#even the Paz stuff aside a lot of it was just too stupid even for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sulphuryasecretcloset · 2 years

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Paz’ protectors

A long-ass look at moments in time with Dez Vizla, doing his best and messing up, and Raga becoming friends with Paz Vizla, while trying to understand his grumpy father...

- - -

Sioben and Shezmu have been fighting all day and her parents are taking turns shouting at Sai Soker for being every bit as stupid as her other two brothers so Raga decides to go some place else. She walks out the door and doesn't look back.

There aren't too many places for Raga to go, the Covert isn't that big, even fewer places where she'd be welcome, so she decides to go and visit her new friend. (Her only friend.)

Visors turn and follow her as young Raga marches towards the door and voices fall silent when she reaches up and thumps her fist against it.

Moments pass and nothing happens, so Raga thumps her fist on it again. Harder.

She's reaching up to thump the door a third time when it slides open and she finds herself staring up at a towering blue shape looking silently down at her with an expressionless t-visor.

Raga glares up at him. “I want to see Paz.”

Her statement is followed by more silence. Then Dez Vizla speaks with a deep grown-up voice.

“You're Sobek and Furyan's kid.”

Duh. Raga knows who she is. “I want to see Paz.”

Dez Vizla stares at her for a little while longer and Raga tries to keep her glare locked with his visor. He's big and his armor is mean-looking with lots of dents and scars, she's heard countless stories from her parents about him being a tough fighter, but she's there to see Paz and Dez is in her way.

Finally Dez lets out a soft huff, almost like he's amused, and he steps aside, gesturing for her to enter. “He's in his room. On the right.”

Nodding her appreciation of him understanding her mission, Raga steps inside and heads for Paz' room. She vaguely notes Dez saying something behind her, but quickly realizes he'd just responded to someone reaching out to him over the comm link in his helmet and discards it as uninteresting as she as more important stuff to focus on; Paz' face when she thumps her fist on the door and enters his room. (Imagine having a room of your own!)

Paz is lying on a sturdy looking bed, reading, and he looks quite startled at the sight of her. It's a stark contrast to the unshakable confidence he usually wears.

“Hi!” Raga grins. “I was bored so I came to visit.” He'd said they were friends, right?

Paz stares for a while longer until his brain seems to function again and his face brightens like someone given a gift for the very first time. “Raga. Hi. Yeah. Come on in.”

He looks so surprised it makes Raga wonder just how many other kids visit him. No one ever visits her at her home. Raga walks over and plops down to sit on his bed. “What are you reading?”

Sitting up, Paz scoots over to her and wastes no time in pointing and eagerly explaining the files with Mandalorian history he's reading. His enthusiasm is contagious and Raga, who usually finds it hard to concentrate on stuff that doesn't involve physical activity, can't help but to get drawn in. He has a way of telling things that makes her want to hear more and especially about the Vizlas. Being a Saxon sucks, her clan is chaotic and boring and has done nothing of importance. She wishes she was a Vizla.

This means it's totally Paz' fault that several hours crawl by without either of them noticing and it's way over dinner-time when Raga realizes and has to run back home.

Her sprint is pointless, though. None of her parents or any of her siblings seems to have noticed she was missing. It's bittersweet luck that Raga is soon too busy fighting Sioben over food to ponder why none of them noticing had caused such a hollow feeling in her chest.

She goes back to visit Paz the very next day. And the next. And the next... and continues to come back.

Life in the Vizla quarters is quite different from what Raga is used to. It's so quiet. There is always food, water, even snacks, while at the same time there is no fighting, stealing or breaking of stuff.

Usually Dez is gone for most of the day, leaving her and Paz to either train or terrorize the other kids, but he's always around for meal times and that is something Raga wishes her own family could manage. Yeah, sure, she knows how to feed herself and guard her meal from her siblings, but it is kind of nice to eat without having to wolf it down and keep her elbows up in case she needs to slam them into a brother straying too close.

Raga rarely brings Paz to the Saxon quarters. While her parents and brothers all swoon over him, she likes it better when she doesn't have to share his attention with them. He is her friend, after all.

“Your family is awesome.” Paz grins after an unavoidable visit to her place and they are walking towards the Vizla quarters.

Raga shrugs, then glances over at him. “Your dad seems pretty awesome too.”

The smile disappears from Paz' face and he abruptly looks more sad than anything else. He stares at the ground as they walk. “He's always so angry.”

“So?” Raga asks, a little confused. Her parents are always angry too. All the time.

“Nothing I do is ever good enough.” Paz mumbles.

Again, Raga is confused. Her parents never praise her either. No grown up ever does. Why would Dez Vizla be any different? Yet, despite her failure to understand, Paz is her friend and if he needs someone to praise his achievements, Raga will happily take on the responsibility. “Well, I think you're awesome.”

Paz looks over at her again and his grin returns. Confident and smug once more, he looks like himself again. Good. “Want to go and hassle Inslo?”

Raga cackles. They haven't bothered Inslo for over a week. His bruises must have healed by now. “Let's go!”

Life used to only be about fighting, but having a friend means Raga actually has someone to talk to in between the fighting and that is really... nice.

So what if her parents don't care what she's doing as long as she isn't hurt? So what if Dez keeps pushing Paz to do better even when he's the very best? Who cares about parents? They have each other now. They don't need anyone else.

Which means that when Paz starts training with Davarax, Raga is not happy. That man is... different and she doesn't like how Paz worships him. However, after Paz manages to persuade Davarax into letting her train with them, she decides over time that she doesn't exactly 'hate' Davarax after all. (Maybe just a little bit when she has a bad day and he hugs her for the first time and that makes her cry without her understanding why. Him stroking her hair while she cries only makes her bawl even louder. So embarrassing.)

Yeah, turns out that Davarax is pretty cool. He jokes with them, he believes in them, he's not angry like the other grown-ups, and he never once accuses her of lying or tells her he doesn't have time if she needs to talk to him. Davarax even teaches her it is okay to use her head instead of her fists at times; to think instead of screaming. It's not easy, she fails most of the time, but Davarax doesn't lose patience and never gives up on her. He is very different from the other adults.

And maybe that's why her mother and father aren't huge fans of him? Her parents respect Davarax, but they don't admire him like they do old man Vizla. Same with her brothers. At least they don't hate Davarax, which she's pretty sure Paz' father does. It is really confusing because everyone else in the Covert likes Davarax. He is really popular with everyone but old man Vizla! So why is Davarax always alone...?

Adults are weird.

Raga can't wait until she's all grown up. At least life is a lot easier when you're an adult!

Months later...

The day begins when Dez is yanked out of sleep one hour ahead of his schedule due to yet another fight breaking out between Sungodt and Uto. His HUD starts blinking with so many calls from them and their clan members that it looks like the control panel of a starship about to crash.

Mediating between the different families requires a mix of smoothing ruffled feathers and dark threats of worse things. It takes ages before they fall in line and Dez can actually start his day.

Paz is a horror to get out of bed, as usual. Dez does not have time or patience to deal with his sullen mood today as it is only a matter of time before his HUD starts blinking again. He clenches his jaw hard to keep from snapping at the boy when he complains about the breakfast not being to his liking, firmly reminding himself that his son has no idea about the food shortage threatening the Covert and how they can't afford to be picky right now. He's a kid, he shouldn't worry.

Dez orders him to eat and Paz scowls and obeys.

Half a caff later, Dez is called up and informed that there is now also a possible water crisis after over half of their reserves tested positive for some weird sounding bacteria, which, if ingested, would have left them all sick and dying. Great. Perfect. Just what they needed.

Panic is soon threatening to spread throughout the Covert and Dez stalks out to make sure everyone sees that everything is under control. It's not, but they don't need to know that. Panic never helps.

Once he has calmed things down, Dez and Sungodt inform their leader about the situation.

She insists on them waiting for Davarax' return and have him arrange for more water. She coldly reminds them of the rule of only one being allowed above and the risk of discovery. Dez coldly reminds her that if Davarax is delayed, they will run out of water, and why risk it when he and his clan are perfectly capable of handling this?

Dez has just been put firmly, and publicly, in his place by their ruthless and uncompromisable leader when his HUD lights up with another call and he's informed that someone has stolen weapons from the armory.

