#especially if we move out of state

[opisasodomite]

I tend to pigheadedly jump into things without thinking about them too much, largely because Things Aren’t Real Until They Are, and anyway, this month is basically the month of Reaping And Finding Out

#in a good way mostly but it isn’t stopping me from being nervous #two weeks from today I’ll be living with my fisnce after an 8 year(!) LDR #sure hope this was worth it lmao but I’m sure it was #but also also at work I encouraged my boss for us to hire a student worker #and that’s actually happening #said student worker will be reporting to me #so I’m suddenly like Oh I’m going to be a Supervisor #oops #I have literal severe social anxiety lmao #but I’m being so normal about it so 🤷‍♂️ #(this wasn’t a surprise it was an assumed thing lol it’s just dawning on me what that all means) #also also also in a broad sense that’s kind of what this year is going to be #especially if we move out of state

[bilestat]

.

#I wish I could stop caring as easily as her #but unfortunately my feelings are just going to constantly get hurt over and over forever #when it’s obvious she doesn’t value our friendship as much as I do #I’ve learned to stop texting beyond holidays for the most part because it hurts getting disappointed when I don’t get answers #but it really fucking sucks she saw my insta story about my birthday but couldn’t bother saying anything to me #good to know where we stand #but again: idk why I’m surprised when she has not told me directly when she: #moved to my state from the opposite coast #set a wedding date and also got married #and moved a half an hour away from me #had to find that all out from the internet #so why would my birthday matter? lmao I’m an idiot #like at least she’s remembered in past years and does answer on holidays but #she hasn’t texted me first beyond my birthday last year in like two years #anyway wish I didn’t feel like crying rn #personal #to be deleted #and I feel conceited for caring but I know it’s not #and it extra sucks to still be hurt about another ex best friend that ghosted me years ago that shares my birthday so the sadness is just #inevitable #especially when combined with the fact that my dad’s birthday is in five days #so I’m just kinda sad around and on my birthday every year

[scarletiswailing347]

just finished reading delilah's statement, there was a lot of things in it that was either only tangentially related to the allegations or straight up unnecessary to put (in particular: putting in media references and cc metrics several times as flavor text, detailing the don turnt situation with no claims of whether or not permission was granted by the affected party, namedropping certain ccs who had nothing to do with the allegations, and putting the tweet and yearbook photo of one of the ppl who put forward that zam was a bully with no claims of whether or not permission was granted) which contributed a lot to the 47-page length

honestly so far what im getting is that there was a Lot of toxicity on multiple sides like not even just between zam and delilah

#tw abuse #there are multiple instances in particular that i wanted to get more context of #in particular how did zam go from telling delilah to khs to becoming her bestie??? and why did she call kab whos a 16 yo a worthless whore? #theres also several parts that made me think that her rep for jumping to conclusions isnt entirely unfounded #like you can excuse her mental state at the time for a lot of it but there are some that are just. where did you get that #i dont wanna reread the entire thing so ill just be citing that part at the end where she accused zam of not actually being in a bad mental #place and was just trying to manipulate her cause he was in vacation in nyc and was smiling in one of the pics is reaching #also hypocritical cause she was also in a bad mental place during twitchcon but was smiling happily in pics and videos #also dont like the fact that she put the yearbook photo there and the fact it was even posted publicly in the first place #it was probs for verification purposes but holy shit youre basically barely a step away from doxxing zam #apparently bormethius is putting out a statement so ill be waiting for that as well #fucken hell i get that delilah saw posting this publicly as necessary in order to get some kind of closure #but theres so many layers to this that airing this out to an uninvolved and contextless audience was only inevitably gonna make things wors #especially considering a lot of evidence has apparently been lost to deletion or the fact that they were done in vcs #but its too late for that now so i can only hope we get the full picture soon cause everybody involved looks so incredibly toxic #idk i just hope all parties involved will be able to move away from this and get better in the future #cause like theyre still young and immature man #(although the fact that theyre young and immature def contributed to how this even happened in the first place 💀) #with that being said #the drama channels are 100% in the wrong here #they like to present themselves as arbiters of truth but theyre nothing but glorified tabloids #allegations

