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kunstpause-archive · 4 years

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F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

For this Fanfic ask game

I love writing dialogue-heavy scenes so this was a hard one but I found one I particularly like. It's from a long story about DA2 I am writing together with @elveny and it’s between Cassia (Hawke) and Anders at a point where she has been in a very bad place for a while. Cassia has struggled with self-worth issues and depression for a long time, on top of it she always had issues really controlling her magic - and over time it led to her trying to fix her problems through potions - basically stumbling into an addiction. Around the time her mother dies all this comes up and to light and the bit about her talking to Anders after she relapsed (with not so nice side effects) was something I had in my head for them for months in advance already. Trying to find the balance between someone being true there for her in a helpful manner but also not acting like talking a little bit to a friend solves the issue. Bc it doesn’t, but it is the first time she realizes, that she isn’t the only one struggling with certain things and that’s worth a lot in itself.

I really liked how that scene turned out, from the actual talk to the mood around it. I put a part of it under the cut.

cw: for talk about drug abuse and depression

“Cassia? I was at your sister’s, and I thought I’d check in on you because…” Anders suddenly stopped, and Cassia could guess why. What sight greeted him. “Cassia?” he called out again. Louder, more alarmed this time.

“In here,” she called back, her voice cracking under the strain. But he had obviously heard her, for only moments later, she wasn’t alone anymore. From the way he looked at her, Cassia was reasonably certain she wouldn’t have to explain much. Resignation mixed with concern was all over his face.

Cassia felt like she had to make him understand regardless. “Anders, I...” she started, but her voice trailed off with uncertainty.

“It’s alright,” he said, bending down to help her up. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and back into bed first.”

“I don’t need even more rest,” Cassia said between clenched teeth. “I need…”

“I think you have no idea what you actually need right now,” he interrupted her. He didn’t sound unkind, but there was a sternness on his face Cassia wasn’t used to. Anders let out a small sigh. “I was afraid of something like this,” he murmured quietly. “But not enough to take precautions.”

All of a sudden, Cassia felt defensive. “It’s not that bad,” she insisted, “a small error in judgment. I made a mistake, but there is no reason to get all overly worried about me again.” She tried to stand on her own, to move away from him, but her balance was off the second she tried. Anders managed to hold her upright just in time, looking even sterner than before.

“I decide how much I worry, not you,” he said as he helped her over to the water basin. “I know you think you don’t need anyone’s help, but you do. And from what I am seeing, you probably shouldn’t be the one to make that call right now.”

Everything inside Cassia wanted to protest, but she felt too weak to even lift her arms on her own as she let herself be sat down. A warm washcloth against her skin made her able to focus at least some.

“You don’t get to decide how I…” she started, but Anders was having none of it.

“I think it is pretty clear that your decision-making is piss-poor at the moment,” he said dryly, continuously cleaning up the remains of spilled potion and stray ice flakes on her. “So, right now? I’m taking charge, and you are going to let me help!”

He didn’t get loud, but he spoke with so much quiet authority that Cassia didn’t have it in her to argue anymore. She just nodded silently as he helped her up again and walked her back to her bedroom. A few minutes later Cassia was back in bed, her potions chest gone, out of sight. As she got settled, Anders sat down at the side of her bed, looking at her intensely.

“You want to tell me why you thought any of this was a particularly good idea?” he asked, and Cassia shifted uncomfortably, not quite knowing how to answer that. The silence between them stretched, but from the way he was looking at her, she knew he wouldn’t just let her off the hook. Not this time at least.

“You didn’t even have a good reason, did you?”

It sounded surprisingly calm, and Cassia didn’t quite know how to meet his eyes. “Oh, I had plenty,” she muttered.

“Tell me then.”

Cassia looked up. “Why?” she asked, feeling her guard go up. “So you can pick them apart and tell me how dumb I was? How they were not valid reasons at all?” Part of her could hear it clear as day already, but something in his eyes seemed not right. Unexpected.

“No,” Anders said simply. “They were probably valid reasons. But you are not seeing your situation clearly right now.”

He said it with such certainty that Cassia felt irritation flare up in her. “I can see just fine, thanks!” The exasperation was all over her voice as she tried to make him see. “Look, I get that you are trying to help, but there are some things you couldn’t possibly understand. You don’t know what it’s like!”

“Try me.”

“What?”

His open expression and the lack of any further admonishments threw Cassia for a loop. She had expected another lecture at least, but so far, Anders had been surprisingly uncooperative when it came to her expectations.

“You’re right, I have no idea about your magic issues,” he said softly. “But everything else? You’d be surprised how much I understand what you are feeling.”

Cassia shook her head in disbelief. It didn’t deter Anders from continuing.

“It’s all too much, isn’t it? The expectations. The pressure. People needing you to be a certain way, and you just know deep inside that you are not up to it. That you are going to let them down.” There was something in his eyes as he spoke that gave her pause. Something personal. Like he wasn’t just talking about how she felt, but about something way more private. Remnants of pain much older than her current situation. “And no matter how often someone tells you it’s alright, something inside you just can’t believe them,” he continued, and Cassia felt herself slightly nodding along with his words that described what she was feeling all too well. “Something insists they are wrong. Knows they would see it too if they only looked close enough. If they could only see you as you see yourself. If they knew the truth…” His eyes were locked with hers. “Am I close?”

Cassia swallowed as she nodded. “How…”

A sad smile appeared on Anders’ face. “Cassia, if you believe me in nothing else, believe this: You are not the first and not the only person to ever feel like this.”

For a moment, all Cassia could think about was all that she knew about his past in Ferelden. And the fact that he definitely wasn’t just spouting platitudes at her. He knew how she felt. He understood because she wasn’t the only one. A realization that should make her happy. Instead, all she felt was a feeling of deep sorrow for her friend.

“Anders, I am so sorry…” she said quietly but he waved her words aside. The sadness in his smile disappeared as it turned into something more genuine. More him.

“Don’t be. It was a long time ago, and I’ve learned a lot since then.” He gave her an encouraging look. “It wasn’t easy. As I assume it won’t be for you. But I promise you: It can get better. Not through a potion though, and especially not one that could very well kill you!”

“But it helped…” Cassia heard herself say in a small voice before she could even think about it. “Before I mean. I felt so awful, and then I took it and it helped!”

Anders shook his head. “Not really.” Gently, he took one of her hands into his, squeezing it lightly. “It made you feel better about yourself for a while, but it didn’t really solve anything, did it? It’s temporary. And trust me, if you keep this up, it will only get worse.” If someone is interested in the whole chapter you can find it here

#Kunstpause answers stuff #about writing #thank you for this ask :D #Precipice of Change #lynmars79

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frobin · 4 years

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astolfobia

hat auf deinen Eintrag geantwortet

“I can totally understand the Jinbe/Robin ship, it does make sense. But...”

>> What... do you mean about not being sure if Zoro reacted correctly or not about Usopp?

Hey hey,

okay this has nothing to do with FRobin and is more about Zoro, Usopp and the crew dynamics but since you asked I decided to answer. And I try to make myself clear because it’s probably VERY, VERY, VERY subjective and also comes from my female and very European point of view.

I read the scene again (in german bc I don’t have the official translation at hand) but I also looked if kaizoku-ni-naru has it translated and here it is: https://kaizokuou-ni-naru.tumblr.com/post/190464807603/thank-you-so-much-for-your-wonderful-blog-im

Also many of it is from memory because of course I’m missing the volumes with the beginning of Water7 More behind the read more:

Let’s do a little recap:

Usopp left the crew. Why? Because to him it seemed like they were leaving Merry behind because the ship wasn’t strong enough anymore.

That might seem weird since Merry is just a ship right? But we know that Merry had a soul, that manifested in the Klabauter. Merry was part of the crew but as soon as she was too weak (Usopp did not know that Merry was beyond repair), as soon as there was something better, Merry was replaced.

That hit Usopp hard because Merry had not only been a present from his friend Kaya but this ship had been with them through so much and who knows how strong the bond between Usopp and the ship had really grown (he had been the one to see the Klabauter and the first to hear Merrys voice) so of course for him it felt like they were abandoning not only a ship, a thing, but a friend and even a crew mate. Now, Usopp has a lot of problems. He feels weak, especially compared to Luffy, Sanji (who is also the cook) and Zoro who are The Monster Trio for a reason. Nami is a Navigator and so essential to the crew. Chopper is a doctor (also essential) and a literal monster!

But all Usopp can do is shoot. He is probably going to be the best sharp-shooter in the world but he is not aware of that. Not back then and not now. Even after all the amazing things Usopp did in the recent arcs, he still considers himself weak.

His self-worth is low and he loathes himself, probably feels like he is worth nothing. The only thing that he is good for is keeping Merry afloat, a memento to his island where he was important. Maybe the only thing that keeps him afloat too.

So, the crew is willing to abandon Merry. Who tells that they won’t abandon him? Right after he lost a part of the money that was supposed to be used for Merry, right after he had to be saved by his crew, because he is weak!

And you can bet that Usopp has abandonment issues too. After all, his father left to have adventures. Usopp lost his mother to sickness when he was still a small child. The village was annoyed by the child that ran every morning along the road to shout “Pirates are coming!”. Not as a threat but because he hoped that it would be true, that his dad would come back for him one day. Instead he grew up alone until he found some kids that thought he was cool enough to be their leader. He somehow managed to befriend the sick girl, and told her lies, like he did for his mother. And then Kaya was willing to renounce, to abandon him for Kuro.

Merry is important and they want to leave Merry - him - behind.

Usopp was afraid, got angry and he attacked Luffy.

Was it smart? No. Was is it understandable? Yes. Could they have handled all that better? Fuck yes!

But they are both teens who are stubborn and hot headed and in a tough and loaded situation. So I understand why it happened.

And Usopp again is beaten, even with his smarts and his knowledge of Luffy’s weaknesses. He could not win. Because he is too weak. He lacks. He is not good enough. Luffy not only destroyed Usopp’s (already beaten) body, but also another part of his self worth.

(I’m not crying you’re crying!)

Then, we all know that Robin was caught, while Usopp fixed himself up and then later met Franky. It was only then that Usopp learned that the ship was beyond repair but also learned that Merry had a Klabauter. And then more shit happened. What we also know is that Usopp had a very, very large role in the rescue of Robin and that he was one of the people who talked sense into her. Without him they wouldn’t have saved Robin and Luffy might have given up. He pep-talked him to continue fighting.