On his way there, his HUD blinks and a fellow Vizla yells at Dez about the fuel restrictions making it close to impossible for him to let his daughter train with her jetpack. Dez promises him half of his ration in addition to his regular share next week and grits his teeth hard when the Vizla mutters how Pre never would have let things come to this.

Tension is throbbing in Dez' temples when he arrives at the armory and discovers that several rifles and three grenades are missing. He organizes for there to be a team of three to investigate and find the culprit.

No word on Davarax' status.

Dez is in the middle of mediating between two Mandalorians accusing each other of slights when his HUD lights up again. This time it is someone in the Fighting Corps telling him he needs to come to the lower levels and pick up Paz as he had gotten into a vicious fight with another kid and had broken their arm during said fight. The injured kid is of course part of the Kryze clan and they are not happy. This day keeps getting better and better. He storms down to fetch his son.

“I don't have time for this today.” Dez growls, stalking ahead with Paz shuffling after him. Thank the stars that Paz is unharmed at least. “Why couldn't you have found someone else to pick on?”

“He started it.” Paz mutters.

“I don't care.” Dez fires back. The Kryze clan will be crawling up Dez' ass because of this. “This is the fourth time I've had to pick you up this week. There will not be a fifth. You hear me, boy?”

“Yes, father.” Paz mutters.

He drops Paz off at their quarters and then goes back to trying to keep his people from killing each other or dying from lack of food, water or means to defend themselves. He spends half of the dinner time at home talking to Uto over the comm link in regards to the possibility of trading in some food from above. Paz gives him the cold shoulder and eats in sullen silence which means Dez can talk uninterrupted for once. Dez has no appetite for food anyway. His stomach churns and burns.

More calls. More mediating and trying to avert one thing after another. It's late when Dez finally enters the Vizla quarters and hopes to get some rest. His son is already in bed, hopefully asleep for hours by now. Dez walks over to the small cabinet in the corner in the excuse for a kitchen nook they have, where he keeps his one bottle of liquor. He grabs it and a glass, wanders over to the kitchen table and takes a seat on one of the tall stools next to it.

Pouring himself a drink, Dez removes his helmet, sighs and rubs his eyes before downing his shot. His eyes are sore from all the flashing lights on his HUD all day. His head aches. His stomach aches. (He forgot to eat after messing up dinner, didn't he?) Even his back aches. Everything aches.

A faint blinking light can be seen along the base of his helmet, informing him there is a message on his HUD, but Dez merely pours himself another drink. Two minutes. He just needs two minutes.

Five minutes later, he has his third drink in his hand, but instead of drinking it, Dez has folded his arms on top of the table and is resting his head on them while watching the blinking light peeking out from the thin line between the base of the helmet and the table.

Six minutes. He just needs six minutes. He'll handle it, he will, just... six minutes.

Dez starts violently when there is a knock on the door.

He sets the drink down, puts his helmet on and marches over to open it while flicking away the message on the HUD, which turns out to be nothing but a reminder of an invite to a shooting contest. If someone is knocking on Dez Vizla's door in the middle of the night, it has to be something really serious going on. Davarax? Injured? Dead? Incoming attack? A plague?

The door slides open and Dez stares with utter surprise as tiny Raga Saxon stares up at him.

“I want to see Paz.” She says.

The unlikely friendship has been going on for over six months now and while it is cute and he's grown somewhat used to her showing up at the Vizla quarters, Dez has to admit she was the last soul he expected to find on his doorstep at this hour. He shakes his head a little to bring himself out of his daze and to show her his disbelief. “Raga. It's in the middle of the night. He's asleep. As you should be.”

Raga frowns, as fearless as ever. “Can't you wake him up?”

Dez exhales his frustration. “No.” He reaches up and taps his helmet's communication system, bringing up the person he wants to talk to and sends her a call request. Luckily Sobek answers more or less right away, clearly as awake as her children, and Dez understands why as he has to lower the volume of the conversation even before it begins due to all the shouting in the background of the Saxon quarters.

“Dez. What do you want?” Sobek asks.

Dez feels a flicker of irritation. “Have you noticed that one of your children are missing?” He doesn't wait for her to answer. “I got Raga here on my doorstep.”

“Oh.” Sobek sounds mildly surprised but not overly worried. “Send her home then.”

Dez looks down at Raga. She's yawning. She looks tired, tiny with her slightly oversized shirt and massive hair, frail despite her fierce glare, and Dez hears the non-stop shouting in the background of his connection to Sobek. He hesitates. There is no way she'll get any sleep back there. A kid needs her sleep. Dez turns his helmet away from the girl and disconnects his outward microphone. “If it's okay with you, she can just sleep over and hang out with Paz tomorrow. He's a nightmare now that Beskar Boy isn't here, so you'd be doing me a favor.”

Sobek snorts. “Yeah, she gets that way too when he's gone. But I'm not paying for anything she breaks. And don't forget to feed her.” She disconnects and things go quiet.

Dez sighs. And looks down at Raga again, who keeps staring up at him like he has offended her ancestors. He turns his mic on again. “Your mother says you can sleep over here if you want to?”

Raga blinks. “Really? Cool.” She grins and walks inside like she owns the place.

Dez closes the door and follows her. “You hungry?” She shrugs. Paz does that a lot and it drives Dez crazy. He's not in the mood for a debate so he makes the choice for her. “You're hungry.” He puts his hands under her arms, palms against her frail ribs, and lifts her up. She weighs about the same as a tiny bird. He seats her on one of the tall bar stools by the kitchen table. There she waits, feet dangling and elbows on the table, while Dez puts together food for her. He rarely eats his breakfast anyway and this scrawny girl needs food more than he does anyway. When Dez places the plate in front of her, he notices the dried blood by her left nostril. He frowns. “You okay?”

Already digging into the food, Raga sends him a look that makes it seem like she's more worried about his sanity.

Dez stupidly gestures to where his nose is behind his helmet. “Blood.”

“Oh.” Raga rubs her lower arm under her nose a couple of times in a futile effort to wipe it away. “Stupid Sioben.” She grins up at Dez. “But I made him bleed too!”

Reluctantly impressed, Dez hums thoughtfully. Sioben is a lot bigger than she is and has more training. “Next time, make sure he's the only one bleeding. Protect your face and plant your elbow in his.” Raga nods heartily and goes back to eating.

Dez gets a clean cloth, wets it with water and offers it to her. “Here.”

Once the girl is clean and has finished eating, Dez lifts her off the chair and sets her on her feet again. “Okay, I'll show you where you'll sleep.” He has taken exactly one step when he feels her small hand take a hold of his like it is a normal thing to do and Dez freezes. His heart clenches. Hard. He bounces between flashbacks to when Paz would hold his hand like this and a sudden urge to rip apart anyone who would dare to hurt this girl. Clearing his throat, Dez forces himself out of it and walks on with her tiny hand in his. “You want to borrow one of Paz' shirts to sleep in or are you okay like this?” “This is good.” Raga replies cheerfully. She then looks around, wide eyed, at all the weapons and trophies Dez has on the walls of his room. His pride and joys next after his son.

“Don't touch anything.” Dez warns her as she lets go of his hand and runs over to the bed. “And shoes off.” He watches her kick off her shoes and then crawl into his bed to sit there with obvious glee on her face as she looks around. Dez considers removing his weapons but decides against it. She's no idiot. “I mean it; don't touch anything.”

Raga nods. “Promise.”

Dez points a thumb over his shoulder. “Refresher is on the left. I'll be sleeping in the living room. If you need anything, you come ask me. Understood?”

“Understood.” Raga declares like a good Mandalorian, lying down and getting comfortable.

Dez turns to leave and is about to turn off the light, but pauses and glances back at her. “Lights on or off?” After Dez came back injured from a mission when Paz was about six, his son kept getting nightmares and couldn't sleep with the lights off for months. He has no idea if Raga has nightmares about stuff too.

“Off is good.” Raga declares, snug and pleased and eyes closed even before he turns off the lights.

Dez walks away, hears the door slide shut behind him, but, speaking of his son... Dez pauses by Paz' room, hesitates, then he opens the door and looks inside.

Paz is asleep on his side, facing the door, with the room temperature far too low and his blanket halfway to the floor as usual. Dez sighs. Some things never change. Paz kicked the blanket off even as a baby. How his boy isn't constantly sniffling and coughing is a mystery to him.