[kaeyaphile]

this family christmas hasn’t been too bad except apparently my sister invited her super conservative asshole of a coworker for some reason??? or very possibly he just. showed up. so now i would simply just like to leave 🫠

#kayleigh.txt #i mean every member of my family is a conservative asshole but like. this guy is ESPECIALLY an asshole #he was helping us remodel/renovate our 50+ year old double wide trailer this past summer #and was being super condescending and miserable and judgemental the ENTIRE time #like. wow i am SO fucking sorry we can’t all be rich and live in brand new houses instead of rotting trailers like. my bad #like my father is a 77 year old disabled veteran he doesn’t have a lot of money #and i am a 30 year old disappointment who has no money that lives with him/takes care of him lmfao #idk my family consists of ignorant conservative republican assholes and i am so tired #desperately need to get a new/better job since i lost mine and also a friend or two to move tf out with because #like we stay civil but at what cost (my mental state and/or will to live) #idk i am on my period and i am exhausted and my head hurts and my cramps are so bad today #i just wanna go home and curl up in bed and play baldur’s gate 3 or horizon forbidden west until i pass tf out 🤷🏼‍♀️

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #as much as I hate to see the social cinema grow as I get new followers. we're at a good and satisfying number. and I like that #also also also. I've introduced a friend to Hannibal (tv show) and he's loving it and I'm so happy cause none of #of my other friends have been able to stomach the body horror. so it's super cool to find someone to hype over it with #another random story that I genuinely can't remember if I said already. got told by a kid in minecraft that he's smiled a lot more around me #which. huge compliment. genuine honor to make people happy and smile and laugh #people don't laugh enough. we don't smile enough. be happy or die. and I'm too powerful to die. been there. haven't done that #cry and then laugh and then punch as hard as you can. #got to visit some of my favorite residents from the nursing home I first worked at. lotta new staff but my three favorite nurses are still #which is nice. I cried when I left that job because even though it crushed my soul I loved my coworkers and most of my residents. #I get why some healthcare workers grind themselves to the bone for the job. you're making such a huge difference in people's lives. #I tried but didn't have the fortitude for it. but it's nice to be able to go back and say hi to the friends I made and see how things are. #anyway. sorry for being weird like.. one or two weeks ago. I think things are settling out again. moving is rough but we're making it work #It's been a lot of Lear again lately. especially while being at my parents house. he doesn't mind being deadnamed as much sooo.... #idk. at least one of us is capable of surviving the dmv and the state medicaid website. heaven knows I can't manage. #trying to stop using him as a crutch for getting things done has just resulted in us not being able to get things done. #but I don't want to be someone else I want to be me. I don't want to be the armor I want to be the human inside. #I don't want to live defensively. pushing everyone away. I can't do that. #anyway. we're back home! and work is on the horizon. hopefully this job works out cause I don't want to have to apply for new jobs. #the hr rep is a man at this store and I immediately got set on edge and our voice dropped as I stepped back. #then we introduced ourselves with the wrong name and he got confused and I just felt stupid about it #but how am I supposed to know which name he's been told. he didn't even use our paperwork name. Anyway that was a disaster #but we're on track and embarrassment is not a setback but a feeling about the way things progress. and it is progress we're making

[yardsards]

any1 else's anxiety get WORSE with most grounding exercises?

