me to do it?” Flint offered quietly.

Silver’s head snapped up to glare at him, his usually warm eyes icy. He would have been shocked by the offer if he weren’t so busy being furious.

“I am painfully aware that I can scarcely take a piss without assistance,” he snarled, “but I am perfectly capable of brushing my own hair.”

After returning to Nassau following the events of Charlestown, Silver and Flint manage to set aside their differences for an evening.

vigia by doomcountry

Summary: That’s his talent. That’s what he offers him. That’s what he is, before he is quartermaster or lover or friend: the tempering flame, the relief.

A Holier Thing Than Hell or Highwater by swampslip

Summary: “This is… A difficult thing,” Flint says slowly.

“I’m not saying this to be-”

“I know.”

“I just can’t seem to… Move on.”

“Why should you?”

“What?”

“Why should you move on?” Flint asks quietly, gestures at the pinking, slowly healing end of Silver’s thigh, “This isn’t a moment that will fade into the oblivion of living. You won’t forget this, nor should you.”

As always, hit me up if you feel I’ve missed a vital inclusion, and I will give it a read. Mwah.

#I made this for tumblr user tomateblack but I guess everyone else can look too #black sails #silverflint #silverflint fic recs #fic recs #black sails fic recs #john silver #james flint #black sails fanfiction #jay's esoteric rec lists #I used to do notes on these as well but I have far too many things to do these days

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smol-tired-binch-blog · 7 months

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[kicks door down]

Autistic Nishiki whose special interest is fashion and not only considers what's trendy but also looks out for fabrics that aren't a sensory nightmare, however sometimes he will force himself to wear something that isn't comfy for appearance's sake, which leaves him more vulnerable to getting overwhelmed and therefore 'emotional' Also means he has his collar popped like Kiryu's for sensory reasons too and slutty reasons, which would once again make me correct in saying if he undid his collar in Kiwami he'd be normal again because if I were constantly experiencing sensory discomfort I too would be fucked up and evil.

Cause like here's the thing, autistic Kiryu and Majima headcanons are more obvious (especially the former), whereas Nishiki probably comes off as the most 'normal'; he can likely maintain eye contact and talk to people 'normally' and not like, go off on some random tangent about a special interest or hyperfixation. And then you remember masking is a thing.

And okay, so I actually think it's unfair a lot of fandom considers him a 'crybaby' right, cause he's cried in situations MOST PEOPLE WOULD RIGHTFULLY CRY OVER! BUT, I can use this to my Autistic Advantage and have this be he actually struggles to regulate his emotions, and considering he's been exposed to the yakuza world since a young age where ANY emotion that isn't 'respectable stoicism' or 'righteous fury and indignation', he's seen as even MORE overly emotional. Hence the need to start masking so early, PLUS having to protect Kiryu who couldn't mask if his life depended on it because he doesn't realise he may HAVE to (speaking from personal experience, Kiryu definitely went his whole life unaware there was anything ""wrong"" with him (for lack of a better word) and had people just like "oh yeah he's just Like That dw bout it" and went on with his life), so Nishiki takes up the mantle of I'm The One Who Knows What We're Doing Lad's desperate to gain acceptance and will change whatever he has to but people still somehow pick up that Something's Off About Him and so they tend to be disdainful or brush him off. It's easy charisma that can win over hostesses and brief encounters with civillians but can't carry across in the yakuza. Kiwami is him trying his DAMNDEST to act neurotypical even at the cost of his own comfort, and the worst part is it's not working

#akira nishikiyama #yeah i can do headcanons too!! i can go all in on em!!! i need more silly headcanons to go with it #what do you think his stims are? i literally just read a mutual say he likes spinning keys and shiny things and YOU ARE SO CORRECT #i think he likes clicking his lighter open and closed as well which is another reason it's annoying Kiryu keeps borrowing/losing it gvbhjnb #sorry i had a chat with a friend last night about this cause this headcanon's been swirling around in my head for a while and i'm actually #putting the pieces together. sorry for using terms like 'wrong' and 'normal' but it's like that's the easiest way for me to explain it and #like i said im talking from personal experience. im close with someone whose basically masked their whole life and is realising 'nah mate #im just nd' meanwhile I grew up having no idea what autism was but I Clearly Was That and assumed everyone ELSE was being difficult #and yet despite relating to Kiryu moreso something about Nishiki's lack of a hold on his identity compels me and im like same dude #this is what i mean by whenever i think about Nishiki there's a 1/3 chance i'll start crying cause HE MAKES ME SO SAD #BABYGIRL YOU DESERVED BETTER!!!!!