Stepping inside the room and walking over to the bed, careful not to wake his son, Dez studies him for a couple of seconds and feels just how much he misses him. The boy is right there, but Dez still misses him so much it hurts. He carefully pulls the blanket up to Paz' shoulder, almost tucks him in, before running a feather-light hand through the boy's unruly hair.

All they do is argue and scowl at each other these days. The only time Paz will smile is when he's around Davarax, and stars above, that feels like a dagger in Dez' heart. He swears it was only yesterday when Paz wanted nothing more than for Dez to pick him up and walk around with him in his arms until he fell asleep. He can still feel the phantom sensation of the last hug the boy gave him over a year ago. He can still hear the echo of Paz' delighted laugh when Dez tried and failed spectacularly at making bantha shaped Gloomrot Pancakes. It's Dez' own fault, he knows that, for pushing Paz so hard, but he has stood by so many Mandalorian parents mourning their children, screaming their grief at the unfeeling stars, and Dez will NOT lose his child. The mere thought...

Dez runs his fingers through Paz' hair once more. His son. The one good thing in his life. The one reason why he continues to fight for change. The darkness doesn't bother Dez, he's used to it and his own childhood is long gone, but Paz should grow up free and be able to spread his wings.

Dez walks out of the room and heads into the living room where he throws a couple of blankets on the floor and tries to get comfortable on them. He hopes despite experience telling him otherwise that there will be no flashing HUD to wake him ahead of schedule tomorrow...

When Raga opens her eyes she's not quite sure what is more confusing; the silence or the fact that there is an Amban phase-pulse blaster hanging on the wall over her head. Then she remembers and sits up with a growing grin on her face. She's in the Vizla quarters. Awesome!

Raga jumps out of bed and forgets to put her shoes on before darting to Paz' room. She kind of forgets to knock as well and merely barges in, jumps up on his bed and cackles as her friend is startled awake.

“Raga?!” Paz scrambles up into a sitting position, all eyes and disbelief. “What are you...?”

“Surprise!” Raga drops down to sit with crossed legs. “Time to get up, sleepyhead!”

Paz keeps staring at her. His hair is crazy and his clothes are rumpled. “Does my father know-”

“He knows.” Raga confirms so that they can move on to more important stuff. “You want to arm wrestle? I'm stronger than last week, for your information. I could probably take you down now.”

Unfortunately, Paz has no interest in arm wrestling. He's grumpy and complains about it being far too early for that. And then, weirdly enough, he insists on dragging her into the living room to find his father.

Dez Vizla is still asleep, on the floor, lying on his back with his hands folded on top of his stomach. The helmet hides his face but his even breathing tells Raga he is out cold. Which is why she is anything but prepared for when she and Paz approach him, Dez goes from his relaxed position to drawing a blaster from his side and aiming it at them within the blink of an eye.

Raga flinches and Paz freezes.

Lowering the blaster, Dez sits up with a faint groan of discomfort from sleeping on the floor. “I thought... Don't... What are you two doing up this early?” He holsters the weapon, reaches up to rub at his face and grunts annoyed when his hand finds the helmet there instead.

“She...” Paz has to clear his throat. “She woke me up. What is she doing here?”

“Showing me it is possible to get you awake and out of bed before noon, it seems.” Dez battles his way up on his feet. “I wouldn't have believed it was possible if I didn't see it here myself.”

Beaming with pride, Raga bumps her shoulder against Paz' arm, which he ignores.

“I suppose you womp rats want breakfast.” Dez says, the last word drawn out in a yawn. He rolls his shoulders and shakes off his drowsiness before walking towards the kitchen nook. “Come on.”

Paz helps Raga climb up on the obnoxiously tall bar stool, then climbs the one next to her to take a seat as well, and the two begin talking about who is the more awesome Mandalorian hero while Dez starts working on their breakfast. A debate that soon develops into a loud, full-blown argument.

Old man Vizla mumbles his words compared to her parents' yelling, which makes it is easy to ignore him telling them to keep it down. Paz proves he is incredibly stubborn and Raga's frustration grows as he refuses to accept her point of view and merely keeps firing back at her with fact after boring fact. Why can't he just accept she's right? SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT!

Raga isn't aware of just how loud she is shouting until Dez' palm slams down on the table.

Raga and Paz both jump, along with everything on the table, and she suddenly realizes just how big Dez Vizla is as he looms and blocks out the light behind him. There is a lot Raga doesn't understand about the life in the Covert, but she abruptly understands why everyone steps aside when Dez Vizla walks down a hallway.

“We,” Dez says, his voice is scarily quiet, “do not shout at the table.” His visor looks from one to the other. “Okay?”

Paz is quick to nod and Raga does the same.

“Good.” Dez says. He lets the silence hang in the air for a couple of seconds longer, then he exhales, his shoulders eases down, and he turns back to the plates he had been preparing.

“I still think you're wrong.” Raga whispers to Paz, who sends her a wide-eyed look of disbelief before frowning and whispering back that he's not.

“Is too.” Raga insists, still whispering, and grins.

“Am not!” Paz hisses.

“You're both wrong.” Dez declares with tired ease, putting down a plate each in front of them. “Mandalore the Ultimate is the most awesome of them all. Now, less talking, more eating.” He turns away again to prepare a cup of caff while Paz and Raga attack their breakfast with relish.

“You want to start some trouble later?” Raga asks between bites.

Paz nods and makes a sound of approval as he has his mouth full.

“No.” Dez says, his back towards them and his focus on heating up his caff. “You can't. It's cousin Hustan's Life Day celebration today, Paz. Remember? We have to be there.”

Paz slumps and sighs.

Raga pouts and prods at her food instead of eating it.

Dez's helmet moves as he glances back at them. He is silent for a moment, then turns fully towards them and crosses his arms. “Do you want to bring your friend, Paz?”

Paz brightens considerably. “I can?”

Raga sits up straighter and is all eyes. “He can?”

Dez shrugs. “If your parents give their permission, it's okay with me.”

Knowing her parents will never say no to this, Raga cackles with glee and shares a happy grin with Paz before looking over at Dez again, who is turning back to his beloved caff once more. Okay, old man Vizla may be strict and a bit intimidating, but he's not all bad. Raga decides she likes him.

She just wishes he wasn't so difficult to read some times.

A year later...

The first thing Dez sees when he steps into the quarters is his son and Raga huddled together on the uncomfortable bench to the right of the kitchen nook. He's not overly surprised at spotting the girl. This last year, Raga has spent more time here than own home and he'd gotten so tired of opening the door for her that he'd given her a code key of her own to the place. One with a 7.2 second delay so she can enter by herself and him having enough time to put on his helmet if he's not wearing it.

The kids have clearly tried to make the bench a little more comfortable by adding some folded blankets to sit on, which is good, but while Paz is munching away on what is probably his third breakfast that day, Raga is doing her very best imitation of a firm massage below his left knee, and that signals something not good at all.

Frowning, Dez takes a couple of steps towards them before he leans his shoulder against the wall and observes. Despite his trademark gluttony, Paz does look a little pale. “Is it hurting again?”

Usually Paz experiences his joint aches at night, but he has suffered them during daytime as well.

Swallowing with a guilty look, Paz looks like he doesn't know what the right answer would be.

“Yep.” Raga declares, not looking up from her important work. “His knee started swelling too.”

Frowning harder, Dez does not like the idea of him in pain, yet... there isn't much he can do. He doubts Paz would approve of him ordering Raga away to take over the massage. It's not a life threatening situation. Plus, his stubborn son usually refuses to use pain relief as that makes him sleepy. Sighing, Dez straightens and turns to grab a protein bar and head for his room to eat.

“I-I can handle it!” Paz shouts after him.

Of course he can. Dez knows how tough his son is and so ignores his stuttered words. He doesn't doubt Paz. He just doesn't like his son being in pain.

The very next day, Dez has some good luck. He ends up training with Beast, the best medic the Covert has had in his lifetime. While Dez can't remember the man's actual name instead of his nickname, he has full confidence in his skills.

“Just how long will this be going on?” Dez asks, blocking Beast's attack with ease, having given the man a quick recap of Paz' medical history. “I mean, the scans showed there was nothing wrong with him so they assumed it was growing pains, but isn't he getting a bit old for that? And what if it is something else?” The only thing worse than seeing his son in pain is the thought of him being ill.

