#every time i hear a 1975 song or see matty healy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunsetinmyvein · 3 years

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The Radio Station - Chapter Six - Why Can’t We Be Friends?

26th of November, 2018

Eventually, she saw it all unfold in the headlines. The lies. The heroin. The trip to rehab. It was devastating to discover the root cause of Matty’s behaviour in such a disconnected way from how she might’ve expected to discover it a few years ago. A part of her wanted to reach out, to check in and see if he was doing all right, offer to help, but she suspected after their last two interactions that maybe she was better off just leaving it. However, in contrast to the sinking feeling from knowing he had been going through such turmoil, it was incredibly uplifting to see him getting back on his feet. For him to be writing and releasing music again meant that he must’ve successfully made it to the other side. Whenever the announcement of a new album came, she waited in anticipation for the email confirming that he’d be coming back on the show. She wasn’t entirely sure if she was excited at the thought of seeing him again, or absolutely dreading the prospect of things still being uncomfortable between them - her emotions seemed to regularly flip flop between the two. It was awfully close to the album release date when she finally got the confirmation from her boss; she had begun to suspect maybe he didn’t want to come back on the show after how they’d left things. He’d have every right to resent her after how she’d treated him.

She was knocked out of her thoughts whenever she heard a soft knock at the door, turning in her chair to see Matty standing outside with a sheepish smile, having arrived early. His hair was cropped quite a bit shorter than she’d seen it before but he was still sporting his natural curls. He was wearing some puffy yellow coat over a plain shirt, and stock standard worn out blue jeans. It was probably the most… average, that she’d ever seen him look (not that average was ever a truly fitting word to describe Matthew Healy). She waited for him to push the door open and come in, but he seemed to be waiting for her to let him in. As she stood up and opened the door, and he gingerly made his way inside and loitered next to her desk for a minute, she was suddenly vividly reminded of the first time she’d met him. All she could see was the nervous twenty-three-year-old that she’d met six years ago, who was scared shitless about his first proper radio interview. The nostalgia hit like a freight train, and before she could give it a second thought she grabbed him in a tight hug.

He hugged her back, pressing his face into her shoulder as he let out the breath he had been holding. “I’m sorry…” She said quietly after a moment.

He gave an incredulous laugh at that, “You’re sorry? For what?” He asked. “I was the dickhead.”

“I just…” This hadn’t really been the way she expected herself to instantly react, nor had she thought of anything to say in this situation. Her mouth was running dry trying to come up with the right words to explain what she was feeling. “I wasn’t exactly a good friend.”

“I think we were both a bit guilty of that.” He chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair, taking a step back.

“I should’ve tried harder.” She tried to explain, frowning at herself as she floundered for the right sentiment.

“It’s fine, truly.” He reassured her. “I wouldn’t have told you what was happening, anyway. Nobody knew.” He added with a shrug.

They took their seats opposite the desk, both feeling slightly relieved but well aware there was still tension surrounding them. “Uh, is there anything you want me to avoid asking about?” She asked eventually, busying herself with checking the text line to avoid looking directly at him.

“No.” Matty replied instantly. “I’d prefer you ask what you want to rather than censor yourself for my benefit. I won’t answer it if it’s too much.” He clarified. “Thanks for checking, though.”

“Are you…” She hesitated, unsure of the boundaries of their friendship now and how much she should be asking for her own curiosity. “Are you all right now?” She asked as she looked across to him.

He cracked a small smile, “Considerably better. Probably not all the way there yet, though. It’s hard with my girlfriend back at home for the moment, but I’m managing. Keeping busy with other stuff to stay occupied.” He answered truthfully. She nodded in understanding. “And you? It’s been at least three years since we’ve had a proper conversation.” The realisation of how long it had actually been stung slightly, but she ignored that feeling and instead focused on the fact that he seemed to genuinely want to know how she’d been.

“Good.” She grinned. “Doing well on the morning slot now that it’s been a few years.”

“You’ve been making a bit of a reputation for yourself over here, I hear your name get kicked around a bit when I’m at home. It’s nice to see you getting proper recognition for your efforts.” She tried her best not to blush at the subtle compliment.

Thankfully she didn’t have too long to dwell on his kind words and any connotations behind them before the interview started. The nervous butterflies sat at the pit of her stomach as she switched the live audio and video feeds over, lying in wait in case the interview still felt as awkward and forced as the last two.

“Matty, great to have you back.” She spoke, clearing her throat slightly.

“Great to be back after so long.” He said cheerfully.

“The 1975 release their new record in six days, A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships-”

“Only six days?” He muttered to himself in slight disbelief.

“We’ve only got a relatively short interview today, because after this you are heading straight into the live lounge to play a few tracks for us.” He made a noise of agreement. “We’ve heard five singles off it, all of which sound very different from one another in true 1975 fashion.” Matty laughed lightly at that. “And I noticed that you did the same thing with this album as what you did with I Like it When You Sleep; the first single you released was the first track on the album. Is this becoming a habit for you guys?” She asked.

“Probably not a habit.” He started, letting out a huff. “It just felt like the most natural thing to do. Whether it felt like a primary statement or not, I’m not sure. We’d already made an album by that point, we hadn’t made a group of singles. I hadn’t been thinking ‘oh, how do we butter them up?’ Just thought… this is the first song on the record. Put it out.” He shrugged.

“Do you think this is your strongest record so far?”

“A hundred percent.” He answered instantly.

“I’ve heard people comparing it to OK Computer. Saying that it’s a similar thing for the millennial generation.” She prompted.

He let out a groan, “I try not to think much about it.” He admitted. “I mean, what do I say? It’s so humbling and amazing, but strange also, because… the only realisation that I really came to, about the record – I think the reference to OK Computer is maybe it’s kind of, the narrative is incredibly twinned with how we communicate and the internet and all those kind of things. Which is obviously OK Computer in a nutshell. My favourite records are about life.” He said, clenching his fist for emphasis and knocking the microphone lightly. “It’s maybe a bit of a big thing to say, but I was just writing a record about relationships. Well… I wasn’t even doing that; I was just writing a record. And it turns out if you’re trying to write an honest record about relationships and how they’re mediated in the modern day, you’re kind of by proxy writing about the internet.” He explained. Things already felt more natural than what they had of late. Matty felt more open and responsive, which instantly put her mind at ease.

“One of the other singles that we’ve heard from the album is Love It If We Made It, which is…” She tried to pick her words carefully to best capture her thoughts on the song succinctly, “a pretty powerful song to say the least.”

Matty nodded enthusiastically before answering, “The thing with Love It If We Made It… it was very, very difficult to write. It’s a list of information. The idea stemmed from the fact that over a year we collected tabloid newspapers every day to make the lyrics. Unfortunately, when we got to trying that, it was too slapstick. The song was hard to get right. It needed to be as objective and as fair and as anti… ‘watch out sheeple’ as possible. And that’s hard to do.”

“It seems you guys did a good job with it in the end. It’s been resonating well with our listeners.”

“Thanks.” Matty grinned proudly.

“It’s Not Living If It’s Not With You has also had quite the response.” She added, hoping he’d have a bit to say about that, and that maybe it could work as a segue to the questions blowing up her screen in her peripheral vision.

“It’s… I don’t know…” He sighed, staring blankly at the wall behind her as he tried to formulate an answer. “The way I always explain it, it’s like it’s a song that sounds poppy but it’s about something serious. Which, okay, that’s straight up 1975. And that’s because the feeling that I get from music, narratively or musically, can kind of be the same thing. You know like being nervous or being like, er, anxious for a date, physically could be the same feeling as the fear of heights if you get rid of all the intellect. Emotionally, you get the same thing. I’ve always been like, I get this feeling when I read the lyrics of Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen but I get the same carnal feeling when I hear the music to Girls Just Want to Have Fun. So… the synthesis of those ideas has just been the most obvious thing in the world for me, you know what I mean?” He looked across to her for confirmation. “I think that idea really sums up The 1975. If you’re a big fan of The 1975, that’s the most 1975-iest song on the record.”

She had hoped he would jump straight into the lyrical content of the song, but clearly she would need to segue into it herself. “That totally makes sense.” She agreed. “There’s been a bit of a debate about the subject matter of It’s Not Living.” She said, giving him a cautious glance. He’d said not to worry about asking whatever she wanted to, but that didn’t stop her from feeling like she was delving too deep into his private life.

He hummed thoughtfully. “I’m pretty sure most of the fans know what it’s about.” He said with a dry laugh. “I’ve not like… done some big reveal of my relationship with drugs over the past couple of years. I think that because…” He stared down at the desk with a frown, “I used to have nightmares about being exposed. Because remember, my whole game has always been that ‘do I know that you know that I think that I’m a rock star?’ that’s always been my whole thing.” He said with a pointed look. “So, the idea though, of actually being known for being a junkie and doing those kinds of things, used to terrify me. Because then I’m a cliché. I lose all of my irony and lose all of my funniness because I’m an actual cliché. So, I think even when I’m talking about it on this record, I’m still going ‘Danny ran into some complications-’ it’s like I’m using characters. It’s a bit like somebody going ‘I’ve got this mate, right, and he’s got a bit of this weird rash-’ “ He chuckled. “Like ‘yeah, all right, well tell your mate-’ it’s like we know who you’re talking about. I think the idea that I’m still trying to hide and remove myself from it is part of the gag. But then the chorus is brutally honest. It’s difficult to write a song like that. It’s hard to despise the idea of fetishizing or romanticising drug use as a behaviour but then only having my truth. Like I don’t have anything else, I don’t have anywhere else to talk about it. There is a hopelessness to drug addiction. You don’t keep doing it because it’s cool, you keep doing it because you feel like there’s no life without it.” His expression seemed to become quite sombre at that before he continued his train of thought. “And to express that… it wasn’t like a relief for me. The music is a catharsis for me, but it wasn’t like I needed to get that out. Unfortunately, I’m only my set of experiences, and they’re pretty limited as somebody who’s been on the road for four years trying to mediate his life through drug addiction, y’know? So yeah… it’s difficult to walk that line. Um… But I just had to make sure that… like with most of my work, any discussion of my behaviour is normally with a profound distaste. And kids are smart, man.”

She hadn’t really expected him to be so open about it so readily. “What started it?” She asked instinctually, almost forgetting for a moment that she was at work and meant to be providing entertainment. “If you don’t mind me asking.” She added as an afterthought.

He waved a hand dismissively at her worry. “I’d be on stage, and there would be however many thousands of people. And I’m genuinely trying to connect with people, you know? And then it’s done. Go back to the hotel room. Go to sleep. Like… what?” He answered with a frustrated huff. “I was trying to change culture in my head ten minutes ago and now I’ve gotta go to sleep? I used drugs to go to sleep primarily. I’ve never had a good relationship with sleep, anyway… I’ve always been jealous of people they’ll tell me about a dream and they’ll kind of like explain this little kind of film that they’ve been that has a dynamic of emotions and it was up and it was down and my dreams are just like terror. Just fear. I’ve never had that many good dreams. And drugs stop you dreaming. But then obviously… you have solutions to get rid of that post-show buzz. Didn’t really get me anywhere. Spoilt it, as well. Did way too much. Did loads of it.” He admitted. “So, I can’t do anymore of it… when I’m older.” He laughed.

“So, you became reliant on that as a comedown?” She questioned.

“It was always gonna happen with me with opiates.” He said bluntly. “I only say this in case people relate to it, but like, when I was younger, I kind of used to dream about being sedated. And unfortunately, sex, drugs, other things, religion, I’ve loved all these things in my life but they’ve never just-” He clicked his fingers, “turned it off. And unfortunately, when I tried those drugs, I – temporarily, for a moment – had that. And I was like, right, this is gonna help. And erm,” He picked at his nail anxiously. “It just takes your shine off, slows you down. Makes you lie, which is a nightmare for somebody who is so Mr Tell The Truth.”

“The lies are what got you caught?”

He made a noise of contemplation. “The problem is… I’m very, very lucky, is what I am. And I have an infrastructure around me of like… we’ve been a band since we were fourteen, I’m twenty-nine, right.” He said with a pointed look in her direction. “We’re like brothers, we love each other. I have amazing opportunities like this,” He gestured around the studio, “I have my health, I have all these things. There’s not a lot of people around me who allow stuff like… hard drug use. And that’s really annoying when you’re a drug addict. But it also makes you reflect, you know what I mean? Because you just end up lying, and being a version of yourself that- but that’s part of the sickness. You incentivise things weirdly.” He explained with a shrug.

“And the rehab centre you went to was in Barbados?” She asked. He nodded in response. “I heard that the band paid for that?”

His expression visibly softened when she brought that up. “Yeah. I think the nice story was that uh… Obviously, I’m in a fortunate place in my career that - obviously I have to think about those kind of financial things - but before I went I was kind of thinking ‘I’ll sort that out when I’m out there’ and then I remember saying to Jamie ‘oh-‘ and he was like ‘aw nah, nah, it’s all sorted’ and I was like ‘Oh, how much did it - what was it?’ and he was like ‘oh, well we just did it out the band’ and I was like ‘oh really??’ “ He seemed visibly touched by this story, even retelling it now.

“That was pretty amazing of them to do.”

“Yeah… Yeah, it was.” He muttered, still clearly caught up in his own thoughts. “And you know what, if you want a band to last forever, share.” He added simply.

“And this place you went to, supposedly they do a bunch of stuff with horses?” She asked in confusion. When she had heard this information, she was almost certain she had gotten her wires crossed, but Matty was already confirming what she had said.

“Equine therapy, yeah! It was, basically…” He started trying to explain, before cracking a smile and looking across to her. “In reality what it was, for the first two or three days was me stood in a field rolling my eyes next to a horse.” He said with a laugh. “That’s what it was really. This guy put me in a field with a horse and was like ‘talk to the horse’ so I’m like” He gave a sarcastic look, “ ‘…all right?’ So, he leaves me alone and I’m like ‘hey man’ and the horse obviously didn’t say anything.” She couldn’t help but laugh at the image. “And then he put me in the round pen, right. He put me in this pen which was just round – was a good explanation of it.” He reprimanded himself with a snort. “And I stood in the middle, and basically he said ‘I want you to walk towards the horse. It’s gonna send the horse around in a loop, and I want you to assert your position. You’re not going to get the horse. You’re just telling the horse that this is where you’re going’. All this stuff. So, I do it. And he goes ‘you’ll notice three things, at one point the horse will dip its head, then it’ll bow its ear to you, then it’ll start biting its lips. Once it’s done these three things, I want you to turn your back and drop the rope.’ So, I’m like right, lips, thing, do this, yep. And the horse is running, the horse is running, I watched for these three cues, and I dropped the rope and I turned round. The horse stopped dead.” He clapped his hands together for emphasis, staring at her seriously.

“I swear to you, it was one of the most profound moments of my life. The horse stopped dead, came over to me and stood behind me – and this is a horse that for three days had mugged me off. And I was… stood there with this horse, that now… wanted to be with me?” He seemed entirely perplexed by this. “Then when I walked it wouldn’t cross my feet,” He gestured to his feet as he said this, knocking his microphone in the process. “Sorry, I keep hitting the microphone. Way too gesticulated today. Erm, when I went into the field and hung out with it, it wanted to be with me. And then I stood there and was like ‘Ah… Right…’ Then all of these profound things… It was so…” He tried his best to find the words. “It ate everything it needed to eat, and didn’t complain about it, and didn’t eat too much of it, and ate the right stuff. It had the ability to destroy anything it wanted, but the desire to hurt nothing. It was physically perfect and strong. It was forgiving with its time with me. And it was kind of compassionate in a way, ‘cause he’s a horse, he doesn’t want me there, he just wants to be a horse. But he let me be there.” It was abundantly clear how much of an impact this experience had on Matty. He spoke about it so passionately that it was hard not to feel moved by what he was saying. “I found myself envying all of these human qualities in a horse. And I think that was the point of it…” He said with a look of finality. “At least, I hope that was the point of it. Otherwise I’ve screwed it up and learned nothing.” He laughed loudly. “But it worked for me.”

“How are you finding it? Being off the drugs?” She asked, leaning back in her seat after having been leant forward in interest for the last few minutes as he told his story.

He pulled a face as he tried to answer that in a manner suitable for a mass radio audience. “I mean… I wouldn’t say I’m this ‘beacon of sobriety’ “ He punctuated that with air quotes, “that’s kind of, telling you how it is to be an ex addict. I don’t know.” He answered sincerely. “I’ve not gone long enough. I’m not gonna start talking about ‘I haven’t done drugs in five years - ten years’ it was only a few months ago. I was still doing loads of them.” He said as he scratched at his neck.

“Is it harder now without them?”

“I don’t sleep as good as I used to with it, but I’m getting by.” He replied with a nod. “I’m all right with sleeping now. The band and my girlfriend have been really supportive and helpful. I’m doing all the things now that I used to do when I took drugs all the time. So, I’ve just made a record without doing it all the time,” He ticked that off on a finger, “so that was an experience, that was a challenge. I’ve now started touring without doing it all the time,” He ticked that off as well, “that’s an experience, that’s a challenge. I’m now about to start getting on planes all the time and touring internationally,” He added that to the list, “that’ll be a challenge. But you’ve just gotta take it day by day as the cliché says, or you’ll freak yourself out.”

“You talk about drugs pretty freely in your music, but you don’t really speak about it in interviews, was that to try and stay… disconnected from it to some degree? Did you think it was going to get as bad as it did?” She asked. She had entirely tuned out of the fan questions being sent in now, asking these questions almost purely from her own curiosity to know what had happened to the Matty she knew.

“No, no, no… I didn’t. I mean, I think the thing that I think I always have confidence in is that because I’ve – regardless of if it’s drugs or relationships - the main thing I’ve done with The 1975 is spoken about myself with kind of quite a profound disdain.” He answered. “There’s not really been a celebration of the behaviour. I think that if I was ever romanticising or fetishizing the use of drugs, I think I’d catch myself doing it. And if I ever have done that in a lyric, it will be immediately met with a lyric that shows that one up to be ironic or flawed.” He elaborated. That made sense. Most of his songs did reflect that attitude. “I’ve just had to be honest. Religion allows you to kind of give something away, sex, exactly the same thing. They’re just ways of giving up some kind of responsibility in the moment. But by that point I’d done ‘em all!” He grinned, still trying to keep the mood light despite the heavy topic. “Drugs was the only one left.”

She stared at him for a moment, just taking in all of the information he’d given her in such a short timeframe. It was a lot to process all at once, but it made a lot of the pieces click into place and answered a lot of questions that had kept her up at night when they had lost contact. Eventually she clocked back into reality, seeing that he was watching her just as intently as she had been watching him while he had divulged some of the most intimate aspects of his life.

“So, to a lighter note-” She segued.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind talking about it.” He said with a chuckle.

She smiled back at him, “I’m sure our listeners have enjoyed hearing it all in such great detail. But, there are some other big events that have been happening in your life as well that we haven’t brought up.” She said.

“Oh?”

“The 1975 will be headlining Reading and Leeds next year.”

“Yes!” He beamed. “It’s our first big headline festival. It gets me proper emotional. We didn’t just go as kids, after I got to thirteen, Christmas took a back seat and the date on my calendar was Reading and Leeds. I went one year with a tenner and no tent. I mean, I’ve had some moments there. It’ll definitely be a very humble show. All of this ego and confidence here will be gone.” He scoffed, “ ‘Honestly guys, thanks so much for coming.’ ” He said in a feigned blubbering emotional voice, before giggling at himself. “But like, we’ve just become a really good band in my opinion. I think we could headline Reading and Leeds tomorrow if you asked us to.”

“Are you particularly excited to have content off the new album to perform there?”

“Definitely. There are some songs on there that will be added into the festival setlists. It was about creating a distillation of what preceded it. Everything needed to be better, more extreme. Poppy bits poppier, heavy bits heavier, honest bits more honest.” He explained with a nod. “You can look at your work and be like ‘what did I do there that someone likes’ or ‘let’s try and do that piano thing’. Me, when I’m like, really personal, really honest, that’s when I get the best reaction. So, I just tend to do that. Like what’s gonna make me, y’know-“ He started pretending to tear up for emphasis.

“And you guys are already working on the next album, Notes on a Conditional Form? This one’s not even out yet!”