#eliot posts #deep breathing ones especially. #i naturally breathe very deeply bc that habit gets ingrained in you if you've played a brass instrument since age 11 #and i take deep diaphragm breaths even when i'm anxious #but when i start focussing on my breathing it becomes very difficult #like i straightup forget how to breathe like a normal human being when i'm in that state #so like i can breathe well if i don't think about it but if i start thinking about it i struggle to breathe #and so i get dizzy and lightheaded and start panicking cuz i feel like i'm suffocating #things that make you focus on physical sensations aren't as bad but #they often make me notice the physical symptoms of a panic attack more and then my brain is like #''OH SHIT! WE ARE PANICKING!'' #today i tried that thing where you tense and untense your muscles and it took me from normal anxiety to shaking and crying #and then i dry heaved from anxiety from the first time in my life :))) #there's this one thing where you move a little bit of your body at a time that sometimes helps? #idk the name for it but it's basically the same action as the thing youre supposed to do to get out of sleep paralysis #it helps when i get physically paralyzed from the anxiety #freeze response my beloathed <3 #and sometimes just going for a run helps if my brain decides to go into flight mode. even if the problem is non tangible. #flight response my slightly less beloathed but still beloathed cuz it fucks up my ability to handle shit #i kinda wish i could have a little bit of a fight response sometimes. #bc like yeah it does sometimes make folks lash out which isn't good for anyone. but sometimes it can make you actually tackle ur issues #alas my fight response got physically beaten out of me when i was younger soooo yeah :///

[crimsonblackrose]

I’m absolutely fascinated that when I talk to friends, my aunt and uncle (not the ones I live with), my cousins, my aunt’s best friend about my next goal buying my own place everyone nods like this is a sage and smart decision and gives me advice. Meanwhile I visit my older sisters and ask for their advice and I get lectured on what a terrible idea it is. 💀

#mumblings #I'm tired of moving #I'm tired of not putting down roots #I want a place to be mine and to have an asset #my sisters want me to rent and not buy a place which just feels like a waste of money to me #but I don't know I think I'm disappointed that I came to them with all these plans of things I want to do and accomplish #that I thought was logical and every single one of them was shot down as if they were the dumbest decisions ever #and unrealistic #to be fair my sisters and I have not discussed finances #but damn this was disheartening #especially because the reasoning just doesn't feel...right #like I wasn't given a good reason not to just that I shouldn't...so I'm like ???? #it felt like they were trying to prepare me for disapointment but mostly like I was being lectured for no reason? #like you should rent first just to rent? #why? #that was the reason to rent just so I've rented #Like I have rented just not in the states #It's not like I missed out on that experience #ugh I just was hoping for some better advice related to whatever talk my aunt and uncle that I live with are going to have #and I feel like we just argued for no reason and didn't understand one another and it's frustrating #like at least my friends have warned me that interest rates are awful #but that's a logical warning you know #not just rent to have the experience of renting #or like get a car first how is that logical? I don't even know how to drive 😬💀 #I wish they'd just have been straight with me about why they thought it was a bad idea specifically #I feel like I didn't gain any advice just frustration

[foxcassius]

as i look at job listings here in korea, i cant help but still dream of that private lesson life. like, every job here will still expect you to teach 6 classes a day 5 days a week, for like a maximum wage of 2.4 million won per month. i could make twice that teaching that many classes in a private lesson setting, and i could easily make the SAME wage and just work less (ideal scenario)