Beast hums, tries and fails at a second attack. “Kids do get them up to they're about twelve, some even longer, and I'm not surprised he still has them. Your boy towers over others his age.”

“Yeah, but...” Dez hammers his fist against Beast's ribs in three harsh jabs, knocking the air out of him before shoving him away. “It can get pretty bad. Is there really no way to make it stop?”

“Not... really...” Beast wheezes, stumbling a couple of steps as he fights to keep standing.

Dez spins around, plants his boot in Beast's gut and sends him slamming into the wall. “How about making them less intense?” He asks, watching as Beast sinks down to sit on the floor, coughing and gasping for air. “There has to be something I can do.”

Lifting a hand, signaling that he needs a moment, Beast coughs and groans for a good while before struggling his way back up on his unsteady feet. “Nothing that science can... can back up.” More coughing before he tries to get back into a fighting pose. “I got nothing to... verify it, but village folks where I... grew up... They used... used to give kids with 'invisible ' pains... some kukuia nuts. They claimed it helped.” He gulps for air and rolls his shoulders before launching himself at Dez.

Dez sidesteps with a thoughtful hum and rams his elbow absently into Beast's lower back, barely noting his pained yelp. Kukuia nuts. How the hell is Dez going to get a hold of that?

It takes calling in a lot of favors, costs half a fortune and they take over two weeks to arrive.

Paz eyes the kukuia nuts with raw disgust when Dez holds out the small bag for him to take. The boy is still chewing on his latest theft from Dez' snack stash after having devoured his own stash within the first day of them getting supplies last week. “Those taste like crap.”

“Take them.” Dez growls, irritation growing in the face of Paz' sour attitude.

“I don't want them.” The boy mutters with a sullen expression on his face.

Dez shoves the bag at Paz' chest. “Too bad. You're eating them.” He gives a final, firm shove. “It's for your own good. Binge on these instead of all of those snacks you're always chowing down. These are much better for your body. Understood?”

To Dez' surprise, there is a flash of genuine hurt in Paz' eyes before he grabs the bag and stomps into his room. Wait, what just happened? Paz got that upset because he has to trade some of his snacks with a healthier option? Seriously?

Dez pours himself a drink and wonders how he is going to survive Paz' teenage years if the boy becomes even moodier and more unpredictable...

One day later...

“We're going outside!” Raga blurts out as she stalks inside the quarters with Paz in tow, both still sweaty and out of breath from today's training.

If any other child had said that, Dez would have instantly thought they were a liar, an idiot or both. But Raga is neither. Dez stalks forward to stand in front of the two children. “Outside? Explain.” His son has never been outside, neither has Raga as far as he knows, and Dez had not anticipated their golden leader giving permission until Paz was a lot closer to his thirteenth Life Day.

“Davarax.” Paz says, a little cautiously as he knows his father's distaste for his hero.

Davarax, of course. Dez clenches his jaw. That really does explain everything. He's the only one who can do whatever he wants and get away with it. “Why is he taking you outside?”

“Not just us.” Raga says, as if Dez is an idiot for not magically knowing everything. “Din and Barthor too. We're going to sleep in the woods! It's going to be an adventure.”

Dez blinks. The man wants to steal the expression on Paz' face as he sees the outside world for the first time, but also keep him outside until the next day? Dez turns, stalks over to kitchen table to get some distance between him and the kids, then he viciously stabs at his vambrace to send a call request to Beskar Boy himself. It takes about two and a half second before he replies and Dez doesn't really give him the chance to finish his greeting. “You've told my son you're going to bring him outside? That you're going, what, camping?”

“I, uh...” Davarax says, then clears his throat. “I was hoping to talk to you before they told you.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you should have talked to me before telling him he can go?” Dez growls angrily. “He's still my son, not yours. Don't you forget that.”

“I know.” Davarax's voice has a touch of sadness at having to concede to that fact. Good.

“Don't you 'ever' promise him anything without talking to me first.” Dez states, half-turning away as both Paz and Raga are watching him and he doesn't want them to hear.

“I didn't mean...” Davarax sighs. “I'd gotten permission from the other kids' parents and he overheard.”

Of course he'd talk to Dez last. It doesn't matter that Dez is a Vizla, he's still the least important one in Beskar Boy's eyes. Dez clenches his jaw hard while a ball of intense anger burns inside his chest. Glancing over his shoulder, he sees Paz watching him with resigned sadness in his eyes as he expects Dez to say he can't go with the others. Closing his eyes, Dez turns away again and he is struggling hard to keep his temper in check. “You made sure the other three were going and that he'd hear it, in order to corner me into letting him go too or be the villain of the decade.”

“No, that's not-” “Fine!” Dez grits out, wishing Davarax was there so he could punch him. Repeatedly. He wants to punch him so bad. “Fine, he can go.” He disconnects, not bothering to tell the idiot to keep his son safe because whatever else Davarax is, he is a Mandalorian and will guard the children with his life. He turns back to the still staring Paz and Raga, takes a breath in a desperate attempt to sound collected, before giving a nod. “You can go.”

While the children cheer, Dez stalks by them and out of the Vizla quarters. He's so angry he has to get away. Two messages flashes on his HUD but he simply flicks them away as he's not able to focus on anything other than the fact that he won't be by his son's side when he sees the outside world for the first time. He wanted to see the wonder on Paz' face. He wanted to be there if things got a bit scary and maybe be Paz' hero one last time before he fully outgrows the need for one.

When he spots Furyan Saxon, Dez feels a jolt of relief. Perfect. While Furyan, if he has paid attention enough to know the trip is happening, won't care that Davarax will be the one to see the awe on his daughter's face as Raga gets to see the outside world, the man has yet to turn down a challenge from anyone wanting to fight him and he's more than strong enough to be a distraction.

Furyan doesn't disappoint. The man would never have been able to catch Sobek's attention if he was a weakling. The fight verges on ugly, draws no small crowd to observe, yet ends amiably and Dez gets to pretend while they are doing their best to hurt and bruise each other that he's merely angry and not, well, he hates the word but it is the only thing to describe what he's feeling; sad.

Dez' broken ribs are healing but they burn with every breath he takes by the time he hands Paz the bag with food and clothing he has prepared for his adventure with his hero. “Here.”

Paz accepts the bag, anxious but excited. He's eager to see the outside. His brave boy. A true Vizla.

Missing out on this experience burns more than his ribs but Dez tries to act neutral. He shoves a small bag with kukuia nuts at Paz. Getting those aches of his would ruin a lot of the experience.

“I don't want them.” Paz mumbles, instantly sullen.

“Too bad.” Dez holds the bag out until Paz reluctantly takes it. A message flashes on his HUD, something about the missing weapons from the armory again, and Dez feels a flare of angry irritation. Idiots. This Covert is 90% idiots. “I have to go. You got everything you need?”

Paz nods, staring unhappily at the kukuias as if Dez has handed him poison. For the love of...

“Remember, you are a Vizla.” Dez points out, a little sharper than he intended. “Act like it out there. Watch over those other kids. Keep them safe.” Raga is a survivor, definitely, he's not worried about her, but a harsh breeze might knock skinny Barthor over and doe-eyed Din is the youngest of the group which makes him vulnerable.“Understood?”

Looking up at him, Paz nods again, but now there is unease in his suddenly-very-young face.

Dez hesitates, searches for something else to say, something... reassuring maybe, but then his HUD lights up with call request and he sees it is Sungodt. Usually that means it is something urgent. Good. He'll take any distraction now. Dez reaches out and gives Paz' shoulder a quick pat, wanting to hug him but is fairly certain Paz wouldn't want him to, before he turns and walks away while accepting the call. “Sungodt, what's wrong?”

The kids are back the next day, all bright-eyed and excited, and Dez feels a mix of relief and no small amount of bitter envy as Paz can't stop talking about Davarax and their big adventure.

Weeks later...

“This way.” Davarax declares as Raga and the others follow the others out of the fighting pit. Every three months the kids are allowed to enter the pit and butt heads in a milder imitation of the fights arranged by the grown ups. It's awesome. First the camping trip, now this.

Raga has several impressive bumps and bruises to show off and she swaggers her way over to her teacher. She can't stop grinning.