He just laughed. “We went away and what happened was, we finished A Brief Inquiry, kind of had a week off and then we started with Notes. I’m just letting it happen.” He shrugged. “I’m letting it happen in the next six months. It’ll be before…” He seemed to be doing some calculations in his head. “August. It has to be in time for Reading and Leeds.” He added decisively.

Glancing down at the clock on the screen next to her, she could see that they had in fact gone over time. “Well, as always Matty, it’s been lovely having you on the show, but I think we have to wrap it up so you can scoot over to the live lounge and get yourself set up.” She said with a small sigh, disappointed that the interview had to end after how well it had been going. Matty had felt entirely captivating as he spoke today, clearly on his game.

“God, this’ll be the first time we’ve played together in… ages.” He said as he pulled a hand through his hair and leaned back into his chair. “And we’ve not played these songs live yet, either. This will be the debut.”

“Incredibly exciting.” She nodded. “So, I’ll let you go. Tune in folks in half an hour, The 1975 will be playing a short set for us of songs from their new album, A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships, in the live lounge.” She spoke into the microphone, before rounding out the interview.

Matty didn’t move from his chair across from her as she switched the camera feed off and switched over to the next round of tracks.

“Are you coming?” He asked as soon as she took her headset off. “To the live lounge?” He clarified.

Her shift was meant to end in just over twenty minutes, and they started in thirty. She could probably finish up quickly enough to make it down there in time. “Yeah, I can do that.” She said with a nod.

He grinned eagerly, “It’ll be wicked to have you there for it.”

“It’s probably about time I saw you guys play.” She laughed as he stood up.

“I’ll see you shortly.” He said over his shoulder as he made his way out of the studio.

* * *

By the time she made her way down to the live lounge quite a crowd had already formed. Her handover between shifts had been fairly rushed in an attempt to get out of there quickly, but obviously The 1975 knew how to draw an audience. She managed to squeeze her way through a few crew members to get a decent enough viewing point. Whenever she caught Matty’s gaze, he waved at her excitedly. She waved back, suddenly feeling a bout of nerves at the thought of finally watching him in action. Once the cameras were set up and all of the equipment had done one final round of checks, they launched into quite a boppy first song. She recognised this instantly as Tootime, as it had been her favourite of the singles that were released. He sounded a bit rusty and raw, which thankfully he could cover with the filter over his voice, but his enthusiasm to be performing again was unmistakable. The looks he was throwing to his band were nothing short of ecstatic, and despite being out of practice they played the song flawlessly. They finished up the first song, and he shrugged off his yellow jacket as they changed their gear over for the next two. Their little live set was only three songs long in the end, but they felt It’s Not Living and Sincerity Is Scary were excellent choices to best get across the vibe of the new album. After seeing what they could do in a tiny room with minimal fanfare, she was suddenly kicking herself for never getting out to one of their live shows.

When they had wrapped up the set, Matty started packing away his gear before seeing her starting to leave. He quickly dropped what he was doing and called out to her to wait up. She turned to face him, as he suddenly realised that he hadn’t worked out what to actually say. “Look, I’m sorry about… how I’ve been lately.” He eventually settled on.

“It’s okay, you were going through a rough time.” She reassured him.

“I was,” He nodded, “but it’s not really an excuse.” He added with a sigh. “Can I take you out to lunch after this? To apologise properly.” He asked with a hopeful look.

“You don’t have to-” She started, before he interrupted.

“I know I don’t have to - I want to.” He corrected. She considered this offer for a moment. “Please?”

“Sure.” She nodded, trying to conceal her smile. “That’d be nice.”

She waited patiently as he packed up his gear, feeling slightly awkward for loitering around a studio that wasn’t hers while she watched everyone else clear out. Once everything seemed fairly put away, he exchanged a quiet word with the band and walked over to where she was standing.

“Any preferences for where we eat? It’s your apology lunch, after all.” He said as he slipped his jacket back on.

She grimaced at his choice of words. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Why?” He laughed.

“It makes me feel worse than I already do.”

“Suppose we’ll just feel bad together, then.” He said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and ushered her back out of the building. She couldn’t deny, it felt nice to be seeing Matty act more like he had when they’d first met. Whether that was because she enjoyed the attention or because it was nice to see her friend feeling more himself was up for debate.

Due to neither of them being the one to want to make the call about where to eat, for fear of the other not enjoying it, they ended up going to the only place that served food within their direct eyeline – a bakery. It made her feel less like she was taking advantage too for him to only have to pay for pastries and coffee, not a proper fancy meal with drinks. They caught each other up on the fine points of their lives that they’d missed out on hearing over the last few years: highlights in careers, people who’d come and gone, other artists they’d met that had proved to be noteworthy (for good reasons and bad). It was incredibly reassuring for the both of them to know that conversation still flowed easily enough between them when they weren’t actively disliking each other.

“Sorry if the interview was a bit… too personal. We didn’t really talk about the record all that much, in the end.” She said, thinking back to how long they’d spent discussing his drug habits rather than his impending album release.

“Stop apologising.” He said around a mouthful of food. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be saying sorry. And I’m sure the fans would’ve liked it.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to force stuff out of you for the sake of entertainment.”

“Like I said, I wouldn’t have answered if I didn’t want to.” He reminded her.

He waited a beat, composing what he had originally wanted to say today before clearing his throat. “I really am sorry, you know. For how I left things.” He said as he stared down into his mug of tea.

“It’s genuinely okay, Matty.” She reassured him. “I wasn’t really any better.” She added under her breath.

“I was just a bit oblivious and hopeful when I fucked stuff up initially. I wanted to act like I hadn’t dropped off your radar for two years.” He admitted as he scratched at the side of his head. “If I’m honest, I was reaching out to get some support from an old mate in a time when I felt pretty overwhelmed by everything that was happening. But I went about it in all the wrong ways and just made it a whole lot worse.” He clarified with a dry laugh. As if she hadn’t already felt bad enough, now he tells her that she’d shut him out when he had been trying to ask for help? The guilt increased tenfold.

“Sorry.” She said. He was about to tell her off again for apologising, but she cut him off. “I was already pretty shitty that I hadn’t seen you in so long, so I was pretty quick to want to end that interaction when things started getting… difficult.” She explained.

“Guess you live and learn, huh?” He said with a small smile. “At least we’re still mates now.” Hearing him say that helped ease a bit of her worry that she’d done as much to fuck things up as he had. At least now that it was all out in the open, they could move past it.

“Yeah.” She concurred, returning his smile. They finished up the pastries that Matty had bought before stepping out of the bakery. Both of them felt like a weight had been lifted now that they knew they hadn’t screwed stuff up for good between them. Having each said their piece, they were pretty confident that they could give friendship another shot.

“It was great to see you.” He said as he pulled her in for a hug tight enough that it almost made her lose her breath.

“Next time we’ll have to make sure it’s not so long.” She said as he moved back from the hug.

“We’ll keep in touch.” He agreed with a nod. “And I mean it this time.”

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @ghostlightqueen @tooshhhy @robinrunsfiction @approved-by-dentists

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#Matthew Healy x Reader #Matty Healy x Reader #Sunsetinymvein

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unfortunately-unoriginal · 3 years

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10. something you’ve heard performed live // 11. something you’d give ANYTHING to hear performed live // 22. a song you can’t help but dance to // 23. a song that makes you want to dance on a table // 25. a song with a great music video

10. I think my fave concert I've been to goes to Marianas Trench. It was in a small venue and we were all cramped super close to the stage. And at that time, I hadn't heard any of their music before so it was cool to hear their album "Astoria" for the first time and live!

11. I think I'd lose my mind if I got to see Worlock by Skinny Puppy live, I mean really any Skuppy song but that one especially. If I get to go to one of their concerts, I won't know what to do with myself, like I'll just be standing still in the audience in awe of Ogre's performance probably lol.

22. I've seen the music video for TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME by The 1975 exactly once. But every time I hear it, I have to do the hand signals they do during the chorus and Matty Healy's one dance move he keeps doing throughout the whole vid lol.

23. I listened to the "With Sympathy" Ministry album recently, and I know Al basically disowned it but all those songs are bops!! I could definitely see me dancing on a table to Work for Love or She's Got a Cause lol.

25. Oh, it's really hard to chose just one music video. I love the vids for Gratitude by Oingo Boingo, Closer by Nine Inch Nails (of course), and Spasmolytic by Skinny Puppy. Those are definitely just a few of my faves lol!!

Thanks for asking!! ^_^

#mutuals my beloved #aka skyler doesnt know when to stfu

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eabhaalynn · 4 years

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My 11 Songs of the Decade (because 10 would be boring and is overdone.)

Cigarette Daydreams – Cage the Elephant

The song… This is the closing song of Cage the Elephant’s 2013 album, Melophobia, and the third single released from this album. It describes the pain of someone’s search for their own identity through the musings of a parted lover.

For me… To this day, this is the song I cry to. This always has been me and my friend Iona’s song. It will forever be inseparable from the Ulster Museum and Botanic Gardens in Belfast, from rainy summer’s days and rants about our seemingly massive problems with GCSEs and girls from school. When she went abroad for her gap year, I couldn’t bear to listen to it. It’s another one of these songs that manages to articulate what it feels like to be young and thinking too much.

Key lyric…If we can find a reason, a reason to change Looking for the answer If you can find a reason, a reason to stay Standing in the pouring rain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvVJ0v6Vta8

Ribs – Lorde

The song… This is a deep house influenced electronica song that discusses Lorde’s stress over ageing. It was released on her debut album, Pure Heroine, in 2013. It begins ambiently and builds to become increasingly more frantic as the song progresses.

For me… Despite being released when I was a young teenager, this song was written when Lorde was sixteen or seventeen. It articulates exactly what it feels like to be that age, at that stage of life. I’m quite sure teenagers across the globe can relate to that. This song has been the soundtrack of my teenage years, the imagery is both relatable and accessible. Listening now, it gives me a sense of nostalgia, a yearning to be back where I was a year, or two or three years ago. Even now, it is the sound of being alone in a crowd. It is musically perfect, and a piece of exceptional songwriting.

Key lyric…This dream isn't feeling sweet We're reeling through the midnight streets And I've never felt more alone It feels so scary, getting old

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qaeoz_7cyE

Sign of the Times – Harry Styles

The song… This is Harry Style’s debut single as a solo artist. It was released in early 2017 and appears on his self-titled debut album. It is a power ballad with eclectic influences from genres such as soft rock, indie rock, glam rock and psychedelic soul. It features Styles’ vocals alongside choral harmonies throughout. It is essentially about avoiding emotion during times of grief and hardship.

For me…This is the song of me leaving school (for the first time). Listening to it now coughs up all the feelings of relief, and yet uncertainty. Excitement, but also nerves. Summer 2017 was a turning point for me. I had had a terrible couple of years over my GCSEs, and overall, my second school was a far better place for me to be than my first one ever was. At the time though, I didn’t know this. Sure, how could I? This song helped me figure out my feelings, and make sense of feeling happy when I really didn’t know what I should have felt at all.

Key lyric…We don't talk enough, we should open up Before it's all too much Will we ever learn? We've been here before It's just what we know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN4ooNx77u0

Ride – Lana Del Rey

The song… This song comes from Lana Del Rey’s third EP, Paradise, released in 2012. It served as the first single of this re-release. It is a ballad that includes, among other themes, parental problems, loneliness and alcohol misuse. Del Rey sings over a string drenched, piano driven melody.

For me… This is the song of every summer. It has never been an exceptionally happy song for me, but it is the embodiment of what it is to feel young and alive, if a little bit tired. The glamour of it, alongside the acknowledgement that everything isn’t perfect, but that they will be okay if you just go with the flow, was exactly what I needed at the time it was released. The blissful uncertainty of the summers of being 14 and 15, partnered with the irrelevance of the future, is exactly what this song will always be about for me.

Key lyric… Been trying hard not to get into trouble But I, I've got a war in my mind I just ride, just ride

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_-3di1yx0

Don’t Delete the Kisses – Wolf Alice

The song… This is the second single from Wolf Alice’s second album, Visions of a Life. It is characterised as dream pop, synth pop, shoegaze and indie rock. Frontwoman Rowsell referred to it as “one of those, you know, ‘head out the window on a long drive’ kind of tunes.’

For me… If ‘ribs’ is the sound of being seventeen, then surely this is the sound of falling in love. This song is the ultimate love song. I am absolutely convinced of it. It is greater than any one person as it is simply the sound of the feeling. I am very lucky that I actually was falling in love for the first time at the time this was released. I will always be indebted to Ellie Rowsell for being there to tell me in plain English how I was feeling. This song has defined every ‘lovey dovey’ mood I have been in for the last two and a half years. I’m sure most people of my age feel the same. It was written for the era we are living in and it is perfectly suited to it.

Key lyric…I see the signs of a lifetime, you 'til I die

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqxE-zppu30

Motion Sickness – Phoebe Bridgers

The song… This is the third single from Phoebe Bridger’s 2017 Debut album ‘Stranger in the Alps.’ It describes “being in love with someone who is super mean to you… like conflicted feelings.” Bridger’s stated to radio station KCRW that the song was written about fellow musician Ryan Adams.

For me… Admittedly, I discovered this song late in the decade. But it’s a song about feelings. Like, really hard feelings. This decade, and especially the latter half of it, threw up a lot of feelings, about a lot of things. I suppose this is fairly standard for most people approaching the end of their teenage years. It’s angsty, without being too bothered about anything. It’s raw and honest; articulating everything I’ve felt about everyone at one stage or another, and I’m equally, I’m sure it articulates enough people’s feelings about me.

Key lyric… You said when you met me you were bored And you, you were in a band when I was born

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sfYpolGCu8

A & E – Brand New Friend

The song… This illustrates the rise and fall of a relationship, and in doing so highlights the more melancholic acoustic side of Northern Irish indie pop group Brand New Friend. It was initially released in 2016 as the closing song of their debut EP, American Wives, but was remastered and re-released on their 2017 album Seatbelts for Airplanes.

For me… This is the song of the medicine application. Bearing in mind I know this band, and know that there is a well-developed meaning to the song that has nothing to do with me, this is the song that I have listened to, and seen live, countless times from the day I decided I wanted to be a doctor to the day I got into medical school and beyond. It is a rare and beautiful connection to have to a song like this, and one for which I am forever going to be grateful. Now, I can’t hear the song live without bawling my wee eyes out. I have come so far, and the band have too, and the song has been with us every step of the way. That truly means the world to me.

Key lyric… She wants to be a paramedic / Wants to save a strangers life / Now she wants to hold my hand / Does she know she’s saving mine?

https://open.spotify.com/track/5RmOfF1s5zW2B942H9OGXT?si=hsauA8iXQN6mXQnL8s0fBw

Brazil – Declan McKenna

The song… McKenna initially self-released this song in December 2014. It is critical of FIFA, of their awarding of the 2014 World Cup to Brazil without addressing the deep rooted and extensive poverty affecting the Nations people. It gained widespread media attention throughout the FIFA corruption scandal, before featuring on his debut album, ‘What do you think about the Car?’ in July 2017. It is an indie rock song that is driven by guitars and synths.

For me… This song was the sound of 2016 and 2017. It was released a while before this but I was fairly late jumping on the bandwagon. It’s a political song, speaking of the injustices behind FIFA and their 2014 World Cup in Brazil. As an angry little leftist, I have always appreciated this. I can only appreciate it more knowing that Declan McKenna himself was only fourteen when he wrote it. For me the song has many happy memories attached to it, from the long summer walks from my house to the nearest village to see my friends who were working as sailing instructors, to attending a tiny gig of Declan McKenna’s in the Oh Yeah Centre in Belfast and being about 6 feet from his face while he was 6 feet from the cusp of fame.

Key lyric…Because you've had your chances, yeah you've had enough I'm gonna burn your house down to spread peace and love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duHjQ3BE6D8

Robbers – The 1975

The song… This is the sixth single from the 1975’s self-titled debut album. It was released as a single in May 2014. The song’s concept follows an ill-fated robbery, and was inspired in part by the 1993 film ‘True Romance.’ It is essentially about a relationship in which the partners are too focused on each other to notice the destruction they are each causing.

For me… This song is fairly definitive of my teenage years as a whole. The narrative of a toxic relationship that the writer could not, or would not leave, was one that I always managed to connect to, across all aspects of my life as a young teenager, encountering uncomfortable situations within school and with different people and groups of friends. Matty Healy was (and honestly still is) one of the biggest crushes I’ve ever had. I’ve now heard this song live three different times, at three completely different phases of my life. It is a song with so much meaning, and yet one that has grown and evolved with me throughout the decade.

Key lyric… Now everybody's dead And they're driving past my old school And he's got his gun, he's got his suit on She says, 'Babe, you look so cool'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iyy3YOpxL2k

Get Well Soon – Ariana Grande

The song… This is the final song on Grande’s 2017 album ‘Sweetener,’ it is a soul ballad with layered vocals, and is inspired by Grande’s personal anxiety and trauma following the May 2017 terrorist attack following her concert in Manchester. In memory of the 22 victims of this attack, there is a 40 second moment of silence at the end of the song.

For me… I am, and have been, a very anxious person for a very long time. This is something I have never really hid away from, but also never felt up to talking openly about. This song manages to describe the feelings associated with anxiety in a way I have never heard any mainstream musician attempt before. Ariana’s concert which was attacked in May 2017, that which inspired this song, immediately followed her concert that my father and sister had attended, and so the whole song and sequence of events is and always has been very close to home for me.

Key lyric…I'm too much in my head, did you notice? (Girl, what’s wrong with you? Come back down)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXU4P6j3TNY

She’s Thunderstorms – Arctic Monkeys

The song… This is the first song from the fourth studio album by arctic monkeys; Suck it and See, released in 2011. It originated when Alex Turner was looking for a new way of complimenting someone. It begins with an Eastern inspired riff and is fairly heavily guitar led, characteristic of this period in the Arctic Monkey’s discography

For me… I’d be lying if I said this isn’t one of my favourite songs of all time. I chose it for this list because it is my favourite song by the arctic monkeys, who are my favourite band. Its subject, Alexa Chung, basically leads the life I wish I had. Even more so at the time this song was written than now. I remember being twelve or thirteen and just wanting someone to write something like this for me. The sheer detail of the lyrics is beautiful and so captivating, they played a huge part in helping me find my love for music in an accessible way. I loved, and still do love, the relationship they had. I feel like it translated so well into his music, and into the popular culture that shaped my teenage years exceptionally well.

Key lyric…Here is your host, sounds as if she's pretty close When the heat starts growing horns She's thunderstorms

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQSQnHh4rPE

#music #songs #arctic monkeys #ariana grande #the 1975 #lana del rey #phoebe bridgers #lorde #declan mckenna #brandnewfriend #cage the elephant #wolf alice #harry styles

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archiesrambles · 3 years

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i like american & america likes me

my brother and i never really hated each other growing up, nor did we express how much we loved each other either. he’d protect me from my biological father when he was drunk, yet he'd still yell at me to get off youtube when he was playing on his xbox.

we were standard siblings.

only in the last two years had we really bonded, but i know that comes with age and maturity.

for christmas 2018, he announced he was taking me to see the 1975 in september the following year.

abiior had come out, so id listen to the album and the rest of their discography every time i was sad or stressed, imagining how it would feel to be in the sweaty stadium watching matty healy sing these songs that had brought me closer and closer to my brother.

the only song i didn't really like on abiior was i like america & america likes me. i know it was meant to be ‘an ode to soundcloud rappers’ but it felt harsh on my ears and i never really listened to it.

but once september rolled around and there i stood in the stands, sweaty in my ethically sourced cotton merch, throat already hurting from screaming the precious songs in the setlist, with a pretty girl to my left and my brother to my right.

im scared of dying

the mics feedback was heavily altered to match the track, the screens were displaying vulgar and bright imagery.

would you please listen we can see what's missing

that was the only song i cried to in the entire concert. i barely knew the words from my lack of listening, but as i sang along to the scarce words that would appear on the screen, along with edited anime boobs, or obama or supreme merch, i felt desperate. i felt everything in the lyrics.

i am a part of the generation that's being failed

being young in the city,

belief and saying something.

the lyrics are such a cry for help coated in such a unique sound that i couldn't help but ignore the deeper meaning.

i kept crying through the song.

it was to the point where i had to stop because you could hear it in my voice and i didn't want my brother, nor the girl to know.

its now one of my favourite songs off the album for reasons i had never disclosed,

until now of course.