(It’s still you who is crying! Shut up!)

Anyway, let’s get to Zoro telling the rest of the crew that they can only accept Usopp back when he apologizes. Which, let’s be honest, makes sense.

Usopp should apologize. Because he was in the wrong. But his decisions came from a very specific place.

So yeah, Zoro is right. But I get a bad feeling at the whole display of aggression and that Zoro expects Usopp to live up to his (Zoro’s) also very specific views and values of a warrior and the honor associated with it, without caring for Usopp’s. Again, a boy who grew up alone without any role model except that vague idea of an amazing pirate that was sailing the sea.

And the whole “Either it is like I say or I go!” stroke me as especially harsh.

Because I’ve been confronted with that sentiment so often, that I felt that deep in my bones. When I read it first, I didn’t even realise why that scene shook me. But it was that exact sentiment that poisoned my club and ultimately made me leave it, because I gave the ultimatum right back “You will go if things don’t go your way? Then go or I leave!” I’ve been part of that club since I had been seven years old. I left it with 25 because I had more balls than that fucking asshole and I’m still pissed about it, ten years later. And I’m very forgiving.

What Zoro said was that everyone has to know their place or they are no material to be a pirate (which is kind of weird since some people become pirates to be free, if you want to follow and know your place, maybe you should become a Marine). Ultimately you have to know whom to follow and that is - in this case - Luffy and no one else. You have to trust his judgement because he is the captain or else he is not much of a captain.

And again this can make sense because if you don’t trust your captain or know your place on a ship it can be a death sentence at sea.

Then there is this thing that this is ‘no playing pirate’.

We still don’t know all of Luffy’s reasons why he wants to be pirate king but he often hints that he just wants to be free and have fun with his friends. That sounds a lot like ‘playing games’. At that point he only slowly learns that being a pirate is often way more serious and dangerous and filled with tough decisions than he thought. Playing games and have fun, that is why he was so delighted when he heard that Usopp wanted to come back. But playtime is over that is why he agreed with Zoro. Time to grow up they are at war after all.

We know why Usopp left the crew, went against his captain and friend, because Usopp felt like they were abandoning ANOTHER FRIEND.

But whatever reason there MIGHT BE does not matter for Zoro. He even says he does not know why all of it happened, does not care who was wrong or right.

I think that is a dangerous sentiment! Because personally, I feel like it’s important to try to see outside of your own perspective and I think you should never judge before you know all the facts. If you then still come to the same conclusion that is fine and if you come to another that is good too.That is what it means to make an informed decision, because the world is not black and white. Many things have reasons that are so layered that you can’t just expect everyone to come to the same conclusion when they don’t have the same information. That is why communication is important.

Usopp waited for the very last moment to reach out to his friends. The longer he waited the longer he could imagine that everything would be fine in the end. He gave himself to that illusion. Zoro would have never done that and so no one else should do it. He is not exactly empathic. I feel like Zoro can’t look farther than his own ideas.

But I can agree with Zoro to some amount. I understand where he comes from.

Do I like it? Absolutely not.

So, to slowly come to an end, we all know how this went. And I have to give it to Zoro, he also did say “I hear nothing” whenever Usopp tried to handle the situation like nothing had happened. He wanted him back too, after all.

And shit, it worked. Usopp cried out to his friends, he apologized and Luffy reached out to him to reel him in.

But I can’t help but think that it absolutely destroyed Usopp after all. He saw his friends leaving him behind in a foreign city without any support. He just got a bounty and so would get in the focus of the marines, especially them thinking he is still part of the Strawhat crew.

The crew, his friends, would leave him because he is weak and not worth anything and he would have no friends and be alone forever.

I don’t even want to start to imagine the pure despair he felt that moment. And it stayed with him, as we learn in Thriller Bark. And again and again.

So yeah.

It worked in the end but I think it could have been handled better.

Well, that is easy to say as a grown up with some more years under my belt and from an outside perspective. But even back when I first read it, it gave me a strange feeling.

I think at least one of the crew should have talked to Usopp and given him some clues. And I’m sure Franky would have if he knew what was up but he hadn’t been part of the crew. Robin didn’t for whatever reason talk to Usopp, but she also never agreed with Zoro, looked almost angry about it. Nami also didn’t want to go against her captain, I guess. Sanji agreed with Zoro, maybe also with a bad feeling and Chopper is even less experienced than any other of them.

Oda is an amazing storyteller with a lot of characters that have an incredible amount of layers but that does not mean I agree with him all the time and so I don’t agree with his characters all the time.

And that is what I meant. XD Sorry for the long text.

#astolfobia #One Piece #analysis #not frobin #aks #text #long text #Zoro #Usopp #Pirate Hunter Zoro #god usopp #meta #my opinion #kon #personal #the things you read and how you interpret them is always influenced by your own experiences #1900 words #damn

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 5 years

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what more can you do?

WOO! this week’s episode was sad and weird and badly paced and startlingly, unevenly mature in true titans fashion. i loved it (with reservations)! let’s talk about it in excruciating detail:

SPOILERS ahead.

1. i can’t say that i’m awfully thrilled about the show following up on a character’s literal suicide attempt by... not addressing said suicide attempt at all. maybe it’s the awkward way an entire episode’s worth of flashback was shoehorned in between the end of 2.07--where dick literally talked jason off the ledge while in the throes of a psychotic break of his own--and the beginning of this one, but it’s honestly not just bad storytelling, but irresponsible storytelling.

1.5. in a general sense, tho, the tableau at the beginning of the episode is so egregiously unfair--so shockingly, plainly one-sided, with a slump shouldered dick facing the world, only kory on his side, that it’s quite apparent that it’s the lowest these heroes can go. and i do think their individual reactions to dick’s confession provide an interesting insight into their characters. hank and dawn have been operating alone for so long, each a reminder of their traumas and losses and very human frailty to the other, without even the resources that dick and the batman enjoy. it’s been them v the world for so goddamn long; is it any wonder that they were looking for the first excuse to bail out of there, to not Deal with the idea that what they were doing to deal with their traumas and guilt was clearly not working, and dick was--and has been always--so willing to be the scapegoat? hank punching dick was utterly unwarranted--but i can accept that as part of the unaddressed emotional outbursts arising out of years of accumulated head injuries from both college football and vigilantism. (this isn’t to excuse what he did but to contextualise it within hank’s history and personality.) their instinct when facing ugly truths is to retreat to what they think is familiar and what they need--except, as hank realises later in the episode, that’s exactly what’s fucking them up further.

rose is understandably upset at being lied to about her brother’s death and the titans being complicit in the same--but i’m curious that her reaction was to merely leave and not try and fight them. maybe after being defeated by dick while sparring and nearly being killed by rachel she was sensible enough to realise that she couldn’t take them on all at once? i don’t know--she’s curiously been a bit of a cipher this season. jason leaving with her made sense tho--unburdened of the weight of being the team’s scapegoat, understandably miffed at dick for keeping a secret that nearly cost him his life and left him with a great deal of trauma, just Angry at the world in general, he gravitates towards rose, the only other outsider/rebel who tried to reach out to him when everybody else shunned him or looked at him like an impostor. i think the decision was more impulsive than anything--they still look confused and uncertain in the taxi as they leave the tower behind. but--i don’t know. theirs is the storyline that i’m the most perplexed about. we just don’t have a lot of information about either of them, rose especially.

(a part of me still thinks she’s slade’s mole in the tower. but why would she leave if she is? to keep up appearances bc to react in any other way to the news of her brother’s death would be suspicious? maybe she left because her job is done and the titans were splitting up? maybe she was part of the long game to seduce jason over to slade’s side--seeking revenge for dick swaying jericho over to the titans’? am i going to stop asking myself questions in this post? am i ever going to write a review that’s not just stream-of-consciousness nonsense? only time will tell.)

DONNA. oh, donna. her decision to leave seems to me a logical continuation of her s2 arc that i’d talked about in a previous review--paranoid, insecure, retraumatised, and taking out her frustrations on jason and dick. it’s also very interesting to me that she complained to rachel about dick treating them like “soldiers” and only told them things that he deemed that they “need[ed] to know.” it was because of jillian and whatever mysterious business that themyscira was conducting in sf that she and garth and slade ever landed up in that airport at all; even worse, jillian deemed it was something that donna didn’t need to know until it was too late. donna lost so much in that fiasco--the man she loved, her friends, several members of her amazon family, and her sense of purpose, her belief in her strength and her destiny and her faith that other people trusted her as a warrior and as a leader. she’s projecting all that pain onto dick--who again, doesn’t deserve all this shit but takes it anyway because of his own issues.

1.8. and, like. as much as jericho’s death became the Traumatic Event that overshadowed almost everything else in dick’s life for the last five years and helps explain a lot of his hang-ups right from s1, it just doesn’t have the same significance for the others. don’t get me wrong--i’m sure hank, donna and dawn are devastated and guilty about the part that they had to play in manipulating jericho and his eventual death. but their issues with each other, with the titans tower and with their past run deeper and in different directions, and i think all of that came into play when they each decided to go their separate ways.

1.95. idek what the fuck is going on with rachel. i felt every ounce of dick’s heartbreak and devastation when she got up to leave with donna. for all that she saved dick in the first episode of this season, she still hasn’t reached the point where she’s willing to unburden her emotions and issues on him. it must be frustrating and sad for her to realise just how much dick didn’t trust her either. but there’s something else going on as well: maybe she’s realised she has no real control over her re-emerging powers, and, carrying on with the fatalistic attitude she had at the end of 2.05, she wants to spare the titans the chaos and darkness that she carries around with her. (she’s used to running away at this point, after all.) she goes with donna bc donna knows her the least: it would therefore be easy to fool her and escape.