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bloodfueled · 24 days

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hal'ain should get into blood magic. the chantry already wants him dead who give a shit

#s.olas would be supportive you know he doesnt gaf everyone else though ummm. not so much.#I dont want to get too “”“mary sue”“” with it though in my canon rewrite i already expanded his repertoire with the defunct keeper spelltree #+ healing bc i hc that clan lav mages are all taught healing really early for safety purposes and to hone their control #and blood mages cant use healing magic oh.. i forgot about that uhm. well maybe it can be a last resort for some big climatic moment.#oc; hal'ain

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stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage · 2 months

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Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.

Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.

#da2 #dragon age 2 #sebastian vael #listen in my defense..........i don't like bringing sebastian anywhere sksksks #okay look i seriously tried but every time i bring him somewhere i always think man i wish i had brought someone else #and also i do just forget about him! i finally added him to my party at one point and he had 24 points to spend...#that's how long i neglected him after i promised myself i was gonna use him more and then i didn't #it's not that i don't like sebastian as a character though i do tend to side eye him A LOT... it's just that i like everyone else more #even aveline like i'd take aveline over sebastian any day and that's saying something... or is it? i have a lot of feelings about aveline #whereas my feelings about sebastian could maybe fill a thimble...it doesn't help that in my canon run as a mage hawke #i romance anders and well... sebastian wants me to kill anders and my hawke is like 'do i approve of blowing up the chantry? complicated.'#'am i breaking up with anders for this? absolutely. do i still love him? mmhmmm. am i going to kill him sebby? i'd sooner set varric aflame #then sebastian threatens to bring an army to kirkwall and leaves so i can't say i have the greatest opinion on him #even the time where i did kill anders and he stayed in my party he was just... there #and then he glitched out and started t posing while asking if ed ever found out what anders wanted to do in the chantry so..... yeah #but even this playthrough where i'm playing as a lady warrior with a different personality and everything... i'd just rather use anyone els #also keep him away from bethany i do not approve sksksks she's too good for him #i want to understand and see the different angles of him like with the other companions but i've yet to convince myself to do it #also sebastian romancers out there can you like... explain? genuinely can you explain the appeal? i'm curious #because of all the love interests in da2 i look at sebastian and you'd think i'd maybe be more interested? but it's like...#i know about the chaste marriage and everything like that's fine i don't need sex to be a thing in the relationship but it feels less like #an asexual romance and more like... y'know... being with a priest and i guess that's just not one of my kinks? sksksks #i guess there's also the prince angle but i romanced alistair in dao and kept him a grey warden i don't really care about royalty power #and i don't have issues with him being a part of the chantry [well i do but yknow what i mean] since i romanced cullen in dai #and his whole deal with the chantry and magic and shit makes his romance interesting to me but sebastian is just.... a bit too much i think #i don't know i'd like to understand because i really don't but i also keep forgetting about him

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elftwink · 13 days

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been learning to play ironsworn (gritty fantasy ttrpg which you can play with a gm but is mostly suited for solo or small group co-op gmless play) after having the rulebook pdf for several years (stars finally aligned to remove invisible thing blocking me from reading it idk) because i'm on another solo ttrpg kick & i don't know what took me so long to get around to this game because it genuinely is exactly what i was looking for. years ago when i was playing through solo 5e modules i should have just been playing ironsworn (believe it or not, 5e isn't very suited to solo play and is extremely clunky when you try lol).

also though i have dabbled in some other solo ttrpgs, a considerable amount of them are journaling games which is fun but imo considerably more work (usually by the time i'm a quarter of the way through the journal entry, i know how to entire scene played out and i want to move on to the next gameplay thing, so i get frustrated and bored quickly. it feels like when you solve a level in a video game but don't have the coordination to pull off the necessary move so you have to spend 20 extra minutes doing something you already figured out), so i really appreciate like not needing to write something for the game to progress (ive been taking notes for my own record since im playing solo and thus am not really out loud roleplaying the way you do in a group, but i definitely could do that instead and not take notes and the game would still function perfectly)

