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for-whom-the-bell-tolled · 2 years

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What every (current) Pittsburgh Penguin will do once they retire, based 100% off of vibes

Jason Zucker: that “help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” life insurance commercial

John Marino: race car driver. he will be sponsored by chips ahoy and he will be shockingly good. later a scandal will come out where he admits he never got his license or learned to drive, all his driving experience comes from those driving games at the arcade.

Bryan Rust: laser tag employee.

Kris Letang: modeling. he will appear in cologne/Armani commercials forever but (hopefully) gets his start doing underwear modeling

Evan Rodrigues: dog breeder. specifically huskies. he will be shockingly good at it and end up with a husky breeding empire. people will come from thousands of miles away and be on six month waiting lists to get one of these adorable little puppies.

Jeff Carter: carts will try his hand at lots of different things. shampoo commercials, bud light platinum ads, hiring a team of researchers to try and find a way to re-grow teeth, etc. he will eventually settle down but decide he needs more from life and run for head of the PTA board at a local K-8 school. he will win in a landslide.

Casey DeSmith: he will first take a gap year to travel the world playing disc golf. he will return a father and end up being the hot single PTA dad that all the PTA moms are deeply in love with. somehow he and carts will be on the PTA at the same school. they did not coordinate this at all.

Jake Guentzel: spokesperson for the milkshake factory. he will star in a commercial where is is forced to lip sync and dance to that song about the milkshakes bringing all the boys to the yard. it will be hilarious.

Chad Ruhwedel: chad will own a gourmet salad food truck. all of the vegetables will be home grown and the food truck will be solar powered.

Kasperi Kapanen: will settle down as a humble vegetable farmer. he will supply runwedel’s food truck and also make a corn maze every year.

Teddy Blueger: will run for office as a joke and end up winning. he will actively try and get himself impeached but whatever he tries backfires and ends up making him look like a great president when in reality he just did it as a dare.

Brian Boyle: will run a non-profit cat cafe/bookshop where 100% of the proceeds go towards cancer research.

Louis Domingue: baking, obviously, then go on to found and host 17 seasons of a hit TV show where former pro athletes have to make dainty pastries + spicy pork and broccoli.

Brian Dumoulin: dumo will go on to be a tiktok chef. every video will unintentionally be a thirst trap. he will also be a contestant on the first season of louis’ show.

Rickard Rakell: olympic table tennis champion.

Danton Heinen: will be mistaken for a crime boss and used by the fbi as a doppelgänger for a sting operation. he will return a national hero.

Mike Matheson: high school history teacher. will also be roped into coaching the football team, even though he doesn’t know anything about football.

Evgeni Malkin: will join the nhl tnt crew. he will be a boisterous and very entertaining presence. he will try and fight wayne gretzky at least once just to say that he fought wayne gretzky.

Sidney Crosby: will take a break for a while, occasionally guest starring on tnt alongside geno. then will take over as head coach of the pens once sully retires. he saves his excitement for the ice. (iykyk)

Marcus Pettersson: his nickname is ‘the dragon,’ apparently, so he’ll either be a mascot or will own a fantasy themed mini golf place. possibly both.

Brock McGinn: youth hockey coach. he will get really, really into it and consistently win the league. he achieves this feat by making the 7-10 year olds go a ridiculous amount of drills.

Tristan Jarry: will somehow end up as head coach of the boston bruins. his first order of business will be to tape up signs saying “how about that f*cking save?!” all around the locker room.

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crystalflygeo · 1 year

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The dragon and the sacrificial lamb ft. eroded!Zhongli + gn!reader

cw/tags: rape/non-con, angst, bad ending, yandere-ish zhongli? feral/eroded zhongli, biting, crying, restraints (courtesy of improper use of geo as usual ehe)

notes: Alright this is a special one get ready. There's two "version" of this story bc I couldn't decide which path I liked more. This one is the dark/bad ending. Both stories are exactly the same at the start, changing a few word here and there but then reach a point where they divert completely in reactions/emotions and the underlying feeling of the stories are very different. They can be read independently ofc so by all means feel free to choose which tags you vibe with more or enjoy picking up the differences between both!

Bittersweet ending version here!!

Once upon a time…

A long, long time ago…

The people of Liyue revered their beloved Archon Rex Lapis. Just and kind, he led his nation for millennia, upholding order and contracts, defeating countless enemies, and defending their safe Harbor.

It is said the Lord of Geo took a human as partner, and fell in love deep and pure.

And his partner loved him just as much.

A love that would tragically become a twisted obsession.

It is said the God understood that even he himself was not immune to erosion, and it would one day be his downfall. So, he made sure his people were ready to live on without him. That his adepti were strong enough to subdue him if the day ever came.

As for his lover… well…

-----

Your bare feet crunch along the soft grass as you run and run, panting, gasping for air, almost tripping and letting out a yelp but quickly regaining balance and scurrying faster, past the falling golden ginkgo leaves, past the soft sound of rushing waters.

The golden sunset is gorgeous, dying the sky pink and orange with pastel hues but you simply ignore it, having grown tired of it, sick even. It is fake, an illusion. Just as everything else in this adeptal abode.

Everything except, of course, you and the beast you are currently fleeing from.

It is useless to try to escape, this you know, and your heart clenches painfully as tears prickle at your eyes. You’ve done this before, played this game many many times. But at least for one moment… just one moment…

A roar turns your blood to ice and against all common sense you look over your shoulder to see a massive long dragon twisting in the air and diving straight towards you.