2. more faddei! and kory backstory! \o/

it’s curious that they never once bring up trigon, because s1 gave the impression that she’d come to earth with a specific mission to seek his portal out and destroy it before he could, y’know, Fuck The Universe Up. faddei makes it sound like kory just went on this fun little sabbatical before taking up royal duties, which kiiinda undercuts a lot of what was cool about her s1 arc. i realise you aren’t entirely happy with your freshman season, titans, and s2 looks like it might be a soft reboot, but you don’t have to mutilate it like this!

but seriously. the stakes just got upped exponentially for kory, and it would be really interesting to see where she goes from here. apart from a promise to rachel, she doesn’t really owe the rest of the titans anything--not that i think she views relationships in such transactional terms, of course. on the other hand, abandoning her responsibilities on tamaran has led to its takeover by an unfit leader and the deaths of several of her family and friends. the choice shouldn’t be a choice at all. she should go back home. and yet--she waited too long, and the choice has been taken away from her. faddei is dead, both of their ships are destroyed, and she is stuck on earth, grieving and frustrated and furious. kory is usually very clear headed about exactly where she stands emotionally, but after such a big event, she must be feeling so much pain, guilt, sorrow, anger, even resentment. it’s so easy to look at kory’s level-headedness and open, empathetic personality and use her to prop up other characters, but i hope that this isn’t always the case, and that she’ll be allowed to really work through these emotions while somebody else looks out for her.

2.35. (the little snippets of faddei and kory just enjoying the shit out of the Little Things that humanity has to offer is just... it filled me with so much warmth. i wouldn’t mind an entire episode of them just chilling and exploring and annoying each other with badly-applied out-of-context pop culture references)

2.5. blackfire! i don’t know much about comics!blackfire beyond “she was starfire’s sister, Evil, and possibly sold her sister into slavery??? yikes” so i’m just going purely off what the show has revealed about her so far. it was honestly disconcerting to see so many references to her possible disability (?) and to see both that and the efforts to accommodate her spoken about in... i want to say mocking way? i don’t know. i just saw a murder mystery/thriller movie today where the serial killer was revealed to have been both disabled from birth and mentally ill, and maybe i’m just feeling extra sensitive to the truly disturbing and pervasive trope of having disabled characters be Evil--and tying their Evil to their disability.

2.8. anyhow, blackfire appears to have accumulated a fair bit of power in the time that kory’s been gone: not only can she remotely possess other tamaraneans but she can blow up their ships too. (and didn’t faddei say that she had goons on the ground, looking for starfire?)

2.9. it’s a Lot to deal with this late in the season. maybe kory will leave for tamaran to deal with blackfire once and for all at the end of the season. and if titans ends up cancelled, wouldn’t that be a bittersweet ending.

(wherein ‘bittersweet’ translates to ‘devastating’ ofc)

3. oh where do i even start with dick

his worst fears came true. after his confession, not only did his old friends up and leave, but so did rachel and jason, which he found more heartbreaking than anything else. utterly consumed by guilt and convinced more than ever before of his culpability, he actively seeks out ways to self-flagellate, first by going to adeline to apologise, then by banishing himself, then by making sure he is punished (tho i have my doubts on that last one; will elaborate a little later). after watching him have an extended psychotic break and dash into not one but two suicide missions, watching dick grayson do this to himself feels like watching an extended feature on human suffering. it’s not fun, or pretty, and i can feel it reaching its nadir so that dick can bounce back up again, but i hope it happens soon.

(dick’s natural tendency to internalise guilt and responsibility into a hard little diamond core at his centre and his long training with batman with all the emphasis on secrets and subterfuge with a healthy underpinning of paranoia ironically means that he does so much goddamn emotional labour for this team. he’s the glue that keeps them together, that gives them purpose. he’s trying so hard to do good by everybody that he isn’t really able to achieve it with any of them, which leads to another self-flagellating spiral and him determining to try harder and the cycle just keeps going on. only kory seems to have ever broken this cycle, because she’s never demanded anything of him, nor he of her. it’s really sad to think how bereft dick feels right now, and more than that, how it’s stopping him from being there for the people who really do need him and trust him, like gar and rachel.)

3.25. adeline makes a very good point about how merely apologising doesn’t mean you’re owed forgiveness, and that seeking it out after all these years is a self-serving exercise in itself. but i can see dick taking it hard, especially after discovering that she’s letting slade--the man who actually killed her son--recuperate at her home. (and let’s be clear: however good her intentions, she participated in lying to her child about the truth of what his father actually does. wow, jericho was really just fucked over by pretty much every one he loved, wasn’t he?)

but i am glad to see dick isn’t so far gone that he takes the blame for jericho’s death in front of slade. he’s very aware that slade has permanently broken the team and very aware of the threat slade poses if they ever try to get back together again, but he’s not going to completely surrender every last shred of his self-worth and dignity to this man, and that was refreshing to see.

3.5. so he banishes himself to the farthest place he can think of with nothing more than the shirt on his back and a single duffel bag. it’s so over-the-top yet so... dick grayson.

3.8. BUT WAIT! ~PLOT TWIST~

ok so here’s what’s happening, all right? strap in:

a) jericho is one hundred percent inside slade. i have no doubts about this. adeline knows this too. it’s why she was so even-keeled while talking to dick, why she confidently said that jericho loved dick, and why she said “they” might be willing to forgive him. i’m thinking when slade crawled back home, jericho took advantage of his father’s momentary weakness to tell what was happening to his mother.

b) jericho tried to communicate to dick. i saw something somewhere which said that slade had gestured something very specific in asl while conversing with dick? i’m willing to believe that was intentional.

c) when dick was turning to leave and slade called him one last time and gave his “banishment sentence” jericho likely jumped bodies from slade to dick

d) so why did dick get himself arrested at the airport?

- dick was going through, as others have speculated, a dissociative episode. given how he’s exhibited signs of mental illness throughout this season this isn’t that far out of the realm of possibility, but it’s a weak and redundant narrative bridge and wasn’t shot in a way that suggested that it was a mental break. so i’m ruling this out.

- jericho took over. maybe he felt that this was the only way he could force dick to stay in sf. maybe some of his father’s anger/resentment leeched into him and he wanted to dick to experience some actual punishment instead of scarpering again. maybe he was overwhelmed by dick’s own self-flagellating tendencies and chose the shortest route to maximum pain. maybe it’s a combination of all three.

- dick finally got his brain into gear and realised at the last minute that jericho had possessed slade and was trying to tell him something. why he then proceeded to get himself arrested instead of running out of the airport is a mystery.

personally, i’m leaning towards the ‘jericho possessed dick’ possibility.

4. gar is such a sweetheart and i am so glad that he took centrestage this episode, even though, like always, it was to support another character and ended up with him crying and begging for help from an unresponsive dick. *sighs*

4.5. much like dick himself, he’s trying to do good by everybody, only to end up badly misjudging a situation, and all alone.

5. oof. this has gone on for far too long and i am Tired. more thoughts to come later, because right now my brain is as disorganised as... as disorganised as a titans episode. hah! self-burn!!!

#titans #titans spoilers #dick grayson #koriand'r #garfield logan #hank hall #dawn granger #donna troy #rachel roth #slade wilson #meta #aaaah this is 2.6k+ words long I'M SORRY

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phandomsecretvalentines · 6 years

Text

Tell Me Everything Will Be Alright

This is my fic (and my first phanfic wow) for the 2018 Phandom Secret Valentines, and my valentine is @citrouillephan!

I hope you enjoy! -from your valentine, @realityfallsapart

tags: fluff, angst, 2009 AU

words: 4.7k

Summary: Dan Howell tends to get lost in his head and his thoughts have a habit of ruling him even when he doesn’t want them to. When he and his best friend finally have a chance at meeting, Dan starts to wonder if he is actually good enough for the amazing human being that is Phil Lester.

(ao3 link)

(Thank you so much to @moonbeamphan for reading this over and helping me! This wouldn’t be as good without you!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan typed his answer and sent it by hitting enter before leaning back in his chair and letting out a shaky breath that seemed to rattle his insides. His laptop chirped quietly, announcing that Phil had replied to him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at it right away. Finally, after a few moments, he flicked his eyes down to the white screen of the computer in his lap where Phil’s most recent message seemed to glare up at him.

Phil :) (9:47 PM)

i know!

i can’t believe it either!

For a few moment, Dan could do nothing but stare at the screen; at the black words disrupting the artificial white light. It was the only thing that gave Dan any sort of illumination in his room; everything else was dark. He bit his lip and thought about the possible pros and cons of shutting his laptop and burying his head under his duvet to pretend that everything was fine because it was. It’s all fine.

Dan shook his head and reached his hands down to the keyboard. He wouldn't—couldn’t—do that to Phil. Phil deserved so much better than that. His numb fingers typed out a small sentence, only realizing that it had several typos until after he had sent it. He mentally kicked himself for it.

Dan ^-^ (9:51 PM)

Me niether! it seems like thsi would n e v e r happen!

**neither, this

Jeez i can spell

Phil :) (9:51 PM)

idk dan are you sure you can def spell? those seem like some pretty beginner mistakes…

Dan knew Phil was kidding. He knew that it was just Phil playing around with Dan like they normally did. Like they had been doing for months at this point. But in Dan’s heightened state of anxiety and stress, he couldn’t help but berate himself further. God, Phil must think of him as a kid now, he can’t even spell right!

Dan crashed back into his mattress, groaning and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid….” he muttered, hitting his forehead with his hand with every word.

Looking back on this moment, Dan would laugh and realize how utterly idiotic his anger with himself was coming from, but right now, in bed with the lights off and by himself, he couldn’t help but magnify the issue. He had been anxious and stressed without a pause this entire week.

He looked up at his ceiling, sighing in growing frustration towards himself, but it wasn’t just because of his inability to catch his typos. In fact, it had nothing to do with them. The typos had just tipped him right over the edge and all of his insecurities crashed over him like waves, his head nearly going under the tide.

To say he wasn’t good enough was an understatement. To say that Phil deserved a much better best friend than Dan was even more of one. Phil was older, more experienced, more mature, funny, smart, kind, and extremely compassionate. He had a great time making pretty successful and entertaining videos (at least in Dan’s opinion, and he would always fight anyone who said otherwise) on the side, on top of balancing life. Dan was younger, so much more less experienced with everything, he got overwhelmed with life and spent the majority of his time curled up under his covers surfing through the waves of his latest existential crisis or playing PC video games that he would forget about within the next 24 hours. He was purgatory in the form of a human and an incredibly underwhelming one at that.

He wasn’t sure how long exactly he laid there, stewing in his self-deprecation and wishing that he was better. Better in literally every aspect, maybe then he would finally be worth Phil’s time, if only a little bit. His computer chirped again, and then twice more minutes later in rapid succession, as if angry. Dan grasped for the thing, pulling it up to his chest, lacking the energy to sit back up.