& ive been playing by myself but also in the past ive played a lot of ttrpgs in very small groups which has been other games but is mostly dnd and like. we also should have been playing ironsworn so that having a gm was not necessary. have definitely played games where we had to adapt the rules soooo much to do something that is just base game included in ironsworn. plus it's rules-light enough to do pretty complex moves that pose difficulties in bulkier games (ever introduced someone to dnd and they tell you they want to do a sick backflip and catch something and then attack and you have to tell them that will require several different consecutive rolls and some creative liberties with how the rules are 'supposed' to let you move? you can just Do That in ironsworn. use the strike move and describe it. done!)

the one thing is that although it's rules-light enough to theoretically play any setting or genre (some with more difficulty than others), ive found so far that like... the grittiness and sense of threat is very built into the mechanics so that would be sort of difficult to work around or change (but i think it's great from a game design perspective). what i mean is like, okay: you start with 5 max hp. there isn't really a way to raise this max hp, you just slowly gain abilities (assets) that make you less likely to have to lose the hp in the first place, or that make it easier to recover. when you encounter foes, you rank them on a scale of 1 -5, and enemies on the lowest side of this scale do one harm to you, while enemies on the highest side do five harm to you. so even though encountering an epic enemy won't always be deadly due to the assets you have, they are ALWAYS capable of taking you down to 0 hp with one good hit. so the feeling of threat is much more present compared to games where your character starts to be able to just tank and push through a failure or huge threat.

admittedly also i'm playing solo, im still learning how to balance combat, and also i built a character who has NO combat talents and iron (the close quarters fighting stat) is one of my lowest stats so i personally am under much more threat than if you built a character who knew how to fight or who could do deadly harm. but also the other thing about combat is it's extremely difficult to maintain control of the fight; you have to score a strong hit to do it on basically all moves, and there's a really limited pool of moves available when you don't have the initiative, and obviously none of them really favour you. i don't know that this makes combat genuinely more difficult, but it does make you feel like the fight is always about to spiral out of your control. every second you let it drag without decisive action feels like it brings you closer to dying. like i said, this is a feature of the game design and not a problem in any way. just thinking about it because when i was initially learning i was going to try to supplant it into a homebrew fantasy world of my own but the tone just wouldn't be right. and that it is somewhat difficult to replicate the kind of worlds that i typically play or run for dnd, which tend to lean somewhat sillier and definitely much higher fantasy

but i like to try new things and tbh especially in dnd i find that i very rarely feel that sense of threat and when i do feel it, it has nothing at all to do with the actual mechanics and reality of the combat and everything to do with how well the dm sells it to me and makes it sound and feel scary and dangerous. which is a testament to what a good gm can do for you but i do appreciate the threat feeling more built-in and also being actually real.

#good idea generator #kas plays ironsworn #am giving it a tag because i will continue to talk about this. its my blog #idk i just find in dnd like. players often FEEL threatened WAY before they actually are threatened #which makes it really hard to balance combat because players treat evenly matched fights like hopeless death traps #so instead they do underleveled combat that feels boring for some hard to pin down reason #but like. the reason is even though you're nervous about the dm's description and the things the monsters can do #there is no real threat. especially in bigger parties where the players DOMINATE action economy. they are always in control #so of course it gets boring. it drags out so everyone can take their turn but it never forces you to make difficult choices #or to totally exhaust all your abilities. after awhile the combats start to feel same-y #because even if the monster is different. you never have to do anything different to defeat it #ofc this is a subjective assessment and also if youre reading this and we play dnd together this is not a gripe abt our table i love u #i think it's really easy to get trapped doing this esp in tables which like rp more than combat #because its also like. once you're used to a certain balance of combat if your dm suddenly threw you a big one #you assume that this is a uniquely large threat in the narrative as well (rather than a rebalancing attempt)#and treat it accordingly. which is to say with way too much caution because it isnt actually that big of a threat #so then as a dm when you have to maintain the feeling of threat and the mechanical threat #(especially when sometimes the mechanical line between 'cakewalk' and 'tpk' is razor thin #and is more about the initiative order and luck than anything else)#you start to prioritize the feeling of threat. which is imo the right call always #but its just after awhile when you feel the threat but nothing ever happens to anybody. the dissonance starts to affect the table #also balancing dnd combat as a dm is really hard and often requires a LOT of on the fly adaptation #because sometimes the CR is useless and you don't know how it's gonna do until the dice are on the table already #anyway. my point is that im enjoying how ironsworn handles this problem

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sunlitmiracle · 27 days

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smashes my current interest together with my old interest (aka yet another "what Dungeon Meshi but Gamers?" AU)

Once when I was a child I had a complete crying meltdown over Creatures, because the manual insisted that the complicated AI of the Norns made them truly alive and 10-year-old me was freaked out at the idea of being solely responsible for making sure these real animals wouldn't die. The funny part was that this was the Playstation version of Creatures, which has no biochemistry and very basic AI compared to the PC/Mac games where players actually were debating whether or not it was true artificial life. A PSX manual gave me existential dread and it wasn't even telling the truth.