Barthor scowls at her from his hiding place behind Davarax, still upset that he couldn't join due to his wrist healing from those bullies ganging up on him and breaking it yesterday. Din and Paz shuffle after her with the walk of men condemned to death.

“Cheer up.” Davarax says to Barthor. “You'll get your chance next time.” Then he turns to Raga as she comes to a halt in front of him and reaches out to give her a light tap under her chin with his index finger. “Third in your group, Raga. Five up from last time. Impressive!”

Raga beams. She's worked really hard to improve. This is awesome!

Davarax looks over at Din and Paz and hums. “What's wrong with you two?”

“Eleven.” Din mutters, shoulders up and fists deep in the pockets of his pants. He's got a blooming black eye. “Nothing impressive about ending up as number eleven.”

Davarax places a hand on his shoulder and makes Din look up at him. “Listen, Din. Eleven means you did better than five others in your group, who, may I remind you, have as far as I know trained for this from they were able to throw a punch. You've only started training, Din. Basically everyone expected you to place last and you proved them very wrong. That is 'very' impressive, kid.”

Raga blinks as she sees Din both smile and get tears in his eyes. It puzzles her. How can he be sad and happy at the same time? But then Davarax' attention turns to Paz and her gaze follows.

“Paz. You came in second, that's amazing. Why the long face?”

Shrugging, Paz looks away. “My father won't be happy. I should have won.”

Raga's happiness fades a little. He's right. Dez won't be pleased. He had been called away so he couldn't watch the fights, but he will be expecting to hear Paz has won and Paz always tries to live up to his father's expectations, no matter the cost. Dez won't hit him or anything, he's not like that, but his words do tend to leave Paz sad and awfully quiet. He takes his father's words too seriously.

“Inslo is several years older than you and top of his class.” Davarax points out. “But you had him scared and struggling. You did brilliant, Paz. You made me so karking proud I was worried Inslo's teacher was going to challenge 'me' to a fight because I was rooting so loudly for you.” He yanks Paz into a hug, pulls in Din with his other arm, then looks over at Raga and Barthor. “You all make me so very proud, you hear me?”

Raga can feel herself glowing with happiness because she hears how much he means it. So what if her own parents can't ever be bothered to watch the fights, having seen far too many with her brothers already, as long as she has Davarax she knows someone cares whether she wins or loses. She knows at least one grown-up has faith in her!

They spend some time together as a group talking about the fights before they head their different ways. Well, Raga tags along with Paz, knowing Dez won't be pleased with Paz' second place and her parents won't care if she stays gone for a bit longer.

Entering the quarters, Raga hears Paz let out a soft sigh of relief when there is no sign of his father, but the relief is short-lived as the door slides open behind them and Dez comes stalking in. He's talking to someone on his comm system, as usual, and his shoulders are tense with anger, as usual. After a moment of standing like a statue by the kitchen table, Dez turns and focuses on them, clearly done with yelling at whomever. “Fine, you can share some treats to celebrate your win.”

“I didn't win.” Paz mumbles, staring at the floor.

“What?” Dez says with a touch of disbelief, taking a step closer.

“I didn't win.” Paz repeats, even lower, almost a whisper. “I got second place.”

Dez doesn't move closer. Doesn't move at all, really. Doesn't speak. Just looms. And Raga can't take the tension. “I took third place in my group!”

Despite being pleased that Dez' visor moves away from Paz, Raga finds she almost regrets opening her mouth when his focus is locked on her and her alone. “Third.” He echoes in a flat voice.

She nods.

“So neither of you won.” Dez states, sounding far from impressed.

Paz remains frozen, staring at the floor, but Raga frowns with no small amount of offense. She sticks her chin out. “I only got fifth place last time. And some of the ones I went up against will be in the teen group next time. I did good.”

“But you didn't win.” Dez points out.

Raga grits her teeth before deflating. “No.” For some reason, third place suddenly sucks.

Dez nods. He looks from her to Paz, back at her, then Paz again. “Losing a fight inside the Covert will only hurt your pride. Lose a fight outside of these walls, it will most likely cost you your life. You can't settle for 'good'. You have to be the best to make it. Understood?”

Paz and Raga both nod.

Dez walks over, reaches out and places one big hand on Paz' shoulder and the other on Raga's shoulder. “Next time there won't be any second or third place. You will win.”

And he's right. They do win. Dez teaching them some moves and adding several hours of exhausting and painful training helps, but mostly Raga suspects it is the idea of having to face him after failing to win is what pushes both her and Paz to victory. They can't lose. They can't.

Paz is a shivering and bloody mess in the finale when he stands silent and victorious over his unconscious opponent, ignoring the shocked and slightly horrified muttering from the onlookers. Equally bloody, Raga refuses to tap out in her own finale, dislocating her shoulder on purpose to break free from her opponent's grip and in the end she finishes it with a kov'nyn so hard it sends the other child slamming to the ground and causes more horrified muttering to break out.

The taste of victory is glorious. There is a burst of happiness and pride in her chest as Dez applauds his approval and Raga fails to understand why Davarax is clearly not happy as he silently wipes the blood off her face.

A couple of months later...

Raga sits on the floor in Paz' room and they are working on creating their own blaster replicas from garbage they have hoarded over the last week. She puts down her soon-to-be-awesome-blaster and lifts her head with determination. “I'm thirsty. I'm going to get some water.”

Paz doesn't take his eyes off his project. “Whatever. My blaster is going to be done before yours.”

“No, it won't.” Raga snipes. “I'll be quick.” She jumps to her feet and runs out of the room.

The plan is to run to the kitchen nook, grab a cup, fill it with some water from the big cans there and then run back to drink it in the room so she wouldn't lose too much time. However, Raga comes to an abrupt halt once she emerges from Paz' room and sees Dez is standing by the kitchen table with his back towards her.

Oh. Old man Vizla had been out somewhere when she arrived earlier and she'd failed to hear him enter the quarters. Hesitating, she studies him.

Raga is not afraid of anyone. She's not. Nope. But she also knows better than to provoke Dez when he's already in a bad mood, which is more often than not. It's not fear, it's being smart.

Scanning his back and shoulders, Raga concludes he is definitely angry. His voice is muffled by his helmet, but the sharp tone and rapid fire of words underlines just how angry he is. No, not angry; Dez is furious. And that means the clever thing to do is to retreat to Paz' room before she's detected.

Raga is about to turn and flee when she sees Dez stabbing a finger at his vambrace, clearly cutting the connection to the source of his anger, and it is followed by something very unexpected.

Dez places his hand flat on the table, as if he doesn't trust his legs, and his shoulders sink under some invisible weight. His helmet tips forward a little as he lets out a slow and weary exhale.

There are a lot of things Raga don't know, too many things for her taste, but she definitely knows what a tired person looks like. Her parents are always tired at the end of the day. Davarax is tired when he comes back from his missions. Barthor's parents are constantly tired at any hour. She sees it a lot. She just never thought she'd see Dez Vizla tired. Ever. It's unsettling. She didn't think it was possible as he's always so strong and loud and invincible. But now he looks... yeah, tired.

Shuffling over, Raga climbs up on one of those stupidly tall bar stools, settles and stares at the man who hasn't even noticed her presence. He must be truly exhausted. “Are you okay?” Raga asks.

Starting, Dez jolts upright and spins around to look at her. “Dank farrik, Raga, don't sneak up on people like that! Why are you- When- Where did you come from?”

Dangling her feet, Raga shrugs. “I was in Paz' room. We're making blasters and I went to get me some water.”

Clearing his throat, sounding a little awkward and very annoyed, Dez turns and grabs a cup, fills it with water and just about smacks it down on the table in front of her. A third of the liquid splashes out of the cup. “Here. Take it and go back to working on your blaster. Stop creeping around.”

She tilts her head as she watches him and Raga frowns a bit. “Are you? Okay?”

Dez stares at her for a second or two, then he straightens, crosses his arms and answers with a defensive question of his own. “Why wouldn't I be okay?”

“You look tired.” Raga says.

Dez doesn't move. “I'm not tired.”

Raga is not surprised he's lying. Adults often lie. But the way he stands; defiant, arms crossed and chin out, it is the exact same pose Paz has when he's hurting and acting all tough, and Raga forgets to be intimidated. All she can think about is what Davarax does when Paz is feeling down.