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imagine-that-100 · 5 years

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Falling For You

Description: Shawn Mendes x Reader (Female) | You are the lifelong best friend of Shawn Mendes. You have both loved The 1975 for years and when you attend the Brit Awards with Shawn, Matty Healy reveals some new information to you. When you and Shawn attend their concert later on in the year your wildest dreams come true.

Thank you so much for requesting this @lololovestaylor! I adored writing this! x

Word Count: 16.2k

Warnings: Catcalling

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Being away from someone is hard. It’s hard when you haven’t seen them for a few days or even a week. But you suffered from that particular type of pain more than most people. And you had been for suffering for years.

Since the age of 15 you had been separated from your best friend and despite wishing him all the luck in the world, it broke you every time he left. The moments together were spent messing around and you never leaving his side.

Shawn has been your best friend since you could remember. You were born on the same day and you’d grown up together. Going to the same schools and you were by his side almost every step of the way of him becoming the famous Shawn Mendes.

You had been there through it all. You were the one who told Shawn to put his covers on YouTube and were there to help him edit the videos when he needed it.

You were there when he got signed and you were there when everything became a little too much for him and he needed a reminder of home. You were his home. And he was yours.

You missed your best friend like crazy and you wished you spoke more whilst he was away. You were always hesitant to message him though.

You knew he was either busy, on stage or tired and you didn’t want to interrupt his schedule. So, whilst he was away you took a back seat and let Shawn control things.

You’d let him call you and you’d stay up till the silly hours of the morning chatting to him when he needed to get his emotions out. You even got excited when it was just a quick 2-minute call to check in.

Anytime his name flashed up on your screen you loved it because it was a piece of your best friend coming back to you. You called or texted him on occasion but only when you desperately needed him.

One of those times was when one of your favourite band released tickets in Toronto and you couldn’t stop yourself from getting the both of you tickets. It was 9am and you knew Shawn had got back to his apartment really early that morning, but you didn’t care.

You’d just got the both of you tickets to see The 1975 on June 3rd and you were so excited. You hadn’t been to a concert in ages.

The last time you saw Shawn live was when he brought you to the shows that he did in Toronto for the Illuminate tour. You had only been to one other concert after that and it wasn’t as good as Shawn’s.

However, you had been obsessed with The 1975 ever since Shawn made you listen to their first album, just after Shawn had gotten big. You remembered the day like it was yesterday.

You had been listening to Stitches on the radio sat in Shawn’s bedroom and you’d been grinning at him the whole time whilst singing along. You’d re-enacted the music video by faking a punch to the face and you fell on his bed whilst screaming along to the lyrics.

By the end you and Shawn were both in fits of giggles and your head was lay in his lap. You were out of breath and were focused on getting your breathing back under control, staring at his ceiling.

You felt Shawn rest his hand on your hair and twirl it around his fingers and you zoned out for a moment. A few seconds later though Shawn interrupted your peace and said “Y/N, please tell me you have listened to this song?”

You tuned back into reality and heard an upbeat song playing on the radio. You listened for a moment as the lyrics bounced around the room.

“And she said use your hands and my spare time. We’ve got one thing in common, it’s this tongue of mine. She said oh. She’s got a boyfriend anyway”

You sat up, getting off Shawn and your hair fell out of his fingers as you turned towards him and said “Never heard it in my life Mendes”

“Oh my god, listen to it please” Shawn said putting a finger over his lips instructing you to be quiet.

You smiled at him and did as you were asked and carried on listening. You heard the lyric “she’s got a boyfriend anyway” a few times and smirked at Shawn.

You said “I think she’s got a boyfriend” with a cheeky grin on your face.

“Shut the fuck upppp” Shawn groaned and poked you in your side causing you to giggle.

You lent your head on his shoulder and carried on listening to the song. Or to be more specific you listened to Shawn sing along to the song. “And now we’re on the bed in my room...”

You happily listened to him sing along to the song and the more you listened the more you found yourself enjoying it. You started tapping along to the beat and found yourself getting into the song.

You wanted to know the lyrics, you wanted to sing along. Shawn sang the lyric “If we’re gunna do anything we might as well just fuck”

Your eyes widened and your head snapped towards him. His eyes met yours and you gasped “That was too vulgar to come out of your mouth Shawnie”

You pushed his shoulder and let out a laugh at the face he was pulling at you. “I’ve had sex you idiot” He said pushing you back.

“Tell me about it, you’ve brought it up once or twice” You rolled your eyes. When it happened, he told you everything. Literally everything. And you were happy for him, but you didn’t really want to know.

The last few months you started to imagine a life with Shawn, like every teenage girl did with a crush. A life with his as more than your best friend, but you would never, ever compromise what you had with him.

And that’s what Shawn stayed as. Your best friend who you told absolutely everything to. After that day you both found yourself listening to The 1975’s first album a lot.

His Mom would always complain that we needed to mix it up a bit because it was the same songs on repeat. That and she didn’t like the language the song used.

It was definitely no surprise to you that there was little to no swearing on Shawn’s first album. But you loved each and every song anyway.

As a teen you quickly fell in love with all of the boys in the 1975 and because you were a basic bitch, Matty was obviously your favourite. Before Shawn went on tour for the first time, he would hear about how you would let any member of the band do whatever they wanted to you.

Yes, you were a horny teen and no, you didn’t care. And neither did Shawn really. He found it quite funny at times. He would joke about how you needed to get laid and you would play it off as if you didn’t want Shawn to ‘satisfy your needs’ as he put it.

There was a horrendous about of banter between the two of you and it was really no wonder that your crush developed. The cutest, most talented brunette boy in Canada was your age and your best friend.

Needless to say, when you secured your tickets to The 1975’s show at the Budweiser Stage you called Shawn immediately. You didn’t for a second think he was going to answer which is why you got dressed and started to make your way over to his apartment.

The late nights and early mornings really didn’t agree with your best friend and you knew that very well. There were mornings when you both had to be up for ice hockey and you’d accidentally fell asleep at his or the other way round, and you had to drag him there half dead.

Clearly, with Shawn touring he was even more tired. Usually you felt bad for him, so you let him rest but today was not one of those days.

You didn’t even get annoyed when people bumped into you on the hectic sidewalk, you just kept your destination in mind. You were about to see your best friend in person for the first time in 4 months and give him the best news.

The chilly November breeze didn’t even phase you. You were too excited to let anything get you down.

You made your way up to his apartment, remembering how you had to heave his boxes up the stairs because the lift was broken when he moved in. It was a funny day but by the end you were both knackered and fell asleep with a half-eaten pizza in front of you.

You banged loudly on his door and hoped he would get up and let you in. After a minute of constant banging on his door you heard your phone go off.

Use your key you psycho

You rolled your eyes and quickly unlocked his door. You loved how he knew it was you. Nothing has changed at all.

You push the door open and slam it shut behind you, in hopes to wake him up a bit more. You also kicked your shoes off as you know you’ll end up sat on his bed.

“Shawn” You shouted bursting through his bedroom door.

“Y/N” He groaned rolling over to face you. You can see in the dark room that Shawn’s lay on his bed with nothing but his black Calvin’s on.

He opened his arms out to you and you fell into them. You felt his arms wrap around you and you hugged him tightly. “I’ve missed you Mendes” You murmur into his ear.

“I’ve missed you too” Shawn said hugging you the tiniest bit tighter. After a second, he rolled you over, so you were lay down next to him. You let out a squeal as you did so which caused Shawn to laugh.

Once he let you go you both lay there for a second just enjoying each other’s physical company again.

“Didn’t know you were still doing your photo shoot Mendes” You said pulling on the waist band of his underwear and letting it slap back onto his skin.

“That. Hurt.” Shawn said almost pushing you off the bed.

“Oh shut up you model” You poked his side. He’d sent you the pictures that they had taken from him last month and you couldn’t stop laughing. After the initial shock obviously.

“I’m not a model Y/N” Shawn said with a moody look on his face.

“Oh yeah because you haven’t just modelled for the biggest underwear brand in the world” You joked. Shawn have you a look and you just could get the smile off your face.

“You’re going to break the fucking internet when they release them Shawn” You tell him, and he waves you off. It was nice to see that he was still down to earth despite nearly every household in the world knowing who he was.

Shawn let out a breath and closed his eyes again. You watched as he pretty much fell back to sleep before you slapped his chest.

“Y/N please just let me sleep” Shawn groaned, pleading with his eyes.

“Nooooo” You whined. “I have news” You smiled.

“No. No news until I’ve had another few hours of sleep” Shawn said throwing the duvet over you.

“But Shaw...” You started but he shut you up. He put a hand over your mouth and looked into your eyes.

“No Y/N. Let’s just sleep. Like we used to” He said, and you didn’t argue. You knew he must be really tired because he was never usually like this.

You fell asleep with the memory of all the times in the past when you’d fallen asleep with your best friend beside you. You really did miss having him with you and you were glad he was back.

You woke up 3 hours later. You were on the verge of sweating. You were dressed in your Youth hoodie that Shawn gave you ages ago and skinny jeans. The duvet was also over you and so was Shawn’s tattooed arm.

You lay there for a moment getting your brain back into gear. You hadn’t realised how tired you were. Getting the tickets must have really woken you up.

You shuffled out of bed quickly and threw the curtains open. The light that entered the room was blinding and by the hiss that Shawn let out, you would have guessed that he was a vampire and the light was burning him.

You laughed as you walked towards the bathroom and watched him writhe in pain. He let out obscene profanities and threw a pillow at you when you shouted “Get up, I have news”

You just dodged the pillow as you slipped into the bathroom and let out a laugh. You found your toothbrush in the pot where you left it last and got the rotten taste out of your mouth.

Shawn came in a minute later in and moved you out of the way so he could do the same. His hair was a complete mess. It reminded you of the time that he hadn’t brushed it in a week, but now it was longer, so it was worse.

You finished up quickly and watched as sleepy Shawn slowly came back to life because you said “Right, I have news. Meet me in the lounge”

“Are you okay?” Shawn asked with a mouthful of toothpaste. He was looking at you with worry through the mirror.

Your eyes connected with his brown ones and you smiled “I’m wonderful”. After you slipped out of the room you shout “Get dressed”

You rested yourself on Shawn’s comfy corner sofa and ordered the both of you some food. You really didn’t want to go outside again. It was also getting cold out now and you regretted not bringing a coat with you. Then again you weren’t planning to leave for at least a few days.

It always happened when Shawn got back. You would come round and he usually wouldn’t let you leave unless it was to join him at his parents’ house. You obviously didn’t complain, you wanted to spend as much time with him as you could whilst he was back.

Shawn came out a few minutes later and joined you on the sofa. “I’ve ordered us food” You smiled down at him as he lay his head in your lap.

You ruffled your hand through his hair and saw his face brighten up. You laughed hearing his stomach rumble and he asked, “What we havin’?”

“McDonalds because its quick and easy” You said before slapping his forehead.

“Ugh I hate you” Shawn said keeping his eyes closed, in hopes that you wouldn’t continue your assault.

“You love me, and you know it” You laughed. “Now wake up. I have news” You said watching as he sat up properly next to you.

“What is it?” Shawn asked, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his stomach.

You grinned at him knowing just how excited he was going to be. You seemed to leave it too long though because Shawn said “Tell me, you’re scaring me Y/N”

You started laughing and said “okay, okay… I got us standing tickets to The 1975” You tried not to freak out but you failed and started squealing seeing Shawn’s face beam.

“Really?” Shawn asked, running a hand through his curls

“Yeah, I got them this morning, I’m sooooo excited!” You practically yelled; You were that excited.

“Oh my god, Y/N I’m so excited! When is it?” Shawn asked you, hugging you tightly.

“June 3rd, please please please tell me you aren’t touring Shawn” You said, and Shawn’s eyes widened. You felt him go still and you knew what that meant.

You pulled back from him and said, “You are, aren’t you?” Shawn watched your face fall and his chest hurt. He hated that he was never around to do the stuff that you both used to do.

“I’m sorry Y/N” Shawn said running a hand through his hair. He felt so bad and watched as you tried to hide your disappointment with one of your bright smiles. He knew you too well though.

“It fine, don’t worry. I can just sell them on closer to the time and become just as rich as you” You laughed.

You were disappointed but in no way would you make Shawn feel guilty for doing what he loved. You would never ever come in between him and his career.

“I’m really sorry Y/N/N” Shawn said again, and he looked upset.

“Hey Shawn” You said resting a hand on his leg. He looked up at you and said “It’s honestly fine, you can just watch a chick flick with me to make up for it”

You stuck your tongue out at him and cheered him up until a knock on the door interrupted you. You said “I’ll grab it, you get blankets ready for the film”

Shawn nodded giving you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Shawn got his phone out and sent Andrew a quick text that said Please call me

You came back over with the food and Shawn got up to get the blankets. He wonders off into the other room when you hear his phone start to call next to you.

You pick it up off the sofa and see Andrews name flash up on the screen. You walk into his bedroom and saw Shawn grabbing a few blankets from inside his wardrobe.

“It’s Andrew” You say holding his phone out to him.

“Trade?” Shawn asked handing you the blankets in exchange for his phone.

“Give me five minutes and I’ll be all yours” Shawn says, and you smile back.

“Better had be” You joke as he answers the phone and you hear him giggle as you leave the room.

Shawn did indeed join you 5 minutes later and you both quickly devoured your food. You ended up putting To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before on and fell in love with Noah Centineo.

“Didn’t you do the Calvin shoot with him” You questioned, and Shawn nodded.

You chatted about that for a while and once the film finished you Shawn chose the next one. He elected to put on The Conjuring which you weren’t impressed about.

You hated ghosts and Shawn knew you did. You spent the whole of the film hiding into Shawn’s side because you just didn’t want to watch.

“You’re so lame” Shawn said as you jumped again.

“You’re a fucking idiot because you won’t be sleeping when I take up half your bed because I’m too scared to sleep in my own room” You said slapping his solid arm.

Shawn shook his head at you until his phone went off again. “You’re too popular for your own good” You said, and you watched Shawn smile at his phone and type a reply back to whoever it was.

“What?” Shawn asked, obviously not paying attention to you.

“Nothing” You laughed and diverted you attention to the film again.

A minute later Shawn said “I have some good news”

You looked round at him and asked “Ooo what is it?”

“We are going to The 1975 after all” Shawn told you and you looked at him confused.

“Erm no we’re not, you have a tour to do” You told him eating another biscuit and trying not to be scared of the TV.

“I changed the tour dates; Andrew approves so we’re going” He tells you and you looked back at him with your mouth ajar.

You jump on your best friend and give him the tightest hug in the world. “I can’t believe you! Why would you do that!” You shouted down his ear but still have your arms wrapped around his neck.

“Because. I wanna go to a concert with you again and I need a break in-between Europe and the rest of the world anyway” Shawn told you gripping onto you tightly. He’d missed you so much.

“But what about the fans?” You ask once his grip on you loosened. You looked into his eyes and saw the joy in them, and he saw your Y/E/C eyes beam with excitement.

“Tickets aren’t on sale yet, just changed the dates” He said trying to hold back a grin.

“Ahhhh Shawnnn” You squealed. “I’m sooooo excited” You said hugging him again. Shawn wrapped an arm around you again and he could feel you buzzing with energy.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Shawn had told his Mom the wrong date he was home, so you had the whole day together with no interruptions. You were just about to go into Shawn’s spare room (which was practically your room) when he said “You know earlier on when you told me you had news, I genuinely thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant”

Your eyes widened in shock, but you decided to joke around with it. “Oh my god Shawn how did you know?” You said, clearly joking.

Shawn grinned at you from the door that led into his room “Very funny”

“No Shawn, I’m serious it’s your baby” You said rubbing a hand over your stomach. You couldn’t help yourself from starting to laugh and neither could Shawn.

After a while your laughter died down and Shawn said “Honestly though, I thought you were going to tell me that you and Jake were expecting”

You smiled at the ground and shook your head “Nah, me and Jake went our separate ways about two months ago”

“What?” You heard Shawn say softly. You just nodded at the ground not finding the heart to look at him.

Shawn was on his festival tour when it happened and the last thing you wanted to do was interrupt any of it. He never asked, so you never told him. You just called him now and again when you needed reminding that you were worth something more than what Jake had ended up making you feel like.

“Yeah” You said quietly as you heard Shawn walk over to you.

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?” Shawn asked bringing you into a tight hug.

You hugged him back feeling guilty about not telling him in the first place. “I didn’t want to bother you whist you were away” You tell him honestly. He was your best friend; he knew when you were lying so there was no point in doing so.

“Y/N, you’re my best friend it’s what I’m here for. You call me whenever you need me” Shawn told you comfortingly but soothingly at the same time.

“You were there for me. I listened to Treat You Better on repeat for like a week and cried my feelings away” You joked but there was truth to your statement. You did cry listening to it a few times.

“Y/N, your making me feel so bad right now” Shawn said hugging you tighter. Your grip on his top tightened probably leaving a wrinkle in it but at this moment you doubted he cared.

“I’m sorry, I hate to bother you when you’re away, you’re always really stressed and busy and the last thing I wanna do is add to that by you having to talk to me” You said into his shoulder.

Shawn’s head was spinning. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t been there for you when you needed him the most. You both stayed silent for a few minutes just in each other comforting embrace.

When Shawn let you go you saw that he was having one of his inner conflicts and you were about to say something, but he got there first. “You ever need me Y/N and I mean ever, no matter the time, you call me, and I will be there” He said in a stern voice.

You knew he wasn’t joking and so you nodded your head. “Promise me Y/N?” Shawn more told you than asked.

You nodded again “I promise” and gave him another hug. After another minute you both said goodnight to each other. It had been a long day of you both doing nothing but you both knew that you needed your rest for tomorrow.

A day when Shawn came home was hectic for everyone involved. Karen loved to spoil Shawn when he came home and because you were rarely apart it ended up in you being spoiled as well.

On the odd occasion you would go around to see Aaliyah and Karen would even spoil you then. You felt she was your Mom at times in the past because you were there that often. When you went round though you also felt like when you were somehow closer to Shawn when his family were around you.

You remember the last time you were there, which was just after you split up with Jake, you walked past Shawn room on the way into Aaliyah’s and the wave of loneliness hit you. It was like you had lost a piece of yourself and someone just reminded you that it was gone.

Once Aaliyah had shown you the stuff that she had bought and got you to help her, you gave yourself a few minutes break. You slowly opened Shawn’s bedroom door and took a step in.

It was exactly like he left it, but tidy. His guitars scattered around the room and his bed freshly made. The last time you were in this room you’d both fallen asleep watching music videos and woken up the next morning to the smell of freshly cooked pancakes. Needless to say, you had both raced downstairs and ate as much as you could.

You’d been sat on Shawn’s bed for a minute and you hugged his shitty guitar pillow that you’d bought him years ago to your chest. You really missed him, and you’d only just realised how much.

The next thing you knew Karen knocked lightly on the door and snapped you out of your memories. You smiled up at her and you remembered that she came in the room and joined you.

You remember both letting a few tears fall at the memories you were telling each other about. You ended up hugging her when she told you that she thought of you like part of the family and she let it slip that it when Shawn was away, she felt like she’d lost two kids instead of one.

When you got home that night you remember having a good cry and letting your emotions loose. That was one of the days where you called Shawn first and he immediately made you feel better.

When you climbed into Shawn’s spare bed you found that sleep definitely wasn’t going to come easily. You felt so bad for not telling Shawn and everything to do with Jake was spiralling around your head.

Before you knew it, an hour had passed, and you were staring at the ceiling hoping boredom would send you to sleep. That didn’t happen though.

What did happen was you jumping out of your skin when the door handle rattled. You stared at the door as it began to open, and your heart started thudding.

You really needed to stop watching those horror movies because you feared the absolute worst when it was just Shawn. You released the breath that you were holding and said “You just scared the shit out of me”

You heard him laugh as he closed the door behind him and got under the covers with you. “You scared me so much” You said beginning to calm down.

“Really?” Shawn asked and you nodded. You took ahold of his wrist and placed his hand over your chest so he could feel your beating heart.

“Jesus, you are a wimp” Shawn laughed, and you did too.

“What you doing here anyway Mendes? Scared of the dark?” You asked playfully before returning your gaze to the ceiling.