Anyway, kid!Marcille would also have a meltdown over the Creatures series, especially if she had the computer games and got to see how vastly different some breeds' lifespans are. Like in C2 where you have Norns that live for around 5 hours and Norns that live for 10, both of which are vastly more than Ettins who don't even live for 1.5 hours (and usually less due to radiation or starvation).

Lucky for her, having the computer version means she could download modified genomes made by other players that make creatures live longer or even outright remove certain death triggers. However I think she'd have more fun learning to read and edit the genomes herself, to get a better understanding of how the game works and how to change it to suit her own tastes. And because she could pretend she's one of the mysterious ancient Shee who created the Norns, Grendels, and Ettins and then vanished, leaving behind relics of their old society.

(Speaking of Grendels, she would unfortunately dislike them because they're the Designated Evil Species and she'd hate how they harass and attack her Norns. I think she'd also pity them though, because they get sick a lot and have short lifespans. Likely she'd just end up downloading/creating a genome without the aggression towards Norns. Ettins she'd like except for in C3 when they dismantle her meticulously-placed gadget setups, so she might mod out their hoarding compulsions too. Both of them would of course also live for however long her Norns would live.)

Also. While standard creatures' lifespans are counted in hours, if you modify the half-lives in the genome editor you can increase it to centuries. Or even just over a millennium if you set the half-lives to their max length (assuming you also leave the old age death trigger at its vanilla value).

and I like to think that elven Creatures players would pass around copies of what they consider a template genome that's appropriate to their own lifespans. Something that would make their creatures live for weeks or months of continuous play. I also like to think the Creatures DS Warp is still active in this AU because of the hilarious frustration when these long-lived Norns travel to worlds run by short-lived players whose Norns have vanilla lifespans, and vice versa.

(Most of the time in Creatures, offspring of parents with different lifespans will just have one or the other, but there's a chance the genes cross over right in the middle of the various age triggers and cause unstable aging rates. Like a Norn that goes through the childhood stages in hours but then has a very extended adulthood. Or a days-long childhood followed by suddenly dropping dead of old age once the vanilla adulthood genes kick in. Or, if the child has one parent's half-life decay rate and the other parent's age triggers, all sorts of odd things could happen. I once had hybrid Norns who lived for 20 hours and would die of organ failure before reaching the old age threshold!)

(Now that I think of it, Marcille would absolutely hate fast-agers. The first time she watches a creature hatch, turn old, and die in just one brief minute of life, she would be sobbing for days. One of the first things she'd learn to mod out would be mutations that cause the Ageing/Life chemical to decrease unusually fast.)

On a lighter note, while I don't know what her favorite designs would be I think she'd love choosing cute breeds to use in her world. Once she figured out how to give her creatures the comfortable life she wants them to have I can see her redirecting all her gene-editing efforts into changing color expressions. She might even learn to sprite or model her own custom designs.

#creatures #creatures games #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon spoilers #(not directly but the Implications are there)#(later tags will be more direct about spoilers)#anyway all the PC Creatures games are on Steam and Docking Station is free #Caveat One: Creatures 2 does not run well on modern systems (though the Steam release is trying to fix that)#Caveat Two: The Creatures series was made during the 'spanking is acceptable' era so uh.#No sugarcoating it: Physical abuse is used as discipline.#(unless it's Creatures Village where they replaced slapping with a water spray)#I made a mod for C3/DS that just uses buttons instead of the hand; it was released for the CCSF 2023 community event but #I should re-release it here too someday. I should also revisit my slap-disabler mod and see if I can make it easy to install.#but that's a task for Future Me and not Present Me #anyway Sissel/Thistle is also a Creatures player but he cares more about micromanaging his population than caring for them #he removes not just their death triggers but also their drive to eat and sleep. they're permanently happy zombies basically #he doesn't make peace with Grendels and Ettins he just puts them in the airlock #he gets involved in the Creatures Abuse discourse and somehow makes everyone mad #however he is also a very prolific modder who has made all sorts of interesting animals and metarooms; ppl in the fandom respect his skills #and he does truly care about his vision of a utopian world for his favorite Norns #idk if any other dunmeshi character would play Creatures. Milsiril might like it?#Kabru wouldn't play but he'd get a kick out of reading the many ethical debates and drama between fans #everyone else I feel might be put off by the game's very slow pace or by the complexities of raising creatures #anyway hey I haven't posted on tumblr for months; I am sorry and this WILL happen again #Eventually i will remember how to Create Things #that is also a task for Future Me