#last night jiwon asked me like a million (imo unfair) questions about america and its society and why it succeeded #(unfair bc i just genuinely cant give definitive answers aside from 'it succeeded economically thanks to slavery') #and i was like 'you ask me sometimes why i dont want to move back to america and there are so many reasons and its hard to put into words' #'but one of them is that the work culture is so gross to be in and people still feel trapped in their jobs and there's no freedom to it' #and he was like 'korea is the same way it's just that i'm a specialist and you are foreigner who speaks english as a mother tongue' #'so i am inherently privileged out of genuine poverty by way of my degree and you are as well by way of being the class of foreign worker #you are. so korea has the same kind of trap for ''lower class'' people when it comes to work its just that you arent seeing it due to #your own status and my status as the main korean national whose life you are privvy to' #and i was like yes. i am aware of this. i am perfectly aware of how much poverty there is in korea and that not everyone lives as we do. #and i'm also perfectly aware of the fact that i would lose visa status and be sent back to my home country before i had any chance to #experience korean poverty. it sometimes feels like when he asks me why i dont want to go back to america he forces me to state One (1) #reason why and then takes that one reason and is like 'korea is like that too' which for starters I Know. because he refuses to acknowledge #this but korea is heavily controlled and influenced by the usa im not gonna get into that right now but I Know the similarities in many way #s between the usa and korea. secondly there are Many reasons why i wont be going back to the usa not the least of which is that #jiwon and i intend to get married and he doesnt intend to leave korea so its all a moot point anyway and idk why he keeps bringing it up #he wants to stay in korea and i wouldnt choose to move back to america so idk why he keeps like forcing me to explain myself on reason at a #time and like turn it around is trying to make me want to leave like. let it rest king i am so tired of talking about american politics #at 12 am especially bc sometimes he wants to have an argument abt it and im like Neither Of Us Is Educated Enough To Have This Conversation #i have my own lived experiences and a small amount of specific research. he has whatever they teach in school here abt america + some #internet readings. neither of us is qualified to sit and talk about this #it just feels like sometimes i'll be like 'america is a suffocating capitalist hellscape where kids get shot at school' and he's like #'well korea is also bad' and im like yeah no shit everywhere is bad everywhere is a capitalist hellscape the us has its hands in korea's #government and economy. but at least here i have a job with a decent salary and You so. #anyway. long rambling tags over. <3 #t

[sharkieboi]

it’s my little brother’s birthday so I called him and we chatted for a very long time and made plans to play video games together and it made me very happy especially cause I know this last year has been very hard for him and it sounds like he’s doing better and !!! i’m just really happy for him and excited to try and virtually hang out with him more often!!!

#shhh sharkie #he wants to play Fallout together and when he upgrades his PC play BG3 together #he’s having a rough time being the only kid at home with our parents and dealing with his own mental health issues as well #and it sounds like he’s maybe got a job lined up that isn’t a service worker job and is actually in his field of interest #and would let him at least work in the city (idk if it would pay him enough to move out but he’d be where he wants to be) #he’s been through a lot and i’m glad especially that his birthday week/month has been this really positive turning point for him #i love him very much and i’ve been so sad that i’m so far away and baseline bad at communicating so i haven’t done a good job #of being his big brother. i’ve always looked out for him and he’s my buddy and that’s just gotten so much harder being several states away #i just want him to be happy #we all joke that the siblings Unionized when we were all stuck at home in 2020 but truly nothing has made me appreciate my siblings more #than being stuck inside the house with them and our parents for months with all of us at adult-ish age #yeah they’re all annoying sometimes but truly i love them very much #like when I found out that terrible thing a month or so back and i called my older sister about it cause i was so distraught #and we have the WORST relationship of the four of us like historically horrible fights do not get along #but I cried about it to her and literally told her ‘sometimes you just need your big sister’ #and she was so understanding and kind and righteously angry for me #is this what growing up is? siblings are weird and wonderful. I love you but also i’m going to tackle you.

[skeletons-in-ur-closet]

yea so i might have to move states soon

#basically my whole family's been neurotic since my dad passed and the family member we're living w ESPECIALLY SO #to the point where shes threatening to make us homeless over smth my DAD did that we didnt even know abt #shes old as hell so shes probably acting out bc of that but since its her place shes well within her to kick us out if she wants #honestly i give it like 2 months MAX before we're canned #so me n my brother decided to move states once we get our inheritance bc the state we live in rn is too damn expensive #like genuinely i never want to interact w my dads side of the family ever again they are evil #honestly i dont mind bc i was never close to them anyways but the fact that it came to this over MY dad dying is ridiculous

[wild-at-mind]

A weird thing I've noticed as someone living in England is how often people also living in England seem convinced their lives will improve massively if they just move to Wales or Scotland. Or sometimes further afield.