“No, I just couldn’t sleep” Shawn told you whilst shuffling about, you assumed to get himself comfortable.

“Same” You whispered. After that you lay there in silence for a few more minutes until Shawn cautiously asked, “What happened Y/N?”

You let out a breath and started to divulge in the story. As you did so you just stared at the ceiling and let the words escape from your lips.

You told him about how Jake slowly started becoming more distant and more abrupt with you. He was always joking around but he’d started doing that with everyone but you.

You told him how it got worse and you were always arguing and then it turned out that he’d been cheating. You don’t know when the tear fell down your face, but you assumed Shawn saw it because he took ahold of your hand and intertwined your fingers.

You clung onto the small comfort it gave you as you finished off the story. It wasn’t nice to relive because you were with Jake for almost a year but saying it out loud gave you more closure somehow.

Shawn listened silently and tried to keep his anger at bay for your sake. He was so protective over you that it took a lot for him to accept Jake in the first place.

Now he didn’t think he would trust anyone again with your feelings. You didn’t deserve to be crying in bed over an asshole. You deserved the world.

When your voice cracked when you’d just finished speaking was when Shawn’s heart really broke. He knew it would be easier for you to open up in the dark as if no one was there because you hated talking about yourself. But being with you and hearing your heartbreak broke him.

Shawn let go of your hand and pulled you into him. You buried your face into his chest and let the tears fall. You hated that you were crying over an asshole who didn’t care.

After a few minutes of Shawn holding your shaking body he started to try and make you feel better. Just by him being there and hugging you was doing the trick, but his voice soothed you immensely.

After a few minutes you were calming down and Shawn’s pyjama top was drying up your tears. Shawn has gone onto being funny now and was saying “What is it that Matty Healy says? Get someone you love, get someone you need...”

You started to laugh at Shawn’s lame excuse of a joke. Shawn smiled upon hearing your laughter and he joined in.

“Come on, carry it on” Shawn said.

“Fuck that get money” You croaked out and you cringed because it definitely sounded awful.

“That’s it” Shawn laughed and before you knew it, you’d fallen asleep in his arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The beginning of February was cold to say the least. You were back to missing Shawn, but you felt a lot better within yourself.

Despite Shawn having to leave again at the beginning of December, he got you back to a good place. You were at the stage where you no longer cried over Jake.

It had been put to rest; you were at peace with the situation. Whilst Shawn was away you had talked pretty much every day which was nice and something you had to grow used to again.

When he came home for Christmas it was great. Your family went over to the Mendes household on Boxing Day for a big meal and it was awesome.

You were so lucky that your Mom and Karen were best friends. They had given you the greatest best friend in the world and you were beyond thankful that they stayed in touch after August 8th, 1998.

You and Shawn were born on the same day and that’s how they met. You’d literally known Shawn since the day you were born and consequently you were best friends because of it.

As you were walking the busy streets of Toronto you got a call from Shawn and you didn’t hesitate to answer. “Hey, what’s up?” You asked.

“Y/N, you’re coming to England” Shawn said abruptly.

“Erm, I don’t think I am” You laughed beyond confused.

“No, you are, I’ve just put your name down as my plus one for the Brit Awards” Shawn told you and panic started to rise in you.

“Shawn I can’t go to one of those with you, you know what people would say” You didn’t care about actually going, uou weren’t scared about that. You were scared about what people would do.

You didn’t want the media to start trying to ruin anything to do with Shawn’s career. He had a hectic enough life as it was, and he didn’t need people speculating about the both of you.

There was enough speculation when you allowed Shawn to post the annual picture of the both of you on your birthdays. You had loads of the two of you on your own private Instagram which assholes from high school that you had on there would leak to the rest of the public.

“You’re coming and I’m not taking no for an answer. It’s basically just a big concert but we get food” Shawn, told you and you could hear excitement in his voice.

“Shawn...” You trail off.

“Y/N the 1975 are up for two awards, I’m up for one and I think the 1975 are performing... You are coming” Shawn said, and you could practically see his grin.

“Are you sure you want me there?” You asked cautiously.

“Don’t be stupid, of course I do” Shawn tells you. “I’ve been trying to get you to come to one of these with me for years”

“Okay” You say trying not to grin like a mad man whilst walking down the street.

“Awesome, I’m so excited” Shawn said, and you couldn’t wait.

Before you knew it, you were flying to England to meet Shawn. You’d been picked up at the airport by a security guard because Shawn was busy getting his suit adjusted or something.

Not that you minded you couldn’t wait to get to your hotel and sleep. You only got in an hour sleep before Shawn came and bothered you though. He insisted that he take you out and get you a dress considering he was forcing you to go to the Awards with him.

You understood that in his life you had to dress a certain way. If you were completely honest with yourself, you were actually excited to dress up like you were a celebrity. Be a part of Shawn’s life in a slightly different way to what you were used to.

You ended up picking out a black dress that was skin tight, apart from the skirt that flowed down to your mid-thigh. It also had long sleeves that came down to your wrists and you felt like a princess.

You had definitely never dressed in something so expensive, but Shawn insisted that you had to have it. He said you looked beautiful and you let yourself believe him this once.

It did look good on you and you could only imagine that it would look better when you’d had your hair and make-up done. This you were right about because when the stylists came to Shawn’s hotel room on the night, you felt like a completely different person than when they first entered.

They had given you a dark smoky eyeshadow which made your eyes stand out and curled your hair, so it looked beautiful. In the hotel you got a few pictures with Shawn on your phone and you loved them with the whole of your heart.

Shawn seemed to as well because he set the picture to be his home screen on his phone and subsequently you did too. You’d had a really great night with him and nothing had even happened yet.

At the start you felt a bit uncomfortable not really wanting to be in a foreign country on your own, but you also didn’t want to go on the red carpet with Shawn. You didn’t need the speculations to start and you really valued your privacy.

So, you went inside with Andrew and took a seat as you waited at your table for Shawn to return. You were sat a few tables away from the centre stage and Andrew was catching up with you when Shawn arrived. He informed Andrew that the interviews went well and then proceeded to chat to you for the rest of the night.

Shawn watched as you silently freaked out when you spotted The 1975 boys sit down a couple of tables away from you. You were grabbing onto Shawn’s arm and practically shaking him trying to point them out to him.

Shawn was silently freaking out; you could see it in his face. He was your best friend; he couldn’t hide his excitement from you. You, however, didn’t have a reputation to uphold and you could freak out next to your best friend as much as you wanted to whilst they weren’t around.

You did the same thing with practically every famous face that you saw though. As the night went on and you’d eaten your food you had been introduced to a few people that came up to Shawn and you were fairly certain the camera had caught you a few times when it panned around to Shawn.

You tried not to let it get to you though. You enjoyed the night for what it was. The songs were amazing to listen to and you found that the host Jack Whitehall was extremely funny.

Your favourite part of the night was when he came over and took your seat for a few minutes and chatted to Shawn about how he did indeed break the internet with his Calvin Klein shoot. It was the lock screen on his phone and you almost cried with laughter, because of that and you could clearly see the embarrassment on Shawn’s face.

Shawn looked directly at you when you started laughing even more when Jack Whitehall said about “suspicious packages” You could see that Shawn wanted out of the situation very quickly and Jack seemed to pick up on it as well and after that he left him alone.

You did tell him when he signed up to do the shoot though. You genuinely couldn’t believe that your shy as fuck best friend was now a Calvin Klein model.

You and Shawn both later jumped up and applauded when The 1975 won both of their awards. The final one that they won distracted you from your rant about Shawn not winning his award.

Every time you watched an award show you truly believed that if they couldn’t be bothered turning up to claim the award, they didn’t deserve to have it.

And you thought Shawn was the best in the category. Your music taste didn’t have much range. You tended to listen to the same songs on repeat and only occasionally caught the new ones on the radio.

Shawn pleaded with you to shut up about it and that Drake deserved it over him but that was utter bullshit. You were about to tell him that when The 1975 got called again which thankfully distracted you.

Shawn hugged Matty twice on their way past and you really had to restrict your reaction. When they’d walked by though you sent Shawn a shocked face and he just grinned at you and hugged you after they had gone past.

You listened to their speeches and you wanted to cry for them seeing how happy they were. Then before you knew it, they were being announced to perform not 5 minutes later.

Shawn took you by the hand and pulled you up from your seats. He told Andrew that you would both be back, and he manoeuvred you both through the tables.

He took you to a section of the stage where no fans could really see him, but you had a great view. You managed to get there just as they started to sing Sincerity is Scary and you and Shawn both sang along.

You ended up in your ‘concert position’ as you called it. You had always been smaller than Shawn so when you went to concerts with him before he was famous you would stand in front of him.

It was an amazing performance and you were so sad it was just the one song. It made you so beyond excited for June. When it was finished you gave Shawn a hug and thanked him again for bringing you.

The next thing you knew Shawn had led you through some doorways and you were backstage. Your heeled ankle boots echoed through the hallway and when you saw famous faces in front of you, you went shy and quiet.

Matty had embraced Shawn in the third hug of the evening and Shawn congratulated him and then the others. Whilst Shawn was hugging the others Matty’s eyes met yours and you sent a smile his way.

“Shawn, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend” Matty said taking your hand in his. He flashed you a friendly smile before he kissed your hand. “What’s your name love?”

“Y/N” You tell him with a bright smile. “And I’m not, I’m just his best friend” You continue, either you or Shawn had to correct near enough everyone that came over to him about that tonight. Not that you really minded you were fairly certain whoever he invited would have been mistaken for the same thing.

“Congratulations by the way” You say half in panic “And you guys were amazing out there” You said, looking between the boys.

“Not amazing as you look in here” Matty said in his adorable accent. He then proceeded to twirl you around as his hand still had a hold of yours.

You laughed as he did it and said a shy “Thanks”

“Honestly man, you guys were great. We can’t wait to come see you” Shawn said joining you back at your side.

“You’re coming to see us?” Ross asked you nodded.

“Yeah I got us tickets to your Toronto show. I’m pretty excited” You told him and you were taken aback at how dashing he looked. You think your Matty obsession just transferred to Ross.

“Yeah she only came here with me tonight to see you guys” Shawn said smiling down at you. You nodded in agreement and said “Literally”

“Well get in here for a picture then” George said, waving you over to them.

“Nah, it’s alright. You guys have things to do, you don’t want to be taking pictures with me” You said standing slightly closer to Shawn.

Your best friend had other ideas for you though. “Y/N shut up and have your picture taken” He said pushing you towards Matty. “She’s been obsessed with you all since we were like 16” She tells them

You looked back at Shawn and threw a death glare at him and watched as he took his phone out of his pocket. “Fucking hate you Mendes, outing me like this in front of my favourite people on the planet” You seethed you wrapped your arms around Matty and Ross’ backs.

To your right stood Matty, who had just wrapped an arm around your neck, and George by his side. To your left stood Ross, who you could feel just placed his hand on the small of your back, and Adam stood next to him.

“Think you’ve been shot down there mate, you’re not your best friends favourite” Matty chucked and you nodded “True”.

“Shut up Y/N” Shawn said but you reiterated “Take the fucking picture then”

“Don’t act like you’re not loving life right now” Shawn said sending you a knowing look.

You bit your tongue and said a low “Imma fucking kill him”

You heard the band around you laugh and you all stood still as Shawn took your picture. “There you go, a picture you can obsess over till June now Y/N/N” Shawn said putting his phone down.

You broke apart from the boys and said, “Fucking hilarious Shawn, don’t act like we both didn’t jump around your house singing the all of their first album” You nudged him with your elbow and he gave you a dirty look.

Matty still seemed to be interested in your conversation and he said, “So you are pretty big fans then?”

You and Shawn nodded in sync. “Oh yeah, big time” You told him honestly and patted Shawn’s chest “This guy has wanted to get a picture with you for years”

“Mate” Matty said, putting a hand on Shawn’s shoulder “Come here, we all love your music. Why haven’t we had a photo yet?”

Matty takes out his phone and gives it you. “Will you please take our picture please Y/N?” Matty asks politely.

“Sure” You smile and poke your tongue out at Shawn before spinning around to get some distance between yourself and them. You wanted a full body shot of them. You needed this content in your life and you were sure the fans did as well.

You took one of Matty and Shawn together and then took one of the all of them and Shawn once Matty had shouted them over. They were great pictures and you would most definitely drool at them later.

Ross was fucking beautiful in person and Matty was just as flirty as you imagined. Adam and George were just as adorable as you dreamt as well. “Can you please airdrop me these?” You asked Matty as you handed him his phone back.

He did as you asked and airdropped you the photos and just after that you parted ways. You went and got all of your stuff from the tables and headed to the after party so you and Shawn could drink the night away.

You both decided that you would only be having a few glasses of wine at the actual awards and you would save the partying for later. Which you definitely did.

The after party was grand and Shawn make a big effort not to leave your side. The only time you left him was when you needed to get some air and he’d started chatting to Calvin Harris.

You insisted that you were okay to go alone, and Shawn put his jacket around your shoulders. “To keep you warm” Shawn smiles and then turned back to Calvin after again double checking you were okay.

You quickly went and grabbed another drink and then went outside. You didn’t particularly want to stand in the smoking area but that seemed like the fastest option for you to get outside.

You walked out the doors and went over to the far corner and lent against the wall. You welcomed the cold bricks the you could feel through Shawn’s jacket; they instantly brought your temperature back down.

It was just too warm with all the people in the room. Shawn standing with his arm around you all night also gave you the extra body heat you really didn’t want.

Thankfully the people outside seemed to be intrigued by the people around them or their cigarettes. You got your moment alone and you quietly nursed your large white wine.

After a few minutes of you people watching you spotted a few familiar faces. Ross and Matty has just come outside and you smiled at them.

They returned your smile and made their way over to join you. “Shawn finally left you on your own?” Matty asked lighting his cigarette.

You let out a little laugh and shook your head. “It’s just too warm in there, needed a minute outside”

Ross lit his cigarette and then opened the pack towards you to offer you one. “No thanks”

“Are you both as pure as each other?” Matty asked with a chuckle.

You laughed as well and nodded “Pretty much”

You stood chatting to them for a few minutes and Gabriella Brooks, Matty’s girlfriend came and joined you. Matty introduced you and she was lovely.

Even prettier than she was in the pictures that she posted. You all chatted for what seemed for a long time and then Matty blurred out.

“So how long have you been in love with Shawn” Matty asked and you nearly spat your drink out.

“Erm... I not” You nervously laughed. You honestly didn’t. Your crush had been and gone. It died out when you were nearly 17.

You’d had 2 long term boyfriends since then and hadn’t thought about Shawn that way since.

“Well how longs he loved you then? Because he clearly does” Matty stayed taking another drag of his cigarette.

“He definitely doesn’t, not like that anyway. We’re just friends” You say before taking a big gulp of your wine.

“Righttt... So that’s why he hasn’t put you down all night?” Matty chuckles. “And why you have that on?” He reiterated, pointing with his cigarette towards Shawn’s grey blazer.

You shook your head laughing “Definitely not like that”

Matty held his hands up in defence “Hey don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just putting things together”

You heard Gabriella say his name sternly, but you were actually intrigued to hear his bizarre theory. Matty told you that he’d seen how you both interacted.

When you move, he moves and the same goes for you. The way you messed around with each other and Matty had seen Shawn’s face when people had started flirting with you.

“Seems like you’re keeping a close eye on us” You pointed out and Matty let out a laugh.

“You’re a big fan, right?” He asked and you nodded. “So, you’ve heard one hundred and two?”

“Of course,” you said, nodding again.

“Then you know that I liked a friend when I was your age. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy about how my life turned out now” He said wrapping an arm around Gabby’s waist.

“But at the time I hated myself about not saying anything. If I didn’t have Gabby now, I’d regret it till this day for not telling the girl” Matty told you honestly.

“So just pay a little close attention and you’ll see it” Matty’s said and you nodded.

“Anyway... slighter subject” Ross interrupted and took your attention.

“What’s your favourite song of ours then?” Ross smiled down at you.

“Antichrist” You said without any hesitation.

Ross started laughing and Matty blatantly told you to fuck off. You and Gabby laughed at that and she said a quick goodbye to you as she was going to find someone.

“No if I’m being honest my favourite to dance to is The Sound, my favourite to scream to is Ballard but my favourite to sit down and listen to is Falling For You” You told them both honestly.

Ross nodded seeming to appreciate your opinion. Matty started to chuckle and you looked at him expectantly, waiting for another joke to be thrown your way. The look said, ‘What now?’

“What?” Matty asked. “It’s just poetic, your favourite song is Falling For You and you’re in the exact same situation”

Your drunken mind wanted to hide yourself away and because Ross resided next to you, you thought it would be good to hide into him. You groaned at Matty’s stubbornness and lent into Ross’ chest.

You felt him laugh against you and enclose you in a hug which at this point you really needed. You snaked your arms around Ross’ body and returned the hug.

The last thing you needed was to start rereading into Shawn’s interactions with you. You rarely got to spend enough time with him as it was, the last thing you needed was to overanalyse your actions.

After a few seconds you looked up at Ross and asked, “Can you make him stop please?”

“I could try but I doubt he’d listen” Ross said loosening his grip on you but when you turned back to Matty you both still had an arm around each other.

“Maybe we should just leave him on his own” You suggested. Ross grinned down at you and nodded his head “That sounds very good to me”

“Oh, get a room” Matty scoffed, which caused you and Ross to turn and look at him.

You couldn’t stop smiling when you said “Maybe we will…” You shrugged your shoulders and looked up at Ross who raised his eyebrows suggestively at you. You saw a blush creep up his face as well, probably to match yours.

“As long as you don’t follow us” You continued looking back towards Matty.

After Matty stuck his tongue out at you, you heard your name being called from behind you. You turned your head and saw Shawn walking towards you.

In your drunken state you didn’t see Shawn’s face go from being extremely excited to see you to the smile falling off his face. But Matty did. Matty wasn’t drinking.

He noticed that Shawn had seen you, then noticed that Ross’ arm that was around you. “What you doing out here?” Shawn asked you cheerfully.

“Just redeeming myself from you embarrassing me earlier” You said pushing his shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m just trying to set her up with Ross and it’s going well” Matty laughed.

You rolled your eyes but went along with it. You looked up at Ross and both exchanged a knowing look understanding what Matty was up to.

“They look great together right Shawn?” Matty asked, pointing his cigarette towards you.

You noticed the smile saver on Shawn’s face. “I mean...” Shawn said running a hand threw his hair. “Y-Yeah” Shawn said with a half-smile.

You did notice that Shawn looked uncomfortable with the situation and you saw Matty send you a wide eyed look that screamed ‘Told you so’.

A slightly awkward silence came across your little group which made you down the rest of your wine. “Well I need another drink” You announced.

“Thank you both for keeping me company” You said smiling towards Matty and then Ross.

“Not a problem” Ross said before embracing you in a hug and kissed your cheek before letting you go. You then looked towards Matty who now raised his arms at you.

You grinned at him and gave him a hug. He whispered in your ear “Just think about it” before kissing your cheek then releasing you. You shook your head smiling at him and moved back next to Shawn.

You felt his hand immediately find your hip and he kept his hand resting there. Your blurry mind like the way he held you. It was strong and you felt protected. You needed to stop though you couldn’t let your mind go there again.

Matty had really pulled a number on you. “See you guys in June” You smiled and raised your empty glass at them as a wave goodbye.

“We’ll be sure to do your favourite song for you Y/N” Matty smirked at you taking another drag of his cigarette. You shook your head and tried not to laugh.

“I expect Antichrist as well then” You joked and Matty and Ross started laughing. Matty laughed loud and said “Fuck off”

You and Shawn laughed at that and then Shawn said with a smile “Thanks for keeping her company guys” The other boys waved him off and said it wasn’t a problem

You felt his hand grasp your hip slightly tighter and he looked down at you and said “Lets get you another drink”

Shawn turned the both of you around and you turned your head back to say the final goodbye to the boys. As you waved you noticed that Matty was sarcastically waving but also blowing teasing kisses at both you and Shawn.

Thankfully your best friend hadn’t turned back around like you had so your quickly turned your wave into a middle finger. You saw Ross start laughing as you and Shawn turned the corner and drank the night away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After that night everything returned to normal fairly quickly. You went back to your quiet student life in Toronto and got your final year finished up.