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oatbugs · 27 days

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oh my god ! haha . anyway a bit buzzed perhaps. anyway here's what happened on the date

#at some point i took the earrings off. the metal clanging was screaming their name too loud and it #was 6 knives to the throat and he confirmed it so. here's the kicker. you can be taught a lot and you can have their hands on your thighs #and you can kiss them but even if they pray even if they tell you about the bible looking into you like really they lost what they believed #in a pennsylvania countryside catholic schools with a protestant family since joining the london school of economics #even if they pray for you to stay the whole way even though their hair was softer than hers you think of her and he thinks of someone else #and be tells you none of it will make sense. they smile and they say what a shame you might miss the train but they hold onto you #the entirety of you - like a religion or a polite insistence or something to keep.#you learned they were used to losing everyone they felt bound to love. they said they got really good at letting go. you were told #you think he's being epistemologically #irresponsible and he tells you he carries a massive task. he tells you the responsibility is monumental #and he feels responsible for defining responsibility. he shows you songs and his poetry. my eyes feel on fire.#she doesnt know this. this is marylebone. the next station is edgeware road. everyone here looks happy and high and clear of the doors.#he says tell me when you get to the station and very especially tell me if you don't. the next station is paddington. please mind the gap #between the train and the platform. you say this to him. he says i minds the gap between you and i. i mind it so much that i need you to #come back. he says this because you kissed him briefly but you kissed him well. she says you're a good kisser but he says you have him #stunned. he asks you who decides the truth. he tells you you decide the truth without his mouth. you're fast enough to make it there before #the wheels do. this world is lit by glass and light and people with a pact to fall in love with the abstractions more than each other.#he tells you to be committed to your various intangible loves more than anyone. you both have to be. they love each other anyway.#i was supposed to find a persian poetry book with her on our fourth date except she was hours late. i found it with him. he didnt give up #he should be perfect and i should really like him.

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q-starhalo · 2 months

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Man you're kidding me.

#I don't even know what to say anymore #I've tried not posting anything negative nor something sad just to keep this blog as joyful as I can #But these news are just devastating #I hope the best for dappleduo and I hope Bad is doing well too #I wouldn't even be surprised if he takes a huge break from the qsmp #And not just Bad but also the French I hope everyone is doing well (or as well as they can be)#I don't want to linger on this too much because like I said I want this blog to be as joyful as it can be #but man.#qsmp discourse #← gonna use this cause I don't know what else to tag it with

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chaoticstabby · 8 months

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I think what most people fail to understand is the sheer scale of not only the horrors but also the consequences of the dictatorship.

In 17 years of dictatorship, the official human rights reports count at least 40.000 victims of repression in all its forms, almost 3.000 of which were forced disappearances, and of those disappearances, several hundred victims were minors. There are still 1162 people whose fates and whereabouts are completely unknown, fifty years later. There were around 200.000 people who fled into exile, and there's probably countless more whose suffering we just don't know about. There are hundreds of people who were never born because their mothers were purposefuly tortured to the point of abortion. Schools, stadiums, hospitals, houses, all turned into concentration camps and torture centers. The Chilean dictatorship was one of the bloodiest in all of Latin America.

And the same dictatorship was the one who created the structures we live under to this day: they privatized the mining industry, the education system, the healthcare system, they set the precedent for the later privatization of water, they installed the current pension system at literal gunpoint, they completely redid every aspect of daily life in Chile and fifty years later we're still trying to undo the damage.