#grass is greener i guess #my trans man role model who i have on fb is leaving for wales quite soon- he says it's because its cheaper to live #but specifically there are many places in england that are cheaper to live than the general area we are #the move out of england specifically was talked about like a big plus point #also my best friends as a teenager talked all the time about hating the country and wanting to leave but not for any stated reasons #in those cases they had both had shitty things happen to them growing up so it may have been as like a clean slate/fresh start #they never did it but i didn't understand the feeling especially without specific reasons #idk...maybe i need a fresh start maybe that's what this is secretely about :/ #my beloved queer coffee shop/venue/community hub is closing down in march and they are in the same city the guy moving to wales #lives in- all the comments about how it's a shitty place and nowhere near as good as it used to be under his post #while i'm here looking at that city like- omg i wish i had that #because they have an alternative scene and a trans activism scene and at least 1 gay club and a labour movement and an anarchist movement #and used to have a bi meetup group #which doesn't exist any more so that part really is more shit now i guess #but it's weird seeing people talking about the place i see as so great compared with this shitty conservative town #with 'oh it's terrible it has nothing to offer people like us'- i don't even want to join all those scenes but at least they are there!! #....i think. Anyway here we had a 'LGBTQ' bar open for like 2 months and closed due to horrendous mismanagement and #1 zillion mistakes by the organising group. fuck them so hard #but still i think i need to appreciate what we do have here #i probably don't want to move...ugh i don't know :/

[vanyafresita]

actually, you know what ? im glad my ex gf ghosted me, i dodged a bullet it seems

#this was two years ago and just a few months ago i started getting over it #on the one hand yeah it fucking SUCKS i wish i had had some type of warning instead of radio silence suddently from one day to the other #on the other i was ready to move to texas (me: poc queer fem presenting nd bitch) and was looking seriously jobs over there #and like- i fucking HATE the usa but she was really scared about leaving the states to come to europe- so i was willingly to travel there to #be with her and not put her through that (ive been traveling since childhood so im used to it- but she has certain mental stuff going on and #taking her away from her family and her childhood city was going to be really tough- of course i'd sacrifice my life for hers) #and like im so sorry to everybody who is stuck in the usa right now bcs ur country is treating yall so poorly i feel genuinely bad #but as someone who was planninh to work over there as a teacher..... IM SO FUCKING GLAD I DONT HAVE TO SET FOOT THERE 😭 #every single thing i hear about the education system there seems hellish- as well as the teachers' conditions and wages #like over here its not all rainbows and flowers but at least i dont have to worry about school shootings or getting fired for recommending #books from a banned list 💀 #ESPECIALLY as a poc latino queer linguistics and literature teacher- i'd love to talk to students about a big range of things- i cannot #imagine having to censor myself or dance around a subject becs “kids are too dumb to understand queerness” “youre trying to groom them” #“dont brainwash em you commie” like ma'am im trying to help your child develop basic empathy and respect for those who dont look like them #like i hear some serious worrying stuff from teachers over there i hope u guys are holding up somehow 😭😭😭 #anyways idk how the phrase in english goes but in spanish we say cuando dios cierra una puerta- abre una ventana #(<- trying to look for the positive in getting ghosted by the girl of their dreams) #its fine guys anyways #yeah that was the first LD relationship ive ever had- never trying that again #also i found out im arospec so im definitely not getting into a romantic relationship lmfaoooooo #only QPRs for me now if anything lol #vanya strawberry flavored

[flaphack]

..