Your anxiety went through the roof whilst you were getting everything sorted but you had Shawn to thank for getting you through it. Shawn was on his European tour and you had no idea how he had the time for you, but he made sure he did.

He called you every 24 hours and you seemed to be getting each other through the stressful times in your lives. You and Shawn sort of helped each other out with your anxieties growing up.

You distracted each other and that was best for both of you. You really don’t know how you actually got through the past few years not calling or texting him when you were almost having a panic attack.

Whilst at College the panic attacks happened more frequently and most of the time you felt alone in the world. Sure, you had your friends in your classes, but Shawn was the one that helped with your anxieties. And you helped him though his.

You remembered his first tour. You were calming him down all the time during that. Whether it was sitting on the phone in silence to each other or talking him through it. You were there for each other.

After the after party at the Brits you desperately tried to erase Matty’s words from your mind, but on more than one occasion, you let yourself think about it. You over analysed everything down to the finest detail about the way Shawn said something or whether it had a deeper meaning.

You found that doing that led you to start panicking because you desperately didn’t want to lose your best friend over misreading his behaviour. So, you tried let it go.

If letting it go meant that you thought about it more and more as each day passed, then you’d let it go. It was only on occasion that you panicked over it.

Before you knew it, you were spending your College free days in bed watching Netflix. That was until April 21st when Shawn returned back home. However, the only thing that changed there was that Shawn joined you and you binged watched a few shows with him for the month he was back home.

You both obviously got on like a house on fire. The jokes were endless and so was the fun. Sometimes you caught yourself thinking about if Shawn liked you as more than a friend or not, and you let yourself day dream about it.

Before you knew it though, you found yourself in the same predicament that you were in when you were 16. Your crush on your best friend came back and you hated yourself for it.

You found yourself not wanted to let go of his hand when he held it, or not want to go back to your own apartment when you really had to. At one point you thought he was going to kiss you and you found that you were disappointed when he didn’t.

Thankfully as the days turned into weeks, you found that you were able to distract yourself more by your concert getting closer and closer. You saw online what the concerts looked like and you were so beyond excited.

It looked amazing. The visuals looked outstanding and obviously the live music was awesome. You found that on occasion you forgot that you’d actually met them. Despite your picture together being your home screen.

Before you knew it was the morning of June 3rd and you ran into Shawn’s bedroom and jumped on him. “Get up, get up, get up!”

“It’s Matty fucking Healy day and I’m ready to get fucked up” You said practically shaking Shawn to get up.

Shawn groaned and grabbed a hold of you, rolling you underneath him. You let out a yelp as he did so and you both started laughing.

Shawn hovered over the top of you with a big smile on his face. You couldn’t take the smile off of your face and Shawn seemed to notice.

“I think you’re a little too excited to see them again… They’re not actually going to fuck you, you know?” Shawn said.

“Never say never, Ross seemed keen the last time” You joked, sticking your tongue out at him.

You also raised your eyebrows suggestively trying to get on his nerves. You let out a small laugh when you saw Shawn’s face fall and pull a disgusted face at you. “You know I’m sorta joking” You said with a grin, even though in reality you really wouldn’t say no because you were single and horny as fuck.

“But they are fucking beautiful and I can’t wait for my favourite songs” You said with your grin getting surprisingly bigger.

Shawn furrowed his eyebrows at you and said “You do know I’m a singer too right? I can sing you them songs”

“Oh yeah” You said sarcastically. “You don’t even know my favourite song though”

He pulled a face down at you that essentially said, ‘of course I do you idiot’. You looked at him expectantly and you sat yourself up crossing your arms as you waited for him to start.

The pyjama boy sat to the side of you and you only just now noted how cute he looked. He was wearing red pyjama pants that had a tartan pattern and had a plain white top on. His hair was also everywhere and that somehow made him look even better.

“Well I know when you’re around cause I know the sound, I know the sound of your heart” Shawn sang and filled his room with his amazing voice.

He looked towards you triumphantly, but you shook your head at him and his face fell. “What do you mean that’s not you favourite! We always danced and sang to that one?”

“I mean my favourite deep in my soul” You said resting a hand over your chest and Shawn sat there for a few seconds looking at you in disbelief.

“I can’t believe my best friend doesn’t know my favourite The 1975 song” You said shaking your head and getting up off his bed. You needed to get ready for the day ahead. You needed to look your best.

You knew it was their last stop on their North America tour so if there was any night where you could get Ross’ attention and keep it for the night it would be this one. You needed to look amazing, not that you really thought you had a shot, but it was definitely worth a try.

“Wait, I can get this” Shawn said running a hand through his wavy hair.

“No, you’re a fucking let down, I’m getting ready” You said leaving his room.

A few hours later you were ready and waiting to go. You were freshly showered and shaved, and you had your concert outfit on. It was a warm day, so you decided to go for something slightly extra than what you were used to.

You wore black ripped skinny jeans with black fishnets underneath and you made sure they came above the waistband of your jeans to show off you were wearing them. You wore a sexy black and red bralette and a black mesh top over the top of that, so people knew you weren’t playing. To finish off your look for the day, you wore your black Vans and your camouflage jacket over the top.

Your makeup was fairly simple. You went for a winged eyeliner that made your Y/E/C eyes stand out and applied your favourite matte red lipstick. You decided to straighten your hair in hopes that the heat wouldn’t make you look like a complete mess by the time the concert was finished.

When you’d finished completely you felt pretty for the first time since the Brits and you couldn’t wait to do your pre-concert traditions with Shawn. When you came out of your room you found him on his sofa with his feet resting on his coffee table.

“Y/N I do know what your favourite song is” He said without looking up from his phone.

“Oh yeah?” You said, picking up an apple from the kitchen island and taking a bite. Shawn started singing the chorus to fallingforyou and you smiled at him whilst he sang.

He was so utterly enticed by whatever he was doing on his phone and you were enticed by his amazing voice. He finished the final “I’m fallin’ for you” and looked up at you.

You smiled at him before taking another bite of your apple, but you noticed Shawn’s jaw drop slightly and take in your appearance. Something about Shawn changed quickly when you said “Very good”

It was like he was jolted awake and he stood up in front of you. You’d only just now noticed what he was wearing.

He was wearing his white top that had Heaven written on the front, with his black jeans and his black boots. If you weren’t his best friend, you would have seriously believed that he slept in those boots because he never went out in anything else.

“You look amazing Y/N/N” Shawn smiled at you, you noticed that he looked nervous for some unknown reason, but you dismissed yourself. You really needed to stop reading into things.

He looked stunning to say the least and you noticed the sunglasses that were hooked around the collar of his top. “Thanks, not so bad yourself Mendes” You joked.

“What are those for?” You questioned, walking closer to him and tugging slightly on his shades.

“Ah” Shawn said, and he reached over to the side of the sofa and picked up his black zip up hoodie. You ate your apple as you watched him struggle to put his jacket on and almost poked his eyes out with his glasses.

He threw his hood up and said “What do you think? Think anyone will recognise me?”

“I’d see you coming from a mile away” You laughed. “But that’s because I know you so well, you’ll be fine… If anyone starts just jump over the barrier at the front and someone will save you”

Shawn laughed at that and within the next hour you and Shawn were doing your pre-concert tradition. You found yourself sat in the nearest Five Guys which is just something you both did the last few times you’d been to concerts.

You usually just chilled out in there for hours before the concert started. Not for any reason other than boredom but this time after an hour Shawn cut your visit short.

“Ready to go” Shawn said wiping his face with a napkin then scrunching it up and throwing it at you. He laughed when it hit your unsuspecting face.

“I hate you” You giggled, shaking your head at him. You threw it back at him and laughed more when it bounced off his nose.

“Nah you don’t” Shawn said standing up and putting his hoodie back on.

You stood up as well and started to slip your jacket on. As you did though you heard someone cat call from the table near yours. You’d noticed the guy looking your way a few times whilst he was eating.

He looked about your age, but you found the staring quite creepy. He looked quite cute. Dark curly hair, blue eyes and a very nice jawline, it was almost as good as Shawn’s. He would have been cute if he hadn’t been staring at you.

You rolled your eyes and just pretended that you didn’t hear it and pulled your hair out from underneath your jacket. Thankfully it seemed like Shawn didn’t hear it and he was too focused on making sure he had everything.

“You ready?” Shawn asked from across the table and you smiled nodding at him.

Shawn smiled at your before he turned around and started walking to the door. He knew you were a few paces behind him, and he couldn’t wait to show you your surprise.

As you started walking to follow Shawn, you heard a louder catcall this time and when you just carried on walking until you felt a hand hit your ass.

You practically jumped a foot forward before turning back around to face the fucker who just slapped you. “The fuck do you think you’re doing?” You shouted at the brunette sat down. You saw red and you weren’t going to put up with it.

“Aw come on babe lighten up” The guy said looking up at you as if he was innocent.

You felt heard Shawn walk up behind you and you heard him asked what’s going on. “Oh fuck off” You said to the guy before you turned around and pushed on Shawns chest trying to get some distance between him and the guy.

“He slapped my ass” You murmured to him continuing to move him towards the door. As soon as Shawn heard that though he started pushing against you and said a very loud “What” You desperately tried to calm him down, but he ended up moving the both of you half way back to the guy.

You didn’t want the idiot to ruin your day, you could tell that Shawn was steaming underneath those sunglasses. “Shawn please can we just go” You pleaded to him and he looked down at you and after letting out a deep breath he agreed.

“Awh no the nice view is leaving. Come back honey” The guy yelled at you. You don’t know why he carried on because now there were more people telling him to stop from all around you. Before you even knew what was happening, Shawn had side-stepped you and was shouting at the guy.

“Don’t you fucking dare talk about my girl like that you fucking asshole. You don’t have the right to speak to anyone like that so why don’t you just fuck off back to whatever hole you crawled out of” Shawn shouted at the guy towering over him.

You were pulling on Shawn’s hand begging him to come away from the guy. “Shawn” You said over and over again during his rant. You were grateful he was sticking up for you, but you just wanted to escape with him.

Shawn seemed to realise your hand clasped his because as soon as he was finished with his speech, he marched out of the place with you following along behind him. You both walked towards the side of the building where Shawn continued his rant, but your brain wasn’t processing it properly.

You had never seen him so angry in your entire life. He was practically pulling his hair out in anger and he wouldn’t stop pacing from side to side. Shawn wouldn’t stop ranting at you and you didn’t know how to make him stop.

All you did was repeat “Hey” a few times softly trying to make him calm down and listen to you. That didn’t seem to be working very well and he was still pacing.

You walked up to him and said “Hey” a bit louder. He was still shouting to no one in particular and not paying attention to you, so you ended up grabbing the back of his neck to try and make him look down at you.

“Shawn look at me” You said softly trying to gently pull his head round to look at you. Shawn seemed to calm down after a few seconds and you could slightly see through his shades that you now had his attention.

“Are you okay?” Shawn said sincerely. You could hear the anger in his voice, but you knew it wasn’t directed at you.

“Shawn I’m fine, I promise” You said releasing a breath that you didn’t know you’d been holding.

“I’m sorry that I let that fucker touch you” Shawn said hugging you. You hugged yourself into him and wrapped your arms around his neck considering they were already there.

“It’s not your fault” You murmured against him and you felt him squeeze you tighter. The hug lasted a solid minute and when you slowly released each other you felt the pull between the both of you.

You didn’t know what it was, but it felt like a weird connection and you wanted to kiss him. You looked up to him and cursed his sunglasses.

Usually you could tell what Shawn was thinking when you looked into his eyes. But because of the sunglasses you were stumped.

If he was looking at your lips, then you’d know that he felt it too. Of course, you moved away from him, you didn’t need to read into things today of all days.

Shawn cleared his throat and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Thankfully he looked as if he’d calmed down a lot and ready to get on the move.

“Ready for ice cream Mendes” You said starting to walk down the street.

Shawn walked next to you and nudged your shoulder “Always”. He smiled down at you and continued “We’ll have to take it and go though, I have a surprise”

You turned and gave Shawn a suspicious look. “What?” Shawn said innocently raising his hands.

“It’s all good I promise” Shawn said throwing an arm around your shoulder and you walked to the closest ice cream parlour.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You’d treated yourself to two ice creams because of the trauma that you and Shawn had just been through. By the time you got to your surprise you were onto your second ice cream.

At this point you were both walking into the arena through a private entrance, so you were pretty certain you knew what your surprise was. You couldn’t stop grinning and Shawn couldn’t stop talking the piss out of you for it.

He knew that since the last time you met them your little crush on Ross had turned into a bigger one. You hadn’t stopped telling Shawn about your flirting with Ross when you got back to the hotel that night in England.

You were so excited to see them all again. You just hoped Matty didn’t bring anything up.

As you were both escorted by a security guard through the building you were trying to remain calm. “Do I look okay?” You asked Shawn, running your free hand through your hair.

“They’re just through there” The guard told you pointing to a doorway that was just down the hall. You hear music being played and you could hear that it was There’s a Honey by Pale Waves. You assumed that they were doing their sound check.

As you both carried on walking Shawn told you “You look perfect” You smiled up at him and before you knew it you were bombarded with cheers as you walked through the doorway.

You and Shawn walked into the arena and the band who were sat on the ground immediately got up to greet you. Matty went to Shawn first and they did that bro hug that always made you want to laugh.

You could just about hear Matty thanking him for the ‘iconic underpants’ he sent him with the promotional gift for the release of ‘If I Can’t Have You’. You loved yours when it arrived and played it on repeat for days.

“Hey” Ross said, distracting you.You repeated it back to him, almost like you were surprised to see him. You gave him a one-armed hug because you didn’t want to get ice cream all over him.

“Lovely to see you” You grinned at him. You hugged Adam who now stood next to Ross but as you did so Ross took your ice cream out of your hand.

“You can have it if you want” You told him, and his face lit up before he started eating it.

“You don’t look very vanilla” Ross said looking up and down at your attire.

“Never vanilla for you Ross” You grinned and moved on to quickly hug George.

You eventually got around to Matty and he looked at you for a moment before hugging you. “You look amazing again, trying to impress someone?” Matty said over the music.

You couldn’t help but let out a giggle and say “Yeah… but not who you’re thinking of” You let your eyes wonder over Matty’s shoulder until your eyes met Ross’.

You smiled brightly at him and then looked back towards Matty who’s eyes were now wide with amusement. You grinned and brushed past him and went over to talk to Ross again.

After a moment you were all grouped together again and were chatting away. “I can’t believe you all let us both come this early” You said to them.

“Well I thought we could get drinks with them first” Shawn told you hugging you from behind wrapping his arms around your neck.

You craned your head up to try and look at him and said “Well aren’t you a cutie”

Shawn laughed down at you and released you. “What do you wanna drink, I’ll go grab it?”

“Surprise me” You smiled at him and watched as he walked off towards the bar.

When you looked back towards the group you noticed that Matty was looking at you with amusement on his face. You shook your head and walked towards him.

“I actually hate you for what you said that day” You told him trying not to smile.

You were failing miserably though because Matty’s grin was getting bigger and bigger. “You like him, don’t you?” Matty asked excitedly.

“Shut the fuck up” You hushed him. “Oh my god you do!” Matty practically yelled and you were so thankful the music had just started up again.

“Yeah now I need to get over that, thanks to you” You said shaking your head, but almost laughing.

“Oh my, that’s why trying to get onto Ross” Matty said running a hand through his curly hair. “Mate, how can you not see that your man right there is in love with you”

“You’re deluded” You laughed. Shawn came back over with your favourite drink a few minutes later and you smiled up at him “You know me so well”

Before you knew it, it was almost time for them to leave you as the gates were being opened for the public shortly. You’d just said bye to Matty, and you noticed that he had pulled Shawn away to the side.

You tried to hear what he was saying to him, but he was too far away, and the other boys now had most of your attention. All you saw was Shawn looking round at you from time to time and you sent a big smile his way. He returned it but you couldn’t make out what he was saying. Your lip-reading skills were poor.

You said goodbye to them all and you walked over to Shawn and said, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah” Shawn said and you both started walking back over to the bar. You ordered you and Shawn another drink and then made your way over to the very front of the stage.

After taking a sip of your drink you realised that without any prompt you and Shawn were stood in your usual concert position with him behind you, despite no one else yet being around. You turned around and lent against the barrier so you could chat to Shawn.

He looked down at you and smiled and you grinned up at him, very excited for the concert. You had waited so long for it that you couldn’t wait, you were so thankful that Shawn had rearranged his tour dates so you could both be here right now.

“Are you prepared to be bombarded with people running to get to the front?” You asked smiling.

Shawn shook his head looking around the arena area, “Nah, but it should be fun”

“Of course it will, just protect me” You joke “And don’t let me get crushed against this barrier please” You smile before taking another drink.

Shawn lent forward and clasped the barrier either side of you “I’ll keep you boxed in like this then” Shawn laughed which caused you to join in.

A second later you both heard commotion coming from the entrance and you and Shawn shared a look that said ‘Here we go’.

“Better get these back on” You said taking his sunglasses off the collar of his shirt. He smiled as you put them on for him and you both laughed when you almost poked his eye out.

You turned back around, and you patiently waited for your favourite band to come back into view.

You and Shawn had a good time listening to No Rome and Pale Waves when they came on and Shawn kept on pointing things out that impressed him.

Once Pale Waves went off through you knew it wouldn’t be long until the concert started. Daylight was fading fast and there was a faint breeze that swirled among the tightly packed people around you.

You’d taken your jacket off and tied it round your waist because you knew that soon enough, you’d be jumping around. Shawn could feel you buzzing with energy, he’d didn’t remember the last time he saw you this excited and he liked that this evening the smile had never left your face.

“Shawn if they do my favourite you can’t laugh at me if I cry” You tell him. Shawn laughs and wraps his arms around your shoulders again trapping you in a hug.

“No promises” Shawn said, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

Within the next hour The 1975 had come on and you were having the time of your life. You hadn’t stopped screaming along to their songs and you were dancing along to the bops that they were playing.

Soon enough the boys seemed like they needed a bit of a break so Matty was keeping the crowd entertained with his witty humour. Matty was pacing from one side of the stage to the other and the crowd was screaming up at him around him. He was chatting about what the tour had been like and you happily listened along.

It was quite interesting to get another artists view of their tour because you only ever heard Shawn’s stories. As much as you loved those stories, you were in need of some diversity.

After a minute or two music started playing out of the speakers again but low enough for Matty to keep chatting away. “Right now everyone” Matty announced before clearing his throat.

“This next one is for a friend of ours… I’ve been assured that this is her favourite” Matty told everyone still travelling from one side of the stage to another.

The crowd cheered along, and Shawn lent down and said into your ear “Don’t cry on me now”

You turned your head to look up at him and smiled “No promises” He smiled down at you and you turned back around as Matty continued on to say “See she can relate to this song very personally and she’ll hate me for telling you all that but ohh wellllll”

The crowd around you screamed along but you were frozen still. Partly from what Matty just said but also due to the fact that you were finally going to see it live after listening to it for years.

The song started playing properly and Matty quickly said “Enjoy Y/N” and the crowd around you erupted.

Matty walked towards the middle of the stage in front of you and winked down at you. You smiled back up and softly sang the opening lyric “What time you comin’ out”

As the song continued to play you found yourself leaning back against Shawn as you did with most slow songs that had been played tonight. Your heart was beating rapidly from the adrenaline in the system and you were softly singing along with your favourite song.

You could hear Shawn’s voice behind you singing the lyrics beautifully like always. You loved listening to him sing, whether it was his songs or someone else. You were beyond grateful you were his friend and could listen to him sing anything you wanted. All you had to do was ask.

You were preparing yourself for your favourite part of the song and couldn’t wait to finally hear it live. You had already told yourself you wouldn’t sing it as you wanted the full experience to live in the moment of the song and just enjoy it.

As you swayed along to the music you felt Shawn’s hands rest on your hips which you didn’t mind about. You let yourself enjoy the feeling of him being pressed against you and you lent on him more.

As your favourite lyric was about to come out of Matty’s mouth, you felt a different mouth lightly kiss your neck. At first you felt yourself panic slightly not knowing if Shawn had done that purposefully or not. But with you felt another kiss you let yourself go.

“I don’t wanna be your friend. I wanna kiss your neck” Matty sang loudly.

You tilted your head to the side and closed your eyes as Shawn kissed your neck again but this time it was with more pressure like he wasn’t afraid to do it anymore. The first were testers but this was the real deal.