Phil :) (10:07 PM)

Dan you know im joking right?

Phil :) (10:16 PM)

Dan? you still there? i was joking i promise you can make all the typos you want

u didnt fall asleep did you?

Dan couldn’t help the watery smile that turned the corners of his mouth up, albeit it being a small one. Phil had that effect on him even if Dan was falling apart on the inside. Just a little though, he was fine.

Dan ^-^ (10:18 PM)

nooo im not sleeping

Phil :) (10:18 PM)

Dan ^-^ (10:19 PM)

why the frowny face

Dan tried to keep the fear out of his thoughts but the talons of doubt had already settled around his heart. Was Phil mad that he didn’t answer right away? Would-

His laptop signaled the arrival of Phil’s reply, and Dan really didn’t know if he wanted to slam the lid of his computer shut or jump at the opportunity to find out if he had just ruined the best friendship he had ever had. Ever will. He went for the latter.

(Dan supposed he might be overreacting, but then again, when wasn’t he, it seemed?)

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

did i insult your typing skills one too many times? is that why you disapeared?

*disappeared

Dan used the best coping mechanisms for dealing with his anxiety that he knew: humor and avoidance. Together, they were a formidable force and Dan had spent a large majority of his time perfecting their potency.

Dan ^-^ (10:20 PM)

now look who’s making the typos

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

Dan.

He gulped. Now he had done it. Fuck. He had to fix this.

Dan ignored the roar behind his ears that seemed to be screaming that he should just ignore this all, pray that things would magically fix themselves and change the topic. That was his fear talking. His self-abandonment. His anxiety. His everything. Phil was worth so much more. So Dan pushed it all away for just long enough to reply.

Dan ^-^ (10:21 PM)

sorry, joke

no, thats not why i ran away

i was just thinking, thats all

Phil :) (10:21 PM)

were you doing it again

Dan tried to pretend that he didn’t know what Phil was talking about and simultaneously cursed himself for telling Phil about his increasing habit for getting lost in his thoughts. He failed. He knew exactly what Phil was talking about.

Back, about three weeks ago in a later-than-normal conversation where all of their inhibitions seemed to dissipate, Dan had finally come clean about how sometimes thoughts got the best of him. He would crumble under them, get so completely and utterly lost in his head that he would sometimes stay there for hours on end, picking apart anything that his conscience decided to dig up. And it hindered Dan, made him hate himself just that much more, made him hate how easily his anxieties held him hostage, stuck. But he couldn’t do much about it, it seemed, for whenever he got lost in his head, he always forgot that he had to get out.

Dan gulped. He had to lie his way out of this. He knew that Phil didn’t like it when Dan got stuck. He could pull off nonchalance, right?

Dan ^-^ (10:22 PM)

Phil :) (10:22 PM)

im not convinced

you were werent you

Dan ^-^ (10:23 PM)

does my word not count for anything lol

Phil :) (10:24 PM)

maybe if we were talking and i could see your face it’d count

Dan ^-^ (10:24 PM)

what’s my face got to do with anything?

Phil’s bubble appeared on the screen once, twice, three times, before he apparently decided on what he was going to say and sent it. The entire time Dan was a few words away from having a breakdown. His hands were shaking. His mind was racing faster than normal. Faster than it had in what seemed like a very long time.

Phil :) (10:26 PM)

bc then i could tell if you were lying

tho rn i dont even need that

Dan ^-^ (10:26 PM)

are u seriously saying im lying

Phil :) (10:27 PM)

yeah

you did everything that you always do when you arent telling the truth

you joked

changed / focused the conversation onto smth else

and besides

ive gathered that you really dont like to talk about the things that bother you. you like to ignore them and stuff

Dan ^-^ (10:28 PM)

so how bout we not talk about them then

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

normally, maybe

but not with this

Dan ^-^ (10:29 PM)

and why not?

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

bc i dont like it when you beat yourself up in your head

Dan ^-^ (10:30 PM)

who said i was beating myself up in my head

Phil :) (10:30 PM)

… dan :/

youre avoiding again

Dan cursed himself. God, since when could Phil read him like a book?

Dan ^-^ (10:32 PM)

fine. maybe i am

what are you gonna do about it philly?

Phil :) (10:32 PM)

daaaaannnnnn

you arent allowed to beat yourself up

no ones allowed to

especially you!

Dan giggled, just a little. He couldn’t help it when Phil was being…well, Phil.

Dan ^-^ (10:33 PM)

and why not? Hmm?

Phil :) (10:34 PM)

bc youre my favorite person silly

my favorite person cant be sad. its just the rules

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

oh yeah? whose rules then, oh wise philip

Phil :) (10:35 PM)

ew dont call me philip my nan calls me that

and theyre my rules

my rules for my favorite person

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

suuurrreee phil. sure its a rule

*philip

Phil’s cursor didn’t appear seconds after Dan had sent his message like usual. Insead, nothing appeared. Their good-natured banter had eased the storm raging inside of Dan and his thoughts and anxieties had died down a little, much more easier to bear with the distraction Phil was giving him, but with the sudden disappearance of his best friend, they came back full force. All of his doubts spilled into the front of his conscience. He shivered. It wasn’t from the cold.

Dan watched the little digital clock at the bottom of his laptop screen count the minutes falling away. One, two, three, four, five, god did what did he do-

Phil :) (10:41 PM)

[multimedia image: click to load]

With his heart in his throat, Dan clicked, and a small window appeared, momentarily covering their chat from Dan’s view. It was hard to make out, the quality bad and the image itself grainy and dark, but it was of a piece of paper lying atop two legs clad in bright pyjamas that Dan could immediately connect to Phil and his eccentric personality. He could make out the tip of Phil’s finger at the top of the shot, too. Squinting, he looked at the paper itself, zooming in to make out the words penned in Phil’s handwriting.

Rules:

1. Dan Howell is my favorite person

2. No one is allowed to make fun of him

3. ESPECIALLY if that “no one” is Dan himself

Dan started to laugh. Only Phil would actually make a list of “rules”. Only Phil.

Before Dan could reply, Phil was typing again.

Phil :) (10:43 PM)

there. proper rules written on proper paper. you have to follow them now

Dan ^-^ (10:44 PM)

i cant believe that you actually wrote rules you spork

but fine! i guess if i have to lol

Dan was still working heavily with avoiding the whole situation entirely, just like with what he was doing to the problem causing him so much stress to begin with, but he couldn’t help it. It’s just how he was.

Phil :) (10:46 PM)

so you admit to your crimes xD

but anyways

you were stuck in your head again

which is okay, i mean, i understand that it’s something you cant help

Dan felt like he was going to cry. Phil’s assurance that Dan’s mind running in panicked circles was perfectly okay was almost too much. Phil’s compassion was almost too much.

But it appeared that Phil wasn’t done, because his laptop dinged quietly again.

Phil :) (10:47 PM)

can i ask whats got you so sad and worried

so i can beat it up

obvs

Now Dan really wanted to cry. How could he tell Phil that the reason was him? How could he say that the root of this ball of anxiety and stress and worrying that had taken over him was Phil himself?

He couldn’t do that to Phil, not when his best friend would undoubtedly take it hard. God, if Phil knew why Dan kept getting lost in himself, he would be crushed.

Dan ^-^ (10:51 PM)

noooo

Phil :) (10:51 PM)

are you sure? i wont judge you dan, i swear it doesnt matter if you think i wont like it

i just wanna be here for you

If Dan wasn’t crying earlier, he was now, a few select tears dripping down his cheeks, brimming with the emotions that had been taking over him this past week. Phil was…too much. He was too kind, too sweet, too undeserving of someone like Dan. God, Phil deserved the whole world, he shouldn’t have to settle with Dan.

Another message appeared on Dan’s screen, as but this one didn’t seem like normal, it was a little off, a little rushed, a little…something. Dan couldn’t place it.

Phil :) (10:53 PM)

bc youre my best friend.

obvs. xD

If Dan wasn’t so out of it and was able to think clearly, he might have questioned Phil’s “clarification” of why and what sense he wanted to be there for him, but Dan was not in the best state of mind and he thought nothing of it.

Dan looked at his screen again. He still had to acknowledge Phil’s question, and he wasn’t sure how to go about it. He wanted to tell Phil he already told him everything, have Phil reassure him and tell him that everything was going to be okay again, like he normally did. But Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t lie again, once was already once too many, and something told Dan that if he tried to ignore it or change the topic, Phil would just call him out again.

Fuck.

Dan ^-^ (10:56 PM)

it doesnt matter

Phil :) (10:56 PM)

yes it does

its enough to make you get lost in that head of yours, so it matters

Dan ^-^ (10:57 PM)

phil we both know it doesnt take much for me to get lost in my thoughts

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

still

something is bothering you and i want to fix it

Dan bit his lip. God, Phil had no idea how badly he wanted to let him fix this. He couldn’t though. He just couldn’t.

Dan ^-^ (10:58 PM)

nooo phil, you cant fix this one

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

>:(

you cant even let me try?

Always, always, but just not with this. Dan couldn’t tell Phil this, not when it would hurt him.

Dan ^-^ (11:00 PM)

no phil, not with this sorry :(

Phil :) (11:01 PM)

:((((

okay

i may not like it but i can respect that

will you tell me tomorrow?

Dan looked at the screen, thinking about it. Tomorrow was what he was worried about to begin with. Could he tell Phil tomorrow? He wasn’t sure. Well, it didn’t matter if things went good or not, Dan mused, tomorrow Dan’s fears would either be affirmed or destroyed.

He could only hope.

Dan ^-^ (11:03 PM)

sure

tomorrow

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

yay!!!

Dan laughed, breathily.

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

oooh! look at the time!

its getting so late bear wow

guess we should get to sleep so we dont fall asleep on each other tomorrow huh? xD

Dan’s heart physically melted at the use of Phil’s pet name for him. He only used it occasionally, but it never failed to make Dan’s heart stutter in his chest and the butterflies in his belly to flit around faster, making him feel almost giddy. Hopeful.

God he sounded so stupid right now. Anxious and stressed out of his mind yet still acting like a little kid with their first crush.

Stupid feelings.

Dan ^-^ (11:05 PM)

yeah i guess we should!

night philly :)

Phil :) (11:05 PM)

goodnight dan!! :D

see you tomorrow!