She slides off her seat, lands on her feet, walks around the table to face Dez, who is watching her warily, and Raga wraps her arms around his waist in a slightly awkward hug. Resting her cheek to his stomach, ignoring how Dez unfolds his arms and tenses up, Raga says what Davarax always says in some shape or form; “It's okay not to be okay some times. Just do your best.”

Hugging him for a couple of seconds longer, it's like hugging a statue, Raga eventually lets go and turns to walk back to the room before Paz finishes his blaster and won't shut up about it.

“Hey.” Dez' voice mumbles.

Stopping, Raga looks back at him.

Dez is holding the cup of water and he walks over to hand it to her. “You forgot this.” His voice is... strange. Quiet. “Here.” When she takes the cup, he nods towards Paz' room. “Go away. Go. Shoo.”

Raga obeys. To her irritation, Paz does finish his blaster first.

Years later...

As years go by, Dez keeps pushing for change but it is a hopeless battle as long as their golden armoured leader and Davarax won't budge. Paz has to grow up in the darkness, their Covert remains hidden and weak, and some days Dez has to force himself to get up in the morning.

“You could just leave, you know.” Zylfie says to him one such day as she hoists up her pants, still a little breathless and probably grinning under her green helmet judging by her tone.

“I can't.” Dez mutters, closing his belt, locking and adjusting it until it feels comfortable again. He's also a bit breathless after their tryst but not grinning. He had brought Paz to this Covert, had made the choice not to follow Pre but her instead, so Dez can't give up. He has to believe this will be worth it in the end. Besides, bringing the Vizlas with him, possibly the Saxons and some other clans too, would leave the Covert close to defenseless and Dez can't do that to fellow Mandalorians. He doesn't want any of the people living in the Covert dead, he wants everyone strong and free.

“Whatever, stud.” Zylfie grabs her weapons from where she'd placed them on the table after they'd entered the empty supply room and she holsters them with practiced ease like the warrior she is. She reaches out and pats Dez' breastplate. “Thanks. This was great. As always.”

Dez nods, not bothering to look as she leaves, focused on holstering his own weapons and adjusting his right pauldron as she'd been yanking pretty hard on it earlier. This arrangement is one of the few uncomplicated things in his life; if either of them has the need for some physical release and the other is inclined, they will meet up somewhere discrete and get it out of their system. They have a no touchy-feely, no skin against skin, no big words kind of thing. It's practical and it works for the both of them.

Dez feels a little less tense than usual as he heads back to his quarters, ends up almost relaxed as he gets to have a long, hot shower there, but after getting dressed he puts his helmet back on and his HUD is blinking angrily with several messages waiting for him and reading those has his shoulders tensing up and his gut burn with sour aggravation right away. So much for relaxing.

The Covert is low on ammunition. Great. Davarax had been out on a supply run last week, but that didn't include weapons and ammunition as that was last month's mission. And now everyone is yelling at Dez to fix the shortage, which he can't, because 'she' won't let him. Other than the occasional mission, only Davarax gets to go above. The frustration is almost too much to handle. He feels like punching something. No. He feels like punching someone.

A less irritating notification on his HUD is his son having returned to the quarters too, and a familiar code key signature reveals Raga's presence as well. Yesterday had been Raga's seventeenth Life Day and they're probably hoping Dez will bring out the left-over snacks. Fine. Why not.

Leaving the refresher room, Dez finds Raga lounging on the bench behind the kitchen area like she owns the place. Typical. Other than now wearing her helmet, having grown taller and stronger, Raga, like most in Dez' life, hasn't changed that much either from the first time she appeared on his doorstep. However, in her case, it's not entirely a bad thing. It means she's still fearless, eager for a battle, one of the best fighters he's ever seen and she's determined to grow even stronger. All excellent qualities in a Mandalorian.

Sitting down in the chair nearby the bench, Dez is about to ask her where Paz is when he realizes that she hasn't even registered him coming over. Dez frowns. He does not like being ignored, he is a Vizla, but curiosity makes him turn his head to look in the direction her t-visor is pointing.

The door to Paz' room is open and his son is standing there, turned partially away from them, in his training pants and no shirt, his helmet moving slightly as he looks back and forth between the two shirts he's holding up. The boy is completely oblivious of how he's showing off muscles and skin to a very appreciative girl.

Dez looks back at Raga and a smirk slides across his face. About damn time. He picks up a small bumper bolt that, for some reason, is lying on the table between them and he throws it.

The bolt pings off the side of her helmet and startles Raga into snapping her visor over at him with guilt written all over her sharp question. “What?”

Leaning back in his seat, Dez outright grins. “Why haven't you told him?”

Raga hesitates, probably considers denying it or pretending she doesn't know what he's talking about, but she is clever and so decides to tell the truth instead. “No point. He has a girlfriend.”

Dez rolls his eyes. “Ech. It won't last.”

They never do. When his son told him he'd landed his first girlfriend, Dez had been certain it was Raga and was thoroughly disappointed to find it wasn't but rather some insignificant, mediocre fighter. As it was his son's life and his choice, Dez had kept quiet. There was plenty of time for Paz' brain to catch up with his body. However, Dez is losing patience with him as none of the relationship lasts longer than a couple of months and his son continuously fails to realize what treasure he has in Raga. The perfect daughter-via-marriage: she will punch anyone in the throat.

Raga shrugs, pretending indifference. “Maybe this time it will last.”

It doesn't. But by the time Paz is free, Raga isn't and she seems unfairly pleased with her current partner. Dez watches the drama from the sidelines and decides, after the many times when Raga breaks up with her latest fling and Paz has just hooked up with some new ditz or vice versa, that he's definitely doing the right thing by staying out of anything resembling romance himself. He tried it, got burned and learned his lesson. Never again. Dez Vizla is not someone who can be loved.

But while he's retired from the game, Dez isn't blind and he can tell that Paz and Raga are a perfect match. It's just frustrating that his son hasn't realized that yet. Why does everything have to be so difficult?

“Tell me life gets easier.” Raga grumbles one day as she absently adjusts her blaster after returning from her first mission; checking the authenticity of some rumours about a Beskar spear. “Yes?”

Standing next to her, seeing the blood on her armor and hearing the dark frustration in her voice, Dez tells Raga the truth, as he always does. “No.”

But neither of them have any idea of just how bad things are going to become...

A year later...

The word spreads like wildfire through the Covert and leaves a blanket of silence so heavy that barely anyone dares to speak. Paz vanishes, which is no big surprise, and Dez knows better than to go looking for his son. Dez is the last person Paz wants to see right now.

The shock means few messages and demands are sent his way and Dez ignores the ones who do appear on his HUD. It'll have to wait. Everything will have to wait.

He lingers in the Vizla quarters, taking apart every weapon he has, cleaning them and putting them back together, sharpening blades and shining up his armor, trying to make the hours go by until it's late and he knows it is time.

When Dez walks down the hallway leading to his destination, there are barely any souls outside of their quarters. Good. This is why he waited. His words are not meant for them.

Entering the cold, dark room, there is one Mandalorian from the Fighting Corps present but they leave after Dez nods towards the door. He then blindly reaches back and locks the door without taking his eyes off his reason for being there.

Davarax is lying on top of a massive concrete slab in the middle of the otherwise entirely barren room. His armor is gone, which means his sister has been there, his eyes are closed, blood is soaking his underarmor, his clothes, covering his visible skin and even seeping into the slab itself.

Dez reaches up and slowly removes his own helmet to carry it underneath his arm as he walks over to stand next to the man. It doesn't feel right to wear his helmet when Davarax doesn't have his. Not when they're about to have their final words.

Swallowing hard, Dez focuses Davarax' face and not his wounds. “I didn't believe it at first, you know. Not you. Beskar Boy never loses a fight. I thought it was some bad joke. Standing here, I still can't believe it.”

There is no reply. Not that he'd expect one, but it's still jarring. Davarax loved to talk. As a kid, Davarax never stopped talking. Dez used to love and hate that about him in equal measures. He also can't deny it is odd to see how the child face he remembers has turned into the face of a man. The chatty kid who'd briefly been his friend had turned into a handsome warrior.