He started sucking on your neck and you couldn’t help but tilt your head back and rest it against his shoulder. You were in heaven. You brought your hand up and interlaced your fingers in the back of Shawn’s hair and pulled him closer so he couldn’t go anywhere.

Shawn started trailing kisses further up your neck up until his lips left your skin and you were both looking at each other. Shawn’s glasses had fallen down his nose and you could see his eyes. You could see the vulnerability in them but also a hint of hope.

He was searching yours and all he could think of was how beautiful they looked. You looked down towards his lip that had just graced your neck and you were hungry for them to be attached to yours.

After looking at his plump lips for a second to long you looked back up to his eyes and just thought ‘fuck it’. You lent towards them and attached your lips to his as Matty sang out the final “I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you”

Shawn reacted immediately and kissed you back with just a bit more force than you were giving, and you loved it. You turned around whilst still kissing him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

Shawn wrapped his arms around your back, so you were pressed against him completely. You could hear the crowd cheering around you as the song ended but your attention was on Shawn’s movements.

You’re surprised that it didn’t feel weird, you were sharing the best kiss of your life with your best friend. It was exhilarating and the best experience of your life. You’d dreamed of this moment when you were a teenager and over the past month and it was better than you could have ever imagined.

Shawn must have felt you smiling into the kiss because a second later his tongue ran over your bottom lip. You let out a little laugh before opening you mouth wider and the next thing you knew Shawn’s tongue was in your mouth.

You heard the crowd quiet down slightly but that didn’t stop you. The next thing you heard though was Matty’s voice over the speakers and it boomed “Oh wow, ohh wow”

“Y/N, love, you better thank me later” Matty yelled and the crowd burst into cheers again despite having no idea that he was speaking about you. You and Shawn parted and started laughing obviously hearing what Matty had said.

You pecked his lips once more before you attempted to turn around, but Shawn pecked your lips a few more times before he let you. When you did though you found that Matty was on the stage directly in front of you.

He looked down at you and you laughed up at him. He cockily asked down at you “Did you enjoy that?”

The crowd screamed around you thinking the question was directed at everyone, but you knew it was just for you two. You eagerly nodded up at him and he winked down at you, he turned towards the back of the stage and said “George you owe me twenty quid… Thanks Y/N”

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh and Shawn did the same. His laugh rang down your ear up and you turned your head to look at him again and he wrapped his arm around your waist so he was hugging you from behind. You rested your hands on top of his and smiled as he lent down to peck your lips again.

“Let’s give the love birds out there another song to get off to” Matty said as Medicine started to play.

You and Shawn started swaying to the music gently and you couldn’t take the smile off your face. You felt Shawn lean down and say in your ear “If you haven’t guessed I like you”

You laughed and looked round at him. You put your hand to the back of his neck to try and bring him closer to you so he’ll hear you say “I like you too, a lot”

When you moved away Shawn had a massive smile on his face, and you couldn’t help but laugh at it. “Yeah?” He questioned you and you nodded up at him, biting your lip.

Shawn let out a chuckled and leaned down and kiss your lips a few more times. Each time you responded more eagerly and before you knew it you were making out with him again as if an hour ago you were just best friends and you weren’t currently surrounded by thousands of people.

Shawn chuckled pulling away and said “I think I like you a bit more than I let on. Y/N I wanna date you and I know that we’re meant to be best friends but I can’t stop thinking about you and I ca...”

You cut him off. You knew when he was over thinking and at this moment in time you didn’t want to over think what you were. Your lips on his distracted you both and you were only distracted by the screams intensifying around you.

You pulled away when you couldn’t hear music playing anymore and when you turned around Matty was at the barrier directly in front of you with everyone else trying to grab at him but you.

You and Shawn started laughing seeing Matty in front of you like that. He looked bored as if he was waiting for you to stop which made you laugh more.

“Are you two done now?” Matty asked and the crowd around you laughed. You bit your lip and nodded.

“You two dating now?” Matty asked and you looked up towards Shawn for the briefest moment and smiled before nodding back at Matty.

He had a big smile on his face when you said “Yeah”, and the crowds screamed when he said a little “Yay” into the microphone.

“Okay love birds, the concerts going back in full swing now so put each other down and enjoy” Matty said before ruffling your hair and then running back on stage.

Love Me started to blare out of the speakers and you went wild again. You and Shawn sang and danced the rest of the night away.

After that day you found yourself the happiest you had ever been. You and Shawn were extremely happy. After the concert you’d both gone home to Shawn’s house and you told Karen as she was still awake.

She caught you both as you walked in kissing, than you both telling her. She was shocked to see it at first, but the smile quickly grew on her face and she was overjoyed for you both.

By the time The 1975 next toured in Toronto it was 3 years later and you and Shawn were still happily together. You’d moved into his apartment and made it cosy whilst he was away.

You travelled around the world with him and supported him when he needed it. You’d never tire of cheering your boyfriend on and singing his songs. You loved him with the whole of your heart, and he loved you just the same.

You’d met up with the band again before their concert and you all had a quick meal together. You’d gone easy on the drinks this time and enjoyed your time with them. You’d met a lot of people from being friends with Shawn, but these guys were by far your favourite.

They were just too nice and seemed like they didn’t have a care in the world apart from their music. You loved that and you knew Shawn did too. Matty promised you that he would sing your favourite song again and he didn’t disappoint.

You were at the front of the crowd again in the perfect spot. You’d lent yourself back against Shawn and happily let Matty sing you the song.

You watched as Matty walked in front of you and he smiled down at the both of you. He nodded his head in recognition down at you and you just smiled back up.

A second later Shawn has twisted you around in his arms and kissed you quickly. He tasted of the mint ice-cream that you’d eaten earlier, and you were in your own personalised heaven.

You smiled into the kiss and you don’t think that you could ever be happier than you were right now. But you were mistaken.

A moment later Shawn was on one knee looking up at you and you were shell shocked. You stared at him with a hand over your mouth looking down at the diamond ring he was holding.

You heard people around you gasping and lights from their phones shining on your faces but in that moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Shawn mouthed ‘Marry me’ up at you and you nodded closing your eyes and letting stray tears fall.

You looked up at him through blurry eyes and kissed him once he’d slid the ring on your finger. You noticed as he took his sunglasses off his face and quickly lent down to kiss you that his eyes were also watery.

When his lips touched yours again, you were in pure bliss. You didn’t hear the screams around you or Matty finishing the song behind you. When you pulled away you were both pulled through the barrier that separated the crowd from the stage before the crowd could pounce on Shawn.

When you got through the barrier through you jumped up on Shawn and kissed him again. His hands under your thighs to keep you up and your arms and legs wrapped around his body to keep yourself up.

After you kissed him like that for a good few seconds you pulled away and shouted “I love you so much” so he could hear you.

Shawn laughed and put you back on the ground. He wiped the stray tear that fell and said, “I love you too darling” and pecked your lips again before looking up at the stage.

You turned your attention to the stage as well and saw Matty standing just above you. He had a huge smile on his face, and he got down on his knees and said “Congratulations you guys” into the microphone.

The crowd went mental and you could hear people screaming for Shawn and Matty. You laughed at the bizarreness of it, but you loved it non the less. This was literally your teenage dream come true.

You hugged Shawn and lent into his chest as you looked up to Matty and shouted a “Thank you” up at him. Matty revved up the crowd to cheer for the both of you and you just hugged Shawn closer to you, not being used to having this sort of attention.

Shawn lent down and pecked your lips once more and you were so thankful that you could now spend the rest of your life with your best friend. After the crowd settled down to something Matty could again work with, he got up after giving both you and Shawn a high five.

As he went back business and the beginning of the next song started playing you looked to Shawn again and repeated how much you loved him. Shawn did the same back to you and you lent on his chest hugging him to you as you took in the music.

You were content and now you had never been happier in your entire life. There was only happiness to come in the both of your lives from that moment on and you couldn’t wait to see how the rest of your lives played out together.

Before Matty started singing, he quickly shouted back over to the both of you “I better be invited to the fucking wedding Mendes!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taglist: @lololovestaylor @the-girl-before @cynicallystiles @lady-grinningsoul

Let me know if you have any requests x

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whitley-lynn · 4 years

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True Romance (1993)

My favorite band in the whole world is The 1975. My favorite person in the whole world was my ex boyfriend. This is how the two intertwine. My ex boyfriend got us tickets to see The 1975 in concert back in May. At the concert, specifically during the song Robbers, I realized how in love with the world I was during that moment in time. There was truly no place I would rather have been. Still to this day, that concert is one of the most treasured experiences I have. I was never particularly a fan of Robbers, but after hearing it live, that performance completely changed my mind.

Now it is 5 months later, 11:32 PM on October 30th. About an hour ago, I saw the Robbers music video for the first time. Coincidentally about a day after the conversation that damned our ability to speak to each other, that indefinitely ended the long standing, run on conversation, of choosing drugs over a relationship. It should not be a shock as to who I was thinking of. My ex boyfriend was truly the most significant person in my life, and I wouldn’t have wanted it a different way. He is into movies, I started watching movies. He likes Sufjan Stevens and 90’s hip hop so I listened to Sufjan Stevens and 90’s hip hop. He is an exceptional writer, ironically I have an urge to write now. It is a good thing I did not emulate everything he is in to.

We spent a year living three hours away and throughout that year, we grew apart in ways that would end up ruining our relationship all together, which I knew was pretty much inevitable. (I’ll give him one more time, we’ll give you one more fight) Just for a time frame, about 2 months before the concert, my ex boyfriend started smoking weed and more recently, LSD. At the time he started smoking, you could consider me pretty much a novice with drugs. I was very uncomfortable with talking about it with him, hearing about it, etc. But in hindsight I realized that I thought of him as a “bad boy boyfriend” that did drugs and in turn, was cooler than me. (She says, babe, you look so cool) At one time, he admitted he also thought that about himself, quite possibly still does. Although, at the same time, I knew that was never the case, and most definitely is not now after knowing some of the ways drugs have effected him. He struggles with pretty much every side effect of overuse of weed and LSD. However, someone can only be so supportive and offer so much advice to someone who does not want to help themselves.

In the Robbers music video, there are blatant scenes of pot smoking, pill popping, MDMA and cocaine use by Matty Healy himself, the love interest (Chelsea Schuchman), and their friends in the background. Although this is not like reality at all, I could not help but picture myself as Chelsea, and my ex boyfriend as Matty. Not necessarily because he got her into doing drugs (because that is not explicit in the video), but definitely feeding the type of addiction that they are living. I could only picture her in a similar situation as me, wanting to be involved with someone but not feeling important enough in their life because they do not share the same “lifestyle” (which is bullshit). She conforms, ruins her life, blah blah blah. The explanation given by Matty about the lyrics and video of Robbers says “ – couples so intoxicated with one another that they fear nothing in the pursuit of the realization of each other, actions fueled by blind unconditional love. ‘Robbers’ is an ode to those relationships.” In about the last minute or so of the video, the robbery and shooting scene gave me the exact feelings as when I found out the last time I saw my ex boyfriend, he was in the midst of a trip that I was unaware of (somehow). I dropped everything to aid an “anxiety attack”, little did I know, it was self inflicted and a waste of my time. The chaotic and angst emotions in those two situations were almost uncanny to each other, and completely overwhelming to feel in such a short period of time. As much as I wanted to write and document those exact feelings, as I felt them, I am falling short of doing so. I do not usually have a hard time recognizing my feelings, but right now, they are almost impossible to illustrate. Although nothing is a real surprise to me anymore, he never fails to amaze me.

Through the duration of writing this, the music video has been playing on repeat, giving it a good 200 views. I have had constant teary eyes, and a constant pit in my stomach.

there'll be a riot, 'cause I know you

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years

Video

youtube

THE 1975 - PEOPLE

[5.56]

The 1975 you know is gone! THEY'RE HARDCORE NOW!!!

Alex Clifton: As far as the lyrics & delivery go: a truly punk song, a well-needed wakeup call, and Healey's screaming is how I have felt literally every day for the last four years, which I deeply appreciate. As an actual single: I can listen to this maybe once a month because it's super dissonant and honestly does not help with my constant anxiety that the world will end shortly. [5]

Kylo Nocom: Rightfully devastated punk that would probably sound a lot better if it didn't just seem like yet another damned attempt by the 1975 at appeasing the indie crowd through art-y posturing. Really, throw shit at their debut all you want, they knew exactly what they wanted to do and did all of it with near-perfect pop sheen. Their obsession with their own legacy has led to their musical downfall, and now we have to listen to them condescend and uphold it as somehow significant, as if there aren't artists with significantly more to say than Matty Healy that don't have the resources to have their voices heard. Eclecticism does not equal talent; Healy's inanities will not save us. [3]

Alfred Soto: "Syndrums? What syndrums?" Blustering through a rawk number showing little sweat, The 1975 write a Marilyn Manson take on "Love It If We Made It." It likely portends nothing except increased facility. [5]

Ryo Miyauchi: "People" as just the music is something I can't resist. Matty strutting to the beat of loud ass rock riffs with the tones bleeding from the seams? The guy singing like a snot-nosed know-it-all jerk in love with the spotlight, audibly kissing the camera? He may not be good at screaming as much as he think he does, but him simply giving himself to the moment sounds good enough. But if he also hopes to say something, and for me to feel like he actually did, well, this isn't exactly it. I've long understood that Matty lives in the same fucked-up world as me -- that's what "Love It If We Made It" made sure to do after all -- but I'm honestly exhausted from songs that's reportage and not much else. I can see the world burn down from my own eyes too! If Matty, or whoever else in pop, wants to say something, I need them to expand upon that blank between "republic's a banana, ignore if you wanna" and "fuck it, I'm just gonna get food, girls, gear." Ignoring is easy, I know, but that self-care via self-indulgence can't do much to help anymore. What exists beyond it when it's no longer the go-to step? Matty doesn't have the answer for that here. [6]

Maxwell Cavaseno: The only man who apparently decided that The (International) Noise Conspiracy was just what the world needed, long after even the actual T(I)NC was dissolved, would naturally be Matty Healy. Plenty of 'people' have misattributed this song to sounding like Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People" which is an association I just simply don't hear at all. Instead I get a lot more of Manic Street Preachers, The Hives, The Blood Brothers, T(I)NC and even their frontman's prior band Refused's last moments. When the soon to be released 1975 album was discussed even in the build for last year's listless and dissatisfying A Brief Inquiry... constant invocations of the band's past as a journeyman post-hardcore act that probably would've died a death in the lower-tier nostalgia bin alongside earthtone9, Devil Sold His Soul, SikTH, Rinoa or The Ocean Fracture. The fodder of so many long gone myspace pages and collections of patches. Now it feels that era is being discussed with a genuine affectionate nostalgia again; and if there's anything this band loves to key in on, it's genre nostalgia. Do they land it? Maybeish. Straight Ahead Rock has admittedly felt less capable in The 1975's hands unless filtered into Glastonbury Festival Anthems a la "Robbers", so hearing them try to defiantly thrash while remaining groovy is either endearing or slight. Still, I admittedly can't think of a 1975 album yet where the key single was the leading one, so for now it feels just like a proposition of yet another shape-shifting going down. [6]

Oliver Maier: Post-hardcore with traces of 13-era Blur could have been the key to finally converting me to the church of the 1975, but this still isn't doing it for me. I don't doubt that Matty Healy is concerned about *vague hand gesture* the state of things, but for a band so aware that sincerity is indeed scary, I always feel as though their ventures into new sonic territory are the product of a desire to impress rather than earnestly communicate, that they might dip their toes into afrobeats or flirt with trap drums only because people don't expect them to. Which isn't a crime! But the punk signifiers here feel like just that: signifiers, gesturing at a genre that's all about urgency in an attempt to reverse-engineer that same quality, but capturing none of its essential recklessness. I prefer the unhinged vocal here to Healy's usual crooning, but paired with lyrics that modulate between the generic, the outright dreadful and the word "fuck" a whole bunch, it's just not enough to dispel the impression of a calculated facsimile of protest music. I could see myself softening on this if the rest of Notes on a Conditional Form sticks to the same sound, which might suggest some real commitment rather than the sense that the 1975 are still just trying on new masks and expecting an A for effort. But I'm not holding my breath. [4]

Rachel Bowles: I was lucky enough to hear this song for the first time live and witness the crowd erupt with infectious anger and joy- somehow knowing every single word of this days old song. There was something truly palpable, political and vital there, Healy has told the press he's never felt more like he's in a punk band and experiencing 'People' live, it's not hard to hear why. At the time I described it as "a Marilyn Manson meets Glassjaw-esque punk screed with enough F-bombs to satisfy even the most discerning teenage contrarian... an anthem that screams with the rage of billions of millennial and Gen Z 99 percenters, powerlessly watching the world burn (literally) as Donald Trump and Boris Johnson pat themselves on the back."Had I not clearly seen Healy & co in front of me, I would never have pegged 'People' as a 1975 song- this new venture into raw punk, however impressive, is just another string in the bow of band that is constantly reinventing themselves. [8]

Joshua Copperman: Let's unpack the worst line in "People"! Part 1: "My generation wanna fuck Barack Obama": A decade ago this might have been a reference to "Crush on Obama," but now any given Gen Z socialist will tell you that Obama wasn't progressive enough, that he was a neoliberal centrist, etc etc. So it's more like fuck Barack Obama. Double meanings! Part 2: "living in a sauna": Could be a climate change reference, but with the next line it's more likely to be a hotbox joke. More double meanings! Except the idea that Earth is itself a hotbox is both funnier and more evocative. Part 3: "Legal marijuana": Both a long-delayed Halsey comeback for that one line in "Colors" and a catalyst for even more double meanings! there's the aforementioned hotbox joke, or it's the ever-ubiquitous "using drugs to numb the pain" thing. Conclusion: This line both says a lot of things and says absolutely nothing, which is what anyone who hates this song will think it does. Oh right, there's a song attached. And it's fantastic. The mix of a gritty aesthetic with bright, clean guitar tones. The ability to make a tuneless song sound as catchy as "Chocolate" but inexplicably less anoying. This is everything I've wanted the 1975 to do, or anyone to do when everything in all genres sounds so listless and geared towards Playlists. Even Idles pandered with the whole 'ten points to Griffyndor' thing. The 1975 is virtually only pandering to emo kids with this one. And edgelords, hopefully putting them on a path to salvation instead of hatred. Or not. Whoever it's for, I'm glad it exists. [9]

Edward Okulicz: Honestly, I know that throwing reductionist comments at male pop stars stepping outside their apparent lane isn't a curative against how such things have been levelled at women over the years, but my initial, and second, and third, and fourth reaction to this song is "omg Matty Healy just shut up and be a pop star, you know, something you're really good at." I'll be over here in sensitivity training if you need me. [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#The 1975 #rock #pop #music #music review #writing

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therecordscratch · 5 years

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15 Songs for Rainy Days

It seems like every other day this week has been raining, the other half just disgustingly cloudy so what better than to make a little list of 15 songs for rainy days (In no particular order and lesser known songs) - enjoy :)

Super Whatevr : Kathrin with a K - I saw this band a few months ago when they opened for Set It Off and they impressed me. Frontman Skyler McKee sings with such soul and emotion. The soft guitar and desperation in his voice make this the perfect song to listen to on a not-so-dry day.

Red Hot Chili Peppers : Stadium Arcadium - Oh this song, I learned the guitar part and fell in love. A more mellow RHCP song that hits you with the gentle harmonies and it makes me wish I was riding a raindrop down to the ground, a beautiful song by an iconic band.

Dodie : If I’m Being Honest - Dodie is such a sweetheart and her songs reflect that while holding hands with her demons. One of her newest songs, this has a gentle sound, even the plucking stings mimics the raindrops dripping. Highly recommend this whole ep for a drizzle sort of day.

Cavetown : Green - A song that takes you out of the world and floats you down the river forming down your driveway into your storm drain. Robin Skinner really takes you out of body with his gentle voice and soft ukulele strums. A beautiful song through and through

Car Seat Headrest : Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales - A more upbeat song for watching the raindrops race down your window. I learned this song on bass a few months ago and it made me fall in love with the vibe even more! If you don’t like crying in the rain, this song will offer a hand.