(ps, idk whats bothering you and thats okay but i hope whatever it is it works out for you :“) )

Ah yes. That’s what it boiled down to. Tomorrow morning Dan would board a train and take it up to Manchester to spend some time with Phil. The first time that they would see each other in real life, not just behind a computer screen. They had skyped before and texted and chatted for countless hours over countless days, but the thought of tomorrow still made Dan want to throw up.

He wasn’t good enough for Phil. He was just so terrified that tomorrow Phil would see that.

Dan ^-^ (11:06 PM)

After hitting send Dan thrust the lid to his laptop down and pushed it off of his chest, letting it fall onto the bed. Dan felt sick again. He was so scared about tomorrow because there were so many things that could go wrong and so many flaws that Phil could discover about Dan and so many, so many, ways for what is supposed to be the best day of Dan’s life to turn out to be his worst.

God, he hated his anxiety for always picking things apart. Always fucking with Dan’s own head.

Dan rolled over and grabbed his duvet, pulling it up and wishing that it would just swallow him whole. Fuck. He couldn’t do it tomorrow. He couldn’t handle this stress.

Taking a deep breath, Dan clutched his duvet tighter in his grasp and tried to keep his lip from wobbling.

Right now he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget that he didn’t feel good enough, that yet again his insecurities were screwing him over, that he wanted to cry. He wanted to forget. Unfortunately for Dan the universe didn’t agree and he ended up staying awake for hours after the he had closed his laptop, the entire time doing nothing but thinking, getting lost in his head, and wishing that his thoughts would just turn off.

For once.

Please.

~~~~~~

Dan slung his bag over his shoulder. His fingers felt numb. Unlike his greatest hopes, the fitful-at-best night’s sleep did nothing to alleviate Dan’s terror. If anything, it had only magnified it because now it was today and Dan couldn’t run anymore.

He took a cab to the station, and he ended up being earlier than he needed to be, having about an extra ten minutes to wait for his train. He sat on a bench, his legs nothing but jelly at this point, his fears making it quite easy to foresee his long legs from just giving out on him. Dan didn’t want to make an embarrassment of himself on top of it all, so he tried to calm his racing heart while he sat.

With no luck.

Of course.

Dan looked down at the ticket in his hand. It would be so easy to not go. To walk right out of the station, spend the weekend at home instead of with Phil, and not risk Phil seeing how utterly underwhelming Dan was as a person. He could lie, could say that he ran late, missed his train, maybe his parents changed their minds and didn’t let Dan go.

But God, as Dan looked down at the paper in his trembling hand, he couldn’t help but know that he wouldn’t be able to actually go through with not leaving. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Phil, not about something this big—who was he kidding, he had a hard enough time lying to Phil last night over something so small!

But more than that, Dan knew that it was much more than not being able to lie to Phil. He had wanted to meet Phil ever since he had started to watch his videos, and the sentiment had only increased tenfold with their fast friendship. Phil was now much more than a hero, much more than a few minutes of distraction. He was Phil, Dan’s AmazingPhil, and he was his best friend. That lanky black-haired boy was worth so so much in Dan’s eyes, and he couldn’t, couldn’t, leave him in the dust like that. God it wouldn’t just kill Phil, but it would kill Dan too. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

Dan had been thinking too hard. Before he knew it the train was pulling into the station and Dan gulped, raising on still-shaky legs and gripping the strap of his bag so hard he didn’t even have to look to know that his knuckles were blotched white.

As Dan took his seat, a new resolve washed over him. He would go. He would endure this train ride that undoubtedly would be the most anxiety-inducing thing he had done in a very long time—possibly ever—and he would do it for Phil. If Phil would reject him or not, he would try not to dwell on it on the coming trip (a losing battle, Dan knew), but he would still go.

For Phil.

~~~~~

Dan’s heart was going so fast he was sure that he was going to pass out. His hands, his arms, legs, his whole body was trembling.

Manchester’s Piccadilly Station.

Dan was here.

There was a decent amount of people on the station as far as Dan could see as the train pulled in, but none of them looked like his best friend.

The train came to a stop and Dan stood, the first to make it to the doors and there when they opened.

Strangely enough, when the doors pulled open and Dan took a step out into the station, he stopped trembling. His heart slowed—not by much, but it slowed—and this whole thing didn’t seem quite as scary. Sure, Dan’s thoughts were still screaming in his head, sure, his anxiety was still off the charts, and sure, his hands were still sweaty and his breath was still shallow but still. It was as if a calm had washed over him.

Dan wasn’t sure what to make of it. Maybe he was just going into shock.

People busied around him, walking this way and that, talking into cell phones, to other people, some silent. Dan, unsure of everything right now, followed where the general push of people were guiding him, the whole time craning his head, looking for his Phil. He tried not to panic. He tried.

But with every second the calm that had overtook him was shrinking and his anxiety steadily increased.

Did Phil forget? Did he stand me up? Oh God he’s not coming he didn’t come-

"Dan!”

Dan whirled around at the sound of his name, uttered by a voice that sounded so much better when it wasn’t distorted by their shitty computer’s speakers.

Before Dan could register really anything, he was being engulfed in a hug, two strong arms wrapping themselves around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him flush against the figure.

Against Phil.

And instantly all of the shouting in Dan’s head was gone. The slight tremble in his hands vanished, and for the first time in a week, his anxiety was gone without a trace. Dan felt like crying.

Dan gasped in surprise, his brain taking a moment to reboot because Phil didn’t forget, didn’t stand him up, didn’t change his mind, and suddenly Dan felt very, very stupid because how could he ever think that Phil would do something like that. This was Phil, the kindest person on the planet.

Phil pulled away, just a little, just enough so they could see each other’s faces, and Dan had to keep himself from pulling Phil back in.

His smile was so wide, easily the widest Dan had ever seen it. And his eyes, oh God those eyes were a thousand times clearer, a thousand times more mesmerizing than behind a screen. Dan didn’t doubt for a second that he could stand here and look into them for the rest of the day without tiring of their never-ending beauty. Fuck. Why did his eyes have to be so gorgeous.

Dan tore his eyes away from Phil’s and looked over the rest of him, from his broad shoulders that Dan wanted to wrap his arms around, to the tussle of his hair that Dan craved to run his fingers through and the line of his jaw that Dan felt the need to trace. Double fuck. Why did the entirety of Phil have to be gorgeous.

“Dan! I can’t believe you’re here! I have today all planned out; I’m going to show you everything!” Phil said excitedly, a twinkle as clear as day in his eyes. Phil was practically vibrating with excitement and it made a smile spread over Dan’s features. Phil’s happiness was contagious.

Phil stopped his rambling, looking down at Dan sheepishly.

“I mean, if that’s all okay with you. If you don’t want to do something that’s okay, I totally get it. We can do anything you want, I-”

Dan tilted his head back and laughed, laughed because Phil seemed nervous. Phil was nervous and it was adorable.

“Yeah, yeah Phil it’s all fine. All of it, don’t worry. I just can’t believe you want to do it all with me.”

Phil’s smile faded a little, and the twinkle in his eye got that much smaller. He looked a little sad.

“Was this what you were so worried about? That I wouldn’t like you?”

Dan bit his lip and looked down, giving a little nod.

Phil pulled Dan right back into a hug, but this time it felt even more real, and it was impossibly tighter. It felt like Phil was pulling all of Dan’s lost pieces together. Phil’s voice was in his ear.

“Of course I like you, Dan. You’re my best friend. I like you more than anyone else. Promise.”

Dan might have just felt like crying, in that moment. Phil accepted him. He wasn’t going to leave him. Things were okay. They were okay.

He knew that this would hit him later, maybe tonight when he had a chance to process things. He’d probably cry out of relief, but it would all be okay because Phil would be there to hold him together and ease all of Dan’s worries.

Soon enough they set off, hand in hand, and Dan was smiling so wide, so, so wide. He couldn’t have been happier with how things had turned out.

Dan looked sideways at Phil, trying to not be too obvious.