“I guess I should be grateful that you kept the helmet on.” Dez says, studying Davarax' face and failing at a faint smile. “If they'd seen this, my clan would have followed you instead.”

Clearing his throat, Dez puts his helmet on the slab and opens one of the many small bags Dez has attached his belt to pull out a cloth before pulling out his water flask next. He soaks the cloth, wrings the surplus liquid from it, then he reaches over and carefully, slowly, starts to clean the blood away from Davarax' face.

“I know you think I was only fighting with her for power, for the right to lead the Covert and have us return to the surface, but that's not true.” Dez clears his throat again, hating how incredibly pale Davarax' skin is under the mess, and yet he can't stop. He can't stand seeing him like this. “I also didn't like how she put all that responsibility on you and you alone. Like with the water crisis. She just sent you right back out again to fix it. It wasn't fair. You shouldn't have had to carry all of that by yourself. No man should have to carry that kind of responsibility, and yet you did for so many years without any resentment towards her. It drove me crazy.”

After a while, Dez is forced to pause and try to rinse the cloth a little. There is just too much blood. The water turns a dark crimson color.

Death is a part of being a Mandalorian, but some are harder to accept than others. Especially when it is so undeserved and should never have happened. Davarax was the best fighter Dez has ever seen and there is no way he would have lost against an Outsider if 'she' had given him time to rest and recover between missions. Dez swallows hard, running the cloth over Davarax' forehead and brushes his hair back from his forehead as well. “You were always trying to look after everyone, keeping the Covert safe and your students happy, but... no one was looking after you. It wasn't right. I told you, didn't I? We're a Tribe. We're strong because we protect each other. You shouldn't have been alone.”

Once Davarax' face is clean, Dez moves on to his bare hands and starts wiping the blood from them as well. “Maybe... in a different life, we could have been friends again.” The idea brings a sad smile to Dez' face. “Maybe you could have taught me how to make Paz actually listen when someone is talking to him. And I could have taught you to say the occasional 'no' to requests. That would have been something, huh?”

When the blood is gone, Dez drops the cloth to the floor and he makes it so Davarax lies with his hands resting on top of his stomach instead of one lying by his side and one hanging halfway off the slab. It almost looks like he's merely sleeping now, if not for how pale his skin is and the ugly wounds that bears witness of the brutal battle that had claimed his life.

Standing there, one hand resting on top of Davarax' hands, Dez stares at his face. “I'm sorry...” He whispers. Guilt, regret, grief, they all are swirling inside his gut and his eyes start to burn. At least Davarax won't have to worry any more. No more carrying them all. He's free. “Rest now, brother. I'll see you on the other side. We'll march together again then.”

The burning grows worse, his sight goes blurry and when Dez tries to blink it away, he pretends he can't feel the tears sliding down his face. He puts his helmet back on. It's over. He's said what he's come to say. Davarax is gone and nothing can change that. He's gone. He's really gone...

Dez stalks back to the Vizla quarters and he stays there, silent and alone, his HUD set to block any messages or incoming calls, until long after the funeral pyre has been lit and eventually burned itself out. When Paz finally shows up back home, he marches directly into his room and shuts the door. Dez stares at the door for a while, but then feels his eyes start burning again so he grabs a bottle of alcohol, walks into his own room and forces himself to drink until he passes out. At least that makes the ache inside his chest stop and it numbs his stomach, if just for a little while.

Weeks later...

After they lose Davarax, which hurts so much she can barely breathe, Raga loses two of her friends too. Din storms out of the Covert and disappears with the Razor Crest, while Barthor turns into a recluse and becomes a stranger to Raga.

As for Paz, his temper grows even worse. It makes him downright mean at times, but never towards her and their friendship remains as strong as ever and Raga loves him for it. Over the years she has lost her entire family, the best teacher in the Galaxy, two of her three friends abandoned her, meaning she could not handle losing Paz too. She needs his kindness to remind her of her own.

Dez Vizla takes over their training which is both a blessing and a curse. Raga loves the grueling, exhausting, painful and merciless sessions. She puts all of her anger and frustration into her efforts and feels no small amount of satisfaction as her body grows stronger and stronger.

Eventually she's among the strongest of her peers and aims for new challenges. After Raga has defeated everyone else in one particular sport, except for Paz who refuses to play, she then locks on to the ultimate target in the Vizla quarters. “You'll do.”

Standing by the kitchen counter, resting his hip against it while tapping away at his vambrace, Dez fails to react at first, then he slowly lifts his visor to look at her. “Excuse me?”

Raga places her elbow on the table and sends him her most challenging stare through her own visor as she wiggles her fingers. “Arm wrestle. You and me. Right now.”

For a moment, Paz' father merely stares at her, then he snorts a laugh and turns his attention back to his vambrace and starts prodding away again.

“Afraid you'll lose?” Raga will not be ignored like that. She will not. (But she does ignore Paz sitting to her left, visor locked on her with disbelief radiating off his entire form.)

Dez looks up at her again, considers... then steps forward and takes her hand in his bigger one.

“Elbow on the table.” Raga points out. “No cheating.”

“Mmh. Apologies.” Dez says, bending down to touch his elbow to the table as well. “Ready?”

Raga channels all of her strength into her arm, preparing for battle. She gives a sharp nod.

“Go.” Dez says.

And the second she pushes, he slams her hand back against the table.

Yelping at the shock of it, how quickly she'd lost and the harsh impact against the hard surface, Raga then glares up at Dez Vizla as he straightens, backs up and leans against the kitchen counter to start prodding at his vambrace again. “Not good enough.” He states.

Raga grits her teeth with seething anger. “Next time. I'll get you next time.”

Dez hums, doesn't sound convinced and can't even be bothered to look up from his vambrace. “Not if you don't get a lot stronger.”

Challenge accepted!

One day she will defeat Dez Vizla. One day she will! And until then, she doesn't mind his snorts and condescending remarks; her future win will only be so much sweeter.

But what isn't sweet is how the man 'still' won't stop picking on Paz. Sure, she knows he has a squishy soft heart under all of his posturing, but Raga also knows how utterly brutal and ruthless Paz can be towards those he considers unworthy or just guilty of the crime of being an Outsider. He's a perfect Mandalorian. Dez should be proud, not be nitpicking and demanding even more.

Raga watches Paz walk away, head held low after yet another sharp comment from his father, before she glances over at old man Vizla and feels the usual mix of admiration and irritation. “You don't have to be a dick about it, you know.”

Dez exhales a disbelieving laugh and looks over at her. “What?”

“You heard me.” Raga says, keeping her visor locked on his. “It's not his fault he didn't get chosen to go outside for this mission. She decides, not him. That is The Way.”

“If he was the best, she would have chosen him. He has to do better.” Dez states in a hard voice.

“He's trying.” Raga insists, frustrated that Dez can't see all the achievements Paz has under his belt over the years, only the few he's failed to claim.

“Trying isn't good enough.” Dez continues in his merciless tone. He even leans in a little to loom. “One by one, your brothers fell in battle. Your parents too. You of all people, Raga, should know how dangerous the Galaxy is. There's no room for mistakes if you want to stay alive.”

Hating the sting of painful grief at the mentioning of her family, Raga stubbornly pushes it down into her gut and out of her mind. “Davarax said-”

“Davarax is dead.” Dez angrily cuts her off.

If not for the fact that Raga knows old man Vizla hated Davarax, she could have sworn that it sounds like his voice breaks a little over those three words? Especially as he clears his throat before continuing.

“Davarax was the best fighter I've ever seen, but because he made a mistake, he died. And I refuse to let Paz, or you, follow in his footsteps. Do better.” Dez finishes, sounding plain angry now.

Raga lowers her visor, unable to face Dez as she's haunted by her one memory of seeing Davarax' face, covered with blood and deprived of his helmet. She can only whisper her next words; “You still don't have to be a dick about it...”

“Maybe I do.” Dez says, a little less angry but still hard as metal. “I'm still alive, as you can see. The Galaxy will rip you apart if you're soft, if you're weak or make a single mistake. Din realized that. That boy will survive out there, I guarantee it. You don't have to worry about him.”

Swallowing hard, Raga crosses her arms and feels her shoulders and neck ache with tension. She can never win when trying to argue with old man Vizla. He is a jerk at times but after all the nights of worrying whether Din is even alive or not at this point, she could hug Dez for saying what he just did.