Peach Pit : Hot Knifer - Honestly, I could listen to the entire Peach Pit discography on the rainy days. Neil Smith’s voice never, ever fails to calm my mind and adding soft rain to the bass and guitars makes this song one of my rainy day favorites.

Temple of the Dog : Say Hello 2 Heaven - This one chokes me up, this is the song I shed a tear to. Chris Cornell, one of the most iconic grunge singers of the time, makes the rain seem like tears themselves. When the harmonies come in I just melt away. Then again, maybe this song just reminds me of my dad.

Cigarettes After Sex : Affection - 15 Seconds in and I’m already tearing up. Cigarettes After Sex is a band I fall more and more in love with the more I listen. The bassline in this song is what really carries it through. A song that plays when you roll over after an afternoon nap and see the rain clouding your window.

The Smashing Pumpkins : 1979 - A well known song? Yes but that doesn’t make it any less perfect for an overcast day. Billy Corgan’s vocals are of unique taste but I love his style. The solid drum beat drives this 90′s classic right into the rainclouds.

Radiohead : Nude - A criminally underrated song by Radiohead in my opinion. Thom Yorke’s voice feels so comforting to me ever since I was a kid listening to Radiohead in the car. This song is so smooth and gentle (take a shot every time I say “gentle” in this post) One for the books, that’s for sure.

The 1975 : Be My Mistake - A track off their newest album, you knew I had to put some 1975 on this list. If rain reminds you of past loves and filling desperate holes in your chest, this track will put a hand on your shoulder. When you hear an artist choke up on the song, it’s one of my favorite personal touches artists do. Matty Healy asks the real questions, sex is great but have you ever been in love?

twenty one pilots : Taxi Cab - I don't care who you are, this song encompasses that hollow feeling depression carves away. Listen to this song with rain droning in the background and I guarantee you will come back a different person. Enjoy this song for what it is.

With Confidence : Tails - Take off your shoes and dance under the cloudy skies to this jam. I love Jayden Seeley’s vocals on this track, it makes the lyrics that much more impactful. A great song that ends a great album, by the way.

Depeche Mode : Waiting for the Night - The strong bass paired with Dave Gahan’s iconic vocals is a soundtrack for a heavy downpour. This song is one I remember listening to as I watched the puddles catch the rain. It might just be me, but this song will always be a rainy day jam.

Oasis : Champagne Supernova - A song near and dear to my heart. The guitar is powerful, the vocals seem to flow with the rain and damn if that doesn’t take you away from the world I don’t know what will. A long song, about 7 minutes, but worth every second to watch the rain fall to the ground.

What are your favorite rainy day songs? Let me know! Thanks for reading and I’ll see you in the next one :)

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amourphousblob · 5 years

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my faves - January 2019

everyone but you - the young veins

they just re-released take a vacation, and as someone who really loves the young veins that makes me VERY EXCITED because they haven’t put out much in recent years and it'll be interesting to see if they have a comeback. as for this song, it was always a standout on the album for me. I don’t know what about it but oh my it made me emotional. it was so simple and something about the lyrics felt so dreamy and hopeless at the same time, like clinging onto the last bit of dreaminess to keep you sane because you miss someone so much.

she - dodie

unrequited lesbian crush ANTHEM, we stan dodie. this song has such a sweet, pure, and innocent tone that I think is so nice and fits so well with the subject matter. as a person who likes girls and used to identify as one this song is very near and dear to me, it really hits home.

Nancy drew - sløtface

I went through a major rock/punk phase a few years back, but I actually only recently found out about sløtface. they sound like if Paramore hadn't gone pop mixed with some of pierce the veil’s more melodic tracks and oh my goody goody goodness I'm obsessed. with this song in particular, its fairly chill for a pop punk until they hit that chorus, and the first time I heard this hook I automatically was hit by a mixture of “ HELL FUCKIN YEAH “ and hardcore nostalgia and this is just such a good song

góda tungl ( good moon ) - samaris

so this one is a bit of a change from the others. it’s Icelandic, and what I find really interesting about it is that it’s traditional Icelandic poetry from many years ago, just sung with a very minimalistic drone-ish beat ( kinda like eluvium or startle the heavens just faster and with words ??? ). it’s so unique and I just love it so much. just ,,,, go listen to all of the samaris self titled album its so worth 40 minutes of your time.

belly of the beat - grimes

I wasn’t 100% sold on this song at first but it’s quickly become one of my favorites. I love how weirdly dark it gets at “ every body dies we cut out their eyes and dace like angels do “ and how soulful she sounds at “ in the belly of the beat “ and it just overall has this amazing dreamy quality that puts me in a trance the whole time im listening

a pearl - Mitski

at the beginning of the song everything is so stripped and then she hits “ I fell in love with a WARRRR” and everything grows so much and turns into this big semi jazzy semi rock Mitski fiasco and honestly im living for it

sincerity is scary - the 1975

when this album first came out I died inside and it was all I listened to for a solid 2 weeks. this song is just ,,,, so rich and well done and the GODDAMN HIHATS I doubt many non music geek people would notice this but the hi-hats are flipping between two patterns and its damn near impossible to count. every time I hear the song im automatically sucked in the the 1975′s weird mix of pop, gospel, and Matty Healy’s weirdness

Work Song - Hozier

this song sounds so meaningful and rich, and as someone who lives in a constant state of existential crisis the fact it’s about dying in peace really strikes a chord. the video for this song is so beautiful and fits so well. this song really isnt high energy and there’s very little buildup to the chorus, but even so everything that is there feels so purposeful that it becomes even more powerful.

woman - Harry styles

this song was my favorite song ( until it was dethroned by my queen Maggie rogers ) and honestly I just love it so much. the opening piano gliss travels from one ear to another and then everything comes crashing down and then on top of that harry is just singin and having a grand ol time and then we get to the first verse and everything strips down and then the BASSLINE comes in and I die inside because I love it so much.

the knife - Maggie rogers

oh my god where do I start. the BASSLINE in the begging, Maggie really out here doing THAT. it so groovy and if you don’t at least bob your head when you hear that you’re a fucking robot and I dont trust you. whenever I hear this chorus its impossible for me to stand still, like its physically painful. it builds with the distorted voice bit and then the bass drops out for most of it and tis just Maggie with these incredibly intricate inner voices that manage to carry it and keep it full without a real bass and OH MY GOSH I just love this song so much.

#mitski #hozier #dodie #the young veins #slotface #the 1975 #grimes #smaris #harry styles #Maggie rogers #Zoe.txt

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sunsetinmyvein · 3 years

Text

The Radio Station - Chapter Two - I’m So Excited

21st of August, 2013

The email had come in from her boss about a week before the interview was scheduled – next Wednesday, Mathew Healy was going to be back on her show. A part of her felt kind of anxious about this fact. Since the last time they had met, the band had indeed taken off as she predicted. Their popularity was only snowballing and the man that she had the pleasure of knowing for a brief while was revelling in it (from what she had seen in other interviews, anyway). She tried to remind herself that he was very easy to get along with the last time, so this should be no different. And she had met some substantially larger names than The 1975 in her time at the station. So, her anxiety was therefore fairly unwarranted. Which begged the question about why she felt those nerves sitting at the pit of her stomach in the first place, just from knowing that he was coming back into the studio. However, there wasn’t any point in stewing over it, nor was there time to, because he was knocking lightly at her glass door before she knew it. His mohawk had grown out a bit since she’d last seen him eight months ago, but otherwise he looked largely the same. She had a feeling he was even wearing the same black jacket he’d been wearing before. Looking behind him, it would seem that he’d brought one of the guys with him that she had seen him with after their last interview. If she recalled correctly, he was their drummer.

“It was Matthew, yeah?” She asked, trying to play it cool as she ushered the two of them inside. She hoped that it wouldn’t be apparent too quickly that she had been watching The 1975's movements closely since they’d met. Though, if Matthew was as clued on this time as he was the last time they’d spoke, she likely wouldn’t be able to hide it for long.

“Yeah, but Matty’s better.” He grinned. There was a short pause as he stopped for a beat and maintained eye contact, before remembering that he had someone else to introduce. “And I don’t think you guys formally met last time, but this is George. I dragged him along, hope that’s okay.” He added as he gestured to the man standing behind him.

“Good seeing you again.” George nodded politely.

“You as well.” She replied. “Take a seat you guys, there’s still a couple of songs that have to play through before I introduce you.” She said as she gestured to the other side of the desk. Matty gladly took the usual guest spot as George dragged across the smaller chair from the corner of the room.

“How’ve you been?” Matty asked eagerly, shuffling around in his seat as he tried to get comfortable.

“Yeah, good. Pretty much the same as usual.” She chuckled as she took a sip of her coffee.

“I’m surprised that you’re still running the lunchtime shift and they’ve not bumped you up to some prime time, peak-hour traffic slot.” He said casually, earning an incredulous laugh from her. The morning and afternoon shifts were the most coveted positions at any radio station, let alone one as big as this. She was pretty happy that she’d managed to land a job that gave her hours during the day as opposed to a midnight shift.

“Ah, I think I’d need a bit more of an audience before that happened.” She replied.

“I dunno, from what I’ve heard you seem to have a decent following.” He said with a shrug.

It was quiet for a moment as she processed that. She was pretty certain she could hear the clock hanging above the door ticking quietly as her brain tried to catch up. “You listen to the show?” She asked eventually.

“Whenever I get a chance, yeah. Or just catch a few highlights here and there on social media.”

That truly caught her off guard. Matthew Healy was out there writing albums, playing shows, and listening to her radio show? Why? Surely, he had better things to do in his downtime? “Uh, so what about you guys?” She asked, clearing her throat and trying to change the topic before he took note of how flustered she was becoming at this knowledge. “How’s things?”

“Really good!” He grinned. “We had Glastonbury recently which was amazing, and have Reading and Leeds coming up this weekend, and-” He started rattling off, quickly stopped by George as he put a hand down on the singers’ shoulder.

“Don’t wanna give too much away before the interview starts, Matt.” He laughed softly.

“Well, no, but-“

“You have to save the stories or you’re just gonna end up repeating them.”

“I can tell different ones.”

“You’re gonna tell the same ones that you tell every time, I know you are. And you won’t wanna tell them in the interview because you already said them now.”

“You don’t know that.” Matty frowned, clearly keen to push the point.

They continued this back and forth for a while before she intervened, “Anyway,” She sensed she had to diffuse this argument before it progressed into teenage bickering. “let’s do an interview.”

The two of them instantly tuned out of their conversation and back into the matter at hand as she began flipping switches. She pulled her headset on as she gave them one last cursory glance to make sure that they were ready.

"Hope you’re all having a pleasant afternoon out there, folks.” She spoke into her microphone. “As per usual on our Wednesday shows, I do have some special guests here in the studio with me to have a chat.” She said, nodding across to Matty to introduce himself.

“Hey! It’s Matty from The 1975.” He said with an excited grin.

“And George.” His friend added, leaning across to be closer to the mic. “Great to be here.”

“So, it’s been about nine months since you were here-”

“Entirely too long, if you ask me.” Matty chimed in casually. She pressed on, trying to ignore the charm that seemed to radiate from just about everything this man said.

“-and all of the EPs are out now, correct?” She continued.

“Yep.”

“Your album comes out in just under two weeks?”

“That sounds about right.”

She glanced down at the notepad in front of her, but she was pretty sure that over the last week she had memorised these questions front to back. “Are you excited for the album to finally be out? You were saying last time that it was practically already written back when you started the EP concepts.”

“We're definitely excited to finally hear people's reactions after how much traction we've gained from the EPs.” George began.

“It's been sitting in our heads for so long, it was almost hard to postpone it, but we wanted it to be perfect.” Matty threw in. “We didn't really expect to have such a positive reaction so soon, so it'll be interesting to see what people do with the main event.” Matty answered with a daydreamy look flashing in his eyes for a moment.

“I’ve really been enjoying the EPs.” She added, which instantly caught Matty's attention.

“Have you?” He asked instantly.

“Yeah, they've had a fair few spins through my playlists.” She laughed, suddenly making him grin ear to ear.

“You mentioned the positive reaction, Matty. With how fast you guys have taken off, I've heard a lot of people out there referring to The 1975 as an overnight success.” She prompted. “But you guys have been working on this since you were teenagers.”

He let out a sigh. “There is so much stuff about us being an overnight success…” He pulled a hand through his hair as he looked over at George. “It’s been ten years, actually.” He chuckled.

“Was the ten years worth it when you got the call to open for the Stones?”

“Yeah. Yeah!” He almost shouted, now letting out a full laugh. “it’s stuff like that, that really makes you appreciate it.”

George nodded along with him. “I think this whole year’s been worth it. Not just the Stones show, we’ve had a lot of great festivals and great sold out shows. It’s been strange. Surreal telling people about those events.” He elaborated.

“We didn’t mean for any of this to happen, really. So, it was a bit daunting initially.”

“You guys are still on tour?” She asked, moving along to the next topic.

“Yeah, have been since we last spoke.” Matty said with a nod. “Not really getting off tour until...” He seemed to be counting in his head. “December next year.”

“Next year?” She asked in surprise. “That's quite a long tour.”

“We are just… constantly on the move now.” He shrugged.

“That's for sure. It’s been a big year for The 1975. You guys had Glastonbury in June.”

“Yeah! That was amazing. It was incredible to play at a festival that we all grew up going to.”

“And have Reading and Leeds coming up this weekend with some big names.” She reminded him.

“Crazy…” He agreed. “We haven’t really been in the country for a lot of it. When Chocolate went so mental, we’ve been in America and Europe and just touring. We’ve just seen each other every day, it’s not really been that different for us. But the shows are getting bigger, people are really investing in the band, so it’s an amazing time.”

“You guys also did South by South West, which was eleven shows in five days.”

“That was mental.” George scoffed.

“Yeah! We were quite surprised to see how many people came to all of those shows. Chris Martin said the most perfect thing ever - of all people - if you throw a party and like 50 people come up, so imagine doing that for twice, three times the amount of that, every night, in cities you’ve never even really heard of. We turned up in Milwaukee and 350 people came to the show. We had a sold-out show in new York.” He rattled off, seeming slightly bewildered at the memory.

“That's pretty crazy to be making such big waves in a different country like that.” She concurred.

“I think it’s a testament to the internet, really. How far we’ve come from Manchester all the way across the world.” The drummer offered.

Matty instantly took that thought and ran with it, “God, I could talk about it for ages. It’s strange to go somewhere – when you go to places, and you realise you have a following there… your identity, your sense of self, almost feels slightly diluted? Because you’re in somewhere so unfamiliar, but witnessing the most familiar parts of your life. Your material, your art. It’s weird, man.” He said, shaking his head slightly.

“Does it intimidate you guys at all?” She questioned.

“No.” He instantly answered. “It’s amazing, a very humbling experience. It’s just very odd, the power of the internet? It’s kind of unsettling, but not intimidating. Kind of feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself a little bit.”

“How so?” She urged him to continue.

“Well... that’s when you’re at your most honest, isn’t it? When nobody knows who your band is. Now people know who we are. I’m the protagonist in every song I write. Which means every time I put stuff out there, it's putting out a part of me. Every conversation in a song is me and a normally female counterpart.” He tried his best to explain. “But that’s a subconscious thing.” He added as an afterthought.

“So it's like you're a little too transparent putting that much of yourself out there to such a large group of people?”

“Well, yeah. Your identity becomes kind of vaguely diluted because it’s not as embedded in what you’re familiar with anymore. Your identity kind of extends to places that you don’t really understand. It’s quite an unsettling thing for me.” Matty looked like he was struggling to find the right adjectives to describe the feeling. “It’s interesting. It’s cool.” He eventually settled on.

“Does that sort of feeling ever bother you when you're on stage?” She asked.

“Not at all. Performing is one of the only times I feel satisfied.” He laughed. “I just love it. It’s like putting on a party every night.”

“Would you guys ever do another big supporting tour like The Stones?”

“Probably not right now.” George supplied, before Matty spoke over him.

“There’s been a genuine investment from our fans. Every show we put out sells out really quickly now. We’ve not been able to meet the demands of the amount of people who want to see our band. As much as going off and playing with popstars in arenas would be fun, I think that would be an indulgent decision. It wouldn’t be for the right reasons. We need to play our own shows… we’ll have the opportunity for all that later.” He answered decisively. George seemed happy with this. “I don’t want us to get too big too quickly, you know? A lot of people feel like we’re their band. 'You’re my kinda band.' That’s how I always used to fall in love with bands. I don’t wanna lose that. I want that to remain, because it really is important to me that every single person gets the band.” It wasn't hard to believe that Matty meant what he was saying with the amount of conviction in his voice as he spoke into the mic in front of him.

“We have quite a strict door policy on our band. We don’t want idiots gettin’ in.” George threw in to try and lighten the mood.

“Back to Reading and Leeds, then. You're playing with the likes of Fall Out Boy and Green Day. Those are some massive names that'll be bringing in big crowds.” She started her line of questioning, waiting for them to respond before she continued.

“Yeah... We haven’t played to that many people.” Matty wiped his hands down his face as he took in a deep breath. “But it’s a real validation of all you’re doing. It’s not something we’ve ever craved, but it’s something we’ve really, really embraced and something that pushes us forward as creative people. It's cemented our identity as a band.” He replied.

“Are you nervous?” She asked with a smile.

He chuckled slightly, “Yeah, a little bit, but not really. What’ve we got to be nervous of? If people are there, they’ve already made that investment in us. We’ve just gotta show up and provide what we are.” George nodded. “And we can do that, so let’s just do it, d’you know what I mean?”

“All right, we're gonna play a couple of songs and then we'll be back with some questions you guys sent in earlier in the week.” She spoke into her microphone before cutting away.

“Fan questions?” George asked in curiosity as he took his headset off.

“Yeah. The station told people to text stuff in through the week and I've picked a few to ask.” She said with a nod as she took a swig from her cup of coffee.

“Hopefully you picked good ones.” Matty said with an eyebrow raised.

“You'll just have to see.” She shot back, earning a grin from him.

“You do brilliant interviews. I can't imagine you'd give us shitty questions.” He added. She tried her best to make sure he wouldn't see the slight blush on her cheeks at the compliment.

“You know, you should come out to a show sometime.” He segued. She was all too happy for an out from that conversation before it progressed.

“You guys hardly ever play here.” She pointed out.

“Come see us at Reading.”

“I hardly think you guys are high enough up on the bill to be offering to get me into a major festival for free.” She tried to sound accusatory, but couldn’t stop herself from cracking a small smile.

“Ask the station to get you in.” He suggested. She noticed that he seemed… rather eager about this idea.

She sighed deeply as she mulled this over. It would be nice to see them play live. It would be nice to see Matty again. Seeing him at a show counted as work, right? She could use that as a loophole in her own rules. “I’ll see what I can do.” Matty’s eyes practically lit up at her words.

“Okay, we're back with Matty and George of The 1975, here to answer some questions sent in by you lovely listeners.” She started, flipping over her notebook to the scribbled fan questions. “First up we have Louise who wanted to know, what's your highlight been so far?” The two men sitting across from her both let out a groan.

“So much has happened...” George mumbled.

“The whole thing has just become a bit of a blur, to be honest with you.” Matty answered. “It’s just loads of surreal situations strung together by doing interviews. I’d like to be in that place of having that much foresight – that much retrospect and hindsight. Everything’s happened so quick… I don’t know how I’m gonna feel about it. I can’t imagine things can continue being this intense in another year.” He paused for a moment, before pulling himself back on track. “Having a genuine connection with people who I never would’ve thought had even heard of our band every night, just that kind of…extended feeling… is the highlight of every night.”

“That's quite a nice sentiment.” She nodded.

“When we were a lot smaller in the UK, like January, a couple came up to me after a gig in London. And said that they’d fallen in love with each other through our EP – the Sex EP. They’d started speaking about it when they were out with a group of friends. They’d met and said ‘you know this band The 1975’ and they fell in love with that record and now they’re getting engaged.” He looked absolutely astounded by this, looking across to her to make sure she understood how crazy that was. “And I love that. It nearly made me cry. Because that’s it. That’s all we wanna do. For our music to affect people emotionally. If you have an artistic expression that does that… there’s nothing more beautiful, really. And if that’s your job, how can you get any better than that?” He finished with a shrug.

“Next we have Sam who's asked could you guys imagine doing something else instead of being in the band?” She questioned, crossing it off her list.