#im NOT going to cry #but w everything going on w my bestie they r going to move in w their gf in new york #indefinitely #so like i wont see them again until they come back #which is undetermined #just having a really really good time :) #ik its not forever but it fucking feels like it #probably good for them to get away from me lol since apparently im stressful to be around #my brother said that to me yesterday lmfao #im just sad . and disappointed #and i wouldn't even be able to visit bc my new temporary job doesnt have any vacation time #so theyre leaving me #which is fine!!!! gotta do whats best #it just sucks . i fr just got them back (i went to school out of state) #to be fair tho we have had like 6-7 months #it just sucks . im just really sad #its combo w the fact that apparently i know absolutely nothing abt what is going on w my friend and didnt notice them struggling or how #bad their home life is even tho im over there literally every weekend #just feels like im losing them . not going to tell them this tho bc i dont want to be the reason they stay especially when they need to get #out #its life that u wont always be near the ppl you love i just didnt think it would happen so fast #vent

[shimaiitsoh]

you know what? shout out to adults that live with their parents. takes some type of maturity to say "i just really like living with my parents" because we live in a society that thinks its lazy or bad

#we moved out on our own at a young age #but fuck it i love my mom our relationship is great and we want to get a house together #not everyone has a good relationship with their parents so im grateful for mine #and culturally its normal to stay with my family for a long time and other peoples cultures too #you dont have to conform especially if you live in the states #proud to say yes im the youngest and an only son so yes i will be taking care of my mom #and my husband too he and my mom have a great relationship and im so happy about it because its rare for a mother in law to be happy #with someone from another family #my friend?? works at a law firm but still lives with her parents. and honestly she is super smart and responsible 🤷‍♀️ #i dont get the stigma about adults living with their parents #tbh i realized all i want is my family yes friends is family too and i fuck it i dont think you need blood to be family either 🤷‍♀️

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

#kai rambles #so like #i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like #i dont really care for warships #i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them #apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod #or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter #like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED #but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water #william d porter #uss william d porter #ww2 #world war 2 #world war ii #warships #again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny #uss iowa #fdr #franklin d. roosevelt #this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck #shipposting

[trashbaget]

*

#yknow this has easily been the worst year of my life i think #i can confidently say this has been the most isolating painful and shit lucked year of all 21 i’ve had (and ive had some fucking bad ones) #i was finally fucking getting somewhere with my life and then it all just flipped on me and suddenly everything was just worst case scenario #i was out of my toxic home situation and doing well in school and i made so many great friendships i really thought were set to last and i #had PLANS!!! i had plans dammit!!!! i was gonna get out of my hometown i hate and be on my own #i was gonna graduate i was gonna focus on myself i was gonna be happy #I WAS GONNA BE FUCKING HAPPY GODDAMMIT!!!!!!! #and ive lost all of that #i had to drop out of school because my mental health has never been worse #i couldnt get a job #my mental health tanked because i couldn’t get a job and i didn’t know how i was gonna pay for my apartment while i was a full time student #and i couldn’t get a job #i couldn’t afford to keep my apartment because i didn’t have student loans to pay rent with because i dropped out #and i couldnt get a job #i lost all my friends because they all started fighting with each other and i dont even know why because nobody was talking to anybody about #anythinf and especially not me because they stopped feeling close to me and didnt try to keep in touch #and now that ive had to move across the state ive lost any meaningful connection with the one or two who actually tried now and then #i’m in another toxic household situation that i desperately need to get out of #my relative who was going to get a place with me so we could both get out of our situations is backing out on our plan so im stuck here #i still can’t get a fucking job!!!! #i can’t even drive and there’s no public transport here so i cant even go anywhere #and realistically how would i get to a job if i could even get one?? #i have no friends out here because my only friend from home just moved away when i moved back and cant drive #(yet!! the fact that she’s gonna get her license soon so we can get together soon is my saving fucking grace) #i am so so fucking lonely #i am so so fucking tired #i am so so fucking scared i’m gonna lose it completely before anything gets better #GOD I WANT MY FUCKING LIFE BACK!!!!!!!! #i am nothing but a square foot shelf and a hamper. an air mattress that sinks to the hard floor after an hour. #i can’t make my bed and lay in it because it gets tucked into a closet every morning