“Go.” Dez mutters. “Pat Paz' head and soothe his ego. I don't have time to sort out another mess if he decides to break someone's arm or leg because he's in a shitty mood.”

Raga clenches her jaw before gritting out an answer. “If he breaks someone's arm or leg, it'll be your fault.” Her heart is thundering. She never would have dared to say something like that if not for having to watch Paz flinch again and again over the years under his father's harsh words.

Dez huffs a laugh. It sounds bitter. “Don't you know? Everything is always my fault.” He waves her off as he's clearly done with the conversation. “Go. Now.”

Raga reluctantly accepts defeat, nods and stalks away. While she might not like how he treats his son at times, Raga can't make herself hate Dez Vizla for it. She knows the reason he hassles Paz like this is because he cares about him and his future. Pressure makes gems, ease makes decay, she's been told this countless times by every adult in the Covert while growing up. This is The Way.

However, she will check up on Paz because he is her friend, because she cares about him, not because it's an order. And lucky for Dez Vizla that she cares about him too, otherwise she would have punched him in the throat years ago.

Months later...

“Here. You have to hold her.” Lexa says, handing over the squirming bundle to Dez. It is her third child, no wonder she's sounding so pleased, and a very welcome addition to the Vizla clan. Most of them have gathered in the common room to see the new baby and of course Dez is the first to be allowed to hold the new Vizla member. He is their leader, after all.

Dez looks down at the tiny girl in his arms and his heart aches. He always wanted a daughter too. (Maybe that's why he is such a softie when it comes to Raga.) Skade never expressed any wish for more children after Paz was born, including adopting any Foundlings, so Dez settled with the blessing he had in his son rather than pining for what he would not have, but right now he feels the pain of his lost dream of a big family like a raw wound.

The baby reaches up and aimlessly grabs at air, causing Dez an intense urge to shed his glove and let her grab his finger. He wonders if he took his helmet off and smelled her hair, would she have that sweet scent Paz had as an infant?

“She will become a powerful warrior.” Dez states before turning a bit to the left and offering Gahan to hold her next. Partially because Gahan had lost his son last week and deserves the honour of being the next to welcome their new member, (Maybe holding her might ease the pain in some way or revive some lost memories from his own son's infancy?) and partially because Dez can feel his gut ache flaring up even worse than usual. This time it is not only his stomach, his back aches as well and medical warnings starts to flash on his HUD.

As Gahan accepts, Dez reluctantly hands over the warm bundle, congratulates Lexa one more time, then excuses himself. No one is surprised at his leaving, they all know how busy he is.

Dez barely makes it back to his quarters and the refresher before he has to yank his helmet off and throws up. It feels like his guts are being ripped apart and when it is finally over and Dez runs the back of a trembling hand across his mouth, he sees traces of blood. He sits on the floor for a while, tries to recover his strength, before forcing himself up on his feet to leave the room. He feels dizzy, wrung out and exhausted. He carries his helmet in his right hand as Dez does not want to put it back on only to be assaulted by more medical alerts. He doesn't care. One of two things will happen; the burning ache in his stomach will go away by itself or it will kill him, he's fine with either option.

Sitting down by the kitchen table, Dez puts his helmet on its surface and then pours himself a drink. It tastes good, a promise of numbness, but his gut burns even worse. Whatever. Dez downs the entire glass.

A couple of minutes later, the door chirps and a glance at his vambrace tells Dez it is Paz so he unlocks the door to let his son enter while he pours himself another glass.

It's only been a little over two weeks since Ra'ell across the hall died in a jetpack accident and Paz had declared he wanted to claim the place for himself and move in there. At first Dez' instinct had been to say no, he has always kept Paz close so he could protect him, but had realized that his boy was no longer a boy but a young man who wanted his freedom. Nineteen. Dez had become a father at that age and he's always felt he was ready for the task, he certainly does not regret it for a moment, but looking at Paz it makes him wonder some times if he'd become a parent when he was mostly a child himself? Paz looks so painfully young. Or maybe that's just because Dez is 37 now and feels like he's at least 80?

“Hey.” Paz says, walking over and taking a seat by the table as well.

“Hey.” Dez replies, taking a sip from his glass.

Paz hesitates before taking off his helmet. He's frowning. “Are you okay?” Another moment of hesitation. “You look tired.”

“Everything is perfect.” Dez mumbles and takes another sip. The burn in his gut and a new wave of nausea causes a brief grimace before he manages to get his face back under control. He looks over at Paz and can only think of one reason why he's here. “What do you need?”

“Nothing.” Paz mumbles back. He looks down and shrugs. “Sungodt said you left in a hurry. He thought that maybe something was wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong.” Sungodt needs to mind his own karking business. Dez refills his glass. “How is Raga?” He actually misses stumbling over her here at all hours.”Have you married her yet?”

Predictably that makes Paz' face flush. For such a big and strong boy, it doesn't take much to make Paz blush. The helmet hides how soft his heart is and that is probably a good thing.

“I've told you,” Paz replies awkwardly, “we're just friends.”

“And I've told you,” Dez fires back, “that you need to marry that girl before someone else does. She's strong, fearless and loyal, everything a Mandalorian should be. Just imagine the kids you two could have, the Foundlings you'd raise, the Galaxy would start fearing Mandalorians again.”

Now Paz' face goes from flushed to a deep red and he hunches his shoulders. “That's not going to happen, father.”

Dez rolls his eyes and drinks. His son is a clever boy, except for when he's a complete idiot.

“So, everything is okay?” Paz asks, embarrassed by his father's words in regards to Raga and eager to change the subject.

Nodding, Dez swallows down the mouthful of alcohol with some difficulty. A headache is starting to make its presence known. “Yeah. Perfect. Go away.”

Paz flinches, he tries to hide it but fails, and there is hurt in his eyes as he nods and gets up. “Understood.”

It's the right thing to do; toughen the boy up further and prevent Paz from worrying about his father instead of focusing on living his own life, Dez knows this, and yet... When his son turns away, meaning to put his helmet on and leave, Dez hears his own voice calling out and finds himself standing up. “Paz, wait.”

Turning back, Paz looks irrationally hopeful. “Yes?”

Weirdly lost for words, Dez feels his resolve trembling and cracking. He is struck with a hysterical urge to suggest the unthinkable; -Let's leave the Covert. I hate this life. I fucking hate it. We should live like proper Mandalorians. I'll teach you the real Way. Let's bring Raga and just go.

The Galaxy is a dangerous place, definitely, but if cretins like Bo-Katan Kryze and her ilk can survive out there, surely they can as well? Dez would keep Paz and Raga safe. He could...

Dez' lips tremble as the words nearly slip out, but they soon tighten into a thin line as he forces the urge away. He can't. Looking at Paz, tall, proud and strong, Dez realizes he can't do that to him. Paz is a Vizla. He has prepared himself to be the leader of their clan for most of his life, this is his home, this Way is the only Way he knows, and Dez doesn't have the right to take all that from him after he dragged Paz into this by choosing not to follow Pre. No, they have come too far to turn back.

Clearing his throat, Dez wills his voice into working again. “The Quarter Battle is coming up. I expect you to be ready and make our clan proud by winning.”

Disappointment replaces the hurt in his eyes and Paz gives a faint nod. “Of course.” He half-whispers, then turns away, puts his helmet on and leaves.

Dez puts his helmet on as well. His headache is reaching levels of pure agony now and his stomach feels like a burning inferno. He reluctantly brings up the medical scanner on his HUD and activates it.

He might be fine with exhaling his last, it would almost be a relief on some days, but his son still needs him and so Dez can't die. Not yet. Dez has to make sure the clan is worthy of his son taking over. He has to make Paz realize he needs to marry Raga as soon as possible. And Dez somehow, despite years of failing to do so, has to make their leader see that they have to stop hiding underground and that they need to reclaim their place in the Galaxy as proper warriors.

Dez feels like old armour, worn thin and brittle and on the verge of shattering into pieces, but he will continue acting like the man people thinks he is. Time will tell how long he can keep pretending, but he will go on. For Paz. For Raga. For their future.

#the mandalorian his son and the storm trooper #Paz Vizsla #Raga Saxon #Dez Vizsla #the one-shots start coming and they don't stop coming

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