“We can’t do anything else.” George said with a laugh, instantly making his friend do the same.

“The band is the only expression we have. That’s bought from being complacent on working for anything else, and being totally, totally narrow minded and blind. We’ve never thought of the idea of this not happening.” Matty said.

“David has asked, how do you keep going?”

“Alcohol.” Matty instantly laughed. “Not really.” He quickly corrected. “It’s been the only thing we do, y’know? It’s not like we were in a band and had other interests. As soon as we became consumed by this band, we just stuck together as individuals. I think also because our social group has always orientated around us as a four, there’s never been any reason for us to not make music. It’s almost as if someone said ‘yeah, all right’ and then we got embraced by lots of different people and institutions.” He explained.

“Have there been any bad times?” She asked. “That was from Anna.”

“Not really?” George frowned. “I suppose when we were being wined and dined by the labels and then everything kind of fell apart? But it ended for the better, because we then signed a great deal on an indie that allowed us to have total creative control. Retrospectively we wouldn’t have had it any other way.” He answered.

“But it wasn’t that bad!” Matty chimed in. “Getting’ flirted, y’know. We were really young when all these labels were going for us. We were always quite fortunate as a band to have a lot of foresight.”

“Right, on that note, Jessica has asked how hard is it to stay true to your original ideas when speaking to labels?”

“You get really excited for the first few encounters, then you quickly learn to tame yourself and not get excited until you’re physically doing what has been said that they’ll do for you. You’ve gotta keep your head.” George answered.

“We just prided ourselves on our conviction. The only reason we wanted to do was this because it was on our terms.”

“Okay, Brian has asked if you guys ever fall out?”

“No.” Both of them instantly answered.

“We Just avoid that stuff and let other people deal with it. It’s too much of a personal endeavour to let the small stuff get to you. It’s not like we’re four boys who started a band because we wanted to be in a band, we’re four mates who ended up in a band by accident. So, pfft, whatever.” The singer scoffed.

“We’ve not focused on the financial stuff or anything like that. The only thing we have maintained is to have the final say and total creative control, and we all agree on that so there's not been any arguments to have.” George said.

“Last serious one and then we have some quick fire stuff.” She said as she scribbled out the last question. “Brendan wanted to know what your biggest accomplishment is so far?”

“Just making the record.” Matty said with a shrug. “I don’t really care how that record’s perceived or embraced, because it’s such an honest record - it’s such an honest depiction of who we are and where we’re from. It’s so uncompromised. The fact that a band like us managed to make a record like that without compromising at all… I’m just proud of that as an idea.”

“Okay, some short and sweet ones to end out the interview.” George and Matty sat up a little straighter in their seats. “Who's the best behaved?” She asked.

“George is tidy, I guess?” Matty seemed hesitant as he glanced at his mate. “He’s quite well behaved but we’re all quite well behaved because we’ve been in a band for a long time. This a very… kind of pursuit for music for us. A lot of our partying doesn’t actually happen when we’re on tour. We try and be as good as possible. All of us have our moments? We’re in a rock band, y’know what I mean?” He chuckled, running a hand through his mohawk.

“These are meant to be quick, Matty.” She reminded him with a smile. “If you could pick one person dead or alive to be stuck on an island with, who would it be?”

“Musically? Michael Jackson – just to go through musical ideas. But I think he’d get on my nerves after a couple of days.”

“Yeah, same.” George agreed.

“Can you moonwalk?”

“Yes. Very well.”

“Which celebrity do you think would have the best banter at a party?”

“Anyone from Geordie Shore.”

“If you could swap wardrobes with anyone, who would you want it to be?”

“ASAP rocky. For sure.”

“Write us a poem.”

“That's not quick fire!” He scoffed with a laugh. “And that's not a question!” He added, now properly laughing. “In an interview, the idea is to ask questions that I can answer. You’re giving me all of the work.”

“Ahh, I thought you'd be able to churn out something instinctual like those people who spill the truth after a bunch of quick questions.” She grinned.

“Well, that's all we have time for.” She sighed, leaning back a bit in her chair. “Thank you guys for coming in to the studio to have a chat.”

“It's no problem.” George smiled sweetly.

“We'll be here any time you want us on.” Matty replied.

“That was Matty and George from The 1975, and a track from them is coming up next.” She finished up as she set Chocolate up to play next. The two boys started getting up from their seats, grabbing their stuff and straightening out their jackets. As they were about to leave, she heard Matty tell George to go on ahead and he'd catch up. She spun in her chair to face him as he walked back over to her.

“I was serious , by the way.” Matty said, leaning back against the desk. “Any time you want us on the show, or if you wanna come out to see us play, just let me know.” He said as he held out a piece of paper. She took it from him, realising it had his number scrawled on it.

“Is this meant to be a subtle way of giving me your number?” She frowned up at him, but he definitely caught on to the excitement she was trying her best to hide.

“It can be whatever you want it to be.” He shrugged with a smirk as he followed after his friend.

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @dot-writes @tooshhhy @robinrunsfiction @approved-by-dentists

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Pixey has released her new EP Free To Love in Colour as well as the video for stand out track 'The Mersey Line'. Speaking about the EP, she says: “I wanted a collection of tracks which gave a quick snapshot into me and my brain – where I’m from, where I want to be and what I’m thinking about. I hope people can take something meaningful from it or simply have a dance.” Of the new video for ‘The Mersey Line’, she adds: “‘The Mersey Line’ video was shot in one day at all my favourite haunts around the city. The song itself is about the walkway line along the River Mersey, so we retraced the steps I used to take as a kid and also when I was starting out as a musician. I would write lyrics to my songs along the same path. I wanted something that sums me up wholly as a person, and I’d say the video does just that.” [via Dork]

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After turning a short TikTok video shot in her car into an empowering body acceptance anthem with over 70 million streams, Vancouver-based pop singer and songwriter JESSIA shares the music video for her breakthrough anthem 'I’m not Pretty' via Artist Driven Records/Republic Records. Watch the video directed by Benjamin Lussier. In the visual, JESSIA steps through the looking glass to confront her insecurities in a playful and tongue-in-cheek kind of way and falls down a rabbit hole into an imaginary yet cinematic eye-popping peach filled wonderland inspired by Roald Dahl’s ‘James and The Giant Peach’. The video illuminates the rising artist’s fun and quirky persona, which is as infectious as the song itself. On shooting the video for 'I’m not Pretty' JESSIA says, “Filming the music video was such a surreal experience. I kept looking around set and asking myself, ‘are all of these people here for me and my song? What? Am I really here right now? What a time. It was such a party on set! SUCH A BLAST!”

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Feminism often focuses on the pressures placed on women in society, but men face their own set of pressures as well, and these are very much connected to the oppression women face. Would we have such high rates of domestic abuse if men weren’t taught to express themselves through violence? Would the sexual assault epidemic be what it is if straight men were not taught to view women as conquests? And if men could be free from these constraints, how would the world look different? Stockholm-based pop artist Elin Blom, known by her stage name FELIN, explores questions like these in her latest single 'Dear Boys,' an open letter to men who commit violence and mistreat women. “Dear guys/did your parents treat you right?/or did they teach you not to cry?” she sings against deceptively upbeat drums and bass. The song is intentionally poppy with an edge and roughness to it. Written at an all female writing camp in Stockholm, it utilizes an all-female writing and production team. With the single, Blom wanted to send her listeners the message that “it isn’t manly to be an asshole and not care about how you treat your children or care about how you treat women,” she says. “It isn’t manly to crack sexist jokes; that’s just rude behavior. It’s way more manly and brave to wear a dress no matter what your friends think, or to speak up against abuse or abusive and sexist language.” In the video she looks at the more positive side of the equation, celebrating people who don’t confirm to their gender roles with shots of actors exhibiting a variety of gender expressions and styles. In the beginning, she speaks out loud: “My heroes are those who dare to express who they are, fully, with no holding back. This is about those heroes; this is their moment. It was important for us to find a mix of men in different ages, with different sexualities and backgrounds, to show that it’s okay to wear [whatever] and be whoever you want no matter what you do for work, where you come from, or where you live,” she tells Audiofemme. [via Audiofemme]

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For a record about the tedium of teenage life in the suburbs, 'Wasteland' is quite the grandiose introduction. The first single released ahead of Alex McArtor’s Welcome to the Wasteland EP introduces the project as both an opus of both catchy electropop and swelling orchestral compositions, all cowering behind the bold, slightly country-twanged voice of the young vocalist. The single arrives today alongside a darkly bizarre visual co-directed by (with Dwyer O’Brien and Ava McArtor) and co-starring (with O’Brien, Ava, and Campbell Barton) the vocalist, with McArtor name-dropping David Lynch as an influence. “‘Wasteland’ is the opening scene of this sonic film I had in my mind that turned into the Welcome to the Wasteland EP,” she shares. “It sets up the characters that are present throughout the rest of the EP and the environment in which they live, both spiritually and physically. ‘Wasteland’ represents a person, a place, or a feeling of recognizing a dead end. It’s like being stuck inside this geodesic dome and feeling controlled or watched by Big Brother and yet knowing that there is something else going on somewhere else.” [via FLOOD]

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Back in January, Quilt frontwoman Anna Fox Rochinski announced her solo debut Cherry. The latest cut from Cherry is called 'Everybody’s Down.' Here’s what Rochinski had to say about it: “'Everybody’s Down' is a song that’s meant to be a little abstract but is generally about feeling run down and bewildered by rampant complicity during catastrophic times. EVERYBODY’S down, including you and me. And yes, also, “down” like bummed, if that speaks to you. And yes, also “down” as in, just casually down to do something, like, down to go grab food with your homies or whatever. It’s a triple entendre. We all feel all of these things every day. It’s a lot. Literally all I can do anymore to stay sane is have a sense of humor and laugh at stuff. I am so much less randomly sentimental than I used to be, but I think it’s because I have learned what really deserves my love and attention. There was a primordial version of this song that I brought in to (album producers) Carlos and Julian, but in the studio, we would visit it at the end of the night after all our serious work was done and throw stuff at the wall to see what would stick. It was like a way to release tension, and we didn’t take it very seriously. We made this minimal, weird, scuzzy instrumental with bass, guitar, synth and programmed drums, and I then took this raw creation home and worked out the structure and the melody and lyrics. In the end, I fell in love with this song, much to my surprise." Musically, 'Everybody’s Down' continues Rochinski’s exploration into a plastic disco-funk like its predecessors. It’s accompanied by a video directed by OTIUM. [via Stereogum]

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Molly Lewis is a world-renowned whistler from Australia. In recent years she has been based in Los Angeles, where her Café Molly events have supposedly attracted the likes of Karen O and Mac DeMarco. Now the esteemed indie label Jagjaguwar announced that it has signed Lewis. Her first single for Jagjaguwar, 'Oceanic Feeling,' is out now. It’s a peculiar song with an even more peculiar video. 'Oceanic Feeling' is a wordless ballad that, between its high lonesome gallop and Lewis’ whistled melody, seems like it could be shoehorned into an old Spaghetti Western. But there are also elements of lounge jazz and exotica in the mix, particularly when Leon Michels’ saxophone enters halfway through. In the video, Lewis dresses like a medieval maiden(?) and music-adjacent Hollywood star and Café Molly regular John C. Reilly mimes the sax part while wearing an outfit that recalls the Burger King. I am not sure if any of this could be described as “good,” exactly, but it’s definitely unique! [via Stereogum]

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Mannequin Pussy have announced a new EP, Perfect, their first new material since 2019’s excellent Patience. Last week, the Philadelphia-based band announced that founding guitarist Thanasi Paul had left the band, which means that Mannequin Pussy are forging ahead as a three-piece. Last year, they got together to record five new songs with producer Will Yip, who also produced Patience, that were influenced by our past year of collective isolation. 'Control' is the first song they’re sharing from the EP, and it starts off slow and methodic, as bandleader Marisa Dabice insists: “I’m in control/ That’s what I tell myself/ When all the walls around me close in.” Mannequin Pussy’s songs have often been about trying to enforce some control over uncontrollable emotions and exploding when that’s just not possible, and sure enough 'Control' bursts apart in its second half, a dizzying but still pretty escalation of guitars and noise. [via Stereogum]

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Bloxx have dropped a brand new single, ‘Everything I’ve Ever Learned’. The track is the first new material from the band since last year’s debut album Lie Out Loud, and is produced by Rich Turvey (Blossoms, Oscar Lang). Speaking about ‘Everything I’ve Ever Learned’, Fee Booth explains: “The last two years for me have been very difficult, with health scares and anxiety hitting the roof. This song was really important in my journey to stop trying to understand everything, and to just accept the cards you’re dealt and make it work for you. It taught me to keep holding on, even when your grip is loose. The depth of what it means to me as a person is so crazy for just a four minute piece of music. It faces the trials of life, and everything that you wish you’d have been taught before having to face it all brutally, in the real world. It’s basically a self help song, it’s for everyone that needs to hear it. “You should learn to hold on, it’s not the end of the world” [via Dork]

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Before the pandemic hit, beabadoobee was set to tour with Phoebe Bridgers and Dirty Hit labelmates The 1975. While that trek obviously never got on the road, the UK-based songwriter still managed to link up with 1975’s Matty Healy and George Daniel to collaborate on the follow-up to her excellent debut album, Fake It Flowers. beabadoobee is now previewing that effort, cleverly titled Our Extended Play EP, with the new single 'Last Day on Earth'. Fans have long known of the mutual appreciation between bea and Healy, and the pair have been teasing their collaboration for some time. The new single is rather clearly the result of beabadoobee’s sound meeting The 1975’s. That distinct ’90s indie melody that made Fake It Flowers one of 2020’s best albums carries through here, only now the vocal cadences recall some of Healy’s more measured moments. The result is a dreamier, more lighthearted beabadoobee, further closing the gap between the nostalgic styles that originally inspired her and modern indie music. Unsurprisingly, it remains as infectious as anything either artist involved in its creation has ever done. “With this EP, it’s kind of alluding to the fact that I kind of want to, you know, have a sound that sounds like beabadoobee rather than someone saying it reminds them of something else,” beabadoobee tells Consequence. “I don’t think it’s a whole new era just yet… I still have blonde hair, the same blonde I had for Fake It Flowers, and every EP I have is almost like who I am right now — right this second. That’s everything I write about in this EP. I haven’t really changed my look and I always base eras on my look, like, ‘Oh, what color am I going to dye my hair this time?’ But I’m pretty comfortable right now. I’m pretty chill.” 'Last Day on Earth' comes with a video directed by Arnaud Bresson of Division Paris. The clip finds beabadobee exploring all the things she would have done if she’d known normalcy would be stripped from us a week in advance. [via Consequence of Sound]

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Inspired by Nestlé TV adverts, K-Pop music videos and the Oscar-nominated 70s film Five Easy Pieces, Irish pop icon CMAT has shared a new video to accompany her fourth single ‘I Don’t Really Care For You’. Adorned in a fabulous snake-skin blazer and skirt combo, the pop starlet performs an impressive and joyful dance routine opposite a mute bearded beauty who’s Instagram followers are set to double in the next few hours. “The director Eilís approached me some time ago to make a music video, and I really wanted it to be for ‘I Don’t Really Care For You’ because I knew she would be able to capture the high energy mood of the song, and also we are into the same old, niche and ugly design stuff,” CMAT explains. “The dream sequence was inspired by a Nestle ad from the 1980s. The choreographer, Nick, made my dreams come true. I was like, ‘I want to dance like Blackpink, but I have absolutely no technical ability whatsoever.’ I think that much is evident in the video but we pulled it off!” Full of CMAT’s lush, yearning vocals, relatable lyrics and Americana-tinged guitars, ‘I Don’t Really Care For You’ is a song that sees her swallow her pride and admit to sometimes being “the bigger dickhead in a relationship.” The witty set of accompanying visuals show CMAT at her finest, exuding a charisma that lights up the screen as she leans into “the Marian Keyes of it all.” [via Get In Her Ears]

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Nordic pop sensation Anna Of The North has shared her new single 'Here's To Another'. The songwriter swoops back into action, crafting a follow up to her Internationally successful 2019 album Dream Girl. A new album will follow later this year, with 'Here's To Another' finding its way online. An all-out Scandi pop banger from one of the best in the game, the single is a finely sculpted slice of electronic melody. 'Here's To Another' twists and contorts, before its final head-long release results in a glorious chorus. [via Clash]

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American songwriter Natalie Bergman has shared new song 'Home At Last'. The new single dips into her country and Americana roots, while adding some soothing gospel elements. There's some sumptuous harmonies sitting around her voice, a soft pillow for Natalie Bergman to relax into. The beautiful video is online now, shot in an abandoned chapel, one that brings out new meaning to her lyrics: “Answer my prayer, when a great man falls and the skies collapse, where’s the joy in this world, is he home at last?” Natalie explains... “I have always written songs about ‘home.’ A place that is not on this earth. It brings me a great deal of comfort knowing that place is waiting for me - especially when life can be so alienating and lonely... In the video for ‘Home At Last’ I found a small chapel in Los Angeles and the moment I saw the stained-glass... I felt like it belonged to me. One of the best things about making music is sharing it with the people you love. Playing it with your friends and family. I invited my favorite artists to be a part of this performance and I asked them to think about what heaven might look like to them.” [via Clash]

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UK band Crawlers may only have three other singles but they’re definitely not your standard alternative indie underdog. The group of four secured air time on BBC radio and were featured in two Spotify editorial pages. Their new single 'Statues' came out on the nineteenth. It only proves this bands remarkable character. The vocals corrosively discharge acerbic phrases, “You make me so calm, let the statues fall”. Holly Minto invites you to participate in tormented ambiance. The guitar slays the entire track, no thanks to Amy Woodall, jolting the listener out of an ignorant slumber. The guitar makes for a perfect incumbent of the perforating bass put down by Liv Kettle. Now the drumline is a total antithesis, very classic rock/n/roll. Harry Breen takes on the persona of a grounding buddha by producing a converse rhythm. It’s like he is having this eloquent conversation with the rest of the instrumentals. [via Sounds Good]

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Nashville-based songwriter Madi Diaz releases her new single/video, 'New Person, Old Place.' Madi recently marked a full restart of her career with the evocative 'Man In Me,' a first offering showing how she’s capable of distilling profound feelings with ease. While 'Man In Me' took Madi through her first steps of a really hard time, 'New Person, Old Place' presents her further down the road, after processing the pain and loss of a breakup. She uses specific diction to describe feelings that are typically hard to verbalize: “I used to stay up on the off chance that you might call me back / I used to go shopping for pain go through pictures it’s all I had / I’d sift through our memories and live there even when I wasn’t sad / I used to, I used to, but now I don’t that.” Madi elaborates: “This was a moment I realized I wanted to start to learn how to do it not better, not worse, but just different… and then something shifted. Something in my heart finally knocked loose and I was breathing deeper. It’s hard as hell, breaking patterns and unlearning all the old shit, trying to shut all the doors that I used to open to let all the same hurt happen over and over. I’m at least learning to find new doors. ‘New Person Old Place’ is a mantra. A line that I’m casting into the future so that I have something to guide me forward. It’s something of a reminder that if my heart is the house that I carry with me wherever I go, I can take it somewhere new, or I can do the same old thing I always do but backwards or with a cartwheel, and I can repaint and I can rearrange the furniture. I can clean the mirrors so I see myself true and clear.” The 'New Person, Old Place' video was directed by $ECK and shot in Madi’s pickup truck throughout Nashville. The video follows Madi on a journey to the salvage yard, driving different versions of herself there to face her history.

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Following the release of her viral rock cover of Miley Cyrus's 'Midnight Sky', which garnered over 341.5K views, Izzy T is unveiling her explosive new single 'Nuclear.' Featuring UK rap artist Ben Hunter, the almighty alt-rock-pop fireball of energy combines electric, raucous sass in a mix of fearsome beats and muffled, gritty guitar. Screaming enough is enough, the mantra of this song sits on a tidal wave of frustration, narrating the darkside of a relationship and how people can become the furthest thing from who they really are. Izzy shares, “This song has really paved the way for my new sound as an artist. I love big crunchy guitars and stompy beats, and the freedom to go from low and creepy, to high as the clouds with my voice!” With an underlying theme of empowerment in dark times, Izzy provides a voice that we can cling on to, emphasizing that we can do whatever we put our minds to.

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