Your legs tremble and fail you as you fall down, the grass is soft but your body aches, tired, burning. You scramble around frantically to stare at the beast again and your eyes widen in panic as it lands right on top of you, majestic and terrifying, caging you with its serpentine body. The golden claws alone are as long as your forearms, digging on the ground at either side of you.

You whimper.

The dragon lowers his head, growling at you, fangs mere inches apart and you squeeze your eyes shut, tears running down your face.

“Why do you run away from me?”

“Leave me alone!” You scream.

“Are you not happy with me? My mate?”

At the words you only sob harder.

Mate.

Oh, how much joy did that word bring you once. And now you can only feel your heart shatter.

You feel a shift in the wind, in the energy, in the light around you, and when you open your eyes, the massive dragon has faded to a more human appearance. He changes back to the form you’re most used to.

Long strands of dark hair tipped amber, striking golden eyes with stunning red lines that highlight their sharpness, a handsome face and a muscular body with arms died black, and lines of gold… lines that run along his cheek and down his neck. Cracks, like a broken glass, like scars, under his eyes and around his chest, ruining the pristine skin and unable to disappear despite his ability to change forms.

The undeniable marks of erosion.

You snap back to attention when he dips down and starts nosing at your neck, his hands pulling at the robe you’re wearing, the only article of clothing you picked up before scurrying away from the mansion. It parts open easily, revealing your naked body to his eyes, littered in past bruises, hickeys and bite marks. Claims from the dragon.

“W-wait. Stop-!” You try to push him back, panicked, desperately pressing your palms against his broad shoulders, but of course he’s immovable as stone.

You kick and trash until he gets irritated and suddenly your arms are immobilized, held above your head and pressed onto the ground by heavy geo cuffs.

“Submit.” He growls.

You squirm a little more until your body sags into the ground, exhausted, panting. There is no use. Instead, you shudder as his hands grope and rub all over your body, rough and callous.

He spreads your legs and slots between them as your breath catches. His palm presses at a spot on your navel possessively, a glittering geo symbol engraved on your skin there, glowing subtly like his horns. You whine.

Then his touch goes lower and teases at your entrance, circling the hole and dipping in just barely.

“Z-Zhongli-!”

Another growl comes out of his throat, deep and guttural. “You dare speak another man’s name in my presence? In my realm? When you belong to me?!”

Your whole body shakes, with rage, with fear. Your heart about to burst. You grit your teeth and glare at the dragon god with as much venom as you can.

“I don’t belong to you!”

He snarls, eyes widening to serpentine slits.

“Insolent. No matter, I’ll fill you up again and show you.”

The eroded God leans down to bite at your neck and you yelp, sharp fangs break your skin and you cry as you feel the warm blood spill. His claws prick at your thighs as he starts unceremoniously humping against you. The ridges on his draconic cock making your hole twitch and you gasp as he presses in, dipping slightly inside your thigh warmth. No need to prepare your body after so many years of coupling. Your hole already soft and molded to him like a worn-out toy.

“No, please… n-no.” Your voice breaks, tears running down your face.

Everything turns blurry, fuzzy, and your head spins.

How had things ended up like this?

You see no love in his eyes, no recognition. And you don’t recognize him either anymore. This creature, this beast… he is not your lover. He is not Zhongli…

And hasn’t been for who knows how long…

Zhongli raises one of your legs and rests it on his shoulder while straddling the other and pushes further in the slick warmth, ignoring the sounds you make. “Too big! I can’t-!” You scream and it just urges him to slam it in. “No- Ahh!” Sheathed all the way to the hilt, Zhongli groans as you clench around him.

He immediately starts thrusting and you feel the world tilt. It’s all too much, the sound of skin slapping against skin, your walls getting battered by his thick member, his animalistic grunts and groans, and the way your body betrays you… a speck of pleasure mixed in with the pain.

It's so cruel.

“Sto- gh! Stop it! Zhongli, please…!” You sob.

Zhongli hisses, muscles taut and flexing as his hips buck into yours, finally finding that spot that has you choking out a moan, your body shivers, forced to surrender and feel everything, a hot coil building on your lower stomach where the mark of geo glows as he continues to take what he wants from your struggling form. He laps at your skin and nuzzles there, almost lovingly. “Mine.”

Your moans start turning sweeter, previously pained sounds turning to vocalizations of carnal lust, your eyes glassy. You try to fight it, conflicted, but the stimulation is too much.

You come with a raw cry through gritted teeth, tears flowing down your cheeks and your own juices coating your skin causing you to feel dirty in more ways than one. Zhongli continues through your overstimulated state, chasing his own pleasure as his thrust become erratic until finally, he stills deep inside and moans long and low, painting your insides white.

You feel him twitch inside you and groan, absolutely exhausted, overwhelmed with emotions, feeling sick, used and abused. He lowers your leg but doesn’t bother pulling out, keeping you there as he nips at your skin, murmuring soft words. “My mate. All pretty and filled up. All mine. Love you.”

You can’t bear to hear those words, spoken in the voice you continue to love after all this time. It shatters your soul, breaking it to pieces like the corroded dragon’s destroyed mind.

Feeling about to pass out, you close your eyes and your head lolls to the side, sniffling against your own forearm as tears continue to fall. “I love… Zhongli. Miss him. I hate you…”

He dissolves the geo shackles into specks of gold and holds your unconscious body in his arms, satisfied with the claims and scent he’s left on you. His tail swishes slowly, pleased with himself as he carries you back to the abode’s mansion.

Home.

Were he’ll keep you safe, bound to him.

Forever and always.

-----

…It is said that his lover is the key to keep the eroded God confined.

Trapped by the possessive dragon in a sealed realm, to keep him ensnared, enchanted and bound to them.

Until they both turn to dust.

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