This had worked out so maybe, just maybe, something else could work out for him.

~~~~~

Dan stood at the window, a cup of coffee in his hand. It was early, and he could see the technicolor dream across the sky that was that morning’s sunrise. The steam from his coffee rose from the rim of the cup and slowly diffused into nothing; tendril-like hands wisped up and around Dan’s neck.

It had been nearly nine years.

Dan’s nervousness and dark thoughts never ceased to plague him, however, he learned to deal with it better. He could confidently say that he has never been happier.

It had been nearly nine years, and they were still inseparable. Their channels had grown exponentially, and they boasted an insanely large fan community.

As the years had gone by, their strong, unbreakable friendship slowly blossomed into something remarkably beautiful. Their long Skype calls turned into late night kisses, and they had been happily in love for nearly nine years.

Dan twisted the ring on his third finger. As well as being happily in love, they were also engaged to be married within the next year. Lately, he’d been waking up in complete disbelief.

The thing Dan had wanted so desperately to work out for him did, and in the most perfectly perfect way possible.

#submission

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pettyotome · 7 years

Text

Mystic Messenger Another Story: V Route Review

Spoilers undercut. Proceed with caution. :)

Okay! So I freaking loved just about everything in this route. It’s incredibly story packed with SO MUCH NEW CONTENT that was totally worth 300 HG. From the talented voice acting, new twists, and getting to know the characters-- Cheritz does not disappoint with this one! Don’t get me wrong, this route wasn’t perfect. There were a few things that fell below my expectations, but overall this route was wonderfully written and I’m replaying this shit after this review.

Prologue: So the introduction for this was very unique, same concept, but with a creative twist. When Unknown messages you for the first time, it actually feels like he’s breaking the fourth wall-- but technically he isn’t. I’ll get to that in a bit! He basically tells you to download the app under the pretense that you’ll be playing a dating sim-- but none of the character’s we’ve known up until this point are real. The MC in this route thinks they are AIs. Unknown’s characterization in this route is so different from the main stories because he’s actually much more tolerable. It honestly feels like they’re not the same person, I didn’t even care for Saeran up until this route so I really liked spending a lot of this route with him.

Common Route: Day’s 1-4 are just heaven and hell all mixed together, on one hand you’re trying to make the game branch for V’s route so that you can get a happy ending, but on another hand-- Saeran, known as “Ray” takes you to this place to go play the game, and he is being such a huge sweetheart. I just wondered WHY would Cheritz make Ray act this was knowing that we’re supposed to pursue V!! It broke my heart bc I love the both of them. Through these days, you can see that V is the fastest one to accept you. Mostly because you dropped Rika’s name but still. V hopes the best from you and desperately wants you to be someone he can trust, so he starts showing up a lot more because of you, and you can also see that he sort of opens up, it’s very beautiful to see. And then there’s Ray, who gets attached to you a little too quickly here but he’s always caring about your well being. But don’t get too comfortable. Remember when I said he didn’t technically break the fourth wall earlier..? Well, as you go deeper into this route, the MC starts to feel that these characters are so real that it’s not even funny. And at the very end of the common route on day four, you start to question Ray-- your trust in him starts to waver at this point. At the very last second of his route, V shows up at Mint Eye to save you. He’s not an AI. Ray lied to you. It hurts Ray a lot to know that he’s lied to you more than it hurts the MC, depending on your choices but you’re basically torn bc V couldn’t save you from him but he swears that he’ll come back for you and LORD did this kill me.

V and Rika’s relationship: There was a big corner of the MM fandom that was reluctant to have a romantic V route because of V’s deep love for Rika-- how would Cheritz handle giving V and the MC 11 days to bond knowing that V is still recovering from an abusive relationship? Well, good news. Cheritz tackles this issue head on, no tip toeing around this situation. Days 5-10, when V comes to Mint Eye to save you, there is a scene where he is telling Rika that the two of them used to be obsessed with each other. Key word: obsessed. From the main story until now, V always thought that he loved Rika. This was one of my favorite scenes from this route because Cheritz KNEW what we wanted to be addressed while pursuing V and they delivered. And in the chats, V starts to come to the realization that he might have loved Rika at first, but then later what they had stopped being genuine and just became so unhealthy. He was blind to that at first, but then starts to see their relationship for what it really was with help from the MC.

Romance: As to be expected, this is gonna take some time. Depending on your choices as the MC, you could either throw yourself at V, show him no respect and rush him to forget about RIka and date you-- or you could aid V through his pain and understand that he’s not a bad person for not being able to fully figure out what love is. V’s been dealing with a lot of Rika’s shit for the past six months. While he DOES actually fall in love with the MC, the two don’t even get together until day 11, which is set two years after the events of V’s route. And I loved that Cheritz handled the romance between V and the MC this way.

Rika’s characterization and interactions with her: I’m the minority of the fandom that actually likes Rika. But I’m also the minority of that minority that wanted to beat her senseless for the shit she’s done. What I really liked about her in this route particularly was that you actually get to talk to her for yourself-- not through the RFA’s clouded image of her. I enjoyed reading the VN scenes where she talks to Jaehee and recruits other members in the RFA. Rika actually had some very cute moments and I lived for them! I empathized a lot with Rika about how she felt like she couldn’t show her dark side to her loved ones. Cheritz unraveled a much more detailed story of her and V’s relationship and answered the questions that were unanswered in the main story. BUT BOY DID THIS BITCH REALLY TRIED ME LIKE I WANTED TO DECK HER SO BAD BUT I FELT FOR HER PAIN. There were actually a lot of moments near the end where Rika chats with the RFA members and... man it breaks my heart to see her so hurt. And right after days 8/9, shit goes down at Mint Eye and for the first time we see that Rika actually actually does care for the people she’s manipulated and hurt-- Ray. In the main story, it seemed like she didn’t care for him that much outside of his loyalty to her and Mint Eye. But when there’s a bombing at Mint Eye and Ray seems to not have escaped-- she cries for him. She REALLY HOPED for him to find a place where he belonged and I’m really proud of Cheritz for showing us more of her emotions.

V’s development: Let me just say that you gotta be HELLA PATIENT with this man. V means well, incredibly well, but he’s always carrying the burden of his emotional abuse and the RFA on his shoulders. You learn so many new things about how he met the members, his friendship with Jumin, and you get VNs from his mothers point of view! Not only did we get a completely new story, but we have so many new Jihyun details to gush over and it’s great that we got to see VNs of V as a kid, and how that affected his relationship with Rika. Basically, I felt like V’s relationship with Rika was to prepare him for real love-- love that he would have with the MC. In the beginning V is mourning, in denial, trying to hard to sacrifice himself so that nobody gets hurt. He’s stubborn and self-less to a huge fault. But in this route, you as the MC help him to learn how to love himself and care about himself more. it gets to a point where V shuts down Rika and hopes for her happiness-- but says that it’s over. That what they had was not love. V is finally standing his ground and he’s being so much more honest with himself and with Rika. He admits that he shared some faults within the relationship too, like how he suffocated her with love rather than face her mental illness realistically. And the way he wants to protect the MC from her is literally the best thing ever. V cares about you and is genuinely interested in you, telling you that you made him feel things not even Rika gave him. It’s a slow and frustrating development but the MC is patient enough to help him get there. I just love how V cherishes you so much, to the point where Rika has noticed that V has fallen in love with you. And even V knows this himself, but as I’ve said, the romance takes a lot of time but ultimately he chooses you in the end and comes out a much better person-- following his real dreams and being happy!

Other things: Yo Yoosung pissed me the fuck off a lot in this route bc it felt like he was trying to justify the shit Rika did just because of the good girl image he has of her, and although he does come to accept that she’s beyond saving and even drags her away from drugging people at the party in the end, it was so hard not to be mad at him in this route. But he’s someone I had to be patient with too. Yoosung is a good kid and I love him but he drops her name in this route more than he did his own and THAT’S saying something. I understood that he was grieving but he was dead tryna defend a criminal and that had me all the way fucked up.

JUMINV!!!! Their friendship!!!! And the way Jumin kind of shipped you and V in the end is just the best thing ever, if anyone knows me, I’m a huge Jumin fan so seeing him accept and trust the MC and compliment her strengths had me swooning. OH AND WHEN JUMIN CHECKED RIKA IN THAT ONE CHAT ON DAY TEN, HE WAS BEING SUCH A SAVAGE I FUCKING LOVE THIS MAN. LIKE YES!!!! DEFEND YOUR BEST FRIEND!!!!

Ray deserves to be happy. Ray deserves his own route. I wanna romance this man and help him escape from the Mint Eye ideology. WHY WOULD CHERITZ MAKE A V ROUTE AND THEN HAVE RAY BE SO SWEET TO US LIKE THIS I LOVE THE BOTH OF THEM SO MUCH BUT I HATED HAVING TO HURT RAY.

Draw backs: I felt like Cheritz fell back on Rika’s backstory. When Rika tells you that she’s been bullied or that her parents didn’t love her-- I felt like Cheritz didn’t go into enough depth about it so it was hard to sympathize with vague ass stories. As a person whose been bullied and emotionally abused by my family, I felt like Rika didn’t explain enough of what happened to her and it really didn’t cut it for me. And I was also slightly disappointed that Cheritz built up Rika’s character so much only to give an anti-climatic ending where Rika is STILL up to her Mint Eye bullshit, trying to drug everyone at the party with an elixir, only to get dragged away by Yoosung. Which was probably the only good thing he did in this route if I’m being honest. I felt like we never got any answers as to what happened to Rika or Ray after the party and I hope those questions get answered in new V DLCs and After endings when Cheritz updates again. I’m also a little annoyed that 707 doesn’t find out that the hacker is actually his brother but maybe if Ray get’s a route, that would be addressed? I really hope so bc the route was so perfect up until then, bc it didn’t make sense that they never crossed paths in this route. But that’s pretty much all that bugged me.

In conclusion: Whooping Rika. JuminV. RFA shenanigans. RAY’S BLUE FLOWERS. And Jihyun Kim’s happiness!!!! This route was everything I expected it to be and so much more. It was so fucking emotional and had my heart hurting a lot for the past few days, but I’d do it all over again just to see Jihyun’s smile. Thank you, Cheritz. We truly don’t deserve such a good company.

#v route #jihyun kim #mystic messenger #mysme #mysmes #hikari talks mysmes

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onedirectionforever · 7 years

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please :(

okay i’ll tell you the long but loving story of how me and rob started dating :’)