It's hard to convey how much the dictatorship still affects our life, it's hard to put into words how deep the wounds go, but it's there. It's everywhere. Wherever I look, wherever I turn, whoever I talk to, it's in the little coincidences that made the difference between life and death, and in all the unspoken family histories, it's in the endless wait lists for doctors' appointments, it's in the fucking wealth inequality that makes it so that the 1% of the population is sitting on over 50% (if not more) of the country's wealth and still have the fucking gall to tell us we live in one of the best economies in the world, that we're fucking lucky.

This is our reality, this is what we live with every day, and I wish I didn't have to give an entire dissertation whenever I want to discuss it. We don't deserve to be relegated to "the other 9/11". We deserve a way forward.

Ni perdón ni olvido

#chile #chilean history #9/11 #tw death #tw torture #tw abortion #and on top of everything else the right has been working double time to revise history and present the dictatorship as a good thing #well fuck them #the dictatorship was one of the most horrifying period of our history and no amount of negationism can change that #and for everyone who still doesn't know: the us and the uk were 100% backing it until they had no choice but to publicly condemn it #they were intervening in chile for at least a decade before the coup #so fuck them too #this is probably all over the place but i don't care #i'm sad and i'm angry #today is a hard enough day without people's bullshit

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throwawayaccount3482348873289 · 4 months

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Response

Thank you to Jade/Lolthia @/edens-gemstone for replying to the previous post. I will make an exception in replying as yes, there was a part I forgot to add, which is additional evidence to prove that all your accusations in the comments below are completely false. Allow me to address them one by one.

At the end, I will include some follow-up questions to add additional context for other users.

THE ACCUSATIONS

“Also you literally stalked my tumblr after this, rb posts about Adam that I wasn’t comfy being rb and possibly sent me harassing anons (idk for sure)”

I do not have a Tumblr. This account is made by someone else, posting on my behalf. But if you really are confident that it’s me reblogging these posts and sending harassing anons, post the blog and the anons. If you don’t know for sure, why did you post this?

“You literally just… didn’t want me included because I wouldn't let you ship your OC with Ibara.”

As seen here, this claim is completely false. I explicitly mentioned that I had no problems with the pairing, but asked them to let me know prior next time to ensure the RP is consistent. I may have vaguely talked about an original story I was writing with my OC and Ibara outside of RP, but within the context of the RP, I have clearly stated that I was fine with the direction Lolthia wanted.

None of what they had mentioned was communicated to me at all before the start of the RP. They didn’t even acknowledge what I said, just responding with ‘well I figured it would be obvious’.

Lolthia’s behaviour here is consistent with their stated intention in the previous post: to RP not because they want to collaborate, but because they want other writers to expend time and effort to fulfil their self-ship fantasies, without giving as much in return. Therefore, they didn’t bother giving context, let alone asking if their RP partners were okay with it.

“You even stopped our RP after getting mad about me dating Ibara.”

Lolthia stopped the RP themselves after I confronted them for ranting on their public blog about a communication issue they were unhappy with in this server.

Someone alerted me that they were talking about their RP server on their blog. I was concerned about those in the server who were on Tumblr. As their RP partner, I requested that they delete it and talk to us first in the future. We then had the following conversation.

The conversation ended with this rude remark and Lolthia proceeded to be inactive for a long time before starting the argument in the previous post.

“I got tired of constant pings asking me for stuff”/ “I… asked to stop being pinged because I was going through enough”

I need you to understand that you are the admin of the server. We needed your help to create threads to hold our RPs in. Instead of not saying anything when we pinged you only to throw a tantrum about it, why didn’t you pass the permissions or moderator roles to someone else, or at least notify us that you’d be inactive for a certain amount of time?

In the post where we were planning an RP and pinged you - If your interpretation of ‘maybe they can come in later to keep the narrative consistent’ is us excluding you, that’s honestly a you problem, mate.

TO LOLTHIA/JADE

Only one of the claims you have made against me is correct. Yes - presently, I do not like you. But it’s not because you are whatever you identify as, or that you ship with a specific character.

I do not like you because you vagued your own server members, including myself, on your public blog. When I found out and asked you to edit out the mention of our server at minimum, you still had the gall to try to convince me it didn’t affect anyone but yourself.

I do not like you for insulting my friends and I as writers by saying we were ‘just an alternative to character.AI’ all along. And as people, by comparing us to the hate anons who had sent you death threats when we did nothing of the sort. Then, twisting the above into these accusations, without a shred of proof to go with them.

I am a ROLEPLAYER. Ibara to me is no more than a character and piece of intellectual property.