so once upon a time (2013), i was 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. one of my best friends, julia, was a year younger than me so when she came into high school at the same school as me i was sf hype!! so she liked this guy in her grade but he was apparently “the hottest guy in the freshman class” his name was rob. and stuff but i never really paid that much attention to him but it was just a crush and like a month later she had eyes for another boy, lets call him joe! and joe and rob were best friends so julia went to rob for help to get joe’s attention and all that jazz. while julia and rob were just chatting one day, rob dropped the ball that he thought julia’s friend caitlin was very attractive (dat me), so of course julia told me and i was like.. hm.... interesting. so of course i looked at his ig and stuff and was like ok... yes he is very cute. and so i remember i texted him from julia’s phone one night just chatting and eventually we started actually texting and i remember we just like texted all the time and it was so fucking cute like we were both so excited and into each other and just wanted to know more about each other. and we found out that both of our favorite shows were How i met your mother and honestly it was like the purest thing. we ended up just straight texting for a few weeks and we went on our first date to the mall and we just ran around and looked at stuff and chatted and got ice cream and it was really fun because i had never like been so myself around someone bc im a weird person but he just thought i was so funny and when we left i remember we just were texting about how much fun it was. and this was over christmas break so he decided to throw a new years eve “party” i saw party loosely bc there was like 8 people there and 0 alcohol. and like 10 minutes before midnight he took me into a separate room and played guitar for me like a song he had learned just for me and it was so cute like imagine little 15 year olds omg im going to cry, and then at midnight we kissed and it was adorable and he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes!!! and woo!!!! we were dating and we were each other’s first relationship. and ok yeah we ended up only dating for like less than two months but it was like the epitome of puppy love like we just did everything together and it was so much fun but like it went south very fast, because let me tell you. when i was 15 i was like severely depressed??? like i was in the midst of an ed, self harm and like really fucked up mental states and i never told rob any of this, but i remember it was like after valentine’s day and he was so nice to me and i just like literally had a mental breakdown because i couldn’t believe that someone like him would ever want to spend his time with someone so fucked up, and i know i should have communicated this to him but i was 15 and scared so i just broke up with him out of the blue because i really was so confused and sad. and then that was it for little us. we tried to stay friends but i was just so sad and he didn’t even know why. so yeah, then rob tried to date my best friend claire (unsuccessfully) and then he did successfully date my best friend julia for like 5 months in which i pretty sure i was like crying about every day bc like i literally loved him and he didn’t know and yeah i don’t blame him he was just tryna live! but yeah sophomore year ends and junior year begins and we’re still not talking. but fast forward to march 2015, it’s been over a year since we dated/really talked. we were both on a retreat for our school, and we had to talk about something that we felt gave us purpose, and i cried talking about how i felt like my tumblr gave me purpose because at the time i would spend like hours replying to messages of people who were depressed/suicidal just giving people hope and after that he came up to me and told me he missed being my friend we hugged and i wanted to cry right then and there because he still smelled the same and it was just so nice. and the rest of the retreat we were just joking like old times and then after we started texting!! and we texted literally non stop for 6 months, subliminal flirting here and there but i swore he didn’t like me (but he tells me now that he did and i hate myself for not picking up on it lol) so here we go, september 2015, the start of my senior year of high school. i was pretty upset about rob bc i was like in pain all of the time bc we were like best friends but i was in love with him and it hurt!!! bc i swore he would never wanna date again bc i hurt him and it was sad. of course my bff heather who yall know, was up to date with my issues and was TIRED of my shit and complaining, so she literally dm’d rob on instagram and was like listen... caitlin likes you a lot and its making her upset so i want you to know. and rob sent back some bullshit like “if it’s meant to be blahblah” lol i was ready to scream. but for like 2 weeks he knew i liked him and i knew he knew and he knew i knew!!!! messy!!!! but now that he knew i was a little less discreet about it so it was cute we would like pass notes and he let me wear his uniform sweater when i forgot mine at home and aw hehe. but he told me that after one of the football games he wanted to talk, and i swore he was going to sit me down and tell me that he just wanted to be friends, so we drove to a river near our school and sat on the edge of this plank thing and we just sat in the dark for a bit and then he was like yo... i know you like me. and i was like !!! fuk!!!!! and he basically said like “well, if you don’t already know, i like you too” and i remember saying “i never stopped having feelings for you” and shit like that and i remember he kept wanting to kiss me and i was so so so scared to kiss him because like i knew as soon as we kissed i’d be fucked for life like all of these suppressed feelings that i’ve had for so long would just like explode and after a few minutes of like playful fighting we kissed and it was just like...yeah. this is what i’ve been waiting for and what i’ve been praying for every night before i go to sleep. and that was september 24th, 2015 and we’ve been dating ever since. we literally just started dating again from that point and :) yes that is the story.

its just, to me this story makes me cry every time because it’s like the first time in my life that i was right about something that was so important. i spent over a whole year in literal pain because i was so in love with this person i swore would never love me as anything more than a friend, and all my friends were telling me to get over it because it was unhealthy and i was hurting myself because of it but like i just couldn’t, like i had a feeling this was something worth holding onto, because i kept telling myself like, if i feel this way after all this time then it’s something i need to keep holding onto and i was right!! the boy i was in love with since i was 15 is my boyfriend!!! he’s the love of my life!! every time i see him still i get butterflies and it’s amazing!! we were each other’s first relationship and first love and i just :’) i think it’s something worth sharing so i hope you enjoyed!!

#Anonymous

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dalmatianplantationsensation · 7 years

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CHARACTER SHEET: Roger Jonathan Radcliffe

As I hide behind these books I read / while scribbling my poetry / like art could save a wretch like me / with some ideal ideology / that no one can hope to achieve. / And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me. -- Waste of Paint, Bright Eyes

It takes strength to be gentle and kind. --I Know It’s Over, The Smiths

STATS:

Birthday: 11 October 1991

Hogwarts House (Primary): Ravenclaw (modelling a blend of Hufflepuff and Slytherin)

Hogwarts House (Secondary): Ravenclaw

Myers-Briggs: ISFP

Enneagram: Type 5

Height: 5’11

BACKGROUND OVERVIEW:

Mother: Harriet Martha Hunter Radcliffe

Father: William Jonathan Radcliffe (deceased)

Mother’s Occupation: manager at a fabric store

Father’s Occupation: musician

Family Finances: lower class

Birth Order: only child

Other Close Family: Gran on his dad’s side; he has two male cousins on that side who are pretty Patts-esque lol; didn’t really talk to his mum’s side all that much till about a couple of years ago

Best Friend: Paul Patts

Other Friends: from home: Lucy, Finn, Ed; from here: Anita, Perdita, Berlioz, Stan, Brad, Belle?

Enemies: none, really—Lou?

Pets: 32 Dalmatians lol (he had a Dalmatian named George when he was growing up)

Home Life During Childhood: eh so it was happy till he was about ten, then his father started drinking more than usual and doing bad drugs and there were a lot of fights and broken furniture and all that and Roger blames himself

Town or City Name(s): London, England—East End, near Shoreditch

What Did Her Bedroom Look Like: sloping wall with green-striped wallpaper, lots of books jammed into a little shelf, a little wobbly desk with a single desk lamp, kept a bunch of knick-knacks on his desk, lots of sheet music

Any Sports or Clubs: probably in school band or orchestra, also did theatre

Favorite Toy or Game: He had a stuffed dog that he went to bed with every night till he was like 13 or something and it wasn’t “cool” anymore and one of the bigger kids teased him about it so he stuffed it in the bin, but his mum rescued it and it’s on the shelf above his childhood bed

Schooling: finished secondary

Favorite Subject: Music, of course, and English

Popular or Loner: had his own group of friends, was never really a true loner, also helped that his best mate was like the most popular bloke in school

Important Experiences or Events: Dad died when he was 15, he found the body in the bathroom

Health Problems: prone to addiction, undiagnosed depression probably, also near-sighted if that counts lol (he wears contacts most of the time)

Culture: English

Religion and beliefs: his mum’s family goes to church pretty regularly and he’s, like, the type of guy who wishes he could believe in God but isn’t sure—even so, does Christmas, Easter, that whole thing, and when he’s feeling particularly vulnerable, he will pray

PERSONALITY:

Bad Habits: nervous talker, easily addicted to substances, smokes, drinks too much when he’s in a depressive spell

Good Habits: loyal, dedicated to his craft when he is in a steady spell, very good with kids and animals

Best Characteristic: dedicated—to the people close to him, to his craft, to his passions, he won’t quit on you

Worst Characteristic: low self-worth—he doesn’t think much of himself at all and it’s a big hindrance to, like, his life

Worst Memory: finding his dad’s dead body ha ha ha

Best Memory: when Powell approached him and introduced himself and said he had talent

Proud of: his musical ability

Embarrassed by: uh his like,,,everything—his looks, his background, his finances, his grades

Driving Style: he’s very average, speeds a little but remembers his turn signals

Strong Points: kind, artistic, passionate, intelligent, goofy

Temperament: melancholic

Attitude: can be broody

Weakness: tbh he’s like really sensitive if you doubt the one thing he is proud of (musical ability); also fuck with Paul/Anita/his mom (and Perdita by extension), he will get upset

Fears: not living up to his artistic potential, turning into his father

Phobias: turning into his father highkey

Secrets: sometimes he’s happy? His dad died bc it really put his mum out of a lot of misery…

Regrets: getting good at music, because that’s what ultimately drove his dad down the drain

Feels Vulnerable When: talking about himself in general lol, he likes talking to other people and does genuinely want to know more about them but he hates it when it’s about him

Pet Peeves: snobby rich people—he can deal with regular rich people who aren’t snobs and think that his social class is his own fault, kale (really does not like kale)

Conflicts: desire to follow his artistic dreams vs how freakin’ hard it is to do, as well as not wanting to like totally leave his mum in the dust

Motivation: to be a true, genuine artist and hoping success will follow

Short Term Goals and Hopes: get some sort of record deal—either as a musician or a composer

Long Term Goals and Hopes: gosh—make a decent living as a composer, trying not to be a sell-out, but also still getting his time in the limelight

Sexuality: bisexual, if we’re talking Kinsey-scale it’s like a 2.5 (prefers women, but still likes men)

Exercise Routine: gets most of his exercise from working tbh

Day or Night Person — Night.

Introvert or Extrovert — Introvert.

Optimist or Pessimist — Pessimist

LIKES AND STYLES:

Music: jazz, of course! He grew up listening to the greats and has a fondness for Charlie Parker. Errol Garner is another favorite. Other than that he listens to a lot of classic rock—London’s a great city for classic rock, eh? Got the Stones and the Beatles and the Who—real great place, music’s everywhere, didya know that lots of the classic rock bands were influenced by jazz? Roger can show you where they played. Also really into the Smiths. And indie stuff. Fan of the occasional really good musical. Just doesn’t really like pop is all (ok except for some songs....)

Books: classics, he’s partial to the 1920s era—Hemingway (yes, I know), Fitzgerald, Stein, and all that good stuff. Also a fan of Virginia Woolf. Also a huge Jane Austen fan, he won’t admit that right away but it’s easy to pry out of him.

Magazines: tbh not many,,,he keeps up with music stuff online

Foods: good pub food—he likes a good steak pie with loads of green peas and mashed potatoes on the side. Also a good English breakfast (his favorite part’s the sausage).

Drinks: tea—black, the English Breakfast blend. Likes a good beer as well, or a shot of whiskey.