You:

Explicitly conveyed that your position was to use us to help you get validation for your alleged ‘relationships’ in a similar way to Character.AI.

Took out your jealousy towards other fandom members onto us, even getting emotional when we merely talked about and shared screenshots of characters you liked.

When we didn’t give you attention to your liking, accused us of ostracising you and wanting you dead.

Threw a tantrum at us for pinging you for basic admin duties as the server owner, because it wasn’t attention or praise.

The only irrational one here is not myself, but you, and the hard evidence in these two posts is overwhelming.

I won’t be entertaining any further responses. Please be reminded that any attempt to post my personal information publicly will be met with action by me.

TO OTHER USERS

Q: Did you make both these posts and the document?

No, these posts are follow-ups to the document containing evidence, made by a different person.

Q: Why did you feel the need to engage them rather than leave the server?

We had already talked only amongst ourselves, ignored any vents they had and began our own server long before these events.

Engaging them was at first a personal choice to defend my friends, who had done nothing wrong. At the time, I was not aware that this was common behaviour for them.

The comparison between us and the death threat anons, which could affect my friends’ reputations, was the most compelling reason for me to attempt straightening this out.

Q: Why has this post been made almost a year later?

Yes, I do agree that from the looks of it, Lolthia’s actions are old news. After I was informed, I personally did not want anything to do with them, and decided to let it go.

However, recently, my friends in the same fandom spaces have not had the luxury of curating their own online experiences because according to them, they are constantly remaking blogs. Furthermore, it was not easy for them to work up the courage to make this post, as being wrongfully accused of wanting someone’s death is not easy for anyone. So, I decided to back them up with the hard evidence they lacked.

Thank you for reading.

#ok to reblog #ok to rb #I may as well also say something in the tags (I am the one posting on someone else's behalf):#I myself hope this is the last post made on here as well. There is nothing more to add honestly.#This is honestly getting tiring. I know you will read this Jade one way or another. You will come across it.#If you have evidence for the contrary and can prove that you are in the right please do so (I already know you can't).#You will claim to be 'harrassed' but that is not our intention (anyone sending you harrassment or threats is not behavior we tolerate).#(Also no we are sending no one after you nor 'stalk your blog'. Don't act as if we don't have anything better to do... Because we do)#Let me tell you a secret Jade: You are NOT important. We only had enough of your behavior online since it does not change. At all.#It affects others - It affected us and it is affecting the communities you are in as well as a good portion of their members.#Please let it go already. But you can't. Because... As you said yourself 'Any attention is good attention'.#And some of your current mutuals will try to say 'it adds fuel to the fire'. This is not the intention in any way.#The only intention is to document Jade's online behavior and warn others. Because they have already gone too far.#This is to document and prove that they are no different no matter where they go. We only want to spread awareness.#It is not just me and the other person who are sick of it. Many others are sick of it as well. We want it to stop.#Their actions affect others nowadays as well. Only last month there was yet another incident heavily affecting another person.#Why? Because Jade thought it was necessary to make a 'callout post'. Even though the situation was long over.#This should have been long over and everyone involved is trying to move on. But you Jade make it impossible. This has gone on far enough.#Not to mention having been exposed to your drama and graphic vents (which at least sound suicide baity) have also stressed me out.#I kept out of the drama but it was affecting my mental state as well. All because you manage to land yourself into so many controversies.#I moved blogs because I had enough of your shit. Seeing it day in and out does a lot to a person.#'But no one cares about me' - We do not wish you ill (that is the truth) but this has to stop somehow. You are not the victim here.#It's always others but honestly... Given how much shit you got yourself into maybe you are to blame. This isn't normal after all.#Maybe ask yourself what you are doing wrong. But you won't. You never will. You will paint us as 'the bad ones' here.#That's the only thing you know how to do. You cannot owe up to anything and you are proving it time and time again. Even now.#Why do you get defensive now and not when the document dropped? Because there is solid evidence for your bullshit. That's why. You know it.#Deleting because you will throw a temper tantrum? No. Forget it. But again if you have proof for your claims come forward.#To me personally if you wish. But beware: This is not the first time I have dealt with this bullshit. I know this behavior all too well.#You are pulling bullshit I have already seen. My advice is to just log off already and sort your problems out.#This is not the first time I dealt with your type. You show the pattern I honestly expect and you will react as I expect.

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