Animals: Dogs. No, but seriously, he’s always been fond of them and will take care to point them out on the street to whoever he is with.

Sports: He plays football but sucks at it haha, but he follows Paul’s team!

Social Issues: LGBTQ+ rights, he’s like really against gentrification, having lived it firsthand

Favorite Saying: “Life is like jazz; it’s a lot better when you improvise.”

Color: Grey. He likes how varied it is. It reminds him of home and of silver and the sky and the Thames and a lot of things he likes.

Clothing: he’s like very particular about how he dresses, tries not to wear shorts and t-shirts, he likes to keep it dressy casual, like hipster style (wow, roger)

Jewelry: he has a nice watch his dad passed down to him and a ring his granddad gave him when he graduated

Games: played pokemon when he was younger, will take a turn on those first-person shooters when he’s with friends, likes the Legend of Zelda

Websites: Instagram, tumblr, has his own like wordpress or something with music reviews, posts some piano covers on youtube (not terribly many)

TV Shows: Fools and Horses, other british sitcoms which i am too lazy to research r now but he’s a sitcom sorta bloke when he does watch tv

Movies: he likes weird horror movies, big zombie fan; secretly really adores Love, Actually, but says his favourite movie is Ray (which is a great movie, he just likes Love, Actually more....); prefers the BBC Pride and Prejudice over the Kiera Knightley one and is passionate about that

Greatest Want: to be a true artist™

Greatest Need: to overcome his bad self-esteem and love himself

CURRENTLY:

Home: lives in the Dalmatian Plantation farmhouse, on the top floor in an attic bedroom

Household furnishings: lots of sheet music, he keeps his closet pretty neat, but the rest is quite messy. Always has a stack of books on his bedside drawer. There’s usually an empty mug of tea because he’s too lazy to bring it downstairs lol. Bed is usually not made.

Favorite Possession: probably a book from either Paul or Anita (or both)

Most Cherished Possession: the piano in his house in London, which belonged to his dad and his dad’s dad; also the watch his dad left him

Married Before: Nope.

Significant Other Before: Finn, Sarah (those are the only significant ones)

Children: n/a

Relationship with Family: very close with his mum, they stuck together when it got really bad on his homelife end; she’s always been supportive of him; his mum’s family used to not speak to them much, but recently have been reaching out; dad’s family talks to them more

Car: n/a

Career: dog care-taker, record shop clerk, musician/composer

Dream Career: composer/jazz musician [music teacher, but he doesn’t know that yet]

Dream Life: ok so honestly—Roger’s destined to become a teacher. He’s great with kids and in the end, he will (hopefully) realize that his passion for music is meant to be passed down to others. Sure, he’s gonna still write the occasional almost-famous tune and play in ensembles and venues, but he’s gonna be truly happy as a teacher.

Love Life: uh—kinda dating Anita? What is? Going? On?

Hobbies : playing music, reading, walking the dogs lol, likes playing football sometimes (sucks at it), acting

Guilty Pleasure : will, on occasion, like a pop song; rom-coms

Sports or Clubs: n/a

Talents or Skills : great musician—plays piano excellently, trumpet pretty well, and can manage a bit on saxophone and guitar; has a good singing voice too (baritone)! Decent driver (can drive manual wow that’s impressive to me tbh); good with kids and animals (also impressive to me lmao)

Intelligence Level : artistically inclined—he was bad at science/math classes, but good at music, literature, and history. He’s not dumb by any means, but his strengths aren’t really in a technical area. He’s knowledgeable and interested in learning about things, but don’t ask him to solve some intricate mathematical proof

Finances: manages alright on his own (he basically doesn’t have to pay rent, so he’s doing p good; sends money back home too)

#roger gets two quotes bc he's special #and im in love with him #character sheet #about #hc #stuff

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awesome-brick · 7 years

Text

stupid shit my friends and i have done/said over the years

this is going to be an ongoing list, i’ll reblog and add to it every so often with new material. if you want a full story, let me know a “ ^ ” means that it relates to the previous item feel free to tag yourself

chugged five double shot espressos in an hour and almost died

wobbled into our lounge after a party one night, completely unaware that he had ripped the front of his pants and his dick was completely out

got completely lost in the mardi gras parade with a dead cell phone, cause his girlfriend abandoned him

^ and then somehow pissed off and got a double k.o. on a massive redneck dude named keith who was probably thrice my friend’s size

^ him calling me when he came to, saying “help, i’m dead” to my other friend who replied, “hi dead, _i’m dad” _before he passed out and disconnected

peed in a bush, on campus, in broad daylight, in the middle of our conversation, while two hot girls were passing by

^ did it again ten minutes later

brought a violin to a frat party, to play while drunk (there’s still some videos of that floating around somewhere)

gotten stabbed by some dude after coming home from a different party

during campus tours, as a tour group was coming out of the elevator and we (4 of us) were going in; waited until right as the door was closing and said very loudly so they could hear, “SO HEY YOU GUYS WANNA GO SMOKE SOME POT?”

camped out in the floor lounge for the entirety of finals week building a settlement in a minecraft server

“i’ll have you know, I once injected _five whole marijuanas” “_oh shit can’t fuck with this guy”

organized a candlelight vigil for Sparky, a raccoon that allegedly jumped into a power transformer and cut off power to most of campus, canceling classes for a day and a half (over 200 people attended)

sat on the floor in the right of two elevators in our dorm, covered in blankets. when somebody would walk into the elevator, we’d pop our heads up in succession and say “welcome to Right Elevator Inc. If you look to your left, you’ll find the informations desk.” “How may we help you today?” and as they were exiting, “DON’T FORGET TO RATE AND REVIEW US ON YELP”

the tale of The Bridgebuilder

gave so little fucks for the chem test that he went in his pj’s, wearing a bathrobe and topknot. thus becoming notorious around campus as the “Chem Ninja”

“it’s hard to date girls taller than me. Given that i’m five foot two, I don’t exactly get a lot of options here”

actually smoked legit weed (instead of fake weed) onstage in the middle of a performance of a play

got “sexiled” (kicked out of the room for sex) by his roommate three times during orientation week, as in before freshman year even began

bought a wheelchair from goodwill on two different occasions bc it was <$10, so now he just has two wheelchairs for no reason

sold his gamecube and all his games to another friend for $50, all of which went to buying weed

^ one of the games was an original GC copy of Pikmin 2 which would go for about 100 alone on the internet these days

^ he also burned through (heh) all of that weed in a day

somehow woke up half naked in a parking lot, (just like the CaH card) missing exactly $20 cash. he had more, but he was only missing $20

somehow got sexiled out of his room by two other people, neither of which lived there

one dude that can spit mad freestyle bars, but only when he’s high

bought an IKEA storage shelf and generic painting to make our dorm room look _even more _like a hotel room than it already did

made a tally count to keep track of how many times my suitemate locked me out of the bathroom when he wasn’t in there (final tally was 215)

earned the title of Il Duche for his drunk!self

“It was not my intention to make out with your sister!”

^ he accidentally made out with each of his girlfriend’s siblings, on separate occasions

hooked up with someone over the summer, only to find out afterwards that they were seven years older

“mom, i’ve had more relationships than you”

_^ _(he’s at i think #29)

went to the mcdonalds drive-thru, he wanted chicken nuggets but didn’t know where the “mc” prefix went. it came out as something along the lines of “uh can i mchave a mcchicken mcnuggets and a large mcchocolate mcmilkshake”

^ we each wanted separate orders that time, so we had to drive around four times in a row. they were so tired of us by that point

missed an uber because he was too busy saying goodbye to literally everyone at the party he knew

said to a police officer, deadass, “i’ll let you walk me home, but there’s no way in hell i’m getting on that fucking bike”

^ afterwards, tried to jot down the officer’s name, badge number, and name of his superior so he could “put in a good word for the guy” (he was so wasted he had to sit down to write it all out)

dude getting so wasted at a party he started timeskipping, thought the year was 2025

gave my friend a glass of water at a party cause he was fading in and out, needed some water. to gauge his mental state, i ask him “what are you drinking” “water” “what’s the chemical formula for that?” deadass replied “hcl” without missing a beat and he keeps drinking

had a drunken rap battle with some famous local rapper at a party (my friend actually won)

crawled from the taxi to the apartment, cause he couldn’t walk

^ “I said one thing, ‘don’t say anything.’ One thing. Of course, you said something.”

so wasted he couldn’t get off the floor, the owner of the apartment going “you gotta go, dude!” “bruh” “i’m not your bruh, now get up”

“wake up with a random mexican guy in your bed. College, amirite?”

all three of us have “slept” in this one friend of ours’ bed, but only literally and not sexually. one of us cuddled with her and others platonically, another slept in the bed while she wasn’t there, and a third had passed out and she let him use her bed that night

"Marcus, you’re a socialist, why don’t you distribute some of them hot dimes”

“Rainbows, unicorns, Xanax- The classic stuff.”

(arguing about which pocket the phone goes in) “You put the phone in the butt, and the hands in the front”

my friend Robert, who is “the weebiest weeb to ever have weebd”

the fact that i accidentally always cockblock my friend unintentionally by virtue of being ace

my friend, (a dude) showing up to a date only to find out she’s a lesbian

the guy who routinely calls his exes while drunk. apparently he has a “system”, as to which exes he calls depending on how drunk he is

fencing practice on the courtyard

[sarcastically] “okay well as a straight, white male in politics, now i have to oppress you”

all of us basically ganging up on and whipping like the only white kid in our friend group (who’s like five feet tall) with our belts

barrel rolling down the mountain after someone stopped him from going home with a girl cause he was too wasted

the guy who asked his crush of 4yrs out in his valedictorian graduation speech, only to get shot down instantly (like jesus christ rip)

^ his mom to him, “why don’t you love me as much as you love her”

guy’s family owns a quiznos, so his go-to pickup line is, “hey, i own a quiznos, want me to make you a sandwich?” (times successful: none)

my friend’s little brother was reprimanded by his parents, cause he was reading up on buddhism, “i mean, I didn’t see what the issue was. Worst case, you’re learning buddhism, best case...you’re learning buddhism”

the time the timeskipping friend found himself a confederate soilder in the civil war era, but in an AU where the south won

^ he looks at my face, points at me, looks like he's about to start laughing hysterically, "you're fucked", "why" "because you're brown, and the south won" (keep in mind, this dude is 100% filipino and almost as brown as i am)

^ he starts rattling off some bullshit jargon about what division he was in, his name, blah blah blah, but we look it up later and everything exept his personal details lined up with actual historical fact, down to where his unit was based and the name of the commanding officer, noting details that even our resident historian hadn't even heard of before

^aaand he wouldn't go to sleep until we played dixie for him on a continuous loop

one of my friends has a habit of becoming both kleptomaniac and amnesiac when he’s drunk, so here’s a tally of the stuff he’s stolen, some of which we don’t even know where it came from (almost all of these have hilarious stories behind them so please ask);

pair of trash cans and recycling bins

half a bed frame

a large ten gallon paint bucket

pack of frozen tortillas

giant industrial fucking cinderblock, which was about the size of his abdomen

a pair of white shorts (he didn't own any)

a full set worth of coasters and shot glasses

a lawnmower

a vacuum cleaner

a broom

a sprinkler

a traffic cone (one of the tall skinny ones)

a banged up car door

a pack of cards

half empty paint cans

half a bra

#tag yourself #my life #my stuff #funny #long post

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